Water Dragon Productions Presents

The water of the Pacific Ocean was black. A pale pre-dawn light cast a glow on 
all features of the land, but the water remained dark as pitch.

And then...

Then the glowing disk of the sun peeked up over the horizon. First a sliver, 
slowing growing to a half circle. Its brilliance slashed through the few clouds 
in the sky, looking full.

Burning color traced its way across the water; red, orange, and yellow began to 
clash with the familiar blue. The water looked clean, clear, and healthy.

The light of morning sped on, hitting the eastern edge of the Land of the Rising 
Sun, and creeping somewhat slower into the waters of Edo Bay. It ran straight up 
against the city, giving the buildings a stark, two-tone, contrast of dark and 
light.

The few people out at the early morning hour stopped to watch the sunrise. It 
was no different than any other day before it, but something seemed... almighty 
about it.

A few, in the right area, had their eyes captivated by one certain building. 
Standing squat and somewhat flush with its surroundings but nevertheless 
dominating, the UltraDome seemed ethreal that morning; if only for a moment. A 
slight pinkish hue lit up the edges of the silver-grey structure. This glowing 
salmon color reminded those who saw it, for that briefest glimpse, of something 
unearthly. Something well known, but magical, like the laugh of a newborn child.

Then it passed. For a pause, they kept watching, hoping the effect would 
continue. But it did not, and they shrugged and continued with their business.

Lina Inverse, sorceress-supreme dragon and bandit slayer cum Lord of All 
Creation, watched the sun rise and determined that it was good. Once again, 
thanks to the Power of the Almighty, the sun had risen.

Or not, really. The original holder of the office had been pretty astute about 
these things. He (or she) had set Creation up to be pretty self controlling. The 
universe was in a state of general equilibrium and would return to that 
equilibrium if put off balance. Also, getting it off the equilibrium took 
energy. So the sun rose every day not because Lina (or Jack or Kasumi or even 
Kasumi's predecessor) willed it, but because the orbits and rotations of the 
planets were the Way Things Worked.

She sighed. "What's the point of me doing anything, then?" she wondered. She 
looked down at the masses who more or less comprised her flock. "They don't 
really believe, do they. Before Kasumi started her show, at least, most of them 
didn't."

She watched the sun rise higher in the sky, the last bit of it releasing the 
horizon, soft as a kiss. "And what good does it all do if I can be beaten back 
by a legal technicality?"

"Anou... Lina-san?"

"Kasumi?" Lina's ears perked up slightly. She turned quickly, and then her 
spirits fell just a bit. "Oh, Belldandy, sorry. You're a lot like her, you 
know."

"That's very kind of you, Lina-san."

"So, what can I do for you? Miracles are my specialty, now." Lina smiled. 
"They're a bit more versatile than your average black magic."

A small smile crept across the Norn Goddess's face. "I don't need anything, 
Lina-san. You just sounded troubled."

Lina grimaced. "Ah, it's just this whole Xelloss thing. He ALWAYS knows how to 
bug the hell out of me, and I can't help thinking that that's the only reason 
he's doing this." She lapsed into silence. She put her elbows on the balcony 
bannister and cupped her chin in her arms. 

Belldandy stepped up beside Lina, but instead just rested her hands lightly.

"What was he like, Belldandy?"

"Um... who?"

"Um, Him... God. Kasumi's predecessor."

"Oh. He was flakey."

Lina stared at the Goddess. "Flakey?"

Belldandy nodded affirmatively. "Yes. He was not the original, however."

"And what was He like?"

Belldandy was silent for so long, Lina thought she wasn't going to answer, but 
then. "He was... just."

"Just..." Lina thought over that. "You mean like fair?"

Belldandy shook her head. "No, he never claimed to be fair. But he loved all 
people, and he was... just."

"Hmm... Just and loving."

"Very much so."

"But not... fair? Hmm..."

                             ****************
                             M.T.C.F.F. ULTRA
                             ****************

The Ultradome was not quiet.

Collect 150,000 souls. Turn them rabid for violent yet humorous and dramatic 
entertainment. Put them all in one building for the greatest show on earth; the 
show with the power of Heaven and Earth behind it. Pipe said show via 
television, radio, internet, and telepathy to approximately 6 billion 
individuals worldwide, ignoring gender, age, sexual orientation, or religion. 
Stir well and let play for about two hours each week.

Not only is it good, wholesome entertainment (admittedly with blood and nudity 
and stuff... but it's endorsed by GOD, it HAS to be good), but it's loud, too.

Really loud.

"Are you ready for some ULTRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...?" Hiroshi screamed into his 
mike.

"VIOLENCE!" The crowd finished, redoubling its efforts to crack a continental 
plate. Burglar alarms went off in Billings, Montana.

"Have we got a night for you tonight!" Hiroshi said, once the crowd had calmed 
down to merely deafening levels of noise, instead of "reduce your eardrums into 
a bloody pulp" levels.

"... That was redundant," Daisuke said. "Anyway. It looks like tonights lineup 
is packed with..."

"Oh, my Lina!" Hiroshi interrupted. "When has Ultra seen a show with this much 
rivalry in the upper ranks? This will be intense! It'll be awesome! It'll be... 
be..."

"... Just like most other episodes of Ultra, and you'll run out of adjectives 
trying to describe it?"

Hiroshi looked at his partner. He opened his mouth.

"WORK WITH HIM, DAISUKE!" The crowd shouted in lieu of their favorite 
commentator.

Hiroshi smiled up at them. "The crowd here at the Dome seems worked up tonight! 
How's everything going for the folks at home?"

A quiet came over the arena, as if everyone was waiting for some response. The 
cheering in Berlin caused three blocks to crumble, but they couldn't hear that 
in the Ultradome.

But something cut through the silence.

"It seems that some individuals don't understand how things work around
here!" Everyone turned towards the entrance ramp from backstage. The small
figure striding slowly down the ramp, microphone in hand. "It seems that
SOME people don't understand what is and what is not important.  I'm in the
backstage, and I hear you talking about the Lambda belt, and the Omega belt,
and I guess you've got that silly godhead thing off to the side
somewhere..." The Furniture Savior looked around the arena, his pause
drawing out from one moment to two and then three.

"It's time to reassess our priorities as a species, people!  You know what?
Do you know what? Cute little shiny belts won in honorable martial arts
duels and weepy blessed holy miracles... all that crap doesn't mean JACK!"

(Up in the main control booth, the head booker for Ultra scowled.)

"When you get right down to it, only two things matter! First... that I,
Marlo (your personal Furnyture Savior) am the Alpha and the Omega of the
Hardcore Championship belt!  I *AM* Hardcore!  Who gives a rat's ass about
god when you've got your messiah RIGHT HERE?  Oh yeah, baby, BASK in my
glory; who gives a monkey's butt about those other silly titles?!  But
there's something... ALMOST as important, which I feel this burning need to
point out..." He speared Hiroshi with a glare. "You see, Hiroshi, friend,
buddy, comrade... I got it on with your girlfriend!" Mock surprise crossed
Marlo's face. "Oh, wait! My bad, I meant *former* girlfriend. After you
kicked her to the curb, Marlo the Hardcore Icon got a little hardcore with
her in your absence!  After all, now you're getting it on with that lolicon
demon chick, right?"

Another pause, drawing out longer than the first. Hiroshi's hands knotted
into fists.

"Now, Hiroshi," Daisuke whispered. "He's just doing it for the reaction.
Don't rise to it. Though you probably do wish he was eaten alive by maggots
right where he stands... Still. Don't be stupid."

"But you see, Hiroshi, I'm just wondering about this one little thing,"
Marlo continued. "I've been doing some thinking, and I've come to an
interesting conclusion.  Isn't Lilith a... guy?" A satisfied smirk settled
across his features. He returned the microphone to FurnitureSpace and raised
his arms, inviting on the boos.

"Ihatehim.Ihatehim.Ihatehim," Hiroshi chanted.

Marlo's smirk widened to a grin. He turned back up the ramp.

"I'm going to kill him." Hiroshi stepped up onto the announcer's desk.

Daisuke blanched. "Um, Hiroshi?"

"I challenge you!" Hiroshi's arm shot out, quivering slightly as it pointed
at Marlo.

The Hardcore Champ faltered a step. "Ehh...? Exsquise me? Baking powder? Did
I just hear a challenge from the mark at the announcer's table?"

"A... anytime! Anyone! Those are the rules for the hardcore belt!" Hiroshi's
voice cracked from emotion. "I challenge you!"

Marlo shrugged. "I guess I heard right.  It'll only help further cement my
status as the greatest Hardcore champion that ever walked former-Jack-sama's
green earth to take out Hiroshi, the one who held MY belt in some grand
cosmic error!  If you want a beating, little man, bring it on!" He whipped a
bookrack out of FurnitureSpace and charged the ring, a laugh escaping his
lips.

Hiroshi jumped off the desk and also charged.

][ HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ MARLO SEMAJ vs. HIROSHI
][ FIGHT!!

The first two seconds of the fight:

Marlo and Hiroshi both charged the ring. The former by executing a somewhat 
graceful jump off of a conveniently placed trampoline; the latter by scrabbling 
somewhat ungainly onto the apron and struggling through the ropes.

The Furnyture Savior tossed the bookrack at Hiroshi, then quickly pulled a 
filing cabinet from FurnitureSpace.

"It looks like Marlo's going for the quick win," Daisuke commented. "He's going 
right for the..."

The bookrack flew at Hiroshi. Anger disappeard from his face, replaced by 
horror. Horror of an "Oh, my GOD! What have I gotten myself into?" type. The 
bookrack spun end over end, going straight for Hiroshi's head.

And it exploded a few inches from the frightened announcer's face.

"... jug... u... lar." Daisuke's jaw dropped.

The glowing red hexagonal struction of an AT Field spread out around Hiroshi. 
The look on his face shifted to astonishment and then horror. His head swivelled 
to the side, taking in his impromptu defense.

Marlo cocked his head to the side. His eyes narrowed slighly. The corner of his 
lip rose in a sneer. He slammed the file cabinet against Hiroshi, but it was 
also stopped by the AT Field. The cabinet crumpled under the force. Marlo 
dropped it and pulled out a chair: same effect; a table: same effect; a desk, a 
floorlamp, a sawhorse...

They all crumpled against the pulsing red field. "Ha!" Hiroshi laughed. "Hahaha! 
I can do this!"

(Cue music from sound booth: the Hallelujah sequence from Handel's Messiah.)

"And it seems," Daisuke found his voice again. "That the challenger is not going 
down quite as expected."

Marlo pulled out a four poster bed - complete with feather pillows, silk sheets, 
and a down quilt. "You are going to fall!" He slammed the bed into Hiroshi's AT 
Field and a contest of wills began.

"It seems the Champion is trying a new tactic, but can he get through something 
designed to stop Angels?"

Slowly... slowly it seemed that the battle was being won. By Hiroshi. Sweat 
began to pour down the sides of Marlo's head, lines of concentration worked 
their way up across his forhead.

Hiroshi's mouth, at first a thin line of anger, spread to a grin that was almost 
predatory. "I've got you, Marlo," he whispered. "I can do this."

The bed cracked.

"I can do this!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "Daisuke!" he turned towards his partner. "I 
understand the AT Field!"

Then he noticed he was standing in the middle of an enlarging shadow. Noticed 
that Marlo wasn't attacking anymore. He looked up. "Uh-o..." Then a 15 foot tall 
bell slammed down on top of Hiroshi.

Marlo slid down from on top of the bell and gave it a pair of pats. He pulled a 
simple folding chair out from FurnitureSpace, gave the audience a smile, then 
slammed the side of the bell for all he was worth.

The resounding peal echoed throughout the arena.

Daisuke stared. "What sort of bell rings when it's on the ground?"

As the echo died out, a crack appeared at the bottom of the bell. With a ripping 
shriek, it edged its way up the side of the bell.

Marlo laughed. "That was liberating." He hopped off the now damaged ring and 
sauntered up the ramp. At the entrance he turned towards the audience. "And that 
is why _I_ am the most important thing in this federation. Yeah, gimme that 
applause!"

Daisuke cleared his throat. "And the apparent winner, and still Hardcore 
Champion, Marlo Semaj." He looked up at the damaged bell and ring. His partner 
was somewhere in that mess. The This Old Dojo crew was making its way towards 
the center of the arena to fix and clean up.

"Umm... we'll be right back after a short commercial break for the first Omega 
fight of the evening."

The crowd roared.

***

"But... bells don't just disappear like that."

"I really don't know what caused it. Master isn't going to be happy with me."

"Ah, well, do the best you can for the ringing, boy."

***

Cloud Strife walked through the backstage halls of the Ultradome, tripping on 
cloud nine.  Almost literally.

The note was very simple, very direct, but lettered in a fine cursive 
handwriting that he knew by heart.  "Cloud, please meet me outside the 
cafeteria.  I need to talk to you."  She NEEDED to talk to him.  To HIM.  At 
long last, he was going to be able to be with Aerith again...

Needless to say, Cloud felt very good about life right there and then.  He knew, 
he knew in his heart of hearts that in a just universe, Aerith's life would not 
be over.  Her death was an accident, a terrible accident... and now, with god's 
blessing, she continued on!  Ever since finding out, he'd been eager to meet 
with her, but never had a chance (since he couldn't exactly walk up to heaven to 
visit).  He never really was able to get in touch with her, but now she'd gotten 
in touch with him.

He'd almost told Tifa the good news.  But... he wasn't sure how Tifa would 
react.  Not just because of her behavior back when they first found out about 
Aerith, but because.. if what Bean told him was true, then she.. she would...

No, don't think about that now.  It's a joyous time and things like that could 
be handled later.  He stopped outside the doors to the cafeteria, and waited.  
He had come early, of course, to make sure he didn't keep Aerith waiting.

Cloud counted the minutes until their meeting.  What would he say?  The first 
time he spoke with her since she... left.  He'd have to pick his words.  The 
minutes went by.

More minutes went by.

She was late.  He forgave her and kept thinking of what he'd say.

Time continued to tick.

Just when Cloud was beginning to have a doubt, it was erased -- he shifted, 
moved from where he stood to where he now was, a simple white room, with white 
windows overlooking a silver city.  Heaven.  It was breathtaking, but mostly 
because of who was here.

Aerith finished writing in the file folder she was carrying, and closed it.  
"Sorry, sorry... there's so much to do here, and I promised myself I would 
complete this paperwork before we talked."

Cloud cleared his throat.  Now.  "Aerith, I--"

"Cloud... you need to let me go."

"--what?"

With a pained sigh, Aerith gestured for Cloud to have a seat on a floating 
cushion.  "Cloud... I'm sorry.  I should have talked to you about this before, 
especially with everything Tifa's been going through, but... I'll admit, I've 
been putting it off.  I can't put it off any longer.  Cloud, we can't be 
together again.  I was worried this might happen when I appeared in Tokyo-3 for 
the first time, that you might find out and think that... but we can't.  It's 
over."

"..." was Cloud's less than joyful reply.  He added one word to it, which 
summarized all his feelings at once.  "...why?"

"Because the girl you knew as Aerith Gainsborough is dead, Cloud," Aerith spoke, 
trying to be as comforting, as sympathetic as she could in tone.  "She 
sacrificed her life so that she could save the Planet.  It was an important act, 
Cloud.  Because of that, millions were spared from Jenova's wrath.  But it was a 
sacrifice, a final deed to bring closure to... my life.  I went into it 
willingly, and I knew I wouldn't be coming back.  It was the right thing to do.  
And that is where you and I ended.  I hoped you could accept it, but... now this 
has opened the issue again."

"--no, no," Cloud said, almost desperate.  He stood, walked over and took 
Aerith's hands quickly.  "You're HERE!  You're alive, Aerith!  You're still 
alive, and you're still you, your hands are still..."

But they weren't warm.  They weren't cold, either, but they felt like.. nothing.  
Like he was just holding a thing.

"Cloud, this existence I have now was a gift from Kasumi-sama," Aerith 
explained.  "The only reason I continue on is so I can heal and help others.  
I'm an angel, Cloud.  I have purpose.  I am me, I am Aerith, but I'm no longer 
human and to act like one would be.. selfish of me.  I went into this willingly 
as well.  I'm proud to be what I am, and to do what I do for people.  I don't 
have any regrets.  But I can't be what you want me to be, not any more.  You 
HAVE to accept that.  It's hurting you and it's hurting Tifa..."

The young boy's hands dropped to his sides, in shock.  His perfect dream of 
being returned to Aerith crumbled, little by little... and Aerith knew, and she 
looked down, not wanting to come eye to eye with Cloud.  It had to be done, she 
told herself, over and over.  It had to be done.

"...Cloud, I need to get back to work," Aerith said.  "And you need to return to 
Earth, where you belong.  Please, please don't do anything rash.  Time heals all 
wounds, and you have one who cares for you deeply.. don't look away from her.  
Do you understand?"

"......"

"No goodbyes," Aerith said.  "It would be meaningless to give you a goodbye in 
death when I couldn't in life.  I'm sorry.  Live your life, Cloud.  You can 
still have many happy years, if you choose to have them."

Cloud shifted, moving to where he was now, standing outside the cafeteria of the 
Ultradome, the elation of Heaven and all his flights of fancy dashed.

And it still made no sense to him.  None of it.  Most of her words washed off 
him like water off Mr. Duck's back.  He needed to understand.  He needed a 
friendly ear, someone who could help him.  He ran.  He ran to find Tifa.

***

Ranma Saotome performed a complicated throw that slammed Cage face-first into 
the steel barricade lining the ramp... The heir to Anything-Goes Martial Arts 
launched a blizzard of punches, all centered on Cage's nose.  When Ranma finally 
eased up, Johnny was still standing; he was stunned, and blood streamed from his 
obviously broken proboscis, but he was just barely conscious... Cage flew 
screaming through the air until his progress was halted by the metal turnbuckle.

Mr. Satan stared at the small TV and VCR setup, his face firm as stone. He 
pressed stop and eject, then popped in the other tape.

Ranma leaped up an inch, then came down, his feet flashing first out,  then in, 
catching her skull between them. He flipped off, and Sofia slumped to the floor 
for a ten-count.

A single drop of sweat slid down the side of Mr. Satan's head. He had a fight 
against Ranma, tonight. He had already watched the previous matches and heard 
the previous speeches. Ranma had not yet spoken, but Mr. Satan had a good idea 
what the aquatransexual was going to say.

It would involve hurting Mr. Satan.

A lot.

Mr. Satan was a changed man. He was ready for his match. He could fight. He 
could win. He could even take and hold the championship belt.

Nothing Ranma might say would matter in the slightest for how Mr. Satan would 
perform in the upcoming fight.

But his stomach did hurt just a slight bit.

***

Team Rocket was deep in thought.

Now, that's really not saying much. It's right along the lines of "Lina showed 
off her cleavage." To be fair, though, Lina does have breasts, and Team Rocket 
does have brains. Thus, after quite a bit of discussion, they'd come to a 
conclusion.

They were screwed. 

It wasn't often that they realized just how high their capacities and attraction 
for hardship was. Now was one of those times. After trying to capture Blanka and 
landing themselves in the infirmary for a day while their eyes refocused, their 
spirits had plummeted. Last week's loss had done little to help that 
feeling...until Jack had given James a few words of encouragement. Like patting 
a kicked dog on the head, Jessie and James regained their confidence! They 
regained their conviction! Most importantly, they regained their style!

Indeed, Team Rocket could do no wrong!

A bright shiny piece of candy to the first person to identify the error in that 
last statement.

A step out the door after the Matrimony Match, a chance encounter with the 
manimal who'd landed them in a whole lot of hurtin', and one challenge with Jack 
as a witness later, they had another match for this week. Only now was just how 
badly Blanka had beaten them earlier starting to filter into their fuzzy brains. 
It had been almost laughable how easily he'd trumped their counterattacks; they 
probably would have indeed been laughing if they'd seen the situation from any 
perspective but their own.
	
It was time for a plan. It was time for logic. It was time for some honest, no-
holds-barred self analysis. Ten minutes later, Meowth shredded the list that was 
full of words like handsome, gorgeous, brilliant, master criminals, snappy 
dressers, and DAMN but we look good.

What *were* they good at, then? Pulling out a piece of paper, Jessie listed what 
they were good at: lying, cheating, forgery, theft. With a sigh, she crossed 
that out and changed it to "petty theft." 

A laugh caught their attention, and they both turned to see Tifa walking down 
the corridor with Bean, tugging on one of her fighting gloves. The two fighters 
were probably going to practice before their match that night, where they'd do 
great and fight well and not make fools of themselves. The jerks.

Despondency settled over the duo, and they sat with matching chins resting in 
matching palms. Meanwhile, Meowth stared after the departing fighters, a grin 
spreading across his feline face. More specifically, he stared at the glove Tifa 
had just slipped on. "Turn those frowns upside down, because Meowth has an 
idea."

Jessie perked up. "Really?"

James looked hopefully at Meowth. "What is it?"

Motioning down the corridor, Meowth started strutting towards the exit. "Just 
sumtin' that's gonna put youse guys back on top. We gotta make a quick stop 
first, and then we hit da road." The three walked down the hall, made a quick 
stop in an office, a quicker stop in a wallet, and then left the Ultradome.

***

The spunky blond slowly pushed open the door to the spacious dark room. "Anou... 
Washuu? Washuu?" Mihoshi looked around, but (predictably enough for a room with 
the lights out) could not see the mad scientist anywhere.

"Washuu? Wa-aaagh!" Thump. Crash. "Ow!" Sniffle. Sob.

Somewhere in the shadows behind Mihoshi, someone moved. The miniscule light from 
the door glinted off the form. Or forms, rather. For individuals spread out 
around a fifth.

"Mihoshi," the fifth said quietly.

"Ara?" Pause. "KyaaaAAAAH!!!" 

A stray, flailing hand whapped down on the board marked "Ultra Portal Controls". 
A red light came on.

***

Daisuke tried to smile into the camera. Hiroshi had been taken away on a 
stretcher. Despite his relatively closeness to Rei, Hiroshi probably did not 
have a good chance of being cloned again by NERV, Daisuke surmised.

"Welcome back to the show." He shuffled through a few papers, trying to think of 
how to go on. They hadn't given him a guest announcer. He should be getting 
double pay if he had to do the show alone. He pondered talking to Jack after the 
show.

The preponderous silence brought him out of his thoughts. He looked around, and 
realized that 150,000 pairs of eyes (and about 6 billion others, worldwide) were 
on HIM.

Daisuke swallowed. "Our, um, next match is... is..." He glanced at the fight 
card. "Making his debut in Omega is the former champion of Gamma and self 
proclaimed master of taunting, Dan Hibiki..."

Immediately, the cheer rose. Hundreds of "DAN FAN RIGHT HERE!" signs appeared in 
the audience.

"And he'll be facing off against Rei Ayanami in EVA-00'." Daisuke looked up, 
noting that someone had sat down next to him. "Er..." he managed to get out.

"Hello, Daisuke-kun!" Lilith Aensland bounced. "I'm here to announce while Hiro-
kun's getting looked at." She pouted. "That wasn't very nice of Marlo, hurting 
my Hiro-kun. I'm going to have to hurt him even MORE, now!"

"Er... lovely. Have a seat."

"Wai! Hello, everyone!" Lilith blew a few kisses to the crowd, getting raucious 
cheers from some of the audience members. (The rest were mulling over what Marlo 
had said.) She sat down and pulled on the second headset. "And this will be 
especially fun to see that hussy who's trying to steal my Hiro-kun away get a 
wholloping."

"You don't seriously think that Rei is going to lose this fight. She's against 
_Dan_Hibiki_."

"Oh, even he wins on occasion." 

"He has eleven losses, more than anyone else in Ultra. That's more than any 
other person has wins."

Lilith waved away his comment. "Oh, Dan will be impressive. That's what Hiro-kun 
would say, right?"

"Yeah. Impressively stupid."

The ControversialTron flickered to life, showing a lucious forrested landscape. 
Looking extremely out of place was a ShadowNERV portable EVA Power Generator. 
EVA-02 stood next to the large piece of machinery, looming far above the 
treetops.

Daisuke checked his notes. "It seems that the match is being held--"

"Hey! That's the wrong one!"

"Wrong what?"

"The hussy has a big blue one, not a big red one!"

A messenger ran up and passed a sheet of paper to Daisuke. He quickly read over 
it. "There has been a change. Rei Ayanami is not fighting in the upcoming match. 
Asuka Langley is."

"Ooooh!" Lilith fumed. "That isn't fair!"

***

Rei stared up at the monitor in the corridor. Tinny sound emerged from a small 
speaker in the side. She watched, unblinking, as Lilith bounced to the 
announcers' table and sat down.

She sat down in Hiroshi's chair.

Briefly, she considered going to the ringside to have her revenge upon the 
succubus.

"no. i must see how hiroshi is doing." She turned, and made her way to the 
infirmary.

***

"After last week's debacle, Asuka, we don't have much faith in you." Asuka 
Langley watched Gendo Ikari pace on her viewscreen. He seemed so small, yet 
still so dominating.

Until her eyes traveled to the figure cloaked in the shadows behind him. M. 
Bison frightened her far more than anyone else she had ever met. She wondered 
who was in control now. Gendo still seemed in charge but...

"You must be sure to get us a sample of his DNA, Asuka," Ritsuko added. "Lina's 
was contaminated far too much for us to use by the soil of Bismoll."

"I know!" Asuka said with a huff. "I can do this!"

A portal opened above EVA-02 and a floating camera came out. Gokuu followed it 
out. "We're a bit high up," he noted, looking around.

"Okay, the same rules follow. Destruction of the world or the universe we're in 
is a technical foul, um... Where is the other fighter?"

"Ha!" Asuka said, "He's probably just afraid, like Baka-Shinji."

"Remember about your range and time limit, Asuka," Misato said.

"_If_ he shows up, this will be a short fight!."

Gokuu looked around dubiously. "Well, if he doesn't show in 30 seconds, I'm 
going to..."

Chumbawumba's Tubthumping started playing. Far above Gokuu a portal opened. 
Stone Cold Dan Hibiki stepped out. "Oosha! I, Taunti..." Then fell like a rock. 
"YAHOOOOIIIIIIII!!!!"

He forgot his newfound powers WOULD allow flight, or at least flight in the 
upwards direction, and hit the ground at about three times terminal velocity. A 
cracked crater appeared, a few trees wavered in an unbalanced manner.

Gokuu landed next to Dan's impact point. "Umm... This might end i..."

"Such a small tap cannot hurt the manly, hard skull of Taunting Godhead Legend 
Stone Cold Dan Hibiki!" He pointed up at the towering EVA-02. "Your size does 
not frighten me. You, who would fight the very forces of Good will taste defeat 
at the hands of myself!"

("Dan seems okay, despite the early hit," Daisuke commented.)

Gokuu shrugged. "Okay. You know the rules. Game on." He flew off to a safe 
distance.

][ OMEGA MATCH #1
][ TAUNTING GODHEAD LEGEND STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI vs. EVA UNIT 02/ASUKA LANGLEY
][ FIGHT!!

"HA!" Dan hopped into the air. "I can and will defeat you, for I have a bit of 
God in me!"

"Pfah! You're less than one fifth the man that Lina is!" Asuka retorted. She 
took a step forward and swung wildly at Dan. The smaller fighter did a mid-air 
roll out of the way.

"Your ineffectual strikes cannot touch the supreme dodging power of Dan!"

Asuka took a few more open-handed swipes at him, but they all were easily 
dodged. "Scheisse! I'll get you!" The Progressive Knife popped out of the Unit's 
shoulder. Asuka grabbed it and swung again, this time with more precision. Dan 
dodged, but only barely.

("It seems that Dan is using the same tactics he employed against Orochi," 
Daisuke said, "Unfortunately, there is no Lina here to save him."

"Asuka's even worse than the hussy," Lilith huffed, "Dan will still win. Anou... 
where is this match taking place?")

Asuka swiped again, which Dan dodged. "Ha! Even your large weapons have no power 
over Dan! It is because you don't feed your large robot enough; it looks 
anorexic! Unlike I, Dan, who has a healthy meal every morning! OOSHA!"

"HA! Got you now!" An open handed slap caught Dan blindsided and sent him 
flying, as he was totally focused on the knife, and not the empty hand of the 
EVA-02.

("You were saying?" Daisuke chided. "According to our information, the match is 
taking place in France, but it doesn't look like any part of France I know."

"Oh, Daisuke-kun, what do you know about France?" Lilith smiled. "Now, I know 
Hiro-kun and I know all about the France language."

"French?"

"No! Love. I might not have the Hardcore belt, but Hiro-kun and I have gotten 
hardcore. Wai!"

"...")

Dan flew away from the strike like a runaway missile. He shook his head to clear 
it, and started his next taunt. "That was a lucky strike! But not so lucky as 
Dan, for having his manly, hard body to fend it..." Then he hit the side of the 
building.

Asuka tried chasing after him, but quickly reached the end of her power-line. 
"Uso! I could have had him!"

Dan slowly got out of the wreckage. He looked around at his new surroundings. It 
was a castle that looked like, well, an idyllic, fairy-tale castle. He puzzled 
slightly at some sounds from behind a door. Cautiously, Dan crept up to it and 
peeked behind.

"Ooooohhhh, GOD! You are such a BEAST!" There was quite a bit of movement 
amongst the covers. "I just felt the earth move!"

"Dan will leave now," Dan swallowed, quietly closed the door, and leapt away. He 
bounded quickly back towards the EVA-02. As he approached, the red war machine 
grasped for him.

"Ung! Get closer, damn you!"

"Your hungry robot is weak! It cannot even approach the divine presence of Dan! 
OYAJI!"

Then Dan noticed that he was being pushed away. Hard. By a hexagonal field that 
glowed red.

"I'll use my AT Field then!"

Trees broke at Dan's impact. He hit the ground and skidded. Taunting Godhead 
Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki groaned. He was in pain. A LOT of pain.

"I've got him now!" Asuka cried. She reached back and disconnected her power 
cord. The 9:99:99 timer flashed 5:00:00 and started counting down. The ground 
shuddered with each foot impact.

("Isn't it great how she's risking everything on victory!" Lilith cheered.

"Didn't you want Dan to win?")

Dan saw the rushing EVA-02. A taunt died on his lips. The AT Field sprang up and 
rushed towards him...

And Dan saw the light.

The AT Field stopped, just inches from Dan's face.


"OOSHA!!!! I can do that, too!" And Dan exploded through the AT Field, 
surrounded in a pale blue light.

("Am... am I seeing hexagons around Dan?" Daisuke asked.)

"I have been given part of the power of God! And you shall face Stone Cold Dan 
Hibiki's ABSOLUTE TAUNTING FIELD! OYAJI!!!"

"No! I won't lose again!" Asuka swung at Dan. Her timer passed below the three 
minute mark. She caught him, but her grip could not crush through Dan's Absolute 
Taunting Field.

He raised his fist in a taunting gesture, and Absolute Taunting Field expanded 
exponentially. The Eva's arm split down the middle, then flew completely away, 
getting lost somewhere in the forest. The entire body of the Eva was lifted and 
thrown. It landed atop the power generator, reducing the machinery to scrap.

Asuka screamed in pain, clutching her real arm. The Eva tried to mimic the 
movement, but spasmed slightly.

Dan stared at his arm in amazement. A smile spread across his face. "Dan could 
even arm wrestle your thin robot and win! There is no stopping Stone Cold Dan 
Hibiki! I flatulate in your general direction! YAHOOIE!!!!" he flew after the 
Eva.

("He did what?" Daisuke stared.)

Dan landed beside the twitching Eva unit. Asuka noted with horror and glee that 
the timer had passed below one minute. At least the pain wouldn't last too much 
longer.

"HA! You cannot defeat the taunting gestures of Dan! Watch this! OOSHA!!!" Dan 
pumped his arm three times. The left knee of the Eva exploded, jetting the lower 
leg into the air.

Dan started to laugh. "God does look down upon Stone Cold Dan Hibiki! As you can 
see, he is still a win..."

The leg finished its arc through the air, speared down on top of Dan, and 
imbedded itself in the ground.

The timer ran to zero and the Eva stopped twitching. Asuka shuddered and took a 
few deep breaths, then punched the eject button. She grasped an emergency knife 
in her good arm, the other hanging limply at her side, as he stalked towards the 
leg sticking upside down out of the ground.

"I will not lose," she hissed. "Never again." A broken laugh escaped her lips.

Gokuu landed and surveyed the wreckage. He watched, betraying no emotion, as 
Asuka tried to pry away the leg to get at her opponent. Under his breath, he 
counted down from ten.

"... one. That's the match. Winner is Asuka Langley in EVA-02." He stepped past 
Asuka and grasped the leg, easily pulling it from the ground with one hand and 
tossing it to the side.

Asuka collapsed to her knees at this display, and watched mutely as Gokuu hefted 
the unconsious Dan up and disappeared in a portal. Behind her, she did not hear 
more portals open to allow the NERV staff in. She did not feel the hands upon 
her shoulders, lifting her up and leading her away. Did not see as they 
collected the wreckage.

***

"Wai! Wasn't that amazing?" Lilith bounced up and down.

"..." Daisuke watched as the emotionless face of Asuka blinked off of the 
ContraversialTron, to be replaced by shots of the crowd. "... Right."

Lilith got up from the table. "That was fun, Daisuke-kun, but my Hiro-kun is 
waiting for me." She skipped away, back up the ramp to the backstage.

"Right. We'll be back after these messages."

***

James glanced over to Jessie. "Do you think he'll be mad? He was actually happy 
with me last week; I don't want to screw up."

She waved off his concern. "Don't be silly! He wants us to show some initiative, 
after all...why, I bet he'll be proud of us! And we did leave a note...right?" 
James mused over this, trying to remember if he had indeed left the note. Jessie 
breezed past him though the doors in Abe's House of Discount Weapon Replicas. 
The name wasn't great. The owner wasn't smart. But you could get just about any 
weapon there that had ever been made.

Staring in appreciative awe at the huge arsenal before them, Team Rocket 
momentarily forget why they'd come. Sure, they didn't *need* it, but wouldn't a 
Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator be nice to have for backup? And ooh, 
there was a Bloody Card-

"Can I help you two?"

Drawn out of their daze by the shopkeeper's question, Jessie and James walked 
over to the counter. "We'll be needing these," Jessie replied, handing over the 
sheet Meowth had prepared.

Abe peered at it over his glasses. "...You two do know that these are joke weap-
" Seeing their confident nods, he shrugged. "All right, wait here." Returning 
ten minutes later with a cart full of weapons, Abe dumped them unceremoniously 
onto the counter. "These have become collectibles, you know... you two gonna be 
able to afford them?"

Jessie nodded, and grinned like a slightly psychotic Walmart greeter in her 
attempt to look confident. With a shrug, Abe rang up the total, taking into 
account the stunned looks on their faces when they saw the register. "If you 
still want them...okay, okay, you want them. Cash, check, or plastic?"

With no small amount of trepidation, James handed over the credit card he'd 
recently come into possession of. Behind him, Jessie tried not to look nervous 
and failed miserably.

Abe, never the brightest of shopkeepers, peered at the card. "Then...that'll be 
all for you, Mr. Lysias?"

James flashed him a relieved grin, nodded, and returned the receipt with a 
perfectly forged signature. Shouldering one of the bags, he walked out of the 
store, Jessie at his side. They were pumped. They were charged. Vengeance would 
be theirs.

And as it so happened, vengeance *did* take American Express.

***

Hiroshi watched the TV in the infirmary. His mouth, and mind, were attempting to 
work around a concept. "Har... Ha... H.. Hard... Har-har-har..."

Rei walked in. She stared quietly at him, eyes unblinking. Hiroshi swallowed. "I 
was never hardcore with Lilith!" he cried.

Rei continued to stare at him. Hiroshi started to sweat... 

Then she dropped a bowl in his lap. "we shall have fun eating ice cream," she 
said solemnly. "wai." She sat a tub of Tip Top Jelly Tip next to to Hiroshi and 
pried it open. Two scoops of nummy goodness went into each bowl.

Hiroshi picked up the bowl and dipped in the proffered spoon. He let the rich, 
creamy foodstuff melt slightly in his mouth, then slide down his throat. His 
eyes bugged open. "This is wonderful! Where did you get it?"

Rei looked right at him, taking small, pristine bites. "sore wa himitsu-desu."

He blinked. For a few minutes, the pair of them just sat and ate the ice cream. 
When Hiroshi finished his first bowl, she dished out another two scoops. Hiroshi 
smiled at Rei, slowing his eating to match hers.

"i did not have sexual intercourse with marlo semaj."

***

He would show them. Sure, they all laughed at him _now_ but after today, they 
would understand. He wasn't beaten. He wasn't washed up. He was still a winner, 
and more besides.

He would show them what he REALLY was.

With newfound determination, Orochi-VoiDuck stepped through the portal

***

Daisuke checked his watch. The next fight would be starting any minute now.

And they would send him a guest commentator...

...any minute now.

He hoped.

Daisuke made a show of checking over his notes. He knew them almost by heart, 
but felt the need for his hands to do something.

Why wasn't Hiroshi back? he wondered. He hadn't been hurt that badly... had he?

The ControversialTron blinked on over the battlefield.

It was a small island sitting amidst a clear blue sea. Peaceful, really; 
pleasant. The kind of view that made people think of family theme parks or 
barbequeues while the little ones watched an animated film on TV.

A portal opened and Gokuu stepped through

"Well, Daisuke," he murmered to himself, "You're without a partner and the fight 
is going to start. What are you going to do now?"

***

The portal opened in midair, and a menacing figure... well, mostly menacing... 
okay, so it was kind of cute.  A kind of cute figure stepped out.  He looked 
around confidently, sure in his purpose.  That only lasted until he realized he 
was falling.

"VOIOIOIOIOIOI!" he cried, flapping his wings frantically.  There was a splash.  
"[Duck]."

Okay, so he couldn't fly.  Voiduck-Orochi ruffled his feathers.  It was only a 
minor setback; surely his opponent would easily fall to his [HATRED], and then 
he would have his revenge on Xelloss...

Another portal opened on the beach only a hundred feet away, and his opponent 
appeared chest first.  She pointed an accusatory finger at Voiduck.  "You may 
have been able to best Lina, but I, Naga the White Serpent, am not so easy a 
foe.  And now you are less than nothing before me."  She paused for a moment, 
then delicately put the back of her hand to her mouth.  "OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

][ OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ OROCHI-VOIDUCK vs. NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT
][ FIGHT!

"Voooooi..."  Orochi clutched his head.  That laugh was bad before, but now it 
was [AWFUL].  He could feel his headache worsening... the freeze arrow coming 
his way didn't help things, either.  Forcing himself to ignore the pain, he 
managed to paddle his way to one side, allowing the freeze arrow to narrowly 
miss him.  "Duck."

If looks could kill Naga would have been extra crispy.  As it was she was simply 
amused by the glare of absolute hatred.  "OOOHOHOHOHOHO!  Like shooting poultry 
in a barrel!" she laughed.  Pulling her right arm back as though she was drawing 
a bowstring, she cried, "Freeze Arrow!"  A painful-looking bolt of ice formed 
and she released it.

"Voi!" VoidOchi yelped as he dodged the arrow.  "Duck!" he shrieked as he dodged 
the next.  "Voi!"  Dodge.  "Duck!"  Dodge.  "Voi!"  Dodge.  "Duck!"  Dodge.

The mallard of hatred seethed as he worked on avoiding the arrows.  How dare 
Naga toy with him this way!  Him!  The God of [HATRED]!  He ducked another 
arrow.  And all the while she was laughing that damnable laugh of hers, which 
only served to make his headache worse!

Naga, for her part, couldn't stop laughing.  She'd fire a freeze arrow, laugh, 
fire another one, and laugh some more.  In fact, it got to the point in which 
she could barely cast a spell at all.  It was the perfect time for the Pokemon 
Force of Hatred to strike.  He did.

Gathering all of his [HATE] for the woman before him (especially that headache-
enhancing laugh), Orochi felt power not unlike what he used to have when using a 
human host.  Perfect.  *This* he knew how to deal with.  The purple-black 
energies writhed chaotically around his small form.  "Voi..."  His eyes blazed.  
"[DUCK]."

The dark energy arched forward, crackling and screaming.  "OHOHOHOHO-oh?" Naga 
blinked.  The wave of hatred hit.  Everything went dark.

Voiduck would have smirked if his beak allowed him to do so.  As it was, he just 
looked incredibly happy (for a creature of [HATE], anyway).  He was breathing a 
little heavily, true; that attack took a lot out of him.  Still, he believed it 
was worth it.

The smoke cleared.  There was a lot of charred rock and burnt foliage, but no 
White Serpent.  "VOIDUCK!" the pokemon shouted triumphantly, pumping a wing into 
the air.  Anybody in the area would have aww'ed at such an adorable sight (if 
they ignored the Aura of Malevolence, that is).

"OOOHOHOHOHOHO!"  VoidOchi cringed.  "It takes more than a measly attempt like 
that to destroy the incomparable White Serpent!" the voice continued.  
"OOHOHOHO!"

"Voiduck," Orochi muttered.  He should have known it was too good to be true.  
He looked up; Naga was hovering not more than thirty feet away from the 
island... barely out of blast radius.  She floated gracefully to the ground.

Naga smiled.  "Allow me to show you how it's done."  She slammed her fist into 
the water.  "Sea Blast!"

There was a slight tremor on the surface of the water, and the sometimes-pokemon 
slowly, very slowly, turned around.  An enormous wave was forming, and it was 
heading his way.  He panicked.  Going to the beach meant Naga, and it had 
already been proven that he couldn't fly.  He needed to think of a way out... 
the wave was rapidly approaching... the pain in his head was unbearable.  He put 
his wings to his head and looked down.

That was it!  Without another moment's hesitation Orochi dove underwater, hoping 
his current incarnation was a better swimmer than the last.

Naga laughed.  "Don't think you can escape me!"  She paused for a moment, 
concentrating.  "Aqua Breathe!"  A faint shimmering could almost be seen, 
surrounding Naga momentarily.  She nodded with satisfaction and dove in after 
him.

The being of hatred was surprised.  His form was amazingly fast underwater.  He 
was quickly outdistancing Naga, and heading toward the bottom of the sea.  Were 
he more poetic and less in a hurry, he might have thought about the gorgeous 
turquoise, rippling currents of the ocean and the streaks of light through it.  
As it was, all he could think about was feeling like a drained, hunted animal.  
Which he was.

He needed something to turn the tables.  Something to energize him... he slowed, 
as he was approaching the bottom of the ocean rapidly.  "OOOHOHOHOHOHO!"  He 
glanced behind him to see Naga coming his way; that ridiculous cape of hers 
wasn't hampering her swimming at all, for some reason.  Voiduck bolted in a 
random direction and swam into a nearby cave, skimming closely to the bottom.

Naga spotted VoidOchi and gave chase.  It was a good thing her jellyfish friends 
decided to help her out; she wouldn't want to sacrifice her wonderful fashion 
sense for anything.  She followed him in.

The cave was dark and murky, exuding an air of mystery.  Naga would have none of 
that.  "Lighting!"  A small ball of light illuminated the area to reveal a 
number of irritated sharks with sharp pointy teeth and hungry eyes.  The White 
Serpent gulped.

Orochi chuckled darkly as he listened to the screams of his opponent.  The 
ability to see without light was advantageous indeed... now if he only had his 
usual level of power.  He could already hear Freeze Arrow being cast and that 
incredibly annoying laugh, though; he swam away as swiftly as he could.

Five sharksicles and three full-length laughs later, Naga emerged from the cave.  
She glanced around and frowned slightly.  No Orochi-Voiduck.  "How dare he!" she 
fumed, clenching her fist.

"How dare he what?" a voice hissed.

The White Serpent started.  "Who said that?"

There was a slithering in the rocks nearby.  A pair of heads peeked out from one 
of the larger crevices.  They were eels, each with one glowing eye.  "You said 
how dare he," explained the one on the left.

"How dare he do what?" the one on the right finished.

Naga stared at the sight.  Talking eels... she shook her head.  Stranger things 
have happened.  "We were having a duel and he ran out on me!" she said angrily.  
"Now I have to find him even if I need to blow this entire area apart..."

The eels' eyes widened, followed by their smiles.  They slid out of the cracks 
and swam closer to Naga, practically dancing as they inspected her.  "We know 
where he is," glowing right eye commented.

"Yes," glowing left eye enforced.  "Atlantis."

"Then I shall follow," Naga replied.  "Which way?"

"West," the eels replied as one.

"OOOHOHOHOHO!  Thank you, good sea creatures!"  With that, Naga took off, cape 
and jellyfish trailing behind.

The eels smiled.

Voiduck swam frantically.  He was still feeling drained, and Naga should be out 
of that cave by now and looking for him.  He needed that battery of hatred so 
badly...

And then he saw it.  The light in the dark, or dark in the light, as it were.  
It towered over all of the natural formations--shining green, blue, and gold.  
It was the palace of Atlantis.

The mallard of hate made a beeline for the place.  A palace that well kept must 
have humans, or at least sentient creatures, inhabiting it.  And sentient 
creatures knew [HATE].  He found his battery.  

As he approached the palace, he spotted various merfolk chatting and swimming 
happily.  He couldn't sense an ounce of hatred among them, and this annoyed him 
immensely (only serving to strengthen his headache).  Still, the palace may be 
more fruitful.  Quickly slipping in via a convenient window, Orochi swam down 
the hallways to the center of the palace.  He couldn't sense many negative 
emotions yet, but he also wasn't about to give up his chances of winning.

Upon entering the throne room, VoidOchi was tempted to simply give up.  He was 
feeling incredibly drained and tired; the lack of hate, anger even, was 
absolutely frustrating.  And then he heard it.  The laugh.

"OOOOHOHOHOHOHO!" Naga boomed as she made her appearance, ignoring the stares 
she received from various merpeople.  "Where are you, little duck?  Hmm?"  She 
swam around the palace, looking for a sign of the pokemon.  

The merfolk of Atlantis were not happy.  They didn't trust humans in the first 
place, but this...  Naga laughed again.  They cringed.

Orochi felt it.  Not quite [HATE], more like [annoyance], but the intent was 
clearly there.  And the feelings were intensifying...  He fed on it and felt his 
power growing and his aura flaring.  Naga was to be her own downfall.

"What's this?"  Naga spotted the telltale purple-black sign of Orochi.  She 
smiled.  The fowl didn't stand a chance.  "OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" she laughed, 
long and loud and hard.  Merpeople scattered, clutching their ears and 
muttering, but Naga didn't notice.  She readied herself for a properly dramatic 
entrance and cast her spell.  "Bephis Bring!"

A large, circular hole was created in the wall of the palace.  She swam in laugh 
first, and shortly stopped when she got a good view of the cutely malevolent 
VoidOchi, standing on the throne and clutching his head.  An angry, evil aura 
once again twisted around him.  "Voi," the duck moaned.  He looked at her.  
"[DUCK]."

A blast of power sped at the White Serpent.  She swam quickly to one side, and 
it barely missed.  "Freeze," she began, but was cut off by another blast, which 
she also narrowly avoided.

And so another game of monkey-in-the-barrel began, except this time it was the 
other way around.  Orochi kept throwing blast after blast after blast.  He was 
having a wonderful time; Naga was afraid, he was winning, people were cheering.  
Wait.  People were cheering?

Out of the corner of his eye VoidOchi could see the merfolk looking through the 
opening created by Naga and tentatively clapping.  He blinked, but ignored it 
for the time being.  There was no time to think about that now... he turned his 
attention back to the task at hand and sent another bolt.  Naga swam downward, 
and it smashed into the wall, causing a small dent.

Voiduck paused in his attacks.  Something was wrong.  His powers were waning.  
Looking back at the merfolk, he figured out why.  Naga's laugh *stopped*.  They 
were cheering for him, and he was winning.  The [annoyance] was decreasing...  
He snarled and fired a blast at the watchers.  "VOI!"

Naga didn't hesitate.  "Icicle Lance!" she shouted, forming a really sharp, 
nasty looking pole of ice in her hands.  She aimed and threw.

"Duck!"  VoidOchi swam back to avoid the incoming lance.  Naga laughed and fired 
a Freeze Arrow at him, and he avoided that as well.  He could feel his power 
slowly strengthening... the [annoyance] was returning, along with no small 
amount of [fear].  All he had to do was buy enough time.

The White Serpent frowned.  As much as she was enjoying this, it needed to stop.  
The pokemon's aura was growing.  "Freeze," she began.  Voiduck tensed.  "Rain!"  

There was a shimmering in the center of the room, and a sphere of ice formed.  
It glistened for a moment, then icicles started shooting out of it wildly in all 
directions.  Voiduck dodged the first and second, but the third nicked him in 
the wing.  "Voi!"  He swam out the hole created by Naga in an effort to get out 
of range, crashing through the gathered merfolk.  More time was necessary.

"Zelas Gort!" he heard the woman shout.  Taking the effort to glance over his 
shoulder, Orochi-Voiduck saw an entire swarm of jellyfish on his tail, and 
gaining.  He looked forward, trying to concentrate through his increasing 
headache, and saw another swarm, even larger than the first.

"[VOIDUCK]!" the pokemon of hatred yelled as he blasted some of the jellyfish 
away.  There were more.  They swarmed on him, stinging and pushing him down to 
the ocean floor.

"OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Naga laughed as she approached the pile of jellyfish and 
pokemon.  "You thought you could defeat me!  Naga the White Serpent!"  Her eyes 
narrowed the tiniest bit.  "I'll show you defeat."

Orochi could hear muffled chanting going on, but couldn't make anything of it 
through the swarm of jellyfish.  "VOI!" he cried as he felt his headache 
increasing.  "VOIVOIVOIVOIVOIVOI [DUCK]!"  And the jellyfish were gone.  
VoidOchi shook his head, stood up, and blinked, then realized that the majority 
of the creatures were on the ground, smoldering.  Just how much power did he 
have...?

"Vice Freeze!" Naga finished, eyes blazing.  Another ball of ice appeared.  'Oh 
shoot,' Orochi thought.  The ball shattered, freezing him in a block of ice.

A portal opened between Naga and the ice, and Son Goku stepped out.  He glanced 
at Naga, then looked at the sometimes-pokémon.  He performed the ten count with 
his fingers, then nodded and indicated Naga the winner.

Slowly, very slowly, Naga smiled.  And laughed.  "OOOOHOHOHOHO!  You thought you 
could defeat Naga the White--*gurk*."  She waved her arms dramatically; the Aqua 
Breathe spell wore off.  Fortunately, a portal appeared behind her and sucked 
her in.

Orochi-Voiduck's eyes blazed as another portal took him and his ice prison away.  
The White Serpent will [PAY].

***

"And Naga the White Serpent is the new Omega Champion," Daisuke said. "Is anyone 
surprised?" He stopped, something didn't seem right...

Oh, yes. He realized he had not said a word during the entire match. His gaze 
travelled over to the empty chair beside him. Empty.

"It's hard to work alone," he said.

***

The thin strip of microfilm was held up to the cheap office lighting, as 
Controversial Jack, Head Booker And General Irritant of Ultra squinted to see 
the tiny images.

"Well, whaddya know!" he declared.  "I'd never have guessed that's who killed 
Kennedy.  In hindsight, it's totally obvious.  Oh well."

He tossed the strip into the paper shredder and continued digging through the 
dark recesses of his Ultradome office desk drawers.  Nuku-Nuku sat at her 
secretary's desk, hunting and pecking at her typewriter like she would a mouse 
scurrying away from her.  It made for a lot of typos, but was a lot more fun!

"I swear, I really let this place go to pot when I was god," Jack said, dropping 
a picture of the Loch Ness Monster in the shredder.  "Too busy trying to run the 
world and not busy enough trying to run the best damn sports entertainment 
empire on Lina's green earth.  It's like I always say, Nuku, you have to 
PRIORITIZE, get all your Mr. Ducks in a row... huh, missing eighteen minutes of 
tape from Nixon's Watergate evidence pile... I've been needing to clean this 
thing out for months..."

"Neee, Boss-san, you were god once, right?" Nuku asked, bored with her 
typewriter.

"Yeap.  It didn't work out quite the way I wanted it, but at least I've still 
got a damn fine job," Jack said.  "I can continue to screw with people's lives 
to my hearts content!  Just SMELL the air in this room!!"

The neko-onna sniffed.. then made a 'pew' sound and covered her nose.  "It 
smells like your stinky cigars!"

"That's POWER, Nuku-chan," Jack said, with a grin.  "Oh, sure, I'd LOVE to be 
god again.  Maybe I'll shoot for it when I get bored.  But for now, this is all 
the power I need to have my cake and eat it too... until opportunity presents 
itself, of course.  And.... HELL-o, what's this?"

From the darkest corner of the stygian abyss of Jack's desk, he pulled out a 
fairly ratty piece of paper.  It had a lot of fine print, done in ink pulled 
from the blood of virgins and an unholy stamp at the bottom.

"The lease to hell I got on eBay," Jack said.  "Huh.  I thought I'd just ditched 
this silly thing when I became god so long ago.  Frankly, being Satan isn't that 
much of a bonus.  He doesn't have a lot of sway over the universe.  Besides, who 
needs hell when you have heaven?  The place is like Baltimore Avenue on the 
metaphysical Monopoly board of life, anyway.  Cheap rent, terrible neighbors, no 
decent soft-serve ice cream places..."

And Jack tossed the deed to hell in the paper shredder.

"Let the demons sort out who gets to own that lemon," he decided.  "I've got no 
use for it anymore.  Nuku, take a memo.  From now on, all Ultra competitors are 
to wear their underwear backwards every second Tuesday of the month.  And I'm 
legally entitled to head to toe erotic oil massages from Yohko."

"Got it, boss!"

***

"Hello, Hiro-kun!" Lilith bounced into the infirmary. And stopped. She saw... 
"You HUSSY! What are you doing with my Hiro-kun?"

Rei stared right back at Lilith. She glanced down at the bowl in her lap then 
back up at the succubus. "we are having fun eating ice cream. wai."

Lilith went bright red, and opened her mouth.

Hiroshi took one look at each of the girls, and spent .0082 seconds getting out 
of the room.

***

Daisuke looked at the assembled fighters. Tifa and Bean on one side, Shermie and 
Yashiro on the other. Mikado Sanzenin in the ring, about to call for the bell. 
Daisuke, at the table, ready to announce...

... And no co-commentator. He sighed, wondering why he did this job. He hated it 
really.

"*pant pant* Sorry I'm late, has it started yet?"

Daisuke looked up and saw Hiroshi slide down into the other chair. "Lilith was 
looking for you, you know."

"Uhh... yeah, I saw her, but had to get back here to work, right?" Hiroshi gave 
him a wide smile. Forced, Daisuke thought. "Haven't started yet have they?"

Mikado called for the bell.

][ LAMDA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ TIFA/BEAN vs. SHERMIE/YASHIRO (DISCIPLES OF THE VOID)
][ FIGHT!

"This should be one SLOBBERKNOCKER (tm) of a fight, folks!" Hiroshi predicted 
happily, bouncing up and down in his chair. "The former and current Lambda title 
holders in an all out brawl for the right to that belt! In their previous 
meeting, only a cruel twist of fate prevented Tifa and Bean from retaining their 
title! Will Tifa's fragile emotional state let her down again? Will the 
Disciples of the Void resort to their usual dirty tricks?"

"Will anyone actually get into the ring?" Daisuke wondered. "None of them have 
moved yet."

Hiroshi gaped at the empty ring. "Er... no. But when they *do* move, you can 
guarantee it will be a great match!"

"Whatever," Daisuke sighed.

Outside the ropes, Tifa tugged Bean's arm. "They aren't moving either," she 
whispered.

Bean shrugged. "So we wait them out. They have to break eventually. We have our 
plan, and it'll work as long as we stick to it."

Tifa nodded. "Um, Beanie," she began tentatively. "The plan means that if 
Shermie gets in, I get in, right?"

Bean glanced at her. "Right."

Tifa twisted the end of her pony tail nervously. "What if I let you down again?" 
she blurted.

Bean looked at her steadily. "That won't happen," he said firmly. "You'll do 
fine."

"And it appears that Tifa and Bean are having a real heart to heart while the 
fans wait," Daisuke noted, unsuccessfully trying to hide a yawn. "What do *you* 
think, Hiroshi?"

"I think it's... really exciting! And stuff. Yeah. Dai, when are they going to 
fight?"

The answer arrived in a wreath of spiffy black flames. The crowd instantly woke 
up as Xelloss strolled down the entrance ramp and parked his bad self in front 
of the announcers table. "Evening boys," he smiled, ignoring the boos. "Mind if 
I join you on this one?"

"HELL no!" Hiroshi shouted, leaping to his feet. "You nearly killed us all! 
You're working towards the void, you stabbed Kasumi in the bag like a low down 
dirty scum-bag traitor and-"

"-and he's a major league Mazoku with nasty magic powers that you really don't 
want to piss off!" Daisuke hissed, hauling Hiroshi back into his seat. "At least 
not when I'm around! Uh... sure Xelloss, take a seat."

"Thank you, Daisuke," Xelloss replied, neatly snagging a steel chair out of the 
air and nodding his thanks at the irate Ultra-fan who'd thrown it. He glanced at 
the empty ring. "It seems as if Yashiro and Shermie are following their orders. 
How nice!"

"Orders?" Hiroshi asked, "What orders?"

Xelloss smiled a lot. Opened his mouth. Took a deep breath.

"SORE WA HIMITSU DESU!!!" the crowd roared.

Xelloss blinked. "Well. That was unexpected."

"... then you tried to crush his head for a full two minutes before you realised 
it wasn't *working*. Then a rodent scared you off. A *rodent*, Shermie." Yashiro 
leaned on the ropes and stared across at Bean and Tifa. "What the hell are they 
waiting for?" he wondered.

"Those were just minor setbacks!" Shermie dismissed.

"Oh really?" Yashiro asked, one eyebrow raised in sardonic indifference. "We win 
for two reasons. One. We don't play 'fair', like the rest of these idiots. Two. 
Me. You, on the other hand, are flighty, easily distracted, and often a 
downright hindrance in the ring. Face it, Shermie, you're lightweight."

"[...]"

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"  

"And the crowd seems to be restless," Daisuke understated, picking popcorn 
scraps out of his hair. 

Xelloss perked up. "Do you think there might be a riot?"

Daisuke blinked. "I.. hope not," he responded weakly.

Xelloss pouted.

"Yeah, but..." Bean swallowed. "He loves you, right?"

"No," Tifa said flatly. "He doesn't. We grew up together, and yes, I was in love 
with him. I still may be, I don't know. But Cloud Strife is in love with one 
person, and one person only, and that's Aerith." She sighed. "And anyway, he's 
in Midgar, and I'm here. It would never work."

"I'm here," Bean muttered quietly.

But not quietly enough, as it happened. Tifa rounded on him, her eyes wide with 
shock. "What did you say?"

Bean looked away. "It doesn't matter."

"What doesn't matter? Beanie, what's going on?" Tifa stared at him. "Do you mean 
that-"

"Shermie just got into the ring," Bean interrupted. "You better get in there or 
we'll lose by default."

Tifa threw up her hands in disgust. "We're going to talk about this later," she 
promised, and vaulted easily over the ropes.

"My, how interesting!" Xelloss commented, "It looks like the match is under way 
at last! And not how it was planned either. I may have to talk to Shermie about 
that later."

"Wha?" Hiroshi slurred, lifting his head off the table to stare at the ring 
blearily.

Daisuke facepalmed. "You fell *asleep*?" he asked.

"Well, nothing was happening!" Hiroshi defended. "And being nearly killed takes 
a lot out of a guy! And I was up late last night!"

"Rei, Lillith or both?" Xelloss smiled, raising an inquiring eyebrow. Daisuke 
sighed and handed his partner the Kleenex.

Tifa glared at her busty opponent. "No mind games this time!" she yelled. "I 
don't have any weaknesses left for you to exploit!

"Shermie, tag out," Yashiro warned. "This isn't the plan."

"Don't tell [me] what to [do], Yashiro!" Shermie whirled around to face her 
partner, fists on hips. "I'll show you who's the [lightweight]!"

"Then duck," Yashiro suggested.

"Huh?"

"Bolt 2."

Tifa watched her opponent sway, clinically assessing the amount of damage. She 
was nicely singed, but not really hurt, she judged. Time to remedy that. With 
the fluidity of a born martial artist, she landed four punches into Shermie's 
gut before the other woman had even recovered from the earlier attack, much less 
had time to block. At exactly the right moment, she shifted to one foot and 
executed a roundhouse sweep.

"And Shermie is down, the breath knocked out of her!" Hiroshi yelled, his mike 
vibrating from sheer transmitted excitement "Tifa is off to a great start here 
folks!"

"Down but not out," Daisuke observed. "She's back on her feet, and she seems 
upset, to say the least."

"Had enough?" Tifa asked, her fists poised at the ready. 

"Shermie, tag out!" Yashiro insisted, his eyes flicking nervously to the purple-
haired figure behind the commentary table. He could always blame this turn of 
events on Shermie, of course, but he suspected their new boss would nod 
understandingly, give him a charming smile, and stake them both out for the 
ants.

Shermie shook her head. 

"Fine," Tifa shrugged, taking this as the answer to her question. She moved in 
for the kill and met a foot in the face.

"And Shermie comes back with the vengeance of the Void(tm)" Hiroshi enthused. 
"Would you just LOOK at those high kicks?"

The deep-toned roar from the crowd indicated that the male half of it was indeed 
looking.

"[I] am not [lightweight], [Yashiro!]" Shermie shouted defiantly, continuing to 
drive Tifa back into a corner. "I am going to [win] this match! And then I am 
going to [hurt] you!" She halted her relentless attack and braced herself. The 
baying from the crowd grew, if possible, louder. They all knew what was coming.

Shermie jumped, her body twisting into a move she knew better than the Revlon 
Summer Catalogue, her legs scissoring as she soared towards the battered girl in 
the corner. One hard squeeze should do it...

Tifa saw defeat flying towards her and didn't stop to think, merely reacted. She 
took two steps forward, raised her fists and flicked herself backwards off the 
ground in a perfect Somersault. Much, much too late, Shermie tried to correct 
her flight path...

*thud*
*thud*
*thump*

Tifa landed lightly, moved towards the groaning girl on the mat and finished her 
off with a powerful Beat Rush, winning the match, the title and the respect of 
millions... and millions of fans. But that was in an alternate universe. In THIS 
one, Yashiro entered the ring and smashed her in the back of the head with a 
steel chair. 

Bean Bandit felt his heart constrict. "Tifa!" he yelled, plunging over the ropes 
and catching the girl as she fell.

"Pathetic," Yashiro smirked, dumping Shermie over the ropes and picking up his 
chair again. He frowned. Bean was running up the entrance ramp, Tifa cradled 
protectively in his arms. "Coward," he sneered, then allowed Mikado to hold his 
arm in the air.  

"What *blatant* cheating!" Hiroshi gasped. "I know the refs here never see 
anything, but come *on*!"

"I agree, Hiroshi," Xelloss agreed.. "It looks almost as if some nasty person 
used some nasty spell to freeze the referee for a vital few seconds so that 
Yashiro could take action and so retain the title for the Void."

Daisuke gave Xelloss a sidways glance. "... and if we asked said nasty person if 
it was them they would reply-"

"Sore wa himitsu desu?" Xelloss asked. Smiling. "Quite possibly. Well, that's my 
stint done. Night all ^_^."

***

"Bean?"

The man turned to face her, his face hidden in shadows. "I'm here, Tifa. You 
have to rest now."

"What happened?" Tifa asked, recognising her surroundings as her Ultradome-
located bedroom. She raised an unsteady hand to her head. Memory returned with a 
sickening thud. "We lost," she remembered. "No... I lost."

"It doesn't matter." Bean crouched down beside her bed and took her hand. 
"What's important is that you're okay."

"Bean, I'm sorry..." Tifa found, to some surprise, that she was shaking. "I'm 
sorry," she repeated, as a single tear slid down her cheek. Wrapped in her own 
misery, she barely noticed the strong arms sliding around her, warm and secure. 
"I can't fight any better than that. That was my best... I'm sorry... I'm 
sorry..."

Bean held her until she fell asleep again. Then he sighed and stood up, pausing 
a moment to brush a stray lock of hair out of her face. "I'm here, Tifa," he 
whispered, looking down at the sleeping girl's face. She looked so peaceful. And 
so very, very beautiful. "You're a girl worth fighting for." Resolutely squaring 
his shoulders, he walked to the door.

Cloud Strife stood on the other side, arm raised in mid-knock.

The blond took a step back. "... is Tifa in?" he asked.

Bean stepped through the door and closed it behind him. "She's asleep," he 
replied, folding his arms and staring down at the shorter man.

Cloud's eyes narrowed. "I see. I'll wait then. If that's okay."

Bean took a deep breath. "No," he said bluntly. "That's not okay. Not for Tifa, 
not for me."

Cloud took another step back. "I... see."

Bean suddenly felt sorry for the kid. "Just... leave her alone," he advised. 
"For a while. Go talk to your Aerith." And if he hadn't already turned away by 
that stage, if he'd seen the naked pain flash across Cloud's face, if he'd 
stopped for a minute to talk to him, things might have been different.

But he turned away and walked down the hall to his own room, wondering how the 
hell he was going to tell Tifa what had recently become apparent to him. And 
Cloud Strife watched him walk away, more lonely than he had ever felt in his 
life. 

Hiding in the shadows, someone smiled.

***

Mr. Satan clutched his stomach as he stumbled into someone in the corridor. 
"Ohh, I've got a horrid bellyache! I... don't think I can fight tonight."

"Oh, is it your ulcer working up again?" Belldandy smiled at him. "I'm sure we 
can do something about that.

"Uhh..." He tried to back away as she reached towards him but ran up against the 
doorframe.

Her hands glowed whitely and she gently brushed his stomach. "There," she 
pronounced after a moment. "Do you feel better."

"Umm... yes. Yes! Much better. Thank you, nurse."

She smiled. "Oh, good. You will be able to compete tonight. Mr. Lysias will be 
pleased."

"Er... right!" Mr. Satan turned around quickly and left.

***

There's a certain look that those who have lost it all posess.  It's a million 
mile stare... a gaze into nothing in particular.  Couple that with an absolute 
lack of motion and you'd have Cloud's current outlook.

He'd just found one of the darkest hallways near the refuse processing room, 
slumped against the wall, and sat there.  It was time to re-evaluate his life 
situation.

Aerith told him she couldn't be with him anymore.

Tifa was with Bean now.

What else did he have?  His family was gone.  His life was a confusing mess of 
false memories and hopes.  He'd saved the world, once, but that was another 
world, and nothing else came of it.  Right now, he had no real reason to exist.  
Everything he had dreamed of...

"You look troubled, young man."

Cloud's eyes swivelled up, to the smiling figure that stood before him.  He 
hadn't heard the man approach.  It was like he was just always there.
 
"I know you," Cloud said, absently.  "You're the evil one who turned his back on 
humanity."

"You say that as if I was ever on humanity's side," Xelloss corrected.  "But 
let's not argue semantics.  I was just walking along, pondering my problems and 
issues, and here I see you.  What a sorry sight indeed!  And I thought, 
'Xelloss, compared to some, you're living the good life.  It's time you gave 
back.'  And that's what I'm here to do.  I'm going to do a good deed.  A very 
good DEED..."

"What are you talking about?"

"You'll find out.  It's important that you know why, first.  You see, Cloud, 
sympathize.  Your dearest love... a prisoner of heaven.  It's sad."

"...a prisoner?" Cloud asked.

"Doesn't it make perfect sense?" Xelloss asked.  "WHY would she voluntarily stay 
there, toiling away in hard labor, when she could be here?  She could be here 
with you, and be happy.  There's only one explanation for it.  Kasumi brought 
her back, didn't she?  Then god OWNS her.  God dictates what the angels say and 
do.  They are the working stiffs of the holy order.  They are slaves."

Cloud's finger slowly curled.  "...Aerith would never turn her back on her 
friends.  Not so coldly.  Not unless she was forced to..."

"Would she turn her back on a guy like you? She has been forced by a being of 
great power.  The heavy iron hand of the Lord.  God has turned cities to salt, 
has slain first born.  The throne of the almighty is awashed in blood, and the 
angels do His bidding... or rather, Her bidding.  Lina Inverse.  Believe me when 
I say she's no saint.  Don't you want to free Aerith from that kind of tyranny?"

The boy's mind focused.  It focused on what the man said, on how it FELT... 
Aerith kept away from him... it felt like betrayal, like a wronging, like 
something that couldn't be.  He couldn't stand it.  "Yes.  I would do anything.  
I'd do anything for her..."

"But there's a problem," Xelloss explained.  "You see, the Lord is, well... 
omnipotent.  Kind of a powergamey little twink, don't you think?  But she has a 
few weaknesses.  And this is one of them."

With a flourish, the Mazoku produces a sheet of paper.  It had been reassembled 
a bit messily with scotch tape, but still had a strange red aura about it.

"My good deed of the day," Xelloss said, with a dark smile.  "It's amazing, the 
miracles a little tape can perform on dangerous toys thrown away by silly men.  
Oh, sure, it may have a few... side effects, but I think you'll agree it's worth 
the power you get in return.  Take this, Cloud, and I guarantee you you'll have 
all the leverage you could possibly want to free Aerith from her terrible 
toil... and I'll even tell you how to use it to REALLY get Lina's goat and get 
what you desire most.  Proven effective by my predecessors.  A wonderful deal, 
isn't it?  And it's all for YOU.  Because you're my kind of guy."

Cloud reached for whatever it was immediately, but Xelloss snatched it away.

"Of course, it comes with a price," he quickly noted.  "We're allies now.  There 
may come a time when I require you to do something for me.  When it comes, you 
will do it in good faith.  I know you're a good man, Cloud.  An honest man.  A 
DECENT man.  Do you agree?"

"Anything for Aerith," he repeated.  "Anything."

***
Pikachu hopped into the ring, bouncing over to his corner and waving to all the 
fans. They reciprocated, and gave a resounding wave of applause. Ringside, 
Blanka roared and gave a similar wave, and was rewarded with another surge of 
cheers. Mikado, in the center of the ring, decided he might as well just mooch 
off the good vibes and started blowing kisses to the audience. They all ignored 
him.

Then to the surprise of absolutely no one, the lights were cut.

"And Team Rocket is entering with their usual flash!" Hiroshi yelled, his voice 
rebounding around the Ultradome. Daisuke eyed him, but said nothing, instead 
waiting to see where the spotlights would target.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

Two painfully bright circles of light appeared on the catwalks high above the 
ring, revealing the ever-stylin' duo thereon. The response from the audience, 
most of whom had been chanting the motto along with Jessie and James, showed 
that they were eating this up like soylent fudge. When they paused, a silence 
fell over the arena, as everyone watched to see what they'd do next.

As it so happened, James elbowed Jessie off the catwalk.

"WHAT IS JAMES DOING?! HE JUST PUSHED JESSIE TO HER DE...why isn't she falling?" 
Hiroshi blinked audibly. Daisuke was forced to do the same.

As Jessie hung there, saying her next line, James also hopped off the catwalk. 
The audience gave a collective shrug and started up again with him. "To extend 
our reach to the stars above!"

"Jessie!"

"James!"

Both reached up, tugged a string, and began to float down towards the ring. The 
spotlights expanded to show off their Team Rocket parachutes. The audience 
oohed. Hiroshi awwed. Pikachu muttered under his breath.

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now or prepare to-uh oh."

Meowth groaned at the two swinging figures above him, their parachutes caught in 
the metalwork. "Don't youse guys know how ta do anyting right?" Whipping out a 
remote, he pushed a button, releasing the packs from the backs of their wearers. 
Jessie and James facefaulted, then fell to the ring below.

While Daisuke mutely shook his head, Jessie wobbled out of the ring, looking for 
some aspirin. James' thicker skull proved helpful this time, and he got to his 
feet, eying Pikachu. The electric mouse was laughing his furry behind off, 
rolling on the mat.

James posed for the audience. "Laugh all you want, but Jessie and I have 
something you never will. Squeak, squeal, or growl all you want... the fans will 
never think you have the style we do. We're Team Rocket, and you're just a poor 
abandoned pokemon who doesn't even have his only friend by him."

That did it. Pikachu might have been laughing before, but he was all business 
now. Mikado looked at the two, gave himself a quick once-over in his hand 
mirror, then attempted to out-pose James. "FIGHT!"

][ LAMBDA MATCH #2
][ BLANKA/PIKACHU vs TEAM ROCKET
][ FIGHT!

"Pikaaaa!" the electric mouse squealed, tail and cheeks crackling with energy. 
He glared at James, daring him to make the first move.

James did. "Superball, go!"

As the flash of crimson left James' hand, Pikachu tensed for a split second, 
frozen to the spot. Then he paused, and processed this further. No, he hadn't 
said Master Ball, he'd said Superb-

*BOINK*

Clasping his hand around the ball as it returned from its wild trajectory around 
the ring, James grinned wildly. "Did the rat get an ouchie?"

"Piiiii..." Head swimming, Pikachu felt blindly for his partner's hand. As 
Blanka made contact and rolled under the ropes, he pulled himself out of the 
ring. The dizziness quickly began to subside, but that was going to be one 
helluva bump tomorrow. 

Hiroshi, of course, loved this. "Team Rocket has decided to switch strategies! 
Instead of their normal pokemon attacks, they've decided to go for their other 
strength, ridiculous weap- VERY ORIGINAL AND HIGHLY EFFECTIVE WEAPONS!" 

Jessie having turned off her Death Glare and the weaponry to match, Hiroshi 
swallowed and continued. "A surprise move at the opening has put Pikachu 
temporarily out of commission, and Blanka is now facing off against James!

The hulking green figure bounded into the ring, swiping at James before 
Hiroshi's last comment finished echoing through the Dome. With an "eep!," James 
dodged, hopping backwards with each successful attack. Remembering the weapon in 
his hand, he threw the Superball at Blanka. It resounded off his head with a 
dull *bonk* and returned to James' hand. Blanka smirked...well, showed off a 
massive mouth of teeth in a failed attempt at a smirk.

"Erm..." James stammered as his weapon failed to do more than annoy the monster. 
"If you don't mind, I'll just try another-URK!"

A triumphant roar rang out as Blanka finished his rolling attack, sending James 
hurtling into the ropes. As the teen bounced off, landing on his hands and 
knees, Blanka crouched and began ambling towards him. Tongues of electricity 
flared as he powered up. When the Tesla coil imitation was complete, he reached 
out for James, ready to shock him back into that recovery bed.

Yup, that felt like a scrawny little arm. Now to turn up the juice.... Blanka 
was understandably surprised when he ended up being the dizzy one.

Daisuke slowly commented, "And James appears to have pulled out a... mop."

Twirling the "weapon" in question, James quirked an eyebrow at Blanka. "Too bad 
wood is such a poor conductor of electricity. It's great, though, as a blunt 
weapon!"

At this point Blanka made a cutting comment about how he always knew James was 
the woman out of the two, but very few people there understood Giant Amazon Man-
Beast. (The one socio-linguist in Section D who did, though, got a good chuckle 
out of it.) Taking one second to clear his muddled head, he then decided to end 
this. Ripping the mop out of James' hands, he threw it clear of the ring.

His earlier deer-in-headlights expression returning, James waved his hands 
placatingly at Blanka. "Can't we discuss this like civilized peop-WARG!"

Jumping up to tag her partner as he flew out of the ring, Jessie hopped in, 
somehow managing to strike a pose as she landed. "Don't you know that beauty 
always beats the beast?" Before Blanka could respond, she whipped out yet 
another new weapon, and sent a boxing glove shooting across the ring to impact 
squarely in his face. He staggered back, shaking his already-dazed head to clear 
it. 

"Team Rocket, against all odds and common sense, seems to be winning this fight! 
But could we be headed for a turnaround, folks? Pikachu should be just about 
recovered by now, and James would be in no condition to step in for Jessie if 
needed!"

Daisuke eyed Hiroshi, shook his head, and said nothing. What *could* you say to 
the master of exposition and conjuncture?

Taking Hiroshi's advice, Blanka edged towards the ropes, lest he need to tag 
out. The yellow pokemon gave him a quick nod, and waited for his call. It was 
when he turned to check on Pikachu that Jessie nearly managed to slice his arm 
off.

Mikado raced over, grabbing the weapon out of Jessie's hand. "Bladed weapons are 
instant disqualifications! Now, before I throw you out, perhaps you'd like to 
set up a dinner date late-"

Jessie crossed her arms, irritated. "Try actually looking at the weapon, idiot." 

He did, blinked, and handed it back to her without a word more. It did seem 
awfully silly to disqualify an origami crane on account of it giving really 
wicked paper cuts. Besides, who was he to deny such a lovely lady anything?
	
Meanwhile, Blanka just clutched his throbbing shoulder. Reaching over the side, 
he searched for Pikachu's paw. It wasn't there. Freezing for a second, he began 
waving his hand all over, trying desperately to find Pikachu. At the last 
possible second, he turned back to the ring. 

A flash of red hair, a streak of white clothes, and a Nail Bat to the head 
later, Blanka was out for the count.

Grabbing Jessie's wrist (and more until she slapped him), Mikado raised her hand 
triumphantly. "The winners...TEAM ROCKET!"

"Well, folks, I never thought I'd see the day, but Team Rocket has just won in a 
physical match. Perhaps they did this to show they're able fighters even without 
their pokemon," Daisuke analyzed.

"What a match!" Hiroshi babbled. "Surprise attacks and new weapons and it all 
topped off by Blanka being abandoned by his team mate! And just where *did* 
Pikachu get off to? I know he's easy to lose in a crowd, but this is 
ridiculous!"

Under the ring, the teammate in question attempted to answer that question 
through his gag. Meowth grinned as he stripped off his rubber gloves, their 
surfaces slightly melted by the electricity Pikachu had attempted to send 
through them. "Dis is why da bad guys win...we're not afraid to take da easy way 
out." He paused, deciphering Pikachu's muffled screams. "Heh. And just whos is 
you gonna tell? There ain't nobody here dat understands you *and* talks like dem 
but me, and I'm not gonna be helpin' ya out." Another pause. "Aww, and poor 
liddle Pikachu doesn't even have his master to run to any more! Well, so long, 
mouse.
Maybe da janitor will find ya."

As Meowth slipped out from under the ring and joined his triumphant teammates, 
tears began to fill Pikachu's eyes. More than ever, he wanted to be back with 
Ash. 

***

Yashiro winced. His new boss was naturally smiling, but the smile was one that 
didn't belong on even the most cutting-edge of breakfast cereal commercials. It 
more closely resembled the grin seen very *briefly* underneath the fin that had 
been tracing lazy circles around you for some time. "We still won," he 
blustered, attempting to stand tall in the face of all those shiny teeth.

"No," Xelloss corrected. "I won for you. If I hadn't stepped in, you two would 
have lost the belt to that cute little do-gooding couple. And I would have been 
*most* displeased. Since you still have the belts, you will stay alive. And 
since I'm feeling particularly pleased with myself, you will stay intact."

Yashiro was well aware that a gasp of relief was demeaning for a cool-headed 
bad-ass like himself, but for some reason it was hard to suppress one. "What 
about Shermie,"he asked. "It was her fault for not following the plan."

Xelloss nodded. "So it was. Shermie, what do you have to say for yourself?" He 
paused. "And why is your hand covered in blood?"

Shermie told him.

"Well," Xelloss mused, "It seems that you have gone a long way in making amends 
for your errors. Continue your efforts, Shermie."

Shermie bounced. "Wai! I did [good]!" She smirked at Yashiro.

"...but I'm still confiscating your make-up bag for a week," the purple-haired 
one added. 

Yashiro smirked back.

***

Naga patted her new belt as it lay on her shoulder. It did offset her beauty 
nicely, not that she needed it to remain absolutely glorious compared to other 
women, but it did make a nice accessory.

The fact that it validated her natural superiority above the other fighters in 
Omega. Naga giggled. It started soft and then rose in volume, until it had built 
to a full laugh. "OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO..."

"You know that's thing's close to worthless," someone spoke through her 
resonation.

"...HOHOHOHO-oh!?"

Dark Schneider smirked and leaned forward. He tapped the belt on her shoulder. 
"Nobody cares about this anymore. It's not a prize. Not with Lina becoming God."

Naga sniffed. "You're just jealous."

"Why would I be jealous of that thing. Who else cares about winning it?"

"Ha! You're just scared because you cannot defeat Naga the White Serpent! If you 
were to face me for this, I would win so easily! OOOOOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

"Oh, is that what you think? I've stood up to Lina before, I could take you!"

"OOOOOHOHOHOHOHO!!! If you think Lina to be any match for me, Naga the White 
Serpent, then you are sorely mistaken." Naga turned up her chin at Darshu.

"If you want to be that way, I challenge you to a match!"

"Accepted!"

The pair turned smartly and walked in opposite directions, each with the 
niggling feeling that they hadn't gotten quite what they wanted out of the 
meeting.

***

"And here we are gearing up for the climax of the show, folks!" Hiroshi gave a 
toothy grin. "Iori Yagami has chall..."

"Umm, don't look now, but I think your girlfriends are about to arrive?" Daisuke 
murmered.

"What? Where?" Too late Hiroshi realized he still had the microphone on. He 
hastily switched it off.

"Lilith's flying in over the crowd there." Daisuke pointed. "And Rei's coming 
down the ramp."

"Right, well, since you're my best friend, you don't mind taking care of them, 
right? 'Bye!"

Daisuke blinked and stared at the space his friend had vacated. His gaze went 
back to the approaching girls. "Talking to one of them once was enough for the 
night." He quickly followed Hiroshi to places unknown.

***

"Where did they go?" Jack stared at the monitor and the vacated chairs.

"I don't know!" the intern wailed.

"Well... make a man out of yourself and get someone else down there!"

***

Lilith flapped down and landed in the ring. She had a microphone. She drew in a 
breath to say something, but stopped, spying the form coming down the entrance 
ramp. "You! The hussy! Ooooh, you may have escaped me last time, but I won't let 
you free for messing with my Hiro-kun." She reformed her wings into drill bits 
and stared menacingly at the blue-haired girl.

Rei looked back at her without passion. "you have tried to take my man away from 
me..." She pulled out a knife. It started to hum and went white. "i will never 
forgive you."

"Fine then! Let's settle this right here!"

The crowd bubbled in anticipation. The hentai fan club in section F started 
chanting "CAT FIGHT! GET NUDE! CAT FIGHT! GET NUDE!" Over in section B, row 37 a 
different chant was started: "WHERE'S THE MUD? WHERE'S THE MUD?"

A red hexagonal field sprang up around Rei. Lilith leapt to the air and dove 
down on the Eva pilot.

And hundreds of little Lego robots tackled the two of them.

Tron Bonne, followed by two girls in school uniforms, marched down the entrance 
ramp. "We've got a match coming up," Tron said. "You two can't be getting in the 
way." She motioned for the LegoBots to haul the two girls away. 

"This isn't over yet, you hussy!" Lilith screamed.

The two remaining girls huddled together for a moment. "You sure we can do this, 
Yuka?" one asked.

"Let's go for it, Sayuri," the other replied. They both nodded and took Hiroshi 
and Daisuke's customary seats.

Yuka picked up the microphone.  "Welcome to Ultra!  This promises to be an 
exciting match today and we're happy to be announcing it for you! I'm Yuka!"

Sayuri nodded and took her place at the announcer's table.  "And I'm Sayuri! 
Here to help us with this match is the great, Washuu!"  They turned to look at 
the ControversialTron's screen, where Washuu's cheerful face appeared.

"Hello everybody!  I'm here to run the next match, and oh boy do I have a 
surprise for you!"  An exact copy of the ControversialTron appeared and hovered 
in the air.  It read:  Experiment #1675 A-Beta.  The crowd ooh'ed, because they 
remembered what happened the last time Washuu did this.  "I've been working on 
my Random Stipulation project, and this time it's going to be even better than 
the last time!"

"Great, Washuu!  Now, explain how this thing works for those viewers who missed 
that episode." Yuka said.

"Well, it's really quite simple.  You see, I wasn't sure what it did exactly the 
last time, but now I have some basic idea!  Isn't that wonderful?  Anyways, this 
time we're going to pick the fighters differently.  Wouldn't you like to see 
this be a Title Match?"  The crowd roared with approval, their cries echoing 
throughout the Ultradome.  "All righty then!  Here we GO!"

Everyone watched as text started to appear on the WashuuTech screen.

1. GAMMA vs. 2. GAMMA
Stipulation 1:  Alternate Dimension
Stipulation 2:  Natural Hazards

Warning:  Female fans morale not at optimum levels.
Suggestion:  "Bishounen" competitor.

"Wai!  I love this invention, Washuu!" Yuka exclaimed.

"This certainly is interesting," Sayuri agreed.

Searching…
Found!:  Shingo Yabuki
Within Teleportation Range?:  Yes.
Accepted.

Searching…
Found!:  Iori Yagami
Within Teleportation Range?:  Yes.
Accepted.

Shingo appeared, wearing headphones and singing along with 'Blue (Da Ba Dee)', 
by Eiffel 65.  The crowd started clapping in time as he showed off some funky 
dance moves, not noticing that he was in the middle of the Ultradome.

"Well, it looks like the first fighter has shown up!  Let's hear it for, Shingo 
Yabuki!" Sayuri cried, causing another round of applause, screams, and even some 
catcalls to echo through the Ultradome.

Yuka pointed down at the dancing figure.  "Shingo looks confident, he looks 
proud, he looks like he's going to - Wai!  Bishounen!"

Sayuri sweatdropped.  "Well, it looks like the local member of the 'Wai! 
Bishounen!' Club has spotted the *ahem* very well-built Iori Yagami entering the 
arena!"

Iori was in the process of pulling on a shirt over his broad muscular chest and 
washboard stomach.  Several female audience members fainted.  Yuka started 
drooling, much to Sayuri's disgust. One audience member wasn't so pleased.

"I can't believe they're catering to the ladies.  Iori isn't that good looking."  
He was promptly smacked on the head by a nearby fan of Iori's with an Ultra 3:16 
sign.  His tall companion hardly noticed.

"I don't know.  I'm just excited to be at an Ultra match!  Wee!"

][ GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ IORI YAGAMI vs. SHINGO YABUKI
][ FIGHT!

Back in the arena, Iori merely looked around slightly curiously and walked 
around  to tap Shingo on the shoulder.  Turning around, he saw the fighter, as 
well as the fact that he was in front of a large audience.  And in the 
Ultradome.  Then he took in Washuu.  "Oh no, not again…"

"Glad you could join us, boys!  This time, I'm doing things a little different, 
for instance, you two need to go to your arena right about… now!"  Washuu 
watched in satisfaction as the two disappeared only to reappear in a picturesque 
environment displayed on the WashuuTech screen.  "You two had better be 
entertaining!"  The two looked slightly baffled, but took up ready stances.

"All right Ultra fans!  Are you ready for some ULTRA ACTION?" Yuka's voice rang 
out.  The crowd, of course, responded with wild cheers.

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this will definitely be a fight worth seeing!  Iori 
has had the belt before, can he do it again?  Or will Shingo stay steady and 
keep it?" Sayuri chimed in.  "This fight is taking place in Wonderland, so you 
never know what will happen!"

Yuka covered her mic for a second.  "Um, Sayuri?  What *could* happen?"

"Not a clue.  Just be happy we're not there."  They both looked at the large 
screen dominating the Ultradome.  The landscape was brightly colored and almost 
frighteningly cute.

Meanwhile, Iori and Shingo were evaluating one another.  Circling each other, 
they tried to determine the other's weaknesses.  Iori tried a basic kick to test 
Shingo's reflexes.  The young man dodged and ran into a nearby flower garden, 
Iori following close behind.  They both stopped in surprise when the flowers 
started speaking.

"We want blood!  Come on, cutie, I know you can beat the crap out of that one!" 
A nearby dandelion called out, waving some leaves in Iori's direction.

A pussywillow purred and threw out some vines, grabbing a startled Shingo.  
"Personally, I like this one.  You don't have to fight, sweetheart.  Why don't 
you just make yourself comfortable right here with me?"

A nearby rose sniffed and tossed her head impatiently.  "Come, now girls.  
Behave."

"We're not as high and mighty as you, dear rose.  *We* like to enjoy ourselves 
when the chance comes," a small buttercup interjected.

The rose drew back in offended shock.  "Well I never!"  Immediate bickering 
between the plants broke out, and Shingo and Iori took this opportunity to leave 
the garden.

"Glad I picked that world.  Mm… I wonder if I could use some of those flowers 
to…" Washuu trailed off, looking thoughtfully at the screen. 

"Well there you have one of the first features of Wonderland!" Yuka interrupted.  
"Who knows what else may surprise the duo?"

The duo didn't look too thrilled to be placed in the middle of a very strange 
world.  They cautiously made their way back to their point of entry to begin the 
fight anew, being careful to avoid any other animate foliage.

This time, Shingo opened up with two quick punches.  Iori blocked and parried 
with his own strike.  Shingo was pushed back to the edge of the clearing into a 
tree.  Using the tree, he launched himself at Iori, sending him into a nearby 
patch of fog…

"It looks as though Iori has just found another one of this particular world's 
natural hazards.  The smoke from the caterpillar's pipe is said to have some… 
very peculiar effects," Sayuri reported.  "He's coming out now, let's see how it 
affects his fighting."

Iori walked out from the smoke and fiercely started attacking Shingo with a 
savagery that had yet to be seen from him in this fight.  Shingo was unable to 
stop the rapid succession of blows and was being beaten back bit by bit.

"It looks as though Iori's holding his own in this fight!  That smoke must have 
affected his fighting abilities in a good way!  This is the first fight he's 
done since he lost the riot of the blood!" Yuka commented.

In fact, it looked as though Iori *was* going to win the title.  Shingo was 
bleeding profusely from several places, and Iori didn't appear to be lessening 
in strength.  All Shingo could do was block the punches and take the ones that 
struck as best he could.  Or flee.  Which is what he started doing, the crazed 
bishounen right behind him.

"Wow, look at that!  I bet Shingo has some cunning plan in store, to defeat Iori 
and keep his title!"
"Either that or he's running in terror."

Yuka sighed.  "Work with me here, Sayuri!"

Sayuri sweatdropped.

Shingo, besides running in terror, had a plan.  Not a cunning plan, but a plan 
nonetheless.  Now if he could just find something to distract Iori…

*WHOOSH*

A large dragon came flying through the air, spotting Shingo it started to home 
in upon him.  Shingo, caught between two evils, decided that maybe Iori wasn't 
so bad after all, and began running in his direction.  Iori only noticed that 
his prey was coming straight to him and dismissed the threat of the dragon.  As 
Shingo shot by him like a rocket, he turned to catch him - and was picked up by 
the claws of the dragon and thrown against a convenient tree.

An out-of-breath Shingo looked at the scene from his safe vantage point 
underneath a fuschia colored ledge that seemed to be trying to say something.  
Shingo ignored it and waited until the dragon left before investigating Iori's 
body.  Picking up the fallen warrior he waited for Washuu to teleport them back 
to the Ultradome.

Yuka looked slightly startled.  "Well, folks… that was a surprising twist.  I 
thought for sure Iori was going to get the belt," ignoring the look from Sayuri, 
she continued.  "What *was* that thing?  And where did it come from?"

"That was the Jabberwocky!  Wasn't it great?  Native hazard, Stipulation #2.  
What a fight!  I've got to remember this place for next time."  Washuu 
cheerfully said.

"Um… yeah.," Sayuri looked at the arena where the two had transported back in, 
courtesy of Washuu.  "Medics!"

"Hey, we should go with them to see if they're okay," Yuka said.

"*sigh* Fine," Sayuri replied. The two girls followed the medics out.

It took a while for the cheering to die down. Section 189D was the first to do 
it, when a little boy with a "Wai! I'm a Hardcore Lilith Fan" sign pointed down. 
"Hey! Nothing's happening down there!"

The man next to him (not his father, because any neurotic yet loving parent 
would probably keep the kid at home, where it was assuredly safe... and 
certainly wouldn't let an 8 year old carry a sign promoting a multi-hundred year 
old lolicon succubus) looked and noted it, too.

A ripple started, and within minutes, the Ultradome was silent.

It made for a spectacular counterpoint to the entrance.

"OOOHOHOHOHOHO!" The lights went out. The ring flashed bright azure. Barely 
defined silhouettes appeared at the center of the flash, then the arena was 
plunged into darkness again.

Worried whispers began to emanate from the crowd. Then a spotlight came on and 
swung down, highlighting the ring. A single figure stood tall and haughty, in a 
brown schoolgirls uniform. Her long cornflower blue hair cascaded down her back, 
except for two curls afront her ears.

"Gally! I have been prevented so far from having my revenge upon you. You have 
mocked me and ignored me, but no longer, for I have something you desire. 
MUAHAHAHAHA!" B-Ko pointed to the side, and a second spotlight came on, 
illuminating five others. Four girls in similar uniforms stood in a combination 
of embarassment, smugness, and fear. A forth... girl, it could be assumed, held 
the last figure tightly in his, her... its grasp. A hand was carefully kept over 
the constrained figure's mouth.

"You see? I have your friend, Gally! And now you will fight me, so I can have my 
revenge." B-Ko smiled. "I must admit, I've grown rather attached to her, she's 
so much like my own darling C-Ko." She paused, a triumphant smile on her face. 
The pause dragged on...

... and on...

... and on...

B-Ko's triumph faltered slightly at the lack of response from, well, anything. 
The audience didn't cheer. The audience didn't boo. B-Ko begain to look around, 
slightly nervous.

The lights went out again.

The first whistle came high. More followed, like two descending scales flip-
flopping. Seven notes, then the bass riffs of Rammstein's "Engel" resonated 
through the massive speakers high in the Ultradome.

The rapid fire drumbeat exploded through the arena, to accompany the pyrotechnic 
display. Then through the curling smoke, SHE apeared.

Cue spotlight.

It played off of her delicate features and small body encased in a skintight 
black leather-like substance. She spoke quietly, but her voice amplified over 
the speakers, subduing the hard German lyrics.

"I don't know you. I don't understand you. I don't dislike you. But if you 
attack me through my friends, I will not forgive you." Gally slid her Damascus 
blade out of the sheath on her leg. "If you want a fight, you've got one."

The Battle Angel sprinted down the ramp and jumped into action.

][ OMEGA MATCH #3
][ B-KO vs. GALLY
][ FIGHT!

B-ko's jaw dropped as the cyborg girl literally flew up above with the force of 
the jump, but she quickly spurred herself into action. Her four cronies quickly 
disappeared with their quarry. She grasped the collar of her uniform and tugged, 
it came away, revealing the shiny, bathing-suit like exterior of the Akagiyama-
23 Power Biosuit gleamed.

Then Gally hit the ground, dropping into a crouch. She swung around, a sweep 
kick taking B-Ko's legs out from under her. Gally spun over the fallen girl, 
bring the Damascaus blade down towards B-Ko's neck.

The Daitokoji girl barely rolled to the side. "You almost killed me!"

Gally smiled. "That's the idea." Then she moved. Two punches to B-Ko's 
midsection, then the cyborg girl had gotten to her side getting a pincer grab on 
her wrist and bringing it behind and up above the small of B-Ko's back.

B-Ko cringed in pain, trying to fight the smaller girl's strength. Where did it 
come from, she wondered, the Akagiyama-23 boosted her own stregth to be 
comparable to A-Ko... this girl couldn't be that strong. Could she?

Then she realized Gally meant to break her arm. Break it off, even. She surged 
her strength and broke away. Spinning around, she saw Gally's blade spearing in 
towards her face...

... and it stopped a few inches away.

Gokuu calmly hovered, holding the small girl's arm in one hand. "No. You don't 
fight here," he said. Tron Bonne's LegoBots quickly surrounded the ring

"Let me go!" Gally hissed. She angled her back, straining against his grip. "She 
attacked my friends."

"I let you go and a lot more people die." He pointed out towards the crowd. A 
few faces were elated, but most had begun to register fear. "You're Omega, it's 
against the rules to fight here..."

"And besides," another voice called out. "It's unsanctioned!" Contraversial Jack 
strode down the ramp slowly, his orange hairdo similar to Gokuu's black. The 
Power tie glowed pink, and Mr. Duck sat complacently on his shoulder. He got up 
into the ring, ducking under the top rope.

The head booker of Ultra paced around the three people in the ring. "Oh... this 
is so good." He laughed, a quiet chuckle that few would have heard if not for 
the microphone. "I like this... It's classic. It's brilliant. I couldn't have 
planned it better myself." 

He smiled and nodded; pointed one finger at B-Ko. She drew herself up, towering 
above him, yet somehow looking smaller despite her haughty demeanor. 

"You, girly, broke the rules. I said you had to fight someone ELSE before you 
faced her... and what do you do, try a cheap kidnapping for some quick revenge. 
I don't like that, and as punishment, I think that you'll have to wait to face 
your... rival."

"But... you promised, you peasant! I am B-Ko Daitokoji, heir to the strongest 
technological empire in Japan, you can't do that to me."

"I'm Jack Lysias, head booker of this federation and former God. I'll do what I 
damn well please..." He paused. "You don't get to fight Gally until UltraRage 
Delta."

Gally smirked. "Now give me Mihoshi back."

Mock surprise crossed Jack's face. "Oh. I never said anything about that."

"You can't leave her with that maniac." Gally stared at him.

"My job isn't to solve relationship troubles for little girls, it's to make sure 
this show is popular... and this sort of rivalry is very good for that. Now, get 
out of here, both of you, this ring's got a match coming up." He turned away, 
and sauntered out of the ring and arena.

B-Ko stared after him for a moment, then delight lit up on her face. "I will 
have my revenge yet, Gally." Then she vaulted out of the ring and gestured her 
followers to follow her. The muffled, kicking Mihoshi struggled harder but made 
not a peep nor budged the large arms of the... person holding her.

Gally glared at them as the left, then tugged her arm from Gokuu... Or tried to, 
rather.

"Not yet, I'll take you right back home." The two disappeared into a portal.

"Holy WOW!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "Would you look at that rivalry heat up? We've 
got our first announced match for UltraRage Delta, and it looks to be a riot 
when it shows up! What will B-Ko and Gally do in the interim. How will they 
prepare in the months?"

"Probably by exchanging petty threats and griping a lot," Daisuke said, 
straightening his collar. The pair had rushed back to the ringside during the 
last fight, but missed all the action. Daisuke noted that Hiroshi was barely 
winded.

"But now we're up to the final act of the night!" 

"Ranma Saotome's faced small fry opponents like Johnny Cage, but he's turned is 
sights slightly higher this time," Daisuke added. "We'll see how Mr. Satan fares 
against the bullying anger of..."

Dark, angry music blared out of the speakers. Ranma Saotome stepped out from the 
backstage and stopped. The music cut out and he paced back and forth in silence 
for a few moments.

"You guys are so damn stupid," he said. The crowd started to boo. "This isn't 
going to be a fight. You know why? Because it _can't_ be a fight. I am the only 
true martial artist here. I am the only person dedicated enough to win. You just 
saw your precious Gamma champion win because of a fluke. You hear that, Shingo? 
You won because of a FLUKE! After tonight, I am going to be the first and ONLY 
person to have ten wins in this federation. And you boo me."

The booing increased, as if in agreement.

"But I'll show you. Nobody is good enough to beat me, now. Not Shingo, not 
Sakura, and definitely not this Satan. I am a real fighter. I have fought real 
things. He's just a fake. A wrestler. Have any of you SEEN those shows? Nobody 
like that knows how to fight. And I'm going to prove it to you."

"And Ranma predicts the end of the match! Oo-De-Lally! This is going to be 
good!"

"It's probably going to be another one sided slaughterfest like the last two 
fights." Daisuke shrugged. "He may be a jerk, now, but he's right. Mr. Satan is 
going to go down fast."

"Oh, don't you see how this is going to be exciting, Dai? Mr. Satan's a former 
Gamma champion! There's tension in the air, I can feel it!"

"Hiroshi, Mr. Satan hasn't even appeared yet."

A piano chimes, a fanfare of trumpets, a clash of drums, and Mr. Satan stepped 
into view.

"WOW! Listen to the majesty of this music for Mr. Satan. He seems to be hyped 
tonight! Look at that calm determination! He is READY!"

"... Isn't that Michael Bolton singing?"

"Yes! Can you feel that underlying power? This is Mr. Satan to a T!"

"Michael Bolton sings love songs, Hiroshi. Mr. Satan's probably scared witless."

Despite Daisuke's words, Mr. Satan's steps towards the ring were deliberate, 
possibly of determination. In the ring, Ranma paced back and forth, waiting.

"Ranma doesn't seem to be going for his tactic against Johnny Cage," Daisuke 
said.

"Could he possibly be interested in a fair fight?" Hiroshi exclaimed.

"I doubt it."

Mr. Satan stepped into the ring. "Nice entrance," Ranma said, "But now I show 
them what you really are."

][ GAMMA MATCH #2
][ RANMA vs. MR. SATAN
][ FIGHT!

Ranma leapt to the attack, landing a jump kick across Mr. Satan's jaw. The 
larger man fell back against the ropes and went down hard.

"Well, that was quick. Ranma isn't wasting any time."

"Oh, the humanity!" Hiroshi cried, "All of Mr. Satan's energy and preparation 
gone to waste in one lucky blow."

Mr. Satan struggled to rise. Ranma kicked him in the ribs and punked him in the 
back of the head.

"You can't even stand up to FAKE a fight against me." Ranma kicked again. "Get 
up!"

The large wrestler scrambled to his feet and started to raise his arms in a 
defensive stance. Ranma didn't allow him a chance, however, and delivered a 
quick series of punches to Mr. Satan's stomach. With a gush of air, Mr. Satan 
went down to his knees gasping for breath. Ranma snapped a kick, sweeping Mr. 
Satan's legs out from under him.

"This is extremely one sided in favor of Ranma," Daisuke said, "Mr. Satan has 
yet to mount a successful defense."

"But, WOW! is he tough!" Hiroshi said, "He's taken more than twice the beating 
that Johnny Cage and Sofia did; maybe he'll get a second wind!"

Ranma kept at work on the larger man, switching attacks quickly, going for weak 
points as they opened. Bruises started to appear on the wrestler's broad chest.

"Had enough yet?" Ranma asked, slamming three punches into Satan's side. "Just 
go down and get it over with." He drew back, and let fly a punch to the center 
of Mr. Satan's ribcage. "You can't win, just admit it."

Mr. Satan flew back and slammed up against the turnbuckle. His legs started to 
collapse under him, but his arms caught around the ropes. He slumped there, head 
forward, sweat dripping off his brown down to the mat. Labored breaths wheezed 
in and out through his gaping mouth. He slowly blinked, then raised his eyes up 
to look at Ranma.

The "Real Martial Artist" stared at him for a moment, then turned and shouted 
something at the crowd. Mr. Satan could not hear anything except the pounding of 
blood past his own ears. He coughed, a racking tear through his system. A 
globule of blood emerged from his throat and splashed down on his chest, 
dribbled onto the ground.

Ranma was right, he wasn't a real fighter.

"Oh, my Lina! Is this the end for the hero of humanity? Mr. Satan isn't moving! 
He's slumping further! Ranma is taking notice again! Oh, I can't bear to watch!" 
Hiroshi covered his face with his hands.

"Mr. Satan is moving... he's, um, shaking all over..." Daisuke stared. Ranma 
stopped. "Mr. Satan is laughing."

He couldn't win, but he'd be damned if he just fell down in front of this little 
egotistical twit. Mr. Satan looked up, shuffled to his feet, took a step 
forward, and ran right into Ranma's oncoming fist.

The next thing he felt was the mat, coming up hard to slam his back. Maybe he 
would just fall down, but he'd been pushed in that direction. Now would be a 
good time to stay down. Mr. Satan's eyes fluttered to a close.

"It's over," Daisuke said.

"It CAN'T be over! He tried so hard!"

"He got whupped around for a few minutes and never had a chance, it's over."

[The referee] started the count. "One!"

Daisuke started to pull off his head headset. Hiroshi stared at the ring and 
quivvered.

"Two!"

Ranma smirked down at the unmoving form. He took a step towards the ropes. "I am 
the winner, here."

"Three!"

The chant started somewhere... far up in the nosebleed section probably. "satan. 
Satan. Satan! SATAN! SATAN!"

"Four!"

It flew around the Ultradome like a wave, building with energy and power with 
each revolution. 

"SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!"

"Five!"

Mr. Satan's eyes twitched slightly. He heard it. He heard it and he could not 
believe it. 

"SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!"

"Six!"

They had booed Ranma, but that was not new. They had cheered him, that was not 
new either. But now they were chanting his name.

"SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!"

"Seven!"

Ranma turned slowly around, eyes wide and full of shock. He had won, they ALL 
had seen him win, and here they were cheering on the fake. Cheering the loser.

"SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!"

He felt a tap on his shoulder. Ranma spun around. Mr. Satan's fist slammed him 
in the shoulder.

"I have often dreamed of a place where a hero's welcome would be waiting for 
me," the wrestler said calmly.

"Shutup! Katsu-tenshin-ama..." Ranma's machine-gun flurry of strikes slammed 
into Mr. Satan's upraised arm.

"Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face."  Satan aimed a backhanded 
slap at Ranma's head. The martial artist ducked, but had to backpedal to avoid  
a stomp on his feet.

"Y-you can't win here! It doesn't matter if you stand up. I'll still knock you 
down."

Mr. Satan dove forward and grabbed Ranma by the shirt. He hauled the boy up to 
his face. "A voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be." He buried his 
fist in Ranma's gut.

The crowd went silent.

He let the boy drop. Ranma hit the ground and his legs started to collapse. He 
helped the process along with an open-handed chop to the back of Ranma's neck.

The wrestler watched the martial artist drop, falling bonelessly to the mat. The 
referee counted slowly to ten. The silence dragged on between numbers. Hiroshi 
started biting his nails.

"Ten!"

Mr. Satan watched the referee stand up fully up and come over by him. He felt 
the man grab his arm and raise it in the air...

Then the roar of the crowd hit him. "SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!" They 
were still chanting for him and cheering. He had won.

"Mr. Satan has pulled an amazing upset! Where did he find the reserves of power 
to stand up to the Saotome Juggernaut! You can be sure that this isn't the end 
of this story, UltraFans! We will be back here next week to bring you more 
excitement and the news from Ultra!"

"Great, more excitement."

"Work with me, Daisuke!"

Mr. Satan faced the crowd. He raised two fists in the air, a massive smile upon 
his face.

***

The screaming, adrenaline crazed fans were slowly exiting the UltraDome, their 
appetites for over-priced popcorn, soda, and violence sated.  And in the long 
hallways of the UltraDome which lead back to the dressing rooms, two valiant 
warriors retreated from the evening's battle.  Each night out on the floor was a 
trial of hardships and humiliation, and still they, for no better reason than a 
paycheck, returned each week. It was ludicrous.

And Hiroshi was grinning about it.

Worse, Hiroshi was singing about it.

"Hakuna Matata... what a wonderful phrase!" sang Hiroshi, who was happy to the 
point of spontaneously bursting into song, if not flames.  Daisuke gritted his 
teeth, and reminded himself that if he killed Hiroshi, it would almost certainly 
come out of his next paycheck.

"Hiroshi, please shut up."

"Aw, don't be so grouchy, Dai!" Hiroshi said, beaming happily.  While this was 
an improvement, it was only marginally so.  "Amazingly cool fights to watch, the 
best job in the whole freaking world, great pay..." 

As the pair reached their dressing rooms, Hiroshi continued.  "This is the best 
time of our lives, man."  He loosed his tie a little, and clapped Daisuke on the 
shoulder.  "You've got nothing to be so uptight about."

Daisuke stared at Hiroshi as though he had just said that Big Bird was the 
emperor of Japan.  Not that Hiroshi noticed.  He started humming again, before 
unlocking his dressing room and disappearing inside.

"......" stated Daisuke, before digging out the key to his dressing room.  A 
second later, there was the soft click of the lock turning, and Daisuke stepped 
into the darkened chamber.  Reaching over, Daisuke flipped the light switch.

In the light, the dressing room was almost normal.  A cheap wardrobe along the 
far wall, holding his regular outfit and a pair of spare tuxedos.  A hard backed 
chair.  A make-up table, with the hair dye and contact supplies that kept him 
looking normal.  A large lighted wall mirror over the table.  No personal 
effects.  Spartan, but not unusual.

Daisuke immediately knew something was wrong.  Perhaps it was a subtle shift in 
the positioning of objects in the room, or a new current in the air.  Perhaps it 
was just that indefinable psychic feeling that allows a person to know that 
their sanctuary has been violated.

Or perhaps it was the huge heart outlined in smeared blood, that had been drawn 
on the mirror.  The blood hadn't even dried yet, still running in places and 
shining stickily.  Vaguely, Daisuke noted that who ever had done this had gotten 
drops of blood all over the table. The floor, too.

"......"  Daisuke gaped, unprepared to deal with this.  Someone had broken into 
his dressing room.  Had smeared this bloody valentine on his mirror.  What kind 
of person does something like that?  He grasped for a moment for something to 
say.

Ah.  That would cover it.

"...crap."

***

The Ultradome was silent. The janitors had begun their rounds, sweeping
away the boxes and mopping up spilled soft drinks. Despite the silence
no sounds echoed; the building's sheer size dwarfed any volumes softer
than a full house's cheer. 

It was in this silence that Ash Ketchum found himself. Walk down the
stairs, kick a box, nod to a janitor...you're all alone, though. Watch
TV with just Misty later, like you watched the earlier matches. All
alone. No one knows where he is, and you weren't there to start looking.
All alone.

He'd reached the center of the Dome. It was there, where the ceiling was
highest and the floor lowest, that the immensity of the place hit him
most. He was only ten, alone in this place, and he'd lost his best
friend in more ways than one. Ash leaned against the ring, covered his
eyes with his hand, and tried very hard not to cry. As his breath came
in increasingly fast and painful gasps, he knew the tears wouldn't be
long in coming.

It took him several seconds to realize the quiet, muffled sobs he heard
weren't his own.

Freezing, he tried to place the sound. He quickly cupped his hand around
his ear and knelt down, confirming his suspicions. He poked his head
under the ring, blinked in darkness for a few seconds, and then nearly
started crying again. "PIKACHU!"

The bound and gagged pokemon squirmed tiredly around, eyes glistening in
mingled exhaustion and joy. As Ash quickly released his ties, Pikachu
hobbled over, muscles bound for so long not wanting to cooperate. The
boy quickly swept him out from under the ring in a tight embrace, now
freely sobbing. "Oh, Pikachu, I'm so sorry! This never should have been
able to happen to you! I'm so, so sorry..."

"Pikaaaa..." Pikachu clutched as tightly as he could to Ash, burying his
face in the boy's chest. His voice was barely audible; he'd quickly
determined screams for help would be useless through a gag and while the
crowds were screaming, but he'd been unable to help the screams of
terror when B-ko and Gally squared off, or when Ranma's punches seemed
as if they might drive Mr. Satan right on top of him. But none of that
mattered now.

After he'd managed to catch his breath, Ash beamed down at Pikachu
through moist eyes. "Let's go, Pikachu. I'll never let anything like
that happen to you again."

Letting his muscles relax, Pikachu enjoyed the feeling of being cradled
in Ash's arms. For the first time in far too long, he was home.

***

Hiroshi and Daisuke stood at attention. They had not been offered chairs. In 
front of them Controversial Jack paced back and forth. He had been talking for a 
good five minutes, but their minds were still stuck on Daisuke's dressing room.

Jack finished his speech. The commentator pair had missed at least 90% of what 
he said, but it was clear he wasn't happy. "Any questions?"

"What does this mean?" Daisuke asked.

"Simple. It's something Mr. Duck came up with, right, Mr. Duck?"

*SQUEAK*

"See? All his."

*SQUEAK*

Jack stoped in front of Hiroshi and patted him on the shoulders. "You, my boy, 
are great. The crowds love you. ALWAYS get a reaction. Lovely stuff."

"You," he turned towards the other, "Need to work with him, Daisuke. You're 
getting a pay cut."

"WHAT?!" For once, Hiroshi was the quiet one, staring at his friend

"That'll be all, now, boys. Get on out of here, I've got more business to attend 
to."

"You can't do this, Jack! I've been here longer than you!"

"I just did." Jack pushed the pair out the door and shut it. Daisuke stared at 
the closed door then somewhat quietly followed Hiroshi back to the ring.

"Y'know, Dai, if you ever need any money..."

"... right."

***

Nuku-Nuku blinked at the mail she'd just received. "Jack-san, I think this is 
for you."

Of course it was for him, everything in this office was for him. That's why she, 
his secretary, was dealing with it. But Jack said nothing, because she was still 
danged cute. "Sure, what is it?"

"...A lot of numbers."
	
Jack paused, then grabbed the sheet. A note at the top cheerfully informed him 
that he'd exceeded his limit, and some very friendly folk from American Express 
would be coming by in short order to check the strength of his tibias if he 
didn't pay by the end of the month, thanks so much for choosing us!!

He quickly scanned down the list of purchases, and stopped at the one with all 
the pretty zeros down at the bottom. "Abe's House of Discount...." He swallowed.

He twitched.

Behind him, Nuku-Nuku had the good sense to step away. 

"Those two...are...DEAD!" Jack Lysias, head booker of Ultra, was officially 
pissed off.

***

She needed the cheese doodles.

It had happened again.  She swore after her last encounter that she would never 
again crave the strange orange puffs the color of marine rescue equipment, but 
it had happened again.  Even God was incapable of ignoring the strange, 
irresistable pull that particular snack had -- and she tried, tried to resist 
it, but hours after Ultra had gone off the air, it was no longer possible.

Now it was just a question of change.  Lina hadn't taken to carrying money, 
since she could wish anything in existence she wanted, but somehow this was part 
of the ritual.  You can't Summon Cheese Doodles, you have to go obtain them in 
the symbolic process of inserting coins and pushing buttons.

The vending machines cowered in fear as God approached, since they knew what she 
did to the LAST one she tangled with in this quest.  And rightfully so, as Lina 
didn't have money, and was just banging on the machine in an effort to shake 
some free...

Footsteps approached, but only three of them, which was impossible given how far 
away the nearest door was.  Lina glanced over, seeing the spiky-haired kid.

"Hey,... Claude, right?" Lina asked.  "You got change for a dollar bill?"

The boy didn't respond, but clearly had heard her; his eyes were on her, hard 
and dark, and she didn't quite appreciate the look.  Nor did she like the 
strange red aura that was flowing off his body... faint, beyond the eyes of 
humans, but Lina saw it like a big flashing DON'T WALK sign.

"You got something to say to me?" Lina asked, reaching into her reserves of 
power.  "You've got that slightly crazed, nasty look in your eyes normally 
associated with serial killers or hollywood talent agents.  Say what you want 
and go in peace, my child."

"...you have Aerith," Cloud spoke, voice echoing strangely.

"She works for heaven, yeah," Lina said.  "Healing department or something.  
Helps direct Shinji's efforts.  What, do you have a message for her?  We've got 
e-mail upstairs now."

"I have a message for you," Cloud said.

...a dark crystal flickered into existence behind him.  Lina's eyes flowed to 
it... to the figure inside.

"Gourry!!?" she exclaimed.

"An eye for an eye," Cloud stated, words like slime and ice.  "I have become the 
wound that will not heal in Heaven's side.  I've taken the deed to hell, and 
I'll use the limited powers that remain there to get what I want Anything for 
Aerith..."

"Ooookay, buddy," Lina said, charging the Mother of All Fireballs in one hand.  
"I don't know HOW you punked out Gourry, but I'm taking him back, even if I have 
to do it over your carcass!"

"Free Aerith, and I will free him," Cloud said.  "That's the only outcome I'll 
accept.  And if you refuse... I'll find ways to hurt you.  And him.  Anything 
for Aerith."

And he vanished.  No special effects, he just took his hostage and left.  Lina 
knew exactly where he was, though, being omniscient and all, and it was a simple 
matter to...

To not be able to follow them.

Because, after all, hell was sort of a blind spot for God.  True, the place had 
gone to pot and the owner of hell didn't have the sort of stroke over humanity 
that it once had, but some things never change, and one is that God and the 
Devil don't mix...

The situation was officially bad.

Somewhere in the Void, Lina could distinctly hear Xelloss snicker.

                        ****************
                        M.T.C.F.F. ULTRA
                        ****************

][ ULTRA EPISODE 34 RECAP
][ LINA INVERSE finds out that GOD was JUST but not FAIR
][ MARLO SEMAJ defeats HIROSHI now at 6W/2L and retains HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
][ EVA-02 defeats STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI now at 4W/5L
][ NAGA defeats OROCHI-VOIDUCK now at 4W/3L and new OMEGA CHAMPION
][ SHERMIE/YASHIRO defeat TIFA/BEAN now at 4W/1L and retain LAMBDA CHAMPIONSHIP
][ TEAM ROCKET defeat BLANKA/PIKACHU now at 4W/5L
][ SHINGO YABUKI defeats IORI YAGAMI now at 8W/3L and retains GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP
][ GALLY and B-KO cannot finish their fight, and cannot fight again until URD
][ MR. SATAN defeats RANMA SAOTOME now at 6W/1L
][ CLOUD STRIFE kidnaps GOURRY GABRIEV and issues ultimatum to LINA INVERSE

          { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
          {      C R O S S O V E R  F I G H T I N G      }
          {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
          {                .-----------.                 }
          {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
          {                `-----------'                 }
          {               an  ImproFanfic                }


                        Episode Thirty-Four
                      "The Court of Miracles"

                      planning by  Damien Roc

written by Damien Roc, Ardweden, Phoebe, Kristen Smirnov, and Delfina

            additional writing by Twoflower and Anonymous

   special visual effects by Kristen Smirnov and ImproLight and Magic

                presented by Water Dragon Productions

                   MTCFF Ultra created by Twoflower

                                 ***

Author's note:

I came late into the Ultra game. I remember being in the chatroom right around 
when URB was written, and shouting "Don't spoil it for me! I'm only at URA!" (or 
something along those lines.)

I remember finishing URB and saying to 2F that I hated him, because I wanted to 
write something for Ultra _right_now_. That couldn't happen, of course, and 
instead of my enthusiasm at the time, we got the generally excellent episodes of 
season 3.

Well, my time has come, and I've got to say, Ultra is a lot of work. So much so, 
in fact, that I realized early on (December, I think) that I wouldn't be able to 
do an adequate part myself. I would need some help.

If you look at Ultra's previous writers, there is a distinct lack of something. 
Females. Kate Malloy's part was excellent, but beyond that, it's been a guy 
thing. I decided to see if I could change that, so I asked Ard, Phoebe, Kristen, 
and Delfina to write fights. Some of them were more willing than others. ^_^

I am extremely glad I did this, however. The work that these four have put out 
is excellent, IMO, in some cases they went above and beyond what I asked of 
them. I originally had Phoebe writing a humor fight, she turned it around and 
picked some serious combatants for Bean and Tifa, THEN she went on to plan out 
more stuff, and eventually got to talking with 2F, which is how all the Cloud 
scenes got in here.

Oh, yeah. It was Kristen's idea, not mine. She asked me if I'd like to try a 
HTML-ized version of a chapter, similar to 2F's Slayers Trilogy. Oh, WOULD I! 
And she even agreed to write a fight (and some additional scenes) on top of 
that. I think she was up until 10 am this morning (Jan. 25th) drawing, coloring 
and writing. All the pics look awesome, and give something extra special to 
Ultra, I think. I'm glad she's such a willing helper for an ImproSister. ^_^

Oh, yeah, if any of you are putzes who are reading this in text format, do 
something cool and check out the HTML version on Improfanfic (that's at 
www.improfanfic.com in case you didn't know).

With all the wonderful stuff written by other people, I feel pretty inadequate, 
here. The fights by the ImproGirls and the cutaway scenes by them, Chris and 2F 
really drive this part. Kristen's pics give it an added flair. I think my stuff 
is just there to make it look full.

"Phoebe would like to say that she is wearing her flame-retardant shiny suit. 
And that everybody should buy 'This Desert Life' by Counting Crows. And that 
writing this thing was an absolute blast! Come read HHHit Squad, also by the 
author!"

Thanks, Phoebe. ^_^

I won't bother explaining plotlines or what I think should happen. If people 
want that sort of stuff, they can postulate either on the Ultra ML, the 
ImproFanfic Message board or by e-mailing me directly (damienroc@whyweb.com). 
I'm also often around in the #Improfanfic chatroom and willing to discuss ideas.

It's been a fun ride, and I might try it again in two seasons or so. For now, 
I've got Heart Heart High and Nightmare Fighter Yumeko to worry about.

Much thanks extended to anyone who submitted ideas for this part, whether they 
were or weren't used. Not everything could fit in, and not every character could 
be touched. Such is the way of things.

I hope more women write for Ultra in the future. It needs, in the words of 
Phoebe, "Girly Slush."

K. Jeffery "Damien Roc" Petersen
Water Dragon Productions
January 25, 2000