With the morning still bright and early, Nabiki walked into the Ultradome, and just stood there for a moment, drinking it all in. The place had been freshly cleaned and practically gleamed, just like the shine off a newly minted five hundred yen coin. This early in the day, there was almost nobody about - there was just the night security team going off shift and the janitorial staff giving the Ultradome one last vigorous cleanup before the show tonight. With the peace and quiet, she could almost hear a thrumming noise - the sound of the massive machine that was Ultra ticking along. And it was hers, all hers. Nabiki smiled possessively, but it seemed just a few notches short of a truly happy smile. And then she turned the corner and saw the janitorial staff busy cleaning spraypainted CHAOS logos off the wall, and her expression went back to her more common businesslike look. She thought back and realised that the walls had been extra shiny, as if they'd just been cleaned with more vigour than usual. And the outside of the Dome had been similarly extra shiny. She frowned; it seemed that Jack had been busy overnight. One of the janitors working on the wall looked around, saw her coming, and jumped to attention. "Miss Tendou!" he said nervously. "Good morning!" "Good morning. I gather there were many of these CHAOS logos spraypainted on the walls overnight?" "Yes ma'am. All over the outside of the Dome and the more common hallways. We're just cleaning them up them now." "See that you have them all off by the show tonight or I hire a new janitorial staff." The man gulped. "Yes ma'am." The group attacked the wall with renewed vigour. On the way to her office she passed more spraypainted logos, and more than a few desultory slogans. Frown firmly in place, she walked into her office's waiting room. There was a janitor with a towel wrapped around her head, mopping at the entrance to the anteroom. "Up late today, Shizuka-san?" asked Nabiki, archly raising her eyebrow. "Excuse me?" "The towel suggests you've just had a shower." "Oh no, Tendou-san. Jack-san left a bucket of water perched on the door so it would fall on the first person to walk into your office. It's a good thing for you that it happened to be me." Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "Him again?" "I thought that he would have similarly vandalised your office, and so checked it out. I got hit by another bucket, found a whoopie cushion on your chair, pictures of rubber ducks all over the walls, and he left a note taped to your monitor." The woman indicated the secretary's desk. "It's over there." It certainly sounded like Jack. Just to be sure, Nabiki read the note. "Hi Nabster. Hope you enjoyed my presents. Have a good day, okay? PS - try not to piss off any heavy metal bands." A vein started throbbing on Nabiki's forehead. "Be childish, will he? Shizuka-san! Has anything else been found in the Ultradome?" "Several security and janitorial teams are going through the dome already, Miss Tendou." "Good." * * * A bit later in the day, it was time for Nabiki's appointments with the Ultra fighters. She was open for discussion all through the week, but she'd found there were always some who turned up during the day of the show and demanded a fight with someone else. They were learning not to, but there were still some who persisted in having late appointments. The first of the day was Gally. "Miss Tendou, I'll get right to the point. I want a match with Mewtwo." Nabiki glanced at Gally, then looked away, bored. "Sorry. Can't do it." "What? You have to let me fight him! Washuu will never recover if Mewtwo isn't convinced to heal her!" "I'll spell it out. The audience saw you fight Mewtwo once and lose. Quite convincingly too, I thought." "What? I just wasn't ready-" "And you'll be ready the next time?" Nabiki snorted. "Yeah, right. Have you learned how to deal with psychic powers yet?" Gally glared at the new boss of Ultra. "Oh what a shame, I guess not." Nabiki put down her pen and looked sternly at the android. "Here's the deal. You'll eventually get your precious chance at Mewtwo, however effective it turns out to be. But first you have to fight someone else you can do a better showing against, to at least *entertain* the audience some." "Hmph. That bastard Darshu, right?" Nabiki smiled. "You're a very good guesser, Gally-chan. But I don't care if you like it or not, it's the only way you'll get a shot at Mewtwo." "...fine. Whatever. I'll fight him, but only because it's the only way to help Washuu." Spinning on her heel, the android left the office. "Time to call in Shermie again," grinned Nabiki. * * * "Do you have any idea who it was yet?" asked Athena as she walked through the halls of the Ultradome. "I tell you, it's *hard*, okay?" said Sie Kensou. "I was watching a TV show and the next thing I'm unconscious. I didn't really have much concentration on my surroundings, you know." "But you always have some, even when you're not concentrating." "Yeah, I know. I *know*," grumbled the young Chinese psychic. "It's come in incredibly handy sometimes. But still, I've been trying all week to remember something I was barely concentrating on, and it's only getting harder as time goes on. I might never remember the psychic presence of whoever it was." Athena made a face at him. "You're being very depressing. Lighten up and be your usual self." "Athena, I got up beat up from behind so badly I was limping for four days. It's hard to lighten up when that happens to you." "Never mind. I'm sure Nabiki has security camera files and can help you out." "Yeah, but it'll cost us," grumbled Sie as they entered the waiting room for Nabiki's office. "I swear, Jack's friendly insanity was better than Nabiki's reign... of... money..." he trailed off, staring at the door of her office. "That's them!" "What?" "Them! One of them, anyway. One of the suckers who knocked me out and beat me up!" He slammed open the door to see a tall silver haired man and a *very* well built young woman with red hair obscuring her eyes - Yashiro Nanakase and Shermie, whose surname nobody seemed to know. They were the Disciples of the Void, and general all-round nasty pieces of work. Pantyhose Tarou stepped into the doorway and stood imposingly before them, arms crossed over his dragonscale tunic. "Out," he commanded. "Miss Tendou is busy." "Wait, Tarou," said Nabiki as she saw Sie's angry glares at Yashiro and Shermie. "I want to hear what this is about before you toss them out." "How on earth did you not realise it was THEM!?" Athena was shouting. "We've known who they are for months! Just how stupid can you be?" "Well, it was a kinda interesting TV show," mumbled Sie. "Good morning, Sie, Athena," said Nabiki, instantly commanding their attention. "It's very nice to see you too. You do realise I'm in the middle of an appointment and very annoyed with your intrusion and this will come out of your salary?" "Never mind," growled Yashiro. "If Team Rocket AND Tifa and Bean are busy tonight, we have nothing more to talk about." "Wait!" shouted Sie. "If you want a match tonight, then fine! We'll fight you jerks!" "Oh?" asked Yashiro, raising an eyebrow. "Wasn't last week enough for you?" "I'm gonna make you pay for what you did," promised Sie. "How about it, Shermie?" asked Yashiro. "Want to fight 'em?" "Sure, why not?" bubbled the French girl. "Great," said Nabiki. "Another match. You're on tonight, guys. Make it a good show." "Oh, we definitely will," said Sie. "Won't we Athena?" Athena nodded her head. "Yes. What you did to Sie is unforgivable." "Heh," said Shermie. "Do you think we care?" "But no cheesy dialogue like that," warned Nabiki. "Come up with more interesting taunts by the time of the match. Now scram. Except for you, Shermie." Yashiro and the Psycho Soldiers left, leaving just Shermie behind. "Yes, Miss Tendou?" "I've got another job for you," said Nabiki, handing a piece of paper to Shermie. Shermie took the paper and quickly scanned over it, somehow reading it even though her thick bangs completely hid her eyes. "Now it's Gally, hm? What do I get this time?" "What about Daisuke's address?" Shermie squealed happily. "You bet, Miss Tendou!" "Good. You may go." Shermie left, and Nabiki resumed her paperwork. Ten seconds later the secretary popped into the office. "Miss Tendou? The... ah... people for your next appointment are here." "Send them in," said Nabiki. The woman nodded her head and disappeared from the office. Two moments later she had reappeared, ushering four sorry-looking people in through the doorway. She then hastily left. Nabiki smirked - the woman clearly didn't like being around when Nabiki berated unproductive employees. Understandable, she supposed. "Nabiki?" Mousse asked, addressing the abstract art on the wall. "That's a very nicely coloured outfit gurk." "Hi Duck-boy," said Pantyhose Tarou. Mousse's eyes widened, then narrowed. Well, they seemed to. It was hard for Nabiki to tell with the Chinese aquatransduck being dangled in the air by the cuff of his robes and facing away from her. "Pantyhose Tarou," he spat. "The boss is not 'Nabiki', 'Nabs', 'Beekster', 'Bik part', or anything like that. You shall refer to her as 'Miss Tendou' or 'Ms. Tendou'. Got that, duck-boy?" "Yeah, panty-boy." "And *I* am just Tarou," said the effeminate aquatransabomination, tightening his grip. "Fine, Just Tarou." Tarou growled and raised his other fist. "Enough," said Nabiki. "Tarou, you can beat him up after tonight's show. But for now I need to talk to him and these other deadweights." "What was that?" asked Mousse, still dangling from Tarou's hand. He turned to face her and ended up glaring at her potted plants. They wilted slightly. "Did you just call us *deadweights*?" "What you mean by that, Mercenary girl? ...Shampoo mean Miss Tendou," quickly finished the purple haired Amazon, as Tarou gave her a nasty glare. "Awoorh?" asked Blanka. "Pika pi chu?" squeaked Pikachu from his perch on Blanka's shoulder. "It's quite simple," said Nabiki. "All four of you comprise the two least popular teams in Lambda. The others are all popular or doing stuff or will be doing stuff and the audience either loves or hates them. They don't even care about any of you." "Pika!" protested Pikachu. Nabiki didn't know what he'd said, but could guess. "Perhaps they *once* cared about you, but not any more. Now. I'm not going to pay you to just sit around and do nothing and not draw crowds. Either you shape up and make the audience care, or you're out of Ultra." The four were suddenly deathly silent, as they contemplated what Nabiki had just said. If they left, thought Mousse, they'd be back full time in the Nekohanten, under that old ghoul Cologne once more. All the progress he'd made with Shampoo in Ultra would be for naught. They could even end up going back to China. He couldn't let that happen. Who knew what would happen to him and Shampoo back in the Amazon village? Shampoo would at least be punished for not completing the obligation of either the Kiss of Death or Kiss of Marriage. She might even get executed! He couldn't let that happen! If they left, thought Shampoo, they'd be back full time in the Nekohanten, under Great Grandmother once more. All the progress she'd made with Ranma in Ultra would be for naught. They could even end up going back to China. She couldn't let that happen. Who knew what would happen to her back in the Amazon village? She would at least be punished for not completing the obligation of either the Kiss of Death or Kiss of Marriage. She might even get executed! She definitely didn't want that to happen. If he left, thought Blanka, he'd go back to the Brazilian jungle, by himself once more. Once he wouldn't have minded, but he'd met up with his old friend Dan and had made a good friend in Pikachu. And the fighting, rare as it was, was good fun - he could meet lots of new and interesting people and beat them up and there were no hard feelings. Usually. Pikachu didn't worry too much, because he knew he'd just end up with Ash again. But what would happen to Blanka? "Awoo," said Blanka to Pikachu. Translated from Awoo-ese, it meant, "That could really suck." "Pi pika," agreed the electric rodent. "Shampoo, we have to do something," Mousse said quietly in Mandarin to his intended. "If we're fired, we could end up back in China." "True," she said. "But what can we do?" "Have a match and win, of course. And win *good*. Stomp our opponents into the canvas in a stunning display of martial arts and showmanship. Show that audience who they should really be cheering for." Shampoo's eyes gleamed. "But who against?" "Team Rocket's out, we need at least one win before we can challenge them." "But that gives me an idea," said Shampoo. "How about those two? It should be an easy win." "It could work," conceded Mousse. "They might not care about what happens to the green guy, but they should care about the rat." "Let me do the talking." Switching back to Japanese, Shampoo addressed Nabiki. "Miss Tendou? We have idea. Us four have match tonight." Nabiki's gaze remained sceptical. "Oh really? How will that help?" "It be special 'loser worst team in Ultra' match!" Mousse winced. That hadn't been on the cards. A roar and a squeak of surprise suggested that the other two were surprised as well. "I still don't see it, Shampoo," said Nabiki. "Get to the point in half a minute, or I'll be scheduling a fight between a beast, a rat, a cat, and a duck in a 'loser leaves Ultra' match." Everybody stared at Shampoo and she started sweating. "Well? You've got twenty seconds now." Mousse sighed. It was time for damage control. "Miss Tendou, first of all, you can count on Hiroshi getting extremely excited about the match." "Hiroshi could get excited about a brown bag," muttered Tarou. "Him getting excited doesn't mean much." "I'm inclined to agree," agreed Nabiki. "And then whenever the losing team comes out after the match, Hiroshi proudly declares to the entire world that they're the biggest losers in all of Ultra. Embarrassing music is played instead of the usual entrance music. You can sell things with 'I'm down and out, but at least I'm better off than so-and-so in Ultra' slogans on them. Tarou..." Mousse faltered. "He can make lots of disparaging jokes about the loser," he bit out. "I do already, duck-boy." "More than usual," clarified Mousse. "If that's humanly possible, that is." "Watch it." "And so on," finished Mousse, ignoring Tarou. "Nobody wants that to happen to them, so we'll be fighting and giving our best." Shampoo stared at him in horror. "What you thinking, Mousse?" "Trust me on this, Shampoo," he said. Shampoo blinked - and grinned evilly as comprehension dawned. Nabiki looked at the two and the glimmerings of a smile crossed her face. "You might have an idea," she said. "AROOOARH!" roared Blanka, clearly upset. "Can it, you," said Nabiki. "You can be out of Ultra or be its biggest joke. Choose." "Awoo," he sullenly agreed. Turning to Pikachu, he said "Awooga aroo arurh", meaning "Little buddy, we have to beat these twerps at all cost." "Pika," agreed Pikachu. "It's decided then?" asked Nabiki. "Good. It shall be tonight. I suggest you go prepare for the match. Blanka and Pikachu, you are dismissed. Mousse and Shampoo, a moment of your time." Blanka and Pikachu left sullenly. "Yes, Miss Tendou?" asked Mousse. "I suggest you be yourselves out there." "What Miss Tendou mean?" "You're nothing like you used to be when you first arrived. Which is a shame. Now vamoose." "Shampoo still not get it." "I'll explain later," said Mousse. Shampoo and Mousse left the office to find Blanka and Pikachu waiting for them in the anteroom. The four glared at each other. "Aroo," threatened Blanka. Nobody really needed a translator to know what he meant, it was clear enough. Especially with his hand gestures. "No, *we'll* kick *your* asses," countered Mousse. * * * Back in her office, Nabiki stretched. "Busy day," she muttered. LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AND IMPROFANFIC! IT'S TIME FOR... { M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G } { C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G } { F E D E R A T I O N } { . * * * * * * * * *--. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { ` * * * * * * * * *--' } { http://www.improfanfic.com } Episode #44: Saturday Nights and Lambda Overdoses! This Episode Written By: Steven Scougall With an assist by Kristen Smirnov MTCFF Ultra created by Twoflower Many attempts have been made to describe just how loud the Ultradome is. Comparisons to such things as seismic activity and sitting right underneath a thousand jumbo jets as they take off have been mentioned. The need for industrial grade earplugs may have also been mentioned. There has been all this, and *still* the sheer loudness of the Ultradome hasn't been conveyed accurately. So, for once, an attempt shall be made to describe just how loud the Ultradome *isn't*. Which is quite hard, really, for there aren't many things out there that the Ultradome can't compare to in terms of auditory suicide. It isn't as loud as, say, sitting right next to the lip of a violently active volcano as it's erupting. It isn't as loud as lying a hundred meters away from an airport where a hundred jumbo jets take off and crash into each other, creating a spectacular fireball that would rival the best effects out of Industrial Light and Magic. Nor is it as loud as the explosion of a meteor crashing into the Earth. No, the Ultradome isn't as loud as all these things. It's close, but not quite. It's also generally a heck of a lot safer and healthier than any of the above events. Well, perhaps except for the ears. But that's nothing that a good pair of industrial grade earplugs can't handle. At the moment, the Ultradome crowd wasn't quite up to its usual standard, but Tarou could still hear them. He winced, and raised his hands to his ears. His industrial grade earplugs had to be losing their effectiveness. He could definitely hear some of the audience's crazed screaming. And they were degrading after only two shows, too. He'd have to see about acquiring some more earplugs. And Hiroshi hadn't even worked the crowd yet. Hiroshi grinned at the audience and the cameras picked up his face and broadcast it to millions of television sets all over the world, and to the gigantic UltraTron above the ring. The noise from the audience somehow increased to its more usual levels, and Tarou winced some more. "Are you reeeeaaaady..." Hiroshi started slowly, and the screaming increased some more. "I'd say so, judging by the crazed screaming," said Tarou. Hiroshi decided to ignore the announcer and grinned at the cameras again. "For some UltraaaaaaAAAAAAA..." The screaming increased to the point where the human eardrum just gives up and decides to take a long relaxing holiday, and cheering was more felt than heard. "VIIIIIIIOOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE!?!?!?!?" The audience screamed and cheered and yelled "HELL YEAH!" some more and then most sagged back into their chairs, their lungs temporarily spent. The truly ardent kept up a background of steady cheering long beyond the point where their vocal cords should have given out, and those who couldn't cheer waved their signs. One audience member was waving a sign that read "Tarou 3:16 says 'Heh heh.'" Tarou just stared, for once stunned into silence, and the girl somehow managed to cheer, then swooned. "HAVE WE GOT A FIGHT CARD FOR YOU!" screamed Hiroshi. "Have we?" jibed Tarou. "YOU *BET* WE HAVE, TAROU!" yelled Hiroshi. "Tonight, we have five incredible matches for your viewing pleasure! In Omega, Gally takes on Darshu! In Gamma, the relative newcomer Chris, who works for a demon, takes on the devil hunter Yohko! And we have THREE Lambda matches! Team Rocket defends the belts against the challenge of Tifa and Bean! Yashiro and Shermie face the challenge of Sie and Athena! But for the first of THREE Lambda matches, we have the Jusenkyo Survivors - Shampoo and Mousse - fighting The Jungle Warriors - Blanka and Pikachu!" The audience's cheering abruptly dropped to about half its usual level. Hiroshi ignored it and enthusiastically forged on in his quest to announce Ultra and make even brown paper bags look interesting. "But that's not all! Their match is to determine the official biggest losers in all of Ultra! None of them want that title, so all four will be doing their absolute best! What will they do to avoid getting that title? Folks, just what will happen when these four incredibly desperate fighters clash in the ring? Who will be on the T-shirt that says 'I may be down and out, but at least I'm better off than these losers'!?" "All four," said Tarou. "They're all jokes." "Shampoo and Mousse are strong and talented martial artists -" "They automatically win," yawned Tarou. "Put someone else on." Hiroshi desperately tried to not snap at Tarou. He wanted to keep his job, after all. "Tarou, can't you show *some* enthusiasm?" "Not for these four." Hiroshi sweatdropped and resumed where he left off. "Yes, Shampoo and Mousse are strong martial artists, but Blanka and Pikachu have the fury and strength of the wild jungle behind them! And as I said before, all four are desperate! Who will win? Who will lose? Who will be the Biggest Losers of All Ultra? We're about to find out!" The lights dimmed. In the half darkness, the glow-in-the-dark CHAOS logo spraypainted on the ring was now visible. Underneath it was a "Chaos is better than Beekster's Order!" slogan. The audience stuttered to an uncomfortable pause. "Uh... we appear to have some sort of technical hitch..." said Hiroshi. "No we don't, we have Jack," corrected Tarou. "You bet you do!" yelled a voice. Controversial Jack Lysias, clad in shirt, pants, and a garish power tie leaped out of the audience and landed on the Spanish Announcers' table, breaking it in half. "You have Jack, and Jack's back!" "Not for long," said Tarou, cracking his knuckles. "I'm going to toss you and the other clone-boy out." "Where is Daisuke, by the way?" asked Hiroshi. "Probably walking, he doesn't like jumping out of the audience, for some strange reason." "Hey, Hiroshi," said Daisuke, coming up from behind the announcer's table. "How's Ultra treating you?" "Ehehehe... well, you know," said Hiroshi nervously. "Just the usual." The UltraTron flickered and in one quarter of the screen there was an overlay showing Nabiki in her office. "Tarou," she said, "let the little silly man stay for as long as he likes, say what he wants, and realise just how useless this is." "Sure thing, boss," said Tarou. "It's not useless!" protested Jack. "How much of a hold on Ultra do you have if I can just waltz in and do this sort of thing whenever I like?" "More than you did, Mr. Lysias," said Nabiki, making a show of inspecting her nails. "More than you did." The audience oohed in appreciation at Nabiki's comeback. "I'll oust you, Nabster. I'm gonna kick you out and get back what's rightfully mine." "I do believe this show was my sister's, Mr. Lysias." "Yeah? Gosh, I'm sure that would mean a lot - if it weren't for *her* giving Ultra to *me* and *you* having to *buy* it." "I'd say that makes it rightfully mine, Mr. Lysias. And I don't see your regular crew of two with you." Jack reddened, though it was hard to see in the half-light. "Alright, Hiroshi and Tarou, it's time for the match." "Hey!" shouted Jack. "I'm still here!" "Not for much longer. Tarou, if you please." "Right away, Miss Tendou." Tarou tossed Jack and Daisuke out of the UltraDome - literally. The two sailed up from the ring and over the audience, through the huge main doors, and into the street outside where they slid to a stop. "Ow," said Daisuke. "This is just a minor setback!" declared Jack. "We'll go back in there and cause as much chaos as CHAOS can!" Daisuke eyed the security guards, who eyed him right back. "...um, how?" "Don't bother me with details, Dai my boy." There was a moment of uneasy silence. "...if only Shingo and Sakura had been with us," said Jack. "They could have protected us. They could get us back in." "They just had to be busy with other stuff." "Ingrates." "Yeah." There was another moment of uneasy silence. "You seriously thinking of firing them from CHAOS?" Daisuke asked. "Of course not. CHAOS needs everybody they can get." * * * In what was truly their best effort yet, the This Old Dojo crew scrubbed the CHAOS logo and slogan off the mat in just under a minute. It would have taken much less time, but bored audience members threw tomatoes and soda, and a rare fan of Marlo's threw a plastic chair. The extra litter had made the job longer, but finally it was done and the show could continue. "Alright folks," started Hiroshi, "after that little speedbump, we're getting back to the first fight." The lights dimmed once more, this time with no hitches. Bouncy started playing, with a Chinese girl singing a lunch menu over it. A spotlight blazed into life, illuminating the entrance to one ramp. Standing in the middle of the light were Shampoo and Mousse, waving at the crowd. Shampoo was smiling brightly and wearing her usual tight clothing, drawing much attention from the nosebleed section. Mousse was in his usual white robe and black pants. There was no sign of his glasses - obviously he was wearing his contacts. They walked down the ramp, waving and smiling, Shampoo flouncing a little, and the audience's lacklustre cheering grew. "And Shampoo is signalling for a mike!" announced Hiroshi. "I wonder what she has to say?" "Gosh, I wonder," said Tarou. "Maybe she wants to tell us how uncomfortably tight that shirt is, perhaps?" Shampoo scowled at him. "Is nice shirt!" "And she DOES!" shouted Hiroshi. Mousse buried his face in his hands in exasperation as the audience laughed at the Amazons. "Shampoo, our speech?" "Oh yes! You big beast and stupid mouse, we much better fighters than you! You just stupid lumbering oafs! By time we finished with you, you two be biggest losing pulpy messes in Ultra!" "Shampoo is right, Blanka and Pikachu!" said Mousse. "You have almost nothing going for you! Do you really think you can win against our greater skill? Once this fight is over, we'll see who the biggest losers of Ultra are, and they'll be you!" In response, Blanka dashed down the other ramp at high speed, Pikachu riding on his shoulder. The bestial combatants were made madder still by the fact that instead of "Born to be wild", the speakers were playing "George of the Jungle". ][ LAMBDA MATCH #1 ][ JUSENKYO SURVIVORS vs JUNGLE WARRIORS ][ FIGHT! The bell rang as Blanka reached the bottom of the ramp and leapt at the ring. In mid air, he went into a high-speed roll, and went completely over the ring, landing on the other side. Mousse and Shampoo's eyes followed his flight and landing, and completely missed Pikachu landing behind them. They realised their mistake as soon as they saw Pikachu was no longer with Blanka, but it was too late - the electric Pokemon was already unleashing a massive blast of electricity at the two Amazons. Thinking and acting incredibly quickly, Mousse grabbed and threw Shampoo clear of the ring, and she escaped with some minor singes. Mousse, on the other hand, was not as lucky. At the centre of blast, he took a huge amount of damage and collapsed, his body charred and smoking slightly. "OH MY LINA!" screamed Hiroshi. "Mousse is DOWN! A stunning and electrifying tactic may have given the Jungle Warriors the fastest win on record!" "Stupid Mousse!" shouted Shampoo. "Get UP!" Mousse twitched. "Duck-boy's still moving," smirked Tarou. And indeed Mousse was still moving. With an incredible nail-biting slowness, he dragged himself to his feet just as the count reached eight. Pikachu cowered back, unsure what to do with a man that had taken an incredible electric shock and was still moving. "You think that was enough to beat ME?" yelled Mousse. "Feel the power of Hidden Weapons!" Not thinking very clearly, his arms lashed out and from his sleeves emerged hundreds of chains, dulled blades on chains, bowling balls on chains, dumbbells on chains, encyclopedias on chains, spiked yo-yos, and a cheese sandwich. Pikachu stared wide-eyed at the oncoming onslaught for just a moment, then dodged out of the way. The only reward for his trouble was for another onslaught of long range weapons, and then another. The pokemon became more worried. He was dodging madly, and his opponent was standing still. Mousse would go down with just another Thundershock, probably, but at this rate, he'd never get a clear shot at his opponent. A dulled sickle bounced off the mat mere millimetres next to him. Mousse was getting too close, and Pikachu was tiring. He'd be hit eventually if he didn't tip the tables fast. "AWOOO!" yelled Blanka, urging Pikachu to go for another Thundershock attack, but aimed at the chains. Pikachu instantly saw what his teammate meant and mentally kicked himself for not realising sooner. With a shout of "CHUU!" he fired off another blast of electricity that coursed back up the chains and straight into Mousse. The Chinese boy juddered for a moment, then collapsed, extra-crispy. The weapons, no longer under his control, fell with a loud crash and clatter all around Pikachu. There was the smell of burning, and gooey droplets of melted cheese splattered to the canvas. "Mousse is down again!" yelled Hiroshi. "And he can no longer use his favoured long range weapons! What will he do now?" "He'll get up again," said Tarou as Mousse pulled himself up to his feet once more. "This is amazing!" screamed Hiroshi. "Mousse has just taken two incredibly powerful Thundershocks, and is STILL going! What tenacity! What perseverance!" "What stupidity," yawned Tarou. "Really, using metal against an electricity using fighter? He's stupider than I thought he was, and that's saying something. The only one stupider is Pikachu for not realising what to do sooner." Mousse shot a dirty look at Tarou, then looked back at Pikachu. "So I'll fight closer," he said. From somewhere in his robes came a long staff, and he struck a defiant pose. He then wobbled, almost collapsing. "Mousse! Tag!" said Shampoo, jumping up and down. The motion attracted the attention of a large part of the audience, but not Mousse's. The fighter charged at Pikachu, stumbled, righted himself and continued the charge. "Mousse!" Shampoo yelled insistently, jumping up and down some more. Once again, she caught the attention of most of the males in the audience, and some of the females as well. And also that of the referee. He turned and looked at her, his eyes lingering on her form for just a bit longer than they should have- And in that instant, Mousse struck. But the swing was wild and wide, and was clearly going to miss by at least a foot. And then somehow, it didn't. Pikachu squealed in surprise, Mousse jerked the staff back sharply, and Pikachu went flying into the air towards Mousse. Mousse's arms and legs blurred as he beat the hell out of the Pokemon, then punted him out of the ring. It looked as if the Jungle Warriors were about to lose, and then Blanka leaped high, made a mid-air tag, and somersaulted down into the ring. Pikachu went on to land amidst the audience. A high pitched chorus of "Oh, how CUTE!" floated down from the audience. "WHAT ON EARTH JUST HAPPENED?" screamed Hiroshi. "He MISSED, but then he didn't!" "And the referee is declaring it valid," said Tarou. "What a surprise." "GOOO JIMMY!" yelled Dan, waving a sign that said "Dan 3:16 says 'My good old friend Jimmy is sure to win!'" The two announcers stared at him. "'Jimmy'?" asked Hiroshi. "That's Blanka's real name," offered Dan. "Didn't you know?" Blanka ignored the ringside banter. Wasting no time, he landed and leapt straight into the fray. In the blink of an eye he was next to Mousse, swiping wildly at him with his fists. Mousse desperately dodged and with a shout of "Swan fist!" his hands blurred towards the Brazilian beast's head. Blanka easily avoided the counterattack and responded with a kick aimed at the Chinese boy's midsection. Mousse staggered backwards, gasping. Blanka finished off by tucking himself into a ball and rolling at high speed at the Amazon. Mousse ducked just in time and Blanka went right into the ropes. "GET UP JIMMY!" yelled Dan. "GO FOR IT! YOU CAN BEAT HIM! OSHAA!" Mousse flung another round of chains at Blanka. Some of them hit and Blanka winced. And then he grinned, showing off his long sharp teeth. He grabbed hold of the chains and pumped several tens of thousands of volts into them. As soon as he realised Blanka's intent, Mousse released the chains, but still got a significant shock. It was enough. Mousse staggered back and to the side, slumping against the ropes. "And Mousse looks like he's almost out," said Tarou. "Which serves him right for making the same mistake twice." Incredibly, Mousse was still moving, trying to stand upright. "I..." he gasped out, wobbling. "Fight..." Shampoo reached him, made the tag, and leapt into the fray. "Onnn..." finished Mousse, collapsing and landing outside the ring. "Is my fight now, stupid beast!" Blanka finished extricating himself from the ropes and dashed at high speed towards the purple-haired girl. She grinned - with her maces she had a slight reach advantage. She readied a counterstrike, but was caught off guard as Blanka angled off at the last second. Her strike met empty air, and Blanka's knee met her stomach. She fell backwards, Blanka following and swiping at her. She tried to get away, but he was simply too fast. He was all over her - one second he was attacking from the front. The next he slid at her feet, hands first, almost knocking her from her feet, and then he was springing up and jumpkicking at her head. He landed behind her and got some good solid hits in, his claws drawing shallow cuts in her clothes and skin. She gasped in pain and kicked out backwards, almost blindly. She heard him go "whouff" in surprise. She leapt clear, gaining distance between the two. "WHAT AN INCREDIBLE DISPLAY OF FIGHTING ABILITY!" screamed Hiroshi. "Blanka proves to be too much for Shampoo to handle! Can she win?" "Probably not," said Tarou. Blanka ignored the announcers - they weren't important. He took the opportunity to catch his breath and take stock of the situation. He grunted in annoyance - he wouldn't be able to use his favoured high speed rolling attacks. If he did and missed, he'd just end up tangled in the ropes again. Outside the ring, Mousse stirred. "And incredibly, Mousse is back in action!" "Almost," countered Tarou. "But there's still no sign of Pikachu! This could be bad for Blanka!" Somewhere in the audience, Pikachu sweatdropped. He'd landed amidst a gaggle of high school girls, who had quickly mobbed him and tied bright bows to him and pronounced him the cutest thing on earth. He felt almost too embarrassed to go back down to the match. But Blanka sounded like he could be in trouble. He struggled to get free, but the girls' grips were simply too tight. "FIGHT, JIMMY!" bellowed Dan. "YOU'RE ALMOST THERE, YOU CAN DO IT!" Back in the ring, Blanka eyed Shampoo warily. She was breathing heavily, obviously winded. His old friend Dan was right - if he could just get one good attack in, she'd fall. He slowly grinned. Being Pikachu's partner had given him an idea for a new way to use his electricity. He gathered his power, readying it for a huge blast that would cover the ring. Arcs of electric energy crackled over his tense muscles. But Shampoo suddenly sprang and swung a mace at him, forcing him to cut off the attack. He diverted his power to an electrified punch that sent Shampoo flying backwards. She landed and rolled across the ring. There was a sudden clang from nearby. With a puzzled "Awoo?" Blanka looked over, seeing the referee fall over, clearly out for the count. Beside the ref was a steel chair attached to a chain. The other end of the chain was held by Mousse, who was barely able to hold himself upright. The audience was silent for a moment, then started to jeer. "What's this!?" shouted Hiroshi. "Mousse has recovered and hit the ref with a chair on a chain!" "At last he does something right," said Tarou. "WATCH OUT, JIMMY!" shouted Dan. Blanka whipped his gaze back to Shampoo just in time to see her swinging her maces at his legs, trying to sweep them out from under him. He could almost instantly see that they were going to miss. He ignored the weapons as they whizzed past his head and legs, and reared back for a massive punch that would send his opponent out of the ring. She made a yanking motion with one mace and the other hand and there was a sudden jerk and burning on his lower leg. He was pulled off balance, sending him crashing to the ground. He looked down and saw an angry red welt forming around the back of his leg. There was no time to wonder how she had done that - she was running at him again. He sprang to his feet as she came, ready to meet her charge. She struck high, missing again. It seemed almost deliberate - There was a sudden jerk on his head as Blanka realised there was an almost invisible line attached to the mace, and she was using the misses to string it around parts of his body. The yanking motions were her pulling the line taut and him off balance. Unfortunately for Blanka, this realisation came too late. Shampoo was upon him, her mace crashing into his head. It exploded into a cloud of sleeping gas. "A...woo," he managed in protest, then collapsed unconscious to the mat. "JIMMY!" bellowed Dan. "This is most unfair! Disqualify them! DISQUALIFY THEM!" The chant was quickly taken up the audience was soon reverberating throughout the Ultradome. "Sleeping gas?" shouted Hiroshi. "And how did she yank him off balance like that? It's almost like what Mousse did!" Tarou chuckled evilly in response. "There was an invisible and very strong line attached to her mace, and to Mousse's staff. They used those to catch onto their opponents and swing them around. Though obviously the referee couldn't watch too closely, especially for the sleeping gas." He chuckled again. "My kind of people." The audience's chanting increased. Amidst it, the referee woke up, and saw that Blanka was unconscious. Ignoring the chanting, which he decided he didn't understand and didn't want to know about, he declared Shampoo and Mousse the winners. He then went off in search of a beer. The audience was stunned into silence. Dan leapt into the ring and started trying to revive his friend. "Shampoo and Mousse... won?" asked Hiroshi. "You bet," said Tarou. "But... they can't! They were cheating!" "Cheating? Hardly. They were just using a new weapon." "I'd call the sleeping gas cheating, Tarou! Why do you think they needed to knock the ref out?" Throughout the announcer's exchange, the audience had been getting louder. And they knew only one way to deal with people who'd cheated to win. They were booing and jeering at the Amazons, and some were throwing soda and food at the ring. Shampoo glared back. "Stop that! STOP!" she yelled. "Shampoo do ANYTHING to win and not be Biggest Loser in all Ultra! What you think YOU do!?" The audience booed louder. Shampoo seemed to shrink, and then she stood tall, proud and defiant. "We not need you!" she shouted. "We not need you like us! We just going to fight and win! We going to show Lambda we not Biggest Losers in all Ultra! Not ever! We going to get belts and keep them!" With that she jumped out of the ring, picked up Mousse, and stomped up the ramp. "Did Shampoo just turn bad?" asked Hiroshi, dazed. "I'd say so," grinned Tarou. "Wonderful, isn't it?" "No!" shouted Hiroshi. "It's not! This is truly a great fall that she and Mousse have taken!" "Nah," said Tarou. "They always had the potential to go bad. Heck, I hear they did this sorta thing when they first showed in Nerima." In the ring, Blanka stirred, groaning as he regained consciousness. "At last!" exclaimed Dan. "Jimmy, you have woken up from the most underhanded beating that was administered to you!" "Awoo," said Blanka weakly. "Don't worry, Jimmy." Dan looked solemn. "You might have lost, but your opponents had to CHEAT to defeat you! They are evil nasty people! I taunt in their general direction!" Dan flexed a forearm in the direction the Amazons had left. "OOOOOSHAA!" Tarou grinned wolfishly. "Hey, you know something?" "What?" asked Hiroshi. "Their loss officially makes Blanka and Pikachu the Biggest Losers of all Ultra." "WHAT?" shouted Hiroshi. "AWOOO!?" roared Blanka, leaping to his feet. "PIKA!" squealed Pikachu as, finally free, he dashed down to the ring. Tarou took one look at the bright pink bow tied around the pokemon and laughed like mad. "Umm..." started Hiroshi. "I think we'll need official word on this." An aide quickly hurried down to the announcer's table, a piece of paper in hand. Sweating nervously, he handed it over to Tarou, then rushed back out of the arena. He and Hiroshi looked over it; their reactions were mixed. Tarou grinned evilly, but Hiroshi paled. "It looks like a decision has been reached. The Jungle Warriors are now the Official Biggest Losers of All Ultra." The audience booed and jeered and threw half-eaten food at the two announcers. "We're just the announcers!" exclaimed Hiroshi. "If you don't stop this," Tarou growled into his microphone, "I'll come and kick your asses to the other side of the sun." That stopped the missiles, but the discontent was still there. And amidst it, the two sorry figures of Blanka and Pikachu dragged themselves back up the ramp and out of the arena. * * * For Ash Ketchum, Pokemon trainer and one half of an Ultra Lambda team, life sucked. He almost never fought anymore and the last real match he could remember having was against his friend Pikachu. That had been a disaster, especially when Blanka pumped a lot of electricity into him. And *that* had pointed out, quite painfully, just how bad at fighting he was. To top it all off, he'd seen Pikachu and Blanka fighting well against the two Chinese Amazons. It looked as if they were about to win, and then Shampoo and Mousse had cheated to win! Even worse, they'd gotten away with it, and now Pikachu was officially one of the Biggest Losers of all Ultra... He *should* have been down there by the ring for Pikachu, but the pokemon had said he'd be fine. Stupidly believing it, Ash had decided not to go. What a mistake that was. Ash stomped over to the TV, which was showing the ringside action and commentary, and switched it off viciously, wishing he knew a good swear word he could use. "Ash?" asked Misty. "Those two CHEATED to beat Pikachu!" shouted Ash. "And yet Pikachu's the one being called the biggest Loser of all Ultra! It's not fair!" "At least they're calling him something..." said Misty, dejected. "What's that supposed to mean?" "They're not calling us anything! When was the last time we had a match?" "At that moon thing at Delta," Ash responded promptly. "No, before that." That took Ash longer. "About a month or so before Delta, I think, when we fought Blanka and Pikachu." "See? We almost never fight. And Team Rocket is at the top of Lambda, and people LOVE them!" "That's not fair either..." mumbled Ash. "They're just cheating jerks..." He switched on the TV and flicked around the channels. He came to a sports news show, which was showing Blanka and Pikachu dragging themselves sullenly from the ring, and quickly turned it off again. He glared sullenly at the TV screen. "I'm going off to find Pikachu, wherever he and that green guy are going," he decided. "Pikachu really needs a friend right now." "Ash, he's got Blanka right there." "Two are better than one, right? And three are better than two. And with all our pokemon, we're even more than three. Come on, let's go." * * * "Mai, *please* stop hanging off my arm like that." "But I'm so happy!" Mai bubbled. "You woke up a week ago as yourself, and now you're actually walking again!" Andy thought back, over the past several weeks. It had certainly been... interesting. And terrifying. He wasn't sure what could have happened if he'd stayed like he had for much longer - he could have ended up doing anything, he was so crazy. The worst thing was that he could see *why* he'd done it - he'd been keeping his big brother 'alive.' And he felt that he could slip back into doing that, or something like it, at any time. He shuddered, and Mai noticed. "Andy-chaaaan! What's bothering you?" "I was just thinking about how I... lived as Terry. I think it was to keep him alive..." "Don't you ever do something like that again, okay?" She was almost in tears. "You're *Andy!* And you're *my* Andy. Nobody else!" "I... I know that... now. But-" "But what?" "I just feel that it could happen again. If someone I care about enough were to die, then..." He sighed. Mai imagined Andy dressed up as Joe Higashi, their obnoxious kickboxer friend, and giggled. "What's so funny?" "I was just imagining you dressed and acting as Joe." Andy couldn't help but smile at that. "That'd never work. My hair's too long and entirely the wrong colour, and I'd need to get a tan." "And you wouldn't work too well as Kim Kaphwan, either, your eyes are all wrong." Andy chuckled. "Good thing they haven't died, then, Terry's the only one I can easily dress up as." He sighed again. "Terry..." "I know, it's a big shock..." The normally cheerful Mai was somber. "He always seemed so full of life. If a little depressing at times." "We have to do *something* for him," he said. "Like a proper memorial service, or similar. He was one of the world's greatest heroes and fighters, and he deserves more than he got. I don't know *when*, but we should." Mai sighed. "I agree, but... promise me you won't dwell on him? Please?" She saw his stony expression and soldiered on. "I don't mean for you to entirely forget him, but if you think about him too much, then something like this might happen again..." "I see what you mean." There was an uncomfortable pause. "Concentrate on something else, okay?" Mai asked. "Like defeating Bison. He needs to be taken down." "Yeah, I think I can do that," said Andy. He smacked his fist into the palm of his other hand and grinned wolfishly. "Bison is gonna go DOWN and in a big way." "Let's get you back to bed." Andy made a face. "I can't believe they want me to stay in the medical ward for a few more days." "You're still a bit weak," she reminded him. "Don't worry, the doctors say you'll be out by next week." "I really can't wait that long," he grumbled, but went back to his hospital bed anyway. * * * "For our next fight," shouted Hiroshi, "we have the Psycho Soldiers against the Disciples of the Void! In a twist on the usual formula, the Psycho Soldiers have challenged the Void - not the other way around! Could this herald a new rivalry between the two?" "Of course it does," said Tarou. "Why else would you challenge someone?" "Uh, yes..." The lights dimmed, and the heavy metal song that was "Bloody," as performed by Yashiro, Shermie and Chris themselves, blasted out over the speakers. The two Disicples of the Void appeared at the top of the ramp. "And the Disciples of the Void have arrived," Hiroshi announced. Ignoring the audience's now expected boos and jeers, Yashiro and Shermie strutted down to the ring and climbed in. Yashiro signalled for a mike. "Yeah, it's us! And when Sie challenged us, I wondered what the hell he was thinking, because there's no damn way in *hell* he and that wussy girlfriend of his can beat us. They're just wimps, and the Void makes us stronger than they'll ever be!" "You only *wish* that's true," yelled a voice. Yashiro, Shermie, the announcers, the audience, and the Spanish Announcers' pet chihuahua all looked over the entrance to the ramp, where Sie and Athena were standing. "But in the end, we fight for justice and good, and we will always prevail!" "And we have some cheesy dialogue even before the match starts," Tarou commented snidely. Sie and Athena strode down the ramp, the audience cheering them on the whole way. The two jumped into the ring and stood tall and defiantly before their opponents. "I don't know *why* you beat me up last week," said Sie, "and I don't particularly care. All I want at the moment is too take a piece or two out of you." Yashiro smirked right back. "That's too bad, because you won't - *we're* the ones that will take *you* apart." "I see what you mean about their cheesy dialogue," Hiroshi stage- whispered. Yashiro glared at him and Hiroshi shrank back in his seat. ][ LAMBDA MATCH #2 ][ PSYCHO SOLDIERS (SIE & ATHENA) VS DISCIPLES OF THE VOID (YASHIRO & SHERMIE) ][ FIGHT! The bell rang. A second later a steel chair rang as it bounced off the referee's head, sending him into blissful unconsciousness. Two seconds after that, Chris and Shermie were ganging up on Athena outside the ring. "Athena!" shouted Sie, turning to face her. Yashiro punched him in the back of the head and the Chinese teenager staggered forwards. Yashiro did a quick hopping kick to Sie's back, tumbling him to the mat. "Pathetic," sneered Yashiro. "You have to *pay attention* to your opponent, boy." "I'll get you for this," threatened Sie as he got back up to his feet. "And for jumping me last week." "Yeah? Just by yourself?" Sie's eyes narrowed. He settled into a fighting stance, both arms up at shoulder level, and hands open. "I don't need any help to deal with you." "You could have done with some last week." "And the two prove they are masters of cheesy dialogue," said Tarou. "Meanwhile, Athena looks like she's in trouble." Sie forced himself to concentrate on just his opponent. He couldn't afford another attack from the back. But he had to finish this quickly, otherwise the other two would finish with Athena and join their teammate in the ring, and then he'd *really* be in for it. Yashiro slowly stepped forwards, also ready for anything Sie might throw out, their eyes locked together. Sie flinched first. In response, Yashiro blurred forwards so fast he seemed to teleport, driving a hand out at middle height, aiming for Sie's abdomen. Sie, however, had fought Yashiro before and was expecting something like this, and was no longer there. He landed a couple of feet to the side, and jumped at Yashiro, doing three quick attacks in the air before landing. Yashiro blocked the first two, deflected the third, and followed with a leaping uppercut to Sie's jaw, sending him skywards. Yashiro leaped up after his opponent. Sie flipped over in mid-air, halted his movement, then charged down at his opponent at an angle, blue energy around his hand in the shape of an arrow. He plowed into Yashiro at high speed, and the silver haired man flew down into the mat and landed with a dull thud. Sie landed a moment later. The battle was well and truly on. * * * Athena was in trouble. She was facing a boy who was one of the quickest opponents she had ever faced, and Shermie was a master of long range fighting with the balls of lightning she could create anywhere around her, usually right in front of her opponent. Shermie bent over, and mimed blowing a kiss, and another spherical blast of blue lightning sparked into life in front of Athena. Athena managed to stop moving in time. There was a swish and Chris kicked her in the back, knocking her into the ball of electricity anyway. Shermie mimed another kiss. This time Athena dashed forwards, trailing afterimages behind her, going *through* the lightning ball. She stopped behind Shermie, and went for an attack. There was another swish and Chris kicked her away again, right into another of Shermie's lightning kisses. Tarou, obnoxious jerk that he was, had been right. She was most definitely in trouble. She had to come up with some miracle win, and fast, otherwise these two would defeat her in just moments. * * * In the ring, the duel continued. Sie's blows were faster and were the more precise blows of a martial artist. Yashiro, on the other hand, had great power and longer range, which he used to keep Sie away. Well, he tried to, but Sie could occasionally slip past the taller man's blows and harry him with fast and damaging blows. A lull settled as they both fell back, catching their breath. It lasted mere seconds; Yashiro skipped forwards and went for a spinning kick to Sie's chest. It was a powerful kick, but slow. Sie slipped around it and hit Yashiro with several fast punches, a kick that lifted him into the air, then jumped up into the air and hit Yashiro a few more times. Sie landed, and slumped - that had taken a lot out of him. He really hoped that that had been enough. It hadn't. Yashiro wobbled up to his feet, a murderous look in his eyes. "I'll get you for that, brat." Sie responded by crouching low and, shouting "CHOKYUDAN!" he threw a silvery-blue fireball at his opponent. Yashiro's eyes gleamed. Seemingly in slow motion, he crouched, reared back, then with a lunge he threw a huge blast of blue energy from his fist that blasted right through Sie's projectile, into Sie himself, and flung the young martial artist right into the corner post. Sie tried to get up and his body screamed at him. A shadow fell over him; he looked up and saw Yashiro standing above him. The man smiled cruelly, picked Sie up by his head, and slammed him several times into the mat, then threw him into the corner post at the other side of the ring. The pain he'd felt before barely compared to what he was feeling now. "I'm going to kick you and your do-gooding goody-goody girlfriend all the way out of the Ultradome," Yashiro growled. "We don't want any of your stupid justice loving kind around when Xelloss makes his big move." "Big... move?" Sie gasped out. Yashiro's eyes narrowed as he realised he'd said too much. "I'll just kill you now," he said. * * * Athena was trying everything she knew - fireballs, teleports, pseudo- teleports, reflectors for the very occasional lightning projectile Shermie threw at her, the trajectory changing Phoenix Arrow to confuse her opponents - and it still wasn't enough. No matter what she did, Chris could herd her into Shermie's attacks, or vice versa. No matter what she managed to dish out, the other two returned. For what felt like the hundredth time, Chris kicked her and there was the sizzle and pain of Shermie's lightning striking her. She fell to her hands and knees. "Going to give up?" Chris grinned. "I'll never give up to cheating unjust people like you," Athena gritted out. Shermie bent down in front of her and smiled. "That's good. Because I wanted to beat you up some more. ANKOKU RAIKOKEN!" The French girl's fist struck her in the head and there were several blasts of electric power. Athena screamed, and all went black. * * * "I'd say that was your justice-loving girlfriend getting her ass pounded," smirked Yashiro. "You're next." Sie's voice was small and dangerous. "A...thena? You... *bastards* hurt Athena?" "Still some fight left in you, hm?" Yashiro picked Sie up by the head and dangled the boy in front of him. "It's ultimately useless, boy. All will be returned to nothing." "I'LL *KILL* YOU!" screamed Sie. Not even bothering to twist out of Yashiro's grasp, he lashed two hands at Yashiro chest. Huge blasts of energy slammed into Yashiro and knocked him clear across the ring, through the ropes, and into the replacement Spanish Announcer's table. "AND SIE BEATS YASHIRO IN THE RING! THIS MEANS THAT THE PSYCHO SOLDIERS HAVE WON!" "Maybe officially," said Tarou. "But now he has Shermie and Chris to deal with." He leaned back and grinned. "Kinda obvious what's going to happen, isn't it?" "Tarou's right," said Hiroshi, his voice somber. "Sie may have won the match, but he could still lose this fight." Sie eyed the two woozily. That's it, he thought, he was officially screwed. That Hermit Crab Blast he'd just performed had taken everything out of him, he was exhausted, and the best he could do at the moment would be a light slap to the face. And only if his opponents stood still long enough. His gaze fell on Athena's crumpled form, and he felt the rage again. Those bastards had teamed up on her. If only she were awake, they'd have better chances of winning this... Wait a minute. He *could* wake her up. Shermie and Chris were almost upon him, smiling disturbingly at him. "See ya, suckers," he said, and hopped over the post. There was a swish as Chris appeared in front of him; Sie just jumped over him, ran up to Athena, and crouched beside her, doing his best to heal her into consciousness. He had only a few seconds, and he was new at this, and he was desperate. He put everything he had left into it, and his vision started to grey out around the edges. He looked down to see Athena's eyes flutter open and look confused. He smiled at her. "Kick their asses for me," he said, and fell. "I can barely move..." he muttered from the floor. "Sie?" "'m tired. Can't fight anymore." "Fine," said Chris. "One falls, the other gets up, it's all the same to us. We'll just kick your ass instead, and cart both of you back to Xelloss." "You hurt Sie!" she screamed. "And I'll NEVER be someone's puppet, EVER AGAIN! In the name of love and justice and all that's holy, I'll defeat you!" With that, she teleported - not a dashing quasi-teleport with afterimages, but a true teleport - to between the two fighters of the Void. With a scream of power and rage, a huge aura of energy blasted into life around her and two orbs of energy rapidly orbited her. Caught completely unawares, the two Void fighters were flung away, one into the wall and other into the side of the ring. Both slumped into unconsciousness. "I... we did it," she whispered. "We did it! We defeated them!" "WAHOO!" Sie yelled weakly. "We did it! I'd jump around and everything, but I'm kinda tired right now..." "AND IN AN *AMAZING* MATCH," Hiroshi yelled, "the Psycho Soldiers defeat THREE fighters of the Void. It doesn't matter how you view that fight, they won! They won with *style*!" "Athena won in a bikini," stated Tarou. Athena swore quietly. It had happened again. Sometimes when she did the Shining Crystal Bit, her normal clothes were replaced by a bikini, and she'd never worked out why. It was probably some cruel quirk of fate. "Athena, do you have anything to say about your win?" asked Hiroshi. "Are you elated that you just won against a team of three that used dirty underhanded tactics?" "Gee, I wonder," said Tarou. "They deserved it," Athena proclaimed. "They're evil and unjust, fight for hate and destruction, and they're affiliated with Orochi, Xelloss and Hell." She turned, and faced the UltraTron. "Bison, we're coming for you!" The UltraTron flickered into life, displaying the ShadowNERV logo. Bison's face appeared a moment later. "I look forward to it, Athena. You barely won tonight's match, do you really think you can defeat Sagat and Ken? So, Psycho Soldiers, come at me if you dare - I'll just capture you and turn you into puppets again." The screen flickered, and went dead. Athena shivered. She helped Sie to his feet, and the two stumbled out of the arena to the audience's applause. The three members of the Void were left to lie on and around the ring. "Shouldn't someone be doing something about them?" wondered Hiroshi. In answer, Xelloss appeared and gathered the three Disciples of the Void together. Despite the shouts and insults and occasional missiles, the trickster priest's characteristic smile was firmly in place. "Hi folks!" he grinned. "Now, I bet you're all wondering - if Chris has just been knocked out that badly, then how's he going to fight against Yohko later on?" Hiroshi blinked. "I was wondering..." "I wasn't," snorted Tarou. "It's really amazingly simple - I'll have him good and ready and in fighting shape for his match. After all, you don't want a boring win by disqualification, do you?" Xelloss waved to the audience, the ruby on his staff flared, and all four disappeared. "And on that note," said Hiroshi, "it's time to take a break. Stay tuned, folks!" * * * Shingo Yabuki, long time fighter of Ultra and one-time Gamma champion, and a King of Fighters competitor before that, was facing one of the most difficult battles of his life. It was long, it was hard, and it had some extremely awkward pauses during which he had no idea what to say. Yes, that's right, he was talking to his girlfriend Karin Kanzuki about their relationship and whether they should seriously consider the possibility of them maybe progressing to a new level of seriousness in their feelings for each other. And stuff. Shingo had never paid much attention to that sort of thing before, and he really wished that he had, and taken notes. It would have really helped him now. He caught himself about to pull out his trusty notebook and start flipping through it randomly, as if to calm his nerves. But that wouldn't go over very well with Karin at all, and he really didn't want to make her upset. He jerked his hand away from his pocket and almost hit the table by accident. "Shingo? Is there something wrong?" "Ah... no," he said, thinking quickly. How could he explain that away? He improvised hastily. "Ah... your comment about Tifa and Bean got me thinking about my matches, and I wanted to check my notes, and found myself about to pull out my notebook." "And you thought I wouldn't like you doing that?" He nodded, and she smiled slightly. "That's nice. It shows you're thinking about me." "Ah... yeah," said Shingo. "But you do have to stop relying on that notebook all the time. It's embarrassing to see you running around the ring going 'how do I do the Dynamite Kick again?'" "But I never-" She rolled her eyes. "Work with me, Shingo." Shingo thought that pointing out that she stole that line from Hiroshi, a common peasant even if he made lots of money and was known to millions of people worldwide, was not a good survival tactic and so he didn't point it out. Karin looked down at the floor. "Well, so..." Shingo couldn't even remember what they'd been talking about and really didn't want to point that out. "Um, yeah," he ventured, looking down at the floor. The silence returned and dragged its heels. A few moments passed, during which billions of people hurried around on Earth, which hurtled around a star that was hurtling around the galactic centre which was itself zooming merrily through space towards an unknown fate. But in Shingo's dressing room, nothing very much happened. The silence dragged on, Shingo's nerves straining. He ventured a quick peek at Karin and saw that her face has worried and that her body seemed tense, and wondered if she was feeling just as nervous as he was. He looked at the floor again, continuing to memorise the pattern of almost invisible scratch marks underneath his chair. Then there was a voice. "Hello Shingo," it said. "Having a lover's quarrel?" Shingo froze. He knew that voice. He *KNEW* that voice. It was a voice that he'd heard thousands of times before. He'd studied its inflections and utterances for months, in the hope that he might learn something. It was a voice he'd heard in anger, in laziness, and in asking him to go get bread at the cafeteria. It was a voice he'd always wanted to hear praising him. He looked up and saw a young Japanese man standing in the doorway. Brown hair fell over a white bandanna, almost reaching the man's dark eyes, and he wore a white jacket, black shirt, and jeans with frayed edges. Despite the new clothing, Shingo recognised him instantly. "...Kusanagi-san?" whispered Shingo. "Kyo Kusanagi," said Karin, nodding to him as if he was an equal; even though the Kusanagi family wasn't as big or influential as hers, it was still notable. "Kanzuki-san," said Kyo, bowing back. The solemn scene of greetings between the young generation of two ancient and powerful families was interrupted by Shingo screaming in joy. "KUSANAGI-SAAAAAN! It IS you!" Karin and Kyo sweatdropped at the sight of Shingo kowtowing on the floor. "Aw man, Shingo, get up. This is embarrassing." Shingo sheepishly got up off the floor and sat back down in his chair. "I'm sorry, Kusanagi-san, but... you here... and coming straight to see me... It's so overwhelming! Oh, Kusanagi-san! Did you see? I finally managed to throw flames just like you!" Kyo pulled another chair over and sat down next to Shingo and Kyo. "That's what I want to talk to you about," he said, frowning. "It is?" asked Shingo, his heart suddenly racing. This was it, he silently cheered. Kusanagi-san had come to praise him. But why was he frowning like that? "I'll be frank. You shouldn't be able to throw flames 'like I do'." "WHAT?" Karin was frowning openly now. "Please explain, Kusanagi-san." Kyo grimaced. "It's... complicated. I can use flames because of my heritage. It's something that everybody in the Kusanagi family can do. It's the same for Yagami - everybody in his family can throw flames because of their bloodline." "But... but that makes no sense!" protested Shingo. "What about people like Mai Shiranui and Andy Bogard and Ken Masters? They use fire too! And Iori's Orochi power was sealed away by that Mano Yohko girl! How can he still use the flames? I thought it was the gloves that let him use the flames but he threw the flames without wearing them! Kusanagi-san, it's all so confusing!" "Andy, Mai and Ken have learned to throw flames some other way. And as for Iori still using flames, his family always COULD. But, if I remember Dad's lectures right, six hundred years ago or so the Yagami family made some deal with the Orochi clan to gain some of the Orochi blood. Since then their flames have been purple and more powerful. As his flames are now red again, I'm guessing that the Mano girl just removed the Orochi taint from his blood. "And as for the gloves... well." Kyo held up his hands, showing off the similar gloves he was wearing. "Using the flames causes a Kusanagi or Yagami physical pain. These gloves are specially made to counter the pain." That was a lot of information at once, and Shingo still felt confused. "I'm still confused, Kusanagi-san." Kyo sighed and shrugged. "That's because it IS damn confusing. It took me a while to get it, and my dad had lots of time to pound it into me." Shingo suddenly remembered Iori's "Kusanagi bastard child" taunt from last week, and realised that with this new information it could have a different meaning than he'd thought, and turned as white as a sheet. "Kusanagi-san! Iori called me a 'Kusanagi bastard child' last week! And if you need the Kusanagi blood to throw the Kusanagi flames, could that mean-" "If it did, you would have been accidentally throwing flames at age three and burning your house down," answered Kyo. "And I probably would have noticed it when you asked to be my student all that time ago. No, the only answer is your mimicry skills." "Huh?" "Way back when you had just started in this show, you copied Dan's Shinkuu Gadouken almost perfectly on your first try. And you have that weird trick where you dress up as other people and mimic their moves, usually pretty well. I'd say that you've just seen so many other people using fire that a couple of weeks ago when you first threw flames you were mimicking them, but that you needed the gloves as some sort of focus." "But," protested Shingo, "when I threw those flames they HURT! If they're not Kusanagi flames, then what are they?" For once Kyo didn't have a ready answer. The silence stretched on as he thought, eventually punctuated by Karin saying, "well?" "I dunno," Kyo finally said. "You might have heard somewhere that the flames cause you pain and subconsciously mimicked the pain as well. Psychoaromatic or something." "The word is 'psychosomatic'," corrected Karin. "Yeah, that," said Kyo. "But, but, I don't remember ever thinking that!" protested Shingo. "Maybe you guessed it, or just subconsciously thought that playing with fire was dangerous, or *something*. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. If all you're doing is mimicking pain, then..." A big smile crept over Shingo's face. "Then I can throw flames with no trouble," he finished. "Thank you Kusanagi-san! This helps a lot!" "Anytime, Shingo," said Kyo. He suddenly grinned. "I'll let you two lovebirds get back at each other, then." The two blushed furiously. "Kusanagi-san, PLEASE!" protested Shingo. * * * "Iori-samaaaa! Where are we going?" "That's none of your business," said the red-haired occasional psychopath. Yohko pouted as she flounced along behind Iori. "Iori-sama! I *know* you like me, so you don't have to be so mean all the time." The sheer audacity of the girl gave Iori pause, and his eyebrow twitched. Hard. But after just a moment, he took another drag of his cigarette and resumed walking through the halls of the Ultradome. "I'm guessing from the area of the Dome you're heading to that you're going to see Shingo Yabuki?" And despite the question mark in her voice, it wasn't really a question. Iori removed the cigarette and ground it between his fingers. Ash, unnoticed by either, fell from his grasp to the floor. "Kusanagi was seen there," he said flatly, as if that explained everything. "Oh come on, Iori-sa-" For the first time since she'd seen him walking past the cafeteria and decided to tag along, Iori turned and glared hard at her. "Quit it with the 'sama', got it? It gets annoying." Yohko looked annoyed and frustrated, and for a moment, Iori thought he'd finally got rid of her. Then she grinned evilly and he suddenly felt more fearful than he ever had in his life, even more than the few times when he was falling into the throes of the Riot of the Blood and he could sense his control slipping away... "So can I call you Iori-chan instead?" came Yohko's teasing voice. That was enough to snap him out of his reverie. "No," he snapped, glaring at her. Turning, he continued on to the Yabuki boy's dressing room. "Come on!" she said, exasperated. "Lighten up! If you really don't like me, then wouldn't you have pounded me into the floor by now? Why are you still wearing those gloves I gave you?" "It's none of my business what you choose to do," Iori responded. "And what I choose to do is none of yours." "You're mean." "Good." She gave him a quick hug from the back. Feeling her arms around him made Iori stiffen, almost in shock. "But you're fun anyway," she said. He spun around again, flinging her away. "Quit chasing me!" he yelled at her. "I don't need you, I don't need anyone or anything!" "What about your guitar? What about," she asked, grimacing, "Kusanagi's head on a spike?" "What are you - what do you mean, my guitar?" "I once heard you, late at night in the 'Dome. You were playing your guitar and singing quietly to yourself." She made a face. "Some of the words were about what you wanted to do to Kyo Kusanagi. I mean, honestly." His eyes narrowed. "You've been following me." "Well of course! You're such a good-looking guy I *have* to know more about you, and you never tell anyone anything! What's a girl to do? Go through your trash?" "Just try." "Can't, most of it's just ash. You must incinerate everything." His eyebrow twitched again. "You have tried." Once again, it was not a question. "As I said, what else am I supposed to do?" "You can leave me alone, girl. I'm not interested in you or anyone." Despite his serious tone, she smiled mischievously at him again. "You put up with me though. That's more than you can say for how you treat other people." "I'm not-" "Having a lover's quarrel, Yagami?" Iori spun to face behind him for the third time in as many minutes, to see Kyo Kusanagi, his most detested rival, standing in the doorway to the Yabuki boy's dressing room and smirking right back at him. "None of your damn business," growled Iori. "So you are. I never thought you'd get a girl. Maybe she'll lighten you up." "I'm trying," pouted Yohko, "but he's being really stubborn." Iori's eyebrow twitched a third time. "Enough banter," he said, and created a flame around his hand. "I shall finish you now, Kusanagi dog." Yohko rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. That's really cheesy dialogue." Kyo indicated the flame. "I see you're using red flames now." "It is more than enough to destroy you." "This is ridiculous!" said Yohko, stepping in between the two. "This is just some family grudge, right? You don't need to fight each other!" "Family started this, but I don't care about that anymore," spat Iori. He jabbed his flaming hand towards Kyo. "He's had everything I haven't. He's lazy, arrogant, and a jerk. He *complains* because of his life when mine has been much worse. I hate him and I'm going to kill him." "...that makes no sense," said Yohko. "Yagami never makes sense," said Kyo, and created a flame of his own in his hand. "He just pisses people off. So, Yagami, let's go!" ][ UNSCHEDULED 600 YEAR OLD GRUDGE MATCH ][ KYO KUSANAGI VS IORI YAGAMI ][ FIGH- An arm clad in a dragonscale bracer suddenly shoved its way between the two would-be brawlers, followed by the rest of Pantyhose Tarou. "Break it up," growled the effeminate embarrassingly-named man. "There'll be no fighting backstage if I can help it." "Until, perhaps, your precious boss sends in her cameras and idiotic referees, hm?" Iori said flatly. "Shut up and know your place, strap-boy." He turned to Kyo. "You, boy with the bandanna." "My name is Kyo Kusanagi. The destined slayer of Orochi, and a King of Fighters tournament star. I am *not* just 'boy with the bandanna', pretty boy." "Never heard of you, Bandanna-boy." Tarou ignored the crash as Kyo facefaulted. "You want a piece of Iori, you join Gamma." Iori snorted. "With your 'boss' in charge, I wouldn't think so. That would cost her money." "I'm warning you, Yagami. Continue like this and you're out of Ultra." Yohko gasped. Iori, out of Ultra? "I don't particularly care," said Iori. Then he smirked. "But I seem to be a big draw. Get rid of me, the show loses money, and your boss is unhappy." Tarou smirked. "You really think so?" Iori smirked right back. "You want to try and find out?" "And anyway, I wouldn't join," said Kyo. "I've had enough of fighting in the spotlight in the King of Fighters tournaments." "But Kusanagi-san," said Shingo, "you'd do really well! And we could even have a match together!" Kyo shook his head. "No. I'm not interested. I said before I've had enough of tournament fighting." He turned to go. "Kusanagi-san, shall I ever see you again? Where are you going?" "Back to my audience seat." A loud crash heralded Shingo's facefault to the floor. "What, can't I watch the show like anyone else?" Iori snorted. "Enough of this nonsense." He turned to Kyo. "Kusanagi, I *will* kill you. It may be tonight, it may be tomorrow, it may be years from now, but it *will* happen." He turned to Shingo. "And you, Yabuki. This is not over. I shall defeat you whenever we clash, in the ring or otherwise." "If it's just about the gloves, then -" "It is not about the gloves. You support Kusanagi, and are a fool." He spun and walked quickly away, leaving an openmouthed Yohko behind. "Hey," Kyo said to Yohko. "Yes?" "Calm him down, okay? Yuki, my girlfriend, managed to calm me down, I hope you can do the same to him." "I'll try, Kusanagi-san." Yohko hurried after Iori. * * * "Really, Chris-kun," smiled Xelloss. "Assisting your friends is a great show of loyalty, but is also amazingly stupid when you have a fight of your own later in the show." The boy scowled and winced. "They weren't supposed to win like that. Three on two should be an easy win!" "But it wasn't, Chris-kun, and now you're all beat up." Xelloss shook his head. "Really, what are we going to do with you?" "Heal me?" asked Chris. "Got it in one," said Xelloss. Chris sighed in relief, and Xelloss' grin grew wider. The boy obviously didn't know the true nature of Mazoku healing magic, which caused as much pain as possible while still healing the body. He was about to find out. Smile firmly in place, Xelloss advanced on Chris, the ruby on his staff flickering. Chris' screams echoed throughout Hell. * * * "AAAAAAAAAAAAAANND we're BACK!" yelled Hiroshi, going blue in the face. "We're back in blue," snickered Tarou. "We're dressed in black, Tarou." "Your face wasn't. You should really try breathing. I hear it does wonders for your facial colour." Hiroshi gritted his teeth. This was really starting to annoy him. But there was nothing he could do about it. He'd have to just grin and bear it. "And now it's time for an Omega match," announced Tarou. "We've got a silly android girl against someone you can really admire." "In other words," corrected Hiroshi, "for our only Omega match of the night, we have Gally against Darshu. Darshu has already fought Gally's fellow CyberGrrl Nuku Nuku and won, quite devastatingly. Will Gally be able to defeat him? Or will Darshu go on to defeat another of the CyberGrrlz?" "Or will we all die of boredom while waiting for you to finish?" asked Tarou. Hiroshi fought the urge to say "Work with me, Tarou," as he didn't want to get killed. It was extremely unlikely that Nabiki would spend enough money for a new clone to be made, after all. And even if did, ShadowNERV was unlikely to do so. So all he said was "Uh... okay." He rallied. "So! We have Dark Schneider!" A spotlight highlighted the entrance ramp, illuminating the white-haired bishounen. He smirked, and strolled lazily down to the ring. When he got close he jumped high over the ropes and clear into the ring. "So I have another fight with one of you CyberGrrlz," he said, magically amplifying his voice. "That's fine with me. If you're all as easy to defeat as that catgirl was, then I'll fight the lot of you and get three easy wins." Gally entered at the top of the ramp. "I don't particularly care about you. But if I have to fight you, and I have to beat you, then I will." Interdimensional portals opened in front of the two, and they stepped through, being instantly whisked away from the UltraDome to the battlefield. The arena didn't appear to be anything special. It was just another large brown plain, with mountains far off in the distance, occasional random shrubbery around the place, and no living beings in sight. There was the glint of light through the haze of the horizon, suggesting there might be something more interesting there, but neither of the fighters cared too much about it. It was far away, and they were here. Goku stepped through another portal, clad in his white and black referee's shirt. "All right, you two know the rules. Fight!" ][ OMEGA MATCH #1 ][ GALLY VS DARSHU ][ FIGHT! Darshu started with a Magnard, causing the ground beneath the battle android to split and magma and rock to explode violently upwards. But Gally wasn't there - she was dashing incredibly fast at the magic- user, causing the spell to uselessly hit empty air. "GUNSNROH!" screamed Darshu, modifying the spell so that the wall of flame circled all around him, instead of just covering one side. Gally went on going anyway, blasting through the flames and punching Darshu. Halfway to his head, her fist swung away from her wrist, leaving a hole at the end of her arm. She gaped, faltering, and Darshu's eyes widened. A large energy blast flew from the end of her arm at Darshu, catching him unawares and point-blank. "That wasn't in the notes!" Darshu protested. Gally quickly reached over and swung her fist back to latch onto her wrist. "I'm going to kill Dr. Light the next time I see him," she muttered. Darshu's words filtered through to her brain. "And what do you mean, 'notes'?" she asked, her voice hard. Darshu smirked at her. "Not important," he said. "Damned!" That close to him, there was no way Gally could avoid the attack. But she tried anyway, and the blast clipped her and sent her sprawling to the side. She flipped up as soon as she landed and came back at Darshu with her other fist. This time, halfway through the punching motion, her hand was replaced by a boxing glove on a spring that bounced off Darshu's shoulder. She kicked at him and somehow activated a rocket in the base of her leg, which blew Darshu high into the air and her backwards straight into the ground. She quickly scrambled to her feet, cursing. There was no way she could fight properly with all these 'enhancements' - her body was simply too unpredictable. "RAVEN!" shouted Darshu, and his fall slowed and stopped, ending with him hovering a hundred feet above her. "This is going much harder than it was supposed to," he muttered. Gally's hearing picked it up easily. "What do you mean, 'supposed to'?" she yelled. But she didn't need an answer, she was starting to get an idea already. He, or someone working for him, must have got into Washuu's computer system and lifted files on her and what her weak points were. Her eyes narrowed. Whoever had done it had to be very good - Washuu's security was extremely impressive and almost impossible to hack through. "ANSEN!" he shouted, firing off the bright arrow shaped projectiles at her. This time, she did have enough room to move, and easily avoided his attack. The last few of the missiles curved, trying to track her movement, but at their high speed they crashed into the ground anyway. Gally sprang up at Darshu and wasn't that surprised when the rocket in her leg activated again, sending her into a spin and much higher than she was wanting to go. "This is ridiculous!" she shouted. "How am I supposed to fight like this?" "I don't think you are," grinned Darshu, floating next to her. Not even turning to face him, she drove her elbow into his face. Nothing weird happened, and Gally allowed herself a ray of hope. If she could just find what was safe to attack with - She tried her other elbow. Her luck didn't hold out - halfway through the strike, it started glowing, and she resigned herself to something going wrong. Darshu saw the glow and relaxed, readying an attack of his own. Which was a mistake. Her elbow, glowing red hot, smashed into him just underneath his chest, and she thought she felt something give way underneath the blow. Darshu yelled in pain and grabbed at her wrist. Blades popped out all around it as his hand neared, almost cutting off his fingers. Taking advantage of his distraction, Gally kicked at him several times rapidly with the foot she hadn't tried yet. To her surprise, nothing weird happened, and the kicks hit his side. More ribs gave out underneath the strikes. She smiled. At least things weren't a complete mess. She could still win this. Darshu's hand slashed out at her leg at high speed, with the obvious intention of cutting it off. "Not *this* time," she growled. She retracted her leg out of harm's way, allowing the strike to hit just empty air. She planted both feet on his chest, and pushed off, hoping the rocket would activate again. It didn't, but the motion did get her well clear of him and accelerated her descent down to the ground. She flipped in mid air and landed in a crouch. The earth shuddered and cracked loudly, and there a large cloud of dust billowed around her. Realising Darshu had just shouted something, Gally looked up to see several arrows of lightning about to slam into her. She leaped out of the way, holding her arms up in front of her. Suddenly there was suddenly a shield of leaves circling in front of her. It would be utterly ineffective against his usual firepower and had the dangerous disadvantage of obscuring her vision. She reached out a hand and swept the leaves aside, and Darshu's second volley of electric missiles smashed into her. Her systems overloaded, went haywire, and she collapsed in a violently twitching heap. Darshu touched down next to her and smirked. "And another one falls. Really, this is too easy." He raised his hands for a finishing blow. "Hellish vision of Sharpness! Sodom!" he shouted, and there were scythelike blades of energy rushing at her. Seeing the blades about to slice her to bits, Gally really wished she could get through a fight without losing limbs and significant portions of her body. And then she did. Goku was between her and Darshu, the blades bouncing harmlessly off him. "That's enough!" shouted Goku, angry. "You've already won! I've already told you to stop being so vicious to the other fighters. Do it once more and I *will* fight you." "I'd be honoured." Grinning sardonically, Darshu portaled away. "Let's get you home," said Goku, picking up Gally. She couldn't speak, so she just smiled at him. * * * "And Dark Schneider defeats another of the CyberGrrlz, in an amazing win!" pronounced Hiroshi. "This time, Gally found her body was not what she was used to, and it cost her dearly!" "It made me laugh, myself," said Tarou. "It's hard to take someone seriously when her hands fall off." "Gally's hands didn't fall off. They were still attached, just by a single hinge." "Just details," said Tarou, waving his hand as if to wave them away. "Darshu won handily." "Could Darshu be the next Mewtwo?" asked Hiroshi. "Mewtwo went through all the CyberGrrlz and defeated each one. Darshu has already faced two - the only one left is Ifurita. How would he fare against her? Would he continue his winning streak, or shall she be the one to depose him from his run of good luck?" "I'd like to see him win," grinned Tarou. "Of course you would," Hiroshi felt like saying, but he avoided it. He didn't want to get beat up or fired, after all. * * * Mr. Satan's muscles tensed. Veins stood out on his mighty neck as he gathered all his strength. Sweat ran down his face and got into his moustache. He slowly breathed in, building all his power and energy to one blazing point- He let out an earsplitting yell of "Satan PUNCH!" and drove his fist outwards. The training dummy that looked vaguely like Morrigan but more like a hyperactive two-year-old child's attempt at making a tree snapped in half and flew across the dojo. The pieces hit the target on the wall, shattered, and the bits fell to the floor amongst pieces of various other training dummies he'd broken so far. Except for the head - one of the bats in the hair had stuck to the bullseye. Not bad. That was the first time any part of the dummies had stuck to the target. He was definitely improving. But he was going to have to learn to do that much faster - Morrigan would hardly stand in one place for five minutes while he prepared a punch that would knock her clear across the ring and into unconsciousness. That had been the last of the training dummies in that batch. He gathered up the pieces, grumbling the whole time. He'd have to get some more made. And that would take yet more money and time. But if it meant defeating Morrigan the next time they clashed inside the ring, then it didn't matter. He'd go to whatever lengths necessary to defeat that harlot and defend the honour of both himself and his wife. After taking ten minutes to remove the pieces and order a new set of training dummies, he returned to the gym/dojo combination and started working out once more. He lifted weights, he ran through sparring exercises, he used the rowing machine, he did two hundred fast punches in two minutes, he used the treadmill, he hit the boxing bag so hard it flew up and hit the roof, and eventually he collapsed. He dragged himself up to a handy chair and sat down, pondering. How on earth had he fallen so far? He'd once been the strongest wrestler on the entire planet! Then he'd started tangling with beings vastly more powerful than he was and ever since then it seemed he'd been running from his battles. His face hardened. He'd definitely not run from any more battles. He'd fight Morrigan, and he'd *win*. There was an ear-shattering *BOOM* from the Omega training room, affectionately and accurately nicknamed the 'Danger Room.' Most of the machines on the gym floor shuddered, and those closer to the room's entrance jumped at least a metre off the ground. A moment later, an extremely annoyed looking Naga stalked out of the training room and out of the training area. Mr. Satan winced. He supposed he'd run from a battle if his opponent were an Omega League competitor or similarly freakishly overpowered being or something. That was only good sense, wasn't it? That was enough sitting down. He got up to run through his training regimen all over again. And this time he'd include the two and a half minute mile too. There was a loud "YES! I did it!" from the dojo's direction. That had sounded like the Yabuki boy. Interested, Mr. Satan drifted over to the half of the training area that was the dojo and peered in. His jaw dropped open at the sight of Shingo, his fists wreathed in fire, performing move after flaming move. A stepping bodyblow was followed by a lunging kick that was followed by rising elbow, Shingo lifting clear off the floor. All the moves were trailed by flames. "Well done Shingo," said a blonde girl standing on one side of the dojo - Karin Kanzuki, if Mr. Satan remembered correctly. "Now you can really show the rest of Gamma who's the best." "Eh, I dunno, Karin," said Shingo. "I still need to practice using fire on my moves." "But well done anyway," said Mr. Satan. Shingo looked over at him in surprise. "Mr. Satan? Did you see? I finally did it!" "Yes, I saw. Well done." But all Mr. Satan could feel was despair - Shingo had mastered a new technique that would give him an edge. He didn't have anything like that. Shingo picked up on Mr. Satan's mood. "Aw, don't worry about it, Mr. Satan. I'm sure you'll beat Morrigan the next time you guys fight." "You think so?" "Yeah! You're really strong." Shingo brightened up. "Hey, I just got an idea! How about we spar?" "Excuse me?" "You need to spar to get better at fighting, right? You can practice doing a move for ages, but you have to learn how to use it in a match - which is what sparring is for!" Mr. Satan thought for all of two seconds. He certainly needed it. If nothing else, he had to practice landing a full power Satan Punch on a moving target. "Sure," he said. "Why not?" * * * Dan Hibiki was mighty. Dan Hibiki was also happy. His father - his dearly departed dad - had managed to leave heaven. Even though it was just for a few minutes, he wanted to talk to Dan and tell him all the things he never could before Sagat murdered him. Dan reread the note he had found in his dressing room. "Son, I finally got away from Heaven for a little while. I'd like to talk to you and tell you all the things I couldn't. Meet me at the level 3 carpark at 9:00 p.m. tonight." Dan flexed his forearm in elation, cried tears of manly joy, and shouted "OYAJIIIII! I come to meet you!" But it was strange, thought Dan, that his father wanted to meet him at the level 3 carpark of the Ultradome, instead of somewhere like his dressing room, but his was not to reason why. His daddy had always been a bit strange and mysterious, like that time when Dan had asked about that strange photo on his father's bedside table and been banished to his room for a week. This was just that same sort of thing, Dan reasoned. So thinking, he headed on down to the level 3 carpark beneath the Ultradome. There was nobody there. That wasn't so unusual, thought Dan, he was thirty seconds early. No doubt there would be a heavenly choir and streamers of heavenly light exactly when eight o'clock rolled around, and his father would appear before him. Eight o'clock came and there was no heavenly choir and streamers of heavenly light. Instead, there was a slight *ting* and a swish. That was funny, he'd never heard of any dead people appearing behind their children in a vision with a *ting* and a swish. Despite much evidence to the contrary, Dan was not stupid. He was incredibly naive, incompetent, overly trusting, and he certainly had an incredibly huge ego, but he was not completely stupid. He arrived at the conclusion that perhaps that had been a sword being drawn instead of his dad appearing behind him, and rolled forwards just in time to avoid being cut in half by Sephiroth's Masamune. Dan rolled up to his feet, facing Sephiroth. "HAH!" he hah'ed, flexing one forearm. "Your deception could not fool me, the mighty and intelligent Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, for long!" He flexed the other forearm. "You are a mean mean nasty person! You shall fall before my mighty fists of steel!" In a highly experimental ultimate taunting technique, he flexed both forearms. "OSHAAAA-" Sephiroth slashed at him, aiming for his head. "Yikes!" Dan cried, ducking just in time. "That was mean, you meanie!" Sephiroth stabbed at Dan's stomach. Dan dodged, but clearly wouldn't be quick enough. He then caught his toe in the bottom of his pants and tripped, and his fall was quick enough to get him out of danger. "You can slash at me, the mighty Dan, as much as you like, but you shall never succeed!" Dan taunted from the floor. "But what is all this about?" "You have some of the godhead, which is rightly mine. You fight for Heaven, making you a target," Sephiroth stated. "You shall now die." * * * "Miss Tendou!" shouted a technician as he rushed into Nabiki's office. "We have a brawl between Dan and Sephiroth in the level 3 carpark!" Nabiki jumped out of her seat. "What? Show me!" The technician fiddled with Nabiki's TV set, and it showed the view of one of the security cameras in the carpark. It was a little far off, but Dan and Sephiroth were clearly visible and fighting, throwing magic and energy blasts willy nilly and smashing the area around them to bits. And all the people parked in the levels below would never be able to get past the devastation, and some of those parked on level three wouldn't be driving home tonight. That would be a disaster. The two couldn't be allowed to fight any more down there. But this was also a fight, with Dan on one side and Sephiroth on the other. Both had a large fanbase. She couldn't just stop the fight and lose such a potential ratings earner. "Alright, this is what I want you to do. Get Goku to referee. Get a camera team ready. And get a portal ready for an Omega match." "Yes ma'am!" The orderly rushed from the office to carry out her orders, and she turned to watch the TV again. There was a particularly bright flash, and the view went dead - the security camera had just been destroyed. She winced - that was more unnecessary expense. * * * Dan and Sephiroth were interrupted as Goku appeared between them. "Out of my way," said Sephiroth. "No," said Goku. "This fight is on hold until we can teleport you to a safer location." Sephiroth half-smiled. "Miss Tendou turning circumstances to her advantage again, I see. Very well, I shall await your arena." Goku ignored the slight against his boss. "Hibiki-san, are you alright?" "The only thing wounded of mine is my pride! The cowardly ambusher has not been able to touch me, for I am the mighty Taunting Godhead Legend Stone-Cold Dan Hibiki!" "That's good," smiled Goku. "Spare me," said Sephiroth, rolling his eyes. The air beside them shimmered, and resolved into two rippling portals to the chosen battlefield. The arena turned out to be some sort of science lab. A window offered a spectacular view of rugged brown mountains and a clear blue sky, but the serenity of the outside was offset by the chaos of the inside. The place was ruined - in this particular lab, glass containment tanks were cracked and strange liquids covered the floor. A half-destroyed sign above one door read " --NTAL WEAPONS RESE---". There was a sphere of oddly glowing yellow light in one corner. "You know the rules," said Goku. "Ready?" Sephiroth gave a short nod, as did Dan. "Fight!" ][ SPECIAL FEATURE OMEGA MATCH ][ SEPHIROTH VS DAN ][ FIGHT! Sephiroth sprang at Dan, swinging the sword in a large overhead arc. "Yikes!" exclaimed Dan, and leapt to the side, slipped on the liquid, and fell into the yellow sphere. He vanished in a flare of light. * * * Back in the Ultradome, the audience was completely silent for several long moments as they tried to understand what had just happened. "OH MY LINA!" Hiroshi suddenly screamed. "Sephiroth has just knocked Dan into a disintegrator! Dan is... Dan is DEAD! This is a truly terrible tragedy!" "That raises the average IQ level of humanity a few notches," said Tarou, but without his customary arrogance. Even the permanently condescending Chinese man seemed a little shaken. * * * "This was not the outcome I wished," said Sephiroth. "I required his body." He frowned, his memory supplying a scene that had happened during the fight for the godhead a season ago. "Wait a minute - if he died, then the godhead should have been released." "You mean Hibiki-san is alive?" "Most likely," said Sephiroth. Goku concentrated, searching out Dan's ki signature - Dan burst in through the door. "HA! And ha again! You may have temporarily teleported me elsewhere, but I have returned! I shall defeat you yet, you nasty person!" "Fire2," said Sephiroth, and a large blast of flames hit Dan square in the upper torso, setting his clothes and hair on fire. "OWIE!" shouted Dan, and ran around beating at himself in an effort to put out the flames. He crashed into the teleporter sphere again. Sephiroth followed him this time. * * * Sephiroth found himself in what appeared to be a power core of some sort, and many of the teleporter spheres were in the area. Some were green, others were the more familiar yellow. Dan, about to step into one of the yellow ones, saw Sephiroth arrive, and spun to flex his forearm at his adversary. "Bet you can't catch me, meanie! Neener neener!" He stepped past the yellow sphere, and into another, and vanished. Sephiroth frowned, and followed. He arrived on a catwalk above a warzone. He could hear strangely alien noises beneath his feet, the sound of machine gun fire, and the occasional boom of a shotgun. There were also the expected shouts of "OSHAA!" and "GADOUKEN!" Evidently the fool had joined in the battle. This served Sephiroth just fine - the battle would tire Dan out, and once it was over he could leap in and take Dan's life and the small portion of the godhead as it was freed from his opponent's body. The only problem was that the flying creatures in the fight didn't see it that way. They saw him above the battle and flew up to attack, firing about fifty yellow blasts of electric energy at him. "Shell," Sephiroth calmly said, creating a magical barrier around him. The blasts hit it and dissipated harmlessly. "Bolt1." Lightning blasted from nowhere to strike the creatures, frying them instantly. Their bodies fell to the ground far below. There was a sizzle, the crackle of green lightning, and about a hundred more of the creatures suddenly flying around him, and the death screams of the soldiers below. "What sort of trickery is this!?" bellowed Dan. "Those alien creatures that fell have been replaced! But I shall avenge the good soldiers that fought valiantly! Come, and you shall taste the fury of the iron fists of Stone-Cold Dan Hibiki!" Now, while the idiot was distracted, would be a good time. Sephiroth jumped off the catwalk, his long coat billowing around him as he descended straight towards Dan. He readied the Masamune for a killing blow. Dan suddenly dodged out of the way of a green lightning blast and incidentally away from Sephiroth's strike. The lightning hit the Masamune and sputtered out. "That was most underhanded, Sephiroth!" proclaimed Dan. "And you are a fool. Bolt3." An incredibly powerful blast of lightning hit Dan, and left his clothes half destroyed and his hair sticking out on end. "Die." Dan rolled away from the strike and come up into a crouching taunt. "I shall never back down!" he shouted. He rolled to the side again and stood up, right into a teleporter sphere. "Oh s-" He disappeared. Sephiroth followed. He was back in the power core, but in a different location, and Dan was nowhere to be seen. He looked at the ground intently, to see if there was any trace of the pink clad warrior's path, and which teleporter he had stepped into. There was a flash beside him, and Dan was suddenly there, running at him and yelling. Sephiroth turned, but Dan had appeared too close. Dan smashed into Sephiroth and sent him stumbling. Sephiroth looked up, and saw that he was about to fall into a green teleporter sphere. He tensed, preparing himself for wherever he might appear - Nothing happened. "Huh?" asked Dan. He scratched his head. "Aren't they supposed to teleport you somewhere eek!" He jumped away from Sephiroth's blade, and right into a yellow sphere, and vanished. Sephiroth ran after him into the teleporter. This time, they appeared to be in an armoury of some sort, though there was almost nothing left. Understandable, thought Sephiroth, if the previous residents had been fighting the alien creatures for any length of time. There were broken weapons of various sorts littered around the area. Beside the body of a white clad scientist, there was a large gun, strangely intact. "SUPER SPIFFY WITH CREAM CHEESE MEGA ULTRA CANNON GADOUKEN!!!" screamed Dan from behind Sephiroth. He whirled, and saw a fireball half the size of the armoury about a millimetre from his nose. He didn't have much choice except to get hit by the projectile and fly clear across the room into the wall. His head ringing, Sephiroth tried to clear it and stand back up and finish the fool that thought to defeat him. But before he could, Dan rolled up and started pounding into him. "RELYING! ON! NOBODY! BUT! MYSELF! AND! 15%! OF! THE! GODHEAD! SMACKDOWN! CERTAIN! VICTORY!" Dan screamed, punctuating each word with a blow that could destroy a tank. "*PUNCH*!!!" Dan finished, rearing back for a mighty leaping uppercut and accidentally stepping on the trigger mechanism of the large intact gun. The gun whined, first low, but growing louder and higher. "Huh?" asked Dan. Sephiroth, recognising when a massively destructive gun was about to explode, quickly got clear. It didn't particularly matter whether he destroyed Dan or the fool destroyed himself, he thought, as the godhead would be freed either way. There was a bright flash and both Dan and the gun disappeared, as if there had been an explosion - but there was no godhead. "That didn't explode," said Sephiroth. "It sent him somewhere." Goku concentrated, searching for Dan's ki signature. "I sincerely hope so, for both his and your sakes. But he's certainly nowhere *here.*" Goku sighed heavily and turned to Sephiroth. "Congratulations," he said, but his heart didn't seem to be in it. "You win." "Excuse me?" "He has technically left the arena. That disqualifies him. You win." Sephiroth stood still for a moment. "I see," he finally said, and turned away, his spirits low. He may have won the match, but he had still lost. The next time he fought the Hibiki boy, Sephiroth silently promised, he would die. Slowly, painfully, up close and personal. * * * Hiroshi was shaken. "And Sephiroth wins! But the big question is - what has happened to Dan? Sephiroth says that he is alive, and... ah... given his interests in the fight, he'd certainly know. But if he was teleported - then where did he go?" "If you could press the trigger of that gun and end up somewhere else, obviously it would have to be somewhere that can at least sustain life," observed Tarou. Hiroshi stared at Tarou. He'd just announced normally, without insulting anybody. "Unless of course the designers of that gun were *really* stupid." Hiroshi sighed in annoyance. That was more like his fellow announcer. An aide surreptitiously ran up to their table and handed Hiroshi a note. He unfolded it and quickly scanned through it - Dan had been found! He eagerly turned to his microphone. "We have big news! Our crack Omega arena location team has found Dan in a far off world, on the edges of the galaxy! They're working on creating a portal to rescue him as we speak, so stay tuned!" * * * The repair droid that Dr. Light had left behind was good, but it could only go so far. Its programming was limited and did not allow the droid to expand its knowledge or abilities. In Ifurita's estimation, this was an inexcusable design error. If anything else, it meant that it could only repair Nuku Nuku to an 80% efficiency level. Which was why Ifurita was currently assimilating several hundred of Washuu's technical manuals. She reasoned that with this knowledge, she would be able to finish the repairs on Nuku-Nuku. The probability was high that she would also learn enough to reprogram the repair droid so that it was more effective. In the background, the repair droid was working on Gally, clearing her systems of the overload and repairing those that had been partially melted by Darshu's finishing blow. Ifurita frowned; the probability was high that he would want to fight her, sometime soon. "You're so good to me, Ifurita-san!" exclaimed Nuku Nuku. Startled, Ifurita almost dropped a volume on the viability of electric circuits simulating neuron behaviour. Nuku Nuku had been powering on, and recovered full operations a good two minutes early. Obviously the repairs had worked better than Ifurita thought. "Good evening, Nuku Nuku. How are you feeling?" "Good!" said the redhaired catgirl android, beaming happily. "I feel I could run all around the world!" "That certainly is energetic," commented Ifurita. "Yeah!" Nuku Nuku jumped down off the table and jumped onto Ifurita. "Thank you for helping me, Ifurita-san! You've been very good to me!" "Yes," said Ifurita. She searched for the right word. "I'm... glad that you're feeling better." "You're such a good friend." Ifurita found herself smiling, and wondered why. Then she wondered why she was wondering - it was what people did when they felt pleased or happy. And seeing Nuku Nuku like this made Ifurita pleased. "I have to see to Gally-san now," she said. "Do you want to stay?" "Sure thing! We can talk, and wait for Gally to get better, and it'll be fun! Wai!" * * * "AaaaaaaaaaAAAAANND-" "We're back," said Tarou, cutting Hiroshi's greeting off. "Don't you ever get tired of doing that?" "Nope! Okay, folks, we're now into the final two fights for the night! First of all we'll be seeing Chris fighting Yohko! As I said before, Chris works for the demon Xelloss, and Yohko comes from a long line of demon hunters!" "The rivalry is instantly obvious to all but the most dense," said Tarou. "So they'll fight. Personally, I want to see Chris win." "Chris is a BAD GUY, Tarou!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "Why do you want HIM to win?" "Why not? It's not as if whether he wins or loses lets those Xelloss and Cloud freaks destroy the world." Hiroshi just gaped. "Are you TRYING to get us killed?" he hissed. "I'm just calling 'em as I see 'em. That's what I'm paid to do." Yohko stepped through the entrance to the ramp, and the spotlight blazed into life. She smiled and waved to the audience. "YOHKO MANO!" screamed Hiroshi. "Ultra's sexiest demon hunter! But lately she's been seen with Iori - where is he tonight?" "He got bored of her, probably," yawned Tarou. Yohko frowned at them. "That's none of your business, you," she warned. "So he's not interested in you, huh?" Tarou asked. "I said it's none of your business!" "And her opponent is Chris, a relative newcomer to Ultra!" The spotlight switched on again, this time illuminating the young teenaged boy that was Yohko's opponent. He was wearing a black bodysuit, a blue shirt over it, and white pants. He smiled and casually ambled down to the ring, ignoring the audience's jeering. "And Xelloss has made good on his promise to have Chris ready for his fight!" exclaimed Hiroshi. "But the fighter doesn't seem to have the protection of any of his friends tonight!" Chris was climbing into the ring. He stopped, and his smile seemed to falter for a moment. Then he vaulted over the ropes and his smile was back on his face in full force. "Xelloss-san was very nice," he said. "He healed me back to full strength." He giggled. "It's more than enough." "And Chris cleverly taunts his opponent!" Tarou snorted disgustedly. "It wasn't that clever, clone-boy." "Oh no, she looks strong," said Chris. But despite his words, a large happy smile remained on his face. Yohko looked at him, puzzled. "Uh... thanks, I think, but you don't *sound* very worried..." "I'm not," smiled Chris. He crouched slightly and then was still. Yohko grew even more confused. ][ GAMMA MATCH #1 ][ CHRIS VS YOHKO MANO ][ FIGHT! The bell rang, signalling for the two to fight. Yohko advanced on Chris, arms in a relaxed fighting stance, ready for anything. But despite this, Chris remained in his half-crouch, just smiling that happy smile at her, "Do something!" shouted Yohko. "I don't want to," said Chris, smiling back at her. "I'll just stay here." Sheesh, Yohko thought, this guy smiled as much as that Xelloss freak. She eyed him nervously, wondering what he was up to. But he just stayed stock still, completely unreadable. Yohko advanced slowly, waiting for the smallest action from her opponent before committing to anything. "This is BORING!" yelled someone from the audience. "Come on and FIGHT!" Within seconds the audience had taken it up, chanting "Fight fight fight fight!" and stamping their feet. "What is Chris DOING?" Hiroshi yelled. "He's never going to win if he stays like that!" "Come on and FIGHT!" Yohko screamed at Chris. "Why?" he asked, sounding almost innocent. "You're not doing anything! This is boring!" she raged. Chris just smiled and chuckled at her. Yohko looked at him, then looked up and around nervously. "Time to be serious," quipped Chris, and then somersaulted into air. His feet swung around him and caught Yohko under the chin, lifting her into the air. He continued somersaulting and kicking, hitting Yohko several times before she was flung away to crash hard into the mat. "Wasn't that fun?" asked Chris as he landed. "Damn you," mumbled Yohko, springing up to her feet. There was a swish and a blur, and Chris was no longer there. She spun around just in time for Chris to leap at her head, grab it with both hands, and drop down behind her. She lashed out with a kick and hit empty air. The next thing she knew Chris was sliding into her feet, knocking her over. She twisted in mid air and cartwheeled back into a fighting stance. Chris didn't let up, and let off a huge blast of blue flames at her, that she just managed to twist away from. Before she had even finished the movement, she heard his voice say, "Nice hair," and then he was leaping and grabbing her head again. He grabbed one of the loops her hair was done in, and pulled her to the ground. Half of the way there, he did a flaming uppercut that knocked her up into the air. "It's very useful like that," he grinned. In mid air she flipped over. "Spirit BOLT!" she shouted, firing a bright green projectile down at Chris, from close range. Even with the boy's incredible speed, there was no time to evade; the blast smashed him into the mat. As did the two other blasts she sent at him. She landed and charged at his prone body. He flipped up to his feet just in time for her first kick to drive into his side and shove him back and to his left. Yohko pursued him relentlessly, driving a flurry of kicks and the occasional hand strike at him. The first few hit, and hit hard, but then with his superior speed Chris managed to first block and then escape her onslaught. He didn't get very far, though; Yohko shouted "Spirit Gust!" and a green tinged wind blew Chris into the corner post. He rebounded off it right into Yohko's axe kick, and crumpled to the mat. "And Yohko fights back in a stunning display!" shouted Hiroshi. Chris seemed to peel himself up from the floor, going from horizontal to vertical in a smooth curve without using his hands or legs. Yohko and Hiroshi stared. Tarou just looked bored, as usual. "That... that wasn't very nice," Chris said. "It's not supposed to be!" she shouted back at him. "We're fighting!" Chris grinned at her, then fired off another wave of flames at Yohko, which she met with another projectile. "A fireball war," sneered Tarou. "How entertaining." Chris started the motion for another blast, as did Yohko. Neither finished - halfway through the motion Chris aborted the attack and leaped at Yohko. In mid air he swiped downwards at her, a huge aura of fire around his hand. Yohko had been about to try a similar tactic. Seeing Chris' move, however, she smirked. She resumed her throwing motion, and with another blast of wind knocked him backward into the ringpost again. "Why aren't I winning?" complained Chris. "I'm doing everything the right way!" "I'm just better than you!" said Yohko, advancing upon him. "You going to give up?" Chris smiled unnervingly again. "Of course not," he said. "Why don't you die instead?" Then he was dashing at her, completely surrounded by blue flames. She tried to avoid his charge, but he was too close and too fast, and he barrelled into her. Her clothes caught fire and her skin felt as if it was boiling and she was rolling towards the opposite corner of the ring. She skidded painfully into the corner post. "That looked painful," said Chris. "Good thing it wasn't me." "What kind of freak are you?" "Me? A freak? Never. Now, are you going to give up, or do we get to play some more?" Yohko wondered where the kid got his cheesy lines. She didn't wonder for long, though, she had to get up and defeat him before the referee completed the ten-count. Grabbing the corner post, she pulled herself up, and felt dizzy - - felt the last remains of her shirt fall off - The nosebleed section of the audience wolf-whistled in appreciation. Yohko screamed in embarrassment and rage, and covered herself with her arms. Chris took advantage of the distraction to kick her in the stomach, knocking her over again. "Oh my Lina!" announced Hiroshi. "Yohko's shirt has once again been disintegrated in a match, giving us quite a view!" Tarou snorted. "That's twice it's happened. She'll have to invest in more durable clothing. That or consider a career change." Yohko blushed angrily as she struggled to get upright again. She was having trouble - her legs were too shaky to hold her weight. But finally she seemed to be getting somewhere - And Chris kicked her in the side of her knee. Her leg folded beneath her and she fell, yet again. She tried to get up, but her legs were even more uncooperative than before. Throwing decency to the winds, she stopped covering herself and used both hands to push herself up to her hands and knees, and then slowly stood up. Chris kicked at her and she dodged, readying the strongest energy blast she could. Most of the weight went on to her injured knee and it buckled beneath her. She winced and almost cried out, her energy blast dissipating before it was even formed. Grinning in sadistic glee, Chris dashed at her, first driving his palm into her elbow and then kicking her feet from underneath her. She collapsed to the mat for the fourth time in less than a minute. She tried to get to her hands and knees, and her arm and leg gave out and she tumbled to the mat. "Yohko seems to be in trouble, folks!" shouted Hiroshi. "Chris is certainly enjoying playing with her," grinned Tarou. Through the rushing of blood in her ears, Yohko could hear the audience booing and jeering and the sound of the referee's counting. She had to get up, but with her arm and leg injured, she could barely move, let alone stand up... "SEVEN!" shouted the referee. Yohko continued struggling, but it was clearly over. "EIGHT!" There was a clang. There was the referee saying, "urk." There was the sound of the referee collapsing. "Huh?" asked Chris. There was a clang. There was Chris saying, "urk." There was the sound of Chris collapsing. Yohko looked up and saw Iori standing beside her, holding a steel folding chair. "You DO care!" she cheered, and then coughed. "Hmph," he snorted. "I just don't like the brat." "WHAT AN AMAZING UPSET!" Hiroshi screamed. "Iori Yagami, the bad boy of Gamma, has assisted Yohko by knocking Chris out with a chair!" Iori nodded towards Chris. "Do as you like." He gave Chris an extra thwack, then climbed out of the ring. It didn't take Yohko very long to make her over to Chris, get a couple of hits in, then sit on him. The ref came to, saw Chris was knocked out, and pronounced her the victor. "AND YOHKO WINS!" shouted Hiroshi. "That's two losses for Chris, and no victories. Could he be the dark horse of the Void? Could he be the weak link in their team? Or could the whole team be falling apart? I can tell you, that's something we'd all like to see." "I personally couldn't care," yawned Tarou. "You should. Do you really want them to destroy everything?" * * * "You should. Do you really want them to destroy everythingSCRRRRRKkkkk - " Yashiro retrieved his bruised fist from the innards of the portable TV. "I'll teach that stupid announcer to talk about us like that." "Really, Yashiro-kun," smiled Xelloss. "You really must stop destroying all these televisions. It can't be good for your hand." Yashiro slammed his fist on the table. "Boss, we should have been down there! Since when did the Void leave its own to fend for themselves?" "Since they had to grow up and learn from experience, my boy," said Xelloss. "And besides, you're still all bruised and icky from your previous fight." "You can take that stupid claptrap and shove-" Xelloss opened his eyes and they glinted dangerously at the tall silver haired man. "Yashiro, your temper." "Yeah yeah, whatever." * * * Last week, after an unproductive attempt at Ranma talking to Dr. Tofu over the phone, Akane took Ranma into Dr. Tofu's clinic back in Nerima, and forcibly sat him down. Ranma had been on edge the whole way, his eyes flickering everywhere, and Akane couldn't blame him - cold water could be anywhere. But once he was in friendly familiar surroundings of the doctor's clinic, Ranma became calmer, if still a bit nervous. Kasumi was there. Not returning a book or anything, she was actually visiting the doctor - it almost seemed as if she and the doctor were on a date. That was weird, but Ranma supposed he shouldn't be surprised. "I've removed all cold water from this area," said Dr. Tofu. Ranma calmed a bit more, but was still tense. "A water main will burst, or something," he said dismally. "Come on, Ranma, don't be silly," said Akane. "I'm not. A water main will burst, or there'll be a freak storm where rain blows sideways through the window, or something. Something always happens." "Don't worry, Ranma," said Kasumi. "Everything will turn out." If anybody else had said that, Ranma would have scoffed and said, "yeah right." But this was Kasumi. Somehow, even though she wasn't God anymore, he had a feeling she was right. "So tell me what happened," said Dr. Tofu. "From the beginning, in the Ultradome's dojo." So Ranma told the doctor again about what had just happened. Akane getting kidnapped, Ranma going to the boiler room alone, seeing Akane unconscious and tied up, and Marlo taunting him, trying to force him into the ring. "So I was there in the boiler room and Marlo was backing me down. I wanted to pound that smirk off his face *bad*, but I tried ta... to remember what you told me, doc... uh, Doctor. To remain calm. Somehow I managed it and I was the calmest I've ever been in my whole *life*, but then... well... someone else showed up and pounded him." "Who was it, Ranma?" asked Dr. Tofu. Ranma shivered. "That's the scary thing. It was... me. Me in my female body. She pounded him just as badly as I wanting to, just as badly as I might have done before... y'know, how I was back then. She then said if *I* wouldn't fight him, she would. Then everything went dark." "It's not the first time an alternate version of you has appeared," said Kasumi, smiling brightly. "Once we find her and discuss things with her I'm sure everything will be fine!" "That's not it," said Ranma hollowly. "I don't think that's it. I think that... well, that my female side is now crazy and loony, like I was before, and my male side is me." Dr. Tofu lifted an eyebrow. "Interesting idea, Ranma." "O' course, to test it you'd have to splash me with cold water and I really don't want to do that. Just in case I'm right. There's no telling what would happen." "Understandable," said Dr. Tofu, "but it'll have to be done sometime." Ranma sighed. "No time like now." He looked nervous. "You'd better tie me up or something." Ten minutes later Ranma was tied up in a chair to his satisfaction. This meant that the only visible part of him was his head, and the rest was covered with a couple of straitjackets, ropes, chains, padlocks, and there was a suit of armour welded shut in there somewhere. "Ranma, are you sure all this is necessary?" asked Akane, sweatdropping slightly. Ranma wriggled his body experimentally, and saw that despite his best efforts, he could hardly move. He nodded in satisfaction. "Trust me, Akane, it is. I'm *strong*. You need a hell of a lot to keep me down." Akane decided that just this once it wasn't Ranma's ego talking and so suppressed the urge to hit him. "Ranma, are you sure this is wise?" asked Kasumi. "As the doc said, it needs to be done sometime. Might as well do it when we're ready." "So, are you ready, Ranma?" "As I'll ever be, doc. Go ahead." Dr. Tofu picked up a glass of cold water and splashed it against Ranma's head, and for Ranma Saotome, everything went... fuzzy and away. For the other Ranma Saotome, everything came into sharp focus. "Thank you for the change, doc," she said, grinning wickedly. There were a couple of loud clangs, and she casually slipped out of her bonds. "WHAT!?" "What the... ?" "Oh dear." Ranma grinned evilly at the three. "The other me is such an idiot. He forgot that I'm much smaller in this form, and the bonds were MUCH looser. The only trouble was the armour, but that's hardly enough to keep *me* down." She flexed, smirking. "Tell everyone you know that Ranma Saotome is back in black." She waved to Dr. Tofu and Kasumi. "Bye, losers." She turned to Akane. "See you 'round, uncute tomboy." And then she escaped from the clinic. Well, she would have if Akane hadn't predictably taken exception to the 'uncute tomboy' comment and hit Ranma into the wall with a wooden mallet. "Damn... tomboy..." said Ranma, then fell unconscious. "Oh dear," said Kasumi. "This is certainly... interesting." That had been a week ago. Now, Ranma was deathly afraid of any and all cold water, and somehow his water magnetism was even higher than normal. Ranma yelling "ACK!" and leaping away in mortal fear from things such as tiny splash of cold water and someone tripping over with a glass in their hand had become a common sight in the halls of the UltraDome. So much so, that people were starting to wonder and started gossipping... ...and the rumours reached Marlo. He grinned nastily. Now he had another weapon to use against Ranma and force him into a fight. Yes, he'd get that little snot into the ring and pound him (or her, it didn't matter which - Marlo was an equal opportunity employer of violence) into a fine red paste on the mat. As soon as he got out of this hospital bed, that is. Stomping a mudhole in Ranma's back... He smiled at the happy thought. He chuckled. He started to laugh, but it quickly turned into a wheezing cough. He gingerly held his side. This was just another thing had to pound Ranma for. "Such an energetic laugh!" the person in the next bed over said brightly. "Reminds me of someone I once knew! Oh dear, what was his name? Began with a 'ka'. It might have been my puppy. Have you seen him?" ...and that was another. The hospital, out of spite or lack of beds or some similar rubbish, had landed him in the bed next to Washuu. Since then he'd had to put up with her demented banter and heard her say "Millennium hand and shrimp" at least 1,506 times. He'd pound Ranma good for doing that too. "Millennium hand and shrimp," offered Washuu. "That's the one thousandth five hundred and seventh time you've said that!" yelled Marlo. "What the hell do you MEAN, you crazy old woman?" "I'm not old, I'm only 30,000 years old! And what does what mean, Marley?" "When I get out of this bed, I am going to pound your face in," promised Marlo. "That isn't very nice, Mary. You *are* Mary, right? She had very nice cabbages. Nothing like her wobbly sausages. She couldn't cook to save her life." "Like that chubby-waisted flat-chested pathetic little bitch Akane?" "No, like Ryouga. I wish she were more like Sashimi. Or was it Tsunami? Or maybe Sammy Sassy Me?" "Argh," said Marlo. "I don't know anybody called Argh. Millennial crabs and cheese, maybe." She looked confused, then happy. "My back's gone all wonky again," she announced. "Argh!" said Marlo, a bit more forcefully. "Millennium hand and shrimp," opined Washuu, and fell asleep. She started snoring extremely loudly a few seconds later. To drown out the snores, Marlo used his good hand to pull a large 50- inch TV from FurnitureSpace, and shoved it against the wall. He turned it to the loudest, most obnoxious music channel he could find, and turned up the volume. Hospital security would just come and take it away within five minutes, like they had with all the other TVs and the hideously decorated sofa, but it made him feel better. "Could you please turn that down?" asked a nurse. "No, you stupid white clad drone, I can't," he retorted. He turned the volume to max, then dropped the remote in the trashcan. * * * Back in the Ultradome, there was a bright green flash. Dan reappeared amidst it and fell twenty feet into the middle of the ring. Most of his clothes had been burnt off, and his hair was smoking slightly and out of its usual ponytail, but he looked otherwise okay. "YOOOSSHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" he yelled, flexing his forearm in the general direction of All Creation. "The mighty Taunting Godhead Legend Stone-Cold Dan Hibiki is victorious!" "No you aren't, you lost against Sephiroth," said Tarou. Hiroshi's response was a bit more enthusiastic. But that goes without saying. "Dan! You're okay!" "I lost against Sephiroth?" Dan looked thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged. "I shall have to defeat him next time. But I am still victorious over the giant floating evil baby thing!" The audience stopped talking and *stared* at Dan. "Excuse me?" Hiroshi asked carefully. "I reappeared in this large area and in the middle of it was an evil creature that looked a bit like a gigantic floating baby! It was not cute like normal babies, but evil and giant, as I just told you, and I could tell this because as soon as I appeared, it fired huge green fireballs at me! It and I fought, and it was an intense battle! And then some weird guy in an orange suit showed up and shot it in the head, distracting it enough for me to get in the final blow. And then I ended up back here." Dan teetered on his feet. "I'm feeling a bit tired now, for as I said, it was an intense battle. I, Taunting Godhead Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, shall now go and get some rest!" He wobbled back up the ramp and out of the arena, the audience cheering him every step of the way. "And Dan proves he's still Taunting Godhead Legend Stone-Cold Dan Hibiki!" shouted Hiroshi. "What a fighter! He's faced two tough opponents and emerged victorious!" "He lost against Sephiroth." "Only on a technicality," said Hiroshi. "Sephiroth looked almost beaten when Dan disappeared from the arena." "You can pretty it up however you like," said Tarou, "but he still lost. And in the record, that's all that matters." "Tarou, what is *wrong* with you? It's still Dan!" Tarou shrugged. "Next fight's up, clone-boy." Hiroshi turned from Tarou to the microphone. "And now, ladies and gentlemen," he yelled, "it's time for our main event! Yes, it's the Lambda Title Defense! The Roadbusters have challenged Team Rocket for the Lambda belts! Both teams are favourites, so just who will win? WHO WILL WIN?" "Tifa and Bean, probably," said Tarou. Hiroshi gaped at him. "Did you just announce NORMALLY?" "After all, Team Rocket are wimps that can barely terrorise a kindergarten and fall over if you so much as breathe on them. They're just stupidly lucky," finished Tarou. "So yeah, Tifa and Bean will probably win." Hiroshi felt a headache coming on. Hiroshi felt a junior succubus coming on to him suddenly hanging off his arm. "Hiroshi-chan, he's a meanie," pouted Lilith, hanging off Hiroshi's arm. "Why do you have to stick around with him?" "Um... it's my job," said the oft-cloned announcer. "I don't have a choice." "But you do!" "are you suggesting that my man quit his job?" asked Rei, suddenly sitting on the other side of Hiroshi. "that is highly irresponsible." "Hey!" said Tarou. "Both of you, scram. We've got a job to do, and you two aren't going to interrupt it." As one, the junior succubus and the cloned girl glared at him, then stood up, glaring at each other the whole time. Hiroshi desperately tried to ignore them and concentrate on announcing. Clenching his mike like a life preserver, he forced out, "Coming in now are Tifa and Bean, and they look ready to take back the Lambda belts! While they are former champions, their reign was one of the shortest in the division... but they might be able to rectify that if they take home a win tonight!" Tifa flashed Hiroshi a bright smile as she and Bean paraded down the ramp, giving him a thumbs-up for the good entrance. He smiled in return, only to get an elbow to the ribs from Tarou. "Are you totally incapable of interacting with a woman without letting your gonads control your brain?" the dark-haired announcer dryly asked. "I wasn't! I just like Bean and Tif- forget it." Sighing softly, Hiroshi then put back on his bright and happy announcer face as the music volume cranked up a notch. "And here they are, ready to defend their belts against all comers, the Lambda Champions of Ultra..." "Prepare for TROUBLE!" "And make it DOUBLE!" "TEAM ROCKET!" If he liked Bean and Tifa, Hiroshi obviously loved Team Rocket. Yelling into his mike with an intensity just slightly less than Lina hunting cheez doodles, he continued, "Your Lambda champions are IN THE HOUSE, FOLKS!" The folks were already aware of this, and had begun chanting the motto along with Jessie and James like good like little consumers of popular culture. "To protect the world from devastation!" "To unite all peoples within our nation!" They powerposed, causing all the chiropractors in the audience to wince as they thought what that must be doing to the pair's spines. "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" "To extend our reach to the stars above!" "Jessie!" "James" As the two said their names, the biggest fans raised their posters, waving them in the hopes that the camera would focus on them long enough for them to yell, "Happy Mother's Day!" Nothing like a gift from the heart, after all. "Team Rocket BLASTS OFF at the speed of light!" "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" The audience finished in unison, "ME-owth! Dat's right!" and proceeded to then urge Jessie and James down the ramp by means of sonic waves buffeting the pair's backs. As they practically stumbled down the ramp from the sheer force of the cheering, they still managed to beam at the audience, waving to all their fans. The crowd was deafening. Not that it wasn't usually, but with the most popular champions in Ultra going against long-time favorites in the middle of a comeback, a clear favorite was hard to determine. Both teams were liked, both had style, and both knew how to work the crowd. This, of course, meant that Hiroshi was practically wetting his pants in pure markish delight. "This should be just an amazingly unbelievable rock-em-sock-em wind up and swing for the bleachers match, folks! Jessie, James, Tifa, Bean... all four know how to put on a fantastic show!" "The difference being that two of them fight and two of them belong in community theatre." Gleefully ignoring Tarou's attempts to diminish his enthusiasm, Hiroshi continued announcing as the fighters took their places. "And for the second time in a row, Jessie takes the ring first! Is she trying to make up for her absences earlier? Does Team Rocket have another plan like last week?" "Is James just an even bigger wuss than his partner?" "Work with..." Tarou glared at him. "Uh... hey, look, the fight's starting!" Bean grinned at Jessie as he cracked his knuckles, eying the poacher over. "You seem like a nice enough girl, so why don't you just hand over the belts now so you don't get hurt?" Jessie said nothing, and instead just posed with a pokeball held high overhead, an impossibly cocky and confident look gracing her face. Smiling, she waited for the bell to ring. ][ LAMBDA TITLE DEFENSE, MATCH #3 ][ TEAM ROCKET VS THE ROADBUSTERS ][ FIGHT! "Arbok, I choose you!" The purple and gold snake pokemon appeared in a long stream of energy, fangs and scales glittering under the Dome's lights. As Jessie called for its Bite attack, Arbok whipped forward towards Bean, a thin drop of venom dripping down to splatter on the mat. The Roadbuster was no match for Arbok in speed, and so he didn't manage to get out of the way... entirely. Instead of sinking into his flesh like Arbok had been planning, the bite instead just went through the thick leather of Bean's jacket. As Arbok moved to extract its fangs, Bean took the opportunity to reach around, grab the flailing tail, and whip it around once, twice, then smack it down on the mat. Arbok wobbled away, then narrowed its eyes at the massive opponent. "Arbokkk," it hissed, waiting for a command from its trainer. "Wrap attack, Arbok!" Bean waited to pull off Arbok as he had before, only to find that the snake pokemon had wrapped itself completely around his arm. He shook it violently, matching the pokemon glare for glare. "Get offa me, would ya?" Frowning, he went to peel off Arbok, until Jessie's words from across the ring made him pause... then he doubled his efforts to pull off the snake. Just a second after Jessie had called for the Poison Sting attack, fangs were sinking through Bean's hand even as he attempted to remove himself from the venomous pokemon. He gave a grunt of pain, and then whipped off his attacker in one smooth motion and slammed it against the mat. After that was done, Arbok was weaving unsteadily, eyes swirly and unfocused. Jessie quickly retrieved it and threw another pokeball while Bean was inspecting his injured hand, wincing as he prodded the holes where the poison had entered. Antidotes were available after fights for occasions just like this, but it already hurt. Looking up from his inspection, he groaned. "You gotta be kidding me." Lickitung looked up at him, its massive tongue wobbling up and down. Behind it, Jessie smirked the smirk of trainers who had the utmost confidence in their pokemon and even more (a great deal more) in themselves. "Lickitung! Wrap Attack now!" Two seconds later, Bean looked like he couldn't decide whether to be embarrassed or disgusted. He groaned to himself from inside the giant tongue's hold, very carefully not meeting Tifa's gaze until he'd extradited himself from this humiliating position. Prodding at the tongue with elbows and hands, he managed to get free, but not without his hand feeling like it was on fire. He looked over to Tifa, then, getting a nod in return. As he turned to go tag out, Lickitung bapped him three times across his back in quick succession. More accurately, the short Lickitung bapped the tall Bean Bandit at the highest spot it could reach on him from far away, which happened to be his jean-clad posterior. "...I was just spanked by a giant tongue," Bean muttered in disbelief. Before he tagged out, he quickly turned and pounced Lickitung into the mat for that action, ignoring Jessie's protestations. Tifa climbed into the ring, having first taken a few seconds to inspect Bean's hand to make sure that it was alright. She shouldn't have taken the time. James smirked as he let loose one of his fresh pokemon, having tagged in faster than Tifa had. "Weezing! Sludge attack!" A thick stream of viscous black goo hit Tifa in the face as she climbed under the ropes, blinding her. She stumbled back, wiping at the mess. It only smeared onto her hands, making them slick and ineffective... and also failed to solve the problem of the gunk on her face. Suddenly, a heavy object buffeted her from the side, sending her skidding onto the mat. Weezing continued its Tackle attacks relentlessly, James cheering it after each strike. Every time Tifa got to her feet, she was sent back sliding onto the mat; it looked like the match could be won through mat burns alone. Flailing blindly, she hoped a punch would connect; one lucky strike did get through, and it sent the pokemon hurtling away. Ignoring James' worried cry as his pokemon went flying, Tifa scrubbed at her face, trying to restore her vision. She slipped on one of the spots left from her various meetings with the mat, and landed heavily on her back The Zangan-trained martial artist grumbled from her prostrate position on the mat. "This is ridiculous," she muttered, blinking at the inky blackness that was her current range of vision. Raising one fist above her head, she yelled, "ESUNA!" In a swirl of sparkling light, the goop vanished from both her face and hands, and she hopped to her feet. Turning around, she looked for Weezing. She didn't see it. She did, however, see an adorable little feline face staring at her. "Mew?" Mew chirped as it sent her hurtling into the ropes with a psychic blast. Tifa grimaced as she got to her feet, eying the cat pokemon as it floated happily towards her. Another series of psychic blasts buffeted her in quick succession, and she was thrown side to side like a freak tornado had concentrated itself entirely on her locality. Before Mew could launch another attack, Tifa rushed it, fist back at the ready. A rapid series of punches landed on the feline, the stream coming too rapidly and too strongly for the psychic shield around it to block them all. Once the first blows had been landed, it was easy for Tifa to land more and more connecting strikes. Mew's physical weakness when it didn't have its shield made itself apparent, and it began looking increasingly weakened and unsure of itself. Finally, it floated back over towards its trainer; whether for a break or more permanent respite wasn't apparent. James patted Mew on the head gently and smiled at it. "You can do it! Jessie and I believe in you!" Pausing for a second, Mew then nodded and happily chirped again, flying back towards Tifa. Another series of blasts were launched at the fighter, their originator swooping and spiraling as it fought as if it thought the match was a game. Unfortunately for it, its opponent was taking the match more seriously. Ignoring the pain in her muscles from the attacks she'd taken, Tifa rushed Mew, hoping to overwhelm it like she had before. At first it seemed futile, as every punched bounced off the shield; then one, two, and a dozen strikes began to land. Not wanting to give Mew another chance to recover, she pressed her attack, landing strikes without thought to their number or strength. Finally forced to pause and gasp for breath, Tifa sucked in a horrified breath at what she'd done; it was echoed from behind her by James. Mew was in a little heap in a corner of the ring, one eye swollen shut. It tried to get to its feet, failed, and just curled up as Tifa slowly walked towards it. James ran after her, trying to pull her away from Mew, but she sent him staggering and instead looked at the easy win and championship that lie on the mat before her. Tifa looked down at the pitiful sight before her and hesitated. Mew was hobbling back to a crouching position, its green aura flickering pitifully. It looked up at her with huge eyes and quietly chirped, "Mew?" Throwing a helpless glance over her shoulder at Bean, Tifa looked for guidance. He returned it with a shrug, looking as indecisive as she did. Attention focused back in the ring, she sighed and took another step towards Mew. "I'm sorry, I really didn't want to hurt you like this." "Mew?" As Tifa's fist came rushing towards it, Mew squealed desperately and shot off towards the other side of the ring. Last reserves spent on that mad dash, the feline pokemon collapsed in mid- air, its arc towards the mat broken only at the last second by James' lunge to keep it from impacting. As Tifa looked over in concern for Mew's state of health, James carefully picked up his pokemon and gave it a quick once-over: while Mew was still conscious, it was obviously exhausted and barely able to meet his gaze. Out of habit, he reached back for Weezing, planning to call in a replacement, but halted halfway. Hoping against hope that Jessie's pokemon would've made a miraculous recovery in the short time, he turned to look at his partner. She shook her head and grimaced. The small white figure in James' arms looked up at him weakly. "Mew?" Mew struggled to rise from its slack position, failed once, twice, and then quietly whimpered. Tifa looked over, a worried look on her face. "Is it okay? Just say it's over, alright? I don't want to hurt the cat any more. Don't force it to fight, you'll really hurt it." James frowned, as did Jessie behind him. Handing Mew over to Jessie, James turned to face Tifa, a dark look on his face. "We never treat our pokemon like that." "Well, then are you going to hand over the belts? You've gone through all your animals." "Uhh..." Swallowing hard, James took a step towards Tifa. Closing his eyes as if to convince himself that he really *wasn't* about to do something unbelievably stupid, he raised one shaky fist. "You still have to go through Jessie and I. I'll fight you." As the words left his mouth, he winced, whether in disbelief at what he'd said or anticipation of pain, it was hard to say. Tarou stared. "You gotta be kidding me." Hiroshi stared. "You gotta be kidding me." He looked over to Tarou as the taller boy blinked in surprise at him. "What? I may like Team Rocket, but that's suicide." Tifa shrugged and responded, "Well... if you really want to fight, I guess that's okay. You're sure making this hard, though." She balled her fists and slowly advanced on James. "I'll try to make this easy on you." Four seconds later, the entire Ultradome winced, Hiroshi foremost among them. "I didn't know you could scream that loud without a microphone," he eked out, forcing himself to look at the massacre in the ring. "Tifa, you don't have to kill him!" Bean yelled from the sidelines, trying to plug his ears to keep out the girlish wails. She turned to look at her partner, eyes huge. "I hit him with my bare hand. I was pretending to swat a fly!" Jessie smacked the mat with her free hand, the other busy supporting Mew. "James, get up! You're not going to lose those belts for us! Do whatever you have to do, but win this fight! We have autographs to sign afterwards!" Groaning, Tifa looked down at her 'opponent.' "Please say it's over. Just concede, alright?" James shook his head furiously and once again stood to face Tifa. "No! Team Rocket's not going to lose because of me! I'm not going to let Jessie down, and we're not going to lose the championship!" The crowd roared their approval of his determination, but Tifa ignored it as she studied him. After a moment of that, she sighed. "Okay, I really gave you a chance." Drawing her fist back, she plowed it solidly into James' chest, the thick leather of her glove easily striking past the thin cloth of his uniform. He stumbled back, gasping for breath. Tifa followed him, matching his stumbling steps with slow, determined strides. "Forfeit the match. Please." "N... no!" "Then call in a pokemon! You shouldn't be fighting! This is ridiculous!" A pained expression came over Tifa's face as she leaned towards James. "I didn't want to win like this, but I will. I want to prove to Beanie I'm able to fight for myself again." James weakly pulled himself up by the ropes, hooking one arm over them to support his weight. Clenching his eyes shut, he furiously whispered, "I... I can't just let Team Rocket lose. We always lose. I don't want to go back to that. I don't want it to be because of me." Being the only other person in the Dome to have heard James' plea, Tifa winced. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she drew her fist back. "I'm sorry." The highly trained martial artist let her punch fly, hoping the knockout would be quick and painless. It was neither. Nor did it happen to James. Cautiously opening one eye, then the other, James blinked at Tifa. She was flat on the mat, groaning slightly and clutching her head. Trying to figure out just what had happened, James forced the aching muscles in his neck to move the throbbing ball of pain that was masquerading as his head and looked around the ring. Mew floated to his right, looking tired but happy. James blinked at Mew, confused. The pokemon chirped at him even as it sank to the mat, beaming at the trainer who'd put his own safety at risk to preserve its own. While James didn't pick up on that, he did have the sense of mind to lunge across the mat and pin Tifa for the 10-count before Bean could stretch in far enough to tag her. As the victory bell sounded, Jessie ran into the ring, sweeping Mew up into a victory hug. It smiled at her, 'mew'ing all the time, but then wiggled out of her arms and floated over to James, prodding him with a soft telekinetic tap. He smiled once, wobbled, then fell back to the mat. Mew gave its equivalent of a shrug, and curled up on its trainer's chest, promptly falling asleep. "And, in an amazing development, Team Rocket WINS!" shouted Hiroshi. And the audience went nuts, screaming Team Rocket's name, over and over. Trying to regain her balance after her knockout, Tifa flashed an apologetic look at Bean as he helped her to her feet. "I'm sorry, Beanie-" She looked back towards the turnbuckle that Mew's unanticipated strike had cracked her head against and sighed. He gave her a quick squeeze on the shoulder and grinned. "It's okay, Teef. We can always try again. You did good." "Aw, how nice," said Tarou. "I'm getting cavities." Hiroshi glared at him. "Can't you recognise a good dramatic moment?" he hissed. "Should I?" Meanwhile, Jessie was busy prodding James with her boot. "James? Get up, James. We need to pose for the audience." He continued to lie there, but Mew blinked awake and looked at Jessie. Although it said "Mew," Jessie could swear it sounded like "shhh." She shrugged, and posed for the audience alone. It didn't quite feel the same. She shrugged, picked James up, and departed the ring, smiling at the audience the whole way. The cameras zoomed in on Hiroshi. He put on his best grin. "And, ladies and gents, that wraps it up for another action packed night of Ultra. Tonight has certainly seen some incredible matches, and some intriguing developments. What shall happen next week? Folks, I'm asking you, WHAT shall HAPPEN next week?" "More ultraviolence?" asked Tarou snidely. "HELL YEAH!" shouted the audience. "And that's all for this week folks! Good fight, good night!" The audience finished for him. "GOOD NIGHT, HIROSHI AND TAROU!" The red lights of the cameras winked out, and another episode of Ultra was done. And Hiroshi's smile faded as he turned to his co-announcer. "Tarou, what is *wrong* with you?" asked Hiroshi. "I should ask what's wrong with *you*, Clone-boy. Miss Tendou tells you to cheer for Darshu, and you barely did. She asked you to choose between your girlfriends, and you still haven't done that. Shape up." Tarou stood up from his chair and left. Hiroshi put his head on the table. "I don't know how much more of this I can put up with..." he mumbled. "Good old Dai was never as bad as him..." * * * Jack and Daisuke were in the bar again. The night had not gone well. Sure, there'd been all the pranks and logos and people definitely knew about CHAOS now. The problem was, so many had fallen victim to the buckets and the boxing gloves on springs and giant fluffy spiders falling out of things, that they also disliked the group. In short, all their efforts had achieved was to make people annoyed with CHAOS, not sympathise with it. Perhaps they'd made a slight mistake in their planning. "Perhaps we made a mistake," said Jack dejectedly. "Hell yes!" swore Daisuke. "I swear, next time we need a plan other than 'CHAOS causes chaos in the Dome'." The two sat at the bar and stared at their drinks. They drank their drinks. They stared at the empty glasses. They still didn't have any ideas, though Jack felt a bit better after drinking a whole Pleasant Encounter. Daisuke, who was drinking water, just felt as if his throat were a bit less dry. "Any ideas, Dai my man?" Daisuke played with the empty glass, thinking hard. "We need... something that Nabiki hates, and that people can like. Not crazy traps. They just piss the people off as well." Jack ordered a Death By Green and drank about half of it thoughtfully. "Ultra's all about entertainment, right?" Daisuke rolled his eyes. "Yes, Jack, I thought that was obvious from the beginning." "Well... say we entertain people *more* than Nabiki can. Then the people would pay more attention to us and less to Nabiki. And the more we do, the more and more they pay attention to us and less and less to Nabiki, until finally we're the big thing in town and Nabiki's just a loser." "It's an idea," said Daisuke diplomatically. "But how can we entertain people more than Nabiki can?" Jack finished the last of his Death by Green and ordered a Bloody Nabiki. The proprietor looked at him strangely until he explained it was a Bloody Mary inside his special 'anti-Nabiki' glass. The drink came and Jack downed all of it in one gulp. "Watch it Jack, you'll get drunk." "Me? Drunk? Hah!" Jack turned and faced Daisuke unsteadily. "Dai my boy, you've been down there by the ring for more than 40 shows of Ultra. What is it that the audience cheers for? What is it they boo for? What really gets them worked up?" Realisation began to dawn. "The fighters," said Daisuke. "You want to get more and more fighters over with us, starting with the most popular ones." "You got it!" cheered Jack, and ordered a Rainbow Twister. "One of the most popular teams is undoubtedly Team Rocket," said Daisuke, interested in how Jack would react to that. "Except for them," said Jack. "Anybody except those jerks." * * * Daisuke sighed. Last night, when he and Jack had spread various traps and CHAOS logos throughout the Dome, had been busy. The day, when he and Jack had planned more chaos, had been busy. The evening, when Ultra was showing, had been busy. It felt like he'd been busy for more than 24 hours, and he just wanted to sleep. He staggered up to the door of his home and let himself in. His parents would be asleep by now - he'd better be careful, and not wake them up. He quietly walked to his room, opened the door - "Hi, Daisuke-chan!" bubbled Shermie. Oh god...Lina...whatever... Shermie... was... in his room. Wearing nothing very much. She knew his address. His mind froze as she latched onto him. Parts of her pressed against parts of him. If he wasn't so scared and nervous, he was sure he'd develop a nosebleed. "I'll tie you down and go on top and our cries of passion and pain will fill the night!" she said happily. "Isn't it wonderful, Daisuke- chan?" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGG GGGGGGGHH!" screamed Daisuke. Hiroshi would have been impressed with his lung capacity. "Daisuke?" he heard his mother ask. He dashed out of his room, bolted past his mother, and through the door and out into the night. He wasn't sure where he could go, but home was no longer an option. * * * ] [ ULTRA 44 RESULTS/RECAP * SHAMPOO AND MOUSSE defeat BLANKA AND PIKACHU, now at 6W/4L. * BLANKA AND PIKACHU now the OFFICIAL BIGGEST LOSERS OF ALL ULTRA * ASH AND MISTY are UPSET * ANDY BOGARD is no longer nuts * YASHIRO lets slip that XELLOS is PLANNING SOMETHING BIG. * PSYCHO SOLDIERS defeat DISCIPLES OF THE VOID, now at 3W/1L. * KYO KUSANAGI tries to explain to SHINGO YABUKI about the whole gloves / flames mess. He does a HALFWAY DECENT JOB, almost GETS INTO A FIGHT with IORI YAGAMI, and REFUSES TO ENTER ULTRA. * DARK SCHNEIDER defeats GALLY, now at 4W/2L * MR. SATAN trains to DEFEAT MORRIGAN * SHINGO YABUKI learns how to USE FIRE PROPERLY * MR. SATAN and SHINGO YABUKI spar, but offscreen * SEPHIROTH wins by disqualification against DAN, now at 8W/7L * More of SEPHIROTH'S PLAN is revealed * IFURITA defeats TECHNICAL MANUALS, no status change * IFURITA bonds a bit with NUKU NUKU * With a bit of help from IORI, YOHKO just defeats CHRIS, now at 3W/1L * RANMA SAOTOME's Multiple Personality Disorder is revealed IN FORCE * RANMA SAOTOME is deathly afraid of COLD WATER * MARLO SEMAJ is still in hospital, but being the OBNOXIOUS JERK he usually is * WASHUU HAKUBI is still nuts * TEAM ROCKET defeats ROADBUSTERS, now at 8W/5L * CHAOS gets a GLIMMERING OF A PLAN * SHERMIE invades DAISUKE'S ROOM * STEVEN SCOUGALL collapses from LACK OF SLEEP and doesn't write any FUNNY COMMERCIALS ] [ ANGLE SUMMARIES ][ = Angle continues, may have new developments [] = Angle is closed, might have been replaced }{ = Entirely new angle ?? = Possible new angle? (Can be derived from events) XX = Didn't touch on this from past episode very well or at all [] Shingo stole Iori's gloves, possible rivalry (Shingo knows about the true nature of the flames, Iori declares rivalry with him) ][ Mewtwo vs. Washuu / the Cybergrrlz (Gally tries to get match against Mewtwo, fights Darshu instead) ][ Nabiki's profit-mongering reign over Ultra (She's pushing Morrigan and Darshu at the expense of other fighters) ][ Ranma's many wild emotional issues (Ranma has DID, female form wants to beat up Marlo) ][ Jack and Daisuke, Ultra managers (Another loss - Shingo and Sakura couldn't even help them out this week) ][ Bison vs. SNK/Capcom (Andy has recovered and is eager to fight Bison and his cronies again) ][ Yashiro is furious about his loss of his title and stature (Tried to get fight with Team Rocket, fought Psycho Soldiers instead) ][ Hiroshi and Tarou, the Odd Couple (Hiroshi's liking his new partner less and less, and really misses Daisuke) ][ Shermie stalks Daisuke (She has Daisuke's address, forcing him to live away from home) ][ Yohko and Iori's relationship (Despite his words to the contrary, Iori seems to care, at least a little) ][ Sephiroth, the man who would be God (Not only is he after those from Heaven and Hell, he's after Dan for an easy win of some of the godhead) }{ Sie's rivalry with Yashiro and the Disciples of the Void (Learned it was Yashiro who punked him, barely defeated him in their match) }{ Darshu vs CyberGrrlz (He's fought and defeated them twice, will he fight them a third time?) }{ Blanka and Pikacuh are Biggest Losers Of All Ultra (How will the two deal with the humiliation?) }{ Shampoo and Mousse, heels (They had to win at all cost - even at the cost of the audience's dislike) ?? Mr. Satan crusading against Morrigan (Is training hard to defeat the succubus) ?? Shingo and the flames (Shingo knows about the true nature of Kusanagi flames, can now throw fire on his own) XX Morrigan vs. every red-blooded male in Ultra ^_^; (Defended her title successfully, did not have to use her offer) XX Meowth is still apparently Lost In Space (Meowth misses Team Rocket) XX Mewtwo v. Pokemon trainers and/or Voiduck (He wants them all to be free, but who's his next target?) XX B-ko and Sephiroth, Lovers (How will she react to his renewed focus on attaining power?) XX Heaven vs. Hell (Xelloss blackmails Aerith, Asuka firmly on Hell's side) XX Marlo vs. Akane rivalry for the Hardcore belt (Ranma goes crazy, beats up Marlo) AUTHOR'S NOTES -------------- Gah. WHAT was I thinking? Oh, that's right, I was thinking "I wonder what it's like to write for Ultra?" 160 KB later I've got a pretty good idea. It's a rush, it's terrifying, it's enjoyable, and it makes you panic when the deadline is coming up fast and you're STILL not finished, even with a 2 day extension; but all things considered it was very fun. I'd do it again but I probably can't - full time work makes it hard to write this much wordage. I am a King of Fighters / Fatal Fury otaku. You probably noticed. I was always wanting to do something with the KOF elements in Ultra, especially with Shingo. I didn't think I'd be writing up the gloves/flames explanation, though. I hope it was clear enough. I had to pull Kyo Kusanagi in to do it, as I couldn't work out any other way of Shingo learning about it all. Hopefully future authors will leave Kyo alone, or at least leave him as a minor character. I didn't even BEGIN to touch everything I wanted to do - but this will have to do. I'm out of time. And now the thanks section! First of all great big thanks must be given to Kristen Smirnov, she of Team Rocket fandom. When I was really panicking and still didn't have the Team Rocket / Roadbusters fight written, I asked Kristen Smirnov if she would write it. She very kindly said "yes". Once again, many many MANY thanks must go to Kristen for doing that. Thanks must also go to Damienroc and J.M.Steadman for being brave and prereading this monster. And a great big "Thank you!" goes to Twoflower for having faith in an Ultra newbie and putting me in the Ultra queue. And thank you for reading. Steven Scougall 13 May 2000 http://www.crosswinds.net/~sscougall/