Dan was in shock. He was still reeling from the events of last week.
How could that upstart Iori have defeated him so easily? 'Stone Cold' Dan
Hibiki, defeater of tens of warriors (almost approaching twenties of
warriors), master of the Saikyo school of Shotokan karate, and generally
the coolest thing to ever wear a hot pink leather gi.

He could see no way how he should have lost to a poor fighter as Iori.
And he was dealing with the situation in the best way he could think of -
he was complaining to the management.

"Kasumi, don't you believe me? This is obviously some kind of
conspiracy! There's no way I, Dan the Mighty could have lost, except by
some kind of treachery! I demand you return my belt to me!!" Dan pounded
a fist on Kasumi's desk in frustration. Yes, this WAS God's desk, but
shouldn't that mean she'd be able to see even clearly than most that Iori
could not have
beaten him?

Kasumi merely smiled, not even batting an eye. "Mr. Dan, I appreciate
your concern, but there is nothing I can do. If you want the gamma belt
back, you'll have to challenge Iori for a rematch."

"A rematch? Dan the mighty fears no man, but that cheat Iori didn't even
give me time to prepare before the fight!"

"Dan, you taunted him for a full five minutes after the bell rang."
Kasumi reminded him. Sweetly, of course.

"But..."

"No buts, Dan." Kasumi interjected, "You lost the gamma title. You lost
it in a very poor manner. Do you think your father is proud of you right
now?"

Dan opened his mouth, but paused.

"Do you think it would make him more proud of you, to know you were in
here right now, wanting me to give you the belt back, instead of fighting
for it yourself?"

Dan continued to not say anything.

"Please Dan, leave. And think about what I said."

Sullenly, and for once in his life without a word, Dan walked out of
Kasumi's office. Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed.

"That was awfully hard on him, don't you think?" Xellos asked, appearing
behind Kasumi.

"It's very hard for me, too." Kasumi replied quietly. "He has gotten
this far thanks to my help, but he must be ready to fight for himself. He
will need to, when the time comes..."

Xellos nodded sagely. "Is that why you scheduled him against Iori last
week? To take him down a notch?"

A hint of a smile crept across Kasumi's face. "Sore wa..."

Xellos smirked, bowing to Kasumi. "...himitsu desu. I suppose I deserve
that."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

LIVE!
FROM THE ULTRADOME!
THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
AND IMPROFANFIC!
IT'S TIME FOR...

{ M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R }
{ F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ <http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic> }

Episode 18 : Wednesday Night Confusion!
Author: Eric Jones

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fireworks exploded inside the Ultradome, exploding light down upon the
screaming throngs of Ultra fans. They jumped to the beat of their own
adrenaline, or possibly the hard-rock music that was being pumped through
the arena's loudspeakers. Ultradome was rocking - perhaps literally. The
thrum of the crowd reached an even higher crescendo as a familiar phrase
attempted to drown out their voices.

"Ready for a bit of that old... Ultra-violence?"

The arena, already humming at volumes well above those permanently
damaging to ones eardrums, roared its approval. Things quieted down (in a
relative sense) as the voice of everyone's favorite sugar-junkie shouted
his way into another night of Ultra.

"HELLO everybody and welcome to this weeks edition of Magical
Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation ULLLLTRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

The crowd cheered back at Hiroshi, who was hopping atop the commentator's
table, trying to incite the crowd to an even higher level of excitability.
As if that was necessary.

Daisuke merely raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you introduce Ultra like that
before?"

Hiroshi leapt down in his chair, and began shaking Daisuke's shoulder.
"Indeed I did, Daisuke! This week's line up has me so excited I'm getting
repetitive. And I'm repeating myself too!"

"Ah hah." Daisuke replied.

Hiroshi ignored his partner, and continued to rant. "Folks, you won't
believe what's going down this week! Team Aveh finally come out of the
woodwork for the first fight since their introduction, fighting the
newcomers, Team Rocket! In an interesting move, Sophia has challenged
fellow member of Sex and Violence, Johnny Cage!"

"In other words," Daisuke intoned, "A mad battle for last place."

"That's RIGHT!" Hiroshi screamed, "The loser of that match will have the
dubious honor of being the "biggest loser in Ultra", a title they
previously shared! Also, we have TWO title defenses! The Omega belt is on
the line! Also, Ken Masters takes on Iori Yagami for the title of 'Biggest
Bada$$ in Ultra'!"

"An unofficial title, but one that Ken apparently coveted." Daisuke
elaborated, "The question is, is this also a battle for the Gamma belt?"

"Only one person can answer that question for us, and I'm being told that
she's coming out right now..." Hiroshi turned his attention to the arena
entrance. No spotlights were shining, because none needed to. Standing
in the glow of her own glory, God stood beaming at the crowd.

"Hello minna-san! I hope you are all having a good time!" Kasumi said
cheerfully.

The decibel level that encompassed the crowd's response suggested they were.

Kasumi's response was nowhere near as loud as the crowds, but it didn't
matter; everyone heard her clearly. "In response to Daisuke's question, I
think it's up to Mr. Yagami himself whether he wants to defend his titles
separately. While his... first title is unofficial, it would seem unfair
to have the two always in the hands of the same person. It's always nicer
to share things around!"

The crowd cheered on account of it generally being Kasumi, but there were
minor murmurs of confusion. Kasumi coughed politely into her microphone
politely.

"In other words, more people get to fight!"

The crowd was definitely in favor of that.

Kasumi bowed out, slowly backing out to the exit from the arena.
"Farewell minna-san! Have an enjoyable evening!"

It took a full two minutes for the crowd to die down enough for even
Hiroshi to be heard.

"UNBELIEVABLE! I guess that means the 'biggest bada$$ in ultra' title is
now unofficially official, and it's approved!" Hiroshi squeaked. "But
will Iori defend both titles tonight or not, if so, who will be his
challenger? Find out when we come back with MORE of ULTRA!!!"

"kickass." Daisuke enthused.

Hiroshi turned to his partner in shock, covering his microphone as the
show cut to commercials. "Dude, is it me or did you almost express an
emotion?"

"Must have been your imagination."

-=-

Backstage, in one of the dressing rooms, three and a half figures were
seated around a small table. Posters that could only be classified as
'odd' covered the walls, such as the one that said "Makah: 1 Whales: 0";
or the one with a picture of a baby seal, with the caption "join the club"
underneath; or worst of all... a life-size poster of Tinky-Winky 'hugging'
Jerry Falwell's leg.

Indeed, it was a room brimming with controversy. And the diminutive
red-spike-topped man grinning at a pair of dubious warriors had the look of
controversy and insanity about him. It could almost be considered evil,
but it's hard to consider someone evil when they have a rubber ducky
permanently perched on their shoulder.

Controversial Jack, for once in a long time, looked happy. His stable
members didn't seem to share his confidence.

"Are you sure we have to go through with this?" Asked Johnny Cage, "I
mean, Sex and Violence is supposed to be a team, isn't it? I thought we
were joining forces to kick butt on the rest of the league..."

"And we all know how well THAT's been working, don't we?" Snapped Jack,
"I say we screw all traditional views of teamwork, and do our best just to
confuse everyone else. Mr. Duck has a lot of other great plans, too!"

Mr. Duck squeaked his agreement, in a benevolent, evil plotting kind of way.

Had he been anime, Cage might have sweatdropped. "Uhh, yeah. But what
good is one of us getting a win over the other going to do?"

Mr. Duck was pushed towards Cage, filling his vision. It began squeaking
again.

Squeak squeak sqweak SQWEEK!

Whatever it was, it sounded detailed.

Jack finally pulled Mr. Duck away, stroking his head and cackling. "All
in due time, Mr. Duck! We don't want to give too much away!"

Sophia tapped her foot impatiently, glaring at Jack. "So what is it you
want us to do?"

Jack fished in a pocket for a few moments, and tossed a round object
towards the pair. "Here's a coin. You two figure it out."

With that, Jack got up, and opened the door. "Have fun kids, I have
other plans to attend to."

Sophia and Cage stared at the departing figure of Jack, and then at each
other. Sophia picked up the coin, and looked at it for a few moments.

"Your call?"

-=-

In Ultradome proper, the music was pumping again, as the show came back
from advertisements. People cheered, and waved signs, saying such things
as "Am I of Orochi Blood too?", "Dan 5:20", and perhaps most
frighteningly of all, "I'm the love child of Team Hentai".

Hiroshi took the time to shudder, but recovered quickly to his normal
state of quivering from sugar overdose. "HELLO, and welcome back to ULTRA!
We're back!"

"I think they know that by now, Hiroshi."

"RIGHT! Our first match is in the Lambda division pits two relatively
untested teams against each other! Team Fatima broke apart during their
first match; will they be able to keep the team spirit, or will Rico just
beat up on Bart again?"

The lights dimmed as all eyes turned towards the arena entrance. Bart
was the first to emerge, smiling cheerfully and waving to the crowds. He
pumped his fists in the air as he hopped down the ramp to the lower arena.
Pausing, he turned back to point at the entrance, posing dramatically...

...as his partner failed to appear.

"Go team." Enthused Daisuke.

"It seems there might be some lingering tension between the two." Mused
Hiroshi, "Let's hope this first match of the night isn't canceled!"

The crowd began to get restless, dropping from the usual screaming
frenzy, into a confused murmur. Bart got up from his 'dramatic' position,
and rushed backstage. Ultra fans lucky enough to be close to the entrance
might have heard the following conversation...

"C'mon Rico! What's the problem?"

"...Team... 'Fatima'?"

"It's just a name! The announcers asked, and I couldn't think of
anything else."

"We shouldn't even be here, let alone prancing around giving homage to YOU."

"Heh heh... Water under the bridge, right? But don't worry! I have a
plan!"

"That certainly reduces our chances of winning."

"Don't WORRY! It's foolproof!"

Rico sighed. "We'll see, I suppose."

Bart and Rico entered the arena together, Rico more grudgingly than Bart,
who was back to jumping his way towards the ring, pumping up the crowd with
his antics. At ringside, Bart pulled out one of his whips, and lassoed it
around one of the ring posts. Pulling it taunt, he used the whip as a
springboard, the extra momentum allowing him to leap up onto the top of the
post, where he stood triumphantly, giving 'V' signs to the crowd.

Rico sighed as the crowd exploded into cheers. "If it's what the public
wants..." He muttered, leaping up onto another of the ring posts, with the
assistance of some wimpy rope. The shock of his landing sent Bart
careening off his post, face first into the mat.

"Oops." Said Rico sarcastically.

"It seems there are a few kinks to be worked out in this team yet."
deadpanned Daisuke.

"And their opponents, the newcomers to Ultra, the one, the only..."
Hiroshi's announcement was cut off, as ALL the lights in the Ultradome
turned off.

"Looks like someone's wanting to make their own introduction." Daisuke
commented to his partner.

A few refrains from 'Pomp and Circumstance' played over the PA system,
and two huge spotlights focused on opposite ends of the arena. Ultra's TV
monitors displayed two different images - one of a smug-looking,
blue-haired male, and the other, an equally smug-looking female with really
wild red hair. They wore identical black uniforms, with giant 'R's
emblazoned on the chest.

"Prepare for TROUBLE!" The speakers blazed from one side of the arena.
"And make it DOUBLE!" The speakers replied from the other.

The pair jumped in unison, flying down from the rooftops on
mini-hangliders. As they descended to the ring, the rant continued.

"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

Collective groans rose from the audience. Once was bad enough to hear
this. That didn't stop a few diehard fans from chanting the team's
introduction along with them.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

The pair jumped off their gliders a few feet above the ring, somehow
landing into a pose that even Saban would have found cheesy.

"Jessie!" "James!"
"Team Rocket BLASTS OFF at the SPEED OF LIGHT!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"


Bart simply pulled out his second whip, and cracked the two in unison.
Rico ginned, revealing ALL his teeth.

"Let's get it on." They echoed.


LAMBDA MATCH 1: Bart/Rico vs. Team Rocket


By this point, the microphone system was back up and running. Meowth,
team Rocket mascot and occasional flunky, had plugged them all back in, as
well as a third one for himself.

"Hey losers! Ready to see Team Rocket score another spectacular
victory?" He chimed.

"Are you going to be helping us announce the entire night?" Daisuke
asked, visibly nervous.

"Nah, I just wanted to come on long enough to remind people to buy their
OFFICIAL Team Rocket merchandise (tm)! Available at all the fine
merchandising stores in the Ultra arena! You can buy the action figures,
the T-Shirts, the mugs! And a whole lot more! Buy into the greatest team
Ultra has ever seen! We need the money! I tell you, there's no team that
even comes CLOSE to the perfection of-"

Before Meoweth could get any further, Hiroshi decided to interject. "Hey,
Team Rocket just lost!"

"What?" Meoweth looked up from his rant to see the unconscious figure of
James, and the hulking mass of Rico standing over him, roaring.

"That was incredibly short-lived." commented Daisuke.

"Indeed it WAS!" Exclaimed Hiroshi in excited voice #42 (Thank god I'm
paid a lump sum, and not by the hour!). But let's take a look at all the
AMAZING action in REPLAY!"

+++

The Ultra TV screens came alight with the scene from the ring. Bart
stood off against James, who was smugly holding a pokeball in his hand.

"Mew, I choose you!" He cried, tossing the pokeball towards the center
of the ring. It arced up into the air, and slowly began it's descent to
the floor... but never made it. Like a flash of lighting, Bart's whip
snatched up the Pokeball, and it was in his hands in an instant. Bart
tagged out to Rico, who was looking almost as stunned as James.

"That was almost... intelligent." Commented Rico, before he strode
across the ring, and unleashed a can of WhopAss on James, who DEFINITELY
had no martial arts training of his own.

+++

"What a display of tactics! Of strength! Of overall superiority to
another team!"

"You can stop talking now." Meoweth mumbled, burying his face into his
hands.

Inside the ring, Rico had turned to his partner, who was still standing
in his corner, fiddling with the Pokeball.

"Bart, we've won, you can come in and do whatever ridiculous dance you
had in mind."

"Just a second Rico! I think I've got this thing almost figured out!
Once I figure out how to use this, we can use it AGAINST them, and score
the victory!" Bart replied, twisting the Pokeball in every conceivable
direction. "I've got it!" He cried, as the pokeball cracked open. A
giant cat emerged, staring at the two blankly as it flared with a familiar
blue glow...

Team Fatima was sent skywards as the Reality Adept attack struck them at
point-blank range, sending them through the roof of the Ultradome. Again.


"And it looks like Team Fatima goes rocketing to the sky, while James and
Jesse remain grounded!" Hiroshi cried. "What an AMAZING development this
is!"

"But the Fatima team had already scored the victory, so this remains
simply a stunning display of ineptitude. More Ultra, after a few words
from our sponsors." Daisuke less-than-enthused.

"And once we return, we'll be back!"

"They already know that, Hiroshi."

-=-

Sakura was not a happy camper. When one found out that a good friend -
NOT boyfriend, thank you very much - was currently captured by an elder god
of ultimate evil, it tended to distract them. Thus, she hadn't even really
fought a match since her loss to Dan at UltraRage Alpha.

It was all David's fault of course, nothing to do with a quashed ego.

Nonetheless, she HAD made some headway, getting the help of Lina and Dark
Schneider to lessen the 'minion count' of Orochi. Naga had been freed from
her [HATE], which had been a bit of a blessing, and a curse.

Good because Sakura no longer had to fight her to get to David. Bad,
because, well...

"OHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! Don't worry little girl, we'll be back to help
save your boyfriend, after we make good use of this map!"

...they were all ditching her to go in search of some ancient treasure.
Which still left her alone to fight Orochi and free David.

"Guess I'm on my own, then.." She mumbled, searching around the back
halls of the Ultradome, trying to find out where Orochi's base of
operations was hidden. If it even was IN the Ultradome. If not, she had
no idea where to look.

Fate didn't bring her to her desired destination, but it did take her
outside of the arena, where she stumbled upon Gambit taking in the night
atmosphere while pulling back on a cigarette.

He turned around quickly to face whoever it was that had walked up on
him, cards at ready. His expression turned into a far more amiable one
once he saw it was Sakura.

"Bonjour, ma petite. What brings you out t' such a place? Looking for
ol' Gambit?" He asks, winking playfully.

Sakura shook her head despondently. "No, I was looking for someone else..."

Gambit looked at Sakura with concern. "Any pro'lem that gets a belle such
as you upset, gets Gambit upset too. You need help, chere?"

Sakura shrugged, unsure of whether Gambit was trying to hit on her, or
genuinely concerned. Either way, help was help... So long as they didn't
try to cop a feel.

"Thanks, I could use the _help_." Sakura emphasized.

Gambit grinned, bowing theatrically. "Gambit be at your service, ma'am.
And I promise no funny business... 'less you be asking for it."

"Don't keep your hopes up." Sakura replied, motioning to the door
leading back inside the Ultradome. "Let's go."

-=-

The inside of the Ultradome was, as per usual, roaring. Hiroshi soaked
it up from the middle of the ring, where he was gripping his microphone in
a vice-like grip. The sheer adrenaline running through his body should
have killed most men, but after multiple deaths, cloning, and doc jobs
galore, Hiroshi was made of much sterner stuff than most.

"HEYYY ULTRA FANS!"

"HEY HIROSHI!" the crowd cried back.

"Yeah! Welcome to our next match here on Ultra! It's going to be a
doozy! Neither competitor has scored a victory, and they're both hungry
for a win! Don't expect either side to give a quarter to the other, in
spite of them being in the same stable! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
the Battle to NOT be the biggest loser in ULTRA!"

The crowd was frenzied enough from the sheer excitability oozing from
Hiroshi's voice not to notice that this wasn't very exciting. They cheered
madly.

"First, from the lush, easy streets of Hollywood, California, the master
of the "green flame" attack, and popular film icon, Johnny Caaaaaage!"

Cage came strutting down towards the ring, casually flipping a coin in
the air. Boos littered the arena, and the occasional piece of trash was
thrown his way. Despite this, he had an incredible look of "I'm too cool
for words" as he slipped through the ropes, and into the ring. He removed
the sunglasses from off his face, tossing them into the crowds, where they
were immediately stomped into a million pieces by jeering detractors.

"And his opponent, from a place she doesn't remember, she is the master
of whips, the current biggest loser, but not the sexiest woman, in Ultra!
She is, Sophiaaaa!"

Devo's "Whip it" cranked through the speakers as Sophia sullenly marched
her way towards the ring. Whip in hand, she stared at Cage the entire way
to the rink. Once in the ring, she motioned towards Hiroshi, who was
exiting the ring.

"Whoever wins this, what do you say we go after him once it's over?"

Hiroshi's exit from the ring promptly became an exit from the arena.

Cage shrugged. "I think you've got more important things to worry about,
darling." He said arrogantly. "Let's dance."


GAMMA MATCH 1: Johnny Cage vs. Sophia


The two combatants circled around each other, Cage dancing around
confidently, Sophia more cat-like and cautious.

Daisuke, apparently on his own for this match, took a few moments before
saying anything. "It seems the two are sizing each other up; neither
really looks like they're going to make the first move."

In the ring, Cage began dancing like Ali. "C'mon, let's make this quick
and convincing." He said, motioning her to come forward.

"Okay." Said Sophia, suddenly snapping her whip around Cage's throat, and
sending him skyward. He was sent flailing into the air, landing
unceremoniously on his back outside the ring.

Cage looked at Sophia, bewildered. "But, but I won the toss!" He sputtered.

Sophia simply snapped out her whip, grabbing the stunned wannabe warrior
by the throat, and directing him back up into the air. Still holding onto
him by the whip, she directed him back towards the ring...

Towards the ropes would be more precise, actually. Cage's face went an
interesting shade of purple after that.

"I didn't like the results." Sophia said casually, as Daisuke and every
other male in the audience spent a good minute in sympathy pain.

"And your winner," Daisuke finally managed to comment, "Sophia. I can't
help but wonder what this... decisive victory will do to the team of Sex
and Violence."

Sophia strutted out of the arena proudly, Cage in tow behind her, being
dragged along by the foot with her whip. He wasn't terribly conscious to
argue.

"What a STUNNING victory by a glorious and beautiful warrior!" Hiroshi
cried, appearing out of nowhere.

"How did you get back here?"

"That's my secret! But to the match; what a victory! There may have
been faster battles, but none more decisive and clever!"

"I don't think she'll buy it, Hiroshi."

"But that doesn't mean I can't try!"

"I think we can try and move things... past that match." Daisuke
replied, still squirming. "Our next match is for the dubious honor of
being the 'biggest bada$$ in Ultra'. Ken Masters signed for the fight for
that specific title, so it doesn't _have_ to be a Gamma championship match."

"But it COULD be! We're going backstage right now where one of our
reporters has caught up to Iori Yagami!"

The Ultra big-screen TVs came alive to focus on the figures of Iori
Yagami and... Controversial Jack. And Mr. Duck, of course.

"Hey kids!" grinned Jack, "Yotsuya is still in the hospital, due to the
damage he took at the hands of this violent psycho. So I thought, I have a
lot of questions to ask, why don't I pick up the job?"

"I thought you had something to say to me." Iori said coldly.

"And I do!" Exclaimed Jack, suddenly adopting a serious reporter pose,
"Iori, what's your opinion on the current identity crisis in Canada?
Should they just become Americans and get it over with, or should they
stare at their navels for another century?"

"...What?"

"And a witty response from our league's champion, and thus ambassador to
the world! Tell me, you think the Japanese diet would benefit if they, you
know, lived up to their name? I mean, look at all those fa-"

Iori silenced Jack by stuffing his microphone into his mouth.

"I have a match to win, if you don't mind." Iori said, walking away,
sullenly ignoring the world around him. That is, until he nearly walked
into Kasumi.

God beamed at the depressive shojo quasi-villian. "Hello Iori. How nice
to catch you in a good mood."

"Cute. Now, get out of my way." Iori tried to push Kasumi aside, and
proceeded to fail miserably. No matter how hard he pushed against her
shoulder, she didn't budge an inch. Kasumi continued smiling at him.

"There was one important question that did need to be asked, Mr. Yagami."
Kasumi began in a polite, but firm voice, "Is this match for the Gamma
belt, or not?"

Iori looked, for once, almost amused. "If the losers in this league want
to throw themselves against me twice a night, it's their funeral. They're
all just distractions anyway."

With that, Iori spun around Kasumi, and began sauntering his way towards
the ring.

"JUSTH A MINITH!" Jack cried/slurred, microphone held haphazardly in his
hands. "If that's the case, I want a Gamma title match between you and
Sophia, tonight!"

Iori paused momentarily for the typical shojo 'I look cool looking over
my shoulder' looking over his shoulder pose. "If she's that hungry for
another defeat, she's got it." Iori continued on towards the ring.


"Oh my goodness!" cried Hiroshi, "What a stunning development! Could it
be that this was why Sophia and Johnny Cage fought tonight? So one of them
could score the victory required for a title challenge?"

"Yes." stated Daisuke.

"But who'd have thought Iori would defend the titles separately? Does
Jack have some kind of seer abilities?"

"Probably not, but our guest announcer does. I'm sure you all remember
Isawa Norikazu, the Phoenix Clan Seer from the Emerald Empire of Rokugan."
Said Daisuke, motioning to the pale man sitting in the third announcer's chair.

"Hey, good to have you back, Nori!" Hiroshi enthused.

"It's uh, good to be back. I think." Norikazu replied quietly.

"Any predictions for us tonight?" Hiroshi asked, as dozens of betting
men leaned forward in their seats.

"Predictions. Hmm, can't think of anything..." Norikazu looked
ponderous for a few moments- up until the point his eyes rolled up to the
back of his head. "Tonight is the night of passing! The breaking of
pride, the end of a way of life! Tonight is a night of.. Confusion!
Nothing shall be as it seems, or perhaps, as it should..." his rant
tapered off, and his eyes returned to where they were supposed to be.
"Aheh. Um, sorry."

Daisuke blinked a bit. "That was interesting."

"And also meaningless! C'mon, what's the word on the upcoming matches?"
Hiroshi whined.

Norikazu closed his eyes for a moment, concentrating. "No title will
change hands, I think. Oh, and cover your ears."

"What?" Asked Daisuke, second before a piercing screech came blaring out
of the sound system. It sounded feminine, young, and most importantly,
annoyed. The decibel level of the noise manage to drown out the sound of
the fans. Fortunately, the shields that protected the crowds from stray
attacks was also good against sonic attacks.

Unfortunately, the announcer's table wasn't behind that shield.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" cried Hiroshi.

"That was Asuka catching Shinji." Norikazu replied, rolling his eyes
like it was common knowledge.

"WHAT?" shouted Daisuke.

"I'll tell you in a minute."

-=-

Asuka was livid. Her original intention was to try and talk some sense
into that idiot Shinji, and get him off his 'badass' act.

Instead of seeing a leering, dumber than normal Shinji acting like a
jerk, she found Shinji leering like a pervert, in front of Rei, who was
naked and lying on the floor. The screaming ended a full minute later,
immortalized by an announcer's microphone- held by one Jack Lysias, who
just _happened_ to be in the area.

"Well well, looky here, Mr. Duck! A nice wholesome scene for our
viewers! ..Not that any of them will see this of course, because I want to
savor this special moment by myself!"

Indeed, before the cameraman had a chance to focus inside the change
room, Jack had casually pushed on the camera, apparently sending the
cameraman to the floor; the Ultradome's TVs currently sported a nice view
of the ceiling of a nondescript hallway.

This of course, mattered little to Asuka, who spent little time grabbing
the spiky-haired little freak by the collar, and sending him sailing down
the hall as well. Ultra fans were able to view a short period of his
flight, as he sailed right over the camera.

Asuka dusted her hands off, and turned back towards Shinji. "As for YOU,
you, little freak, I'm getting tired of your stupid antics!"

To emphasize, she smacked Shinji across the chest, sending him sprawling
to the floor beside Rei. Shinji just leered, and slowly rose to his feet.
He took his time dusting himself off, watching Asuka seethe out of the
corner of his eye.

"Geez babe, calm down." Shinji began, "You act like you've never seen a
woman naked before or something. Admittedly, you probably haven't seen one
with this great a bod up to this point..."

There are times when women are hurt by things men say. Most of the time
they are indirect, using subtle little gestures and motions to suggest to a
male that he may have screwed up in some small way. And then, of course,
there are those moments that call for no subtlety whatsoever.

"SHINJI NO BAKA!" Asuka cried, launching herself at Shinji, and pushing
him against a wall. Shinji decided to... rest there a minute. Yeah.
Shinji, slouching every so slightly (not slumping, he was too cool and
unfettered for that), managed a wry (not weak) grin.

"Hey, I figured you liked things rough, but this is stretching it."

BAM. Two fists implanted themselves on each side of Shinji's head. His
look of disaffected coolness was a little less convincing now. It was hard
to look unflappable when you had a woman looking that pissed at you,
breathing so hard, chest heaving...

"STOP LOOKING AT MY CHEST AND LISTEN TO ME!!"

Shinji's eyes snapped to attention, looking directly into to eyes of fury
and frustration. Perhaps now would not be the time to make a lewd comment,
his mind noted. Thankfully, his mouth listened this once. He assumed as
neutral an expression he could; considering this was turning him on, he did
quite well.

Unfortunately for Shinji's fantasies, the moment did not devolve into mad
passionate sex. Instead, Asuka began talking to him, slowly and with great
deliberation.

"I. have. had. IT. Shinji, this stupid act of yours is over! Either
you go back to being your normal self, or, or... I'll challenge you to an
Omega match!"

"Huh?" Shinji replied wittily.

A confident smile crossed Asuka's face. Which was odd, in combination
with her twitching eyebrow. "If I win the match, you have to do nothing
but watch 'Graveyard of the Fireflies' for an entire WEEK. If that doesn't
get you back to normal, nothing will!" Asuka's expression gained a
distinctly nasty edge to it, "And given how 'well' you've been linking with
Eva lately, I don't see any other outcome."

Boy did Asuka look smug. The way her chest swelled with pride... Let's
not go there, his mind corrected. However, he did have one viable idea.

"I accept." He said plainly, slowly offering a hand to Asuka. She
stepped back, and shook it. Now it was Shinji's turn to look smug.

"But if _I_ win, you have to go on a date with me."

Asuka blanched, but then proceeded to grip Shinji's hand even tighter.
"You're on, creep! Like I have anything to worry about!"

-=-

"OKAY," Daisuke said, still rubbing his ears, "Aside from watching
footage of some ceiling for two minutes, what just happened?"

"Asuka just challenged Shinji to a fight." Norikazu said, not in pain at
all because he had been prepared for the sonic assault - naturally.

"You're going to have to stop whispering Norikazu, I don't know if our
audiences at home will be able to hear you." replied Daisuke. Norikazu
simply rolled his eyes.

"A CHALLENGE!" shouted Hiroshi, whose voice seemed unaffected by his
hearing loss. "MY GOODNESS! Asuka and Shinji putting out their dirty
laundry for all of Ultra to se, uh, hear!"

"Or not." added Daisuke. "But anyway, I think it's time to get on to
our next match. Finally."

Iori Yagami was already in the ring. He was seated in one corner of the
ring, arms resting on the second rope. "If you don't mind, I have better
things to kill than time." He said, tapping one foot.

"Yes, getting on with the match would indeed be good." Hiroshi said
quickly. "If you haven't noticed folks, Touga is not with us tonight. He
has become 'indisposed at the moment'; his own words. I was filling in
until our guest announcer arrived, who I'm told is on his way to the ring
as we speak. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you one half of the
Golden Pair, rising star of the martial skating world, Mikado Sanzenin!"

A single spotlight focused on a tall, handsome man decked out in an
expensive-looking tuxedo, and matching roller blades. He was making his
way towards the ring slowly, smiling elegantly to the cheering throngs of
Ultra fans. As he pulled to a stop at ringside, he paused momentarily to
approach a nearby female fan, and kiss her fleetingly.

"It seems Mikado is intent on improving the fan base of our female
viewers." Hiroshi noted.

"Yes, I'm sure he has Ultra's best interests completely in mind."
Deadpanned Hiroshi.

Mikado removed himself from the woman, and walked up the steps into the
ring. He help his microphone delicately as he began speaking. "Thank you
for you kind welcome. Thank you. But we can talk more about myself later."

"He's so humble!" Hiroshi gushed. Daisuke failed to reply.

Mikado reached out his free hand dramatically, pointing out the
still-slouching Iori. "Already in the ring, the psycho shonen, and master
of the flames of death, our current Gamma champion, and the 'Biggest Badass
in Ultra,' Ioriiiiii Yaaaagaaaamiiiii!"

The crowd shouted out a mix of cheers and boos, and a great deal of
squealing from his female fans. Mikado waved to said females, naturally
assuming they were directing their energy towards him.

"Not now ladies, wait until after the matches are over." Mikado
admonished playfully, pausing before continuing, "And his opponent,
challenging him for the title of 'biggest bada$$', the master of the
dreaded flaming uppercut attack, hailing from the Masters Estate in
Southern California, USA, he is, Keeeennnn Maaaaassterrrrrs!

The crowd erupted into cheers as Ken walked into view, flanked by Eliza
and Ryu. Ryu had a hand on Ken's shoulder, and was dispensing some
last-minute advice.

"Remember Ken, Iori is a speed fighter, so don't try to beat him to the
punch. Let him make the first move, and then strike."

"I don't see what you're so worried about, Ryu." Ken said nonchalantly,
slapping the hands of nearby fans, "He beat _Dan_. Big deal."

"I would not advise taking this too lightly, Ken." Ryu reprimanded,
"Iori is very much the same fighter as you, only he has an edge; he has the
blood of Orochi in him."

"You mean that 'god' who was chibified by Washuu and never heard from again?"

Ryu was the essence of purity and calm of spirit, the warrior nonplused
by any situation, meeting every event he encountered with a stillness of
emotion. That did not, however, stop him from sweatdropping at this point.
"Yes, well... just be careful, okay?"

"Listen to Ryu, honey." Eliza said, concern clearly written on her face.
"Take care of yourself."

Ken leapt up to the ring, sliding under the ropes and rolling into the
middle of the ring. He gave one glance back at Eliza, nodding once. With
that, he turned to face his opponent, who was still sitting in his corner.
Mikado took this chance to exit the ring, as Ken dropped into a battle
stance, gesturing to Iori. "Care to get up, or are you gonna concede the
match?"

Iori frowned at Ken. "I was just giving you a chance to reconsider your
challenge." he replied, standing up, "But if you want to suffer, that's
your decision."

"Scary words." Ken smirked, "Let's see what comes of them."


BIGGEST BADA$$ IN ULTRA MATCH: Iori Yagami vs. Ken Masters


"And the match begins! It's started!" yelped Hiroshi.

"Indeed it has. Ken seems a little more careful than usual; maybe Ryu's
presence is having an affect on his strategies."

Inside the ring, Ken was following Ryu's advice - he was waiting for Iori
to make the first attack. There was only one problem; Iori wasn't
fighting. He had risen to his feet, but had yet to move from his spot in
the corner. Ken feinted forward and darted back, the Iori didn't seem to
be taking the bait. He didn't even seem interested.

"Are you fighting me or not?" Ken snarled.

Iori shrugged, leaning against the post. "I thought I'd even things out,
and let you take the first shot. You'll need it."

Ken gritted his teeth, and focused his ki. Summoning energy from around
him, he released a red fireball and sent it speeding towards Iori. Iori
didn't move out of the way, he merely raised a hand, flinching slightly as
a purple flame flared out from his palm. Fireball collided with fireball,
and dissipated into nothingness.

Iori looked at Ken with disgust. "What a waste." He launched himself
at Ken, his fists and legs a blur of movement. Ken could barely keep up to
blocking Iori's attacks, let along launching any kind of attack of his own.

"We've seen this before, folks." said Hiroshi, "It looks like Iori's
trying to force Ken into a corner. It almost worked against Gambit; will
it work here?"

"I doubt it." Norikazu said blithely.

Iori kept up his furious pace, not pausing for an instance as he backed
Ken towards one of the ring's corners. Grunting in frustration, Ken rolled
away from the attacks, directly into the corner. Iori launched himself
forward, too committed to a leaping attack to stop when he noticed that Ken
was using the corner as a springboard.

"Shou Ryuuken!" Ken cried, a flaming fist connecting solidly with Iori's
jaw. Iori was sent sprawling to the mat, dazed but definitely not out.
Ken took time to flip his hair back before launching into a combination of
attacks of his own.

"You know, you really don't help keep up the drama of the matches."
Daisuke whispered to Norikazu.

Norikazu shrugged. "I'm a seer. What else was I supposed to say?"

"How about HOLY COW LOOK AT THAT ATTACK!" Hiroshi cheered.

"That's your department, I thought." Daisuke replied.

"I think he really means to look at that attack." Norikazu said,
pointing to the ring. Somewhere along the line Iori had tripped Ken, and
he was now devoting his time to kneeling on his chest and unleashing a
flurry of attacks upon the dazed Shotokan warrior. Ken tried to dodge what
he could, which wasn't much since Iori was pinning his arms. Finally, Ken
managed to push Iori off, but wasn't able to move much after that.

"Ken is hurting in there, folks!" shouted Hiroshi, "that was one
SERIOUS amount of smack laid down on him!"

"I wouldn't count him out yet, though. Ken's an experienced fighter."
added Daisuke.

"No amount of experience can prepare one for what's about to come."
Norikazu said ominously.

Meanwhile, Iori had gotten to his feet, and was looking down at Ken's
sprawled figure. "Get up." he snapped, "This is pathetic."

Ken looked at Iori, dazed and squinting. A smirk crossed his face, as
his eyes snapped into focus. "Let's make things interesting then."

Ken snapped into a forward roll, pushing himself up to his feet, and then
into the air, where he began spinning around like a whirlwind. "Tatsu
makisen buukyaku!" he cried, catching the surprised Iori, pulling him up
in the air. Iori was struck half a dozen times before being thrust out of
the attack, sending him sprawling to the mat. Ken dropped to the ground,
falling on one knee.

"Yup, not even the most experienced warrior can prepare for a complete
ignorance of physics." noted a satisfied Norikazu.

"You enjoy this, don't you?" asked Daisuke.

"You betcha!"

Iori rose to his feet slowly, warily watching Ken, who was leaning
against the opposite corner of the ring. "A bit better." He commented.
The two seemed to be willing to take a mutual breather, slouching into
their respective corners. Ken tired of this quickly, and began launching
fireballs at Iori, still leaning against his corner. Iori blocked the
first few with flame of his own, but it was obviously trying for him.

Daisuke nodded as he watched the change in tactics. "I think I
understand Ken's strategy; Iori has the ability to summon flames, but it
causes pain to himself every time he uses it. Ken's probably trying to
wear Iori down before going in for a finishing strike. And don't you say
anything Norikazu."

Norikazu slumped back into his seat, pouting.

Iori, getting the same idea as Daisuke, stopped blocking the attacks, and
began dodging them. Ken improvised by sending fireballs in front of Iori,
denying him a chance to move any closer. But Iori _was_ getting closer,
slowly. Ken failed to hide a smirk as Iori finally got within striking
distance.

"I think there's enough residual ki in the area now." He commented, a
glow emanating from his fist.

The entire ring pulsed with a white flash, the bodies of the two fighters
becoming silhouettes to the viewers. Ken leapt into a dragon punch,
connecting solidly with Iori, who was pushed upwards instead of away. Ken
immediately launched into another dragon punch, which sent Iori even higher
into the air.

"WOW! Ken's launched into his super dragon punch!" cried Hiroshi.

Ken readied himself for another dragon punch, rising into the air with a
flaming fist of ki ready to smash into Iori... who tucked at the last
minute, dodging the final punch by mere centimeters. Iori dropped to the
man in a crouch, watching casually as Ken descended from his attack.

"My turn." Iori said, leaping into an uppercut of his own.

Ken snapped his legs down, in a desperate attempt to get Iori before he
connected. His gambit worked, sort of. Iori's fist connected with Ken's
foot, and a sickening crunching sound was the result.

Both warriors fell to the mat, but only Iori got up- Ken was busy
nursing a broken foot. Iori was only barely standing, bruises visible on
his face, and most noticeably on his fist - it was swollen and purple.
With a grimace, he silently left the ring, nursing his right fist.

"There, uh, goes your winner, and still the biggest bada$$ in Ultra, Iori
Yagami!!!" Mikado cried, sitting in the lap of a woman sitting in the
front row.

Ryu and Eliza were in the ring in an instant, Ryu looking over Ken's
foot, while Eliza comforted him.

"And there you have a nasty win by Ultra's biggest- do I really have to
keep saying that word?" Asked Daisuke.

"Would you rather we called him the 'most not-nice person in Ultra'?"
queried Hiroshi.

"Point taken. Well folks, we're going to a commercial break, while the
medical team comes and takes care of Ken."

"Let's hope Ken's injury heals soon!"

"Iori got hurt too, Hiroshi." Daisuke pointed out.

"Yeah, I know. Let's hope Ken's injury heals soon!"

"So much for impartiality." Daisuke muttered.

-=-

Iori staggered to the halls leading to the fighter's dressing rooms. The
pain was intense, but it was a glorious pain. The power of Orochi in his
blood truly was a curse; it gave great power, and caused him to suffer as
well. Moreover, it was an exhilaration - the power was intense, and its
potential... limitless, provided it didn't kill you in the process. Iori
was on a power-tripping high, which is why he didn't immediately kill Jack
as he appeared out of nowhere, microphone in hand.

"A stunning victory Iori, Congratulations! Let's hope that nasty wound
to your hand doesn't get infected or anything..."

However, that didn't stop Iori from pushing Jack off before he managed to
unleash a bottle of mosquitoes in his direction. For good measure, he
grabbed the bottle and tossed it down the hall, and stormed off in the
opposite direction.

"Che. So much for that idea. Ahwell, it's not our most important one,
anyway, right Mr. Duck?"

Mr. Duck squeaked in agreement, it then proceeded on a minute long
squeaky rant.

"Ah yes!" cried Jack, "thanks for reminding me, buddy. Now we find
Saotome!"

-=-

Ranma's last few weeks had not been positive, to say the least. He'd
joined this Ultra gig to get AWAY from the madness of Nermia, for pete's
sake. But now, that hag Cologne and Doc Tofu had started an entire STABLE
of Nerima fighters. Ryouga was here, Kunou, Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyou... and
now, even MIKADO had shown up.

"Add Akane and we've got a full house." Ranma muttered, trying his best
to hid... find a quiet place to train by himself. Yeah. It obviously
wasn't working too well, because he turned one corner to find himself
face-to-face with a video camera.

"Howdy Ranma! What's up?" Jack asked excitably, pushing a microphone at
the martial artist.

"ARGH! Get the hell away from me, you spiky-haired freak!"

"No need to be rude, Ranma." Jack replied soothingly, "I was just
wondering about your reaction to recent events, such as Iori's recent
successful defense of his 'biggest badass in Ultra' title?"

"Why the heck should I care... waitasecond, didn't I defeat him after he
got that title?"

"You know, I do believe you did!" gasped Jack, not trying at all to
looks surprised at the question.

"That should be my title then." sulked Ranma.

"Maybe, maybe! I guess you didn't get it because you failed to challenge
him for it specifically... But on to more important things; are we live
now?" Jack seuqued, turning to his cameraman. After he nodded
confirmation, Jack turned back to Ranma. "I'd like you to clear up a
little problem I'm having; I've seen a girl running around, calling
herself Ranma, and acting just as snotty and obnoxious as you. Is this
some kind of impostor, a twin sister, or what?"

"I am NOT discussing this. Not to you, that's for damn sure." replied
Ranma, turning to walk away. Jack had other plans, of course.

"Oh come on Ranma buddy, let's be friends! Here, I brought you some of
that oxygenated water, it really energizes you..." Jack very deliberately
pulled an opened bottle of water out of a pocket, just _happening_ to spill
some in Ranma's direction. A very red-faced red-haired girl spun on him.

"You jackass!" Ranma-female screamed.

"Oh my goodness! Ranma's really a female with a dissolvable male
disguise! Ingenious, though I can't possibly think what purpose it serves!
Here Ranma, have some tea to calm your nerves.... Oops!"

Splash. Again water hit Ranma, this time he reverted back into his
taller, male form. He looked a little more agitated, too.

"Well, what do we have here? Are you really a boy or a girl, Ranma?"
Jack asked, cackling madly.

"You. Are. TOAST!" Ranma screamed.

Jack put his arms out in front of him. "Now wait just one second! At
least explain this strange phenomenon; since I'm going to get beat up
anyway, I may as well know the truth!"

Ranma cracked his knuckles in anticipation. "So long as we both
understand you're about to die... fine." Ranma replied calmly, " I'm
cursed, okay? Jhusenkyou springs, just like Shampoo and Mousse. Only
instead of turning into an animal, I turn into a girl. Does that make you
happy?"

"Wow, what an incredible story! One last question, though..."

"Yes?" Ranma asked, eyebrow twitching.

"Do you like it better as a guy or girl?"

"ARRGGHHHHHHHHH!"

The sounds that followed were even more disturbing, and far more
prolonged, than those heard in Iori and Ken's last match.

-=-

Tatewaki Kunou stared at the television screen blankly. It _couldn't_ be
true. His beloved pigtailed goddess was not a pawn of the black sorcerer
Saotome, but actually WAS Saotome? It couldn't possibly be true.

But if it was, that devil would pay. The humiliation he'd caused, the
mocking! That beast had led him on for so long, toyed with his emotions!

"How DARE he embarrass the Kunou name so! The fiend shall PAY!"

Kunou's rage focused in the bokken at his side, the air itself shaping
around it. With a cry of pure fury, he swung his sword forward, a cyclone
rushing forth from it's tip, and impacting upon a training dummy. As soon
as it connected, Kunou let out a more coherent cry.

"CELESTIAL STORM!!" Kunou cried, leaping towards the dummy, and bringing
down a swarm of lighting strikes upon the immobile object. It was reduced
to ashes within moments.

From the back of the room, Haomaru nodded approvingly. "EXCELLENT! AN
ASTOUNDING ATTCK; NOT THAT A GREAT WARRIOR SUCH AS I COULD NOT DO BETTER!
YOUR TRAINING GOES WELL, INDEED!"

Kunou was not paying too much attention to his teacher. He was too busy
glowing a deep blue aura, with his eyes glowing menacingly.

-=-

The crowd of Ultra fans didn't get to see the spiffy light show, but they
did get to watch as Ranma laid down the smack on Jack. In fact, the
cameraman had moved back to a sufficient distance so that all the action
could be caught on tape, every punch, every kick, and even the stunning
block Cologne did just as Ranma was going to stomp Jack's face in. Ranma
was sent sprawling to the floor, sputtering.

"What do you think you're doing you old hag?"

"I'm stopping you from being a fool." spat Cologne, "You should be
training, son-in-law, not beating up on people who've never trained in any
kind of combat."

"Hey, I was PRESIDENT of my debating club!" Jack shouted, before being
hit over the head with Cologne's cane. Devoting her attention to Ranma,
she shook her head.

"I am very disappointed in you son-in-law. You still have much to
learn." she said, somehow hopping over to Ranma, grabbing his ear, forcing
him to the ground, and dragging him off down the hall.

"What an odd chain of events." commented Daisuke at ringside, "What
does Jack expect to gain from all this?"

"You're not going to let you tell me, are you?" Norikazu whined.

"No, I'm not. What I am going to do is pass things over to Hiroshi, who
seems keen to introduce our next match."

"Indeed I am excited, excited indeed!" repeated Hiroshi, "Our next match
is an Omega title match, and also a rematch for the two combatants-
Sephiroth and Akuma! Sephiroth won the last match fairly handily, but will
he be able to beat the non-mechanized Akuma as easily? I'm excited
Daisuke!"

"I couldn't tell." noted Daisuke, rubbing his temples.

"And out match takes place on the deserted ice planet of Hoth, whose
surface is covered entirely in ice! It's cold there!"

"You can tell me if this is a clone defect, or just his sugar rush."
Daisuke whispered to Norikazu.

"I don't want to." Norikazu sniffed.

The lights in Ultradome darkened, and the big-screen monitors came alight
to show a flattened wreck of a city. Debris was strewn everywhere, charred
black by some kind of mystical fire. The sun was shining brightly in the
sky.

"It doesn't look too cold there." Daisuke noted, fulfilling his 'stating
the obvious' quota for the week.

"That's not an ice planet!" squeaked Hiroshi.

"That's not Hoth." Xellos noted backstage, very confused.

"I could have told you this was going to happen, but SOMEONE didn't want
me to give anything away." said Norikazu sulkily.

"You know, it does seem somehow familiar. Isn't that-"

-=-

"Midgar! Oh my god!" cried Tifa.

"Something wrong with that?" Bean asked lazily, not really paying
attention to the monitor.

"There's something VERY wrong with that." Tifa replied, leaping from her
seat.

"Where're you going?"

"To talk to Kasumi. This could mean BIG trouble."

-=-

Sephiroth smiled at his surroundings. Memories flooded back to him; of
his plans for godhood, his manipulation of Cloud... and his defeat at
Cloud's hand.

"Not this time. The black materia shall be mine, and the ascension shall
begin..." Sephiroth opened his arms, feeling the Lifestream all around
him. This was his home, where his powers were truly at their most potent,
the place his consciousness had been ripped from for the purposes of being
put on display on some ridiculous entertainment show.

No more indeed.

Once Meteor was summoned again, all his plans would fall into place. And
now that Aeris- the planet's defender- was gone, playing nurse at the same
ridiculous event, Holy would not be able to stop that which was destined to
be. Sephiroth chuckled at the irony of Kasumi's supposed act of mercy -
the reviving of one dead girl leading to the destruction of an entire
planet. He stopped laughing when he noticed Akuma's fist sticking through
his chest.

Fine. First he'd deal with this minor annoyance.


OMEGA MATCH 1: Sephiroth vs. Shin Akuma


Sephiroth phased his material body away from the dark warrior, appearing
high in the air, out of reach of Akuma's attacks. He allowed himself time
to regenerate and cast healing spells on himself, before he began speaking.

"I defeated you once before, fool. I will do it again if I must, but I
have more important things to attend to."

Akuma stared up at the floating warrior, eyes flaring with murderous
intent. "I am more whole than we last met; I long to find victory where I
was once humiliated. If not; today is as good a day to die as any."

Sephiroth stared coldly down at his opponent. "Dramatic, spirited,
brave- I will give you that. But pointless. You are nothing compared to
the power of a god."

"We shall see." Akuma responded, phasing out of existence, and appearing
behind the silver-haired warrior. he wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's
neck, fists flaring with dark energy. The pair began plummeting down
towards the ground. Sephiroth struggled against Akuma's grip, but was
unable to do anything against the raw strength he possessed.

"A fine tactic," Sephiroth grunted, "but unfortunately..."

Just as the pair were about to connect to the ground, Sephiroth
disappeared, reappearing meters away, unharmed. Akuma finished his descent
rather ungracefully, positioned as he was to try and force Sephiroth
face-first into the ground. Akuma tumbled away from the crash, managing to
shakily rise to his feet.

"...I can do the same trick." Sephiroth finished, raising one gloved hand
towards his opponent, "But I have more important matters to deal with.
Why don't you just.. 'SLOW' down a little?"

Sephiroth grinned as he watched Akuma's motions become a significant
degree slower than they were just moments ago. With a flippant salute,
Sephiroth took to the skies, departing from the ruined city, and towards a
distant, ruined crater...

Akuma's aura flared, albeit slowly, an intense shade of red. Stumbling,
Akuma ran as fast as he could... which looked like little more than a
saunter to the audience back home.

-=-

Aeris stared at the telecast in alarm. Sephiroth, back in Midgar! The
consequences were too terrible to think of; she had to go back - even if it
meant surrendering her body to the Lifestream again... Sephiroth could not
be allowed to do what he intended to do.

Aeris would have gone running to find Kasumi, except that Kasumi had
gotten there, first.

"Kasumi!" Aeris cried, "You have to let me go back! If Sephiroth-"

Kasumi nodded. "This was not supposed to happen. But don't worry,
matters are under control."

Aeris looked unsure, but found it ultimately pointless to try and
contradict God. Aside from which, she had patients to attend to. Iori
still had another match tonight, after all.

-=-

Sephiroth touched down at the base of the crater that once was North
Mountain. Deep below, past a vast array of caverns, was where it all ended
last time, and where it would begin again. The black materia was within
his grasp. Soon, this planet would be destroyed by Meteor, and his
ascension would be complete. No god could stop the destruction he would
wreak then!

He broke into a peal of madness, that might have been mistaken for
laughter. It ended when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He whirled
around to see some faces that did not brighten his day.

An intelligent wolf-beast; a rugged pilot, a girl ninja; a silent warrior
wrapped in cloth; a giant man with a gun for a hand; a ridiculously
proportioned stuffed animal with a cat sitting atop it. Far too familiar
faces, and Tifa was at the front of the group, standing alongside a
spiky-haired blonde warrior wielding a sword much bigger than his own body.
Cloud. He spoke only four words, but they would be forever etched in his
mind:

"Knights of the Round"

After that, came pain. And then darkness.

Sephiroth was battered unconscious by the spirits of thirteen ancient
warriors, near but not at the point of death. Cloud strode forth to make
the killing blow, but his sword was stopped by Goku's fist.

"Outside interference! Sephiroth wins by disqualification!"

A tense situation ensued, as Cloud seemed unwilling to relax the pressure
he was exerting on his sword. Goku simply held his ground, defiantly
placing himself between the band of warriors and the fallen Sephiroth.
"You've done your business." Goku stated, "Now move on."

"But you don't understand!" cried Tifa, "Sephiroth's a killer, he's
insane! If I hadn't warned everyone, he might have summoned Meteor, and
this planet would have been destroyed!"

"Destroying a planet or universe is a technical foul." Goku stated with
complete seriousness, "If he had summoned Meteor, I would have had to have
stopped it."

Cloud gaped. "You can do that?!"

"Oh sure!" Goku responded cheerily, "My friends and I have blown up a
couple of moons and planets before- I'm sure a Meteor wouldn't have been a
problem!"

Cloud decided at this point to relax the pressure on his sword.

"Don't worry though, I'm sure Kasumi will make sure nothing like this
ever happens again." Goku said, turning around to pick up the comatose
Sephiroth. "But if it does, I'll be here to help."

Goku waved farewell to the band of warriors as a dimensional gate opened
up in front of him. "Tifa, are you coming?"

Tifa shook her head. "No... I think I'll stay here for a few days,
catch up."

Goku nodded. "Suit yourself. I'm sure Kasumi will know when you want to
come back." With that, Goku walked through the gate, disappearing in a
flash of ether.

With the cameras and all other threats gone, Cloud paused to examine the
fist-shaped dent in his sword. "And people say _I'm_ overpowered.." he
wheezed.

Tifa giggled nervously.

-=-

"Wow folks, there you have it! Another victory for the insane SOLDIER
member!" Hiroshi chirped back in the relative safety of the Ultradome.

"And our third quickie match of the night. I hope we don't have many
more of them." Daisuke muttered.

Norikazu was about to open his mouth, but clamped it shut with one look
from Daisuke.

"Well folks," enthused Hiroshi, "moving on in tonight's schedule, coming
up we have-"

"OYAJII!!"

"Another interruption, apparently." Daisuke finished.

All eyes turned towards the entrance to the arena, where Dan stood,
shaking a manly fist, crying manly tears, looking very manly in his hot
pink leather shirt. The crowd erupted into cheers for their fallen hero,
the true champion of the people. Dan sobbed openly into the microphone he
was grasping onto tightly.

"People of Ultra, I am DAN, the MIGHTY! I have come here tonight on a
mission! Some people have said that I am not truly as mighty as I say,
that last week's match against Iori wasn't a fluke chance victory on his
part. I say HA! I am DAN! I am MIGHTY!"

("I think he's been having some of what you've been having, Hiroshi."
Daisuke whispered.)

"And to PROVE my worth as champion - even though I don't really NEED to -
I make this proclamation! Even though I deserve a title challenge right
now, I swear that I will _not_ fight for the Gamma title, until I have
achieved another stunning victory! For the glory of my father, I fight on!
OYAJI!!!"

Instead of leaving the arena after this grand proclamation, Dan strode
towards the ring. "And I'm feeling so confident that I will have a certain
victory, that I will not leave this arena, I will not leave this RING,
until I have my fight!" To whit, Dan leapt towards the ring, rolling under
the ropes, and shaking a fist in a manly taunt. "Who wants a piece of
Stone Cold Dan Hibiki?!" He cried, his manly voice cracking at the higher
decibels.

"Good question." noted Daisuke.

The arena fell silent as Dan continued his taunting from the middle of
the ring. Apparently, the rest of the Gamma league was too afraid to
challenge such a great warrior. At least, that's the conclusion Dan came
to.

"Why don't we cut to commercial?" asked Daisuke, "I think we might be
here for a while..."

-=-

Somewhere in the Peruvian jungle...

A diminutive figure races along the temple corridors, clad in an
equally small fedora and leather jacket. Coming to a room where the
floor had been replaced by a series of stone pedestals, it hops from
column to column without slowing. Behind it, the pedestals collapse,
falling into the darkness below.

Racing down another hallway, the temple explorer narrows its eyes as
the stone door at the far end begins to close. The figure puts on a
burst of speed and manages to slide under the door, but leaves its
fedora behind. A moment later, a yellow, zigzag tail sweeps under the
door, snags the hat, and retrieves it just before the ancient portal
closes with a loud thump.

Replacing the fedora on its head, the explorer starts to move deeper
into the new chamber... then stops, and steps back as a long, sinuous
shape uncoils from the shadows. The serpentine creature looms over the
explorer, and hisses menacingly. "Ekansssss!"

With a sigh, the explorer holds up a sign. <Ekans. Why did it have to
be Ekans?>

The Ekans lunges at the intruder, who simply tosses the sign aside and
faces off against the snake pokemon. "Pika... CHUUUU!" Yellow
lightning crackles between the explorer and its scaly victim, which
twitches helplessly.

A voiceover is suddenly heard, accompanied by scenes of a creative, but
somewhat poorly executed, video game: "Pokemon Raider, for the Nintendo
64." Back in the temple chamber, the Ekans falls to the floor, and
Pikachu poses cutely. "With a face like this, who needs guns?" The
screen cuts to the revolving N64 logo, and the commercial ends.

"Annnnnd... CUT! That's a keeper, folks."

Pikachu stopped posing and made its way wearily to the chair with its
name on it. "Pika... pika pi."

"Right away, Pikachu-san." A nearby flunky ran to a refreshment table
and returned with a glass of water. "That was brilliant, Pikachu-san,
if you don't mind my saying so. Absolutely wonderful..."

"Pika, pika," the pokemon said testily, gesturing for the water.

"Oh, of course." The flunky handed over the water, and Pikachu took a
big drink. "I was wondering if you could maybe give me your autograph?
My kids would really-"

A glassful of water in the face cut him short, and he stared as the
pokemon chewed him out in Pikanese. "Mineral water only? Oh, I'm so
sorry, Pikachu-san. Let me go get you another glass."

"Pika!" The electric rat shook its head angrily, sparks erupting from
its cheeks, and the various stagehands watching the scene started to
back up. "Kachu pi pikaaa! Pi pika pi chu! Pikaaaaa... CHUUUUUU!"

After the Thunderbolt had done its work, a security guard escorted the
scorched flunky to the door. "Come on, you heard the pokemon - you'll
never work in this town again. Get lost, buster..."

As Pikachu sat back down on its chair, an actress struggled out of the
rubber Ekans costume she wore. "Gee," she muttered to the director,
"wasn't that rather harsh?"

"Nah, he probably had it coming." The director raised his voice.
"Come on, folks! Down to the bar for a round of sake, on me!" There
were general cheers and the actors and technicians started to file out.

"Pika!" Pikachu hopped down to the floor and scampered to follow. "Pi
Pikachu!"

"What, you?" The director laughed. "Don't be silly. Pokemon don't
drink!"

The yellow creature tilted its head in surprise. "Pi?"

He turned to the remaining actors. "Hey, this little guy thinks he's a
human!"

As various comments of 'awww' and 'how cute!' surrounded it, Pikachu's
cheeks began to spark again. "Pika pi kachu?!"

"Oh, don't worry about it, Pikachu," the director said soothingly.
"Just go back to your pokeball, or whatever. The check's in the mail,
you know? Later!"

"P-Pika?!" it stuttered, and its entire body began to flash. "Pika pi
pikachu! PIIIKAAAAAAAA..."

*SLAM!* The last door closed and the lights were turned off, leaving
Pikachu alone amid the fake ruins of a nonexistent temple. The pokemon
stood still for a moment, then slumped down unhappily, the sparks
coruscating around it quickly dying out. "...chu," it said in a small
voice, then slowly trudged toward the exit.

-=-

"And we're back with more Ultra!" Hiroshi squealed into his microphone,
"For those of you just joining us, Dan has made an open challenge to anyone
in the Gamma league, and he says he's not leaving the ring until someone
answers it!"

"It's been two minutes, and no one's bothered to challenge him. I hope
this ends soon - or Dan might run out of original taunts to use."

"Don't worry, he has many more." Norikazu interjected. Daisuke
sweatdropped.

Dan was a veritable wonder of improvisation. Every few moments, he would
assume a different pose from which to shake his might fist, or fists, as
the case may be. Every new pose was punctuated by a new cry of "OYAJI!!",
so the artistic appeal was largely lost to the grating annoyance of it all.
It was almost distracting enough to disrupt Mikado's attempt to get the
addresses of every woman at ringside.

Finally, Dan's manly cries were drowned out by the PA system coming to
life. 'Cat Scratch Fever' blared through the arena.

"Great goddess!" Hiroshi cried, "Could it be that Felicia has answered
Dan's challenge? Felicia's win goes on record for one of Dan's quickest
losses; this might be an embarrassing match for Stone Cold!"

Dan stopped his taunting to face his opponent. Whoever it was, they
would meet his might fists of steel, and tremble in fear at his mighty
power!

Dan didn't even bat an eye when Wolverine walked into the arena, stomping
his way towards the ring. Cigar firmly clenched in his teeth, Wolverine
looked like he was ready to get down to business.

"So, you have answered my mighty call for an opponent! Do you wish to
feel the painful fists of Dan?" Dan asked loudly.

Wolverine simply looked up at the pink-clad warrior, taking a long drag
on his cigar. "Actually bub, Felicia suggested I come down here and remove
you from the ring. If that means beating your sorry butt first, I've got
no problems with that."

"I WILL have my match tonight!" Dan cried triumphantly.

"Suit yourself." Wolverine replied, tossing the cigar aside, and
climbing into the ring.


GAMMA MATCH 3: Dan vs. Wolverine


"Well folks, Dan has a challenger tonight in Ultra's Hardcore Champion,
Wolverine!" Hiroshi cried, "This could be a great one!"

"Or just a quick one." amended Daisuke.

The two warriors circled each other. One moved silently, lithe as a cat;
the other hopped about noisily, broadcasting exactly what kind of move he
was intending to make.

Dan paused his prancing momentarily to shake a fist at Wolverine. "Ha!
Your puny strength is nothing compared to the awesome power of Dan! I
fight for honor, for the spirit of my father! OYAJI!!!"

"All the love in the world is no match for experience, bub." Wolverine
replied huskily, unloading a barrage of attacks upon Dan, sans claws. Dan
fumbled and blocked most of the attacks, but was hit twice and fell to the
mat. He leapt up instantly.

"I fight on!"

Wolverine smacked Dan down again. He leapt up.

"I TOLD you, my power was great! Your strength is no match for mine!"

Wolverine feinted a punch, then behind Dan, kicking him in the back of
the knee. Dan fell down, legs splayed in a very uncomfortable manner.

"Owie!" Dan cried.

Dan was unable to really move from his position, seeing as he was laying
on part of his legs. He attempted to sit up, but laid back down when
Wolverine extended a claw in the direction of his Adams apple. Wolverine
forced Dan's back full against the mat by slowly bringing the claw
closer... until Dan's shoulders were fully against the mat, and
Wolverine's claw was just touching his neck.

"Surrender?" Wolverine asked simply.

"Mmm." Dan managed. The bell rang hollow in his ears, and tears blurred
his vision.

"And your winner!" cried Mikado, who was actually paying attention to
the ring, to the surprise of everyone, "Wollllveriiiiineeee!"

Wolverine retracted the claw, and offered a hand to Dan. "Maybe next
time, bub."

Dan took Wolverine's hand, but didn't say anything in response. He
simply walked out of the ring, and out of the arena, shoulders slumped, not
saying a word.

"And there you have it folks, a decisive win by Wolverine tonight!"
yelped Hiroshi.

"And another loss for Dan. He certainly seemed crushed after this defeat."

"Who knows though, he might surprise us all... In the future." Norikazu
said innocently. Hiroshi and Daisuke both stared at him curiously.

"Anyway," Daisuke finally said, "We're going to take one more break this
evening, and then wrap up with the last two matches of the night: Iori
versus Sophia for the Gamma belt, and Asuka versus Shinji- for a reason I'm
still not sure about. Back in a few minutes, folks."

-=-

Sakura was pretty sure she'd found the Orochi's hideout. The fact that
weird blue lights were seeping through underneath the door was a good clue,
as was the giant "THIS IS NOT THE OROCHI'S DOMAIN" sign, signed with a
flourish by 'Naga the Black Serpent'. Another hint was the various signs
leading up to this door, that said things like "do not enter - zone of
evil. bad mojo ahead!"

The biggest clue for Sakura personally, however, was the fact that she'd
searched every other #%#@$ door in the entire Ultradome complex.

She and Gambit had split up to speed up the searching process and because
she didn't exactly trust the Cajun mutant within ten feet of herself. The
idea had been to find Orochi's hideout, regroup, and then storm the place
to rescue David. But Sakura felt a mental urge to go through the door, to
try and rescue David by herself. She could prove herself to Ryu as a true
Shotokan warrior, and rescue her good friend-not boyfriend.

It's be great, yeah! And all she had to do was defeat Orochi
single-handedly. This thought came to her only after the door had been
pushed wide open, so it was a tad posthumous. Luckily there was only one
figure in the room - David, who was sitting down rather comfortably... in
something that looked suspiciously like a throne... and his eyes were
glowing.

Oh dear, thought Sakura, as the door swung shut behind her on it's own
accord. And locked.

-=-

"Here we are folks, coming near the end of this episode of ULTRA!"
Hiroshi cheered, "Our next match promises to be a tense one!"

Daisuke was perched on the edge of his seat, looking almost like he was
interested. "Considering everything else that's happened to these two
tonight, it could indeed be tight match."

The announcers fell silent as Mikado stepped into the ring, his pearly
whites gleaming and blinding the audience in front of him. "Ladies and
gentlemen, this match is for the Gamma league championship belt. It is
scheduled for one fall, with a time limit of thirty minutes."

Mikado waited patiently as Devo's "Whip it" cranked through the speakers
a second time this evening. "The challenger, weighing in at an undisclosed
weight, from a city she does not remember, she is the lovely, the talented,
SOOOPPHIIIIIAAAAA!"

Sophia strutted through the entrance to the arena, soon followed by
Morrigan and Lillith. The pair flanked Sophia, blowing kisses to the
audience. Sophia ignored the crowds, staring ahead intently as she made
her way to the ring.

Hiroshi, suddenly wearing an 'I'm a Sophia fan' t-shirt, hopped in his
seat excitedly. "I wrote that card for Mikado!" he cried jubilantly.

"Err, congratulations." replied Daisuke, "Interesting that we have more
members of Controversial Jack's stable at ringside. This doesn't suggest
anything good for Iori."

"They're probably sticking around to make sure Iori doesn't cheat!"
Hiroshi cheered, loud enough for Sophia to hear. His partners afforded him
short "you're weird" looks, but little else.

Sophia's music was cut short violently, like someone had ripped a needle
across a record. The quiet refrain of a piano reverberated throughout the
arena, as Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt" began playing. Mikado was quick on his
recovery.

"...And her opponent, weighing in at six feet tall and 165 pounds, he is
your Gamma league champion, the biggest bada$$ in Ultra. Master of the
fire of death, he is IOOORRRIIIII YAAAAGAAAAMIIIIIII!!!"

The arena erupted into cheers. Iori strolled through the entrance to the
arena uncaring, ignoring the adulation, and seemingly ignoring the fact
that his right hand was completely wrapped in bandages. Iori did not look
good at all; his typically impeccable clothing was torn and tattered, and
his entire right arm was in a splint. Despite this, he marched towards the
ring with a look of supreme determination.

"Holy bad clothing day Daisuke! Look at Iori!" Hiroshi squeaked.

"Iori seems to be in extremely bad shape here folks, what could possibly
have inspired him to come out to the arena in this condition?" Daisuke
queried.

"A big paycheck? Pride? Some kind of masochism? Who knows what drives
this fearsome fighter?" Hiroshi spouted, gesturing dramatically.

"Aside from Norikazu, of course." Daisuke said, just as Norikazu was
about to speak. Norikazu resumed sulking.

By this point, Iori had made it to ringside. He paused for a few moments
to GLARE at Morrigan and Lillith, who simultaneously did a polite curtsy.
Viewers at ringside who were near Iori appreciated the display, even if
Iori himself didn't. He dismissed the pair, and walked up the stairs to
the ring, and slipped through the ropes.

Iori met Sophia in the middle of the ring, where Mario was going over the
rules one last time. "Now-a remember thees. The-a match isa for one fall,
with a thirty minute time-a limit. Blunt weapons-a only, and no outside
interference, you getsa what I say?" Mario directed the last question at
Sophia directly, who nodded. Mario backed away from the pair, then
shouted, "Lets-a go!"


GAMMA MATCH 4: Iori Yagami vs. Sophia


Sophia was the first to make a move, snapping a spin kick at Iori's
injured arm. Iori lurched to one side, avoiding the kick, slapping Sophia
across the face along the way.

Sophia was incensed, the blush of her cheeks matching the red mark on her
face. "How DARE you!" She cried, snapping her whip low and catching Iori
by the ankle.

"This is going to hurt, folks." Daisuke commented, as Sophia forced Iori
into the air, then crashing back to the mat. Then back into the air, and
ad infinitum. She had sent him airborne six times before she noticed
something disturbing.

"Why are you laughing?!" She snarled, tossing the injured warrior into a
ringpost. Iori smacked into the metal cylinder head first, but continued
to chuckle deeply.

"Hahahaha. I'm sorry." Iori said, rising slowly to his feet. "It's
just so.. hahahaha.. funny."

"What is?" Sophia asked, backing away from the madly grinning warrior.

"No reason; just that you actually fell for that." Iori replied,
suddenly launching a flaming projectile towards Sophia. Sophia swiped at
it with her whip, causing it to dissipate into thin air. Iori's follow-up
punch to her gut was a little more substantial, however.

Iori began lashing at Sophia with an almost random assortment of attacks;
he even hit her over the head a few times with his cast. Sophia, unable to
handle the berserker attack, rolled away under the ropes, and into the
protective arms of Morrigan and Lillith. Iori did not follow- he stood in
the center of the ring, arms raised, and be began to release a
blood-curdling howl. Sophia looked at the psychotic warrior in shock.
"I'm not going back in there, he's a monster!" she cried.

"Don't worry Sophia," Morrigan said soothingly, "we have a plan."
Lillith nodded cutely, and fluttered over to the far side of the ring.
"Get back in there, hold him off for a minute; try and go after his broken
arm. We'll take it from there."

Sophia looked dubious, but allowed herself to be herded back into the
ring by Morrigan. Iori was waiting for her, arms folded across his chest.
"You kept me waiting; I don't like to wait..."

"I hope your ready for a further disappointment." Sophia replied,
snaking her whip out and around Iori's injured hand. Iori looked with
near-alarm as she yanked on the whip, ripping part of the cast off,
exposing his bruised, purpled hand. Sophia then snapped the whip across
Iori's eyes, causing him to drop to his knees.

"Hmm. Maybe she doesn't need our help after all.." mused Morrigan. She
watched on passively as Sophia again brought her whip to bear, wrapping it
around Iori's now-exposed wrist. He screamed in anguish, but quickly
grabbed a hold of the rope with his left hand. Sophia barely had time to
react before purple flames danced up her whip like a brush fire, reducing
it to ashes in seconds. Sophia gaped as Iori rose to his feet.

"Then again..." Morrigan muttered, motioning to Lillith. As Iori paced
towards a stunned Sophia, Lillith jumped onto the ring apron, dancing up
and down.

"Looky looky Mr. Referee! I'm about to interfeeeree!" she chirped.

Mario, being the thick plumber he is, turned his back on the action to
try and force Lillith off the ring. Which of course gave Morrigan ample
time to get into the ring on her side. Iori ignored her completely as he
stalked towards Sophia. His right fist, still broken and bleeding, began
glowing a deep purple. He grit his teeth as the flames came alight in his
hands. The pain was immense, it was overpowering, yet also somehow...
exhilarating. A ball of flame shot forward, impacting on Sophia, and
shooting upwards in a vertical wall of fire; which happened to impact with
Morrigan, who was attempting a swooping air attack.

Morrigan continued soaring across the ring, somehow paralyzed and unable
to redirect her current course, which was directly at her partner. She
crashed into her shorter half, and the pair went sprawling to a kinky
tangle of limbs at ringside- which far more of the cameramen seemed
interested in than the action inside the ring.

Those who had kept their cameras focused on the real action would watch
as Iori battered the equally paralyzed Sophia, his right fist making
painful squelches each time it connected. Once Iori finally stopped his
assault, Sophia fell to the mat in a heap. The crazed shonen casually
covered Sophia with one foot, and waited for Mario to make the count.
Mario, confused by the antics of Sophia's two supposed teammates, finally
turned around, and sounded the bell.

"Your winner, and still Gamma league champion, IOORRRRRIIII!" Mikado
cried halfheartedly, ignoring Mario raising the belt in Iori's hands, and
instead opting to help the two dazed succubi at ringside to their feet.

Iori stomped out of the ring, belt tucked firmly under one arm, and left
the arena without another word.

"My goodness! Another decisive victory for Iori Yagami! And over the
incredibly beautiful and deadly Sophia, no less!"

"She can't hear you, Hiroshi." Norikazu noted.

"Oh, well, for the record in case someone's taping this, it's STILL a
shame!"

Sophia barely cracked open her eyes. She'd lost, that much was obvious.
Nothing left to do but crawl away from the ring, with the help of her
fellow stable members. There was no way she would be getting up from this
ring under her own power. Which was probably why she felt so agitated when
she noticed Clan Aersland walking off, arms linked on either side of
Mikado's as they left the arena.

"A nine, you think?" Lillith chirped.

"Definitely." Morrigan replied.

Sophia didn't even have enough energy to really stay angry though, she
barely had enough to stay conscious. She decided laying here and moaning
would probably be the best course of action for now.

-=-

Gambit waited at the rendezvous spot, tapping his foot impatiently.
Sakura was supposed to have been here five minutes ago. Surely she wasn't
so headstrong as to go against Orochi alone if she'd found his domain...
Actually, yes. Yes she would.

"Damn petite, you goin' be giving ol' Gambit one heap of a headache..."
He muttered, running off towards the area she'd last been searching.

-=-

Gendo Ikari sat motionlessly at his office desk. Sitting in front of him
were Asuka and Shinji, seats place VERY far apart. Gendo was not pleased
at this moment- which is kind of like saying that the sky is blue at the
moment, but still, he looked annoyed.

"I understand the two of you want to settle your current grudges on
this... Ultra show?" Gendo asked slowly.

"Yes sir!" Asuka replied sharply, "I think Shinji is in need of some
disciplining, and I think a public humiliation like my _victory_ over him
would improve his attitude, sir!"

"And you, Shinji? What do you think of this?"

"If I win, I get to bonk her." Shinji replied, leering, "I'm all for it!"

Asuka turned an interesting shade of crimson at this point. Gendo
ignored this, getting up from his desk, and clapping Shinji on the back.
With a solemn, serious look on his face, he said, "Go to it, son. Good
luck."

Asuka stared at the pair slack-jawed as they shared a leer. Gendo calmly
walked back to his chair, and sat down. "However," he stated, "I cannot
let you use the EVA units."

"WHAT?!" the two children cried in unison.

"Our budget cannot afford such luxurious as two of our premiere pilots
smashing two of our most expensive pieces of technology apart limb-by-limb.
That is all I have to say on that matter."

"But..." Asuka began.

"Dismissed." Gendo replied, not looking up from the paperwork he'd
suddenly busied himself with. The pair walked out of the office, one
sullenly, the other skipping.

"Heh heh... 'with the way you've been linking with EVA lately, I can't
see any other outcome.' What do you have to say NOW, babe?" Shinji asked,
smiling toothily.

"I think I say..." Asuka replied, tapping a finger against her chin,
"...that I have street fighting experience, while you've never fought
hand-to-hand in your life. I also say, that you are a ninety. pound.
weakling!" Asuka punctuated each of the last three words with a poke to
Shinji's chest.

"Ow!" commented Shinji, who fell into a whimsical expression. "You know
though, even if I don't win the match, I still get to have my hands all
over you, so it'll have been worth it."

Asuka went white as a sheet, as Xellos appeared in front of the pair out
of a dimensional portal.

"Too bad about your not being able to use your EVAs." Xellos said,
"Don't worry though, I prepared a battle area for just such a turn of
events."

"How did you... oh never mind." Asuka muttered, "So long as the place
isn't a mud pit, I don't care where it is."

"Let's go, dude!" Shinji cried, clapping Xellos on the back. A
dimensional portal opened up in front of the group, Shinji let Asuka go
first. "Xellos, I'll pay you SO much money if you do take us to a place
with mud pits, or at least a big pool!"

Xellos smirked. "Sorry, no can do." With that, the wizard pushed the
young boy through the portal.

The pair appeared inside a squared circle, with a post at each corner, to
which three sets of ropes were tied. Beyond the ring, were millions of
cheering fans crowding a huge arena.

"Well," commented Daisuke, "the Ultradome. What an original choice of
locales."


OMEGA MATCH 2: Asuka vs. Shinji


The two combatants stood across from one another, Asuka in a stooped
fighting position, and Shinji slouching casually with his hands in his
pockets. Asuka leapt forward, fist first. Shinji leapt clear out of the
way, almost falling over in the process. The match continued in a similar
matter for a few minutes, Asuka pressing an attack, and Shinji running away.

"Well, this match is off to a promising start." Daisuke said dryly.

The fans weren't exactly happy, but Shinji definitely was - he hadn't
been killed yet, and that was a Good Thing. Asuka was getting more
frenzied with her attacks though, and it was getting harder and harder to
flail out of the way.

"Dammit!" Askuka cried, launching a kick at Shinji's chest, "Why don't
you do something!"

Shinji couldn't help his urges. Asuka was breathing heavily, and hopping
from foot to foot to boot. He almost became mesmerized as he replied,
"Okay.", and latched himself to her bosom.

Asuka's face had turned some interesting shades of color this day, but
none quite so expressive as the one on her face right now, which was
accented nicely by her sharply slanted, yet bulging eyes, and the animal
snarl on her face. Asuka positively glowed as she pulled an incredibly
content Shinji from his body, and punted him into the nosebleed section of
the arena. Which was kind of redundant.

"And here is you winner, ASUKA LANGGGLLYYYYY!!!" announced Mikado, who
looked a good deal whiter than he did last time he was on screen.

"WOW! What a display of raw power by Asuka!" Hiroshi cheered, "I guess
that means Shinji's got a date with the television, after his brief
experience with the bo-"

"Don't even say it." Daisuke warned.

"Right!" said Hiroshi, "And that wraps up another night of Ultra, folks!
Hope you have a great evening!"

"Okay, I admit, there's one thing I don't know:" Norikazu interjected,
"is who is the biggest loser in Ultra now? Cage hasn't won a match, but
Sophia's lost more matches."

"I guess that depends on how you want to count things." mused Daisuke,
"If it's point based, Sophia is ahead of Cage. But if it's a plus/minus
system, that would mean that Cage and Sophia are again tied for the title
of 'Biggest Loser in Ultra."

"Then the race for bottom CONTINUES!" cried Hiroshi.

"Indeed it does. I guess Kasumi will have to spell things out on next
weeks broadcast." said Daisuke.

"I know I can't wait!" Hiroshi screamed.

"But you're going to have to anyway." Daisuke noted.

"Um, er, yeah. Well, see you all at next week's edition of ULTRA! Good
night, and Kasumi bless!"

After the cameras shut off, and the crowds began dissipating, Hiroshi
turned to Norikazu, who was seated casually in his chair. "That was cool
how vague you were, saying that no titles were going to change hands, even
though Akuma didn't win!"

"Neat, isn't it?" Norikazu commented, "Excuse me guys, but I have to go
talk to my bookie, uh, I mean buddy!" Norikazu hopped up and rushed away
from the arena.

"Remind me never to let him and Nabiki meet up." Daisuke noted. Hiroshi
nodded sagely.

-=-

EPILOGUE:


Ryu tried to perform his kata, but it wasn't working. He himself was a
center of calm, but the world around him was chaos; Ken was in the
hospital, nursing a broken foot. If only he'd been more serious about the
match, such an accident might not have happened. On top of that, Sakura
was nowhere to be seen. While he may secretly have been happy that she
wasn't fawning over his 'cool moves', he did worry that she had not been
seen or heard from at all today.

"I am a poor trainer." Ryu said bitterly, head hung in shame. He was so
focused on his own fight, that he never thought to help those around him,
who could have benefited from his lessons in calm and rational spirit.

Ryu was so distracted in his ruminations, that he did not even notice the
door to his dojo opening, nor did he hear the open manly sobbing. At least
not until Dan was right behind him. Ryu spun around, surprised to see Dan,
dressed in a white training gi, kneeling on the floor in front of him.

"Ryu, I fight for the honor of my father, but what honor is there in
constant defeat?"

Ryu stared silently at the weeping man in front of him.

"Please, Ryu... sensei, train me!"

Ryu remained stonily silent for a long while, before offering his hand to
Dan. "Welcome to the spirit of Shotokan, Dan." He said, smiling wistfully.

-=-

Meanwhile, in the medical ward, Jack Lysias was extraordinarily
bedridden. Fractured leg, throat damage, various bruises... But it was
all worth it. Everything. Even that shot to the groin. That kinky Ranma
and his ways of venting sexual frustration!

"But we'll show them, won't we Mr. Duck? We'll show them all! Tonight
was just a FRACTION of the chaos I can cause!" Jack yelled gleefully,
laughing in spite of the pain.

"But it was certainly enough." God admonished, suddenly appearing in the
room.

"I guess you're wanting to know how I diverted the dimensional gates?"
Jack asked blandly, not even batting an eye.

"That would be a start." Kasumi said firmly.

"Sore wa... Himitsu desu!" Jack cried gleefully. "I just wanted to
remind you that you don't have complete control over this popsicle stand,
sister! And tonight was only the beginning!"

"If you're not careful," Kasumi said, pained, "it could be the ending."

Jack waved a hand dismissively. "I know as well as you do what this is
all about. Don't worry, if I have my way, it won't end in fire..." Jack
revealed an impressive set of fangs, "...it'll end in chaos!"

"That's just as bad, and you know it."

Jack shrugged. "You brought me here, babe. You chose me for my role.
I'm just playing it."

Kasumi didn't reply, she simply vanished from the room, sadness etched on
her face. Jack dissolved into mad peals of laughter shortly afterwards.

----------------------

][ ULTRA EPISODE 18 RESULTS RECAP :
][ BART and RICO defeat TEAM ROCKET, to the surprise of no one but
themselves. Now 1W/0L
][ SOPHIA defeats JOHNNY CAGE. Now 1W/4L
][ JOHNNY CAGE now the BIGGEST LOSER IN ULTRA
][ IORI YAGAMI defeats KEN MASTERS in a BIGGEST BADA$$ title defense.
Now 4W/2L
][ KUNOU finally realizes that RANMA is cursed. He is... annoyed
][ SEPHIROTH wins against SHIN AKUMA by disqualification, no title changes
hands. Now 5W/3L
][ PIKACHU figures out that he's not human.
][ DAN announces he won't challenge for the title until he wins another
match.
][ WOLVERINE defeats DAN. Now 2W/0L
][ IORI YAGAMI defeats SOPHIA in a Gamma title defense. Now 5W/2L.
][ ASUKA LANGLEY defeats SHINJI IKARI. Now 2W/1L
][ SHINJI to go on a week-long sabattical watching "Graveyard of the
Fireflies" non-stop.
][ DAN HIBIKI joins the SPIRIT OF SHOTOKAN stable
][ NOTHING BAD happens to HIROSHI




Author's Notes: I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I tried to pull
together a couple of the loose threads hanging about; hopefully I didn't
get them mixed and tangled too much. Sorry for the lateness of the piece,
it was a long weekend up here in Canada, and I worked all of it. X_X

The Kunou finding out about Ranma's curse was supposed to lead to a fight
in this chapter, but I ran out of time. :/ Hopefully this and the Final
Fantasy VII bits aren't too cumbersome as additional plotlines...

I apologize for the lack of ads; I couldn't think of anything good, so I
just used those periods to have a lot of the backstage theatrics go down.

As for the inclusion of Mikado as a guest announcer, hopefully it's okay.
^_^ (no new fighters! at least there's that...) If you want to know
anything about the character, feel free to ask.


Boy am I being apologetic! I'm so sorry... Err, never mind. ^_^


The Pikachu scene was written by Brian Stricklin, as a crossover to his
upcoming part. I also refrained from dealing with the Ifurita/Washuu/Bison
situation at his request.



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This chapter was written by a lot of coffee, and a vessel known as:
Eric Jones
mikado@maison-otaku.net <mailto:mikado@maison-otaku.net>
~http://maison-otaku.net/~mikado/ <http://maison-otaku.net/mikado/>
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