Shinji drifted up from unconsciousness, finding himself in that hazy place where the effort of waking and sleeping are both more than one wants. Awareness washed over him, informing him of the dull and throbbing aches in his chest and hands. Groggily, Shinji dragged himself into consciousness. This offered no substantial improvement to his situation. On opening his eyes, Shinji experienced a wash of vertigo, finding himself suspended above a metallic runway which cut across a vast sea of yellow. Turning his head to either side, Shinji could see his hands, his EVA's hands, nailed to the long arms of the giant cross that had once imprisoned Lilith. And, of course, there was the huge red spear driven fully through the purple armor above his heart and in turn projecting from his back. Shinji took all of this in, including the growing pain of the metal shaft piercing his torso. He did the only reasonable thing he could think of doing. He screamed, even if in his transformed Evangelion body it translated into a roar. The intent was the same. He was in Terminal Dogma, nailed to a cross, the Longinus Lance buried in his chest, and he was pretty sure this was his father's fault. Screaming seemed reasonable. After the echoes died away, a voice came out of the darkness, filling the cavernous space of Terminal Dogma. "Shinji." The young pilot lifted his head, scanning the shadow-filled reaches of Terminal Dogma. Steeling himself against the pain, Shinji reminded himself that he had severed all ties to that man, that Gendo was no longer his father. "Gendo," Shinji gritted. "You're finally awake, son. Good," Gendo's voice boomed from the unseen speakers. "I never wanted to do this, boy. Your selfishness has forced my hand." "What are you talking about, old man?" Shinji asked. "There are no more Angels. Humanity doesn't need the Instrumentality Project anymore! The God who forced that on us is gone. Lina won't let humanity die for no reason, like he was allowing!" "You are a selfish child, Shinji," Gendo stated. "Believing every word the enemy had fed you. My life's work will not be swept aside simply because some broom-carrying girl or medieval firebrand say so. The Human Instrumentality Project must be completed if humanity is to survive." The click of switches came over the speakers and the lights dimmed, flooding Terminal Dogma with shadow. "We will speak later, Shinji." With a final click, silence filled Terminal Dogma. Dangling from the cross and listening only to the lapping of the LCL sea on steel, Shinji hung his head and asked Lina for deliverance. * * * * * Hiroshi stared at his adversary. Namely, the telephone on his desk. Carefully, Hiroshi reached out. It was just a phone call. It couldn't hurt, right? "Yeah, right," he sighed, snapping his hand back. He flopped down into the chair by his desk. "There's got to be a way out of this without anyone getting hurt..." Hiroshi sighed once more. "Rei... Lilith... What am I going to do? I never wanted this to happen." "Okay, okay..." Hiroshi steeled himself. Gripping the handset tightly, he punched in the code off his Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra Commemorative Calling Card (Collect all twelve!). This was followed by a short string of digits. The phone on the other end rang once, twice, and on the third time there was the click of the other end being picked up. "hai?" answered the soft voice on the far end of the line. The sound of that greeting, however terse it might be, brought an involuntary smile to Hiroshi. "Hi, Rei? It's me, Hiroshi..." "...it's good to hear from you, hiroshi-kun." Hiroshi rubbed the back of his neck and let out a weak chuckle. "It's good to hear from you again, too. Listen, Rei... There's something I'd like to ask you." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Wouldyouliketogotothisweek'spayperviewwithme? Iboughtticketsand everythingandweneedtotalkand--" "hiroshi-kun? i-i would..." Rei paused, seemingly searching for the right word. "...like that." Hiroshi cracked one eye open, and looked at the phone in his hand. "Really?" he asked. "yes." "Okay! I'll meet you at the UltraDome, okay?" "alright." "Bye, Rei!" "goodbye, hiroshi." There was another soft click as the far end disconnected, and Hiroshi set the phone down. In a burst of energy, Hiroshi bounced out of his chair, any earlier anxiety evaporating instantly. "YATTA!! I DID IT!" Hiroshi whooped in triumph. "Everything's going to work out fine! YES!!" "Hiroshi! Keep it down up there!" "Ah, sorry, Mom!" * * * * * Nabiki gazed over steepled fingers at the group before her: Morrigan, stretched out on the leather-upholstered couch along the right-hand wall of the office, Marlo, sprawled in an overstuffed armchair he had supplied for himself, and Tarou, sulking against the back wall. After a moment she stood, choosing to pace in front of her desk. "Before you three go out there tonight, I want make something absolutely clear," Nabiki addressed her collaborators. "This is our showcase pay-per-view. This is about profit. We are not here to hemorrhage money like my sister or Jack. "This means no crap from Jack and his troublemakers. No technical foul-ups. No cancelled fights. No free airtime for CHAOS. Understood?" Each of the others nodded in turn. At the back of the office, Tarou straightened. "Miss Tendou, that damn brat..." "No, Tarou. I'm not going to get you a new co-announcer," Nabiki scowled. "Sana's a celebrity and a draw for the lower age viewing brackets, so you're going to play nice." Surveying the room again, she asked, "Any other questions?" "So, you got an edge for us this time?" Marlo asked, idly twirling a steel chair. Nabiki grinned like a shark. "Naturally." * * * * * Before the show, the impromptu CHAOS war room, smaller than the one back in Tokyo, was filled to capacity. Daisuke paced the room, checking everything one last time. "Jack, are you sure you don't need help with that?" he asked. Controversial Jack, CHAOS' nominal leader, was seated at the large table they'd hauled into the converted dressing rooms. A partially disassembled VCR sat in front of him. For the past three hours, Jack had been trying, with little success, to hook it up to a signal router that Lain had dug out of the old pirating equipment in the machine room for them. "Don't get your boxers in a knot, Daisuke," Jack replied. "I'll get this up and running in no time." He squinted at the connection slots in the back of the VCR through a jeweler's eyepiece. "Squeak!" "Hm... Good point, Mr. Duck," Jack commented to his rubber companion. "Sakura, could you hand me that hammer?" Daisuke winced and turned to Shingo. "Are you okay, Shingo?" he asked. "Ready to go?" In front of the dressing table at the far end of the room, the young martial artist was thumbing through his notebook as Karin straightened the tie of his headband. Looking up, Shingo smiled and gave a thumbs-up. "Ready to go!" "Right," Daisuke nodded. "We're counting on you." Privately, he thanked Lina for at least one low-maintenance member of their group. In the background, there was the sound of Jack busily applying hammer and nail to the electronic equipment. Daisuke amended his previous thought; comparatively, Shingo required no maintenance at all. Opposite Shingo's dressing table, Team Rocket prepared in their own unique way; Jessie's hair was sprayed into a razor edge, her uniform shone brilliant white, vibrant red, and mirror-shined black. As she put the finishing touches to her make-up, James stood to one side, polishing the pokeballs that sat among the tubes and bottles on the dressing table. Pikachu sulked in the nearby corner, its forepaws crossed and scowling as deeply as a small, fuzzy animal was capable of. Daisuke stepped over, and addressed the duo. "How about you, Jessie? You're on in a few minutes. Is everything all right?" Jessie gave herself one final glance in the mirror, then stood. "Of course it is! With this much style and glamour, how could anything be wrong?" she asked, clasping a fist against her breast. Daisuke sweatdropped. "I was really thinking more in terms of how the training with Pikachu went..." A tugging on his pants leg answered this. "Pika pi pikachu! Chu!" explained Pikachu, gesticulating frantically. "Pi pi pi ka! Chu pika pi!" A second sweatdrop joined the first. Daisuke sighed. "Look, all I can ask is that the two of you go out there and do your best, OK?" Jessie and Pikachu nodded carefully. As Jessie gathered the four pokeballs spread across her dressing table, Daisuke added, "I'm sorry that I'll won't be able to show up for your match, Jessie." He winced, paling at the thought of what might happen if he did. Jack stood, examined the results of his handiwork, and grinned at Daisuke. "Aw... not going to watch your girlfriend's fight?" This earned him a glare from Daisuke and a kick to the shin under the table from Sakura. Jack held up his hands defensively. "Okay, okay... Don't worry about it, kid. We all understand." Gathering the equipment, Jack produced a video tape and added it to his pile. "Look, I've got to set this up. Sakura, James, do you kids have your equipment?" Sakura produced a cloth-wrapped bundle from somewhere under the table. "Got them. We'll be ready to go when it's time." James produced his own bundle. "Ooh... We haven't used these in a long time!" "Squeak!" "Right," Jack agreed. Heading for the door, he continued, "Well, Mr. Duck and I need to set this thing up. We'll catch you after the show, okay?" As the door shut behind Jack, Daisuke glanced at his watch. "Jessie, Shingo, we'll clear out now. Good luck." * * * * * "Commander Ikari? Major Bison on the video feed." "Patch it through to my office." * * * * * Tonight, spotlights swam over St. Peter's Square. The Vatican was alive with lights and activity as Ultra personnel swarmed the Holy See. This state of affairs was the product of an unusual and historic arrangement. The Holy Father and Nabiki Tendou had reached an agreement, allowing the Vatican City to host the first REBOOT pay-per-view. The were certain advantages to having a Pope who was an Ultra fan. Thus, the lucky ticket holders for the evening's sports entertainment filled in the tiers of seating lining St. Peter's Square (paid for from the coffers of the Church), under the overhead dome that covered the Square (paid for by the Church), to watch the spectacle to transpire in the ring below (again courtesy of the Church). However, Nabiki did have to pay a substantial fee to get St. Peter's Square deconsecrated enough that Morrigan could enter safely, as well as supplying additional technology and the evening's talent. And now, it was time for.... * * * * * { M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G } { C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G } { F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.improfanfic.com } | | | - +-- ---. ._ | | | | | / | \ |__/ ___ | | \ | _\ +--- Ultra | - REBOOT: +--- 1.0 | \ |-< |_/ .__ | \ \__| .__ | \ \__| - +-- | | Episode 47 Written by This Old Dojo, Mark II and Anonymous * * * * * Thus, St. Peter's Square Was Loud, just as the UltraDome was. The walls of sounds rolled across the city state, rattling the architecture. The rolling bass throb loosed plaster in the highest spires of Saint Peter's Basilica and sent books tumbling from the shelves in the 'Z' Vaults. And tonight there was an added element, a new pitch that cut past simply making one's eardrums bleed, and moved straight into producing agony not unlike having an icepick driven four inches into one's ear. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" That high-pitched, pain-inducing squeal of excitement greeted Ultra's pay-per-view audience as Sana's enthusiasm rode rough-shod over the aural nerves of millions of viewers. "HIIIIIII!! This is Sana-chan and WELCOME TO ULTRA REBOOT!" the hyperactive child star cheered into her microphone. "Tonight, we bring to you, THE FANS, seven BLOOD-SOAKED and GUT-WRENCHINGLY VIOLENT battles for the title of Internet Champion and the really cool web shrine that goes with it!! It's going to be an incredibly exciting night, folks! Isn't that right, Tarou?" Tarou scowled at his co-host and leaned his chair back. "No, that's not right. The few *real* fighters are so obviously going to walk all over these other clowns that it's laughable. Miss Tendou's champions are going to make this a cakewalk." "Mou... you're no fun!" Sana protested, before switching right back to her groove. "And now to present the rules for REBOOT, ULTRA'S VERY OWN WEBMONKEY, LAIN IWAKURA!! Wai!" The crowd dutifully roared despite the rather mundane nature of the guest as a young girl stepped onto the stage beneath the UltraTron, clutching a microphone in one hand and a notebook computer in the other. The lights gleamed off the silver wire woven into the lock of hair that framed the left side of her face as she gazed blankly out at crowd. Lain blinked at the sea of humanity. Tarou, displaying his amazing versatility, switched from scowl to sneer. "Great. She's a retard." Shouting up to the stage, he added, "Hey, brat! Get on with it before I have to beat an introduction out of you!" He popped his knuckles for emphasis and offered a nasty grin. "You be nice!" Sana swatted Tarou with her squeaky mallet. "After all, she's a girl! You have to nice to us." Tarou ground his teeth and went back to scowling. "Ah... h-hello?" Lain opened. The sound technicians fortunately were able to amplify her words enough to overcome the hushed tone she spoke in. "W-welcome to Ultra REBOOT, everyone..." The crowd cheered back in response. "Miss Tendou asked us to guest announce tonight, since we will be building the web shrine for tonight's winner and, ah... I'm supposed to tell the rules of our tournament." Lain fished a remote from her jacket pocket and clicked it at the UltraTron, bringing up a video montage of the competitors. "Tonight's show is a standard elimination ladder tournament," Lain continued, some of the hesitancy dissolving as she continued. "Based on the original Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament Beta that led to the founding of out federation. All matches are Hardcore rules. Um... this means any weapons are legal and knock-outs count anywhere." "Boooring," Tarou proclaimed. Lain shrank a little and continued. "There are three rounds, and the person who wins the final match... wins the Internet Championship Belt and will receive a web shrine on the official MTCFF Ultra web site." Lain glanced at the screen overhead. "Navi, the graphic...?" The video faded out, replaced by a large chart showing the tournament's ladder progression. _Shermie____ | |---___???______ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---___???______ | | | |---___???______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___???______ | | |---___???______ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---___???______| | | |---___???______| _Shingo_____| "That has got to be the ugliest graphic I've ever seen," commented Tarou. "I feel sorry for whoever gets stuck with your lame-ass shrine." "Um...," Lain shrugged. "That's all really. Thank you, everyone." "Lain-chan! You did great!" Sana cheered as she popped up, grabbing the other girl's arm. Dragging Lain back to the announcer's table, she continued. "I bet this was your first time on stage, ne? Where you scared? I remember my first time in front of an audience. It was..." As Sana continued chattering, Lain's eyes glazed over, the rapid-fire dialogue washing over her. "Great. Would you two hold your hen session on your own time?" Tarou asked. "We do have a show to announce." "Oh, yeah!" Sana's attention snapped back as she continued. "ALRIGHT!! LET'S SEE SOME GORE!" * * * * * In the stands, Hiroshi turned to Rei. "Having fun, Rei?" he asked, smiling to his companion. Rei nodded silently in the adjacent seat. Tonight she wore what passed for causal clothes for her--namely, her school uniform. Of course, since this also passed for formal clothes, it was a bit difficult to tell. Hiroshi glanced sidelong at Rei and sighed. At least he'd picked his school uniform to match Rei's. They'd have to talk about everything that had happened. But that was for after the show. For now, he turned his attention back to the action below. Rei glanced sidelong at Hiroshi, issuing a tiny sigh of her own. She wasn't sure how to proceed now that they were getting to spend this time. Perhaps she'd be able to figure it out, tonight. With quiet resignation, she turned her attention back to her popcorn. * * * * * "For tonight's first match, we've got a massive waste of time," Tarou stated. "Ditzy psychotic bimbo versus idiotic harpy in a clown suit. Not only is this pathetic, it's one-sided. No-eyes is going to make paste out of rocket bitch." Tarou shrugged, as guttural German heavy metal burst over the speakers. There was a burst of black smoke and purple pyrotechnics as the female Disciple of the Void stepped onto the ramp. Shermie strutted towards the ring, blowing kisses to the audience. As always, this, along with the revealing cut-outs in Shermie's top and skirt, brought resounding cheers from the nose-bleed section of the crowd. Arriving at the ring, Shermie snagged a microphone from a near-by stagehand and slid under the ropes. "Hiiiiiy, everybody!" she greeted the crowd, waving enthusiastically. "I just want everyone to know that I'm doing this so I can show everyone all my favorite pictures of Daisuke-chan on my shrine!" Shermie informed the crowd. "He's scared of me now, but I'm gonna return him to the Void and share it with everyone!" Shermie beamed at the crowd. "Isn't he cute? He's even got this adorable birthmark on h--" At this point the at-home audience got to hear a long section of bleeps as Shermie said things about Daisuke that no one really needed to know about. "--keep it in a jar!" she concluded. Sana bounced happily in her seat. "Wai! Shermie's so cool! We're gonna see blood!" Tugging Lain by the arm, Sana added, "Don't you agree, Lain?" "Ah... If you say so," Lain replied. "I... like Team Rocket, though..." Tarou and Sana favored Lain with a dirty look, although their effort was cut off as the converted square was plunged into darkness. Swelling dramatic music echoed across the arena as a single spotlight illuminated the front of the basilica, where the roof of the temporary stadium met the ancient structure. Perched on the railing of a balcony there, one half of Team Rocket stood, Pikachu perched on her shoulder. The uniform was as impressive as ever, shining triumphantly for the audience below. "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!" Jessie exclaimed as she grabbed the handles of a zip cord from just outside the spotlight's domain. In the reserved seats, Jessie's fellow CHAOS members stood and chanted the other half of the motto, backed by the thousands in the audience. "MAKE IT DOUBLE!" With a brief wave of acknowledgement, Jessie continued. "To protect the world from devastation!" As she spoke, thousands of lights flared to life on the wall around her, displaying a giant glowing red 'R'. "To unite all peoples within our nation!" "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" Firmly gripping the zip cord, Jessie launched herself into space, sailing above the crowd. There was a series of explosions as brilliant red fireworks burst all around. "To extend our reach to the stars above!" screamed the crowd. "JESSIE!" the red-haired pokemon poacher exclaimed, as she zoomed along the cable towards the ring. "JAMES!" came the answering chant. The blue-haired counterpart stood briefly from the reserved seats, and bowed along with the scattered applause until Sakura grabbed his ear, forcing him to sit down. "Team Rocket blasts off at the SPEED OF LIGHT!" Jessie touched down in the ring, rolling to a stop opposite Shermie. Briefly, Jessie was stuck as her roll ended with her upside down, but without missing a beat, she righted herself. After wobbling for an instant, she continued, leveling a finger at her opponent, issuing the final line backed by the whole of the stadium audience. "SURRENDER NOW, OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!" "Pikachu, pika pi!" added Pikachu. "Wai! That's so neat!" Shermie exclaimed, clapping her hands happily. "You even have the kawaii little mousie with you this time!" Jessie and Pikachu blinked, sweatdrops sliding down the backs of their heads. "SHERMIE, YOU DITZ!" came the bellow from the audience. "HURT THEM!" "Okay, Yashiro!" Shermie called back, dropping into a fighting stance. ][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT 1.0 MATCH #1 ][ SHERMIE vs. JESSIE ][ FIGHT!! Jessie and Pikachu exchanged glances, and Pikachu hopped off and scampered to the edge of the ring, waiting just outside. Pulling a bicycle chain out of her belt, the redheaded female member of Team Rocket with the thigh-high shinyleather boots fell into a ready stance, a somewhat wobbly confident smile pasted over her features. Shermie giggled. "This should be easy. Are you ready to be beat up now? Yash-chan will be so proud when he sees that I'm really the better fighter!" "What? The most beautiful member of Lambda just let herself be beaten up? Never!" "The most beautiful member of Lambda? You? I don't think so!" Shermie leapt up and rushed towards Jessie, sending a kick her way. Jessie swung the chain and managed to wrap Shermie's leg in it, then whipped it off, causing Shermie to fall head over heels. Jessie grinned. "You were saying?" Shermie reached up and grabbed the chain, pulling it sharply and knocking Jessie off of her feet as her arm was nearly yanked out of its socket. She then twirled the chain over her head and brought the end of it around, wrapping it around Jessie's arm. "Well, looks like the two fighters with more breasts than brains are into bondage. That should excite the feeble fans," Tarou noted. "It...looks like they're going to be somewhat...limited...in their movements, right?" Lain said, looking at Sana for approval. "Why yes! What a BRILLIANT move by Shermie! By causing her and Jessie to be so close together like that, it allows her to restrict Jessie's movements so that she can get some close kicks and punches!" Jessie appeared to have noticed that particular advantage too, as she was punched and thrown to one side of the ring, then pulled back like a yo-yo to Shermie, who simply punched her again. Just for a little variety, Shermie grabbed onto the chain with both hands, concentrated for a moment while electrical energy crackled around her, then sent it pulsing down the chain to Jessie, who was promptly electrocuted. Jessie fell over, twitching, but not quite down yet. "Did you SEE THAT? Shermie just used her electrical attack to shock Jessie!" "Wow, the ditz actually thought of doing something other than punching and kicking." "Oh...Poor Jessie. It looks like she's really hurt," Lain said, wincing in sympathy. Tarou and Sana stared at her. Tarou scoffed. "Try not to be so obviously new to this, cyber freak. Rocket slut was going to lose from the start. She's an incompetent buffoon." "With great fashion sense!" Sana added. "Oh..." Lain managed to get out. Shermie grinned. "Wai! A yo-yo!" she cheered, spinning Jessie out to the length of the chain and back again. The bouncing she did as she swung Jessie caused most of the nosebleed section to pass out. Jessie flinched as she whirled helplessly into the fist of the cute yet sadistic girl. Her stomach churned queasily as she was flung out again. Something red flickered in the corner of her eye and she instinctively reached out for it. The rope! She clung to it tightly and waited for the world to stop revolving around her as she was swung back and forth rapidly. Using her momentum, she managed to snap the chain out of Shermie's hands. Shermie apparently didn't expect this and was knocked temporarily off-balance. She managed to leap up and bounce off of the rope before impact. Unfortunately, she let go of the chain when she did so. "Ha! Now I've got you where I want you!" Jessie cried, as she threw the chain out of the ring, as far away from her as possible. Well, that didn't work. She grabbed onto one of the posts for support and hoped that Shermie wouldn't notice how badly she was swaying. Pasting a bright smile on her face, she flashed a victory sign to the audience, who cheered wildly. Shermie blinked. "Ano? Now you do? But you look in much worse shape than me." Jessie winced. "Thanks so much." Darn, she'd noticed. Shermie sighed. "Well, looks as though I'm going to have to just finish you off, and stuff." She rushed at Jessie, impacting solidly with a knee to the midsection and a fist to the face. Jessie fell back again, blood running from her nose and clutching her stomach. Shermie tapped her foot impatiently. "Had enough yet? Because I'm not done!" Meanwhile, in the reserved seats, two CHAOS members were having an animated discussion. "We've got to help Jessie!" James cried, tugging at Sakura. "Look at her! She's singed and bruised and her hair is a *mess*!" "Look, okay? This is what Daisuke said to do and we're going to do it." Sakura held up a communicator. "Let's make sure Dai's out of Ground Zero first." "Oh fine," James sulked as he slid lower in his chair. "This had better work or we're going to rescue Jessie ourselves!" "Hey, Dai?" Crackles of static emitted from the CHAOS communicator -- which looked like a wristwatch with a picture of Mr. Duck -- and then Daisuke's voice came through. "Yeah, I'm safe. I hope. Is Jessie as badly injured as she appears on TV?" Sakura glanced at the ring and winced. "Um. Well...I'm sure she'll pull through." "That bad?" James grabbed Sakura's wrist. "Can we do this already? Jessie's in trouble!" "Go ahead. Better do it fast." "Right!" James pulled out a remote control and pressed a button. With a soft fluttering sound a huge fabric banner descended from one of the struts supporting the vast canvas ceiling. A giant topless -- and slightly blushing -- Daisuke stared down at the crowd, swaying gently. James grinned and pressed another button. Spotlights hit the banner. "Woo!" he cheered. "I'm the man!" He stared down into the ring. "C'mon, Shermie...look up." Ringside, Jessie was taking a heck of a beating. She'd resorted to running around and around the ring with Shermie chasing her. Suddenly, she saw a flash of light out of the corner of her eye. Stopping short, causing Shermie to run into her, she pointed at the huge Daisuke sign. "Hey, Shermie, look! It's Daisuke-chan!" Shermie stopped in the middle of a vicious punch to Jessie's back and looked up. "Daisuke-chan! He must have done this just for me! I bet he's watching right now, I'd better make sure I look good for him!" Whipping out a mirror she quickly checked her hair and accessories, then powerposed for the cameras. "Yosh! Daisuke-chan, victory will be mine! I'll make you proud of me!" "Lickitung! Wrap attack, now!" "Aiieeee!" Shermie cried, as she got up close and personal with Jessie's pokemon. "Looks like Jessie's actually going to put up a fight," Tarou noted. "But she won't win. She's nothing but a punching bag for the halfwit over there." "Um...but it does appear that Shermie is immobile..." Lain said. "You're RIGHT Lain-chan! Let's see if Shermie breaks free from that grip!" Sana cried. Jessie threw down another pokeball. "Arbok! Glare attack now!" The serpentine pokemon reared its head and stared at Shermie with flashing eyes. She froze, trembling slightly with widening eyes. "Well, it doesn't look as though Shermie's going to be moving anytime soon..." Lain observed. "Shermie, you TWIT! Get up!" Yashiro stormed the ring-- "Daisuke-chan..." Shermie whimpered. "Looks like her equally idiotic partner's coming in to save the airhead," Tarou said. --and was promptly fried by Pikachu. "PIKACHU!" Or in other words, no interfering. Jessie grinned at Pikachu and gave the victory sign, keeping a wary eye on the immobile Shermie as the referee finished the ten-count. She smoothed her hair and blinked. "I won the fight?" She beamed at the cameras. "I won the fight! Go Team CHAMPION Rocket!" The crowd cheered markishly as she powerposed, waving to the fans. Then she noticed that Shermie was still being held captive. "Arbok, you can let go now." "Wah! That was so unfair! And I was just trying to look good for Daisuke-chan on TV!" Shermie cried cutely. Jessie sweatdropped. "Well, I've gotta go get ready for my next match now, so I'll just --" Yashiro stumbled into the ring, Pikachu glaring balefully at him. "Hold on! We're much better fighters than you pitiful freaks!" "He's got that right," Tarou grinned. "Let's see some GORE!" Sana yelled. "Um, you don't suppose they're going to fight now, do you?" Shermie nodded in agreement. "Yes! We're MUCH better fighters than you two! It's just not fair! That should be OUR title!" Jessie started edging away from the two. "Well, now really, I should be going." "No! We DEMAND a fight with you next week!" Yashiro demanded. "Right! We want our title back!" Shermie agreed. "Well then, you can have it. Next week." Everyone turned to see Nabiki's face on the Ultratron. "Oh no..." Jessie said. "Oh no..." James agreed from his vantage point up in the stands. "Wow! Lots of WAIWAI gore and stuff next week when the Disciples of the Void battle Team Rocket!" Sana exclaimed. "Let's hope so," Tarou grunted. "So, um, who's the next fighter up?" Lain asked. _Shermie____ | |---_Jessie_____ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---___???______ | | | |---__???_______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___???______ | | |---__???_______ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---___???______| | | |---__???_______| _Shingo_____| "And we'll be back with more BLOOD and GUTS and GOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" "Yes we will," Lain quietly agreed. * * * * * No matter how many times Meowth reminded them how lucky they were to have found one at all, Ash and Misty still weren't too fond of the taxi they were currently crammed into. It darted between pedestrians, progress becoming more hazardous but no less swift as they approached the Vatican border. "Tell me again why we're here?" Misty asked, face pale as a bag of groceries dropped by a kindly-faced woman bounced off the taxi's windshield. "Haven't you been listening to a word I've said?" Meowth muttered. "Da boss is countin' on us here." "But why us? Miss Tendou had never even talked to us before yesterday!" Ash laughed. "Come on, Misty, it's obvious! She knows we won't let them cheat!" In a stunningly unsurprising move, Misty looked completely unconvinced by Ash's bluster. The other voice of "reason" cut in, a calculating look on his feline face. As that was Meowth's standard appearance, Misty didn't think anything of it. "Look, Misty. Da boss is from dat place with all da martial artists, right? And dose guys won't shaddup about honor and doing da right thing." "Yeah..." Seeing where Meowth was going with this, Ash nodded and continued, "And so she's able to tell when people really care about what's right! And who's been talking about her doing stuff wrong? CHAOS! The same people who are working with Team Rocket!" "Well, yeah... I guess so." That matter settled, Ash leaned back. The taxi was nearly to the Vatican; soon their job would start. Ash knew he was ready. He was going to fight for what's right. And the whole world would see. * * * * * "WOW!" Sana bounced, waving her arms excitedly and accidentally smacking Tarou in the face. He scowled, but resisted the urge to pound the brat. Ms. Tendou's orders, after all... "That sure was some explosive, action-filled violence!" the hyper girl continued. "And that's *just* what the viewers like! So! WHO WANTS TO SEE SOME MORE... ULTRAVIOLENCE?!?!" The crowd, predictably, erupted into wild cheers. "ALL RIGHT!" Sana shouted. "Our next match is bound to be another doozy, as a strong-willed, talented woman who can KICK SOME ASS takes on a weak and cowardly loud-mouthed bozo!" Tarou coughed pointedly. "Wrong again, sugar-freak. This is *actually* a one-way fight between the guy who defined Hardcore as a category and an emotionally weak floozy without the common sense to wear *shorts* into fights. Marlo is a true credit to Ms. Tendou's Ultra, while Tifa is just an eternally love-sick bit of fluff who can't fight on her own." He folded his arms and nodded emphatically. "Marlo is the sure-fire winner." "That's RIGHT!" Marlo shouted triumphantly, standing framed between two statue-topped columns. Prearranged fireworks went off as he strode confidently down to the ring, the crowd booing him enthusiastically. Marlo slid under the ropes, picked up a microphone and began the rant o' the week. "Listen UP!" he shouted. "As you all know, I'm the only real competitor worth worshipping! The only one worth a shrine to my glory! I am the Ultra Hardcore GOD!!" A phalanx of bishops gasped in unison, tracing the sign of the cross above their hearts. Marlo ignored them in favour of the sound of his own voice. "But that's not the only reason I'm fighting today, oh no," he continued. "No, I've got a bone to pick with a certain little BITCH who thinks she knows how to play it with the big boys!" He sneered. "It's almost fair though. I mean she sure as hell LOOKS like one!" He took a deep breath. "That's right, Akane! I'm telling you right now, you had *better* make it through the first two rounds! Because when it comes to the final, I'm gonna break every bone in your flat-chested little body and pour you into a glass for Ranma to take home and CRY over! He's in touch with his emotions, isn't he? What a-" "Excuse me," a female voice interrupted pointedly. "But aren't you forgetting something?" Marlo whirled to face the originator of the voice, who stepped into the plaza, revealing herself as Tifa. "Wai!" Sana cheered, leaping to her feet. "Smash his spleen, Tifa-san!" Marlo smirked at the female half of the Lawbreakers. "You will be NO problem," he sneered, surreptitiously fingering something in his pocket. Tifa frowned and made her way down to the ring. "The shrine should go to a *real* fighter," she declared, hoisting herself over the ropes. "Not to an ill-mannered brat!" She settled into a relaxed stance, rubbing the materia on the back of her glove. ][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT 1.0 MATCH #2 ][ MARLO SEMAJ vs. TIFA LOCKHART ][ FIGHT!! Marlo's eyes narrowed. "Brat, eh?" He threw the mike at a flunky. "Gimme your best shot!" he declared. "You don't even have to come in close, right? Hit me with one of your wussy magic bolt things! I'll show you how the Furnityre Saviour handles little girls!" Tifa blinked. "Are you sure?" she asked. "What the hell are you waiting for?" Marlo taunted. "I'm giving you an obvious advantage, right? Surely a *real* fighter would take advantage of that!" "...I don't understand Marlo's tactics," Lain said hesitantly. "Tifa can just stand back and use her materia from a safe distance. He has to get in close to make any impact with his furniture, but he's thrown away any advantage he might have had, and is instead giving her a free shot. Um. Am I getting that right?" "Exactly right, Lain-chan!" Sana nodded, spontaneously hugging the other girl. "Didn't she do great, Tarou?" Tarou snorted. "No," he said bluntly. "She totally missed the fact that Marlo obviously has something *else* up his sleeve." He smirked. "Or in his pocket," he added. In the ring, Marlo's taunts were growing increasingly erratic. "Some fighter!" he yelled. "Yeah, I know all about you! Wussy girls like you gotta fight in a TEAM! You aren't STRONG enough to do it yourself. Where's your BOYFRIEND, huh? He might be worth a REAL fight! Then again, maybe you should stick him in one of your skirts, since you've got him wrapped around your finger! What a loser!" Tifa clenched her fists. Enough was more than enough. "BOLT!" she yelled, flinging one hand out to point at the furniture-wielding warrior. The lightning arced over the ring heading straight towards Marlo. Tifa wasn't sure what happened next. There was a flash of green as Marlo pulled something out of his pocket - and the lightning *bounced* off the boy and headed straight back to her. She arched her spine in pain as the electricity surged through her before it subsided, leaving her gasping. She shook her head to try and clear the pain, and grabbed one of the ropes. "... what the HELL was that?" Sana blurted. "Marlo somehow turned Tifa's spell back around on her! Boo!" Tarou grinned cockily and put his feet up on the announcer's table. "Told ya," he said smugly. Tifa let go of the rope and straightened. Okay, so Bolt obviously wouldn't work... "DEMI!' she shouted, fingering the green materia on the back of her glove. Pin him to the mat so she could take him out with straight brawling techniques... With a sudden jerk, her legs gave way and she fell down, face-first, feeling as if a giant hand was trying to push her *through* the apron. With a huge effort she lifted her head, finally spotting what Marlo held in his hand. Her eyes narrowed. Lain tapped a key on her laptop and frowned, whispering in Sana's ear. Sana gasped indignantly. "Folks, we have a new development here! That low-down weasel Marlo has somehow got hold of a Barrier materia and is using it to cast Reflect spells, bouncing Tifa's spells back at her!" "Hey, not so much a weasel, the guy's just uh... taking advantage of all his benefits," Tarou interjected. "And now that scanty-pants can't move, Marlo's got a great opportunity to really lay some smack down." Marlo grinned down at the prone woman and twirled a heavy beech table in his hands. "Any last words?" he inquired, then hoisted his weapon into the air. "Too late!" Tifa gritted her teeth and braced herself, convulsively clenching her fists as the pounding began. She vaguely heard Bean's shouts of protest, even over the displeased roar of the crowd, but put that firmly to the back of her mind. No time for it now. She jerked at a particularly nasty stroke at the back of her knee, then exhaled slowly, concentrating on the countdown in her head. 3... 2... 1...... NOW! As the spell's effects abruptly died, she rolled out of the way of the next table strike and off the ring, landing on her feet more out of luck than anything else. She staggered, then fell as a steel chair glanced off her skull. "That's it," Tarou announced. "Short, sweet and violent. You should like that, hyper freak." Sana scowled at him and settled back in her seat moodily. Marlo clambered through the ropes and threw another chair at the Lawbreaker. She didn't move. "That's RIGHT!" Marlo gloated. "Take away the fancy special effects and you're NOTHING!" He swiveled and grinned cockily at Bean, who was being held back by security. "Wanna come out and fight me, *Beanie*? Wanna help your little girlfriend?" He walked over to the prone woman and kicked her in the stomach, smirking at Bean all the while. Thus it was that he didn't actually *see* the hand that snaked out and grabbed his ankle as his foot withdrew, yanking him to the ground. "...YES!" Sana exploded, leaping to her feet again. "Tifa is back in the fight, folks!" Tifa didn't bother with getting to her feet, but rolled on top of the struggling boy, snapping off two quick punches to his head, and growling in the back of her throat. His eyes momentarily lost their focus and she pushed herself off, reaching for the steel chair. She managed to get another two strikes in before the self-styled Furnityre Savior got to his feet. "PROTECT!" he yelled, and Tifa backed off as a pale blue, almost translucent shield settled around Marlo. The boy regained his cocky grin. Tifa hurled the chair at him and had the satisfaction of seeing him flinch before it impacted harmlessly against the shield. It wouldn't last long, but while it was there, she couldn't get to him. Cat and mouse, perhaps. She settled into a fighting stance. "Come and get me," she invited. Marlo's eyes narrowed. "Ladies first, bitch," he spat, then laughed mockingly. "But what am I *saying*? You aren't a LADY!" With an incoherent battle cry, the camo-wearing boy tossed a china cabinet at Tifa. She dodged it easily, and the stereo speakers that followed it, running towards her opponent. Marlo blanched; he definitely didn't want her getting her fists on him again. He concentrated harder, becoming a blur of motion as he frantically pulled anything and everything out of Furniture Space and lobbed it at the woman racing towards him. Tifa stumbled on a loose pavement stone, and flung out her arms for balance. Unfortunately, she flung one of them into the flight path of a school desk, the impact flinging her into the ground again. Marlo grinned viciously and hefted a kitchen stove. Three steps to the injured woman, a nice flashy spin of the stove and bring it down hard on the injured arm... The sickening crack echoing sharply through the suddenly hushed packed plaza was mercifully drowned out by Tifa's scream of agony. "TIFAAAAAAAAA!!" Bean howled, as four more security guards hurried over. "He broke her arm!" Lain gasped. Tarou wore a grin that matched Marlo's. "Of course he did, cyber weirdo. This is *Hardcore*." Tifa rolled to her feet, gasping for breath and holding the injured arm close to her side. Marlo lazily lobbed a bar stool at her, certain of his victory now. "You ain't worth my time, toots," he scoffed. "Why don't you just give up and DIE?" Tifa gritted her teeth and dodged a curtain rod, wincing as the movement set off small stabbing explosions radiating out from her elbow. The little freak was playing with her, intending to finish her off in his own sweet time. She could give up, she rationalised. Her arm was the worst injury, but she had a hundred other aches and pains, while Marlo was almost fresh. She couldn't use magic, not as long as he had that Barrier materia. And her injuries would almost put her out of the running for the rest of the tournament, assuming she managed to defeat him. So, she could yield and avoid further torment. OR she could take advantage of the opening she'd just spotted and take the chance to lay the arrogant prick out hard, fast and violent. No choice, really. Galvanised into action, she slid forward, dodged under a poorly aimed ottoman and kicked Marlo in the stomach, driving all the air out of his lungs. Without pausing for the boy to recover from the blow, she kneed him in the throat and brought down her uninjured arm in a sharp chop at his neck. He stumbled back, eyes wide and jaw slack. Perfect. Face set in a grim smile, she settled into her oldest, best loved combination. "It's the BEAT RUSH!" Sana screamed. "WOOO! GAHLU POWAAA!" Lain winced slightly. "She's hitting him with her broken arm too," she commented. "Doesn't that hurt?" "You BET!" Sana agreed enthusiastically. "SHEER UNSPEAKABLE AGONY, all in the name of entertainment! WAIWAIWAI!!" Tifa did her best to ignore the now ice-cold agony in her arm and hit Marlo in the face with her other elbow. The boy staggered back, mouthing incoherent curses. Tifa didn't bother to try to make them out. She rapped his wrists sharply, hitting painful pressure points as he attempted to drag a sofa out of Furniture Space. Marlo dropped the sofa with a howl of pain, more curses spewing from his lips. Tifa grabbed her chance, sliding her uninjured hand into the left pocket of her opponent's cargo pants. It emerged a moment later, triumphantly clutching a green globe. "And Tifa is... turning tail and running?" Sana asked, puzzled. "What? BEAT HIM GOOD, TIFA-SAN!" Tarou sat bolt upright and groaned. "Ms. Tendou isn't going to like this..." he muttered, shading his eyes. Marlo spat out a dislodged tooth and snarled, his eyes feral. "RUN AWAY, BITCH!" he howled. "'COS WHEN I CATCH YOU YOU'RE *DEAD*!" He picked up the dropped sofa and hoisted it above his head, charging as fast as he could towards the diminutive figure at the other end of the plaza. She was pointing at him, he realised dimly through the red mists of rage. Didn't matter. He was gonna kill her anyway! "QUAKE 2!" ... right after he took a short nap. Tifa watched the Furniture Warrior for a few moments as the ten count was sounded and satisfied herself that he was still breathing. Then she allowed the referee to hold her unbroken arm into the air, smiling pleasantly at the crowd who responded with wild applause. Sana was almost out of her mind with enthusiasm. "WOW! Wasn't that GREAT?!?! A complete turnaround in the fortunes of the battle!" "I liked it," Lain added. "I'm glad Tifa won. Navi, may we please see the current standings?" The graphic flashed onscreen again. _Shermie____ | |---_Jessie_____ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---___???______ | | | |---_Tifa_______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___???______ | | |---___???______ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---___???______| | | |---___???______| _Shingo_____| "Waiwaiwaiwaiwai!" Sana cheered. "Two women who kick all sorts of ass have made it to the next round! Goooo Jessie! Gooooooo Tifa! You deserved to win!" "Luck," Tarou blustered. "Marlo *should* have been the winner." Tifa ignored the announcers' chatter and smiled at the man racing towards her. He grinned back. "Good work, Teef," he said finally. "I'm proud of ya. It's a shame about the rest of the tournament though." Tifa blinked. "What are you talking about?" she asked. Bean stared at her incredulously. "You can't possibly keep fighting with that arm, Teef," he said slowly. "You can't even be *thinking* about fighting." "I'll fight," Tifa said firmly. "What's more, I'll win." "But-" Bean began, and stopped as Tifa laid a hand on his lips. "No buts," she said softly. "This is something I'm doing for myself. Because I'm a fighter too, you know. And the shrine should go to a fighter." Bean nodded reluctantly. "Okay..." he said. "Um. Now what?" Tifa winced. "*Now* I get this arm into some sort of cast, and pronto. And I want some painkillers, Beanie. You got any Advil?" * * * * * In the cavernous black space of Gendo's office, the leaders of ShadowNERV were meeting. Gendo sat, as always, at the monolith of his desk, fingers laced in front of his mouth, the light reflecting against his glasses. The ever-grinning visage of M. Bison was projected from a flat holographic screen that hovered above Gendo's desk. "So," Ikari stated. "You wished to speak to me." The image of Bison flickered. "Yes, Ikari. It occurs to me that the relationship between Shadowlaw and your organization has not been sufficiently... mutual." Bison's grin displayed more of his excellent dental work in a display of sadistic humor. "After all, I've been more than fair. Funding for your work, materials on demand... why, I've had some of my top men watching your back from the very beginning." "I see..." "But what have I received in turn, Commander?" Bison asked. "The occasion to use your impressive war machines hasn't arisen, sadly. Not to mention that you did lose several of your pilots... The cost-benefit analysis just doesn't support our continued relationship." The crimson- suited criminal overlord shook his head in mock sadness. "What's your point, Bison?" Gendo stated levelly. "NERV is being... downsized, shall we say," Bison chuckled. "But you've been a sufficiently entertaining plaything that offering you this warning amused me. Perhaps you can consider it a token of respect, one bastard to another. Goodbye, Ikari." The holographic screen dissolved, leaving Gendo alone in the darkness. After a moment, Gendo picked up the line to the command center. "Fuyutsuki. It's time..." * * * * * St. Peter's Square suddenly went silent, preternaturally so. Sana's eyes darted left and right rapidly, trying to figure out why the crowd's furious roaring had suddenly died out. Bouncing in her seat, she tried to infuse the audience with her pep before realizing what it was. Anticipation. Pure anticipation. It hung in the air, almost palpable. The sense that something big was going to happen, that *this* was the fight the people wanted to see. They wanted blood, guts, spectacle. They wanted... "And for our next match," Lain not-quite-monotoned, "here comes our first contender. Once known as 'Earth's Greatest Hero', he now--" A chorus of trumpets blared out amidst a wash of piano and drumbeats, interrupting the glassy-eyed webmonkey's litany and announcing the arrival of the next fighter. Lain looked up from her script and from side to side, blinking only once in mild confusion. "Oh yeah, here comes the washed-out has-been!" Tarou picked up where Lain had left off. "None other than the all-powerful awe-inspiring fan favorite, the FRAUD of Ultra! What can we expect today? Maybe his cheap luck will hold out long enough for him to last longer than a minute against Miss Tendou's champion, Morrigan. But really, I don't expect him to do more than stumble and falter again, as he blun--" "SATAN SATAN Everybody's friend!" Tarou blinked at being cut off. Sana had leapt atop the announcer's table and whipped out her Nori-Nori. "Oh good god, no," Tarou said, letting his head sink to the table. "I do *NOT* know this freak," he announced into his own microphone. "SATAN SATAN Everybody's friend!" Sana's rap machine echoed out, distorting and bending her words. Tarou beat his head against the table as Sana bopped across the table, oblivious to all and lost in song (if, in fact, it could be called that). To add injury to... well, more injury, the Nori-Nori kicked into overdrive. o/~ Satan is the greatest hero there ever was! So leap to your feet and cheer for just cause! Lunch is ready, fried tako! Satan's coming, everybody go! Apple, lemon, grape, peach, orange! Let's all hear how you will--- URK! o/~ "Look, I realize you are a complete idiot, but even you should know that 'orange' and 'urk' do not..." he trailed of as he turned to look at his co-announcer, so that he could berate her properly. The sight that met his eyes caused him to falter though. "Rhyme," he finished lamely. The sight that met his eyes was one that would give most anyone reason to double-take. It wasn't often that you saw a grade-school idol star and the leader of the largest religious organization in the world scrambling about the floor madly. But, that is exactly what was happening. Tarou shook his head, glancing back over his shoulder to confirm that, yes, the Popemobile *was* empty, and that *no*, he was not imagining Sana and Pope John Paul II wrestling for control of the microphone. The two were rolling around the floor, grabbing, tearing, shoving, and pretty much everything short of biting. Tarou sighed, glancing over to the control booth. Catching sight of Nabiki shaking her head, he sighed again, slumping back in his chair to wait for the pre-fight wrestling match to conclude. As confirmation, the bosslady's voice sounded in his headset. "His Holiness is a Satan fan. Go figure. Just let them scuffle for a bit... it's good for the ratings. And stop slouching!" Tarou straightened up instinctively, not wanting to upset the lady upstairs. Adopting his trademark smirk, he turned to watch the scuffle. He had to admit, for a senile eighty-year-old Polish guy, the Pope sure was getting in a few good solid blows. Eventually, the two broke apart, glaring at each other spitefully. The microphone was on the floor, half-way between the two of them. They both climbed to their feet, eyeing the other warily and circling the mic. "Ano..." Both Sana and the Pope turned to face the source of the interjection. Lain stood over them, holding her microphone out. "If you both wish to announce, it is perfectly all right with myself. I can refrain from commenting during this match." "Waaaaaaaaaaai!" the two combatants suddenly chirped, all hostilities forgotten. Happily, they settled into their seats and looked expectantly toward the entrance ramp. Tarou looked from one to the other, then scowled. "Anyway," Tarou said, dragging the focus of the cameras away from the not-at-all- embarrassed duo. "Let's try this again... music please?" The first few chords struck up again when the Pope leaped to his feet screaming out, "SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" And as one, the entire crowd started screaming loud enough to wake the dead. Which, some who were trying to do quiet meditation deep within the libraries of the Vatican would claim, is exactly what happened. Mr. Satan strode somewhat less-than-confidently down the ramp toward the ring. It was a bit paranoid, he admitted to himself, but still... it felt wrong, being named Satan and wandering into the heart of the Christian faith. It was just a wee bit sacrilegious, and rubbed him the wrong way. But the crowd did seem to be welcoming him... enthusiastically, even. Mr. Satan pulled himself up into the ring. He waved at the crowd, happy to see they were accepting him, if not supporting him outright. Signs were spread throughout the teeming masses of Ultra fans proclaiming "Satan 3:16 says 'Whoop demon ass'!" and "It's pronounced SA-TA-N!" Basking in the glow of adoration, Mr. Satan put his hands on his hips and allowed himself to pose just a bit. He beamed widely, waving to the fans. "And here he is, folks!" the Pope cried, bubbling with Sana-like levels of energy. "The one, the only! The Greatest! Miiiiiisteeeeeeer SATAN! That's right, people, tonight you will see the fist of righteousness rend that sinful harlot LIMB from frickin' LIMB!!" Glancing over at the announcer's table, Mister Satan blinked in confusion. That couldn't be the Pope, he thought, deciding that it was probably some lookalike, some publicity gag on Nabiki's part. But he did look awfully like the real thing. His train of thought was derailed when suddenly something hit him in the face. Reaching up, he pulled away the flimsy bit of cloth that had been thrown at him. He flinched when he recognized the silky panties for what they were and wheeled around, expecting to find the accursed temptress who was the most recent bane of his existence. Instead, his gaze fell upon a blushing nun in the front row, who was jumping up and down, clutching a sign that read "Steal *MY* Soul!". "Wai! He can steal my soul, too!" Sana chirped. Turning to address the camera, she continued, "But only if he returns it and adds in at *least* six percent interest, just like my manager, Rei-kun!" "Everybody loves Mr. Satan!" Pope John Paul II proclaimed. "It's just a sign of his wonderful wholesome afroey goodness!" "Oh, give it up, Popey," Tarou said, shaking his head. "Let's move away from this pathetic spectacle on to the *real* star of the evening, the Reigning Champion of Gamma... MORRIGAN... AENSLAND!" The low drumbeat of "Call Me Sexy Queen," Morrigan's signature music, kicked in as an impressive pyrotechnic display was set off, alighting fireworks and filling the entryway with thick smoke. Through the gray veil, a figure made itself visible to a booing audience. Gasps of shock and horror replaced the boos and jeers as the assorted bishops, priests, and nuns caught sight of the Gamma beltholder. As she passed by, the crosses and rosaries were whipped out en masse, held outstretched as though to ward off the ambient sensuality. The buxom and very sinfully-dressed succubus was very slowly making her way down the ramp and the aisle toward the ring. Granted, she was going as quickly as Wolverine's hands and knees would carry him, as she was riding his back, sidesaddle. The bestial fighter was fitted with reins and blinders. For her part, Morrigan had apparently not insisted that he wear a saddle. As he ambled down the aisle, the winged demoness smacked his bottom playfully with a riding crop. As they came up to ringside, Morrigan slipped from Wolverine's back and scratched the mutant behind his ears. She ducked down and rubbed her nose against his, cooing to him. "Now that's a GOOD boy. Yes, you are! Yes, you are!" Turning to face her opponent, Morrigan offered a predatory smile. "And as she enters, Morrigan lets everyone know exactly who is in charge," Tarou smirked. "The symbolism of her mastery over her fallen opponents should be plain even to someone as dimwitted as you," he said, speaking to Sana. "Feh," the Pope scoffed. He waved his hand dismissively at Morrigan. "She's a creature of Hell! She's gonna burn forever! GO MISTER SATAN!" "Waaaaaaaaaai!" Sana bubbled. "Sex and Violence and Big POOFY Hair!! What more do you need from a fight!" Tarou and the Pope exchanged worried glances, then turned their attention back to the ring. Morrigan leaped into the air, using her wings to carry her higher. Turning a graceful somersault at the zenith of her jump, she came down in the ring, directly in front of Mr. Satan. Reaching out, she ran her left hand across his muscled chest, teeth glinting in the light. "So how are we going to do it today, dear? Would you like to take it nice and slow, or just a quick tumble?" She looked up into his eyes and licked her lips hungrily. "Or shall we stop playing hard-to-get and just get it on?" ][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT 1.0 MATCH #3 ][ MR. SATAN vs. MORRIGAN AENSLAND ][ FIGHT!! Mr. Satan scowled in response. He pushed Morrigan away roughly, then turned his shoulder to her. He was still watching her warily, unsure of what tricks she might have up her sleeve. Morrigan sniffled theatrically. "Are you trying to say you don't like me?" Morrigan pouted, hurt plain in her voice, but not in her demeanor. "No," Mr. Satan said through gritted teeth. Much as he hated to admit it, there was nothing but enmity in his heart for the... person in front of him. She was the one who mocked and teased him, and insulted the memory of his dearly departed wife. "I don't like you." Morrigan merely raised an eyebrow in response. She slowly raised her index finger to her lip, tugging down in a thoughtful pose. "Why, then... I have to wonder," she started, her voice dripping with overacted innocent sincerity. She turned the cuteness up to near-Lilith levels before going on. "What this was all about?" She snapped her fingers, and the Ultratron flashed to life. On the screen, the fuzzy image of Mr. Satan's door appeared. It looked to be filmed on a camcorder, from the quality of the picture. From the left, a young man in a brown uniform stepped up to the door. Checking the room number against the one on his clipboard, he nodded. He stepped off-camera for a second and then returned. There was the vague sight of a large package being set down out of the camera's eye, but it was in the corner of the screen, and hard to make out. Stepping up to the door, the delivery boy knocked smartly three times. Almost in response, the door snapped open, halting only when the chain- lock drew taut. The unsuspecting delivery boy jumped back, obviously not expecting such a response. An eye peered out through the doorway at the delivery boy, down at the floor at the as-yet-unseen package, then back at the delivery boy. The delivery boy tugged nervously at his collar. "Ummm... I have a package for a... Mr. Santa. Is he there?" The door closed. The sound of a chain rattling was heard, and then the door opened fully. Mr. Satan stepped out into the hallway, peering left and right anxiously. Satisfied no one was around, he turned back to the boy and nodded. "Yeah, that's, ah, me. Santa. Right. Where do I sign?" The boy handed him the clipboard and indicated the requisite dotted lines. As Mr. Satan signed in triplicate, the boy bent over and picked up the package and held it up for the camera to see in all its glory. "Here you go, Sir. One de-luxe life-sized Morrigan plushie! Guaranteed to keep you company on all of your lonely nigh-- URK!" he said, cut off by Mr. Satan clamping his massive hands over the boy's mouth. "Keep your voice down!" he hissed, grabbing the plushie. Looking around nervously, he disappeared back into his room as the image faded out. Morrigan grinned slyly as she turned back to the furiously blushing Greatest Hero. "Why, Satan darling... it would seem that you *DO* like me!" she exclaimed, sauntering over and plastering herself to his chest. Ignoring his mumbled protests and walking her fingers lazily up his arm, she cooed into his ear softly (but loud enough for the microphones to pick up). "Why don't we both just forget this whole thing, you go ahead and forfeit the match, and then we can go back to my place for a... nightcap?" Mr. Satan shivered. Something was stirring deep within him, something he hadn't felt in a long while. Distant echos of the past, yearnings for the forbidden pleasures offered by the delectable morsel of womanhood who was all-too-willing to yield herself up to him. His resolve slowly breaking down, his lower lip began to tremble. Dare he actually-- "Say it ain't so!" a voice cried out from the audience. Satan blinked. "Say it ain't so!" another voice chimed out. Mr. Satan turned to see the shocked visage of none other than the Pope himself. He looked down, into the audience. *His* audience. His fans. "Say it ain't so!" the crowd called out, as one. The audience staring up at him in shock and dismay, not wanting to believe that their hero was guilty of such... base acts and impure lusts. He felt sick to his stomach, letting his head drop in shame. How could he have let himself stray? The fight hadn't even started, and Morrigan was already winning, had already defeated him. "No," he said. He shook his head. "No." Raising his head and a clenched fist, he repeated himself a third time. "NO!" He turned to look out over the crowds of Mr. Satan fans. "Do you honestly believe what she's saying? That I actually lust after her?" The crowd responded with a hearty "HELL NO!" "That's right! This... foul temptess is filled with lies and deceit, and if for no other reason, *that*!" he stated, turning back to face the succubus, "is why I must strike you down with great vengeance. Am I right?" The entire crowd leaped to its feet, screaming and cheering. At the announcers' table, Sana and the Pope were bouncing up and down, somehow managing not to get entangled with their microphone cables. "Well, if you *must* be that way," Morrigan said, slumped her shoulders in defeat. "I guess I'll have to resort to this." Suddenly, she favored Mr. Satan with a triumphant grin. Bringing her fingers up to her mouth, she wolf-whistled loudly. "Get him, boy!" she shouted. Mr. Satan had barely enough time to register her words before he was flung to the side, a heavy weight blindsiding him. Tumbling to the edge of the ring, Satan reached up to grab ahold of the ropes. He picked himself up off the floor and and looked up. Wolverine stood in the middle of the ring, atavistic rapture plain on his otherwise vacant face. Hunkered over bestially, he slowly advanced on Satan, hands held out low. A thin trail of spittle hung from the corner of his jaw. Mr. Satan glanced around the ring. Morrigan had flown up to the opposite post. Wolverine was getting closer. Thankfully, he hadn't extended his claws yet, but that was only a matter of time. There really wasn't much time to do anything, except... "Satan Puuuuuuuuunch!" he shouted, launching himself suddenly forward, directly at Wolverine. He was gambling that he'd catch the mutant off- guard, and his bet paid off. His fist connected, burying itself into Wolverine's gut. The mutant had obviously not expected Satan to make the first move, and especially not in so dramatic a fashion, and so was flung limply back against the ropes. Wolverine straightened up, grinning ferally as he held his hands out again. Silver glinted under the lights of the arena as he extended his claws. Snarling loudly, he lunged at Mr. Satan, blades flashing cruelly as he slashed and swiped at his opponent. Satan fell back against the onslaught, dodging and ducking as he could, trying to avoid being rendered into shredded bits of Hero. Tarou glanced over at Sana. The hyperactive child actress had gone dumb, mesmerized by the fight before her and hopehopehoping to see flying chunks of bloody flesh. He chuckled despite himself. "Why, I don't think we've seen such gleeful carnage since the last Crusade, wouldn't you agree, John Paul?" The wizened pontiff glared at Tarou for a half-second before reaching over and smacking him soundly across the back of the head. "This is wrestling," he said matter-of-factly. He turned back to the fight in front of him. "This is more important." In the ring, Morrigan was laughing loudly, whooping it up for the audience as the two men danced about, one on the attack, one on the retreat. Satan was so preoccupied with avoiding Wolverine's claws that he'd only been able to counter a handful of times. Of course, in exchange, his skin had managed to remain unpierced, a fact that Satan was rather grateful for. Wolverine was getting frustrated, he could tell... There was no reason or strategy to his attacks, just constant lunging and swiping and slashing. The fact that he hadn't connected yet only served to make him angrier, more furious, more deadly. Satan steeled himself as Wolverine flew toward him again, his arms spread wide to sweep inward with his claws. Timing the impact just right, Satan darted forward and grabbed ahold of both of Wolverine's wrists, using his superior strength to hold the struggling mutant in check. Of course, his leverage left much to be desired, and it was only a matter of time before the mutant broke free. Morrigan looked up from where she was busy filing her nails. She frowned as she saw Wolverine hadn't managed to rip Mr. Satan into itty bitty pieces, although admittedly, there was a little (big!) part of her that wanted him to remain in one piece, so that she could enjoy him at her own leisure. "C'mon, Wolverine," she shouted. "Finish him! Or you won't get any... treats tonight!" Wolverine surged forward with renewed strength, knocking Mr. Satan to the mats. His wild eyes met Mr. Satan's as he stepped forward, filling the older man with fear. Wolverine lowered a claw, holding it just under Satan's chin. "Submit, Satan!" Morrigan called out. "Just say the word and I'll call him off. Hold your tongue... and you won't last long enough to regret it!" She hopped down from the post and sauntered over, placing a hand on Wolverine's shoulder. "Good boy," she said, scratching the mutant's back. Satan gulped. "N-n-never!" he shouted, wincing inwardly, but keeping a stiff upper lip. If he was going to go out, it would be proud, not cowering in fear. Wolverine growled happily, raising his other hand to deal the killing blow... And suddenly a bolt of blue shot out from the crowd, knocking Wolverine's hand back, away from Mr. Satan. Taking advantage of the confusion, Mr. Satan scrambled back and rose to his feet. Wolverine howled mournfully, holding his injured hand in front of him. Morrigan turned away from where she was scanning the crowd to look at him, gasping at what she saw. Wolverine's entire lower arm had been frosted over. "Prepare for trouble!" a male voice proclaimed. "And... ummm... make it double?" a female one seconded, slightly embarrassed. "Do we have to do this?" she whined. A spotlight suddenly illuminated the source of the voices. James and Sakura stood at ringside, powerposing mightily after stepping out from the crowd. James sweatdropped and turned to Sakura. "Yes, we do, Sakura... Contractual obligations and all. Don't ask," he hissed. Resuming his pose, he continued with his recitation. "To protect the world from devasta... Oh, screw it. Eat frost, demon!" James jammed back on the trigger to his ice gun, ready to rain glowing frosty doom upon Morrigan. He squeezed off three shots, one hitting each of the three people in the ring. "Sorry about that!" James called out to Mr. Satan, who was staring in shock at his frozen moustache. Luckily for him, neither Wolverine nor Morrigan were in a position to take advantage of his distracted state, as they'd taken injuries of their own -- Wolverine's left arm again, and Morrigan's left side. "Wai!" Sakura chirped before opening fire herself. "Well, well, well... it's getting a bit chilly on stage, but the action is only heating up! Wouldn't you agree, Tarou m'boy?" the Pope asked him. "Why, the only thing rising faster than the crowd's heartbeats are Morrigan's nipples!" Tarou turned his head slowly and just *glared* at the pontiff. Pope John Paul II giggled and pointedly turned back to the stage, where Wolverine was busy leaping all around the ring, trying to avoid James and Sakura's blasts. Morrigan was trying to keep Mr. Satan between herself and the armed assailants, as flying into the air would do nothing but mark her as a big, busty target. "Oh-hoho!" the Pope laughed uproariously. Grinning, he elbowed Tarou in the side. "What was that you said about carnage?" Standing up, he cupped his hands around his mouth. "GO SATAAAAAA--" he shouted, before being rudely interrupted by a stray shot striking him in the chest and freezing him over. "Ooopsie!" James called out in apology, before turning his attention back to Wolverine. He squeezed off three more rapid shots, finally hitting the mutant's legs and waist, immobilizing the nimble fighter. The distraction of Wolverine dealt with, Morrigan stood little chance as Mr. Satan advanced upon her, locking his arms around hers in a full-nelson. Sakura finished the job, hosing the succubus down with a stream of icy bliss. A look of something approaching vindictive anger flashed across Mr. Satan's face as he studied Morrigan. With a shrug, he turned to the audience and smiled widely. He reached out a finger and flicked the block of ice that imprisoned the succubus, knocking it to the ground for the requisite ten-count. "SUUUUUGOI!" Sana shouted, as the ref held Mr. Satan's arm up in victory. The assembled masses roared even louder, the echos building and crescendoing, and then building again. The medical technicians hurried out to the ring to escort Morrigan and Wolverine from center stage, and to offer Mr. Satan a heating pad. Tarou scowled as he turned to face the camera. "And we'll be back, folks, as soon as we get the Pope thawed out." He stuck his thumb over his shoulders, where the ice-encased pontiff was being hauled off on a hand truck. "But first, let's take a look at the standings." _Shermie____ | |---_Jessie_____ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---___???______ | | | |---_Tifa_______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___???______ | | |---_Mr._Satan__ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---___???______| | | |---___???______| _Shingo_____| * * * * * "Hieeeee! This is Sana welcoming you back to UltraREBOOT! Stick around, 'cause our next match is the final first round match of the Internet Championship! And don't forget, we're waiting for the announcement of the fight card for our next PPV, UltraRage Epsilon! There's sure to be more fun, excitement and previews of the newest people chosen to be mangled and maimed in the ring!" Tarou continued, "In this match, Shingo Yabuki, the only male I've seen change clothes more often than a shopping-crazy woman in a department store, will be fighting Akane Tendou." Lain remarked, "Shingo's... been training hard, I'm sure. I hope he does well." Tarou sniffed. "Him? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag that had holes at both ends. Costume-boy doesn't even belong here." Sana piped up, "But wasn't he the Gamma champion for a while?" Tarou retorted, "So was Hibiki. ANYONE can be the Gamma champion if they're lucky." Sana motioned for Tarou to hush. "Enough about that, the fight's about to begin! The contenders are coming out now from their respective ends of the Basilica! Let's hear it for Shingo, Akane and VIOLENCE! YEAH!" ][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT 1.0 MATCH #4 ][ AKANE TENDOU VS. SHINGO YABUKI ][ FIGHT! Shingo inclined his head towards Akane. "Good evening, Akane." Akane bowed slightly in return. "Good evening, Shingo." She settled into a defensive stance. "Ready?" Shingo leaned side to side, stretching his back and legs. "Ready for a fight... well, no. A match, yes. See, Akane, I really don't want to fight you. I have absolutely no reason to." Akane nodded. "I'd rather not beat up someone who's a friend to a friend of mine." "Any idea how we can settle this without too much violence?" Akane shrugged. "How about a sparring match? No ki attacks, no special stuff like that, just straight martial arts. We can use the Gamma one-fall rule if that makes you comfortable." Shingo agreed. "Sure. First to fall surrenders?" Akane indicated that he was correct with a swift nod. "Well then, how about I make things a bit more comfortable for you? "Huh?" "Shingo power, henshin! Form of... TENDOU!" Shingo whirled around in a 360 and faced Akane once more. Though this time it wasn't Shingo Yabuki who faced her; it was her father. Shingo's head abruptly grew ten times in size. "Young lady, get back to your training!" he yelled. "How do you expect to take over the dojo if you don't train?!" Akane giggled. "That's a pretty good impression of Father you did there. Have you met him?" Shingo shook his now normal-sized head. "No, but Ranma told me about him a little while I was training under him." Akane smiled. "Can you do another? You're pretty good." Shingo looked through his notes momentarily, then decided on another form. "Shingo power, henshin! Form of... SAOTOME!" Shingo swirled around again to reveal that he had changed his appearance to that of Ranma Saotome. "And just what are *you* lookin' at, ya uncute tomboy?" Shingo-Ranma said. "Baka!" Akane shouted as she reached back for a mallet... then she realized that she agreed to use simply martial arts in the match. "Um, I mean, good job, Shingo! Do another!" "WAHHHH! This is boring! They're not drawing blood or spilling guts or even throwing a punch! BOO!" Sana yelled, a fierce look in her eye. Tarou remarked, "I've seen snail races more exciting than this. Maybe it's just a plan by Akane to keep Shingo busy for a while and she'll whack him while he's distracted, but somehow I doubt it. She's too nice." Sana glared at Tarou. "Well, tell her not to be nice. I want to see violence! I want to see someone get hurt! Or lots of someones!" Sana heard a familiar voice from over her shoulder. "Just wait a minute. Thunder Thighs will be in pain momentarily. Count on it." As Sana spun around to see the source of the voice, she caught a brief glimpse of a camouflaged young man disappearing behind a pillar. Meanwhile, Shingo had decided on his next trick. "Shingo power, henshin! Form of... HIROSHI!" Akane facefaulted. Shingo explained, "Well, he was a fighter at one time." The only qualities Shingo lacked were the red eyes and pale hair traditionally associated with NERV clones. He took a deep breath to attempt his impersonation of Hiroshi's most famous move. "Are you ready for some Ultraaaaa--*cough cough*" Okay, so he was missing the lung capacity and the loud voice, too. Akane gave him a clap of the hands for trying, though. Shingo hastily apologized, saying, "Here, let me try another one! Shingo power, henshin! Form of... KUNOU!" Shingo produced a bokken from somewhere in addition to his quick-change outfit's instant switch to Tatewaki Kunou's traditional garb. "Ah, the lovely Akane Tendou! I would date with thee!" Akane frowned. "Good impression, Shingo, but someone I'd care to forget about right now. Besides, if you fought me looking like that I'd be inspired to give you all I've got. Got any others?" Shingo quickly decided on his next form. "Shingo power, henshin! Form of... TAROU!" Akane now stood in view of the real Pantyhose Tarou, sitting at the announcer's table, and a pretty good copy directly in front of her. Tarou shot out of his seat. "HEY! Get back to your own form, you pathetic excuse for a fighter! You're already on my nerves because you sided with that spiky-haired, immature freak who couldn't run a lemonade stand without losing money. You DON'T want me after you personally as well. Trust me." He clenched a fist for emphasis. Shingo reverted to his own garb and Tarou sat down. Nabiki's voice came through his headset, saying, "Calm down a little, Tarou. We don't want the fans siding with CHAOS because of you flying off the handle and beating up Shingo, do we?" Tarou shook his head. "I thought not. Now get back to announcing. Feel free to needle, but don't punk him in public." "Yes, Miss Tendou," Tarou whispered. He turned to Sana. "Who's costume-boy gonna turn into next?" "I hope he does Iori again! That Iori guy has some sharp nails! He draws lots and lots and lots of juicy red BLOOD!" Sana cheered. "...you're even more disturbing than loudmouth was. Back to the match. Costume-boy's looking through his notes for yet another change, and it seems that the fans as well as the other announcers are getting bored." Indeed, the Spanish announcers were so bored that they had fallen dead asleep at the table. Unfortunately for them, their impromptu pillow broke beneath their heads and the two announcers fell forward out of their chairs. Shingo furiously sped through his notes for someone, anyone else to change into. Finally he spotted his next choice. He checked his book one last time before announcing, "Shingo power, henshin!" He looked up and dropped his jaw. "MARLO!" Akane waited for a moment, then turned her head sideways, confused. "You don't look like Marlo, Shingo. I don't think you did it right." Shingo pointed furiously behind Akane. "No, I mean Marlo! Look out behind you!" Marlo Semaj, furious at his earlier loss, had snuck up behind Akane and now held a sofa over his head, poised to strike. As soon as Akane faced him, he dropped the blow on Akane's head, knocking her to the ground. "I wanted to let you see who it was who had beaten you," Marlo coldly remarked. He placed the sofa over Akane's body and jumped on top of it a couple times for good measure, then turned to face the crowd. "Didja miss me, everyone? The Furnityre Savior is back once again, this time to prevent this rabble of the tournament from advancing beyond where she deserved to be!" Marlo accentuated his exclamation with another jump on the sofa. "I don't even understand why she's here! The only person she's ever fought is me. The only reason she was brought in was to contest with me. She has no record, no reputation and worst of all, no skill!" Marlo punctuated the last word with a forceful kick to the sofa cushion he was soapboxing from. "Which would you, the fans rather have? A fighter with skill, a fighter with guts or a fighter who causes earthquakes with every step she takes and stops trains just by sticking one of her thunder thighs in the way?" Marlo waved his arm dramatically in the air as he continued, "*I* am the Hardcore master! I will be taking my belt back at UltraRage Epsilon, and I will never lose it to this unskilled tomboy or anyone like her again!" "Haven't you had enough of hearing yourself talk?" Marlo turned. "Huh? Who said that?" Shingo waved his hand. "Get off the sofa, Marlo." "And what if I don't?" Marlo asked as he jumped up, landing with his elbow driven into the sofa which still trapped Akane. Shingo stretched his legs. "Or I'll remove you from the sofa myself. Get off. NOW." "Okay, okay, if that's the way you want it." Marlo stood up, stepped away from the heavily bruised and unconscious Akane, picked up the sofa and held it in front of him menacingly. "Bring it, Mr. Righteous. I can handle you." Shingo bent his knees in preparation. "OBORO GURUMA MIKANSEI!" Shingo flew up into the air toward Marlo, left leg extended. While still rising, he spun around and kicked out his right leg. Marlo raised the sofa to block Shingo, deciding to stay on the ground and let Shingo, who was on course to clear Marlo by a good four or five feet, go over his head. What Marlo wasn't counting on was Shingo stopping in the middle of his arc and crashing to the ground. The result was an embarrassed Shingo with his face planted in the sofa, which was resting with Marlo crushed rather painfully beneath. Shingo got up, shook his head to clear his vision and gave the crowd a thumbs up. "Yosh!" "...and once again through incredible dumb luck and a fumbled move, Shingo wins the match." Tarou turned to Lain. "Who's he fight next, again?" Lain looked at Navi and motioned for the current card. It appeared in big bright letters overhead, so people could easily see the winners of the first round and the big pathetic losers. Well, that's what Sana was calling them, anyways. _Shermie____ | |---_Jessie_____ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---___???______ | | | |---_Tifa_______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___???______ | | |---_Mr._Satan__ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---___???______| | | |---_Shingo_____| _Shingo_____| "Mr. Satan," Lain redundantly replied. Tarou rolled his eyes. "Can someone get a tranquilizer or some blinders down here? I don't even want to WATCH that match. Overhyped wuss with a heart of gold and a head of ugly hairstyle takes on our champion of changing. Shoot me now." "WAI!" Sana said. "Anyone have a gun I can do it with? Can I shoot you through a big vein or artery so more blood will come out?" Tarou snapped, "I didn't mean... oh, never mind. This is Tarou for Ultra. We'll be back after these messages." * * * * * It was a sunny happy shiny pleasant day in the GeoFront of Tokyo-3. The birds were singing, the sun was filtering nicely through the redirection windows in the ceiling, and below, near the rear entrance of Central Dogma, a bunch of random guards were getting their throats cut by Shadowlaw storm troopers. This was followed by a series of crimson portals popping open out of thin air and disgorging several tanks, mortars, and equipment carriers more suited to moving space shuttles than anything else. Then the shelling started. As Shadowlaw's troops stormed Tokyo-3, ripples spread outward. Other alarms beside the klaxons within Central Dogma rang warnings. * * * * * The nerve center of Heaven is, compared to the Ultradome, a very quiet place. Of course, when compared with the Ultradome, the trading floor of the stock exchange is blissfully silent. But you get the idea. As you descend into the lower basements and sub-basements of Heaven, things only get quieter. Very rarely is someone seen down here - a soul or two who's wandered way off course, the occasional angel on some ineffable mission from God. Down, down, down... to the very bottom of Heaven. In the lowest sub-basement, thousands of feet below the main area of Heaven's control center, buried deep behind pipe and conduit and wire and I-beam, lies the heart of the great supercomputer, Yggdrasil. The diameter of its base is larger than any major city, and it extends to depths unknown. This massive technological wonder is composed of enough transistors that a human mind would melt if it attempted to conceive of the sheer number. The job of this monstrous mechanical brain? Very, very simple. Contain the rules that make the universe the way it is, and enforce them on reality. In order to achieve this, Yggdrasil must be able to monitor an innumerable number of factors at the same time. Of course, that's merely a cursory monitoring. Millions of circuits lay dormant, waiting for the sign that meant a certain event needs a more thorough observation, and probably the attention of one of the goddesses. All of a sudden a LED flashed. A pause, and another flash. Then the little light came on solidly. Within 2.3756 nanoseconds, Yggdrasil had switched its attentions and begun a total investigation of a single event. Another 3.67455 nanoseconds, and the signal had been sent to the main level of Heaven's control. Of course, since Urd was asleep at the main terminal, the soft beeping went unnoticed for about 10 minutes. So much for efficiency. Belldandy's whap on the table, however, was quite efficient at waking Urd up. "Urd! What do you think you're doing?" The goddess of the past yawned, stretched, and blinked a few times. "Sleeping. Why do you ask?" "Because you're supposed to be watching the monitor! It's your shift!" "But Belldandy," Urd whined. "It's so BORING." She crossed her arms. "Besides, nothing ever happens." The beeping chose that moment to get about 70 decibels louder, which drew both the goddesses' attentions. As well as those of other important personae in Heaven... "What's all that racket?" The door to God's office opened, and Lina, Goddess of All creation, walked out, wincing at the noise, Gourry following behind Her. Belldandy yanked the chair out from under Urd (which caused the white-haired goddess to fall ungracefully on her butt) and sat down at the terminal. "We're not sure. Just a moment." A few quick keystrokes later, the goddess of the present turned back to her boss. "It looks like Tokyo 3 is being attacked. There's been a massive number of portals opening into it for the last half an hour. Lina looked thoughtful. "Can you give me more details?" She reached up and rubbed Her temples, adding, "And can you shut that blasted alarm off?" "Sure. Just a moment." The clickety-clack of computer keys continued for a minute or two, and then the blessed silence returned to the room. Belldandy looked up. "It appears that M. Bison is waging an all-out attack on Tokyo-3." Urd blinked. "That's all?" "What do you mean, Urd?" Lina asked. "Me being God and all, I have to know these things." "Sure, sure, but it's not really a big enough deal for Yggdrasil to give an alarm like that." Belldandy spoke up from where she'd been furiously typing. "She's right. That's not the only problem." Sighing, Lina gestured and a Lay-Z-Boy appeared behind Her. "Why are things never that simple?" She muttered as She sat down. "Comes with the job, Lina-sama." Belldandy continued to type madly, then suddenly gasped. "I... I don't believe it." Continuing to rub Her temples, Lina sighed. "What's the bad news, Belldandy?" Belldandy turned around. She looked pale. "There's more than just a Shadowlaw invasion going on here. Gendo Ikari's going to start something called 'Third Impact.'" A short pause enveloped the room for a time. "Er - and what's that?" Belldandy turned back to the terminal. "According to Yggdrasil, it's the beginnings of a program that will ... well, all of the souls of the universe are collected together into one organism and that being is able to reshape the universe as he or she fits." Another pause. "What?" Gourry thoughtfully added. Belldandy sighed. "Everything dies." "Not while I'm God." Lina stood up, and the chair disappeared. "I've let Gendo get away with far too much. It's time I went and talked to him directly." Lina started to walk off as if to teleport, but was immediately stopped by Skuld. "Hold on one second, Lina-sama. We can't have you going down there," the goddess of the future said. Lina crossed Her arms and looked like She was ready to knock Skuld into the next room, but she stood her ground. "We don't know what the effects could be if you were at the center of Third Impact, and we can't take that risk." Lina looked puzzled. "What do you mean, 'risk'? I'm God, dammit! And if I want to go and stop this 'Third Impact', I'll do it!" "Skuld's right, Lina-sama," said Belldandy quietly. "And furthermore..." Belldandy trailed off as she typed some more commands in, "You can't even be involved in Third Impact." "WHAT?" Lina yelled. "It looks like God can't get anywhere near Third Impact once it starts. So if you're at the center when Third Impact starts..." Belldandy stopped speaking for a second and resumed in a very quiet voice. "You might be destroyed." A quizzical look covered God's face (not something you see every day, to be sure.) "How does THAT work? I'm God, after all. What keeps me from being there? And how would I be destroyed?" "Um... er..." Belldandy stammered as he fingers flew over the keys. "I can't tell. Skuld, would you give me a hand with this?" Skuld nodded, sat down, and tapped a few keys. "Here it is," Skuld said as her eyes lit up. "It's a command executed by the Will of a previous God. You can't go against it." "So why can't I go down there? I'm God too! And every bit as Godlike as they were!" Lina struck a semi-dramatic pose as the three goddesses sweatdropped slightly. Belldandy floated over. "It's simple, Lina-sama. God's will is absolute. If God wills something to be done, than it is done. After all, God wouldn't will something be done if He wanted to undo it later." Lina glared at Belldandy, before turning back around. "Oh, this is just perfect. I can't get anywhere near this stupid thing once it starts. I'd better make sure it doesn't start then." Lina once again started to teleport, only to stop when she felt Gourry's hand on her shoulder. "Don't do it, Lina." Lina blinked. Twice. "And why the hell not, Gourry? I can't just let the WORLD end, now, can I?" Lina screamed, stomping Her foot angrily. "Because it's too risky," he replied. "Of COURSE it's risky, Gourry!" Lina said, pulling away. "But when have I ever ran away from a fight just because it's 'risky'?" She started walking out the door. Belldandy spoke up once more, "Ever since it was your responsibility to billions to manage their universe." Lina stopped dead in her tracks, and sighed. "Damn it all to hell, you're right." Lina said, turning to the goddesses and Gourry. "I can't go down there and leave the universe without a God." Lina looked thoughtful for a second. "Now, what about Cloud?" "Well, it seems to be an assumption that Satan wouldn't have any interest in interrupting the end of the world, so he could go to Tokyo-3 during Third Impact." "So he has no reason not to. Just perfect. Cloud can run around and cause the end of the world and I can't stop him." Lina stopped. "Or maybe I can. Skuld, would there be any way I could make sure Cloud can't get anywhere near Tokyo-3?" Skuld looked up, surprised, and scanned her computer screen. "Yes. You could make a small shield so that Cloud can't get into Tokyo-3. But that would take up all your concentration and energy." Skuld looked back at Lina. "You sure you want to do that?" Lina nodded and smiled. "Yeah. That's exactly what I'll do. But first, let's get my forces together. Urd?" Lina looked over at the goddess of the past. "URD!" Urd tumbled from her new chair onto the floor as she was awakened by Lina's yell. "Hai, Lina-sama?" "Get everyone together. You're going to Tokyo-3." * * * * * In a small chamber of black stone, beneath the great fortress of Hell, Cloud sat down to dinner. Spread before the two set places, a fine dinner was spread. And at Cloud's left hand, a row of objects, resting on a setting of black satin. Cloud gazed sullenly across the table to the figure opposite. "Aerith..." he began, "We can be so happy together... You and me, forever, souls intertwining." A shadow of some internal anguish passed over his face. "BUT NO! YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH *HER*!" he exploded. "Lina, Lina, Lina... Her brainwashing is poisoning you, still ripping at you, taking your heart back to her..." He paused, selecting a few long needles from the pallet at his side. He stood, moving around to the bondage cross on the far side of the table. "I'll bring you back to me..." Cloud hissed, as if the thought brought him pleasure. He reached, grasping one of Aerith's wings, the badge of her place in Heaven. "Xelloss showed me the way I can re-educate you, help you come back to me, thank me for everything I do. No matter what I have to do. With fire, with hooks, with razors and acid... By murder, by torture, by war and genocide..." Tears burned down Aerith's cheeks, as Cloud touched the needles to one of her wings, dimpling the feathered flesh. "I'll bring you back to me. No matter what." Aeris braced herself for the imminent pain. "I won't renounce God, Cloud. Not even for you." "Yes, you will, Aerith," Cloud sighed. "Yes, you will. I'll make you love me more than God yet." Cloud tensed, ready to drive the needles home. "Good show, my boy. After a few weeks of demonstration, you've taken to showing Aerith how much you care swimmingly." Cloud jumped, the instruments falling from his fingers as his hands, as always, went to the hilt of his sword. Leaning against the door frame on the far side of the room, Xelloss smiled at the proceedings. Seeing that it was only Xelloss, Cloud turned, hunting for the tools he had dropped. "I thought I said Aerith and I were not to be disturbed, Xelloss," said Cloud as he knelt to pick up his needles. "We want to be alone for a while." "Yes, yes," Xelloss said. "But I came down here to tell you about this wonderful opportunity that's just fallen into our laps. And after hearing your words of devotion, I just know you'll jump at the chance." "But--," Cloud tried to interject. "Ah, ah, ah," Xelloss interrupted, smiling. "After all... 'anything for Aerith,' right?" * * * * * The hell hound sprinted across the basalt plain, black flames licking up from the paw marks left in its wake. The canine beast glanced over its shoulder, searching for the hunter that pursued it. Glimpsing the monster that hunted it, the hell hound surged forward. Moments later, hoping it had outpaced the greater evil, the demon dog ducked into a small canyon, hoping for an opportunity to hide from its pursuer. Slinking between the rocks below, the hell hound found a place full of as much shadow as the flat red skies allowed and hid itself. Seconds ticked by, offering only the distant sounds of crackling flames and the screams of the damned. The hell hound slunk forward from its hiding place, sniffing the air and dripping the occasional acidic spittle on the rocky ground. As the creature stepped forward, the canyon darkened perceptibly. The last thing the demon saw as it looked up was a massive shadow with four glowing eyes, and a long red arm that swiftly reached down, smashing the hell hound into a red pulp. After scooping up the remains of her prey, Asuka lifted herself from her crouching position above the canyon. The Evangelion straightened, cracking open its mouth, displaying a forest of fangs. Raising its prize to its jaws, the EVA snaked out a long red tongue, which coiled about, then dragged the crushed remains of the hell hound into Asuka's maw. Asuka screamed her triumph to Hell's ruddy skies, the blood of her fallen foe running from her jaws, staining the veined and chitinous plates of her red armor. Her exultation was followed by polite clapping. "Bravo, Asuka-chan," praised Xelloss. "An excellent show, wouldn't you say, Cloud?" The Devil looked at Xelloss blankly for a moment before adding his own lackluster applause. "Uh... yes, nice work." The bio-mechanical giant that towered above them melted, red flesh and armor bubbling. The great beast collapsed in a fountain of blood, like a time-lapse movie of a melting candle, flashes of purple organs and white bones appearing through the mess. The whole thing took only a few seconds. Kneeling before the Lord of Hell and the trickster-priest, Asuka puked forth a pool of black blood and vomit before rising to one knee and wiping her mouth on the sleeve of her plugsuit. "My lord..." she said, inclining her head toward Cloud. Xelloss tilted his head to one side and regarded the red-haired EVA pilot. "I say... Asuka-chan, the new look really suits you. The plugsuit was nice, but this really improves on it." Asuka stood and posed for her audience. "Of course! Our master's realm gives power to his favored servants." The plugsuit Asuka had worn was changed, the slick high-tech bodysuit having mutated into a kind of scabby, crusty yet form-fitting armor, covered in serrated ridges and veins. "And not only is it powerful, naturally I look great in it! I'll show them that I'm better than all of them! I'll make them bleed for making me their doll! Commander Ikari, Rei, Shinji, Lina and her loud-mouth bitch... All of them." "That, my dear," said Xelloss, as he slid up and slung an arm over Asuka's shoulder. "Is exactly what we wanted to hear." * * * * * "It begins." Sephiroth stood from the seat he had occupied in his room at the Ultradome. The world was about to end, and Lina was sending forces to stop it. Naturally, the so-called leader of hell, that spiky-haired amnesiac with a head that contained less mass than the object he was named after, would send forces of his own as well, since neither he nor the current false God could interfere directly. The silver-tressed bishounen rubbed his hands together and stretched his legs. This would be fun. Sephiroth teleported away from the Ultradome and found a quiet spot in a barren portion of land to prepare for his journey. "Angel Wing," he softly intoned. The silver and black mecha obligingly appeared in front of him. Sephiroth floated up to the entrance hatch and was about to enter when he was interrupted by a loud scream. "Sephy-kuuuun! Wait for me!" B-ko Daitokuji implored, running toward him in one of her traditional body-suits. "Why did you come here?" Sephiroth flatly asked. B-ko looked a bit hurt. "Hey! I want to be here to make sure Angel Wing works well for you! And remember, I have a lot more experience piloting mecha than you do, so if you have any questions, ask me. After all, I *am* the best pilot there is!" B-ko gave Sephiroth a big smile. "Besides, haven't you noticed?" "...noticed?" B-ko sighed. Some men were SO dense. "Never mind. Where are we going?" Sephiroth got into his pilot's chair and settled in. "To Tokyo-3, the home of the Evangelion. The situation allows me to take an advantage." "You? Don't you mean us?" "Certainly. Perhaps if I am harried by both sides in this conflict, you may assist me by keeping one at bay temporarily while I push onward in claiming what is mine." "Wai! I'll be sure to do my best for you, Sephy-chan!" Sephiroth nodded to B-ko and said, "It's time to depart. This opportunity must not be allowed to slip away while we talk." B-ko smiled again, giving Sephiroth a thumbs-up before the two of them went through a portal to Tokyo-3, side by side in their respective mecha. * * * * * There's always something hidden deep inside a person, something they never want to admit to the world. More often than not, they don't want to admit it to themselves, either; with a concerted effort, the existence of that niggling awareness can be completely ignored, buried away in the depths of the subconscious. When events occur that demonstrate its existence, though, all previous efforts quickly prove worthless. What Jessie was realizing, as she massaged her aching muscles and bandaged her scrapes, was that she really didn't like setting out on her own. She waited nervously in the shadows between the stands, the cheers of all those above her pressing down on her. All her mind could focus on was next week's fight. She'd known that they'd face the Disciples again, eventually, and had dreaded it. Team Rocket had a talent for survival, and to survive, they had to know when they were outclassed. They were outclassed next week. And she was outclassed here. A glance across the ring, towards the other side of the ellipsoid plaza, showed the figure of her opponent. Tifa was cloaked in similar shadows, her dark form visible against the white marble columns behind. She was shadow boxing, her metal plated-boot striking out at an imaginary opponent. Not that the plate was visible at that distance. Jessie had a very good memory of it, though, from watching it be used on James. It had made her wince then; it terrified her, now. She couldn't tag out if she needed to, Tifa had already proven her tenacity and unwillingness to go easy on her opponents, and even with a broken arm, she was still one of the best fighters around... A soft pressure against her ankle drew her attention, and she glanced down at Pikachu. "What do you want?" The question came out perhaps more sharply than she should have let it, considering the need she might have for the pokemon, but she didn't care. "Pika?" it queried, pointing to the heavy-gauge chain behind her. The links fell with a chorus of heavy clanks as Pikachu poked the pile, looking curiously up at its new trainer. She sighed and shook her head. "Thanks, but no." She ignored Pikachu's dour expression -- apparently, looking like it was actually being helpful hadn't been the plan -- and continued. "This just isn't fair! I keep going up against people who have nothing better to do than punch sandbags for fun... don't these people realize some of us have had better ways to spend our lives?" "Pichuuuu..." "Oh, shut up, you little rodent. Joining Team Rocket was a very smart thing to do. We got all sorts of tr..." Jessie paused as a slow, insightful smile spread across her face. Poking her head out past the stands, she looked around, grinning as she found her target. She mouthed a few words, did a bit of pantomime, and waited for a response. Receiving the one she'd hoped for, she smiled and stepped back. Looking across the arena, her gaze fell back upon the shadowy figure across the plaza, and she fought back a giggle. "Prepare for trouble!" she sing-songed. * * * * * "Hey hey all you Ultra fans! Do you know how incredibly unbelievably amazing this next fight is gonna be?" The flat look on Tarou's face spoke adequately to show his disagreement with Sana, but, of course, he went beyond merely adequate. "Do you put a lot of plastic bags over your head or does the brain damage come naturally? You'd have to be messed up in the skull to think that either of these two tramps will put up a decent fight. The only way people will get their money's worth out of this match is if wonderbra and the rocket freak hike up those micro-minis and start giving panty shots. Not that anyone would want to see what they have to show." In the reserved seats, those around Bean started inching away from him. No reason to stay around ground zero if an explosion looked imminent. "You meanie! I think Tifa and Jessie are really pretty, and they can fight great, and they're gonna put on ONE AMAZING SHOW! Hey Lain-chan, who do you think's gonna win?" The quiet brunette pondered the question for a moment, then murmured, "I believe Jessie will win. Tifa's injury will prove a great hindrance. Jessie has already shown her skill against an opponent who knows her weaknesses." Tarou snorted. "One bimbo beat another? Yeah, wow. Some show. And if you consider that 'skill,' computer freak, then whoever gave you that god-awful haircut must've rammed the scissors through your skull a few times. A lobotomy's the only way anyone could look at little missy rocket and see anything but a Vegas showgirl wanna-be. Of course, for THAT, she'd need to gain about fifty IQ points. The wardrobe'd be more stylish, though." Attention focused only on the table in front of her, Lain didn't reply. Her mouth was set in a thin, hard line, her hands lay perfectly flat. Only when Sana threw an arm around her shoulders did she look up. "Don't pay any attention to him, Lain-chan! That was really smart of you to notice! How about I cheer for Tifa and you cheer for Jessie, okay? I bet we can both find all sorts of stuff to say!" As Lain slowly nodded, Sana beamed at her, then turned to the audience. "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey all you Ultra fans out there! What'd you think of that first round of fights?" St. Peter's Square was instantly filled with a nearly palpable chorus of roaring cheers. After she'd regained her balance from the force, Sana hopped up from her chair onto the table. She grinned at a cardinal waving a "ROCKET 3:16 SEZ: WE CAPTURED PIKACHU!" sign and continued, "Well, then do you realize that these fights will be even BETTER? Because we're moving towards the VERY BEST! If you thought things were violent before, then JUST YOU WAIT! These fights will DEFINE ULTRA VIOLENCE! You're gonna be blown out of your seats, and yeah, I'm talking to the people at home, too! So strap yourself into your chair and LET'S GET READY FOR SOME ULTRAAAAAAAA VIOOOOOOOLENCE!" Tarou looked at the sheet and groaned. "Oh God, not that damn speech again." Right on cue, every light in the Vatican cut out, save for the haunting yellow illumination dancing across the basilica's facade. The audience waited in the near-total darkness, buzzing excitedly. "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!" There was a sudden, almost painful burst of illumination as dozens of tiny spotlights, each mounted atop one of the massive columns encircling the plaza, burst into life. As Jessie stepped into the illuminated circle the audience's cheering grew even louder and they gleefully continued, "AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!" White uniform almost too bright too look at under the lights, Jessie led the viewers through the motto, her poses growing more and more theatrical as they proceeded. Sana cheered like a madwoman, her choice of Tifa for the match momentarily forgotten. As the last few lines were being said, Jessie strutted down the ramp, Pikachu trotting alongside. She slid under the ropes, did a dramatic spinning rise, and pointed at the other, shadow-covered entrance ramp just in time to yell, "SURRENDER NOW, OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!" The audience completed the speech, thousands of voices in unison. Tarou muttered, "Sheep." Only a moment passed between Jessie's challenge and when the vocals of "Fuel" started, announcing Tifa's entrance. The straightforward method drew fewer cheers than the markish frenzy inspired by Jessie's, but the sound was only small by comparison. Fragile stonework on the basilica began to wobble and crumble off from all the noise it'd been subjected to over the night, but no one noticed. All eyes were on Tifa as she strode down the ramp, free and easy save for her immobilized arm. As she rolled into the ring and met Jessie's challenging gaze with one of her own, she noticed the redhead's focus had moved onto her arm -- time constraints had only allowed for a sling, and it moved slightly with every step she took. "Don't worry," she assured Jessie. "I can fight." Jessie nodded, a smirk on her face replacing the momentary hesitation. "Then I take it you're not planning to surrender?" Tifa returned the expression. "Not a chance." ][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT 1.0 MATCH #5 ][ JESSIE vs. TIFA LOCKHART ][ FIGHT!! Jessie struck a dramatic pose as the bell rang to start the match. "If I could beat that nasty Shermie girl, you should be no problem at all! Soon, I'll have two belts to show off, and all I need to do is beat- WAH!" She barely had time to get out of the way as a bolt of lightning arced its way down from the canvas ceiling, searing an ugly black mark on the space she'd been standing in a moment earlier. She swallowed hard. Right. Wait until the match was over to do another speech. The thought had scarcely come and gone before she had to dart away from another bolt; while Tifa remained planted firmly in the center of the ring, Jessie ran around the edges, yelping as the electricity made her skin tingle when it got too close for comfort. As a bolt nearly managed to crisp her hair, Jessie threw a dark glance over at Pikachu. "Isn't now about the time you'd rush in and save Ash?" The pokemon shrugged, shooting back an amused look. Jessie glared at it, taking the small break in attacks to move closer to the edge of the ring. Glancing back at Tifa, she saw the fighter was watching her warily; perhaps she needed a break before firing off more magic. "I hope I don't end up hurting your pokemon too much!" Tifa called out. "I hated doing that last time, I really did!" "Oh, I don't think that'll be a problem!" Jessie smirked, her typical arrogance returning. "I won't be needing my poke- ACK!" Ice cracked and split as it impacted the mat; a couple of feet away, Jessie was sprawled inelegantly on her rear, having thrown herself out of harm's way. She scowled. She hated looking foolish. "Do you MIND? I was in the middle of saying something!" Tifa stared blankly back at her. "Err, didn't you say you wouldn't be needing your pokemon?" "I see someone wasn't paying much attention," Jessie noted as she dusted herself off. "And so you wanted me to just let you keep tal... never mind." At the announcers' table, Tarou looked up at the ring, his chin resting in his palm. "And surprise surprise, the biddies spend their time chatting instead of fighting. Just like women. Jessie's too stupid to get out of the way and let her little animals do the work for her like always; too bad they're the only chance she has in the ring." "Hey, they've been putting on a GREAT show!" Sana protested, motioning to the ring. "Lookit all the lightning and the ice and the magic!" "Yay. Miss Silicone's putting on a light show for us. Wake me up when the real fighting starts." "Perhaps Tifa's injury bothers her more than she lets on," Lain speculated. "She's yet to move from her original position. She must be hoping to keep the fight at long range. If Jessie moved in closer, it seems as if that would give her the advantage." Tarou's churlish reply to Lain's observations went ignored by both his partners at the table and by the two figures in the ring. Tifa eyed Jessie curiously. "Okay, gotta ask... what ARE you planning?" Jessie smirked, having seen what she was looking for out of the corner of her eye. "This." Darting over to the side, she just barely missed the ice attack Tifa launched at her. She'd known she'd get targeted as soon as she started moving, and had counted on it. With one smooth motion she snagged the ice gun James tossed to her, spun, and let loose an arctic response to Tifa's attack. Tifa, who was still caught in the motion of her spell, took the attack straight on. She stumbled backwards, worry apparent on her face as she regained her balance. Her gaze on the gun barrel, she noted, "So that's why you don't need your pokemon." Jessie shrugged and smiled, her finger resting lightly on the trigger. "This IS Hardcore, right?" Even as she replied with a cheery, "Right!" Tifa lobbed another ice ball at Jessie; the redhead barely managed to send off an attack of her own to counter. The two ice orbs impacted and shattered, peppering both fighters with cold slivers. Tifa recovered first from the surprise, and whipped her good hand forward, pointing at Jessie. "SLOW!" Lethargy crept up Jessie's arms, filtering into the rest of her body. Her limbs were suddenly unresponsive, and her head felt as if would float away at any moment. The ice gun fell from her hands, landing with a dull clank on the mat. Shrugging helplessly, Tifa advanced on Jessie, her progress unhurried as to not jostle her arm. "Sorry, but I've gotta win this one fast if I want to be any good for the final round." "'Swhat... you think," Jessie drawled, forcing herself to turn; the horrible expectation of having Tifa attack before she could turn around filled her mind. Her stomach flipped over as she nearly fumbled the catch, but she managed to hold on, leather-clad fingers slipping into a firm grasp on the latest weapon James had provided. Amusement filled her as she turned and saw Tifa's reaction to the gun. "Not another one," Tifa groaned as she saw the barrel aimed at her. "What does this one do?" Seeing Tifa was preparing to launch a spell even as she asked the question, Jessie had already moved to pull the trigger. "This," she cheerfully replied, although the spell's effect made her sound more bored than confident. Tifa threw herself to one side, hoping to avoid a projectile sized similarly to the ice chunk; therefore, she was taken entirely by surprise when a net completely surrounded her. The brunette toppled over, twisting as she fell as to take the blow on her good shoulder. No matter how she pushed and turned, the ropes wouldn't let up the hold they had on her. Jessie smiled, exchanged her gun for another, and began advancing on Tifa; with each step she took, the spell's effect began to weaken, and her pace increased. Looking down at Tifa's immobilized form, she cheerfully half-sang, half-giggled, "Anything you can do, I can do better!" She cocked her head to one side and continued, "I HAVE to ask... why didn't you just use one of your little magic attacks instead of sneaking up on me?" Pulling one arm free of the ropes, Tifa replied, "I figured I needed to conserve energy for the last fight. And *I* have to ask... what's this one do?" "Flamethrower." "Oh, GREAT." Increasing her struggles, Tifa managed to free the upper half of her body by the time Jessie shouldered the weapon. Not that that looked to do her much good. Jessie smiled, aimed at the fighter five feet away, and pulled the trigger. A ten foot-long column of flames blazed directly towards Tifa, toasting her to a crisp and giving Jessie her claim to victory for herself, Team Rocket, herself, CHAOS, and, of course, herself. Or she would have had it if Tifa hadn't managed to snag her foot with part of the net and yank her off her feet with one solid pull. Instead, the flames shot harmlessly into the air in a pointless but visually exciting display. By the time Jessie had pulled herself back to her feet, Tifa was out of the net and ready to continue the fight. Unfortunately for her, it was a bit hard to continue the match when Jessie promptly turned tail and ran out of the ring. "...Hey!" Tifa protested, staring after her. "What are you doi- AAAAAH!" Echoing what she'd put Jessie through earlier, Tifa was now forced to run around the ring, dodging aerial strikes that Jessie was launching from a bazooka. "How many of those things do you HAVE?!" Not pausing in her firing -- running up into one of the aisles between the seats had presented an excellent sniping point, and the fans around her loved it -- Jessie answered, "We've been around long enough to get PLENTY of weapons... this is just the beginning!" Gritting her teeth, Tifa made the only decision she could, and ran straight into the shells' path. Her arm bumped against her as she ran, sending flashes of agony to every extremity; she murmured a cure spell as she ran, but knew that without having the bone set, the pain would soon return. Jessie's eyes got progressively wider as Tifa approached; her weapon was quickly proving its uselessness at close range. She whipped out the ice gun, but was forced to move higher and higher up the stairs as Tifa approached, as the brunette's quick speed prevented her from getting a solid lock. Behind the duo, Pikachu scampered up the stairs; curiosity had apparently gotten the better of the electric mouse. By pure luck, Jessie managed not to fall off the edge of the stairs as she backed up. As soon as one booted heel dropped off the rim, she threw her weight forward, arms and gun pinwheeling as she strove to keep her balance. Finally managing to find a spot to stand on, where two of the metal barriers around the seats met, she took quick aim at Tifa - who was standing right across the aisle. "Good fight," Tifa panted. "Thanks," Jessie replied, breath coming quickly as well. Both moved to attack. Tifa had to raise her arm. Jessie only had to pull a trigger. The ice struck Tifa right in the gut, doubling her over. Finely-honed instincts made her instantly reach out with her right hand as she fell, and she snagged the metal bars upon which she'd been standing. Her legs dangled helplessly into the space under the grandstand, her arm was too tired from the fight to pull herself up, the fatigue from earlier was catching up with her... Referees had run up the ramp, ready to help her up, but Tifa's gaze was only on Jessie, who was watching her dangle with an equal mix of expectation, delight, and uneasiness. It was an odd expression. She waited one last moment, hoping a miracle would present itself. It didn't. Tifa sighed, and muttered, "I yie-" There was a sudden blast of air, and Jessie stumbled forward, a look of bewilderment on her face. Without even thinking beyond the realization of an opening, Tifa screamed out "BOLT THREE!" The arm in her sling was raised, and she screamed with pain -- but it was nothing compared with the howl of agony Jessie let out as the energy coursed through her body. Jessie twitched once, then fell over the edge. A second later, there was a muffled thump on the paving stones below; the sound seemed to echo across the arena, challenged only by a panicked yell crying Jessie's name. The referees rushed up and peered over the edge; after a second, one nodded, and Tifa was hoisted back up to safety. "You win," one curtly informed her as he called into his walkie-talkie for a medtech. Dazed from the match, Tifa tried to make sense of the last few seconds, to little avail. That is, until she heard some very unexpected words. "PIDGEOTTO, RETURN!" She spun to face the voice, utterly confused. Ash Ketchum stood in the next aisle over, waving cheerily at her. "You're WELLLLLLLCOME!" he hollered. A pallor cast itself across Tifa's face as the events fell into place. Why Jessie had been blown off balance. How she'd earned her win. As the realization of what had happened filtered through the audience, a chorus of boos started up; they were directed at Ash, but Tifa couldn't help but feel as if she'd earned every one herself. She looked over the edge of the stairs; the medtechs were working away on their patient, helped little by James' frantic worrying. Bean jogged up the steps to her, placing a hand lightly on her good shoulder. "C'mon, Teef. The fight's over." "Y- yeah," she murmured, casting one last glance both at Jessie and at Ash. The former was still motionless; the latter was blinking in surprise at the audience. Wordlessly, she walked slowly down the ramp, Bean at her side. "Now THAT was a way to end a fight," Tarou smirked. "And rocket bitch got just what she deserved. Now, it's time for... will all of you just SHUT THE HELL UP?" The audience paid no mind to Tarou's request, and instead continued booing Ash. The preteen had trotted down to ground level by then, and looked utterly flummoxed by their reaction. He saw Pikachu scampering down and grinned. "Heyyyy Pikachu! Isn't it great? Team Rocket lost!" A look of utter betrayal was on the pokemon's face. Slowly shaking its head, it cried out, then darted under the stands towards the edge of the arena. It didn't take Ash long to realize where Pikachu was running to. Or who. A dark, hostile expression appeared, helped little by the yells surrounding him. Ignoring the Pope's yells that he was going straight to hell, Ash stalked off, mouth a thin line. "Um," Lain quietly said, staring at the ring. "That was quite a slobberknocker. Is that how you say it?" "What? Uh, yeah, Lain-chan, it sure is!" Sana smiled at the other girl. "Sorry Jessie didn't win, but she and Tifa sure showed us some WAI WAI ULTRAVIOLENCE! And so here's what the rest of the tournament looks like! The last two fights should BLOW YOUR FREAKING MINDS, PEOPLE! WAAAAAAAIII!" _Shermie____ | |---_Jessie_____ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---_Tifa_______ | | | |---_Tifa_______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___???______ | | |---_Mr._Satan__ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---___???______| | | |---_Shingo_____| _Shingo_____| "Jessie and Tifa both may be seriously injured," Lain monotoned after the status screen flickered back to black. "Well, look who's catching up!" Tarou snickered. "Oh no, did someone get an owie in the ring? In the real world, people get hurt when they fight... not to say either of those bimbos knows how to defend themselves. But I guess the shows they let you watch in the home for 'Special Children' don't show anyone getting hurt, huh? Bet they talk the same idiotic way as you, though." As before, Lain remained motionless.... save for her left index finger. She pressed a switch that lay almost flush with the table, and the Vatican UltraTron sparked to life, courtesy of the pirating equipment Jack had hammered into shape earlier. Appropriately enough, Jack's visage was the one to grace the massive screen's face. Tarou snarled up at him. "Get the hell off my screen, Lysi-" Clipping off the end of his own name, Jack -- who was now obviously appearing in a previously taped speech -- smiled. "So, Tarou. How's your night been going?" "I SAID, get the hell off my-" "Yeah, that's great! I'm always happy to see you having a good time, Tarou. We used to be such good friends, remember?" "I remember that you're full of sh-" "Those were the days, huh?" Jack-on-tape sighed dramatically and shook his head. "But now... you've lost your edge, Tarou. You just complain, and yell, and you don't see anything fun about Ultra." "Will someone please find a way to cut the video fee-" "And you try to get everyone so scared of you that they piss their pants when you come down the hall. But Tarou... you shouldn't be doing that. You really shouldn't." "And why NOT?" Tarou muttered, fully aware he was talking to a video, but still compelled to raise the challenge. "Because someone with your first name really shouldn't try to pass themselves off as a big tough fighter, Tarou." Tarou paled. He wouldn't. "Or should I say..." Dammit. "Pantyhose." Jack grinned like a madman, his expression a stark contrast to the red-eyed fury that was literally growling up at him. "Aww, don't be mad, Pantyhose. Sharing little secrets like this is what ties the world together. Just think, people tuning in every week, knowing that special little slice of your life... Almost brings a tear to my eye, it really does." "JACK. DIES. NOW." Tarou twitched, and withdrew his fist from the underside of the table. He looked around for something else to punch, trying desperately to ignore the raucous laughter of the audience. That Sana brat looked awfully tempting... except she had just jumped onto the table. And grabbed a microphone. And grabbed a keyboard... so she could RAP. AGAIN. ARGH. o/~ Better look out, here comes Pan-Pan-PANTY! Not silk, not cot-ton, nuthin' so SCANTY! He feels so bad that he hides his NAME! His parents were cruel, such terrible SHAME! o/~ Tarou struggled to reach the rapping child star, only to have some of Nabiki's workers hold him back. It took ten of them. o/~ If he hears it, he's pissed, ready to FIGHT! He doesn't play nice, now that ain't RIGHT! PANTY! HOSE! Pantyhose is his name and he's such a SIGHT! A little bit of bark, but a whole lotta BITE! MAKE SURE YOU GET IT RIGHT! o/~ "I liked your song, Sana-chan." "Thanks, Lain-chan!" "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" Tarou howled, breaking free of the workers' hold. He grabbed towards the two girls, but his target wasn't them; rather, he grabbed the glass of water Lain had and dumped it over his head. Boom, instant Jusenkyou minotaur monster with a very strong desire to wear Jack Lysias' pancreas as a hat. Tarou flew off, his inhuman howls echoing throughout the Vatican. They were just barely audible above the roaring laughter of the crowd, their shock just a few minutes ago long-forgotten. * * * * * Hiroshi blinked as he returned to his seat with more snacks: super mega popcorn tub for him, grape-flavored EVA Unit 00 popsicle for Rei. He hadn't even known they'd made those, but he thought she'd like it. Sure, everyone was laughing -- he supposed he'd missed something after the fight -- but that didn't strike him as odd. Now, Rei vanishing into thin air, that he found odd. He peered around, and managed to catch sight of her distinctive hair color just as she turned the corner around one of the grandstands, heading towards the exit. A cell phone was clasped to her ear and her stride was determined. Looking helplessly at his armful of snacks, Hiroshi let them drop to the ground, dashing down the stairs after Rei. Five rows up, a trenchcoat-clad figure watched the proceedings. It then ripped off the coat and fluttered after Hiroshi. * * * * * Despite Bean's worries about her not taking this chance to rest, Tifa still felt the need to do this. She weaved her way through the struts under the seats, dodging the snacks and spilled drinks that dribbled through from above. When she saw the figures, though, her determination suddenly failed her, and she hung back in the shadows, able only to watch. "Ow!" Jessie whimpered as the medtechs hoisted her onto a stretcher. "I want painkillers!" James looked anxiously up at the trio of helpers, his concern matched by Pikachu. "Is she going to be okay?" "We need to get her to a hospital and x-ray her leg, she landed on it pretty hard..." "Well, you went to medical school, go and fix me up!" Jessie demanded. "I need to be ready for next week! And I WANT PAINKILLERS!" "I don't know that it'd be a good idea for you to fight next week... I'm sure Ms. Tendou would give you the night off if it's needed." Jessie and James looked at each other for a moment, identical expressions of misery appearing. "No she wouldn't," James quietly replied, looking at his partner. God. She'd forgotten about their fight with the Disciples next week. Biting her lower lip, Tifa faded back into the shadows. She just... couldn't go out there. Not yet. She should just concentrate on the fight now. She still had to fight. "PAINKILLERS!" She flinched, and hastened her return to Bean. * * * * * Rei approached the shining hole in space and stepped through. Hiroshi managed to round the corner just in time to see her enter the portal and disappear from sight. "Rei!" he cried, "Wait up! I need to talk to you!" He looked around quickly to see if anyone else was around, and then ran through after Rei's form. "Reeeiiii!" Lilith wandered around aimlessly looking for her dear Hiro-kun. Hearing Hiroshi's anguished screaming of her rival's name, she immediately went in that direction to rescue her beloved. "Hiro-kun! I'll save you from that witch!" Rushing towards the sound of his voice, she came upon a glowing portal in space. "Hm, did Hiro-kun go in there?" she listened intently at the edge and could faintly hear Hiroshi's voice calling out to Rei. "Hiro-kun! I'll rescue you!" Lilith said, posing cutely. She then noticed the portal was rapidly closing. "Ack!" Barely squeezing through, she landed on her rump on the other side as the portal closed with a small pop. "Owie, that hurt." Looking around she didn't see either Rei or Hiroshi. "Oh great," she sighed, getting up and rubbing her sore bottom. "Time to go." * * * * * "He's gone." A trace of a smile seemed to cross Lain's face. Sana looked after the ... thing-form of Tarou from atop the table. "I suppose he is!" A wide smile crossed her face. "Isn't Panty-chan SOOOOO funny?" she screamed at the crowd. The crowd responded in an odd mix of cheers and laughter. A chant of "Panty-Chan!" arose on the side of St. Peter's Basilica and started to make a wave around the the square. Unfortunately, possibly due to some indignant vindictiveness of that Great Mathemetician-in-the-Sky for calling an obviously oblong-shaped open area a "square," it ran smack into a chant of "Panty-Hose!" on the side of Piazza Pio XII. The resulting mess sounded something like "CHANOSE!" Somewhere in the United States, Mike Piazza sneezed, then went back to getting over his concussion from that pitch by David Wells. "And NOW are you ready for our next blood-invested and infested matchup?!" Sana hopped back down into her seat. Lain tapped on her laptop, bringing up some information. The UltraTron went through a slide-show of pictures, showing the next two fighters. "Mr. Satan and Shingo Yabuki seem to have respect for each other, if not friendship, outside of the ring." "Ooh! Isn't that great! Friends who Fight! They're going to tear each other's eyes out!" The slide-show stopped. The screen was replaced with the graphic showing the development of the tournament: _Shermie____ | |---_Jessie_____ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---_Tifa_______ | | | |---_Tifa_______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___???______ | | |---_Mr._Satan__ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---___???______| | | |---_Shingo_____| _Shingo_____| "The winner of this match will go on to face Tifa Lockhart in the finals." The names of the two fighters blinked on and off. "Wai! More blood! And here comes our first fighter!" "Lost in Space" started playing, and the young, energetic martial artist jogged out to the ring. He waved at the crowd, eliciting cheers, and gave high-fives to a few fans alongside the entrance ramp. Shingo slid into the ring and hopped from foot to foot, clapping his hands and making a few shadow-punches. He gave the crowd a smile, and morphed for a moment into Rocky Balboa. A small roar of appreciation exploded from the American contingent. Shingo changed back to his normal self and gave them a wave. Then the majestic piano chimes and trumpet fanfare of "Go the Distance" came out of the speakers, and the crowd exploded with righteous papal markishness. The Pontif himself jumped up and "WHOOPED!" with delight, waving his sign around so much it started to tear down the middle. Mr. Satan strode out and smiled. He looked around, slightly nervously, at the standing and wildly cheering crowd. Tentatively, he raised a fist and pumped his arm. The cheering redoubled. "SAH-TAHN! SAH-TAHN! SAH-TAHN!" Nobody dared to not cheer the Pope's favorite "Sah-tahn". The wrestler-cum-world-savior-cum-entertainment-idol strode down to the ring, chest puffing up slightly with bolstered confidence. He had beaten that damn succubus, now it should be easily sailing. He stepped up on the skirt of the ring and then through the second and third ropes. He paced back and forth, waiting. "WOO! Now the violence starts! Are you ready to rumble?" "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" The referee called for the start of the match. ][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT 1.0 MATCH #6 ][ SHINGO YABUKI vs. MR. SATAN ][ FIGHT!! And nothing happened. Mr. Satan looked at Shingo. Shingo looked at Mr. Satan. They paced back and forth in a manner that might be taken for calculating vigilance on how to take down each other... if not for the looks of utter confusion in their eyes. "Beat him up, Satan!" John Paul II shouted. The former Gamma champion gave the Pope a smile and waved. Then he motioned for the younger fighter over to him. A confused buzz rose in the crowd as the two combatants convened in the center of the ring. "Ah. I can't fight you, boy," Satan whispered. "It would feel too strange." "Hmm. Fighting Akane was bad enough, Mr. Satan. We can do it, though." Shingo scratched his chin. "I could make myself look like someone you could fight." "I'd know it's you, Shingo. It wouldn't work." A frustrated silence fell between the pair. "WAH! Why won't they fight? We want violence! We want blood!" Sana jumped up on the table. "We want the violence, the blood, the gore! We know that this show has so much of it in store!" Lain sweatdropped. "The referee is approaching the fighters." "Umm... You guys are going to have to get this started, or I'm going to disqualify both of you." "We can't fight each other," Mr. Satan griped. "You're going to have to do something." "Like what? Arm wrestling?" "I don't care. Something, though. I'm giving you to the count of ten." The referee backed away and started counting out loud. Sana stopped her rap and looked up. "Ano? What's happening?" "The referee has apparently decided to impose a time limit for the fighters to get started." "Think fast, boy, what can we do? Flip a coin?" Shingo suddenly brightened. "I know! We can spar!" He turned away and headed for his corner. "Spar?" Satan asked, cocking his head. "Yeah. Best of three falls! It'll be fun, Mr. Satan." Slowly, Mr. Satan nodded. "Okay, boy. Let's get it on!" "WAI! Violence will now commence! BLOOD! GORE--" "Bush." Sana faltered. "Eh? Bush?" Lain smiled at the other girl. "They're sparring." "Bah. BOOOOORING!" The referee looked back and forth between the fighters. "Okay, best of three falls. Fight!" Mr. Satan rushed at Shingo. The copycat-artist jumped, aiming a snap-kick at the bigger man's head in retaliation. Satan raised his arm to block the strike and pushed out with an open palm, catching Shingo in the midriff. The young man fell to the mat and landed on his rump. "First fall goes to Mr. Satan." "Beat him! Get him hard! He's down, go for the jugular! Play hardcore!" Ignoring Sana, the one catholic and apostolic crowd roared. Shingo started to rise, rubbing his backside. He stopped when he saw a hand in front of him. "We've been over that in our sessions, boy." Mr. Satan smiled as he helped Shingo up. "You've got to stop making that mistake." "Right, sir." Shingo smiled. "Again?" "Again." This time Shingo was the one who charged. Mr. Satan flicked a fist at the boy's head. Shingo flinched, ducking under the strike. He continued down, almost in a fall, but caught himself on one hand and flicked out a sweeping kick. Mr. Satan's next strike was aimed at Shingo's head, but the leg sweep threw his aim off. Still, he connected with the boy's shoulder. Both fighters teetered off balance for a moment. A startled gasp rose from the crowd. Then Shingo flipped over onto his other hand then shakily back to his feet while Mr. Satan crashed to the mat. "Second fall goes to Shingo Yabuki. They are now tied at one fall apiece. The next will win the fight." Sana slouched in her chair and crossed her arms. "This is boring." She heard a cough behind her and looked back. The Pope gave her a stern gaze. "Ah-ha... Mr. Satan has taken a terrible fall, but he should be back to whip some ass!" After a moment on the mat, Mr. Satan got to his feet and cricked his neck. The crowd cheered. "They like you, Mr. Satan. They really like you." "Ah-heh. Yeah. Let's get this done, okay?" The two fighters smiled, and converged for the final meeting of skill and power. A fast flurry of blows were exchanged. Mr. Satan gave Shingo a number of open palm slaps as the boy martial artist "walked" a series of kicks up the big man's body. There was a loud double-"THWACK" and then everything went quiet. Shingo fell, and hit the mat. Mr. Satan fell, and hit the mat. All eyes went to the referee. The man looked at the two fighters as they struggled to their feet. "Tie point. Both falls happened at the same time!" he declared. A mixture of boos and cheers greeted his announcement. "Ooh! Controversy! Excitement! Next we see blood and sweat!" "The final point is being fought again." Shingo stretched his shoulders and hopped from foot to foot. "I'm having fun, Mr. Satan. How about you?" Satan laughed. "I think so, boy. I am. You still have to watch those kicks." Shingo laughed. "You still need to use more of your body." They approached a fourth time. Shingo struck first, aiming a snap-kick at Mr. Satan's midsection. The blow connected, eliciting a grunt from the wrestler, but Satan held fast and grabbed Shingo's shoulder. He hauled the boy up over his head, grabbing Shingo's side for support. At the top of the arc, Shingo went limp. The crowd cheered as Mr. Satan slammed Shingo down to the mat. Then they saw Shingo catch himself with his hands. He flicked his legs around Mr. Satan's neck and rolled the big man over him. Mr. Satan flipped as Shingo let go and landed on his chest in the far corner. Shingo caught himself on his toes, his body mere inches above the mat. Shaking a little, he stepped to his feet and smiled. "And the winner in the best of three falls! SHINGO YABUKI!" The referee grabbed Shingo's arm and lifted it high. Most of the crowd cheered the victory. The Pope glowered for a moment, then started clapping. Mr. Satan lay on the mat. He had failed his fans... again. "Getting up, sir?" he heard. Mr. Satan looked up and saw a proffered hand from Shingo. An easy smile was on the boy's face. "Good job, Shingo." Satan grabbed the hand and let himself be helped up. He tried to step away after getting to his feet, but Shingo held tight. Then the boy martial artist raised the former wrestler's hand high. And the crowd roared. "Wai! Buddy buddy victory love!" Sana shouted. "Shingo congratulated Mr. Satan on a good fight. And we'll be back right after this." * * * * * "That was the stupidest damn thing I've ever seen in my life," Yashiro decided. "Awww, Yashiro, but everyone's so happy! Shingo is happy and Mr. Satan is happy and even you were happy after that rocket slut fell down and probably broke all sorts of bones!" Yashiro snorted, a dark grin appearing on his face. "Yeah. That made the whole night worth it." "I hope she didn't bleed all over her uniform," Shermie bubbled. "Blood stains are so hard to get out!" "Perhaps she's bleeding internally," Chris offered quietly, the prospect causing a small smile to creep onto his face. "Right!" Shermie cheered. A sharp burst of static sounded behind the trio, and they turned in unison to see Xelloss standing behind them, smiling as always. "I do hope you don't mind missing the last match, but I have a job for the three of you." "Miss out seeing the boy scout and the basket case duke it out?" Yashiro rolled his eyes. "Let's go. It's gotta be better than this." Xelloss smiled approvingly, and the three Void followers gathered around him. In a flash of energy, they disappeared from the Vatican. * * * * * "I'm a cheater," Tifa said to no-one in particular. Bean walked over and wrapped his arm around her. "Come on, Teef. It's not your fault Ash decided to cheat and assist you!" "But it is my fault that I hit Jessie with a Bolt 3 spell. I know I was sort of desperate, but still." Tifa sighed and lowered her head. "And they've got to face the Disciples of the Void next week. They'd have enough trouble if they were completely fresh. Now they've got a good chance of losing, and it's all my fault!" She punctuated her statement by kicking the nearest pillar. Bean wasn't the touchy-feely type of guy, but he knew what to do. He hugged Tifa tightly, being careful not to touch her broken arm. "Calm down Teef, it doesn't matter now. What matters now is that you just back away. Give the tournament to Shingo. Just don't go torturi--" and was stopped when Tifa pulled away. "I can't, Beanie. I've got to give it my all. Shingo wouldn't want to win without having a good clean fight, Nabiki wouldn't let me anyway, and I don't want to just give up. I'm going to give the fans what they want. A good, clean fight, with lots of action and Ultraviolence." She smiled as she said the trademark Ultra phrase, and Bean smiled too, before kissing her. "Just make sure it's not you who gets hit by the Ultraviolence, Teef," Bean said, before drawing her into a long deep kiss. When they came up for air, Tifa smiled again. "Don't worry, Beanie. I'll be fine." "I know, Teef." Bean stepped away. "I'd better get back to my seat. Remember, I believe in you, and I'll be right where you can see me if you need encouragement." Tifa nodded as Bean walked away, and wished she felt as confident as she looked. The broken arm Marlo gave her, and the fight with Jessie that drained her magic and endurance might be too much to overcome. But she was going to fight anyway. If she could fight a near god and defeat him, even with the help of her friends, she could fight with a broken arm. With a small smile as she thought of old times, if not necessarily happy times, she walked to the square's entrance. * * * * * Shingo bounced from foot to foot, anticipation glittering in his eyes. "This is gonna be a great fight, isn't it? Two competitors, fighting their way to the top, and coming together in honorable combat! Kusanagi-san would be proud!" he said as fire flickered from his hands. "Uh, sure Shingo," a man wearing a tie-dye trenchcoat, mirrorshades, and a cowboy hat said. "And you're gonna win it! You're gonna go out there, and burn Tifa to a crisp! And CHAOS will shine over all! We'll show the Beekster who's in charge of this federation! So win this one for CHAOS!" "Squeak, squeak squeak!!" a voice from inside the trenchcoat offered. The man, better known as Controversial Jack, wiped a tear from his eye. "Beautiful, Mr. Duck. An awe-inspiring speech. That's the kind of sentiment that makes me proud to be the leader of CHAOS!" Shingo and Daisuke sweatdropped a bit, before Daisuke turned to Shingo. "Right. And remember, do your best out there Shingo. Even if you lose, we've won tonight. Both of our competitors made it farther than Nabiki's did." Daisuke clapped Shingo on the back and turned back to the Controversial One. "And shouldn't you be leaving? Before Tarou tears you to little bitty pieces?" Jack waved his hand dismissively. "Hey, I couldn't leave before Shingo won! What kind of manager would I be then? And besides, nobody's going to recognize me like this!" He pointed to the outfit he was wearing, and grinned. "Right, Jack. No-one'd recognize you," Daisuke stated blandly, not bothering to note that cowboy hats weren't usually made of shinyleather. Or covered in metal studs and chains. Shingo nodded and waved at Jack as he started to walk towards the entrance to the square, only to be stopped by another voice. "Jessie, let's go to the infirmary! You've got to get your leg taken care of, or we won't be able to fight next week!" Shingo and Daisuke turned their heads to see Jessie lying on a stretcher with James pleading with her, and Pikachu on her shoulder. She ignored him and started yelling at Shingo. "And make sure you tear Tifa to bits!" Jessie screamed. "Hitting me with a lightning bolt, really. Messed up all my hair, and then I fell and hurt my leg! She deserves to be beaten for what she did to me!" "But Jessie..." James whined, "It's Ash's fault you fell! If he hadn't used that Pidgeotto then Tifa wouldn't have hit you! Come on, you don't need to stay and watch this!" Jessie glared at James. "Yes, it's Ash's fault, but Shingo's not about to beat the living tar out of Ash, is he? He's fighting Tifa! And she deserves a bit of punishment! She's not blameless, you know! And I want to see her get that punishment!" "Pika, pika pi!" Pikachu added, nodding his head sadly. James shrunk back from Jessie, and walked over to Shingo. "Make sure that Tifa knows we don't really have any hard feelings," he said to him, sneaking quick glances at Jessie. "Oh no, there ARE hard feelings!" Jessie exclaimed, swishing her hand in the air like a clumsy attempt to punch someone in the face, almost throwing Pikachu off of her shoulder. James sweatdropped a bit, and turned to Shingo again, leaning over and whispering conspiratorially. "I don't want to have her like this the whole week. And neither do you." The male TR member leaned back and smiled weakly. "Good luck. *Please* win." Shingo nodded as James moved back over to Jessie's stretcher, and the young martial artist started walking to the entrance, only to be stopped again by Sakura and Karin. "Um... Karin," Shingo stammered awkwardly, and was shocked when she brushed his lips with hers. "Good luck, Shingo," she said slyly, before going back out to the stands. Shingo was too busy blushing furiously to notice, before Sakura came up to him and waved her hand in front of his face. "Wake up, Shingo, you've got a match to fight!" Shingo blinked, and looked at Sakura, smiling. "Yeah, I do. And I'm going to make everybody proud!" he said confidently, before finally walking out to the square. * * * * * "And welcome back to Ultra," Lain said. "We've finally made it to the last round. Tifa, who has been hurt very badly in her fights, will be fighting Shingo, who has been keeping his fights friendly and fairly easy." Lain turned to Sana, who was twitching sporadically. "What do you think about this fight, Sana-chan?" "WAAAAAAAAAAAAIIII!!!" Sana screamed. "We're at the end! And Tifa, who broke her arm against that loser Marlo, and Shingo, who'se been REALLY BORING because he's not really fighting, are gonna spill their blood for Ultra! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A FIGHT! AND IT'S GONNA BE THE BIGGEST FIGHT EVER!" Sana bounced up and down in her chair. "A BATTLE FULL OF BLOOD, GUTS, AND THE MOST ULTRAVIOLENCE YOU'VE EVER SEEN! And this fight's for the INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP BELT! YEAAAAH!" the hyperactive preteen yelled out for the entire universe to hear. "AND HERE COMES TIIIIIIIIFAAA! WAIWAI GO TIFA!" Indeed, the words and music of Metallica rocked the square, as Tifa walked out to the sounds of "Fuel" and some pretty impressive fireworks. She came to the ring bouncing and smiling, but the smile didn't seem to carry to her eyes, and the bounce didn't seem to have her normal enthusiasm. She slipped into the ring, raised her right arm, and forced another smile for the crowd. "I think it's possible that Tifa's not feeling so confident for this battle," Lain commented. "Tiredness, and maybe even a little guilt. She hurt Jessie in a bad way last fight." "Naaah. Tifa's the best! She's gonna beat that little Shingo into a BLOODY PULP! BLOOOOOODY! WAI!" Lain almost sweatdropped at Sana, and returned her attention to the ring. "And it looks like Shingo is ready to come out too," Lain said. As the fast-moving "Lost in Space" by Apollo 440 rocked St. Peter's Square, Shingo walked out from the shadows. He was jogging quickly and fiving the crowd, as little flame bursts accompanied his approach to the ring. His entire face was shining with enjoyment and enthusiasm. as he ducked the ropes and came in. "Come on, Shingo! I wanna see some blood this time!" Sana screamed. "It's time for a REAL fight!" "And it seems like Shingo is still in fairly good shape, especially compared to Tifa," Lain stated. "It looks like Tifa is going to have a tough battle... and Shingo and Tifa seem to be having a little conversation in the ring." "Hello, Tifa! James wanted me to make sure you knew there were no hard feelings about what happened!" Shingo said, as he grinned broadly. Tifa looked back at him, and hung her head. "Well, maybe. I still took advantage of Ash's cheating, and it's still wrong." Shingo looked shocked. "It really wasn't your fault, so don't feel bad, Tifa! We've got to give them a good fight!" he replied, waving his hand towards he audience. Tifa nodded as she checked her sling one last time. "Oh, that reminds me." Shingo pulled out a blue and white sling, to Tifa's (and the crowd's) slightly puzzled looks. "I wouldn't want to take advantage of your weakness," he offered, before starting to tie it on. A man wearing the strange combo of a shinyleather hat and a tie-dye trenchcoat stood up, screaming. "Are you nuts, Shingo? Has your brain been baked by throwing around all those fla--mmph!" he yelled loudly, before being pulled down by Daisuke, who smiled at Shingo before rushing the trenchcoated one out of the square. Shingo nodded to Daisuke before finishing the knot on his right shoulder and settling his left arm in the sling. He smiled apologetically at her and said, "This is the best I can do... are you sure you want to do this? Are you ready?" Tifa gave a wan smile. "I'm a fighter. And I'm going to win this belt, and the shrine, because a fighter deserves it. I'm not going to go easy on you. Good luck, Shingo. " "Good luck to you too, Tifa. And I'll try to put up a good fight." Shingo said, somewhat calmly. Then he offered a respectful bow. Tifa drew back for a second in shock, before smiling and returning the gesture. She snapped back up into a fighting stance, as Shingo eased into his. Sana started waving Tifa and Shingo fans. "ALRIGHT! Here we go! It's time for the main event! Time for some REAL fighting! BLOOD AND GUTS! WAAAAAI!" ][ ULTRARAGE REBOOT 1.0 MATCH #7 ][ INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP BELT FIGHT ][ TIFA vs. SHINGO ][ FIGHT!! Tifa immediately snapped into action, jumping across the ring and delivering a roundhouse, followed by a quick knee to the gut. Shingo stumbled back, and ducked under a high kick that would have knocked him to the mat. He rolled out of the way, and stood up, flipping through his book. "Shingo power, henshin! Form of... Shiranui!" said Shingo, as his outfit shone and changed to the outfit of the bouncy fanservice ninja. "That... is sick," Lain said with distaste. Shingo stood up (and gainaxed, to the sickening discomfort of many) and jumped back as a hand swished through the space where he just stood. "You really should shave before showing off your legs like that, Shingo," Tifa quipped before sweeping him off of his feet. Shingo jumped back up and grabbed Tifa's head with his right hand before jumping above her, wrapping his legs around her head, and slamming her to the ground in a Shermie Spiral. Sana winced. "Eeeewww... Tifa got grabbed by those icky hairy legs." Lain just sat there, her face looking a bit greener than normal. Tifa stood up, a bit sickened and dizzy, only to see what looked like Ranma running at her. She quickly sidestepped and delivered a hard kick to his butt, sprawling him out on the mat. As Shingo stood up, Tifa elbowed him in the gut and knocked him into the air with a somersault kick. Shingo flew back, just barely landing inside the ring. He got up and immediately saw Tifa rushing at him. "Shingo power, henshin! Form of... James!" Shingo's outfit changed once more, to a near-perfect replica of his fellow CHAOS member's uniform. Of course, it didn't make much difference when Tifa knocked him out of the ring with an uppercut. "Looks like Team CHAOS is blasting off agaaaiiiinnnn!!" Shingo yelled as he sailed through the air, hitting the ground outside the ring. He stood up and dusted himself off, seeming surprised as he said, "Hey, it worked! No broken bones or anythi--" and was interrupted by Tifa vaulting the ropes and dashing towards him once more. "Um.. er... Shingo power, henshin! Form of... Nabiki!" Tifa blinked as her opponent changed into a dark haired, business-suited Ultra CEO... and promptly rolled out of her way, coming up into a taunt. "YOSH! You will not be able to withstand the mighty iron fist of SHINGO!" he said, shaking his forearm at Tifa as the crowd laughed at the image of Nabiki Tendou taunting like Dan Hibiki. "I'm confused. He is dressed like Miss Tendou, but is taunting like... Dan?" Lain smiled a little bit. "I don't see what this is doing for him." Sana was screaming and waving her arms in the air. "COME ON! Hit him some more! We want to see some GORE!" she yelled, as Tifa delivered a series of kicks to Shingo's side. "Yeah!" Shingo started rolling away from Tifa, and pulled out his book. "Shingo power, henshin! Form of... Sakura!" Shingo came out of the roll wearing Sakura's outfit, and promptly dashed at Tifa. "Sho-oh-ken!" he yelled, barreling into Tifa and uppercutting her back into the ring. Tifa shook her head woozily as she stood up, only to be knocked over by a Shotokan-style fireball as Shingo jumped into the ring. As Tifa got up she was pummeled by a devastating chain of kicks and punches, finishing with a wobbly flying Shunpuu Kyaku spinning kick that made the people closest to the ring rush to the bathrooms from Shingo's... display. As he landed, Shingo flipped out his book and looked at it. "Let's see... now what was I going to do...?" he mumbled as Tifa stood back up. "Aah! I remember! Shingo power, henshin! Form of... Mr. Satan!" said Shingo, as he gained a copy of Mr. Satan's afro and cape in a flash of light, and dodged once more as Tifa tried to lay him out with a number of kicks and punches. Shingo swept Tifa off her feet and jumped back, settling his feet on the ground. Tifa charged him and he drew back his fist... "SATAAAAAN PUUUUNNCH!" Shingo yelled, as he flew across the ring. Tifa tried to twist out of the way, but the laws of physics just weren't with her and Shingo slammed his fist into her side. The martial artist fell to the mat again. "Come on, Tifa!" Sana yelled, waving her Tifa fans. "Fight, fight, fight! Blood, blood, blood!" Lain looked at Sana oddly. "You've been getting more and more unstable since I've gotten here, Sana-chan. Are you sure you're OK?" "Yeah I'm OK!" Sana screamed back, as Tifa got up from the mat. "Waaaaai! More VIOLENCE!" Tifa, for her part, was panting heavily as she wiped a bit of blood from her mouth. "You've gotten pretty good with that book," she said to him as she rested a bit. "Really impressive mix-up work." Shingo's eyes widened. "Really, Tifa? I've been practicing so hard, and I'm really glad it worked!" Shingo flashed her a wide smile, which she just nodded to. "Unfortunately, it has a few weaknesses." Tifa grinned. "Want me to show you what I mean?" "Sure, Tifa! Take your best shot!" Shingo grinned confidently. "Bolt 2." Shingo's eyes widened as he attempted to dodge and was struck by a large bolt of lightning. The copy-artist screamed in pain before dropping to the mat. Sana exploded up out of her chair. "ALRIGHT! Some real AGONY! Hit him again, Tifa!" "It doesn't look like he's nearly as tired as she is though," Lain quietly added, as Shingo sprung to his feet. "Ranged attacks, Shingo. You're still a in-close fighter." Tifa smiled again and raised her hand. "Ice," she said, as an icy ball flew towards Shingo. He stepped out of the way, only to have the hand his book was in be struck. "Ow!" he yelled as the book dropped from his hands. He moved to pick it up, but had to roll out of the way of a blast of fire Tifa sent his way. "And without your book, you've got a slight copying problem," Tifa said, as she picked up the book and put it into her pocket. "So let's fight, Shingo. Gotta make this interesting, after all." Shingo nodded, and charged Tifa, who slid out of the way. "Quake." Shingo started to turn around, but was thrown off of his feet as the Quake spell shook the mat. Shingo started to get up and was bowled over by another ice blast. "There's something to be said for range, Shingo. And a bolt of lightning is sometimes a lot better than a simple old punch." Tifa looked at her materia, and frowned. "Especially when your arm's broken." "Tifa's toying with him, yeah! Shingo's no match for her magic!" Sana announced with confidence. "I'm not so sure, Sana-chan," Lain said hesitantly. "Shingo's been pretty resourceful before." "Nah, Lain-chan. You need more experience." Sana looked back at the ring. "And my gut tells me that TIFA'S GONNA CREAM THAT GUY! WHOO!" "We're going all out, Shingo. Gimme your best shot. Demi." Tifa cast the gravity spell once more, and watched in satisfaction as Shingo was crushed to the mat. "Yeah, and the effects are neat too..." Tifa trailed off as she cradled her left arm. "Damn," she muttered, as she cast another Cure spell on her broken arm. When she looked up, Shingo had managed to stand up and was looking at her oddly. "I guess I have to, don't I?" he said to no-one in particular. "Shingo? Ya OK?" Tifa asked, even as she winced in pain. Shingo's eyes refocused and looked at Tifa. "Yeah, Tifa." Shingo's started muttering to himself, as Tifa raised her arm once more. "Fire!" The bolt of fire sped across the ring to hurt Shingo even further. Or, that's what it would have done had it not met a wave of flames. Shingo pulled his right arm back and smiled at Tifa, his hand wreathed in flames. "Since we're fighting all out, I guess I can use these! See, Kusanagi-san?" He waved his hand at the camera. "I figured it out! Now I can throw flames just like you! Isn't that great?" Tifa's face was covered in astonishment, but quickly shifted to grim determination. "Alright, Shingo. For real. You'll never get better if you don't push your limits." And with that, Tifa dropped into a defensive stance, as Shingo flickered flames from his hand. "Okay, here it goes!" Shingo said, running at Tifa, arms held high. "Kototsuki Mikansei!" he yelled as he attempted to punch Tifa in the face, which she dodged. Unfortunately, she wasn't prepared for the flaming double-handed blow Shingo dealt her, and was knocked to the ground. Shingo moved back once more as Tifa stood back up, and launched herself at him with a flying kick. The CHAOS warrior jumped up in a flaming spinning uppercut (Oniyaki Mikansei, for those of you playing at home), lighting Tifa on fire and inviting her on another trip to the mat. Tifa warily dragged herself to her feet, only to hear, "SHIIIIIINGOOO KIIIIICK!" and she jumped sideways as Shingo's foot flew through the space where she was just a moment ago. Shingo landed from the attack only to have Tifa kick him in the gut and knock him over. The quick-changer got up, only to be be knocked down again by a roundhouse to his left side, spinning him around like a top before he fell. Tifa backed off to give him room once more, and was surprised when Shingo spun into her with a Nie Togi. Tifa wobbled back, only to be knocked over by a burst of flame from Shingo's Aragami Mikansei. Once again, Tifa pushed herself of the mat, with minor burns on her body and clothing, in addition to the broken arm. She muttered another Cure spell, and felt the last of her magic drain from her as the burns disappeared. She then refocused her attention on Shingo and jumped towards him, slamming two kicks into his chest and a third to his stomach. As Shingo was knocked over, Tifa started running at the ropes. As Shingo got up, he immediately received a pair of feet in the mouth in a powerful dropkick, as Tifa planted both of her feet squarely on his face. Shingo was knocked back to the ropes, but as Tifa jumped up to take advantage of his seemingly stunned state Shingo spun around in a Dokugami fire punch that knocked Tifa back a few feet. As Tifa attempted to recover, Shingo slid right in front of her and rammed his shoulder into her chest, which sent Tifa soaring through the air to land outside the ring. "One," said the referee. "And Tifa has been sent flying again, viewers," Lain said. "This could be it for her, as she's been battered the entire way though the tourney." "Two." "GET UP! I want ULTRAVIOLENCE, Tifa! COME ON! Where's the BLOOD?" said Sana. "Three." Tifa was a bit too dazed to hear anything that Sana or the referee was saying. All she knew is that she was finished. "Four." After all, she had her arm broken in the first round, and still made it to the finals. That's something to be proud of, or so she thought. "Five." Tifa sighed. And after hurting Jessie like that last round, she didn't deserve to win. Taking advantage of cheating like that isn't something a real fighter does. "Six." Tifa tried to get up, and couldn't get the strength to do so. After being burnt, beaten, and having her bones broken, it just wasn't working. Well, Shingo wouldn't be a bad champion. She just shouldn't bother. Most normal people wouldn't. "Seven." Tifa turned her head to the side, and saw Bean near the railings, silently urging her on with his eyes. But that's not who she was at all. She was a fighter, the kind who doesn't give up, even when all the odds were against her. "Eight." The kind who comes back. The kind who wins, no matter if the enemy is stronger, or more talented, or has overwhelming power. "Nine." "And I AM a fighter," Tifa whispered, as she managed to sit up through sheer will, ignoring all the pain in her body. "WAAAAAI!" Sana yelled, bouncing once more. "Tifa's not done yet! MORE VIOLENCE, EVERYONE! WAAAAAAAI!" "And Tifa manages to avoid the ten count," Lain stated. "And Shingo seems to be approaching her outside the ring." Shingo stood cautiously a few feet from Tifa. "Are you alright, Tifa? That was an awfully powerful fall you took." Tifa shook her head, and locked her eyes with Shingo. Brown stared into brown as she stood up. "I'm not done yet, Shingo. I've still got a few more tricks." Tifa slipped into a fighting stance, albeit a fairly lax one. "Alright then..." Shingo said, seeming a bit hesitant to hit Tifa any more. "Come on, Shingo. We're fighting here..." Tifa said, as she waited for Shingo to do something. Shingo shrugged. "Okay, Tifa! Here I come!" Shingo yelled, before dashing at Tifa. "Perfect," Tifa mumbled, before trying to dodge out of the way. She was too slow, so she was caught in another series of flame punches. Screaming in pain, and barely staying upright, Tifa took all of the blows with a look of determination on her face, and almost smiled as her body became awash in red and yellow light. "TERMINAL ECLIPSE!!" Tifa flipped over, grabbing Shingo between her legs as she balanced on her one hand and threw him up into the air. She then flipped back and jumped high into the air, slamming Shingo with a series of kicks in midair, feet flaming with Ki energy as they rose higher and higher in the air, legs flashing and blurring as she finally slammed him down with an overhead air somersault. Tifa landed on her feet, although the landing wouldn't impress any Olympic judges, as Shingo fell to the ground with a loud *THUD*, and she panted as the ten count wound down. Everyone in the arena, from Lain to the Pope to the popcorn vendor in the 5th section was watching with rapt attention as the referee said ten and the bell rang. "Your winner, and the first holder of the new Internet Championship Belt... TIIIIIIIFA LOCKHART!" The referee held up Tifa's hand in triumph, a smile as wide as she could manage plastered on Tifa's face as Bean came out and hugged her. Sana jumped straight out of her chair onto the table. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI! VICTOLY!!!!" she screamed, as she waved Tifa flags, fans, and other assorted items. "And your victor, in an impressive display of a new limit break, Tifa Lockhart," Lain calmly announced. "A good fight for all involved, and Tifa won against a difficult opponent, and her own injuries." "AND she had a SUPER VIOLENT NEW LIMIT BREAK! YEAH! TIFA'S THE BEST! WAI!" Sana yelled once more. "TI-FA! TI-FA!" shouted Sana, as she attempted to start a chant. Soon the entire crowd (even the Pope, after all, he's a forgiving type of guy) was chanting for Tifa as she hugged Bean. "Good job, Teef. A damn fine job," Bean said, hugging her tightly. "Thanks, Beanie," she replied before kissing him in the center of St. Peter's Square, as the Internet Champion. "It's good to have won." She snuck a look at where Shingo had fallen, and was being helped up by Sakura and Daisuke. As Shingo wobbled unsteadily to his feet, his eyes found Tifa's and he walked over to the Lawbreakers under a bit of help from his teammates. "A great fight, Tifa," Shingo said, his normally bubbly personality a bit less bubbly after being pummeled by Tifa's Terminal Eclipse. "I learned a lot this time. Maybe next time we can meet on fair terms." Tifa smiled as she turned and wrapped her one arm around Bean for support. "That could be interesting, Shingo. I'll look forward to it." Shingo grinned back, and nodded to Tifa as he leaned on Sakura and moved away, leaving the floor to Tifa, Bean, and the announcers. "Waiwai Tifa!" Sana said, rushing up to her. "You were the best! So, does your arm hurt a whole bunch?" she questioned as she poked at it. Tifa winced, but before she could do something, Bean had already gotten in the way. "Look, girl, Don't go hurting Te--" "Shh, Beanie. She didn't mean anything by it," Tifa interrupted. "And, yes, Sana, it hurts." Sana wai'd. "Waiwai! Agony! Pain! Ultraviolence!" "Well, Tifa. You have won your place in the shrine on the official website. And are the official winner of the belt." Lain smiled briefly, and turned to the UltraTron. "Navi, the final graphic?" _Shermie____ | |---_Jessie_____ _Jessie_____| | | _Marlo______ |---_Tifa_______ | | | |---_Tifa_______| | _Tifa_______| | | | _Mr._Satan__ |---___Tifa_____ | | |---_Mr._Satan__ | _Morrigan___| | | | | _Akane______ |---_Shingo_____| | | |---_Shingo_____| _Shingo_____| "And it looks like Miss Tendou's here to give Tifa the bel--" Lain was interrupted as Nabiki Tendou took the mic and looked out at the crowd. "Well, everyone, wasn't that an exciting tournament?" Nabiki smiled as the affirmative yells washed over her. "That's good. And now, I've got a special surprise for all of you." Nabiki smiled as she watched the crowd mutter amongst themselves. "Ne, ne, Miss Tendou, are you going to tell us who gets beat up at the next PPV?" Sana asked. "Wai! More BLOOD! MORE ULTRAVIOLENCE!" Sana was jumping up and down in girlish delight. "Not yet, Sana." Nabiki swept her arm to the screen, as an overhead view of Tokyo-3 appeared. "I recently discovered that there are some universe-shattering events happening in Tokyo-3, and figured, 'Why not show the fans what they want, since they are already paying for the tournament?' And so, I give you a live feed from Tokyo-3, as NERV is under attack by Shadowlaw. Let's watch, shall we?" * * * * * In the horizon, Tokyo-3 was taking a pummeling more harsh and sadistic than that of any Angel. Shadowlaw forces racked the city and the Geofront with barrage after barrage. The citizens had long since fled or been killed. Only NERV personnel, trapped underneath the slowly pulverized city, still remained. The sounds of mortar shells exploding in the distance was what greeted the forces of Heaven as they stepped out of the portal. One by one they walked out. Terry Bogard, one of the world's most powerful fighters, now a powerful angel on the side of Lina. Naga the White Serpent, Lina's former sidekick and trusted friend. Gourry Gabriev, the swordsman who's honest-to-god not-a-boyfriend to Lina. Urd, one of the Norn goddesses who protects the heavens. Dan Hibiki, the man who just 15 minutes ago was signing an autograph for the Pope. They stood in silence, giving respect to those who had died, and watching the carnage taking place before them. It was horrific, knowing that the fate of this universe rested in this now beat-up shell. "OOOOSHA!!!" Dan flexed his forearm in the direction of Tokyo-3. Everyone blinked. Terry was the first to ask. "Why'd you do that, Dan?" "I was taunting in the general direction of all those who would oppose the righteous forces of Heaven! Boraboraboraborabora!!!" Dan rushed forward and ran to the city. The other four sweatdropped and quickly followed suit. * * * * * Sulfur filled the air. In the air, a foreboding gong rang out. A fiery portal opened, and out spilled the forces of Hell. Yashiro, Chris, and Shermie, the disciples of the Void. Asuka Langley, Eva Pilot turned demoness, she smiled as she entered the world of her birth. And former leader of the Void, now turned pitiful lackey, Voiduck. They took in the shelling with passive faces. "[Voi]." Asuka nodded, "It is nice, isn't it?" She turned towards her 'teammates'. "Very well. We all know what we're supposed to do. Let's get on with it." Asuka and the others ran for the embattled Tokyo-3, and beneath it, NERV. * * * * * Unnoticed by both sides, camera pods flew through the air, nimbly dodging flak and mortar shells. The occasional camera would be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time and would lose signal, but with the dozens of cameras tracking the event, there was little worry of a signal feed loss. These cameras were equipped to still function even in the event all of creation was being destroyed. The Ultra techies had learned a few things from UltraRage Gamma, and one of those was to be ready for ANYTHING. With a humming sound, all of the remaining cameras powered up their portable shields. So with the entire world watching, the forces of Heaven and Hell both divided and entered the trembling mass that once was the last hope for humanity, and was now the biggest threat to it ever known. * * * * * Bullets flew over her console as she typed frantically. The sounds of her fingers typing on the keyboard contrasted greatly with the sound of iron death flying over her head. Maya Ibuki finally pressed the enter key, and waited for a response. Shigeru Aoba quickly popped up from behind the console and fired a few rounds at the drones who were firing machine guns in their direction. His resistance was met with a flurry of bullets just after he ducked down. Makoto Hyuuga followed suit. Makoto turned to Maya frantically after a dozen shots passed over his head. "Well!?" Maya blinked at the display, then slumped back down to her position behind the console. "They won't stop saying 'Oh Shit.'" Shigeru blinked. "The Magi? All three of them? Saying nothing but 'Oh Shit Oh Shit Oh Shit'?" Maya nodded sadly. "Well," Makoto philosophized, "at least they all agree for once." The other two sweatdropped. Makoto shrugged, then sighed. "We're dead, aren't we?" All three of them hung their heads and sighed. Without warning, they heard a loud crackling sound, followed by "BURN KNUCKLE!" The three of them popped up just in time to see one of the monitor droids explode. The other one rushed at Terry, with its machine gun blazing. Terry quickly sidestepped the bullets and the charge, and twisted quickly, his heel burying into the back of the droid. It exploded violently. He took off his hat and wiped his brow. "Lot of those suckers." He blinked when he noticed the three NERV bridge technicians. "You locals?" Maya nodded quickly, "We were trying to defend the base from being overrun by acting as a center of operations, but from the internal sensors most of the NERV personnel are gone or dead. We were trapped." She started crying. Terry walked up and smiled. "There there, I'm one of the good guys." He gestured with his hand and a portal to Heaven opened. "We've set up a refugee camp back home, you'll be safe there." Maya hugged the Fatal Fighter tightly. "Thank you!" Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at Terry. He blushed slightly. "Now get going! This is a hotbed!" The NERV techs walked through the portal, except for Makoto, who stopped halfway in. "Uh, Mr. Bogard right? I've seen your brother on the show. Uh, could you try to find Misato? She's still here somewhere. I know she is. She's too stubborn to die." Terry nodded and tipped his hat, "I'll do what I can. Now get out of here." He watched as Makoto stepped through the portal and the entry to heaven sealed automatically. He started to turn, when he noticed a shadow looming from the recently opened elevator shaft. He squinted to see past the bright lights of the elevator. "Who's there!?" The short figure waddled forward. "[Voi]." Grinning like a mad man, Terry adjusted his fighting gloves, "You." "[Duck]." "This... is going to be... fun." ][ UNSCHEDULED UNOFFICIAL FIGHT MADNESS BEGINS! ][ TERRY BOGARD vs. OROCHI VOIDUCK ][ FIGHT!!! Terry leaped forward, "HAMMER PUNCH!" Voiduck sweatdropped and waddled away. "Vooioioiooooiii!" Terry stood still for a moment, his fist enveloped in a console. He blinked at Voiduck and shrugged. Withdrawing his hand, he punched his fist into the ground. "ROUND WAVE!!!" The possessed pokemon went flying as a large amount of energy slammed into it. It skidded to a halt a few levels down in NERV's nerve center. Terry quickly jumped down after it. The pokemon rose, holding its head gingerly. Terry scratched the back of his head. "You wanna give up?" "[VOI]!" Voiduck flew at an unprepared Terry, and swatted its fins quickly into Terry's shin. Terry stood there for a moment, trying to understand what the small duck was doing. When it realized it's punches weren't affecting Terry, Voiduck leaned its back into Terry's shin, trying to push him down. "[Duck]." Terry watched the effort with amusement before kicking the pokemon away, who rolled down away like an over-inflated beachball. Terry ran after it. He grinned. "It's been a long time since I've had a good punching bag..." He caught up to the pokemon, and kicked it into the air. He crouched, then leapt up after it. In midair he connected with a glowing fist and another kick, sending Voiduck crashing to the ground. Terry landed seconds later and launched a series of kicks at the stunned pokemon. Voiduck slammed into a steel wall, leaving a duck-shaped impression in it. "Voioioi.." Terry slammed his fist downward into the crumpled pokemon. And again. And again. He fists blurred with speed as he launched punch after punch into the still struggling form. Every time Voiduck tried to stand another punch took it to the ground. Terry paused a moment, and Voiduck looked up through the [aching] pain in his head to see him glowing with power. "[DUCK]." "POOOOOWEERRRRR GEYSER!!!" Terry's glowing fist hit the ground and stream after stream of energy blasted up under Voiduck, causing it to writhe in pain. After a minute of pure torture, Voiduck fell to the ground headfirst. "Vooooioii....." Terry straightened his cap and caught his breath. "That was a good practice. If I ever run into your boss again I'll tell him you went down flapping." Terry grinned at his own joke, and turned to leave. He didn't get more than few steps before he felt a dark force growing behind him. He turned and saw Voiduck actually standing, and glowing with dark purple energy. The pokemon looked at him with its head in its wings and with eyes of blackness. "VOIVOIVOI... [DUCK]." Terry assumed a blocking position, assuming a blast of energy to strike him. He was surprised when none came. He was more surprised when he suddenly was lifted off the ground by Voiduck's latent telekinetic powers and thrown around like a rag doll against the steel walls which earlier were host to Voiduck's tour of pain. *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* *SLAM* Terry fell to the ground and struggled to get to his feet. He got to his knees. He looked up and saw Voiduck approaching him menacingly, despite the comic waddle. "H-how?" Voiduck merely glared at him. "[VOI]." Purple energy arched out at the Fatal Fighter and enveloped him. "AAAAARRRGH!!!" Terry tried to get up, mount a counter strike, anything, but the only thing he succeeded in doing was blacking out in a small pool of his own blood, his clothes crisp and smoking. Voiduck powerposed. "[VOIOIOOIOI!!!]." It waved at a nearby camera pod. "[VOI]! OI OI OI!!!" After a brief series of victory struts, Voiduck collapsed, holding its head. "Vooooiiii..." * * * * * Sephiroth and B-ko emerged from their portal, landing together in the Geofront of Tokyo-3. Sephiroth and Angel Wing landed gracefully, one leg of the mecha slightly behind the other with the knees bent a bit. B-ko crashed to the ground in her Mecha Of The Week rather noisily. Sephiroth extended one of Angel Wing's hands to B-ko to help her up. "There's not much time for inefficiency. We must go to the source of the event so that I may decide whom to attack." B-ko blushed and accepted the help. "Right! Let's go! Lead the way, Sephy-chan!" Sephiroth nodded and began flying toward NERV headquarters. He could feel the large concentration of sheer power headed there. He gave one last check to the materia he carried. Yes, he was ready. The son of Jenova would come out victorious this day no matter which of the celestial powers was weakened. As he flew onward, he saw hundreds of hovering pods zipping about all over the sky. Curious, he paused to approach one. "Ah," he muttered. "A camera. I suppose that the leader of Ultra believes that her precious ratings will go up from an event like this." "Stop right there, Sephiroth!" a voice yelled from below. "Who commands me to act?" Sephiroth asked. He lowered Angel Wing to the ground and opened the entry hatch to see the Disciples of the Void standing in front of him. Chris smirked. "Xelloss-kun said that you were coming to attack our forces, since last time you attacked Heaven." Yashiro continued, "That wouldn't be to our advantage, so we've been told to stop you here and now." Shermie piped up, "We won't let you hurt our side, even if you are cute." Sephiroth just shook his head and drew Masamune. "Rabble," he spat at them. "I will defeat you quickly." ][ UNSCHEDULED 3-ON-1 GRUDGE MATCH ][ CHRIS/YASHIRO/SHERMIE vs. SEPHIROTH ][ FIG-- "Wait just a minute!" B-ko interrupted, glaring at Shermie with a look of death on her face. "Are you trying to come between me and my Sephy?" She looked to Sephiroth. "Let me handle them. You said I could help you." "I can dispatch them quickly." B-ko pouted. "But I can hold them off while you go where you need to go!" Sephiroth shrugged and sheathed his sword. "If you wish. In that case, I shall see you later." He started to shut Angel Wing's entry hatch. Before it finished, B-ko heard three little words she never expected to hear from the mouth of the cool, calm Sephiroth. "Thank you, B-ko." Sephiroth continued on toward NERV headquarters, flying at around thirty feet off the ground. "That Daitokuji girl might be handy to have around sometimes," he muttered as he surveyed the landscape. Just as he spied some trailing ends of the invasion forces on the horizon, he was interrupted again. "Stop right there, Sephiroth!" a voice yelled from behind him. "Now what?" he wondered. Sephiroth turned his mecha around to see someone with a camera standing below him. "Hold it right there, please, I'd like a picture to take home to my daughter! Just a second!" The older man adjusted his camera. "Can you drop down a little? Thanks. Smile please!" The man pushed a button on his camera, capturing the image of the would-be God. "Thank you, Mr. Sephiroth! Have a good day!" the man yelled out as he turned to go back to his car. "...whatever." Sephiroth again moved out, dodging buildings and camera pods as he again pressed on. He went over in his mind the plan: whomever was winning the battle, he would remove a few troops from. Larger targets such as higher angels and demons, or high minions such as Asuka and Shinji would be good targets only if they were wide open to attack. He had no specific target, simply a reduction of forces. Any loss on the battlefield today on either side would be a victory for the son of Jenova. Sephiroth hovered over what he believed to be an entrance to NERV headquarters and wondered if he should take Angel Wing in or command it to return. As he mulled over his options, a voice called out: "Stop right there, Sephiroth!" "NOW what?" Sephiroth roared. "Would you people PLEASE stop bothering me?" Sephiroth opened the entry hatch to see a camera pod with a head sticking out of it. He recoiled a bit, then realized that he knew very well who the head belonged to. He was looking at the goddess Urd. "Don't think that you're going to get up there and take out any more of our people, Sephiroth," Urd warned as she came out of the camera and hovered in front of Sephiroth's mech. "Stay out of our business." Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. "And what if I say no?" "Then I'm to forcefully keep you out of our business." Sephiroth smirked. "In that case, it seems we have no choice. We must settle this on the battlefield, but be warned. I fear no minion of the so-called God, nor do I fear any servant of the once, present and future puppet who 'rules' Hell. If you're prepared to fight, we'll begin at once. It matters not to me who loses forces today, so long as the path to the godhood which is rightfully mine is more open than when the day began." Urd glared at him. "The godhead is decidedly not yours." "Not yet." Sephiroth raised Masamune's hilt to his cheek, looking down the blade which now nearly touched Urd's face. "You can't intimidate me, Sephiroth. I've beaten you before." Urd held her hand up to Masamune and sent a lighting bolt running down it. Sephiroth smiled. "Our battle will be more interesting than I'd planned." He removed a couple of materia from his armor. "There." "What'd you do that for?" "If you insist on futilely challenging me, I offer you an even duel. It wouldn't do for me to be eliminating you without some small smidgen of effort." Sephiroth sheathed his blade and jumped to the ground. Urd followed. "Go," he muttered, and Angel Wing disappeared, leaving Sephiroth and Urd alone, facing each other on the Geofront. That is, until more cameras and Krillin showed up. ][ IMPROMPTU GRUDGE REMATCH ][ SEPHIROTH vs. URD ][ FIGHT! Sephiroth turned to Krillin. "Just what are you doing here, weakling? This is not one of your matches, nor is it your concern." Krillin promptly said, "Eep," and left the area. "Now, shall we begin?" Sephiroth asked coolly. "You bet. It'll be against what I normally go for, beating up a cutie and all, but--" "Comet 2." A rain of small comets crashed into the place Urd was standing. The first hit full on and the second struck a glancing blow before the goddess could teleport away. "Well, you're going to put up more of a fight than you did the last time we fought. Good." Urd prepared a massive blast of energy and sent it directly at Sephiroth. He took the full brunt of the blow, and disappeared in the smoke and dust that flew from the crater Urd had just created. "Ok, where are you, Sephiroth? I'm waiting!" Urd called. She reached back behind her body and created two massive fans to blow away the smoke. Sephiroth stood, one knee shaking. "Your power is very impressive," Sephiroth said calmly. "Gee, thanks," Urd remarked sarcastically. "I AM a goddess, after all." "Ultima." A green ball of energy appeared directly in front of Urd's stomach. The ball spontaneously grew larger and larger until it was the size of a ten-story building. It crackled with energy, trapping Urd inside until the attack fizzle away. The platinum-haired beauty came out a little singed and more than a bit pissed. "That... does it," she muttered. Lightning suddenly appeared nearly everywhere around her, Sephiroth and out to a half-mile radius from the combatants. Even Sephiroth's MBarrier couldn't hold up against all of the energy, and he dropped to one knee. "Had enough?" Urd asked, ready to deal more destruction. "Beta," Sephiroth ordered. A lampstand-shaped body of red and blue energy shot into place with Urd in the center, or so he thought. Sephiroth looked up to see Urd standing in an open space in front of his spell. "That wasn't very nice," Urd chided. She proceeded to create a gust of wind that blew Sephiroth back into the nearest building. Sephiroth impacted hard against the skyscraper and slid down to the ground. This wasn't going well at all. He checked his materia. "Cure 3," he spoke, healing most of the damage done instantly. He turned to face Urd. "I came prepared for this eventuality." Urd brought her right hand to her face, placing her index finger along her cheek. "Really?" she asked. "It sure doesn't seem like it." "Diddle," Sephiroth intoned. One of his red materia flashed, and his summon appeared between himself and Urd. A short, rather large child with a wide face sat on a strange cross between a bicycle and an organ. He looked up at Urd. "Would... you... like... to... hear... a... song?" "Sure, why not? It's not like I'm concentrating on this battle. Play some background music for me while I finish him off," the goddess requested. "O...kay." Diddle began to play a polka on his organ. "AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Urd collapsed to the ground, her hands covering her ears. "Make it stop make it stop make... uhh." The Goddess of the Past fell facefirst, unconscious. "And now for the finish," Sephiroth proclaimed. He ran over to Urd, raised Masamune, and thrust it down into her torso. He then stepped back and said, "Bolt 3." An enormous lightning bolt tore through Masamune and Urd, giving her a thorough charge on the outside and the inside. Sephiroth retrieved Masamune, cleaned and sheathed it, then looked to his fallen prey. "That should take care of you for a while," he said. "Nothing can keep me from what is mine. Not angels, not goddesses, not even the false God herself." With that, the One-Winged Angel turned and proceeded once again for Terminal Dogma. * * * * * B-ko's eyes turned to stars as she watched her perfectly bishounen crush fly away. When he was gone, she turned to the Disciples of the Void. "OK! I, B-ko Daitokuji, the best pilot in the world, shall be your opponent! I will crush you for my Sephy-chan!" This comment, well-intended though it may have been, brought Yashiro to his knees in convulsive laughter. "You've got to be KIDDING me! You're in a mech shaped like a giant friggin' JAWA! What are you gonna do, 'Utinni!' us to death?" He had a point. B-ko's Mech of the Week(tm) was currently swathed in enough dark brown muslin to knit Godzilla a bathrobe. The only visible parts of it were two dark orange, paddle-like feet and glowing, white eyes shaped like giant ellipsoids. Her roaring bitch laugh(tm, Naga the White Serpent) cut through the sounds of destruction like a hot knife through earwax thanks to the amplification of her mech's soundsystem. "Ha! How little you know, peons! The great B-ko's super-ultra-mega top secret Omega Project can now be revealed in all its glory! BEHOLD!" With a flourish, the mech swept the covering of brown cloth off, which flickered and then disappeared in true fighting game style. Glinting in the hellish light of the day, B-ko's new secret weapon stood tall and proud over the ensuing wreckage of Tokyo-3. It inspired awe. Fear. Envy. ][ UNSCHEDULED 3-ON-1 GRUDGE MATCH ][ CHRIS/YASHIRO/SHERMIE vs. B-KO ][ FIGHT! It caused the Disciples of the Void to facefault so hard the pavement cracked for twenty yards in all directions. Standing before them, in all its awesome terror, was a 10-story mechanical Voiduck. "BEHOLD!" B-ko bellowed, shattering windows for blocks. "My OMEGA PROJECT...VOIDTRON Mark 6! OOOOOHOHOHOHOHO!" To emphasize the point, the Voidtron put a dark orange wing to its beak with the whine of servos and machinery. "It's SO CUTE!" Shermie squealed, clapping her hands together and bouncing up and down like a tidal wave, her breasts doing the same in a .5-second time delay. "I want one! Nee, Yashiro, I WANT ONE!" Pulling himself up, and snagging the dazed-and-confused Chris in one hand as he did so, Yashiro LOOMED over Shermie angrily as the Voidtron continued to belt out a mechanical bitch laugh in the background, B-ko totally lost in her own genius. "Are you INSANE? Pull yourself together!" Gazing up at the giant duck, the biggest of the Disciples pursed his lips. This was going to be tricky. "We need a strategy...a brilliant plan." He brought his hand to his chin, letting Chris fall to the ground, and lost himself in thought. "Something worthy of the Void..." That's what he WOULD have said, in any case, had he noticed Shermie and Chris running away at high speeds as the top six floors of a nearby office building landed on his position, tossed by the Voidtron. "OOOHOHOHO! Foolish little man, you cannot hope to face the power of the Voidtron Mark-6!" B-ko boomed, as the dust settled. Her laugh quickly trailed off, however, as she looked down and saw an angry and, most importantly, not crushed flat Yashiro standing amid the wreckage, her perfect throw having somehow aimed a skylight directly at him, leaving him unhurt by many metric tons of skyscraper. "That tears it! I'm gonna rip you a new egg hole, duck!" he snarled, running for the mecha's webbed feet, Shermie and Chris following after at a more leisurely pace, so that neither of them broke a nail. "Ha! Bring it on!" B-ko taunted, sitting back in her padded chair and popping open a soda behind the mecha-Voiduck's glowing eyes. What resulted was an impressive display of Orochi melee and powered-fighting prowess. Yashiro launched kicks of devastating power, and energy blast after energy blast drawn from his power of scorched earth. Chris sent blazing flame after punishing blazing flame at the giant mallard, pushing his Flame of Destiny to the limit. "Yoush! Now it's Shermie's turn! IKEMASU!" With that, Shermie of the Insanely Violent Hairdo leaped upward and, in a mighty kick, tried to Shermie Spiral a 90-foot mechanical servant of the Void. The end result was reasonably predictable. "WAAAH! Yashiro, I think I broke a THIGH!" she wailed, sobbing, as she rocked back and forth on the ground near the duck's giant feet, holding her hips in pain. Her companions would have helped, had they not been planted in the ground in poses that defied laws of conventional biology. "Enough of this amusement!" B-ko said, draining her Dr. Pepper and tossing it in the handy recycling bin (she was nothing if not thorough). "Prepare to see the true power of the Voidtron Mark 6! FORM BLAZING BEAK!" With a sickening mechanical crunch, the giant Voiduck bellowed a massive "[VOI!]", and then ripped off its own beak. Doing a few Ultraman powerposes in between, it held the beak up like a blade, and at B-ko's shouted command it burst into purple flame. Before the Disciples could recover from Shermie's flagrant display of her MENSA qualifications, B-ko's ear-gratingly oujyousama voice snarled "SHIEN KUCHIBASHI ZAN!" at the top of her lungs (with appropriate kanji at the bottom of the screen). Voidtron Mk-6, in a blaze of glory (or, in any case, a blaze of beak) slashed his waterfowl weaponry at its opponents, sending them rocketing into the stratosphere in a storm of purple fire. Smiling, B-ko popped open another Dr. Pepper as the DoV'ers made their exit. "Looks like the Void is blasting off again. Heh." * * * * * In the launch bay for Eva-00, all was not dark. Just most of it. One of Bison's earlier targets had, apparently, been what he thought was NERV's only power supply. The artillery fire his forces had been laying out had quickly leveled this facility, but NERV had several backups. Nevertheless, the lights in the loading bay for Eva Unit 00 were flickering. This didn't worry Rei, though; she knew that the loading mechanism for her Eva's entry plug had priority with the power supply, and a diesel generator in case that went out. So, as always, Rei was very calm as she walked quickly along the elevated walkway leading to the platform which would give her access to the Eva's entry plug, and that didn't change when the lights went off. It was when the lights came back on that Rei became afraid. Mind you, Rei didn't seem afraid; it's a rare day that Rei seems anything but disconnected from the world. But Rei was not stupid, and it's a well-known fact that when someone who has a record of openly despising you shows up in a suit of chitinous armor with a sword of hellfire, a few claw-tipped tentacles, and a big happy unfriendly grin that fearing for your safety is a top priority. "Hello, you wretched, spineless ball of putrescence," Asuka seethed as a how-do-you-do. "hello," Rei calmly responded, before Asuka wrapped one of her new tentacles around Rei's neck, cutting off the flow of words. ][ UNSCHEDULED GRUDGE MATCH ][ REI AYANAMI vs. ASUKA SORYUU LANGLEY ][ FIGHT! Training and discipline easily took control of the instinctless mind of Rei, causing her AT-Field to rise at full strength, severing the tentacle and defending Rei from any more direct assaults from her opponent. Her opponent didn't stop grinning as Rei turned and ran, hoping to get to her Eva and into Terminal Dogma before Asuka could kill her; if Rei died, the Commander's plan would fail, and he would disapprove of Rei's failure. Watching Rei turn and run seemed to amuse Asuka. "Ha! You can't escape me that easily, doll!" And to prove it, not only did she give chase, but she also sent orders to the bit of tentacle around Rei's neck, which once again constricted, digging its clawed edge into Rei's neck and drawing a tiny trickle of blood. Rei almost looked startled before she grabbed the bit of tentacle and wrenched it off of her neck, throwing it to the ground. The tentacle impacted on the metal walkway with the sound of a wet sponge, and promptly stood on end, wavering upright like a charmed cobra. Asuka had approached Rei's Field, and was preparing to use her new hell-powers to bore through it while her squirmy little minion kept the puppet busy. Rei tried to think of a solution to this problem, and quickly succeeded. Reforming her AT-Field closer to herself, she pushed outward with it. It impacted against first the tentacle bit, crushing it outright, and then against Asuka. The immense force of the blow sent Asuka careening in an ungraceful arc toward the entrance to the cavernous hold, where she impacted against the wall with a loud crack. Asuka quickly pulled herself out of the wall. While the wall behind her now displayed a bas-relief of her backside, her armor had protected her from the brunt of the damage. She grinned madly again, and started in on a deranged chuckle. "Hmm-hmm-hmmmm, you can't escape me, Reeeei," she announced in almost a singsong voice. "Because I have power, now, power granted by my dark Lord. Power to burn!" And to prove it, she threw a torrent of hellfire towards Rei. The deep red flames slammed against Rei's AT-Field, splashing off in a cascade of fire and filling the area with the pungent stink of sulfur. Rei ground her teeth, and tried to keep her field up in the face of Asuka's assault. Several seconds passed like this, Asuka walking towards her prey slowly, still wearing a feral grin on her face. Then the doors of the entrance swung open, and several NERV goons poured through, carrying pistols or light submachineguns. Asuka turned to them, distracted from her original prey. "FREEZE!" ordered an operative who was clearly unaware of what was going on. While Asuka merrily slaughtered the goons, Rei ran once more for her Eva's entry plug. She made it while Asuka was still preoccupied, and as the plug slid into place, and Unit-00's optical input came on just in time to allow Rei to see Asuka commanding her new legion of undead former-NERV-operatives to open fire. But by then it was too late. Rei entered the sortie command into her controls and disappeared into the maze of massive tunnels that would lead her to Terminal Dogma, where Commander Ikari waited for her. * * * * * "Now where am I?" Hiroshi examined his surroundings, paying special attention to every last detail. He drank in every wall decoration, every word on the floor, ceiling, walls and barricades. He thought over and analyzed his findings, coming to an astounding conclusion. "I'm somewhere inside NERV." He already KNEW that, but nothing he could find after fifteen minutes of wandering told him anything about where exactly he was in relation to where Rei would be at a time like this. "When she was called away by Gendo one week, she said she had to report to 'Terminal Dogma,'" Hiroshi mumbled as he rounded another corner in the endless metal network of tunnels. "But where is it?" Hiroshi began jogging down the next corridor when he was startled by a sudden motion in front of him. A tall, attractive purple-haired woman popped out from behind a metal barricade and leveled a pistol at Hiroshi. "Who are you, what are you doing here and how do you know about Terminal Dogma? Answer me quickly; I'm not afraid to use this." She waved her pistol, indicating that Hiroshi should start talking. And soon. Hiroshi, fearing for his life, obligingly answered. "I'm Hiroshi; I used to work for Ultra? I don't know if you're a fan of the show, but you have to know that Shinji, Asuka and Rei are all competitors, right?" The woman nodded. "Rei mentioned it -- Terminal Dogma, that is -- once, the place where Gendo called her to when they needed her to pilot EVA-00. Anyway, I need to find Rei. Do you know where she is?" The NERV official thought for a moment. "Oh, so you're the Hiroshi that Rei's mentioned. At least you look like him. Prove it!" Misato shoved her gun into Hiroshi's face. Hiroshi gulped, nervously trying to figure out what he could do to prove his identity on short notice. Finally he came up with the answer. "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME ULTRAVIOLENCE?!" Hiroshi yelled, each word echoing down the corridor. Misato nodded approvingly. "Yep! That's the loud boy she always talked about! Though could you keep it down a little? I've got no qualms about killing anyone who gets in my way, but I'd prefer not to attract all that much attention." She dropped her gun to her waist. "I'm Misato Katsuragi. I can help you find her, so long as you understand that the only reason I let you live is because Rei knows and apparently trusts you. You picked a fine time to visit, you know that?" she asked as she ran her free hand through her bangs. Hiroshi nodded. "Sorry. I'm just worried about her." "That's okay. Now, let's get going. This way!" Misato motioned for Hiroshi to follow as she began running down the hallway. Hiroshi dutifully obeyed, keeping in line with Misato's footsteps to avoid becoming lost in the maze of NERV headquarters again. * * * * * "Hiro-kun! Hiro-kun, where are you?" Lilith sighed. This place was so confusing! "How am I supposed to find Hiro-kun like this?" she complained, though the only person that could hear her was herself. She flew forward a bit more, reaching a branch in the hallways. She blinked at her surroundings. "I think I've been here before." She frowned. She had to find him. Ever since he ran off after that emotionless girl... Not that he'd choose Rei over her, of course. Never that. She was sure he ran after her just to say that it was over between them. Yes, that had to be the entire reason he took her to Ultra. To tell her it was over in the same place it started. She was sure of it. But she wanted to be positive. Glancing around a second time, Lilith put a finger to her cheek, then flew to the right. "Hiro-kun!" she called. * * * * * It's really surprising how stealthy a 300-foot-tall biomechanical construct can be, so long as it's piloted by someone who knows what they're doing. Since Rei knew what she was doing better than anyone else (whether or not they had been better, Asuka and Shinji technically didn't count right now, having bonded with their Evas), she was fairly quiet maneuvering her Eva into the sea of LCL in Terminal Dogma. It was still more than enough clamor to catch anyone's attention, though; for an Eva, 'quiet' is about eighty decibels. Shinji looked up from the misery of his current crucifixion and Gendo turned to reguard Eva-00, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he did so. "You are late, Rei," said Gendo. As usual, he avoided pleasantries; they would likely be lost on Rei, at any rate. Eva-00 turned, looking down to focus its single cyclopean eye on the nominal commander of NERV. The Eva's external loudspeaker crackled to life, delivering the inevitable apology. "gomen, commander ikari." "It is time, Rei. You will merge with Shinji, and start the Third Impact." "hai." Turning from the platform on which Gendo stood, Rei began walking calmly towards the center of the dull orange sea and the island which held the cross upon which Shinji, in his hulking Eva form, hung. Shinji was not moving much -- you wouldn't be, either, if you were pinned to a gigantic cross with a divine lance sticking out of you -- but his mind was not idle. He knew what was happening, and he knew he had to stop it. But Shinji was worried. This was, of course, nothing new; Shinji was used to being worried, or mopey, or at least angsty in some form or another. However, his usual fare of "I musn't run away" didn't apply here, because even if he decided to, he *couldn't* run away. He was stuck. His father was going to use him to start the Third Impact, all because of some silly prophecy, or because he missed his wife, or whatever. But he wasn't the only one being used; Rei was a pawn in this, as well. Perhaps, if he could change her mind, get her to see reason, then the end of the world could be averted... Shinji managed to loll his massive, steel-girded head about to face Rei directly, and attempted to articulate his plea. Lacking the energy to do so, however, his Eva merely moaned; a low, mournful noise which echoed off of the far walls of the cavernous underground. He couldn't talk. He hardly had the energy to even open his mouth while in Eva form, and he couldn't change back, so verbal communication was out of the question. But Rei was different, and he was too, now, and so he could communicate with her in a different way. , he spoke, directly into her mind. Rei stopped for a moment. Suddenly, the door to the platform swung open as Misato and Hiroshi stormed into the room. Rei turned partway to regard them as they began shouting for her to stop. She immediately recognized Hiroshi and stopped moving, her normally straightforward thoughts suddenly wracked with indecision. Gendo had no such problems. He immediately pulled out a pistol and began shooting in the direction of the two new arrivals. Misato screamed and dropped her own gun as the first shot caught her on the edge of her shoulder. Hiroshi managed not to get killed long enough to raise an AT-Field to protect both him and the now-wounded Captain. Seeing this and knowing he couldn't hurt the two interlopers while Hiroshi's Field was raised, Gendo instead turned to urge Rei on; he would see this finished one way or another. "REI!" the Commander bellowed, "merge with Shinji!" Eva-00 stood still. As Gendo continued to shout orders at Rei, Hiroshi helped Misato up. "Are you alright, Katsuragi-san?" "I'm fine," Misato lied through clenched teeth. "Hiroshi, I need you to lower your AT-Field." "But--" "Do it," Misato ordered, picking her gun up and taking careful aim at Commander Ikari. "This is something that's long overdue, anyway." Hiroshi complied, and silently prayed to Lina that this wouldn't get him killed. Again. He was on his last body, after all. Rei had finally given in to the Commander's orders, and was turning back to Shinji. Gendo, satisfied, turned back to look at his other problem; he did so just in time to catch a bullet with his left eye. His face betrayed no sign of surprise as he fell awkwardly to the platform overlooking the orange sea, and there, facing the distorted figure of his son on the cross, Gendo Ikari died the unflappable evil bastard he had lived as. Rei paused, turning to look at the body of Gendo Ikari. She stepped forward somewhat hesitantly towards Shinji again. "Rei!" Hiroshi ran as fast as he could towards the girl in the Eva. She looked down at Hiroshi. "yes?" "Rei! I've finally made up my mind! In fact, I've always known this! Well... I think I've always known this! Or something! I um... I guess I love you! Wow! I do love you!" Hiroshi cried, falling to his knees in front of her. "Please, accept me. I can't tell you how much I feel for you. I've never felt this way about anyone before." "lilith?" "You honestly think I could really love her? For a while I was confused, she is awfully cute and all...but now I'm certain! It's only you. Nabiki wanted me to get together with her because it'd be better for TV." Hiroshi sighed. "Just, believe me, Rei. I'm begging you." Rei looked somewhat thoughtful. "yes, I do." She stepped back, settled the EVA and climbed out of the entry plug. Hiroshi walked forward to meet her, holding his hands out. "Rei, I just want to say that, I'm sorry for all that I've put you through, and I want to say again that I lo--huh!" "Hiro-kun! I've saved you from that awful nasty clone girl!" Lilith smiled at Hiroshi as she fell rapidly to earth from an overhead entry tunnel. "Lilith?! What are you doing--urk!" Hiroshi was then crushed by his overenthusiastic lover. "Sorry, Hiro-kun!" Lilith moved off of Hiroshi to glare at Rei. "Now see here, Nabiki told me that Hiro-kun really loved me, and not you! So just go away!" "i don't think so, lilith." "Lilith *cough* what about my *hack* feelings on the matter? *wheeze*" Hiroshi managed to get out. "You just don't know what you're feeling, Hiroshi. So let me tell you." Lilith turned to Hiroshi and glomped him. "You love me!" "Get off of me!" Hiroshi pushed the surprised Lilith away and went to stand by Rei. "I love Rei, not you." "What?" Lilith's eyes grew wide, and then narrowed as she looked at Rei. "What did you do to him, you witch?" "i did not do anything to him." Her eyes narrowed as well as she stared at Lilith. "i think you should leave." Lilith snarled and started to go towards Rei, but was blocked by Hiroshi. "Hiro-kun, get out of my way." "No," Hiroshi looked very nervous, but stood his ground. "I don't want to hurt you, but really, Hiro-kun--" Rei looked up at Shinji, the other two potential combatants following her gaze and finally noticing Shinji. "in a moment, shinji. lilith, get away from Hiroshi." Lilith stuck her tongue out at Rei and continued to hold onto Hiroshi. Rei ignored her and walked back to her Eva. "Uh, get off of me, Lilith," Hiroshi said, pulling the succubus off of him and started walking after Rei. "Rei, do you need any help?" "don't worry, I can handle this. wait." "Okay." Lilith appeared on the verge of tears. "But, Hiro-kun..." Rei was in the process of climbing back into Eva Unit-00 when the bone-marrow-curdling shriek echoed throughout Terminal Dogma. All eyes scanned quickly for the source... just in time for the source to make its grand entrance. A blood-red claw of Godzilla-like proportions shredded its way through the ceiling of the chamber. The claw quickly was followed by a hulking form, an unholy thing with razor sharp protrusions and wings that looked like a madman had designed them after seeing too many bats in the corner of his eyes while hooked on mescaline. It landed next to the still idle Unit 00, the impact thundering through the 'floor' of Terminal Dogma; enough of a tremor to knock Rei back to the catwalk. It let out a guttural scream and advanced on Shinji... Shinji, who stared at it sadly. Eyes knowing what they truly saw. Asuka Langley... The mutated Evangelion Unit 02 dug its claws into Shinji's shoulders. Misato fired off a few rounds at the beast, as if that had a chance of stopping it. The sinking feeling of dread in those present was not unfounded. Hiroshi moved quickly, running to save Rei, but Lilith latched to his arm in an effort to stop him. "Hiroshi-kun! It's too dangerous here!" she yelled. "We've got to stay back--" Asuka reared her head back, and lunged forward suddenly, biting into Shinji even as her claws tore at him. His Evangelion form convulsed in pain. Everyone watched, in abject terror (and slight nausea) as the two Evangelions glowed briefly... Like moths to the flame, people began trickling into the scene. Sephiroth limped into the room, with a worried B-ko in battle-bikini following. "Sephy-kun, energy readings are going off the scale!" she announced. Voiduck and the Disciples of the Void were next, dragging themselves into the room and eyed everyone wearily. Seeing Asuka and Shinji glowing brighter, Voiduck punched his fin in the air. "[VOI]!" From another entrance, a totally disheveled Terry was helped in by Naga. Gourry stood nearby, the Hikari no Ken in his hands and active. Naga leaned Terry up against the wall, so she could have fully free movement... not that she knew what to do. "Lina will not like this," she thought aloud. Then Dan walked into the room. This by itself almost caused Asuka to look over at him, along with everyone else. Normally someone walking around would be normal, but not for Dan Hibiki. There was no taunting. No rolling, nor any flexing. In his arms he carried Urd's comatose form, but didn't glance to her... he instead surveyed the room wearily, his eyes narrowing at Asuka and Shinji. Dan set Urd down, and stood beside Naga, quietly; joining the forces of Heaven -- and was the first to see a familiar figure blinking into existence upon the shoulder of Asuka. Second to see it was Naga. "XELLOSS!" Xelloss turned and waved at Naga, smiling. He then leaned into Asuka's ear, whispering into the giant Eva... Asuka didn't respond, as she was biting into Shinji, but instead began to melt. Xelloss teleported away, reappearing next to Voiduck and the DoV. "Well done, everyone! Well done. Cookies all around! Now, let's get back to the Void to enjoy the show. All you Heaven fanboys, well... have a nice apocalypse, you hear? Ta ta." With that, all of them vanished. No fireworks, no sparklies, just nothingness. That did it. Dan's internal drama had been pent up like Hoover Dam with the floodgates shut; it poured forth in one blast, as his pink aura of taunting legend flared up bright enough to annoy Naga. The forearm was extended. The fist was made. Both were throbbing with fury. Then, in a booming voice that gave everybody quite a start, he called out to the demonic Eva. "We shall stop you, Asuka!" Godhead Taunting Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki foretold "Whatever your nefarious scheme is, whatever the plan, we shall RESCUE Shinji, and--" His flexing was paused as Shinji began to melt as well. "Er... we shall AVENGE Shinji," he corrected, "And then--" The two melted Evas began to merge into one, a swirling liquid form that defied physics. The light ramped up hard, brighter and brighter, just to the point of blinding... but nobody could take their eyes off the spectacle, no matter how much it hurt. In the back of their heads the assembled forces felt a sensation. Racial memory knew exactly what it was, even if they weren't fully aware. It was the moment of clarity one gets when they know everything is about to come to an end. It is the curtain call of the soul. "Uh... um. Oosha?" Dan taunted weakly, his moxie drained by this. Luckily a portal snapped opened, and Skuld's peeked out. "This place is about to blow!" she announced. "Everyone out! Out out OUT!" The forces of Heaven quickly grabbed their injured and made a beeline for the portal. Lilith helped Misato towards the portal, while Hiroshi ran for Rei. He was almost there, almost able to save her... just as a black portal opened and a tall figure in red stepped out. He grabbed Hiroshi by the collar and pulled him face to face, grinning ear to ear, as he often did. "Why, my boy, I believe you're missing your ride," he joked... before he hurled the helpless teenager towards Heaven's portal. Hiroshi twisted and rolled to his feet in a rare act of agility, just in time to see Bison grabbing Rei by the neck. Another black portal opened up, a Shadowlaw hover floating out with speed. Latching onto Eva-00 with hooks, it hauled the entire rig through the portal, Bison following immediately after... with Rei. His body started to shake, to twitch. He scrabbled, trying to get his legs to run, to run back and save Rei, screaming her name-- Lilith swerved over to him, and scooped him up into her arms. "Hiro-kun, we HAVE to go!" she shouted, as she pulled him through Heaven's gateway... the disc sealing itself shut behind them. Sephiroth began patting his pockets, as a large bead of comical sweat slid down B-ko's head. "Ah, Sephie, I left my portal generator with my Mecha! Do you have a teleport spell in there?" He ignored her, digging through his pockets. "Town portal. Town portal. The son of Jenova knows he has a town portal materia *somewhere* in his.. aha." He pulled it out and held it up dramatically. "Town Portal." And it failed to respond. The future god of all creation frowned quite irritably. "Town Portal," he repeated, as the light from the Evas got brighter. "I said, *Town* *Portal*." "Let me try!" B-ko grabbed the materia. "Town Portal, ULTRADOME!" A shimmering blue portal opened in front of them. Sephiroth let out a sigh. "Thank you, B-ko." "WAAI!" Heart eyed, B-ko glomped onto Sephiroth. "You DO care!" "Urk." Sephiroth inched them to the portal. "Must... get... out." He finally succeeded in dragging them to the portal and promptly tripped. They stumbled into the portal unceremoniously, which in the spirit of all things portal-like, closed mere seconds after their exit. Seconds afterward, the melted purple and red evas had fully mixed together and reformed as a purple and red Eva. The colors spectrum went through near-perverted bends and twists as the internal struggle for control raged on... moments passed, as the purple slowly began to vanish, and the Eva began to grow. A black wave of power enveloped Tokoyo-3 and started slowly spreading outward... * * * * * Back in the Katsuragi residence, which was strangely unharmed by the shelling earlier, Pen-Pen emerged from his freezer and waddled over to the fridge for a beer. He reached for one, then looked around curiously. His head tilted as he couldn't believe his eyes. Penguins. Dozens of penguins! He waddled toward one, and it touched him. At last. Other penguins! It had been so long... Pen-Pen collapsed into a pile of yellow goo. * * * * * Leftover Shadowlaw forces, still making their way to retreat portals which suddenly ceased to exist were caught by the blast, and all shared moments of amazement as long lost loves came to their vision momentarily and spoke to them. One by one, each of the soldiers turned to yellow liquid, the heartblood of the sea of existence. The phenomenon wasn't restricted to Tokyo-3, either. The wave soon enveloped all of Japan. It swept over the Ultradome in the blink of an eye, past Tokyo Tower, on to the suburbs... In the Tendou residence, Kasumi watched the developments with a faded smile on her face. Dr. Tofu sweated profusely beside her. "Kasumi," he asked, voice muted with fear, "Aren't you worried?" "They'll save us. They always do," she spoke. Kasumi smiled to Dr. Tofu, then her eyes lost focus... the feeling washing over her, one she knew by heart ever since her tenure as the one responsible for all of this... such a wonderful feeling. "Oh my..." * * * * * Asuka cackled gleefully from within the uber-Evangelion. "Soon my masters shall have what they want! THIS WORLD SHALL RETURN TO THE VOID!" With one final sigh of relief, Japan crumbled into nothingness. Slowly but surely, the wave of power spread outward, towards the rest of the world. * * * * * "GOD DAMMIT!" No one decided to point out that Lina was telling herself to damn something. She paced a hole in the floor of Heaven's war room, nerves riding on a razor's edge. "Tell me she's not doing what I think she's doing," Lina nearly begged. "Tell me this is NOT happening..." Skuld typed furiously at the computer. "She's returning the entire universe to the void, starting with Earth." Skuld slumped a little at her seat. "All those souls..." Everyone was quiet. Billions of souls were in danger of snuffing out, with nary a care for who they were or what they were doing. Instant lemon pudding. Lina looked wistfully in the direction Urd had been carried off in, then at Terry who was still looking as if he'd seen better weeks. Lina sighed heavily. Her head hung and she muffled in a sob. Belldandy walked up and put a hand on your shoulder, "You did all you could." Lina sighed herself to a halt. A glance at Naga and Gourry confirmed that they too were thinking similar thoughts. Suddenly Dan cried out in a manly sob, "WAAAAAAH!" Tears streamed down his cheeks. "We have failed you Lina-sama!" His gi somehow managed to tear halfway off, showing off his impressive physique. Without warning, yet another alarm sounded in the control center of Heaven. Lina blinked, "That alarm sounds different." Belldandy went so pale she was almost translucent. "That's the most dangerous alarm in Heaven... whatever is going on is a direct threat to Heaven itself!" The klaxon chose then to stop ringing, leaving the room in total silence, save for the sound of Skuld clicking away. Moments later Skuld turned around. "The void effect isn't going to stop. Asuka knows *exactly* what she is doing, and Third Impact will continue to spread throughout the universe, and then into Heaven." More silence. Naga blinked in recollection, then said softly, "All shall return to the void..." Skuld nodded. "It's not stopping. We have to go in there and stop her. Directly." Slamming her hand on a table she summoned just for the purpose of breaking it in two, Lina let out a cry of anger. "TELL me I can get in there!" Belldandy peered over Skuld's shoulder at the screen. "I'm sorry. The danger is greater now than ever before. If you go and somehow get defeated, the universe would be lost even if you managed to stop Asuka in the process. I understand you're the Lord, but this is a total unknown; it's just too risky, Lina." Lina sighed, and surveyed the room. Her forces were already injured or tired. She needed Belldandy and Skuld to try to stave off this thing somehow. That camera pod from Ultra wasn't going to help matters any. Dan might... Camera pod? "We're on Ultra too? Oh, joy." Everyone sweatdropped as they noticed the camera. Lina waved at the camera. "Hi everyone! If I don't think of something soon, we're all gonna die! I hope this is good ratings!" She swatted the camera away out of annoyance, but didn't destroy it. They had as much a right to know as anyone else. "Belldandy... can we work up a special blessing for me to endow to permit people to enter the Third Impact event horizon without gooping?" Belldandy turned to Skuld, and they shared a glance. She nodded, "A shielding effect should be possible." Lina nodded, then turned to Naga. "Naga... this isn't going to be easy." "OHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOHO! Naga the White Serpent is ready to take on that little girl with her new boytoy attached at the hip if need too!" Naga's smile projected more confidence than it carried. Lina put her hand on Naga's forehead, and both women glowed briefly. Gourry put his hand on Lina's as she withdrew it. "Me too, Lina. I missed out on fighting back there, and I'm one of your only fresh fighters." "Gourry, this isn't a simple brawl. You're a good swordsman, but.." Gourry held up this sword. "Don't worry. I have this. I'll make do. At very least I'll make a good point man for Naga. We have to do this, Lina." Lina sighed, then looked up at him with big eyes. "Gourry..." "Please, Lina." Lina sighed and put her hand to his head. Again, she glowed and after a moment so did he. "Be careful." "YOSH! You have nothing to fear, Lina Inverse, for Taunting Godhead Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki shall accompany them!" Dan glowed the same as the others, using his own godhead powers. He flexed his forearm mightily. Lina giggled despite herself. "I won't stand in your way Dan." She took them in one last time. "Be careful everyone." They nodded. Lina signalled to Skuld, and after a few clicks, a portal opened. The portal began to slurp the air out of the room, but by Will of Lina, no one got sucked away. The three warriors looked around the room one last time. "Dan!" Hiroshi stood straight and flexed his forearm at the pink legend. "You can do it! OOSHA!" Dan smiled while everyone else sweatdropped. "For Earth! For Heaven! For Oyaji!" Off in the background someone yelled for his damned fool son to shut up, godhead slice or no godhead slice. "We shall be victorious! OOOOOSHA!" The three stepped into the portal. Lina's smile faded. Her shoulders slumped, and she softly sighed. "Good luck." * * * * * Ultra is the number one rated show in the world for a reason. All across the globe everyone (who was not a runny fluid) watched as the forces in heaven strategized. The Ultra PPV, while a rarity at midseason, was so popular that extra satellites had been put into orbit after the first one just to handle the load. So as Dan, Naga, and Gourry stepped into that portal, they had the hopes and dreams of the entire world with them... * * * * * In the Vatican, the audience was silent. The vendors had stopped selling, and had come out to sit on the steps to the seats. If the show had been packed before, now it was literally teeming. Staff members, security, even the legal department abandoned their posts and sat watching the Vatican UltraTron. Fighters had wandered in from backstage and watched the display helplessly. Sephiroth and B-ko appeared at the ramp to no fanfare, and quietly took up chairs on ring side amongst other fighters. Next to Sephiroth, CyberAkuma sat munching popcorn. He gestured over to the Son of Jenova, and grunted a word of power. "Popcorn?" Sephiroth took some and passed a little on to B-ko. Yohko glared over at them, "How can you eat at a time like this?" Sephiroth leveled a glance at her, "Like this." He calmly popped some popcorn into his mouth. The end of everything would be something of a nuisance to his plans, but if things turned out that way he certainly wouldn't be around to fret about it afterwards. * * * * * Back in the United States, a figure was pacing in his living room. "Damn! If we were still there... DAMNIT! We could help! We could DO something!" Johnny Cage then tripped on the carpet, stubbed his toe, and fell on the carpet, breaking his sunglasses. "Oh Johnnnyy.." Sofia stood in the doorway to the bedroom wearing... well... her whip. Johnny stood with a nosebleed, from the fall or from the view one couldn't be sure. "Sofia? You want to... NOW?" "Well Johnny, if the world is going to end in five minutes, we might as well keep busy." Sofia softly extended the whip around Johnny's neck and drew him close. "Come on..." He followed her back to the bedroom. "But what about the other three minutes..?" * * * * * Back in what used to be Tokyo-3, all that existed was a shallow puddle of LCL fluid and a swirling mist. A dark purple nebulous area known as the Void. In the midst of this, the uber-Evangelion sat idle, its dark energy running its course through the planet. But in its mind a dark confrontation was taking place. The mind of the uber-Eva was a dark place, filled with thunder, lightening and gray clouds. In the middle of this, a boy sat in a school uniform. His knees huddled to his chest, he muttered quietly. "I cannot run away. I cannot run away." He slowly stood, and outside, the purple flecks on the outside of the Eva began to grow again. Shinji quietly made a fist in the brain of the Eva. "I cannot run away." "Oh, so now baka wants to come out and play." Asuka appeared in front of Shinji in full demonic plugsuit, protrusions extending and all. Shinji paled, but stood firm. "Asuka, can't you see that destroying everything is wrong? Misato... Pen-Pen... Kaji..." Shinji reached for her quietly. "Please Asuka, snap out of it." She seemed quiet, and the demonic extensions of her plugsuit diminished, slowly sinking back into the armor. "Kaji..." Shinji nodded, "Everyone at NERV is dead because of us. We have to stop this now, before anyone else gets hurt." Asuka's armor suddenly faded into her school uniform. A tear welled up in her eye. "I've... I've hurt so many people." She reached forward to hug Shinji, and he accepted the hug. She quietly sobbed into his small form. She held him tightly, and he slowly reached around and patted her on his back. He really hadn't been expecting her to come to her senses that quickly. She suddenly pulled back, but kept her arms around him. "Shinji... Do you still find me attractive?" Shinji had to fight to keep from jerking away in surprise. "I... uh..." "Shinji... I want to kiss you..." "Asuka, I don't think--" She leaned in close and softly kissed him on the lips. At first he resisted, then he relaxed himself into it. Her arms wrapped tight around him, her 'body' sensually pressing into his. He didn't hear her start giggling maniacally until it was too late. Suddenly her armor grew back into full demonic splendor, and he found himself stabbed multiple times. Shinji fell to the ground twitching. Asuka smiled, and licked a little bit of blood off her lips. "You always were a good kisser, baka." Outside, the Uber-Evangelion turned blood red. Only a small circle of purple remained on its forehead. Asuka laughed maniacally, and the Uber-Evangelion bellowed loudly for all the Void to hear. * * * * * Gourry gulped. "That sounded mean." The three holy warriors treaded through the LCL-covered Void carefully. In the horizon they saw the gigantic structure of the UberEva. Gourry looked at it again and confirmed, "That thing is huge." "OHOHOHOHOHO! Size doesn't matter Gourry, for the larger it is the harder it falls!" Naga mocked. "YOSH! In the name of all that is in the universe, we three shall defeat the mighty super Evangelion!" Dan flexed. "We must hurry my friends. I shall use my mighty MIGHT and teleport us to the enemy!" Naga and Gourry sweatdropped and looked a little hesitant. Gourry rubbed his stomach, "Teleporting gives me an upset stomach..." "OOSHA! I feel for you, my mighty friend! But we must be off!" Dan grabbed both their hands and glowed a pinkish light. They disappeared in a flash, and reappeared on the Evangelion's foot. It was then that they realized that they were roughly the size of one of its toe hairs. All of them stared at it bleakly. Even Naga and Dan seemed a little less blusterous. Suddenly the Eva laughed, causing them to fall to the ground. Gingerly, they stood in time to see the UberEva actually shrinking down to human size. Asuka's form took shape, and she smiled evilly. Her armor protruded even farther out, and she had a sword made out of pure hellfire. "Do the little heroes want to play?" "Foolish girl! I have defeated you before, and I shall defeat you again! OHOHOHOHO!" Naga stood in a position ready to chant off a quick spell. "YOSH! YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE THE MIGHTY FISTS OF DAN HIBIKI! FOR EARTH! FOR URD! FOR LINA-SAMA! YOU. SHALL. FALL." Dan glowed of bright pink energy the entire time, but it suddenly flared up in a huge wind-causing blast. "[OOOSHA]!" Gourry simply smiled and pulled out the Hikari no Ken. "Hikari yo!" His sword transformed itself into a sword of pure light. "You can't win." Asuka tilted her head back and laughed loudly, the laugh hinting at the roar of an Eva, a subtle reminder of the power in the frame of this teenage girl. She grinned larger a normal human should be able to, and whispered, "Bring it on.." "FREEZE ARROW!" Magical ice in the shape of an arrow shot out at Asuka, who casually held up a hand to fire a blast of hellfire out that not only melted the arrow but forced Naga to jump out of the way. Gourry charged with the Hikari no Ken even as Naga attacked, but Asuka parried with her sword of Hellfire. Spinning easily on one heel, she kicked Gourry in the back, sending him plowing through LCL with a splash. Her upper body swiveled down as she kicked, and a "Dan-Dan kick to the Head!" went flying over her. The pink warrior sailed into the ground with a tumble. Asuka laughed maniacally and skipped over to Gourry. "Is that all you have?" Gourry stood and swung at Asuka. Their swords clashed, energy radiating in all directions. Only the light-absorbing nature of Asuka's dark weapon kept the display from blinding the observers. As white struck black, Asuka twisted her wrist, lessening the pressure on Gourry's sword. He stumbled forward and she swept across his body, opening a gash through his armor that penetrated to the flesh below. Even as Gourry let out a howl of pain at the hell blade's touch, Asuka struck again. She moved with precision, giving him no option but to go on the defensive. "FLARE ARROW!" A flaming arrow struck Asuka in the back, sending her off balance. Gourry saw an opening and slashed forward, slicing Asuka's stomach open, sending her entrails out into the LCL fluid. At least, that's what Gourry thought was going to happen. Instead, the wound sealed itself up with a hiss of sizzling flesh, and Asuka smiled at him. She held up a hand and a burst of flame came out, engulfing him. He fell to the ground singed and out cold. "Gourry! Blast it!" Naga mentally flipped through her spells, something had to have an affect on this beast. "DEMONA CRYSTAL!" Large chunks of ice began coalescing around Asuka. She rolled her eyes. "Ice again? Don't you have anything different?" An orb of flame surrounded her, melting the ice, then quickly faded. "You're just a tired old has-been, aren't you?" Her moves were slower than before, if not so much that it was immediately apparent; hell powers did not, apparently, grant invulnerability. Asuka smirked at Naga, ignoring the dull pain that still rested in her gut. "OYAJI!" Dan's foot struck Asuka in the back of the head while her attention was focused on Naga. She stumbled forward, and he leapt after, catching her in a multiple hit uppercut. Then in a flash of punches and kicks (and an occasional flexing forearm) that caught Asuka in the gut, Dan pummeled Asuka to what should've been an inch of her life. He finished with an uppercut, then landed on his feet softly. Nearly slipping on the LCL fluid, he righted himself and panted slightly. "Yosh!" Asuka landed to the ground and lay still for a moment. Then she started laughing. "You fools! You have no concept of the power I have. Lina herself would have trouble taking me on, and she can't get to me!" Dan found himself blown fifteen feet back by a blast of hellfire shooting out from Asuka's sword, and Naga had to dive out of the way yet again. Naga stood and brushed LCL fluid off of herself. "That's it little girl, I didn't want to have to do this to you, but you leave me no choice..." Behind Asuka both Gourry and Dan were rising slowly. Naga began the incantations to her spell. Asuka wasn't concerned. "You think I'll just stand here while you try to--" "SHINKUUUUU--" She turned to find Dan standing a foot behind her. "--GADOKEN!" A powerful puffball of blue ki came at her at point blank range and connected with her chest. She shuddered at the impact as the ki exploded again and again into her body. At the same time Gourry leapt into the air and came down with a swipe to cleave Asuka in two. However another sphere of hellfire appeared around her, lighting Dan on fire and blowing Gourry back. Gourry fell down with a thud and didn't look to be getting up anytime soon. He glowed briefly, then there was a popping sound. Where Gourry once lay there was nothing but a mound of goop. Dan rolled a little in LCL fluid and put out his gi. "OOOSHA! WE FIGHT ON!" The fireball subsided and Asuka giggled. "That tingled. Now... DIE!" Asuka charged Dan, sword strikes coming almost too rapidly to see as she redoubled her efforts. He parried using his mighty forearm, which got mighty singed for the effort. "YIPE!" He pulled out an autograph and parried with that. It deflected Asuka's sword swipes perfectly, while inexplicably not catching on fire. Her swings came at an increasing pace, and Dan was already tiring. With a desperate swipe, he managed to papercut her cheek. She snapped back in surprise, cheeks burning red at the ridiculous attack. "YOU... YOU... [DIEEEE]!" Lunging forward, she caught Dan in the midsection with the sword. His eyes went wide, and he fell to his knees. Asuka withdrew the sword, smiling again. "Oyaj...iii..." Dan fell facefirst in the LCL fluid. And he didn't move. Red blood slowly started to mix in with the bland LCL fluid where he lay. * * * * * The Vatican Square was silent. Not a soul was stirring. Even Sana stood still and watched the UltraTron hopelessly. Lain typed furiously at her keyboard. "According to our readings from the camera... he's still alive, but his life signs are fading fast. And Gourry..." Her words did nothing to comfort everyone who stared aghast at the monitor. Shingo sucked in a deep breath. "Dan-sensei?" The Pope quietly crossed himself and got to his knees. Across the world, deep in a sewer, a rat watched the television and sadly bowed his head. He got off a prayer before splashing to the ground as yellow goop. And in America, Sofia was faking the best time of her life. Johnny was a little annoyed when she turned into lemonade all over him, but he soon followed suit so it turned out alright. * * * * * Naga pointed dramatically and magic crackled in the air. Asuka's head snapped around to glare at her. "VU RAYWA!" The ground shook, and a dragon made entirely out of rock suddenly grew out of the ground. Asuka failed to be too impressed by the fact that it was the size of a regular Eva for a number of reasons. The stubby legs and the fact that it was facing Naga with its mouthful of stone teeth were two of them. "OHOHOHO! You shall know my true power now!" The dragon whined and circled its arms to try to stay upright. It lost its battle and slowly started falling backwards. Asuka's eyes went wide as she too late realized its trajectory. With a resounding smash, the stone dragon landed on her. There was silence in the Void for a moment. Naga blinked. "... Of course! You were no match for the wit and power and beauty of the White Serpent!" It was at that moment that a large red head *grew* right through the stone dragon. Asuka in Uber-Evangelion form threw her head back and cackled. The figure grew until it was once again the size of Asuka's original Eva. It stomped on the remains of the dragon, crushing them to pebbles. Naga's eyes went wide as a large hand scooped down quickly and picked her up. The hand squeezed her tight. "When I kill you... it's all over. You lose." The voice of the Eva was surprisingly deep and restrained. Naga struggled, then began to black out. The last thing Naga remembered was the fall to the ground and the sound of someone screaming. She was slime before she even hit the ground. Asuka looked down at her ankle. A glowing pink object was latched onto it. "Why don't you just DIE?" Dan was still bleeding and was gasping for breath, but had all four limbs solidly latched onto the ankle of the Eva. Hanging on for dear life, his body crackled with power. "OOOOOOTOKOOOOOOO..." Asuka's eyes widened slightly. "... MICHIIIIIIIII!" There was a large explosion around the Eva's foot. When the smoke cleared, the Evangelion's ankle had a scorch mark and clear liquid oozed from numerous cracks on the crimson surface. Dan was in the LCL fluid naked, his gi burnt off, a gaping wound in his gut, and his body unresponsive. He glowed for a long moment, his godlike powers fighting the inevitable. They lost. With one last flicker, Dan melted into the yellow ocean below. Third Impact seemed to absorb his powers and it pushed forward at an incredible rate. Asuka tilted her head back and roared. "IT'S OVER!" * * * * * "Hey Krillin! I was surprised to hear you came to work this week. I thought we were off duty." Krillin's head snapped around. "GOKU! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?" Goku's eyebrows raised. "What is it?" Krillin pointed at the Ultratron, "Void! Entire world go boom! God can't interfere! Everybody dying! Dan down!" Goku put his hand to Krillin's head. "Whoooa. Calm down. Here, let me read your thoughts." The images of recent events flashed through Krillin's mind and into Goku's. "... I have to go now." Krillin nodded. Goku teleported away. Krillin looked back into the stands and saw nothing but flows of goop. At ringside, the fighters began to stand, some hoping to fight off this strange apparition, but there was no hope. Shingo grabbed for Karin's hand. "I love--" was all he got out before he melted away. Krillin gasped, "This is nuts!" just before dissolving as well. * * * * * Meanwhile, Asuka was busy letting out the mother of all victory roars. She was rather surprised when someone cleared their throat at her level. She stepped back, favoring her injured leg, and blinked at the Omega Referee who floated before her. He crossed his arms and waggled his finger at her. "I know this wasn't an official Omega match, but we're still being broadcast on Ultra, so I thought I'd remind you... destroying the world and/or universe *is* a technical foul." He smiled at her. "So if you'll kindly stop..." A giant Evangelion fist swiftly punched him off into the horizon. A blur of blue ki came back and punched the Eva in the gut. Repeatedly. Asuka was winded at first, but as Goku continued his barrage, Asuka started laughing again. Goku stopped and looked up. "Ano...?" The Eva gestured and hellfire flames shot out at the Sayajin. He was driven back, barely managing to stave off serious injuries. Parts of his orange gi were singed. Goku looked up at Asuka and grinned. Then his ki flared to life. Surrounded by a blue aura of pure ki flame, Goku flew into Asuka's head with a kick that staggered the Eva. As he hovered above it, he began his battle cry. "KAMEHAAAAAAAA--" Asuka recovered and lifted a hand, which opened up a shunt that began to spew forth a massive amount of hellfire in Goku's direction. "--MEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" A giant blast of energy scorched into the hellfire. Both held even for a moment, but when Asuka added both hands to the blast, Goku began to lose ground. Right before he was about to be engulfed again, the Evangelion opened its mouth and another blast of hellfire spewed forth. Goku fell into the LCL-covered ground. A trickle of blood escaped from his mouth. "Good trick. But I think I've got better." His hair flashed from black to blonde, black to blonde, and then finally sticking to blonde. It grew dramatically larger spikes and a large yellow hue surrounded him... hair lengthening, cascading down his back as he kept turning up the power. Once completed, he stood firmly in Super Sayajin Level 3... better safe than sorry. "That should do it," he mumbled to himself. "This power might hurt the planet if the fight drags out, but I think I can do this in a few seconds--" Asuka tried to bury a progknife where he had been standing, but hit nothing but the squishy earth and LCL fluid. She turned and looked up in time to see Goku smash down at her with both hands. He quickly jumped backwards and floated in the air. As Asuka began to gingerly rise, Goku cupped his hands together at his side. "CHOOOOOOO-KAMEEEEHAAA... MEEEEEEE.." Goku gathered a large amount of energy in his hands. It formed in a small orb between his palms, ready to be loosed. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The energy shot out in a gigantic stream and engulfed the Eva completely. The feedback from the resulted explosion threatened to blow Goku miles off. He floated firm in the air. Sweat beaded down his forehead, his hands were extended palms out in front of him. Slowly, the smoke from the explosion dissipated, and just before it did Goku's eyes went wide. When the smoke cleared, the giant Uber-Evangelion stood unharmed, not even singed by the attack. Its shark-like mouth displayed a wide assortment of teeth with an unearthly grin. "Something the matter?" Goku's eyes narrowed and he sped down toward Asuka at such a speed that she could barely track him. His fist was cocked back, ready to extend and punch a hole right through the biomechanical monster. Just when he got almost within range, and his fist started swinging forward, his forward momentum stopped. Goku bounced off the hexagon energy field surronding Asuka and skidded headfirst through more of the nauseating fluid. Asuka cackled gleefully. "You fool! I hadn't used my true power yet! Nothing can penetrate my AT-Field. Not at this level of power!" Not replying, Goku flipped up to his feet, his right arm hanging limp at his side. When it connected with that field, it went numb. He extended his left hand and a barrage of smaller bursts of energy shot out at the huge monstrosity. Shot after shot bounced harmlessly off the AT-Field. The Evangelion just shook its head in mock sadness. Goku reared his arm back and let off a large beam. When this attack hit the AT-Field, the field actually gave, and a shimmer of hope lit into Goku's eyes. The field twisted and contorted as the beam struggled through it. But then the beams trajectory changed. The AT-Field had reshaped itself to redirect the blast back at Goku. His eyes widened and his arms went up into a blocking position right before the energy hit. When Goku was visible again he was panting heavily. He still favored his right arm heavily. He glared up at Asuka, only to watch as the Eva's hand moved torwards him with a blur in speed even he couldn't follow. He lept to the right, only to be swatted by the other hand. He went sprawling through the air for yards before he was able to right himself. As he spat out a little blood, he muttered to himself. "I have to win. It's all down to me." * * * * * Lina stared at the monitors grimly. "He's not going to win." Skuld shook his head, "She's injured, but that AT-Field she has isn't letting anything get through now." The silence was deafening. The despair in the room was almost palpable. Terry coughed and stood gingerly. He wobbled on his feet, but then smacked his fists together, "Send me in, I'll help him." A few other voices were heard as various members of Heaven's support staff and fighting forces volunteered to help save the world. It was then that the alarm started going off on the computer again. This time Skuld didn't even look. She just flipped a switch to silence it. Without looking at anyone directly, she explained. "Third Impact is hitting Heaven." Lina glared again at the monitors. "Open a portal." Belldandy stepped forward, "Lina, you can't..." "I'm not going in there. Just open a portal." Lina's face was full of determination. "And stand back." * * * * * Goku once again bounced off the field as he tried to penetrate it. No matter how much energy he built up, no matter how much speed or force he used, he just bounced off. His stamina was running low, and he knew he had enough power left for one last shot. He stood still, and began summoning all his remaining power. His power was near its remaining peak, and Asuka knew it. Her Eva form smiled. "Your move, little man." He was about to move forward when, without warning, a voice spoke in his head. "Wait." He looked around, but saw nothing. "Just wait." A portal quietly opened up behind Asuka. Goku squinted, and could make out a silhouette through the backlight of the portal. "Lina!?" Asuka spun around to see the source of the light. "It can't be! You wouldn't DARE come in here! You CAN'T come in here!" Lina smiled. "I'm not coming in there. But you've brought the fight onto my turf." She pointed her hands out in front of her. "I also may not cast spells using the power of other deities any more, but who needs spells when you ARE a diety?" A blinding light developed in her finger she was pointing with. Asuka threw up her AT-Field on instinct. Goku shielded his eyes from the light, trying to watch for an opening. The blinding blast suddenly burst out from Lina's outstretched hand and shot accross the Void. The illumination from the blast highlighted all the wisps and shadows of the Void. It traveled as a ball of light, swirling and unstable. Asuka's eyes went wide as it hit the AT-Field. There was a dome of explosive energy that radiated outward from the blast, and this time Goku couldn't stop from flying back a few hundred yards. Before the smoke could even clear, Goku could tell that Asuka was still alive. He could sense her. But her power level was lower. Much lower. His eyes widened as Lina's voice spoke in his head again, growing fainter as the portal closed. "Here's your chance Goku... save the universe for me." Goku nodded to himself, and to Lina if she was watching, and focused all his remaining energy into his good arm, raised over his head. Krillin would love this if he saw it. "DEEESTRUCTTOOOOO DIIIIIIISK!" A disc of energy formed above his hand. He narrowed his eyes and waited for Asuka to become visible. The aftereffects of Lina's attack faded and Asuka was still in Uber-Evangelion form. Her injured leg seemed to be buckling some, and the Eva was just standing there, still recovering from the blast. Goku threw the disc with all his might. "Destructo Disk! Go!" The Eva's head turned warily at the sound of the noise. The disc impacted it right between the eyes. There was no loud boom or sudden explosion. But as the disc hit the Eva it cut into the machine like a sawblade, and the cut expanded until there was a line of white hot energy from the tip of its head to the base of it's waist. The Eva was literally cut in two. The two parts began shrinking and melting as they fell to the ground. Goku's eyes opened in a moment of realization, and he caught Shinji in midair just as the boy's body reformed itself. He then watched as Asuka hit the ground hard, then teleported away, Shinji in tow. * * * * * Skuld typed furiously. "Tokyo-3 isn't coming back, it was too close to the epicenter, it's forever with the void. But the rest of the planet... most of the damage reversed itself when they were separated. The fluid has reverted to physical form and the souls are back where they belong!" She turned along, eyes brimming with tears. "We're saved!" There was a half-hearted cheer from the room, as many of the fighters there were injured list. The recently reconstituted Dan was bandaged up and sitting on the floor. Terry slumped next to him, and Naga and Gourry were still getting patched up by Heaven's medical staff. Goku stood in the middle of the room, facing Lina. "I don't like getting involved in other people's business. You guys let it get carried too far this time, though." Goku stared Lina in the eye. Lina nodded. "We'll make sure they never get a chance to do something like that again." Goku nodded. "That'd be nice." "Goku... thank you." Smiling, Goku bowed slightly to Lina, "You're welcome, Lina-sama. And... thank you." With that, he teleported away. Lina smiled briefly, then sighed. "How long is Urd out?" Belldandy paused thoughtfully. "She seems to be much better off than Karou was left. She should be alright in a month or so, I'd imagine." She smiled. "Oneechan won't stay down for long." Lina nodded, "And Shinji?" Skuld stepped forward. "I'd like to take care of him myself, Lina-sama, if you don't mind." She blushed slightly. "I owe him one. And since he's a human/angel hybrid, we can use your medical technology much more efficiently on him." Lina nodded again. "Everyone... good job." She turned toward the camera, "Now get out of my office." A holy flare arrow blew up the camera, apocalypse shield or no. * * * * * And then everyone was sitting back in their seats in the Vatican stadium. The same shock that was being felt worldwide was no more apparent than in the sea of faces, each an identical wide-eyed mask of shock. Some were trembling, some covered their eyes and huddled in a small, frightened ball, but every person there was utterly silent. The silence hung upon the Vatican for a seeming eternity. In the distance, a single church bell rang out from a far corner of Rome; like an answering bird, another one struck up, returning the call. Soon, every bell in the city was ringing, a chorus of life and celebration. The audience looked up and around, but still said nothing. Words seemed inadequate. At the announcing platform, Nabiki's hand flew to her throat, and she began patting herself down, convincing herself of her own existence. Once that matter had been taken care of, something considerably more important filtered into her mind. She had just made a FORTUNE. Nabiki actually started to wobble in shock as she began to calculate the ticket receipts for the night. The biggest pay-per-view ever. The biggest television event ever. The biggest EVENT ever. And it had been an exclusive to her show. Behind her, some flunky noted something about structural damage to the UltraDome; she didn't care. She could rebuild the dome from the foundation up, coat the entire thing in platinum, and still have more profits left than she'd ever thought possible. It was very, very hard to maintain her traditional unflappable facade, because Nabiki had an incredible urge to start giggling. Forcing herself to exhibit some self-control, she took a mic in hand and called for a spotlight. "I hope you realize something, everyone." The audience remained silent; Nabiki went on. "You have just witnessed the biggest event in human history. And do you know WHERE you saw it? The same place that has consistently brought you the best in entertainment, and has proved that it's the ultimate viewing experience yet one more time! Whether at a pay-per-view or the weekly shows, we set the standards in excitement! So let me ask you... are you ready for some Ultraviolence?" There was a second's pause, then the audience burst out into raucous, raving, markish cheers. Nabiki grinned. She loved her job. "And lest you think we've forgotten... we have a champion to crown! Tifa, come out here and claim your prize, and give the fans what they came to see!" It was a shaken, pale duo that walked out into the arena. Bean supported Tifa as she walked; she was shaking her head and muttering how you were supposed to beat the bad guys BEFORE the world could end. The cheers of the audience pushed them forward as they slowly ascended the stairs up to Nabiki, who watched with an amused look. "I want to offer my heartfelt congratulations, Ms. Lockhart. It's always nice to see a real fighter win, especially over those last two fools you battled. It would have been quite a shame to have one of them clogging up our website for a season, don't you think?" Nabiki smiled brightly as Tifa stammered a halfhearted agreement, and continued. "Oh, Ms. Lockhart, you should be more enthusiastic about this, you really should! After all, you've proved that you're the best around... like you've been saying, this shrine is going to a fighter!" A smile began to creep on Tifa's face; she looked up at Bean, then out at the audience. Apparently, she was finally starting to realize that victory really was hers. Nabiki continued, smirking, "And this is a bigger night for you than you may realize." Tifa turned, confused. "What do you mean?" "Well, since you did so well, it only seems fair to reward you. I know that it must be tough, not having many friends around... I thought I'd do you a little favor." Seeing Tifa and Bean's matching blank expressions, Nabiki grinned. "Time for a surprise, kiddies." A blur made the leap from rafters to floor in approximately .7 seconds, plowing into Tifa. She flailed wildly and was only saved from landing on the floor by Bean's quick arms. After regaining her bearings, she looked up. Her mouth dropped open. "YUFFIE?!" Yuffie Kisaragi grinned like a maniac at Tifa, Bean, and the viewing audience. As she did, Tifa patted herself down with her good arm, eyes widening. "H... HEY!" As Yuffie biiiiiiida'd at Tifa and flashed her new materia prizes, Nabiki smiled slyly. "With so many people in Omega that seem to take this oh-so-seriously, who can't handle a loss... well, I thought I'd make them feel a little better. Yuffie's graciously agreed to help us spice up our fights a bit." "OMEGA?" Tifa blurted out, staring at the two. "And wait... you're just coming here to LOSE?" "Hey, she never said that! I'm just here to have some fun! Bet I'm getting paid more for it than you are, too!" Yuffie taunted, smirking at her former comrade-in-arms. Nabiki smiled at the interaction for a second, pleased it'd gone off as she'd expected. Nothing like stealing a little thunder from someone who'd beaten one of her fighters. "And if all this wasn't big enough, folks... we have ANOTHER announcement for you tonight!" Tarou, still in his cursed form, joined her on the platform. She continued, "We're always thinking about how to put on a better show for you, and we love to let you know what you have to look forward to! So, coming at you is the lineup for UltraRage Epsilon!" Not surprisingly, the crowd cheered. Nabiki smiled, waved up to the UltraTron with a dramatic flourish, and called out the fights as they appeared. "For the Hardcore Belt, we'll settle the rivalry -- in a very special locale, so it should be something really great -- between long-time Ultra draw and proven winner Marlo Semaj ... and Akane." She gave a mental sigh. It was really her sister's own fault for being such a dead weight in the ring. "Dark Schneider will take on the newest addition to the Ultra ranks as he and Yuffie Kisaragi battle for the Omega belt!" Tifa eyed Yuffie suspiciously. Yuffie just smirked back at her. Nabiki continued. "You may remember a little promise made last week about the Gamma belt. But then... well, it's really too bad that Sakura had to go and interfere with fights tonight, it really is. With a real fighter like Morrigan to face, it doesn't seem fair to put a cowardly cheater like Sakura in the ring. She just lost her title shot." Ignoring the boos that had started up, she explained, "Instead, Morrigan will be taking on a veteran fighter, a former Hardcore champ..." She smiled broadly and finished, "Wolverine." The audience continued their boos; she plowed right ahead, knowing she'd soon be turning their feelings around. "And in a very special surprise match, Ranma Saotome will take on a mystery opponent! This'll be one to watch, folks!" Nabiki smiled, her expression turning predatory. "Of course, that's not all! In the interest of fairness, I think I should give everyone a chance to recover after tonight's events. Hardly fair to expect someone to defend their belts after they've come back from beyond the end of the world, right? So all of the belts are locked in place for the rest of the season, so our champs get ample chance to prepare for the next pay-per-view." Her smile grew. "And since that means the Disciples of the Void will miss out on reclaiming their titles next week against Team Rocket, I thought I'd be nice enough to give them another chance at the UltraRage. And I'm sure they'll put their talents for causing pain to work at both fights VERY well. And you can hardly bring up pain without mentioning one of the most brutal fighters in Ultra: Cyber Akuma II will be making a special appearance... in Gamma! Will Shingo Yabuki be able to stand up to his greater skills and strength? You'll have to wait and see!" As the audience's buzzing grew louder, she went for the final kill. "I should mention something, though... those last two fights may not happen. You see, it'll all be dependant on two people putting their money where their mouths are and proving they really ARE the Ultra know-it-alls they claim to be. Going against some old friends of mine -- Shampoo, Mousse, Kunou, and his partner, Haohmaru -- will be Daisuke and Jack Lysias! Or, if they WON'T... well, it'd be a shame, really, but that would certainly prove that they're not fit to be in Ultra, let alone claim the role of some holy warriors. And that would speak terribly poorly for those who fight under such cowards' banners... I'm afraid that there would no longer be a place on Ultra's payroll for Sakura, Shingo, and Team Rocket." Her challenge issued, Nabiki raised her chin defiantly. The audience was once again silent, staring with shock at her proclamation. She smiled. Exactly what she'd expected. "Surprising? Of course it is! Because here at Ultra, we deal in surprises! I, Nabiki Tendou, am committed to making this show something you can watch every week with new things to look forward to! So let me ask you, everyone... are you ready for some ULTRAVIOLENCE?" The audience roared with approval. Nabiki smoothed her hair back and adjusted her suitjacket. She might be developing her skills for playing up the crowd, but that was no reason to look anything less than one hundred percent professional. "Be sure to turn in next week, when the buildup to UltraRage Epsilon begins! I'm Nabiki Tendou, and this has been UltraRage REBOOT!" The cameras flickered off, and a "Visit mtcffultra.com" banner appeared for a moment before the credits started rolling. Glancing away from the monitor set up to the side of the platform, Nabiki nodded with approval. She glanced at Tifa and Yuffie, who were bickering back and forth, then over at Tarou. The two shared a smile, the look on Nabiki's face somehow managing to carry the same intensity as the one on the monster's. This, Nabiki reminded herself, was why she'd come to Ultra. And why Ultra would remain her show. Only she herself could open up a route for someone else to gain power. And she had no plans to do so. * * * * * Deep within the headquarters of Shadowlaw, a large, heavily muscled man carefully studied the papers in front of him. "Unit 00 double prime," he read. "Third test unit of the Evangelion program, first two destroyed in battle. Progressive knife, rifle, AT field generation..." Bison kept reading about his new toy. He skipped ahead a paragraph. "Designated pilot, Rei Ayanami." Bison turned his head to the cylindrical plexiglas shell to his left. "That would be you." Rei stared back at him. "i am the pilot of unit-00. why have you taken me and my eva?" Bison folded his hands together and placed them on the desk in front of him. "Because I wanted to extract what little usefulness was left in NERV before I eliminated the excess expense. The only reasons I kept NERV around were for the use of EVAs and the use of their incredible medical facilities, but why would I keep all of them and their useless other projects around when I could simply take what I needed and purge the rest?" Rei attempted a look of anger. "because they were people. they were lives." Bison laughed. "Lives that meant absolutely nothing to me, faces that did not and do not exist in my mind save one, and he is no loss to me, let me assure you." "you are cold." Bison smiled. "You have to be to make it in this business, little girl. And trust me, you don't know the half of it. But you will. Oh, you will." "what are you going to do to me?" "Whatever I want. First I'd like to study you; you are a fascinating, unique being, Ayanami. Your creation, your abilities and your mind are one of a kind. I want to see if you are compatible with my Psycho Power; hopefully a failure won't be as drastic as it was with Terry Bogard, but even if it is, you're a renewable resource." "...you are a sick man." Bison raised an eyebrow. "And Ikari wasn't? I won't use you in the ways that I heard he used you. My interest is scientific and for enhancing your powers, and by that, the things I can do. You can open up new doors and new horizons for me, Rei." Rei gave the glass a futile smack with her right fist. "and if i don't want to?" "You don't have a choice, and you won't be getting out until we're ready to send you to the testing ground." "and where is this testing ground?" Rei asked. "Where else? The Omega Division of Ultra." Without another word to his new toy, the megalomaniac crime boss ordered the preliminary tests on Rei Ayanami. * * * * * Hiroshi sighed. "Rei..." "Hiro-kun! I've found you!" Lilith ran towards him and made a flying leap into his lap. Hiroshi stared at her blankly. "Hiro-kun? It's me! Your true love! Lilith!" Deciding that maybe he needed some snuggling, she moved in closer, but received no reaction from him whatsoever. "Hiroshi?" Hiroshi continued to stare at her blankly. Trying a new tactic, Lilith said, "Well, now that Rei's gone, we'll be together forever!" Smiling brightly, she pulled his unresponsive arms around her and leaned in even closer. Hiroshi sighed. "Rei..." Lilith sweatdropped. This was going to be harder than she thought. * * * * * ][ ULTRA EPISODE 47 RESULTS/RECAP ][ SHINJI IKARI is trapped in TERMINAL DOGMA ][ JESSIE defeats SHERMIE and moves onto the SECOND ROUND ][ TEAM ROCKET will face the DISCIPLES OF THE VOID next week ][ TIFA'S ARM is BROKEN ][ TIFA LOCKHART defeats MARLO SEMAJ and moves onto the SECOND ROUND ][ M. BISON cuts ties with NERV ][ MR. SATAN defeats MORRIGAN and moves onto the SECOND ROUND ][ Gendo IKARI sets THIRD IMPACT into motion ][ LINA learns that SHE can't affect THIRD IMPACT ][ LINA bars CLOUD from reaching THIRD IMPACT ][ TIFA LOCKHART defeats JESSIE and moves onto the FINAL ROUND ][ JESSIE is SERIOUSLY INJURED ][ BILLIONS OF PEOPLE learn that TAROU'S first name is PANTYHOSE ][ HIROSHI, REI, and LILITH go to TOKYO-3 ][ SHINGO YABUKI defeats MR. SATAN and moves onto the FINAL ROUND ][ TIFA LOCKHART develops a new LIMIT BREAK ][ TIFA LOCKHART defeats SHINGO YABUKI and is the ULTRA INTERNET CHAMPION ][ DAN, TERRY, URD, NAGA, and GOURRY arrive at TOKYO-3 ][ ASUKA, SHERMIE, CHRIS, YASHIRO, and VOIDUCK arrive at TOKYO-3 ][ VOIDUCK defeats TERRY, no status change ][ SEPHIROTH and B-KO arrives at TOKYO-3 ][ SEPHIROTH defeats URD, no status change ][ B-KO defeats the DISCIPLES OF THE VOID, laughs at them ][ HIROSHI finally finds the GUTS to tell REI he LOVES HER ][ BISON captures REI ][ ASUKA melds with SHINJI and THIRD IMPACT BEGINS ][ THE WORLD ENDS ][ GOURRY, NAGA and DAN make one last stand against ASUKA/SHINJI ][ ASUKA/SHINJI defeats GOURRY, NAGA, and DAN ][ GOKU defeats ASUKA/SHINJI ][ ETERNAL DEVASTATION is AVERTED; the world is MOSTLY REPAIRED ][ YUFFIE KISARAGI joins ULTRA ][ The FIGHT CARD for ULTRARAGE EPSILON is announced ][ M. BISON plans to EXPERIMENT on REI AYANAMI ][ ANGLE SUMMARIES ][ = Angle continues, may have new developments [] = Angle is closed, might have been replaced }{ = Entirely new angle ?? = Possible new angle? (Can be derived from events) XX = Didn't touch on this from past episode very well or at all [] Shingo and the flames (Has demonstrated control over them and feels he has done Kyo proud) [] Mr. Satan crusading against Morrigan (Finally gets his victory) [] NERV's involvement with Ultra (NERV is disbanded, Gendo is dead) ][ Nabiki's profit-mongering reign over Ultra (She's demonstrating her control over the booking, and made huge profits) ][ Jack and Daisuke, Ultra managers (Unless they agree to an extremely uneven fight at URE, all of CHAOS is fired) ][ Sephiroth, the man who would be God (He succeeds in taking down another agent, although it's doubtful Urd will be out for long) ][ Morrigan vs. every red-blooded male in Ultra ^_^; (She's not letting Mr. Satan off easily, no matter what he wants...) ][ Hiroshi's woes of Love (He finally made up his mind... only to have Rei taken from him) ][ CHAOS using Lain Iwakura to help take control of some things in Ultra (Her alliegance continues, and she was a CHAOS supporter in the tourney) ][ Team Pokemon as Heels (Ash denied Jessie a win, and in doing so, severed the last ties with Pikachu) ][ B-ko and Sephiroth, Lovers (Sephiroth finally returns some of B-ko's attention) ][ Marlo vs. Akane rivalry for the Hardcore belt (Marlo punks Akane, and a match for URE is announced) XX Heaven vs. Hell (Some random brawling, but they were mostly occupied by the end of the world) XX Mewtwo v. Pokemon trainers and/or Voiduck (He wants them all to be free, but who's his next target?) XX Yohko and Iori's relationship (Despite his words to the contrary, Iori seems to care, at least a little) XX Gally and the CyberGrrlz vs. MewTwo (They're still proving unsuccessful in returning Washuu to normal) XX Ranma's many wild emotional issues (How will he take Akane's punk by Marlo?) XX Shermie stalks Daisuke (Her heart still beats only for him) XX Cham Cham is after Haohmaru's hand in marriage (She and Blanka do have their first win, though) --------------------------------------------------------- Authors' Notes: Ardweden: Wai! I wrote 1k! And it was fun! Cham: Hoohah. Once again I ride the mad bull of Ultra and survive. I'm never quite sure what to put in these things. Thankee to Mecha for help in making my seg 1U compliant, thankee to Ard for making me write again, and thanks to Kitty for putting up with my ranting. ^_^ Stick a llama in me, I'm done. Who's next on the chopping block? ColdFury: It's over. THANK GOD IT'S OVER! I'm *never* doing that aga-- ... I HAVE TO WRITE CHAPTER 51!?!? #@$*(&(!! Get me Masochists Anonymous!! Damien Phoenix: I got the fight nobody else wanted. Delfina: Thanks to Phoebe for being a good Shermie fan, mentioning the hamsters, and letting me ignore that. ^_^ Next week, on Ultra! Lots of ...uh...stuff happening! Yeah! Falcon: Well, that was interesting. Felt like the last three days of writing 43 all over again... Thanks to Kristen for letting me get in on this, 'twas mightily fun ^_^ Thanks to Anonymous for leaving us a great outline to work from. It's so much easier to write face/face matches when there's an interesting twist already there for you. And a big thanks to Todd Harper, without whom my Sephiroth/Urd fight would have sucked royally. If I don't get flamed too badly for what I've written this time around, I'll be back ^_^ Kristen Smirnov: The events which surrounded the final completion of this PPV were, to say the least, complex. All my heartfelt thanks goes out to Anonymous for the hard work he put into writing the first part of this and plotting the rest, and all my best wishes go out to him involving the circumstances that precluded him from completing it. It was with more than a little trepidation that I agreed when asked to put together a backup team for REBOOT in case it was needed... with all the emergency filler I've already written this season, I was worried that, if not many people stepped up to help, I'd end up controlling a lot of the plot in the biggest episode of the season so far, and I've ALREADY written a lot this season. As it turned out, I needn't have worried. ^_^ Going down the list of previous Ultra authors, I started firing off requests... even if they couldn't take on a scene for sure, many offered to be an emergency stand-in or to preread; thanks to Kate Malloy, Ilmater, and Shachihoko (who also offered to write, but couldn't because of computer troubles... you still helped out, believe me!) for that. Thanks to everyone you see down here in the authors' notes section for volunteering to help, both with writing and prereading... it was a great feeling to have people actually just offer to pitch in, instead of having to corner them and guilt-trip them into it. Not that I'd EVER do that, mind you... Of course, thanks to 2F for working with us on this to make sure it worked, and huge thanks go out to Chris. And everyone else... Sorry this turned out so long. ^_^;;; It's hard to look at an outline and translate it into a solid k count, although the end of the world should've probably been a tip off that a lot of writing was to be had... Anyways. Hope you liked. I'll be quiet now. ^_^ Mechalink: Well, once more I am pulled into a patch part. Whee. @_@ And I write a face vs face end battle, having to follow up Illy and Damien, as well as having to preceed the end of the world. Suffice to say, that 30K was a difficult part to write. But I did it, and I am proud of it. Thanks... too many thanks. Illyria for reading (and rereading) the fight at many stages. Ard-chan for her never-failing support. She was right, I COULD do it. Chris for giving us a great outline to start from... becuase I, for one, had no idea what to do with 3i. All the other authors, especially Falc, Phoebe, Illy-chan, and Damien for writing good scenes for me to follow, and keeping in communication so they went smoothly. All the other authors as well, for helping make this a great filler ep. http://www.gamefaqs.com/ for video game references, especially K. Megura's KOF 97, 98, and 99 FAQs. Thanks to 2f for pointing out the multiverse problems too, even if it made our jobs harder. ^_^;; And to all the others who I am positive I am forgetting, merely because my long term memory lasts as long as a snowball in the depths of hell. ^_^; Well, off to another author's notes. Oh, and I've written 90-100K of Ultrastuff... I think. I must be a raving masochistic nutcase, or something. And fear the smiley. ^__________________________________________________________________^ Phoebe: Once again, I'm writing for Ultra ^_^;; I never thought I'd do it, but here I am, contributing to a third chapter. Wai! A big, big, very big thank you to Illyria for taking on the burden of organising yet another patch job and encouraging the team personally. Go Ria! Ravi Duvvuri: Well, I've finally written for Ultra, even though it's just one small fight. I hope y'all don't hate it too much. ^_^ Thanks to the The Old Dojo crew for allowing me this opportunity. Todd Harper: ... Illy made me do it! SHe held me at hairpoint...with ATOMIC HAIR(tm)! WAAAAGH! Don't think this reverses my stance on Ultra. I just thought this was a fun way to kill a Saturday night. ^_^ Twoflower: I know, I know... I'm trying to discourage the need for these 200k+ group parts. It's not obligatory to do an Ultra part like this. But... we were really in a pinch and had to get a PPV-quality episode done, and I have to say the authors came through with flying colors. Hats off to all of them. And hopefully we won't have to do it again. ^_^; Never say never... and read NeoFighters! Yu-Mei: Yeah, uhm, hi. ^_^; It's Robin, a.k.a. Yu-Mei, a.k.a. "I can't believe it's not newbie". Hope you liked my pieces in there. I sincerely hope you enjoy seeing Gendo die as much as I enjoyed killing him. ^_^_v