{ M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R } { F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic } { Omake Grudge Match } The Bride Brawl Written by Stefan Gagne -=- Author's Note: This story does not take place in normal Ultra continuity, and works as a sidestory to the normal chaotic madness. It was written between parts 1 and 2. Visit the website to learn how you can participate in rich creamy omake goodness! The van pulled to a halt just outside the lot, moving silently in the morning fog. It was too early for this sort of thing; sane people were still in bed, dreaming of waking up and going to work before coming home to watch anime and then go to bed again. But this crew was relentless. They worked in all conditions, loyal to the franchise, always ready to go. "This sucks," Hiroshi grumbled, piling out of the van. "What are we doing out here at this ungodly hour? We should be in a hotel sipping martinis and watching porno on pay per view!" Daisuke, as always, was more levelheaded than his companion. "We won't be staying more than one day, Hiroshi. A hotel would be excessive. The fight is in the afternoon, and we need to get the camera crews ready. Come on." The van rocked gently on its wheelbase, a loud thumping noise heard inside. Muffled. "What about... him?" Hiroshi asked. "Have security bring him too. I don't think he's going to want to miss this." * The abandoned lot wasn't much of a fighting arena... except, of course, for all of the trees and rocks and loose objects that could easily be hurled at high velocity at your opponent. On second thought, it made a great fighting arena. The cameras were set up to catch all the action, and everything was go. No live audience, but the viewers at home would definitely make the sponsors happy. "We ready?" Hiroshi asked, twirling his microphone on a cord. "Fighters ready?" A roadie gave him the thumbs up. "Check." "Cameras ready?" "Check." "Audio on?" "Check." "Trophy ready?" Someone opened the van doors to check. "MPMHPMPPMH!!!" the trophy screamed through his gag. "OKAY! We are GO! Fire it up!" The camera's light went to red, and... "WELCOME, ladies and gentlemen, to a special 'Omake Grudge Match' presentation of ULTRA!" Hiroshi started. "We've got a special four way fight for your mass entertainment consumption pleasure today. Four very lovely ladies have tried everything to settle their differences... cooking contests. Various duels and fights. A trip to Ed Koch on 'The People's Court'. But nothing has worked... TONIGHT--" "Today," Daisuke corrected. "--they will settle the issue once and for all, here on ULTRA OMAKE! Yes, friends, it's 'THE BRIDE BRAWL,' an Ultra presentation! Let's introduce the fighters..." In a spinning purple blur, a figure launched from the roof of a nearby building. She landed, standing on a single toe, posing with twin bonbori ready, her hair and other parts of her body bobbing with the inertia when she landed. "YO! Shampoo ready!" "Yes, it's Shampoo, from the Lambda Division! And her opponents, challenging from outside the federation out of SHEER RAGE, we have--" Black rose petals filled the air, along with an insane laugh. A laugh like nails across a chalkboard, like purest madness, like the call of the wild... "Ah..." Hiroshi continued, skin notably whiter than earlier. "Um... hailing from St. Heberke's School for girls, please welcome--" "I will take that," Kodachi Kunou said, snatching the microphone away from the announcer. She turned to face her rival. "So, impudent Chinese tramp, you dare think you can take Ranma away from me? Oh ho, I think not! Today, you will meet your defeat at the graceful hands of the Black Rose!" Shampoo was nonplussed. "Come here and say that to Shampoo face, flower girl." In a weak attempt to recover control of the show, Hiroshi tugged at the microphone. "Ah.. ladies! Not yet! Two more competitors to go. From the famed Ucchan's Okonomiyaki--" "I'm here, let's get on with it," Ukyou said, not particularly caring. "Why I agreed to this, I have no idea..." "--and finally, from the Tendo Dojo, heir to the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts, we have.. AKANE TENDO!" ...nobody responded. The girls looked around, confused. "Does tomboy forfeit if no show?" Shampoo asked, hopefully. Daisuke watched the entrance to the lot, expectantly. "Technically, we have another five minutes before we have to start, so we can wait for--" "Time for waiting over!" Shampoo declared enthusiastically, assuming an attack posture. "Now you DIE!" ...and the brawl was on. * Elsewhere, in the quiet streets of Nerima, a pair wandered. Lost. "This is really nice of you to escort me to the fight, Ryouga," Akane said, smiling sweetly. She was always able to let down the defenses around him... a nice, regular guy. But.. well, even she could tell something was wrong. "Umm... isn't the lot that way?" The boy on her arm simply walked along, a blissful smile on his face. Akane peered at him funny. "Ah.. Ryouga?" "What?" "The lot. It's that way." "Hey, I know which way I'm going!" Ryouga said. "It's.. a shortcut. Don't worry, Akane! I'll get you there on time!" The young girl peered, worriedly, at the small box she was carrying. "I hope so, or it'll get cold.." * ...and the battle raged. Shampoo had a distinct disadvantage. She was fast, and strong, but Kodachi was very good at keeping her away with thrown clubs and ribbon swipes -- without the ability to get in close and press the attack, Shampoo was stuck with dodging and waiting for an opening. Both were trained gymnasts... one of japanese style, the other of chinese style. So, the battle raged on the ground, in the trees, on the roofs... all over the map. As soon as the pair bounced from branch to branch of the great oak tree in the lot, they would be off to the roof, before flipping back down... clearly, time was being spent. Endurance was starting to wear down. Kodachi kept her ribbon twirled out in front of her, daring Shampoo to come close; Shampoo panted from exhaustion, her heavy maces starting to drag her arms down. "You are one thousand years too late to defeat me," Kodachi taunted. "No lowly peasant such as you could unseat the true ruling class!" "All you is is big blue blooded big mouth!" Shampoo said. "Shampoo DARE you to come closer and say that louder!" "Bah. Why should I touch your filthy body with my delicately manicured hands?" Kodachi asked, grinning arrogantly. "I can finish you and that spatula swinging girl.. in a matter of..." Both girls realized something. "Where's Ukyou?" they echoed in tandem. "YOSH! This is great okonomiyaki!" Hiroshi beamed, munching down on his second one. "Keep 'em coming, Ucchan!" Ukyou smiled, looking up from her portable griddle. "You got it, sugar!..." She blinked, as she saw two shadows looming behind her. Shadows with glowing red angry auras... * A short distance away, the 'happy couple' was getting closer to their goal. "Ryouga, look! The lot!" Akane shouted, pointing ahead of them. "Huh? Where?" He looked in all directions but the correct one. "No, over THERE." Akane grabbed his head, and rotated it the right way manually. "The lot. I think the fight's already started!" "...oh," Ryouga said. Now it was sinking home. Akane was going to fight to win the one thing he prayed she'd never have. WHY did he escort her here?! He pulled at his hair. If only he thought of this sort of thing earlier! If-- "Ryouga, do you have head lice or something?" "Eh?" he asked, realizing he really was tugging at his scalp in frustration. "Ah... no! Of course not! Ha ha!" (THUMP) "What was that?" (THUMPTHUMP) "What was what?" "That," Akane said, pointing to the white television van, with the Ultra logo. "Someone's trapped in there!" Aha! Ryouga thought. I can prove my valiant nature by rescuing whoever is trapped in that van! Then, Akane will realize this whole fight is ridiculous, because I'm more virtuous than that idiot Saotome, and-- Akane opened the van doors while Ryouga was lost in thought. "MMPHPMH!!" Ranma rocked back and forth, bonking his head on the van wall. Looking up to Akane with visible relief, as she loosed the gag and untied his hands. "Jeez, Akane, what took you?!" he unfortunately thanked her with. "What TOOK me? If I knew those idiots had done this, I would have come sooner!" she growled. "Boy, you're grateful! Baka. I ought to just tie you back up and leave you here!" "Noooo," Ranma said, weakening. Remembering that he WAS the prize... "That's.. really, really not required. Okay. Um. So! How are.. things?" Then Akane's frown turned into a smile. She presented him with a box. "Look, I made you lunch! I figured they'd just have a table of doughnuts or something, and even if I wasn't going to fight, I could at least stop by and see you--" "Ghhh," Ranma stated, turning six shades of green as the odors rose from the box. "--after all, you've been out at the Ultradome so often we hardly see you, and since you were in the neighborhood I... what're you doing?" "Gagging?" Akane rolled her eyes. "It's just JELLO! It's not going to kill you or anything--" The box.. rumbled. * Meanwhile, the battle was raging even more than it was raging before, and then some. Because now, Shampoo and Kodachi had decided to put aside their differences, and gang up on Ukyou. The amazon was easily able to bat throwing spatulas out of the air, having practiced just a minute earlier with Kodachi's clubs -- and Kodachi had snagged the UberSpatula(tm) in her ribbon, and now was in a tug of war. "You idiots! Ganging up isn't fair!" Ukyou shouted. "All's fair in love and war, dear! OOOHOHOOHOHHOOOHOOO!!" the person who obviously would have said that said. On the sidelines, Hiroshi was lapping this up like cream, while Daisuke read some shoujo manga. "WHAT A FIGHT, folks!!" Hiroshi shouted into his microphone. "Alliances made and broken within minutes of each other! Who will be the sole survivor of the Bride Brawl? And where is Akane?! These three girls won't last much longer, if they keep things up--" A low rumble shook the earth. The girls didn't take notice, but Hiroshi looked over to the source... just in time to see. The van's windows had blown out, and from the sunroof, the doors and all spaces, a green putty had started to seep out.. flailing around tentacular masses with great green gobs of slime. Three figures ran away from the monster, screaming, as it tore its way from the van.. a small bento box somewhere in the center. And a very, very bad attitude. Then the girls noticed. And started to worry. The monster lurched into the lot, and immediately went for the pretty girls, because that's just what monsters do. A lot of kicking and biting and weapon swipes followed, as the camera crew ran for cover; Hiroshi held his ground, wanting to make sure this didn't go off the air... * Minutes later. The battlefield is soaked in small puddles of quivering green goo. Three girls sit, exhausted and needing a shower, but victorious. They look at each other. Eye to eye to eye. Then, all three promptly faint from sheer fatigue. Hiroshi peeked over the portable announcer's table, at the aftermath. Noting the camera that was still pointed generally at it, and figuring now would be a good time to close off the broadcast. "Well, folks... it's.. been interesting. And I'd say we have a clear victor," he decided. "The winner of the Bride Brawl... AKANE'S COOKING!" * "Hold still, Ranma! It's not going to bite." "That's what you said LAST time!!" "You're the one that agitated it," Akane said, waiving the spoon covered in a pale mauve mucus at him. "You shouldn't play with your food. Now, open wide..." Ranma suddenly remembered why he joined Ultra in the first place. Facing down the Orochi would be preferable to this... finis