The sun was shining. The traffic was light. The Ultradome was...quiet. This last fact worried the people fortunate enough to live near the Ultradome, for it was only a few hours before the weekly event. Normally, the area would be redefining the term "noise pollution" as the repair crew put the finishing touches on any damage from last week, the last convoy of supplies came screeching through town and the occasional interdimensional warlord warped in to demand season tickets... But not today. Inside, the silence was unnatural. Gone were the endorsers and IRS agents lurking around every corner, the few employees who were forced to be there banded together in small groups and always made sure there were two exits from any room they were in. This could only mean one thing... Kamiversial Jack was in a bad mood. At the moment, he was wandering through the hallways, lost in thought. While the past few weeks had been great and all, the ratings hadn't gotten much higher. Sure, they were the highest rated show in world history, but that wasn't the point. He had run through the gauntlet of "acceptable" controversy and was at a loss of how to reach those last few groups of people who pretended they had better things to do. *Squeak!* Jack paused in his musings and smiled at his ever-present sidekick, "That's a excellent idea as always, Mr. Duck." His smile faded a bit, "But that would cause those pesky picket groups to come back..*Squeak?*..and teleporting them to the stage of a strip club is only funny once." *Squeak...* He sighed and continued walking, there had to be a way to steal a few more rating points. He just needed a little inspiration... "M..Mr. Jack, sir?" Jack spun around and loomed over the person who dared bother him, "[WHAT?]" The intern squeaked and lost her grip on a box she was carrying, "Um..s..sir? Sorry to b..bother you, but can you d..direct me to Lost & Found?" Jack instantly became cheerful, "Miss, I'll do better then that and take it there myself, gives you some extra running time...you can thank me later!" "You..you will?" The intern sagged in relief, "Thank you, it's my fir..." then his full statement caught up to her. "Um..running time?" His smile turned predatory, "After all, anybody who REALLY works here would know where L&F was." He sighed and shook his head in sympathy, "Obviously you're a spy and not a very good one at that. Security has been bored lately, I'm sure they'll enjoy tracking you down." "S..spy? You don't understand, this is my fir..." "I'd say YOU don't understand, Miss. You're wasting valuable seconds talking to me when you could be crawling through the air vents!" He pushed her a bit, "Now run along before I find my cel-phone." The woman paled and took off down the hallway, screaming for help. "Ah, nothing like stopping a bit of espionage to clear up a bad mood, eh Mr. Duck?" He then noticed the box the intern dropped, "Aha! Evidence!" and began to happily rummage through it, It was then he noticed the item that changed the night... It was a purse. A black silk purse. with a rose motif... It looked vaguely familiar and curiosity caused him to open it. When he saw the student ID, his eyes lit up... When he saw the vials, it was almost like Christmas... "Heh. This'll do for tonight, and I know just the people to try it on." * * * LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AND IMPROFANFIC! IT'S TIME FOR... { M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R } { F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic } Episode 28: Epicalypse Written by: Ilmater The very foundations of the Ultradome began to shudder as the human ocean that was the crowd made as much noise as possible the second the camera lights clicked on. The roar reached its peak as Hiroshi stood up and waved wildly at the crowd. They knew, after all what what coming next... "Are you ready for some...ULTRA-VIOLENCE?!?!?" The crowd showed it was indeed ready by attempting to collapse the building with pure excitement. A few unlucky souls were knocked unconscious by falling bits of the ceiling, which caused a miniature riot as people fought over pieces of THE actual Ultradome. Or as a alternative, pieces of clothing of people who were hit by THE actual Ultradome. At least they didn't fight back. Hiroshi mugged for the crowd a bit more, then sat back down. His outfit was almost normal this week, consisting of a simple white dress shirt, black slacks and a pair of cowboy boots. For some reason he still had the glitter wand from last week tucked into a shirt pocket, that and the bright blue heart- shaped sunglasses ruined the classy effect of the rest of his clothing. Daisuke glanced at his partner in crime, "Trying to impress somebody tonight Hiroshi?" Hiroshi blushed a bit and jumped to his feet, "Of course not, just wanted to look good for the fans, thought they would appreciate it, RIGHT EVERYBODY?" The resulting sonic boom from the crowd threw him back into his chair. Daisuke sighed and motioned towards the teleprompter. "Whatever, just tell me when it's my turn." "Hmm?..Oh, right! Tonight will be a night to remember, as we head into this week's EPICALYPSE!" "Epi-what?" A dreamy smile appeared on Hiroshi's face, "EPICALYPSE, wow..that sounds pretty impressive. What's on the card tonight, Dais?! No, wait..let me guess, a EVA flaming table match? Pokemon Evening Gown Match? A Sephiroth-Akuma DANCEATHON?!" Daisuke...edged his seat a couple of inches away, "Actually, the card's blank." That statement kicked Hiroshi out of his blissful fantasy world "WHAT?" Daisuke flipped the sheet at him, "See for yourself, except for the opening match, which is just marked Lambda...it's all blank." "Hmm, you know what this means, Daisuke?" "A cheap ploy to get people to stay tuned in?" "No, no..it means the matches are probably so AMAZING, that knowing about them and then being forced to *wait* for them would be considered cruel and unusual punishment!" "Right...I'll stick with my theory." Hiroshi glared at him and raised the glitter wand high into the air, which caused the crowd to start chanting "WORK WITH HIM, DAISUKE!" Daisuke closed his eyes and suppressed the urge to strangle him. It wasgoing to be a very long night... * * * * Shampoo carefully brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes and smiled at the mirror. It had taken a hour or so, but it was well worth it. Perfection smiled back at her as she made a final readjustment. After all, she wanted to look her best when she taught those two demon sluts what happens when you mess with the Amazons. She had no doubt who would be victorious tonight, for she had more skill then both of them combined. Her confidence increased as she carefully lifted a wrapped object from her belongings and slowly drew it out. Her great-grandmother had deemed the match important enough to honor Shampoo with one of her personal treasures, a bonbouri she used in her youth. It was much more impressive looking then her normal weapons, everything about it was meant to intimidate, from the intricately carved dragons on the head to the jagged, close-combat spike jutting off of the handle. Shampoo frowned briefly as she noted the spike. It would not do to get disqualified during her moment of glory. She was just about to wrap a bit of leather around it when there was a timid knock on the door. She quickly stuffed the weapon back in her bag, stormed to the door and flung it open "Mousse! It no time yet, you go...away?" It was James. It was James in a fuku. It was James in a fuku and a badly-fitting wig. Shampoo couldn't stop the silly grin that forced its way through her control. "Wha...Heh..What you want, James?" James fluttered his fake eyelashes and squealed in a disturbingly female way, "You must have me confused with somebody else, My name is...er...Yuki! Can I have your autograph, Shampoo? I love you!" "No time for games, James. You go away." James started to panic. Somehow she had seen through his plan. He was dealing...with a genius. Time for Plan B and time to get hurt. "Wait! Is that a...stain?" Shampoo started to examine herself frantically, "Aiya! Where?" James took a deep breath, gathered his courage...AND MUSSED HER HAIR. Her hair, which took over an hour to perfect... As the various ornaments and chains clattered to the floor, Shampoo froze and slowly looked up at him, a look which robbed James of his voluntary muscular control. "You..." she flung him against the opposite wall of the hallway, "Die..." lifted him over her head and brought his face within inches of her own..."Now." At least she was out of her room. His mission was complete. Hopefully he'd lose consciousness before the real pain started. Only a miracle could save him now. And 'lo did Tifa Lockheart walk around the corner, lost in thought. James began to wildly flail his free arm in the direction of her, "ack...Tiffaaack!" She started and looked up in time to dodge a bench, a trash can, and James impersonating a projectile. Her face fell as she noticed who her attacker was. Tifa sighed at the Amazon's obvious glee, "Yes, I know, You kill." and sprinted back around the corner. Shampoo ran after her, only stopping to stomp on James a few times. "I kill later." "I have match soon! You stop, I kill quick!" "In your dreams, psycho!" James decided it was time to go to sleep for a week or so. A few seconds after the shouting died down, a figure appeared in the unoccupied dressing room. Closing the door, it walked over to the table that held Shampoo's standard equipment. Holding a vial up to the light, the being smiled and got to work. "Heh, if it worked for Shakespeare, it'll work for Ultra, don't you think?" *Squeak* * * * * About fifteen minutes had passed, and both announcers were getting worried, *nothing* had happened yet. No music. No messages on the 'Tron. Even the teleprompter had stopped spewing out phrases for them to read, and there was only so long you could talk about a opening match simply marked Lambda. Though security had passed out Frisbees and beachballs a while ago, the crowd was still getting fairly restless and were starting several unfriendly chants. "Team Hentai! Psycho Soldiers? No, No! Pikachu/Blanka going for the titles!! YEAH, BABY!" "Hiroshi, stop it, you've gone through the entire Lambda league about ten times now." Hiroshi put his head down on the table and started twitching, "Stress....rising... ...vision....blurring." "Remember, no more NERV..." Hiroshi shot up to his feet, "I..I can't take this anymore!" He waved the wand at the entrance ramp, "IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I SHALL PUNISH YOU!" It was Daisuke's turn to slump onto the table, "Oh, God..he finally snapped." As if a nervous breakdown was what they were waiting for, the speakers suddenly kicked to life with a unfamiliar music track. (Voodoo Child, Jimi Hendrix) A small figure in a referee outfit started jogging towards the ring. The crowd went into a frenzy of cheering. Daisuke slowly looked up, "..the hell? Great, it's Gosunkugi, I wonder who paid him off tonight?" Hiroshi's response was to do a few victory laps around the table, cheering incoherently. Gosunkugi climbed into the ring and nervously caught a microphone from one of the stagehands. The crowd quieted as he cleared his throat, preparing to hang on his every word. "Ladies and Gentleman, um, we apologize for the delay and er, are ready to begin the first event." The crowd gave him a standing ovation. Of course, the Orochi would have gotten a cheer for that remark. "Um, at this time, making their way to the ring, The Jusenkyo... Survivors!" The crowd relieved a little stress by drowning out the first few chords of "Lai Lai Boy." It was obvious something had happened to Shampoo as she stormed down the ramp. Her hair was a mess, her left eye was swollen shut and she was limping. She paid no attention to the crowd and stayed focused on the ring. Mousse hovered over her, talking to her softly while scanning the crowd for suprise attacks. Shampoo turned towards him, eye blazing. "I NO lose! Girl hid and ambush like coward! I win tonight" she snapped her fingers twice, "quick, quick! You stay out of way or else!" With that said, she thrust her weapons at him for him to hold and climbed into the ring. Mousse flinched as the combat spike tore a hole through his sleeve. Keeping an eye on the referee, he whispered Shampoo looked blank for a moment, then horrified. Mousse did a brief search of his robe and pulled out a couple of handkerchiefs. Gosunkugi cleared his throat again, "And the win...Uh, excuse me, the challengers, they're lovely, luscious, and licka..er..lethal! Morrigan and...Lillith!" The normal NIN theme song played normally until Morrigan came out and started her usual fanservice to the crowd, then it ground to a halt. The audience murmured in confusion and Morrigan put a hand to her temple, "Oh no, she didn't." A few seconds later, a VERY catchy dance beat started, and Lillith shot out of the back at top speed, knocking over Morrigan. She waved her Hardcore belt at the fans, pumping them up. "Wai! Hi everybody! Hi Hiro-kun!" Daisuke raised an eyebrow, "Odd music choice, don't you think Hiroshi?" "It started! It started! THANK god, it finally started! Hahaha!" "..." Morrigan dusted herself off and glanced at her sister in annoyance. Hopefully the plan would work perfectly, she still wasn't sure how Lillith would react. Keeping her in the dark seemed safer, though it made her feel a little guilty. Morrigan flew over the ropes and landed next to Gosunkugi, "Let's start this charade, eh?" ================ LAMBDA MATCH 1 Jusenkyo Survivors VS. Clan Aensland...FIGHT! As the bell rang, Shampoo assumed a defensive position, she knew she wasn't at her full potential and had decided to let her opponent make the first move...and mistake. Morrigan, on the other hand, assumed a bored expression and started to examine her nails. "Hmm, a good strategy for Shampoo, she doesn't look up to speed right now and Morrigan must know that. Shampoo isn't the most patient of people, probably trying to anger her into a mistake." Hiroshi nodded eagerly, "I'd say this match may go to Clan Aensland." "You wouldn't be biased for any reason, would you?" "Of..of course not!" he then pointed towards the ring, "LOOK! Shampoo is...MOVING!" Daisuke rolled his eyes and went back to watching the fight. Shampoo had apparently gotten tired of waiting and had advanced on her opponent, which had the effect of the succubi putting her hands behind her back and whistling. Fearing a trick of some kind, Shampoo stopped just out of range and began to feint at her with a bonbouri, trying to get a reaction. Morrigan simply took a step back and began to yawn. Shampoo's expression darkened and she closed in for a cautious thrust, causing Morrigan to leap backwards and take to the air. Expecting a ki-blast, Shampoo quickly dove towards the center of the ring to give herself plenty of room to maneuver. As she sprang to her feet, she saw that not only did Morrigan fail to follow her, she also had turned her back and was posing for the camera happy crowd. Shampoo eyed the succubi in disgust, "Hey, demon slut! We here to fight or play?" Morrigan perched herself on a turnbuckle and looked innocently at Shampoo. "Fighting? How cute! Is that what you call what YOU were doing?" Daisuke smirked, "And here it comes folks..." Shampoo turned purple as the audience started to chant "I KILL!" She charged at Morrigan and put all of her strength into a vicious overhand strike that probably would have ended the match, had it connected. Morrigan flipped over Shampoo, leaving the poor turnbuckle to take the blow. The impact not only shook the entire ring, it also set off the suprise that Morrigan was hoping for. Shampoo started as there was a click and a sudden sharp pain in her wrist, causing her to almost drop her weapon. Glancing down in suprise, she noticed a small, spring-loaded needle had been plunged into her wrist, someone had sabotaged the handle of her bonbouri! "Well now, you certainly made that easy." Shampoo looked up in fury at the grinning succubi. Morrigan cupped a hand to her ear and leaned forward "Hmm, what's that you say? Sorry dear, I only speak human." Shampoo let out a primal scream and flung the offending weapon at Morrigan. Though she managed to dodge it, she was left off-balance long enough for Shampoo to tackle her. While the two of them rolled around on the mat, Gosunkugi slid out of the ring to retrieve the thrown bonbouri. "A suprise move from the referee!" enthused Hiroshi. "Retrieving Shampoo's weapon for her is a very fair move we didn't expect to see tonight!" Gosunkugi ruined Hiroshi's good mood however, by kicking the weapon under the ring. "However, that is something we did expect to see from him tonight." Daisuke said, narrowing his eyes. "What was the point of doing that anyways? Shampoo is just as good unarmed as she is armed." Lillith frowned as she watched Gosunkugi climb back into the ring. That wasn't very nice of him. At all. Even if Shampoo was one of her opponents tonight, that was probably a valuable item. How would he feel if somebody did that to him? She'd just have to go get it. She brightened as she jumped off the apron, maybe this would help make up for that awful trick they played on her a few weeks ago. In the ring, Morrigan had managed to throw Shampoo off of her and regain her footing. She smiled as she noticed Shampoo was sweating a lot more then she should be and was having a lot of trouble getting to her feet. "You look a little tired, dear. Why don't you lie down and we can end this silly little spat, Hmm?" "Y-you no b...b...beat me like th...this." Lillith had finally found Shampoo's weapon and almost stuck herself on the protruding needle. What a odd place for a needle. Why would..? A sudden horrible thought crossed her mind. Her sister wouldn't do something like this. Would she? Shampoo shakily reached into her blouse and withdrew a locket. She fought off a wave of dizziness as she struggled to open it with hands that didn't want to listen to her. After what seemed like a eternity, she popped it open, revealing a few pills. She cursed as a sudden loss of balance caused her to stagger, spilling most of them onto the floor. Sinking to one knee, she finally managed to put the remaining ones into her mouth. She hoped she wasn't too late.. With little else then pure willpower she staggered back to her feet. She was tired. The crowd seemed to have gone away. It was so quiet. The room was refusing to stay still. Where was Morrigan? Was she still fighting? Mousse would help her...he always did. Where was he? They shouldn't have dimmed the lights like that. Where was she? I'm..I'm scared. Mousse? Where..where are you? You have to be here. You always are. Help me. Please? Both announcers and the crowd were dead silent as they watched Shampoo shamble around like a zombie. Even Morrigan wasn't smiling anymore. She had already collapsed a few times, but always managed to get back up before Gosunkugi completed the 10 count. Mousse had clued in something was wrong from the silence and had started a frantic search for his glasses. He found them just in time to see her fall for the last time. He leaped over the ropes and knelt by her as Gosunkugi started the count. One... Mousse turned her over and gasped at what he saw, she had fallen on her bonbouri and the spike had torn a wicked gash in her upper left thigh. While her eyes were still open, she didn't seem to be focusing on anything. Two... Mousse tore one of his sleeves off and quickly bandaged her wound, It looked pretty bad. He doubted she would be able to continue, let alone walk anytime soon. Her eyes briefly focused on him. "Mousse?" For the first time in his announcing career, Daisuke was furious. "What the hell did Sex & Violence trying to prove with this? This is a all-time low for Ultra and if they get away with this, so help me..." Five... "I..I'm here Shampoo." Shampoo smiled slightly, "I knew..you..find me." "You're still in the ring, Shampoo..." Shampoo's smile vanished, "Ring? She. Poison." Six... Mousse reached into his robes and pulled out a locket similar to Shampoo's. Opening it quickly, he fed her the contents. Tears blurred his vision as he cradled her to him. "You'll be ok, Shampoo..I promise." Eight... "You open..restraunt today? I no..feel good." "..." Nine... "I forfeit!" Gosunkugi stopped his count and looked over at... Lillith. "W-what?!" Lillith glared at him. "You heard me. I forfeit." Gosunkugi looked over at Morrigan who was still staring entranced at Shampoo's fallen form. He hesitated for a long moment. Only when Lillith came into the ring and started stalking towards him did he finally signal for the bell. Lillith seemed almost in tears as she shook the altered bonbouri at her sister. "How..How could you do that to her? HOW COULD YOU?" That seemed to jolt Morrigan awake and returned her to normal. "It..it was just a joke. Jack said..." then clapped her hands over her mouth. Lillith gaped at her, "Jack? a JOKE?" and seemed about to say more but something else grabbed her attention. Mousse was standing up. Mousse was standing up and looking at Morrigan. Mousse was generating enough battle aura to power the entire city of Tokyo. Morrigan following Lillith's gaze, slowly turned around and went pale. "You.....[DARE].....POISON.....[MY].....GODDESS??" Daisuke and Hiroshi exchanged a glance and immediately hid under the table, they were soon joined by Lillith. Gosunkugi chose Plan B and passed out. Everybody in the first ten rows ducked, despite the force shield that seperated them from the action. Morrigan backed up a little and regained some of her normal confidence. "Yeah, I dare, and I'll do the same to you if you don't back off, got it?" She never saw him move. She just felt his opening kick. He was nowhere. He was everywhere. Trying to defend was like to trying to block a hurricane with a paper umbrella. For every hit she blocked, three more slipped through. For every blow she managed to land on him, he gave back ten-fold. Her last instinctive action was to blindly reach behind her, perhaps searching for Lillith. When he broke her arms, she couldn't even do that. When he broke her leg, she was mercifully unconscious. He probably wouldn't have stopped there, but a figure warped in behind him and wrapped their arms around him, trapping him. It was Goku. For all of Mousse's rage, Goku held him as easily as he would a child. Medical personal swarmed out of the back and sprinted to the two women. Mousse redoubled his efforts to get free as they carried Shampoo away, but to no avail. Goku finally released him after the Medteam had safely left the area. Mousse pulled a scimitar from his sleeve and whirled to strike at Goku, but he was already gone. Mousse began to yell phrases in Mandarian best left untranslated and started to hack the ring to pieces. He only got a few slashes in before Tron Bonne appeared with a impressive amount of Lego-Men and a megaphone. "CHARGE!" Amazingly enough, Mousse managed to hold his own against the first wave, destroying many of them in a wild barrage of chains. The second through fifth wave however, proved too much for him and he was soon battered into unconsciousness and dragged to the back. Several silent moments passed before Hiroshi stuck his head out to take a look around. He took in the heavily damaged ring, the dozens of chains strewn about the arena and the several pile of parts formally known as Security. He weakly looked at the only upright camera. "We'll be back after these commercial messages." He flinched as the ring chose that moment to collapse. "I hope." * * * * To describe the mood of the Ultra control room at the moment only took one word: Tension. No one dared make a sound as Jack paced around the room. All of his attention was focused on one mystic spot, a oracle of sorts. The answers he would soon receive from it would determine his mood for the rest of the night. Time seemed to stand still for the employees as they watched the battle of wills between Jack and... The fax machine. Everybody edged back when the machine finally whirled to life and spat out a single sheet of paper. Jack tackled the machine as if he were afraid it was going to attempt to escape. His overreaction overturned the table and sent a flurry of paper up into the air, hiding him from sight. A long, silent moment passed as everybody leaned forward, awaiting the moment of truth. Would they celebrate or would they flee? They were answered as Jack abruptly reappeared, head high, message raised, and smile wide. "Ladies, Gentlemen, and James!" he began, "The ratings do not lie! Culture has triumphed!" He took a slight bow and let the halfhearted cheering die down. "And since I'm in such a good mood now, you all have ten WHOLE minutes to get the arena back in shape. Starting now." The laws of Time and Space were largely ignored as the room emptied of people in the blink of an eye, save for Kasumi, who was looking out the viewing window at the ongoing repairs. Jack smiled and glanced again at next week's ratings. They more then doubled his expectations. "And you said time travel was difficult, Tendo. I could have done that in my sleep." For a moment, he didn't think she was going to reply. Finally, she turned to face him. "Culture? How can you call what you did culture?" Jack looked at her in amazement, "I'm suprised at you, Tendo. I thought you of all people here would recognize my influence." He reached into his coat, pulled out a handful of yellow pamphlets and handed them to her. Kasumi blinked as she read the titles. Romeo & Juliet. Hamlet. The Tempest. "Shakespeare?" "Yeah! I always thought Shakespeare was for limp-wristed pansies who thought bingo was a high contact sport." He said as he happily flipped through a Cliff Note version of Macbeth. "But look as all this! Carnage! Terror! Betrayal! It all fits in perfectly with us. It worked so well tonight as a warm-up that maybe I'll do a theme show sometime. Hmm, How about Taming of the Shrew, Ultra style?" Kasumi just stared helplessly at him and he sighed. "So a few people got hurt, big deal. Happens all the time everywhere, Tendo. That's why we have a medical staff, you know. They'll be back in a couple of weeks ready to kill each other again. You think I would let anything permanent happen to my stars? Give me SOME credit." He winked and gestured towards the still subdued crowd. "As for them, well, the next match should snap them out of shock. If you can't please them, confuse them." After all, what could possibly go wrong? * * * * "And we're back..." Daisuke cleared his throat and shuffled a few papers he was handed just as the cameras refocused on them. "Repairs are proceeding nicely and are expected to be done in a few minutes. We now have official word that Morrigan and Shampoo are in serious, but stable condition. Neither one has regained consciousness yet and are not expected to tonight. Let me assure you that this matter will be investigated to the best of our ability." He paused and switched pages, "The night will continue as planned. Again, we apologize for any distress caused by the incident." Hiroshi just sat there, staring at the table until he was elbowed by Daisuke. "...And now, can we direct your attention to the ControversialTron at this time." It obediently lit up to show the smiling face of Washu, causing a small cheer from the audience. "Hello everybody! I've been asked to run the next match. And have I got a treat for you all tonight! May I direct your attention to the screen currently being teleported in to the right of me." An exact copy of the ControversialTron appeared and hovered to her right, It currently read... Experiment #1674-B-Alpha: WASHUTECH RANDOM STIPULATION: TEST This seemed to snap Hiroshi out of his depression. "Amazing! Washu-chan, what exactly does this...do?" Washu assumed a serious expression, "I'm glad you asked, Hiroshi." and leaned forward a bit. "The truth is, I don't know!" She giggled at the stunned expressions of the announcers. "I apparently whipped this little baby up during a sake party during my..leave of absence here. Have you ever tried to read a schematic you wrote while intoxicated? Let me tell you, it ain't easy." "I have a very bad feeling about this." Hiroshi playfully bopped him on the head with his wand, turning Daisuke's hair a nice shade of pastel blue. "C'mon, Dais. Have faith in Washu-chan!" "Stop calling me Dais... and why are you looking at me like that?" Hiroshi blanched and hid the wand behind his back. "Um..." Luckily for Hiroshi, Washu chose that moment to finish. "Ok! Everything's powered up and ready to go. Hiroshi, would you like to assist me for my initial test?" "M-me? Really? I would be honored!" beamed Hiroshi. "What do I have to do?" "Just sit there, your presence is requested in the Medlab. Don't worry, I'll record the match for you. Bye now." and with the flip of a switch, Hiroshi was gone. ================ GAMMA MATCH 1 WashuTech Random Stipulation Match ??? vs. ???...FIGHT! Washu beamed at the audience, "I've made this a Gamma match to minimize the risk of anything destructive from occuring. Everything is random, people. Even I don't know what's going to happen!" She made a final few adjustments, leaned back and grabbed a bowl of popcorn. "Annnnd here we GO!" Everybody watched in curiosity as text began to appear on the WashuTech screen. 1. GAMMA VS. 2. GAMMA Stipulation 1: Power Enhancement Stipulation 2: Hardcore Rules Warning: Fan morale is not at optimum levels. Suggestion: "Fan Favorites" Searching.... Searching... Found!:Dan Hibiki Found!: Shingo Yabuki Within Teleportation Range?: Yes Within Teleportation Range?: Yes. Accepted. Accepted. There was no warning. One second the ring was empty, the next it was not. And then the true horror began. For Dan had appeared alongside a karaoke machine. And he was giving a performance of a lifetime. Had his eyes been open, the following trauma may not have occured. "Walk like a man... YAHOO!" "Talk like a man... OOSHA!" The sound of thousands of people jeering at you is impossible to ignore, even for Dan. Dan's eyes snapped open with a vengeance, "Who dares interrupt Dan's sixth encore?!" then he blinked and noted where he was. Not a bar in Osaka. The Ultradome. That can't be right. Close eyes. Open eyes. Still the Ultradome. Hmm, a dream? Dan pinched himself and yelped. Not a dream. Shingo appeared in the middle of the ring, sharing a large beanbag chair with Karin. While they were not draped over each other, they certainly seemed comfortable enough to raise a few eyebrows in the crowd. They were currently absorbed in watching a large screen TV that had teleported along with them. RANMA, NO BAKA! RANMA, NO BAAAKAAAAA! "See, Shingo-kun? My contacts were right! Master this move, and next time, you'll have the advantage! ohohoho!" "..." "Shingo?" "Did you know...that we seem to be sitting in the middle of the Ultradome?" Karin blinked and looked up, at the crowd. The crowd waved and made a collective "Awww" as the music director started up a little violin music. Karin broke several speed records as she went from sitting next to Shingo, to standing outside the ring. "This is a little strange, even for us." noted Daisuke. Washu signaled for the bell and the match was underway. Dan looked at Shingo. Shingo looked at Dan. They both looked at Washu. Washu leaned forward, frowning. "You were brought here to entertain, you know. And if you can't do it, I can." then she suddenly brightened, "Which one of you would like their DNA recombined first?" "Feh." fehed Dan, "Your threats have no effect on a..." "SHINGO KICK!" Daisuke winced as Dan's head was introduced to Shingo's foot. "Either Karin is rubbing off on him or he really doesn't like the thought of ShingoChu. Blindsiding someone isn't Shingo's style at all." "Actually, the power enhancement field just raised their adrenaline a bit. That probably is a factor as well." Washu said, appearing in the chair next to Daisuke. "Ah, much better view." Dan struggled back to his feet and glared at Shingo. "So, you wish to be taught a lesson of pain from the powerful fists of Dan?! Very well, Saikyo School is NOW (roll) IN (roll) SESSION!...[OOSHA!]" Normally, a taunted foe of Dan's would take this extra time to decide what part of Dan would produce the most interesting noises when kicked. However, his taunting usually doesn't blast his opponent across the ring. A solid blast of force emerged from Dan's mighty mouth and sent Shingo sprawling. Daisuke blinked. "That was new." "My power enhancement field seems to be working nicely. They aren't showing signs of spontaneous combustion like I feared." happily added Washu. For the first few minutes of the match, Dan was in heaven. His taunting had a viable purpose tonight. And while he didn't seem to be hurting Shingo very much, he also was preventing him from getting close enough to strike. His taunting reached a new level of style that night. He taunted in the air, He taunted upside down, He taunted like there was no tomorrow. He even risked...switching arms. And it probably would have continued until his vocal cords gave out if Shingo wasn't thrown near the TV he came in with. Imagine that for several minutes a large, invisible giant batted you around playfully with a enormous pillow. And it had the maturity of a six year old so you know this could last for hours. That's what Shingo was going through. Now you'd do anything to stop it too, wouldn't you? Shingo crawled behind the TV, wild-eyed. He had to make it stop. He had to make it stop NOW. Daisuke gaped as the TV suddenly shifted, "No way he could pick that up, that's got to be at at least a 72 inch screen." With a tortured scream of effort that made everybody wince, Shingo not only picked it up, he THREW it across the ring. Dan panicked and attempted to block with a Gadoken. Instead of the normal little puff-ball, a roaring bolt of blue flame almost as tall as him shot from his hands and streaked towards the TV. The resulting explosion knocked them both down. Daisuke ducked as bits of glass embedded themselves into the table. "Um, Washu? I think this is getting out of hand." "Hmm, they both still seem to be increasing in power instead of having a limit. Interesting." Dan arose first, face blackened. "Despite double vision, I.. FIGHT.. ON!" Shingo barely managed to sit upright. His spine was politely reminding him that he just picked up several times his own weight by refusing to cooperate on basic functions, such as "walk." Dan walked over to the discarded karaoke microphone and picked it up. He smiled at the audience, he knew just how to end this match. Since he wasn't able to go back to his party, he might as well bring the party here. Humming a bit, he set the volume to maximum and started up a music track. He began to pose and stalked dramatically towards the frozen Shingo. "Ok folks, Dan is apparently attempting to win via karaoke, which doesn't suprise me as much as it should." Washu winked, "Ah, but somebody seems to have remembered Stipulation #2." Karin had apparently had enough, she grabbed a folding chair and started climbing into the ring. Before she could enter however, Dan spun around and froze her into place with nothing more then a gesture and a wink. Then Dan did something that nobody EVER would have predicted. He started a rendition of "MacArthur Park" Daisuke was speechless. Washu fell out of her chair, laughing. The audience cheered and started singing along. Only Shingo and Karin were unamused as they were the closest to Dan's building battle aura as he went through his "attack". "Someone left the cake out..in the rain!" He sang as he dropped to one knee and started sobbing. Shingo noticed with horror that Dan's eyes were now glowing blue pools of ki. "And I don't think I can take it..." It was now impossible to look directly at Dan. He had his head thrown back and small bolts of energy were crackling from every pore. The ring started to vibrate from the strain. "'Cause it took so long to bake it..." Shingo winced as he forced himself into a battle stance and concentrated. He only had one shot at this. "...And I'll never have that recipe AGAIN! [OYYYYAAAAAJJJIIIIIIII!]" The ring flared like a nova, blinding everybody nearby. The last note continued higher and louder until the entire stadium was shaking. Every spotlight in the Ultradome chose that moment to shatter. People ran for cover as the ceiling spilt in half. And then it just... stopped. When vision returned, people saw why. The middle of the ring was now just a smoking Dan-shaped hole. The badly burned form of Shingo swayed nearby. The only thing keeping him standing was a short wooden pole he was leaning on. Scattered all around him were small chunks of wood. Shingo coughed up a little smoke and gasped, "Dan...No Baka." As the bell rang, Daisuke came out of hiding. "That was disturbing, even for us." "Disturbing? That was fun! All in all, a good test run, and next time, I won't disable the more exotic stipulations..." Washu added as she brought up her computer, "like this one!" Daisuke shuddered as he read the caption of "Carnivorous barbed wire" and quickly waved for a commercial break. * * * * "I...I just can't believe they'd *do* something like that..." Hiroshi grimaced as the distraught young succubus cried on his shoulder. Comforting her as best he could, while subsconciously avoiding getting too familiar, he whispered. "It's okay...they'll both be alright..." "But that's not the *point*," Lillith sniffled. "My own sister...I mean, I know she's not always the nicest person...she *is* a demon after all...but..." "But you never expected her to do something so low," Hiroshi finished. Lillith simply sobbed louder. Hiroshi sighed. "This is all Jack's fault, you realize. That psychotic freak is getting out of control." The young succubus nodded. "He's mean and nasty. He doesn't care who he hurts, does he?" Hiroshi simply shook his head. "I don't wanna work for Jack anymore," Lillith said, wiping her eyes with a wing. "Then don't," Hiroshi said. "Nobody's forcing you to stay in Sex & Violence. Tell him you want out." Lillith sniffled. "But...but...what if he says no? What if he gets mad?" "Then tell him to suck it," Hiroshi advised, before remembering that those weren't safe words to say around a succubus. Lillith blinkblinked, then wiped her eyes again, looked at Hiroshi with all seriousness, and asked innocently, "Suck what, Hiro-kun?" Hiroshi blinked, and sat there without moving for a second. Lillith giggled, and threw her arms around him. "Thanks, Hiro-kun," she said. "Thanks for cheering me up. I'll go talk to Jack and tell him I want out." Giving him a peck on the cheek, she walked away. Hiroshi unfroze after several seconds, and smiled slightly, rubbing his cheek. "You're welcome," he whispered. As Hiroshi unsteadily left the room as well, a figure hidden in the corner closed its eyes. Damn. Jack was involved in the poisoning as well. She had hoped the idea was solely the succubi's. She may be confident in her abilities but to take on a god.... A god... The URG Showdown. Cologne opened her eyes and smiled. Jack may be god now, but there was still a few weeks to..perhaps alter the odds a bit. She would need help, however. "Enjoy your happiness this day, Jack. For it will be the last day you truly ever will." ****** The door to Jack's office opened ominously, and a small hurricane blew through, radiating cuteness and deadly seriousness. Jack looked up. "Why, hello Lillith! What can I do for you?" Lillith planted her hands on Jack's desk, and leaned forward, staring him right in the eye. "I want out." Jack blinked. "Beg pardon?" "You heard me," Lillith said. "I want out of Sex & Violence." Jack's brow furrowed for a moment as he parsed this statement. Then he chuckled. "Cute one, Lillith. Thanks, I needed a laugh--*urk*" Lillith hauled the spiky-haired kami out of his chair, and leaned in close enough to smell the secret sauce holding up his deadly bangs. "I mean it, Jack. I don't want anything to do with your sick jokes and games anymore. I want out." Jack extracted himself from the succubus' grip, and sat back down, straightening his tie. "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way," he said. He shuffled some papers. "Well...if you want out..." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Then he smiled. "You have to defend your hardcore title tonight. Win, and you can do as you please. Lose..." He chuckled ominously. "Lose, and your cute little demonic ass is *mine*." Lillith smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile, although it was a cute smile. "I can do that," she said. "I'll do it." "Great!" Jack said. "I'll get the match set up immediately." ****** The cameraman signalled Daisuke that he'd be on in thirty. He glanced around warily. "Where's Hiroshi?" he wondered. A runner rushed up to the announcers' table, out of breath. "Hiroshi says you're on your own for the next one," the runner huffed out. Daisuke blinked. Hiroshi wasn't one to miss working the crowd. So where... "Great. Just perfect. Now what am I supposed to do?" "Relax, I'll fill in for him," Washuu said, from where she remained at the table. "You don't mind?" Daisuke asked. Washuu shrugged. "Got nothing better to do at the moment." She grinned. "Besides, this is kinda fun." The cameraman began counting down from five, and Daisuke straightened up. "Welcome back, folks. As you can see, the Ultradome's pretty busted up..." The ControversialTron, which had only barely survived the earlier Gamma match, flickered unsteadily to life. "Well, it looks like everyone's favorite bastard god is checking in," Washuu cracked as Jack's maniacal visage filled the screen. "It's so nice to see you too, Washuu," Jack replied. "But the pleasantries will have to wait, because right now, we're about to start the next match of the night." "Err...hopefully this is an Omega match," Daisuke opined, "because the Ultradome isn't really in any shape for a battle right now..." "Relax," Jack said, smiling. "Due to the damage to the arena, I've personally selected a venue for tonight's exciting Hardcore title defense!" "Ooooh, a title defense," Washuu chirped. Jack grinned. "This is a special match. The hardcore champion asked earlier tonight to be dismissed from Sex & Violence. I've agreed to let her leave, *if* she wins this match." He waited for the reactions from the crowd before continuing, "So I thought to myself, 'Jack, old chap, what would be the best venue for such a momentous battle?' Mr. Duck (*squeak!*) suggested that it'd have to be a place with a lot of potential weapons laying around. A real hardcore battleground. So I figured, what better place for that than..." The camera panned back, to reveal that Jack was standing at the ground level of what might one day be a glorious, glistening skyscraper, but which at the moment was barely half the skeleton of one. "A construction site?" Daisuke asked. "You are correct, sir!" Kamiversial Jack enthused. "Nature's perfect hardcore arena!" "Well, there are a lot of potential weapons lying around," Daisuke said at length, "not to mention heavy equipment...maybe the risk of getting hit on the head by falling objects..." Jack burst out laughing. The announcers blinked. "What's so funny?" Daisuke asked. "Oh, dear Dais-kun," Jack mocked. "You're so silly. They're not going to be fighting on the *ground*..." "They aren't?" Daisuke, ever the straight man, asked. "Why, heavens no!" Jack boisterously proclaimed, pointing up. The camera panned back to show the full height of the building frame, already at least ten stories high. "They'll be fighting on high steel!" The crowd produced the appropriate hushed murmur of awe. "...that's pretty hardcore alright," Washuu agreed. "So without further ado, let's begin!" Jack levitated himself up into the girders, the camera following him all the way. "Well, I guess we'll...take you now to the construction site where tonight's hardcore title defense will be taking place," Daisuke said. As the camera light winked out, he muttered, "I have a bad feeling about this." ****** "In this corner," Jack announced, going for a really cheesy Buffer impression, "The Hardcore champeen, the youngest succubus ever to succ a bus..." The collective groan from the crowd could be heard all the way from the Ultradome, causing Jack to grin maniacally. "...Sex and Violence's newest turncoat, Lillith! And her personal bitch, Hiroshi." The elevator ground up to the top floor of the structure, and from it emerged Hiroshi, looking a bit miffed at the label pinned on him by Jack. Lillith was seated upon his shoulders, and hoisted her title belt high above her head as she stretched to the fullest height her seated position would allow, working the crowds back at the 'Dome. Once Hiroshi cleared the elevator landing, Lilith unseated herself, landed lightly on the nearest girder, and handed her belt to Hiroshi for safekeeping. A quick good-luck kiss (which didn't make Hiroshi feel especially lucky, but if it helped Lillith, it was okay with him) later, Lillith was poised and ready to Do Battle. "Aaaaaaaand in this corner," Jack continued, "Weighing in at a combined weight of...well, not really a whole lot..." Clearing his throat, he continued, "THE REST OF SEX AND VIOLENCE! ...sans Morrigan." A Meowth-shaped hot balloon appeared out of nowhere, and drifted lazily over the construction site. Three ropes trailed from the basket, and Jessie, James, and Marlo descended onto the steelwork, to a mass heel pop from the Ultradome crowd watching via ControversialTron. "Hey, what is this?" Washuu wondered, scowling. "Three against one?" "An unfair but unsurprising move by Jack," Daisuke remarked. "And your special referee for this match," Jack proclaimed, "...me!" Snapping his fingers, he changed his normal attire into the black-and-white stripes of a referee, complete with a striped tie. "Oh, that's just great," Hiroshi grumbled off to the side. "Don't worry, Hiro-kun," Lillith said, cracking her knuckles and stretching (much to the delight of the more lolicon-minded among the viewers). "I can handle these losers." Hiroshi smiled. "Go get 'em." ][ HARDCORE TITLE MATCH: LILITH vs. TEAM ROCKET with MARLO ][ FIGHT! "Lillith would seem to be at an advantage in this match," Daisuke commented. "While Jessie, James, and Marlo will need to be careful about their balance, Lillith's ability to fly eliminates that problem." Lillith advanced on Marlo, preparing to toss a chi blast. Marlo lunged in low, checking his footing carefully, and smashed her in the face with a barstool. She spun dizzily. As her back turned to the furniture warrior, Marlo grinned. "Do it now, guys!" he yelled. Jessie and James stepped forward, grinning, and whipped out a pair of super soakers. "Look out, Lillith!" Hiroshi yelled, just as they opened fire. "Wonder what's in those soakers?" Daisuke wondered, with no enthusiasm whatsoever. A thick, viscous glop sprayed from the overgrown water guns as Team Rocket advanced on the succubus. Lillith eeked, and jumped away, not turning to see what was happening. She stretched her wings to take off... Or tried to, anyway. "Wha--ack!" she yelped as she smacked face-first into the girder. "Lillith!" Hiroshi cried. Team Rocket laughed their best evil laughs as Lillith tried pitifully to unfurl her wings. "Looks like our super glue guns put you in a sticky predicament, traitor," Jessie taunted. "Now that's just low," Washuu said. "But legal, unfortunately," Daisuke added. "And that takes away Lillith's advantage." Lillith jumped up, turned, and glared at her opponents. "That was really mean!" she said. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get glue out of your wings?" "So come do something about it," James taunted. Lillith charged after them, sparkly soul bats flying. Team Rocket covered as best they could, then dove to the side, using magnetic pads to hang onto the girder. Which gave Marlo a clear path to slam Lillith with a brass day bed. "Itai!" "Hit her again! Yeah!" Jack cackled, watching from the elevator landing. He felt a tap on his shoulder. "Yes?" he asked, turning just in time to see the Hardcore belt slam into his face, courtesy of Hiroshi. "That's for calling me Lillith's bitch," Jack heard, just before passing out. "And the ref is out cold!" Washuu cheered. Daisuke blinked. "Shouldn't he have been able to take that without falling down?" he asked. "I mean, being God and all?" Washuu shook her head. "Ordinarily, maybe, but Hiroshi hit him in his most vulnerable spot." "His nose?" Daisuke guessed. "Nope. Controversy." "Huh?" Daisuke intelligently replied. "Hitting the ref with the title belt is a controversial move," Washuu explained. "Knowing this, Jack obligingly got knocked out by it." "Ah. That makes sense. I think." Lillith spent several long moments dodging attacks from Marlo, unable to counterattack for fear of losing her footing. "Lillith, catch!" Hiroshi shouted. Lillith let down her guard just long enough to turn and catch the rivet gun Hiroshi had tossed. She nearly fell off the girder from its weight, but recovered admirably...and just in time to block a La-Z-Boy strike from Marlo. "Thanks, Hiro-kun!" Lillith called out as she fumbled with the gun. Marlo prepared to lunge with the recliner, when... *POW* A rivet tore a hole right through it, and missed his ear by millimeters. Marlo blinked. Lillith grinned, and advanced, aiming the rivet gun at Marlo's crotch. The furniture warrior paled. "No, please, don't..." "How about a quick sex change?" Lillith asked, smiling. She fired, and... Nothing. Lillith blinked. "What the--?" She turned to see Arbok shaking the power cable in its jaws, sparks popping. On the level below, James threw a Pokeball, bouncing it off the nearest vertical support. "Weezing, go!" "WEEZING!" the smog Pokemon moaned as it floated up to Lillith's level. "Weezing, tackle attack!" "WEEZING!" The floating ball of poison hurled itself at Lillith, who eeped and threw the useless rivet gun. The gun impacted, knocking Weezing out of the sky. "Weezing!" James cried. "Alright then...Victreebel, get her!" A huge, hungry pitcher-plant emerged from the next thrown Pokeball. It looked hungrily at its 'trainer'. James pointed at the small succubus. "Look up there, Victreebel! Isn't that a much tastier looking dinner?" Victreebel looked up. "Bel," it decided, and lashed out with its vine whips, attempting to snare Lillith. Lillith looked for viable escape routes. Behind her, Arbok blocked the path, hissing menacingly. In front of her, Marlo advanced, taking a few test swings with an incredibly ugly designer barbecue grill. The vines were getting too close. Lillith, hoping this would work, made her decision... And jumped. "LILLITH!" Hiroshi cried. "Well, that was quick," Marlo muttered, stowing his weapon. "And Lillith has...wait! She's trying to catch one of the lower girders..." The camera panned down to show that Lillith had successfully latched onto one of the girders with a death grip, and was carefully pulling herself up. Above, Victreebel's vines wrapped around the girder where Lillith was standing seconds earlier, and it began to swing towards her. Noticing this, Lillith tossed off a quick bat-shaped chi blast, and took off running. The blast knocked Victreebel back, but the Pokemon was not dislodged from the girder, and swung to land on the level where Lillith was running. She turned, noticed the pursuit, and continued to run, turning the corner. A steel folding chair impacted the girder in front of her with a loud clang. Looking up, she saw Marlo, armed with a pile of similar chairs, grinning sadistically as he began tossing them at her. She danced out of the way of each chair, realizing that Marlo was trying to herd her into the ravenous Pokemon. The next chair that came down, Lillith caught, and swung it in a tight arc just in time to knock Victreebel off the girder. Then, displaying the agility of a gymnast, she cartwheeled out of the path of three more folding chairs. As she sprang back to her feet, she felt hot, smoky exhaust on her back. "WEEZING!" "Whoops," she said. Looking in front of her, she saw that Victreebel had caught itself, and was pulling itself back up onto the girder. She looked behind her. She looked in front of her. She looked up. She looked down. She wasn't about to try that jump again. But she didn't exactly have any exits handy either. A course of action ran through her mind. "Eww," she shuddered. Turning around, she grabbed Weezing, and tossed it at Victreebel. Her aim was true, and the smoggy Pokemon landed directly in the maw of the carniverous pitcher plant. "Yatta!" she cheered. A chair impacted her shoulder. "Itai!" she yelped, then looked up at Marlo, who was busy replenishing his arsenal. She scowled. "Okay, that does it." Stalking forward, she grabbed the distressed Pokemon, and yanked on Victreebel's vines. Pulling loose enough to use as a bola, she wound up, looking up at Marlo, and let loose. The pair of Pokemon sailed through the air, slamming into Marlo, whose guard was down. He acked, trying to whip out something large enough to absorb the impact. The futon he pulled out didn't quite cut it. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Marlo yelled as he plummeted toward the ground. "Oooh, that's gonna hurt," Washuu said. "And Marlo seems to have been...err...eliminated," Daisuke said. Lillith paused for a breath. "Prepare for trouble!" "Make it double!" The succubus groaned as Team Rocket dropped onto the girder upon which she stood, flanking her. She was beginning to get tired of being flanked. "You know, I just took out two of your Pokemon," she said. "You don't have much left to work with." "I've got all I need right here," Jessie said, throwing a Pokeball. "Lickitung, get that little slut!" "Lickit!" the absurd lizard chirped, before lashing out with its tongue. With no room whatsoever to dodge, Lillith was ensnared, and grimaced as the strong pink muscle constricted her, pinning her arms to her sides. "You've got to lick it..." James said, sniffing a rose. "Before you kick it," Jessie finished. With that, the two Team Rocket members pounced on Lillith, kicking the crap out of her. "And Team Rocket lays on the punishment to a defenseless Lillith," Daisuke said, sounding somewhat concerned. "It doesn't look good for the champ," Washuu remarked. "And what happened to Marlo?" Daisuke wondered. His earpiece buzzed. "Wait a minute...we have video from just seconds ago..." ****** Marlo stared at the ground which was rushing up to meet him. Rocky, dusty, sandy, unforgiving ground. He panicked. Then he remembered that he still had FurnitureSpace. Frantically, he began pulling mattresses out of FSpace, tossing them to the ground as quickly as he could, trying to make a nice, soft pile to land on. After what seemed like an endless fall, he soft-landed on the piled-up mattresses, bouncing a few times. A sigh of immense relief escaped him. ****** "Well, Marlo's safe, folks," Daisuke said. "And now, we take you back to the brutal scene ten stories above ground, where Team Rocket is kicking the stuffing out of Lillith...and wait, what's this?" The sound of metal impacting metal broke the rhythm of boot impacting flesh. Team Rocket paused in their kicking to watch as a sharp metal spade ricocheted off the girder, sending up a shower of sparks. A scream of pain followed a second later. "TUUUUUUUUUUUNG!" Jessie and James stared in mute horror as the small lizard Pokemon withdrew its bleeding, amputated tongue. "Oh, that's disgusting," James said. "That's going to be a real pain to heal," Jessie added. The two Rockets began looking around for the source of the attack, while Lillith struggled to rise to her feet. A shovel impacted the back of Jessie's head, and she slumped. "Jessie!" James shouted, attempting to catch his partner. He hung onto the girder with one hand, while barely holding the female Rocket with the other. Lillith looked up. "Hiro-kun!" she enthused. Hiroshi dropped the shovel, and began unravelling the remaining length of tongue from around Lillith. "Sorry I'm late," he said. Once she was freed, Lillith *glomped* Hiroshi. "Better late than never," she cooed, before planting a big wet one on him. "Wai!" Hiroshi hurriedly disentangled himself from the lolicon succubus. "Er, glad to help," he said. "So, what about those two?" "Don't leave us hanging like this!" James cried. "We're allergic to gravity!" Jessie shouted. "CHAAAAAAAABOK!" hissed something from above. Everyone looked up to see Arbok, which descended onto the beam, using its tail to land safely between Hiroshi and Lillith. It hissed menacingly, baring its fangs, and advanced on her. "Lillith, be careful!" Hiroshi said. "Hiro-kun, catch!" Lillith said as she leapt over the cobra Pokemon, just as it charged. Lillith sailed over Arbok, whose momentum carried it past. As Arbok landed in the spot where Lillith was only a split second earlier, its fangs bore down on James' hand. James cried out in pain, and lost his grip. "Looks like Team Rocket's falling off agaaaaiiiiiin!" two voices cried in unison, as Arbok began descending to aid its master. Lillith looked up into Hiroshi's eyes. Hiroshi looked into Lillith's eyes. "Lillith?" "Yes, Hiro-kun?" "I'm glad you're alright and all, but...could you let go a little, please? I can't breathe." "Oops. Sorry." "And does your thigh *really* need to be...*there*?" Lillith giggled. "And that looks like the end--" Daisuke began. "Wait! Jack is back up!" Washuu pointed out. Jack descended down to meet the duo, grinning. "Nice work," he said. "But it's not over yet." "What do you mean? I beat all three of them!" Lillith said. "Marlo's still up and about," Jack said, pointing down. Lillith and Hiroshi looked down, and indeed, the Furniture Savior was on his feet, and looked impatient. "Get down there, or forfeit," Jack said. "And the match continues!" Washuu observed. A minute later, Lillith and Hiroshi stepped out of the elevator on the ground floor. At about this point, Hiroshi finally realized that he'd just spent the last several minutes running around on narrow steel girders, and began kissing the concrete. Marlo pulled a dining table out of FurnitureSpace. "Let's end this." "Good idea," Lillith said. Piffling into a bunny outfit, she produced a little top hat, and flipped it onto her head. "Gloomy Puppet Show!" Marlo froze up as a small stage appeared under him. Setting his table down, he climbed on top of it, and began dancing. And singing. o/~Upside inside out, she's livin' la vida loca...o/~ Lillith giggled. "It's Ricky Marlo!" Jack observed the disturbing spectacle, and sighed. "Much as I hate to admit it, you won," he said. "So fine, you're out of S&V. But I'm tearing up all your merchandising contracts too!" he warned, before teleporting himself away. Hiroshi handed Lillith the belt, and raised her hand high. Facing the camera, he shouted, "The winner! And still Hardcore champion!" Lillith giggled. "Wai!" Back in the Ultradome, Daisuke glanced nervously at the camera as bits of the Ultradome bounced off the table. "The show has been cut a litle short tonight. We've just been informed to evacuate the arena. So until next week..." he glared at the teleprompter. "...I am not saying that." Washu leaned foward and posed for the camera as her puppet minions appeared on her shoulders. "Good night, Washu!" "Good fight, Washu!" * * * * "Ok, let me get this straight. I help you out *sometime* in the near future and you call Shampoo off?" "Correct." "And no killing or anything like that, right? "That is...Acceptable." Tifa glared a final time at the figure in front of her and then sighed. "Fine, fine...ANYTHING to get some peace and quiet. I'll sign your stupid agreement." And 'lo Cologne did smile... * * * * Deep within the bowels of NERV... Rei was intently watching a particular portion of Ultra that she had recorded...for the fifteenth time. "JTV" [Lillith looked up into Hiroshi's eyes. Hiroshi looked into Lillith's eyes. "Lillith?" "Yes, Hiro-kun?" "I'm glad you're alright and all, but...could you let go a little, please? I can't breathe." "Oops. Sorry." "And does your thigh *really* need to be...*there*?" Lillith giggled.] End. Rewind. "JTV" Asuka burst into the room and glared at Rei. "Are you STILL watching Ultra?" "hai" "People are TRYING to sleep, ya know. What was so *special* about tonight?!?" she glanced over at the TV. "JTV?" "hai" End. Rewind. Asuka smirked. Could wondergirl actually be...? She glanced side-long at Rei. "She really seems to like him, doesn't she?" "Hai..." Asuka blinked, "Wh..what did you just say?" It could have just been a trick of the light, but for a fraction of a second, Rei looked...angry. As Rei turned to look at her however, she looked exactly..as she always did. "..." Asuka couldn't explain it, though Rei was staring at her with the same boring expression she always had, her mind was screaming warnings that she should leave. Right. NOW. She slowly backed out of the room, "Just keep it down...ok?" "..." Several minutes of silence passed as Rei stared blankly at the spot Asuka had occupied. Then... Rewind. "JTV" "we shall all have fun eating ice cream..." Rei whispered, as her eyes narrowed the tinest bit. "Wai." * * * * Recap: []JUSENKYO SURVIVORS d. CLAN AENSLAND, now at 4/3 []MORRIGAN and SHAMPOO are status: INJURED []MOUSSE loses 1d2 Sanity points []WashuTech Random Stipulation introduced []DAISUKE gets a DYE JOB. []SHINGO YABUKI d. DAN HIBIKI, now at 5/3 []LILLITH d. SEX & VIOLENCE and retains Hardcore belt, now at 4/0 []LILLITH leaves S&V, Clan Aensland may be in jeopardy. []COLOGNE thinks eeevil thoughts. []TIFA accepts COLOGNE's agreement []REI uses CAPITAL LETTERS []BONUS COMMERCIAL within Author Notes. Author Notes. Despite several days of Hospitalization and Illness.. I WRITE ON!, OYAJI! Hopefully, you will get some enjoyment out of what I managed to cobble together. I had a lot of fun writing, this and I hope to get another chance. Special Thanks: The Eternal Lost Lurker, who wrote the Hardcore match for me. I owe you one. Twoflower: For giving me an extension and support, I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much. ^_^ DamienRoc, W4, and NihilPuu: For various prereading done throughout this chapter. and DamienRoc again for the "ice cream comment" used first in JohnEvans' part. Lusipher: For offering to include some of my thrown out ideas due to time constraits. and my sanity: for managing to put this together in roughly three days. and now, a little something for those who managed to get this far. Commercial -------------------------------- The Power... The Carnage.... The...Rythm? Hiroshi: YES! The RYTHM! UltraGroove for N64! Now you too can DANCE your favorite Ultra members into SUBMISSION! ACTUAL VOICE OF Hiroshi! Announcer of Ultra! Hiroshi: And Akuma starts a classic rendition of "The Robot!" Sephiroth looks stunned, this could be the end folks..No..wait.. is that a ..rose? THE TANGO! THE TANGO! DEAR GODS, THE TANGO! UltraGroove, coming to a store near you! Buy it today! Sephiroth: No mortal can resist the power of the Latin dance! Coming this Christmas to a store near you.