If sound travelled backwards in time, the dressing room which two girls and one Chinese ghost shared would already have been throbbing with the roar from the Ultradome arena. Of course, since sound just doesn't *do* that, the room was quiet except for one teenager playing a video game on her Neo Geo Pocket, an older girl meditating, and the aforementioned Chinese ghost studying her claws. Then the phone rang, and all three of them jumped to get it. The teenaged girl, her hair braided into two loops sticking up on her head with a long tail descending from each, got there first. "Hello?" 'You have visitors, Miss Mano ...' The receptionist paused, apparently talking to the visitors. 'Family and friends, they say.' Yohko Mano giggled quietly. "Send them on down - have someone escort them so they don't get lost. Thank you!" She hung up, and grinned at her teammates. "They're here!" "Thank the gods," the young Chinese woman replied as she sat down again. "We're never going to get to the Orochi at this rate." "You mean, we'll never get to him and his cronies *if* we play by the rules." That comment from the ghost - who was somewhat monstrous in appearance, but really just as sweet and charming as her more-human sister. "Isn't that right, Mei-Ling?" "Of course, Hsien-Ko." Mei-Ling looked at Yohko again. "Are you sure you want to break up the team?" "We don't have a choice," Yohko answered. "We haven't had a match since our debut, because nobody's letting you two in the ring at the same time - which is a problem, since you two really have to be together to fight properly." "Don't remind me," Hsien-Ko groaned. "But even if Mei-Ling and I trade off -" "I'll at least be next to the ring," Mei-Ling told her sister. "I can help you control the Dark blood's rage from that distance." There was a knock at the door, forestalling further commentary, and Yohko skipped past the two Dark hunters to answer it. "Obaachama, mama, you all made it! Hsien-Ko, Mei-Ling, these are -" "The 107th generation Devil Hunter, Madoka," the other two members of Ghostbusters chorused as they rose to their feet. "We've met," Madoka Mano explained. "Before I realized they were in our line of work. And this is my daughter, Yohko's mother, Sayoko." Mei-Ling nodded, studying Sayoko. "You've grown since I saw you last." Sayoko bowed slightly in greetings. "So you and Hsien-Ko are Yohko- chan's teammates? I saw your last fight." "So did a lot of people," one of the two other new arrivals commented. "That's why I'm helping Yohko change to Gamma league." She held out her hand to the sisters. "Chikako Ogawa, Yohko's manager." Yohko sweatdropped quietly. "Chi ..." "It's a pleasure to meet you!" Hsien-Ko grinned, bowing before extending one of her human hands to shake. "And I'm Yohko's student, Azusa Kanzaki!" the other girl chirped, younger than either Yohko or Chikako, and with black hair tied back by a headband. "A pleasure to meet you as well," Mei-Ling greeted the Devil Hunter in training. "Did Yohko call on you all to help us?" "Not exactly," Chikako said proudly. "She needed her manager's official help to get the teams juggled - and I'll be tending to that. How's the Orochi contract coming along, Yohko?" Yohko sighed, shaking her head quietly. "We can't take him down before UltraRage Gamma without openly violating the rules." "Since when is that a problem?" Madoka asked acerbically, only to be on the receiving end of glares from the Ghostbusters team, Azusa, and Chikako all at the same time. (Sayoko was too busy fussing over Yohko to pay any attention to the conversation in progress.) "We ... *can't*, obaachama. If we do that, we're no better than the Disciples of the Void or Sex and Violence. Only the Orochi has gone so far as to murder an opponent in the ring - and even if Karin Kanzuki hadn't hired us, I'd be here looking to take Orochi down. He's *still* my top priority." "I see," Madoka murmured. "Well, since you wanted us all here tonight, hadn't you better start getting ready?" "Well, are you ready?" "Pika-chu!!" Sparks flew from the transmogrified sorcerer's cheeks as he looked up at his overly endowed (and underly clad) ally. "Pika pika ka-CHU!!" "AHHHH!!!" Naga's spine arched as Darchu, aka the mage formerly known as Dark Schneider, let off a bolt of electricity. "That tickles!" A large sweatdrop slid down the back of Darchu's head. "Pika pika chu!" His cheeks sparked again. Naga nodded. "I know, old habits are hard to break ... well, once we finish finding those Dragon Balls and wish Lina back, she can help change you back - or we can all shake that brat Wasyuu down until she does it for us." "Chu pika pi pichu!" Darchu sounded both angry and wary at the same time - a very neat trick, if you can pull it off. "Enough talk," Naga declared, dramatically tossing her cloak back. "Let us be off, for we have to gather from the depths of this ... mundane-looking cave!" A few wisps of smoke, dispersed somewhat by the wind which blew Naga's cloak and hair back, rose from the crumpled guard who'd been guarding the cave's entrance. "I told you ... only Pokemon Masters ..." He trailed off with a gurgle. "Such is the fate of all who bar the path of Unlimited Desire!!! OHHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!" "Kachu ..." LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AND IMPROFANFIC! IT'S TIME FOR... { M A G I C A L C R O S S O V E R } { F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic } Episode 30: Rumble On High Episode written by Shachihoko MTCFF Ultra concept by Twoflower The arena was packed now, with the usual horde of cheering fans. "Ladies and gentlemen," Hiroshi crowed into his microphone, "and children of ALL ages - say it with me! THIS ..." "IS ..." added many of the fans as the house lights went down. "ULTRA!!!" The roar from the packed Ultradome resonated through the entire building. Fireworks around the ring, the entrance ramp, and the UltraTron went off in a perfectly synchronized display that ended with a giant number "30" displayed on the UltraTron screen. "And it's great to have you all here tonight!" Hiroshi continued without missing a beat as the lights came back on. "I will admit that things have been slightly below par for the past couple of weeks, but tonight we will *more* than make up for it! We're just one week away from UltraRage Gamma and our visit to scenic Madison Square Garden, and we're gonna warm you up in STYLE tonight with fiery battles that will ROCK your WORLD!" "Hiroshi, Madison Square Garden's an arena, not a park." Daisuke unwittingly supplied the necessary straight line. The crowd's response was immediate, predictable, and given with unmitigated enthusiasm: "WORK WITH HIM, DAISUKE!!" "But it's STILL scenic," Hiroshi emphasized, "as one of the best-known fighting venues in the world! We've got a great line-up of matches for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen and sundry others, in ALL THREE divisions. And now, to introduce our first fighters and kick off our THIRTIETH smashing episode, allow me to give you the man, or chimera, who kicked off our third season as guest referee, and returns to end it in the same role - Zelgadis Greyweirs!" The applause and cheers started up again, giving Hiroshi a chance to sit back and breathe for a moment. "Are you feeling all right?" Daisuke asked quietly, well away from the microphone. "Nothing that a little Ultra-violence won't cure!" Hiroshi grinned as the most famous chimera in anime-dom climbed into the ring. "Tonight's first battle will be in the Gamma division," Zelgadis announced calmly, looking at his card. "Now entering the ring, the 108th generation Devil Hunter, Yohko Mano!" The crowd failed to burst into applause at this moment. o/~ Kagayaku o/~ Hikari yo o/~ Michibitte ... o/~ The opening to "Touch My Heart," sung by Aya Hisakawa, played over the Ultradome's sound system as a bouncy teenaged girl, wearing a snugly-fitting red silk dress, came out from backstage and strode down the ramp, waving to the crowds - and now they started clapping, gaining enthusiasm as Yohko reached the ring and vaulted over the ropes - from the floor, not the apron or the steps. Zelgadis cleared his throat quietly. "And her opponent ..." He trailed off, looking at the card. "... has yet to be announced." "That's because I wanted to make my challenge first," Yohko said into her own microphone. "And I've got challenges to make! The last time I was in this ring, the Ghostbusters team didn't exactly cover itself with glory - and I'll tell you what happened: we were forced to fight at *much* less than our full potential! I was stuck with using a blunted sword, and the guest referee for that match - the Holy Usurper himself - wouldn't let Hsien-Ko fight at her best!" "I HEARD THAT!!" Kamiversial Jack thundered, complete with a lightning bolt striking the stage of the entrance ramp and depositing His Controversial Ass right there. Of course, he had a mike of his own in hand already. "You folks had to fight by the rules, Little Miss Devil Hunter, and I was there strictly to ENFORCE those rules!" Yohko grinned. (He took the bait!) "That match turned into an absolute fiasco, Jack, and YOU forced it by making Mei-Ling leave the arena. She and Hsien-Ko aren't a team - they fight as a *single unit,* with Mei-Ling keeping Hsien-Ko from losing control. Or did you know that all along, and it was part of your unholy scheme?" "Controversial's the word, baby!" Jack roared back. "They're partners, therefore teammates, and I've made SURE none of you will set foot in that ring with a chance of that happening again! Oh, as long as your sword's not sharp, you can go ahead and fight - but that BEAST won't fight in Lambda as long as I'm in charge!" (That's two,) Yohko thought triumphantly. "Then you'll be relieved to know that the problem's been handled - the Ghostbusters team is coming back to the fight, and I'm going to be in Gamma from tonight on! But *you,* Controversial Jack-ass, even though you wrested control of Heaven's Throne and Ultra from Kasumi-sama by a cheap trick at UltraRage Beta - you're small fry." She turned away from the entrance ramp, throwing a cheerful wink at the announcers, then spoke to the audience in general. "There's an even bigger demon - more of a god than Jack will ever be, and a lot more evil than Jack's ever been: the Orochi, self-styled God of Hate. *He* is the one I'm after right now - oh, sure, he fights in Omega league ... but this is bigger than the usual matches!" "You couldn't challenge the Orochi if *you* were in Omega league!" Jack reminded her, his spiky red hair bristling even more than usual. "He's a title holder, you little ditz! Who do you want, Sakura? I'll get them for you!" "Tempting as that offer is, Jack-san," Yohko shot back, "I'm not after Sakura. I know who I'll fight for my Gamma debut ... and that's Iori Yagami!" A startled murmur swept through the Ultradome, and Hiroshi gave voice to the thoughts that were on almost everyone's minds. "Yohko has just issued her challenge to the Psycho Shounen, Iori Yagami! WHAT can she be THINKING, Daisuke?" "That she's sure her Devil Hunter talents can help her beat him?" Daisuke guessed. "Iori may be controlled by the Riot of the Blood, but he's more human than demon." "That's very true," Hiroshi agreed, "but Iori *fights* like a demon! I don't think Yohko stands a chance ... has she entered Gamma League only to be forcibly retired?" Jack let the murmurs (and echoes) fade before he responded. "You asked, and you shall receive! HEY, OROCHI, GET IORI'S ASS UP HERE! Nobody disses me and gets away with it!" he fumed. Rock music throbbed over the speakers again, and a bound-and-gagged (and foaming-at-the-mouth) Iori Yagami was delivered to ring-side by a pair of orderlies. They loosened his straps as Zelgadis announced, "This match is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty-minute time limit. Let the battle begin!" He leapt out of the ring, muttering, "And may Ceiphied have mercy on our souls if this goes badly ..." GAMMA MATCH #1 YOHKO MANO vs. IORI YAGAMI FIGHT! The gong sounded, and Iori lunged from his restraints, breaking free and shrieking in fury as he charged at Yohko, lashing out with clawed fingers and violet flames. But the teenaged Devil Hunter was more experienced than she looked, and she easily leapt over Iori's charge, doing a forward flip and tagging the back of his head with one heel. (He's fast,) she thought as she spun back around to face him. (Let's hope he's stupid too.) She jumped away again as Iori spun around, his hand leaving a trail of purple fire in the air as it lashed through the air. "And it's a furious fight right from the gong," Hiroshi play-by-played, "with Iori immediately going on the offensive and forcing Yohko to play keep- away with no less valuable a prize than her own life and limbs! I just have to wonder ... how strong is that dress?!" "HEY!!" Yohko shouted from the ring, ducking under another wild slash from Iori. "Just stick with -" She jumped back. "- announcing, you -" Another backflip, not quite fast enough, and the panel which normally hung behind Yohko's legs was shredded and burnt away. "Shimatta!" "Off-hand," Daisuke said lazily, "I'd say it's not as strong as it looks. Yohko may have more on the line tonight than her life, Hiroshi." "Too true, Dai! Her *marriage prospects* may be at stake, if Iori gets his hands on the rest of that dress!" And true to Hiroshi's words, the Psycho Shounen was pursuing the Devil Hunter around the ring, his blood at full Riot strength and leaving purple flames trailing in the air from every claw- fingered swipe. Yohko leapt into another forward somersault, then landed on her hands and pushed herself backwards, feet-first. Heels met chest and jaw. "And now Yohko is going on the offensive for the first time in this match! Iori's berserker aggression is turned against him, as his lack of defenses leaves him *wide* open to Yohko's surprise counter-attack! There's no way to tell how this match will turn out!" "My money's on Iori," Daisuke muttered - into the microphone, as it happened. "But Iori is countering, grabbing onto Yohko's extended legs ... OHH!! Yohko is slammed down to the canvas, and Iori is going after her yet again!" "Remember your training!!!" Madoka Mano hollered from her seat in Section 4B, with Sayoko, Chikako, and Azusa sitting around her. Chi and Azusa were supporting opposite ends of a banner that proclaimed, [MANO FAMILY MAMONO HUNTERS - For All Your Exorcism Needs!] Yohko scrambled out of the way before Iori could start ripping her (and her dress) to shreds, but not before he'd opened a set of gashes down her back. Her skin was singed, her dress was ripped, and she was starting to get mad. "Try *this* on for size," she snapped at Iori, bringing her hands together. "Spirit Gust!" A green-tinged wind erupted, flinging Iori back against the ropes. "And Yohko taps her own keg of whupass with a never-before-seen attack!" Hiroshi proclaimed. "The last time she was fighting, she was using a blunt sword," Daisuke pointed out. "We've never seen Yohko Mano fight unarmed before." "But we're seeing it now!" Hiroshi nodded enthusiastically, "And WHO KNOWS what other tricks Yohko has up her rolled-up sleeves?" Iori charged yet again, and was met by a pair of furiously kicking legs as Yohko did a fair imitation of Chun Li (up to and including a panty display, too fast for any of the guys to get significant nosebleeds), battering Iori and tossing him back on his butt. Yohko flipped back onto her feet, preparing for another spirit blast - and Iori pre-empted her with one of his sparking purple fires, tossed along the canvas. Yohko leapt back, perching on the top rope long enough to fire off her own projectile. "Spirit Bolt!" This time, it was a bright green shot of solid energy, which Iori dissipated with his own purple flames in a spiraling uppercut. "Projectile war?" Daisuke inquired rhetorically. "Looks like a fireball exchange to me," Hiroshi agreed. "- but WAIT! Yohko has sprung off from the top rope - WHAT a VIEW, ladies and gentlemen!" "And what happened to you and Rei?" Daisuke whispered, away from the microphone. "Or Lilith, for that matter." Two large sweatdrops appeared on the back of Hiroshi's head - one for each alleged girlfriend. "Let's not go into that now," he hissed, "there's a match in progress!" Yohko's leap ended in a forward flip, smashing her heel into Iori's head again before she landed in front of him, reaching into one rolled-up sleeve. (This had better work, grandmother,) she thought as Iori recovered from the blow. "And Yohko pulls another trick out of her sleeve, as promised!" Hiroshi declared. "But what good is a slip of paper against the Riot of the Blood?" Iori clawed, leaving a trail of flames behind his hand; Yohko ducked, holding the slip of paper between two fingers. Her free hand shot out, and knuckles met leather with enough force to hurt the area underneath, making every male in the Ultradome - save one - wince and cover his own crotch in sympathy. Unfortunately, Iori didn't even notice, and he kicked wildly at Yohko before slashing at her yet again, ripping open the front of Yohko's dress and laying her cleavage bare for all the world to see. Yohko's face turned crimson. "Why, you - !" She raised her hand, and slapped Iori in the face - leaving a charged ofuda stuck to his forehead. "She used a spirit ward on him!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "And it looks like Iori's come to a stop, ladies and gentlemen ... fortunately, Yohko didn't show any more than several of our other female fighters have proudly displayed on Ultra, or Iori might be in for a lot more pain!" "Have you been corresponding with Jerry Lawler?" Daisuke asked his partner. "I thought *he* was ecchi ..." An unearthly howl filled the Ultradome, and Iori's entire body was covered by sheets of purple fire as he lunged at his Devil Hunting opponent with intent to maim. "Iori's in the full grip of the Riot of the Blood," Hiroshi shouted, "and it looks like he's using his dreaded Maiden Masher against Yohko! How will she escape his most famous finishing move?!" Yohko backflipped, blocked, and forced Iori's guard open to lay one palm against his face, and the other against his chest. "Ofuda Flare Seal!!" she shouted, her ring and her hair ornaments flashing with power that was channeled through her hands, and into Iori. The result was as though he'd been connected to an electrical socket. Iori was hurled back into the ropes, purple flames dying in his wake, and left with his arms draped over the top rope to hang over the apron. Yohko straightened up, walked over ... and pulled him loose from the edge of the ring, tossing him to the center of the canvas. Iori didn't move. Warily, Zelgadis climbed back into the ring and walked over to examine Iori. A few seconds later, he made the announcement: "Iori Yagami has been knocked unconscious. I award this match to Yohko Mano!" The Ultradome was filled with cheers and applause as Yohko raised her arms in victory, smiling in triumph. "What an ASTOUNDING match, ladies and gentlemen!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "Who would have thought that Yohko had such amazing talents?" "Are you talking about her breasts or her fighting ability?" Daisuke asked innocently before speaking to the crowd once more. "We'll be back shortly with our first Lambda match of the evening, so don't go away!" A nearby stagehand gave them the all-clear signal, and Hiroshi turned to face his partner in superfluity. "You're really getting into this tonight, Dai. Did something happen before we went on the air?" "Yeah. Jack told me that if the ratings didn't pick up, he'd fire both of us." "..." seemed like the only suitable reply to Hiroshi. "FIREBALL!!" "Maroo--!" *thump* "FREEZE ARROW!" "Chansey ..." *whud* "Pika-CHU!!!" "Sect!" *wheeze* Naga stopped to catch her breath, looking around at the Pokemon that continued to close in on her and Darchu. "How many of them are there, anyway ... ?" She glanced at the Dragon Radar, then cut loose with another spell. "Demona Crystal!!" Half a dozen Pokemon emitted brief cries before they were encased in solid ice; a Wigglytuff got its ear caught in the edge of the ice, inflated, and blew up with its Explosion power. "Pika pika ..." Darchu's cheeks sparked dramatically. "Pika-CHU!!" Miniature thunderbolts flew out, shocking and scorching several more wild Pokemon, and clearing a path for Unlimited Desire to surge forward once more. "We should be right on top of it," Naga reported - then slid to a halt. "Did we go past it? It's behind us now ..." She looked up, then down, then at the panting Darchu. "Which way this time?" {To oblivion.} "Pika?!" "Did you say something, Darchu - ?" The remaining Pokemon vanished back into the shadows as a large bipedal figure emerged partway into view, barely visible as an outline against the darkness - but with eyes that glowed a pale blue. {You are not welcome here.} "OHHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!" Naga laughed. "We are Unlimited Desire, and we go exactly where we please, fool! DAM BRASS!" The eyes flared, and Naga's magical bolts slammed into an invisible barrier. {You are the fool, human.} Naga's next taunt was lost in a "Whoof!!" of air being forced from her lungs, followed by the sound of a well-endowed body being slammed into a wall of solid with considerable force. "Pika pi!" Darchu yelped as Naga shot past him. "Pika, pikachu?!" {You ...} The figure in the shadows shifted, starting to walk forward as Naga's Lighting spell fizzled out. {What are you? Your mind is not that of a Pokemon -} Darchu nearly panicked as he realized that the being, whatever it was, was reading his mind - and he couldn't even tell. But he'd been through worse ... and his experience with magic had carried over to his Pokemon form, although he could only use electricity now. "Pika! Pi ka CHU!!" Electricity flooded out of Darchu's cheek sacs, slashing into the ground, walls, and ceiling of the tunnel and sliding along the rock towards their mysterious attacker. {Hmph.} The flying electricity outlined the shape of the monster's defensive barrier, illuminating a vaguely humanoid outline with a long, tapering tail. {The body of a Pokemon, but the mind and power of something different.} It raised a hand - or a paw, rather - to point at Darchu. {What are you really ... ?} Darchu's attack cut off as he was telekinetically lifted into the air ... and ripped apart at the genetic level. Naga revived just enough to see the explosion of light as her Pikachu-ified partner disintegrated, then lapsed back into unconsciousness. {So this is what you are?} the monster wondered as cells wove themselves back together, now free of the Pikachu DNA which had been imposed on them about four weeks earlier. {A human, after all. What are you doing here?} Dark Schneider, in all his unclothed splendor, levered himself back to his feet. "Thanks, pal," he rasped, wiping blood from his lips. "While you're being helpful, you can hand over the Dragon Ball you're keeping down here, and we'll leave quietly without bothering your pets any more. On the other hand, you say you want to keep it, *I* say Naga and I aren't leaving without it. You're tough ... I'll give you that ... but trust me, we're tougher. Especially when I'm human like I should be." {So you're after this?} The figure, shrouded in darkness once more, glanced over its shoulder as a golden ball, wrapped in a telekinetic aura, levitated up from the floor beneath. {Take it and leave this place. I'll leave you your memories as a warning: never come back here.} Dark Schneider snorted, then coughed. "Thanks a lot," he growled, catching the flashing Dragon Ball as the telekinetic hold on it was released over his hand. "Don't worry, we've got more important stuff on our plate than kicking some monster's tail. Mind making sure your pocket-sized buddies don't give us any more trouble on the way out?" {Your path will be unhindered, from here to the exit. Do not stray from the proper trail, and do not attempt to return here.} Once again, the figure's body was illuminated, but this time from within as it bent its psychic powers around itself, teleporting away in an actinic blue flash. Dark Schneider took exactly long enough to clothe himself - "Gotta thank Naga for bringing my clothes along," he muttered - and heft Naga over his shoulder before he headed back to the cave's entrance. "And we're BACK!" Hiroshi exulted as the camera's little red light flicked back on. "It's time now for our first Lambda match of the evening, and the remaining members of the Ghostbusters team are entering the arena even as we speak!" "This Lambda match is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit," Zelgadis announced with remarkable calm, ignoring the audience's signs that read "ZELGADIS IS THE ROCK!" and a crudely-made "MANO 3:16 SAYS I JUST EXORCISED YOUR ASS!" and other such declarations of fandom. "The Ghostbusters team, Hsien-Ko and Mei-Ling!" The two Chinese girls waved as they strode down the ramp, accompanied by the cheers of a crowd that had been duly impressed by Yohko's performance. "I think we'll do a lot better this time, sis!" Hsien-Ko smiled. "It would be hard to do much worse," Mei-Ling nodded. "But I have a better feeling about this match than I did around the last one. Just remember to keep your temper under control; if it gets bad, tag out so I can spell you." "Got it!" "And their opponents," Zelgadis continued, "who will probably want to introduce themselves as usual." On cue, the Ultradome went dark, and the crowd started chanting along with the two individuals who were picked out by spotlights. "TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVASTATION!" "TO UNITE ALL PEOPLES WITHIN OUR NATION!" "TO DENOUNCE THE EVILS OF TRUTH AND LOVE!" "Aren't Truth and Love good things?" Hsien-Ko stage-whispered to her sister. "TO EXTEND OUR REACH TO THE STARS ABOVE!" "Jessie!!" The long-haired redhead grabbed a zip-line, sliding down to the ring. "James!" The rose-wielding, blue-haired bishounen loaded himself into a cannon, and Meowth touched it off with a nine-volt battery. "Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!" the women in the audience chorused. "Surrender now," the men answered as Jessie and James landed side-by- side in their corner of the ring, "or prepare to fight!" "Meeeee-owth!" several children shouted, "that's right!" "HEY! That's my line!" the Poke-feline hollered back, jumping up and down on the cannon. Zelgadis looked back and forth between the two teams, and stood back out of their way. "Let the battle begin." Hiroshi and Daisuke traded looks, nodded, and dived under the table for cover. They had a feeling about this one ... LAMBDA MATCH #1 GHOSTBUSTERS (Hsien-Ko/Mei-Ling) vs. TEAM ROCKET (Jessie/James) FIGHT! "Good luck," Mei-Ling told her monstrous-looking sister as she slipped out of the ring. "Be careful, too - some of their creatures can be pretty tough." "Nothing to it," Hsien-Ko smiled as she watched James stepping out of the ring, and Jessie retreating to the apron. "All I have to do is fight with their Pokemon, right?" "Arbok, go!" Jessie called, lobbing a Pokeball into the ring and releasing her purple, cobra-like companion to do battle. "Poison Sting attack, now!" Hsien-Ko wasted no time, curling herself into a wheel and rolling at Arbok, knocking it reeling. "That your best shot?" she sang out, uncurling and landing on her feet. "C'mon, big guy, gimme another one!" "Wrap attack, Arbok!" Jessie shouted. "You can do it!" "Chaaaaarrrr-bok!" the snake Pokemon hissed, surging towards Hsien-Ko - and getting clawed across the head and hood for its troubles. Hsien-Ko yawned casually, covering her mouth (and face) with a massive set of claws. "Geez, Mei-Ling, *you* could've handled these guys. Want to take over for me?" "What's wrong, Arbok?" seethed Jessie, a vein sticking out on her forehead. "Get her! Glare attack!" With a hissing snarl, Arbok reared up and speared the Chinese ghost with a literally paralyzing glower. Or at least, that was the intent ... "Oh, now I'm scared," Hsien-Ko grinned. "Staring contest!" She met Arbok's glare with her own, teeth bared and wide eyes gleaming. Jessie sighed, and held out her Pokeball. "Arbok, return! Your turn, James ... finish her off quickly!" "Not a problem, Jessie," James smirked. "Mew, I choose you!" Hsien-Ko's grin vanished. "Uh, sis? Tag time." "I'm ready," Mei-Ling said seriously as Hsien-Ko tapped her outstretched hand with the side of a claw, and the two traded places. "Let's see if our new strategy works on Pokemon as well as it works on you." She took a horse stance, facing the hovering primal Pokemon. "Mew?" the tiny ancestor of all Pocket Monsters said, looking around inquisitively, particularly noticing Hsien-Ko. "Mewmew?" "Reality Adept attack, now!" James crowed, sensing victory. "Spirit Ward Pin!" Mei-Ling called out, jumping at Mew as her body shrank and reformed, changing into the ofuda that normally hung from Mei- Ling's hat. Hiroshi peeked out from under the announcer's table. "What the ... ? It looks like Mei-Ling is trying to seal Mew as though it were any other monster!" "Not trying," Daisuke commented. "Succeeding." And sure enough, Mew blinked once, its eyes glazing over as the Mei-Ling ofuda contacted its forehead, and dropped to the canvas. Hsien-Ko grinned across the ring at the sweatdropping Jessie and James. "Got any other monsters I can play with?" Zelgadis crouched, poking the stunned Pokemon gently. "Mew has been incapacitated," he intoned. "The Ghostbusters win!" James's favorite pocket watch measured a silence of exactly .36 seconds before the entire crowd burst into wild cheers. "And it looks like a dramatic upset for Team Rocket!" Hiroshi exclaimed, starting to come back up to speed. "They never stood a chance against the reorganized Ghostbusters, as Hsien-Ko and Mei-Ling put their natural abilities to perfect use with a guaranteed winning strategy!" "I'm not so sure it'll always work that easily," Daisuke answered. "The Ghostbusters, and their ally Yohko, have had some great luck with those ofuda tonight - but there are only so many demons and other monsters in Ultra, and most Pokemon aren't exactly demonic - unless all those American preachers are right ..." He trailed off. "Couldn't happen!" Hiroshi declared confidently. "Even if Pikachu unwittingly caused several hundred seizures in Japan a couple of years ago, Pokemon is still one-hundred percent devil-free!" "Uh, Hiroshi? Causing seizures is a bad thing." "And we'll be back after a brief message from our sponsors!" Hiroshi laughed nervously, praying that Nintendo wasn't going to withdraw its backing from Ultra now. If it even backed them in the first place. Controversial Jack wasn't mad. He wasn't furious. He wasn't incensed. He wasn't even royally pissed off. He was practically rabid. "WHAT AM I PAYING YOU LOSERS FOR?!?" he ranted at top volume, his face as red as his hair. "We were never in such a great position to dominate Ultra completely, and YOU MESS UP LIKE THIS?!" "B-b-but boss, it wasn't our fault!" Jessie protested feebly. "Mew's never failed us before - I don't understand how that woman paralyzed it so easily!" "That's simple," Morrigan smirked. "Mew's so supernatural that it can't *help* but be affected by a sealing attack of that sort - especially when Mei- Ling can control the effect as she likes. You two were attacked by the only sentient, self-directing ofuda in the multiverse." "Morrigan, you can appreciate their tactics later," Jack snarled. "Thanks to your little sister splitting from Sex and Violence, and the rest of you acting like the total LOSERS you really are, it's a wonder Kasumi is still acting like a contented little secretary. Where's Marlo?" "He said something about stocking up on kitchen sinks," James said helpfully. "I didn't think he had to *buy* his furniture, though." Jack pushed his hair back; it popped back up, spikier than ever. "When he gets back, somebody tell him -" *SQUEAK* "Thank you, Mr. Duck, I didn't mean to leave you out of the conversation. When Marlo gets back here, tell him that if he's not ready to be our one linchpin between victory and defeat, I've got a pink slip with his name on it waiting for him." Jessie and James perked up. "Does that mean - ?" Jessie started. Controversial Jack just smirked, reached into his jacket, and pulled out a set of three pink slips. "Yep. You're all dressing the same for your next appearance out there. It's time we reclaimed our lost honor." "Kinky," Morrigan drawled, shaking out one of the slips and holding it up to herself. "I'd look good in this, even though pink's not really my color. Lilith might like one, though." "How's playin' dress-up gonna get yer honor back?" Meowth asked, toying with a ball of yarn. "Especially if you dress up like that?" Jessie and James held up the bright pink undergarments, and commented in unison, "..." "And we're back, live and direct from the Ultradome!" Hiroshi declared to the audience and the world. "We're about to go straight to our scheduled Omega match for the evening, but first, we wanted to give you a sneak peek at what's to come!" "And he's not talking about a guest appearance by Mido Miko, either," Daisuke deadpanned. "After our Omega fighters get done blowing each other up, we'll have our second Gamma match of the night: Stone Cold Dan Hibiki has issued a direct challenge to Sakura Kasugano - in his own words, 'a mighty battle for the true honor of Shotokan!' Whatever that means." "It means we can expect one HELL OF A FIGHT!" Hiroshi came as close to powerposing as it's possible to do while sitting down behind a cheap but sturdy announcer's table with built-in microphones. "But then, we'll have our second Lambda match of the night: the Psycho Soldiers, a pair that has been deeply troubled in recent weeks, going head-to-head with none other than Tifa Lockhart and Bean Bandit! According to reports, this match was arranged by Xelloss, our trusty trickster of a correspondent, and we left him a voice-mail asking why he would set up such an obvious mis-match? And now, we bring you his response!" The UltraTron, along with the TVs of all the viewers at home, cut to a stock photograph of Xelloss, smiling as mischievously as always. His message was short, sweet, and ... almost to the point. "Sore wa, himitsu desu!" Cut back to the announcer's table. "When Xelloss tells you something is a secret," Hiroshi began ... "... it doesn't tell you anything you didn't already know," Daisuke offered. "No, it means he's up to something that's sure to be a deep, dark, but absolutely stunning SURPRISE!" exclaimed the more sugar-laden of the two announcers. "But we're not going to settle for four words, not from as prominent a mover and shaker as Xelloss! We were able to contact Kamiversial Jack's office, and his secretary Kasumi-sama was more than happy to set up an appointment with her old employee, so that he could tell us more about his side of the story. We now take you, live and direct, to -" "- the Omega match, which is just about to start between Shin Akuma and the Orochi," Daisuke interrupted smoothly. "We'll have to do the interview later. Somebody cue the Rumblevision Video Wall!" The squared circle slid out of the way, and the much-disused (but now totally refurbished) Rumblevision rose into prominence in its place, the Omega symbols on each screen exploding to reveal ... [Scene: A pleasantly lit room, location unknown. Various television equipment, jerry rigged with parts from Radioshack, and all sorts of pirate media equipment.] [Title: HIMITSU BUSINESS CONSULTING SERVICES (Our Motto: The reason why your competitors' website ads get a higher clickthrough rate is a secret) PRESENTS... 'A Moment with Xelloss.'] XELLOSS: Hello, and welcome again to another hijacked broadcast interrupting your weekly Ultra dose. But I think you'll agree, it'll be time worth spent... because tonight, on a lovingly crafted videotape made just after last week's Ultra, I'm was happy to be joined by the man... the myth, the legend... the most virtuous and powerful martial arts expert ever to grace your living room television... Ranma Saotome. Join me, as we look into the secret world of Ranma Saotome -- his dreams, his desires, his innermost fantasies... and, of course, his anger. [Fade to a nice fireside chat. Xelloss dressed as Allistare Cooke, complete with pipe and sweater.] X: Ladies and gentlemen, your number one contender for the Gamma Championship Belt at UltraRage Gamma, Ranma Saotome. Ranma, may I just say what a pleasure it is to-- R: Get on with it. X: Right, right. Now, I'm sure the question on everybody's minds is, 'Why exactly did you beat the snot out of your best friend, Shingo? Are you mad? Have you been smoking crack? Did your mommy not love you en--' R: Because he doesn't deserve that belt, that's why. Simple as that. X: Isn't he your best bosom buddy, Ranma-chan? R: ...he's an okay guy, as a person. I'll say that. But he's NOT championship material, and if I gotta take his ass down a few pegs to show him that, fine. All these people are asking why? Isn't it obvious? Here I go out of my way to teach him, to say, 'Shingo, Shingo, stop copying people like a wuss, be a man!' and what does he do? At Halloween Hardcore, he comes out and dresses and FIGHTS like that little bastard Iori Yagami! I'm sorry, but by this point, I've given up all hope on Shingo as a true fighter. He's fine mired in the midcard at Ultra, and I'm sure he likes his salary, but the GAMMA CHAMPION? No. You need someone like me to fly the flag for this show. Not some punk kid who doesn't have a clue, and apparently will never get one. It's pathetic. I feel sorry for Shingo, honestly. But I don't think he's going to get out of his rut, and the Ultra fans shouldn't be punished for that. X: Pardon me for pointing it out and thus ruining your theory, but I think Shingo was just getting into the Halloween spirit there, not reverting to his old ways, and you're just looking for some cheap justification. R: Bite me, Xelloss. If he was serious about this, he'd take that stupid holiday of Jack's and shove it up his ass. I'm ALWAYS serious about what I do. That's why I'm the best at what I do. X: You're a rather dour young man, aren't you? When you got here, why, in the very first episode of Ultra, you were quite the proud and cheerful champion. R: That's right. I just came here to train and be the best I can be. I didn't even want that belt initially... then Dan pointed out what it meant. I'll give Dan this, he's got the spirit of a warrior, if he lacks EVERYTHING ELSE... and you know what, Xel? I liked having the belt, then. I liked being out there, being cheered, just for doing what I do. People LIKED me. Do you know how many people liked me back in Nerima? How many friends I had? Almost none. Nobody lauded my successes, nobody cared. I had fiancees I didn't want who hounded me or beat me up, enemies who wanted me dead every other day, and that was it. Ultra was a breath of fresh air, being recognized for my accomplishments, and applauded. Having fans who understood me and my desire to be the best. X: What about Hiroshi and Daisuke? R: They just wanted to grope my female body, or get me to give them one of my fiancees. Some friends they are. X: So, when did things here in Ultra start to sour for you? R: When Dan won the belt. Sakura had it; that's okay, she beat me fair and square. But man... I BEAT DAN fair and square on day one! It wasn't even a challenge! How could that idiot hold the belt as long as he did when he went down so easily to me? Pure luck! Luck, help from others, and more luck. That is not a champion. That's a sorry excuse for a champion, a comedic joker. He was shaming that belt I brought a little pride to. Ultra deserved better. So, at Beta, after being stuck in the midcard for so long, I took matters into my own hands. Dan tried to get it away from that twit Iori, and I clocked Dan with a chair, so I could at least it'd never go back into his hands. I saw people day in and day out interfering in fights, being 'dishonorable', and I realized something: Ultra is a place where nice guys finish last. The standard rules for martial arts duels don't really apply, so why should I limit myself to them? Father always taught me that victory was all, and Anything Goes Martial Arts means adapting. I adapted. And of course, Iori didn't like it, but do I care? By then, no way. I knew what I had to do to succeed in this stupid company, which kept putting me down after I lost to Sakura. I had to take matters in my own hands and blaze MY way back on top. X: But wasn't your slap-happy bunch from Nerima around during that time you say you were kept down? Why didn't they help you back on top? R: Have you watched the tapes? 'Team Nerima' fell apart right away. Practically everybody except Akane showed up, and you know what? I almost thought they were going to help me, and maybe my 'friends' would be great pals to have around at Ultra. Not happening. What did happen? The usual. The fiancees fought, my enemies challenged me, and eventually everybody left since they weren't really in Ultra at all. Some lot of help they were -- they've always looked out for themselves first. I knew then that I'd have to do this myself if I was going to succeed. Nobody else would look out for me. Not even Kasumi, considering how badly I was doing in Ultra. X: Although Nabiki has been instrumental lately, hasn't she? R: Damn right. Nabiki's got the stroke needed to get me through in this business, and put me over. I was never good at that business stuff, I just know how to fight. She points me at who to fight to get where I want and I go there. I got a bit distracted, challenging that idiot Marlo, but I'm on track now. X: And yet, she didn't manage to schmooze you into a title fight with Sakura when she held the belt, did she? R: That's not her fault. Jack is to blame. Yes, Controversial Jack. You don't know what's been going on BEHIND the behind the scenes, do you, Xelloss? X: Ah... that is a secret. R: ...right. Well, for those not in the know... Ultra's ratings haven't been real good lately. But whenever *I*'m out there trying to get my belt, the ratings go up a bit. So 'Kamiversial' Jack figures that if he can keep me struggling, never getting that belt, it'll help the show. Because once I GET it, who knows if I'll help his adorable little ratings? And so the FIRST DAY Sakura has that belt, I go and I demand a title shot, and you know what Jack tells me? X: Tell me, tell me! Oooh, the suspense! R: He says no. Because I've ALREADY faced Sakura before, and that wouldn't be a ratings draw. I think he just wants to get my goat and have my anger at how screwed up this is raise his ratings. And THAT, Xelloss, is why I came to you. X: Indeed, indeed! I told you I was arranging UltraRage Gamma, and that if you wanted a title shot, then a title shot you shall have! R: Exactly. And if Shingo has the belt at Gamma, then that's perfectly fine with me. He needs a little school of hard knocks lesson. If he comes out there copying someone, I'm putting him down out of pity. And if he doesn't, I hope he's got his own moves perfected, because I plan to put him down even HARDER then. X: Some would say you're an opportunistic little sadist who's so angry at how emotionally empty his life is since leaving home that he's using every excuse and justification to make his actions look like they're admirable and righteous despite his own quiet and silent internal belief that he's doing the wrong thing like he felt when he held off beating Marlo in that Power Stone fight and has since suppressed completely so as not to look weak in front of others but is really a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and cause unthinkable psychological harm some time far down the road of his life when he least expects it. R: ...huh? X: There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! A brief look inside the mind of Ranma Saotome. And now back to your Ultra, already in progress. R: I want what's mine, Shingo. You better be ready. X: Hey, Ranma, is it true that the World Wrestling Federation is suing you for using their DX music and now you can't enter with it? R: ...Nabiki has advised me that I cannot comment on that at this time. Nabiki Tendo groaned quietly, lowering her hand from her forehead. "Saotome, you *idiot* ..." She started looking around for the aspirin, already thinking of what she was going to say to Ranma later - but at the same time, thoroughly glad that she wasn't the technical director for Ultra any more. (Come to think of it,) she mused, (who got stuck with my old job?) After the Xelloss interview ended, and a second or two of static, the Rumblevision signal cleared again to reveal an unruly shock of black hair. "Everything's ready," Goku commented, his hair bobbing up and down as he nodded - and then looked over his shoulder at the camera, and waved goofily. "Wrong signal, Bulma-san! Try the other one." The scene cut to an overhead view of the Brutal-Killer Martial Arts Tournament stadium, freshly rebuilt from the last tournament. Molten lava bubbled around the raised platform where the two combatants would duke it out, but this time the rules didn't involve sticking a goofy-looking sticker on the opponent's forehead ... it was a simple matter of fighting to the knockout, if not the death. Two dimensional portals opened, and the combatants entered the arena, wrapped in two unique shades of darkness. One was a swarthy Japanese man with a ring of beads around his neck, a shock of flame-red hair bound up in a topknot, and a coal-black karate gi; his opponent's visage was obscured by the aura of purple fire that constantly swirled about his body. Akuma, master of the Evil Intent of Shotokan ... and the Orochi, God of Hate, bringer of the Void. "You both know the rules," Goku said as he looked between the two embodiments of humanity's darkest emotions. "Planetary or universal destruction is a technical foul; no outside interference is to be permitted. Fight!" He blurred away, landing in the announcer's stall atop the bleachers. OMEGA MATCH #1: TITLE DEFENSE AKUMA vs. OROCHI FIGHT! Akuma made the first move, warping behind Orochi and launching a vicious Hadouken at the God of Hate's back; the fireball was stopped by a black disk, which then turned sideways and slid straight towards the dark Shotokan master, who jumped over it with a flying kick ... and so it went: punches, kicks, fireballs and black disks, back and forth between the two shadowy warriors. It was an impressive display of martial arts acumen, with special techniques interspersed amongst more mundane attacks - but ultimately, a straight-forward duel between masters. Akuma, though, was merely biding his time - he had no doubt that he would win. All that he needed was to prepare for his ultimate technique ... and then, when the moment was right, he executed the Shun Goku Satsu - the Instant Hell Murder - and began warping towards the Orochi. A less self-assured god would have taken the time to yawn; Orochi didn't even do that much. "Return to the Void," he said as Akuma's warping form touched his frame - The explosion of light as Akuma's devastating final attack was released was enough to white out the Rumblevision's three screens back in the Ultradome. "THERE IT IS!!" Hiroshi shouted, "The Instant Hell Murder, Akuma's signature finishing move! Only once has this technique ever failed Akuma, and it's a technique that seems tailor-made for defeating the living embodiment of hatred! The picture's clearing ... OH MY GOD!" Sure enough, only one dark figure was still standing in the ring ... with purple flames swirling around him. A scorched trail led from the Orochi, to the edge of the ring ... and over the lava pit. There was no sign of Akuma, unless you counted the burnt track which his body must have made. "And it looks like ..." Hiroshi paused dramatically as Goku fished Akuma's body out of the lava pit. "Yes! It's an UNBELIEVABLE victory for the Orochi! Somehow, he deflected Akuma's final attack and sent him into the lava!" Goku cleared his throat, and addressed the nearest camera-bot. "Akuma is unconscious. I declare the Orochi the winner." "AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!" Hiroshi shouted as the Rumblevision started to descend from view. "The Orochi, in an amazing turnaround! We'll be back with our second Gamma match, right after this commercial break!" [Commercial: an open field, with a girl in a red Chinese dress facing off with a slimy, tentacle-covered fiend from the pits of hell.] ANNOUNCER: There are some things out there that you just don't want to know about. [The tentacle demon slithers towards the girl, who conjures a sword out of nowhere and charges forward to meet it.] ANNOUNCER: Beasts, monsters, devils, demons - evil beings which harbor no respect for human rights, or any other rights for that matter. [The demon morphs, trying to rear up and engulf the girl; she slashes through it, and the body disintegrates into dust on the breeze.] ANNOUNCER: But you don't have to worry about them - because the Mano Family Mamono Hunters are always on call to handle those beasts from the beyond! Our lovely young staff is always ready to do battle with whatever monsters may bedevil you in your everyday life, able to respond to emergency calls or advance contracts as needed! [Cut to a picture of Yohko and Azusa, both in Devil Hunter garb, posed with their weapons and smiling for the camera. A phone number and an Internet URL are displayed along the bottom of the screen.] ANNOUNCER: Mano Family Mamono Hunters - for all your exorcism needs! [End Commercial] The Orochi emerged from darkness into shadow, stalking towards his throne in the old Ultradome, buried deep beneath the new and current Ultradome. "What progress?" he demanded of Sakura. The leather-clad schoolgirl bowed. "Very little, my lord. It seems that this particular Harbinger of the Void is less effective than we had anticipated." "Show me." The Orochi seated himself, a more pronounced glower than usual showing through the flames. Sakura expanded a Pokeball. "Psyduck, come forth." The red-and-white Pokemon-holder opened with a snap, and a torrent of white energy poured out, coalescing into the Orochi's newest servant. It held its head. "Psy-yie-yie ... duck?" The Orochi seethed, "Yashiro and Shermie brought this [pathetic] creature to me?" "The Pokedex we acquired indicates that Psyduck's true power is formidable," Sakura noted. "However, that power remains dormant at most times, manifesting only in the form of a headache. When Psyduck's headache becomes more pronounced, it is able to utilize its psychic powers." "[ENOUGH!]" snapped the Orochi. "It has [no] usefulness to us as it is! I shall return it to the Void, [now!]" A wave of purple flame engulfed the hapless, headache-ridden Pokemon ... and it started to glow white. Sakura turned to the Orochi. "I must prepare for my match," she stated evenly. "Shall I resume the search?" "Go." The Orochi opened a portal for Sakura to depart through, then turned his attention back to the spot where Psyduck had been standing a moment before, watching as the white light faded away. Psyduck was still standing there, but it had ... changed. It was slightly larger, with purple flames still flickering around it, and its eyes - vacant and dull before, but now narrowed in anger - glowed red. "Voiduck!" "Perhaps," the Orochi murmured as he sat back in his throne, "not as useless as it seemed." "Welcome back," Daisuke said calmly to the camera, as his partner in Ultra announcement took a five-minute break, mandated by one of the doctors who had quit NERV after UltraRage Beta. "Hiroshi should be back with us shortly, but in the meantime, we're waiting for the start of our fourth match of the evening: 'Stone Cold' Dan Hibiki versus Sakura Kasugano, the pure of heart against the pure of hatred. It's hard to say who the crowd favorite is likely to be for this match - Dan has a lot of support in our audience, but Sakura's win ration has been pretty steady, even before she joined the Disciples of the Void ... ah, the match is just about to start." Sure enough, Zelgadis was back in the ring. "The following Gamma Division match is scheduled for one fall. Our first competitor ..." A familiar five-second countdown appeared on the UltraTron, ticking down to zero. Zelgadis lowered his microphone, frowning at the card he held; neither of the fighters used that entrance motif. On the other hand ... The countdown hit zero; the lights went out, and a display of fireworks around the ramp heralded the entry of one of the most loyal heels in Ultra. Fearing nothing, Marlo Semaj strutted up to the ring, climbed between the ropes, and pulled his own microphone stand out of FurnitureSpace. "I have something to say to all of you," Marlo declared to the Ultradome, the audience, and the world at large. "And I know what you're thinking, but it's *not* that I'm going to kick one of these two Shotoclones' pathetic butts so that I can beat up the other one in a regular match! The only reason I'm out here, sullying my feet on this soon-to-be-defiled canvas in this very ring, is because this is the best time to make my announcement. "You see ... I'm an equal-opportunity ass-kicker: men, women, children - hell, even robots, if there were any of *those* in Gamma. But I'm not here for the Gamma belt - oh, no. That pansy Shingo can *keep* the damn division title belt; Ranma can kick his ass for it at UltraRage Gamma for all I care. Tonight, I'm challenging for one belt - the one that's mine *by right*, the belt that was *created* for my style. Lilith, you turncoat, if you're listening to this - if you're watching for me, you'd better fear for your little lolicon-inducing butt, because I'm coming after you for the Hardcore belt! TONIGHT! If you won't take my challenge, I'll come for it anyway, in *or* out of the ring!" Boos filled the Ultradome, along with a scattered handful of paid-for cheers. Marlo made a big show of ignoring them all. "What's it gonna be, you underaged little sex-demoness?" he shouted into the mike. "Your sister won't help you this time, not after you turned against all of us - are you going to fight as though you're the woman you're not, or run away and hide like the scared little girl you are?" "I'll fight!" Lilith came out from backstage, her wings and shoulders squared as she gripped her own microphone. "I'm not afraid of you, Marlo, you big bully! You think you're so big? I may be small, but I'm just too much woman for you to handle on your *best* day!" "What an astonishing turn of events!" Hiroshi exclaimed, having resumed his place next to Daisuke while Marlo was busy talking trash. "Last week, we saw Lilith's daring departure from Sex and Violence, even though she had to fight off all of her former teammates to do it - and now, Marlo's coming out for revenge!" "For once," Marlo declared, "I have to agree with that loud-mouthed twerp of an announcer -" He was interrupted by an even more outraged chorus of boos, even from the people who were supposed to cheer for him no matter what. "He's dead right - and in your case, Lilith, the operative word is *dead*, because NOBODY betrays Sex and Violence and lives to brag about it! Say your prayers to the devil, Lilith-*CHAN*," he spat out the term of endearment, "because you're living your last hour - or less! We're fighting tonight, right after those Lambda lamers finish their little punch-up - and when the episode ends, the last thing on everyone's screen will be your BLOOD!" Marlo flung his microphone and stand back into FurnitureSpace, then co-opted Zelgadis's mike before anybody could get a word in edgeways. "Hardcore Blood Brawl, Lilith! Pray for Jack to have mercy on your soul - as if he would, after the way you turned your backs on - *oof!*" "That will be *quite* enough of that," Zelgadis muttered as he removed his elbow from Marlo's midriff, and pushed him out of the ring. "Our second Gamma Division match of the evening, assuming neither of our fighters were knocked out prior to entering the arena ... 'Stone Cold' Dan Hibiki!" Wild cheers erupted around the Ultradome as Dan Hibiki, the Pink-Clad One himself, scourge of Mexican cuisine throughout Ultra's three divisions, rolled down the ramp, up the steps, and right into the ring. Literally. "That's gonna leave a mark," Daisuke said blandly as he watched Dan stagger back from his collision with the corner post, almost toppling back off the apron. "But knowing Dan, a bump on the head isn't going to affect his performance in the ring." "Too right, Daisuke!" Hiroshi enthused. "NOTHING can stop Stone Cold Dan Hibiki! He keeps rolling on, and on, and ..." The Pink One himself broke into Hiroshi's unsubtle endorsement with his traditional pre-match taunt, flexing a manly arm at the spot where his opponent would be standing in another minute or so. "OOSHA!! I, Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, am here to defend the HONOR of Saikyo-style Shotokan! Come forth, Sakura-san, and face me as befits a true warrior!" "And his opponent," Zelgadis intoned, "Sakura Kasugano of the Disciples of the Void." Black cherry-blossom petals swirled around the corner of the ring opposite Dan, and a black disk-shaped portal irised open, depositing Sakura herself, complete with her black leather sailor-fuku school uniform. Unlike her opponent, she wasted no words, merely shifting into her ready stance as the portal closed behind her. "The usual rules," Zelgadis said unnecessarily. "Half-hour time limit, one fall. Begin." GAMMA MATCH #2 DAN HIBIKI vs. SAKURA KASUGANO FIGHT!! "DAN DAN KICK!!" Dan flew across the ring at his leather-clad opponent, lashing out with a series of straight flying kicks. Sakura, with a faintly bored expression that precisely matched the Orochi's countenance from the previous match, simply blocked the oncoming kicks and retaliated with a right hook to Dan's jaw. "And it's an early lead by Sakura," Daisuke noted as Dan fell back, rubbing his jaw. "We're witnessing the classic conflict of two different styles of Shotokan here -" "Dan's unique Saikyo-style against Sakura's Orochi-powered techniques!" Hiroshi picked up. "Both of these martial artists have fought numerous matches; Dan's greater age gives him a considerable margin of experience over Sakura, but with the strength of the Void filling her ... will it be enough?!" Dan rolled and taunted, "Doushita doushita?" rolled again, and lifted his arm to taunt again - "WAAAGH!" His guard was wide enough open for Sakura to dash in with her own, silently-delivered Shououken uppercut, hurling Dan back to the canvas. And for perhaps the first time since Sakura fell into the Orochi's clutches, she showed some signs of emotion while in the ring. "Give it up, Dan. You don't have a prayer." Dan wobbled back to his feet. "HA! How little you know of the true power of Saikyo-ryuu! I say it again: HA!" He pumped his fist, then pointed at Sakura. "You will witness the STONE COLD might that *IS* Dan Hibiki! And so will all of the audience, heralded by this technique ... GADOUKEN!" "A never-before-seen tactic by Dan Hibiki," Hiroshi enthused, "using his traditional taunting to conceal his approaching attack!" Sure enough, Sakura actually looked a little bit surprised to see the pink puffball - or fireball; call it what you will - floating towards her like a thrown Beanie Baby (and looking about as dangerous). But she blocked it anyway, not even getting pushed back as she absorbed its impact. "That can't possibly be your best shot ..." "You have not SEEN my best shot!" Dan retorted, rolling towards Sakura and coming out of it with another Manly Taunt - but this time, his taunting arm came up and smacked Sakura in the chin. "Nor will you witness it, for I am MIGHTY! You will not see my true power before it defeats you!" Sakura rubbed her jaw, then kicked Dan savagely between the legs. As he collapsed, whimpering, Sakura retorted, "That's because taunts are traditionally invisible, right?" and gave Dan another kick, in the ribs this time. Still wincing in pain, Dan rolled away and rose back to his feet, taking an unusual blocking stance which enabled him to shield his family jewels from further abuse. "How dare you ... How DARE you mock Saikyo-style by using its own techniques against its greatest master?! Feel the wrath that *IS* Stone Cold Dan Hibiki! DAN DAN BOOT TO THE HEAD!!" "You know, matches involving Dan aren't usually this ..." Daisuke trailed off, searching for the appropriate word. "Talkative?" Hiroshi suggested. "Dan's never been much of a talker inside the ring - except for his taunts, of course! But this time, Sakura seems to have taken Dan up on his challenge, and the taunts are flying as furiously as fists and feet as the two Shotokan variants do battle!" Sakura wavered on her feet, having taken some damage before she could toss Dan back the way he came. She ran the back of her hand across her forehead ... then looked at it, seeing a smeared drop of blood. Her blood. Dan had actually drawn blood ... from her forehead. Her *face.* No more talking. Playtime was now officially over ... and Sakura charged across the ring, opening an economy-size can of whupass on Dan Hibiki with punches and kicks and close-range Hadoukens, forcing Dan into the corner and keeping him there. "WHOA!!!" Hiroshi whoa'ed, "Sakura Kasugano is taking Dan Hibiki BACK TO SCHOOL! Look at those combos - !" Dan shook his head, trying to clear away the little dizzy-bells that were circling his head, ringing in harmony with his ears. "You ... cannot ... defeat ... ME!" "Shut up," Sakura advised him before launching into her version of the Instant Hell Murder, and taking the task upon herself. One bright flash, uncounted strikes and a shower of black cherry petals later, Dan Hibiki was laid out on the canvas, Stone Cold unconscious. "Dan Hibiki has been knocked out," Zelgadis announced after a cursory examination. "Sakura is the winner." "Dan's in a bit of a rut, isn't he?" Daisuke asked rhetorically as Sakura departed through another black portal. "He'll break out of it!" Hiroshi declared confidently. "And we'll be back with our second Lambda match, so don't go away!" "Manhood Crusher!!" Mei-Ling looked up from her meditation. (That sounded like Yohko ...) "Come here, pret *gwah!* ..." (That would have been the Moroboshi boy,) Mei-Ling nodded to herself. (And ...) She tilted her head to the side, listening quietly, and nodded again as she heard a dirty old man being flung head-first into a dirty *young* man. (Happousai trying to sneak up on his prey? He's usually more open than that.) Fifteen seconds or so later, the dressing room door opened and Yohko entered from the hall, her body wrapped in a towel and her hair falling down her back, unbound. "The baths here are terrific, but those two from Team Hentai ..." The teenager shook her head, muttering under her breath as she started brushing her hair. "What did they want?" Mei-Ling asked calmly. "They wanted to trade autographs ..." "That doesn't sound so bad." "... on our bare skin." Yohko shook her head, working out a tangle with a comb before going back to brushing. "Perverts.... hey, where's Hsien-Ko?" "She went to talk to Lilith before her Hardcore match. We're from the same part of space-time - not friends, but acquaintances ... and we're sort of on the same side here." "Especially since we countered her natural tendencies towards evil," Yohko agreed. "She's so *sweet*, though! I'd never have expected she could be such a good ... well, 'good' bad girl. Once a succubus, always a succubus." "Sucking souls for a good cause," Mei-Ling responded with a faint smile. "And without our influence, I doubt she'd have turned against Sex and Violence, and therefore against Jack. Are you going to watch Lilith's match?" "Probably. Grandmother said that they'd have an extra seat in the stands, so I may be out there for it." "And to lend a hand if Marlo starts mauling her too badly?" Yohko shrugged, starting to re-braid her hair. "That, I don't know yet. I've got something else I want to do first, though ..." Mei-Ling let her expression do the asking. "Iori. I want to be there when he wakes up - I'm heading to the infirmary as soon as I get dressed." "You think he'll want to see the girl he just fought?" "He's so *gorgeous*, though ..." Yohko smiled dreamily. Mei-Ling just sweatdropped quietly and resumed her meditation. "In just a few moments," Hiroshi declared into his microphone, "our second Lambda match of the evening will begin! Sie and Athena, the Psycho Soldiers, have been haunted by mysteries ever since their debut battle in Ultra - mysteries which have only recently started to unravel, with the crimelord M. Bison revealing his domination of this valiant pair of heroes! By contrast, Tifa Lockhart and Bean Bandit - a pair of crowd favorites, starting from the moment back at UltraRage Beta when Tifa asked Kasumi-sama to let Bean join Lambda as her tag-team partner - have been through some strange circumstances, but always come out on top! What will happen tonight as these four fighters collide? Can you doubt that it will be one of the GREATEST rumbles Ultra has ever seen?" "I wouldn't know about that, Hiroshi," Daisuke responded. "We've seen some pretty impressive fights here over the past most-of-three seasons ... but between Sie and Athena's psychokinetic powers, Tifa's martial artistry and magic, and Bean Bandit's sheer never-say-die brawling talents, I'd have to agree that we're in for a heck of a fight." "... You bet it will!" Hiroshi exclaimed, recovering from surprise at Daisuke's stint of maximum verbosity. "And now - yes, Zelgadis is entering the ring to call in the fighters!" Sure enough, the Rockin' On chimera of Ultra's third season referee line-up was reading from his card. "The following match is set for Lambda division rules. Now entering the ring, Sie Kensou and Athena Asamiya, the Psycho Soldiers!" Many Athena fans leapt to their feet cheering as one of Athena's own songs began playing over the Ultradome's sound system - since she was an idol singer before turning to crime-busting and martial artistry, she had quite a few hit songs under her belt. On the other hand, neither Athena nor Sie looked like particularly famous stars, or martial artists, as they made their way to the ring: Athena looked like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and Sie just looked ... determined. Not in the overstated way that Mt. Fuji seemed determined to stay where it was, but an ordinary human's kind of determination. Zelgadis nodded briefly to the two fighters as Sie climbed between the ropes, then spoke into his mike again. "And their opponents, Bean Bandit and Tifa Lockhart!" "Roadbuster" began playing next, as the faithfully recorded sound of a revving engine roared up near the entrance ramp ... and Bean and Tifa actually drove in on motorcycles, one of which bore a distinctive ShinRa Power emblem - under a carefully-painted barred circle. The two hardened warriors parked their bikes at the foot of the ramp, and Bean climbed into the ring as Tifa jumped to the apron. Zelgadis nodded approvingly. "One fall, half-hour time limit. Begin." LAMBDA MATCH #2 PSYCHO SOLDIERS (Athena Asamiya/Sie Kensou) vs. BEAN BANDIT/TIFA LOCKHART FIGHT!! Sie immediately took matters into his own hands, rushing Bean and laying into him with a series of Psycho Powered punches. Unfortunately, about the only damage he inflicted was to his own knuckles; even telekinetically amplified strength didn't do a whole lot against Bean's armored jacket. "Kid," Bean sighed as he caught Sie's wrists, "lay off before you hurt yourself worse. I'm -" Sie slammed his forehead into Bean's nose with an audible *crack*, cutting the road warrior off. "... ow. Fine, if that's how you want to play it ..." Bean pulled his own head back - and collapsed to his knees, gagging in surprise from the jab Sie delivered to his exposed throat. "Gghh ..." Sie jumped back, gathering a sphere of Psycho Power between his hands. "I'm sorry, but Bison's already marked you as a threat. You two have to go down ... or who knows what he'll do to us?" he finished in a whisper, glancing back towards Athena. "Bean!" Tifa shouted from the sidelines. "Tag me! C'mon - GACK!" "UNBELIEVABLE!!" Hiroshi shouted. "ANDY BOGARD snuck up and got the drop on Tifa while everybody was watching the match in the ring! And Mai is nowhere in sight - could their breaking-up last week have been for real?" "Sorry about this," Andy grunted before slugging Tifa in the face one more time, sending her reeling into the edge of the ring and dropping like a puppet with its strings cut. "I've gotta get to those two first ..." He climbed up into the ring - Only to be halted by Zelgadis's stony blue hand. "No interference with the match," the chimera intoned. Andy speared the referee with a look even harder than Zel's own visage. "I can shatter stone with a single shot, you freak. Outta my way." "Mono Volt!" Zelgadis snapped, in no mood to be insulted while he was trying to do his job, and a surge of electricity shot through Andy's body. "YEEAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!" Andy screamed, twitching. "You - HYAAH!!" "And Andy recovers from his shock long enough to box Zelgadis's ears and incapacitate him!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "Meanwhile, Bean is on the ropes from Sie's relentless assault ... not just on the ropes, but actually back on his feet! Sie caught him by surprise - what's this? Zelgadis seems to be down, and ..." Bean lurched towards Sie again, swinging wildly. "Not bad ... kid ... but not good ... enough ... eith--" A ki-blast caught him in the side, sending him further off-balance before Andy Bogard lunged in and bodily threw the Roadbuster out of the ring. Sie stopped, blinking. "Andy - ?" "It looks like the match has come to a premature end," Hiroshi declared, "with Andy Bogard beating his way through Tifa *and* Zelgadis to face off with Sie Kensou directly! If Zelgadis were still conscious - which he may not be, from the looks of things - the Psycho Soldiers would certainly have been disqualified by now!" "I'm going to ask you this *once* without hurting you," Andy snarled. "Where's my brother?" Sie stared at the silver-haired young man. "Your brother ... ?" Andy balled up one fist, cocked his arm back, and slugged Sie in the jaw - *hard.* "WHERE IS HE?! What did Bison do with Terry, you piece of -" "PHOENIX ARROW!!" Athena's descending body slammed into Andy, and sent him sprawling. "Stop it! Stop hurting Sie!" the idol-turned-fighter sobbed, coming out of her technique. "You ..." Andy climbed back to his feet, ignoring the approaching teams of "Lego- men" arena security guards. "You two work for Bison - so TELL ME, or I swear I'll rip you BOTH apart with my bare hands!" 'Terry Bogard, the legendary Hungry Wolf?' The UltraTron screen flickered, went staticky, and cleared to reveal the looming countenance of M. Bison himself. 'Oh, I do have him ... or had, perhaps. He turned out not to be very useful for my purposes ... so you can have him back.' A flare of purple energy, and a battered and bloodied form materialized on the canvas, a pool of blood starting to spread from wounds that had yet to close, much less heal. 'There he is,' Bison smirked evilly. 'For all the good he'll do you now ... it seems that his art is incompatible with my Psycho Power.' Sie gathered his energy, glaring at the UltraTron screen and the dictator's face it displayed. "Enough, Bison! ENOUGH!" 'Far from it, my loyal puppet,' Bison responded. 'You have failed, both of you. Return now.' Again, purple energy flickered in the ring ... but faded, Sie's eyes blazing with fury. "NO! We're not going to keep being your puppets, even if breaking free costs both of us our lives!" Sie balled up his fists, squeezing his eyes shut. "Athena's pain isn't worth it ... Athena, I swear, I'll free both of us!" 'Impossible,' Bison gloated confidently. 'You cannot ...' His voice trailed off as Sie's body started to glow. 'A futile effort. Cease and desist, Kensou; you have not outlived your usefulness. Stop, or Asamiya will pay for your misdeeds.' Athena flinched visibly, looking at Bison's face like a scared deer. "No! Sie, stop it, he's -" Her body convulsed as she cried out in agony ... ... but Sie's voice, his cry of utter rage, drowned her out completely. "BIIIIIISOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!" His body twitched once as his cry, and Athena's, both faded away ... and he crumpled to the mat. "SIE!" Recovering from her seizure, Athena threw herself across the mat to catch her partner's falling body. "Oh gods ... Sie, don't die ... please ... come on, hang on, you have to hold on ... Sie ... !" Larger than life, Bison scowled. 'Fools, both of you ... you will pay for this effrontery with your miserable lives.' The UltraTron filled with static again, then went black. Clearing his throat quietly, Daisuke glanced at Hiroshi before speaking into his microphone. "I'd say this match comes down to a draw ... we'll be back after this - and after things have been cleaned up." Yohko looked up from her bedside vigil as several stretchers were carried past. "Hey!" she called out, "What happened out there with the Lambda match?" "Draw," one of the medics grunted. "Bogard interrupted the match for something." "Oh ..." Yohko looked back at Iori's unconscious form. "Then the Hardcore match will start soon ..." "Andy!!" A red-headed kunoichi ran down the infirmary corridor, catching up with the stretcher carrying her former (?) boyfriend. "Andy, why didn't you tell me about - HEY!" She glared at the orderly who was blocking her path. "Mr. Bogard will be out as soon as we've checked him over for damage from the shock the referee gave him," the orderly explained. "You can go wait in the corridor until we've finished with him." Mai Shiranui's response was a kick in the orderly's crotch. "Manhood Crusher," Yohko muttered as she heard the orderly's moan of agony. "Andy, why didn't you tell me your brother was kidnapped? ..." "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Marlo sing-songed, tossing a steel chair from hand to hand. "C'mon out and play, little Lilith, I've got some smack to lay down on your demonic little lolicon ass! And not the kind of spankings you like so much ... What's the matter, Lilith? I'm WAAAAAAAAIT-ing ..." "Do you think Lilith stands a chance?" Daisuke asked Hiroshi. "I mean, we're talking about a juvenile demoness against one of - let's admit it - God's chosen warriors." "Lilith's a lot tougher than she looks," Hiroshi answered firmly. "Marlo may have the edge in straight-up brawling, but as almost ALL of our competitors have shown tonight, there's more to winning a fight than slugging it out toe-to-toe! Besides which, Marlo challenged Lilith to a HARDCORE match - and, well, ANYthing can happen under those circumstances!" "Indeed it can," drawled a sultry voice just next to and above Hiroshi, and the camera panned up to show Morrigan - apparently wearing *only* the pink slip which Jack had given her earlier; Jessie and James were standing next to the ring end of the ramp, similarly attired - well, Jessie was wearing her Team Rocket shirt over the slip, along with her usual absurdly long black gloves and boots. James was just wearing the slip, as far as anyone could tell. "Anything *can* happen in this match," Morrigan murmured again, stroking Hiroshi's cheek. "And if Lilith doesn't show up ... you're *ours*, little Hiro-kun. Won't *that* be nice ... ?" She smiled, bending down to whisper in his ear. "If Lilith doesn't show up, she loses her belt - and *you* - in one stroke. Or if she does, she'll lose her belt and her life instead." Hiroshi swallowed hard. "C'mon, Lilith, where are you?" he muttered. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" a young voice echoed, and a swarm of bats converged on the foot of the ramp to materialize into Lilith. "Get away from Hiroshi- kun, oneesama!" "Well, folks, it looks like the Hardcore Blood Brawl is about to begin," Daisuke announced. "And Zelgadis is signalling for the bell ..." HARDCORE "BLOOD BRAWL" TITLE DEFENSE: LILITH AENSLAND vs. MARLO SEMAJ FIGHT!! No sooner did the bell sound than Lilith lashed out with wing-tendrils, yanking the steel chair from Marlo's hold and tossing it into the stands. "Come and get me, Marlo! I'll deal with my sister later!" Marlo just smirked. "You have no idea what you just got yourself into, little succ-butt. I'll put the fear of God - of JACK HIMSELF - into you!" He reached into FurnitureSpace, pulling out a long, long wooden bench ... and a couple of books fell out as he hefted it; one of the books bounced off of James's head and into his hands. "Book of Common Prayer?" James blinked, then looked at the bench ... "Uh-oh." "Hiii-YAH!" Marlo slammed the pew down where Lilith was standing - and missed; she saw the oncoming piece of church furniture with plenty of time to spare, taking to the air. "Oh, please," Lilith scowled in scornful cuteness. "Bigger's not always *that* much better." "You want small, I've got small!" Marlo shot back, accompanying his trash-talk with a volley of cross-stitched pew kneelers. "You think these things are gonna hurt me?" Lilith squawked, dodging most of the oncoming cushions and (lobbing one down at Morrigan). "Why didn't you just challenge me to a pillow fight, then?" "And the battle is underway, folks," Hiroshi said as Morrigan fell over - away from him, thankfully. "Lilith and Marlo are going at it like nobody's ever seen them before, with Marlo opening a whole new department in the Semaj Furnishings line! But will religiously-themed seating and cushions be enough to triumph over this succubus?" "probably not." Hiroshi nearly jumped out of his seat as he recognized the emotionless voice which had just spoken next to him. "Ah - Rei-chan! Are you here to help us announce?" Rei Ayanami paused, surveying the battle. "no. i am here to protect you and stop her." Hiroshi blinked quietly; Daisuke was already taking cover under the announcer's table. "Ah - Rei-chan, you really don't have to protect us," he laughed nervously. "They're all the way over there, and we - YIPE!" He followed Daisuke's lead as an errant altar, complete with fair linens and Communion set, hurtled past the dodging Lilith and straight at the startled pair of announcers. "i will protect you," Rei repeated as her AT Field blocked the sacramental missile. "no succubus will harm you while i am around." "Thanks," squeaked Hiroshi as he peeked over the edge of the table. "Soul Flash!" Lilith finally took the offensive again, sending a glowing bat down at Marlo. "Ha! Too slow!" "Even the Lord ... took THREE DAYS ... to triumph in His greatest struggle!" Marlo reached into FurnitureSpace once more, and pulled out his biggest weapon yet ... "AAAAAAAAGH!!" Getting slammed in the ribs with a giant crucifix tends to hurt, even if you aren't native to the demon realms. If you *are* born of the dark reaches, though, getting tagged by a cross does even more damage than to a normal human - and Lilith, despite her recently-unleashed goodness and innocence, wasn't exempt from that traditional rule. After getting struck with the giant crucifix in Marlo's hands, Lilith whimpered quietly as she slammed to the floor just outside the ring, one of her wings catching on the apron and nearly tearing en route. "What ... ?" Marlo cackled nastily, resting the crucifix on his shoulder as he strode around the ring. "No, don't get up, Lilith - hey, I *said* don't get up!" "Up yours ... Marlo ... SHINING BLADE!" Lilith gathered her strength, and launched a wing-uppercut at Marlo; he stumbled back, nearly dropping his cross, and then swung it up, over, and down once more ... crushing Lilith between the end of one cross-piece, and the unforgiving concrete below. "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!" "Music to my ears," Marlo smirked as he raised the crucifix again, studying his handiwork. "So tell me, Lilith, where are you headed after the match? Heaven? Naah, more likely Hell ... don't forget to write!" "Stop," Lilith whimpered. "I'll forfeit the belt ... you don't have to do this ... please, stop ..." "Heck no!" Marlo laughed again, ignoring the totally stunned silence from the crowds filling the Ultradome. "Haven't you been paying attention since I came on board with Jack Lysias? Oh, as long as you were in Sex and Violence with us, I was willing to overlook your true nature - but you don't have that to protect you any more. This ends, Lilith ... right now." He wound up for the final blow. "Sayonara, Lili-chan! HYAAA - !" With a squeal of fear, Lilith squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the end. What she got was a swift breeze as a yellow-blue-and-black-clad figure leapt out from under the ring and rebounded towards Marlo. "BERSERKER BARRAGE!!" Razor-sharp adamantium claws shredded through Marlo's crucifix, turning it into a pile of kindling within seconds, and the last slash passed within a centimeter of Marlo's nose. "Don't ya think that was a little uncalled for, bub?" Hiroshi peeked over the announcer's table again ... and grabbed his microphone. "LILITH AENSLAND HAS JUST BEEN RESCUED BY WOLVERINE!!! I don't believe it - WOLVERINE, one of the toughest scrappers in Ultra, has come to the aid of one of his foremost rivals for the Hardcore title!" Marlo seethed, pulling out a matched pair of halogen lamps. "Stay out of this, Canuck-head; you want the Hardcore belt, you fight me for it next week. Take a number and get in line, little man." "Shut up, *kid*," Wolverine snarled. "The way I see it, you're just tryin' to get attention by beating up someone who's less than half your size. That's not fighting, with or without honor - that's just being a bully." "Wolverine ... ?" Lilith looked up at her unlikely savior. "Why'd you save me?" "Tell ya later," the Canadian mutant replied. "Ya feel up ta helpin' take out the trash?" "Yeah!" Lilith clambered back to her feet. "Let's do it!" "I think that's our cue to exit," Jessie stage-whispered to her partner. James nodded, and the two Pokemon poachers ran out of the arena; Rei Ayanami scooped up Morrigan's unconscious body and followed them, leaving two stunned announcers, one pissed-off Furniture Savior, and two unlikely allies against him. "TORNADO CLAW!" Wolverine spun towards Marlo, right through his guard, and drilled into his ribs with a set of extended claws before bouncing away. "Finish 'im off, kid!" "With pleasure!" Lilith piffled into an overwhelmingly cute (and lolicon) nurse's outfit, and doffed the white cap at Marlo. "GLOOMY PUPPET SHOW!" One deliberately-inflicted song-and-dance routine later, Marlo toppled over unconscious. "The winner, and continued keeper of the Hardcore title belt," Zelgadis announced, "Lilith Aensland!" At about that moment, in the infirmary ... "So what happened to Terry?" Mai asked Andy; he, Tifa, and Bean had all been bandaged up and deemed fit to receive visitors, or move around if necessary. "Some of Bison's goons kidnapped him a month or so ago," Andy explained. "I didn't know about it at the time, but Joe sent me a telegram when he found out that Terry had disappeared under 'mysterious circumstances.'" "Who's Joe?" Bean asked. "Joe Higashi," Andy explained. "One of my best friends, and a champion Thai kickboxer. He was able to find out that Terry was later seen near one of Shadowlaw's drug compounds, but that was it - and Joe nearly got captured himself finding that much." "We owe him," Mai murmured. "We owe Joe a lot." Andy sighed, nodding. "Mai, I just didn't know what to tell you ... we couldn't have gone to rescue Terry ourselves without knowing exactly where he was and what was happening to him." "So what *did* happen to Terry?" Tifa inquired. "Bison's Psycho Power wouldn't work with whatever style Terry Bogard uses," Ryu theorized, having been invited to join them. "The thing is, I don't know any styles that *would* stop Bison from dominating someone ..." "Terry and I do," Andy explained. "Hakkyoku-seiken - it draws its power from nature; the difference between us is that Terry is far more attuned to the energies of nature than I am. That's where his strength comes from ... and it may have been enough strength to let him resist Bison's will." Ryu nodded thoughtfully. "That might do it ... the form of Shotokan which Ken and I use has fascinated Bison ever since he found out about it, particularly our ki techniques. Hakkyoku-seiken must be even stronger than that - and Terry himself ..." He paused briefly; when he went on, his tone was one of frank admiration. "Terry Bogard is one of the most powerful martial artists in the world today. If anyone could resist Bison's will, it *would* be someone like him ... I'd always wondered where that kind of power came from." "It may be lost to the world now," Andy sighed as he looked at his brother's comatose form. "We have to get him to a hospital." Bean stood up, taking off his bandages. "I'm on it." "No, you aren't," Tifa scolded him. "We're calling an ambulance; you're staying put. Don't argue, Bean - Terry needs serious medical care, not a car chase through downtown Tokyo." Bean paused, glancing at the other fighters in the room; none of them looked like they disagreed with Tifa. Andy in particular looked ready to put Bean back in bandages, and not necessarily the same ones, if anything else happened to Terry. "... All right." The Roadbuster sat down again. "But when they get here, I'm following them." "You mean 'we,'" Andy corrected. "We'll make sure Terry reaches the hospital safely." "Fair enough." Bean paused for a moment, then asked, "How much are you willing to pay ... ?" "ASTOUNDING!!" Hiroshi enthused as he and Daisuke reclaimed their rightful places as Ultra's foremost pair of announcers. "And the Hardcore Blood Brawl comes to a dramatic conclusion, bringing with it an end to tonight's -" **KAA-BOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!!!** The house lights went black, and starlight poured into the Ultradome as streams of dust started to fall from the roof of the arena, and the combined shrieking of way-too-stressed metal and a terrified crowd drowned out the echoes of the explosion as *something* started to tear the top off of the home of the world's greatest Sports Entertainment extravaganza. "I don't - SOMETHING IS OPENING UP THE ULTRADOME LIKE A TIN CAN!!" Hiroshi hollered, his eyes wide in totally authentic terror. "What is it? Has Bison come back to personally take revenge on his errant minions? Is Sephiroth coming to take the godhead from Xelloss by brute force? Is NERV starting the Third Impact *here* without any prior notice?" "We've lost all outside cameras," Daisuke commented in quiet fear. "Whatever's doing this, we won't see it until it comes down into the ring ..." Falling debris stopped in mid-plummet and was hurled away by an unseen force before it could hurt anyone; the openings in the Ultradome's roof grew larger, merging together as intervening supports and structures were similarly yanked out of the way by invisible hands. Visible above the arena were stars, the white crescent of the moon ... and a glowing blue bubble of energy, enshrouding an indistinct form. A series of fighters emerged from backstage, streaming down the ramp; most of the un-injured part of Omega division was there, along with a large cross-section of Gamma and Lambda. "And it seems the fighters are coming out in force to see what's going on!" Hiroshi declared into his microphone, recovering from some of the shock of seeing the Ultradome ripped open like a bag of potato chips. "Dark Schneider - back in human form - and Naga, Sephiroth, the Eva pilots, Wasyuu and her Cybergrrls stable ... there's Shingo, Dan - back on his feet already, what INCREDIBLE stamina! - the Samurai Swordsmen, Team Pokemon *and* Team Rocket - not fighting for a change - ... this has to be at least two-thirds of Ultra's fighters, Daisuke! What could bring them all out like this?" "Off-hand, I'd say the lights going out and the sound of a massive explosion from the arena. Good thing so many of them have flashlights ..." Daisuke looked around. "We should have emergency lights on in a moment. Everybody, please remain calm!" he shouted to the audience, foregoing his mike. Kamiversial Jack appeared in the ring, looking mad enough to spit nails as the blue sphere touched down in the center of the arena, dissipating and fading away to reveal ... "Oh crap," Dark Schneider hissed as the emergency lights came on. "Naga, I think that's -" "What was your first clue?" the White Serpent wondered, shifting into a spell-casting stance. The new arrival was vaguely humanoid, but otherwise far from human. Most of its body was white; its belly and the thick tail that twitched behind it were a dull purple color. Some kind of natural armor protected the majority of the creature's formidable form as it looked around, sizing up the gathered fighters, the two scared-almost-out-of-their-wits announcers, and the spiky- haired maniac who was staring at it. {So this is where they were from,} the creature "spoke" telepathically - in such a way that even the sound system was able to pick up its mental "voice." "I don't know who you're talking about," Jack told the monster. "I don't even know who or *what* you are, but if you think you can blast open the Ultradome and come in here like you own the place -" {Not think, human.} The monster's eyes caught and held Jack's own gaze. {I just did. And I would not care to own this place, unless it served my purposes. I am here because the sanctity of my cavern was disturbed, and I have come to find the two who intruded.} Wasyuu looked over her shoulder at the two not-dead members of Unlimited Desire. "Don't worry," she smirked, "yon great white beast isn't going to lay a paw on -" {Silence!} The figure's eyes flared bright blue, and an aura of the same color immobilized Wasyuu. {I am MewTwo, the most powerful of all Pokemon, and I do precisely as I choose.} "That's a ..." Ash Ketchum stared. "... Pokemon?" Jessie and James echoed, having changed back to their standard uniforms after fleeing the Hardcore Blood Brawl. "No way ..." Misty stared at MewTwo. (But why does it look familiar? I've never seen a Pokemon like that before, have I? Have any of us?) "All right, Mewtwo," Jack thundered. "Drop the scientist!" {Scientist?} MewTwo let Wasyuu fall on her butt, and turned to face Jack directly. {What kind of scientist?} Jack smirked, and answered, "The kind of scientist who turns her defeated opponents into other creatures. Like, say ... a Pikachu. - Hold on a moment, friend, I'll let you fight her -" {I do not need your permission, human.} "I'm not just human, I'm God and I'm the *owner* of Ultra! *I* decide who fights whom, when and where and how - but I'll be happy to let you fight Wasyuu." Jack smirked again, thinking, (If *that* doesn't give our ratings a kick in the butt, nothing will!) MewTwo took one more look at the diminutive, crab-haired scientist, and made his choice. {I accept.} "Get an Omega arena set up!!" Jack shouted at the tech booth. "I want this match ready to go in two minutes or less!" "And it looks like the night isn't over yet!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "MewTwo has just entered Ultra's Omega division, and Jack's already given the orders to prepare for this powerful Pokemon's debut match! Tonight has just been one *continual* rumble, folks, and just when you think it can't get any more intense - that's exactly what it does! We'll be back again, right after this message!" Daisuke stared at Hiroshi as the camera lights went off. "How can you be so calm when we nearly got killed just now?" "Calm? What's calm?" Yohko had heard the explosion, and was aware when the main lights went out and when the emergency lights kicked on. At least, she was awake and aware when all of those things happened ... but her attention was focused on one thing: Iori Yagami. (He's so gorgeous,) the teenaged Devil Hunter thought for the umpteen hundred and nth time. (Even asleep ...) "Ngh ..." The red-haired martial artist stirred slightly, then opened his eyes. "What ... who are you?" he asked as his eyes focused on Yohko's face. "Iori-san? It's me, Yohko ... your opponent from the Gamma match tonight. I sealed the Orochi power within you, quelled the Riot of the Blood ..." "You did *what*?!" Iori hissed, craning his neck to get a better look at Yohko. "How could you - Get out!" Yohko's heart skipped a beat. "What ... ?" she asked weakly. "Go away," Iori snarled, his head falling back on the pillow. "Leave me alone. I don't want to see you." He closed his eyes again, his jaw clenched. "GO!" Yohko hesitated for a moment, then ran from the room with an unsuccessfully muffled sob. Iori didn't even care; she was dismissed from his mind completely by the time the echoes of her footsteps faded away. [Commercial: Outside view of Madison Square Garden in New York City.] ANNOUNCER: They say New York is a city where you can find anything at all, from pizza to mutants to ninjas to pizza-eating mutant ninjas. [With a blinding flash, Madison Square Garden explodes into a mushroom cloud.] ANNOUNCER: But New Yorkers haven't seen ANYTHING yet - because next week, Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra comes to New York City for the VERY - FIRST - TIME! [Montage of stock footage of various Ultra fighters, including Lina, the Orochi, Sephiroth, Bison, Shingo, Ranma, Shermie and Yashiro, and various others who are scheduled to fight at UltraRage Gamma.] ANNOUNCER: It's going to be the biggest night the Big Apple has ever seen - and the biggest it'll ever see, until Ultra comes back to town! Sign up now with your local cable, satellite, or Direct TV system for ULTRARAGE GAMMA: Ultra Takes Manhattan! [Graphic of the UltraRage Gamma title logo] ANNOUNCER: This winter ... the BIGGEST fighting federation in ALL Creation takes its own bite of the Big Apple! (Subtitle and announcer: UltraRage Gamma is sponsored by Himitsu Business Consulting Services, Inc. Live tickets still available by calling 1-800- HIMITSU.) A giant four-sided pyramid, in the middle of a thickly forested wilderness. The only other structure for miles around was an elevated temple, at the same level as the pyramid's top ... which, when you get up high enough to see it, isn't flat, but has a squarish area in the middle and four squat stone idols arranged around that lowered area. Three dimensional portals opened, depositing MewTwo and Wasyuu on opposite sides of the pyramid's roof, and letting Son Goku out several dozen meters above the battlefield. "Standard Omega Division rules," Goku shouted to the two fighters. "One fall, no time limit. Begin!" OMEGA MATCH #2: MEWTWO vs. WASYUU FIGHT!! Wasyuu looked around quickly, and grinned. "I know this place - and I've got just the thing for competing here!" She tapped a key on her shadow console, and jumped back into a dimensional portal of her own. Goku paused. "Wasyuu, you've got eight seconds before you forfeit ... six, five, four -" "Hold onto your gi, Son Goku ..." Wasyuu's voice echoed as a much larger portal opened. "I was gonna be back in plenty of time - I just needed to fetch THIS!" MewTwo looked up as a new figure stomped out of the portal: a giant, mechanized replica of the spiky-haired alien scientific genius, with several panels that glowed bright green, fading slowly from light to darkness and back every couple of seconds. {And what is this?} "Meet ... Virtuaroid Wasyuu!!" A pair of smaller Mecha-Wasyuu's (each one still about five meters tall) appeared on VR.Wasyuu's shoulders. "Wasyuu-chan, hasshin!" "Wasyuu-chan, ikimasu!!" Both of them jumped down, rocket boosters roaring to life in their respective feet, and they headed for MewTwo at an increasing fraction of the speed of sound. {Interesting.} MewTwo raised a psychic barrier, letting the Mecha-Wasyuu rockets slam into the barrier and explode. {I've never fought a battle of this type before. It is ... a very interesting change of pace.} "You ain't seen nothing yet!" Wasyuu's amplified voice crowed as VR.Wasyuu reached into a virtual pocket, pulling out a weapon that looked like a hybrid of a huge rifle and a huger sword. "Try this on for size!!" MewTwo eyed the unlikely weapon, raising one three-fingered paw. {I think not.} The sword/rifle crackled with energy, and exploded, knocking VR.Wasyuu back on its virtual butt. "HEY!!" Wasyuu hollered. "Play fair, why don't you?" {Fairness has no meaning in a battle of this sort,} MewTwo sneered telepathically. {If it did, you would have attacked with Pokemon of your own, not this oversized robot. But then, that wouldn't have been fair either ... since no Pokemon can defeat me, nor any human.} "Wanna bet?!" VR.Wasyuu got up again, pulling out an oversized-to-scale bazooka. "Eat rockets!" This time, the trigger was pulled before the weapon could be destroyed. {I decline.} MewTwo allowed one missile to reach his barrier, then unleashed a psychic blast that blew away the other missiles in flight - followed by the bazooka itself. {What have you to do with the two interlopers who came to my cavern?} VR.Wasyuu rummaged around in WeaponsSpace again. "Oh, I just gave Darshu a batch of Pikachu DNA and -" The Virtuaroid was hurled away from the storage portal by an invisible grasp, a multi-mode arm-mounted launcher crashing to the pyramid's roof between them as the portal automatically closed. "HEY! What'd you do that for?" {You tamper with the secrets of life itself?} MewTwo's eyes flared up, a bubble of telekinetic power building up around the genetically-engineered Pokemon's body. {It was humans like yourself who created me, thinking they could master the building blocks of life and make tools to do their bidding. This battle is over.} "Not yet it isn't!" VR.Wasyuu grabbed the launcher and fixed it in place, drawing a bead on the now-hovering MewTwo. "Hold still -" The beam of raw telekinetic energy blasted the launcher right off of the mecha's arm, ripping layers of armor away as well. {As I noted, 'fairness' is a meaningless concept in this battle, and I have no intention of drawing it out,} MewTwo told the scientist. {Take comfort that I will spare your life this time. If you continue your 'experiments,' I will not be so kind.} VR.Wasyuu's hair lifted up, and hidden thrusters exploded into life, lifting the mecha into the air. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!" Wasyuu shouted, losing her cool for one of the handful of times in her extremely long life. "Damn you, I'm going to capture you like an ordinary Pokemon no matter what!" {Not in this lifetime,} MewTwo replied coldly before cutting loose with another massive blast of psychic power, simultaneously lashing out at VR.Wasyuu in the physical world and battering Wasyuu herself across the astral plane. The giant Virtuaroid crashed to the ground in a blazing series of detonations, its outer armor shredding itself in a glorious chain of pyrotechnics. A few seconds later, the cockpit/escape pod was jettisoned, and the remainder of the mecha blew up as its powerplant reached critical. MewTwo, utterly unharmed by the explosions, landed on one of the idols to watch the fires burn. {It is ended, Wasyuu Hakubi ... for now.} Goku paused long enough to report MewTwo's victory to the nearest camera-bot, then flew off to retrieve the escape pod. "Well, that was a hell of a fight to finish with," Jack grinned as he turned the television off. "What did you think, Kasumi?" Jack's formerly-omnipotent secretary looked up from the papers she was reading. "I don't think it helped our ratings enough, Jack-sama." "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT???" Jack Lysias leaped out of his chair, nearly apoplectic. "But that match had EVERYTHING the viewers want! Explosions, life- and-death battles, pathos - even one of the most controversial topics of today: genetic engineering! On both sides! HOW COULD THE VIEWERS NOT LIKE IT?" "Most of them never saw it," Kasumi explained, putting the sheet of paper back on the stack, printed side down. "Too many people tuned out early in the evening and never came back." A vein pulsed prominently on Jack's forehead. "And buy rates for the PPV next week?" "We don't have that information, I'm afraid. Xelloss is handling those personally through his own corporation." Another vein joined the first one. "What about merchandising?" "The contract expired two weeks ago, and the manufacturer hasn't talked to us about renewing it or expanding the existing line. It's a shame, really - I'm sure action figures of some of the new fighters would be very popular, if they were only available to the general public. MewTwo-san and Yohko-chan in particular; I think they have many of the qualities that would make them favorites among children and Ultra otakus." Jack gritted his teeth. "Kasumi ..." "Yes, Jack-sama?" "If our ratings don't go through the ROOF for UltraRage Gamma ... you're fired." Kasumi nodded, smiling pleasantly. "Of course, Jack-sama. Would you like your coffee now?" Jack took a deep breath to shout at her, then thought better of it. "I'll get it myself," he muttered. "You've been putting too much of *something* in it, I just know ..." "Very well, Jack-sama." As her boss left the room, Kasumi picked up the sheet of paper she'd been reading before ... and smiled wider at the figures on it. Figures which included lots and lots of zeros ... "And that about wraps it up for this week's Ultra!" Hiroshi declared. "We'll be coming to you live from Madison Square Garden next time - which should give the This Old Dojo team plenty of time to repair and reinforce the Ultradome's roof before we return here in two weeks' time. Good night, and good fight, from all of us here at MTCFF Ultra!!" ][ ULTRA EPISODE 30 RESULTS RECAP: ][ YOHKO MANO now in GAMMA DIVISION ][ YOHKO beats IORI YAGAMI, now at 1W/0L (in Gamma) ][ IORI'S Riot of the Blood is QUELLED ][ DARSHU is no longer PIKA-FIED ][ GHOSTBUSTERS Lambda team now consists of HSIEN-KO and MEI-LING ][ GHOSTBUSTERS defeat TEAM ROCKET, now at 1W/1L (1W/0L since restructuring) ][ MEW is VULNERABLE to SENTIENT SPIRIT WARDS ][ OROCHI defeats AKUMA, now at 3W/3L, no change in belt status ][ PSYDUCK evolves into VOIDUCK ][ SAKURA beats DAN HIBIKI, now at 8W/3L ][ PSYCHO SOLDIERS and TIFA/BEAN are interrupted, no change ][ PSYCHO SOLDIERS no longer controlled by BISON ][ ANDY'S ISSUES are revealed, status with MAI still uncertain ][ LILITH defeats MARLO (with help), now at 5W/0L (Hardcore) ][ No change in HARDCORE belt status ][ MEWTWO invades ULTRADOME and is admitted to OMEGA DIVISION ][ MEWTWO trounces WASYUU, now at 1W/0L ][ ULTRADOME scheduled for RECONSTRUCTION (yet again) ][ Next scheduled author: Twoflower (UltraRage Gamma) Author's Notes: I admit it: I was nervous about trying to write an episode of Ultra, especially with so many season three authors saying how draining it was (or turning in episodes which left much to be desired). What *was* I worried about? I admit, I'd have liked a more robust Akuma/Orochi fight, but that's the worst part of the episode in my eyes ... and neither of them has much of a personality anyway. Anyway, I had an absolute *blast* writing this, and I have to thank most of the season three authors who preceded me for laying the groundwork and setting everything up that I worked with. Various comments and pre-picked nits: - Yohko was introduced as part of the Ghostbusters team back in ... was it episode 26? I don't remember off the top of my head - and then left to lie fallow along with her teammate(s). They were just a plot device at that point, with almost no personalities to speak of ... and I've long felt they deserved better than that, especially since Yohko is - I admit it - a favorite character of mine, and perhaps the best of my favorite anime characters to get the Ultra treatment. - Mai and Andy: *STILL* not totally resolved, but Twoflower (and a bunch of folks in the Improfanfic chatroom) wanted me to work on patching that angle up and/or explaining why the h*** Andy beat the crap out of Ash the other week. I was thinking of having Terry in Bison's clutches, but that didn't seem to be what people wanted ... so I did the next best thing. I was also planning in advance to get the Psycho Soldiers back on their feet; I've grown fond of Athena since I started playing KOF R-2. (Still don't know squat about Sie, though ... at least, not beyond what's happening in Ultra.) Ken is still missing, though ... maybe somebody can work on that now that Sie and Athena are recovering? - This was the closest that Lilith and Rei Ayanami have come to each other since Rei actually used capital letters when speaking. Circumstances didn't let me pit them against each other, and it's unlikely that they'll ever meet in the ring ... - Marlo vs. Lilith: I wanted a match that was emotionally intense for the reader, as well as a stunner of a fight. The match-up idea (and the mood of Marlo's challenge) was Twoflower's contribution, as were so many other little things in this episode ... I just took it to the next level. (Not a peep from Ranma this week, other than the interview. Wait 'til URG. :) - MewTwo's arrival was cleared with Twoflower, since I wasn't sure if rearranging the Ghostbusters counted against my 'new fighter' allotment ... and I have to admit, that match went amazingly well when I was writing it. I wasn't sure who to pit MewTwo against, but Twoflower and I came up with Wasyuu between the two of us. Expect more feuding between these two in the weeks to come - and if you haven't seen the first Pokemon movie ... go for it, especially if you're a Pokemon fan. ^_^ MewTwo's personality and powers are derived primarily from the movie; the dungeon/cave that Naga and Darshu found him in was the Unknown Dungeon from the Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow game, with interpretations for prose. (Oh, the pyramid where MewTwo and Wasyuu were fighting is the Ruins stage from the original Cyber Troopers: Virtual-On by Sega; VR.Wasyuu is a similar take-off on Virtual-On. The Brutal-Killer Martial Arts Tournament stadium is from episode two of Dragon Half, one of the silliest pairs of OAV episodes in anime ... at least out of what's available in America. ^^;) Particular thanks and credit go to: - Twoflower, whose magnificently twisted imagination spawned MTCFF Ultra and opened it up to a bunch of other authors. Also, I'd like to thank Twoflower for plot guidance, the Xelloss/Ranma interview, catching at least one humiliating error, and generally being around for me to bounce ideas off of over the past week or so. (I also want to wish Twoflower a *LOT* of luck - I didn't mean to outdo UltraRage Gamma, so you've got a busy week ahead!) - The Eternal Lost Lurker and Kate Malloy, both of whom effectively set the standards I wanted to meet (or beat) with this episode. Lurker also gets credit for showing the world what kind of a referee Zelgadis can be, inventing the Rumblevision Video Wall, and bestowing the title of "Master of Mexican Cuisine" on Dan Hibiki. - Vincent "Sklathill" Diamante, who helped me sort out the names for Akuma's finishing move(s). "Is it Satsu Gou Hadou, or ... ?" - Sean Givans, who updated the Ultra standings page in time for me to refer to it while sorting various items out (not least of which is some people's win/loss records.) By the way, Sean - your Dragon Ball count didn't match up with mine ... I only counted five before this episode. - Mirabilis Inc., for creating ICQ - the *best* Internet communications utility around. Instant Messengers are nothing compared to ICQ! (Their web page is more confusing than a limited warranty, though ... ^^;) - The World Wrestling Federation and the United Paramount Network, for bringing Smackdown to network television so I could finally see what it was all about. (Also to Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose appearance on Smackdown when it was in Baltimore was my excuse to tape and watch an entire episode for the first time since the premiere.) - Capcom, SNK, Toho, AIC, Hajime Kanzaki, Kadokawa Shoten, Akira Toriyama, GameFreak, Nintendo, and gods alone know how many others for creating all the characters who are regularly used (and/or abused) in MTCFF Ultra. The characters depicted above are generally theirs; we just borrow them.