Akuma sat in his, for lack of better term, dressing room contemplating his loss. He had not lost in a long time and although he did not like losing, the loss did not bother him. The road to perfection was a long one and a loss could take one further then the defeat of an inferior opponent. His error, he decided, was lack of focus. He had *talked* to his opponent, taunted even. That was something that idiot Hibiki would do. For his next fight he must focus, and crush his foe like the insect- "Um, Mr. Akuma, sir?" "..." "Um, I, uh, have a message for you." "..." "Um, your, uh, challenge has been accepted." "..." "Um, sir?" "BEGONE!" The messenger fled like a scared messenger fleeing a demonic martial artist. A malicious smile slowly spread across Akuma's face... ***** LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AND IMPROFANFIC! IT'S TIME FOR... { M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R } { F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic } Episode 17: Sunday Night's Alright Written by G. Harris Bias (hbias@earthlink.net) Impro begun by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne The crowd roared, as was oft its wont. Hiroshi was pumped, as was also oft his wont. "GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!!! BUT BEFORE WE GET STARTED WE'VE GOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT!!!" "Is there ever an announcement you're not exited about?" Daisuke asked in a voiced not unlike that of a 9000 series AI. "C'MON DAISUKE!!! GET PUMPED!!!" *Has he been taking speech lessons from Haohmaru?* Daisuke wondered before responding, "I'm sorry, Hiroshi, I'm afraid I can't do that." "OH WELL. ANYWAY, THE ANNOUNCEMENT, COMING THIS SEPTEMBER: ULTRARAGE BETA, STYX AND STONES!!!!!!" *Definitely taking speech lessons.* Daisuke decided. "Of course, all three league belts will be on the line." "ALSO, THE HARDCORE BELT WILL BE UP FOR GRABS IN A FINDERS KEEPERS CONTEST!!! TELL US ABOUT IT, DAISUKE!!!" "The Hardcore belt will be hidden somewhere in the Ultradome. The first person from the Gamma or Lambda leagues to find it keeps it." "AND THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL AS EARTH'S GREATEST HERO, MR. SATAN BATTLES THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS HIMSELF, SATAN!!!" "For a more complete fight card visit this location." Daisuke finished as a URL appeared on God's Own Big Screen TV. -- "AND HERE COME OUR FIRST COMPETITORS FOR THE NIGHT, KEN MASTERS AND RANMA SAOTOME!!! THIS SHOULD BE-*" Hiroshi collapsed in a fit of wheezing as his voice gave out. "Hey, Hiroshi, you okay?" Daisuke asked his partner, who seemed to be in great respiratory distress. "...!" Hiroshi shook his head violently. "Hello, NERV medical?" Daisuke said into the phone on the announcers table (recently installed to the frequent medical problems of the Hiroshi-clones) "Yeah, he was trying to imitate Haohmaru's voice and his lungs couldn't handle it. See if you can get me *another* temporary partner while you're at it." Meanwhile, the fighters had reach the ring, were Mario was going over the rules. "Okay, you know the rules-a. No edged weapons-a. Natural claws are-a fine, as long-a as you haven't had-a adamantium bonded to-a you skeleton." Mario blinked, read the rules card he had been given again, and shrugged. "No firearms, explosives, or energy weapons-a. No outside assistance," Mario gave Ranma a pointed look, "And no knockouts outside-a the ring. Got it? Good. Back to your corners." When the bell rang Ranma came out flying, well, jumping, but the casual observer might not have been able to tell the difference. Unfortunately, Ken was ready for him. "Shoryuken!" Ranma bounced back to his feet with a quick kippup. The Dragon Punch hadn't hurt too much, and it looked like he was faster than Ken, so he tried again. "SHORYUKEN!" Clearly, the aerial route was out, looks like- "Hey Ranma!" "What!?" "Your hair's on fire." Ranma looked back and, indeed, the end of his pigtail was burning merrily, filling the ring with an unpleasant stench. Ranma yelped and began swatting the fire to put it out, much to the amusement of Ken and the Ultradome crowd. After successfully extinguishing his hair, Ranma growled and refocused his attention on the Shotokan master. Sidestepping a few fireballs as he closed, Ranma began forcing Ken back with a variety of kicks and punches. As Ranma had expected Ken had trouble matching the boy's speed, and the American quickly found himself backed against the ropes. Desperate for an advantage, Ken ducked under a backfist and, seeing an opening, grabbed Ranma and slammed him to the mat with an over-the-shoulder throw. Ranma, still being rather fresh, bounced straight off the mat and onto his feet and kicked Ken back to the center of the ring before he could react. Ken woozily returned to his feet and looked at his opponent. And taunted. "Is that the best you can do?" "What!?" "I said, 'Is that the best you can do?'. You kick like a *girl*!" "Why you-!" "Hell, *SAKURA* can kick harder than that!" "That's it! You're gonna be eating canvas!" Ranma snapped as he charged. Ken, displaying a knowledge of aikido in addition to his mastery of karate, deftly sidestepped Ranma and rendered him airborne. Ranma smirked, twisted in midair, bounced off the top rope and shot straight back at Ken before realizing his mistake. "SHINRYUUUUUUKEN!!!!" "Ladies and-a gentlemen! The winna! Ken Masters!" *Man, I shouldn't have let him provoke me like that.* Ranma seethed as he walked back to his dressing room. *Oh, well. There's always-* *** SPLASH *** Ranma looked down in irritation at the wizened figure standing in the doorway of his, now her, dressing room. "I finding it astonishing," Cologne began, "that a man who turns into a woman could be so sexist." "What!?" Ranma seemed to be saying this alot. "You lost this match because you were angered by a comparison with a girl," Cologne analyzed, "And you lost the Gamma League belt because you were unwilling to fight said girl normally." "Oh, come on-" "You should have been able defeat Sakura easily, but you lost. I'm tired of your attitude, and I'm tired of you losing because of it. And I'm going to correct it before you screw up anymore, son-in-law." "I ain't marryin' Shampoo." Ranma replied automatically. "Waitaminit, since when are you my manager?" "Since that lovestruck fool Tofu decided to form 'Team Nerima' with Shampoo and Mousse without asking me first." "We couldn't find you!" "I went back to the village to get some books, Shampoo or Mousse should have told you." "What kinda books?" "Books of ancient Chinese Amazon techniques, which I might teach you-" "Cool!" "-After I correct your attitude." Back at the ring things were getting ready for the next match. A large American strode up to the announcer's table. "Hi there! You must be Daisuke. I'm your partner for this match." After shaking Daisuke's hand (and most of the rest of him), he took a seat. "Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the guest announcer for this match, America's first professional wrestler turned politician, Mike Haggar." And lo, the crowd did roar mightily. "Alright! This is a Gamma League title defense match. The Champion is 'Stone Cold' Dan Hibiki-" "OSHAA!" "-And the challenger is 'The Biggest Badass in Gamma', Iori Yagami." "Idiot." "This is interesting," Daisuke said as the match officially started, "Dan's taunting, and Iori's letting him get away with it." "That's a big mistake, Daisuke. You should never turn down an opportunity like that, especially in a title match." Instead, Iori, in an unusual display of calm, was smoking a cigarette and watching Dan. After several minutes Iori finished his cigarette. "Are you done?" he asked. "Huh? Uh, yeah I guess." "Good." replied Yagami and laid into Dan with the somewhat dreaded Maiden Masher. "A good start for the challenger." Observed Daisuke. "He still should have started earlier," Haggar replied. "He could have won by now." "It won't make a difference if Dan keeps taunting like that." Daisuke said as Iori faceplanted Dan mid-taunt. Sadly, Dan didn't seem to be getting the message as Iori hit him with the Maiden Masher a second time. This time Dan didn't get up. "Ladies and gentlemen! The new Gamma League Champion, The Biggest Badass in Gamma, Iori Yagami!" "And we'll be right back after this word from our sponsor. ***** [Scene: Guy is pummelling a hapless stuntman while Cody and Haggar look on. A combo meter is in one corner of the screen.] Cody: Is it the hair? Combometer: ...6, 7, 8... Haggar: Is it that funky kanji on his gi? Combometer: ...14, 15, 16... Cody: Is it the years of ninja training? Combometer: ...22, 23, 24... Haggar: Is it the shoes? Combometer: ...30, 31, 32... Cody: Gotta be the shoes. Combometer: ...39, 40, 41! Marvelous! [Freezeframe of Guy kicking the stuntman, the swoosh on his shoe prominently displayed.] ***** "And we're back, and so is Hiroshi. You aren't going to try to imitate Haohmaru anymore are you, Hiroshi?" "Of course not, Daisuke! Our competitors have years of training, so normal folks like us shouldn't try to match their abilities!" "That means don't try this stuff at home, kids. Okay up next is our first Omega match of the night, between two relative newcomers to Ultra, Asuka Langley in EVA Unit-02 versus Dark Schneider of Unlimited Desire. Let's go to 'The Rock' in the Clan Wolf Occupied Zone, where this match will be taking place." The Rock was, well, a rock. And barren one at that. Scattered about were the remains of smashed BattleMechs, remnants of a 15-year old battle. In short, the perfect place for an Omega League match. Dark Schneider calmly examined the skyscraper-sized mecha before him. "You know, we don't really have to fight-" "Ha! Good to see you recognize my superiority!" "-I was thinking we could forget this, go out and have dinner somewhere..." Asuka blinked, unseen inside the entry plug. "Are you offering to go out on a date with me?" Schneider smiled slightly. "I suppose you could say that." *Kaji is cute, but he's got nothing on this guy.* Asuka thought. "Sure!" "One condition." "What?" "Concede the match." "What!?!" "Just think about it for a bit. I'm going to do some stretches to warm up." With that Dark Schneider took off his cape and began to show off his impressive musculature, causing the fangirls back in the Ultradome to scream wildly. After two and a half minutes, the last of Asuka's willpower crumbled. "Alright, I concede." Darshu grinned. "Y'know..." "What?" "On second thought, forget it. I have enough women already, besides, you're a bit young for me. Come back in a few years." "WHAT!?!?!" Unit-02 went to stomp the sorcerer like a bug, but was stopped by Goku. "I'm sorry," He said, "But you've already conceded the fight." Asuka spouted an impressive array of German curses, but Schneider and the camera had already returned to the Ultradome. "Dark Schneider gets off the schneider with his first official win!" enthused Hiroshi. "And a rather sneaky win at that." added Daisuke. "Now let's go to Mr. Yotsuya, who is going to interview Shin Akuma, who is challenging Ifurita for the Omega League belt." "Thank you, Hiroshi. I'm backstage waiting for Shin Akuma, and here he comes now. Shin, could I have a word with you?" Akuma stalked past, not even sparing Yotsuya a glance. "Hmm, looks like I'll have to try harder..." Yotsuya ran to catch up with Akuma and placed himself in Akuma's path. "Shin, is it true that-" **** POW **** Akuma punched Yotsuya straight through a nearby wall and into the Land of Nod and continued on his way. "Guess we aren't going to have that interview after all, Hiroshi." "Then let's go back to The Rock, where Ifurita is already on the field." Ifurita hovered a few feet above the ground, waiting. She didn't have to wait long, as Akuma exploded out of the dimensional portal and attacked, not even waiting for Goku to signal the start of the match. Ifurita desperately tried to deflect the kicks, punches, elbows and knees that the Master of the Fist was inundating her with. Sadly, her designers had not seen fit to install hand-to-hand combat software in her, and she could not improvise fast enough to block everything. A well-placed kick sent the Power Key Staff flying and a few seconds later she was knocked out. Akuma picked up the fallen Demon-God by the neck. "Where is Bison?" he growled. Ifurita, being unconscious, did not respond. Akuma began shaking her violently. "Where. Is. BISON!?" Akuma's head snapped around as he felt a hand clap on his shoulder. "You've won." stated Goku, "put her down." Akuma glared at the Saiyan for a moment before tossing Ifurita across the field. "You want me, demon? Here I am." Akuma snarled and launched himself at the warlord. Goku watch the two fight for a bit, then shrugged and turned to Ifurita, only to see her being carried through a portal by Washuu and Gally. Washuu saw him and gave him a quick V-for-victory before the portal closed. *Just another day.* thought Goku. "And that's all we have for you tonight, folks! Come back next week! Goodbye everybody!" Hiroshi shouted. "Aaaand... Cut." "Why in Kasumi's name did you take speech lessons from Haohmaru?" "Seemed like a good idea at the time." ------------------------------------------------------- ULTRA #17 RESULTS ][ KEN MASTERS defeats RANMA SAOTOME ][ Ken is now 2w/2l ][ COLOGNE is now manager of TEAM NERIMA ][ IORI YAGAMI defeats DAN HIBIKI in a Gamma League title match ][ Iori is now 3w/2l and Gamma Champion ][ DARK SCHNEIDER defeats ASUKA LANGLEY ][ Dark Schneider is now 1w/0l ][ SHIN AKUMA defeats IFURITA in an Omega League title match ][ Shin Akuma is now 2w/1l and Omega Champion ][ CYBERGRRLS capture IFURITA Notes: I would have done something with Sakura and David, but I was kinda rushed and wrote most of this in the space of 4 hours. Oh well, that's what happens when you procrastinate. -- G. Harris Bias hbias@earthlink.net "Bite me, wirehead, I'm a nutritious part of this complete breakfast." -Gryphon, Hoplessly Lost