Jack sighed and leaned back in his executive chair.  Life was good, Ultra 
was profitable, and his secretary was giving him a foot massage.

"Nuku-nuku, make sure to send a memo to Hiroshi and Daisuke reminding them 
that we are going to try that schtick I was telling them about last 
Friday.  Except without the costumes.  That would just look dumb."

"Sure, Jack!"

"Squeak!"

"Yes, Mr. Duck, I know that stealing gimmicks from ESPN isn't 
controversial any more... hell, even NBC is doing it now.  But I think 
watching the two of them try to do this could add a bit of humor to the 
stale 'let's intro the dozenth fight of the evening' routine."

"Squeeeeak."

"There's a day left yet.  I'll find something to fill the controversy 
requirement before... aaaahhhh.  Keep working on that spot, Natsume-chan."

An odd thumping noise came from the bottom of the door to Jack's office.  
After a few seconds, it repeated.  In a few more, it happened again.

"Oh, great," muttered Jack, "someone's Pokemon are loose again.  Maybe we 
should shoot them all on this week's show.  That would be controversial."

Nuku-Nuku looked disturbed at that suggestion.  "But they're so cuuuute!  
And that would be mean to all those nice children..."  She stood up and 
went to the door.  As she pulled it open Voiduck lunged towards it, 
desperately reaching for the door handle, and consequently tumbled 
unceremoniously into the room.

"[VOI]," stated the disgruntled Pokemon in disgust as the room's occupants 
laughed at it.  It smoothed out its feathers, then waddled towards Jack.  
"Voivoiduck."

"I'm afraid I don't speak Pokemon-"

"Squeak!"

"-but apparently Mr. Duck does!  Mr. Duck, when did you pick up this 
wonderful talent?"

"Squeak, squeak."

"Well, good.  I was hoping that game camp would expand your horizons a 
little."  Jack turned back to Voiduck, who was tapping one webbed foot 
impatiently.  "And what can I do for you today?"

"[Voi]," stated Voiduck.

"Squeak," translated Mr. Duck.  "Squeak!"

"I agree," agreed Jack with an engaging smile.  "In fact, might I say that 
not only have you been pleasingly controversial in the past, your new 
status this season adds to your demographic appeal."

"Voiduck!" demanded the Orochified Pokemon.

"Squeak!"

"I'm sorry, I just can't do that."

"[Voiduck]!"

"Squeak!"

"No, really!  I can't do that."

"[VOIVOIVOI].  [DUCK]!"  Voiduck concentrated, and its malevolent aura 
expanded towards Jack, Nuku-Nuku, and Mr. Duck.  All three of them 
sweatdropped.

"[Squeak]," translated the rubber duck once it became obvious that Voiduck 
was not simply going to obliterate them.

"I'm sorry!  It's not that easy," pleaded Jack.  "That sort of thing takes 
a few days to put together properly.  There isn't enough time!"

Voiduck's aura flared once more, and its eyes flashed dangerously.

Jack was reduced to babbling.  "WhataboutnextweekIcansetthatup?"

"Duck," agreed Voiduck.  It spun on its heel and marched briskly out of 
Jack's office.

Jack slumped down into his chair.  He closed his eyes and muttered a 
silent prayer to Lina.  After a moment, he turned to Nuku-Nuku, who was 
still gazing in horror after Voiduck.  "Make sure to arrange that," he 
told her.  "And call Goku.  Ask him to please try and keep the Omega 
fighters away from my office in the future."

***

If there was one thing consistent about the Spirit of Shotokan, it was 
that you could walk in at any hour of the day and expect to find somebody 
training or practicing the Art.  The early morning was no exception, and 
the training mats were busy with about a half dozen fighters going through 
basic katas.

On of the side doors opened, and out walked Ryu from his personal bedroom, 
wearing a somewhat worn fuzzy blue bathrobe.  He stretched lazily, 
yawning, and then rubbed his back a bit before shuffling towards a card 
table set out near the edge of the main communal room.

"Hi, Ryu-sama!" Sakura cheerfully sang, sitting at the table and picking 
through the remains of her breakfast.  A rather sizable outlay of food 
still remained on plates in the middle.

"Morning," Ryu muttered, before plopping down into a chair and helping 
himself to breakfast.  "Ooh, tea biscuits!  Do we have butter or jam 
today?"

"We've got marmalade!"

"Sounds good."  Ryu spread the orangey goo over his biscuit, took a bite 
and leaned back.  "Is tonight an Ultra broadcast?  I forget."

Sakura nodded brightly, then turned solemn.  "Uh huh.  And I heard Bison 
announced he was going to bring out a surprise tonight."

Ryu nodded, and idly scratched his slowly growing potbelly as he thought 
to himself.  "We'd all better be on our guard tonight.  Do you have any 
matches tonight, Sakura-san?"

"No, not me." she said.

"You know, you haven't been on the cards for quite a while now."  Ryu 
leaned forward, gazing into her face.  "Is anything wrong?"

Sakura blushed, then looked away.  "Well - I don't think I'm quite ready 
to go back.  I mean.."  Sakura grimaced, and then slapped the table.  "Oh, 
hang it, Ryu-sama!  The Orochi had me fighting for him so long that I just 
don't feel *right* going back into that ring!"

Ryu nodded wisely.  "To be sure it was a bad experience.  But this is 
something you're just going to have to overcome."

"Hmm..." Sakura hummed, neither agreeing or disagreeing, and twiddling her 
thumbs.  Maybe it was time..

Another side door opened, and a figure shuffled out.  He had rather 
unkempt hair, both on his head and on his face, and he smelled a bit as he 
shuffled, zombie-like, to the breakfast table.  Tiny fleas buzzed around 
his head and torso as he dropped into the sole remaining chair, and 
wordlessly reached out at the food.

"Morning, Gambit!" Sakura brightly greeted him.  "Are *you* on the card 
tonight?"

"Eh.." he grunted.  "Mebbe next week."

"Perhaps you could think of finding some other place to stay in the near 
future, Gambit."  Ryu added.  "While you're welcome to stay, you don't 
really fit in with the rest of the Shotokan Karate practicers here."

"Eh.." Gambit grunted.  "Mebbe next week."

There was a quiet pause all around as Gambit loaded his breakfast plate.

"Soaps start in five." he said, reaching under the table and producing a 
monochrome TV.

***

It is not a widely known fact, but over the years, the sponsors of the 
King of Fighters have been meticulous record-keepers.  Every year, the 
application gets a little bit longer, asking about favorite foods, 
favorite color, shoe size, bust size, number of times hit with a mallet, 
and hundreds of other questions that have absolutely nothing to do with 
martial arts.

The entry forms are expected to hit fifty pages for the next tournament.

If someone took the time to search through the hundreds of pages of 
applications from the 1997 King of Fighters tournament, and scan through 
thousands of questions written in four-point font, they would find a box.  
And the question next to the box would read, "Favorite thing?"  And 
someone had answered, "My computer!"  They had even drawn a little heart 
next to their answer. 

The person who had filled out said application was seated in front of the 
computer in question.  Click, click, edit, paste, paste, edit, link.  
Shermie listened to WinAmp pump out CYS tunes, and smiled like a cat who 
had just had a heavily sedated budgie hand to her on a silver platter.

Link, edit, link, click, click, paste, and so forth.

The project had taken a lot of work to set up.  Breaking and entering, 
installing concealed surveillance cameras, wiring the transmitter, getting 
root on the web-server (she still wasn't sure where Xelloss had managed to 
get those passwords)...

Click, load...  

Done.

Shermie shut off the music and opened the file.   The movie file began to 
play.  Orochi never would have approved of playing these games with that 
cute announcer boy, Shermie reflected.  Nope, just wham, bam, return him 
to the Void.  Booorrring...  Everything was so much more personal Xelloss' 
way.

Video streamed across the monitor.  Shermie watched avidly.    

A little more work, and he'd beg for the embrace of the Void.  Until then, 
she had a fight to get ready for.  Shermie shut down the computer and 
sauntered down to her dressing room.

Life is strange like that.  One day, you're a flighty party-girl, trying 
to break into the music scene, the next you're a flighty minion of 
ultimate destruction, stalking innocent announcers.

Such is fate.

***

"Hey, Dai, how's it going?"

"My pay just got cut, someone may be stalking me, and the teleprompters 
are all broken.  How do you think it's going?"

"Aren't we in a pleasant mood tonight.  What were you doing out here 
earlier?  Warming up the crowd?"

"Something like that..."  

"Well, time to start it."


          { -------------------------------------------- }
          { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
          { ---- C R O S S O V E R  F I G H T I N G ---- }
          { ----------- F E D E R A T I O N ------------ }
          { -------------- .-----------. --------------- }
          { -------------- |   ULTRA   | --------------- }
          { -------------- `-----------' --------------- }
          { ------------- an  ImproFanfic -------------- }
          { -------------------------------------------- }

                        Episode Thirty-Six
            "Friends, Enemies, and Pesky Acquaintances"

                    planning by  Kerry "Ked" Stump

          written by Kerry Stump, Sean Givan, and Ardweden
                   additional writing by Anonymous
                     a Verduran Otaku production
                  MTCFF Ultra created by Twoflower


"WELCOME TOOOOOOO **UUULLLLLLTRRRRRAAAAA**!!!"  Hiroshi was in full voice 
tonight, and the crowd responded in kind.

The decibel meter had overloaded several months before... and it had taken 
that long for the This Old Dojo crew to find a suitable replacement.  The 
digital seismograph egged the crowd on;  3.9...  4.2... 4.3... and 
finally, mercifully, it topped out at 4.52.

Fortunately, all the buildings within two kilometers had been reinforced 
long ago.

Once the din had settled down Hiroshi leaned towards the microphone once 
more.  "And Ultra tonight is SOOOO special, 'cuz we've got... we've...  
hey!  What's wrong with this thing?"

"I told you, the teleprompter is broken."

"Well, so who's fighting?  We can't start the show properly if we don't 
know who's fighting tonight!!"

"We have before, several times if I remember correctly."

"But... but-"

Daisuke shrugged theatrically.  "WORK WITH HIM, *HIROSHI*," roared the 
crowd.  Daisuke grinned.

"That's MY line!  You set this up-"

The crowd cheered, interrupting Hiroshi as they spotted someone 
unannounced coming down the entrance ramp. Hiroshi and Daisuke turned 
towards the interruption; it was the Shotokan student, Sakura Kusanago, 
and she waved at the audience with somewhat muted cheer.

"She's asking to take the mic!  What do you suppose she intends to say, 
Daisuke?"

"I am not going to dignify that question, Hiroshi. It is perfectly obvious 
what any of these competitors do when they arrive unannounced.."

"You know," Sakura began, "I haven't been in this ring for a while now.  
And in fact, coming here as *myself* it's been just about forever.  So, 
first thing I want to say is.. it's great to be back here."

The crowd cheered warmly and supportively in response.

"And you know what?  Going through those.. things.. with the Orochi gave 
me some perspective; about good and evil, about doing the right thing."  
Sakura paused.  "One of the best matches I ever had was way back when - I 
was going for the Gamma championship.. and I was fighting Ranma Saotome."

Sakura frowned, and began to speak with more emotion as she paced around 
the ring.  "You know, Ranma, it took a lot of kindness and courage for my 
friends to save me from that black hole - so when I finally come out of 
it, and I find out that *you*, the opponent I think I respected most in my 
Ultra career, turned right around and marched *into* that black hole of 
your own free will.."

"..well, I'm NOT HAPPY about it!  So, Ranma, I want to spend my first 
match back at Ultra against *you*.  I want you to come out here so I can 
knock some sense into you!"

Sakura lowered the microphone, and put her hands on her hips, tapping her 
foot as she waited and watched the entrance ramp.  About half a minute 
passed, with no sign of anyone coming into view.

"Okay, Ranma, why don't I tell you something?  You say you've got nine 
wins, and you're going to be the first one to reach ten?  Well, you're 
WRONG!  *I've* got nine wins too! So I'm challenging you this:  me versus 
you, first one in Gamma to reach the magic ten win mark!  Now are you 
going to come on out here, or am I going to go challenge  Johnny Cage 
instead?"

Two seconds later, Ranma appeared, and he did not look pleased.  His face 
an unmoving mask of annoyance, he walked quietly and purposefully down the 
ramp and climbed into the ring.

Sakura tossed away the microphone, and smirked.  "Okay then!  Now why 
don't we-"

Ranma punched her in the face.

][  GAMMA MATCH
][  SAKURA KUSANAGO VS. RANMA SAOTOME
][  FIGHT!

Sakura reeled backward, a hand covering her eye, which was already 
beginning to blossom into a beauty of a shiner.  "Hey!  No fair attacking 
before the-"

Ranma leapt forward into a flying side kick, crashing into Sakura's chest 
and sending her stumbling backwards.  She toppled over the ropes and fell, 
ending with a crash directly into the announcer's table.

"And Ranma's not wasting any time in this match, unloading with a full 
offense!" Hiroshi shouted.  "Hi, Sakura, how're you doing?"

The Shotokan schoolgirl groaned in response.

"I suppose that Sakura should have studied her opponent more carefully, 
knowing that Ranma has been the recent habit of using blitzkrieg tactics.  
Speaking of which-" Daisuke said, "you're lying on top of my mike.  Could 
you kindly get back in the ring?"

Sakura dutifully slid off the table without complaint and clambered her 
way back into the ring, where Ranma was shuffling back and forth in a 
casual fighting stance, a hostile glint in his eye.

Sakura got into her own fighting stance, and started to slowly circle her 
opponent.  "No more freebies.  Let's fight for real, Ranma!"

"Oh, so I guess *you're* going to start, then?" Ranma retorted, and 
shuffled forward.  He threw a quick left at the girl; Sakura reacted with 
the proper block, but as the punch was suddenly retracted, she realized 
too late that the move was just a feint.  A full roundhouse kick towards 
her unprotected side crashed into her, sending her spilling to the mat.

Sakura got up, and backed off.  A quick dash gave her a fair amount of 
clear space between her and her opponent; she threw a Hadoken, and then 
another, as Ranma dodged back and forth, avoiding the projectiles.  This 
continued for a few moments, Sakura keeping him pushed back.  She knew she 
was just buying time with this tactic; she realized that having been under 
the control of the Orochi for so long had made her natural skills rusty, 
and she needed time to flex her abilities.

Saotome looked itching to fight, but he still bided his time, watching the 
fireballs blast towards him in patterns, and waiting for an opening.  Five 
shots later, Sakura finally made a mistake, and Ranma came charging in, 
closing the gap in an instant.

"TENSHIN AMIGURIKEN!"

A storm of rapid-fire blows shot out, and Sakura found herself extremely 
hard-pressed to defend herself.  The first time they had fought, Ranma had 
been holding back in deference to her; now, though, he was bringing his 
full force to bear, and Sakura could do nothing
but try and block the blows, and weather the occasional punch that got 
through and struck her.

"So you don't like how I act, huh?" Ranma taunted, and tripped Sakura with 
a low kick, sending her sprawling to the mat.  Ranma reached out and 
seized her ankle, pulling her forward; the schoolgirl shrieked 
involuntarily as her skirt was pulled upwards in the process, flashing 
both him and the audience.

"..well, why don't ya just.." Ranma said, lifting the leg and hoisting up 
Sakura's body.

"..MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!" Ranma shouted, bodily flinging her overhead by 
her leg and sending her crashing clumsily into a nearby turnbuckle.  
'Ooh's of dismay echoed from the audience.

"I think Sakura's lack of practice, as well as going back to relying on 
her own ordinary skills, are going to be her downfall in this match." 
Daisuke observed.  "Ranma now picking her up again, presumably to finish 
her off."

Ranma picked up the sagging Sakura, and grasped her by the collar of her 
blouse, holding her up to his face as he angrily shook her.

"I'm gettin' SICK and TIRED of people comin' up and saying 'Hey, Ranma, 
what the hell's wrong with you' or 'Why aren't you a nice guy anymore' - 
and if you think you're TOUGH enough to try and knock some sense inta me, 
you're WRONG!  'Cause I ain't letting NOBODY tell me what I oughta be 
doing or what's right for me anymore, GOT IT?!"

Sakura groggily lifted her head, peering at Ranma's angry face through a 
blackened eye.  

"I thought.. you said you didn't like to fight girls."

Ranma sucked in his breath with a sudden sharp intake.  His face flipped 
from an expression of rage to one of deep shock, and his tight grip on 
Sakura's top slackened as he froze in place.

"Heh." Sakura grunted, an evil smile on her face.  "Gotcha."

With a sharp downward movement, Sakura ducked and pulled loose her blouse 
from Ranma's grip.  Reversing her movement, she hauled off and delivered a 
full uppercut directly into his chin, rocking the unprepared boy back on 
his heels.

"Ranma's stunned!" shouted Hiroshi.

Recoiling with fresh energy, Sakura spun on her feel and struck low with a 
powerful sweep into Ranma's ankles.  The blow was powerful enough to take 
the boy completely off his feet, and as Sakura followed through, Ranma 
seemed to hang in mid-air.

"MIDARE.." 

Sakura's spin made a full revolution, and she lashed out with the most 
powerful kick she could muster, spiking the floating boy directly in his 
torso.

"..SAKURA!!"

The blow sent Ranma flying backwards like a missile.  His flight ended 
quickly as he collided with a nearby ringpost with a mighty clanging 
noise; he slid to the mat and remained, slumped in the corner.

After a few moments, the referee walked up to him and lifted his arm 
curiously.  Letting go, he watched it flop lifelessly back to Ranma's 
side.

"Looks like a knockout." He concluded.  "Sakura wins!"

The crowd burst into applause.  Sakura, however, didn't acknowledge them 
and wiped her forehead instead, frowning.  "Huh." she muttered.  "And you 
promised you'd win this time, too."

"So Sakura wins, in a hard fight with Ranma," crowed Hiroshi. "Ranma 
continues in his slump.  And Sakura becomes the FIRST fighter in ANY Ultra 
division to reach TEN WINS!!!"

"Wait a minute, Hiroshi, I'm not so sure about that."  Daisuke was 
scanning a note that had just been handed to him.  "Says here that the 
official Ultra records indicate that this was her NINTH win, not tenth."

"But she said-"

"Maybe she was mistaken.  Or maybe she lied, just to draw Ranma out!"

"Sakura wouldn't lie!"

"What, are you sweet on her, too?  Threesomes aren't enough for you?"

"WHAT!?!"

"We'll be right back, folks, with lots and lots of Pokemon!"

***

Ash sighed as he walked down the hallway.  He had heard about it early 
that morning - he and Misty were scheduled for a Lambda match.  Of course, 
Jack wouldn't say *who* they were up against.  So he tried to get in touch 
with Misty, and her answering machine directed him to a back room in the 
UltraDome.  And here he was.

The would-be pokemon master stopped in front of an unassuming wooden door.  
He double-checked the directions he'd written on a sheet of paper, and 
then knocked.  There was no response, so he tested the doorknob; it wasn't 
locked.  After a moment's hesitation, he twisted it and opened the door.

He was greeted by the sound of cheers.  Blinking, he noticed Misty sitting 
on a chair in the center of the mostly empty room, hugging her knees to 
her chin and staring intently at the television set in front of her.  Ash 
couldn't get a good view of what she was watching, though, as her hair was 
in the way.  To her right was a filing cabinet, and on top of that was 
Togepi.  The little egg pokemon seemed fascinated with a tissue box, 
pulling tissue after tissue out of it and waving them around, crying with 
delight.

"Hey, Misty!" Ash called, trying to get her attention.  She didn't notice.  
"Misty?"  He made his way to his partner, wincing as the cheers got 
louder, and laid a hand on her shoulder.  She started and spun around.

"Don't *do* that!" she yelled.

"Aheh."  Ash put the hand to the back of his head.  "Sorry about that."

Misty turned back to the television.  "Can't you knock?" she snapped.

"I did," Ash replied.  Misty hmphed.  Ash sighed and looked at the 
television screen.  There was some kind of battle going on... he couldn't 
quite make out the figures involved, though.  "What're ya watchin'?"

"An old Omega match, as if you couldn't tell."

Ash scowled.  "Well excuse me for not knowing, Misty!  We normally don't 
pay attention to Omega."  There was no response, only Misty staring 
straight ahead, eyes glued to the screen.  "Misty?"

"What do you want?"  She sounded apologetic now, almost sad, and Ash 
paused.

"Well... um... we have a match today, and the show's going to start in a 
few minutes..."

"What?!"  Misty jumped to her feet, causing the chair to clatter to the 
ground and Ash to jump backwards.  Misty didn't seem to notice.  "Why 
didn't anyone tell me?"

"I just found out this morning and I--" an explosion cut him off and 
turned his attention to the screen.  He blinked.  "Hey, isn't that..."  
The television turned off with a click.

"Well, let's go," Misty said, tossing the remote control onto a desk.  She 
turned and stepped out the doorway.  "What are you waiting for?" she 
called over her shoulder as she walked down the hall.  "C'mon!"

Ash stared at the empty doorway for a few seconds.  "I don't understand 
her," he muttered to himself as he started walking after her.

"Briiii!  Toge toge!" Togepi agreed cheerfully from his perch.  The box 
was empty now, and he held it above his head, upside down.

"Togepi!  Put that down!"  Ash took the box from the baby pokemon and set 
it on the floor.  He paused for a moment.  "Hey, Misty must have forgotten 
about you."  He picked Togepi up carefully.  "Something must really be up 
for her to do something like that."

"Toge," the egg responded, his eyelids drooping.

Ash smiled and scratched Togepi on the head, then blinked.  "Oh no!  It's 
gonna start in a few minutes!"  Ash ran out the door, Togepi in tow.

"Briiiiiii!" Togepi cried happily, enjoying the ride.

***

Thank Lina-sama for commercial breaks, thought Daisuke, resting his head 
on the announcer's table.  There was no immediate danger from the ring, 
Hiroshi had left for the moment to find a snack vendor, and so far, there 
hadn't been any sign of whoever had left the heart in his dressing room.  
I can do this, I can make it through tonight, Daisuke reminded himself.

Statements of this type (such as "I can do this," "I know what I'm doing," 
or "What could possibly go wrong?") inevitably cause the universe to 
spring a nasty surprise on the originator.

Daisuke's cell phone rang.  Daisuke sighed and sat up straight, fishing 
the device from the inner pocket of his tuxedo jacket.

"Daisuke," he answered.  "Yes, Miss Iwakura, what is it?"  There was a 
pause as Ultra's web-monkey spoke.
    
"So?  Problems with the web-site are your problem, not mine."  Pause, 
reply.  "There's not even a computer down he--" 

"...Okay, okay.  I'll take a look as soon as a technician gets here," 
replied Daisuke, wondering why he was getting bothered with this.  He 
spotted a Generic Flunkie(TM) wheeling a cart with a computer on it in his 
direction.  Flagging the faceless minion of sports entertainment over, he 
resumed the conversation on his cell phone.

"OK, Iwakura-san, it's here," Daisuke informed, as the flunkie plugged in 
and booted the machine (which Jack had apparently gotten to at some point 
judging from the many 'Seal - The Other Other Other White Meat' and 'Proud 
Member of the American Communist Party' bumper stickers that decorated 
it), then disappeared.  Daisuke opened a browser and loaded up the MTCFF 
Ultra page.

"So, what's the problem?  It loaded fi--"

The page did load fine.  It just wasn't the standard page Ultra was 
promoted on.  When the movie started to play, Daisuke went quiet.

The movie went like this...

Black and white film, shot from an over-head angle.  Shower, furo, 
tasteful tiles, a few wash items.  Date stamp on the bottom right corner 
indicating that footage was shot last night.

Looks like one of the apartment bathrooms in the UltraDome dormitories, 
thought Daisuke.  Weird.  I wonder who's it is?

The click of a door opening off camera.  Footsteps, and a figure steps 
into frame, wearing a towel around his waist and not much else.  Dark 
hair, pale skin, thin build...

"AAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!"  
   
Daisuke dropped the phone and frantically jabbed at the power button.  The 
computer went dead, the screen blank, taking the offending image away.

"That was me," noted Daisuke in a very small voice.  "They filmed me.  In 
my home."  The sense of violation was there again, the same as finding the 
heart the week before.

"daisuke-san?  daisuke-san, where are you?" asked the phone, from under 
the table.

Daisuke snapped the phone off the floor.  "Take it down NOW, Iwakura!  Who 
put that there?" he demanded.  

"...What do you mean, 'Jack won't let you remove it'?" Daisuke yelled.  
"...I don't give a shit about the female viewing demographic!  ...That 
many hits?  Oh god, I'm ruined.  How long is the file?  ...Ten minutes 
running time?  ...Yes, Iwakura, I know I'm naked.  Just get rid of damn 
thing, okay?  Thank you."  With that, Daisuke stabbed the power button, 
ending the call.

"My life sucks," Daisuke observed.

Then he did the pragmatic thing, and called Security to remove the 
cameras.

***

Team Rocket slinked through the back corridors of the UltraDome carrying 
large burlap sacks.  James's sack had a few odd shaped items in it, 
Jessie's was still empty.  Meowth scouted their path, signaling with his 
tail whenever he saw someone coming their way.  This might be the most 
dangerous thing they had ever tried to do, so they weren't going to take 
any extra chances.

The e-mail Jessie had received from Jack had been short and to the point:  
If they showed their faces in the UltraDome without explicit permission, 
they would be scheduled for a hardcore-rules fight against every other 
Lambda team at once... and the winner would be the team that beat Team 
Rocket up in the most humiliating and painful manner.  Oh, and their 
paychecks for the next fifteen episodes were being sent to American 
Express.

This had left Team Rocket with a dilemma.  Their silly-weapons style was a 
winner, but they had used up almost half their arsenal in one match.  If 
they were going to try to fight that way again, they would need to acquire 
replacements.  Unfortunately, Jack had canceled the AmEx card and their 
bank account was dry.  This left only one option.

"I still think stealing weapons from the other fighters is a bad idea," 
whined Jessie as they inched their way towards their next target.

"Aw, come on Jessie, everybody is in the luxury boxes watching the fights.  
Nobody really uses these dressing rooms for anything unless they're 
actually fighting, and we'll just avoid the ones that are fighting 
tonight."

"But won't they recognize their stuff when we use it in the ring?"

"Not if we're careful about what we take.  I mean, that Gambit guy had a 
couple of hundred packs of these cards - it's not like he'll even notice a 
few are gone.  And Mousse has so many weapons, I heard him tell Jack the 
other day that he's constantly losing stuff.  Besides, it's not like we're 
going to use these things the way they-"

"Meowth!  Come on, guys, the coast is clear," whispered a feline voice 
just around the corner.

"Okay!  Hey, Jessie, who's next on our list?"

"Uh..."  Jessie looked down at a scrap of paper she held.  "Bean Bandit.  
But he doesn't fight with weapons, James!"

"No, but he probably has all sorts of neat stuff from his criminal past 
tucked away in there.  Who knows, maybe even a good roll of cash!"

They tiptoed past the other Lambda fighters' rooms until they reached a 
door labeled simply "Bean".  Jessie put her ear to the door, and ten 
seconds later signaled that it was clear.  She tried the doorknob, and it 
turned easily.  The hinges were well oiled, and the door made no sound as 
they darted into the room...

...and immediately came to a dead stop, for the room was not unoccupied.  
Bean and Tifa stood in the middle of the dressing room, locked in a 
passionate (though quiet) embrace.  Bean's shirt was draped over the back 
of a nearby chair, Tifa's suspenders had been tossed into a corner.

Bean looked up in response to the door opening.  He glared at the three 
sweatdropping members of Team Rocket, and growled, "Get lost, kiddies," 
before Tifa pulled his face back down to hers to continue their kiss.

Team Rocket did just that, politely closing the door behind them.

***

Daisuke cleared his throat.  "So.  The second match of the night-"

"And what a match it is!" Hiroshi interjected.  "Why, a match of this 
intensity and rivalry hasn't been seen since... uh..."

"Last week?"

Hiroshi smiled sheepishly.  "I guess that works."

"Right."  Daisuke rolled his eyes.  "Anyway, our first match takes place 
in the Lambda division."

"It's an INCREDIBLE matchup!  These two teams are being pitted against 
each other for the *first* time in the history of Ultra!"  Hiroshi was 
about to continue when the speakers switched on.

o/~ So you wanna be a master of [POKEMON!] Do you have the skills to be 
[NUMBER ONE?] o/~

"And here comes the first team now," Daisuke said.

The Ultratron pulsed, bright lights and images of flying three-dimensional 
pokeballs flashing across the screen to a catchy hip-hop beat as Team 
Pokemon made their way to the ring.  Ash smiled.  "You know, Misty, I 
never really noticed it before... but they're cheering for us!"

Misty bit back a sarcastic reply, and nodded.  "Do you think we'll win?" 
she asked.  "We don't know who we're up against."

"We'll win, or at least put up a good fight," Ash said confidently.  They 
reached the ring.  "Pikachu and I are friends again!  Things are looking 
up."  He gave Misty a thumbs up.

His partner just shrugged and set Togepi on a table at the sidelines.  "I 
guess they are," Misty admitted.  Ash beamed.  'For you,' she silently 
added.

Hiroshi bounced in his seat, humming along to Team Pokemon's intro song.  
"Man, I love this song!  Know who performs it, Dai?"

Daisuke opened his mouth to reply when a young woman (one of the ever-
present production assistants) tapped him on the shoulder.  He turned, 
raising an eyebrow questioningly, and she just stuffed a piece of folded 
paper in his hand, grinned, and ran off.  Daisuke blinked and muttered 
something about a weirdness quota having to be met as he turned back to 
his microphone and unfolded the paper.  "The Team Pokemon theme song is 
"Pokemon World" by... well, the artist's name has been buried somewhere 
deep in the liner notes of the album because the record company feels that 
you don't need to know who it is," he read.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Hiroshi complained.  "I think we should--"

o/~ Shock the monkey to live, Shock the monkey to live o/~

"Why do they keep interrupting me?" Hiroshi wailed.

Daisuke chuckled.  "And Blanka and Pikachu, the opposing Lambda team, 
makes their appearance."  The pair in question strolled down the ramp; 
well, actually, Blanka strolled.  Pikachu rode atop his head, clutching 
the shaggy red hair.  The crowd paused in their cheering to aww at this 
adorable sight.

Upon reaching the ring, the little yellow rodent jumped off Blanka's head, 
flipped over the ropes, and landed in the ring.  He posed, ready for 
action.  "Pika!"  The crowd roared.

On the other side of the ring, Ash and Misty were having a discussion.

"I can't go out there!  Pikachu's my friend!" Ash protested.

"Listen, Ash.  I specialize in water pokemon.  And you *know* that their 
electric attacks can take out any pokemon I have," Misty explained.

"Yeah, but--"

"No buts.  Go out there, Ash Ketchum.  Think of it as a training session 
or something."  Misty pointed at the ring.

Ash sighed and climbed up into the ring.  Misty shook her head; Ash was 
being impossible.  It was just a friendly match, right?  Still, the way he 
worried about Pikachu was kind of cute.  She allowed herself a small 
smile.  And Ash's impossibility kept her from thinking about... other 
things.

Pikachu blinked at his opponent.  "Pika?"

"Ah."  Ash fidgeted nervously.  "Hi, Pikachu."

"Pika!  Pika pi!  Kachu!" a distressed Pikachu cried.

"Yeah, I know.  But we sorta have to go through with this," Ash said 
apologetically.  He knelt down on the mat and held out his hand.  "Think 
of it as a training session or something.  Okay?"

Pikachu hesitated for a moment, then placed his paw in the hand.  "Chuuu."  
He smiled.

"All right."  Ash stood and pulled out a pokeball.  "Let's get started."

][  LAMBDA MATCH
][  ASH KETCHUM/MISTY vs. BLANKA/PIKACHU
][  FIGHT!

"Bulbasaur!" Ash declared as he threw the pokeball to the ground.  "I 
choose you!"

A small dinosaur/plant hybrid appeared.  "Bulbasaur!" it said.  Then it 
blinked at Pikachu.  "Bulba?"

"Pi!  Pikachu pika kachu!"  Pikachu gestured frantically.

"Bulba!  Saur.  Bulba bulb."  The other pokemon nodded, but still looked 
slightly confused.

Hiroshi and Daisuke sweatdropped.  "I don't suppose you have any idea what 
they're saying, Hiroshi?"

"No.  But I'm sure it's something exciting!  And interesting!  And 
mentally stimulating!"

Daisuke raised an eyebrow.  "Since when did you become Tiffany Lords?"

"..."  Hiroshi sat back in his chair.

It took a few minutes of Pokemonese, but eventually Pikachu and Bulbasaur 
got everything cleared up.  This was a good thing, because at that point 
the crowd was crying out for blood.  Pikachu stood in an imitation of a 
martial arts stance, while Bulbasaur looked over at Ash.

"Um... right."  Ash scratched the back of his head.  "Bulbasaur!"

"Saur!"  The dino/plant pokemon snapped to attention, facing Pikachu and 
preparing for battle.

"Razor Lea... no, um... Leech See... hm.  Vine Whi... argh!"  Ash clenched 
his fists in frustration.

"Ash!" Misty yelled from the sidelines.  "What are you doing?  Attack 
already!"

"I... I can't!  He's my friend, and... and..."  Ash sighed.  "I don't 
wanna hurt him."

Pikachu cocked his head to one side, the cute gesture causing another 
'aww' to emanate from the audience.  "Pika?"

"I'm sorry, Misty.  I just--"

"Pika CHU!"  A lightning bolt hit the ground a mere foot from where Ash 
was standing.

"Pikachu?"  Ash looked questioningly the electric mouse, who gestured to 
himself with a paw.

"It looks like Pikachu's trying to coax Ash into attacking him," Daisuke 
stated.

"Yes, but WHY?  What possible benefit could he gain from having his 
trainer fight him?" Hiroshi asked.

Daisuke shrugged.  "Maybe a fair fight?"

Hiroshi blinked, then stared at his partner.  "Come on, Dai.  This is 
*Ultra*.  There's no such thing!"

"Either that, or there hasn't been one in so long that everyone forgot 
they exist."

"You may have a poi--It looks like Ash is finally going to make his move!"

Ash swallowed.  "Okay, Pikachu.  You want me to attack you, right?"  The 
pokemon nodded.  "All right."  The pokemon trainer took a few deep 
breaths.  "Bulbasaur!"

"Bulbasaur!" his pokemon said.

"I want you to..."  Pikachu tensed as Ash paused.  "Tickle Attack!"  
Pikachu blinked.

"Saur!"  Two vines whipped from Bulbasaur's bulb.  They were on the 
electric mouse before he had time to react.  Pikachu rolled over in 
pokemon laughter, helplessly trying to defend himself.  Eventually he 
rolled to the end of the ring and into Blanka's waiting palm.

"Awooo."  Blanka set his little yellow buddy on the floor and jumped into 
the ring, making it shake as he landed on the mat.

"Oh boy."  Ash looked up at the hulking green menace in front of him.  He 
could vaguely hear Misty yelling for him to do something, anything.  
Blanka roared and Ash cringed.  "Okay.  Bulbasaur, Razor Leaf!"

"Bulbasaur!"  The dinosaur complied, keenly edged leaves swirling out at 
Blanka.  Howling in pain, he rolled out of the cloud of swarming, sharp 
greenery.  Numerous cuts opened on his skin.  He narrowed his eyes at 
Bulbasaur, who seemed to shrink back into itself.  "Saur?" it asked in a 
small voice.

"It's okay, Bulbasaur," Ash reassured it.  "Vine Whip!"

The pokemon complied, sending a pair of vines at his opponent.  Blanka, 
however, jumped forward, tucked up, and slammed into Bulbasaur, causing it 
to fly backwards.  Blanka pressed the attack, moving forward and slashing 
with vicious claw strikes, and then tossed the pokemon into a ring post.

"Bulba.  Saaaur," the grass pokemon moaned as it slid down the side of the 
pole to the ground.

Misty watched with no small amount of interest.  From Blanka's moves and 
(lack of) speech, it almost seemed like he was an oversized fighting 
pokemon.  A psychic pokemon would be perfect against it, and she'd finally 
have a use for... oh.  Oh, right.  She shook her head.  Best not to think 
about it.  Concentrate on the match.  Concentrate on Ash.  She winced; she 
could feel a headache coming on.

"It looks like Bulbasaur is out of the match!" Hiroshi shouted, hopping in 
his seat.  "What will Ash do next?!"

Ash pointed an empty pokeball at his wounded pokemon.  "Bulbasaur, 
return!"  A red beam shot out of the ball and retracted, bringing 
Bulbasaur with it.  Ash sighed as he turned... and stopped.  He gulped, 
blinking at the green chest and letting his eyes travel to the serious, 
green face of Blanka.  "Um, hi?" he said weakly.

"Growr!" Blanka replied as he grabbed both of Ash's wrists.  He scowled 
ferociously.  He really didn't like the idea of knocking out someone 
untrained in self-defense, but this was a match, and he couldn't risk the 
kid pulling out another pokemon.  So he had to do this as quickly and 
painlessly as possible.  He crouched and started to juice up.

"Hey!  What do you think you're doing?!" Ash cried as he vainly tried to 
pull away.  He felt the air start to cackle with electricity.  "Oh no."

Blanka cut loose.  He shot just enough electricity into Ash to knock out 
an ordinary, full-grown person; this amount should surely take out some 
scrawny, untrained kid.  Much to his surprise, Ash didn't slump into 
unconsciousness.  In fact, he was disturbingly awake, though his eyes were 
shut in pain, and he was biting his lip in an effort not to cry out.  
Frowning, Blanka turned up the power.  Then a little more.  Then a little 
more than that...

Ash screamed.

Sitting on a table not so far away, Togepi smiled and clapped, then waved 
his flippers and began a chant, completely drowned out by the cheers and 
boos of the crowd. "Toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge..."

"Oh my LINA!" Hiroshi exclaimed.  He stared at the ring.  "I almost can't 
bear to watch!  Blanka's torturing Ash Ketchum!"

"This doesn't look good for Team Pokemon," Daisuke commented, wincing and 
partially shielding his eyes.

"Toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge..."

"Pika pi!" Pikachu shouted, clutching the ropes of the ring.  "Kachu!  
PIKACHU!"  Tears glistened in his eyes.

"Toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge..."

"Ash!" Misty yelled.  "Stop!  Please!  We forfeit!"  Her voice didn't even 
come close to carrying over the crowd.  She clutched her ears.  The 
screaming was horrible.  Terrible.  She wanted to tear her eyes away, but 
she wouldn't.  She couldn't.  Not now.

"Toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge..."

This was not good.  The kid had an enormous tolerance for electricity, but 
it was obviously causing him a great deal of pain.  Blanka stopped pumping 
in electricity as he released one of Ash's wrists and pulled a fist back.  
Best to knock him out the old fashioned way.

"Toge toge toge toge to-ge-briiiii!" Togepi finished.  His flippers glowed 
the faintest blue for a moment, then faded.  A blast of wind hit the 
combatants and hit them hard, knocking them up towards the upper rows of 
the audience.

Pikachu and Misty ran up the stairs, heedless of the incredibly long climb 
to get there.  Misty spotted them sitting in an aisle.  Rather, Blanka was 
sitting and cradling Ash in his arms.  Other than cuts and bruises on 
Blanka and Ash's burned wrists, they were fine.

"Ash!"  Misty ran up ahead of Pikachu and gave her fellow trainer a hug.  
"Are you okay?"

Ash coughed.  "Yeah, I'm fine.  Blanka saved me.  If he didn't break my 
fall, I would have gone splat."

Misty turned to Blanka.  "Thank you," she said.  "But why did you 
electrocute Ash like that?"

"Awoo," Blanka replied.  Then he tried to explain.  "Awooo.  Awoo, 
awooooo.  Awoooo."

"Uh huh."  Misty nodded slowly.

"PIKACHU!"  Pikachu scampered into Ash's arms.  "Pika!" he cried.  "Chu!  
Chu pika pi kachu!"

"Hey, Pikachu."  Ash smiled and petted Pikachu on the head.  "It's okay.  
I'm okay.  You don't need to worry..."

"Um... I'll go get Togepi."  Misty smiled slightly.  "Don't want to forget 
him again."  There was no reply.

Turning around, Misty began the long journey down the stairs, ignoring the 
screaming fans lining the aisle.  She couldn't help but think about Ash 
and Pikachu... he had gotten his pokemon back.  Maybe she could... no.  He 
always showed up when he wasn't wanted, and always screwed things up.  She 
did *not* need dead weight like him around.  She shook her head as she 
felt her headache returning.

Still, he was her pokemon.  And he did come through for her when she was 
in a serious pinch.  Like... like Pikachu did for Ash.  Misty blinked, 
feeling her eyes fill with tears.  When she reached Togepi's table, she 
pulled a pokeball out of her pocket.  "Psyduck," she whispered hoarsely as 
she threw the pokeball on the ground.  "I choose you."

It opened.  Nothing popped out.

Misty crumpled to the ground and cried.  She had never before felt so 
alone.

***

Daisuke poked Hiroshi.

"Is it over?" Hiroshi asked, keeping his hands over his ears and his eyes 
tightly shut.

"Yeah.  It's safe to come out now."

Hiroshi cautiously opened one eye... then the other.  And then he gaped.  
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Lambda match has left the ring!"

Daisuke pointed towards section Q.  "Actually, both teams are up there."

The other clone sweatdropped.  "How did that happen?"

"Apparently it was a ventilation malfunction of some sort.  The This Old 
Dojo crew is looking into it," Daisuke explained.

"Well, that's good."

"This match has officially been declared a draw, due to both teams leaving 
the ring and not returning," Daisuke announced, finishing the fight.

"Our next match is really exciting, folks!" spouted Hiroshi.  "The head 
of-"

"Well, aren't they just *all* exciting, aren't they?" Daisuke wryly 
interrupted.  "There's quite a few details to this match, folks, so why 
don't *I* explain the back history rather than leaving it to Hiroshi 
here."

"..." said Hiroshi.

"The head of ShadowNERV, M.Bison, announced a few days ago that he 
intended to introduce a new tag team into the Lambda division, 
specifically to take on the teams of the Hungry Wolves and the Psycho 
Soldiers.  There's been some speculation as to just who the two team 
members will be.."

"Could it be that KEN MAS-!!"

"One of the possibilities," Daisuke re-interrupted, "is that Bison will 
introduce Ken Masters, a long-time prisoner of his, in some controlled 
form, paired with one of his various henchmen.  Either that, or the team 
will consist of members from any of his various criminal resources; 
ShadowNERV is a large organization, to be sure, and-"

"But GET THIS!  The two teams of-!!"

"Hiroshi.." Daisuke muttered in a vaguely warning tone.

The crowd popped upon spotting two people enter the arena.  Andy Bogard 
and the psychic fighter, Sie Kensou, made there way to the ringside, 
paying little attention to the audience and keeping a grim focus as they 
squeezed in through the ropes.

"Wow!  It looks like the Hungry Wolves and Psycho Soldiers have decided to 
*split* their ranks, and go one of each specifically for this match!  But 
why aren't Mai or Athena at ringside?  Could they be planning an ambush?!"

"Keep in mind, Hiroshi, that Andy has been known to be rather protective 
of his partner Mai, and that Athena was on the worse end of Bison's mind 
control during the time that the Psycho Soldiers was working for him.  
Andy and Sie likely insisted on being the safest choice against an unknown 
like Bison's new team."

"Well, the two look DARN ready for anything, Daisuke!"

The Ultratron flickered into static, and the Ultra logo normally present 
was replaced with that of ShadowNERV.  Bison's image replaced it; as 
usual, the dictator was in an evilly happy mood, and both Andy and Sie's 
hands secretly clenched in anger at viewing the smug pearly whites of 
Bison's smile.

"I see." said Bison.  "How nice.. this is exactly the pair I most wanted 
to see.  The brother of the man who cost me my godhood, and the boy who 
stole away one of my prettiest playthings.  This is much better than 
fighting one team or the other!"

"Who have you got, Bison?"  Andy roared, his well-known hot temper in 
effect.  "I don't care who it is!  You can bring out any of your lackeys, 
or you can bring out Ken Masters, and I'll still stomp them into the 
ground!"

"Athena's was never your plaything!" Sie added.  "And whoever you've got, 
you're not going to get to play with us, either!"

"And after we're done," Andy finished, "We're coming after YOU next!"

Bison shrugged.  "I have nothing more to say here.  Why don't I unveil my 
surprise now.  Ladies and gentlemen.. I give you.. 'Bison's Busters'."

The first to come out was, almost as expected, a young man, with blonde 
hair and a red karate gi.  The only physical change to Ken Masters was the 
addition of a ShadowNERV badge sewn to the front of his gi top - but Ken 
himself seemed somewhat spaced out; as soon as he stepped into view, he 
stopped, and simply swayed in place for a few moments until another hand 
appeared from behind the curtains, and gave him a push forward.

Second to come out, the owner of the hand, was a huge tower of a man, with 
tanned skin and muscles that seemed chiseled out of stone.  He was bald, 
and wore an eyepatch over his right eye; he wore the garments of a 
competing kickboxer, with taped hands and feet, and blue shorts.  With 
slight annoyance, he walked behind Ken, giving him little pushes that 
coaxed the smaller man into taking a single step, before stopping again, 
requiring another push to keep going.  After a few minutes, the kickboxer 
had finally herded Ken into the ring, where the two stood, calmly facing 
their opponents.

"It looks like Bison has gone with Ken Masters and the famous kickboxer, 
SAGAT, for his new tag team!" Hiroshi said.

"Sagat is one of Bison's most trusted right-hand men, or so I've heard." 
Daisuke observed.  "He must be taking the Wolves and Soldiers more 
seriously than he lets on."

Bison just smiled.  "Mr. Masters took a long, long while to process, I 
must admit - he was very strong willed, but I, of course, finally won out 
in the end.  He's now a very pliable puppet - one of my best works.  Far 
better, in fact, than anything I've done to either Ifurita, or Athena."

Sie peered curiously at the blank-eyed American, who seemed to teeter 
slightly as he stood erect next to Sagat.  What kind of methods was Bison 
using here..?

"Of course," Bison said.  "if I want him to do anything useful he's going 
to need the help of this."  Bison reached below camera, and brought up a 
grey metal box, which he sent in front of himself with a thump.  The box 
had a large steel joystick affixed to the top, alongside six large 
buttons, arranged in two rows of three.

"Incredible!" Hiroshi exclaimed.  "Bison has created Fighting Action Ken!"  
He was immediately pelted with empty popcorn bins from an irritated 
audience.

Bison crackled his knuckles (a noise sending shivers down the spines of 
everyone listening) and placed his hands on the controls.  "Well now.  
Shall we begin the fun?"

][  LAMBDA MATCH 
][  SIE KENSOU/ANDY BOGARD  VS.  KEN MASTERS/SAGAT
][  FIGHT!

Sie entered the ring against the glazed-eyed puppet, and carefully circled 
him, watching for any signs of intention.

This proved to be a mistake.  Bison tapped the stick on the controls, and 
without any other forewarning Ken jumped high in the air, coming down on 
the Psycho Soldier with a fist to the noggin.  Sie staggered back and 
quickly regained self-control, and threw a kick; the move was blocked, and 
Bison started hammering one of the buttons, making Ken perform a flurry of 
jabs that put Sie on the defensive.

"This is interesting." Daisuke said.  "Using joystick controls means that 
Ken doesn't telegraph any of his moves at all; and also, Bison's vantage 
point must give him superior awareness of how the fight is going."

"Hey, boss!" Sagat waved to the UltraTron image.  "Begging your pardon, 
sir, but can I fight the kid for a while?"

"Why not." Bison magnanimously declared, and sent Ken in Sagat's 
direction.  A quick button command to tag, and Sagat entered the ring, 
arrogantly staring down at his much less physically impressive opponent.

"SILVER BULLET!" Sie shouted, crouching and hurling a blue sphere of 
psychic energy.  Sagat countered the move with a casual Tiger Shot; he 
then rushed the half-knelt boy and planted a knee into him, knocking him 
down.

The huge kickboxer reached down and picked up Sie by the head, one-handed; 
letting him dangle there, uselessly trying to reach and kick at him, he 
grinned, and then began sending knee after knee into the boy's midsection.  
Soon tiring of the game, he tossed the boy overhead, and Sie crashed to 
the mat.

"What brutality!" said Hiroshi, "Sagat is obviously a powerhouse fighter, 
possibly one of the strongest ever to see the ranks of Lambda, or Gamma 
even!"

Sie crawled to his corner and managed to tag Andy back in.  Sagat looked 
at him, then simply turned his back and waved him off - the crowd booed 
the arrogant action, as Sagat chose instead to tag Ken back in.

The next few minutes were sheer frustration for the younger Bogard 
brother.  Bison's deft hands had the advantage over him, as Ken blankly 
jumped in and out of range, peppering Andy with quick blows as he did so.  
Every time he shot a fireball, Ken leapt over it with excellent timing; 
every time he threw a punch or kick, Bison was able to block the attack 
with the simple act of pulling back on his joystick.  However his control 
system worked, the interface was well optimized for the act of fighting.

Tired and beaten, Andy refused to give up - there was too much riding on 
this, symbolically, to lose.  But how could he get a handle on Bison's 
agile puppet opponent?

Finally, an idea came to him.  Andy threw out his hands, miming the act of 
throwing a Hishoken.  Bison took the bait, and sent Ken into a forward 
jump; but Andy was already on the move, and was there to meet Ken just as 
he came into a landing.

As Ken touched the mat, Andy lashed out with the heel of his boot, and 
landed an axe kick directly into the bridge of Ken's bare foot.  Bison 
immediately tapped on his controls, meaning to get Ken out of the way; but 
Ken's body, which had its own ideas and had an injury to deal with, could 
only manage a crippled hobble instead of the smooth movement Bison was 
hoping for.

"There!" Andy said, and summoned all his remaining strength into a final 
attack.

Andy rolled into a somersault, and handsprung himself into a flying 
double-footed kick aimed for his opponent's head.

"CHO-RETSUDAN!" Andy screamed, and his feet flared with burning yellow 
chi.  The sailing dropkick connected into Ken's chin, causing a miniature 
explosion to erupt as Ken flew back, landing on the mat and bouncing 
before lying still and stiff on his back.

Sagat snapped his fingers and gave a mock sigh.  "Oh, well.  Now what 
shall we do?" he said, seemingly unconcerned.

Andy panted heavily, and sat down on the mat.  "Thank god he's finally 
down." he muttered to himself.  "I'm spent."

The referee regarded the fallen puppet, and cleared his throat, a rare 
look of amusement coming over his face.  "Continue?" he asked.  "Nine.. 
eight.. seven.."

"Drat!" Bison cursed, and the image on the UltraTron began to rapidly pat 
down the pockets of his military coat.  "Where did I.. aha!"  The dictator 
grinned broadly as he produced a shiny quarter.  "Here it is."  He popped 
the coin into a handy slot on his controller mechanism.

Back in the ring, Ken's body twitched, and then he gathered himself, 
standing up again in his fighting stance, his full energy regained.  The 
chimera referee shrugged, stopped his count at three, and nodded to Andy.  
"All right.  Keep fighting."

"Wow!" Hiroshi shouted.  "It looks like Bison was able to send Ken right 
back into the breach - and at bargain prices, too!"

"WHAT?!" the exhausted ninja warrior exclaimed, pointing in disbelief at 
Ken.  "How - how are we supposed to fight something like that?"

"Oh, an easy question." Bison smirked.  "You simply are not."  Bison 
reached for the controls, and rotated the joystick in a double-quarter 
circle, pressing three buttons.  "Execute the Shinryuken."

Andy staggered backwards from Ken as he advanced, trying to get out of the 
way - but Ken lunged and it was too late.

"SHIN-RYUUUUU-KEN!"

The spiraling dragon punch drilled into Andy's gut, lifting him up as the 
Shotokan fighter rose into the air.  The two fell to earth - Andy landing 
much less gracefully.  The ninja rolled onto his side, obviously in great 
pain; he lifted a trembling hand, trying to reach for the expressionless 
fighter.

"Damn.. it.." Andy growled, as his consciousness began to fade on him.  
"Got to.. beat you..  Got to.. avenge.."

Andy's hand dropped as he blacked out, lying flat on the mat.

"And it looks like Ken and Sagat have won their first Lambda match." 
Daisuke said.  "It's a shame, though, that since the opposing team has not 
an official one, their debut won't count towards their rankings."

Sie angrily shook his fist at the UltraTron screen from behind the ring 
ropes.  "This is just the beginning!  I swear, we're going to put you 
down, Bison!"

Sagat stepped through the ropes, and took up a place beside the stationary 
Ken, regarding Sie haughtily.  "That's some pretty bold words from your 
position, kid.  The only reason we're not going to break *you* right now 
is because Bison wants to see Athena out here at the same time when it 
happens."

"Don't you dare touch Athena!" Sie shouted, grabbing the ropes and 
flinging himself into the ring.  "If you want me, you're going to have to 
take me right now!"

Hiroshi started slamming his hands upon the table.  "WOW!  Is Sie really 
going to try and take on both Sagat and a controlled Ken Masters at the 
same time?  This is so exciting!"

"SIE, DON'T!"

Sie's head whipped to the side at the cry.  Standing at the mouth of the 
arena entrance stood Athena, hands clasped, a soft reddish glow emanating 
from her body.

"Ken!" she pleaded.  "I know deep inside you don't want Bison controlling 
you!  Please let me help you.." she continued, closing her eyes in 
concentration, "Snap out of it, Ken!  You can beat this!"

Athena's aura suddenly flared, jagged peaks of psychic energy criss-
crossing her body.  She screamed in pain, and fell to her knees, shaking 
and weak.

"What.." she gasped.  "What was that?"

Directly above her, the giant image of Bison laughed at the figure below.  
"My dear former servant," he said, "You don't expect I'd control my new 
toy in a manner that could be broken the same twice in a row, do you?  Oh 
no, you're going to have to try much, much harder than that.."

"Athena!" Sie cried out.

"However, I'm still displeased that you'd try.  Sagat, why don't you 
punish her?"

Sie dashed for Sagat, but a quick flick of Bison's controls sent Ken to 
intercept the boy.  Sagat grinned, and drew his arms back, gathering 
together chi energy for a moment; then sent a huge Tiger Shot forward, 
rocketing towards its helpless target.

Athena lifted her head to see the projectile screaming towards her.  She 
threw up her arms in defense and squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself 
for the blow.

There was a sudden noise and confusion, and the blow failed to come after 
a few moments.  Athena carefully opened her eyes again, and spotted the 
backside of a white gi.

"It's Ryu!" cheered Hiroshi.

The crowd cheered wildly as the famous Shotokan warrior, Ryu Hoshi, stood 
in front of Athena, his arms in a guard position and slightly smoking 
after having blocked the powerful attack.

Sagat raised an eyebrow at the scene, and both he and Ken exited the ring 
and started walking slowly down the ring aisle.  Mai appeared at this 
point, and immediately ran down the ramp, to help Sie tend to her fallen 
fiance; Sagat ignored the kunoichi as she ran by.

"This must be a very serious moment for Ryu right now." Daisuke said.  
"This new tag team consists of both his greatest rival and his brainwashed 
greatest friend."

Sagat stopped a few feet in front of Ryu.  The two of them shared no 
words; they both knew the history between them, and Ryu's eyes beckoned 
with a silent challenge that the kickboxer refused to ignore.  Sagat 
leaned back into this Thai stance, and Ryu relaxed his guard into a ready 
position.

"They're going to fight right here!" Hiroshi yelled.  "Ryu himself is 
throwing in his bid in the war against.."

"OOOOOF!" Ryu said, sinking to his knees and clutching his gut after Sagat 
sunk his foot into it.

"..er.." Hiroshi said.

Sagat actually looked confused for a moment, as he stared at his rather 
easily felled rival.  Then he began to laugh.  "This is rich!  Don't tell 
me you've gotten *soft* on me, Ryu."

He grinned, and pulled Ken over by his side, turning him to face Ryu.  
"Hey, Ryu, take a look!  I'd kill you right here and now, if you weren't 
so pathetic at the moment.  Instead I'll just let your friend take a good 
look at you - and you can take a good look at *this*!"

Sagat landed a swift punch into Ken's stomach, and he doubled over in 
reflexive pain.  "I've got a new punching bag now, that I can freshen up 
anytime I want!  Think about that, Ryu!"  He laughed, taking Ken with him 
and leaving his coughing friend behind.

Ryu felt Athena's soft hands place themselves on his shoulders, and 
psychic energy began to flow into him.  "No, no.." he croaked at the 
concerned girl.  "I'm fine - I just got the wind knocked out of me."

"You're really all right?" Athena asked.  "It was a lucky punch, wasn't 
it."

Ryu scratched the back of his head, an uncharacteristically brooding look 
shadowing his face.  "Actually, no.  I could see it coming - but I 
couldn't get myself to move in time.."

Hiroshi gaped, then quickly summarized the audience's reaction.  "What's 
wrong with Ryu!?  Could it be that his legendary skills have been grossly 
overstated?!?"

"We may never find out, Hiroshi, it's not like he's a regular Ultra 
fighter."

"Could be.  Well, when we come back after these important messages, we'll 
have a Lambda title match for you!"

***

Establishing shot:  The interior of a generic Christian church.  Well-
dressed men and women are standing between the pews, singing a hymn.

Voice-over:  (A male voice, speaking kindly, but with authority.)  "In 
this day and age, the reality of God can not be denied."

Cut to a grainy television still of Lina Inverse casting a spell, 
apparently taken from an Ultra broadcast of one of her fights.

Voice-over:  "God has revealed Herself to the world, in all Her glory"

Cut back to the church, this time from a different angle.

Voice-over:  "But are you sure that you are worthy of Her?"

The camera begins to zoom in on one specific row of worshippers.

Voice-over:  "Pride is the most common sin... pride of accomplishment, 
pride of status..."

The picture centers on a beautiful woman.  She is dressed in an expensive-
looking suit and adorned with large but tasteful jewelry.  Her expression 
is one of polite boredom.

Voice-over:  "And especially pride of appearance.  No one is more 
accomplished or important than Heavenly Lina..."

The camera finally comes to rest in an extreme close-up of the woman's 
expansive bustline.

Voice-over:  "But there are many women in this world with larger breasts.  
If you are sinfully proud that you have larger breasts than God does, 
consider having them surgically reduced."

A nifty digital effect morphs the woman's 38C chest to a much more modest 
33A.  The camera pulls back to show that the woman is more enthusiastic 
and worshipful now.

Voice-over:  "It may save your soul."

Voice-over:  (A female voice, speaking quickly.)  "This message brought to 
you by the New Church of Lina Inverse and Her Fourth-Season Saints, and by 
the International Council of Cosmetic Surgeons."

***

Lina Inverse blinked, loudly.

"..."

Lina sat back in her seat, aghast at what she had just seen.  Her mouth 
opened and closed several times, but nothing coherent emerged.  She 
blankly watched ads for American Express and Furniture Warriors: Final! 
before gathering even a semblance of composure.

She stood and bolted out of her private quarters.  "Belldandy!  
Belldandy," Lina called as she ran down the hall to Yggdrasil central 
control.  As she came through the door, a tall, silver-haired goddess 
turned to greet her.

"Belldandy isn't in right now.  She's on Earth having dinner with her... 
boyfriend."

"Oh."  Lina was disappointed.  Belldandy always seemed to have an answer 
for everything, or at least something to say that would make her feel 
better...

Urd saw Lina's expression darken, and said, "I know I'm not as good with 
advice as my sister, but maybe I can help.  What were you going to ask 
her?"

"Well..."  Lina explained about the commercial she had just seen.  "I 
mean, these idiots are telling women to mutilate themselves, and they're 
doing it in my name! I may not like the fact that I have smaller breasts, 
but it's not like I'm going to condemn anyone to eternal suffering just 
because theirs are bigger than mine."

Urd tried not to smile, but failed.  "You would be amazed at the things 
people can convince themselves of.  Theology is one of humanity's favorite 
pastimes, and any such construct of pure thought and speculation can go 
haring off in ghastly directions with minimal prompting.  There was this 
one culture that convinced themselves that Fate was associated with 
masculinity and I had to manifest as-"

"But what can I do to stop them?  Can't I just smite them?"  A note of 
desperation crept into Lina's voice, and Urd realized that she was really 
upset.

"Unfortunately, it's not that simple."  Urd paused to collect her 
thoughts, and then continued.  "Yes, you could just zot them, and they 
would probably stop preaching that nonsense.  And you would feel good 
doing it."

Lina's face lit up, and she turned to leave.  "Okay, then let's go!"

"Wait!  Wait!"  Urd grabbed Lina's arm and spun her back around.  "Think 
about it!  Yes, this group of wackos would be stopped, but think about 
what it would look like to all the other crazies."

Lina spent a moment pondering this, then began slowly, "It would look like 
I thought that people who disagreed with me should be..."

"Killed or at least severely hurt.  Yes.  And dozens of sects would start 
advocating violence against anyone who disagreed with what their vision of 
what you think.  It doesn't help that you were always so... casually 
violent before ascending to your current status."

"And violence against those groups would only make things worse, no 
doubt."

"Yeah.  And in the end, you would either have to spend all your time 
suppressing individuals as they fell into error, or else let the largest, 
meanest group win and then do your enforcement for you."

Lina collapsed into a nearby swivel chair and buried her face in her 
hands.  "Dammit.  GODDAMMIT!"  She pounded the nearest console in anger, 
accidentally triggering a snowstorm over Sri Lanka.

Urd blanched.  "Don't do that!!!"

"I'm sorry, Urd."  Lina was on the verge of tears.  "It's just that I 
thought being God would mean that... well, that I could do anything!  But 
when one of my best friends gets kidnapped by a psycho, it turns out that 
my powers aren't absolute after all, and I can't do anything to rescue 
him!  Short of starting the apocalypse, that is.  When a few nutcases 
start using my name to justify inflicting their psychoses on everyone 
else, I can't stop them without totally messing up the whole world...  All 
of a sudden, it feels like I have less power than ever!"

"Hmmm."  Urd wished desperately that Belldandy was there to help her.  
Consoling a distraught Deity was not a normal part of her job description.   
"The fundamental paradox of having power is that the larger the power, the 
less it can be used without destroying the system that gives that power 
meaning."

"You mean, like I couldn't use the Giga Slave very often because overuse 
or misuse would have destroyed the world..."

"Until you joined Ultra, in which context the Giga Slave was not so great 
after all, and it was suitable for... well, relatively common use.  And 
now you have almost absolute power-"

"Which I can almost never use.  But then, what's the point of being God?"

Urd smiled.  "But you can use it, just in small and subtle ways.  And 
indirectly.  Because you have absolute power, everyone and everything pays 
close attention to you.  You can use that fact.  Kasumi was the absolute 
master at this sort of subtle manipulation.  She never exerted the power 
of the Godhead with any serious force, but everything she did was 
calculated to generate the precise responses she wanted from the world as 
a whole."

"But I don't know how to do that!  Isn't that part of the package?"

"Not at all.  Kasumi's predecessor took centuries to learn to do it well, 
and he was never as good as Kasumi.  She came from... an _odd_ background.  
And she was even sort of an idiot savant in that way.  You are not 
particularly gifted at this, and you always had more than enough usable 
direct power to satisfy your needs in your old life, so you never 
learned."

"And now I have to learn the hard way, and I'll lose my... friend if I 
don't learn fast enough."  Lina finally started to cry.  "And I don't even 
know where to start!"

Urd winced.  This was getting beyond anything she knew how to deal with.  
Once more cursing Belldandy for choosing to take this particular evening 
off, she bent down and gave Lina a sisterly hug.  By the time Lina's sobs 
subsided, she had come up with an interim plan.

"Lina, one place you can start is to find people who can act directly for 
you.  Many people will, simply because you're God, particularly if you 
visit them in person from time to time.  For instance, with this 
commercial thing that got you so worked up, you could visit a priest or a 
church somewhere, and ask them to campaign against these advertisements.  
It might take a while, but if you choose the right allies, you will win."

"And maybe I could find the right group of heroes to brave Hell itself and 
rescue Gourry..."  There was a hint of hope in Lina's voice, strengthening 
as she considered the possibilities.  Suddenly she looked at Urd in 
surprise.  "Is this why Kasumi created Ultra?  To bring together lots of 
people she could use overtly to further her causes?"

"I don't know.  My pet theory was that Ultra was a simply a semi-closed 
system where she could use the powers of the Godhead without causing chaos 
as it would have in the wider world.  A place to blow off steam, as it 
were.  Though Kasumi never did anything for a single reason..."

"Okay,"  Lina extended her senses to the UltraDome, and Saw that it was 
true - she could flaunt her power there in capricious ways, and the world 
would survive, or even be better for it.  In fact, she sensed a wonderful 
opportunity coming up in just a few minutes.  "Oooh, that looks like just 
what I need right now.  Thanks, Urd.  Sorry I had to unload all that 
anxiety on you."  She disappeared in a whoosh of air, the sound of 
trumpets lingering for a moment behind her.

Urd let out a heavy sigh of relief, then quickly paged Security.  If Lina 
sent proxies into Hell, retaliation could be swift and unpleasant.  Best 
to start preparations well ahead of time.

***

"But, Ryu-sama, I don't understand!" whined Sakura, dancing back and forth 
behind the Shotokan master as he slowly and deliberately zipped up his 
travelling bag.  "Why are you leaving now, of all times?  Ken really needs 
you!"

"But I failed him." he simply replied, and hoisted the bag over his 
shoulder.  "I failed him because I wasn't strong enough.  The time I've 
spent at this dojo - helping others train, acting as a leader when it 
wasn't my true path as a warrior - I've been getting..." Ryu paused, 
stalling on the word.  "..soft."

"But who's going to run the dojo?  Who's going to help Ken?" Sakura asked, 
and looked around from side to side for assistance.  The rest of the 
Shotokan fighters continued to train, oblivious to the scene; they knew 
Ryu well enough not to argue with him when his mind was made up.  Nearby, 
David caught Sakura's eye, and just shrugged helplessly.

"Actually," Ryu said, "that's well taken care of."  He turned to face her.  
"I want *you* to run Spirit of Shotokan while I'm gone."

"..Me?"

"I watched you fighting tonight.  You have much more potential than you're 
aware of as a fighter.. and the ordeals you've gone through have given you 
strong convictions of what's right.  Sakura-san, I want you to help with 
the campaign against Bison, until.. I feel ready to return to Ultra."

Ryu exited the dojo, but Sakura still chased him out into the hallway.  
"But, Ryu-sama, you've got convictions too!  Even if you've fallen a 
little behind, you can still lead us, right?   Can't you?"

"You don't understand." Ryu stopped, turning back to look at Sakura for 
one final time.  "For me, the strength of my convictions and my fighting 
strength..  are the same thing.  Farewell."

And with that, Ryu turned away and walked down the arena hallway, to 
destinations known only to him.  Sakura watched her hero leave, sadness 
and regret obvious in her face.

"Ryu-sama.." she whispered.

A strong hand rested on her shoulder from behind.  "Don' be worryin' about 
Ryu, chere."  Gambit said.  "Sometimes a man gotta do what a man gotta do, 
non?"

Sakura watched Ryu quietly until he finally turned the corner and 
disappeared from view.  "I guess so.." she admitted.

Gambit nodded.  "Well, the next match is about to start - catch you 
later."  He turned around, stretched lazily, and began scratching himself 
as he re-entered the dojo.

Sakura began pacing up and down the hallways, rubbing her chin in thought.  
"Okay!  Ryu-sama's just going to be gone for a month or so until he feels 
better.  But until then, he's left everything up to *me*."  Sakura clapped 
her fists together smartly.  "I can handle it!  Ken's as good as back in 
my hands!"

Sakura posed, pointing dramatically at the sky.  "The Spirit of Shotokan's 
got the largest numbers of any battle group in Ultra's history!  There's 
no way Sagat or Bison can stand up to the might of me, and Gambit, and 
David, and Andy, and Mai, and Sie, and Athena, and *all* of the other 
fighters combined!  Yeah!"

"Yo." said Controversial Jack, who had appeared unbeknownst to her in the 
meantime. "Don't mind me if I'm interrupting your hero practice, but 
where's Ryu walking off to just now?"

"Hum?  Oh.  Sorry, Mr. Lysias, but he's leaving.  Going off on a training 
trip for who knows how long."

"Re-ally."  Jack grinned widely.  "Well, great!  Makes my next job a whole 
lot easier. 'Scuse me."  Jack pushed past Sakura and wound up his leg, 
booting open the doors to the Shotokan dojo, which flew up and hit the 
walls with a bang.  Inside, the dozens of Shotokan fighters all paused in 
their training and turned, as one, to look at the sudden visitor.

Jack coughed (in the sort of fashion that was more for show than actually 
clearing throats) and said.  "All *right*, listen up.  This fighting 
federation may be the hottest thing since Cloud Strife, but we're still a 
business, and a good businessman cuts his liabilties wherever he finds 
them.  Quick quiz question..  how many of you folks are actually 
*registered* to fight here?"

Mumbling and muttering filled the dojo as everybody looked at each other, 
confused.

"Yeah, I *thought* so.  Okay, next question.. can someone tell me just why 
I should be bothered to pay the upkeep for a gazillion people who don't 
draw any heat, kick any butt, or even show up on TV on a regular basis?  
Anyone?  Anyone?"

The mumblings continued.  Sakura peeked in the open doorway, and saw Jack, 
hands on hips, tapping his foot impatiently.

Finally, the Controversial One reached over to a nearby stack and picked 
up a handy 2x4.  As he began to slap the board into his palm ominously, he 
said, "Guys, don't force me to make my point any *clearer*, okay..?"

***

Another Shotokan went flying backwards as the herded mass of martial 
artists were slowly forced backwards through the loading doors.

"Come on, everybody!" said some anonymous fighter, trying to rally the 
group.  "He can't take on all of us at once!  Let's rush him!"

Controversial Jack calmly took out a .45 Magnum and began firing into the 
air.

As the group scattered in fear, disappearing into the foggy nighttime 
streets outside, Jack smoothly reholstered his gun and tossed aside the 
bloodied, slightly broken 2x4.  "Yeah!  I could've had Tron Bonne handle 
the morons, but it's more ego-boosting to do these kind of things 
yourself."

"..." said Sakura.

"Aw, come on.  I was nice enough to let your boyyyyy-friend David stay, 
right?  And I even threw in Gambit, too, so you could still have a couple 
of valets or something for your SoS team."

"But Gambit's already registered in Gamma!" Sakura objected.

"He is?"  Jack thought for a moment.  "Oh yeah, that's right!  He *is*."  
Jack shrugged.  "Well, good luck fighting Bison, sorry about your dojo, 
sucks to be you.  G'nite!"  Jack thrust his hands in his pockets and 
wandered off, whistling to himself.

"RYU-SAMMAAAAA!" Sakura cried.  "PLEASE COME BAAAACK!"

***

"What is this crap!  Jack has to be kidding!"  Daisuke appeared to be 
agitated over the contents of a memo he held in his hands.

"Shut up, dummy, we're back live,"  Hiroshi whispered urgently.  Turning 
to the camera, he switched to Hyper Announcer Mode #2 (please ignore the 
naysayer sitting beside me).  "Up next, we have our one and only title 
match of the evening.  The Disciples of the Void are defending their 
Lambda belt against Haohmaru and Kunou!"

Daisuke tried to smile, but visibly failed.  "But before the fight begins, 
Hiroshi and I will preview a few of the finer points you should keep an 
eye out for in this match in our new feature:  'Jack's World'."

Light, funky jazz played over the speakers and a spooky-looking still of 
Jack's leering face lit the Ultratron as Hiroshi and Daisuke got out of 
their seats at the announcers' table and climbed up into the ring.  A 
production assistant handed a sturdy bokken through the ropes to Hiroshi 
while Daisuke went over to a neutral corner and picked up a sack of 
Pikachu plushies.  They took positions facing each other in roughly the 
center of the ring.

"This is going to be an interesting match, folks.  The styles these two 
teams use are wildly different, and it could play out in many different 
ways!"  Hiroshi was obviously enthusiastic about demonstrating this to the 
audience.

Daisuke, on the other hand, was not.  "Oh come on, Hiroshi, we both know 
how this is going to end," he began sarcastically.  "Xelloss is going to 
clobber Kunou or Haohmaru when the referee isn't looking, and that will be 
it.  See,"  he pointed to the audience, "he's already sitting in the front 
row, just waiting for his chance."  The Mazoku smiled and waved to the 
crowd from his seat.

Hiroshi didn't even have to open his mouth.  "WORK WITH HIM, DAISUKE," 
roared the audience.

Daisuke turned angrily to address the audience.  "I thought you were on my 
side tonight!" he cried.  A few, scattered people laughed, but mostly 
there was just dead silence.

Hiroshi cleared his throat, and started over.  "Anyway, for the purposes 
of this demonstration, I'll play the role of Kunou and Haohmaru.  Their 
styles are relatively similar - Haohmaru has more general experience and 
ranged attacks, while Kunou has much more experience fighting unarmed 
opponents."  He gestured with the bokken across to Daisuke.  "Daisuke will 
play Shermie and Yahsiro, who have complimentary styles."

Daisuke started throwing stuffed Pikachus at Hiroshi, who tried to block 
them with the bokken, mostly unsuccessfully.  When Daisuke saw that some 
of his shots were hitting the mark, he began to throw them with more and 
more force.  Hiroshi continued his monologue as the onslaught of plushies 
built.

"Daisuke is now demonstrating Shermie's main strategy, long distance 
energy att... Ack!"  Hiroshi ducked a fake Pikachu headed for his head.  
"Kunou has no real counter for this, and even Haohmaru is probably 
outclassed by Shermie in a fireball war.  On the other hand, Shermie could 
be in real trouble if either of them closed to close range with her!"  As 
Daisuke ran out of plushies, Hiroshi stepped forward and tapped his 
partner on the head with the bokken.  Unfortunately, Hiroshi put a little 
more force behind it than he had meant to.

"Hey!" cried Daisuke, clutching his scalp as the crowd snickered.  "That's 
going to bruise, you jerk!"

"Sorry," said Hiroshi, though he didn't look very sorry.  "Yashiro's 
fighting style is the exact opposite of Shermie's.  He has little skill at 
ranged attacks, but in extremely close fighting he has truly fearsome 
throwing techniques!  Against Haohmaru and especially Kunou, this may put 
him at a mild disadvantage, since their weapons extend their striking 
range by at least a meter.  In order to reach the position where he 
becomes most effective, he will have to traverse a region where they can 
hit him, but he can't effectively counter.

Daisuke eyed Hiroshi warily for a moment, then charged forward to 
demonstrate the point.  Hiroshi swung mildly as Daisuke entered bokken 
range, smacking him smartly on the meaty part of the thigh.

"Ow!"  With that, something in Daisuke snapped, and instead of delivering 
the line that would conclude the demonstration he shoved Hiroshi as hard 
as he could.  Hiroshi stumbled a few steps back before regaining his 
footing and reflexively swinging the bokken at Daisuke as hard as he 
could.

Daisuke's scream was just barely louder than the CRACK! of his left 
humerus snapping.  He collapsed to the mat, shouting, "You son of a bitch!  
My arm!  My arm!  AAUUGH!"

The medtechs rushed into the ring as Hiroshi dropped the bokken in horror.  
"Daisuke!  I'msosorryIdidn'tmeantodothat!"  He dropped to his knees beside 
his fallen comrade.  "Speak to me, Daisuke!"

"Arrrrrgh!  I'm never going tooo foooorrrgiii...."  As the painkillers the 
overeager medics injected him with overwhelmed his central nervous system, 
his eyes rolled and his tone of voice changed dramatically.  "Oh, AkAnE, 
yOu'Re So BeAuTifUl I fORGiVe YoU," he choked out before finally passing 
out.

Hiroshi tried to follow the medics as they took Daisuke away on a 
stretcher, but he was stopped just outside the ring.  "Where do you think 
you're going?"  It was Jack's face, sternly staring at him from the 
Ultratron.

Hiroshi turned to face the five-story screen.  "My friend is hurt, I'm 
going with him!"

"And you'll lose your paycheck for the week if you do," Jack snarled in 
the face of Hiroshi's defiance.  "I don't have any guest announcers on tap 
tonight."

"...or maybe I'll just go check on him during the commercial," mumbled 
Hiroshi meekly as he made his way back to the announcers' table.

"I'll have to rethink that feature," mused Jack from the screen.  "Maybe 
if they..." The image faded off the Ultratron, replaced after a moment by 
the standard pre-fight graphics.

Hiroshi finally settled in his seat, and launched straight into the 
introductions.  "Introducing the challengers, the masters of all things 
long, pointy, and loud!  In the blue corner, it's the Samurai Swordsmen, 
Kunou and Haohmaru!!!"

For once, no music at all played as the two swordsmen made their way down 
to ringside.  The audience kept silent as well, save for a few 
enthusiastic supporters who had been well bribed.  "IS EVERYTHING PREPARED 
FOR THIS, OUR MOST GLORIOUS MOMENT?" asked the historical samurai.

"Yes, Sensei.  Our triumph is at hand!"

Hiroshi waited for a moment for Daisuke's abrasive commentary before 
realizing that he was totally on his own.  Suddenly he felt very, very 
small.  "A-and in the red corner," he started timidly, then stopped to 
gather his composure.  "In the red corner!  The only remnants of the once 
great Orochi faction to still stand proud!  Shermie and Yashiro!  The 
Disciples of the [VOID]!!!!"

The two fighters emerged to a raucous round of boos and jeers.  "Who do 
you think this 'Akane' person is?" murmured Shermie as they walked to the 
ring.

"Now is not the time to think about such [trivial] things," grated 
Yashiro.

Both teams spent a moment staring at each other before Kunou and Yashiro 
climbed into the ring.  The referee followed, and the bell rang.

][  LAMBDA TITLE MATCH
][  HAOHMARU/KUNOU VS. SHERMIE/YASHIRO
][  FIGHT!

Yashiro moved quickly into the center of the ring, eyeing Kunou's bokken 
warily.  When the samurai-in-training sensed an imminent attack, he looked 
up towards the lighting grid and shouted, "NOW, SASUKE!"

Yashiro grinned evilly and leapt in to attack as a whole lot of nothing 
fell on him from above.  Kunou dodged and swung, expertly parrying the 
attack.  As soon as he had a moment he looked back up, squinting at the 
glare, obviously looking for something... or someone.  "Foul, lazy 
servant!  Why do you ignore your master's commands?" he called.

Xelloss stood, lifting a small unconscious ninja by the collar.  "Is this 
your lackey?"  He tossed Sasuke to the floor beside the ring.

Kunou was suddenly busy defending against a vicious series of kicks, so it 
was up to Haohmaru to reply.  "TREACHEROUS DEMON!  HOW DID YOU DISCOVER 
OUR PLAN?"

Xelloss chuckled, and leaned on the rail in front of him.  "Sore wa..."  
He cocked his head to the side, considering, then started over.  "Oh, come 
on, you've done the exact same thing before!"

"The samurais' plan is foiled by the master schemer!!!  What will their 
next move be!?"  Hiroshi was slowly getting used to the lack of backup, 
but his commentary was still not flowing well.

Kunou was hard-pressed and tiring a little, so he tagged out.  "WATCH, 
FAITHFUL APPRENTICE, AS YOUR MASTER VANQUISHES THIS WORTHY OPPONENT," 
cried Haohmaru as he slipped between the ropes.  Yahsiro clapped his hands 
over his ears in agony as he came too close to the bellowing samurai.  
This gave Haohmaru a chance to go immediately to an abbreviated Kogetsuzan 
slash, knocking Yashiro into the air.  Haohmaru's Senpuretsuzan hurricane 
caught Yashiro on his way back down and carried the dark warrior over the 
ropes and out of the ring.  Shermie jumped up to tag the mostly-
unconscious Yashiro as he flew by.

"Shermie barely performs the tag after an unbelievable combination by 
Haohmaru!!!" screamed Hiroshi over the crowd, which had suddenly come to 
life.  "With her partner knocked silly, does she still have a chance to 
retain the title?!?"

Shermie danced out of range of Haohmaru's blunted katana, then around a 
hurricane blast.  "Electric Kiss," she called, channeling a shock blast 
towards her opponent.  Haohmaru tried to parry the blast with his blade 
(the behavior of electricity not being part of a classical samurai's 
education), and was promptly shocked as the excess electrons migrated down 
the blunted katana and through his body.

Shermie followed with a jump kick that put Haohmaru on the mat.  He rolled 
away from another shock blast, and tagged out.  Kunou had not had as much 
time to recover as he might have wanted, but he was ready for action.  
"Your puny powers of electricity mean nothing to the Blue Thunder!"  A 
random bolt of lightning arced down from the ceiling.  Yashiro, who had 
begun to stir, decided to collapse into black, crispy, charred 
unconsciousness.

"The Disciples of the Void may still have some hope of winning!"  Hiroshi 
watched intently as Kunou and Shermie began to circle, each probing for 
weaknesses.  "But wait!  Xelloss has climbed over the rail and is making 
for Haohmaru!"  The Mazoku shot an annoyed glance at the commentator, who 
promptly cowered.  "But hey, if he wants to do that, it's all right with 
me!"

As Xelloss reached his target, he lifted his staff over his head to strike 
the still-hurting Haohmaru.  He started to deliver the finishing blow, but 
stopped as trumpets blew and he sensed an awesome and holy presence appear 
behind him.

"It's {NOT} all right with {ME}," declared Lina Inverse.  "I don't know 
what sort of league Jack thinks he's running, but I'm not going to stand 
back and watch _you_ do what-"  She halted as an awesome and malevolent 
presence silently teleported in behind her.

"[I] think it's just [FINE]," declared Cloud Strife.  Lina spun to face 
him, and Xelloss clocked Haohmaru, smiled, and vanished.

"It's been two weeks, Lina, and here you are [playing] instead of 
following my instructions!  I have no patience for [this].  You will let 
Aerith come to me, or I will start sending [parts] of Gourry back to you!"  
Hellmaster Cloud spun, took a step, and disappeared.

Lina's face contorted with rage.  Her aura flared, and she stalked off 
stage towards the dressing rooms.

"OH MY GODDDESS!!!!!  Who IS this man who is threatening Lina!??!  How CAN 
he threaten GOD?!!?"  Hiroshi paused once more for Daisuke's sarcastic 
answer.  "Uh, and what about the fight, now that it's down to one-on-one?"

Shermie's electric attacks were not hurting Kunou badly, but they were 
wearing him down.  He was not fast enough to close the gap between them - 
Shermie could always circle around or jump out of the way.  Finally, she 
caught him off guard as she jumped straight at him with a drill kick 
dripping with electricity.  Kunou took the blow on his chest, and went 
down for the count.

"Daisuke was right!  Xelloss and the Disciples of the Void defend the 
title once more!"  Hiroshi was screaming happily, since the fight was over 
and he would probably have a partner again by the time the next fight 
started.  The crowd, on the other hand, screamed with rage as the least-
liked team in Lambda won yet again.

"[Yay]," commented Shermie as she gasped for air.  She climbed out of the 
ring, grabbed Yashiro by one foot. and dragged him away up the stairs.

"Aaaaand we'll be right back after these messages," finished Hiroshi.

***

"From all of us here at the UltraDome, good night, everybody!"

You've just spent two satisfying hours watching Ultra at the 'dome with 
your pals.  You begin to file out of the building, but there appears to be 
a hundred and fifty thousand other people with the same idea ahead of you.  
This looks like it could take a while.

"Hey!"  You look over to the right, where one of your friends is holding 
open a door marked "EMPLOYEES ONLY" in bold, friendly red letters.  
"C'mon, let's take a shortcut," he calls to you over the hubbub.

You follow your friend down the dimly lit corridor.  There is a fire exit 
sign glowing softly in the distance and a couple of wider hallways that 
cross the one you are in.

"Wow," begins your buddy, "that last Omega fight was great!  Explosions, 
high-powered martial arts, mecha, magic... it had everything!  Except that 
I wish Naga would have lost.  I just hate her - the skulls, the stupid 
push-up battle bikini, and especially the laugh!  I mean, how stupid can a 
per-"

You are nodding in general agreement with his tirade as he is cut off by a 
familiar, "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!"  You turn around and see Naga emerge from 
a hallway you just passed.  You exchange a terrified look with your friend 
and then sprint for the fire exit.  "Foolish fans, you have incurred the 
wrath of the White Serpent!" calls Naga as she gives chase.

You turn the corner at the end of the hallway and slam into a pink-clothed 
man trying to eat a large taco.  You barely keep your balance, but Dan is 
knocked to the ground, spilling taco guts all over the floor.  
("OYAJI!!!")  For some reason you focus on the Swooshes on the soles of 
his shoes.

The fire exit door triggers an ear-spitting klaxon when you plow through 
it.  You emerge onto the second-floor balcony of a fire escape.  You slide 
down the ladder into the alley below.  Your friend follows too closely 
behind, and lands on top of you at the base of the ladder.

"Ray Wing!" calls a female voice as you struggle to untangle yourself from 
your friend.  You see Naga float down into the alley, blocking the only 
exit.  A glowing ball of energy forms between her hands.  She takes a deep 
breath, and calls, "Fire-"

            continued at
        whatever.nike.com/not

***

"aaaaand WE'RE back!"

Hiroshi waved energetically at the camera crane swooping in towards the 
announcers' table.  Daisuke, whose entire left arm was encased in a thick 
cast that forced the arm to stick straight out from his body, declined to 
follow suit.

"Daisuke, I want to apologize for breaking your arm.  I really didn't want 
to hurt you, I just reacted."

"Whatever," grated the injured co-host.  "Let's just get on with this.  
Two more fights, and I can go home and lie back down.  I wouldn't be out 
here if security wasn't still-"

"ANYWAYS, we don't have word yet on who's in this next fight!  Aren't you 
just tingling with anticipation?"

"No.  This has been the worst day of my entire life."

"Work with me, Dai-" started Hiroshi.

"Never.  Say.  That.  AGAIN!"  Daisuke had a dangerous, almost feral look 
in his eyes.  Hiroshi was frightened into total speechlessness.

Jack slipped into the seat next to Daisuke, rescuing Hiroshi from total 
embarrassment.  "Never say never, that's what I say.  And I'm sorry too, 
Daisuke.  Next time, we'll arrange for pads or... something."  He turned 
to the camera, ignoring Daisuke's strangled cry of "Next time!?"

"For tonight's next match, I think we need something totally, 
controversially random.  So I grabbed Washuu's Randomtech thingie on my 
way down here."  A replica of the Ultratron was wheeled out of a large 
service passageway just above ring level by a couple of dozen sweating 
production assistants.

Even Hiroshi looked perturbed at this development.  "Uh, do you really 
think we should use that thing?" he asked, eyeing the large label marked 
"PROPERTY OF: Washuu   UNSUPERVISED USE MAY RESULT IN: minor mass 
destruction, (lower) intestinal distress, or dry mouth".

"Oh, it's easy!"  Jack got up and walked over to the huge device.  He 
flipped a switch and said, "All we have to do is turn it on!"

][  GAMMA MATCH
][  WASHUUTECH RANDOM STIPULATION MATCH
][  ??? VS. ???
][  FIGHT!

Text began to scroll up the gigantic screen.

Warning:  Randomization unit malfunction.  Rigorous randomization may not 
occur.

Warning:  'Used' stipulation file not found.  Re-initializing stipulation 
pool.

Warning:  Unit not in proper alignment.  Unexpected resonance of 
dimensional distortion side-lobes may cause improper scaling of 
stipulations.

"Uh-oh," chorused the two announcers.

1. GAMMA VS. 2. GAMMA
Stipulation 1:  Unresolved Personal Conflickktiefndm
Stipulation 2:  Power Enhancement 

Warning:  Crowd warning generator disabled.
Suggestion:  Replace/repair computsensotrational unit #24.

Searching...
Conflict Found!

Earching...
Found!         Found!
Yohko Mano     Morrigan

Within Teleporzation Range:
Yes!           Yes!

Accccepted.

With a quiet pop, the two fighters appeared half a meter above the ring.  
Yohko landed awkwardly, but kept her feet.  Morrigan had apparently been 
caught in the middle of a nap, and landed painfully on one wing.

Morrigan sat up as Yohko spun around to face her.  "You!"  "You."

"And there's no love lost between these two!  I wonder what unresolved 
personal conflict they have?!"  Hiroshi was beginning to get into the 
match, despite his misgivings.

"Gee.  I wonder.  One's a demon, the other's a demon hunter.  Where's the 
conflict."  

"Work wi-"  Hiroshi caught himself just in time.  "...well that's 
professional conflict.  The stipulation was 'personal'!"

"Finally, a chance to finish what I started," snarled Yohko.  "Nobody's 
going to stop us _here_."

Morrigan smirked.  "As I remember it, _you_ were the one that dome 
security found on the floor!"

"Only because I slipped on your blood, succubus!"  Barely pausing for 
breath, Yohko launched into her pre-fight speech.  "For four long weeks, 
young girls like me have been mortally afraid of entering the Ultra locker 
room!  Now your reign of terror has come to an end, Morrigan.  I, Yohko 
Mano, 108th generation demon hunter, will strike you down and make the 
showers safe once more!"  She pirouetted, and her school uniform tore 
itself into pieces that flew off into the audience.  The audience gasped 
as she came to a halt totally nude.  Yohko stood silently for a moment 
before a tight, vaguely chinese-styled dress slit _way_ up both thighs 
flashed onto her body.  She made a spinning jump into the air, her dress 
flaring out to show off the white panties underneath.  "Soul Sword!" she 
cried, and when she landed a glowing, meter-long blade was held in her 
hand.

Hiroshi, at ringside, desperately tried to hold back a nosebleed.  "...and 
we learn why Yohko has always changed to her hunter form before coming out 
to the ring," he finally choked out.

Morrigan was laughing so hard that she had to grab a turnbuckle for 
support.  "And I thought _I_ had mastered the art of fanservice!  
Waahahahahahahaha..."

Yohko's brow creased with rage.  Her sword flared so brightly the audience 
had to shield their eyes or look away.  She charged the succubus, who 
jumped left into the ropes.  Yohko's overhead stroke came down on the 
turnbuckle, cleaving it roughly in half.  As she spun and pulled the sword 
away, the ruined turnbuckle collapsed to ringside, half-melted.

Morrigan backed away respectfully.  "I see that you've gotten stronger."  
She jumped into the air and unleashed her Air Soul Fist.  Yohko jumped 
over the projectile, but it exploded as it hit the mat and the shock wave 
sent her flying out of control across the ring.  Yohko hit the mat hard, 
but immediately rolled up to one knee, the Soul Sword at guard against a 
follow-up attack.  Morrigan, however, was staring at the damage her attack 
had caused.

A third of the ring had totally collapsed, and the ropes on three sides of 
the ring were down.  Only the side with the announcer's table was 
relatively undamaged.

"This fight's just started, and already we're seeing unprecedented power 
from both opponents!  How far can they go?  How much does Washuu's device 
increase their stamina?!"

"'Are we going to survive?' might be a better question, Hiroshi."

Yohko shifted the sword to her left hand, and reached behind her with her 
right.  The symbols on her dress began to glow like arc lamps, and she 
mumbled a spell.  She crouched slightly, obviously waiting for Morrigan to 
try another attack.

Morrigan concentrated and a dead-black ball of soul energy formed in her 
right hand.  Violet lightning crackled around the sphere, rapidly gaining 
in size and intensity.  She gestured with her left hand for Yohko to come 
to her.

"And it's a standoff, folks.  The first one to commit to her attack will 
forfeit the advantage, and if either one hits with the energy they've 
gathered, it'll be a sure knockout!"

For once, Daisuke had to agree.  "Yeah, this one could go either way."

The dome grew quiet, as the crowd waited for the fighters to make a move.  
The Wave, which had made more than forty trips around the dome, died out.  
Signs stopped waving as the teenagers holding them suddenly became, for 
the first time, more interested in seeing what was about to happen in the 
ring than in getting four seconds of fame on international television.  
Hiroshi, feeling the mass anticipation, kept silent so as to not spoil the 
moment.

A whole minute passed this way.  Jack, standing in the wings beside the 
Random Stipulation Generator, lost his patience and shouted, "Hurry up!  I 
can feel the ratings dropping!!"  

Everyone in the dome, save the two fighters, turned towards him and let 
out a massive "SSHHH!"  

Jack shrugged.  "Okay, I can tell when I'm not wanted.  Come along, Mr. 
Duck," he added to the squeeze-toy sitting on his shoulder.  

"Squeak!" agreed Mr. Duck.  They stalked off together towards Jack's 
office.

Another minute passed, and still another.  Morrigan's soul sphere was 
radiating electric purple arcs eight feet in every direction.  The symbols 
on Yohko's dress had faded, but she held something clenched behind her in 
her right fist that seemed as if it could outshine the sun.

Finally Morrigan's demonic nature got the better of her, and she lost 
patience... just a little.  She blinked once, hard, trying to provoke a 
reaction from Yohko.

Yohko saw the blink, subconsciously evaluated it as the precursor of an 
attack, and flinched.

Morrigan saw Yohko flinch and figured that the girl had taken the bait.  
She raised her hand to release the massive ball of energy, then realized 
that Yohko had not made any real move yet.

Yohko saw the ball come up and instinctively dove left, hurling the 
glowing ofuda in her right hand with all her might at the succubus.

Morrigan struggled to adjust her aim as her hand went forward.  She 
succeeded, but at the cost of most of her soul sphere's speed.

Daisuke, in a moment of startlingly clear precognition, jumped out of his 
seat and hid behind Hiroshi.

The overcharged ofuda zinged across the ring and collided with the 
overpowered Soul Fist just a meter in front of Morrigan.  Positive 
spiritual energy met negative spiritual energy met accidentally created 
dimensional harmonic point...  and everything went white.

***

Hiroshi's AT-field shimmered, then faded away.  

Daisuke opened his eyes, and looked around.  The dome was literally gone.  
A few remnants of its southern outer wall still stood, looking like a row 
of chipped and broken teeth.  He saw a few people crawling out of the 
wreckage where the dressing rooms had once been, and there was a backup 
outside-the-dome camera crew sprinting towards him and Hiroshi.  The 
Random Stipulation Generator was singed a little, but apparently still 
functional.  Everything else, though...

"Oh, dear Lina!  They're dead!  Everyone's DEAD!"

Hiroshi turned and grabbed Daisuke by the shoulders.  "Get a hold of 
yourself!  Everyone's just fine, the ejection seats got them out in plenty 
of time.  Look!  You can see their parachutes!"  He pointed downwind, 
towards the setting sun.

"I don't see anything there," complained Daisuke.  "And when did the 
UltraDome get ejection seats?  Are you sure?"

Hiroshi smiled sunnily as the cameraman reached them.  "Yes, Daisuke, 
everyone is just fine."  He turned to face the camera.  "Well, it appears 
that this ends-"  Something off to one side caught his eye.  "WAIT!  YOHKO 
IS GETTING UP!"

Indeed, Yohko was struggling to her feet.  She was bruised, bloodied... 
and totally missing her dress.

"And I see Morrigan about twenty meters off to our left,"  Hiroshi noted.  
"It doesn't look like she's conscious, though.  Since the winning blow was 
landed in the ring, Yohko wins!"

Yohko finally stood up straight.  She looked around, taking in the massive 
damage she had helped cause.  Then she looked down at herself.  "EEEEEK!"

"I wonder why it bothers her now, when there's nobody around," mused 
Daisuke.  His arm began to hurt badly as the adrenaline and endorphin rush 
that comes from almost but not quite being blown up wore off.  He finally 
realized that the cast had somehow been torn off by the explosion, and the 
broken, twisted limb was hanging loose.  "I need a vacation," he muttered.  
"MEDIC!" he called before fainting.

As Yohko ran off into the distance, Hiroshi resumed his wrap-up.  "What an 
EXPLOSIVE finale!!!  The UltraDome, as you can see, is a total ruin, so 
the other two fights we had scheduled this evening will have to be 
postponed.  Sorry!

"From all... half-dozen or so of us still here at Ultra,  goodnight, and 
Lina bless.  We'll be back next week... somehow."

***

Jack sighed and looked at the smoking remnants of his executive chair.  
Life was hell, Ultra would be in debt by the time the dome was rebuilt, 
and his secretary was working at the triage center and refused to come 
give him a backrub.  At least he wouldn't have to support those 
freeloading Shotoweenies.  "And you're still with me, Mr. Duck, that has 
to count for something."

"Squeeiissssss."  Mr. Duck didn't sound very healthy...

"Mr. Duck?  Oh no!  Mr. Duck!"

"Hisssssssss.  Hissss!"

"Just hold on Mr. Duck, I'll go get a doctor!"

Jack ran for the triage center, but stopped in his tracks when he heard an 
odd popping behind him.  He spun to see a doorway hovering six inches off 
the ground open.  Washuu and Ifurita stepped out, and the portal 
disappeared.

"Aftermath of technique #46526:  Reality-warp enhanced spiritual energy 
annihilation reaction," observed Ifurita in a clinical tone.

Jack's temper snapped.  "Damn you, Washuu, this is YOUR fault.  Your 
stupid machine blew up my dome!  I'm going to sue your ass!"

Washuu eyed the wreckage.  "Did you ask if you could use it?  Did you ask 
me HOW to use it?  Did you even read the stupid WARNING LABEL?!  No, you 
just HAD to interrupt my vacation with your stupidity.  Grow up, Jack."

"hiissssss," the injured squeeze-toy reminded Jack.

"Mr. Duck!  I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!"  Controversial Jack sprinted away, 
carrying his friend to medical help.  Washuu sighed, shook her head in 
disgust, and went to look for the rest of Cybergrrlz.

No, Jack thought as he tried to convince the doctors that rubber chewable
bath toys fell under the hippocratic oath, the night could not have sucked
worse.  Something would have to be done to correct this, lest Ultra fall
into the financial sink hole, he lost his job, lost his secretary, and
lost his lifetime subscription to the cheese of the month club.

Unfortunately, the only way to get further revenue on this short notice
for Ultra was a publicity stunt.  Something to spike the ratings, something
that would make all those loveably naive and rich sports entertainment fans
fork over more ticket money, more commercial viewing eyeballs, more
funds...

Some sort of big main event for the next week's episode... no DQ...
lots of potential for bloodshed and grievous bodily harm... good clean
family fun.


Jack focused his Mad Wind Ninja Booking Skeelz and came up with the answer.
Giggling madly, as he forked over Mr. Duck's Blue Cross card to the doctors,
he started dreaming about the many fun ways he'd tell Shingo and Ranma about
their big match... the final round in their massive fued.  The ratings
dream boat.

Life started to look up.  Jack whistled a strange mix of 'Ode to Joy' and
'Shake your Groove Thang', as visions of sweet, honeylike profit danced in
his head, mingled with blood and sweat... and a pinch of lemon.

***

][  ULTRA EPISODE 36 RESULTS/RECAP:
][  Sakura Kusanago DEFEATS Ranma Saotome, now [9W,3L]
][  Ash/Misty FIGHTS Blanka/Pikachu, DRAW, no change in record
][  Misty DISCOVERS what happened to Psyduck
][  Ken Masters LEAVES Gamma Division
][  Ken Masters/Sagat ENTER Lambda DIVISION
][  Ken Masters/Sagat DEFEAT Andy Bogard/Sie Kensou, unofficial 
][      match, no change in record
][  Lina Inverse LEARNS the limits and opportunities of power.
][  Shermie/Yashiro DEFEAT Kunou/Haohmaru, now [5W,1L], RETAIN 
][      Lambda Division Title
][  Yohko Mano DEFEATS Morrigan, now [2W, 0L]
][  The UltraDome is utterly, totally FLATTENED

***

A few words from the author:

It was not my original intention, but this episode evolved into a team 
effort.  Sean Givan created and wrote the Ranma/Sakura fight, the 
Ken/Sagat introduction and fight sequence, and other Shotokan scenes.  
Ardweden wrote the Pokemon fight and MistyAngst scenes more or less to my 
specifications.  Ard, if you ever need a hand writing something, just send 
me an email...  And finally, Anonymous created the wonderful 
Shermie/Daisuke sequence despite disagreeing with me about everything in 
my original plan.  Many thanks to all of you, and to Twoflower for a 
little encouragement this last weekend when I was tempted to throw in the 
towel.

Thanks also go to Jed Blue.  Jed, there was nothing wrong with what you 
sent me, it just didn't _fit_.

Delfina, I'm sorry I couldn't make it work.  It was just too close, and I 
didn't have time to create the supporting materials.

I need to acknowledge a few sources as well:
Jamie Klein's       Darkstalkers FAQ (ver. 1.3)
'Rimururu's         KOF 97 Orochi Shermie FAQ (ver. 1.1)
Greg A. Kasavin's   KOF 97 Yashiro FAQ (ver. 1.1)
Jimmy Tu's          SS1 Haohmaru Strategy Guide (ver. 1.1)
All of these were obtained from www.GameFAQs.com.  Support your online FAQ 
authors!

The episode is still distinctively "mine" despite my needing to ask other 
authors for help with material to replace ideas that I had to scrap.  The 
end result is a pastiche, but a readable one, and an okay midstream episode 
(I hope), but does nothing extremely special.  I tried to live up to the 
ideas and ideals I mentioned in my analysis omake, but critical thought of 
that nature had to be shunted aside in the rush to put all the pieces 
together by the deadline.  I signed up for Ultra in the belief that 
writing an episode would be _fun_.  It wasn't, and I'm going to have to do 
some hard thinking before deciding whether to sign up for Ultra in the 
future.

On the other hand, I am proud of this episode.  It's been too long since I 
really forced myself to create, and when it came to the crunch, I found 
out that I still can produce.

Good luck to Rift and all other upcoming Ultra authors.

-Kerry "Ked" Stump       Feb. 23, 2000

***

"They're DEAD!  EVERYBODY'S DEAD!!!"

"SHUT UP, Daisuke, this is the American dub!"