Normally, Heaven was not a place with a lot of downtime. Being the place where all good and holy things inevtiably arrive and depart from, it tended to be a busy place, a true city that never slept. Kasumi's reign changed this just *slightly*. After all, people always tended to be so much nicer and more polite when they were well-rested, even if politeness and niceness were part of their fundamental makeup and were essentially unavoidable fragments of said personality. It didn't pay to take chances. However, it meant less work for the angels and sub-deities, so Siesta Hour in Heaven was a suggestion met with acceptance, if not enthusiasm. GOod may require eternal vigilance, after all, but a quick nap was always acceptable in the right circumstances. However, there's always a few people who just can't take naps. Kasumi, being an understanding Creator, recognized this and had a spa put in. For relaxation purposes, anyhow. It was in said New Heaven Health and Raquet that Urd and Xelloss were enjoying a small game of squash, to pass the time. They weren't sleepers, after all. The ball was moving fast and furious as the goddess and the demon priest gave themselves a good workout, even if their bodies were entirely mass defiances of quantum physics which didn't need exercise. Convention is, after all, an irresistable force. "So, how is it being stuck on administrative duty for this *huff* second tournament?" Urd queried, rebounding a ball into the court's far wall. "Oh, it's much more fun than you'd think," her opponent replied, teleporting to meet the ball and give it a healthy return whack. "Absolutely fascinating to watch all the players run about on the chessboard, don't you think?" Urd feh'ed, continuing the volley. "I still don't know what possessed Kasumi to start all this nonsense anyway. Unless she..." Urd paused, giving Xel time to bank a perfect shot back at her. "Naaah. Kasumi wouldn't do that. She's too...NICE." The tanned goddess gave the ball another backhand and hmmed. "Which reminds me. What did you need that file for, anyhow?" Xelloss grinned, and winked. "Sore wa...himitsu desu." Of course, that was when Urd grabbed her racket and swung mightily, sending Xel flying into the distance. Taglines always bothered her. <----> Meanwhile, elsewhere in this wide, wide multiverse, Sakura Kasugano was upset. Her surroundings indicated this quite well, actually, considering that they more or less resembled Hanoi, circa Miss Saigon. What was once the proud Spirit of Shotokan training dojo and waffle house (tm) had been beaten to a bloody (or, rather, wooden) pulp by the mighty fists of a woman scorned. For a dark god. People seemed to think that she was in love with Ryu-sensei. This wasn't true. Sure, he was cute and all, but Sakura admired Ryu for what he was: a competent and respected fighter, something she admired and wanted to be. The schoolgirl may have questionable taste in battle garb, but she wasn't exactly stupid: Sakura was aware that the only spouse Ryu would ever have would be the fight. Then there was David. The first one of these tournaments had been a revelation for Sakura. She had learned a lot about herself, about Shotokan, about some very screwed-up celestial politics, and about the meaning of "fight", mainly because she'd had the meaning of fight driven into her skull at slightly-greater-than-sublight speeds by Akuma's 'murderous intent'. It was David who risked everything to get that darkness out of her, even if it meant his life. Granted, as with most things he did, David screwed up and the resulting carnage in Heaven's medical district made a most interesting explosion sound when subjected to large amoutns of nuclear explosives. But it was the thought that counted. And now the God of Destruction himself, the much and deservedly maligned Orochi, had him in an iron, special-effects-esque grip. As much as she hated to admit it, it was time to pay back the favor. Granted, HOW to do so was a factor of consideration. The Orochi was an arrogant, posing braggart, but he was an arrogant, posing braggart with a great deal of power and some considerable if remarkably unreliable backup. As long as he had his flunkies, including the overbreasted Naga the Black Serpent, she probably wouldn't stand a chance. How the heck was she supposed to take down someone who was trading enegry blasts with Son Goku, for crying out loud? And cry out loud she did, as out of sheer frustration Sakura leapt at the last remaining piece of gym equipment - an innocent punching bag - and went absolutely berserk, attacking it with a furious combination of punches, kicks, ki blasts, boots to the head, and various other weapons of Shotokan ass-whuppin'. With each hit, she yelled the name of her hated foe, psyching herself up...but soon her adrenaline became 99% blood again and she slumped into the sagging remains of the bag, muttering. There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Sakura mumbled. The dojo's once-proud, now-dented door creaked open to reveal a shock of red hair, followed by a flat-chested sorceress grinning from ear to ear. She clasped her hands together and smiled innocently. "Did I hear you say something about Orochi?" <-----> At the same time, backstage... Andy Bogard smiled, tightening laces and doing some simple stretches and katas to get himself warmed up. It'd been a good long while since he'd had the chance to whup some tail in this tournament; if he didn't get some exercise soon, he might fall out of shape. Mai, on the other hand, was aaaah'ing as she sipped a remarkably *pink* beverage, reclining on the green room couch with slices of cucumber over her eyes. Andy saw this as he stood up, then sweatdropped and shook his head. "Could I possibly convince you to take this seriously, Mai?" The kunoichi raised an eyebrow, removing the veggies from her eyes and sitting up. "Aw, c'mon, Andy. It's just some kid, right? How much damage can he do?" She stood up, stretching, and afforded any onlookers a casual fanservice that was safely backstage, lest Hiroshi see it an need to be reincarnated for what would certainly be the fifteenth time in the past month alone. Andy shook his head, looking serious. "A true warrior takes any challenge seriously, Mai. Even if it is a little kid and his electric rat." There was a long pause, before even the serious-minded younger Bogard cracked a smile. "It *IS* kind of funny, isn't it?" Mai nodded vigorously, giggling (or jiggling? You make the call). "Of course! Andy, a true warrior knows when to let go, too. Let's go out and have some fun, okay?" There was a knock at the door. "You have a visitor, Mr. Bogard," it said. "Come in," Andy replied automatically, then BLINKED as the door opened, admitting a tall man dressed in casual clothes, with a dark red cap. "Hey there, little brother," Terry Bogard said with a smile, tossing off a wave. "Hey there, Mai." "Terry!" the pair of fighters said in unison, blinking. Andy recovered first. "I didn't think you were into this kind of tournament. What are you doing here?" "Eh," Terry replied, waving a hand dismissively. "I was just travelling, you know? And I saw you two on TV, so I thought I'd pop by and see how you were doing." There was a pregnant pause, before Terry held up a video tape clearly marked "ULTRA PRESENTS: DOMINATRIX HILITES". "Do I wanna know what that lady with the whip was thinking?" Andy sighed and bowed his head. "It's best not to ask." ***** LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AND IMPROFANFIC! IT'S TIME FOR... { M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R } { F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic } Episode 16: That Old Black Serpent Written by Todd Harper (lina@inverse.org) Impro begun by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne It was loud. It was bombastic. It was the kind of audience that made you want to stand up and dance in the stands. It was the kind of audience that wasn't ashamed to hold up signs reading "CERTAIN VICTORY RELYING ON NOONE BUT DAN!" and "PIKACHU 3:16 SAYS 'CHU!'". In short, it was an Ultra audience, through and through. You realize what this means. "WELCOME, ladies and gentlemen, to yet another action-packed episode of UUUUUUUULTRAAAAA!" came the very amplified voice of the only known being to subsist entirely on caffiene and adrenaline, Hiroshi. "Tonight we've got a TON of great matchups for you! The Poketrainer and the Electric Mouse take on the Hungry Wolf and the Bouncing Ninja! In a special rematch, the Battle Angel dukes it out with the Satan of Shotokan, Shin-Akuma! And in our main event, two forces of ultimate darkness collide...will Naga the Black Serpent or Dark Schneider emerge victorious?" he squeaked, entire body tensed in anticipation. The crowd roared wildly; Hiroshi's enthusiasm was roughly as infectious as the ebola virus, and only marginally less damaging to the body. His partner, Daisuke, was lucky enough to be amplified by the Haohmaru-2000 sound system the This Old Dojo crew had spent most of the morning installing; he was therefore almost audible in a stadium roaring with only slightly more noise than twelve Concordes hitting max velocity simultaneously. "That's right, Hiroshi. All that and more, tonight on Ultra." The crowd continued to cheer, despite Daisuke's traditionally bland tone. Hiroshi squirmed a bit in his announcer's chair, mumbling something about NERV's cloning facilities. Daisuke raised an eyebrow at this, turning to his co-announcer. "Something still wrong with your ass, Hiroshi?" he asked innocently, the Haohmaru-2000 still cranked at max volume. Face reddening, the sugarfiend turned to his companion and counterattacked. "There is nothing wrong with my ass that a little ULTRAVIOLENCE won't cure...right, people?" Dutifully, he turned his mic to the audience, which responded by producing a sound wave of applause which slammed into the sound system like a freight train, sending sparks, flames, and repair crews everywhere as speakers and sound boards detonated from sheer overload. Daisuke sighed, and turned back to his own mic, eager to get the evening's events rolling and hopefully get out of the Ultradome before Hiroshi could perform any other demonstrations of his raw charisma towards large groups of drooling, violent fans. "And without further ado, let's get to tonight's Lambda match. Ever since UltraRage, Ash Ketchum's been in a slump; can he and Pikachu buck up and face down the highly-trained Andy Bogard and Mai Shiranui?" "We're ABOUT to find out!" Hiroshi enthused. "Introducing our Lambda referee, Touga Kiryuu, to start out tonight's match!" The red-haired bishounen referee, decked out in the Ohtori Gakuen version of a referee outfit (read: normal, but generally decorated like a British Naval Admiral's dress uniform, but with far less fashion sense). "In this corner...hailing from Japan, the last practitioners of the lost Shiranui ninjitsu school...ANDY BOGARD AND MAI SHIRANUI!" The Fatal Fury Fighters waved to the cheering crowd as they made their way up the entrance ramp with little fanfare, trying to keep loose and stay cool. Mai jumped into the ring first, with Andy waiting just outside, leaning on the turnbuckle. He scanned the crowd for any sign of Terry watching, but might as well have been looking for a Republican at a Greenpeace rally. "And in this corner...weighing in at a combined weight of 98 pounds..." "PIKA!" pika'ed an offstage, annoyed-sounding voice. Touga coughed. "Hailing from Pallet Town...ASH KETCHUM AND PIKACHU!" "Shock the Monkey" blared over the soundsystem as the lights went dark in the arena, and a spotlight suddenly appeared near the top of one entrance ramp. Everyone turned, expecting to see the cheerful, youthful pairing of a determined, happy young man and his lightning lemur. What they GOT was a short, yellow, furry figure in sunglasses and a specially-tailored black silk robe, with "TEAM PIKACHU" embroidered on the back. A host of MiB's flanked the Pokemon as he sauntered down the entrance ramp, waving to the hordes of adoring fans with stubby paws, a pair of dark black Ray-bans resting over his cute little eyes. He jumped up to the ring and sat down on a stool which was quickly delivered by a black-garbed flunky, one among many in a throng of bodyguards, personal trainers, assistants, and other parasites swarming the cutest thing to ever give off 7,000 volts. Pikachu waved to his hordes of adoring fans, apparently revelling in the attention. There was, of course, something conspicuously missing: Ash. Touga made his way to the corner to talk to Pikachu, and found his way blocked by three wireheads with very strict looks of "You're not cool enough" plastered on their faces. For someone as coolly bishounen, rich, and domineering as Kiryuu Touga...this simply would not do. Pikachu had the temerity to look at him with reasonable disdain. Hiroshi blinked, grabbing his mic and leaning over the table with it, trying to get a better look at the ring less than ten feet from his announcer table. "What's this? Is Pikachu's star status going to his head?" "If he doesn't have a partner, it won't matter," Daisuke responded flatly. "Without Ash, he can't compete." This was echoed by a fuming but still outwardly calm Touga. "Unless you can produce your partner in the next five minutes, I'm awarding this match to Andy and Mai!" A ripple of shock ran through the crowd, and intakes of breath all across the arena created what may have been the world's first human-induced temporary vacuum. "OH MY GOD!" Hiroshi ranted, leaning even further over the table, mic cord straining. "Unless Pikachu can get Ash Ketchum back up here to fight, it's going to another loss for Team Pokemon!" Andy and Mai, for their part, were watching this with equal amounts interest and annoyance. "Anything that cute *has* to be bad on the inside," Andy muttered to himself, shortly before Mai flattened him with a giant mallet. "Pikachu!" came a shout from the back of the arena at roughly the same time. The crowd turned as one massive wave of couch potato humanity to look at the source of the voice: a despondent and defeated-looking Ash Ketchum, who slumped his way down to the ring and looked forlornly at his former best friend/weapon, albeit through the tree-trunk legs of bodyguards. "Pikachu, why won't you talk to me?" There was a long, dramatic moment as the voltage vole locked gazes with his former master, and the air was thick with the tension of an expected emotional reunion. Awwww's were prepping in the throats of the crowd... ...When Pikachu flipped Ash the middle paw. "Pika!" he squeaked, turning to the side. (Translation: "Have your people call my people, scum.") The awwwww's had to escape somehow; they ended up in a mishmash of emotional, single-syllable exhalations from most of the crowd. Those with little breath control or the indecisive were carted off to medical, unable to breathe. Unable to wait any longer, Referee Kiryuu brought up his hand. "Ladies and gentlemen! Due to complications with the team structure, tonight's Lambda match is forfetied by Team Pokemon and awarded to Andy Bogard and Mai Shiranui!" Andy and Mai had the decency to look stunned/annoyed; the crowd boo'ed, loudly, the basso profundo of the noise knocking loose objects free. Pikachu hmph'ed at the ref and turned back to the crowd, posing again. A wild cheer resumed, and the pokemon plus posse made their way out of the ring and backstage. As he waddled by, Pikachu *zapped* Ash, letting out a nasty "Pika!" (Translation: "Don't darken my doorstep again.") as he did so. A stricken Ash was left standing in the ring, dumbfounded (and smoking like chadbroiled steak). Pikachu, his oldest friend, had left him standing in the cold (or not, depending on your point of view). Alone, defeated, betrayed...there was nothing left for Ash. He seethed...his world was crumbling. Misty was yelling at him that this wasn't a game anymore; that he was fighting for his life here in Ultra. That he had to be smarter, stronger, the best. Tricked by Jack, humiliated by TEAM ROCKET of all people... His musings were interrupted by an unscheduled flash of light on the field; mainly, Kasumi. She smiled politely as she touched down. "That's not entirely true, Touga-san. I think Ash-san has plenty of other Pokemon at his disposal, correct? I think Andy-san was looking forward to a chance to spar...it'd be a shame to disappoint them, deshou?" Touga shrugged. "It's up to you, then," he tossed back at a dumbfounded Ash. "If you wish to continue, then you may." Kasumi smiled encouragingly at Ash as he tried to make a decision. He'd fought long and hard together with Pikachu. They were a team; they were friends. He didn't wanna go through all this without a friend, and though he cared for his other Pokemon, it just wasn't the same... "I'll enter, then!" came Mysterious Voice #3, from a shadowed figure stomping down the aisleway toward the ring, furious. "If that Pikachu is going to be such a selfish brat, then I'll fight with Ash!" The figure came into full view as she stepped into the light near the ring: Misty, one of the Four Sisters of Cerulean and a certified Pokemon combatant. "What an interesting chain of events," Daisuke monotoned. "Abandoned by Pikachu, Ash may have a new potential teammate in his friend Misty." "How EMOTIONAL! How ANGSTFUL! How DRAMATIC! What a RATINGS-GRABBER!" Hiroshi ranted in concordance. "And you saw it all on ULTRA, ladies and gentlemen!" Andy Bogard watched the proceedings expectantly, but his hopes of a good workout were diminishing by the minute. Without their big-gun Pokemon, Ash nor Misty would present a reasonable challenge to a trained martial artist like himself, or Mai. They were serious fighters. Which Mai was demonstrating by having wandered off to find a hot dog vendor. There was a loud thud as Andy's head hit the top of the turnbuckle. He was forced back into cognisance when Ash's voice finally rang out in the arena. "I'm not going to give up now, even if Pikachu isn't feeling right. Misty and I will enter Lambda together and show you what Pokemon trainers are really made of!" He wiped away his tears, took a deep breath, and *POWERPOSED*. The light of the flashing Japanese sun and crashing wave were blinding. Offstage, Daisuke blinked. "Was he taking lessons from Dan?" Touga sighed at the direction in which his day was headed, then grabbed the ringside mic and addressed the crowd. "To give ample time to prepare, the match between Team Pokemon and the Hungry Wolves will be postponned until further notice!" The crowd boo'ed this also, but not quite as loudly as before; they at least had some sympathy for the now somewhat recovered Ash, who was being led offstage by Kasumi and Misty. "Well, folks, it looks like this match is a big bust...but stay tuned!" Hiroshi commanded, getting back into his seat. "We've got a heated match between two powerful sorcerers coming up very soon!" Daisuke nodded. "But first, we've got a grudge match between two of the most talented and skilled martial artists in the Omega league, dating all the way back to their hypercube match at UltraRage Alpha." "That's right, Daisuke. But now CyberAkuma has shed his former technological shell, and is back with a vengeance! Can the Battle Angel hold up to his 'muderous intent'?" Daisuke pointed to the massive, looming TitanTron. "We take you now to Cybertron, where our own Mr. Yotsuya is interviewing Gally before the match." Cybertron. Despite the raw size, the sheer majesty, the bizarre but powerful inhabitants...it was still basically a giant ball of scrap metal that looked like a demolished model kit assembled by a blind four-year-old. It was here that Gally, nee Battle Angel Alita, was doing some warmup stretches,supervised by everyone's favorite pint-sized psychogenius, Hakubi Wasyuu. Mr. Yotsuya, roving annoyance, ahem'ed and directed his questions at Wasyuu, after a look from the warming-up Gally which essentially read "Speak to me and die". "So, Miss Wasyuu...it would appear that your Cybergrrls stable hasn't seen a lot of action since its formation. Did you set this match up to change that?" The pint-sized, pink-haired genius merely laughed the question off. "Bah! We don't need to prove ourselves getting all sweaty and suchlike. We're just here to have some fun, right, Gally?" The return glare from her companion could have bored a hole in Wasyuu's normally-indestructible hair. She sweatdropped; she remembered she should know better than to try and disturb Gally's pre-combat vibe. Yotsuya took the time to pounce. "So are you saying you're not in this to win?" However, the great Wasyuu was relatively unflappable, in the face of journalism anyway. "Oh, we're here to win. On our own terms, anyway. We've got the guts and the science to back that up, too, in case any of you Omega cuties out there are looking for some cybernetic hurting!" the scientist responded, putting her face right to the camera and posing dramatically. Yotsuya ahhed and nodded, turning to the camera as well. "There you have it, folks, but this reporter can't help but think that there's more to this than meets the eye." However, before he could make any further groundless comments, portals opened above the rugged (but nonstick teflon) surface of Cybertron, depositing both Son Goku and Shin Akuma. "Alright...let's have a good, clean fight, and may the best fighter win," Goku intoned, floating off to a safe distance and taking Yotsuya with him. Wasyuu just smiled and summoned a multidimensional observation barka-lounger in the sky above as well. Shin Akuma regarded Gally with distaste. "You let your machine self get in the way of your fighting spirit," the gravelly, demonic voice rattled through the echo-prone exterior of the machine planet. "And now that I am no longer so fettered, your death is assured. This fetid place will be an appropriate graveyard for you." Gally just smiled, assuming a natural, fluid battle stance. Her Panzer Kunst style, the Machine Fist, made each part of her cybernetic body alive with sensation and rhythm. She truly defined the term "fighting machine", and all of her energy was devoted to defeating the man who had hurt her beloved father, Ido. "You think so? Come and get me, then," she taunted, smiling coldly. And then it began. It is said that the ultimate awakening of Murderous Intent, the sheer animal desire of humans to destroy their fellow man, is the pinnacle of Shotokan acheivement. Reflexes, strength, awareness...all of these boosted to superhuman levels. Space and time are to be manipulated, nifty Dark Side of the Force effects are capable through Chi. In short, Shin Akuma, the true form of the Muderous Intent, was a force to be reckoned with. Each punch, kick, Fireball, uppercut, throw; each move was an expression of anger, hatred, fear. A Death Star and a triolgy of movies was not far off. But what he was facing was...unreal. Gally was the inheritor of an ability which merged man and machine flawlessly, making them equally effective. Gally's strength and speed progressed through superhuman and appeared on the other side. She moved blindingly fast, did not hesitate to use any opening. It was like a deadly, vicious dance, so graceful and beautiful. Akuma grunted, as he and Gally exchanged superfast flurries of attacks and defenses, even the trained eyes of Goku and Wasyuu having difficulty keeping up. "You are talented, and skilled. But fatally flawed." "Shut up and fight," Gally growled. She knew in her heart that the true power of the Murderous Intent was that it was her own anger used against her. And try as she might to block it out, to be calm and let her body flow...there was anger. It welled up in her at the sight of one who so callously disregarded lives in a futile search for strength. It expressed itself in a wide punch which left her wide open. Shin Akuma smiled grimly, and pitched himself up, floating. The dark Chi surrounding his body coalesced into a hideous, demonic shroud, forming shadows behind him as the Shotokan practitioner floated toward Gally, the low thrum of his flight the death knell. "The Raging Demon!" Hiroshi squealed, clapping his hands together excitedly. "Akuma's surefire victory attack!" Daisuke raised an eyebrow, glancing at the TitanTron speculatively. "Last time this attack didn't work so well for Akuma. Can he pull it off now?" Wasyuu simply smiled, and dialed up a transdimensional phone call on her etheral laptop. "You're sure this is the modification we need?" "Oh yes," a high pitched male voice answered. "I'm sure this is the one the doctor sent." Wasyuu's fingers steepled. "Good." The one fist...all it had to do was connect, and the resulting force of hatred and anger turned against the victim was unstoppable. The 'Shun Goku Satsu', a force of hell to be reckoned with. Gally's foolish punch had made her only more vulnerable, and the dark aura around Akuma stretched to encompass the cyborg... This was when he found his fist clasped soundly in Gally's own. Akuma blinked, once. He hesitated. This was the only opening she needed. Gally's cyborg body took on a darker cast, as if reflecting the power Akuma was surging at her. And the voice of the young girl trapped in a cyborg's body rang true: "Demon's Rage Returned." The resulting effect was very Lucasfilm in its execution. A blinding flash of white light encompassed both combatants, and horrible screaming appeared to emerge from the blinding nova. When the noise and flash died down, a panting Gally was left standing over the thoroughly comatose body of Shin Akuma. Goku landed, and help up Gally's arm, proclaiming her the winner. Appearing as most good sleazy journalists do (read: from practically nowhere), Yotsuya sidled up to Wasyuu as she too descended from the stars. "Did you have any part in this mysterious victory, Miss Wasyuu?" he queried. The genius laughed heartily. "Of course! With some technical data provided by Thomas Light, thanks to Megaman's arrival, I was able to do some...slight modifications to Gally's cybernetic systems. She was able to turn all of Akuma's vaunted 'muderous intent' right back at him. Since that move uses the anger of the victim against himself...the result isn't pretty." She beamed, flashing a V with her fingers. "Of course, against my technology he didn't have a prayer anyway!" As if on cue, the Wasyuu puppets popped up on her shoulders. "Wasyuu, you're the smartest!" Puppet A beamed. "Wasyuu, you're a pink-haired can of whup ass!" Puppet B said. Gally smiled ferally she she stood up, Goku supporting her for the moment. Then she turned to the camera and gave it a pointed look. "That's one. You're next, Bison...you wanna test your 'toys' against us, go right ahead! We'll see you in the Omega ring!" "And THERE YOU HAVE IT!" Hiroshi bellowed. "The amazing Gally has put one over on the vaunted Master of Murderous Intent!" Daisuke nodded. "It seems like the so-called Raging Demon's record is not as great as it was expected to be. He's going to need to get some victories if he wants to keep his reputation." "And he can do it all, here on ULTRA! Now, who's ready for some more extreme violence?!" Hiroshi asked needlessly, provoking another sonic blast from the crowd. "This next matchup promises to be TRULY ELECTRIC! Two magicians calling on ancient, eldritch evil powers are going to butt heads here tonight!" "Dark Schneider has eons of experience and gobs of power," Daisuke observed. "But Naga the Black Serpent's Riot of the Blood is not something to toyed with." "This is gonna be one hell of a match, folks...literally! Which demonic power will prevail? We take you now to the Magic City of Vane, on the dark side of Earth's moon, for all the action!" Meanwhile, backstage, Lina Inverse was having a meaningful, helpful planning session with an old friend, hoping to get her plan underway before Dark Schneider could ruin it by participating. This is to say, she was in her dressing room, with Xelloss in a headlock, interrogating him like a gulag prisoner. "You're ABSOULTEY SURE that this is the info I needed?" the sorceress questioned through gritted teeth. Friendships are built on trust, after all, and Lina was 100% certain that she could only trust Xelloss if his life were at stake. "Yes!" the trickster priest gasped, twitching. "DIrect from the gods themselves! There's no more reliable source of information in the universe, is there?" Lina feh'ed as she released the headlock, looking at a piece of vellum paper on her dresser with a detached air. "It's too good to be true, is what I'm saying. There's gotta be some kind of catch." Xelloss recovered fairly quickly, inclining his head at Lina briefly. "What, you can't trust me, an old and dear friend?" the Mazoku asked innocently. Lina smirked. "Oh, I trust you. Just not to tell me the truth or for sudden bouts of altruism. What's your angle, Xelloss?" There was a brief pause. "And if you say that it's a secret, they're going to carry you out of here face down. If they can FIND it." Xelloss twitched. One of the few people he knew who could carry out that threat was the 'Enemy of All who Live', Lina Inverse. He sighed, waving a finger in the air. "I can't say much more than the people upstairs fully support your plan." He shrugged. Lina nodded, fingering the piece of paper as she slipped on her mantle. "I figured it was something suitably stupid like that," she replied caustically. "Thanks, though I'm sure I'll end up regretting this so don't enjoy yourself too long." Xelloss laughed, shrugging again. "Good luck." "Yeah, well...if this doesn't work, we're going to need it." Through special arrangement, Kasumi had netted the Magic City of Vane for the matchup, a suitable site for the duel between two magicians of (relative) evil. The residents had long ago been evacuated into special strongholds and towers, mystically sealed by the inhabitants of the Magic Guild to protect from anything short of a sheer apocalypse, which of course you can only have one of, really. Besides, that would mean the match was over, as planetary destruction was a technical foul. Darshu cracked his knuckles, surveying his battleground. Sure, he knew Lina's plan in the back of his head, of course. But fighting with someone so powerful, sensual, and topheavy was a benefit of the evil-cum-good magician profession, and damned if he wasn't going to enjoy it. Naga the Black Serpent arrived through a portal laugh-first, breasts second, and what little remained of her in body and personality third. The Rage of the Blood crackled in her veins with the reincarnation of Orochi, and now she planned to use it on this arrogant fool she so [hated]. He would [pay] for his arrogance with his [life] and, if she was careful, some [credit cards]. Son Goku popped into reality between the two as they met in the fountain plaza at the center of Vane, the nearby Goddess Tower looming in the background. "Alright...let's have a good, friendly match. Remember, planetary or dimensional destruction is a technical foul," Goku admonished, glaring at the both of them. "Bah! You cannot put limits on the [power] of the Black Serpent's [hate]!" Naga sneered, posing. "Or her cup size," Dark Schneider taunted back, amused. "Begin!" And begin they did. High powered blasts of dark power and elemental magic rained from the fingers of the two magi, doing a considerable degree of collateral damage but not really doing much to affect the other fighter. This was, of course, the first rule of good mage-duelling. Flashy spells and trash talk are much more effective than, say, a punch to the head. "Nice napkin you're wearing," Darshu tossed out at Naga (alongside a Venom spell). "Where's the rest of it?" "OOOHOHOHO! The Black Serpent needs no more clothing! My majesty alone sends tremors through my enemies!" "Of what? Revulsion at your fashion sense? Good GOD." And of course, crackle, boom, crash, explosion, hurt, maim. It's never wise to let a stray, perfectly-aimed attack get in the way of your witty banter. Beside Goku, a portal opened up, depositing two figures onto what were once the streets but were now the craters of Vane. One of them, a young girl in a fuku, immediately began running in circles to dodge the high-velocity spells being tossed in every possible fire arc. "WAAAAAAGH! You didn't say I had to come WITH you!" Sakura ranted, dodging and weaving her way with great effort as stray Freeze Arrows, Fireballs, Venom blasts, and other assorted magic casacaded around the area. Lina smirked, conjuring a shield spell to protect her as she headed toward Dark Schneider. "It was that or leave you behind to get kidnapped again. Don't you know anything about narrative causality?" "But it's fine if I get crisped here, though, that's okay?!" Sakura ranted. "Oh, sure," Lina tossed back. "That's irony." Luckily, Sakura's facefault left her clear of a recently-impacted Arc Brass spell, a bolt of blue lightning clearing her head by mere inches. Dark Schneider raised an eyebrow as Lina approached. "You got it?" "Yeah, I got it. But we're gonna get it later for getting it." Naga blinked at the sudden stop in the normally free-flowing flow of flowing magic. "OHOHOHO! Have you decided to [yield] to my [hate], pitiful [mortal]?" Darshu blinked. "Who are you calling mortal?" Lina held up the piece of paper and waved it about at her "gifted" former rival. "Hey, Black Serpent-chan! I've got a deal to make with you." Naga raised an eyebrow. "Bah! This was tried once before! You cannot [bribe] away my [hatred] and [venegance], not with any amount..." She paused. "Not with any small amount of money, or real estate! Or investments!" Lina grinned, then winked and held up the paper...a map, with a small post-it note attached. "What about the Lezariam Temple?" "OOOHOHO! Not even the..." There was a pause. Naga's ice blue eyes glazed over briefly. "...Did you say Lezariam Temple?" "Oh, yes. Remember? We blew it up together, but we had to get out together before we could get the loooooooooot, remember that, White Serpent-chan?" Lina asked innocently, putting her (questionable) acting skills to use. Darshu, for his part, stood there looking bishounen and sexually intimidating. On the outside, it was calm, quiet. Sakura even had time to pull herself out of the ground (albeit with Goku's help) and watch the goings on with interest. Her chance to save David from the Orochi, according to Lina, lie in this working. However, inside Naga the Black Serpent, the seeds Mr. Satan's incredible cowardice but remarkable bank account had planted long ago began to sprout. "Bah! My [hate] sustains me, not loot." She pauses. " of . , loot ripe for the ..." The [brackets] of [power] had given way to the of . Lina nodded encouragingly. "Of course! Well, see, this is a map to where the Lezariam Temple fell! All we have to do...is go get it!" "OOOHOHOH! You're so naive, Lina Inverse! I shall use the power of my [hatred] to take your puny and become !" With that, Naga flung herself at Lina with a Ray Wing spell, but was stopped at the last minute by a block from Darshu. "Ah, ah, ah! Not even your Riot of the whatever can break through my Stryper magic, you badly acted Pamela Lee clone." Naga frowned. "Do not MOCK my [hatred], mortal! Or my favorite show! Give me the !" Lina shook her finger. "Ah, ah, aaaaah! First, you need to do something for us. How about we discuss this over dinner?" Naga raised an eyebrow. "Fine. You shall surrender the to me, or I shall [rend] the flesh from your pathetic [bones] with my..." "With your [hatred], yadda yadda yadda," Lina remarked, cutting her off. "First, we eat." And with that, the trio of sorcerers stepped into a portal to the Restaurant at the End of This Fanfic and disappeared. "THAT'S your plan?" Sakura shrieked, raging. "DINNER? Get back here, you flat-chested two-timing freak!" "WOW! What a turn of events!" Hiroshi shouted, his every pore seething with enthusiasm. "It appears that the fighters have forfeited to have a nice dinner!" Daisuke paused. "How are you getting exicted about this?" he asked, dumbfounded. "They wandered off to get food. There was very little actual fighting involved." He paused. "There's been very little actual fighting ALL DAY! How are you keeping this up?" Hiroshi sniffled, wiping away a tear. "I do it for the fans, Daisuke. Right, people?" And of course, it was live, not Memorex, that knocked Daisuke out of his with a sonic boom of "HELL YEAH!" responses. Hiroshi blinked, then turned to the cameras and waved jauntily. "That's about it for Magical Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra! Tune in next week, folks!" "Medic..." whimpered Daisuke. Later that evening, the normally throbbing Ultradome was remarkably empty. Only a few janitors were left sweeping up the refuse of an entire day of senseless violence, under dim halogen lighting. The ring was lit up like a graveyard. Inside it stood a young woman on a mission. Waiting. Watching. From the inky darkness emerged a figure composed, it seemed, of pure shadow. The voice was somewhat familiar, but horribly distorted, as if evil had a sound (other than James Earl Jones, of course). "Hello, little girl," it taunted. Sakura smiled, cracking her knuckles. "I'm glad you could come." She scuffed her feet on the floor, and tried to look shy, which was difficult seeing as she was also craning her neck trying to get a good visual on the figure, and failing miserably. "I just wanted to say...I reconsidered. I just wanna be around David...so will you take me in as your own?" The Orochi smiled. "Ahhh...I'm so glad we could do this the easy way," the dark voice purred. "My new host is invigorating, so different from the Yagamis...it calls out for a bride..." .oO( New host? ) Sakura thought to herself, blinking. The voice continued. "Come, my servant!" it called out, and in a swirl of black flame, Naga appeared. Sakura's face fell when she saw Lina's map tucked into the belt of what the Black Serpent insisted was a costume. Had she failed? "Take this young girl so that we can fully begin to initiate her in the Riot of the Blood." Naga took a few meaningful steps forward, her hands glowing green. Sakura gritted her teeth and prepared for the end... ...and was pleasantly surprised to see Naga turn to the shadowy figure, and throw her hands out, shouting "Elmekia Flame!" The green glow became a burning light which lashed out, scalding the figure of shadow. Smoke trailed from the Orochi as it glared at Naga. "Betrayer! Now you shall pay! How...HOW could you escape the power of my [hatred]?" "OOOOOHOHOHO! No mere hatred can compare to the destiny for success of Naga the White Serpent!" the black sorceress taunted back, preparing another magical spell, shielding Sakura. "What is vengeance on my enemies, when I can BUY their hometowns?" The Orochi also raised its hands, preparing an energy blast of extreme power. "Bah! Without the Riot of the Blood, you are nothing! Prepare to die!" "Are you sure that's a good plan, short, dark, and gruesome?" came another taunting voice from the nearby boxes. The dark figure and Sakura turned to see Dark Schneider and Lina Inverse observing with smiles on their faces, and energy forming between their hands of a most disturbingly powerful nature. "Alright, listen up good!" Lina's voice rang out in the darkness. "Quite frankly, you're giving evil magic and gods of destruction a bad name, and we're just not gonna take it anymore! Better watch your ass, Orochi, or we're going to stitch an extremely powerful magical boot in it!" "So says our new stable, UNLIMITED DESIRE!" continued Naga, power-posing to beat the band and beginning the laugh of doom. "OOOOOHOHOHOHOH!" The horrifying sound echoed in the depths of the empty arena. The Orochi appeared to consider this, then wrapped itself in the shadows and disappeared into the dimension from whence he came. "Consider this a small victory, weaklings, and cherish it! So says the true God of Destruction!" Darshu snorted. "Pull the other one, it plays 'Also Spracht Zarathrustra'." Lina dusted off her hands as the Orochi disappeared. "Okay...saved the girl, recovered the sidekick..." "HEY!" floated Naga's voice from the ring. "...and made the big dramatic stable delcaration! Did you get all that, Gourry?" Lina continued, ignoring Naga. Down on the entrance ramp, Gourry blinked, holding a large camcorder. "I dunno, Lina. Was I supposed to take off this cap thingy on the end?" And there was much facefaulting. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ULTRA #16 RESULTS: ][ PIKACHU abandons Ash for the Hollywood life; Misty takes his place ][ ANDY/MAI to face ASH/MISTY at a later date. ][ GALLY beats SHIN AKUMA at his own game, now 2w/0l ][ NAGA is relieved of the Riot of the Blood ][ DARSHU/NAGA match called on account of greed ][ LINA INVERSE, DARK SCHNEIDER, and NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT form the "Unlimited Desire" stable. ][ GOURRY screws up, per normal. Notes: *This is my first Ultra part. It's not that long, but I think I've already covered my reasons for this, so let's move on. I hope it's up to par, but I expect to hear it's not. *De-Orochifying Naga was cleard with 2F, if it matters. *The Lezariam Temple bit is from the ending of Slayers Royal; there's a TON of cash in the temple but it sinks into the ocean before Lina and Naga can get it out...not that they didn't TRY. *Some possible plot hooks exist here. What of Terry visiting Andy? What exactly did Wasyuu *GET* from Dr. Light? *Hopefully the injokes aren't too bad. I know this part is a little less humor-heavy than the others, but I sacrificed a little humor for the sake of the plot stuff I wanted to do. *The name of the black magician stable ("Unlimited Desire") is from the Slayers Special ending song of the same name. Go see it and I think yu'll get the point. *Any comments, direct at lina@inverse.org. Any flames, turn inward and pull the trigger. [Editor's Note : Pikachu's departure into the Gamma division coupled with Misty's arrival as Ash's new partner combined counts as the 'new fighter alloitment', I'd hazard. Todd cleared this through me first. It's not unlike the Wolvy/Gambit breakup, after all.]