Badly Plotted Pre-Tournament Scene
(An Ultra Tournament Omake by NeoVid and e X ! l e )

Words: NeoVid (neovid@hotmail.com)
Actual Hard Work: e X ! l e 

Note from NeoVid: Since I've had this idea bouncing around in my head 
                  for the last year (no need to remind me how pathetic
                  that is), I'm glad to get it out as an omake for the
                  ultra tournament.  Even though this takes time away
                  from my MSTing (shameless plug:
                  http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam), considering the
                  response that the beta version of this scene has 
                  gotten, I know you'll like it (I'm not arrogant...).

        "Hello, and welcome to this special pre-tournament challenge 
match!"  Hiroshi said in his usual completely overenthusiastic way.
"We're your announcers, Hiroshi and Daisuke," pointing to his often silent
partner, "and we're bringing you a special Omega division match live 
from the-" Hiroshi broke off in mid-sentence, unable to come up with a
nice word for the reality they were staging this match in, which looked 
exactly like a kingdom ruled by a demon army was supposed to look.
Daisuke managed to come up with a description: "-picturesque kingdom of 
Hamelin."
        "The demigod of destruction, Orochi, has challenged 'the enemy of
all who live,' Lina Inverse, to a battle before the tournament starts."
Hiroshi took over again.  "Why?  Uh... he refused to tell us.  But, it's
sure to be good!"
        The cameras cut to what would soon be a battlefield, and soon 
after that, a smoking crater.  Lina and Orochi were actually arguing.
        "Why exactly did you challenge me?"
        "You were the one who defeated your own universe's god of
destruction, Shaburanigdo, and, as such, you may actually pose a threat 
to me."
        "I say those normal types in Gamma division pose a threat to 
you!  Weren't you defeated by three guys in HAND-TO-HAND combat in your
own universe?"
        Anyone else would have sweatdropped at that comment.
        "They were my own descendants.  They each had some of my own 
essence, which was the only thing that allowed them to defeat me.  For
anyone not of Orochi blood, I am unbeatable."
        "Then why do you think I pose a threat to you?"
        Orochi realized that she had caught him contradicting himself, 
but he still had absolutely no reaction.  "You possess the Giga Slave,
which utilizes the power of the creator of your universe.  That just may
be a risk, even to myself."
        "You know what it takes to use the Giga Slave?  I'm not about to
start throwing that around!"
        If Orochi had had a sense of humor, he might have considered 
laughing- for a moment.
        "Exactly what I was hoping to hear.  PULSE OF DARKNESS!"
        Lina dodged the giant fireball and threw back her own "Flare 
Arrow!"  Orochi ignored the Flare Arrow entirely as it splattered on his
chest.
        "Pathetic.  Using Shamanism against a god.  That didn't work in 
your own universe, but I'm not surprised you haven't learned."
        "Then I'll try something a little nastier.  Mega Brand!"
        The ground exploded under Orochi's feet.  Or at least, it would 
have exploded under his feet if he hadn't teleported.  He reappeared
behind Lina and got her in a grapple.
        "Is this the real reason you challenged me?"
        Orochi almost turned red.  Then he almost looked angry.  
"Darkness Hell Paradise Drop!"  He smashed Lina into the ground twice, 
and then tossed her away with contempt.  Despite the pounding, she managed
to fly safely back to the ground with a Raywing spell.
        "Wait a second!  I took the time to learn some things about you 
before this started and that's not one of your moves!"
        "That skill came from one of my Four Heavenly Kings, Yashiro
Nanakaze.  He is one of my descendants.  Since my descendants' powers 
come from me, I can use any ability they have mastered!"  Orochi had the
temptation to say, "Nyah nyah!" but that would have completely wrecked 
his image.
        Lina thought hard.  "Oh, just perfect.  I barely thought I could
handle what he had before and now he's going to be hitting me with all
THIS.  I better just keep dodging until I can hit him with something 
that even he can't stand up to."
        A huge globe of blue flame flared up encasing Orochi's entire 
body.  "Fire of Sin Sweeping Over the Earth!"  The huge ball of fire
scorched a path across the ground straight toward Lina.  She used her
Raywing spell again and flew over it (fortunately, it was a
ground-based attack).  Lina dove toward Orochi and, at the closest range
she could manage, hit him with her trademark spell.
        "DRAGON SLAAAAAVE!"
        Simultaneously, Orochi used one of his death moves.  "WORLD 
BURNING BRIGHT!"  The two insanely-overpowered attacks cancelled each 
other out explosively.
        Orochi looked like he might have been considering smiling.  
"Now, that was pathetic, Miss Inverse.  You really think any human-based 
magics will be able to harm me?"
        "Then I'll use something that's NOT human-based!"
        Orochi was worried enough that he almost had a facial 
expression.  "I hope she doesn't mean the Giga slave."
        "GIGA SLAAAAAVE!"
        A giant beam of energy coming from the Lord of Nightmares 
herself vaporized the countryside in Orochi's direction, engulfing him in
the wave of energy that even the Mazoku lord Shaburanigdo had been no
match for.  After the huge blast had faded, all that was left of most of
Hamelin was a giant charred trench, with no trace of Orochi.
        Then, there was a ripple of dark energy, and Orochi reappeared,
floating above the center of the new canyon.  Orochi almost wished he 
could laugh.  "Very impressive ATTEMPT, Miss Inverse.  But it appears that
the god of your universe has little influence over me.  Now, if you 
surrender, your death will be quick and merciful."
        "Now THERE'S a great deal.  Give up and die quick and easy, or 
keep fighting and die slow.  You should really get some lessons in
negotiation."
        "You can dispense with the bravado.  I know that casting the 
Giga Slave must have drained you completely."
        "Don't count me out too soon!" Lina gathered the energy for a 
last-ditch attack (even though the first ditch she had made was much more
impressive).  She gathered all the energy she had left into a ball of
white light.
        "Hmm... the Giga Slave failed and you believe that a chi bomb 
will be enough to defeat me?  And I had thought your intelligence was
impossible to underestimate."
        Lina glared at him.  "You may be acting smug, but I know that 
inside you're really-"
        Orochi did one of his favorite victory stances: ripping his 
chest open bare-handed.
        Lina cringed.  "Sickening," she finished.
        The gashes in Orochi's chest disappeared in an instant.
        Lina threw the bomb at him.  Overconfident as he was, Orochi 
just crossed his arms and waited.  The bomb didn't even touch him before
it exploded.  Orochi wondered whether it would ruin his image to laugh
condescendingly when he noticed sparklies rising up out of the ground.
He was so shocked he actually had a reaction.  Sparklies! The
symbol of Cute magic (and sometimes of plot contrivances)!  Orochi 
almost managed to teleport in time, but it was too late.  The sparklies
shot into him, he glowed blue for a second, and suddenly... everything
seemed much... bigger.
        Lina pointed and laughed.  "That wasn't a chi bomb; it was a 
CHIBI bomb!  It superdeformed you, cutting your powers down to a quarter
of what they're supposed to be (even though it doubles your cuteness)!"
        Orochibi yelled back in his new squeaky voice.  "You can't do 
this to me!  I am supposed to be the end of humanity!  Even with my stubby
limbs and big head, I will destroy you!"
        "Now, now, Orochi.  You really should take a look at yourself 
before you start that."  Lina zapped up a mirror in front of Orochi.
Orochi went wide-eyed at the sight of his new kawaii self.  And,
inadvertently, discovered one of the other side effects of being SD: you
couldn't prevent yourself from being cute.
        Orochibi's eyes teared up (getting all shiny, of course) and he
covered his face and started sobbing.  "NO!!!!!  I'm not supposed to be
cute!  I'm meant to destroy all that exists!  I can't be kawaii!
WAAAAH!!!!!"
        Lina looked at the nearest camera.  "He's not going to be doing 
any more fighting, so that counts as the victory for ME!  Ha!  By the 
way, was there any money riding on this match?"
        It cut back to Hiroshi and Daisuke in the announcers' booth.
Daisuke gave her an answer.  "No, this was only a challenge match."
        Hiroshi interrupted.  "Yeah!  You won't start making any cash 
until you get to the actual tournament!"
        It cut back to Lina on the smoking battleground.  "Aww, I was 
really hoping to make some money off of this.  Well..." she looked over
at the still-sobbing Orochibi-chan.  "Maybe I can sell him as a bootlegged
Beanie Baby."