LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AND IMPROFANFIC! IT'S TIME FOR... { M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R } { F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic } Episode 2 : Friday Night Mayhem Written by David Tai, Stefan Gagne, and Todd Harper Kasumi Tendo looked down on her works, and beamed. The Atlantic Ocean was in such nice tidy order. Especially once she put a little bit more ice back onto Antarctica. More sunshine over here, a bit of rain there... A bit busy, but it was such a nice start. She certainly hoped that Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation she had organized was keeping everyone's messes in one area. And she certainly hoped there wasn't too much to clean up right away. Especially since she knew exactly what sort of mess it would eventually lead to... In the meantime... there was plenty of work to do. Plenty of things to plan. And lots of television entertainment to smile upon. * The arena was just as packed for the second week as it was for the first. Truly, a following of hardcore fans was forming, regular faces in the crowd, making the trek from Tokyo to the Ultradome like the penitent to a temple... something which had media analysis and psychologists baffled alike. Not everybody was happy about this. Ranma slammed the door behind him, before the crowd of his recently acquired fans could get to him. He had to hold it closed with a vast majority of the strength he had remaining. "Ranma! You're so cool!" "Sign my autograph!" "I want to be like you!" "Sign my chest!" "I've got all your merchandise!" Merchandise! He didn't come to this federation to be MERCHANDISED. He was pretty surprised to see an action figure resembling himself on store shelves the other day -- complete with the ability to change into a girl when you dump cold water on it! And there was the Ranma Coffee Mug, the Ranma PEZ Dispenser, the Ranma Home Pregnancy Test... All that, plus Mousse, Kunou and SHAMPOO under the same roof... he'd been avoiding them so far, but this was NOT the distraction-free environment he was hoping to train in. But above all, the thing irritating him the most-- *CRASH* A figure in pink fell out of the ceiling, landing in a painful little heap on top of his dressing table. --was Dan. Ranma calmly walked over to Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, and applied a knuckle to the center of his spine, paralyzing him. "That's the third time you've broken into my dressing room," Ranma stated for the record. "Give it a rest, okay?" Dan snarled. "Curse you, Saotome! You've cheated Stone Cold Dan out of his righteously earned championship belt! If I wasn't completely numb from my neck down at the moment, I'd trounce you severely!!" Ranma rubbed at his temples with his spare hand. "You really should get out of the martial arts biz, Dan, you're NOT cut out for it. And besides, I don't CARE about the championship! So lay off!" "Hmph. Hmph, I say, HMPH! If you don't care... give me the belt." A pause. "What?" Ranma let go of the warrior in pink, surprised. "You heard me!" Dan shouted, rolling to his feet, off the table -- then wincing as he plucked out a hairbrush that was imbedded in his behind. "You don't deserve to wear that belt if you don't care about what it means! What it means to be the victor, the numero uno, the CHAMP!" "..I didn't say that," Ranma said, picking up the shiny gold belt that was hanging off his coat rack. "If YOU want to quit, feel free," Dan said, taunting him. "Run away like a coward! Ditch the belt and go. Nobody's MAKING you stay other than the security guards and your binding contract and the fans blockading your door! If you don't give a flying Farouk, then just give up!" "Stop putting words in my mouth!" Ranma demanded. "Of course I give a damn! I won this stupid thing fair and square, and... and.." "Ah-HA!" Dan shouted. "See? Nyah nyah. I was right! I was--" Saotome-san punched him in the face calmly, then resumed looking thoughtful. Dan was right. Okay... the situation was not the best. It was just as crazed as it was back home, in a lot of respects... But he was champion, wasn't he? No martial artist worth his salt would abandon that. No matter how surreal the setting. And he'd have to be BEATEN to lose that title. Ranma Saotome does not lose. (At least not twice in a row.) He shrugged, and put the belt on, buckling it down. "Fine. It's mine," he said. "I'm okay with that." "YAHOO!" Dan cheered, despite the rapidly swelling bruise on his cheek. "Therefore, I CHALLENGE you on tonight's show for--" Ranma dismissed him with a wave. "Nobody gets to me without winning a match first, remember?" he reminded. Smiling. This, he could get into; after all, he WAS pretty proud of his skill in general. "You want this, prove it. I'm really not interested in fighting you if you haven't improved at all, it's embarrassing for BOTH of us. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll see my... gleh.. fans. ...call the paramedics if you hear me screaming." With that, Ranma opened the door, and steeled himself for the thundering horde, leaving Dan alone in the room. The somewhat mighty one clenched a fist. "I will make it my life's goal!" he declared. "I, STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI, will one day WIN A MATCH! This I swear on my father's grave... OYAJIII!!!" * The little red light over the camera lit up. Showtime. "Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages and sapient lifeforms of all phylum and subgenus!" Hiroshi announced. "Welcome back to Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation ULTRA!! I'm your announcer, Hiroshi!" "And you probably know my name already if you watched last week," Daisuke said calmly, not looking up from his issue of Inu Yasha. "We've got an AMAZING title card matchup for you tonight! Four fighters are going head to head, to win the right to challenge Ranma Saotome on a future episode of Ultra. One of those fights is going to be a HELL IN A CELL match -- one of the toughest fighting conditions on Ultra!......" An awkward silence settled. Hiroshi elbowed Daisuke. "What, is it my turn to read from the teleprompter?" Daisuke asked. "Ne, pay more attention to this stuff," his partner hiss- whispered. "I don't wanna get fired!" "Hai, hai. Well, in addition, we have Mai Shiranui and Andy Bogard, the team that's furiously fatal, up against... a mystery team." "Ne, you have to say it with more mysterious overtones.." "Finally, in Omega Division, two powerhouses will be duking it out over the Gobi Desert : sorceress supreme Lina Inverse, and the demon god Ifurita -- complete with guest referee. All that, plus a rumored appearance by the Orochi, tonight on Ultra. Yay." Hiroshi raised an eyebrow. "Are you taking prescription medication or something?" "Pardon?" Daisuke asked, confused. "Jeez, Daisuke, I mean.. you could be a little more enthusiastic! With more gusto and guts and.. and something else starting in G..." "Gonads?" "That works. SO! Let's get on with the first fight... a HELL IN A CELL MATCH! As you can see, the nearby ring has been encased in a steel cage, four walls and a ceiling made of tough chain link! Both warriors will be trapped in there, and nobody's going to stop them until one is DOWN! Our competitors will be arriving in a moment, but before that..." Hiroshi reached under the desk, and withdrew a yellow bottle. "Why not try some cool, refreshing Country Time Lemonade? Just the thing to bring a little calming delight into your day." He took a big swig from the bottle. Smiling. "Ahhh!... aagh.. AAAGGH!! GHGHGHhghghghghh..." "That was the motor oil we're supposed to be pushing after the second commercial break," Daisuke noted. "Could we get poison control at ringside, please?" * Meanwhile, backstage, a warrior was preparing. Her first fight! Her first TELEVISED fight. No more beating up school bullies or passing thugs in street fights, she was in the bigtime. He had to be watching. He simply had to be! Her dorm room on the Ultradome grounds had been decorated just the way she liked it... with Ryu memorabilia. Few people knew of the shady company that sold goodies based on underground fighting tournaments, but Sakura did -- one credit card maxxed out later and she had a huge Ryu poster, a closet of Ryu t- shirts, and a superdeformed Ryu alarm clock that threw fireballs at you to wake you up. Indeed, Sakura was something of a Ryu otaku. Her headband looked like his, all her moves were carefully copied from underground videos, and she hoped one day to meet him... Funny, she thought she set the alarm clock to ring when the fight was going to start. She brushed her hand guard aside, to see her Hello Kitty watch... Blink. "AAAA! I'm late!" Sakura yelped. She opened the door, and bolted out. * "CLEAR!" bzzzt. "Okay! We've got a pulse!" the doctor announced. Hiroshi's stretcher was raised, and they wheeled it out of the arena, leaving Daisuke by his lonesome. And not particularly surprised at this outcome. "...I've received word that we'll have a replacement enthusiastic announcer for the evening, who will be arriving shortly," Daisuke said, listening to his earpiece. "In the meantime, now entering the arena..." Explosions and fireworks obligatorily rang out with the appearance of the fighter, while an AC/DC song played... The warrior raised a wooden kendo sword high. The crowd ate it up, cheering for him, as he announced his presence to those assembled. "I am TATEWAKI KUNOU, the BLUE THUNDER!" he boomed. "I have arrived to defeat the required single opponent, so I may challenge that peasant Saotome to combat! Let this arena be shaken by the might of the House of Kunou!" "...in the blue corner, we have kendo champion of Furinkan High School, Tatewaki Kunou," Daisuke said. "Using a blunt weapon is legal, and given his training, his opponent may have a hard time... provided she shows up--" Right on cue, Sakura sprinted into the arena -- and past Kunou. She waved her arms to try and gain some balance, skidding to a halt on the ramp leading down to the ring. "Present!" she announced. "Okay! Let's fight--" "Who are you?" Kunou asked, pointing his weapon at her. "Tatewaki Kunou does not beat defenseless girls. Begone, so that you do not block the way for my challenger to approach." Sakura fumed. "What do you mean, defenseless girl? See the wristguards? The neat headband? This battle stance?" The Blue Thunder squinted. "It seems sloppy to me. Did you copy it from someone el--" THUNK. A sneaker planted itself in Kunou's face, and he fell flat. "Yatta, I win!" Sakura cheered. "...of course, knockouts outside of the ring are instant disqualifications," Daisuke warned, talking loud enough for her to hear. "Huh? Oh no!" she panicked. Kunou was fortunately not out cold, merely stunned; Sakura picked him up, hefted him over a shoulder and ran down the ramp, to the waiting cell. The door opened automatically for her -- and slammed closed, locking, after the two had entered. She dumped Kunou on the ground, and THEN resumed her victory dance. * "It seems this match may be over before it really got going," Daisuke said, watching a pair of figures approach the table. "If... ah. I'm told that joining me ringside for tonight's guest commentary are Ash Ketchum, legendary Pokemon trainer, and his prize Pokemon, Pikachu. Welcome, Ash." The young boy grinned, being youthful and full of what a TV executive would probably call 'Proactive Attitude.' "Hey! What's up? And the name isn't ASH KETCHUM! It's SATOSHI. Only those idiots in America call me that--" Someone offscreen handed him an enormous bag of money. "Your royalty fees from America, sir." "...then again, Ash Ketchum's not all that bad," Ash said, trying to stuff the stash into his jacket. "Pika!" his companion agreed, snatching a few stray dollars. Then looking glum, as he realized that being a small yellow electric rodent, he didn't have pockets. "Mhmm. I figured... ah, look, it seems Kunou wasn't down. Let's return to the fight..." * In the cell, Tatewaki shakily got to his feet, leaning on his bokken as a walking staff. "Such an impudent little girl.." he mumbled. "An illegal manuver, as well. Whoever trained you apparently did not teach you about fair play." Sakura frowned. This guy REALLY had it coming, insulting Ryu-sama like that.. she adjusted her headband, and rushed at him, not waiting for the man to get up. With a flick of the ankle, she kicked into the air, and span around... In a moment, she had knocked Kunou up against the metal cage, and was repeatedly smacking him in the head with her kicks. Finally, she sprang away, the metal ringing from the impacts, and landed nicely. "Yatta, I win!" she declared... before Kunou got up AGAIN. "...never.. NEVER will I be beaten on my quest to rid myself of Saotome!" the Blue Thunder declared, despite his bruises. "Too long I have been the weak one of the neighborhood and subject to ridicule -- no longer! If you wish to fight, girl, the Blue Thunder will fight!" He assumed an offensive kendo stance (not in that it was unpleasant or morally repugnant, just very aggressive) and faced down his opponent. Ringside, the commentators commented. "It seems Kunou has a pretty impressive amount of stamina," Daisuke said. "I know him on a personal level, and if there's one thing that can be said, it's that no matter how many times you knock him down, he'll always come up for more." "What, like a Weeble Wobble?" Ash asked. In the ring, Kunou raised his sword high.. then dashed towards Sakura, the wooden blade blurring as he made dozens of jabs with it in mere moments. She wasn't quite prepared, and took a few hits before getting into the groove and blocking, blocking each repeated strike -- the second he slowed down, she was on him, with a rushing uppercut. "SHOOKEN!" Sakura shouted, because it's obligatory to shout the names of your moves while you're doing them. It worked, despite the warning; the older boy was knocked backwards and into the air, rebounding off the ceiling of the metal cage, and flopping backwards against a wall. The schoolgirl landed, and giggled, pointing at him. "You may be fast, but you can't beat Ryu-sama's moves!" Still, the kendoist refused to admit defeat.. leaning on the cage for support, but assuming his battle stance again. "Very well... you give me little choice. I will show you the technique I perfected, with my modified steel core bokken... the ultimate method to destroy Ranma Saotome. Behold, the most electrifying move in sports entertainment!" He raised his bokken, a spark forming at the end.. and then rushed forward ONCE, drawing an electric arc in the air, until it connected with Sakura -- who was blocking, but that's not enough to stop the kind of energy he was building. "THUNDERSTRIKE!" the Blue Thunder announced, because, again, it's obligatory to shout the names of your moves while you're doing them. Sakura flew backwards, smoking slightly -- rebounding against the side of the cage, and falling flat on the mat. Almost unconscious, reeling from the impact... Tatewaki smiled. It worked. Of course, he had been practicing it repeatedly, so victory was assured, but.. it worked. He raised his sword again, scraping the cage, for the finishing blow... "Wow, he couldn't do that before," Daisuke said. "He used to just be the Nerima Designated Punching Bag. That's pretty impressive." "Aww, that's nothing!" Ash boasted. "If anybody in this federation has the most electrifying move in sports entertainment, it'd be me and Pikachu! His Thundershock is--" "PIKA!" the Pokemon shouted, charging up with yellow sparks, assuming Ash meant to attack... Before anybody could stop him, lightning stabbed out from the mouse to the cage, electrifying it with a blinding flash... ...travelling down Kunou's modified bokken, and into his body... When the light cleared, the Blue Thunder was crispy and covered in soot, and the girl who was lying on the insulated mat was totally unharmed. There was a creak, and a thud, and Kunou was down. Surprised, Sakura got back to her feet... walked over, kicked him once in the head, and won the match. "YATTA!" she cheered, for the third time. But this time she meant it. "...um. Ash, your rodent just won her the match," Daisuke said. "oops?" Ash offered. "Ah.. c'mon, Pikachu. I think we'd better get outta here before that guy wakes up..." "Pika pi," the Pokemon agreed. * Backstage, the next fighter was getting ready. This involved standing in front of a mirror admiring himself for three hours. "Hey, baby," Johnny Cage smiled, the light pingggging off his teeth dramatically. "You're pretty hot stuff, you know that. Definitely gonna wow the crowd tonight. Nobody'll ever call you some movie star pansy poser after this--" A knock on his door. "Coming!" he called out, getting an 8x10" glossy ready. So many fans, so little time to sign autographs... The imposing figure floating outside his door did not look like a fan. "Can I help you?" he asked, perking an eyebrow. "Yes," the man said simply, before darkness swept into the dressing room like a howling wind... * Technicians had finished de-assembling the cage, after grounding it to make sure no electricity remained in the wires. Kunou was taken off to the medical ward; Sakura limped back to her room, having taken a few hits, but still smiling in her victory. The next match was underway immediately after. Fireworks went off, and roman candles went up -- and Dan was smart enough not to roll out and catch on fire, this time. He was unfortunately not smart enough to avoid rolling down the ramp and directly into the ring, with a resounding WHAM. "It seems Stone Cold Dan Hibiki has made his trademark entrance," Daisuke said. "His opponent tonight will be Johnny Cage, renown actor and martial artist. Given that both of them are used to signing autographs, this could be a very... no, actually, it probably won't be interesting at all. Let's watch." Dan rubbed his head, soothing down a fresh bump, and climbed into the ring. He tried to work the crowd up into a frenzy of cheering, shaking his muscular forearms and hopping around, but nobody responded. So, he went with verbal taunts. "OOSHA! Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, you will see a VICTORIOUS Dan Hibiki! I have sworn to win a match, and thus I will! Eventually, even if not tonight. But I WILL WIN A MATCH! Bring on my opponent! Let him be pounded before the iron fists of STONE COLD--" Light exploded out from the middle of the ring. Anybody not wearing sunglasses got to enjoy funny blue and purple trails and a lot of blinking and rubbing of eyes afterwards... the light consumed the space in the ring, flaring and strobing, covering all activity inside... When it cleared, Dan was smashed six inches deep into the mat, knocked silly. His 'opponent' floated six inches over the mat, back straight, in a defiant pose. The man was tall -- very tall, even for someone whose feet never touched the ground. He had muscles on his muscles, and an albino's complexion, with a short shock of white hair. Eyes red like blood, and an arcane symbol tattooed onto his chest -- no short to cover it up. He didn't glare at anybody. Didn't have any readable expression. He was simply.. there. "...oh dear, it's the Orochi," Daisuke said, once his eyes cleared. "Assigned to the Omega division, this ancient entity of hate and rage apparently has decided to pre-empt Dan's fight--" "Be silent," the Orochi requested. He didn't demand it, but given the recent light show and downed Hibiki, Daisuke opted to be quiet. The God of Hate turned to the crowd. Quite eeriely calm and straightforward in tone. "I have an announcement to make. I was unable to attend last week's episode, due to.. personal vendettas. But I am now here. It is time for all to return to nothing... starting soon with Ikari Shinji. The end times have begin. That is all." The Orochi glowed white once more.. and disappeared. Once the ancient terror was away, Daisuke cleared his throat. "...although frankly, what a paranormal being of human- genocidal intent wants with some sports entertainment show is beyond me. I suppose we'll hear more from our eccentric devil in the future. For more extensive information about the Orochi, please tune into Omake Episode 3, available at our website. I believe Dan will be for the night, so let's move right along to our tag team event..." * At Ring B, the first team from Lambda division was ready and waiting. And waiting. Andy Bogard wasn't used to tournament fighting. Being one of the legendary Lone Wolves, he and his brother Terry weren't strangers to fighting, but he preferred personal sparring and fights for important causes, not for spectacle. That was more Joe Higashi's department, and he wouldn't begrudge his friend an enjoyment of public fighting... it just wasn't for him. "WAAAI! Andy, look, everybody's cheering at what a cute couple we are!" Unfortunately, it was definitely for Mai. "Jeez, Mai..." Andy said, attempting to shrug off the arm his bouncy ninja girlfriend had attached herself to, not unlike a wolf gnawing a leg to escape a trap. "We're on television and everything. You don't have to... uh.." "Don't have to what?" "You know." "What?" Andy sighed. Every time he acknowledged it, things tended to backfire on him, so he just let it slide. "So where are our opponents? We're going to have to win a fight if we're going to get a shot at those belts..." "Oooh, I can't wait to be a number one idol and fighting star! But don't you think gold clashes with my hair? I mean, it's so summer, and I'm an autumn... maybe I can have mine painted red or something--" The lights went off, and spotlights lit up the red corner, opposite the Bogard and the Shiranui. Dramatic music played. Both watched, curious.. "INTRODUCING THE LATEST ADDITION TO LAMBDA DIVISION!" the PA announcer boomed. "PLEASE WELCOME 'TEAM HENTAI'..." A smokebomb went off, obscuring the corner... * It was one week previous, in Tokyo General Hospital. Other than the beeping of various life support machines and the shuffling of nurses across the linolieum floor, the burn ward was quiet... too quiet. So someone turned on TV. "LIVE, from the ULTRADOME!" the TV blared. "The biggest spectacle..." A patient with severe electrical burns grumbled, and spooned some more soothing ice cream into his mouth. "Sheesh. Lum didn't have to fry me today, of all days! I almost missed this because of that coma!" The curtain to the bed next to him drew back, and a bedpan clanged off of his head. "Keep it down, sonny! Us senior citizens need our rest, you know!" a diminutive man shouted, rubbing his sore head. "Aaa! Cherry!" Ataru panicked. "What?" "Ah.. sorry, ojisan. Looked like someone I knew. Oi, what're you in for?" "Oh, just some misunderstanding with the local ladies about my property! They stuffed me down the Furinkan school incinerator chute." The boy wasn't too surprised. "You too? Ryuunosuke-chan did that to me once... WHOA, check out that guy beating up on the idiot in pink!" "Blah! That's Ranma Saotome, my no good ungrateful apprentice! He's not even doing his martial arts right. Not enough control, never enough control!" "Eh? You're a martial artist, ojisan?" "Yep! Name's Happosai, of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. And you are?" "Ataru Moroboshi. Hey, do you own a dojo? I was thinking of taking some self defense classes or something..." Happosai hopped out of his bed like some human flea, and landed perched on the rail of Ataru's bed perfectly. Studying him. "Hmmm... weak muscle tone.. poor coordination... nope. Sorry, m'boy, you don't have what it takes to be--" A distraction walked in front of Ataru's bed in the form of a tall, busty nurse. "Woohoo! Oneechan!" he cheered, bouncing from his mattress and glomming onto the nurse's chest. "Hey, baby, what's your sign?!" As Happosai watched the Nurse proceed to put Ataru into the emergency room, a germ of an idea formed... * And when the smokebomb cleared, a shrunken old man and a scrawny kid wearing what looked like a pot on his head posed dramatically. "HAPPOSAI OF THE ANYTHING GOES SCHOOL OF MARTIAL ARTS, AND ATARU MOROBOSHI, HIS APPRENTICE!" "...you've got to be kidding," Andy gaped. "Some old geezer and a brat?" Ataru waved a cricket bat at Andy threateningly. (He had opted to come to the battle armed and ready, even if he technically had nothing to arm and ready himself with except stuff lying around the garage.) "Oi! I'm an apprentice to the Anything Blows School of--" "Anything GOES, m'boy." "--of Marital Arts! So fear me or... something..." Both ecchi ones got an eyeful of Mai's two best friends. "YOWZA!" they chimed in unison, and made a dive for them-- Impacting solidly against the stacked chest of Andy Bogard. "Excuse me," he said. "*I*'m going to be fighting first. Not her." Suddenly, it all started to sink into Ataru's mind. A few key points showed up first : A) He had absolutely no idea how to fight anybody using any style whatsoever. B) That was probably not the case for this guy. C) This guy had MUSCLES ON HIS MUSCLES. D) Ataru was quite possibly going to die. "Ah... why don't you take the ring first, sensei?" he suggested. "I wouldn't want to make you feel useless, even if you're old and all.." "Nonsense!" Happosai barked, bouncing off Ataru's cooking pot helmet, and landing outside the ropes. "How are you going to learn anything without real world experience! Now kick his ass, m'boy, and have no mercy." Ataru looked at the looming shadow of Andy Bogard that was completely overwhelming his own less than intimidating physique. "mommy," Ataru mumbled. Mai bounced up and down against the ropes, waving a pair of rising sun fans around. "YAHOO! Go, Andy, go!" Andy tried to ignore his personal cheerleader, and sized up his opponent. "Are you SURE you're a martial artist, kid?" The boy made an effort to hide his cricket bat behind his back. "No, sir! That mean old man is making me fight, boo hoo!" Andy rubbed his head, looking pretty awkwardly back towards Mai. Mai only giggled, and waved back. Andy shrugged, and asked politely, "Look, kid, if you're going to fight, go ahead..." Ataru tossed aside the bat, holding out his hands. "No, no, not at all..." "Ingrate!" Happy shouted from the sidelines. "Take it like a man!" Andy sighed, and turned his head back towards Mai. "Mai, I'm not sure..." The blonde martial artist never finished his sentence as Ataru pulled out a very large mallet and whalloped Andy. "Ah-HA!" Ataru shouted, taunting the downed fighter. "Never underestimate the Ataru Moroboshi Mallet Special Attack!" Mai gasped, as Andy fell. "Andy-chan!" She had enough presence of the mind to reach out to tag Andy before he blacked out, so that they wouldn't get disqualified. Mai quickly hopped into the ring, and faced down Ataru (who had since lost the mallet -- Hammerspace tended to retrieve what you take from it once its purpose has ended). Happosai smiled, a serene look on his face as he puffed on his pipe. "Very good, m'boy." He hopped into the ring. "Now... do you remember the double-team techniques I spend most of the lunch break teaching you?" Ataru nodded, grinning and rubbing his hands together as the two perverts turned towards Mai, who was busy trying to get Andy back outside the ring. "DOUBLE GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMP attack!!!" Mai suddenly felt something on her... lower back. And something small and wrinkly on her... front. And then a lot of rubbing, squeezing, and ... jiggling. A deathly pause settled over the arena. A frown slowly crossed Mai's face. Happosai had a happy grin on his face. So did Ataru. Now, on the other hand, Mai... A frown slowly grew across her face. And then she exploded. Literally. In a burst of red flames. "You hurt my poor ANDY-CHAN!!! You... TOUCHED that which only Andy-chan (not that he ever TRIED) is allowed to touch! Now you... DIE!" FWOOSH. The entire ring was engulfed in a ball of fires hotter than the inside of a neutron star, for a brief moment, as Mai's ki went haywire. Ataru went sailing out of the ring, and fell through the spanish announcer's table with a crash of splintering wood... Leaving only one very upset Mai, and a completely char- broiled Happosai in the ring. KO. The ninja hmphed, and smiled... a win was a win. She took out a fan, which had only gotten a bit singled in the blast, and bounced in place, wobbling to a halt a few moments later. "Nippon ichi! Mai and Andy always win!" A weak voice floated down from the rafters. "medic..." * The bell rang. "A spectacular fight from the fatally furious fighters, Andy and Mai," Daisuke announced. "They'll take the win, and hopefully have enough insurance to cover the damages... and it looks like my co-host is back. Welcome, Hiroshi." Hiroshi pulled up a chair, all smiles. "That's right, Daisuke! And I've learned an important lesson to share with our viewers. Kids... never drink foreign chemical substances. Getting your stomach pumped isn't nearly as fun as it looks! Even if it makes you see interesting swirly colors in front of your eyes and Jane Fonda crawling out of your navel!" The other boy just.. stared at him. Then motioned quietly for security. "SO!" Hiroshi shouted, oblivious. "Moving right along, it seems that the third and final match of the evening is about to get underway. Taking place above the planet Arrakis, with plenty of open spaces, nowhere to hide and a tendency to turn tourists into dried husks within hours, let's get into the action!" * "IN THIS CORNER!" the loudspeakers strategically hidden in sand dunes boomed, "THE DEMON GODDESS OF EL HAZARD... IFUUUUUURITA!" The crowd (conveniently located back on Earth with cool beverages and air conditioning) applauded... for all of about five seconds, before Ifurita turned a gaze into the cameras which clearly stated that she didn't truck with such behavior, and which could have frozen lava to 0 Kelvin. The cheering stopped immediately. "AAAAND IN THIS CORNER! HAILING FROM ZEPHILIA, THE BANDIT KILLER, DRA-MATA, LIIIIIINA IIIIIIIIIINVERSE!" The crowd seemed a bit apprehensive at first, but when Lina made her appearance with a hearty "YOUSHA!" and the V for Victory, they knew who the popular support should be behind. The roar (funneled through handy building-sized speakers) was deafening, and Lina was eating up every minute of it. "AND NOW, FOR OUR SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE..." the voice boomed, and Lina blinked. She hadn't heard about any guest referee. "COMING FROM THE KINGDOM OF SAILLUNE..." Lina twitched violently. Not Amelia...please not Amelia... "WEIGHING IN AT AN INCREDIBLE 160 POUNDS FROM THE WAIST UP..." The violent twitch became more pronounced, as Lina got goose bumps, her hands shaking wildly, her teeth chattering. She got her wish. It wasn't Amelia. No, God didn't love her that much... There was a pause in the announcer's reading, and the sounds of shuffling paper, before he cleared his throat and continued. "THE STRONGEST, SEXIEST RIVAL OF LINA INVERSE..." Lina's voice rang out clear as a bell and with as much despair as an S&L about to be audited by the IRS. "Naga the White Serpent." "NAGA THE WHITE SERPEEEEEEEENT!" There was a flash of light in the midst of the sandy field, blinding both competitors (although in Ifurita's case, this was difficult to notice. Had she been hit by falling orbital debris her expression would have remained mostly similar). Out of the conflagration of special effects gadgetry came a most hideous, blood-curdling sound... "OOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOO!" The flash of light died away, revealing Naga in all her barely-clad, busty glory, sitting on an ornate throne, laughing into her hand. "Of course! Who else would be more qualified to keep you from cheating, Lina Inverse?" Lina sighed, then glanced at Ifurita. If the demon goddess was afraid, happy, sad, or tripping, she certainly didn't show it. Lina's face fell. Naga, and now a pet rock for a competitor... her opportunity for fame and fortune was dropping faster than a lead balloon. "Whatever. Can we get on with the ass kicking now?" "Oooooohohohoho! Now, you both know the rules. Destroying the universe is a foul, but anything else is legal! BEGIN!" Naga shouted, her throne moving back to a safe distance. Lina pointed. "Alright, lady. I dunno who you are or why I got challenged or why the HELL Naga is here, but quite frankly I don't care! Prepare to receive the smackdown!" she jeered, posing heroically. The crowd was eating it up, and she grinned internally. Which lasted all of about three seconds, before Ifurita turned toward her with agonizing slowness, pointing the Power Key Staff at her opponent and saying, with a voice like a quiet steamroller, "Die." A blazing lance of blue light arced from the Staff and impacted with the ground in front of a now panicking Lina, erupting in a massive cloud of sand and debris, obscuring Lina from sight. Considering her mission accomplished, Ifurita turned to go. There was, however, the matter of the massive fireball speeding her way at roughly 250mph from behind her...and up. The source was a certain red-haired sorceress who floated a good 10 feet in the air, grinning wildly as her Fireball spell arced into the demon goddess and exploded with a resounding KAAAABOOOOOOM. "Ha! Try that on for size, you pneumatic Goth wannabe!" The crowd went crazy, as did Lina. Granted, it was a short-lived celebration, considering that what was left in the wake of the massive magical explosion was an unperturbed and, more importantly, unharmed Ifurita. "Simple explosive fire manipulation. Child's play to reproduce," the living weapon intoned, shortly before pointing her staff in the sky toward Lina and letting loose with her own bright-red fireball the size of a house. Lina, in a panic, immediately cut her Ray Wing spell, dropping the 10 feet to the ground and landing with a loud WHOOSH in the desert sands, as Ifurita's fireball continued a good 100ft. past her previous position and then exploded in a bizarre two-headed mushroom cloud. The light was blinding, forcing even Naga to look away. Ifurita, however, stared at the point of Lina's impact nonchalantly, expecting a charred corpse. From the sands emerged a figure, sand dripping off the slight frame as Lina arose from her landing spot in a torrent of flying dirt and sand, making a V with her fingers. "HAHAHAHAH! Don't think you can take me out that easy! I'll finish this in one SHOT!" An explosion of special effects behind her, including a brilliant stylized Japanese sun, ensued, as Lina began to chant, cupping her hands in front of her. "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the flow of time..." Naga blinked from her throne, shortly before letting out a loud EEEEEK and then scurrying behind it. This drew Ifurita's attention for a moment, before she turned to see Lina being surrounded in a hazy red-violet glow, magical power building up to immense levels. "In thy name I pledge myself to darkness...let all the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess!" The magical haze was becoming blinding, darkening the already-blackened sky from the results of Ifurita's massive fireball. Wind began to blow even harder, whipping clothes and sand about dramatically as Lina prepared to follow through on her threat and deliver unto her opponent the mother of all black magic... Ifurita, for her part, looked relatively unfazed, levelling the Power Key Staff at Lina. Around the mechanical tip of the Staff, a red-violet haze identical to that around Lina began to form, energy crackling between the two masses of energy, as the demon goddess' flat, toneless voice rang out: "Cataloging energy pattern 3456-Beta-Psi-6. Catalog name..." Both voices cried in unison, "Dragu SLAVE!" Twin lances of red and black energy containing enough power to make conventional nuclear weaponry ask for a pointed stick and a place to hide met at an exact point between magi and demon goddess. There was enough time to see the horrified faces of Lina and Naga, and the impassive face of Ifurita, shortly before the two lances met, and the world appeared to shut itself off. There was a hideously disturbing silence, as the center point appeared to crackle black and white, red and black, then a hideous shade of bright gold shortly before erupting into an explosion the size of a small continent... * Back at the Ultradome, the tech crew raced to change camera filters, to try to get SOME sort of picture back from the battleground. "Wow," Daisuke stated. "That was impressive. Let's take a look at the instant replay. "First, you'll notice that Ifurita's ability to learn new techniques worked against Lina, as she opted to use her second most powerful magic on her opponent. You can see here that when the two spells collided, the amplified feedback overloaded the magical whatsimacallits on the somethingorothers and everything went boom. Frankly, I'd be surprised to if there were any surv.." The announcer squinted, looking at his monitor. "Wait a minute. Go back about ten seconds... slow motion. Okay.." The visual was shown to the viewers at home, as the two spells shot towards each other, cutting unholy arcs of power through the sky... "Freeze right there," Daisuke requested. "Enhance the left corner with that Blade Runner equipment we stole." A small box traced, and highlighted the area where Naga was cowering behind her guest referee's throne. A white light had started to form next to her. "And one frame forward..." A man-shaped light. The Orochi. A technician signaled Diasuke, knocking him out of his study. "Ah. I understand we have video again. Let's go live to the aftermath of the fight, and see what happened." * Lina got her head out of the sand, figuratively and literally. "Che.. stupid doll," she mumbled, looking around. The blast crater extended for miles and miles, a depressed disc in the desert sands; huge portions of the landscape had solidified into glass. She tried to spot her opponent... but Ifurita had left, apparently, not visible anywhere in the open landscape. Naga's throne had been slightly melted. "OI! White Serpent-chan!" Lina shouted. "You can come out now, it's over! Ifurita ran away and I won!" But when she went to look behind the throne, nobody was there. -=- ][ ULTRA EPISODE 2 RESULTS RECAP : ][ SAKURA defeated KUNOU, now at 1W/0L. ][ ATARU/HAPPOSAI introduced to Lambda division. ][ MAI/ANDY defeated ATARU/HAPPOSAI, and are now at 1W/0L. ][ LINA defeated IFURITA, now at 1W/0L. ][ Next scheduled author : Ash -=- WHAT HAPPENED TO NAGA? WILL ANDY SEEK FURTHER REVENGE? IS DAN EVER GOING TO GET A BREAK? WHEN WILL RANMA HAVE TO FACE ONE OF HIS MANY ENEMIES AND/OR LOVERS?! Stay tuned to UTLRA, at http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic ! CREDITS : Plot Outline / Planning, Lambda Fight : David Tai Gamma Fight, Additional Scenes, Announcers : Stefan Gagne Omega Fight : Todd Harper