"Hiya! It's me, Goku! And guess what! I get to be referee for a really big tournament hosted by Kasumi-kami-sama! But while I'm trying to do my job, this guy Orochi keeps trying to make a mess of things. Guys like that really make me mad! But now, Kasumi-kami-sama says I get a chance to stop him. And, after that great fight with his servant Naga, I can't wait to see how strong he is!" -- Ultra Omake and "Gaijin" Dan Mastriani present: Goku vs. Orochi! The Super Awesome Battle! -- Kasumi came into being in Orochi's chambers. "Orochi-san! Are you plotting something evil again?" Orochi smiled evilly. "Perhaps." "Really, Orochi-san. You must stop interfering in other peoples matches. It simply won't do." Orochi buffed his fingernails, then inspected their shine. "Are you going to stop me?" "I couldn't do such a thing. That's why I hired Son Goku-san." "Your simpleton of a referee doesn't concern me." "That's a mean thing to say, Orochi-san. But if you really think so little of Goku-san, then you won't mind my little proposal." "I'm listening." "It's nothing complicated. Just a grudge match: You against Son Goku. If Goku-san wins, you have to promise not to interfere with other fights any more." "And what is in it for me? When I defeat your precious peace keeper, what will I gain?" "Hm. Well, I guess it'll just prove that no one can keep you from doing what you want." "Very well. I'll agree to these terms. But in the unlikely event that that buffoon beats me, I promise only to refrain from direct interference. I can hardly be held responsible for all the actions of my agents, can I?" "Oh, my. Well, I suppose that'll do. It'd really be too much trouble to try to get more from you at this point. I'll go set it up with Goku- san. Good afternoon, Orochi-san." Kasumi bowed neatly, and was gone just as she had appeared. Naga emerged from the shadows. "I [HATE] nice people. And she's the nicest person I've ever met." Orochi smiled. "Ah, Naga. Just who I wanted to see." Goku and his friends were assembled at Kame House. Yajirobe had just arrived in an air car and flipped Goku a senzu from the pouch in his belt, which Goku promptly ate. "There you go, Goku. Fresh from Korin's latest crop." Goku was fully healed in seconds. "Heh, heh! That feels a lot better! Thanks, Yajirobe!" He immediately set to removing his bandages. "Hey, no problem Goku." Vegeta spoke up. "I don't believe you, Kakarott! I knew you were soft, but letting that annoying woman beat you? Her power was pathetic! Had I been in your place, she'd be dead now." "You're so serious all the time, Vegeta. I didn't want to kill her. And anyway, if I'd just beaten her right away, I wouldn't have had a chance to have any fun." "Kakarott, you idiot! It's your job to maintain order! How do you expect your authority to be respected if you let trash like her think she can get away with defying it!" "Gee, I didn't think of that..." "Kakarott, you..." "Excuse me. Have I come at a bad time?" Everyone turned to regard the newly arrived god of all there is, Kasumi. "I wanted to talk to Goku-san." Vegeta snorted. "Be sure to use small words." "I don't get it," puzzled Goku. "It doesn't matter right now," smiled Kasumi. "I need you to do something for me, Goku-san." "Sure, Kasumi-kami-sama. What?" "I need you to fight Orochi for me." "Is he very strong?" "Well, he is considered a god." "Right. I'm ready any time!" "I'm glad to hear it. Now remember, this fight is important, and I'm really counting on you to win." Vegeta sneered. "I'm not busy. If it's so important, I can find the time to teach him respect." Goku was unhappy. "Kasumi-kami-sama said I could fight him." "I'm afraid Goku-san is right, Vegeta-san. And Orochi-san will be expecting to him to be his opponent." "No matter. I've seen his power. He's hardly worth my effort. I expect you to show him how superior the powers of the Saiya-jin are to his, Kakarott." "If Kasumi-kami-sama says it's important that I win, then I'm not afraid to fight seriously." Goku clenched his fist in that dramatic "somebody's getting the crap beaten out of them and it ain't me" way. "I know you'll do a splendid job, Goku-san." Kasumi turned to Vegeta. "You can be a guest commentator if you like, Vegeta-san." "I suppose. I have nothing better to do, and watching the fight should kill a few minutes." A cheer ran through the large crowd that Hiroshi was in no hurry to dispel. He soaked up the applause for a few minutes, then switched on his mike. "Hello, and welcome to a very special Ultra Grudge Match!" he bellowed. The crowd was ecstatic, and Daisuke somewhat less so. But, hey, the pay was good. "That's right, folks," Daisuke continued where Hiroshi left off, in a more sensible tone. "Tonight we have a match you aren't likely to see again. Our Omega Division Referee, Son Goku, steps into the ring for one time only. His opponent will be the mighty God of Hate, Orochi. If Son Goku wins, Orochi has promised to cease all direct interference in other people's matches." "Should Orochi win, however," Hiroshi chimed back in, "nothing will stand in the way of his launching a reign of terror on all of Ultra!" "We've gotten the opinions of some notable fighters on the outcome of the match." "ROLL THAT FOOTAGE!" While Daisuke considered if the pay really was that good, the KasumiTron Really Huge Projection Screen-type Thingy(tm) flared to life, revealing Yashiro and Shermie. Shermie giggled for no particular reason, and Yashiro took a small swig from his bottled water. "So, um, are we supposed to say something?" asked Yashiro. "What are your thoughts on the Goku/Orochi fight coming up?" prompted the cameraman. "Oh. Well, Orochi-sama will win, of course. Humankind is obviously destined for destruction, and soon everything will return to 'Nothing.' The Boss is really adamant on that." Yashiro nodded, concurring with himself. Shermie giggled. "Won't that be wonderful?" "Um...I guess," Said the cameraman. "So, you guys work for Orochi?" "Well, duh. We're of the bloodline. It's our pleasure and honor. Right, Shermie?" "And it's a lot of fun, too!" Shermie giggled. Again. "Though, we're down a member in CYS, but what's a band to the glorious Void?" The cameraman sweated nervously. "Any other comments?" "I just saw a wonderfully funny Jerry Lewis movie the other day," Shermie offered. "I think he means about the fight, Shermie." "Oh, silly me! Orochi-sama will win and all will return to 'Nothing' pretty much sums it up." "Well, um, thanks for your time." The cameraman began to back away quickly. "Bye!" Shermie smiled and waved enthusiastically. Next on the KasumiTron(tm) was the camera moving in towards Piccolo, who was standing with his back towards it. When it was within a few feet, Piccolo decided to stare over his shoulder at it. The camera quickly retreated. Last but not least, Ranma Saotome was approached for comment. "As the Gamma Champion, what's your take on the fighters, Saotome-san?" Ranma scratched the back of his head. "Um...I dunno. I mean, they ain't even in the same division as me. That Orochi guy's supposed to be pretty bad, and I ain't too interested in taking him on, so I'm rooting for that Goku guy. I guess. I mean, I haven't really thought about it." The camera was once again on the ringside commentators. "What amazing insight! Don't you agree, Daisuke?" "Not really." "Work with me here, Daisuke. Anyhow, we're really excited to introduce our special guest commentator for this fantastic match!" "I'm not that excited." "Just introduce him, Daisuke." "Whatever. Originally from a now destroyed planet of savage warriors, here is the mighty prince of the fierce Saiya-jin race, Vegeta. That's a lot of hyperbole. Did you write this, Hiroshi?" "What makes you say that?" "Well, it's in your handwriting." Pearl Jam's "Do the Evolution" sparked to life on the house speakers, accompanied by a montage on the KasumiTron(tm) of Vegeta kicking the crap out of various people. Various signs began to wave in the audience such as: "Kakarott fears Vegeta" and "Vegeta 3:16 says I just sent your ass to another dimension." Captain Ginyu attempted to hold up a "Freezer killed your ass" sign, but was sidetracked while escaping a French chef. Finally, the Saiyan himself emerged from the Back Stage Area ((c)Vince McMahon) to a thunderous "Vegeta!" chant from the audience. "Damn straight," he thought to himself, before making his way to the ringside commentary table. "On behalf of Daisuke and myself," Hiroshi began, "allow me to cordially welcome..." "Which chair is mine." "Um, that one." Hiroshi indicated the empty seat, which Vegeta took. "Let's get on with this." "Uh, okay." Hiroshi returned to his seat. "Let's take you to today's battlefield. Where will we be today, Daisuke?" Daisuke, who had never left his seat, replied: "Today, we're taking the fight to a dying world at the edge of the Southern Galaxy, which we are told by special correspondent Kaio-sama will explode in five minutes." "Isn't that cutting it a bit close?" asked Hiroshi. "Well, it's in the DragonBall universe, so we've really got about three hours." Orochi reveled in the death throes of the planet as his music swelled around him. He had been announced, and merely awaited his opponent. "I know what he plans, and it will not work. Nothing has changed in 1800 years. He cannot be saved. All will return to 'Nothing.'" The last strains of his theme died out and were replaced by something a bit happier. "Cha La Head Cha La" soon filled the air, heralding the arrival of the legendary hero Son Goku. Goku had no need of a portal, instead using his Shunkan Idou technique to appear in front of Orochi. "So, you're my opponent? OK, let's get started!" "Are you in such a rush to meet your doom?" "I don't know about that. It's just that ChiChi's already started dinner, and I don't want to be late." "You're a fool to look past me." "Hm? I'm not looking at anything behind you." "He's joking, right?" Daisuke asked Vegeta. Vegeta just massaged his temples. Orochi scowled. "I'm insulted to be facing such an idiot. I'll kill you quickly." With that, his entire body slid forward into a kick which Goku easily dodged. A gut punch was also easily avoided. "How agile you are. Do try and dodge this." Goku moved aside as a bolt of lightning struck the spot he'd been standing on, only to find that Orochi had teleported behind him in the meantime. "You've fallen into my trap." Orochi's leg arced over his head in a perfect and deadly Genocide Cutter. Unfortunately, Goku had moved out of range as soon as the move had begun. Goku looked disappointed. "This won't be much of a challenge if you don't move faster." "You think I'm no challenge? There are none greater than I!" Vegeta picked this point to laugh heartily. Orochi dashed again, this time attempting to use his telekinetic powers to toss Goku to the ground. Goku recovered easily and shot off a reflexive ki blast, which Orochi blocked with a shield. "That's a little better." Orochi responded with a Black Projectile, followed by a rain of lightning strikes. Goku threaded around them and began to smile. "This is more like it. Can you show me anything stronger?" "I tire of this. Come, let's return to 'Nothing.'" Orochi crossed his arms and stretched towards the sky. At once, light filled the area, melting details into bright white. Orochi's dreaded Bright Light Desperation Move focused itself upon Goku's chest. And managed to singe his gi. "Hey, careful! This is my favorite gi!" For once in his eons long existence, Orochi was shocked. "No one could be so strong! I will see you fall!" Orochi brought up his arms again, and started the Bright Light once more. Before Goku could decide whether to block it, however, he noticed that someone was gathering energy twenty feet behind him. "Ankoku Dragu Slave!" Both attacks hit at once, and the area was bathed in a cloud of dust. Orochi smirked. "It's such a short-lived life." Hiroshi was apoplectic. In other words, pretty much normal for him. "I can't believe this! Orochi has called in Naga for a double team! How low can you go?" Daisuke was a bit worried, seeing as Orochi's victory would most likely be a Bad Thing(tm). "Things look bad for Son Goku." Vegeta remained impassive. "Kakarott will win." Breezes blow even on a dying planet, and the dust obscuring Goku cleared away after several tense seconds. Instead of the battered body Orochi expected, he beheld a different sight. Goku stood there without a mark, and with a difference in hair and eye color. Hiroshi jumped to his feet. "This is amazing! Goku's making use of his legendary Super Saiya-jin form! Things aren't going how Orochi planed!" The smile was gone from Goku's face. "I wasn't going to do this, but you've made me mad." Naga was upset herself. "I [HATE] people who refuse to die! Ankoku..." Goku struck in the blink of an eye. Cut off in mid-spell, Naga's eyes clouded over as she spun away from the punch. She was unconscious before hitting the ground. Goku's expression didn't change. He merely said, "This isn't your fight," and turned back toward Orochi. Orochi had not been idle, and was already bringing another Genocide Cutter to bear. It was hardly halfway done when Goku took the air out of Orochi with a knee to the gut. Orochi had to struggle briefly to once again draw air into his lungs. "You're...even faster. How can this be? I am Orochi. I am one with Gaia. My power has no peer. Do you hear me? You will burn in the flames of my hatred!" All techniques that Orochi's children have, Orochi has as well. He leapt at Goku with Chris's Moon Clipping Flame. Even surrounded in lethal purple flames, Orochi could not reach Goku, seemingly repelled by his aura alone. A barrage of punches and kicks revealed that Goku's aura was indeed stopping his progress as surely as a solid wall. His frantic attack was halted in mid stream by a sudden elbow from Goku. "I refuse to admit defeat! You've seen nothing!" Orochi called upon every blast from every person who had the least drop of his blood in their veins. He struck with Shermie's Insanely Violent Lightning, with Chris's Flame of Destiny, with Goenitz's Hurricanes, Mature and Vice's slashing attacks, and even a few Yagami- ryuu Magatama techniques. But not one even reached Goku's skin, instead dispersing harmlessly as soon as they came close. Orochi floated up and away. He was Orochi. How could this creature be stronger? He would release all his remaining power! Even if it returned him to his sleep, not even this Goku would survive! "Um, Hiroshi?" "Yeah, Daisuke?" "Does Orochi have a Super Desperation Move version of his Bright Light?" "I don't think so." "I think he does now." From his vantage point in the air, Orochi looked down on Goku. "Insolent mortal! Don't you know it's useless to fight me?" "I don't believe that." Goku drew back his hands. "Ka..." The area around Orochi began to brighten. "Then..." "Me..." "I'll use everything I have..." "Ha..." "And kill you with this final attack!" "Me..." "Come, let's return to 'Nothing!'" Orochi used all his power, all his will, and all his strength. Everything in him was ready to be concentrated on one spot, one doomed victim. Orochi looked down. Nothing in his gaze could escape the Bright Light. But Goku was not there. Too late, Orochi looked up. "HA!" "Ah...hikari ga...!" Hiroshi and Daisuke pulled their hands from in front of their eyes. Vegeta hadn't stopped laughing the entire time. "Pathetic! You call that a god?" For once, Hiroshi was at a loss for words. For once, Daisuke wasn't bored. "Un...unbelievable! Son Goku has defeated Orochi totally! What a mismatch!" "Wow." Hiroshi finally managed. Silence reigned as he regained his composure. "I mean, wow! What an amazing victory for Son Goku! And because of this loss, Orochi must now honor his promise to cease all direct interference in Ultra matches that do not involve him. What an incredible match!" "On that note, I guess this is the end of our special Ultra Grudge Match presentation. I'd like to thank our special guest commentator, Vegeta. And on behalf of Hiroshi, good night from the UltraDome." As the planet reached its final moments, Orochi rose from the crater his body had created. "How could such a mortal...exist?" And with that, he was gone. "Spacial" Thanks: The SNK Mistranslation Team for oodles and oodles of unintentional humor. Jason Heavensrun, John Evans, and Steve Scougall for pre-reading. Blade and Epsilon for thinking this was a worthwhile idea. Kao Megura for his extensive King of Fighters '97 FAQ, from which I lifted move names and quotes for Orochi, as well as some other background info on KoF characters. Hironbu Kageyama for the kick ass DBZ soundtrack. Pearl Jam for "Yield", which was a really good album. And most importantly, Rumiko Takahashi, Akira Toriyama, and SNK for Ranma Ninbunnoichi, DragonBall, and King of Fighters '97, respectively.