Survival in the Clouds A Fairly Silly MTCFF Ultra Omake By Jesse Ellman Sole Member, Insane Cod Productions "Where Logic gets drunk and Insanity is the designated driver." [Scene: Tifa and Bean's dressing room. Tifa is alone, working out with a heavy punching bag.] TIFA: [to herself; annoyed] Dammit, Beany, where are you? We're gonna be late for our dinner reservation... [There is a knock on the door. TIFA growls and starts to walk over to open it.] TIFA: [Opening the door] About time you got here...[pauses; stares out the door] Cloud?!? CLOUD: [chuckling nervously] Hey Teef...what's up? TIFA: [eyebrow twitching] What's up? WHAT'S UP? You go psycho, kidnap Aeris, become the Prince of Darkness, and try your best to destroy the world, and you wanna know what's up?!? CLOUD: [Blank look] Umm...yeah. TIFA: [rolls her eyes] Listen, Cloud, what do you want? I don't really have time to talk. CLOUD: I love you. TIFA: [jaw drops] ...what? CLOUD: [completely misses her reaction] Yeah, I was torturing Aeris and stuff, when it suddenly hit me. I love you. I've always loved you; I just never had the guts to admit it to myself, or the balls to do anything about it. TIFA: [angry] Listen, Cloud, me and Bean... CLOUD: [still not paying attention] But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that just forcing Aeris to love me wasn't going to make me happy. I was still missing something... you. TIFA: [expression softens] But Cloud, I'm trying to tell you, me and... CLOUD: [still ignoring her] I mean, you're strong, you're self-reliant, you're smart, you've got a great sense of humor, I've known you for years...I mean, hell, I can't think of a single thing wrong with you. TIFA: [blushing; heart fluttering slightly] You...you mean that? CLOUD: [nodding; stares directly into her eyes] Yeah, Teef, I do. TIFA: [softly] Cloud... CLOUD: And you've got an incredible set of knockers to boot. TIFA: [sweatdrops; steam starts to come out of her ears] ...what did you just say? CLOUD: I said you've got a great rack. It'll be a great contrast to Aeris when the three of us are in bed together... TIFA: [turning red; about to explode] You...you...you BASTARD! Who the hell do you think you are, coming in here, after you've spent the last few months tormenting poor Aeris, after you've spent god knows how long making my life miserable! And you actually have the gall to propasition me for a THREESOME? I'll have you know I'm going out with Bean, and him and I are very happy! CLOUD: [absently] Yeah, I know about you and Bean, but I figured that you'd drop him in a second for me, right? I mean, I know how bad you want my body and all... [CLOUD's speech is (thankfully) interrupted when Tifa slugs him across the jaw, sending him tumbling acroos the room into a chair.] CLOUD: [pulls himself up into the chari; rubs his jaw; confused] What was that for? TIFA: [right in CLOUD's face; dangerous glint in her eyes] You waltz in here after all the pain you caused me, all the stuff you've done, after I've finally found happiness and peace with Bean...and you expect me to just forget all that, to forgive you for everything you've done, and just come down to hell with you and participate in your little sec fantasies? CLOUD: Well...yeah. TIFA: [sighs disgustedly; walks to the other side of the room] I don't believe this...you just don't get it do you? You have no idea how I think, no conception of my feelings. [Out of nowhere, a piano starts playing a slow tune.] TIFA: [acidly] Well, *honey*, lemme clue you in. TIFA: o/" First I was afraid o/" I was petrified o/" Kept thinking I could never live o/" Without you by my side o/" But I spent so many nights o/" Thinking how you did me wrong o/" I grew strong. o/" I learned how to carry on o/" And now you're back o/" From down in hell o/" You just walked in to talk to me o/" You got something you wanna tell o/" You come in and claim you love me o/" Well you can give that crap a rest o/" I realize that all you care about o/" Are my humongous breasts o/" So go on o/" Now go walk out the door o/" Just turn around now o/" Don't wanna see you anymore o/" You caused me so much anguish o/" While you decided what to do o/" You thought I'd just wait o/" until you got a fucking clue o/" Oh no, not I o/" I will survive o/" As long as i know how to love o/" I know I'll stay alive o/" And all i got to say is "HA!" o/" To your damn menage-a-trois o/" Yeah I'll survive o/" I will survive o/" It took all the strngth I had o/" not to fall apart o/" kept trying hard to mend o/" the pieces of my broken heart o/" I went through so much anguish o/" But the pain is gone at last o/" Wanna take that sword o/" And shove it up your candy ass o/" And you see me o/" Somebody new o/" I'm not that chained up little person o/" You think's in love with you o/" And so you felt like dropping in o/" And just expect me to be free o/" Now I'm saving all my loving o/" For someone who's loving me [Bean appears out of nowhere, joining in the song] BEAN: o/" Oh no not her o/" She will survive o/" As long as i give her my love o/" I know we can stay alive o/" We still got so much to give o/" So much life still left to live o/" And we'll survive o/" We will survive [The music slowly fades, and Bean and Tifa look over at Cloud} BEAN: You get the idea yet, punk? CLOUD: [glazed look] Ummm...I lost you at about "I was terrified"... [BEAN growls, picks Cloud up, and chucks him out the door, down the hallway, and through the outer wall of the Ultradome into the starry night] TIFA: [impressed] Damn, you threw him helluva far...so where were you anyway? BEAN: [grinning; shrugs] Sorry, got stuck in traffic. You ready to go? I know this great mexican place... TIFA: I'm actually in the mood for italian... BEAN: [not missing a beat] Italian it is! TIFA: [giggling] You're amazing, Beany. Just amazing...and you've got a surprisingly good singing voice. [BEAN puts an arm around TIFA's waist as they walk to the exit] BEAN: And what about you? You weren't half bad in there either! TIFA: [baps BEAN on the head] "Not half bad"?! I was great! [The argument continutes as they leave the Ultradome, arm in arm, laughing] -fin Authors Notes: This filk song is dedicated to all the Cloud-haters out there. You happy now? =P As usual, feedback would be appreciated. Do you want me to keep doing these? No? Do you want me tried in Geneva for war crimes for writing these? Lemme know. Feedback is GOOD. Jesse Ellman "You wanna piece of me, fat boy? I'll spork your ass!"