Hiroshi stood nervously in front on Controversial Jack's desk. Meetings with
the boss generally weren't good news. "Um...you wanted to see me, sir?"
    Jack spun around in his chair a few times, then stopped it facing Hiroshi.
"About time you got here. Your buddy, whasisname the boring guy, isn't going to
be with us tonight."
    "Daisuke isn't going to be here?"
    "Yeah, him. As it turns out, those stupid Kasumi-written contracts of yours
allow for medical leave. And thanks to that broken arm of his, and him being put
through a table last week, I have to let him take one. Oh, get this. I have to
pay the nimrod, too!"
    Hiroshi scratched the back of his head. He should probably stick up for Dai.
But, then again, it's not a good idea to cross the boss. Especially this one.
"So...um...who's going to be the guest host?"
    "What makes you think there's a guest host?"
    "Huh?" was Hiroshi's intelligent counter.
    "There's no guest host. I'm not paying De...do...da..."
    "Daisuke?"
    "Whatever. I'm not paying him and somebody else, too. Ultra isn't made of
money. It's supposed to make money. And it hasn't even been doing that lately.
So go out there and put on a show, already."
    "By myself?"
    "You're the only commentator who's interesting to begin with. What'd be the
difference?"
    "Well, it is kind of a team eff..."
    "You. Go announce. Now."
    "Um...yessir!" Hiroshi rushed out.
    "That's what I thought." Jack kicked back in his chair. "I give and I give
and I give, and it's never enough. What do they expect me to do? Open a football
league?"

                                 *

                               LIVE!
                       FROM THE ULTRADOME!
                      THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
                     IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
                      SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
                         AND IMPROFANFIC!
                         IT'S TIME FOR...

         { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
         {      C R O S S O V E R  F I G H T I N G      }
         {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
         {                .-----------.                 }
         {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
         {                `-----------'                 }
         {          http://www.improfanfic.com          }

         Episode #38: We're Getting the Band Back Together!
             Episode written by Gaijin Dan Mastriani

                                 *

    Huge sports entertainment complex? Check. Millions of screaming fans? Check.
Sound level so incredibly high that no decibel measurement equipment has
survived long enough for it to be officially measured and placed into the
Guinness Book of World Records? Oh, hell yeah. It was very definitely live and
very definitely Ultra.
    "Ready for a little...Ultra-violence?" The crowd doubled its noise level,
effectively deafening much of the continent of Asia. Hiroshi was pleased. Best
to start out with a recognizable catch phrase and keep the crowd pumped, since
he was on his own tonight. "We've got it for you tonight! Three, count 'em,
three Omega matches, including the long awaited battle between Naga the White
Serpent and Dark Schneider for the Omega belt! Also, someone has apparently
challenged Marlo for the Hardcore Belt! Plus more Gamma and Lambda action!" In
other words, Hiroshi only knew about those two matches. "First up..."
    As often happens on this sort of program, Hiroshi was unable to finish his
sentence, today being interrupted by the opening strains of "Lai-Lai Boy".
Shampoo stormed from the back to the ring, dragging Mousse behind her, lest he
walk off in the wrong direction and ruin her entrance.
    "Shampoo is calling for a mike! Let's hear what she has to say!" Let no one
say that Hiroshi is stingy with excitement. Not that anyone would, mind you.
    "Shampoo tired of waiting! Jack promise Shampoo and Mousse title shot, and
Shampoo want it TONIGHT! What wrong? Void afraid of Shampoo?"
    Obligingly, the ControversialTron flared to life, revealing Yashiro, Shermie
and Xelloss. Yashiro piped up first. "Like you have a chance! We'll fight you if
you want. Just don't think you can win. After all, I hit girls. I enjoy hearing
'em scream."
    "Ha! Shampoo say Yashiro only talk big because he have Xelloss helping him
out! You nothing without him!"
    Yashiro dismissed the statement with a wave of his fist. "Get real! We don't
need the boss's help to beat you or anybody! And we'll prove it! Right, Boss?"
    "Of course," Xelloss smiled. "I certainly wouldn't keep around fighters who
couldn't fight. That'd be silly. Yashiro and Shermie will easily defeat you, and
without me lifting a finger to help."
    "Shampoo believe that when she see it!"
    Unruffled, Xelloss continued. "Certainly. You shall see it tonight. You will
get your title shot, and I give my word as a Mazoku that I shall not interfere."
    Shampoo smiled. "That just what Shampoo want to hear! Void better be ready
for beating!"
    Laughing, Yashiro replied, "We'll see who gets beat! We're gonna destroy
you! But enough about you losers. I got one more thing to say before I go!
Yagami! I know you're listening in the back, you traitor! You think you can
thumb your nose at the Void? I bet you're not so hot without the Orochi power!
I'd prove it myself, but my dance card's already full. So I got a proposition,
if you've got the guts. You and my hand-picked challenger! Tonight! Not afraid,
are you?"
    That said, the images of the Void faded away, leaving the normal view of the
ring being departed by Shampoo and Mousse. If things kept going like this, mused
Hiroshi, he should be fine. "What an amazing development! Another title match,
adding to our already excitement gushing card! And, I've just been given word
that Iori has accepted Yashiro's challenge! What else will happen tonight? Let's
see, as we start our first match!"


    Andy Bogard studied himself in the mirror. Experimentally, he wrapped his
fingers around the mid-point of his long blond mane. "Hey, Mai. You think I
should do my hair in a ponytail?"
    This didn't exactly comfort the bouncy kunoichi. Andy'd been spending more
time staring at that mirror than she had since he and Sie had been unable to
beat Bison's Busters. "Wouldn't that make you look a lot like Terry?"
    "Hm? Oh. I hadn't thought about that." He pulled open the drawer in front of
him, and drew out a red and white baseball cap.
    "Hey, is that Terry's cap? Where'd you get that, Andy?"
    "Yeah. Yeah, it is. Aeris gave it to me after the last pay-per-view. She
said Terry wanted me to have it." He slipped the cap onto his head. "There."
    Mai chewed her bottom lip. "Andy, what are you putting that on for?"
    "I'm just going to wear it to the ring, is all. You know. In Terry's memory.
Don't worry, Big Brother. I'll carry on for you."
    "Look, Andy, we'd better go. We're on any second."
    Andy tilted Terry's cap so it sat as Terry had always had it. "Yeah, I'm
ready. Let's go."


    Traditional Japanese music wafted through the air, heralding the arrival of
the Samurai, Haohmaru and Tatewaki Kuno. "TONIGHT SHALL BE A FINE CONQUEST, MY
PUPIL!" stated the legendary Haohmaru to his charge in one of his quieter
voices, which didn't carry outside the arena. "THOUGH HE IS NOT NEARLY AS
LEGENDARY AS HIS BROTHER, AND OF COURSE NEITHER BEING AS LEGENDARY AS I, THAT IS
ME, THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU, AND THOUGH WE HAVE DEFEATED HIM ONCE BEFORE, THIS
ANDY BOGARD IS YET STILL A MIGHTY WARRIOR! AS IS HIS CONSORT, WHO I HEAR IS ONE
OF THE LEGENDARY (THOUGH, AGAIN, NOT NEARLY AS LEGENDARY AS MYSELF) FEMALE NINJA
KNOWN AS KUNOICHI! ONCE WE AGAIN DEFEAT THEM, WE SHALL SURELY BE YET AGAIN
RECOGNIZED IN GOOD STANDING, AS WE SHOULD BE, AND WILL BE ABLE TO CLAIM OUR
RIGHTFUL PLACE AS CHAMPIONS!"
    "INDEED, SENSEI!" bellowed Kuno, doing his best to emulate his role model's
tone of voice. "FOR, VERILY AS THE VENGEANCE OF HEAVEN IS SURE AND SWIFT, SO TOO
SHALL BE OUR BLADES, LEADING US TO OUR RICHLY DESERVED VICTORY!"
    "ENLIGHTENMENT!"
    "ENLIGHTENMENT!"
    Having grown accustomed to having a constant, horrible ringing in his ears,
Hiroshi announced undaunted. "Here they are, folks! The Samurai! They'll be
trying to rebound from their loss to the Void two weeks back against their
opponents this week, the Hungry Wolves. And they just might do it! The Samurai
already hold a victory over them, and can the Hungry Wolves think about anything
but Bison right now?" This would have been a good time for Dai to interject
something, thought Hiroshi, if Dai were here.
    It was odd, seeing Andy walk out as normal, yet wearing Terry's hat. The
majority of the crowd deigned to take no notice of it and simply cheer anyway.
Frankly, there was more concern over Mai not acting as bouncy as usual. Again,
the majority of the crowd ignored it and cheered anyway. After all, there'd
surely be plenty of bouncing during the fight.
    Andy slid into the ring, then paused to hang Terry's cap reverently on the
nearest corner post. Turning and fixing his gaze on the Samurai, he spoke: "I'm
after Bison. You two are in the way. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to put you
down hard."

] [  LAMBDA MATCH
] [  THE SAMURAI vs. THE HUNGRY WOLVES
] [  FIGHT!

    Haohmaru couldn't imagine being left out of pre-match boasting. "HO! THOUGH
YOUR LOSS IS INDEED TRAGIC, AND I WOULD NOT NORMALLY STAND IN THE WAY OF
VENGEANCE  AGAINST SUCH A NON-LEGENDARY VILLAIN SUCH AS M. BISON, WHO IS SO NON-
LEGENDARY NONE EVEN RECALL WHAT THE 'M' STANDS FOR, I FEAR I MUST CRUSH YOU IN
THE PATH TO GREATER GLORY AND HIGHER HEIGHTS OF LEGENDRY THAN I HAVE ALREADY
ACHIEVED! FOR MY WAY IS THE SAMURAI WAY! THE LEGENDARY WAY! THE INTERSTATE
HIGHWAY!" Somewhere in the midst of this, the bell rings. "THEREFORE, MY
SOMEWHAT LEGENDARY FOE ANDY BOGARD, IT IS ONLY PROPER THAT I WARN YOU TO PRE-
OOF!"
    "Andy Bogard, wasting no time! He elbows Haohmaru in the stomach with his
Zaneiken technique! Haohmaru'll feel that one in the morning!" Hiroshi's line of
conversation died there, seeing as Daisuke wasn't around to say something
sarcastic like, "I'd say he's feeling it right now."
    For his part, Andy wasn't terribly interested in who was and wasn't
announcing tonight. His main concern was taking out Haohmaru so he could get
back to training for his next shot at Bison. He followed the elbow to the
stomach with a back-fist to the jaw, then a point blank Hishoken. Staggered but
not down, Haohmaru was charged again, lest he tag. Andy aimed for his side; that
way he could herd him to the neutral corner where he'd have no escape.
    "Sasuke, now!" Damn, Kuno was calling for help! Andy looked quickly for the
direction of attack.
    "Andy, above you!" Mai shrieked and covered her eyes as a girder from the
ceiling "mysteriously" dislodged itself and fell toward her fiancée. Andy dived
to the side.
    "Kuno and Haohmaru up to their cheating ways again!" Hiroshi railed at this
dishonesty. "They could have just killed Andy Bogard! Fortunately, Andy's landed
clear of the girder, but it looks like he's been hurt."
    "HO! NOT SO LEGENDARY AFTER ALL, ANDY BOGARD! IT IS JUST AS I, THAT IS ME,
THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU, HAD PREDICTED! YOU ARE ENSNARED AND DEFEATED EASILY!
WHY, THE MATCH HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN AND YOU ARE AT MY MERCY ALREADY! HAVE AT
YOU!" Andy tried to rise, only to be struck back to the ground by Haohmaru's
blunted sword. "HA! CAN YOU NOT STAND?" A shot to the small of the back, again
flattening Andy against the mat. "GET UP! YOU HAVE FALLEN FOR A PLOY THAT YOU
FELL FOR ONCE A SECOND TIME!" This time, Haohmaru simply used his foot.
    "Stop it! Stop it right now! Andy!" Mai made preparations to vault to Andy's
rescue, but found the referee blocking her way. "What are you doing!? Out of my
way!"
    "Not without a proper tag, ma'am! Mr. Bogard's the legal fighter right now!"
    "You're worried about that!? He had a girder dropped on him!" Sorely
tempted, Mai resisted her impulse to simply deck the official. She was in the
right, after all.
    "Mr. Jack says matches are not to be stopped on account of freak accidents,
ma'am."
    "You really think..." Must not deck the referee. Must not deck the referee.
Ninja discipline in action. Must not deck the referee. "Andy! Tag!"
    Wherever tagging Mai was on Andy's list of priorities, escaping Haohmaru
beating him into the mat currently outranked it. He wasn't allowed to rise an
inch without being knocked flat again. And, all the time, Haohmaru laughed.
Legendary Samurai, huh? It was time for one of the legendary Hungry Wolves to
make a move. Thinking quickly, Andy flipped his body face up just in time to
catch Haohmaru's sword arm. A quick kick to his far knee, and Andy had him in
range. His palm smashed flat against the samurai's jaw.
    "Yeah! Andy! Tag out!" Andy pulled himself toward his corner. How could he
be losing so easily? Terry believed in him. Terry wouldn't give up.
    "SO, AN UNEXPECTED MOVE? AT LEAST FOR THE AVERAGE FIGHTER. FOR I, THAT IS
ME, THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU, POSSESS SUCH KEEN BATTLE SENSE THAT I EASILY DEDUCED
THAT YOU WOULD DO SUCH A THING. IT WAS ONLY TO REWARD YOUR INGENUITY THAT I
ALLOWED YOU TO STRIKE ME! AND I NOW TAG MY PROTÉGÉ SIMPLY THAT HE MAY LEARN BY
COMBATING SUCH A CLEVER ADVERSARY HIS SELF!" Haohmaru slapped Kuno's hand. "YOU
ARE 'IT', YOUNG STUDENT! SHOW HIM OUR MIGHT!"
    "OF COURSE, SENSEI!" Ah, what a fine teacher Kuno had, to hand him such
opportunities.
    Andy was nearly there. Terry believed in him. Terry wouldn't give up. He
reached towards Mai's hand. Then, he reached past it and caught hold of the red
and white baseball cap. Andy pulled himself up to stand shakily in the corner
and affixed the cap on his head. Terry wouldn't give up.
    "Andy, what are you doing?" Mai stretched her hand out to Andy. "Quick, tag
me! You're hurt!"
    Andy shook his head. "No. No, I'm fine. I've got to win. Terry believes in
me. He wouldn't give up."
    "Andy, what are you thinking? Tag out, at least for a while!"
    "I've got to win. Terry wouldn't give up." He turned to see Kuno charging.
What would Terry do? He didn't have time to think. "Burn Knuckle!"
    It was sloppy, but so was Kuno. Andy's fist found solid purchase, knocking
Kuno back. Don't let up! Terry wouldn't stop now! Andy charged forward, putting
the close-combat skill he'd spent his life learning to work. Punches and kicks.
Elbows and knees. Andy gave Kuno everything he had. He couldn't stop. Terry
wouldn't give up. But, there was someone behind him?
    "Cho Hissatsu Shinobi Bachi!" Mai's path was clear this time. She sailed
through the air, her body surrounded in flame, to collide with the advancing
Haohmaru. He had been trying a sneak attack, but Mai wouldn't let the Samurai
blindside her Andy again. Burned and bruised, Haohmaru was flung back to the
ropes. "Now, Andy! We can win!"
    "Can you hear me, Terry? I'm doing this for you." Andy braced himself low to
the mat, then sprung. "Cho Reppa Dan!" Kuno was trapped in the corner. There was
nothing he could do. The younger Bogard landed in a crouch. Tatewaki simply
slumped down the turnbuckles.
    "Amazing!" Hiroshi gushed. "An incredible win by the Hungry Wolves!" Hiroshi
felt as there was something else he should point out, but it eluded him. Daisuke
would have known.
    Andy rose slowly, his back still aching from the start of the match. But he
had done it; he had won. He forced himself to stand straight and tall. "I won't
let you down, Big Brother. Bison's mine." He plucked the cap off his head, used
it to bat the dust off his knees, and settled it back on his head. "Hmph."
    "That's just what Terry used to do," said Mai, though no one heard.


    Little is left of the Great Planet Andromeda. Once home to a mighty empire
of machines, those machines and their queen now lay silent, destroyed by those
who had stood up to their plans of a universe inhabited by technology alone. So
it is that Mewtwo now floated above dead ruins, quietly adrift among the Sea of
Stars. He too had challenged the belief that technology is right in itself,
personified by that madwoman Washu. And yet, she had simply ignored him since.
He had beaten her irresponsible "science" easily; did she think so little of
defeat? But, at last, she once again was answering his challenge.
    A portal opened, and a female figure floated out. "Opponent: Mewtwo. Target
locked. Analysis underway." Ifurita readied her power staff and faced her
genetically engineered foe.
    Feh. She'd sent that clockwork puppet. How cowardly. How many toys did he
need to break?
    Son Goku phased into existence between both combatants. "Are you both
ready." He looked in either direction. Both signaled assent. "Okay! Begin!" He
blinked out, reappearing at a good distance. No need to hinder a clean fight.

] [  OMEGA MATCH
] [  IFURITA vs. MEWTWO
] [  FIGHT!

    "This match could be explosive, ladies and gentlemen!" Hiroshi's voiced was
dubbed into the live feed for the benefit of the viewers at home. "This feud
between CyberGrrlz and Mewtwo has been stewing for several weeks now!"
    "Pitiful marionette. It's a shame that you will have to pay for your
puppeteer's mistake," Mewtwo thought to Ifurita, rather than said. He wasn't
sure if a machine could register telepathy. He wasn't particularly concerned
whether it did or not, however. "I will destroy all enemies placed before me.
Your end is on your mistress's head."
    "Enemy is classified as Pokemon: Psychic Type. Non-lethal force authorized.
Subduing opponent." Her staff glowed, and a blast was launched at Mewtwo. His
psychic forcefield sprung to life, absorbing the energy of the attack.
"Technique classified: Psychic Shield. Calculating maximum defensive ability.
Maximum defensive ability calculated. Preparing to overwhelm technique: Psychic
Shield. Firing now." Ifurita's staff glowed longer this time; the resulting
blast was larger, and seemed to crackle with energy.
    "I am the ultimate result of science's mad folly. Don't think you can
quantify and overwhelm my power." The pocket monster brought forth its strongest
shield. He'd show that automaton that his power was beyond its reckoning. The
energy met the barrier...and kept going. "This cannot be! No machine is stronger
than I!" The ball of power continued to move, Mewtwo's defense shuddering and
deforming as it was pushed in on itself, and in no way hindering the attack.
Mewtwo was wide eyed as defeat came nigh.
    The blast dissipated to reveal empty space. Ifurita considered it.
"Possibility of enemy destruction. Confirming."
    Having teleported away before Ifurita's blast hit him, Mewtwo reappeared
behind the machine-girl. "Possibility of my destruction: zero." Ifurita had no
time to turn. "Confusion." Human enough that her mind was susceptible to psychic
power, and computer enough that an error in code could shut her down at least
until the emergency protocols stored in ROM could correct the problem, the
tortured animate doll fell unconscious toward the ground and into Son Goku's
waiting arms.
    "Go...[bzzzt]...gomen ne, Washu-san..."
    "You've won. Don't try anything else." Having declared the winner, the
mighty Saiya-jin brought a little girl home.
    "As if she's my real target." Mewtwo went home as well.


    "So, were you planning on doing any announcing during that last segment?"
    Hiroshi checked his heart rate. Best to keep that down, no matter how this
phone conversation was going. Remember: no more NERV clones. "Um...would you
believe that the action spoke for itself?"
    Controversial Jack had heard many excuses during his time. Hell, he'd made
many excuses during his time. Some had been plain inspired. This one, however,
was not going to cut it. "What action? It lasted a whole of five minutes! That
sucking sound you hear is our ratings! It's your job, as the announcer, to DO
SOMETHING when boring crap happens to keep the audience interested. You usually
do. What the hell is wrong with you tonight?"
    Hiroshi loosened his collar. "Well, I mean, Daisuke is usually here to help
me..."
    "And? I could train a pet monkey to announce better than that Daibutsu guy!"
    "Daisuke, sir."
    "DON'T correct me. Correct you. If you don't start picking up the slack,
you're going to be the lower paid announcer. And it sure as hell isn't going to
be because Daihatsu gets a raise. I'm going to be working on that pet monkey
idea." The line went dead.
    Well, that could have gone better. At least they weren't back from com...oh,
crap! "Welcome back, folks! After that last amazing segment, I know you have to
be raring for more intense Ultra action! Worry not, as it's coming straight for
you! Our second Lambda match of the evening is starting RIGHT NOW! Wow!"

] [  LAMBDA MATCH
] [  THE PSYCHO SOLDIERS vs. BISON'S BUSTERS
] [  FIGHT!

    Sticky, happy, idol pop. Athena recognized her own voice as having sung the
bouncy tune accompanying the Psycho Soldiers to the ring, but it had been in a
happier time. But happy times would come again. With Sie's help, she'd stop
evil, evil, nasty, nasty Bison and make the world a safer place for all her
fans. Then, maybe, she'd be able to sing sticky, happy, idol pop again. She
liked it.
    Sie liked it too. Not because he was a fan of that type of music; he wasn't,
really. It was just that if Athena sang it, anything was beautiful. Things had
been better before Bison, for sure. True, Athena had hardly paid any attention
to him, but she had been happy. As long as he saw her smile every day, Kensou
didn't need her to pay attention to him. Not that it would have been bad, of
course. Still, her happiness was more important. That damn Bison! He'd pay for
this!
    "This'll be Sie Kensou's second battle with the mighty Bison's Busters!
However, since he's back with his normal partner Athena Asamiya, this one will
count in the record books! Will Bison's Busters be 1/0, or can Sie and Athena
pull together and make the Busters' first official match an addition to the loss
column?"
    The lights dimmed and the ControversialTron went black. Menacing music
began, and the ShadowNERV logo appeared on the massive screen. The lights
returned to reveal the ominous form of deadly Thai kick-boxer Sagat, in all his
cycloptic glory, flanked by a near lifeless Ken Masters. Sagat idly scratched
the long pink scar down his chest and chuckled so deeply his entire upper body
moved in time to it. Behind him the ShadowNERV logo faded and the screen
displayed an image of Bison himself.
    Bison chuckled evilly, perhaps in on whatever Sagat found so amusing. "Well,
if it isn't my poor little lost sheep! Come to rejoin the flock? No? I didn't
think so. It's such a shame. You had such potential, but it's about to be
snuffed out! Know the horror in betraying me! Sagat! Would you be so kind as to
start off, while I prepare my latest pawn?"
    Sagat stalked down to the ring, stepping over the ropes to make his
entrance. "Since poor little Ryu has run off to collect the remnants of his
skill, I guess I'll have to play with you twerps. Choose a martyr."
    Sie stepped forward, defiance in his eyes. "Why you arrogant..." He stopped,
Athena's hand was on his shoulder.
    "Sie? I want to fight." That look in her eyes. It was the one Sie could
never resist.
    "Athena? Are you sure? I'm not afraid of this big goon."
    "Please, Sie. I have to start fighting for myself again." Sie couldn't go
against her wishes. Not Athena's. She took up her fighting stance as he
retreated to their corner, and stared down the one-eyed beast. "I'm ready for
you! Psycho Ball!"
    "Tiger!"
    Athena and Sagat's projectiles met in mid-air, canceling each other out.
This had just been a feint on Athena's part, however, as she leapt into the air
and shot down toward Sagat surrounded by psychic energy. Sagat easily backed out
of the way of this Phoenix Arrow, but was struck in the stomach by the handstand
kick that followed. Pressing her advantage, she pushed him back with another
Psycho Ball, threw him into the air with the Super Psychic Throw, and uppercut
him with the Psycho Sword for good measure. As she expected, he stood again, so
she rushed him with kicks and punches, then sent him to the corner with a
powerful shoulder block. He stood again. That was fine with her. Concentrating,
she summoned the power of the Shining Crystal Bit, and four balls of focused
psychic energy began to orbit her as electrons around an atom.
    "Athena off to an amazing start! She could have this wrapped up already!"
Hiroshi was happy for her. That Bison guy was a jerk.
    "Nightie-night, ugly! Crystal Shoot!" All four balls combined into one at
the tip of Athena's finger, which shot forth at Sagat as she pointed toward him.
It struck him full in the chest; arcs of electricity crisscrossed his body,
leaving him still standing but shaking violently. Yet, he wasn't really shaking.
He was laughing.
    Hiroshi amended his previous statement. "Or not."
    Sagat stood up straight, now. If not for the bit of soot on his chest where
the Crystal Shoot hit home, it would seem as he hadn't been touched. "Well? Is
that it? Did you think your pathetic power would even faze me, who has been
training to be the strongest ever since even before I received this scar on my
chest? Did you think a little girl could beat the former World Street Fighting
Champion? Hah! You're nothing! Only Ryu compared to me, though with Bison's help
I've grown stronger. And not even he is a challenge any more, now that's he's
let himself get soft. I'm the best! You're all insects! Consider this punishment
for wasting my time!" He reared back, the entire arena seeming to dim as he
gathered energy. Then, he threw it forward. "Tiger!"
    There was no time to dodge. She couldn't possibly block. Her only chance was
to attempt the Nu Psycho Reflector, but even that was to little. The fierce
energy of the Super Tiger Shot was more than the technique was designed to
handle, and simply failed in its wake where a lesser projectile would have been
returned to the attacker. Undaunted by her defense, the move struck Athena full
force, sending her flying across the ring. Sagat himself wasn't far behind,
lifting her and tossing her away from her anxious partner, lest she tag out
before he'd finished having his fun. She'd try to stand, try to do something but
take the beating, but Sagat's powerful kicks blew threw any hasty blocks as if
they were nothing. Her ribs soon ached, and her nose began to bleed, but she
just couldn't get away. If only she could make some distance, she could use her
Psycho Teleport to get to Sie.
    All at once, Sagat stopped. "I'm bored." He slapped Ken's unresponsive hand
and stepped out of the ring. "Why don't you play with her for a while, Bison?
It's your grudge."
    Bison laughed from the comfort of the ControversialTron. "Why, Sagat! If I
didn't know better, I'd say you were being insolent. However, you're quite
correct. I wouldn't mind being a bit more hands on." He set his joystick at a
comfortable distance in front of him, and moved the stick diagonally to induce
Ken to leap into the ring.
    In the meantime, the short respite had been just what Athena needed to
recollect he wits. With a shout of "Psycho Teleport" she blinked away from the
spot Sagat had left her, and appeared in front of Kensou, using her last bit of
strength to make the tag. Sie had seen more than enough. This was way over what
he could stand.
    "Damn you, Bison! You've ruined everything! She used to be happy! She'd
smile every day! The warmest, sweetest smile anyone's ever seen! But now look at
her! Look what you've done! When I get through trashing your lackeys, I'm coming
for YOU!" Sie exploded. Not literally, but figuratively, raining attacks on Ken
faster even than Bison could pull back to block. He trapped the brainwashed
martial artist in the corner, letting lose every move he had. Finally spent, he
stepped back, breathing heavily, as Ken fell limp to the mat despite much
joystick twirling and button mashing on Bison's part. "I..." Sie's breathing had
not yet returned to normal, but Ken would be lucky to even survive such a
beating. "I won!" The referee began to count; Ken didn't so much as twitch.
    But again, Bison laughed. "Eh. Lukewarm. I'm not impressed." He reached into
the drawer of the desk he sat at, and drew a quarter from a neat stack of them.
"For, you see, I'm well prepared for just such a situation." Bison dropped the
coin in the slot on the joystick, and Ken hopped easily back to his feet.
    "It's...not fair..." The beat-down began. Sie had nothing left, having put
his all toward his attack, and so was easy prey for the machine precision of
ShadowNERV Puppet Ken. Powerful punches, wild but effective kicks, and the
deadly special arts of Shotokan: all were loosed upon him. Bison had him tossed
back and forth, doing whatever was his wont, and laughing all the while. Human
misery was Bison's favorite joke.
    It was during this that Athena regained consciousness. Seeing Sie toyed with
like a cruel child with a rag doll awakened an anger deep within her. Sie was
her best friend. Maybe, just maybe, she even loved him back just a little bit.
Nobody was going to treat Sie like this in front of her. In her anger she
remembered, if only for a moment, being a goddess born in mortal form. The
warrior Athena, who had fought for peace so long ago. And just for that moment,
she had her true power again. Her clothes shifted from her normal uniform to the
swimsuit like attire she'd once worn under her armor. Her eyes full of fire, she
gazed upon the ring, a sword made of flame appearing above her head. "GET AWAY
FROM HIM!"
    Bison gaped. Never, with everything he'd done to her and everything he'd put
her through, had Athena before touched this power. A good evil overlord knows
when to cut his losses. Using his Psycho Power, he teleported quickly to the
UltraDome, vanishing with his team just as quickly. The flame sword sliced only
empty air, and Athena reverted to normal, succumbing to the oblivion of sleep.
Sie passed out as well, though not so much because of exhaustion of injury, but
mostly from seeing Athena in a bikini.
    Back at Shadowloo headquarters, Bison mused that his old toy might yet have
undiscovered secrets. What a shame he'd have to break her.
    Back in the main booking office for Ultra, Controversial Jack mused that he
could forgive Hiroshi for not saying more during the past match. But if he
didn't get more talkative soon, he'd have to rip his adenoids out.
    Feeling the need to add something intelligent, Hiroshi instead came out
with: "Wow."


    A chainsaw ripped through the last intact dummy in the now much more quiet
Spirit of Shotokan Dojo. "There," said David, wiping his brow. "I think I'm
ready for action again."
    "Look, David." Sakura was not happy. "I'm all for you getting back in the
swing of things and all, but I really think it'd be a better idea to try joining
Gamma or something first."
    "You know I'm no good without my chainsaw. And you know Hardcore matches are
the only place it'd be allowed."
    "You haven't fought in forever, David, and you're jumping right into the
most dangerous match you can! You shouldn't do this!"
    "The only kind of match I have a chance in is a Hardcore match. And there's
no real point in just having a Hardcore match if you don't challenge for the
belt. Remember what Controversial Jack said when he made the thing up: anyone
who's not in Omega can challenge for it."
    "Marlo's the champ for a reason. Don't fight him!"
    "Sakura, I have to do this."
    "No you don't. And you know what? Ryu-sama left me in charge of Spirit of
Shotokan! I forbid you from doing this!" David walked away to the door. "David!
Don't ignore me!"
    He turned back. "I'm really glad you're that worried about me. But I don't
remember joining Spirit of Shotokan, so I can't follow your order." And then he
was gone.
    "David! DAVID! Come back here! Don't expect me to run out and save you!
David!" Sakura let out her breath and her gaze wandered down to the floor.
"You're going to get hurt, you jerk."


    He didn't have music. He didn't have a video package. Hell, he hadn't even
fought more than once in Ultra, if you don't count Orochi's matches while he had
used him as his host. But David had his pride. He knew that he could get hurt.
He knew that this was dangerous, and probably stupid, and that's why Sakura was
worried. Was he even really proving his worth to her, or to himself? It didn't
matter. Either way, he had to. He was a warrior, and this is what warriors do.
So David made his way to the ring.
    "It's David! Believe it or not, folks, it looks like Sakura's maybe/maybe
not boyfriend is Marlo's challenger! What a brave move by David! I'm positively
shocked!" Hiroshi was shocked, in a positive manner.
    Once again, the UltraDome was bathed in darkness. A countdown appeared on
the ControversialTron, foretelling the arrival of the Hardcore Champion, Marlo
Semaj. The count reached zero, fireworks went off, and the Furnityre Savior
arrived. Grabbing a microphone from FurnitureSpace, Marlo began this week's
rant. "Now, Marlo Semaj, your hero, your role model, and your HARDCORE CHAMPION
can take a joke as well as the next guy. In fact, as Ultra's own personal
Furnityre Savior, I'm not above making a few gags to liven up a match with yet
another of the boring losers that challenge me. But this, this is just too much!
Are you trying to insult me? Are you, with that tiny little mind of yours,
actually trying to make fun of Marlo? Being the generous hero to millions that I
am, I am giving you one and only one chance to go running back under your
girlfriend's skirt! Well? I'm waiting!" David simply revved up his chainsaw.
"Congratulations, moron! You are officially even dumber than you look!" Marlo
tossed the mike. It was on.

] [  HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE
] [  DAVID vs. MARLO
] [  FIGHT!

    "Looks like Marlo is wasting no time in bringing out the heavy artillery!
Or, rather, the heavy furniture!" Hey, Hiroshi could so announce by himself.
After all, he'd been here nearly three seasons already. "He's using a large
refrigerator to counter David's buzzing chainsaw!"
    Metal collided and sparks flew. And, while metal against metal heralded
longer longevity for Marlo's weapon, it wasn't impervious to high-speed
abrasion. So Marlo pulled out something else. And when that was cut in two, he
found another weapon. And another. And another. This wasn't going well. What had
he done last time he'd been in a situation like this?
    David, for his part, wasn't stupid. Sure, he could just keep sawing away at
Marlo's arsenal, but where would that get him? Attacking took more energy than
blocking, so he'd probably get tired first. As far as he knew, Marlo couldn't
run out of furniture, so that wouldn't be winning him the match. It was time to
show people he had a fighting style, rather than just being some mook who swung
around a chainsaw. He swung high. As expected, Marlo raised the Maytag
Washer(tm) he was currently fighting with to block. So David kneed him in the
gut, where he was wide open. With a swipe of David's chainsaw Marlo was
disarmed, and then knocked down with an elbow to the face. David was ready to
take this match. He swung his chainsaw down...only to find that it hit the
rather solid surface of the ring apron before getting to his prone opponent.
    Marlo rolled away and made some space. Dan had tried this same counter in
his first match, but he'd done something unbelievably brilliant and clever to
turn it against him. Not that that was out of the ordinary for him, of course.
He was Marlo, after all. He was currently engaged in hurling furniture toward
the hungry blade of David's chainsaw. David would slice it to bits, and neither
of them would really get anywhere. It was getting hard to make the idiot out
with all the sawdust in the air. Hey, that was it! His amazing, exciting, and of
course effective counter! He tossed a can of latex paint David's way, and
David's world became nothing but a wall of relaxing beige.
    "Arrrgh! My eyes!"
    "Ha!" taunted Marlo, laughing out loud. "What a doof! I used that same trick
on Hibiki, and you fell for it! Weren't you watching UltraRage Beta, stupid?"
    David wiped frantically at his eyes, trying to regain sight. "I was kinda
possessed at the time, so I have to say I missed it! Dammit! This stings!" David
felt some sort of solid object impact his skull, and heard derisive laughter
immediately in front of him. Damn! Marlo was right on top of him! He was being
beaten back and forth with whatever the Hardcore Champ was using, and it didn't
feel good. Finally knocked flying over something (he guessed the ring steps),
David decided that paint in the eyes or not, he had to do something. Bringing
his hands together, he became aware of a slight problem. He had dropped his
chainsaw. Blinking profusely, he was able to regain just enough vision to make
out the edges of what looked to be a steel folding chair. He yanked it to him
and swung, hoping against hope Marlo was in front of him.
    Hiroshi landed on his ass. "This is incredible, folks! David is not out of
this yet, as he's just smacked Marlo upside the head using my chair! I don't
believe it! And my butt is kind of sore!"
    David's eyes had cleared just enough for him to keep track of Marlo. He had
dropped the chair when he hit Marlo with it, but as long as he could keep on
him, his fists should do the job. So, he got to it. Lefts. Rights. Uppercuts.
And slamming the "Furnityre Savior" into any solid object that presented itself.
That was, of course, until Marlo shoved a pool cue under his ribs. A pool cue
didn't really seem to be furniture to him, David mused, but this wasn't the time
or place to think about that. He sucked it up, and fired back.
    "David and Marlo trading hits! Who'll come out on top?" Hiroshi couldn't
hazard a guess. They seemed pretty even at the time, slamming blows into each
other in turn. It was all about who made a mistake first. That turned out to be
David. "David takes a chance with a roundhouse kick...and misses! Marlo ducked
that one, and has gotten a shot in on David's back! He's wailing away! This
doesn't look good for David!" Wham! Wham! Wham! "He's really taking a beating!"
Marlo did not let up. "David is down, maybe for the count!"
    But, no, Marlo wasn't letting the fool get out of this that easily. First,
he sat a big, comfy couch on the ground and placed David carefully upon it.
David seemed relaxed and in no danger of moving. Good. Marlo next extracted a
simple folding table, and set it up perpendicular to the couch. He checked the
distance and angle. They looked about right. He then proceeded to suplex the
couch, David included, through the table. David did not get up.
    "Ouch," remarked Hiroshi. "Looks like Marlo retains the title. Let's go to
commercial while we get that cleaned up."


    Scene of an empty room. Everything is in black and white, and Iori Yagami
sits it the corner smoking a cigarette and strumming on a bass guitar. The music
playing is moody and threatening, heavy with guitars. Suddenly, the picture
changes to show Athena dancing happily and singing with a group of backup
dancers in the midst of an empty high school parking lot. Finally, the montage
switches to concert footage of CYS playing one of their more popular songs.
    "The music collection you've been waiting for has finally arrived!"
    The scene switches once again to Blue Mary singing her top single, "The Blue
Mary Blues".
    "It's the King of Fighters Collection! Featuring legendary hits from all of
your favorite fighting superstars!"
    Footage of a Benimaru video.
    "Yes, they're all here! Athena Asamiya! Iori Yagami! CYS! Blue Mary!
Benimaru Nikaido! And more!"
    Shot of Terry Bogard beating on a set of drums.
    "Available at all major music outlets on 10.4.00, for 4,100 yen! Don't
delay! Buy yours today!"


    "Lai-Lai Boy" hit the speakers for the second time of the night. Shampoo
stood at the top of the ramp. She was pumped. She was ready. Mousse was there,
so it was legally a tag match. It was going to be her time to shine. She was
going to PUMMEL the void and get those damn belts back. Because nobody deserves
the title of strongest fighter more than a Joketsetsu Amazon.
    "Well, I'll be sure to invest in those products and services provided by our
fine sponsors! But right now, it's time for the amazing Lambda Title match
signed just at the beginning of this program! Let me tell you, folks," the folks
allowed Hiroshi to tell them, "I never expected so much excitement tonight! Er,
not that Ultra isn't always exciting! Ultra is always exciting! What I meant to
say is that this is even more incredible excitement than usual! With even more
to come in the future! Yes, that's what I meant!"
    Shampoo dragged her near-sighted teammate down to the ring. "Now, you sit on
outside and not screw up this time, stupid Mousse! Shampoo is winning titles
tonight!"
    "I am yours to command, Shampoo! Don't worry! I'll crush any opponent that
comes between our undying love!" Of course, Mousse was yelling this in the
direction of the crowd and not Shampoo, but he was on the apron so she didn't
bother to stop him.
    The music changed. The Disciples of the Void were on their way. Soon enough,
Yashiro and Shermie stood at the top of the ramp. This was not unexpected. What
was unexpected was the mop-headed boy in blue who stepped in behind them.
    "I'm shocked, ladies and gentlemen! The Disciples of the Void have been
joined by...ah...um..." To tell the truth, Hiroshi didn't recognize the third
person. He seemed familiar, though.
    "Why, Hiroshi-kun! Don't tell me you've forgotten Chris, the third member of
CYS! But, then again, he did spend the entirety of his previous tenure in Ultra
as Orochi's host, so I'm sure you can be forgiven for not recognizing him," said
Xelloss, who was suddenly sitting next to Hiroshi.
    For his part, Hiroshi jumped out of his chair and screamed.
"Eeeeeeeyaaaaaaaaa!" Climbing back to the proper announcing position, Hiroshi
continued. "I mean, Xelloss! What are you doing here! You promised not to
interfere in this match!"
    "Why, I'm not interfering at all! I simply saw how lonely you seemed, and I
just thought I'd give a hand. Besides, I wanted to see this match up close. It's
only proper I take an interest in my team, don't you think?"
    CYS had reached the ring. Shermie and Yashiro climbed in, while Chris
remained outside and waved to the fans in his own eerily cheerful manner.
Yashiro cracked his knuckles as loudly as possible. "So, who's first?"

] [  LAMBDA CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE
] [  JUSENKYO SURVIVORS vs. DISCIPLES OF THE VOID
] [  FIGHT!

    Shampoo pulled her bonbori from...wherever it is she keeps them (probably
the same place they get fixed after all the times she's broken them), and spoke:
"Shampoo will be your only opponent, but she is enough! Come and lose titles!"
    "Man, this is rich. I'm gonna enjoy making you cry, little girl!" Shermie
was tapping Yashiro on the shoulder. "Eh? Yeah, what is it, Shermie?"
    "Can I fight her, Yashiro-kun? I want to have fun, too!" She frowned. "You
don't still think I'm lightweight, do you?"
    Yashiro clenched his fist. "Yeah, fine. Just don't screw up. And you'd
better tag if you get in trouble. We're keeping these belts."
    Shermie just giggled. "Oh, you worry too much, Yashiro-kun! I just want to
play with her a bit. I'll leave some for you."
    "I'll be waiting." Yashiro climbed through the ropes and stood on the
outside. "Remember! Don't screw up! The Boss is watching!"
    "An unusual move by Yashiro! He's letting Shermie start off! Is that a good
idea?" Hiroshi wondered out loud, since announcers tend to do that sort of
thing.
    Xelloss favored Hiroshi with a mild frown. "Now, now, Hiroshi-kun. You
shouldn't underestimate Shermie. Why, not only is she a talented grappler, but
she can call upon her Insanely Violent Lightning if she needs to. Not that she
would. I do hate to say bad things about people, as you know, but I've never
been very impressed by the Jusenkyo Survivors."
    "Please be gentle," Shermie giggled. Shampoo had no plans of being gentle,
and no one including Shermie expected her to. Shermie just liked saying that.
Demonstrating that she didn't want to be gentle, Shampoo engaged at thrusting
her bonbori at Shermie rapidly as Shermie blocked and dodged. Seeing an
opportunity, Shermie sneaked behind Shampoo during a particularly aggressive
blow and caught her with a vicious German Suplex. Being that sort, of girl,
Shermie decided to start celebrating early. "How did you like my French Suplex?"
She turned and leaned over the top rope. "That was dedicated to all the
wonderful people at ringside, especially any that might be hurt and watching
from home right now." She blew a kiss. "I miss you!"
    To say the least, Shampoo was nonplussed. That...that BIMBO had caught her
with one attack, and she was celebrating like she'd won the match! Shampoo would
show her!
    Yashiro wasn't too pleased, either. "Dammit, Shermie! Look out!"
    "Hm?" Shermie hm'd. She then turned, resulting in Shampoo smacking her
between the eyes (or rather, where one assumes they are) instead of the back of
the head. Shermie tumbled ungracefully over the ropes, landing on the floor.
"Oh. Ouchie." Fortunately for her, she was paying enough attention to note that
Shampoo had vaulted after her with a flying kick and roll out of the way. "Why,
if I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to hurt me!"
    "Shampoo is trying to hurt you, stupid no-eyes girl! You stand still and
lose!" Shampoo proceeded to then attempt to make Shermie one with the concrete
as Shermie proceeded to not stand still so that she would not be one with the
concrete. This continued for a bit. Yashiro hid his face in his palm. Mousse
cheered. Hiroshi announced. Xelloss smiled in that unconcerned manner he tends
to use an awful lot. Chris walked up to Shampoo and tapped her on the shoulder.
    "Hi!" Chris spoke cheerily.
    "What girly-looking boy want? Shampoo busy!"
    Chris continued smiling. "Well, see, it's just that I thought of something.
You know how you want to win the belts? You can't do it this way. Mister Xelloss
was kind enough to explain all the Gamma and Lambda rules to me, and he said
that it was illegal to knock someone out outside the ring."
    "Aiyah! Girly-looking boy is right! Is stupid of him to tell Shampoo, but
she appreciate it!" Shermie had already retreated back into the ring and was
engaging the referee in some sort of conversation, so Shampoo decided to simply
climb back in and beat her senseless there. This is when Chris grabbed her ankle
and tripped her.
    "Chris has just tripped Shampoo while the referee had his back turned! He's
doing your cheating for you, Xelloss!" As all "good-guy" announcers do, Hiroshi
burned with the flames of righteous anger. This drowned out the far more
intelligent "don't mouth off to somebody like Xelloss" impulse he was having
simultaneously.
    Xelloss decided to play innocent rather than obliterate Hiroshi, as frankly,
it was more fun. "Why, are you sure? I didn't see a thing."
    Shampoo might have backed up Hiroshi, were she not being beaten on at the
moment. Shermie had started off by dropping on the prone Shampoo with a Shermie
Cute. She then pulled her to her feet and snapped off another quick suplex. As
Shampoo rose, she leapt to her shoulders and twisted, flipping her to the ground
with the Shermie Spiral. Shampoo still stood. The Chinese girl was starting to
get mad at that French trollop.
    "Shampoo! Tag out! I'll soften her up while you rest!" Mousse called out,
revealing his hand for the tag, and for once pointing in the correct direction.
    "No!" Shampoo snarled. "Shampoo not need stupid Mousse's help to beat no-
eyes girl! She said she win titles, and she mean it!" She renewed that attack,
faster and more violent than before. Shermie was pushed back against the ropes,
but in her anger, Shampoo didn't notice that those ropes were near Yashiro. The
first she knew of the blind tag was Yashiro clocking her in the side of the
head.
    "Dumb broad!" Political correctness was not high on Yashiro's list of
priorities. "Just to be nice, for once, I'll let you tag the blind dork in your
corner. Go ahead! It'll save you some pain."
    "White-haired guy hit Shampoo once when she not looking, and think Shampoo
run away? Ha! Shampoo not care which half of Void she beat!" A different
opponent, the same lightning fast bonbori lunge. This one was made less than
effective by Yashiro moving even faster, so much so that he blurred away for a
second, and punching her in the gut.
    "Is that so? Does it matter who beats you?" Laughing, he used his other hand
to uppercut the still dazed Shampoo, knocking her back. That was followed by a
strong right and a step-in kick to the base of the ribcage. "Ah, ah! The ride
ain't over yet!" He then proceeded to grab her shirt and flip her over his head
into a slam.
    Shampoo tucked and rolled. This ox wasn't beating her. He was still
recovering from the throw. If she bounced off the ropes quickly, she'd have
enough momentum to knock him flat and take back control. Chris tripped her
again.
    "Chris has tripped Shampoo again! Where is the referee?" To answer Hiroshi,
he had looked away for a second to make sure Mousse wasn't doing anything
illegal.
    Xelloss maintained his incredible incredulousness. "Really? Oh, my! I must
have missed it."
    Yashiro made with the stomping. Sure, kicking people when they're down is
dishonorable and crap like that, but it's just so much fun! "What's wrong? Does
it hurt?" He stomped some more. "C'mon! I thought you were gonna win the belts
single-handedly! I'm ready for my beating! Feh! You're nothing!" He lifted her
with his foot and kicked her away.
    Shampoo landed in the corner, battered and bruised, but still defiant.
"Great-grandmother...always teach Shampoo...to never give up!" With all the
energy she had left, Shampoo flew at Yashiro...and got clotheslined out of her
boots.
    "Tch, tch." Xelloss shook his head. "Like I said, not very effective."
    "Shampoo!" When it came to seeing Shampoo in trouble, Mousse always seemed
to have better than normal vision. With his lovely goddess being manhandled so,
he couldn't stay on the apron any longer! "Shampoo! I'm coming!" Mousse dashed
into the ring, and directly into the referee. "Let me by! Let me by! I have to
help my Shampoo! Shampoo!"
    But the referee would not move. "You're not the legal fighter! I can't let
you interfere!"
    "I have to help Shampoo! Let me go!"
    "Uh-oh!" Xelloss's grin became just a little bit more evil. "Mousse could be
doing more harm than good, here. Don't you think, Chris-kun?"
    Chris smiled back, and climbed into the ring. It was time to end the match.
Yashiro, knowing just what was planned as people who are in on plans tend to,
hauled Shampoo to her feet and shoved her ruffly towards Chris before placing
his fist to the mat and beginning to gather power. Chris lit a purple flame on
the tips of two upraised fingers. Asking Shampoo to die, politely, he whipped
them around, immolating the Amazon in the Flames of Destiny and sending her in
the other direction. There, Shermie had entered the ring, and held her fist
behind her. Calling upon her Insanely Violent Lightning, she punched forward,
hand surrounded by a ball of electricity. Shampoo gasped and shuddered, the
voltage wracking her body. But she did not yet collapse, instead stumbling back.
It was time for the finishing blow. Yashiro had finished charging. He had pulled
to him all the power of the Parched Earth, and struck Shampoo with his Hoero
Daichi attack. A blue cone of energy carried the hapless girl off her feet and
into dreamland. When the referee at last herded Mousse out of the ring, he
turned to see no one but a cruelly grinning Yashiro and a very unconscious
Shampoo. So, he rang the bell.


    The ensign checked the airplane's equipment again. No doubt about it.
Something had just appeared from nowhere within kilometers of their current
position. Something big. "Lieutenant Zechs! Something has just appeared at point
42 of the JAP sector!"
    The masked soldier stroked his chin. Odd. The Oz military plant at point 42
had already been destroyed. What could anyone want there? "Is it the enemy?"
    "Negative, sir." Replied the ensign. "At least, I hope not. It's way too
big!"
    "It's in visual range. Put it on screen. Have Tallgeese readied, just in
case." The display in front of Zechs flared to life, revealing the ruins of a
plant that had once been used to mass-produce Leo mobile suits. Amidst it stood
a hulking metal beast, easily as tall as a skyscraper, and colored bright red. A
short distance in front of it, what appeared to be a small girl seemed to be
waiting for something. "Well, well, well. Looks like Tallgeese won't be needed
after all. I must say, I'd never have expected this."
    "Sir! You know what that monster is? What are your orders?"
    "Yes, I know just what it is. As to my orders, I recommend we stay at a safe
distance and watch. It isn't often you get to see a show like this so close up."

] [  OMEGA MATCH
] [  GALLY vs. EVA-02
] [  FIGHT!

    "Consider yourself lucky, Asuka," Gendo's voice wafted in coolly via the
Eva's internal speakers. The addressed pilot was currently occupied in holding
the controls just a bit too tightly. "I've decided to give you this final
chance. Capture this 'Battle Angel' and return with her to Terminal Dogma. I'm
sure you realize there is no room for error."
    Asuka forced her hands to loosen their grip. She'd hurt herself like that.
"Yes, sir."
    "And one more thing, Asuka. If it makes your job any easier, your target is
not required to be wholly intact. Simply alive will suffice."
    She nodded. After all, Gendo was watching everything she did. There must be
no mistakes. "Yes, sir." She was the best Eva pilot there was. There would be no
mistakes. Not this time. She'd prove herself to them all.
    Gally had no idea what any of this was about. She had been challenged, so
she had come to fight. No harm done. After all, she could use a good workout
before the pay-per-view. She just had to be patient, and she'd rescue Mihoshi
soon enough. Just focus on tonight for tonight.
    Son Goku warped in between the two combatants. He could see they were
getting impatient. Well, no need to make them wait. "Fight!" He retreated to an
optimal viewing distance.
    Gally hopped back, quick as you please, as Eva-02's progressive knife
embedded itself in the space she'd just occupied. That thing was pretty fast,
especially for its size. This could turn out to be a good challenge. The semi-
organic monster was stabbing wildly right now. No good opening yet. Gally
decided to back off a bit; see if she could make it make a mistake.
    Asuka didn't plan to fall for that. Let's see how the little speck reacted
to the progressive rifle. Hefting the enormous weapon as easily as a normal man
would heft a gun made to his proportions, she took aim and fired at the tiny
target. A direct hit would be near impossible; the rifle was designed to shoot
at things of the same scale as the Eva. However, with the size of the ordinance,
a direct hit wouldn't be necessary. Asuka only needed to pen Gally in.
Eventually a shot would come too close, Gally would be cast off her feet, and
Asuka could simply grab her and crush the breath from her body with the Eva's
giant hand. It was just a matter of time, and time was in NERV's favor. So, she
shot and Gally dodged. She shot some more. Gally dodged some more. But she was
doing it. She was reigning her in. This would be easy, and she'd return home a
winner, like she should be. It was nearly down to the last shot.
    As that last shell whirred toward the scarred earth, Gally blurred away.
Incredible! Asuka hadn't expected speed like that. With no time to use the gun,
Asuka commanded her Eva to throw a mighty punch with all the hurry it could
muster. The ground was struck, a crater bashed into it and dust obscuring the
view. Her knuckles were a bit sore from the impact, but it hardly mattered.
She'd won, hadn't she? She couldn't possible have missed. Gally somehow punching
though and severing her right arm alerted her, painfully, that that assumption
was wrong. No! It was the Eva's arm. She must remain in control. She was the
best and she would not fail. Seeing Gally on her shoulder, she swatted the
cyborg away, sending her a good fifty feet into the distance. No underestimating
the girl again. Asuka charged, intent on bringing commander Ikari a fine paste
if she needed to. Victory was the most important thing.
    For her part, Gally rolled and dodged, quite literally running for her life.
Already soaked in the giant's blood, she knew she'd have to spill yet more if
she planned to come out of this alive. Best to assume the worst: the Eva was
much like her, and a few severed limbs wouldn't stop it. It would take more than
that. So, the girl with the forgotten past decided to give it more. A
particularly reckless stomp provided the perfect opportunity to scale Unit 02's
left leg as she had climbed its arm. As suspected, no notice was taken of her
tiny form until she detached the leg at the hip. Falling back to the ground,
Gally scrambled out of the way as the huge thing tumbled to the ground much like
a huge beanstalk chopped down from the bottom. And still, it came after her.
Well, truth be told, she had once killed a robotic duplicate of herself under
similar circumstances, but this was a bit extreme for a non-life or death
battle. But then, did she know what was riding on this fight for her opponent?
She could respect the will to win, but she had it herself.
    As the Eva propped itself up on one arm and one leg, Gally ran forward
again. The right leg wasn't too high; Panzer Kunst could reach it. She ripped
through the third limb. It was over. Or rather, that's what Gally thought before
the creature's left fist missed her by inches.
    Back on his mobile suit carrier, Zechs chuckled to himself. "Wow, cool."
    "I don't believe this." With nothing left but a single arm, Unit 02 was
still fighting. Gally hated to do this, but she had no other choice.
    The pain was intense. Asuka may have felt worse; she may have not. There was
no way to remember in pain like this. All she could focus on was the will to
win. Even with just one arm, all was not lost. She could still crush that little
bitch. She would still win. If only the mechanical girl would stay still!
Physically, there wasn't much more pain when Asuka lost that last arm. Mentally
was a different matter. It was over. What would Asuka do? Bite Gally's kneecaps
off? Her landing had jammed the plug ejection system, even if she had had a
chance in hell of winning by her self. How could she have lost to a little
speck? Gally wasn't a god. She didn't have heavenly powers. She was just a
little wind-up doll. But Asuka had still lost. How could she, the best, the most
elite of Evangelion pilots lose to that? The red-haired girl barely registered
Goku declaring Gally the winner. It didn't matter that she'd gone home. Asuka
could just as well lay where she was until she bled to death. No, correction:
until the Eva bled to death. She wasn't actually injured. She'd probably just
starve. Not that any of it mattered.
    Lo, the clouds did part and Shinji Ikari did descend toward Earth. What had
his bastard father done to poor Asuka? She was laying so still. Even were he not
an angel, he could not have resisted feeling bad about her current state. She
had been one of the closest things he had had to a friend. He would help her. He
needed to help her. "Asuka? Can you hear me?"
    Her voice was thin and weak. "Shinji? Baka-Shinji? Is that you?"
    "It's me, Asuka. I've come to help you."
    It was Baka-Shinji. He was here to help her. She tried to remember. What was
she doing? Fighting an angel, wasn't she? "N...nine! I can beat the angel. I
don't need your help."
    "Asuka, there is no angel. You don't have to fight. Let me help you."
    "Did Commander Ikari send you? Tell him I can handle it. I can handle
anything."
    "Asuka, you're confused. Please, listen. I'm here for you. You can stop
fighting."
    "Nine. Baka-Shinji. I'm the best pilot. I can win by myself."
    "You don't have to win. All that is over."
    "Nine. I have to win. I'm the best. I don't need your help, Baka-Shinji. Not
you or wondergirl. I'm the first child. Watch and learn, Baka-Shinji." Asuka
tried to stand, but couldn't. Something was wrong, she remembered that. But
everything was so hazy. What was wrong? Why couldn't she stand up? "Don't think
you have to help me up, Baka-Shinji. I've been using an Eva longer than you.
Unit 02 is the production model. I'm the best, so you should just stay out of
the way. I'll beat the angel."
    "There is no angel. Listen to me, Asuka. I'm here to save you."
    "Baka-Shinji. I can win. I'm the best. Nothing to it. You and wondergirl
just watch. Just watch me." The giant head bobbed up and down, and the body
spasmed, trying to move limbs that weren't there.
    "I'm sorry, Asuka. There's nothing I can do, is there?" Shinji could only
leave.
    "Just sit back and watch. I'm the best. I'll win for sure."


    108th generation devil hunter Yohko Mano knocked at Iori Yagami's dressing
room door. "Iori-sama! It's me, Yohko!" She took the muffled, derisive grunt as
Iori's own way of saying "come on in" and did so. "I've got a present for you,
Iori-sama!"
    Feh. Stupid girl. What did she want now? She was shoving some gaudily
wrapped gift at him, expecting him to grab it like some giddy child. Well, maybe
if he took the box, she'd go away. He hesitantly grasped it and looked over the
stupid thing. He'd likely just burn it as soon as she left. Unfortunately, she
didn't seem to be leaving. "Now what?"
    Yohko grinned ear to ear. "Come on, Iori-sama! Aren't you going to open it?"
    "No."
    "I think you'll really like it! Open it and see what it is!"
    "I don't care what it is."
    Yohko made puppy dog eyes at Iori. "Please, Iori-sama? Obasama and I made it
just for you!"
    Well, joy of joys. But, if it got rid of the annoying girl, he might as
well. "Fine." Iori scraped off the wrapping paper, not being particularly
careful, as he didn't give a damn what was inside. That done, he tossed the
box's lid aside and looked to the contents. "Gloves."
    "I knew you'd be excited! I remembered how upset you were when I locked off
the Orochi power, so I wanted to do something that would make you stronger
again. I did a lot of research, and I found out that special gloves can help the
Kusanagi and Yagami clans control their flames, with less pain, too! So Obasama
and I worked really hard and made these for you! See? They even have that
crescent moon that's on the back of your coat on them! Aren't they great? Put
them on, put them on!"
    Iori sighed. He might as well. At worst, they'd be useless and he could tell
the airhead that. See what she thought of him then. They seemed to fit well
enough. The workmanship wasn't terrible. Experimentally, he created a small red
flame in his palm. His control seemed good, and the pain seemed to pale to
insignificance, considering what he'd tolerated previously. He supposed he'd
keep them. "Feh. Don't think I like them. But I'm not stupid enough to turn down
an advantage." Oh, good lord. She was bouncing.
    "Wai!" Yohko wai'd. "I knew you'd be happy! And they're just in time for
your match next!"
    That's right. That blowhard Yashiro had leveled some pointless challenge at
him. Judging from the earlier match, his "hand-picked challenger" was probably
that twerp, Chris. This should take all of two minutes. On the up side, he had
an excuse to leave. If he was lucky, the girl would be gone when he got back. He
got up and started to walk away, only to find a cute girl glued to his arm.
"What the hell are you doing?"
    "I'm going to be your valet, silly! Seeing as we're already together, I can
accompany you to the ring. I'll watch your back against that mean CYS!"
    Just perfect. Well, never mind. She could be a human shield or something.
"Do what you like. It'd be too much trouble to get rid of you."


    "It's time! At last, we're getting to see that special challenge issued by
Yashiro at the top of the program! But who will Iori's opponent be? I'd hazard a
guess, but I'm afraid my head would explode from the possibilities, and I can't
get replacements any more!" It is worth noting that Hiroshi might well be the
only man in existence who could say such a thing both honestly and with a
straight face.
    "It's really exciting, ne, Hiro-kun?" added Lillith, who was the second
person that night to be very suddenly sitting next to Hiroshi.
    "Waaaaaah!" replied Hiroshi. "Ack! Lillith! Don't do that to me!"
    "Oops." Lillith looked truly sheepish about nearly scaring her intended
boyfriend to death. "I'm so sorry, Hiro-kun! Do you think I need to be
punished?"
    "...let's not go there, Lillith. Especially not on the air."
    "You're no fun. But I don't mind talking about it later...in private."
    Hiroshi coughed a few times, trying to figure out how to reply while keeping
his hide intact. Fortunately, he was saved by the opening cords of Korn's "Make
Me Bad", Iori's latest entrance theme. "Here comes Iori, ladies and gentlemen!
He's ready for business! But this is unusual! He seems to have Yohko Mano
plastered on his arm!'
    "I think it's nice Iori's found somebody," Lillith added her opinion. "He's
always so gloomy. Maybe we can double-date, ne, Hiro-kun?"
    "That's certainly...an idea. So, um, Lillith, who do you think Iori's
opponent will be?"
    Lillith rolled her eyes. "Really, Hiro-kun. It's gonna be Chris. I mean,
duh."
    "Ah. Well, we're about to find out, as Iori has reached the ring, and it's
time for his challenger to make his, or her, entrance!"
    "Ano...I'm pretty sure Chris is a boy. I'm a succubus. I can tell these
things."
    Korn faded away. The audience held its breath and waited. Well, the part of
the audience that was on Hiroshi's mental level, anyhow. At last, the demented
escapee from a music box that is the song "Mad Fantasy" come in over the
speakers, and Chris emerged at the top of the ramp with his band-mates.
    "This is incredible! The mystery challenger is none other than Chris!"
    "Told you so, Hiro-kun."
    Chris made his was to ringside and climbed into the ring, as Yashiro and
Shermie engaged in a staring contest with Yohko on the outside. Two who have
wielded the purple Orochi Flame stood at opposite ends of the ring. The 1800
year old struggle comes again.

] [  GAMMA GRUDGE MATCH
] [  IORI YAGAMI vs. CHRIS
] [  FIGHT!

    Chris created a purple flame in his palm. "Do you miss this?"
    "Feh." Iori didn't even bother to look directly at his diminutive opponent.
"I don't need your useless Orochi power. I have all the strength I need."
    "Are you sure?"
    Iori at last made eye contact. "Try me."
    Purple and crimson flame met in the center of the ring. The combatants
rushed together, exchanging blows. Chris tried to dash under Iori's defense with
the Shooting Dancer Thrust, but found himself retreating from a flame-trailing
uppercut.
    "Not bad. That stuff burns." Nonetheless, Chris still smiled.
    "Fool. The true Yagami flame is made to defeat your ilk."
    "But didn't you need the Orochi power to fight the Kusanagi."
    "I'm not so weak as my ancestors. Kyo will die soon enough. You are first."
    Chris leapt to the air. A Shooting Dancer Step simply landed on the mat as
Iori dodged to the side of the falling kick, and another exchange of blows
began. Again, Chris found himself retreating from the crimson flame that seemed
to hunger for his Orochi blood.
    "Dammit! Come on, Chris!" Yashiro seemed more interested in the match than
the combatants. "Kill him! It's Yagami! Burn him to ash!"
    "Really, Yashiro-kun. I think Chris is doing really well. Go, Chris! Return
him to the Void!" Shermie bounced a bit as encouragement.
    Chris pressed the attack. He'd bite into Yagami with his purple flames
before Iori could use his, and that way win the match. It all depended on speed.
Yagami was fast, but he was willing to bet he was a bit faster. And, that seemed
to hold true. Unfortunately, Iori was a bit tougher, and slammed through Chris's
attack to shove him to the mat, coated in flame.
    "Ah, screw this." Yashiro grabbed a steel folding chair and slid into the
ring.
    "Yashiro! The match has just started!" But Shermie was too late, as CYS's
front man had already belted Iori with the chair. Unconcerned, Chris simply
ignored the referee disqualifying him and joined Yashiro in stomping on the
Yagami. Oh, well. Shermie figured she might as well get in the ring and
intercept that Yohko girl.
    "Chris has been disqualified, but CYS doesn't seem to care! This match has
degenerated into a brawl!" Hiroshi was there, if for nothing else, to state the
obvious.
    "Yohko is trying to help out her hunky boyfriend, but she's tangled up with
Shermie! Does that give you any ideas, Hiro-kun?" Lillith chimed in.
    Choosing to ignore that, Hiroshi moved on to the next plot point. "It's bad
odds for Iori and Yohko! They could sure use a hand right now!"
    As if on cue, one very agitated Chinese ghost dashed out from backstage.
Ignoring the vertical slope of the ramp, Hsien-ko ran straight over the ropes
and into the fray. Using the various blunt objects at her disposal, she knocked
Chris away from Iori, giving the tortured bishonen a chance to burn Yashiro off
him. This also distracted Shermie sufficiently for Yohko to get the upper hand
and eject her from the ring. Faced with even odds, CYS chose the better part of
valor and fled to the entrance ramp.
    "This ain't over, any of you!" shouted Yashiro, before ducking behind the
curtains after the rest of his team. Having driven off evil, the somewhat-forces
of good remained in the ring where they were conveniently available for crowd
adulation.
    "What fantastic action! Thanks to timely intervention from Yohko's old
partner Hsien-ko, Iori and Yohko have driven off CYS and emerged victorious!
Frabjabulous!"
    "Frabjabulous?"
    "Well, I don't want to reuse adjectives too much."
    "get away from my man." This last line was from Rei.
    "Rei! Wh...what are you doing here?" Seeing as Rei had walked up to the
announcers' booth, rather than simply teleporting in as Hiroshi's previous two
surprise helpers had, he didn't feel the need to scream and fall out of his
chair.
    "you are commentating alone tonight. i have come to aid you," answered Rei,
devoid of emotion in her voice as usual.
    Lillith stuck out her tongue. "Too bad, Rei-Rei! I got here first! Hiro-kun
doesn't need your help. Not that you'd be any help with that dull monotone of
yours."
    "at least i have breasts."
    "At least I have a personality."
    "Um..." Hiroshi needed a distraction, quick. One was graciously provided.
"Look, everybody! It's Controversial Jack!"
    It was indeed Controversial Jack, Mr. Duck on his shoulder, and Washu and
her WashuuTech Random Stipulation Generator behind him. "Good evening, violence
freaks! It is indeed I, Controversial Jack, head booker of Ultra! I was going to
come out about now to announce the second entrant into the Gamma Championship
Tournament set for UltraRage Delta, but it occurred to me that that would be
BORING! You, the Ultra audience, deserve better! Why should I just pull some
names out of a hat, when I can have this machine pull several names out of a
hat, and then prescribe some novel manner of bloodshed with which to decide
which of them gets the shot! The short answer is: I shouldn't! So, Washu-chan,
I'll now let you do the honors!"
    "Afraid you'll blow up the UltraDome again?" Washu deadpanned.
    "Pretty much. It's controversial and all, but bad for ratings."
    Washu flipped the switch.

1. GAMMA vs. GAMMA vs. GAMMA vs. GAMMA
Stipulation 1: Alternate Dimension
Stipulation 2: Natural Hazards

Searching...
Found!: Morrigan Aensland
Within Teleportation Range?: Yes.
Accepted.

Searching...
Found!: Lillith Aensland
Within Teleportation Range?: Yes.
Accepted.

    "Oh, pooh," commented Lillith.

Searching...
Found!: Remy "Gambit" LeBoux
Within Teleportation Range?: Yes.
Accepted.

Searching...
Found!: Johnny Cage
Within Teleportation Range?: Yes.
Accepted.

    "hit the road, lillith. hiroshi and i want to be alone."
    "Hmph. I'm so sorry I have to leave you with HER, Hiro-kun, but I guess I've
got to go. Just remember: unlike clone-girl, I'm not REALLY underage." And with
that, the Random Stipulation generator whisked Lillith away.

] [  GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT, QUALIFYING MATCH #1
] [  MORRIGAN vs. LILLITH vs. GAMBIT vs. JOHNNY CAGE
] [  FIGHT!

    A middle-aged man sat in a comfy chair in a wood paneled office on one of
the upper floors of a large, if somewhat decrepit, mansion. Holding his hands in
front of his mouth in prescribed "evil" fashion, he observed the progress of his
various nefarious enterprises on his handy desktop computer. The computer
signaled to the man that intruders had entered his home. Bringing up the video
footage of the compromised area, he spoke: "Dogs of the AMS, time they made
a...who the hell are these people?" The image on the screen was of four people
who were definitely not his strictly defined arch-enemies. Ah, well. Intruders
are intruders. Best to kill them, anyway. "Judgement."
    "Yes, Sir Gold?" responded the large bat thing.
    "Kill the intruders."
    "Yes, Sir Gold!"
    "Here's the deal, folks!" CJ's voice was broadcast to both the audience and
the fighters. "The first one of you to get to the exit without dying wins.
Simple, huh? Have fun!"
    The fighters immediately rushed off in four different directions.
    "This is stunningly unbelievable, folks! Controversial Jack has let loose
four hapless Gamma fighters into a zombie infested mansion, and the winner is
the first one to GET OUT ALIVE!" reiterated Hiroshi.
    "it looks like johnny cage has become surrounded. he will have to fight his
way out."
    Four walls, four doors. No shortage of exits. The problem was the fact that
zombies were streaming in from every one. Hey, no biggie. He was Johnny Cage.
This would be just like Bloodthirsty Kung Fu Zombies II. Except that these were
real zombies. And they didn't know kung fu. And there seemed to be an awful lot
of them. Experimentally, Johnny slid a kick though the stomach of the nearest
shambling hunk of dead flesh, trailing JohnnyShadows(tm) all the way. The fact
that it kept coming after he removed his leg did not bode well. "Crap."
    Gambit was regretting his lack of training in recent weeks. While he was
blowing undead to smithereens well enough, and seemed to be making decent time,
he was getting winded much too easily. If he ran out of gas before he ran out of
mansion, well, Gambit really didn't want to think about that. Had he succeeded
in not thinking about it, he might not have fallen through the hole in the floor
and straight into the jaws of the giant serpent below.
    "Oh my Lina! Gambit has just been SWALLOWED WHOLE!"
    "i believe it is safe to say that gambit is out of this match."
    "You can say that again!"
    "i believe it is safe to say that gambit is out of this match."
    "I admit to setting myself up for that."
    Morrigan was having quite an easy time of this event, to be frank. She'd
simply jet down this or that hallway, blasting any zombies stupid enough to be
in her way. Which, technically, is all of them, but we shan't digress. The gist
of the situation was that Morrigan had yet to impact a significant impediment.
She was getting bored. The enormous battleaxe that imprinted itself into the
floor mere centimeters from her face promised to liven things up a bit.
    "Stop right there!"
    Why not? Morrigan stopped. "Fair enough. Now what?"
    The shriveled brown gargoyle floated down to Morrigan's level. "Sir Gold has
instructed me to eliminate all intruders. Your life ends here! Kuarl!"
    Kuarl, that apparently being the name of the monstrous suit of animate plate
armor that had swung the axe at Morrigan earlier, did its level best to slice
the ruler of Makai into succu-bits. She was decidedly unimpressed. "Is this
clanking thing all you've got? I was hoping you'd make this contest interesting.
Soul Fist!" The projectile flew straight and true...and failed to have any
noticeable effect on Kuarl. "Well. Now that is interesting."
    "Foolish creature! Kuarl is invulnerable!"
    Morrigan answered that by flying inside Kuarl's range, forming a corkscrew
with her demonic powers, and sending it into Kuarl's chest. The Cryptic Needle
attack burrowed into the armor plates easily, there splitting into thousands of
thin, sharp strands that impaled the living armor at every angle. Kuarl promptly
fell over, dead. "But not interesting enough. Anything else?"
    Judgement dashed at the succubus at high speed. "Suffer, like G di-urk!"
This fantastically coherent line was courtesy of Lillith landing on his head
mid-dash.
    "Silly gargoyle. I don't think you would have any fun fighting him at all,
oneechan." Lillith smiled at her big sister.
    Morrigan favored her little sister with a somewhat more disturbing smile.
"No, I don't think he would have been any fun at all."
    "Maybe we should fight."
    "Maybe."
    "This could be potentially explosive! What will happen when Morrigan and
Lillith collide?" Hiroshi was a bit worried. Lillith was a big girl (in a manner
of speaking), and could probably take care of herself, but still...
    "i am rooting for morrigan."
    Hiroshi, wisely, decided not to reply to that.
    As soon as the confrontation developed, it ended. Shouts were suddenly
heard, from a different part of the mansion. Things like: "Don't come!" and "I
don't want to die!" reverberated in the halls.
    "Sounds like some unlucky humans have gotten themselves stuck in the nasty
place. What a shame for them, don't you think, Lillith?" Lillith's expression
wavered. Morrigan kept smiling. "Somebody should probably save them, or they're
most likely die." Morrigan started to float away. "I know it certainly won't be
me."
    "We'll have to meet again, oneechan!" Lillith dashed away in the direction
of the voices.
    "Having a conscience. What a nuisance. Too bad for you, little sister."
Morrigan returned to jetting in the direction she'd been jetting before being
interrupted by that boorish gargoyle.
    "What tension! I think the folks at home should watch for this to flare up
again before the end of the match! Don't you, Rei?"
    "no."
    "Work with me, Rei."
    "we are both commentating on this match. i thought that i was already
working with you."
    "...never mind."
    Deep in the aqueducts below the mansion, a sated giant serpent had lay down
to rest for a bit. From inside its bulging stomach, a voice could be heard:
"'ello out dere? Dis be Gambit! An'body 'round? Gambit okay, but he t'ink he
need some help in gettin' out here..."
    Johnny Cage was covered in cuts, bruises, and zombie gook. But he was alive,
and he was almost home free. Things had looked grim for a while, but once he'd
discovered that he could kill the zombies by knocking their heads off, he'd been
right at home. Now all he had to do was run out that door, and he was on his way
to main-eventing UltraRage Delta. He could almost feel victory. He could really
feel someone tapping him on the shoulder. He turned; it was Morrigan. "Why me?"
asked Johnny to no one in particular. One Darkness Illusion later, Morrigan
walked out the winner.
    "There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! Morrigan has won the match!"
    "more importantly, lillith has lost." Hiroshi kept his trap shut, as Rei's
cell phone rang. "hai? i understand. i will be there shortly." Rei closed the
phone. "i must report back to terminal dogma. i will see you later, hiroshi."
She walked away.
    "Um...bye, Rei!" While looking to his right to properly aim his goodbye,
Hiroshi noticed that Controversial Jack was now sitting next to him.
"Yeeeeeeaaaargh!" Hiroshi once again climbed back into his chair.
    "You should really stop doing that," the Controversial One noted. "Remember:
no more NERV clones."
    "Yeah, thanks to that 'War with Heaven'."
    "Who cares about that? It's just not in the budget. You know how much
replacing you costs? I might as well hire some other easily excitable geekwad,
with what it'd cost to get Hiroshi mark...whatever the hell it's up to now."
    "Right. So, Boss, what brings you here?"
    "That's easy enough. You seem to have been perking up with somebody else on
the horn. So, I figured I'd come down here and pull the ratings out of the
gutter myself. That way I don't have to pay anyone else, and I don't have to
publicly fire your ass for piss-poor announcing. Hey, works for me!"
    "Thanks, I think."


    The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, where time was distorted nightly
and the universe destroyed uncountable times for the amusement of the patrons.
The restaurant sat on one side of a small planetoid coated in a time/space
bubble allowing to exist at all points in time at the same time, and yet have
time pass relative to itself. It was on the other, barren side of the planetoid
that Naga the White Serpent and Dark Schneider were disgorged to at last do
battle over the Omega Title.
    "Basically, we had crap else, and these two blow tons of things up every
fight, so I let it be the main event. Hopefully, it'll go over well with the
Nielsons," Jack remarked off hand.
    "Sir, we're on air."
    "Oh? Well, just pretend I'm Daikoku. He makes these sorts of ratings killing
remarks all the time."
    "Uh...OK. Fight fans, do we have one doozy of a main event! Excluding Lina-
sama, Naga and Darshu are the two most powerful mages in Omega! And, right here,
right now, they're about to BUTT HEADS! It's a duel of superpowered sorcery on a
supreme level! With sprinkles!"
    "You are a doofus, Hiroshi, and I love you for it."
    "Let's get right to the action!"

] [  OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE
] [  NAGA vs. DARK SCHNEIDER
] [  FIGHT!

    "Ready, Naga-CHAN?" DS adjusted his Cool Threads(tm).
    "OHOHOHOHOHOHO! Naga the White Serpent is ready any time you are, and most
likely previous to that time! I must say, I never figured you for a genius,
Darshu-CHAN, but I'd thought that you were smarter than to challenge me!"
    "Heh." Darshu grinned. "Guess I'm dumber than I look. Anthem!"
    "Freeze Arrow!"
    And so it began, high level spells colliding, canceling and generally making
an awful lot explode. Naga, using her favorite ice spells, and Darshu countering
with the power of flame. But, this was just the problem. Fire melts ice.
    "Damned!"
    "Howl Freeze!" Damned went straight through, sending Naga back. It had hurt,
bad. It was time to bring out the heavy artillery. "Vice Freeze!"
    Perfect. Just like DS had planned. "Testament!" With ice surrounding both of
them, it was child's play for Dark Schneider to melt his way free first. After
all, fire was his specialty. He soared into the air, keeping a close eye on Naga
as she burned her way out. Now, it was going to get fun. There. Naga was free,
but she hadn't seen him yet. "And now for something completely different! Titan
Feet!" The White Serpent was sent scrambling madly from a gigantic foot that
seemed to come from nowhere. If it would let up for a second, she could get away
using Raywing, but it was keeping on her. One more spell to keep her from
getting away, and it'd be time for the end-game. "Gunsnroh!" Naga found herself
trapped by a wall of heat. On reaction, she cast a magical barrier. It was
holding off the huge foot, and keeping her from being burnt, but if one or both
didn't run out soon, she was a sitting duck.
    Which, of course, was just what Schneider had wanted. He waltzed up to Naga
within the flames. "So, how are you doing, Naga-CHAN."
    "OH...HOHO...HOHO...As soon as...I escape from here...you'll taste my
vengeance, Darshu-CHAN."
    "I'd suspect. But for right now, I have you at my mercy, don't I? After all,
one big spell and I'd overwhelm your defenses." Naga had no response. "I can end
this any time, don't you agree? So, I think I will." Darshu pulled back his
hand...and his spells disappeared. "I forfeit."
    Goku teleported in. "Are you sure?"
    DS grinned once again. "Oh, quite. Please, award the victory to my dear
White Serpent."
    Naga was flabbergasted. "Wh...what? I don't get it."
    "It is odd, isn't it? I had you beat. One more spell would have finished it.
We both know I proved I'm the better mage tonight. Yet, you still have the big
gold belt. What do you think of that, Naga-chan?" And with that, he was gone.


    "Wow! What an unexpected finale! I could never, ever have predicted that!"
    "Three, four weeks for THAT? Are they trying to kill my show?"
    "But...uh...I bet all the viewers at home were surprised!"
    "Yeah, so surprised they changed the channel! Just close the damn show,
Hiroshi."
    "Ah. Okay. Goodnight everybody!"


    Akuma was a dark master of the Shotokan killing arts. Computers were not his
thing. This is why he'd spent the last three weeks "encouraging" anyone suitably
nerdy looking enough to get him the video of the Beta Tournament he required.
For some reason, which he neither knew nor cared about, nothing dealing with
Cyber Akuma was on film. The only existing copies were stored digitally, and
encrypted in such a way that his fists were useless in unlocking their secrets.
The ruins of three of the libraries workstations attested to that. Therefore, he
had been forced to sit and wait while these puny mortals found him that which he
sought. Technology. Bah! He despised it!
    "Um...Mr. Evil-Demon-God-Sir?"
    Akuma teleported over to the fat, disgusting worm. "What is it,
insignificant weakling?"
    "I...uh...think I've found your files." Akuma continued to stare. "I guess
you want me to show them to you, huh?" No answer. "Uh, okay." He pressed a
button.
    On the tiny screen, a video began to play. It was Cyber Akuma, yet monstrous
in proportions. It stood among some sort of pearly white place, facing off
against a woman who Akuma recognized as the former God, Kasumi Tendo. The Tendo
woman defeated it easily, but that was not Akuma's concern. What he was
interested in was the blonde girl who had been piloting it. Who was that? He
knew her face. "Who is that," Akuma demanded, rather than asked. The overweight
slug pulled up another of these "files". It seemed to be a profile of the girl.
Devilot de Deathsatan IXX. Akuma would have to pay her a visit. Very soon. As a
final thank you to his assistants, Akuma destroyed the entire room and killed
everyone in it with the Kon Koku Retsuzan before leaving.


    Jack returned to his office, massaging his temples. Tonight's Ultra had been
a debacle. Was he losing his touch? Did everyone around him suck? Was his life
being inconsistently written by a bunch of shmucks on the Internet? Only God
knew for sure, and Jack didn't have that job anymore. Not that it mattered. He'd
simply have to plan harder for next week. "So, Nuku Nuku. How's the monkey
initiative going?"
    "Ano, I can't get him to say anything but 'ook, ook,' Jack-san."
    "Ah, fuck it. With what bananas cost in Japan, keeping Daisaku around is
probably cheaper."


] [  ULTRA EPISODE 38 RESULTS/RECAP

] [  THE HUNGRY WOLVES defeat THE SAMURAI, and are now at 4W/4L
] [  ANDY is starting to act DISTURBINGLY like TERRY.
] [  MEWTWO defeats IFURITA, and is now at 2W/0L
] [  BISON'S BUSTERS defeat THE PSYCHO SOLDIERS, and are now at 1W/0L
] [  ATHENA taps into her HIDDEN POWER briefly.
] [  MARLO defeats DAVID, and is now at 7W/2L
] [  MARLO retains the HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
] [  CHRIS rejoins DISCIPLES OF THE VOID. The BAND is BACK TOGETHER.
] [  DISCIPLES OF THE VOID defeat JUSENKYO SURVIVORS, and are now at 6W/1L
] [  DISCIPLES OF THE VOID retain the LAMBDA CHAMPIONSHIP
] [  GALLY defeats EVA-02, and is now at 4W/1L
] [  ASUKA has officially LOST IT
] [  YOHKO gives IORI a pair of SPECIALLY MADE GLOVES, to help him control the
YAGAMI FLAMES.
] [  YOHKO glomps onto IORI'S ARM, and GETS AWAY WITH IT
] [  CHRIS is revealed as a GAMMA FIGHTER
] [  IORI defeats CHRIS by disqualification, and is now at 9W/7L
] [  HSIEN-KO helps IORI and YOHKO chase off CYS
] [  MORRIGAN defeats LILLITH, GAMBIT, and JOHNNY CAGE to earn a spot in the
GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT. She is now at 1W/2L
] [  NAGA defeats DARK SCHNEIDER by forfeit, and is now at 5W/3L
] [  NAGA retains the OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP.
] [ GAIJIN DAN MASTRIANI collapses from exhaustion before he can write any
AUTHOR'S NOTES

Hope this was worth the wait.