-------------------------- ACHTUNG! ---------------------------- The following contains scenes of a violent nature, namely individuals engaged in intense combative activity, and flagrant acts of author's friends-insertion. ---------------- VIEWER INSANITY IS SUGGESTED ------------------ OUTSIDE THE "SHARK TANK", SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA "All right, we sure we got everything?" Sean Breen asked a group of fellow IRC friends who had gathered to witness the very first ULTRA house show in the United States. Having a friend who was booking and could get you free tickets surely pays, and was paying right now, because these were ringside (or one row back) seats. "Tickets, check," spoke Kirk Felton. "Signs, check," Dan Wood said. "Money for intense merchandise we'll never need, check," noted Nick Marquardt. "Smuggled sodas, check," said Jake Wallace. "Yup, that's everything," Sean said. "All right, we'll meet inside in about 20 minutes," Jabowah (don't ask me what his real name is) said. "I think we need some shirts." And on that note, the group split up. Kirk and Jake had decided to mosey on over to where Kirk had seen a Morrigan/Lilith Aensland shirt (featuring a picture of them in tartans) that he Absolutely Had To Have when a female voice whispered, "Pssst! Over here!" They turned as one toward the sound. It seemed to be coming from an alleyway behind a kiosk selling Stone Cold Dan Hibiki stuff. The voice repeated itself: "Yeah, over here. C'mon, don't be shy..." Against their better judgement, they walked into the alleyway, only to find themselves staring at a powerfully built, unusually tall Japanese with close-cropped white hair and curiously scarlet eyes. His outfit could only be described as odd: white and red short jacket with suspenders over a bare chest, with white cargo pants and some kind of choker with a silver heart clasp. "Sweeet," Jake noted sarcastically. "Do Blaine and Antoine know you've been raiding their wardrobe?" It was as if the stranger had moved suddenly. One second, he was standing three feet away, the next, he was standing next to Jake, who had been doubled over against the man's fist, buried in his midsection. Kirk started to charge, but the female voice said, nay GIGGLED, "Excuse me!" What Kirk could make out in the two seconds was a girl with short-cropped hair, except for two long ponytails snaking down her back. She was wearing a low cut tank top, a flannel shirt, and black leather hot-pants. She immediately hoisted herself onto his shoulders, and all Kirk could see from then on was shiny black crotch leather before he felt himself falling... Then everything went solid black. Yashiro Nanakase deftly plucked the ticket out of the pocket of the young man he had just knocked out. "Do you have any idea what he was trying to say?" he asked his partner. "Wakarinai," replied Shermie in Japanese as she extricated herself from the dazed sod she had taken out and started rummaging for her newly-"acquired" ticket. "Somehow, I don't think I should've worn my fighting clothes today." "YA-shi-ro," Shermie replied, "don't worry about it. Besides, you look good already. Hey, one row from ringside!" Fireworks bloomed from the ramp and videowall that made up the stage area as "Fat Chance" by 311 played. A subtitle showed up on the camera-view: "SAN JOSE, CA IS IN FOR ULTRA-VIOLENCE!" When the lights came back up, the camera panned over the vast forest of signs the crowd was holding up, including such witticisms as "HIBIKI 1:58 -- HALF THE MAN", "RANMA FEARS VIZ", "MORRIGAN AENSLAND IS MY MOM", "OROCHI ATE MY BALLS", and "SHINJI -- THE *REAL* PEOPLE'S CHAMP". "Hello, and welcome to another edition of ULTRA," Daisuke said from the announcer's table. "No, you are not seeing things, we are broadcasting live from the United States! Hiroshi's busy getting ready for the bigger matches to come, so we have a special treat for you to start off." "Would you like some more coffee?" asked the waitress at a Denny's not too far away. "Sure," Hiroshi mumbled around a mouthful of the most gooey, chocolaty pie Denny's could make. He swallowed as he emptied five packets of sugar into the cup and started stirring briskly. "Look," said the stage hand to his rather recalcitrant charge, "all you have to do right now is just walk out, hold the belt up, make your way to the announcer's table, and help Daisuke call the match." "Um, I'm still not sure this is a good idea," replied the champion. "Relax," responded the stage hand. "We had the music director committed, so you don't have to worry about coming out to the theme from 'Card Captor Sakura' or some stuff like that. It's perfectly safe." The champion gulped audibly. "The special guest commentator for tonight's first match on ULTRAviolence needs no introduction. He can be said to be one half of the Omega division champions! San Jose, California, please put your hands together for SHINJI IKARI!" As Apocalyptica's version of Metallica's "The Unforgiven" started playing, Shinji hesitated at the entrance to the ramp before being helped along by a slightly less than gentle shove from the stage hand. He had felt about as nervous as this maybe once in his life, the day the rest of his class found out he was an EVA pilot. The same day he was beaten-- But then the roar of the crowd drowned out the depressing train of thought Shinji seemed to ride on almost every day. Almost as one, the crowd had risen to their feet and started cheering. With a shy smile on his face, he raised the Omega championship belt to about eye-level, and began to make his way down the ramp. "Ikari-kun," Daisuke began, "it's good to have you on the program tonight." "I-I guess it's good to be on," Shinji replied as he put on the headphones. "Um, who's going to be fighting tonight?" "We have a grudge match to start," Daisuke replied before the first bars of AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" played over the PA. "The following Grudge Match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit," the ring announcer said. "Making his way to the ring, representing the Gamma Division, from Nerima, Japan! He is the self-proclaimed Blue Thunder of Furinkan High School... TATEWAKI KUNO!" "Kuno-san looks angry," Shinji said. "This can't be good." Daisuke replied, "You'll remember that two weeks ago on ULTRA, Kuno lost his Hell In A Cell match to Sakura due to the cage being electrifed by Pikachu. Tonight, Kuno has one thing on his mind, and that is *payback!*" "Um, I thought boken weren't supposed to conduct electricity." Daisuke put one hand over his microphone and turned to the troubled youth. "The first thing you learn is not to think too hard about the matches." "Kuno's calling for a mike," Shinji said. "The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure," Kuno intoned. "Satoshi! Or is it that Romanized name, Ash Ketchum? Two weeks ago, the rising star of the ULTRA circuit was wronged, because you could not keep your pets under control! Now I bend myself to the task of teaching your... partner what it never learned from you: respect." The music promptly changed to Peter Gabriel's "Shock The Monkey" as the ring announcer continued: "And his opponent, representing the Lambda Division, being accompanied to the ring by his tag team partner, Ash Ketchum... PIKACHU!" "PIKA!" yelled the little squirrel-looking Pokemon as it skipped to the ring, looking cute as a button. A few diabetics in the crowd alongside the ramp went into insulin seizures and were discreetly carried to the first aid stations by security. Kuno, for his part, had an expression on his face matching that of a refrigerator door. Except for the quivering right eyebrow, that is. MATCH 1: TATEWAKI KUNO VS. PIKACHU (with Ash Ketchum) "And the match is underway, I guess," Shinji noted. "Folks," Daisuke added, "I've just been informed that this match will decide once and for all just who IS the most electrifying fighter in ULTRA. Both have the moves, but the match will go to the last man-- I mean, last *one* standing." Meanwhile out in the ring, Kuno was stabbing at Pikachu with his boken, making pockmarks into the mat at the rate of several dozen a second. None of which was even close to hitting the Pokemon, but provided the fans with a good chase anyway. "Kuno's worse than Asuka in one of *her* moods," breathed Shinji. "But Pikachu had better get some offense going, or this will be all she wrote," Daisuke replied. Kuno continued to run (and wear) a circle around the ring, blissfully unaware that Pikachu had jumped up onto a corner turnbuckle and was now miming Kuno's poking the mat. Ash, for his part, unrolled a piece of posterboard he had fished from his jacket and held it up, revealing a sign that said, "SILLY, ISN'T HE?" "Now *this* is the Kuno I used to know," Daisuke quipped. "Didn't Ash get that out of some gaijin anime?" Shinji asked. "Regardless, the fans here in San Jose are enjoying it," Daisuke replied, just as Pikachu jumped off the top turnbuckle and took Kuno's legs out from under him, knocking both fighters to the canvas! The Pokemon rolled out of the sprawl in time to turn around and fire off what was to any wrestling fan a VERY familiar crotch-chop, with the added twist of a brief aura of electricity. "Looks like Ash and Pikachu have been studying the American wrestlers," noted Daisuke as Kuno muttered something the soundman couldn't catch before swatting Pikachu out of the ring. The swordsman turned toward Ash and shouted, "Guess you didn't teach it about fair play, either!" "And Pikachu is down early!" Shinji yelled. "Get up! You can't let that big bully win like this!" Daisuke looked over at Shinji with a newfound sense of awe. "Uh, sorry," Shinji added more meekly. "Don't be, kid," Daisuke replied. "You're a quick study." "Pi-ka..." Pikachu moaned, as he struggled to his feet. "Kuno is going outside to beat Ash to the punch of getting Pikachu back in the ring," Daisuke began. "He's picking him up like some piece of garbage.." "YATTA!" Shinji shouted. "But he forgot about the little rodent's most shocking aspect! Kuno tries to get away, but Pikachu's glommed onto his face!" Meanwhile, Ash was saying, "Pikachu, stop it! If you knock him out outside the ring, *he'll* win!" Kuno, for his part, in his haste to remove the Pokemon, had run himself into a metal ring post and tripped over the metal stairs leading to the ring area, barely managing to avoid completing the circuit and really ruining his day. "Pi?" Pikachu asked before obediently jumping off Kuno, back onto the ring apron. Ash picked up Kuno to roll him back in, but got shoved off rudely for his trouble. Kuno staggered back into the ring, and spat. "Now it ends, wretched creature," he grumbled. "THUNDERSTRIKE!!" The Pokemon barely managed to jump out of the way of the blast, which dissipated before it could harm any of the spectators. Unfortunately, Pikachu had dived into a corner. And there was nowhere to run. "I have you now," Kuno gloated. "Um, Daisuke," Shinji said. "If Kuno's signature move is a blast of electricity, and a Pikachu is an electrified field mouse, then why is Kuno still insisting on that move?" "Stop it, Shinji. You're thinking about the match too hard again. Besides, this is Kuno we're talking about. It still doesn't occur to him that Ranma and the 'pig-tailed girl' are the same person." "THUNDERSTR--" "PIKA-PIKA-PIKA!!" Two things happened just then. First, Kuno swung his boken through the motions for the Thunderstrike, confident that victory and vengeance would soon be his. Second, Pikachu's fur stood on end, like it had built up a lot of static electricity, and he jumped at Kuno. Except Pikachu had jumped at Kuno at an oblique angle, making the Thunderstrike miss. The disadvantage was that the Pokemon could only glom onto Kuno's leg, but that was all he needed. A huge lightning bolt came down from the rafters as Pikachu discharged most of his built-up energy into the kendo fighter. "I don't believe it," Daisuke said flatly. "Pikachu grabbed Kuno, then cut loose with the Thundershock!" When the smoke had cleared, Pikachu was standing over a soot-blackened and smoking Tatewaki Kuno, looking cute as always. "Not... again..." Kuno rasped before passing out. "The winner of this match," the ring announcer said, "and the Most Electrifying Fighter in ULTRA... PIKACHU!" As "Shock The Monkey" played over the PA, Daisuke turned to Shinji and said, "Say it, you know you want to." "PIKACHU WINS!" shouted Shinji. "PIKACHU WINS!" "We'll have the first of our two Gamma Division matches after this commercial time-out," Daisuke said. "Shinji-kun, it was nice having you here, but I know you need to get ready for your title defense against Lina Inverse later tonight!" Shinji blanched. Turning toward Daisuke, he said, "You're kidding... right?" Shinji was having trouble dealing with that announcement, and the broadcast blinked out for the ad break with a thin lad with messy gray hair leading Shinji away from the announcer's table, seemingly deep in conversation with him... [Commercial break] [AC/DC's "Hell's Bells" plays over footage of Orochi in action] Voiceover: After 1800 years, he has awakened... [Orochi standing over Stone Cold Dan Hibiki] Orochi: It is time for all to return to nothing... VO: The worst is yet to come... [Orochi smiling at the creation of Naga the Black Serpent] O: It has begun... VO: The world is ending... [Orochi in a studio in front of a grey background, pointing his finger at the camera] O: Buy my T-shirt and stay indoors. [Shot of the "limited edition" Orochi T, featuring the chest tattoo pattern on the front with the legend "THE VOID AWAITS" on the back] VO: Only $25 through the ULTRA ShopZone! Order yours now! In the "Shark Tank" of San Jose, California, a young Japanese man was sitting down in a locker room. He was dressed in a dark blue high school uniform, with the shirt untucked and a white headband around his head. What was odd about his appearance was that he was wearing black fighting gloves with a design of a solar eclipse on them. "Oh, Kusanagi-san!" he exclaimed delightedly. "You're here! I could use your help." "What are you doing?" Kyo Kusanagi sighed in reply. "What do you need my help for?" "You see," replied the younger man, "I've been watching wrestling following my selection for ULTRA, and I noticed that to get fans here, I need a catch phrase, so I can become a true pop culture phenom!" Kyo rolled his eyes. "So I was trying to come up with something. Here's one: 'Do you smell what Shingo's cooking?'" "It's been done," Kyo replied. "What about 'Whatcha gonna do, when Shingomania runs wild on you?'" "Already done." Shingo sighed. "How about introducing myself as 'The Psycho Nerd' Shingo Yabuki?" "Nope. Some e-wrestler has that nickname." "Boy, this gimmick-u stuff is hard. How about calling my fans (when I get some) 'Shingo-holics?'" No reaction. "Ok, we'll remember that one," Shingo said. "Why do you suppose you need a catch phrase?" Kyo asked at length. "Well," Shingo replied, "I can't rightly say that I'm the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be." "That's a relief," Kyo replied, "because it's--" "There's just GOT to be more moves!" Shingo boomed. Kyo did what anyone whose student was entering a fighting federation and had made that statement under these circumstances would have done in his place. He facefaulted. As the camera faded to black, Hiroshi flatly noted, "I have *no* idea what that was about.." More fireworks erupted from the ramp area as the music came on again. "WE ARE LIVE FROM THE 'SHARK TANK' IN SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA!", Hiroshi shouted. "FOLKS, WE GOT ONE HELL OF A SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!" "Geez, Hiroshi, switch to decaf," Daisuke replied. "The soundmen can hear you just fine." "Work with me, Daisuke," Hiroshi replied. "Tonight, we start with a bang! Shinji Ikari defends the Omega title against Lina Inverse!" "Um, Hiroshi, I already..." Daisuke started to say, but his partner wasn't letting him get a word in edgewise. "That, and our Lambda match has title implications as well! A new fighter joins Gamma Division, and much more tonight! This could turn out to be our greatest broadcast ever!" The cheering had died down enough for Dan Wood's shouted "QUIT QUOTING DUFII!" to be heard through the headset mikes. "Ladies and gentlemen," the ring announcer said, "Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation owner, and *THE* Power That Is, Kasumi Tendo!" Kasumi entered to thunderous cheers -- after all, She was God, and deserved no less. That, and She had brought what was turning out to be an international phenomenon to the very shores of the largest television audience to be found in any given country. "Is everyone having fun tonight?" She asked. Again with the tumultous cheers. "As you know, this is the first time we've had matches outside the UltraDome, and judging from the reaction, it won't be the last!" Another loud cheer. "All you good people in Japan, don't worry, we'll still do matches in the UltraDome. But I've taken enough time as it is. Now, as one of your magistrates would say, let's get it on!" The cheering was interrupted by the sound of a bell tolling, followed by the first guitar chords of AC/DC's "Hell's Bells". "My goodness!" Hiroshi boomed. "That theme means that Business Is About To Pick Up!" "For those of you at home," Daisuke added, "that's the new theme music for the God of Hate himself, Orochi! And he looks pissed off -- as usual." "Tendo," Orochi intoned as he floated above the crest of the entrance ramp. "Why are you letting Inverse fight for the Omega title? You know as well as I do that Ikari Shinji is mine to destroy!" Orochi got a huge "heel pop" -- lots of booing. "Then you know the rules as well as anyone," Kasumi replied. "To get a title shot, you must win a match first." Orochi grinned. It would have looked cute on anyone else, but on him, it was blood-chilling. "Very well. Then I demand a match on next week's ULTRA, and not against any of those who would use or become machines. I want Sephiroth." "Has Orochi gone nuts?" Hiroshi wondered. "No, he just wants to make a statement," Daisuke countered. "Apparently, since Washuu, Ifurita, and Cyber- Akuma have fought and lost, he doesn't think they'd be worth his time. That, and Naga the now-Black Serpent is on his side." "Seeing as how you and Naga are unranked officially," Kasumi began, apparently catching the gist of the byplay between Her announcers, "you could --" "Nice try, Tendo," Orochi interrupted. "Even though I was the architect of Naga's... awakening, and could send her to sleep just as easily, I would not do that. Even now, the Harbingers are finding their way to me, and it would not do to fall upon one another like wolves before we got what I... what we came here for." "Look behind you, Orochi," Kaworu Nagisa said in a sudden burst of uncharacteristic bravado. "We kept the cameras rolling last week during the impromptu match between Son Goku and your pretty hate machine." Orochi did so, managing a nice pirouette in mid-air as he looked at the giant videowall. **LAST TIME ON ULTRA** MATCH 1 1/2: SON GOKU VS. NAGA THE BLACK SERPENT Naga scowled with a burning intensity that was hotter than the flames that surrounded her. "I am the first, and quite possibly the last this century of those who dance the riot of the blood. My [hatred] knows no bounds. I destroy all that I [hate]!" "So be it. If you want to interfere with this match, you'll have to go through me first." said Goku with a small grin. **Back to the Shark Tank** "Ano," said Kasumi, "can we speed this up, please?" The videoman nodded, and soon the footage was replaced by the following... **24 HOURS LATER** Both fighters stood shakily on their feet in the snow. In addition, their clothes had been singed from all the energy thrown about. Goku now was shirtless, and Naga's costume now resembled her old adventuring attire from before her transformation. "You fight well," Goku said between panting breaths. "Lord knows this is the most fun I've had in years, and--" "FUN?!?!" Naga shouted. "YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS FUN?!?" She screamed to the heavens and let loose with another meteor swarm. Goku countered with seeker balls, and the match continued for another thirty seconds before both fighters stopped for breath, this time taking a knee before Goku found enough breath to speak. "As (pant) I (pant) was saying," Goku said, "I wouldn't mind another fight like this someday... but I really want to wrap this up. I promised Gohan I'd help fix dinner." "Shut your fright-haired -- " Naga snarled. "Look who's talking," Goku shot back. " -- monkey-tail-having, heavy-breathing carcass up and finish this then! I did not come all this way to lose to a washed-up freak like yourself!" With that, Naga began chanting subvocally. "So be it," Goku said, and started gathering energy once more. At length, he yelled "KAMEHAMEHA!!!!" "ANKOKU DRAGU SLAVE!!!!" Naga shouted, and every camera that was filming the fight blacked out for the catalogable period of ten seconds. "My Goddess..." Hiroshi whispered. "Makes sense somehow," Daisuke noted. When the cameras finally clicked back on, there was only a blasted expanse of rock where there had once been ice and snow. Spaced evenly, lying prone or supine, were Son Goku and Naga the Black Serpent. Neither were moving. The lights came back up in the Shark Tank. After a few seconds, Kasumi said, "I'll call that match a draw if you will." "Agreed," Orochi said. "For now." And on that, he floated backstage. "I've been told that both Goku and Naga are recuperating at undisclosed locations," Daisuke noted. "Still, that was the first Omega match we've seen end in a draw." "With that much power being thrown around," Hiroshi said, "they're lucky the 'destruction of the world or universe' rule wasn't invoked." And then, techno music started playing... o/~ Prepare yourself.. Prepare yourself.. o/~ "The following Gamma Division contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit." o/~ Prepare yourself.. Mortal Kombat's on today / Prepare yourself.. Mortal Kombat all the way / Prepare yourself.. Mortal Kombat's here to stay / Johnny Cage is not afraid to die! o/~ "Introducing first..." o/~ Please welcome Mr. John Carlton... A brilliant actor from Venice, California. He's cool... he's hot... he's fair... HE IS JOHNNY CAGE!!! o/~ "... what the song said," noted the perplexed ring announcer as "Prepare Yourself" by The Immortals kept playing and the man for whom the song was written made his way to the ring. A massive cheer went up for the hometown hero as he scaled a corner turnbuckle and threw his arms out wide. "Both these fighters have a perfect 0-0 record in ULTRA, so it's conceivably anybody's match," Hiroshi said. "Actually," interjected Daisuke, "Johnny Cage was supposed to fight two weeks ago, but Orochi messed it up." "And his opponent," said the ring announcer as the music changed to "Lost In Space" by Apollo 440, "making his ULTRA debut! He hails from Tokyo, Japan, and is a student of Kusanagi-style Magatama karate. San Jose, please welcome... SHINGO YABUKI!" Amidst the lukewarm cheers greeting Shingo as he ran out, both Sean Breen and Iori Yagami did a spit-take at the same time, coating both ringside and portable TV monitor respectively with various liquid refreshment. "Why *him*?!" Iori muttered. "Why *that* song?" Sean asked plaintively. "Have they no shame?" "You had to ask?" replied Nick Marquardt. Johnny Cage looked at Shingo for a second. He said, "The autograph signing will be after the show... wait a minute. You're actually here to fight me?!" "Yes," Shingo replied enthusiastically. "I'd be honored to!" MATCH 3: JOHNNY CAGE VS. SHINGO YABUKI Shingo took a deep breath. "All right," Cage muttered as he removed his trademark shades, "let's dancOOOF!" Shingo wasted no time, streching like a baseball pitcher before unloading a solid left hook into Cage's jaw. As Cage went down, Hiroshi yelled, "My God! Shingo just took Cage's head off with that punch!" "Not quite," Daisuke was quick to point out. "That's a version of one of Kyo Kusanagi's moves, only that there's no flames. He does throw his weight into the punch, and that will produce some serious damage." The movie star was completely unprepared for this, and spun around before meeting the canvas of the ring. "YOSH!" exclaimed Shingo before pumping his fist. "Ore no... KACHIDA!" "Shingo had better stop celebrating and get back to this fight," Hiroshi added, "because Johnny Cage is getting back up, and he won't be fooled again!" "Hey!" Cage called out as he lobbed a green energy ball underhand at Shingo. "Heads up!" "And Cage starts to lob ki balls at Shingo!" Hiroshi said as the energy ball caught Shingo in the face. "This could spell trouble for the newcomer!" "But ki balls only get you so far," Daisuke noted as Shingo ran around the ring like a shooting gallery duck, fumbling with a little black student notebook while saying, "Aragami... now how did that go?" "It would seem that Shingo has forgotten some of his moves," Daisuke added in a tone of voice that could only be described as bemused and/or amazed. "All right, I got it!" Shingo yelled before jumping into what could be called a little skipping jump kick, and then another. Johnny Cage just smirked before lobbing a ki ball... But Shingo's next jump took him higher than the previous two, taking him over the thrown ki ball. As he added an axe kick which connected squarely on Cage's left shoulder, he put a little too much oomph into the kick. The result was that both fighters collapsed in an undignified sprawl before Shingo rolled to his feet. Johnny Cage rolled back and wiped some blood away from his lower lip. "Not bad, kid," he said. "Remind me to put you in my next movie." And then Cage sprung up into one of his signature moves: the Shadow Kick. The next few seconds went by quickly. The audience merely heard a cry of "SHINGO KICCCCKKKK!!!!!!", and then a split second of two fighters throwing their feet towards each other. As soon as it had started, it was over. Both fighters lay on their backs, hardly moving if at all! "BOTH FIGHTERS DOWN!" Hiroshi bellowed. Daisuke chipped in, saying "I've never seen a clash like that before!" "Referee adminstering the ten-count to both men. Meanwhile, let's get another look at that impact using our stolen Blade Runner equipment for the Jusenkyo Tourist Board DOUBLE FEATURE!" Through the magic of picture-in-picture, we see the referee continue to count Johnny Cage and Shingo Yabuki out, while the bigger slow-mo picture shows Shadow Kick and Shingo Kick hitting their intended targets simultaneously! "FIVE!... SIX!..." the referee intoned. "Somebody get up!" Hiroshi grumbled. "One draw a night is enough!" "Johnny Cage's head is moving!" cried Daisuke. "And he's getting up!" "EIGHT!..." "Oh my God!" breathed Hiroshi. "Shingo's trying to get up too! That boy's got more guts than brains." "NINE!..." "And now both fighters are up," Daisuke said. "The question is, what's keeping them there?" "I won't lose..." muttered Shingo as he began to run at the movie star. "I WON'T LOSE!" Cage tried desperately to drop into the splits, but Shingo was already upon him, and his shoulder was lowered. The actor took the brunt of the blow on his sternum and was sent flying into the corner, where he rebounded off the turnbuckles and lay facedown. Shingo sank to his knees, breathing heavily. At length, he looked up at the corner and breathed, "I... beat you... whew..." *DINGDINGDING* "The winner of this match... SHINGO YABUKI!" "What a win by the newcomer!" Hiroshi exulted. "Hard-fought match, well-earned victory; this is what ULTRA is all about!" "It was a tough loss for Johnny Cage just coming off the God of Hate spoiling his first match opportunity," Daisuke added, "but I believe this is a match that can be looked back on without shame for the brilliant young martial arts star." "We gotta go to a commercial, but coming up next is our second Gamma match of the evening, and it features the last two fighters yet to compete in the division! Don't touch that dial!" [Commercial break #2] [The first season opening theme to Ranma 1/2 plays over Ranma's entry montage] Voiceover: First impressions are crucial, especially if they're of your favorite ULTRA fighters before they enter the ring. [Dan does his rolling taunt as Limp Biskit play a cover of Rainbow's "Stone Cold"] VO: Now, you can own these impressions, collected on one album for the first time by Heavenly Engage Records! ULTRA: The Music, Volume 1 features all the entrance themes for your favorite combatants! [List of names and songs scrolls by on the screen. Relax, there'll be a complete list at the end of the ep.] VO: Plus, if you order ULTRA: The Music, Volume 1 through the ULTRA ShopZone, you'll get the Eternal Flame bonus CD, with possible entrance tracks for Kyo Kusanagi, Ryu Hoshi, Yashiro Nanakase, Terry Bogard, Xiang Chun-Li, and more! Don't be a lightweight! Get your copy today! As the cameras focused back on the "Shark Tank", Korn's "Freak on a Leash" played over the PA. "The following Gamma Division contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit. Making his way to the ring at this time from Japan, he is aggression, brutality, and purple flames in one explosive package! Please welcome... IORI YAGAMI!" Iori entered to a mixed pop and was just about to climb the steps when a mocking voice rang out, "Oh, I'm so scared! Yeah RIGHT!" Iori's lip curled. "Yashiro Nanakase." "You're damn right!" Yashiro yelled from the audience. "Just a little reminder that if it wasn't for this retaining wall, you'd be walking on your knees by now!" Iori held his hand out toward his vengeful countryman and let it come alive with purple flame. "When I finish this match, you're next." In a barely related side-note, it occured to Sean, Dan Wood, Nick, and Jabowah that they were sitting close to a potential Ground Zero. "C'mon, guys, where's your balls?" Jabowah asked upon seeing his compatriots' edginess. "This is gonna be great!" "They're six inches below our belly-buttons," Sean retorted, "and I like them where they are, thank you very much." Any further comment was swallowed by the PA system, which changed the music to "Whip It" by Devo, and a loud pop from the audience. "And his opponent, from Russia, ULTRA's Lady About Town, and someone you'd better call 'Queen'... SOFIA!" Sofia ran down the ramp, slamming high-fives with audience members on the way down. She paused to suck on one of her fingers in front of a particularly attractive male audience specimen before cracking a huge smile and sliding under the ring ropes. "Oooh, you've been a naughty boy," she cooed to Iori as she unfurled her whip. "Time for a spanking!" MATCH 3: IORI YAGAMI VS. SOFIA As she brought her whip back, Iori's face became a mask of anger and pain, or what another writer would call "really pissed off". He pitched his arm forward, like he was pitching a softball underhand, but a spark of purple flame ran along the canvas, straight for Sofia! "DOUSHTA?" Iori bellowed. Sofia barely managed to get out of the way of the flame, only to find Iori in her face! He threw her roughly to the ground, and then it seemed like every nerve in her body was on fire as purple flames immolated her for only a brief moment. "That had to hurt," Daisuke stated. "That's not very fair!" Hiroshi cried. Sofia rolled away from Iori, who had imperiously resumed his fighting stance. "I don't believe this," Daisuke said. "Iori's going to the well again with that ground fireball of his!" "DOUSHTA?" Sofia dodged it, but as Iori ran for her again, she started twirling in a graceful pirouette! Iori was going too fast to stop, and took several hits from whip and foot! "AURORA REVOLUTION!" cried Sofia. "Yes! And Iori went to the well once too often!" jubilated Hiroshi. Iori rolled away from Sofia as he got up. Sofia greeted him with a whiplash that looked like a ring of pure ki energy had leapt from the tip of the lash. "Thunder Ring from Sofia, and there's a BIG jumpkick from Iori!" Hiroshi said as Sofia hit the canvas for the second time this fight. "It looks like they're settling in for another fireball duel," Daisuke noted as Thunder Ring and ground fireball flew across the squared circle. "This sucks," Yashiro grumbled. "Hardly takes any real skill to fight a fireball duel! BO-ORING! BO-ORING!" "Neh, Yashiro!" Shermie said as she tugged on his jacket sleeve. "Nani, Shermie?" "Do you think I should get myself a whip to bring to the next KOF tournament?" Yashiro looked at Shermie for a minute. "Hmmm, they let Yamazaki and Kane have their weapons... it's worth a shot. Now be quiet. I want to see that loser get his ass kicked." "Hai-i." Iori knew he couldn't fight a fireball duel forever. In fact, it hurt him to even bring his flames up; he had gotten used to that. He knew what he needed to do. All he needed was an opening. Sofia snapped her whip out, hoping to pick off Iori at range. Instead, he deftly sidestepped it, and scuttled right at her, yelling "Playtime's over!" "MY GOD!" Hiroshi shouted. "That's Iori's most-feared move... the Maiden Masher!" "The name certainly fits," Daisuke noted as Iori clawed at Sofia, who was engulfed in purple flames and unable to do anything about it. "Wait here," Yashiro told Shermie as he got up, folded up the steel chair he was sitting on, and made his way to the ringside retaining wall. At length, Iori crossed his wrists and placed his hands on Sofia's shoulders. "SHI-NE!" Iori yelled as one last fiery purple explosion engulfed Sofia. Iori lifted his hand to the rafters and looked down upon the supine dominatrix. "Remember me when you look at the night sky," he intoned. "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match... IORI YAGAMI!" A solid chorus of boos greeted Iori as "Freak on a Leash" started up once again. Yashiro Nanakase took this moment to jump the wall, climb the steps as Iori regarded the audience contemptously, and waffled Iori with the chair he brought with him! "Told ya this ain't over!" Yashiro yelled into Iori's ear as he lay prone. He picked Iori up and threw him back down, only to be overwhelmed by security and dragged off to the cheers of the crowd. As paramedics and trainers got to work on both Iori and Sofia, Yashiro turned his head back toward the ring as security led him away in irons and smiled. "I'm not sure if they were cheering for Yashiro or security," Hiroshi stated. "Anyway, the Lambda Number One Contender's match is next!" [Commercial break #3] [Time-lapse shot of people filing into the UltraDome] Voiceover: Average cost of two ULTRA tickets -- $45. [Washuu's UltraDeath Cybertron Megamax 6000 attempts to level EVA-01] VO: Cost of repairing Tokyo-3 -- $2.5 billion. [Morrigan putting the moves on Gambit as Lilith pummels Wolverine] VO: A 5-minute cold shower -- negligible. [Kuno getting fried at his Hell In A Cell match] VO: Rubber gloves -- $2.79. [Dan rolling through the fireworks and immolating himself] VO: "Stone Cold" Dan Hibiki shirt -- $3.50. [Shinji hoisting the Omega Division belt] VO: Seeing a tortured soul smile -- priceless. VO: There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard. "How'd they get that footage of Shinji smiling with the belt?" Hiroshi asked. "That was just shot tonight!" "Must be one of those 'instant commercials'," Daisuke replied as "Breathe" by Prodigy began to play. "The following Lambda Division contest is scheduled for one fall with a forty minute time limit. Making their way to the ring at this time from Southtown, ANDY BOGARD and MAI SHIRANUI!" "I don't get it," Andy Bogard whispered to Mai. "We already won one match. Why should we have to fight another before getting a crack at the belts?" "It's more convincing this way," Mai replied as they got to the ring apron and Andy opened the ropes enough for Mai to get through while wearing her kimono. "Hai, hai," said Andy, still unconvinced. The music soon changed to Entombed's "Wolverine Blues" as the ring announcer continued his spiel: "And their opponents! First, from Westchester, New York, by way of the Canadian Rockies. He is one of the uncanny X-Men... WOLVERINE!" "You think Wolverine still blames Gambit for what happened during the premiere of ULTRA?" Hiroshi asked. "Well, no matter what your take is on that issue, you can rest assured that the Canucklehead would love another crack at Lilith Aensland," Daisuke noted, adroitly skirting said issue. "And his tag-team partner!" said the announcer as "Kitty" by The Presidents of The United States of America played. "From Muir Island in Scotland, Excalibur member... SHADOWCAT!" "What was Wolverine thinking?" Hiroshi wondered. "I can understand Cyclops, or even Rogue, but SHADOWCAT?!?!" "It looks like Mai Shiranui and Wolverine are going to start this match," Daisuke noted. "I mean, he probably should've picked Colossus." "Call the damn match, Hiroshi." MATCH 4: MAI SHIRANUI/ANDY BOGARD VS. WOLVERINE/SHADOWCAT Stipluations: Winner to face Morrigan and Lilith Aensland for the Lambda Division Championship Titles. Both legal men-- er, people bowed and got into their ready positions. Wolverine took a step outwards, like a sumo wrestler, before crossing his arms to his chest and extending his claws! "Let's go, bub," he snarled. Mai, on the other hand, let her kimono slip off her shoulders -- causing Hiroshi to have the blood in his body go to two seperate places, one of which being his nose -- before catching the collar and whirling it around to change into her fighting uniform... one that did not do wonders for Hiroshi's hormones. "Oh, c'mon, Hiroshi," Daisuke grated. "It's not like you haven't seen a woman before. Besides, she's taken." "DRILL CLAW!" Wolverine yelled as he jumped at Mai in a corkscrew-like fashion. Only to have Mai duck under the flying Canadian and roll safely out of the way before tossing a fan at him. "KA CHOU SEN!" Mai shouted in reply. "Nice evasive roll from the lady ninja," Hiroshi noted. Daisuke added, "And we have just seen the difference between SNK and Capcom's combat system." Wolverine, still stuck in the motion for the Drill Claw when Mai threw her fan, landed on his feet just in time for the fan to hit him in the back of the head. Mai clucked her tongue and said as she waggled her fan at him, "C'mon, big boy. This ain't over yet!" "Where'd she get that other fan?" Hiroshi wondered. Daisuke answered, "It's ninja physics. Don't even try to understand." Mai tossed the other fan, only to have Wolverine rip it apart with his claws before it got to him. "Nice try, bub. Now you're mine. BERSERKER BARRAGE!" As Wolverine bore down upon Mai with claws flying and murderous intent in his eyes, Mai spun on her heel a full 360 degrees and yelled, "RYU EN BU!" The "tail" of Mai's uniform whipped around and caught fire before striking Wolverine, knocking him out of the Berserker Barrage and setting him alight. But Mai was not done yet. She jumped up in a flip-kick motion, rocking the X-Man's head back with a kick before the "tail" came around to light him up again! "A very impressive series of moves by Mai Shiranui!" Hiroshi yelled. Wolverine rolled back to his feet in time to see Mai open three fans and pose with them. "Here we go!" she shouted. "One! Two! Three!" Mai tossed all three fans in rapid succession, all coming in at different heights. Shadowcat yelled, "C'mon, Canucklehead, tag out!" Wolverine, oddly enough, did, getting out of the way of the fans in time to have the last one bearing down on Kitty... Only to have it sail harmlessly into the audience, right through its intended victim! "Uso!" Mai gasped. "Yes, it looks like Shadowcat has made her phasing power work for her team again," Daisuke observed. Mai jumped into the fray with carefully aimed kicks, elbows, and fan swipes, but not one of those did any better than those thrown fans. "And a series of martial arts kicks from Shadowcat drives Mai into the wrong part of town!" Hiroshi boomed. It was getting desperate for Mai. She needed to do something NOW or this match was lost! More importantly, she needed to get to Andy. She had one chance... Mai launched herself toward Shadowcat in what appeared to be an all-or-nothing jumping elbow charge. Focusing her ki, she wrapped herself in an aura of flame. 'If this doesn't beat her... on to Plan C.' She passed through Shadowcat, who turned around in time to see Mai vault the turnbuckle and tag in Andy Bogard! Mai paused to whisper something into his ear before he stepped through the ropes. Andy concentrated for a brief moment before shooting his hand forward and yelling, "HISHOKEN!" The blue ki ball sped on its way toward Shadowcat. She ran right at it, looking to generate some offense from the confusion of the bolt passing through her... Except that it didn't. It hit her, just as if she was back in phase! Flying back toward her corner, she decided that someone who can hit you even if you're out of phase was No One To Be Messed With. She tagged Wolverine back in, who hopped in through the ring ropes as Andy leaned back... Only to fly through the air feet-first, with a ki aura playing around his body, and drill Wolverine in the head! "Chou Reppa Dan!" Daisuke exclaimed. "A deathblow that has sealed many a tournament win for Andy in the past!" "I don't know much about the past," Hiroshi said, "but it gets his team the duke here on ULTRA tonight, because the Canucklehead ain't moving!" "Yosh!" Andy triumphantly exclaimed. "Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this match... the team of MAI SHIRANUI, and ANDY BOGARD!" "We'll be right back with the main event after this commercial break!" Daisuke pointed out. [Commercial break #4] ["Closer" by NIN plays as Morrigan and Lilith are shown in action.] Voiceover: They've always played hardball. [Morrigan and Lilith playing Janken to see who starts] VO: They know the game's about fun. [Lilith swatting Wolverine away with a wing] VO: They always swing for the fences. [Morrigan teases a few guys in the audience] VO: And man, do they ever put Morganna the Kissing Bandit to shame! VO: They're Morrigan and Lilith Aensland, and now you can play hardball too, in this limited edition Aensland 4:69 baseball jersey! Only $35 through the ULTRA ShopZone! Please specify Morrigan or Lilith when ordering. "I still don't get it," Shinji said as he pulled the baggy plugsuit over his head. "Why was Orochi making all those threats?" "Because you have something he wants," Kaworu replied. "If it's about that stupid title, he can have it," Shinji spat. "I never wanted it anyway." 'The angst is coming back full force,' Kaworu thought. 'That could be disastrous for our plans... for the future.' At length he spoke again. "There's more to it than that, Shinji-kun. Orochi does want the Omega Division title, that's true. But it goes deeper." "Oh?" Shinji asked. "Yes. Insecurity breeds fear. Fear breeds hate. In short, he sees *you* as a threat." "T-th-that's ridiculous! What did I ever do to him?" "It's not what you already have done. It's what you have the potential to do. There is a hole in Orochi's spirit, and nothing he can do will fill it. He can never kill enough, he can never destroy enough lives, and for all I know he may want revenge for merely being born. But it is the way of things. "Welcome to the dark side of nihilism, Shinji-kun." "And now we come to our main event," Hiroshi exulted. "This will be fought on the planet Terra Nova, from the game series Heavy Gear. Terra Nova is known for its warm climate, extremes of terrain with an equatorial desert, pockets of corrosive volcanic ash colloquially named 'white sand', scores of potentially deadly critters, and for being the most successful (and fiercely fought over) piece of colonial real estate in its dimension's human sphere. Let's turn it over to Michael Buffer, who is standing by somewhere in what the Terranovans call the Badlands!" Michael Buffer stood there, somehow managing to look stylish in a black desert suit with a cloak thrown over it. His hair was being blown around by the wind, but it was no time to dwell on that. A job was a job, and you certainly didn't quibble with THIS employer... "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining and it is for the Omega Division Championship! ARE YOU READY?!" "Does he have to do this?" Hiroshi asked impatiently as the audience gave a loud pop. "It's in his contract," Daisuke replied. "TERRA NOVA; SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA... ARE YOU RRRRRRREEEAAADDDDYYY???" Another loud pop. "Then, for the thou... er, tens in attendance, the billions watching across the multiverse..." "Let's get ready to suck it..." muttered Hiroshi, making a rare snide comment. "You do know that Hunter Hearst Helmsley is now a member of the Corporation?" Daisuke 'innocently' asked. "GOD-- er, GODDESS-DAMMIT!" Hiroshi swore, too busy mourning the apparent breakup of Degeneration X to notice his companion's sly smile at having scored on him. "LLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRRUUUUMMMMBBBBLLLLE!" boomed Buffer, with his trademark phrase. "I Want It All" by Queen played as a blue dimensional portal opened and a petite auburn-haired young woman stepped out. "Introducing first, the challenger! From Zephilia, she is a bandit-killer extraordinaire! Swords & Sorcery's Most Dangerous Girl... LINA INVERSE!" As Lina emerged from the dimensional rift, and looked over the miles and miles of sand that comprised the Terranovan Badlands, she felt an undercurrent of deja vu. She shook it off and raised her hands to the air, making twin V's For Victory while shouting "Yousha!" The title was on the line, and nothing would distract her from that. Not even the loud pop that was being relayed to her through the wonders of Heaven's finest technology. The music changed to a medium-slow, measured drumbeat. To Michael Buffer, this was the theme that would normally introduce one Bill Goldberg, but the MASSIVE dimensional portal that was opening up across from Lina Inverse dispelled that notion. He took a breath and continued: "And her opponent, hailing from Tokyo-3. He drives the mighty robo-- er, artificial human known only as Evangelion Unit 01! THE OMEGA DIVISION CHAMPION OF THE WORRRRRLLLDDDD... SHINJI IKARI!" The pop that greeted Lina was nothing compared to the huge pop that greeted EVA-01 as it emerged from the portal. Inside, Shinji's nerves were screaming higher than a dog whistle. Misato had told him the autorifle EVA-01 carried was loaded with paintballs, operating on the assumption that you *could* make non-lethal ammunition for a 120mm autocannon. He considered the idea ludicrous and distasteful, but blowing against the wind was not one of Shinji Ikari's attributes. As for Michael Buffer, he quickly jumped through the portal that had admitted EVA-01 to Terra Nova. Staying here was suicide, pure and simple. A neat computer graphic played over a blimp view of the fighting area, showing a computer menu representation of the three Greek letters of the three MTCFF divisions before highlighting the Omega. Then the word "ULTRA" writes itself across the top half of the screen, with the Omega letter and words "OMEGA DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP" in the bottom half. MATCH 5: SHINJI IKARI/EVA-O1 VS. LINA INVERSE "Oh, he's a big one," Lina muttered as her face fell. "Best to go with the big stuff, get him in ONE SHOT!" Sure, what with a next to invincible automaton staring you in the face! All that was needed was Naga and the whole accursed deja vu nightmare would be complete! Fortunately, Lina knew just the spell to use in this situation... "Target in the center of the reticle, and pull the trigger," Shinji muttered, almost as if it was a mantra, as EVA-01 brought the autorifle to bear on Lina. "Folks," Hiroshi stated, "we have already honored all our commercial commitments tonight so that we may bring you this match commercial-free! So pull up a chair and crack open a cold Coors Light, because this is about to get good!" Shinji blinked a few times. He'd probably kill that girl who was just standing there, even with the paintballs. He didn't want to kill another human being, no matter how much this stupid show meant to NERV or whatever it was Father needed the money for. The reticle began to waver as Shinji's hand did. "Darkness beyond twilight," Lina began to chant as red energy coalesced around her cupped hands. "Crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the flow of time..." "Don't tell me," Daisuke breathed. "In Thy name, I pledge myself to darkness!" Shinji saw the red and violet energy play itself around the girl, and then his resolve hardened at last. Whatever this was, it sure wasn't natural. He squeezed the trigger, sending 120mm paintballs flying... "Those fools who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power that you and I possess!" The paintballs flew around Lina, but she didn't pay much attention to them, even when one exploded not two feet from her and drenched her in blue paint. She was firmly in the grip of one of the most powerful magics, and had a lot of experience in not getting distracted. But Shinji couldn't have known that. He was in the grip of a modern-day berserker rage, with only one goal in mind: dropping that girl, even if he had to empty his whole magazine to do it. He was too busy sending paintballs flying, even with Misato's screamed "Shinji-kun! ABUNAI!" now echoing in his ears to recognize the threat that everybody else knew was coming. "DRAGU SLAVE!" "Uh?" Shinji wondered, before... A beam of red and black energy flew right for EVA-01, and soon the whole world turned red and gold as a powerful explosion filled the screen. "Mother of God," Ritsuko Akagi breathed from NERV's Central Dogma, who had the broadcast on to keep the workers entertained. "SHINJI-KUN!" Misato screamed. "MY GAWD!" Hiroshi bellowed in his best Jim Ross impression. "Could we have a new Omega Champion?!" Lina looked at the explosion of unholy power that was already beginning to wane. "That's what you get for messing with my hair!" she yelled. "Tell the cooks at Sizzler to get ready, because I'm heading over there!" She had approximately 1.2 seconds to make out the outline of EVA-01 before a hand the size of a '57 Buick reached out and grabbed her. "The match is still continuing!" Daisuke yelled. Lina tried to break free of EVA-01's grasp, but it was no use. Maybe Gourry could have done it, but she'd have had to trade brainpower for muscle. There was no way she'd be able to cast another spell. "There's no need to fight like this," came a young boy's voice from a loudspeaker. "I don't want to kill you." Lina squirmed for a few more seconds. "All right," she said, "You--" Then a voice rang out: "Those fools who I [hate] shall return to nothing by the power you and I possess... ANKOKU DRAGU SLAVE!" Another beam shot out, this time from outside the picture, and it was as black as a certain free-floating demon's heart. "AT Field, FULL POWER!" barked Shinji, and both beam of negative energy and hexagonal shield of the purest reality clashed. "Holee..." Hiroshi breathed. "Naga must have regenerated faster than we thought!" Daisuke exclaimed. "The referee has thrown out the match, but it's no secret that Orochi also has Lina Inverse at the top of his hit list. Could this be an attempt to kill two birds with one stone?" "They didn't call her 'Goldfish Feces' when she was the White Serpent for nothing," Hiroshi countered. EVA-01 dropped to one knee as the strain of resisting two megadeath magic spells back-to-back began to take its toll on both boy and artifical man. Then another voice rang out: "KAMEHAMEHA!!!" "YES!" shouted Hiroshi. "GOKU IS BACK! HE'LL PUT A STOP TO THIS!" The Ankoku Dragu Slave shut off as another bolt of earth-shaking power slammed into the Black Serpent, who was already modelling bandages from the Rei Ayanami Summer Collection. Naga rose steadily to her feet as she grunted, "Goku." The Saiyajin was also heavily bandaged around one eye and his midsection, but he stood and met Naga's molten stare with one of his own. "Remember what I said last week?" "Yes," Naga snarled. "I've even grown to [hate] you too! Now stand aside before I--" EVA-01 let loose a roar that sounded like it had come from the depths of Hell itself. And it was now glaring at the Orochied-out mage. "Ay-yiyi," Naga managed to squeak before EVA-01's foot flew right into the teeth of a hastily-erected shield spell. Naga was not damaged by the kick, but when a foot the size of an 18-wheeler trailer slams into oneself, one will be flying. Same thing with Naga, except she was flying... right out of the portion of Terranovan real estate designated as the combat zone for this fight. "YATTA!" shouted Hiroshi. "KICK THE BABY! YEAH!" "Anyway," Daisuke said while surreptitiously motioning for security, "for Hiroshi, I'm Daisuke. So long, everybody!" WILL KUNO ATTEMPT TO WREST THE 'MOST ELECTRIFYING' TITLE AWAY FROM PIKACHU? JUST WHO ARE THOSE 'HARBINGERS' THAT OROCHI SPOKE OF? WILL WE SEE AN EVA-01/MECHA-IKE GRUDGE MATCH IN THE NEAR FUTURE? CAN JOHN EVANS MAKE SENSE OF ALL THESE NEW DEVELOPMENTS? FIND OUT IN SEVEN, ON NEXT WEEK'S ULTRA! -=- ][ ULTRA EPISODE 4 RESULTS RECAP: ][ ][ PIKACHU def. KUNO in Grudge Match competition. ][ PIKACHU now Most Electrifying Fighter In ULTRA. ][ GOKU and NAGA battled to a draw "last week". ][ SHINGO YABUKI introduced to Gamma Division. ][ SHINGO def. CAGE, now at 1W/0L. ][ IORI def. SOFIA, now at 1W/0L. ][ MAI/ANDY def. WOLVERINE/SHADOWCAT, now at 2W/0L. ][ MAI/ANDY now Number One Contenders for Lambda Championship. ][ SHINJI retains his Omega Title (Disqualification/Match Thrown Out). ][ ][ Next scheduled author: John Evans. -=- Author's Shout-Out Section -------------------------- First up, I'd like to say oi to my crew from #tjab, some of which made it into the audience for this segment. I'd also like to endorse the efforts of the crews at the following fighting federations, both actual and otherwise: Author Avatars Association (http://www.geocities.com/~silvertooth/AuthorAvatars.html) NANet Professional Wrestling Association (http://npwa.simplenet.com/) Ultimate Video Rumble (Keepin' that MVFC flava alive!) (http://www.slack.net/~arctic/rumble.html) World Wrestling Federation World Championship Wrestling Extreme Championship Wrestling (Now get a timeslot in San Antonio, TX, dammit!) Celebrity Deathmatch -------------------------- TOC for ULTRA: The Music, Vol. 1 -------------------------------- Ranma: First Ranma 1/2 Opening Theme Dan: "Stone Cold" by Rainbow (as performed by Limp Biskit)* Ken: "More Than Love" by Glay Sakura: Her Street Fighter Alpha 3 Theme Johnny Cage: "Prepare Yourself" by The Immortals Sofia: "Whip It" by Devo Iori: "Freak on a Leash" by Korn Kuno-sempai: "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC Shingo: Theme to the Lost In Space movie by Apollo 440 Gambit: "Born on the Bayou" by Creedence Clearwater Revival EVA-01: Bill Goldberg's WCW Intro Shinji Ikari: "The Unforgiven" by Apocalyptica CyberAkuma: "Body Hammer" by Fear Factory Washuu: "Ryoko's Theme" from Tenchi Muyo Sephiroth: "One-Winged Angel" from Final Fantasy 7 Lina Inverse: "I Want It All" by Queen Orochi: "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC Ifurita: "O Fortuna (Apocalypse Chorus Remix)" by Apotheosis Naga: "Wise Up! Sucker" by Pop Will Eat Itself Morrigan/Lilith Aensland: "Closer" by NIN Mai Shiranui/Andy Bogard: "Breathe" by Prodigy Wolverine: "Wolverine Blues" by Entombed Kitty Pryde: "Kitty" by PUSA Mousse/Shampoo: That Nekohanten song off one of the Ranma soundtracks Ash(or Satoshi, for you purists)/Pikachu: "Shock the Monkey" by Peter Gabriel Happosai/Ataru Moroboshi: "Come to Butt-head" by Mike Judge as Beavis and Butt-head Yashiro Nanakase/Shermie: "Du Hast" by Rammstein** * This cover exists only in the author's twisted imagination. ** The author included this theme in case somebody wanted to introduce these two into Lambda Division. (/HINT) -------------------------------- Whew. I think I'll say it again. Whew. When I first signed on for this, I was honestly an ImproFanfic newbie. A lot of people pitied me for having to debut after an ImproFanfic personality like Ash, but I think the result was worth it. (BTW, thanks for the offer, John.) This is easily the longest single volume piece I have ever done, even before 2F talked me into transferring my Omake matches into the Big Show (no, Paul Wight, not you, sit down ^_^). And call me crazy, but I think I'll be looking forward to finding myself in the same kind of insanity once the queue clears up again. Good fight, good night! -- (good ol') Jay R. [Editor's Note : To continue to clear up the mess my rules are in ^_^;... Draws don't count as points for either side, and since Goku is a ref and not a fighter, even if Naga won there'd be no points. Shingo was the only character 'introduced'.. Yashiro gave Iori the chair afterwards in grudge capacity, not as part of a match. Anyway, good fight, good night!]