The darkness swirled in chaotic eddies. It pulsed, throbbing with an unholy heartbeat. It focused. Pure, unrelenting evil, incarnated, funneled, channeled. A singular point of strength, of rage, of demonic hatred... The figure stood before the stack of bricks. They would shatter at his hands. He was power. He was unpleasant. He was true. "KYAAA!!!" (CRACK) "OW! OW! HAND! OW!" Dan screamed, hopping around his dressing room, sobbing madly as his right hand started to swell up in sheer agony. This was ridiculous. He was Stone Cold Shin Dan of the Arousal of Unpleasant Intent! The true killing nature of Shotokan was awakened in him! He shouldn't be consistently be getting compound fractures from a stack of masonry. And he had run out of hands to hit with, too. "Yeah, well.. take THIS!" he growled, giving the stack a mighty kick. Crack. Now he was hopping on one foot, too. Finally, he flopped into his chair, and snarled. It didn't matter. Bricks were not the same as the enemy. His momentary wavering away from the Arousal of Unpleasant Intent last week had been a fluke -- NOW he was in line with his true power, the power of irritation. His uncomfortable fists would surely fall any... A light chime of harps sounded, and a soft glow, as a figure arrived in his dressing room. "Hello, Mr. Hibiki," Kasumi smiled. Then blinked in surprise. "Oh my. You seem to have hurt yourself. Would you like a medical technician to--" "It is of no matter!!" Dan said through gritted teeth that were slowly grinding into powder. "I am Shin Dan! I am only somewhat tolerable! I am the very incarnation of annoyance and frustration! Nothing mortal is of importance to me!" "Oh, that's very good," Kasumi said, smoothly. "I was worried that you might not be interested in seeing your visitor, but if that's the case..." "I have no time for fans!" Dan shouted. "I must train for my challenge tonight, and--" "SIT UP STRAIGHT, BOY!" Dan sat up straight, a Pavlovian response to that voice... A figure stepped out from behind Kasumi, but not because he was standing there -- he entered with the same chimes, the same light... and promptly glared at Dan with contempt. The golden halo hanging over his head like a brass Aerobie was even tipped forward in shame. His unusually long nose shaking side to side with his head, tisk tisk. "D..D...DA... DADDY!?!!" Dan stammered, his jaw sagging as far as it could go. "Well, of course! Where did you think I'd be after I died?" Dan's Oyaji asked. "Kasumi here showed me what you've been doing lately, and offered me a chance to talk to you..." Dan perked up like a coffee machine. "Then you have seen the mighty accomplishments of Shin Dan, the penultimate fighting force to be reckoned with by lesser fighters! How my whirling kicks of wrist-slap punishment have succeeded in--" "Bah!" Oyaji bah'd. "Bah, I say, bah! How'd you accomplish them? By becoming this farce of all the training you've gone through, this 'Arousal of Unpleasant Intent'! Being dishonorable and fighting with cruelty and no honor and lacking the singular quality of a fighter known as honor, you honorless brat! Why, I'm ashamed to call myself your FATHER now!" And with that, Dan's world shattered like a cheap funhouse mirror. His face went slack. His muscles went slack. Only some involuntary instinct not to collapse in front of this, this godlike figure in his life, the one he's always fought to avenge, kept him upright. But his dad remained adamant, arms crossed, halo rattling with restrained anger. "If you're going to keep up this ridiculous charade, and insist on being 'Shin Dan', then I'll have no part of you. My boy isn't going to avenge my honor against Sagat by becoming like Sagat and his Shadowloo cronies! If you want to walk this path, boy, you do it alone!" Turning his back on Dan, Mr. Hibiki vanished into heaven's light. He poked his head back in to add something. "Your mother says she wishes she never pushed you out, by the way." And was gone. Along with Kasumi. Dan slumped backwards... reeling. There was only one thing left for him to do. The only honorable thing... * Weeks in the making. Weeks in the waiting. The culminating event of Ultra, The greatest Pay Per View spectacle of all time, Has finally arrived... { M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R } { F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic } UltraRage ---. ALPHA: | / | \_ | | | - +-- ---. ._ | ---. | | ._ | | | | | / | \ | | _| |--+ | \ |__/ ___ | | \ | _\ ___ | | | | _\ +--- | -. RUMBLE AT THE \__| PEARLY GATES +--- | -- +--- Episode 11 Written by Stefan Gagne w/assistance by Bryan O'Malley * Heaven. Picture everything you've ever liked about life on earth, filter out everything else, paint basically everything white and you're still only a fraction of the way there. Put all the smiles, all the good times, all the love, joy and compassion in the world in a bowl and stir it up then serve it to everybody that's ever died and not gone to you know where and you're still only a part of the way towards the locals. It's sunny. It's nice. It's pleasant. Everybody gets along. And tonight, Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation ULTRA was going to rock it to the foundations. The UltraDome left behind, but a larger, more impressive one made entirely out of ivory and unbreakable crystal was home to the millions and millions of fans in attendance. The sheer number of signs with witty slogans would account for half the Amazon rainforest if not for the fact that Kasumi provided everyone 100% recycled paper to use. Also, Heaven normally only opened the pearly gates to the recently deceased, but she felt it was okay to make the exception. Cameras were getting it all and shipping it live by transdimensional dish to Earth, where millions and millions of television sets glowed, the pay-per-view spectacular pumped down the coaxial cable like liquid cool. The fighters were on hand. The staff was ready to go. And the greatest spectacle to be seen in Ultra since the previously greatest spectacle had begun. Hiroshi and Daisuke had even rented some pretty spiffy tuxes. "Folks, we are LIVE AND DIRECT from the afterlife, and welcome to UltraRage ALPHA!!" Hiroshi screamed into the microphone. Sugar or no sugar, this was too exciting for him not to get worked up over. "We've got a TON of matches on hand tonight. Fighting on top of fighting on top of fighting! You better believe you're going to get your money's worth, it's just packed wall to wall with fighting! People fighting teams! Teams fighting people! Everybody fighting each other! Friends fighting friends! Rivals--" "We get the point," Daisuke interrupted. "There's going to be a large amount of fighting. Okay. But if you keep rattling on about it we'll never GET to the fighting." "Right you are! So let's get right to the--" "Match," Daisuke replaced, not wanting to hear the F-word again for the rest of the night by that point. "Since we want ratings, we'll hold off on the more exciting stuff until later. This probably won't be much of a contest -- the Lambda Belt has gone from our first week of Ultra right until now without any successful challengers. The champions have said repeatedly that there are no teams able to face them, but tonight, we may have just the team to top them in terms of special powers and partner dynamics." "That's right, Daisuke! These two have done well in the ring so far, and they clearly can move as a unit. I think we'll see some terrific coordination and fierce loyalty tonight!" * Dear Wolvy, It's been real, but I'm needed back at the island. Sorry 'bout that. -Kitty Paper crumpled up into a ball so tightly in Wolverine's fist that he was only seconds away from forming an ultradense mass that would collapse into a quantum singularity. Two. That was two partners who had ditched on him. Both not taking this seriously at all. None of the other X-Men gave a damn about their fighting skills, not like he did. They were too busy prancing around in spandex and whining about how humans hated and feared them and how we had to understand one another and make friends. It was all fun and games. Like this whole damn show was just fun and games. They unsharpened his claws. They made him dance like a teapot. They laughed at him. They LAUGHED at him... He grabbed a whetstone off the shelf in his dressing room and got to work. - "Yep, we're bound to see some good, clean fighting going on tonight!" Hiroshi chirped. "Although here's my favorite dirty pair-- ah, I mean, lovely angels, honest, coming in right now!" Nine Inch Nails was normally heard more in hell, but just this once, it was played in Heaven as Clan Aensland made their way down the ramp. Lillith hopped along, from toe to toe, waving and blowing kisses to her fans -- Morrigan simply smiled, not particularly concerned about anything, and strutted her bad self down to the ring. "Being champions sure is fun, Morrigan!" Lillith bubbled. "And I like being in a team with such a nice lady like Sofia! Wheee!" Morrigan held the ropes apart, so her sister could easily climb through them. "I agree. And that Cage boy... hmm. Perhaps not skilled, but how would you rate him?" Lillith started doing some warmup stretches. "Ohhh... maybe.. a 7?" "Seven? Selling him a bit short. He's built, if clumsy. Perhaps an eight. Maybe we can make him ours after we deal with... who are we fighting?" "Does it matter?" Lillith asked, adding a little girlish giggle. "We'll win. We're the champions!" A white hot ball of absolute anger stood at the top of the ramp. Light glinted off his claws, sharp and ready. Chest moving with deep breaths, barely controlling himself... ][ LAMBDA CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE : ][ MORRIGAN/LILLITH vs. WOLVERINE/... ][ FIGHT! The two sisters looked over. Morrigan went as far as to perk an eyebrow. "Where's his partner? We--" "RRGHHGHHAHAHAHHH!!!" Wolverine screamed, extending his claws farther and shaking them, before CHARGING the ring, almost a blur of speed. He kicked off at the last second, flipping in - - cutting the ropes as he hurtled over them, and landed on his feet, crouched in a ready position. Morrigan didn't even flinch. "Well well, if it isn't the Little Teapot," she mused. "And your lady friend's abandoned you. You might as well go home. You can't exactly carry off two belts by yourself, you know--" She shifted backwards, skidding on one toe to avoid the claws waved right where she was a split second ago. "Watch me not care," Wolverine growled. "You two have been prancing around here like you own the place just because nobody's PUT you in your place. I don't NEED a partner to do that. Get ready for a tall glass of extreme pain--" A springy, bouncy sound was heard, as the black and white striped referee Mario jumped his way quickly into the ring. (He was busy eating pasta and hadn't noticed Wolverine's rush entrance.) "Now wait-a minute hear-a! You canna fight without-a team, ya know! And you canna fight with those claws. Out!" Wolverine didn't stop for the minuscule italian; moreover, he didn't step over the minuscule italian. *DOIK-DOIK-DOIK!* In a blur, Mario shrank from Super Mario into ordinary dinky little Mario. He looked fairly alarmed in his now oversized referee's shirt. "Momma mia!" he squeaked. "Now I gotta find-a mushroom!" "It's hard to find good help these days," Morrigan sighed. And then the can of whoopass was opened. After all, there's only so much taunting one enraged Canadian mutant can do before he just gives up with the pretense of conversation and launches directly into the main event. Wolverine flew (not literally) at Morrigan, claws whizzing through the air like a Tazmanian Devil set to 'puree'. The succubus didn't react fast enough. Perhaps too overconfident, or too amused, or just not as sharp a cookie as folks had assumed the champion would be, the attack caught her, and she was temporarily obscured in the phosphorescent haze of stage lights glinting off Weapon X's claws. A little sign popped up (8 HITS! GOOD! 500pts) and Morrigan flopped backwards, landing on her feet... Right before most of her clothes fell off, sliced neatly into even strips that would make a paper shredder envious. At the sidelines, Hiroshi's nose began spewing forth a brilliant red geyser, while Nabiki panicked in the control booth and did her best to keep the blue dots in the right place while the cameramen lost control over their muscles. Everybody had a lot of run-on sentences. It was just that kind of a surprise. "Waaah! Oneechan!" Lillith shrieked, hopping in front of her and doing the Succubus Clothing Change Trick(tm) to wear a Mary Poppins costume, complete with an umbrella to cover up her sister. Morrigan, needless to say, was nonplussed. Wolverine CHINGed his claws together, pleased with himself. "I'd say the kid gloves are off in more ways than one," she said, regenerating her costume. "Let's dance, mutant--" A ten, jack, queen, king and ace of hearts embedded themselves sequentially and corner-first in the mat, before exploding in small puffs of flame. In a spinning leap from the nowhere, a trenchcoat wearing, staff toting tall glass of mutant landed in the ring, glaring down his former partner. "Now, there just some things you DON'T do to a lady," Gambit chided. "And that be one of them, Pointy-Hair. You ain' laying another one of those Edward Scissorhands props on this fine damsel." "This ain't your fight, cajun," Wolverine growled, this close from snapping (again). "Back off. I'm an equal opportunity ass whooper. These two need to learn that there's bigger fish than the guppies they've faced so far. You screwed my fight with this one ONCE already, and once is enough." Morrigan opened her mouth to speak.. but restrained, curious now as to why this man had jumped to her aid. While Lillith bounced around in impatient confusion, she played her cool. The N'awleans native twirled his staff once. "Ain' my fight, maybe, but it ain' yours. Tell you what. I reckon you wanted a shot at that Hardcore belt thing? Gambit gonna make you a deal. You challenge me later tonight. If I beat you, you leave the lady alone. You a betting man, Wolf Scout?" One tense moment. "Deal," Wolverine said. And started one of his world famous Shirt Eating Grins. "I get to beat you down for humiliating me, then beat down her for the same. Two for the price of one. But for now..." The yellow-clad gaijin superhero dashed backwards, grabbed the severed turnbuckle on the ropes he had trashed earlier, and snapped it at his partner. Gambit got smacked in the chest, and flew backwards into Morrigan's arms -- Wolvy gave him the Middle Claw and stomped his way backstage. Gambit shook his head to clear it, then flashed a boyish charming smile at Morrigan. "Thanks for the save, m'lady." "Sooo, why did you do that, exactly?" Morrigan asked, not letting go just yet. Gambit smirked fetchingly, if that was possible. "Principles?" But the younger succubus was fuming. "Boys don't have principles! Just like that loud guy with the sharp fingernails. They're all swaggering and testerosteronie and are only good for feeding--" "Oh, do be quiet, sis," Morrigan said, without even looking. "You know, Mr. LeBeau, I've been meaning to get.. better acquainted with you, since we first met. But for now, you need to get ready for your fight. Shall we?" Remy LeBeau chuckled, and offered an arm, and the two started to walk off. Lillith blinkied a few times cutely, before yelping in protest and dashing after them. ".....and yet another interesting almost match from these folks," Daisuke concluded. "We'll be hearing more from them later whether we like it or not. Could someone please call the This Old Dojo team for ring repair?" "*Gurgle*" "And get a lung pump, I think Hiroshi's internal system got a bit clogged." * A boy and his electric rodent pushed open the EXIT door, and entered Heaven's UltraDome. One carried a duffel bag with overnight gear and pokeballs. The other carried a pokedex. "Pika, pika!" Pikachu tried to point out in Pikese, tapping the newly updated pokedex with a stubby little paw. Irritated. "Aww, don't worry, Pikachu!" Ash said, confident as usual. "The new Pokedex is fine. And we've got two new pokemon, who will be PERFECT for our pay-per-view debut! We can't lose, no matter who this 'mystery team' is!" Pikachu frowned a little. Started a few 'Pika's. Then just gave up and held up a large sign reading "Look, you stupid human, this Pokedex says 'Made in Taiwan' on the back, and this whole thing is probably a setup, and if I wasn't pulling all the weight around here you'd be up shirt creek without a paddle by now, you useless hairless ape who has the fighting skills of a pregnant yak!" Of course, right when he held up the sign, Wolverine happened to be stomping by in frustration. And being naturally allergic to all things cute and adorable, he cut the sign to matchwood as he walked along in search of something else to cut up. Ash turned around to look at a sweatdropping Pikachu holding a stick that used to be a warning message. "Relax, Pikachu!" Ash smirked. "What could possibly go wrong?" * In another backstage area, four figures conferred. Unholy rites were being undertaken. Dark energies were swirling. The four sat at points of a star, chanting in a strange alphanumeric language. This presumably was related to the previous scene. The leader, in a saffron cloak of evil, led the chant. "U'no Cinq U'no, neufune alpha, septum farthis cardis..." "Is anything happening yet?" the shortest one asked. "I can't see, my evil hood of identity concealment is too baggy." "Be quiet!" a woman hissed. "It's starting to work!" A glowing grey box hung in the air at the center of the demonic summoning circle. It cracked with black lightning, it absorbed the words. "Sietes! Engel! BETA!" the leader shouted, throwing his arms to the sky... A miniature thunderclap rocked the storage room. Lightning traced a figure in the air underneath the pandora's box of cheating... The leader grinned. "Damn, I'm good. Okay, who brought the spray cheese? Rituals of penultimate underhandedness wipe me out." * A considerably paler Hiroshi rolled listlessly in his chair, the IV drip the NERV med-techs had installed dripping away. "He should be okay," the cloning master stated. "Wear and tear is just pretty limited on copies. Try to keep him from getting stressed again." "I'm fine, thank you, Susan," Hiroshi mumbled. "Where are we?" "Heaven's UltraDome," Daisuke supplied, before turning to the cameras. "And we are back, live and direct. The repair crews have fixed the arena, the next fight is ready to go, and umbrellas have been distributed to everybody in the arena for reasons which have yet to make themselves clear. But that's just the kind of crazy, wacky stuff you see on Ultra. It's.. oh, forget it, I can't do excitement. Hiroshi?" "LET'S GET right to the action!!" Hiroshi shouted.. then groaned and sat back. "Give me a minute here, I'll be back to speed in a moment..." "While my partner gets his ducks back in a row, let me introduce the challengers. Hailing from Pallet Town, it's the most electrifying fighter in Ultra and his human pet, Pikachu and Ash." The crowd gave up a good sized cheer; the two were good at waving to them and giving V-signs and generally looking mega- cheerful. Pikachu seemed a little troubled, although reading an emotional expression on the yellow rodent's beady black eyes was an art in itself. "Can I try again?" Hiroshi asked. "Ahem. YES, it's ASH AND PIKACHU! And tonight, they'll be facing up a mystery team... nobody knows who they are, because the application to enter Ultra was filed by MYSTERIOUS PERSONS! Apparently, they wanted a crack at these two right away on entering, so it could be someone from Ash's past. Who could it be? His rival, Gary? His old friend, Brock? Perhaps some pokemon who want to put the beat down on him for being a slavedriver, forcing them to fight time and time again--" "HEY!" Ash shouted from the ring. "--either way, we'll know in a minute!" Hiroshi swiftly flowed with. "In fact--" The lights in the arena went out, all 25,995 of them. A dramatic fanfare sounded. Someone had apparently resurrected the robotic orchestra from a few episodes back, and put them into John Williams mode. After a brief swelling of rising, triumphant music, someone cut in on the PA... "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!" "And make it DOUBLE!" Ash fell over in shock. Spotlights snapped on, and by the backstage entrance were two teenagers, in spiffy-ass shiny white and black uniforms, with huge red letter Rs. Oh, and some little cat-thing. All three were in power-poses that would make the Ultraman squad hang up their tights and go into cost accountancy. "OH MY GOD!" Hiroshi shouted. "It's TEAM ROCKET, evil pokemon poachers and generally unpleasant folk!" The Team Rocket Entrance(tm) continued, ignoring Hiroshi, the pair exchanging lines. "To protect the world from devastation!" "To unite all peoples within our nation!" "Well, those aren't particularly evil goals," Daisuke noted. "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" "To extend our reach to the stars above!" "Oh," Daisuke ohed. "That's relatively evil, or at least misguided..." The two posed even more. Normal folk would have strained a muscle by now. The lighting's drama multiplied. "Jessie!" "James!" "Team Rocket BLASTS OFF at the SPEED OF LIGHT!" "Surrender now, or prepare to fight--" "I surrender!" Ash shouted back, through a convenient megaphone provided by Pikachu. The stadium shook with the force of a thousand facefaults. The evil trio weakly looked up from the floor. "After all..." Ash Ketchum continued, grinning confidently, "I wouldn't want to humiliate you for the umpteenth time, especially not in front of the MILLIONS and millions of Pikachu's fans!" "Pika!" Pikachu pika'd, power posing in parody. By now, Team Rocket was back on their feet. Jessie stamping her foot and shaking a fist not unlike Dan. "Insolent brat! How dare you mock Team Rocket? You thought you could escape us by coming to this federation, but we always find our arch enemies!" The mascot cat, Meowth, piped in. "Yeah, even when we have to check through the phone book and Yahoo!(tm) and launch a missing person's search with all the money we had left when we could have just turned on any television set and seen--" "SHUT UP!" the pair shouted. Ash raised an eyebrow. "Boy, you guys are really on the skids, aren't you? Well, let's get this over with. What are you going to send after me this time, the easily defeated snake-thing or the easily defeated flying-gas-ball-thing?" Team Rocket merely.. smirked, as they walked down the entrance ramp, and swung under the ring ropes. Squaring off against Ash and Pikachu. ][ MYSTERY TEAM CHALLENGE ][ ASH/various vs. TEAM ROCKET ][ FIGHT! One simple red and white pokeball was taken off of James's belt. He drew back, like a champion baseball pitcher, and hurled it... "MEW, I choose you!!" The pokeball impacted on the ring's surface, and snapped open, a flash of black lightning unleashing... a small cat. But a streamlined cat, like it was made entirely out of one part. One part that glowed with white energy, and hovered a full foot over the ring's surface, staring at Ash with empty eyes... Daisuke consulted the handy Pokedex one of the stagehands gave him. "Well well. Mew. Pokemon #151, Psychic type. So rare that it's thought only one exists. The most powerful Pokemon ever known in the history of mankind, legendary in fighting ability by manipulating reality with its mind, rather than lifting a paw physically... I think Ash is officially screwed." "AAA!!" Ash shrieked like a little girl. "Where did YOU guys get a Mew?!" Team Rocket let themselves have a nice evil laugh, before answering. "We didn't get it. ....HE did!" In a small blast of cool-looking chaos energy, a figure stepped out of thing air. A figure with spiky hair. "You bet your sweet patootie I did!" Controversial Jack grinned, ear to ear to EAR. (?) "These nice kids explained their situation to me, and heck! Who am I to turn down a chaotic soul in need? I sponsored their entrance to Ultra, *I* booked this match to cheese off Kasumi, and **I** provided Team Rocket with the mystic GAME SHARK artifact so they could cheat and generate a Mew from nowhere!!" "But.. but that's cheating!" Ash gaped. "Yes, I believe I said that already," Jack stated. "Okay, kids, slam the Pokemon putz like a pog!" Ash didn't waste any time. "Pikachu, Thundershock attack--" "Pika pika!" Pikachu waved from the announcer's table, having decided a minute ago that he had no ethical qualms about sitting this one out. Ketchum-kun wobbled a bit. "Et tu, Pikachu??" he shouted back.. then remembered. Those two weird pokemon he bagged yesterday... the Pokedex update said they'd be PERFECT against Psychic type pokemon! His confident smile returned. This fight was his! He snatched the two Pokeballs, one per hand, and cut loose PokeAkimbo style. "MOUSSE, SHAMPOO, I choose you!!" Ash shouted, as the Pokeballs snapped open... Okay, you know how sometimes you have to drive your cat to the vet for some shots, and you don't have a carrier handy and you're thinking 'Eh, I'll just keep her in the car, there won't be any problems' and you end up visiting every lane on the road in a wild swerving nightmare because you're driving with one hand while trying to pry four sets of nasty claws away from your skin with the other one? Got that in mind? Now add a very, very irate duck to the mix and you've got the same situation Ash Ketchum was now in. Shampoo and Mousse, cat and duck, turned on him like a revolving door. Being cooped up in a Pokeball was no fun. Someone was going to have to pay. And Ash was overdrawn. "AA! AAAAA! Gettum off me! Gettum off me!!" Ash screamed, trying to pry the cat off his face while the duck continued to peck at his butt. "Looks like the distraction I engineered worked," Jack grinned. "Okay. Waste 'em." "Mew, Reality Adept attack NOW!" James shouted. Mew flared once with blue energy, his mind expanding to fill the empty space of the arena, pushing at everybody's psyche... the glow so bright it was like staring into the sun... And an implosion of that energy, sucking back into the source, and redirecting at Ash like someone had opened a portal straight to Dimension of Whoop Ass, which wasn't real far from the truth. A solid bar of blue power slammed into Ash, engulfing him, Mousse and Shampoo. Blue and purple coronas flashed from the impact against solid objects, streaming out from the ring ropes and bouncing off a shield that protected the audience from being vaporized by just such a showy attack. When the light cleared, Ash was completely tangled in the ring ropes, with minor burns all over his body, and what was clearly a nasty broken arm. Mousse and Shampoo were out cold. The bell rang, signifying victory. "We won! We won! We won!" James and Jessie cheered, dancing around in an impromptu jig in celebration of their first victory, like, EVER in their lifetimes. Even Meowth was dancing around in joy. "We're Team Champion now, Jessie!" James grinned. "No more foraging in dumpsters for food and no more going to Wal Mart, ever! We're going to be famous!" "Ah, kids, kids, fame and fortune are destined under my wing," Jack said, pleased with himself. "And cheese. And day- glow orange crackers, those are good too..." "Whoa!" Hiroshi shouted. "What a sneaky win by Team Rocket! We need medtechs down here! We need--" Four silent balls of light formed around Ash (quite unconscious and mauled), Pikachu, Mousse and Shampoo, levitating them over the heads of Team Rocket, and safely back to the top of the entrance ramp... where Kasumi, the Recently Hired Creator, the omnipotent deity stood. You could almost say she looked upset. "Jack-san, that was not very nice," Kasumi politely chided. Jack grinned, leaning on the ring ropes, looking back at her. "Oh, yeah? It's not cheating to bring a Pokemon to the ring, no matter how you got it. I played by YOUR rules this time, and I STILL won! What're you gonna do about it, miss namby-pamby goody-two-shoes god?! Huh?!!" And Kasumi.... Smiled. A ball of light summoned into being, a figure standing, summoned by God herself... and posed, rolling up an imaginary sleeve, her single orange pigtail bobbing. "There's no official match going on, and that means no rules, so it's REVENGE time!" Misty, Pokemon Leader of Cerullean City and water Pokemon and Ash's friend (pant pant, recaps are hard) yelled. "Oh, not another stupid kid with 'pocket monsters'," Jack yawned. "Don't you get it? Team Rocket have the ULTIMATE of these collectable little bastards! You can't find one better even on eBay! They--" Kasumi held out a small red and white pokeball. Misty took it, wound up, and pitched it out... The ball impacted on the entrance ramp, and opened. There was a brief blue flash of bubbles, and then nothing. "An empty pokeball?" Jessie asked. "She's going to fight us with an.. empty...." "LEVIATHAN, I choose you!!" Misty announced. A single point of light expanded into a disc-shaped gateway, light streaming out of it like the tail of a comet. In an instant, a silver liquid started to pour from the hole in space and time, but it didn't splash.. it twisted and turned, like a living snake of molten blue mercury, wrapping around and arcing... And in a SNAP of bubbles, turned into the largest (and only) water dragon any of these people had seen. It dwarfed the ring and cast a rather impressive shadow, as it reared back its head and shrieked... "You know, technically," Daisuke said, maintaining absolute calm while his partner's EKG meter was tapping out the Bossanova, "That's not a Pokemon, it's a Guardian Force, but I suppose it's Kasumi's show and whatever she says goes." "...I just remembered, I left Mr. Duck backstage," Jack stated. "Ta ta." And he vanished. "Don't leave us here!!" Team Rocket shouted in unison, as Leviathan formed a four tiered rock mountain out of the ground of the arena, shaking it down to the core and rattling all the stadium seats... the water dragon perched atop it, and then radiated blue energy, before... SNAP. The dragon turned into a massive tidal wave, crashing from tier to tier of the rocky mountain, until Team Rocket was staring at the business end of one of those waves that make the one in "Deep Impact" look like low tide. SNAP. Several million umbrellas, thoughtfully placed under their seats by a God who knew what was coming, opened in unison. (Somewhere off to the side, a bulky guy with an unfortunate name yelled in protest on realizing his umbrella was pink and read 'I'm a Dan Fan!'.) WHOOSH. "Looks like Team Rocket is washing out again!" the trio shouted as was customary, as the whole group was flushed directly out of a convenient EXIT door. Back up at higher ground, Misty posed in victory, as medical techs wheeled the three injured away, Pikachu and Kasumi following. "...while we get a LOT of mops out--" The EMT team applied paddles. "CLEAR!" "And while my partner is defribulated, let's take an interview break," Daisuke said. He sat back in his chair, and groaned. "...they aren't paying me enough hazard pay for this job. I swear, if it's not these crazy fireball attacks, it's huge yammering beasts from beyond space and time soaking your... are we still on? Oh sh--" * A lone figure sat at the sidelines, grumbling to himself. He really, really didn't want to be here. Of course, when god asks you to do something, what can you do? He briefly considered just staying home when Kasumi told him last week that the concession stand really needed one more helper. Not that he'd get smited for disobeying, of course. Kasumi didn't strike him as that type-- And lo, the Lord did appear. Pantyhose Tarou immediately hoped against hope that she couldn't read minds. "Hello, Tarou-san," Kasumi said smoothly. "It's good to see you again. Are you enjoying the show?" "No," Tarou said. "That's nice. I suppose you're wondering why I called you here?" Tarou grumbled. "If it's to serve french fries or to sit behind the stupid desk and talk about the stupid fighters and their stupid little brawls, I'm really not--" "I'd like you to make fun of Dan." Pantyhose did a double take. "You.. WANT me to make fun of Dan?" Tarou asked, wanting to confirm this. "Yes, I do. Be very mean to him. You like doing that, right?" And lo, Tarou did grineth. "Oh, you bet your divine ass I do. The pink-puswad is the biggest loser I've--" "Good, good," Kasumi said, dismissing with a wave of the hand. "He's up next. Off you go. Thank you, Tarou-san." Getting up from his undersized seat, Tarou made powerful strides over to the announcers table. An official mandate from heaven to be as much of a bastard as he could be? Oh, the joy of it! Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all. * "I'm here with the second party in the upcoming Steel Hypercube Match, CyberAkuma," Yotsuya explained redundantly, as the massive man of muscle and steel stood nearby, barely interested in the interview. "Now, CA -- may I call you that?" "No," the demon intoned. "Well, CA, nobody's exactly sure who's challenged you. Granted, you have a hit list longer than a diplomat's traffic violation rap sheet, but exactly which spectre from your spotty past do you think will be--" "I don't care," CyberAkuma said. "They will confront my 'evil intent' and all their sins will be turned against them. No one hunts me. I am the hunter. Everything else is irrelevant to that -- the way of the fist is direct." "So are you saying you think you'll win?" Yotsuya annoyed. The cybernetic Shotokan demon glared at him with his glowing red Kano-style eye, then walked off. "There you have it, straight from the lantern jaw of the warrior. Back to you, Daisuke." * Daisuke rubbed his temples, feeling the rumbling overtones of a headache developing. Hiroshi had to be wheeled back to the medical ward AGAIN, and who did they supply as a replacement but... "Okay, let's get this show of wimps and idiots on the road!" Tarou belted. "I'm ready to see some laughable action tonight! Bring it on!" "...anyway, now we have the match a lot of you have been waiting for : the Gamma championship," Daisuke told the camera. "Sakura's already in the ring, not wanting to be late to this one, and is doing some warmup exercises... In the ring, Sakura did some stretches -- careful not to give the folks at ringside too much of a free panty show. 'Maybe I should've stuck to bike shorts like Karin does,' she thought to herself. Hoping that her self-declared rival wouldn't be winning that tournament later... that, plus the problems with David and everything else... But doubts were minor, as she was with friends. Ken had Ryu in a playful half-nelson, and both were here to support her. She smiled. It was good to have her friends nearby, especially when things were bad. "Yo, Sakura, whip whoever this is for me!" Ken suggested. "I'll buy you a candy bar or something. Three if it's one of Jack's little cronies! Four if it's Dan!" Ryu threw Ken fifteen feet away with a judo toss playfully. "Fight with your warrior's spirit, Sakura," he offered. "And we'll be ringside, if anybody tries to cheat. Don't worry about that." "Thanks, guys!" Sakura cheered. "I don't care how strong my opponent is, I'll--" All the lights in the stadium went out. Zippos were whipped out in the crowd and cheering started, assuming some evil heel was en route to the ring. Sakura squinted, trying to see through the darkness.. but didn't need to. The PA system came on. "For long, I have challenged my opponents in the ring with tainted powers of annoyance!" the familiar voice shouted. "Tonight will be different! I have cast aside that soiled skin, and become pure once more! For Saikyo-style! For honor! For the belt! For my daddy! OYAJIIII!!!!!!" And with pink fireworks, pink spotlights and showers of pink confetti, out rolled Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, wearing his bubblegum uniform, completely bereft of the Arousal of Unpleasant Intent. Manly tears streamed down his cheeks as he shook his taunting forearm at Sakura. ][ GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE ][ SAKURA vs. STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI ][ FIGHT! "You may be a friend and a valiant warrior, Sakura, but today you fall to the MIGHTY IRON FISTS of STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI!!" Dan shouted. He turbo-rolled down the ramp, springing with his feet into a tuck and roll jump, flipping over the rope, and -- Landed on his face. Sakura scratched her head. "You're challenging me? You?" At the announcer's table, Tarou started his mojo working. "Oh, please! This is rich!" he teased. "Daddy's boy is trying to get that precious belt. Looks like another beatdown for Dan!" "URUSEI!" Dan shouted back. "I will win! Take this, Sakura! DAN DAN KIIIIICK!!" The pink one launched himself in the air, legs flailing around like a monkey on crack. Sakura immediately flipped up an arm to block the first kick, then the second, then drove Dan back into the air with a Shoken uppercut. He hit the mat like a sack of mashed potatoes. "Yes, friends, it's Dan Hibiki, One Trick Pony," Tarou responded. "Come on, Dan, that stupid kick NEVER works. Get a new gimmick!" Sakura glanced at Tarou, a bit puzzled. What was WITH that guy? She did her best to ignore him, skipping lightly from sneaker to sneaker, circling the downed Hibiki. At the sidelines, Ken and Ryu exchanged worried glances. "This is sad. Last week he had something going, but now... it's kind of like picking on the disabled, isn't it?" Ken wondered. But the warrior was on his feet quickly, taunting Sakura with a trembling arm. "You will not beat me! Not now! Not tonight! Now, taste the stone cold purified power of the Hibiki legacy! GADOUKEN!" Sakura just stood in place, and waited for the powerpuff of ki to give up and sputter out. Her ethics starting to come into play. "Uh, Dan? You know, you don't have to go through with this. I can't give up the belt, but we could just call this thing off--" "Yeah, go running home to daddy, you prat!" Tarou shouted. "Oh, wait, I forgot -- your daddy's dead, isn't he?" Dan's rage flared in wobbly pink aura around his body. "SHUT UP!" He dashed forwards, swinging his arm at Sakura -- and actually HITTING her. It didn't hurt that much, but it definitely surprised her, and she put up her guard immediately. Finally realizing how serious this was. Ken tried to shout some strategy. "Just put him down hard and quick, Sakura! Take it from me, he's a danger to himself and others like this!" "Yeah, we all know how great he is at blowing his own ass up!" Tarou replied, standing on his chair to shout Ken down. "Consider it a mercy killing, you know? Man, no wonder his dad bought the farm -- must've been from shame!" The pink light started to turn an icy blue. Sakura skipped backwards, shielding her eyes... this wasn't good. Dan was looking.. very upset. Crying like a faucet. Forearm visibly vibrating in taunt, blue energy swirling around it, building in charge... "HYAH!" Dan shouted, springing forward... and to the side, feinting left, getting into Sakura's blind spot. And then the hits landed, word by word, blow by blow. "CERTAIN!" A slap to the head. "VICTORY!" Kick to the midsection. "RELYING!" Punch to the gut. "ON!!" Roundhouse kick. "NOBODY!!" Kneebreaker sweep. "BUT!!" Rising punch... "MYSELF..." into the air, Sakura's mind reeling in surprise and impact.. "[FIST]!!!!!!!!!!" With a new record for exclamation marks and use of the brackets of power spurned on by sheer warrior's determination, Dan propelled Sakura to new heights of stardom, and then new lows of defeat. It was over, hard and fast, just like Ken had suggested. Stone Cold Dan Hibiki had won the Gamma Championship. The crowd was stunned into silence, as body landed. Dan's entire form shaking, not tapping the Arousal of Unpleasant Intent, but the Power of Family Honor. He raised his fist to the sky, continued to leak saline from his eyes, and gave his battlecry. "OYAJIIIIIII!!!" The crowd exploded. Applause sweeping over the entire arena in waves, war whoops and catcalls, signs of HIBIKI 3:16 raised, and so on. Ryu, Ken, Tarou, and Daisuke all blinked in unison. (squick) "..eh, it was just a fluke," Tarou decided. "The wimp's still a wimp, and... he...." Dan's sleepy eyes of death(tm) turned on Tarou. He pointed at him, very slowly. "You. Death. NOW." A rather simple directive. Then Tarou realized it. Kasumi had set him up. Yes, he definitely still hated this federation. And while Dan was likely not much of a threat, better safe than sorry... he vaulted over the guardrail and fled into the safety of the crowd. Ryu and Ken helped the dizzy Sakura out of the ring, as Dan continued to pose for the crowd, and hold his newly claimed belt high in the air. "...Dan's actually effective lately, it seems. He may not want your training, but you think we should formally admit him into Spirit of Shotokan now?" Ken asked. A Dan Fan hurled Dan a can of beer from the crowd. Dan grinned, jumped for it, and the aluminum smacked into his forehead with a metallic *CLANG* sound, before he fell to the mat. "Maybe on a trial basis," Ryu shrugged. * Medical techs wheeled Dan away on a stretcher, a sizeable lump forming on his forehead. Kasumi looked on, a bit saddened, but still smiling. Her companion always smiled by a matter of fact. "...I don't quite get it," Xelloss the Trickster and Recently Hired Mysterious Henchman of God said, scratching his chin. "You set him up for that. Invited his dad over, got Tarou to tease him, and everything. But why? It's not like he'll be able to hold the belt for long." "That's secondary, really," Kasumi replied, looking back to her companion. "The important task is complete. Believe it or not, that man has a destiny... and heaven itself could ride on it, one day." "You're doing that hint-dropping thing of secret plotting underpinnings again, aren't you, Kasumi-chan?" "Who, me?" Kasumi asked. "Oh my. I'm just a simple girl. I don't know what you could be thinking of." * The stretcher was wheeled into MedLab, right next to the other occupied bed. The three other shotokaners followed, although Sakura had to be helped along, still fairly out of it. Ash Ketchum looked over at Dan before they pulled the divider curtain between beds, and his eyes bugged out when he saw the golden belt draped over his unconscious form. "Whoa! That guy won? Man, I thought he wasn't any good-- OW! Misty, quit poking my cast!" "I was just trying to sign it," Misty grumbled, putting the marker away. "I can't believe you, Ash! You got completely whalloped out there. And all because you were so overconfident with your new Pokemon!" "Bah! It wasn't my fault at all. Team Rocket cheated! And you're not supposed to attack the Pokemon trainer in a Pokemon fight--" "This ISN'T a Pokemon league!" Misty chided. "When are you going to grow up, Ash? You're not playing kid games anymore, this is really serious stuff! You can't just rely on Pikachu or your other Pokemon to win your fights anymore. If you want to stay around, you're going to have to learn how to defend yourself, too! Either that, or leave this federation and come back--" "No way, nuh-uh," Ash said, shaking his head. "I already cleaned up at the Pokemon tournaments. I've got to prove myself in the real world now, and--" "I give up," Misty declared, standing. "If you want to prove yourself, Ash, you'd better know the difference between the Real World and.. and some silly kid's game! I'll watch you on TV, but next time you're in trouble, I'm not bailing you out. Got it?" "I'll do just fine!" "Well, fine then!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Hmph!" Misty hmphed, and stormed out of the medlab, doing an Angry Akane Walk #34 (arms in 90 degree angles swinging as you stomp). Ash tried to dismiss her with a wave of his arm, and only ended up bonking his cast on the bedrail. Biting back a yelp, he slumped into his bed, exhausted. "I have to learn to defend myself.." he mused. "How on earth am I gonna do that?" A young warrior peeked around the dividing curtain, at Ash. "Did you say you need to learn to defend yourself?" Ryu asked. * The nervousness at the announcer's table increased. Daisuke glanced at his partner, a little unsettled. Hiroshi was back, albeit in a portable, miniature iron lung, complete with black breathing mask that pulsed with breathy sounds periodically. "Ah.. you sure you want to go on?" Daisuke asked. "Luke... I am your father!" Hiroshi imitated. Then wheezed a bit. "I'm.. fine. NERV said they'd have... cloned replacement lungs for me... soon. Don't worry. I'm getting a.. bitchin' hazard pay check for this!" "Lucky bastard.." "Folks! We have one... hell of a match for you... right now! The ring has been... replaced, and I gotta say... Daisuke.... it's even cooler than... before!" Indeed, the ordinary roped-ring was gone, shuffled out by the This Old Dojo crew. In its place was a cube in a cube... a steel cage, with bars on all sides, even sides that had a hard time coexisting with this reality. A steel hypercube. It hurt to look at for any extended period of time, and if you tried to follow where one side of the cage connected with the other, you stood a chance at losing 2D6 sanity points. "Remember, folks, this one's not over until one person gets out of the cage alive... although from what I've heard, they may not want to get out before the other's anything less than soundly beaten." "If only you knew the POWER of the DARK SIDE!" Hiroshi blurted. "...let's keep focused, shall we?" "I find your lack of faith disturbing, Daisuke." "Well, now we're just waiting for our two competitors, and then--" A screeching wail of tortured metal sounded from high above. Spectators trailed their eyes to the source of the noise... as CyberAkuma, the mechanized cheesy boss character from hell peeled back a portion of the Heavenly UltraDome's roof like it was a tin of sardines, rolling up foot thick sheet metal into a curl. Satisfied with the hole, he snapped his metal wings out, and lowered himself into the 'entrance' on booster rockets, slow and showy. On landing atop the cage, he pulled two bars apart, and dropped inside. "...ladies and gentlemen, the dark shotokan warrior, retrofitted for science fiction fanboy spooging by Apocalypse, please welcome CyberAkuma," Daisuke declared. A wave of cheers and boos flowed from the crowd -- he was a heel, after all, but a classy one. He turned his red eye of hatred on the crowd, impatient. Wanting to get on with it. The eye detected a glint of metal, and he phased out of threespace, to appear elsewhere in the cage. His opponent had arrived. She wasn't much to look at. A young girl, maybe fourteen given her small size, and slight frame. Long black hair hung over one eye, the other marked beneath with blood warpaint, her beige trenchcoat moving with her as she crouched, ready to spring again at CyberAkuma... carrying a razor-sharp foot long knife. And a look of absolute seriousness. ][ STEEL HYPERCUBE CHALLENGE ][ CYBERAKUMA vs. ??? ][ FIGHT! "Hey, whoa! Who is... that?" Hiroshi proclaimed, since it was his job to ask prompting questions. "You are my would-be hunter?" CyberAkuma asked, disbelieving. But not letting his guard down for a second. The young girl stood.. knife at the forefront, also not taking any chances. "Of course I am. Did you think you could escape me? After what you did in Scrap Iron City?" "That still fails to narrow it down. ...I believe I woke up in this new body in that location, yes... but you'll have to be more specific. I engaged in much training there." "More spec.. how dare you!" she spat, shaking with anger. "You almost killed Ido -- just to 'test' your ability, like you did on dozens of others! He was in critical condition for days!" The red glowing eye of the demon focused on the young girl. Recognition flashed through his memory circuits. "Identity: Gally, Hunter-Warrior, for the Factory (subcorporation of the City of Zalem) of Scrap Iron City. Now I understand. I thought I had evaded your kind long ago in my travel." The grip on the knife got tighter and tighter. "I've trailed you for weeks before.. she invited me to confront you once and for all! I've been waiting for this. Training for this. I will take your head and the bounty on it for--" "An ordinary revenge ploy for a loved one," Akuma summarized, without as much drama. "Useless. To you, it may have been a day that rocked your world to its foundations. To Akuma, it was simply Tuesday." Talking was over. Gally launched herself at Akuma, slashing wide -- missing, but getting him to scoot backwards, towards the nearest of the hypercube's walls. She ducked low, going for an upward swipe, getting knocked back when Akuma saw it coming a mile away... "This is a heated fight, folks," Daisuke said, briefly considering describing it play by play... but when the two fighters kicked it up into third gear and became little more than a blur of complicated feints, blocks, dodges and attacks, he gave up the pretense of following it. "From the information I've just been handed, it seems that Gally, occasionally known as Battle Angel Alita in less reputable sources, is no slouch in martial arts, being a bounty hunter who has to deal with cybernetic murderers on a daily basis in her post-modern Otomoian nightmare hometown. But Akuma's a master of his art, and this could be over once he tires her out. After all, she's only human--" "Well, not technically." The announcers looked over, as a 'young' girl with wild, spiky red hair set up a floating chair and joined them. "You don't mind if I watch the fight with you guys, do you?" Washuu Hakubi asked. "After all, that is MY hypercube they're fighting in, and I can't wait to see it used in full effect." "...no, go right... ahead," Hiroshi said, wheezing away. "Good, good. Oh my! They're really cutting the rug in there," Washuu said, munching from a bag of popcorn obtained from subspace. "But that's to be expected. I trained Gally well for this." "You trained..?" "Oh, yes. I knew her father-figure, Ido, through alt.science.cybernetics.questionable," Washu explained. "I heard about the tragedy, and how Gally scouting for the criminal who did it, and figured, why not lend a hand to her? Her cyborg strength and Panzer Kunst martial arts may be just what the doctor ordered..." Sure enough, Gally was matching Akuma, attack for attack, play for play, without tiring. Both had the unbeatable stamina of the machine, one with the spirit of vengeance, one with the spirit of death, equal in strength. Equal for the moment. CyberAkuma phased himself through linear 3-D space, away from Gally before she could swing a plasma-burning fist at him. He felt confident enough to speak. "You have some measure of skill. But you are obscure and nothing to me. And I will make you less than nothing..." His body flared with red flames of hatred... the awakening of Evil Intent. With aftershadows blurring in reality behind him, he glid towards Gally, sure and steady... "The raging demon attack!" Hiroshi breathed. "You hate has made you powerful, young Skywalker! Nobody has... ever withstood--" Gally stood there. And waited. Akuma took advantage, figuring on an easy kill, and grabbed her trenchcoat... Only to find he was ONLY holding a trenchcoat. Gally was gone. The trenchcoat flared with anger, its sins of bad fashion sense and past cow deaths turned on it by the Raging Demon, and crumbled to fibers. "Ah, there we go," Washu said calmly, sipping a drink. "NOW she's using the skills in hyperdimensional fighting I taught her." Akuma looked around in confusion, his cybernetic senses scanning. Gally was still HERE. Right in front of him. The matrix of optics built into his head said that, despite her vanishing. Error. Error. But-- The knife flashed out from midspace as Gally leaned across the fourth dimension, where she had escaped to. It cut a servo link in CyberAkuma's chest, and he went reeling. The rest happened in superspeed. Gally darted in and out of the hypercube's bonus stage, dimensionally shifting around Akuma, picking targets based on what she knew about the weaknesses in his biotechnology. Cutting a line to a motor here, a power relay there. Akuma tried to fight back, but no matter how skilled and strong he was, his built in technological weakness dragged at him like an anchor. He cursed his 'upgraded' existence briefly, this birth he had in her home city, realizing what it had truly lead to... In one final spin, a dance of death, Gally whirled out into normal space, and took a single swipe with her blade, leaving a glowing plasmic arc to hang in the air moments after the damage was done. "There can BE only one!" Hiroshi cheered enthusiastically. Sure enough, CyberAkuma's surprised head rolled directly off his shoulders. The body collapsed. 'Error,' his digitized voice said (as the head was pretty much self sufficient.) Then he went off-line. The bell rang. "Well, that's what you get for installing Apocalypse NT Service Packs," Washu said, putting her popcorn aside, and stepping up the hypercube. She opened a door, and entered.. Gally whirled on her, still locked in the mindset of the fight, but ceased on seeing who it was. "...I got him," Gally said. Surprised at herself. "I wasn't expecting.. I never thought I could actually..." Medical techs entered the cage as well, and wheeled out Akuma on two stretchers. "You did good, kid," Washu said. "Ido'd be proud. And now, for the fun part." The young girl's world still reeling, the culmination of her quest attained, she was in a daze as Washuu took center stage. The young genius snapped her fingers, summoning a microphone from subspace. "Okay, folks, you just saw the latest entrant to the Omega division taking on someone twice her size!" Washu said. "I'd say that calls for a round of applause, don't you? I hereby sponsor Gally's application, which Kasumi ratified earlier, and am pleased to announce the forming of our team of cybernetic women, called..." Some of the present returned to Gally. "Not the name," she mumbled in response. "It's cheesy. I agreed to training, and you've been a good friend these last few weeks, but--" "Yes, we are the CYBERGRRLZ!" Washu announced. Gally hung her head. This had gone from serious to silly rather fast... But she allowed herself a smile. It HAD gone from serious to silly. Her vengeance was satisfied. Now she could relax. Stand down from full focus, from that driving goal. Maybe enjoy herself, for a change, instead of constantly fighting the war of her life... "Odd name or not, I could like it here," she said pretty much to herself. "What could go wrong?" * "WAI! WAI! Look at him jump!" the blonde bubblehead burbled, bashing the B button to bounce the little bastard around. She hopped up and down in her seat, looking at the pretty primary colors and generally enjoying life. Of course, Mihoshi knew she wasn't REALLY supposed to be in Washuu-san's lab, but she just couldn't resist the siren call of... MARIO PARTY! In fact, so involved was she in the scintillating simian gameplay that she didn't notice she had left the door to the lab open. And didn't notice the person who walked in, easy as you please, through the one hole in Washuu's security she could never quite patch : Mihoshi... * The Hypercube was folded up neatly into a three inch by three inch by three inch by three inch extended reality, stuffed into one of the many pockets on Washuu's labcoat, and replaced with the normal ring in a matter of moments. After all, this was UltraRage, and pay per views waited for no one. Although things were on pause at ringside, as the NERV technicians had wheeled out a tray with Hiroshi's new lungs, and were busy installing them. Behind a tasteful blue privacy curtain, of course, so as not to unsettle any of the TV viewers. Unfortunately, nobody had soundproofed it. *GRINDGRIND* "AAAGH!" *squick squick* "Don't move around so much, sir! We have to connect the tissue..." "...ah.. welcome back," Daisuke said, trying not to look pale and sick, and definitely NOT to look off to his left. "We are ready to begin what's sure to be a periodical tradition here at Ultra... the Newcomer's Invitational. Four fighters will duke it out in a miniature tournament, for the.. honor of being admitted into the Gamma division. Now, we've introduced all four of our brawlers before... Karin, Haohmaru, Tifa, and Bean Bandit. Tonight, or more specifically, in--" *GURGLEGURGLE* [crash] -=ratchet! ratchet! ratchet!=- "--a matter of moments, we'll see the first of the three fights. Tifa, versus Bean Bandit. It seems Bean's already in the ring, doing some warmups for the audience and waiting for his opponent..." Bean Bandit, criminal, driver and well-rounded hunk of action movie style two fisted cool waited, tapping a boot- entrenched foot as some of the stagehands hauled out a table, with a stack of bricks on it. He sized them up. To break them with the striking edge of his warrior's fist would take great skill, and determination, and the zanshin fighting spirit of the ancient masters. He would have to focus and concentrate, reach his inner peace, and embrace his ki. None of which was his style. So, instead, he picked up the top brick, bit it in half and chewed thoughtfully. "I get this feeling Tifa's in a bit of trouble," Daisuke stated, impressed even by his non-reactive standards. * In a secluded part of the backstage area, Tifa Lockheart sat in an uncomfortable chair, and felt uncomfortable. A hankercheif clutched in one hand to the point where the fibers were compressing into some kind of new super polymer. A phone cocked up to one ear. Her usual smiling and cheerful self was on pause. "...I'm going to be on in a minute," she said. Keeping herself together. "You got cable running out to Neibelheim, right?" 'Yeah,' the relatively gruff voice on the other end replied. 'We've got it. A lot of the refugees from.. what's left of Midgard are here, so it's crowded. We're all going to watch. Good luck.' "I'll be okay. Hey.. Cloud?" 'Yeah, Tifa?' "Look, when this is over.. I mean, this fight, and all... I don't think I'm going to win, so I probably won't be staying here with the company.... can I come by and, you know.. stay?" 'Huh? Don't you have a place with Yuffie?' Tifa bit her lip. Her roommate had actually left weeks ago on some silly quest, leaving Tifa alone in the apartment.. she just had never told him. "Well, of course, but.. I mean, I wouldn't mind staying with you. In our hometown, I mean. We could hang out? Or..." 'I don't know, Tifa. It's really crowded, like I said, and there's really not much to do here--' "Okay, fine. Nevermind. That's okay," Tifa said quickly. "Anyway. Wish me luck? Again. For good luck." And the voice warmed up. 'I'm sure you'll do great. Martial arts are just your thing, after all. I'll be hoping for you, and I'm sure that... wherever Aerith is, she will be too.' The compressed polymers started to become harder than diamond. "Okay, Cloud. Bye." And she hung up. Thankful she had used 1-800-COLLECT. He always managed to do that. Somehow slip in mention of Aerith into just about EVERY conversation they had since the near-disaster with Meteor. 'I bet Aerith would have really liked this movie.' 'You know, that painting looks just like some of the flowers Aerith used to love.' And so on. And so forth. He was still in love with her. She was DEAD! Dead for so long! How do you compete with that? With a perfect memory? ...you run off to some television show on the pretense of eventually facing your old enemy, Sephiroth, and hope he takes notice. While hoping you DON'T make the cut, so you won't have to leave him. Tifa stood up, and dropped the handkerchief. The crowd was roaring. It was time. * The Roadbuster was enjoying himself tremendously, waving to the crowd, really trying to pose and show off. Normally, on the job of armored courier, he'd be cool and professional. But this wasn't exactly a serious show, so he could fire it up all he wanted. Much to Rally's disgust, but she was always complaining about him needing to keep his cool -- and she was out of earshot, back on Earth and in Tokyo to be specific, so he didn't feel the need. This was, after all, the payoff for his little jaunt to Tokyo. He really wasn't expecting to win this contest, and didn't care, but he'd get to be on television, and have some kicks, and... And that girl looked really serious, didn't she? Angry. Not angry at him, though. Just.. in general. ][ NEWCOMER'S INVITATIONAL, ROUND #1, MATCH #1 ][ TIFA LOCKHEART vs. BEAN "ROADBUSTER" BANDIT ][ FIGHT! Tifa Lockheart tried to climb into the ring -- having a bit of a problem with her elbow-guard snagging on the ropes. Bean, against his tough guy careless image, quickly stepped to her aid and freed it up. "Thanks," Tifa said, a bit distracted. "Hey, anytime," Bean grinned. "Good to see you again. Thanks for all the drinks last week. So, we gonna do this? ..you okay there, miss..?" "Lockheart," Tifa said, bouncing a bit, from foot to foot, warming up. Pausing. Getting her breath. "Yeah. I'm okay. Just..." Bean tried to keep it light. "Don't worry. Be cool. It's not life or death, it's just a little sparring, yeah? Let's have some fun with it, put on a good show and make the folks at home happy. It'll be a blast." The young girl considered that.. and looked at the crowd, noticing them almost for the first time. Her problems were pushed aside, as she figured her circumstances, and nodded in acknowledgement. Getting on with her life, different settings... she brightened. Seeing something NEW here. Something not Cloud. Tifa stared down Bean. "Right on. But it's fair to warn you, I'm gonna kick your ass, pal. I used to be a bar bouncer." "What a coincidence! I tend to be a bar brawler." Bean cracked a knuckle. "It's a lot more of an enjoyable lifestyle than martial arts training. So, you want first shot? Or should I? It's traditional." At ringside, the NERV techs finally withdrew the screen... Hiroshi's hair having gone shock white from the live and in person surgery. Red eyes a bit wide. Daisuke elbowed him, hoping he wouldn't explode. Again. "...WOW, this fight's off to a polite start!!" Hiroshi blurted, getting back into the zone like you threw a lightswitch. "After you," Tifa offered, gesturing politely. "Ladies first," Bean suggested, politely. "I insist," Tifa insisted, politely. "As you wish," Bean said, charging forward and socking his fist directly into Tifa's stomach, lifting her a full two feet off the ground and propelling her into the ring ropes. "So much for manners," Daisuke noted. Tifa reeled, clinging to the ropes to recover her breath... she wasn't badly hurt, but the shock of the blow was something else entirely. Who WAS this guy?! ...Bean himself just stood back, waiting.. pointing to his cheek. 'Aim here,' suggesting, goading, in a friendly, if rather violent sort of way. Not interested in really beating the hell out of her, just playing around. If that's how he wanted it... Tifa ducked forward, shifted left, slid right and finally crossed over a haymaker. On the OTHER cheek. Bean reeled, from the impact, and she followed that right up... flashy, showy, not really DAMAGING but making it as hellaciously fast-pasted and exciting as she could. Bean wasn't faking taking the blows, he genuinely wasn't good at countering her technical martial arts. The crowd reacted wildly, cheering her on, egging her on -- she got more extravagant, some sort of impromptu limit break, combination attacks-- A meaty hand caught her fist, stopping the train. One lucky defense, which paid off. Bean smirked evilly. "Good work. My turn." Her arm was yanked forward, as he got a good grip around her torso, and hauled her over his head. He paused there, as she flailed around, then tossed her out of the ring and into the crowd. "Damn, that Bean Bandit can throw helluva far!" Hiroshi cheered. Tifa got tangled up in the fans, before stumbling over the barricade. This guy was STRONG. Playing around was fun, but if she wanted to win... Did she want to win? A moment of indecisiveness caught her. Win and stay. Lose and go back to Cloud. Two options... A third option presented itself when she looked up from her brief distraction, and saw the ring flying at her. The entire ring. Tifa scrambled to get out of the way, but it was too late; the whole thing, flipped upside down, came crashing down on top of her. The turnbuckles kept it from pressing down with all the weight, but she was pinned to the floor. The audience went dead silent. Bean Bandit, dusting off his hands, studied his handiwork. He snapped his fingers, requesting a microphone. "Well, she's pinned on the mat, isn't she?" he asked the audience. The crowd went nuts. The bell rang. The win was his. The This Old Dojo crew groaned, and got back to work at repairing the ring for the umpteenth time. Bean walked around to the other side, and lifted the ring up, revealing the confused Tifa Lockheart. "Was that over the top?" he asked. "Sorry about that. No hard feelings, right?" "I lost?" Tifa asked. "Basically." Tifa crawled out from under the ring, and Bean set it down. He eyed her for major injuries, found none, and was relieved. He had a soft spot for young girls in danger.. even if it was danger he caused. "...I guess I have to leave now," Tifa said. "Really? Where you headed?" Tifa almost said 'home'. Although a nagging sense that it wasn't home kept her from it. "Away," she decided. "Shame. I was hoping you'd stick around ringside for my next fight," Bean said. "You're the only person I really know here. Other than the cops. And I'd rather I didn't know them." Tifa blinked, tilting her head to look at him up and down. Hmmm. He wasn't quite Cloud Strife. And maybe that was a good thing. "I guess another hour won't hurt," she decided. * Backstage... well, only in a manner of speaking. He didn't want anybody to bother him. Not because he was embarrassed, but because if he was seen in this state, he would be forced to kill whoever saw, and he didn't want to bother. The God of Hate had found a new hatred, something entirely new. A hatred unexperienced in his whole of existence, through centuries of fighting, through the Yagami and Kusanagi clan wars, through his experiences in this federation... A hatred of cute. "To the flames of hell with that woman!" the Orochibi squeaked, kicking down a wall. It collapsed on him in a piffle of plaster and sawdust. Not only had he been turned cute, but now comic slapstick was working against him. He had been dispatched so easily, with such a cheap trick, and now converted into this new form which did NOT agree with his inner soul of rage. It was a poison in a candy, a razor sharp knife in a jack in the box. A thing which should not be. This would not do. This would not last. WASHUU WOULD PAY. "I [hate] Washuu for what she has done, master!" Naga the Black Serpent declared. "Allow me to [destroy] her at the Apocalypse Brawl later tonight. I will [vindicate] your [strength] in the [field] [of] [war]!" "...yes. You will," the Orochibi said, trying to sound commanding, pulling himself from the rubble. "And I will aid you, my servant..." * Things shuffled right along, as time was running out and there were still PLENTY of matches to get to. The ring was repaired / reset, and empty, and ready to be trashed once more. "Folks, the Newcomer's Invitational ticks along like a Swiss watch!" Hiroshi metaphored. "We've got two more fights to show you, each more stunning than the previous!" "Not much to say when they're only two." Touga Kiryuu, the man with the highest paid, cushiest job in all of Ultra, did his thing on the microphone. "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, under Gamma standard rules! Introducing the first competitor... KARIN KANZUKI!" She didn't enter first. No, that honor was given the Kanzuki Honor Guard, wearing riot gear and looking like they were ready to take on Godzilla eating Tokyo. Four flanked either side of the entrance ramp, clearing anybody who was there (nobody was) and getting it ready, for... "OOOOOOOHOHHOOHOHHOHHOHOHOOOO!!" Blood started to trickle from Hiroshi's left ear. "Aaah! She's been taking tips from Naga, it seems.." Karin strutted her bad self down the ramp, blowing kisses to the fans, waving, and soaking up the attention like a greedy little child soaking up attention. With a wry smile, she paused at the ringside, twisted, executed a perfect backflip and landed in the ring with a gymnast's Y. The security guards immediately took posts around the ring, just to ensure no funny business. Touga glanced over Karin, getting horrific flashbacks to his own sister (especially in the HAIR...), shaking them off, and continuing. "And her opponent... HAOOOOHMARU!" His entrance was possibly louder than Karin's. Well, no possibly about it, it just WAS. "*ENLIGHTENMENT!!!*" Haohmaru shouted, combat-rolling into the arena, swinging his reverse bladed katana in a shining arc before catching it in the sword sheathe. "I, THE LEGENDARY WARRIOR WHO WALKS THE WAY OF THE SWORD HAVE ARRIVED IN THIS PLACE WHICH I AM TOLD IS THE AFTERLIFE BUT I AM NOT IN FACT DECEASED IN ORDER TO RENDER UPON THIS ONE NAMED KARIN MOST RIGHTEOUS COMBAT AS MANDATED BY THE HEAVENS, ONTO WHICH THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU WILL TAKE WITH ALL SERIOUSNESS AND HONOR THE DUTY OF OBTAINING VICTORY!!!" "I'm glad I remembered my earplugs," Daisuke said, comfortable. "WHAT?!" Hiroshi asked, frantically trying to plug his ears with tissue paper to stop the flow. ][ NEWCOMER'S INVITATIONAL, ROUND #1, MATCH #2 ][ HAOHMARU vs. KARIN KANZUKI ][ FIGHT! But Karin was ready for Haohmaru's entrance. One of her security guards tossed her a small grey megaphone (property of the Tom Greene Show), and she spoke into it cooly. "*I see you believe yourself to be like Mushashi! I too am a warrior, and sword or not, I will be able to take you down!*" Haohmaru cocked the Warrior's Eyebrow(tm), surprised. But to counter, he simply raised his voice even louder. "HA! HA, SAYS THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU! TRULY ONE WHO FIGHTS ONLY WITH FISTS AND IN SUCH A RIDICULOUS GETUP, YEARS BEFORE HER PRIME AS A FEMALE WARRIOR (FOR THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU UNDERSTANDS THAT EVEN MERE WOMEN CAN HAVE SOME MODICUM OF POWER) IS UNABLE TO DEFEAT ONE SUCH AS I, WHO HAVE SPANNED CENTURIES OF LEGEND, NOT UNLIKE MUSASHI HIMSELF WHO I COULD PROBABLY BEST TWO OUT OF THREE *FALLS*! WHAT SAY YOU, LITTLE GIRL?!" Hiroshi's head vibrated. "Everything's all spinny... make it stop..." Karin frowned. This man was NOT going to out-taunt her. The Kanzuki clan did not lose! Victory and success were their paths. So, she tossed the megaphone aside, had a security guy wheel in an amplifier, plugged a microphone into it and started again. "YOU ARE EXACTLY ONE HUNDRED YEARS TOO LATE TO EVEN TOUCH ME, OLD MAN! I HAVE YOUTHFUL EXUBERANCE AND STAMINA ON MY SIDE WHEREAS ALL YOU HAVE IS ... NOT THINNING HAIR AT THE MOMENT BUT SOON TO BE IN ALL LIKELIHOOD A MIDLIFE CRISIS SETTING IN!!" "These two haven't actually MOVED, have they?" Daisuke noted, happy in his silent ears. Haohmaru steeled himself from the blow, the air waves compressed by Karin's infernal metal box that was making her louder. His warrior's spirit demanded that he rise to the challenge... his vocal cords doubling in thickness on command, muscles he commonly flexed flexing even harder. "NO AMATEUR SUCH AS YOU HAS BEATEN ME EVEN IN A HUNDRED YEAR SPAN! IN THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT, THE SHINING SOUL OF THE WARRIOR OUTLASTS ALL CHALLENGERS, ALL TESTS!!! FOR LOW IS THE SWAY THAT MOWS LIKE A HARVEST!!!!!" Karin paused in thought. This was going to take extreme measures. She snapped her fingers, just once. WHAM. WHAM. WHAM. Speaker after speaker was tossed into the ring by the security corps, stacked into a pyramid of raw potential sound. Karin plugged in a mixing board, readjusted her microphone... and turned the entire eighteen foot stack to Volume 11. She scaled the mountain of speakers, stood atop, pointed at Haohmaru dramatically........ and laughed. "****OOOOOOOOOOHHOHOHOHOOHHOOHHOHOHOHOOHOHHOHOHOOOO!!!!****" she laughed, the amplified waves visibly rippling reality from the sheer strain of compressed space and time. "STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES, BUT WORDS WILL NEVER--" Rummmmble. The stack wobbled. The ring started to buckle from the weight of all that Proceed sound equipment. Karin sweatdropped. Then the whole thing came tumbling down like a house of very, very heavy cards. She waved her arms uselessly, before pitching face first into the mat -- and then got covered by amplifier after amplifier, until the dustcloud kicked up settled, leaving her unconscious and buried. The bell sounded. "Isn't it ironic?" Daisuke asked, removing his plugs. "Don't you think?" Hiroshi was facefirst in a pool of his own sputum, head compressed by the sound. His partner sighed, and took his microphone. "NERV medical team to ringside, again, please." * Across the universe, a young girl and a woman who only looked like a young girl were exchanging post-victory stories and good cheer. "...so anyway, that's when I found out that he wasn't a SPINE thief, he was just collecting spleens! Ha ha!" Gally laughed. Pause. "Well, it was funny at the time," she said, sheepishly. Never very good at this 'socializing' thing, she thought... every friend she'd had usually died or ran away or... a low shudder ran through her. Washuu noticed immediately. "It's over, Gally. Don't worry. You're going to like it here. You don't have to fight for your life, or for profit, or for any reason except to test yourself and entertain the fans. It's all for fun." "..I did some motorball once," she noted. "Was it just for fun?" "Not really..." "Not the same thing, then," Washuu said. She approached the door to her lab. "Once you settle in, it'll all come eas..." The door was wide, wide open. The door that she had personally locked with six logarithmic encoding functions that it would take a 1/49217592 chance to guess at within a span of nine years... The scientist picked up her pace, silent, and storming into the lab. Looking around, confirming her fears... someone had been here. From the sense of it, someone POWERFUL. Mihoshi didn't count as powerful, but there she was, playing Mario Party. And only she would have the kind of blind luck needed to come in here. "MIHOSHI! Did you leave the door open?!" Washuu shouted. "Waaah!" Mihoshi shrieked, tripping over herself despite sitting in a beanbag chair at the time. She twisted and turned and ended up looking at Washuu upside down. "What? What?" Gally looked around in confusion. She had picked up on her new friend's switch in attitude, but didn't understand... Then she saw. A large glass tube had been shattered in the next room of the lab, leaking fluid everywhere. Faint traces of purple energy glinted off the glass, from what her optics could show her. AMAZING energy... The redhead stood silent. "Washuu, what happened here?" Gally asked. Someone had to ask. "...Psycho Power," Washuu said. "You know that partner I thought would be great for our little group? She's gone. Her 'master' took her away from me." * Squeek squeek squeek. The NERV technician finished screwing Hiroshi's replacement head on. "Guys, you have to take better care of your clone than you have been. I mean, the insurance premiums alone.." "Yes, thank you," Daisuke dismissed, waving them off. The crew packed up their frightening mad science implements, and walked away. Hiroshi blinked a few times. "What just happened? Being a clone sucks sometimes.." "Well, what just happened was Haohmaru beat Karin Kanzuki without even lifting a finger," Daisuke explained. "Haohmaru and Bean Bandit move on to the final round. Pretty contrasting styles, so who knows what will happen?" The Legendary Haohmaru chose to stay in the area, and move back to the (freshly repaired by the highly overworked crew) ring, to await his challenger. He sat in kneeling position, meditating on the purity of the sword while a few prayer sticks burned, eyes closed. Calm. His opponent wasn't calm. He was cocky. Pleased with himself, striding on down the ramp, Tifa walking alongside, as they swapped stories. It had started shortly after they got backstage, with Bean regaling a few of his more interesting run-ins with the law. Tifa of course had to try and top that, and she certainly had some over the top stories... but they all involved Cloud. She did her best to leave him out, but now that she was EXAMINING her life, she began to see just how much of it was dedicated only to Cloud and her activities with him... editing him out so she could get on with her life was going to be harder than she thought. "...anyway, that's when the Meteor hit. But the Holy spell activated the Lifestream, and the two.. well... they didn't 'cancel out', but after a full day of the special effects, the meteor was gone. And we've been rebuilding ever since. It was kind of a letdown of a victory." "I'm impressed, regardless," Bean said. "You saved a world. All I've really done is gotten rich and gotten a few folks out of trouble. Nothing important." "...important? But I didn't save the world, it was Clou--" "Hang on a minute, I've got a fight to handle," Bean said, as they had reached ringside. "Some bighaired freak. This won't take long." Bean grabbed the top rope, and hauled himself completely over the top, without any of that messy climbing business. He landed with a heavy thud (kevlar lined clothes do weigh a lot), and cracked his knuckles. In a flash, Haohmaru was on his feet, sword drawn. "ENLIGHTENMENT!" he declared. "NOW, I WILL SHOW YOU THE SOUL OF A WARRIOR!!" ][ NEWCOMER'S INVITATIONAL, FINAL ROUND ][ BEAN BANDIT vs. HAOHMARU ][ FIGHT! Bean Bandit winced. "If you think you can spook me by screaming pal, you really--" "YOSH!" Haohmaru screamed.. and rushed Bean, sword at the ready position, lengthwise along his midsection. Bean got into a standard street fighting pose, fists ready, and swung at Haohmaru... Only to miss wide, as Haohmaru dived into a roll, and came up with a rising slash of the sword. Two spinning arcs, the air whipping around like a whirlwind, and Bean flew into the air, landing HARD. Tifa ran up to the apron of the ring, alarmed. "Bean, be careful! This guy's a real deal samurai, you know, not some drunk in a bar!" Bean sat up.. rubbing his chin. Not very fazed from the blow. "I get the picture. A legend in his own mind. I can handle that.." The samurai skipped backwards, and swung his sword... Bean got confused. Why would he swing when he clearly was too far away to do anything-- Air itself bent around the blade, curling like a tornado... not like a tornado, it WAS a tornado. A small, indoor tornado, about Bean's size. So surprised was he that he didn't get out of the way in time. The world span like a blender, spitting Bean back into the air, and dumping him unceremoniously down again. "HAH! YOUR BRAWLING METHODOLOGY IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE TRUE PATH OF THE SWORD!" Haohmaru taunted. But Bean was up again. Thanking his lucky stars for the armor in his clothing, which absorbed the impact. He ignored taunting, and moved right for the kill -- in, with lefts, rights, kicks.. anything he could manage to lob at this guy, to connect SOMETHING. One, good, hard hit would end this show like a curtain call, with his strength... Haohmaru countered the offense with a good offense. Swordstrikes to the torso, the leg, the arm... and looked perplexed. None of them had affected Bean. The Bandit grinned. "Come on, pal. I'm wearing body armor. Your silly overblown baseball bat isn't going to do a thing to me." At ringside, Tifa groaned. "Bean! Don't TELL him that!" "I SEE! THEN YOU DO HAVE A WEAK SPOT AFTER ALL!" Haohmaru boomed, whipping his sword back... and charging it with a blue and white light from beyond comprehension. He swung out, hard, but precise.. Bean again out of range, but moving to maybe catch the sword, and yank it away if he somehow got closer -- The force of the blow extended beyond the sword itself, a supercharged attack, and landed squarely on the side of Bean's neck. His unarmored neck. Bean flew off to the side, bounced off the ropes and lay still, head at a screwy angle. Still breathing, but his switchboard knocked completely out of whack. "DOSHTA DOSHTA?!" Haohmaru called out to him, waving the sword teasingly. "VICTORY IS MINE!" As the triumphant samurai left the ring, Tifa rushed to Bean's side as the bell rang, and checked him for major injuries. "Bean! Are you okay?" "I'm Bobbin. Are you my mother?" Bean asked, dizzily. "A spectacular win by Haohmaru!!" Hiroshi called out, standing in his chair from the sheer excitement of witnessing someone beat up someone else like he had seen umpteen times before. "Boy, that was one sided. Not a good day for Bean... hey, who're they?" All eyes turned to the entrance ramp, where... approximately six dozen members of the Japanese National Guard stood ready with riot gear, easily dwarfing the personal force Karin had brought in earlier. At the head stood gaijin detective Percy, and two female police officers. "HA! Got you now, Roadbuster!" Percy shouted. "You failed, and no pardon for you from the lord. Now, your ass belongs to ME! Natsumi! Miyuki! Book him on repeated traffic violations, illegal contraband carrying, and reckless endangerment!! The women nodded, waved the riot cops in, and started a slow march of doom. Tifa looked back and forth from the cops to Bean, worriedly. There was no way he'd be able to escape in the state he was in, and with no other options... No options, really. No good ones. Rather a lot like her situation lately. So, she made an option. "Bean, get out of here," she whispered to him, and turned to face the police. "Uh... guys? I think this is gonna get ugly," Hiroshi said nervously. "I really don't want to die again. Can I hide under the table and retain my masculinity, Daisuke?" "I won't tell if you won't," Daisuke shrugged. "How'd these guys get all the way to Heaven, anyway? There's no interstate turnoff for it.." The situation got tense real fast. The cops slowed.. not sure how to deal with Tifa, who clearly was ready for a fight, fists up. But she wasn't the one they came for. That would be Bean, who had weakly rolled off the ring, and was climbing underneath the apron, for some reason. "Back off, miss. Official police business!" Percy shouted. "I'm already a terrorist in my homeland," Tifa said. "Don't think I'm no stranger to standing up to you people. Just because he didn't win doesn't mean his pardon's broken!" "Oh yeah?! Who're you to say what God's mandate is??" Percy shouted. "Even I, a powerful employee of the righteous government of the United States of America, can't dictate that!" Tifa tried a gamble. If it worked... "If he enters the federation, he's pardoned, right? Well, who says he has to enter Gamma? KASUMI! If you can hear me, I want to enter Lambda division as a tag team with Bean Bandit!" The cops froze in surprise, as Kasumi appeared next to Tifa, busy with some paperwork on a clipboard. Thus spoke The Lord in the book of Ultra 3:16 : II. "I suppose it would be a good idea, with the low number of teams in Lambda," Kasumi decided. "Very well. You two may enter, and Haohmaru will be the tournament winner and the entrant into Gamma. Excuse me, I have business to attend to now." III. And lo, then the Lord didth get back to work. ...Percy's jaw hit the floor. Breathing a sigh of relief, Tifa stood down from her battle stance. "There. You see? Now leave him alone." "...NEVER!!" Percy squeaked. "No way! My whole LIFE exists just to take down Roadbuster! I'll never rest, not until that heathen is rotting in jail... OFFICERS! ARREST THAT WOMAN!!" Oh crap, Tifa thought. It happened very fast. The ring, for the zillionth time tonight, was partially destroyed as a very large, very fast red object hurtled out from a secret compartment in the floor... a secret garage. Bean hit the switch and opened the passenger side door on his 50,000 dollar shiny red peni-- sports car. RingRubble(tm) slid off the roof and onto the ground. "Tifa! Get in!" Quickly, the martial artist dove into the door, and shut it. Bean gunned the engine in neutral, a threat to the cops... move, or become instant street pizza, ready to peel and serve. The police officers scattered, and the Roadbuster's tires screeched like banshees, before shooting off at fifty miles an hour up the ramp and out of the arena, leaving behind the afterimage of his brakelights, red eyes of a bat screaming straight out of hell. "..ROADBUSTER!!" Percy screamed. "Everybody to your cars! I don't care if we have to chase him all around heaven, he's going back with US!" A stampede made its way back up the partially damaged ramp, and moments later, a dozen engines turned over and sirens wailed as the merry chase made its way across the pleasant landscapes of the hereafter. "...BOY, can that guy make an ent.. exit!!" Hiroshi declared. "And that, people, is the end of the Newcomer's Invitational! One Gamma champion and a surprise Lambda team. I'm excited! FEEL these nipples, Daisuke!" "Uh.. no," Daisuke said, weirded out. "We'll be back with the Omega Championship Challenge in a minute, folks. Once we get this chaos sorted out properly.." * The Office of God, or rather, god's office, was not what one might suspect. There was no ivory throne on high with a majestic staircase, no gilded golden telephone, no stained glass windows. Heaven itself may gleam from top to bottom with absolute perfection... But Kasumi had opted to simply recreate her bedroom from the Tendo Dojo. It was wooden, had some ordinary furniture in it, a desk which was very tidy if prone to collapse under the weight of the paperwork on it, and that was all. And right now, she was glad to be in it, doing her work. She had left just for a moment to confirm the new tag team -- she knew it would happen in advance, of course -- then returned quickly. Perhaps to evade the situation for a moment. Even though she knew it would find her right now. "Come in," she said, before Washuu got a chance to knock. The slightly puzzled scientist entered. White light streamed into the office through the open doorway, as it WAS in the central command offices of Heaven, which had not been redecorated like her office was and stuck to the usual beauty and splendor of Heaven. "...you know what's going on, right?" Washuu asked. "I know." "Ifurita's been taken back by that.. that MANIAC Bison!" Washuu said anyway. "Just when I was so close to breaking the control he had on her! You've got to do something about this. God's just and loving, right? Smite him or something! You don't know the kind of things he was forcing her to do! I SAW how she felt when I was in her mind, and..." Kasumi turned around in her chair, looking back at Washuu. "I've taken action. I've allowed Bison's application to have Ifurita challenge you for the Omega belt here at UltraRage later tonight--" The redhead smacked her forehead. "I don't mean set up one of your silly games, I mean STOP him! How useless of a deity are you if you can't do that?! What're you trying to achieve with this stupid TV show, anyway, when it doesn't really help anybody??" ...the look Kasumi gave was sad. One of a being who was so alien, so distant from everybody she knew as to be unreachable. Washuu picked up on that immediately -- all sentient beings, in times of stress, give a minor psychic wave expressing just how far away they are from home. Kasumi's was very, very loud. "It doesn't look like anything much on the surface," Kasumi admitted, after a long pause. "But there is a reason for everything. You have to trust me on that." But for now, Washuu remained solid, arms crossed. "I'm a realist. All god is is some scientific phenomenon I haven't fully analyzed yet. So permit me to doubt some grand reaching singular ineffable plan of the Lord." "It's not one plan. There is no singular purpose, it's not as blunt and direct as that. But there are purposes." Kasumi paused. "I've kept most of it secret, to ensure that destiny's threads weave properly. And besides... a gentle, innocent, and.. perhaps even ignorant Lord seems to make people happier than one who knows everything. I just want to make people happy, and keep things tidy... I've changed. I've been changed a lot, since I stopped being human, stopped being able to worry about nothing other than what to make for dinner. I don't want to make the mistakes my predecessor did of not trying to help people..." "Okay. I can see that. Then explain. How has this spectacle made anything better?" Washuu asked. "Show me. Justify not storming down there and rescuing Ifurita back with all the power you know you have." And the Lord did close her eyes.. and on opening them, her mouth sang a song of events past, a song of pictures and words and sounds that wrapped around Washuu, and revealed some... Fragments. Dan, constantly losing, working up the nerve to hone his skill and do what he can to succeed -- Kasumi, setting up the circumstances for his redemption after Jack had deviated him, helping him achieve his dreams... Splinters and images.. Shinji, trying to find a direction in life, discovering how he could use his skills without having to kill, how he had a chance at being something other than the thing he hated, a process he still was trying to find his way through... ...Orochi, tricked into seeing power in Ultra he can seize, distracted by all the new enemies he's found, even down to Washuu chibi-fying him, his rage misdirected away from killing all of humanity on his recent awakening... ...Shingo, discovering that sometimes copying the moves of others will not get you what you seek, as he only secures victory by dishonoring himself and his sensei... ...even Controversial Jack, long unopposed as a force of chaos, hitting setbacks and barriers as he tries to oppose Kasumi in his efforts, his chaos contained within Ultra itself instead of destroying the world as he had done in his own timeline... ...and the most telling, direct example, the only one Kasumi would fully explain in this vision... Mr. Satan, a genuine loser, placed like a fish out of water against an opponent stronger than he... but becoming the savior of Oddworld, an enslaved world, simply by coincidence, and bringing joy to the hearts of those on earth who still see him as a hero of mankind. Gokuu understood that, without being told. She had told Xelloss (who wasn't even aware of HIS reason for being here) that Mr. Satan's one purpose in being here was served, and meant it. Perhaps he would have another purpose later, but what she had set out to accomplish at the moment had been accomplished. All situations set up directly or indirectly by the Lord, intertwined together, many purposes, many plans. And all of it, in the end, entertaining the fans at home, and showcasing some of humanity's best and worst. A bonus result. "...and that is why this situation with Ifurita needs to go through the channels of the Omega division," Kasumi finished, her song shifting back to speech. "I can't explain all the wheels within wheels. But I can say I'm doing my best to do the right thing, whatever it may be, for everybody involved. Even if it doesn't look like it.. yet." Washuu sagged, as the divine intervention left her. She tried to fumble the words, to make a response. A moment after composing herself, she was ready. "For now.. I'll trust in that. You're sure that the end result of all of this will be.. positive?" "I have foreseen it," Kasumi said. A note of bitterness. "Even if what I've seen isn't always agreeable. I've done what I can to make things right, the rest must unfold on its own towards eventuality." Washuu turned. "Then I've got a match to prepare for." She took two steps, and simply phased out of space, to confront Bison. Kasumi smiled, as she left. "Good luck, Washuu-chan. ..oh my, I still have so much paperwork to do before the night's over. I should hurry!" The Lord turned back to her desk, and to her work. Much work to do. A lot of things to set up, to prepare. And she always prided herself on a job well done. A smile. It felt good to share that, at last. Not that she would while the show was on the air. For the fans, she would be smiles and sweetness, and good feelings, and nothing more. And that would please herself as well. * "Folks, we are only a short time away from the Omega division challenge, and we still haven't been informed of who the challenger is," Daisuke explained. "In the meantime, though, I've got word that both combatants for Controversial Jack's Hardcore title are up and ready, and the crowd's definitely ready. We'll move right along." ][ HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE ][ WOLVERINE vs. GAMBIT ][ By guest booker Bryan O'Malley A squat, muscular yellow-and-blue clad figure ducked under the ropes and walked to the center of the ring with little fanfare. Well... actually, there was a lot of fanfare, since most of the audience was going Wild for Wolverine (as the fans' t- shirts exclaimed in bold blue and yellow.) But there was no music, and there was no commentary from the designated commentators, so by any Ultra standards -- especially pay-per- view standards -- this was a quiet entrance. It wasn't going to stay quiet for long, though. Looking like a lion ready to pounce, Wolverine motioned to the attendants to bring him a microphone. And once it was in his hands, he gave the audience a crowd-pleasing snarl. "I'm waitin', LeBeau!" he growled. "An' if you don't show, you can be damn sure I'll hunt you down, boy. You got a real distinctive scent. Sorta like the smell... of FEAR!" The noise from the crowd was deafening. But somewhere behind it, the opening strains of "Born on the Bayou" began to play. The guitar licks accompanied the slick Cajun's walk down the aisle, a smug smirk nailed onto his face, customary quarterstaff slung over his shoulder. He leapt into the ring, long coat fluttering behind, and graced Wolverine with a mocking bow. "Good evenin', mon vieux," Gambit drawled, eyes twinkling. "Yer old WHAT?" Wolverine snarled, flexing, razor-sharp adamantium claws sliding in and out with metallic snikt-snakt sounds. But Gambit was well aware that the question was rhetorical. The wily Cajun just kept on grinning. "Welcome back to UltraRage ALPHA!" Hiroshi gushed belatedly. "We're here with that promised Hardcore challenge bout, and these two old friends... uh... enemies... uh..." "Rivals," Daisuke suggested. "These two old rivals are looking pretty hyped up, so we can expect another intense match!" "Maybe so, but the bell has come and gone and neither of the fighters has attacked yet," Daisuke commented. "Perhaps Wolverine is foregoing his usual strategy--" "Which is to attack immediately and never let up!" Hiroshi finished. "At any rate, keep in mind that this is a Hardcore match, and that means just about ANYTHING can happen!" True to the commentary, Wolverine and Gambit were spending their time circling each other, sizing each other up, and not fighting. Yet. But it was only a matter of time before the Cajun's cheeky grin turned things ugly. "Step up, boy," Wolverine said, showing off his teeth. "You know I can put you in a world o' hurt." Snikt. Claws out. Snakt. Claws in. Snikt. Snakt. Snikt. Snakt. "'Cause you the best at what you do, mon vieux, dat it? Gambit's heard dat one b'fore." "You ain't gonna be grinning when I'm done with you, Cajun," Wolverine threatened. Gambit, still circling, fished a cigarette out of an inner pocket, tossed it up, snagged it between his teeth, and lit it with his finger (via mutant power). This drew considerable cheering from the audience, particularly a group of young girls wearing Gambit t- shirts and waving "Rajin' Cajun" signs madly for the cameras. You had to admit, the guy had one hell of an attitude. Or, well, you didn't really have to admit it if you didn't want to. "That's it," Wolverine snapped, slashing the cigarette in half with a single claw and suddenly charging low, catching the Cajun off guard and knocking him off his feet. Wolvie pounded him repeatedly in the face, shouting aloud with each blow, before hopping back to land in a crouch. "How's that, eh? That wipe the smile off your face, punk?" he shouted, standing up and turning to look over the crowd, who responded with a vast, mind-numbing roar. Gambit struggled to his feet, leaning on the staff, wiping some blood from his face with the back of his hand. "We just gettin' started, mon ami," he said. Then he grinned. Hard. Defiantly. And he jumped into the air. And he didn't come down. "Oh my goodness!" Hiroshi yelled. Wolverine, bewildered, suddenly took a flying Gambit from thirty feet up, and toppled over. He managed to stop the fall with his hands and bucked his opponent off, backing away and looking up to see the source of this new attack. "--an unexpected aerial hand from Morrigan!" Hiroshi finished. Everyone could see her now; the winged succubus had descended from the rarely-looked-at heights of the rafters while everyone's attention was on the fight. Hovering gracefully above the ring, she smiled down at everyone. "I'm sick of you people interfering with my business!" Wolverine snarled, bounding over to Gambit, who was still looking a little unsteady on his feet. He didn't waste any time, just tore into the cheeky Cajun devil, claws slashing in a bloody blur, slicing up parts of that pretty trenchcoat and cutting pretty deeply into the man underneath. Next thing he knew, Gambit was up against the ropes. "Socialize on yer own time, LeBeau," Wolverine advised, pushing his fist up under Gambit's chin. The claws were inside, for now, but one twitch and they'd be making their point with the Cajun's brain. "Tell yer flying friend to go home, and same to her kid sister -- I can smell her, I know she's around, so don't you be sassin' me," he threatened. "Uh, well." Gambit began. "Tell 'em!" Wolverine snapped. His fist clenched harder, pushing up farther into Gambit's throat. Gambit swallowed hard, sweating visibly. "You heard the man, ladies... best be gettin' on out o' here, neh?" Morrigan shrugged. "Let's go, Lillith." She swooped down to the aisle, spinning around and re-forming into regular street clothes. Her flat-chested counterpart joined her in a moment (she'd been hiding among the audience) and the two walked out the door to thunderous applause and much gratuitous hooting. "Now," Wolverine said, drawing back with that 'lion on the prowl' look in his eyes, "let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?" The claws came out and he scraped them across each other a few times, clash of blade on blade ringing out. "Hardly fair, is it, mon ami?" Gambit noted with a strained smirk. "Maybe Gambit can even up them odds, neh?" With one hand, he vaulted over the ropes and down to the floor, grinning up at the hairy mutant and trotting over to the announcer's tables. Hiroshi and Daisuke watched Gambit's approach with some wariness. "Looks like Gambit is taking this fight outside the ring... which is totally legal in a Hardcore match, in case you needed reminding," Hiroshi commented. "And it looks like he's... WHOA! BACK OFF!" Gambit yanked Hiroshi's chair out from under him, offering a sly grin in return. "I just gonna borrow this for a moment, if you don't mind, mes braves." Quarterstaff forgotten on the commentators' table, the Cajun turned to return to the ring -- only to find that Wolverine had slashed right through the ropes and come to join him on the floor. "This is all very interesting," Daisuke commentated dryly. Raising one eyebrow, he curiously picked up Gambit's expanding metal staff, currently shrunken to about two feet in length. "Hiroshi, are you... uh... okay?" "Let's go, LeBeau!" Wolvie snapped. "Me and you. Good, old fashioned brawl. Quit runnin' around!" Gambit smirked. "Maybe you don' understand the situation, mon ami," he grinned. And after a very brief windup, he slammed Wolverine across the face with a kinetically-charged metal chair. The other mutant flew far, coming just short of bowling over the front-row ticketholders across the way. The audience, being close enough to touch the competitors, touched them as much as they possibly could, screaming loudly and grinning like idiots whenever the roving cameras came near. Some idiot holding a red sign labeled "I (heart) Sakura's Panties" got a lot more camera time than he deserved. "Quite a fight," Daisuke mumbled into the microphone, not even really paying attention. He was busy fiddling with the staff, which suddenly shot out to twice its length, smacking an already-dazed Hiroshi upside the head. "Uh. Oops." He hastily tossed the staff back on the table and pretended to be innocent. "Y'see," Gambit said, tossing the chair aside and following his foe at a distance, "this here's a Hardcore bout, Wolvie. These folks ain't lookin' for an old-fashioned brouhaha -- dey want us to fight dirty, homme." As if to illustrate the point, the Cajun wrenched a segment of the audience/ring divider from its mooring and hammered it into Wolverine's adamantium skull. The audience, of course, kept cheering. Security rushed in to do the job that the divider was supposed to be doing, restraining the crowds from just rushing out and falling all over the fighters. Meanwhile, it only took one blow to bring Wolvie back into the fray. He grabbed the stray divider in one hand, stopping Gambit's next blow, grabbed another (solid) one with his other hand to bring himself to his feet, and used that handy adamantium skull to headbutt Gambit in the face. A follow-up straight kick knocked Gambit several feet back. "A thrilling fight in the sidelines," Hiroshi offered semi- enthusiastically, rubbing his head and returning to his seat. "Man, what happened to my chair?" he muttered to Daisuke. "It feels all crusty. Was I unconscious for long?" Gambit didn't waste any time standing around; he immediately flung a couple of small energized objects, which stuck into Wolvie's side before exploding. "What the hell? These ain't cards, bub," Wolverine remarked. "If I didn't know better, I'd say... shuriken?" "Hardcore, homme," Gambit reminded him, eyes sparkling, and launched himself back into the ring. Wolverine followed, slashing wildly through the ropes, severing them near the turnbuckle. But Gambit didn't stop there; he made a right-angle turn and launched himself right back outside. "Enough o'these damn games, Cajun!" Wolvie snarled, teeth bared, as he tore through another set of ropes. He took a few steps back, throwing his hands up in disgust, and stood near the center of the ring. "Come an' get it, bub." The audience roared, rooting for the Canadian crowd-pleaser. "If you insist," Gambit shrugged. He leapt straight up and landed on the free-standing turnbuckle that Wolverine had slashed around, crouching there, grinning. "Games, bub," Wolverine repeated, nose wrinkling. "Alright, I've had it!" He charged at the lean Cajun, looking to take him down from the turnbuckle. But Gambit had something up his sleeve; he flipped into the air and over Wolvie's head, and the hairy mutant realized, too late, that the turnbuckle was kinetically charged, ready to explode at a touch, and one kick in the back would send him flying into it-- Or not. Because, well, Wolvie knew every trick in the book. He stopped his rush short, and Gambit met a rock-solid fist on his way down. He soared across the ring, landing hard on the other side of the mat. The charged turnbuckle, forgotten, faded back to its old self, active energy returned to potentiality. And after that, well, Wolvie just laid the smack down. All his flashy moves and fancy tricks weren't really much in the face of a freshly sharpened, recently annoyed and generally unpleasant canadian mutant. The fight lasted all of a few moments after that, until Gambit's head hit the mat, and he didn't get back up. "WOW! That was violent!!" Hiroshi gaped. "That's the idea," Daisuke noted. "Folks, we have a new hardcore champion, and I can't think of anybody more suited for the job! At the moment! I've just gotten word that Yotsuya has cornered Sofia, the former hardcore champ--" "Of about sixteen minutes." "--maybe she'll have an opinion on the subject," Hiroshi finished. "Now, live, backstage, take it away, Yotsuya!" * "I'm standing here with half of the Sex and Violence team, Johnny Cage and Sofia," Yotsuya said for the record. "Of course, neither of them are involved in the festivities tonight on account of being losers--" "Watch it, pal," Johnny said in his best Macho Man voice. "--but in continuing the ongoing drama that is Ultra, I have to ask. Sofia, you chose to run away like a frightened cheerleader in the face of Tatewaki Kunou, of all people. Have you dated him yet, as was your agreement?" "I did not 'RUN AWAY', as you so kindly put it," Sofia scoffed. "I simply.. decided it was not worth my time. Clearly, the delusional little child is full of himself. And no, I will not be dating him anytime soon." "Would that be because you're a lousy date, as Gambit has said on live television in front of millions of fans?" "I am NOT a lousy date!" Sofia scoffed again. "I will admit to being.. selective as to my social engagements, but Gambit is the one who is an uncouth barbarian. But no. I simply am completely and totally utterly one hundred and ten percent with sprinkles on top uninterested in Tatewaki Kunou. He's a bore, a loudmouth, and comes from very poor stock, as his idiot sister proves!" "What a coincidence!" Yotsuya stated, perking both eyebrows in Yotsuya Bemused Self-Satisfaction. "His idiot sister happens to be in the building at the moment, on the personal invitation of Kasumi Tendo. In fact, I would hazard that since this interview is being played live for the audience outside, that she's likely en route, and will arrive in five, four, three, two- -" The door was ripped off its hinges by a simple ribbon snapped around the doorknob, and Kodachi Kunou advanced, glowing with an Evil Red Battle Aura. "No good tramp!" Kodachi shouted, twirling her ring once, before snapping it around Sofia's wrists and pulling her down on her knees. "How dare you insult the House of Kunou? Beg for Mistress Kodachi to punish you, lowborn tramp! OHOHOHHOOHHOOO!!" Yotsuya beamed happily. "This is the part of the job I love the most." Johnny Cage stepped up. "Hey, NOBODY does that to my partner--" Then a gymnastics club to the forehead shut him up, and the relatively ecchi fight was on. The leather clad dominatrix snapped the end of the ribbon, flipped to her feet and got the whip out. Narrowing her eyes, twirling the leather punishment strap, while Kodachi twirled her nylon punishment strap... "Sofia will break your spirit, little one! Prepare to call me queen! OOHOHOHOHO!!" * Nabiki stared at the monitor, jaw slack. "Blue dots?" A junior technical director asked. "..blue dots," Nabiki confirmed. "I think we're going to need a lot of them this time." * While the audience was busy staring at a large amount of T, A, and EV, dark underpinnings were pinning. Washuu suited up. She was not going to pull out any stops this time. Robots were too clunky, and she'd yet to have a major success with them; anything she took had to be light and portable. Timesabre. Pocket BFG4500. Bundy Stunner. Liquid Knuckles. Pointed stick. And finally, her Palm Pilot VII, heavily modified to deliver phone numbers, To Do lists, e-mail, and edits to the fabric of reality on the fly. "Let me come with you," Gally said. "I know I didn't know this.. Ifurita? But we're partners now, and--" "If you interfere, Gokuu'll disqualify me," Washuu said simply. "I can't afford that. Stay here and keep anybody else from getting in the lab. I've still got my research into the cure for Ifurita's control, and we CAN'T lose that as well." "But what if you lose?" Washuu considered. "...then I don't get to keep the belt. I could care less about the belt. You didn't see in her MIND, Gally. The sorrow.. I won't give up. I won't lose. Kasumi said so." "She what??" Suited up sufficiently, Washuu tightened the harness of weapons around her person, activated the House Artreides shield generator, and looked seriously at Gally. "STAY. I mean it. I'll be back in a minute." * The two combatants breathed heavily (muskily?). The room was completely trashed, anything snaggable having been hurled around until shattered. Clothing was in tatters, what little clothing was involved. Sweat was dripping. "I have never been a happier man!" Yotsuya proclaimed, still hiding in a locker and peeking out of a slat between the doors. "...have you... had enough?!" Kodachi wheezed. "I still.. *COUGH*... have ONE more trick up my sleeve," Sofia declared. "Behold! The ultimate technique of Controversial Weapons Fighting!" She whipped out her whip, screaming past Kodachi... snagging something large and white from the cafeteria across the hall, and tugging it back. With a CLANG, it impacted on Kodachi's head, dropping her. Sofia caught the kitchen sink in one hand, and smirked. * "WOW!" Hiroshi shouted, muffled only slightly by the wads of tissue paper rammed up his nose. "Sofia actually won a fight!" "Too bad it wasn't in the ring and wasn't against a licensed fighter," Daisuke said. "You know, she IS the Biggest Loser in Ultra, even to date.." "Anybody with puppies like that can't be a loser in my book, Daisuke. Speaking of puppies--" "Washuu's flatchested." "--we've got word that the OMEGA CHALLENGE match is about to take place! Yes, that's right, Washuu Hakubi will be defending her title against Ifurita, of all people, at the Shadowloo Base in Thailand! We've got a floating camera on the scene, and it looks like Washuu just arrived!" * A dimensional rip formed. Not very clean, not very stylish, just the fastest way from point A to point B. Washuu stepped out, bristling with weaponry, and started down the enemy. Not Ifurita. She was there, yes, but simply standing prone, eyes focused on nothing in particular. A robot waiting to be activated. The true enemy stood.. or rather, floated next to her. M. Bison (who had his name legally changed from Vega so he could operate in North America without copyright problems) was a large man. Not exactly tall, but wide. VERY wide. Most men wear shoulder pads to make themselves look wider, but his clunky metal shoulder pads only succeeded in amplifying natural width. Muscles formed on his muscles, and his jaw was easily larger than any member of Ultra, including Mr. Satan. Add to that purewhite eyes, a sickly purple glow of Psycho Power (his own deviant form of evil fighting energy) and you had a basket of problems waiting to be opened up. "I know about you," Washuu said. "I researched you, after I found Psycho Power in Ifurita's mind. International criminal, obsessed with fighting power and world domination. You're the one who's taken control of her?" "It suits my purposes," Bison said. "Even with my Psycho Drive, my human doll playthings can only reach a certain strength. Ifurita is almost limitless, with her copying prowess, and her enhancements." "Let her go," Washuu said, letting her timesabre activate, nice and slow. The white blade humming quietly in the evening air. "Don't monkey with me, pal. I've got a pair of shoes older than you. I've been to a million times as many planets as you have, and know how to warp the gravitational constant of the universe. I've got no problems -- and would HAVE no problems -- eating you for breakfast." "I find those who talk usually have nothing to back up their words," Bison said. "Which is why I prefer Ifurita not to speak. Ifurita, destroy her. Consider it part of your ongoing beta testing in Ultra." Washuu sensed Bison's teleport, and acted quick, stabbing forward with the timesabre; but the delayed reaction blade was too slow, and he escaped easily. Only to be replaced by Ifurita, shifting space to appear where he was. Eyes like ice turning on the scientist. "Target identified," she spoke, woodenly. Raising the power key staff. Purple light in her eyes, controlled... "Terminate with extreme prejudice." The smaller girl did a quick back and forth swipe with the timesabre, at two sections on the power key staff. She leapt back, waiting the two seconds -- but the staff merely vibrated, rather than snapping into three parts. "Technique #2628 catalogued -- time distortion. Countered," Ifurita read back. "Reflect." Nothing happened. Washuu wondered what was going on.. then immediately felt a stabbing pain in her back. She doubled over, coughing up blood.. and realized Ifurita had gone BACK in time to hit her... She tossed the timesabre away. Any weapon adapted to would be useless a second time. Next up was the liquid knuckles, a superdense fluid mass in a convenient spraycan. She aimed carefully, for the head -- to knock out Ifurita's control core -- and hit wide spray. The gooey grey fluid shot through the air at accelerated velocity... and Ifurita raised a hand, deflecting the stream. She studied her sticky hand. "Technique #2629 catalogued -- fluid propellant. Countered. Reflect." Washuu skipped out of the way before the thin stream was sent back at her, letting it cut a wide swath through the forest, knocking down an acre of trees. She cursed, tossing the can away... this wasn't going to go well if Ifurita used everything back at her. What could she DO... The idea hit her fast. She was a genius, after all. Taking a deep breath, Washuu summoned her inner power... concentrating. And when ready, she dove forward... and rolled. She sprang up in front of Ifurita and shook a trembling forearm, in a most manly taunt. "OOSHA!!" she taunted. Then rolled and taunted again. "DOSTHA DOSHTA?!" And again. "RASHU!" And again. "ROWROWROWROWROW!!" And finally, gave a big, happy thumbs up. "YAYOUZE!!!" Ifurita's systems got a little confused. "Technique #2630 - - Ohatsu Dentetsu, Saikyo-style Taunting Legend. Countered? Reflect." The demon-god Ifurita, scourge of El Hazard, slayer of millions and walking death machine, tucked and rolled, come out of it with a taunt. "OOSHA!" Now, Washuu thought, taking the oblong Bundy Stunner off her belt, and hitting the STUN ACTIVATE button. For .02 seconds, it worked. The stunner was tuned to the harmonics of Ifurita's android body, and her forearm went limp first, as it was the closest. But in negating the taunt, her focus snapped back into sharp relief. Ifurita's entire body flared with Psycho power, as she sprang from her crouching position at Washuu.. and flew, head first, spinning in a corkscrew of death. A flaming torpedo, the comet-tail stretching out behind her, as the Psycho Crusher, Bison's technique, impacted Washuu full on. Not fast enough to block, Washuu was carried along for the ride, her body scorched by the flames of darkness. Ifurita pushed her away, and shifted back into an upright position... leaving the redhead unconscious on the forest floor. Bison re-appeared, the danger gone, and the test over. He chuckled, and stripped the Omega division championship belt off of Washuu, passing it to Ifurita. Ifurita wore it wordlessly. "A good test," Bison said. "You'll need to defeat many more before I can start using you full time, of course. For now... let's collect the TRUE prize, and begone." "Yes, master," Ifurita stated, lifting Washuu off the ground, and tossing her over a shoulder. The two turned to go, when a tearing sound stopped them. Another portal in space and time had opened, messily, but wide enough to allow Gally to flip out and onto the surface of Thailand, fists at the ready. "Ano, did Mihoshi push the right button to make the door thingy open up?" a bubblehead asked. Then she got a good look at Bison, went 'Yipe!' and ran back into the lab to hide. "...you're not taking her," Gally said. "More little girls?" Bison asked. "Doesn't Omega have anything better than this? You are not as powerful as Washuu. How can you hope to defeat my new doll?" Gally took a risk. If it worked.. "Ifurita has to see a technique in action before she can find a countermeasure, right?" "Your point being?" Lord Bison asked, growing impatient. The cybernetic girl pointed behind them. "LOOK, behind you! A three headed monkey!!" "Oh, please," Bison laughed. "That's--" Ifurita turned to look. Gally quickly ran up, grabbed Washuu, pulled her off Ifurita's shoulder and DOVE into the portal. It sealed itself up afterwards. The demon-god turned back. Blinked once or twice, processing. "Technique #2631 catalogued -- oldest trick in the book. Unsuccessfully countered." If he was standing on the ground, Bison would have been tapping his foot in anger. "You may be talented, but clearly your training has some very, very large holes in it," Bison stated. "Should I persue them, master?" "No, it's of no importance. We will have other opportunities. It's time to recharge your Psycho Power. The Apocalypse Brawl comes." * The wailing of lamentation could be heard through all of the medical ward. The sound of ultimate suffering. The sound of a heart breaking, a dream shattering. "I... lost... TO... DAN!?!" Sakura asked at the top of her lungs, on waking. "...it seems so," Ryu said. He felt like a deer in headlights. The solitary life of martial arts training had never really prepared him to deal with hysterical girls. Or to deal with girls at all, for that matter. Sakura went as white as her fuku. "I lost to Dan. I LOST to Dan. I.. lost TO Dan. I LOST TO DAN! I LOST THE GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP BELT TO DAN!" "Yes?" Ryu offered, puzzled at all the repeating. In a swift move, Sakura grabbed the nearest sharp object (a fork from her hospital dinner). "That's it! I've got to commit hari kari right now! It's the only honorable way to end my career!!" In a panic, Ryu wrestled the.. plastic spork away. "Hey! Hey. It's okay to lose. The important thing is to know WHY you lost." "I lost because I should have become an aeronautics engineer like my mom told me to!" "Ah.. I was thinking more along the lines of the seriousness of the fight," Ryu tried to explain. "Sakura.. you know you don't really understand the meaning of the fight yet. I'm not even sure I do. But clearly, Dan had more of a grasp on it tonight than you did. It's okay. Maybe.. maybe with some extra training, you could--" "Training?" Sakura asked, her darkest hour turning into a gleaming ray of hope. "You mean you'll train me? After all this time you'll actually take me on as your student?! Formally? Really really huh really?" A small sweatdrop formed behind Ryu's head. "Well, I'm giving aid to everybody in Spirit of Shotokan on an informal basis, but I--" Sakura sprang from the bed like Q-Bert, glomping onto Ryu. "OH, THANK YOU! I've waited so long to be your pupil! I'll bring great honor to you and fight really really good! And I'll get my title back, I swear I will!" Ryu pinwheeled his arms, trying to keep his balance under the huggle attack, and resist whatever suppressed urge his body had to blush. "Uh. Um..." Knock knock. The lone warrior looked over, desperate for distraction... and seeing the look on his friend's face, it was a doozer of one. "We've got problems," Ken said, in all seriousness. Sakura de-glomped, back into her bed. "Something wrong?" "I've been watching the show while you baby-sat the girl wonder," Ken said, walking in. "Two developments. Akuma.. I think he may be dead. He got decapitated by some girl." Ryu flinched. "Akuma? Defeated?" "Well, hey, good riddance, in my opinion. But there's bigger news. Bison's finally shown up around Ultra." Hardened expression from Ryu. "Where?" "He's managing Ifurita's career. He hasn't said anything about us yet, but he just managed to stomp a mudhole in Washuu with his new toy. And you know how he is about you, Ryu..." No response. "Uh.. Ryu?" "Don't worry, Ken," Ryu said, calmly. "I won't challenge him directly. Not yet. But if he's around, I think all of us had better start taking the fight seriously. This could stop being a test of skills and start being a battle for our lives very quickly." "Can Sakura walk?" Ken asked. "I really think we should get out there and watch the Apocalypse Brawl. Bison'll probably be there, and know your enemy, and all..." Sakura hopped to her feet. And glommed onto Ryu's back. "NEVER BETTER, with Ryu-sama as my sensei!" Ken flashed him a weird look. The shotokan disciple simply grinned nervously, and tried to make like nothing was wrong. * Fireworks! Fireworks! Fireworks! None of which set the crowd on fire, which was a good thing, all of which were highly entertaining, which was also a good thing. "It's time! It's time!" Hiroshi shouted, on the edge of his seat until he fell off and clocked his jaw on the table. But was right up on his feet again in short time. "It's the moment you've all been waiting for, folks! The main event! The show stopper! The final spectacle of the evening! The most--" "It's the Apocalypse Brawl," Daisuke summarized. "And it's gonna rock this afterlife to the CORE, ladies and gentlemen!!" Hiroshi shouted. "The ENTIRE Omega division, in one location, with last man standing rules! But before we officially kick it off, Kasumi Tendo will give opening remarks." A soft chorus of angels sang.. as Kasumi walked out on foot, since she happened to be nearby. (After all, Sofia and Kodachi had made quite a mess, and someone had to clean it up.) She still had her broom with her. "Konban wa, minna!" she greeted, smiling. A very nice god- dess indeed. "I'm so happy you're all here. Now, I'd like to explain a few things. First, don't worry, Tokyo has been evacuated, so nobody will really get hurt. Second, the This Old Dojo repair team has volunteered to take care of any repairs, and given their ability, I'm sure everybody can go back to Tokyo sometime tomorrow, and it'll look just like they left it!" "It's good to play god, isn't it, Daisuke?" Hiorshi asked. "I don't think Kasumi's 'playing', exactly.." "Second, I've got some sad news," Kasumi said. "Since CyberAkuma has been injured, he won't be able to attend the fun." Hiroshi gaped. "Decapitation is only an INJURY!?" "Omega is a rather tough bunch," his friend reminded. "Also, he'll have to be sent back to Scrap Iron City, for criminal proceedings. Gomen ne, minna! Also, rescue efforts to find Toguro Ani after his fight last week have failed, so we're going to have to file him as 'retired' from Ultra. But don't worry! There are plenty of other nice people waiting to compete, and we'll begin in minutes, with the whole event televised thanks to the Ultra floating camera system!" "Lord knows I wouldn't want to be standing around Tokyo Tower right now," Daisuke said, instantly relieved. "I'm sure she does, Daisuke. I'm sure she does." "So, everybody give them some nice applause, and let's have some good, clean fun!" Kasumi clapped lightly, encouraging the crowd -- which boomed in a thunderous wave of foot stomping and hand clapping, a bit of an overstatement compared to her little pats. Kasumi turned around, and went back to her job of cleaning up backstage. "Okay, the portals are opening, and the fighters are entering the park around Tokyo Tower!" Hiroshi announced. "Once everybody's in place, the bell will sound, and it's time to KICK SOME ASS!" * Tokyo, normally a city of endless activity, from bustling streets in the day and flashing neon at night, was dead silent. Kasumi had negotiated with the city to 'borrow' it, given that she promised to repair any damages, and she had the credentials to back up her claim -- namely, the ability to make miracles. Everybody was gone, except perhaps the pigeons, but pigeons are stupid and deserve what they get. The first mortal foot to step onto the observation deck of Tokyo Tower did so very, very reluctantly. "OOooooh, oooh, my stomach!!" Mr. Satan whined, clutching at his intestines and wailing away. "No, no.. I shouldn't go on. It wouldn't be fair to the others not to face Mr. Satan in anything less than perfect form! I can decline on the honor of participating in the--" Kaworu shoved him through the portal and onto the other side. "Don't worry! I'm sure you'll do fine." And the portal sealed itself perfectly, job complete. Mr. Satan whirled to dive back in, but was too late. First he looked around for any television cameras. There was one, so he couldn't run away and hide. It'd ruin his image as the savior of the planet... instead, he simply tracked every exit in the room (an ability he had learned long ago) and how many seconds it would take to make it out of here the MINUTE there was sufficient distraction. A second portal opened.. and Mr. Satan saw two cute little girls walk out. He would have relaxed if he hadn't seen one of them drop a Death Star on someone just last week. "We blow past everybody, stun Ifurita, and get out of here," Washuu explained. "I don't know if she picked up enough on the bundy stunner last time to adapt, but we'll have to try. It's the best attack I have against her nervous system." Gally nodded. "Right. I just hope we can do this fast... we can't hold off all of these people. I could handle maybe one or two, but--" A second portal opened.. and out walked the Orochi, towering over the two, rage in his eyes, the shining white fire in his blood. Everything about his expression suggested hatred, in its most raw, undiluted form. "YOU," he declared, pointing down at Washuu. "You will cease to be!" "My shoulders [hurt]," Naga whined, as she was carrying Orochibi on her back to give him some sort of height advantage. "It's bad enough that my [breasts] do as much damage to my back, why do I have to haul your sorry [ass] around too--" "Silence!!" Orochi barked, and bonked Naga on the head with a squeaky mallet. Then looked in surprise at the weapon he had used, and tossed it away in absolute disgust. "Hey HEY! Is this a private party, or can anybody hit the town, so to speak?" A third portal opened, and Dark Schneider, 100% ego, 1000% power, stepped out. He wasn't naked this time (and was anatomically correct somewhere under his robes), and seemed cheerful despite the chaos he was in last week. He looked around, though, for a familiar face... "You!" Lina shouted, on arriving. "Good thing you showed up. I never got to finish kicking your head into your lungs from last time!!" Eyes darting to the exit frantically, Mr. Satan slooooowly edged away... Next to arrive was Sephiroth.. fully prepared. His katana drawn from word one, his armor shining, his leather clothes flapping majestically despite their being no wind in Tokyo Tower aside from the air conditioning. Lina glanced over at him. "Oi! You I'll deal with later, I've got a beef with Mr. Shoulder Pads first!" "...I have a challenge of my own. Ignore me until the time is appropriate," Sephiroth said simply.. laying eyes at least once on everyone, so who that would be was not clear. "So when do we get on with it?" Dark Schneider asked, tapping a heavy metal boot impatiently. "I'm all pumped up and nowhere to blow." "Wait for the bell, barbarian," Sephiroth replied, coldly. "Excuse? You're just as pretty boy as I am, you know. Even down to the snowfall hairstyle--" A LARGE portal opened outside, and EVA-01 toppled out of it, landing awkwardly on its feet. The large angel-trapped-in-armor did not move, after that, and Shinji didn't come onto the loudspeakers for any taunting. "Uh..." Gally asked.. "That's large, isn't it?" "Welcome to Omega," Washuu grinned. "It's not that hard to beat, if you know what you're doing. Human error always works..." Finally, the latecomer arrived. Latecomers, rather. A purple portal opened, of its own design, and the demon-god Ifurita floated out.. no longer walking, as it was not efficient, and her power was controlled tightly. She stared blankly at nothing in particular, power key staff in a deceptively simple grasp... and was followed by another floating figure, one who barely fit through the portal. Washuu flared flaming hatred at him. "You're not in this federation, Bison. You don't belong here." Darshu nudged Lina. "Psst. Who's tall dark and blatantly evil over there?" "Got me," Lina said. "Looks a bit like Raoul Julia on horse steroids." M. Bison chuckled evilly -- how else would he chuckle? He shook his head. "Don't worry, little girl. I will be leaving. I simply wanted to wish my pet luck in her test against your combined strength..." In silence, Sephiroth smiled to himself. Washuu stared directly into a camera. "Ring the bell." *POUF!* Skuld popped in, with Banpei-Gong RX. "Yosh! Let the Apocalypse Brawl begin!" And she WHANGED the gong with her mallet, before vanishing. Everybody started to attack at once. Going frame by frame, here's roughly what happened. Bear with us, folks, it's a lot : First, Mr. Satan yanked the EXIT door open and ran for his life, but that was to be expected. Second, Bison threw a fist in the air -- and a purple beam of psycho power punched harmlessly through the ceiling, shooting straight up into the sky. Simultaneously, Washuu hit the STUN button on her gadget, sending a wave of paralysis towards Ifurita... who had logged it from the last fight, and reflected it right back, sending Washuu's nervous system into fits. Lina blasted Dark Schneider out of a window, and chased him, ignoring everybody else. Darshu didn't seem to mind. (Or feel it.) Sephiroth stood in place, waiting... Gally moved quickly, seeing the attack backfire... right as a compressed electromagnetic pulse, triggered by Bison's call to one of his orbiting satellites, knocked out all electricity in a two mile radius centered on Tokyo Tower. * Hiroshi coughed soda when the Titan Tron began to cough up static. "What the--?!" he shouted. "Something's gone wrong at Tokyo Tower! All video feeds have been completely cut off!" "We're working to restore video, folks," Daisuke said. "Please bear with us. I can't think of what could be strong enough to do that... odds are the destruction is worse than we even imagined. I'd hate to be out there." "Me too," Shinji said from his seat in the crowd behind them. The announcers... slowly turned, and stared. Shinji stared back. "Yeah, right, like I'm going to go out and get my ass carved up by those psychos," Shinji laughed. "I'm not stupid, you know. I put a life size Terry Bogard cutout in the entry plug and let NERV launch it empty." "...another stunning display of controversy from Ikari Shinji," Daisuke said, for lack of any better explanation. "I can't even begin to imagine what's going on out there..." * Gally got one foot before the EMP wave knocked out her power systems. It was a lot like being drunk. Neurons misfired, her motors and muscles shut down. Her whole body staggered forward, slumped to one knee, and fell over. But the horrible part was how she could WATCH this happening to her, and be totally unable to stop it, as Washuu was down, and Bison was laughing like a madman while a glowing ball formed at the end of the Power Key Staff, which was pointed right into her eye... A five foot katana rammed directly through Ifurita's neck. "I accept your test, Bison," Sephiroth spoke, as calmly as one might order coffee at a corner restaurant. "Let me see if your Xerox machine can match the true skills of a fallen angel." Ifurita paused, ignoring the sword through her neck, and looked at her master for instructions. "...it will do," Bison agreed. His smile fading. "Capture Washuu and destroy the cyborg when you finish with this one, my lovely slave." Bison faded away, back through the Psycho Power portal he had made. The white haired son of Genova smiled, slowly drawing the sword from her neck. Then his wrist flared. "Ultima," he said softly... * Mr. Satan was running. He was very good at it. He had gotten down all 5,692 stairs of Tokyo Tower at the kind of ludicrous speed you can only achieve with a phenomenal will to live. He was five hundred feet from the tower when the observation deck pulsed with green power, and all the glass blew outward. Don't look back, don't look back... He looked back. The tower was falling over. Nice and slow. "AAAA!!! DEAR KAMI-SAMA, save my unworthy ass!" he screamed, running from the rapidly collapsing tower... * Half a mile away, stuff was blowing up REAL good as Lina and Schneider swapped various forms of high energy destruction. "FIREBALL!" "GUNSNORO!" "EMELIKA LANCE!" "ZARZARD!" "GAAV FLARE!" "STRYPER!" Lina paused, allowing the shield to pop up around Dark Schneider uncontested. "Stryper? Weren't they a lame Christian rock band?" "What in blazes are you talking about?" Dark Schneider asked, pausing as well. "It's the name of a band! I heard them on the radio last night when I was bored and eating ice crea-- err, training. You didn't know about that?" "Of course it's not the name of a band! It's the name of an ancient priest who challenged the mystical four headed chaos dragon in the year of--" "And your other spells... Guns 'n Ro, Megadeth, Halloween.. they're all bands too!" Lina shouted. "And the name of your home country, Metallicana, and everything!" "What, all of them?" Dark Schneider asked. "I had no idea. What about--" "Band." "And--" "Band." "I'll be damned. I swear, this cross-reality stuff can get really strange." "Tell me about it. I could swear that guy who looks like Sephiroth Junior is really Xelloss in a worse wig..." "Funny life." "Yeah." Pause. "Continue?" "Okay." "DEEP DOOMSDAY!" "LAGUNA BLADE!" Boom, boom, etc. * Sephiroth floated in the air, the wind now whipping his cloak of darkness about him properly, his hair wafting in the air flows. Ifurita circled him, calculating his strategy, trying to read psychological tactics -- hard to do, with his rock hard demeanor of slack calm. "Ultima," Ifurita tried, sending wave after wave of the green light after him. "Barrier," Sephiroth called, snapping a shield around him. "Barrier," Ifurita responded. The two were at a stalemate. Sephiroth watched her carefully, but with sad disapproval. "You will never achieve greatness as a puppet," he stated. "Your mindset is simple. Against the weak, that is good. Against skill, it is not. I wished to challenge you before Bison changed your mind, but now, I will use the opportunity to prove your uselessness." Ifurita didn't taunt back. She wasn't programmed to. Sephiroth sighed, sheathing the katana for now. He rotated seventy degrees, on a pivot.. and gestured towards the idle and empty EVA-01 unit. Slowly, it began to rise. * Gendo sat behind his desk, hands folded neatly in front of his mouth, while paper printout was tossed around in a crazed fit of confusion by the rest of the NERV support staff. "Pattern ROSE! He's an angel!? How is this possible?" "Nothing in the Dead Sea Scrolls spoke of this!" "EVA-01's sync rate has been fixed at 99% by Sephiroth! It's completely outside of our control! We can't shut it down!" "This can't be!!" "All the electrical is down, but it's still moving!" "We can't stop it!" Ritsuko summarized. "Only Shinji can sync with it, and we can't get him into the entry plug now! Gendo, what do we DO?!" The entire control staff looked at the man. He sat perfectly still, hands folded, shine off his glasses blinding. "...I have wet my pants," he stated. * EVA-01 swiftly moved to live, drawing the gigantic progressive knife, assuming a battle stance not unlike Sephiroth's. The unit's eyes were dead and unglowing, but it moved with a grace and power seldom seen in its angel-like rages under Shinji's control. "A mere toy cannot match the fallen," Sephiroth spoke softly, barely above a whisper. And the Evangelion unit charged Ifurita. * The partially melted remains of Tokyo Tower lay crumpled along a series of buildings, unmoving. A hand slowly reached for the jagged metal that used to be the framework of the array of windows. It ignored the sharp edges, and hauled itself up... red hair poking through first. Washuu looked down, at Gally. "I'm sorry.. I can't reset you until we get back to the lab." She did her best to put a null-reality envelope around the girl, to keep her safe. "I'll come back. I've got to go after Ifurita first--" The world went white around her, and she was knocked off the tower, crashing to the pavement below. The menacing figure (and figurine) descended on wings of power. "NOW I punish you for what you have done!" the Orochibi chirped, from his perch on Naga's shoulders. He flung out his hand, sending a black disc of the Void towards Washuu... She grabbed the disc out of thin air, slapped it onto an old fashioned Victrolia, and it began playing a weak jazz number. A small dog listened to the oversized megaphone speaker. Sweatdrops appeared on Naga and the Orochibi. "...I reengineered you, remember?" Washuu asked, regaining her strength. "All that evil drama? The darkness and the posturing and the strength on strength? Gone. You're COMIC RELIEF now, buddy! And you'll stay that way until I put your DNA back the way it was!" The Orochibi fumed cutely, a cloud of smoke coming out of his ears. "Impudent! NAGA! Destroy her!" Naga tossed the Orochibi aside (crash) and cracked her knuckles. "With [pleasure], master." * Lina breathed heavily. The fight was not going well at all. Most of the landscape around them was pockmarked with fifty foot wide craters, most smoking, a few glowing in various rainbow hues. Strange mutants had started to roam the surface, pigeons gone down the horribly wrong rung of the evolutionary ladder. Mt. Fuji had a surprisingly large hole blown directly through the center of it, and DARK SCHNEIDER WAS STILL MOVING. Granted, he was getting about as winded as Lina was, no matter how hard he tried to cover it. "Had... enough.. babe?" he wheezed. "Never..!" Lina said. She started her final spell... (not Giga Slave. She was not stupid.) "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson like blood that--" "GUNSNRO!!!" Dark Schneider interrupted, and blasted a fireball the size of the King Dome around Lina. When the flames cleared... Lina was fairly crispy, having barely gotten a barrier up in time. And furious. "Ano NA!! You can't interrupt someone while they're in the middle of the long dramatic buildup right before a final attack!" "Why not? You do it all the time." "...that's besides the point! I'm the spunky antidramatic heroine, I'm ALLOWED to do that!" Lina got even angrier. "Don't you go copying my shtick, you pile of..." The wind felt very drafty. Lina looked down. And didn't see anything. Well, no, there was the ground and the wreckage and so on, but all of her clothes had been scorched clean off her body. "KYAAA!!!!!" Lina screamed, turning beet red. ...and that's when, over the horizon, exactly four thousand, one hundred and nine helicopter gunships trailed by precisely nine hundred and seventy two tanks and forty five antiaircraft missile arrays rolled into view. "FOR THE GLORY OF JAPAN, WE, THE JSDF (Japanese Self Defense Force) WILL STOP THIS OUTRAGEOUS SPECTACLE!" someone in the lead helicopter shouted over a megaphone. "PREPARE TO DIE, MONSTERS!..." All the collective pilots, tank drivers and artillery experts got a good, hard look at Lina. "HOLY COW, THAT CHICK'S NAKED!" the military commander said. "Ehheh," Dark Schneider giggled, a sweatdrop poking up on the back of his head. "Timing. Isn't it ironic?" ............Lina pointed at Darshu, and at the military, which happened to be in the same direction. "Dragon... slave." * Mr. Satan cowered under the counter of Ukyou's Okonomiyaki Takeout (closed up during the evacuation) when he felt the massive rumble. Oh, god, what were they USING out there? Nuclear weapons?! He didn't want to become a mutant! ...a scratching sounded at the door. "People!" he blurted, instantly grateful. "And where there are people, there are cars, and ways to get the hell out of here! SAVE ME! SAVE ME, WHOEVER YOU ARE!" He ran to the door, and opened it... Three very large pigeons cooed at him. With razor sharp beaks. * Sephiroth ignored the explosion in the distance, concentrating. Ifurita had a size disadvantage, but she had strength indeed. Blunt strength, directed only to the most important target zones. The Eva was taking a beating. She already had lost a limb from a cut with the progressive knife, and was driven through five buildings in a row with a blast from its massive gun, but it had only slowed her slightly. She was busy sorting her files, looking for the perfect attack to cut through the AT Field. And found it. Another AT Field. The buildup was slow, as she was working from a copy of the AT Field. Which is precisely what Sephiroth wanted. He vanished.. and reappeared behind her. "Fire three," he declared, the raging red blazes starting to form... "Ice three," Ifurita countered, crystals starting to form in the air around her, as her control code dictated this to be the best defense against -- "Ice three," Sephiroth changed in midstream, redirecting the almost incompatible materia power into itself, and back at Ifurita. The two ice spells met, built on each other... She dropped from the sky in a block of ice the size of a McDonald's. Sephiroth left the Eva unit alone -- it had served well -- and pursued, keeping the ice on her, more and more, harder and faster to match her attempts to melt her way out of the frozen trap. When the ice hit the ground, he only solidified it as it shattered, bonding it to the concrete. Ifurita's eyes gazed through the distorted frozen surface, to meet Sephiroth's. "I know," Sephiroth stated. "I cannot trap you forever. But that is irrelevant. You have lost." Son Gokuu, referee for the Omega Division, blurred into focus with instantaneous movement. "16... 17... 18... 19... 20. Count out," he declared. "Ifurita has been disqualified for being disabled for the time duration." Just as expected, Ifurita's program shut down, on hearing of the defeat. And as expected, Bison appeared, enraged at Sephiroth, hovering in the air. "That was cheap," he growled. "No, that was the nature of the fight," Sephiroth stated. "That is the test you entered her into. And she proved unworthy. I'll have no more to do with your toy, she fails to interest me." The one winged angel moved with blurring speed, to the wreckage of the tower, leaving the angered Shadowloo lord behind. Bison cursed under his breath, shattered the ice with a single blow of his fist, and left -- leaving Ifurita cold, alone, and in a constant feedback loop of defeat and shame.. With a second thought, he returned, and lifted her with Psycho Power to take back to the base. It would not do for Washuu to take the prize. He could punish Ifurita sufficiently in private, anyway. * Washuu impacted against the wall with an unpleasant cracking sound that was her shoulder dislocating. Naga continued to advance, fists glowing with the black power of the Orochi. "You are [nothing] to the Black Serpent." The scientist had to admit to worry. Most of her good gadgets, toys and wonders were broken in the fall of Tokyo Tower, and the abilities she had inherent were malfunctioning since the EMP blast. What she did have left would be enough for some normal fighter, but Naga was far from normal... But when did she ever rely entirely on tricks? She didn't get to be top of her class and president of the Extreme Science club without some smarts. "I yield!" Washuu said, bowing in front of Naga. "I'm unworthy. Naga, you're so powerful, and so beautiful and cool! You're the better! I'm just a lowly worm!" Naga paused. An old feeling was coming back to her. [hate?] No, no that. [violence?] Closer. Starts with V. "Well... of course!" Naga boasted. "I *AM* Naga the Wh-- Black Serpent! I am indeed, OOOOHHOHOHOOHHOHHOOO!" "Finish her off already!" the Orochibi temper tantrumed. "I'd like to present you with this gift as a token of my appreciation for the most awesome person I've ever met," Washuu said, tugging what would normally be a useless item out of one of her closest subdimensional pockets. "The finest vintage I've ever sampled!" hit the forefront. "Booze!" Naga grinned, stars in her eyes. She grabbed the bottle and took a huge swig off of it. "One part Santigran seawater, one part Old Janx Spirit, some melted Zamphour," Washuu explained. "The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Always a hit at parties." The bottle dropped. Naga swayed. And hiccuped, skin bright red. "Taaaaash sh'tuff!!" she burped. "I feel like shinging.." "You idiot!" the Orochibi shouted. "Can't you even beat up a little girl properly? KILL her! Use the Ankoku Dragon Slave like I taught you, useless puppet!" "Ooooh, right," Naga said, focusing. "It goeshhh.. um... the foolsh... "Thosefoolswhoi[hate]shallreturntonothingbythepoweryou andIposess, Ankoku Dragon Slave," Washuu prompted.. and turned Naga around, to face the Orochibi... * ...Sephiroth flew on, katana drawn. Washuu was next, and was right ahead of him, along with some of the lesser ones. Perhaps he could fell her in one stroke, for the humiliation she beset on him.. perhaps she would prove to be a worthy opponent again-- "ANKOKU DRAGON SLAVE!" The black wind rushing at him did not look like any of Washuu's creations. Of course, it was nothing to Sephiroth. One barrier would-- The Orochibi went tumbling end over end, and smacked Sephiroth square in the chest, his miniature field of comedy wiping out any shot Sephiroth had at succeeding. The two shot across the Tokyo skyline, a black comet streaking towards the Shinjuku district... Where they impacted, kicking up a maelstrom of destructive energy, wiping out five city blocks. Nobody came back up after that. * "Wooow! I blashted that Washhuuu helluva far!" Naga grinned. "...'m gonna nap now." She fell on her face and began to snore. Washuu sighed in relief. She would really be in dire straights if not for that twist. If Sephiroth had gotten through... A figure touched down near her, wearing a number of towels stolen out of the wreckage of the Tokyo Hilton. "What, is that all?" Lina asked. "You're the only one left?" "The only one?" Washuu asked. "What about Ifurita?" "Gone, as far as I can tell," Lina said, dusting off her hands. "EVA-01 fell down over there, I think I saw Sephiroth go screaming by, and Dark Schneider is buried under a bunch of helicopters. It's just you and me." Washuu's face fell. "...so Bison took her. You know? I'm really not interested in fighting anymore. Want to call it a draw?" "HEY! I came here to win, I'll have you know!" Lina replied. "Maybe I hit a few bumps along the way, but I intend to bag this thing!" "...okay. Fine. Handshake before we begin?" Washuu suggested, holding out her hand, friendly like. Smiling. Lina paused... and took that hand. Both moved at once. "FIREB--" "REALITY ED--" "COO! COO!" A mutant pigeon trampled the both of them, knocking them out cold. Feathers settled on top of their unconscious forms as it beat a hasty retreat. Mr. Satan skidded around a corner, his clothing mostly pecked apart, his afro out of whack. He shook a fist at the departing pigeon. "And let THAT be a lesson to you, bird brain!!" He paused, seeing the three collapsed bodies of the Omega fighters. And the one just inside the tower... * "OKAY! We've got the television problem cleared up!" Hiroshi announced. "Let's see what there is to see over Tokyo!" The Titan Tron flickered, and crackled, and... ...showed what was left of Tokyo. Mt. Fuji wrecked. A destroyed army. Sephiroth and the Orochibi buried in Shinjuku. Tokyo Tower ruined. EVA-01 collapsed into an awkward position. And nearby, many fighters seemingly beaten senseless. And a very, very confused Mr. Satan looking right into the floating camera. The arena was sent into stunned silence. Hiroshi broke it. "...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE SUPREME CHAMPION OF THE APOCALYPSE BRAWL, EARTH'S GREATEST HERO... MR. SATAN!!!!" And the show faded to black, on a picture of a surprised, but nervously smug man who was truly the salvation of mankind. In his own little way. * In her office, Kasumi sat back in her chair, and sighed in relief. It had all worked out well. Everything had gone as it should have. There were some touch and go moments, when the rickety setups almost failed... A knock on the door. Kaworu entered. "A toast to celebrate?" he asked. "No thank you," she said. Truly happy simply that it was over. "There is the small matter of CyberAkuma's head..." Kasumi didn't think too hard about this, tired from the effort, and made a mistake. "Keep it in storage until Tifa and Bean return. Bean can deliver it to Scrap Iron City; fit the Roadbuster with a dimensional jump gear. He'll make a good general purpose courier for Ultra's delivery needs." * In the quiet of the basement, a single red eye glowed. It waited patiently for whatever would come. A figure stepped before it. "You seem to be in a bad situation," he said. "I am not concerned." "You should be. I could aid you. My resources, as you know, are vast." "I have no wish to become your toy," Akuma frowned. "I'm sure we can come to some sort of mutual benefit, without resorting to my.. usual methods. Your business is not done here, yes? Ryu has arrived. It's too soon for you to leave." "Yes..." Akuma said, eye flaring at the mention of the name. "Then," Bison smiled, "Let's negotiate." Of course, conversations like this are never exactly private. A man crouched behind a box, using a cool new infrared camera he had got out of a comic book mail order form to take some incriminating photographs. "I don't like this guy," he determined, whispering to himself softly. "He's too mean and ordinary. Not fun and chaotic like me. He hasn't seen the true way yet. I think I'm going to have to start making his life very interesting..." *squeek* "Good of you to agree, Mr. Duck." -=- ][ ULTRARAGE ALPHA RESULTS ][ WOLVERINE/SHADOWCAT disqualified -- Shadowcat now RETIRED. MORRIGAN/LILLITH keep the Lambda belt. ][ TEAM ROCKET entered Lambda division. ][ TEAM ROCKET defeats ASH/PIKACHU, now at 1W/0L. ][ GALLY entered Omega Divison. ][ GALLY defeats CYBERAKUMA, now at 1W/0L. ][ STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI defeats SAKURA, now at 2W/3L. ][ STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI is the new GAMMA CHAMPION. ][ NEWCOMER'S INVITATIONAL : ][ BEAN BANDIT defeats TIFA LOCKHEART, now at 1W/0L. ][ HAOHMARU beats KARIN KANZUKI, now at 1W/0L. ][ HAOHMARU beats BEAN BANDIT, now at 2W/0L. ][ HOAHMARU entered Gamma divison. ][ BEAN/TIFA entered Lambda division. ][ Final votes on poll closing for the Invitational were Haohmaru - 23 (Gamma winner) Bean Bandit - 22 \ Tifa - 22 /joint Lambda seemed like a good option :) Karin - 20 ][ WOLVERINE entered Gamma division, leaving Lambda. ][ WOLVERINE defeated GAMBIT in a hardcore match, now at 1W/0L. ][ WOLVERINE is the new HARDCORE CHAMPION. ][ IFURITA defeated WASHUU, now at 1W/2L. ][ IFURITA is the new OMEGA CHAMPION. ][ TOGURO ANI was lost and is now RETIRED. ][ MR. SATAN won the APOCALYPSE BRAWL, now at 2W/0L. ][ See webpage for next scheduled author. AUTHOR'S NOTES : I'm not sure if it's the best Ultra written, but I hope it's good enough to make the cut. Took a lot of time to do, and a lot of stalling, but it's done, and I'm happy with it. ^_^ Shout out to Mal, who did me a big favor and wrote the Hardcore fight for me; I had no ideas for it and wanted to get on with things. Thanks, man. I owe. A big shout out to ALL the Ultra authors of Season One, and the future ones of Season Two -- the real hotshots behind this. And a mega shout out to all of the Ultra readers and fans, the people we're doing this for! You keep reading, we'll keep writing and everybody will have a groovy time. Lots of crazy stuff went on; see the webpage for formal definitions of 'retired' (basically means out of active duty, can be pulled back later if an author has a good idea for them) and so on. Apologies for going overboard on Bean/Tifa -- I couldn't think of a better way to establish their characters, which aren't easy to grasp outside of the context of their sources. Also went a bit nuts with Washuu, Gally and Ifurita, but hey, if it doesn't work, future authors don't have to run with it was much as I did. :) I think that's enough notes. See you in season two, and see you for UltraRage BETA : I may be asking for volunteers to write that one (this one was helluva tough!) so keep an ear out. Thanks, and Kasumi bless! -2f 6/1/99 Yashrio: "Shermie, stop that. He's still our lord and the god of hatred." Shermie: "I know, Yashiro-kun, but he's just so CUTE AND HUGGABLE, ooooh!" *squeezesqueeze* Orochibi: "STOP that! I command you to stop that at once! WASHUU, I will get my revenge!" David: "..."