Spotlights sweep the sky.  Helicopters circle like vultures.

     The structure is huge.  Not astronomically huge.. just huge.  30,000 
people contained under one roof kind of huge, occupying a huge expanse of 
land just outside of Tokyo.  If it could have fit everybody from Tokyo, they 
would be there; the rest have to make do watching the action on cable.

     Because it's been a long time coming, construction having started by a 
mandate from the heavens shortly after the spectacle known as Magical 
Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament Beta.  And now, it is ready for  
its finest hour.

     One year to the day after its first broadcast, ULTRA was ready for the 
climax of the fifth season of brawling action.  Neither rain nor sleet nor 
snow will keep the show from going on... not even the raging typhoon just off 
the shores of Tokyo Bay.  A little thing like the storm of ages was not going 
to stop this juggernaut.

     But it was that very storm, the same one that started as a light drizzle 
a week ago and had built slowly into the monster waiting to leap on the 
unsuspecting city, that foretold disaster.  It hung thick in the air, a 
collective anticipation of something grand and something dangerous.  The same 
thickness hung over New York City weeks ago, he knew; he was there when the 
disaster that started at Madison Square Garden spread and threatened all of 
creation.  He was there because he was in the crowd.

     Something had compelled him to drop his hopefully soon to be lucrative 
Yogurt on a Stick cart and head right to the Garden.  That same feeling 
compelled him to drop his entire savings from the emerging 'Sheep-Dog' 
industry into a plane ticket to Tokyo, and a ringside seat for the big event 
at the UltraDome.

     The rain got in through his cheap raincoat, soaking down his best 
flower-print shirt.  He was cold, wet, and exhausted; but still he let 
himself be reeled in, hoping for warmth and a good seat to rest in once he 
got into the building with the other fans.  Something was going to happen 
tonight, something he wanted to see for himself.

     But the man formerly known as God had no idea what, when, how or why.  
He'd find out with the rest of us.  Because like the rest of us, he was 
mortal, and his fate hung in this balance as well...

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Rain cascaded down the glass of Nabiki's bedroom window, but she wasn't 
worried.  The weatherman from TV Tokyo headquarters told her nothing could 
clutter the satellite signal from UltraRage Epsilon; they were using top of 
the line equipment, digital feeds so thick you couldn't cut them with a 
Masamune.  Everything would be fine.

     Normally, she kept her business to business hours.  Tonight was the 
exception to every rule, however, as she browsed the preliminary figures 
streaming into her iPaq from TV Tokyo's password-protected website.  The 
buyrate had stomped all her competition into the ground... MONTHS ago, from 
the preorders alone.  The final count of PPV orders was phenomenal, and given 
the decay rate of the encore presentation, she stood to rake in more money 
with this one event than the ticket money of season five combined.

     She had to allow herself a laugh.  It was absolutely fantastic.  She'd 
gone out of her way to book a card that gave advantage to all her chosen 
ones, and they bought it anyway.  It didn't matter in the end if the viewers 
liked her, they would eat up Ultra with a spoon even if it was two hours of 
live cat juggling.  She could put ANY dreck on the screen and the mindless 
sheep would buy it!

     Especially with tonight being Ultra's 'big anniversary'.  The morons 
thought this meant it would be something huge, something big... and 
admittedly Lina's addition of a match was going to be big.  Heaven vs. Hell 
drew numbers of biblical proportion.  But everything else was pure hype 
machine action, and it tickled Nabiki pink that it had worked.

     Shutting down her iPaq to conserve batteries, she got up and smoothed 
out her dress.  She was ready to go to the event, even if she'd arrive a 
little late; it didn't matter, since the show practically ran itself.

     A gentle knocking sounded at the door

     "Nabiki?" Kasumi called out.  "Akane and Ranma have headed to the 
UltraDome already.  Are you leaving now?"

     "Just on my way out, sis," Nabiki said, opening the door, all smiles and 
grace.  "Can't miss the big night, can I?"

     "It's good to see you enthusiastic about doing a good job, Nabiki."

     "Job schmob.  Have you seen the numbers?" Nabiki asked.  "I'm pulling in 
more money than... than the show ever did with you at the helm.  I'm making 
moolah, greenbacks, cheese, what have you.  After this, hell, I could buy my 
own condo.  Buy my own HOUSE here in Tokyo!"

     But her sister didn't seem happy with her success.  Kasumi looked down 
slightly.  "Nabiki... you still don't understand.  Ultra isn't about money.  
I didn't care about the money."

     "You were God, sis.  You didn't HAVE to care about money."

     "You're right.  I didn't.  I had to care about people," her elder sister 
said.  "Through Ultra, people could find themselves, and could find each 
other.  They could work out their problems and discover new worlds, new ways 
to live that they had never envisioned before."

     Nabiki laughed.  "Who are you, Ernest Hemmingway?  Tyler Durden?  It's 
fighting for dollars, there's nothing noble or good about it.  Except that 
it's good for me."

     "I wish you could understand," Kasumi said, quietly mournful.  "Jack was 
just starting to understand this.  But on the eve of Jack's revelation, you 
took Ultra away from him.  It's a shame..."

     Nabiki raised her Romulan-esque eyebrow.  "You dissing me, sis?  You got 
a problem with me?"

     "No, Nabiki.  I feel sorry for you.  I wanted you to understand, before 
I... I know you'll come to see this eventually, just as he did--"

     "Yeah yeah, touchy feely crap," Nabiki accused, brushing past her 
sister.  "I've got a show to run.  Excuse me." 

     The eldest Tendo sister stood in that doorway for a few moments more.  
This wasn't the way she wanted it.  There was so much unfinished business to 
take care of, and no time to take care of it.  It felt wrong somehow, but 
there was nothing left for her to do to stop the wheels from turning, to stop 
the storm that was brewing...

     A voice behind her cleared its throat.

     "Is it time?" Kasumi asked.

     "It's time," the Metatron said.  "Let's go. ...you sure you don't even 
want to say goodbye to him?"

     "...it's better this way.  I hope it's better this way."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Snare drums rolled.  The brass band played.  The clink of metal and the 
zipping of zippers sounded in the confines of this, the nerve center of 
freedom and liberty.

     The troops were marching off to war.

     The soundtrack was just a CD playing the score to 'Patton', but it did 
lend a certain dramatic ambiance.

     A figure in riding boots and polished, gleaming medals for pie eating 
contests and swim team fourth place wins stepped in front of the American 
flag, which fluttered in the breeze of a portable fan.  He regarded his 
troops, his normally sharp power tie dangling in front of his eyes.  He'd 
moved it from his neck (a symbol of the noose, of the man bringing you down) 
to wearing it like a headband (a symbol of resistance, of taking no 
prisoners).

     The duck on his shoulder was polished to a flawless shine.  It was time 
to address the men (and women), and roll out the war machine.

     "I want you all to know how proud I am of this moment," General 
Controversial Jack spoke.  "We now shall witness the fruit of our labors.  
The defining moment in our long time struggle.  From now on, we, the 
underground champions of truth and justice, shall embark on a crusade against 
the darkness which must be purged.  Some of you may not survive.  Some of you 
may receive pay cuts.  But by GOD, we will storm the shores of the UltraDome, 
confront the Tendo Tyrant in her haven of indecency and greed!"

     The assembled forces did not shout 'Yes, sir!' or 'Of course, sir!' or 
anything ending in sir.  They just sort of shuffled around and mumbled in 
agreement.

     "Now, let's take roll!  Lieutenant Commander 'Gloom and DOOM' Daisuke!"

     "I'm here," Daisuke grumbled.  "Not that I can see anything.  My 
helmet's too big.  And this camouflage is itchy and has some old 
bloodstains..."

     "Government surplus, soldier, it'll have to make do," Jack answered.  
"Team Champion Rocket Elite Republican Guard!"

     "Here, sir!" Jesse declared, snapping off a sharp salute.  She was just 
happy to be called Team Champion Rocket anything, and wear this snazzy camo 
version of her usual 'R' uniform.

     "General Electric!"

     Pikachu gazed sternly from behind his mirrored sunglasses, from under 
his helmet with four silver stars, with the white stick of a lollipop 
sticking out of his mouth.  "Pika," he mumbled in manly acknowledgement.

     "Commander Shingo 'The Mimic' Yabuki!"

     "Here, sir!" Shingo called out.  "And may I say how happy I am that I 
won't have to face--"

     "Lieutenant 'The Death Tigress' Nuku-Nuku!"

     Nuku struck a pose, looking great in green.  "Yosh!  Ready, sir!"

     "Junior Support Officer Private Sakura 'Fanservice' Kusagano!"

     "I want to go change," Sakura complained, trying to tug down the skirt 
of her camo fuku.  "I don't go to school in the jungle, you know!  This is 
crazy!"

     "Crazy like a FOX!" Jack spoke, grinning ear to ear.  "Now that the roll 
is called, it's time to move out.  The show starts in ten minutes, and given 
the weather, it'll take us that long to fly out there on the CHAOSWing!"

     "Uh..." Shingo said, his vessel of hope plowed under by the Exxon oil 
tanker of worry.  "The 'CHAOSWing'?"

     "He bought a Harrier," Daisuke muttered.  "Using my college fund and 
some Pepsi points."

     "Right!  Death Tigress, you'll be piloting it."

     "Okay!" Nuku-Nuku said.  She tapped her headband once, a headset 
microphone springing from it.  "Washuu, I need a flight program for a VTOL 
Harrier jet."

     Her eyes fluttered a moment.

     "Let's go," she said, before heading upstairs.

     "We're all going to die," Daisuke declared.  "We're all going to die and 
my specialized life insurance won't even begin to cover the cost of Jack's 
fiasco..."

     "Cut the chatter, Lieutenant Commander," Jack warned.  "There's no cause 
for alarm.  It didn't cost THAT much!  I just scoped eBay for 'defective 
military equipment'.  Did you know you can buy weapons grade plutonium for a 
buck and a quarter if you don't mind that it has a 99% failure rate?"

     "We're all going to die," Daisuke repeated.

     "This is no time for pessimism!  It's our FINEST HOUR!" Jack spoke.  He 
pointed to the stairway out of Daisuke's basement with his riding crop.  
"Onward, men!  On to glory!  On to victory!  CRY SPORTS-ENTERTAINMENT, AND 
LET SLIP THE DUCKS OF CHAOS!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The nail file scraped lightly back and forth, as the stretch limousine 
completed final approach.  It was the little details, Nabiki mused.  The 
little details of elegance that made her so fit for her public role.

     Although she did wish 'Pantyhose' Tarou had at least showered before 
hopping in the limo.  He was stinking up what should have been her moment of 
triumph.  And the hyperactive little girl bouncing up and down on the limo 
seat didn't help matters; it was a bad idea to have the wet bar pre-stocked 
with soda pop, in hindsight.

     "I'm getting extra pay for this, right?" Tarou asked.  "Hiroshi may piss 
me off, but it's better than working with... you know..."

     "OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!!!" Sana-chan vibrated.  "I'm gonna be back in Ultra!  
Thank you Doctor for clearing me to go back to work!  I'm so happy I might 
just--"

     Tarou intercepted the little rap-sampler module before it could be used.  
"Please.  Please, just don't.  For the love of god..."

     "Both of you need to be on your best behavior," Nabiki warned.  "You are 
NOT going to embarrass me out there.  I also expect you to hurry inside and 
get to your desk, we're only a few minutes away from showtime.  I'll be at 
the sound board backstage directing the show if needed... I expect CHAOS will 
pull some ridiculous stunt, since I'm deliberately making life hard for them 
tonight."

     "Probably that weird-ass 'game of solitaire' thing Jack did once," Tarou 
scoffed.  "Jack couldn't organize a riot.  He couldn't find his ass with own 
two hands.  He--"

     The rap-sampler was grabbed from Tarou's hand.  "Couldn't find his ass 
with his own two hands!" Sana rapped.  "*o/~ Couldn't find his ass with his 
own two hands! o/~*" the module spat back.

     Tarou got out of the limo in a hurry.

     It seemed the whole crowd had managed to squeeze into the dome; the 
parking lot was full of cars, not people.  Nobody wanted to miss the start of 
the show, after all.  All the better for Nabiki, who didn't feel like 
mingling with the fans while trying to get in the door.  She opened a black 
umbrella, and strolled herself on over to the dome along with her 
compatriots.  There was plenty of time left to--

     --to walk back to the limo.

     Wait a minute.

     She turned around and resumed walking to the dome...

     ...arriving back at the curb.

     "Something," she spoke, "Is amiss."

     "Something is amiss!" Sana rapped.  "*o/~ Something is amiss--"

     Tarou snatched the toy out of Sana's hands, crushed it, and hurled it 
towards the Dome with unimaginable force.  "That is MORE than enough of--"

     The rap module then hit him in the back of the head hard enough to make 
him stumble.  Nabiki watched the whole thing -- how the toy flew towards the 
dome, vanished with a slight rippling effect and reappeared heading the other 
way...

     As if it were an opening note on the orchestra of failure, she began to 
hear the fat lady singing.  Specifically, singing 'Ride of the Valkyries.'

     Coming through the rain with the high-turbine whine of twin jet engines 
and a high-powered stereo blasting Wagnerian opera, a canary yellow Harrier 
parted the waters as it hovered overhead.  It floated across the parking lot, 
coming to a rest on top of the UltraDome... where the rippling effect did NOT 
reject it.

     It meant only one thing.

     "Tarou?" Nabiki called, not taking her eyes off the roof of the dome.

     "Yeah, Miss Tendo?"

     "Call the police, please.  Our pay-per-view just got hijacked by CHAOS."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

            { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
            {    C R O S S O V E R    F I G H T I N G      }
            {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
            {                .-----------.                 }
            {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
            {                `-----------'                 }
            {          http://www.mtcffultra.com           }

            |  | |    - +-- ---. ._   
            |  | |      |   | /  | \  
            |__/  ___   |   | \  | _\ 
                            ._	
                 UltraRage  | \   
                   EPSILON  | _\  
                            +---   
                            | -.
                            \__|                   _   
                            +--- +--. .--- | |    /   |\ |
                            | -- +--/  \   | |   |  | | \|
                            +--- |    __\  |  __   _/ |  \
 
                             Episode 52
                        Written by Stefan Gagne
   With tag team assist Jesse Ellman, Kristen Smirnov and Damien Phoenix

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Amidst the overwhelming waves of noise generated the fans, the sound of 
a jet landing on the roof was like a muted whisper.  Hiroshi glanced upward, 
hoping that the plan was going according to, well, plan...

     Pyro exploded, ice blue glitter fell from the ceiling, the graphics 
department exhausted a few thousand dollars just making the ULTRA logo look 
damn cool on the big screen, and the show was ready to begin.  The dome was 
packed to capacity and beyond, thanks to the additional tier of seating 
Nabiki had added, as well as the private boxes; in one of them, the Pope sat 
in quiet contemplation with his box of popcorn and big foam middle finger 
sign.  Time had ticked away until this, the moment where all things began, or 
at least when the show began, which was going to end up being all things 
anyway.

     The boy standing in the center of the ring wasn't supposed to be here.  
He had been given the night off, now that Sana was back, but he had a working 
agreement with the This Old Dojo operations staff to let him in to the 
building anyway... and as long as Jack kept up his end of the plan, he 
wouldn't get in trouble.  Much trouble, at least...

     No.  Don't focus on that; this is IT.  This is the time he had been 
waiting months for.  Closing his eyes, letting the crowd's excitement warm 
him and envelop him, Hiroshi prepared those words that would get the party 
started...

     "HELLLOOO, everybody!" he called out.  "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME--" 

     "ULTRAVIOLENCE!!!" the fans roared, nearly knocked him off his feet.

     "...we oughtta be paying you guys to do my job," Hiroshi joked, getting 
a good sized chuckle out of the crowd for his weak joke.  "Now, you may be 
wondering why I'm standing out here wearing... very faded army fatigues.  The 
answer to that question is en route right now--"

     A tiny red dot flicked on the mat in front of him.  The laser pen 
signal.  They were here!

     "Ladies and gentlemen," Hiroshi announced, "We're deviating from the 
program a little!  Please put your hands together for... THE CHAOS ARMY!"

     A little Metallica (likely 'Don't Tread on Me', 'One' or some other 
military groove tune) cued up, as the CHAOS logo dominated the video wall.  
Yellow spotlights flicked on, highlighting each member of CHAOS as they 
rappelled down into the ring on sturdy neon ropes.  (Six men in the front row 
had to be taken to first aid for nosebleeds as Sakura descended.)  This send 
the audience into nearly as wild of a reaction as the show's opening did; 
Jack was definitely popular with the crowd, and speculation had been running 
wild for weeks over what he had planned for tonight... now they knew.

     First man down was Controversial Jack, who took the microphone Hiroshi 
offered him.  "Ladies and gentlemen, do not attempt to adjust your set!" Jack 
warned.  "For the next two and a half hours, WE control the vertical!  WE 
control the horizontal!  The time for kid games with Beek's chosen ones are 
over; this time, it's WAR.  You may be wondering why we're able to make such 
a grandiose and hideously expensive entrance without being thrown out of the 
building... it just so happens we got a friend of a friend to put a 
dimensional warp bubble around the UltraDome.  Nabiki and Tarou will NOT be 
joining us this evening!  From this point on, you can leave the building, but 
NOBODY gets in!  So if you guys left the oven on back home, let the house 
burn to the ground, because you do not want to miss this show!"

     "He's been practicing this in front of the mirror every day," Daisuke 
mumbled quietly enough for the crowd not to hear, as he stepped up next to 
his friend.  "Hey, Hiro.  Everything set up?  We're not about to be bum-
rushed by the Security Guys, right?"

     "This Old Dojo's behind us on this one," Hiroshi replied.  "Security, 
control booth, video crew, lighting guys, everybody.  Nabiki gave them all 
pay cuts last week to cover the UltraDome modifications and the union's 
declaring this a sort of inverse-strike."

     "Now that we're here, let's get down to business," Jack declared.  He 
held out his hand expectantly, and Shingo passed him a clipboard.  "You guys 
know that fight card Nabiki had booked?  The one where me and my dope fresh 
homeys are slated to have our asses kicked in totally unfair matchups and all 
her chosen title holders are getting jobbers?"

     Negative sentiment was expressed loudly, in the form of a cheerful 
"Beeky's an Asshole" chant.  (Which was started when Sakura held up a big 
sign reading "Beeky's an Asshole" in true cue card fashion.)

     "Then if you feel as I do, and I believe you do," Jack continued, "What 
do you say we... TOSS the entire card in the trash where it belongs and give 
you guys some REAL FIGHTS?!"

     (In the Vatican's private box, the pontiff nodded in approval.)

     "Let's see what we have, let's see..." Jack started, pacing around the 
ring as he clicked a ballpoint pen and perused the clipboard.  "I think I'll 
keep Ranma's fight.  We had a talk with the boy last week and he's ready for 
it.  But Akane and Marlo... at WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING?  That bush 
league, barely entertaining, steroid pumping, ratings scraping pisspot of a 
show?  I don't THINK so!"

     (Somewhere in America, Vince Russo began to cry.)

     "You see, there's this little TV show I'd like to bring to your 
attention.  It's on Wednesday nights at midnight... maybe some of you have 
heard it... 'NEOFIGHTERS'?"

     A passable cheer came up from the crowd.  Jack nodded in approval, his 
necktie headband bobbing along with his head.

     "We've decided to shift the venue a bit!  Marlo, Akane, get ready to get 
extreme because your dimensional gates have been rerouted!  We've got a crowd 
ready and waiting to receive you at the NeoDome later tonight, and they've 
made sure to prepare you a warm welcome.  Remember, people, NeoFighters every 
Wednesday at midnight -- it's the show Nabiki doesn't want you to see, so 
that must make it good!  Now, what else, what else... who here wants to see a 
little somethin' called 'LOSER LEAVES CREATION'?!"

     "I don't," Daisuke whined, even if he was drowned out by the cheers of 
the crowd.  "Although total obliteration may be preferable to what'll happen 
after tonight, when Nabiki gets her hands on us..."

     "Speaking as someone who used to be 'The Man', I can tell you that when 
The WOMan gives an order, you march!  So that fight stays put at the top of 
the show.  But as for everything else... Morrigan takes on her own PET for 
the belt?  Schneider of the Insufficient Light takes on someone hired to roll 
over and die for him?  SHINGO taking on the wind up toy?  Me and Daisuke in a 
handicap match brawl?  And Disciples of the Void, who had their chance and 
lost, against your favorites and mine: Team Champion Rocket?!"

     "I'm so happy, I could cry!" James wailed, as the audience started up a 
loud 'ROCK-ET! ROCK-ET!' chant.

     "I don't know about you, but I think those matches suck sweaty donkey 
gonads!  So let's just STRIKE them from the record, and I'll see what I can 
come up with for you guys tonight.  Frankly, a chimpanzee could book a better 
show than this!  Since I'm only 4% genetically dissimilar from a monkey, I 
predict more bang for your buck than anything the Tendo regime could've 
cooked up!  I'd say up front who I'm picking, but..."

     Jack winked, and waved a finger in front of his face.

     "...that is a secret."

     (Somewhere in Hell, Xelloss pouted in disapproval.  The mortal was 
glomming his gimmick.  How rude.)

     "Of course, I'm not the official boss of this show anymore," Jack noted.  
"Everything we do tonight could be reversed when Nabiki gets control of the 
show again.  She could strip any new champions of their titles, fire them 
all, or worse.  Which is why I need your cooperation, you as fans, to carry 
this off.  If Nabiki tries to mess with the lasting effects of this show, to 
cheat you guys out of the entertainment you deserve... I propose a black-out 
strike of next week's Ultra!  Don't turn it on, watch those ratings plummet, 
and hit Beek where it hurts -- the WALLET.  When it all boils down, you guys 
dictate this show, not her!  WHO'S WITH ME!?"

     "WE ARE!" the crowd spoke in unison.

     The Controversial One tucked the clipboard under his arm.  "Now, CHAOS 
has to finagle a little biz backstage to set up tonight's spectacle.  I 
hereby leave you in the ever so capable hands of Hiroshi AND Daisuke, the one 
true announce team of Ultra!  Hiro?  The keys to the Corvette are yours.  
Don't wrap it around a tree while I'm out."

     To the screaming adoration of the fans, Jack tossed the microphone to 
Hiroshi -- a changing of the guard, a passing of the torch.  Hiroshi blushed 
nervously and laughed, rubbing a hand behind his head as Jack led his loyal 
gang of misfits up the ramp and to the backstage area.

     "Ahh... err..." Hiroshi started, too flustered to be smooth as butter.  
"We've... got a great show for you tonight, even if I don't know what it is!  
Folks, this is ULTRARAGE EPSILON... but beyond that, this is a turning point 
in Ultra history.  The fifty second episode.  Fifty two weeks, one full year 
of the hottest fighting action ever to grace your television screen!  Man... 
Daisuke, do you even remember what we were doing a year ago?"

     "One year ago to the minute, I remember you throwing up in the men's 
room because you ate too many Olestra potato chips before our first show," 
Daisuke added.

     Hiroshi paled.  "Dai, you didn't HAVE to bring that up--"

     "WORK WITH HIM, HIROSHI!" the crowd screamed.

     "..."

     "Damn, it feels good to be back on the job," Daisuke smiled, buffing his 
nails on his fatigues.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The whole parking lot of the UltraDome was lit up with the swirling red 
and blue lights of police cars.  Every squad car Nabiki could weasel out of 
the police department was here... and they were totally useless.

     Whatever science created the lock-out shield was a little beyond the 
scope of your average flatfoot.  Mostly they sat around scratching their 
heads and wishing they were back at the station, so they could watch the 
show.  Intolerable, simply intolerable.

     Tarou jogged over through the rain, waving his arms to signal Nabiki's 
attention.

     "Word says Jack's taken over the show," Tarou explained.  "He's erased 
most of your fights and he's going to have different title challenges.  And 
if you go back on 'em he wants the crowd to turn off their TVs next week."

     "Oh, PLEASE," Nabiki groaned.  "How childish.  The viewers are sheep!  
They'd tune into the show even if--"

     "Err... Miss Tendo, they seemed to go along with it," Tarou continued.  
"They're behind him all the way.  I don't think you're real popular with 
them.  ...don't give me that icy look, I'm just telling it how it is.  Am I 
still getting paid for tonight?"

     "If you can find a way to get us inside, yes," Nabiki said.  "If not, 
no.  I want my show back, Tarou.  I don't care what strings you have to pull 
or what legs you have to break... make it happen.  Jack is NOT going to get 
away with this."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "I can't believe he's getting away with this," Daisuke said, pulling on 
his headset as he assumed his position behind the desk.  The chair was 
sagging a bit, no doubt from Tarou's bukly weight pressing it down for weeks, 
but it would do.

     "Where there's a controversy, there's a way," Hiroshi said.  He turned 
to face the camera, 1000% smile.  "Folks, it's going to take Jack a few 
minutes to set things up, so I'd like to take this moment to show you 
something I've been working on... for the last two weeks I've been pouring 
through the video archives, picking out highlights, and trying to put a year 
retrospective on Ultra.  With the help of Lain and an Avid video editing 
deck, I'd... I just want to... Dai?  I think I'm gonna cry."

     "Here, sob on my sleeve," Daisuke suggested, holding up his arm.  "Try 
to ignore the stains, it's better for your mental health."

     "I'm very emotional right now," Hiroshi emoted.  "I mean... one year.  
One year of the greatest experiences of my life.  Sure, I was killed a few 
times.  Sure, the world nearly ended once or twice.  But if I had to do it 
all again, I would.  I never dreamed I'd be part of something this huge, this 
important.  So I want the folks at home to know, this tape... I crafted it 
with LOVE.  Daisuke... don't hold back.  You can let it out too."

     "I wanted my paycheck back," Daisuke filled in.  "...and yeah, I kinda 
like this show too.  Okay.  No need to get all fussy about it.  ...Hiro, quit 
that, we're on live television here."

     "Roll the footage, gentlemen... by Lina in heaven let the glorious 
footage roll!" Hiroshi sniffled, while saturating Daisuke's sleeve.

     All eyes turned to the video wall, as the Ultra logo--

     Was replaced by the ShadowNERV logo.

     And was then replaced by Bison's ten foot tall grin of evil doom.

     "Greetings, Ultra fans!" Bison called out, ignoring the catcalls, jeers, 
and popcorn thrown at the screen.  "Am I interrupting anything important?"

     The young announcer nearly exploded.  He stood on his desk, clenching a 
fist and shaking it at the screen, Dan-like tears streaming down his cheeks.  
"BISON!!"

     "Yes, that is my name," Bison replied.  "I'm pleased you remember it.  I 
have to admit, I was impressed with Jack's attitude tonight.  The invasion 
mentality is something I wholeheartedly approve of, in the same way I invade 
your broadcast on my own personal whims.  Like I'm doing now, as a matter of 
fact--"

     "You think you scare us?!" Hiroshi called out.  "HA!  Do I need to 
remind everybody here that you got your ass SPANKED two weeks ago by Mewtwo, 
the Psycho Soldiers and the Hungry Wolves?"

     "...a minor set back," Bison replied, looking annoyed at the insolent 
boy.  "And unpleasant things await those who dared to interfere in my work, 
especially that overgrown freak of nature who calls himself Mewtwo.  I look 
forward to harnessing his power for my own... But I digress!  I have 
something important to show you, and then I'll leave you to your fun.  It's 
been hiding backstage for a few hours now waiting for the big debut.  Thanks 
to your glorious commander Tendo's backstage cameras, you weaklings shall be 
the first to see my toy in action!"

     "Rei?!" Hiroshi gasped.  "Bison, you bastard!  Leave Rei alone!!"

     Bison rolled his eyes.  "No, it's not Rei!  Keep up.  My... well, I 
suppose a picture is worth a thousand words--"

     The video image jumped, before cutting to a scene...

     It was one of the backstage locker rooms, but you wouldn't know from the 
mess.  Lockers were bashed to dented metal bits, the walls had numerous 
holes, and overhead lights had been destroyed.  In the flickering fluorescent 
haze... the fallen forms of Andy Bogard, Mai Shiranui, Sie Kensou and Athena 
Asamiya could be seen.  They were breathing, but that was all they were 
doing...

     Only one figure stood tall.  A well built man with long, blue hair, and 
a red cap.  He turned to look at the camera, adjusted his hat, and slammed 
his fist into the ground.

     "POWER GEYSER!"

     The video feed ceased.

     "Just a small sample, since I know you want to get on with your show," 
Bison reminded as he returned to view.  "You'll see more of my wonderful new 
project next time Sagat enters the ring.  Until then, have an unpleasant 
evening!"

     Darkness filled the Titantron once more.

     "..." Hiroshi responded.

     "We'll be right back after this word from Skittles," Daisuke deadpanned.  
"Skittles.  Taste the rainbow.  Or else, apparently."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The sorcerer and the succubus were nonplussed.

     "Forget it," they both said.

     "So you guys are just gonna walk away from a fight, is that it?" Jack 
asked.  "Just because you don't have your easy opponents set up beforehand 
you don't feel you need to defend your titles with honor?"

     "I said forget it, you spiky haired twit," Darshu snarled.  "I came here 
tonight to do my job, and that's take on Yuffie.  If you think I'll let you 
set me up with some mystery date--"

     "Okay, okay.  I know you're gonna be upset, I was expecting this," Jack 
said.  "Let me say just one word to you, Darshu.  If it doesn't get you 
hooked, you can walk out of here.  Is it a deal?"

     "Since I can't think of anything that would make me go along with your 
ridiculous coup d'etat, fine," Dark Schneider agreed.  "What's the word?"

     Jack told him.

     "I'm in," Darshu agreed.  "I'll be in my dressing room warming up my 
chicks-- warming up for the fight.  Later, Morri."

     Morrigan tapped her foot.  "He may have a weak will, but I am the 
embodiment of strong will.  I get what I want, and what I want is to play 
with my puppy and go home.  Are you going to tell me a magic word and get me 
to comply with your little game as well?"

     "Actually, no.  I was going to remind you of something.  When you first 
got that belt, you claimed you would take on any challengers because you were 
tired of weaklings.  You wanted someone who was capable of, to put it in your 
words, 'taking your belt off'."

     "Yes, those were my words.  Your point?"

     "Nabiki's been 'protecting' you from getting that challenge you seek," 
Jack explained.  "She's kept your title on you by not letting anybody try to 
take it away.  Are you telling me you lied when you said you wanted a strong 
opponent?  That you, the 'embodiment of strong will' are too chicken to live 
up to your own words?"

     "You're playing head games now, Jack," Morrigan recognized.  "It's 
obvious.  Hmmm... actually, I believe I will take up your mystery opponent on 
one condition.  When I beat him into the ground... I get to feed on your 
soul's energy tonight.  I'm quite thirsty, and Nabiki would approve of this 
and promote me even further in reward.  Is it a deal?"

     "I play in the fast lane, girl.  I'll take your bet," Jack replied.  
"Don't think I won't put myself on the line for this show.  You and your 
cronies have no clue what Ultra is -- maybe you'll have an idea by the end of 
the night, or just a ringing headache.  Go get dressed, Morrigan, or 
undressed preferably.  You'll be up right before the main event."

     "Last match of the night in the dome?" Morrigan asked.  "Mmmm... I think 
I like that.  It's a fitting place for one of my strength and grace.  I will 
be ready.  If--"

     "JAAAACK!"

     "Get going," he told Morrigan, before turning around.  "Yeah, Hiro?"

     Hiroshi paused a moment, completely out of breath after the run from the 
desk to ops.  "You... you have to make me a match!  I want a match TONIGHT!"

     "Sorry, Hardcore title's taken.  Better luck next year."

     "No... not that.  I want BISON!" Hiroshi declared, shaking with rage.  
"He... he's doing things to Rei, and his enemies were just wiped out and 
nobody can stop him and... and I want his ass!  I want his ass on a STICK!"

     "...right.  Hiro?  Heart to heart a moment, okay?" Jack suggested, 
leading him off to the side.  "Do you really have that much of a hard on for 
getting killed again?  Knowing Bison has your cloning equipment, so there 
won't be a Hiroshi Mark V.  Or is it VI now?  Or Emacs?"

     "I don't care!  I have to do SOMETHING, Jack!" Hiroshi pleaded.  "He has 
to be stopped!  He's evil!  He's worse than evil, he's... he's EVIL in all 
capital letters!  Make the match!  Make it!"

     "No," Jack refused.  "Kid, listen.  You're not going to achieve anything 
this way.  If--"

     "BUT HE--"

     "Let me finish," Jack warned.  "I'm educating your ignorant ass here.  
If you want to take on an enemy who's stronger than you, you don't rush at 
them screaming and punching.  You get someone ELSE to rush at them screaming 
and punching.  Hiro, what do you think CHAOS is?  This is me getting my 
revenge on Nabiki.  I couldn't do it alone, and neither could any of us; we 
had to team up.  You want Bison down, you need someone who can work with you 
to make it happen.  It's simple logic."

     "Then... then loan me Nuku-Nuku!  She's Omega level!"

     "NO.  No way," Jack said firmly.  "Nuku... no.  I don't 'loan' people, 
for starters.  If you want this done, you gotta do the legwork yourself, 
okay?  CHAOS doesn't have any members who can tangle with Bison.  Look... 
you're a bright kid.  You'll figure out something.  But for now I need you at 
the desk, game face on, and ready to announce the show.  The fans need you."

     "The... fans..." Hiroshi replied.  He screwed his eyes shut and 
swallowed, trying to get prepared mentally.  "Right.  I've got to do the 
show.  This is ULTRA, and it's my dream, and... okay.  I'll think about it, 
Jack."

     "Right.  Now hurry up, we can only hock Skittles for so long before 
people get sick.  I've got some final arrangements to make for Team Rocket's 
challengers -- they're up next, so if you please...?"

     "Okay!  I'm on my way!" Hiroshi announced, smiling as widely as he would 
on camera.  He couldn't lose sight of the show, it was true.  But the idea 
did percolate in the coffee maker of his mind.  He WOULD find a way to free 
Rei... the woman he loved.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

	"Hiroshi, you look like hell," Daisuke told his freakishly-grinning
friend.

	"Thanks," he replied without moving his mouth too far from its
shirt-eating grin.  Sliding on his headset, Hiroshi then proceeded to stare
blankly ahead, eyes clouded in thought.  Or a sugar overdose.  Or anything,
really, it was hard to tell with him sometimes.

	Ten feet away, a little red light went blink and let the announcers 
know that they were once again in a good portion of the world's living rooms. 
Deciding that Hiroshi wasn't going to stop contemplating his navel, Daisuke
let out a hearty, "Annnnnd we're back!"

	"That's RIGHT!" Hiroshi replied, his attention suddenly back in the 
here and now.  "With RIVALRIES to settle with HISTORIES between them and of
course some ULTRAVIOLENCE!  Let's get this SHOW on the ROAD!"

	"Do you want a drink of water?  Valium?"

	"No thanks, all I want is a tape of this show so I can see myself when 
I started to get a GREAT IDEA!"  Slamming his hands palms-down on the
announcers'  table, Hiroshi asked the audience, "Are you ready for your one
and only Team Champion Rocket?!"

	Thousands of red, white, and black signs popped up throughout the Dome. 
Hiroshi took this as a yes.  "Then let's turn our attention... to the
UltraTron!"

	Daisuke paled.  "They'd better not try to parachute off it.  No matter
what Jack said, I don't think those were special combat moths that came with
the army surplus supplies."

	As a flat LCD panel flickered to life below Hiroshi's hands, the
pale-haired announcer grinned.  "Nah, I have something else planned.  This
is a clip I found going through the archives."

	Daisuke started to ask him which clip would soon be gracing the
slack-jawed fans' eyes, but decided to hold off after watching Hiroshi play
with the buttons and gizmos in the fine tradition of males everywhere.  The
screen turned on, the sound came up, and Hiroshi missed the starting point
of his clip.

	"Whoops," Hiroshi laughed as he rubbed a hand behind his head.  "It'll
start in a second, folks."

	"You didn't read the manual, did you?"  Daisuke rolled his eyes.  "You
never read the manual."

	Any response Hiroshi might have had was cut short as the lights died,
right on cue (This Old Dojo reads the manuals).  A staccato snare drum beat
echoed throughout the UltraDome, then a fife overlaid it and swelled to a
crescendo.  In short order, the audience was listening to the West Point
Marching Band's cover of Double Trouble.

	Hiroshi looked up at the Ultratron and grinned.  Going into full
showmanship mode, he boomed into his mic, "Four seasons ago, Team Rocket
made their debut at UltraRage Alpha as MYSTERIOUS PERSONS.  Now they're the
fan favorites, reigning champions, and... I did not know that you could buy
an inflatable Humvee."

	Said Humvee plowed its way down one of the aisles, Pikachu on its roof
and Mr. Duck-smoking-a-cigar icons on its sides.  It picked up speed as it
continued down the aisle, coming to a spectacular 540-degree spinning stop
at the bottom.  The audience roared.  Hiroshi marked out.  The Spanish
Announcers' table ended up under its tires.

	"I think I'm going to be sick," Jessie moaned as she stumbled out.

	"Jack took out the brakes," James explained as he dropped to the ground
and hugged it.

	"And Team Rocket makes a spectacular entrance!"  Daisuke coughed into
the back of his hand, turned off his microphone, and called over to them,
"Guys!  The speech!"

	They nodded weakly and climbed on top of the Humvee.  "Prepare for
trouble!" Jessie began, raising one camouflage-clad arm.

	"And make it double!" James finished, forcing a smile on his face
despite knowing that this color scheme looked simply AWFUL with his hair.

	The audience's cheers grew even louder, a faceless, voiceless, communal
noise that nearly deafened anyone foolish to be in attendance without a
quality pair of earplugs.  It served to remind Team Rocket what was the True
Meaning Of Ultra was: an ego boost unlike any other.

	"To bring evil bookers humiliation!"

	"To spread our name throughout all nations!"

	"To praise the forces of controversy!"

	"To show not even an ounce of mercy!"

	"Jessie!"

	"James!"

	"Team Rocket has you in our sights!"

	"And the Second Amendment says we can fight!"

	"Pika!"

	"That's right."

	The audience buzzed at the voice as Hiroshi grabbed his mic.  Motioning
up towards a pitch-black ramp, he announced, "And now the MYSTERIOUS PERSONS
for this match... here to finish what was started all those months ago..."

	Team Rocket climbed down off the Humvee and strode into the ring,
turning once they'd hit the middle.  They looked up into the darkness,
absolute confidence on their faces.

	The lights came on.

	"TEAM POKEMON!"

	Ash, Misty, and Meowth looked confidently down at Team Rocket, arms
folded, legs planted, and far too many teeth showing.  "Surrender now," Ash
suggested.  "We're prepared to fight."

	No sooner had he made his boast than Ash was down the ramp, through the
ropes, and twisting his cap around like a good little commercial icon. 
Misty and Meowth trailed close behind as James and Pikachu cleared the ring,
and one razor-haired redhead and spikey-headed brunette were left glaring at
each other.

	"And Ash is ready to get this match off to a quick start!" Hiroshi
helpfully said for anyone who hadn't quite caught that on their own.  "He's
looking to take down Team Rocket for good this time!"

	"That's right," Daisuke expanded.  "This is the culmination of a 
rivalry that's been brewing for four seasons; before that, even.  The action 
between these two teams has heated up over the last eight weeks, and it's 
finally boiled over tonight!"

	"And YOU get to watch the fight to determine who the true Pokemon
masters are, folks!"

	Daisuke slipped off his headset.  "Think they bought it?"

	"Yeah, I think so."

	"Good," Daisuke muttered as the ref went to begin the fight.  "They're
not going into this fresh; they need a gimmee match."

	The bell rang.

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MATCH #1 : LAMBDA TITLE DEFENSE	
][ TEAM ROCKET vs. TEAM POKEMON
][ Special Guest Booker : Kristen Smirnov
][ FIGHT!

	With fighters in Ultra coming from just about every fighting style
imaginable, it can be a nice change to go up against someone whose moves are
familiar.  The opening moves, the strategies followed... and, of course, the
infallible knowledge that they'll cheat given half a chance.

	"SQUIRTLE, I CHOOSE YOU!"

	A smirk crossed Jessie's face.  "Such an obvious opening, Ash.  Of
course, I suppose not everyone can be as great a fighter as Team
RockWAHHHHH!"

	"Fight, don't talk," Ash suggested as Squirtle's water blast died down.

	Jessie scowled up at Ash from where she'd dropped to avoid the attack. 
"You never did have any sense of dramatic buildup.  I, however, know to give
the people what they want... I choose you, Pikachu!"

	A quick scramble under the ropes put Pikachu face-to-face with 
Squirtle, and the two former allies eyed each other warily.  

	"Will Pikachu stand up against Ash's pokemon?  What will happen when
Pikachu's loyalties are put to the test? WHAT WILL PIKACHU DO?  ...
apparently, Pikachu will freeze up and let Squirtle wash him right out of
the ring."  Hiroshi sighed.  "Should've expected that.  Anyways, Jessie's
moving right along and bringing in Persian!"

	One Slash attack from the pokemon in question and Squirtle was on the
defensive, dodging and weaving and using every evasive maneuver it had. 
Unfortunately, Squirtle was a turtle, and thus didn't have much success with
this strategy.

	A flick of the wrist recalled Squirtle, and Ash scowled at Jessie as he
backed towards the ropes, where Meowth was waiting.  "I'll be right back."

	"I can hardly wait," Jessie laughed as Ash tagged out, reaching down to
give Persian an approving pat.  "You've certainly become easy to intimidate,
Ash!  Of course, I can't blame you for showing the proper response to the
Team Champion Rocket Elite Republican Guard!"  Smiling for the audience and
photographers, Jessie posed so the overhead lights would glint off the
medals she'd attached to her uniform (accessories are everything!).

	This time, she didn't avoid the water blast to her head.

	Jessie sputtered indignantly as she pawed her hair away from her face
and just [glared] at Misty.  "You messed up my HAIR!"

	The younger fighter let out a satisfied sigh.  "You have no idea how
long I've wanted to do that.  Anyways, let's get going!  Starmie, hit
Persian with another Water Gun!"

	"Persian, Fury Slice that thing into ribbons for what it did to me!"

	The two pokemon darted towards each other, Jessie and Misty yelling out
orders as quickly as the two animals could process them.  Off to the sides,
James cheered Jessie on, Pikachu looked despondently at the proceedings in
the ring, and Meowth and Ash were huddled, discussing strategy.

	"Strategy?"

	"Yeah, strategy!  Dat's what dis is, just strategy!"  Meowth grinned. 
"Has Meowth ever let you two down?"

	"You're right, Meowth; I know I can trust you!"  Ash turned to the ring
and yelled, "Misty, I'm ready!"

	She nodded and ran to the ropes, withdrawing Starmie as she rolled off
the apron.  Ash slid into the ring and eyed Jessie, fingering a pokeball. 
"Let's finish this; you don't deserve your belts a minute more!  Pidgeotto,
I choose you!"

	Persian and Jessie looked up in unison to see the bird pokemon appear,
cawing as it flapped its wings upon release from its pokeball.  "Screech
Attack, Persi-" 

	"QUICK ATTACK!"

	The audience gasped as Pigeotto darted down not at Persian, but right 
at Jessie.  It plowed right under her, knocking her legs to the side and
sending her crashing to the mat.  James let out a yell of protest, but Ash
simply smirked.  "You guys haven't been acting like real pokemon trainers,
so you deserve to be treated like it!"

	Wobbling unsteadily to her feet, Jessie winced as she straightened. 
Another divebomb from Pidgeotto sent her to the ropes, which she used to
maintain her standing position.

	"It looks like Jessie's leg injury from Reboot might be coming back to
bug her," Daisuke mused worriedly.  "She wasn't expecting that attack, and
she landed right on it."  He glared up at Ash and added, "I'd imagine that's
exactly what Ash's intent was."

	"And yes, folks, that is legal for Ash to attack the trainers; we're 
not fighting under the Pokemon League rules, here! ...it's low, but it's 
legal."

	Taking a cue from Ash, Persian darted towards him; Jessie used the
distraction of him calling Pidgeotto for protection to vacate the ring.  

	"One down," Ash smirked as Persian was recalled in a flash of energy. 
"I thought you guys had gotten better since you'd come to Ultra, but you're
the same jokes you always were!"

	James returned Ash's insult with a smug look.  "I don't know... *our*
record seems rather impressive."

	The audience laughed as Team Pokemon's embarrassing record was brought
up.  Ash twitched.  "Sh- shut up!  At least we fight on our own!  Everyone
in CHAOS is just like them; they had to take over the entire night so they'd
get easy fights!"

	"So..." Jessie began from her spot at the ropes, putting her finger to
her chin, "...you're admitting that you're an easy fight?"

	A new cliche was coined at that point: Hell hath no fury like a
prepubescent Pokemon trainer mocked.  Even the people in the nosebleed
sections could see Ash twitch in righteous kiddie fury.  "SHUT UP!  I don't
have to listen to you!  Jessie's too stuck on herself to think of anything
else, and James is more of a girl than Misty!"

	"Hey," James whined.

	"HEY!" came a furious voice from ringside.  Meowth ducked under the 
ring to avoid its source.

	Into a comfortable groove now, Ash continued.  "What are you gonna try
to do, talk at me until you win?  The only way you guys have ever done
anything is if you cheated at it or I helped you, and I'm never gonna help
you again!"  Meowth called something over to him, and Ash continued, "And
what's with the outfits, huh?"  He pointed at James.  "What's this, don't
ask, don't yell?"

	Meowth bonked his head on the ground.  "Meowth said TELL, you liddle...
c'mon, let's get this done with!"

	"I knew I looked awful in this outfit," James sobbed.  "Growly, don't
let Ash get away with saying that!"

	The canine pokemon lunged for Pidgeotto even as it finished changing to
a normal state of matter; the bird simply swooped over it and attacked James
in a similar manner as it'd done to Jessie.  Letting out a strangled shriek,
James threw himself to one side of the ring, wanting to avoid the scary
scary birdie.

	"Wanna make this more interesting?  Let's use two pokemon each!"

	James pulled himself to his feet, keeping a wary eye on the hovering
Pidgeotto.  "Okay, fine!  No matter how many pokemon you throw at us, Team
Rocket will always come out on top!"  Settling into his own comfortable
groove of egotistical blustering, James continued, "Let's get started; this
fight's as good as done!  Team Champion Rocket is invincible!"

	"Butterfree, I choose you!"

	"Weezing, I... uh..."  James patted himself down with one hand,
confused.  "Um... Mew?  Jigglypuff?  I choose... where are all my pokemon?!"

	A flash of red caught his eye, and he whipped around to see a smirking
Meowth and Misty holding the containers for the pokemon in question; they
held them up just long enough for him to see, and hid them before the
referee turned.  James stared as he tried to wrap his mind around this
development.  "They poached my pokemon!" he sputtered.

	Jessie's protests as she tried to inform the referee of the stolen
pokeballs had an unintended effect; he was so busy dealing with her
emotional avalanche that no attention was paid as Ash sent both Pidgeotto
and Butterfree to attack.

	Ash laughed delightedly as Growly slowly withdrew against the double
onslaught.  "I knew it!  I'm the best!  I don't need anyone but me, because
I'm the pokemon master!"  A dark gleam appearing in his eyes, Ash motioned
Pigeotto towards the arm that James had been holding motionless during the
fight.

	James looked up from guiding Growly against one of Butterfree's attacks
just in time to see a blur zooming right towards the shoulder that had been
dislocated two weeks prior.  Not growing up in a normal family situation, he
did not think, "Mommy!"  No, he just let out a mental whimper.

	"Piiiiiiiiiika!"

	One crispy critter fell to the mat, landing just a few feet away from
James.  He blinked down at it, then beamed at Pikachu.  Pikachu returned the
expression.  At the other side of the ring, Ash stared at Pikachu with an
unreadable mix of emotions.

	"And it's Pikachu to the rescue, folks!" Hiroshi summarized.  "Looks
like he's finally gotten over his reluctance to fi... well... there he's
freezing up again.  But Growly's still in the game, and so this looks like
an even match!"

	Pausing thoughtfully for a moment after Hiroshi was done, Daisuke
muttered, "Ash still has more fresh pokemon... it's a draw right now..."  He
looked up at the audience and asked, "I know you all want Team Rocket to
win, right?"

	The audience's reaction left little doubt of that.

	"You don't want those cheaters to win, someone who takes advantage of
the injuries his opponents has received, right?"

	A hearty "Hell no!" was his answer, and Daisuke sat back, satisfied. 
That should do it.

	Ash looked up at the audience, gaze whipping around the full circle of
boos and jeers.  Stupid.  They were all stupid, every single one of them. 
They'd known who the real fighters were at the Pokemon Tournament, and who
the losers were.  If they wanted to cheer the losers here, fine.  But he'd
fight like a winner.

	With a flick of the wrist, Ash spun his cap back around, the brim
casting a deep shadow over his eyes.  "I've had enough of you, Team Rocket. 
It's time to end this, and I'm gonna!  I challenge you to a one-on-one
pokemon fight, winner takes the belt and are the real pokemon masters of
Ultra!"

	James, uncertain, looked over his shoulder at Jessie.  She nodded.

	Seeing that his challenge had been accepted, Ash grinned.  Time for a
little payback, then...  Feet planted firmly apart, a top-quality Dramatic
Point at James, and a nice, confident yell of, "Meowth, I choose you!"

	Meowth looked up from sharpening his claws just long enough to say,
"Hey, Meowth's management, not labor."

	"F- fine!  Then I'll pick... BULBASAUR!"  The bizarre little
plant/lizard mix appeared in a flash of light and roared defiantly up at
James.  Ash smiled down at it.  "You booed Bulbasaur before, but none of us
care any more!  We don't care what you think, so long as we're the best!"

	"BulbaSAUR!"

	To say Jessie and James were completely confident is hardly needed; 
it's their waking state of existence.  For a lifelong pessimist, though,
completely confident is something to note.  "This fight is in the bag,"
Daisuke smirked.  "Ash forgot about the Growlithe right in front of him, and
a plant pokemon's not going to stand up to a fire one."

	"What a finish, folks!  What drama!  A childhood pet now helping its
adult master stay as champion!  I can hear Michael Eisner knocking down our
doors for the movie rights now!"

	Glancing up at the ring, where Jessie and James were discussing their
plans, Daisuke nodded.  "Might as ring the bell-"

	"We choose Pikachu."

	"...now..."  Daisuke stared up at them.

	Pikachu followed suit.  "Pi... pika?"  It looked over to Ash, then back
to Team Rocket.  "Kaaaa...."

	"We believe in you, Pikachu!  You can do it!  Fight for CHAOS, for Team
Rocket, and for dramatic necessity!"  Red and white pompons appeared out of
nowhere, and the two camo-clad fighters started an impromptu cheering
routine.

	The shocked look on Pikachu's face turned first to embarrassment, but 
was just as quickly replaced by determination.  It nodded once, then slowly
walked towards the center of the ring.

	The audience expected a long standoff between the two, each trainer
waiting for the best possible moment to spring a surprise attack on the
other by proxy.  The audience was wrong.  Pikachu had barely come forward
before Ash ordered, "Vine Whip, NOW!"

	A little dart of camouflage-wearing yellow was all that could be seen 
of Pikachu for the next few seconds; more specifically, a little dart that 
was purely on the defensive.  Team Rocket still had their cheery expressions 
on, but the other CHAOS member by the ring wasn't looking on the bright side 
of life.

	"Dai, what's the matter?"

	"Rosh, if Pikachu loses, Team Rocket loses."

	"Yeah, so?"

	"If Team Rocket loses, I'm the one who has to deal with their crushed
egos."

	There was a long pause as Hiroshi considered that.  "...Dude, I'm
sorry."

	"You can do it, Pikachu!" Jessie cheered.

	"We believe in you!" James amended.

	Even as the pep squad made their cheers, Bulbasaur managed to snap
Pikachu with one of its vines; soon, the electric pokemon was secured at all
four paws.  Jessie and James stared in shock.  Hadn't Pikachu seen their
routine?

	From its bonds, Pikachu looked sadly over at its trainers, both former
and current.  It just... it just couldn't attack Bulbasaur.  How could it
attack one of Ash's pokemon like this?  It was one thing when Ash had had
Pidgeotto attack James, but...

	Pikachu forced its head back over towards Ash, hoping to see some of 
the trainer he'd known... even if that trainer wouldn't have made Pidgeotto 
take advantage of old injuries.  Instead, he got a cold, determined look in
response.

	"Traitor," Ash muttered as he looked once at Pikachu, soon moving his
eyes away from the pokemon's gaze.  "You don't wanna be the best, you just
want all the people who are too stupid to know who the real fighters are to
like you.  You wanna be a cheater like them, you want to be just like Team
Rocket.  Well, fine!  Razor Leaf attack, Bulbasaur!  C'mon, we've got the
win!"

	"Piii..." Pikachu sadly chirped, looking down towards the ground.  In
the background, behind the whistling of the leaves -- it barely felt the
attacks as they impacted, but the sounds echoed in its ears -- it could hear
Team Rocket cheering it on.

	"Okay, Bulbasaur... SOLAR BE-"

	"PiiiiiiiKAAAAAAA!"

	Before Ash could get out the command for Bulbasaur to use its strongest
attack, Pikachu practically exploded into a ball of crackling, dancing
energy.  A good portion of the audience shielded their eyes from the
sudden burst of light.

	The light faded.  A few seconds passed before anyone who'd been in 
close proximity to the ring could see again; once they could, they saw 
Bulbasaur falling to the mat.  And remaining motionless.

	Ash's mouth dropped open.  So did Team Rocket's, but they did so to
cheer.

	"Your winners and still champions... TEAM ROCKET!" the referee boomed. 

	"YES!" Daisuke cheered in an uncharacteristic display.

	Hiroshi blinked at him once, then turned to his mic.  "That's RIGHT! 
Team Rocket successfully defends their belts, and have proven themselves as
the true pokemon masters of Ultra!  Who would have thought at UltraRage
Alpha that THIS is how the rivalry would be resolved?"

	"Yaaay!" cheered James as he gave Jessie a one-armed hug.

	"Yaaay!" cheered Jessie as she attempted to balance on her good leg.

	At the side of the ring, Ash quietly recalled Bulbasaur and stepped
through the ropes.  Misty and Meowth trailed behind him as he went up the
ramp, fierce scowl hidden by the darkness.

	Raising his voice to be overhead over the mad cheers of the audience,
Hiroshi said, "And don't step away to make those sandwiches just yet,
because we're going live to the Hardcore title match! Stay tuned!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     While it's true that the UltraDome crowd was large and loud, the NeoDome 
crowd had more concentrated power.  It was smaller, which meant its fans were 
packed in like sardines... loud, raucous sardines.  After all, while a crowd 
of more than ten thousand cheering is like white noise, a crowd of a thousand 
or so cheering is an audible mob scene; individual screams and catcalls can 
be heard, and people in the crowd are more than a sea of multicolor haze.  
They're a cluster of identifiable faces, of faces that hold the same 
expression: "We are very happy to be here, yes we are."

     A blonde in a red dress that was illegal in six countries stood in the 
center of the ring, waiting for the crowd to settle down so she could 
announce.  It took a full two minutes for the spontaneous N-E-O! chants and 
other mania to simmer.

     "Helllllooooooo everybody, and welcome to NEOFIGHTERS!" she announced.  
"My name is Akari Jameson, and we are coming to you live and direct from the 
NeoDome in sunny yet slightly grimy Shinjuku, Tokyo!  You may not recognize 
this place, and if you don't, it's because you don't get enough insane 
fighting action in your diet.  Every Wednesday evening at midnight you can 
tune in to see some of the craziest high flying martial arts action and 
bizarre super powers ever witnessed outside of the UltraDome!  And in keeping 
with the apparent 'Nabiki is a Big Fat Bitch in D Minor' theme of the night, 
she doesn't WANT you to see this show, so tune in to make me a very happy 
girl!"

     An entire row in the stadium held up signs with single letters that 
spelled out 'BEEKSUCK$'.  Akari clapped politely for them, before continuing.

     "Of course, this ain't Wednesday.  This is ULTRARAGE EPSILON, and this 
special presentation is courtesy of our good buddies in CHAOS arranging this 
impromptu gathering," she smiled.  "Even our boss doesn't know that the Dude 
and I have set up this little show (although odds are he's having a heart 
attack at home right now while watching us).  I'm a naughty, naughty girl, 
aren't I? That settled, let's get this party started!  The following contest 
is scheduled for one knockout fall.  Making his way to the ring hailing from 
parts unknown, please don't welcome the Furnityre Savior, MARLO SEMAJ!"

     While a thunderous wave of boos is normal in the UltraDome, in the 
NeoDome you could hear every subtle nuance and witticism hurled in Marlo's 
direction as he marched in an angry manner to the ring.  Most of the epithets 
tossed at him were in full violation of broadcast regulations, but someone 
was asleep at the seven second delay buzzer.

     Marlo swung himself through the ropes, keeping a firm grip on the steel 
chair he toted with him.  He motioned for Akari to get the hell out of here, 
as he snatched the mike from her.  "Go back to your desk, woman!  I've got 
somethin' to say to these jokers before my match starts.  I want to 
OFFICIALLY protest this... this ridiculous last minute ring substitution!  
Jack, I was signed and ready to deliver a match in America right now, NOT in 
this dinky hand-me-down arena!  The only reason I agreed to go along with 
this is because I want to beat down Akane NOW, rather than wait for Nabiki to 
return!"

     Another obscene chant about what parts of the human anatomy Marlo liked 
to put his mouth on began.  Akari assumed her position behind the desk, and 
tried to untangle the headset cords as Marlo rambled on.

     "Although... you know, in a way, maybe it's appropriate that I've been 
railroaded here," he continued, leaning on the ropes, as he watched the 
entrance ramp like a hawk.  "Akane, I know you're back there somewhere.  You 
recognize this place, don't you?  It's the same dome that Jack put on the 
moon the night you took my belt from me!  Real cute trick, putting me through 
a flaming thumbtack covered table.  But tonight, I'm gonna burn YOU!  For a 
full season you've let that belt go to waste, disgracing the prestigious 
Hardcore title!  You idiots can rag me all you want, but the Furnityre Savior 
is going to be walking out of here tonight with his property!"

     "The crowd's definitely not behind Marlo on this one," Akari announced, 
while cracking open her first beer of the night.  "Hey, don't look at me like 
that, it's my job to state the obvious.  Makes it more dramatic..."

     "To make sure this night is special, I've brought along a little 
friend!" Marlo declared, as he waved his steel chair.  "Look what I have!  
Titanium plating!  Reinforced rivets!  This is the best chair mortal science 
can devise.  One hard swing with this and it'll be concussion city, with your 
brains so scrambled that you won't be able to remember your own name!  What's 
taking you so long back there, Akane?  Trying to find a little something to 
even the odds?  Scared I'm going.... to......."

     The fact that a hammer as large as a compact car even existed was 
frightening enough.  The '100t' printed on the side of the jet-black 
implement of flattening destruction was even scarier.  But the way Akane 
swung it around with effortless ease, that was what caused the Furnityre 
Savior to nearly wet his pants.

     "Further proof that size DOES count," Akari decided, as Akane posed at 
the top of the ramp, content to draw cheers as Marlo simply stared in 
amazement.  "How she squeezed that thing into the building is beyond me.  
Maybe that's why the Dude was cutting the double doors open with a welding 
torch earlier tonight?  I figured they were gonna drive a furniture truck in 
the building or something..."

     Akane twirled the one hundred ton mallet once, before casually balancing 
it over a shoulder.  "You like pancakes, Marlo?" she asked.  "I'm in the mood 
for PANCAKES, myself..."

     "On second thought I think I've changed my mind," Marlo quickly said.  
"Jack, I refuse to go along with this match!  I agreed to go to America and 
you said I could refuse if I wanted, and since this is not an officially 
sanctioned Ultra ring--"

     "We're at NeoFighters," Akane reminded.  "It's in the Ultra family.  Me 
kicking your ass here is the same as me kicking your ass at the UltraDome!"

     "But the bell hasn't rung!  There's no match if I leave before--"

     *dingding*

     "Oh, silly me," Akari said, hiding the tiny bell hammer.  "Give 'im 
hell, Akane!"

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MATCH #2 : HARDCORE TITLE DEFENSE
][ MARLO SEMAJ vs. AKANE TENDO
][ FIGHT!!

     Before the second 'ding', Akane was already charging the ring with the 
speed of a sprinting cheetah... as Marlo was charging OUT of the ring and 
trying to climb over the audience barricade to flee.

     It wasn't that he was afraid of the pathetic little girl, no.  
Definitely not.  But it WAS very unfair, and Nabiki would throw this match 
out when all was said and done, so he might as well--

     A black shadow blotted out the lights from the grid high above.  Marlo 
turned to see a hundred tons of steel coming down at him...

     So he scooped up some kid out of the audience with his chair to use as a 
human shield.  Akane stopped the mallet quickly, the weapon of doom hovering.  
Dumping the kid to the side and diving to his knees, Marlo swiped his chair 
at her ankles.

     While Akane was damn good at swinging a hammer around via some innate 
talent, a hundred tons was not something you could swing without 
extraordinarily delicate body balancing.  A sharp rap to the legs was enough 
to upset that balance, as she fell flat on her face, the mallet landing 
(thankfully) on the safe side of the barricade.  It did register as a 2.4 on 
the Richter Scale, of course.

     Marlo was not one to let an opponent recover after being knocked down.  
He reared back his chair, which gleamed in the glare of the lights, and 
swung.  One good shot, that's all he needed, one shot to finish this--

     *CLACK*.  The chair was kicked back in his face by Akane, as she flipped 
to her feet.

     "And a modified Van Daminator from Akane!" Akari announced, waving her 
beer in the air.  "Wooo!  You go, girl!"

     Quickly assuming a true martial arts stance, Akane pressed the attack.  
She had trained a long time for this night, studying her enemy... he had one 
very strong weakness.  Once you got him dizzy, he couldn't easily whip out 
furniture.  When he had no furniture, he was helpless against a true martial 
artist.  She followed up the kick with another one, this time to the 
midsection to get him to double over -- grabbing him by his hair, she whirled 
around to toss him into the steel steps at ringside.

     Marlo's world was one of pure agony and funny blotchy colors at that 
point.  He tumbled end over end across the steps, sliding to a halt flat on 
his back.  Staring at the lights, he tried to figure out where he went wrong 
-- then he saw an Akane-shaped blob coming for him and decided he could 
figure out where he went wrong when he wasn't in immediate danger.  Rolling 
away from a stomping attack, he scurried under the ring and to safety.

     "Looks like he's hiding under the ring apron," the announcer said, 
trying to lean across the desk and get a better look (while the camera got a 
better look down her dress).  "And now Akane's going after him.  Man, it'd 
suck if they fought under there for the rest of the match.  I can't see a 
damn thing... no, no, there he is-- whoa."

     The young Furniture Warrior had to flip the loose dropcloth surrounding 
the ring all the way up before climbing out; otherwise, it would have snagged 
on his prize.  He crawled out from under the ring, toting a baseball bat 
freshly wrapped in barbed wire.  Akane grabbed for his ankles as she came 
out, but rolled out of the way quickly before Marlo could take a swipe.

     "Where did you get THAT?!" Akane asked, keeping her distance, edging 
away from the ring.

     "You call yourself a hardcore fighter and you have to ask that?" Marlo 
asked, twirling the bat in his hands, also keeping his distance.  The 
taunting would give him some time to recover.  "There's all sorts of crap 
under the ring during fights like these!  Tables, chairs, kendo sticks, stop 
signs, fire extinguishers... and your basic barbed wire covered Louisville 
Slugger!  BATTER UP!"

     Marlo whirled the deadly weapon back, swung... and totally missed, as 
Akane sidestepped.  He gave it another swing, but missed again when she 
ducked.  Something was wrong-- no, wait.  It wasn't FURNITURE, so his usual 
skills weren't going to apply... but at least it kept Akane on her toes.  
There was no way she could safely approach him like this.  All he needed to 
do now was wait for her to make one mistake.

     His opponent seemed just as aware of this stalemate.  The two mixed it 
up with attack and dodge, dodge and attack, with Akane unable to close the 
gap enough to land a physical attack.  Marlo did his best to keep her from 
the ring apron, to prevent her new knowledge from helping her.

     Akane glanced at the bat.  At Marlo.  At the crowd.  And...

     Grabbed the nearest fan by the collar, stripping him of his hot pink 
'I'm a Dan Fan!' t-shirt in one smooth motion.  "Gomen!" she quickly 
apologized, as she wrapped it around her hand, and made a lunging grab for 
Marlo.  The bat was swung...

     And Akane caught it with her protected hand.  The shirtless fan went 
ballistic with pure otaku joy, cheering her on.

     "Yow!" Akari yelped.  "Man, even with a 0.01% cotton shirt as a 
safeguard, that's gotta hurt!"

     "HEY!" Marlo shouted, trying to pull the bat away -- Akane's grip was 
like a vice, unwilling to let the boy reclaim his advantage.  "Let go, you 
crazy bitch!  LEGGO!"

     "You said you wanted a hardcore fight," Akane spoke through a grimace.  
The barbs were digging into her hand; thankfully not very far, but enough to 
cause pain.  "Mallet or no mallet, weapon or no weapon, I'm a FIGHTER and 
you're just a talentless brawler!  I'm gonna prove to you that I deserve this 
title by beating you on your own terms!  HYAH!"

     Hauling with all her might, Akane finally managed to yank the bat out of 
Marlo's hand.  Tossing it lightly in the air with a spin, it twirled one 
eighty and landed handle first in her other hand, as she discarded the 
bloodied t-shirt.  Grinning to herself, she briefly assumed a batting stance 
before sliding into a straight kendo offensive position.

     Marlo was quick to take out a desk lamp -- which Akane knocked away, 
using the bat like a kendo stick.  The chair and desk Marlo tried next were a 
little harder to whack away, but a little thing called 'Adrenaline' was 
giving Akane the juice to make it happen.

     And so, out of options... Marlo ran.

     "Truly, Marlo knows his opponents inside and out," Akari sagely spoke.  
"After all, that's the famous Saotome Secret Technique, isn't it?  And look, 
Akane's found the counterattack, 'Running After the Little Wuss'.  I tell 
you, it's moments like these that truly represent the finest in mixed martial 
arts competition."

     This is not a problem, Marlo thought, no, no, not a problem.  Nabiki 
will throw it out anyway.  All he had to do was escape the crazy woman.  He 
just had to bail through the entrance ramp curtain, and--

     And of course, Akane outflanked him, to block his route to the safety of 
the backstage area.  Ducking a swing from the bat, Marlo rolled out of the 
way and took the next best route... up, instead of out.

     Hand over hand, like the monkey bars back at school, he climbed the 
metal framework that supported the video screen.  Fortunately he always got 
B+'s in gym class, especially climbing the big rope (even if it made him feel 
kinda funny), and this wouldn't be a problem.  Ten feet, twenty...

     Glancing back down, and there was Akane following after him.  She was 
hindered a bit by trying to carry the bat as she climbed, but that only made 
her AS FAST as Marlo, not SLOWER.  Terrific.

     The audience went 'ooh' and 'aah', as the fight was taken to new heights 
(so to speak).  Marlo hurried, sweat streaming off his forehead as he hit the 
thirty foot mark... he grabbed onto the adjacent lighting grid with his 
hands, and putting his faith in the furniture gods, let go with his legs.

     It was a spectacular sight on live television -- a daredevil swaperoo 
from one absurdly risky high place to another.  Marlo awkwardly pulled 
himself up to his feet, balancing on the precarious network of pipes and 
steel structures that held up the ring lights.  He glanced back, looking for 
his opponent... and didn't see her.

     "Gave up, Akane!?" Marlo shouted down.  "S'matter, afraid of heights?"

     "No, I just jumped over here before you did," Akane said behind him.

     The surprise almost knocked Marlo off his feet.  His arms pinwheeled a 
little, as he tried to keep his balance... the audience held their collective 
breaths, waiting for the inevitable which did not come.  He snagged his 
balance like the rare grab of a claw in a UFO catcher machine, and gave Akane 
a push before scrambling to escape along the lighting grid.

     Akane dropped like a rock.

     The baseball bat hit the floor.

     Fortunately, she grabbed a pipe before taking the complete plunge to the 
stage.  Using her superior agility, she swung up onto the grid again, and the 
chase was on -- half tightrope act, half high wire stunt, half insanely 
dangerous.  Marlo made his way to the center of the grid, just above the ring 
itself, when he turned to face his opponent...

     With a bellow of rage, he pulled a large, fluffy sofa out from nowhere.  
It was a desperation attack that had an equal chance of blowing up in his 
face, but there were no options left.  With all his might, he swung it at the 
approaching Akane--

     And missed, as Akane dropped down low, dangling from the grid by her 
hands to avoid the gigantic weapon.  The sofa clobbered a spotlight, knocking 
it off the grid as both furniture and electrical equipment dropped into the 
ring instead.

     "GOT YOU!" Marlo declared, hurrying over to step on Akane's fingers 
before she could climb back up.  Akane cried out in pain, trying to shift her 
hands around, but Marlo kept stomping, trying to shake her off...

     "...folks, I'm going to get a dock on pay for saying this," Akari 
warned, "But... HOLY SHIT.  Man, not even Li's acrobatics match up to this.  
If she drops from that height, we're talking career ending injury--"

     *fzzk*

     A blast of hot air rose, as the couch caught on fire when the broken 
spotlight started to spark.  Within ten seconds a ring of fire had spread to 
cover the canvas of the entire fighting ring, and now Akane risked not just 
falling, but falling into a blazing inferno.  The fans, being fans of extreme 
violence, went hog wild for this, cheering madly.

     "Great googly moogly," Akari intoned.  "DUDE!  Security guys, now!  
Extinguishers!  HURRY!" 

     Akane stared down in horror despite that 'Don't look down, you moron' 
thought echoing in her head.  "Marlo, stop it!" she pleaded.  "Let me get up!  
This is going WAY too far!"

     "Akane?  Babe?  There is NO! SUCH! THING!" Marlo insisted, stomping each 
time.  "As TOO! FAR!  Weren't you the one who put me through a flaming table 
last time?!  I told you I'd get my revenge!  I AM hardcore!"

     Frowning through the pain, Akane glared up at him... and made a 
decision.  "Fine, then!" she declared... and snapped her hand up, not to grab 
the steel bar, but to grab his ankle.  "If you're so hardcore, you're COMING 
WITH ME!"

     "..." Marlo rebuked, as the two of them took a fall.

     He blacked out immediately after that, but the audience saw the whole 
story.  Both fighters plunged from the lighting grid, down into the flames... 
and bounced off the sofa Marlo had dropped in earlier.  Sure, the sofa was on 
fire, but it was enough of a spring to launch both Akane and Marlo out of the 
ring to crash painfully into the mats around the ring rather than stay in 
that blazing hell any longer.  Security Guys were out immediately with 
extinguishers, hosing both competitors down, silencing the flames.

     "And so ends another spectacular... err... well, I guess you could call 
it a 'match' in the loosest possible terms," Akari defined.  "Stretchers are 
being wheeled out, and the referee's issuing the obligatory ten count... but 
this one's as good as called, folks.  NOBODY gets out of that kind of impact 
in under ten seconds.  If neither of them are on their feet by then, it's... 
WHAT?!"

     The circle of people around the two widened, as both slightly scorched 
figures started to move.  First Akane, starting to prop herself up on her 
elbow.  Next was Marlo, rolling onto his side and groaning...

     "Four!" the referee counted, not believing his eyes either.  "Five!  
Six!..."

     Both were now on their knees, trying desperately to get up...

     "...seven!  Eight!..."

     One foot each, almost there.

     "Nine!--"

     Before ten, Marlo whacked Akane in the back of the head with an 
ergonomic stool and she fell down again.  He got to his feet just long enough 
to make the count, hear the bell, and fall over again in exhausted victory.

     Empty soda cans and popcorn boxes rained down on Marlo's fallen form, as 
the EMTs tried to load Akane onto a stretcher.  She roused a moment later, 
clutching her head and refusing their help, as she staggered up the ramp 
emitting a few very unladylike words.
 
     "And Akane walks out of here, without her belt," Akari groaned.  "What a 
sneaky little bastard.  A LAST SECOND, pulled-straight-out-of-your-ass 
victory.  I'd say 'Glad we don't have jerks like that in NeoFighters' but you 
guys haven't met Yaga yet... but hey, she did WALK out of here, which is a 
feat in itself after that!  Looks like Marlo isn't as lucky, as he's still 
down... no, wait, he's getting up again."

     Where am I?  Oh, right, Marlo thought, as he looked around at the 
jeering crowd.  Something cold and metal was being pressed into his arms... 
the belt.  The belt?  THE BELT!

     "YES!" Marlo shouted, holding it up high (and trying not to topple over 
under the weight of all that gold).  "I did it!  I DID IT!  I am hardcore!  I 
am hardcore!  I am--"

     Cutting through the noise of the crowd like a chainsaw, a car engine 
roared.  This would be normal in the parking lot.  It would not be normal if 
it was coming from some place backstage.  Marlo turned to face the entrance 
ramp, confused...

     Roaring out of the curtains and mauling a few support beams along the 
way, a red sports car rocketed from the curtains and thundered down the ramp.     
The car halted just short of Marlo with precise braking skill, but not before 
giving the young boy his first heart attack.

     The driver stepped out of the car, mirrored shades on, smile jacked up, 
and waving politely to the spazzing Marlo.

     "Hello!" Bean Bandit greeted.  "I catch you at a bad time?"

     Before Marlo could answer that, Bean socked him across the jaw with a 
fist that could have punctured battleship armor.

     "WHOA!" Akari gaped.  "That pizza delivery guy from last week just took 
out the Hardcore Champion!"

     "Heyyy, everybody!" Bean shouted.  "Sorry to barge in, but I had to take 
care of two things.  One, Tifa wanted me to knock this punk's ass out, and 
two..."

     With a flick of the wrist, Bean yanked the belt away from Marlo's 
unconscious hands.  He placed it up against his waist and tried fastening it 
in the back... and smiled.

     "Great, it fits," he said, before tossing the belt back onto Marlo.  
"It's so hard to get clothes that fit me.  I think I'd like to make it a 
permanent feature of my wardrobe.  See you in the ring sometime REAL soon, 
kid!"

     Without another word (but with the intense screaming the crowd egging 
him on), Bean climbed back in his car, and slowly reversed it out of the 
NeoDome.  Medics scrambled to load up Marlo, who unlike Akane, was not going 
to be walking out of the building under his own power.

     Akari sat back, totally wasted from all the excitement.  She raised her 
beer in cheers.  "Folks, if that wasn't worth your cash, I don't know WHAT 
is.  This is Akari Jameson saying WATCH MORE NEOFIGHTERS, DAMMIT and we now 
return you to your regularly scheduled beatings.  Damn.  I could use another 
beer."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****
     
     Somewhere inside the UltraDome, Tifa was marking out.

     "YES!  YES!  YES!" she cheered, jumping up and down and pumping her fist 
in the air as she watched the dome's video feed.  "Hoohah!  Sucks to be you, 
Marlo!  That's what you get!  That's what you get for breaking my arm!  
HAHAHAHAHAoww."

     She cradled her sore arm, muttering as she sat back down.  Lingering 
injuries were a pain.  Tifa had a few from her martial arts training over the 
years, and sometimes these things took months to fully heal; hopefully this 
one wasn't going to be that bad, or she wouldn't be able to tag with Bean.  
At least she'd be able to help him out when he went for Marlo's belt in the 
future...

     "Hey, Tifa!"

     "Huh?  Oh, Yuffie," Tifa greeted, waving her friend in with her (other) 
hand.  "You see that?  Hah!  Beanie just got me a little grade A revenge."

     "Naah, wasn't payin' attention," Yuffie said, flicking a yo-yo up and 
down boredly.  "Just killing some time before my big match."

     "I thought Jack cancelled your match with Schneider?" Tifa asked, 
resting her arm.

     "He set up another one," Yuffie pouted.  "Jack's such a jerk.  Miss 
Tendo's a much nicer person.  ...hey, what's that?"

     "Eh?  Ooooh, this," Tifa grinned, showing off her glove... more 
specifically, the red gem embedded in the knuckle.  "Check it out, check it 
out.  I found it yesterday.  Best Summon materia I've ever used!  I can't 
really try it in the ring though, it'd be completely unfair in my 
division..."

     Yuffie's eyes lit up like the kind of diamonds James Bond would be 
declare as being 'forever'.  "Lemme see, lemme see!" she begged, grabbing 
Tifa's hand (which made her wince painfully) to get a better look.  "Pretty!  
That's just great, Tifa.  Well I'm off for my match bye bye!"

     "...bye?" Tifa said, as Yuffie skittered off.  Weird.  Of course, that 
ninja girl was always pretty erratic.  She turned back to watch the monitor 
to see who Yuffie would be facing--

     "KASUMI!!"

     "Eh?" Tifa asked, turning around.  "Uh... who're you?"

     "Please, have you seen Kasumi?" the wild-eyed man asked.  "I've been 
searching the dome for hours!"

     "Kasumi Tendo?  No, I haven't.  Is she here tonight?"

     "What about Skuld?"

     "Errr... one of the goddesses, right?"

     With no small amount of desperation, he tried again.  "Gokuu?"

     "I think Gokuu's one floor down," Tifa said.  "But he's getting ready 
for the main event, so you really shouldn't disturb--"

     And he was off and running, just like Yuffie was.  Doubly weird.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     His feet pounded the cement floors of the UltraDome's back hallways.  
His breath was burning in his lungs like flames shooting out of his throat.  
He ran until he couldn't run anymore.  Then he ran more.

     He could see the door before he could reach it.  Those five seconds of 
sprinting physically hurt him, the anticipation, grasping the knob, throwing 
the door open--

     And having his worst fears confirmed.

     Skuld and Gokuu glanced back at him... as they sat in front of a bed 
with the sheets pulled up.  Pulled over a person lying in rest.

     "...no..." Doctor Tofu whispered, sinking to his knees, hand still 
hanging off the doorknob.

     "There go my hopes that the shield would keep you out of the dome," 
Skuld/Metatron sighed.  "I told her she should've talked to you before going, 
but she thought it'd be better this way--"

     "Kasumi CAN'T be dead!" Tofu shouted.  "NO!"

     Gokuu remained silent, his head hung low.  He couldn't think of anything 
to soothe Tofuu's pain, nor did he feel he had a right to.  He had 
participated in this, and it felt like murder...

     "There wasn't any other way to get this," Skuld justified, as she held a 
small crystal sphere.  It glowed with a white light, a light from the surface 
of the globe rather than the inside -- the inside was intended to contain 
something else that glowed in and of itself.  "The Answer.  Getting it out of 
her meant a sacrifice.  Tofu, she made it willingly, you know, it's not like 
anybody was twisting her arm--"

     "Shut up," Tofu demanded, getting to his feet.  "Shut UP.  I've had it 
to here with you and your God and the Answer and all of this!  Why would God 
allow something like this to happen?!  Where's the justice?"

     "Hey, nobody said the Universe was fair," Metatron reminded him, feeling 
he had to defend the boss.  "Or rather, the ultimate fairness is to let what 
will happen, happen. That's his style, you know.  Live and let live, don't 
fix it if it ain't broke--"

     Tofu's head snapped up, fire in his eyes at those words.

     "How... how can you possibly say that?" he demanded to know.  "How can 
you believe that's what's going on here?  You're trying to fix one of God's 
mistakes, aren't you?  You're meddling in natural affairs, all out of God's 
selfish desire for existence to be preserved!  How can you justify that AND 
justify Kasumi losing her life as being 'natural'?"

     "Hey hey. Watch what you say about the big guy--"

     "I will NOT!  I'll call Him a hypocrite for tampering with destiny, in 
the same way I'm a hypocrite for wanting Kasumi's destiny to be this.  If God 
isn't going to be fair, then let Him be unfair in the way I want Him to be!  
If not... I swear, I'll renounce--"

 Ono Tofu,
 you cannot truly renounce God,
 as to do so would be to renounce yourself.

     It wasn't so much a voice, as it was the memory of a voice.  Tofu 
remembered hearing it, and remembered seeing the Metatron's lips move, but he 
didn't see it happen.
 
 God is everywhere and God is everything.
 You are a part of this planet,
 a part of this universe,
 and thus a part of God.
 God is all that exists.

 What is to be,
 will be,
 according to the wishes of all living things that love life...
 life that is threatened by the very existence of this power.

 The way of things must be changed according to
 the way things want to be changed.
 That is the will of the all-father and his creations
 which are also he himself.
 It is that love of life that drives the selfish desires of this action.

      It was a few seconds before Doctor Ono Tofuu found the strength to 
reply to that voice.  "Then... if that's the way it is, then I want Kasumi 
back," he spoke.  "My love of her is selfish, but it's mine to defend in the 
same way you're defending your own life.  I'm part of this world and a part 
of existence, a part of YOU, and that's my wish.  What do I have to do to 
make it come true?"

 If the Universe can save itself,
 if God can save itself from the power known as the godhead,
 then it will have won the right to guide itself to peace and security,
 the true prize.

 Your dream is part of the dream of God,
 and it too shall come to pass.
 But if your people fail, and the Universe is destroyed...

     "We won't fail," Tofu stated.

 Be at this address during the chosen time,
 and act as you would act.
 There,
 You will be able to make your dream come true.
 187 Kintaro Way, Tokyo.
  The Metatron has spoken.

     "...huh?"

     "...you know, I never get used to the mouthpiece gig," the Metatron 
spoke in his own voice rather than the voice of God.  "It feels so weird.  
Think I bit my tongue... err.  Well, you've got your own answer, and you've 
got your marching orders.  Hop to it, Tofu."

     "Marching orders?" Tofu asked, disoriented.  "That... address?  I have 
to go somewhere to save Kasumi?  What did he mean, act as I would act?"

     "I just speak his words, I don't interpret them.  Often, at least.  You 
hold up your end, I'll hold up mine, Gokuu holds up his... and Kasumi's done 
her bit.  Together, all living things will make it happen and you'll get what 
you want.  He has spoken.  And such.  Okay?"

     Tofuu was already out of the room and heading to the street to hail a 
taxi by the time Metatron had finished babbling.

     To break the silence, the angel nudged Gokuu.  "See?  Told you it'd all 
work out.  S'just a matter of faith.  Everything gonna be good like gravy."

     "That remains to be seen," Gokuu spoke.  "But I'll remain hopeful."

     "Guess it helps to be the man on the inside, then.  I've got a cheerier 
outlook about this since I know what's really going on.  I'm actually quite 
looking forward to the paradigm shift.  Sure, it's risky, but I've got faith 
that she'll turn out just fine..."

     "Lina, you mean?" Gokuu asked, looking at Metatron.

     "When's the bloody fight, anyway?  I'm rather stoked here, I'd like to 
get on with things.  You got the coordinates to the tech guys already, right?  
Great suggestion for an arena, by the way, beat out my picks."

     "Thanks," Gokuu said, smiling a little.  "We're on good terms, and they 
were only happy to help.  Listen, I've got to get ready now... it takes a lot 
of meditation before I'm prepared for moderating a fight this big."

     "What fight?  We're duping Lina and Cloud into giving up the goods and 
then selectively decompiling reality.  The sword thing is all a hoax, 
remember?"

     "I can sense a fight on the horizon, Metatron.  I don't know what form 
it'll take, but I need to be ready for it," Gokuu warned.  "You may know the 
face of God, but I know the spirit of battle.  That's why I'm not as assured 
as you are.  In battle, there are no sure outcomes.  I'm going to get in some 
last minute training, to be on the safe side... if you need me, I'll be in 
the gym."

     "I'll be here waiting," Metatron said.  "Don't take off for the fight 
without me.  And... you know where I can get a video camera?"

     "This is Ultra.  You can't swing a dead... ...you'll find them all over 
the place," Gokuu adjusted.  He blurred once, and was gone off to train.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Folks, we've got word that Akane's getting treatment at the hospital 
for her burns and a concussion," Hiroshi announced.  "She's going to be okay, 
but... jeez.  Dai, I'm glad they didn't have that one HERE, you know?  I've 
only got one life left to live, and a fire hazard like that..."

     "I don't think Bean could fit through the door to the UltraDome like 
that, either," Daisuke added.  "I've gotten word from the back that 
Controversial Jack has decided to put Yuffie in a match after all, even if 
she won't be challenging Dark Schneider.  Considering she was bought off to 
be an easy opponent, I'm curious to see how she'll handle things toe to toe 
with a real Omega competitor."

     "Don't forget, she did take on Naga previously.  Did a decent enough 
job, too.  We go LIVE AND DIRECT to Generic Blasted Wasteland #1512, for this 
special CHAOS-issued match!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Yuffie stepped out of the dimensional portal, happy as a clam and 
peaceful as a dove.  She examined the scorched earth around her, noting its 
fine lack of any cover whatsoever and zero environmental hazards she could 
work to her advantage, and still didn't worry one bit.

     She looked at her opponent, who was stomping his way out of another 
portal with impacts so heavy that they shook the earth, and continued not to 
worry.

     "Hmmph," CyberAkuma II grunted, ignoring the hovering camerabots, and 
the bell-bot that was to sound the start of the match..  "So you are my 
victim, and not the one called Shingo.  A mere girl."

     "Yep!" Yuffie said.  "That's me!"

     "You will die just as quickly as he would have."

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MATCH #3 : UNFAIR MATCH
][ YUFFIE KISARAGI vs. CYBERAKUMA II
][ FIGHT!!

     "Ding!" the bell-bot chimed.

     Akuma flared with purple energy, prepared to end this in one blow.  His 
ultimate finishing technique, the same one that sent Ifurita on a mach twelve 
dive.  "KOUCHO--"

     A brief red glow swirled around Yuffie's feet, as she posed... and 
vanished.  CyberAkuma halted his attack, confused...

     When he looked up, an organic spaceship the size of Manhattan was 
looking back at him.

     A convenient camera orbiting the wasted planet whirred to life, tracking 
the magical circles and sigils glowing across the entire surface of the 
world, centered on that spaceship.  A tremendous buildup of power flared from 
the circles, bulging at the center, threatening to blow... until it did.

     "..." CyberAkuma spoke, as he found himself shunted at four times the 
speed of light into the center of another galaxy, which then exploded.

     In some bizarre twist of physics, the cyborg's body then crashed at 
subsonic speeds to the blasted ground he had just left, shortly before 
exploding.  Metallic Bits o' Akuma decorated the landscape, as the bell-bot 
sounded off to signal the end of the fight.

     Yuffie faded back into view, and power-posed to show off the shiny red 
materia on her glove.  "Yosh!  Yuffie-chan wins!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Tifa stared at the screen in complete befuddlement.

     If that's my new Eden summon, she thought, then what's...?

     As a test, she flicked her glove once to trigger the materia.

     *pouf*

     "Wark?" the mighty summoned avenger of justice warked.

     "YUFFIE!" Tifa growled.  "You mugged me again?!  That's it; I'm getting 
tired of this!  Just wait until I get my hands on you!"

     Kicking over her monitor in a brief fit of rage, Tifa stomped out of her 
dressing room intent on intercepting the ninja before she could leave the 
building.  The Chocobo had no immediate comment on the matter.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     When the cameras returned, Daisuke was holding up a large card with a 
printed address on it.

     "Remember," he said, gesturing his hand along the words like Vanna White 
would with letters, "If you have any complaints about the talent here at 
Ultra and their ability to either win effortlessly in an unentertaining way 
or get spread across the landscape like artificial butter, send a letter to: 
Nabiki Tendo, c/o UltraDome Mailroom, 1 Ultra Way, Tokyo, Japan.  Do us all a 
favor and mail it postage due.  Of course, then she'll have more cause to 
fire Hiroshi, besides this whole 'invasion' we're staging tonight..."

     "Come on, it's not like Jack doesn't have a plan," Hiroshi reminded him.  
"He wouldn't do this without a plan.  Surely he has a plan for what to do at 
the end of the night.  ...right?"

     "Hiro, you know me.  I'm a natural born pessimist.  In my opinion, this 
is probably not one of Jack's brighter moments.  I'm thrilled to be here 
behind the desk again, as you can tell with my jovial and excited tone.  
Hooray.  But if I was leading CHAOS tonight... I'd probably have taken a few 
more precautions before trying this.  Get an exit strategy organized in 
advance.  For instance--"

     The looming spectre of romance towered over Daisuke like Godzilla.

     "You're a natural leader, Daisuke-chan!" Shermie declared, wrapping her 
arms around Daisuke from behind.  He instantly turned six shades of purple 
(red from embarrassment + blue from lack of oxygen).  "Surprise!  I was in 
the dome before you locked it off.  I wanted to pop in earlier, but you 
seemed so busy.  Do you wanna sneak off in the back for huggies and other 
things?"

     "...busy," Daisuke mumbled, trying very hard not to even speculate about 
the notion of thinking about what the concept of 'other things' could 
possibly mean.  "Uh.  Shermie?  Could you, uh, let go?"

     "Never ever ever!" Shermie giggled.  "And ever and ever and ever and 
EVER AND--"

     "Look, Shermie!" Hiroshi distracted, waving a small plush Voiduck dolly 
around.  "Cute object!"

     "Ooooooooo," Shermie wooed, letting go of Daisuke.  Her eyes, from 
somewhere behind the mass of hair, followed it intently.

     Winding up his best fastball, Hiroshi pitched the plushie at least 
twenty rows away.  "Fetch!" he ordered.  As Shermie plowed her way through 
the crowd causing any number of minor injuries, Hiroshi tapped the silent 
alarm, and security guys swarmed through the crowd.

     Daisuke's lungs decompressed in relief.  "Thanks, man."

     "I got one question for you," Hiroshi asked.  "What is UP with her?"

     "I wish I knew, Hiro.  Jeez... one week she's all nice and keeps her 
distance, the next she's all over me, the next she's talking about medieval 
torture rituals as if they were fun date activities... she's been getting 
better about it lately, so I don't immediately flee, but it's still 
unnerving.  Can't think of anybody to ask for advice on having normal 
relationships..."

     Hiroshi cleared his throat pointedly, pointing to himself subtly.

     "Like I said, I can't think of anybody to ask for advice on having 
NORMAL relationships," Daisuke repeated.  "Now I've got one question for you. 
...where did you get a Voiduck plushie?"

     "Well... I collect them."

     "Collect what?"

     "Cute little plushies."

     "..."

     "ANYWAY!" Hiroshi exclaimed, turning to face the camera.  "Our next 
fight is just about ready according to the voice in Mr. Magic Headset.  Ranma 
will be taking on... Ranma!  Man vs. Himself!  A great literary theme, as 
ancient as mankind itself!"

     "You COLLECT cute little plushies?  You actually brought them with you?"

     "They help me relax, okay?  Now, get ready for hot fighting action, 
folks!  We now take you live and direct to the exterior of the UltraDome's 
boiler room!"

     "Hiro, tell me that's not a Rei plushie I see in your pocket."

     "No, I'm just happy to be here."

     Daisuke's chair scraped lightly, nudging away across the cement floor.

     Hiroshi held up the Rei dolly.  "I was KIDDING, Dai."

     "I think I'll stay over here anyway, thank you."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Ranma shook his hands out and cricked his neck to each side. He could do 
this; he HAD to do this. He just needed to focus. All it would take was for 
him to forget about all those outside problems for just a few minutes so he 
could button down and fight his darker self. And win.

     He slowed his breathing and shut his eyes, trying to find a calm center. 
Yeah, Akane had been beaten up pretty harshly, but that wasn't his concern. 
She was fine, she had left the 'Dome on her own and was getting seen at that 
moment. Yeah, he wasn't in the best condition, or even anywhere close to the 
top of his game, but--

     *WHACK* Ranma pitched forward and grabbed the back of his head. He felt 
a small bump growing there.

     "Are you listening, Ranma?"

     "Washuu," he turned around and glowered at her.

     She swung her fan a second time and bapped him on the forehead.  
"Washuu-CHAN," she scolded.

     "Right. Washuu-chan."

     "Much better." She smiled, dimples in her cheeks enhancing the cuteness 
in such a way that Ranma was sure she did it on purpose, somehow. She started 
pacing in front of him, reciting, "When you step through the door to the 
boiler room, your mind will split between your two personalities. Your other 
half will appear. After one minute, the first of you to leave will be the 
winner."

     Ranma nodded and looked at the closed door. Funny how things came back 
to the beginning like that. It was kinda zen, or something. Maybe taoist. He 
idly wondered if he should have paid more attention to that sort of thing.

     "Are you sure it's safe?" he asked, eyeing the new, odd technology 
border now surrounding the doorway.

     "Ranma, I am Washuu! The greatest scientific genius in the entire 
universe. Of all time! Of course it's safe. You won't come to any lasting 
harm."

     "Lasting... great." Ranma swallowed. "Okay, I'm ready." He took a step 
forward. "Ranma, wait!" He looked back and saw a crab in front of him.

     "Gah!" he took an involuntary step backwards.

     "Hug Kani-chan," Washuu ordered, wiggling the plush toy in his face. 
Ranma looked and realized she was in pajamas. Green pajamas with... cute 
little mushroom clouds all over them. The crab fit right in with her attire.

     "What?" he asked.

     "Hug the crab, Ranma. It'll do you good."

     Not willing to argue the point with the scientist, he hesitantly wrapped 
his arms around the crab and hugged it lightly. Washuu pressed the fuzzy 
goodness against his face and made a smacking sound.

     "Wonderful! He likes you!" Washuu pressed a button and the door slowly 
opened. A soft blast of heated, humid air wafted out. Ranma squinted his eyes 
at the dank features beyond. "Off you go!" she said cheerfully. "I'll be 
waiting. Don't take too long, either. I've got somewhere to go."

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MATCH #4 : LOSER LEAVES PSYCHE
][ RANMA SAOTOME vs. RANMA SAOTOME
][ Guest Booker : Damien Phoenix
][ FIGHT!!

     Ranma tightened his fists and strode through the door. As he passed 
through the portal, he felt... Nothing. Nothing at all. But Washuu had said 
that Ranma-chan would appear in the room. He narrowed his eyes as he slid a 
foot forward, opening his senses to the room. He had to find her first.

     The first punch slammed into his kidneys from behind. He tried to turn 
towards the attack, but a leg sweep tumbled his legs together. She had 
appeared right behind him. 

     He felt the strikes from the small, balled-up hands, a barrage of hits, 
all over, far too many to block or dodge. How did she get to be so fast?

     A palm strike clipped his shoulder, spinning him around. This was 
followed up by a blow to the stomach. As he doubled over, Ranma-chan flipped 
backwards, hitting him with a double kick to the chin. Ranma sailed through 
the air and slammed into pipe hanging across the the room. He tumbled and hit 
the floor wetly.

     Groaning, Ranma pushed himself up. He saw a victorious smirk on Ranma-
chan's face as she spun around and grasped the handle to the door. She tugged 
at it, but it refused to open. An annoyed grunt escaped her as she pulled 
harder, but it refused to budge. "Dammit," she cursed. "What's wrong?"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Ranma looks to be going for an early victory, but is it too soon?" 
Hiroshi announced, his chest straining against the table as he leaned 
forward. His eye's were rapt to the screen, much as the other 30,000 people 
in attendance were.

     Daisuke checked his watch. "Nope, it's only been thirty-eight seconds. 
She can't get out yet."

     "Well, she had an advantage, but it now seems to have been squandered! 
Ranma-kun is moving again!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "You tried too soon," Ranma said softly. "Have to wait a minute." He 
leapt towards her, aiming a snap-kick at her chest. Ranma-chan dropped down 
into a crouch so his strike went over her head. He hit the door and bounced 
off. A midair flip later he landed in a defensive stance opposite Ranma-chan.

     "You still missed," she said. Her arms hung loosely at her sides. "You 
always miss. You never go for the kill."

     Ranma charged against her. "I don't need to!" he shouted, swinging a 
chop at her neck. Ranma-chan caught it with her wrist and stepped into his 
charge, aiming a knee at his groin. At the first brush of her knee he hopped, 
a miniscule movement of his feet, but it allowed him to pull up above the 
danger. He continued the movement into a body check, his greater weight 
bowling the red-haired girl over.

     She rolled with the momentum, however, dropping onto her back and 
extending her leg to catch him in the midsection. Her roll continued and 
Ranma found himself flying through the air again. He loosened up, twisting in 
mid air so he could hit the ground lightly.

     He turned to face Ranma-chan again. She had a sneer of dominance on her 
face, one that seemed familiar, yet distant, as she came back at him. She 
dropped to her hands, both legs swinging around in a high leg sweep. Ranma 
dove over the sweep to dodge, and he felt her legs brush along his chest. He 
planted a handstand, turning on his palm to drop and ax kick on her head, but 
she rolled away too fast. His heel came into contact with the concrete as she 
moved.

     Her hand snaked out and grabbed his ankle. She pulled at him as she 
stood, tumbling his balance. His head smacked against the ground and he saw 
stars. His vision blurred for just a moment, but when he got his senses back 
he couldn't breathe.

     "You're weak, hesitating like that." Ranma-chan leaned down, her foot 
pushing into his diaphragm. "You can't even come close to matching me. I've 
got the drive--" A harder push. Ranma tried to gasp, but he couldn't. "--The 
skills, and the speed. What do you have?"

     Change of tactic, he decided. He latched his hands around her foot, 
lifted and made a small, hard circle with them. Surprise blossomed on her 
face as she stumbled back, her body rotating around so she hit on her chest.

     Ranma sucked in a gratifying breath of air and rolled forward to his 
feet. Opposite him, Ranma-chan scrambled up and eyed him warily. "I'm 
stronger than you," he said. "I can take more damage."

     She snorted. "Ha! It hardly matters when you can't land a solid blow."

     "I can take anything you throw at me--" Ranma quick-stepped forward and 
feinted a fist towards the bridge of her nose. Her head jerked back, but he 
was already spinning around. His other elbow whipped into the back of her 
head, her movement compounding the strike. She staggered forward and spilled 
over his upraised leg.

     "--And I can deal it back fine, in return."

     "You're a coward." She rolled away. "Never going for a final strike. 
Stop playing around and fight me!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "So far it looks like Ranma-chan's got the upper hand," Daisuke said as 
if reading off of a script.

     Hiroshi paused before replying to check and see if his partner indeed 
was doing just that. "That may be, Dai, but Ranma's not one to give up 
easily. The Ranma's are balanced pretty well. Despite Ranma's speed, I think 
Ranma's resiliance will allow him to make a stunning comeback in the end. If 
Ranma can't take him down quickly, she probably won't be able to take him 
down at all!"

     Daisuke blinked at Hiroshi. "That made absolutely no sense whatsoever. 
Can't you differentiate?"

     "Ah-heh," Hiroshi gave a nervous smile, then looked back at the screen. 
"Well, they're off again! Look at Ranma--"

     Daisuke coughed pointedly.

     "--kun go! He's pulling it out to take that bitch down HARD!"

     "Don't do something strange and get all biased on us, okay?"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     He could catch her, he was sure of it. She was faster, yes, but not that 
much faster. All he needed was a couple of solid blows and then he could 
press the advantage and subdue her. He let forth a flurry of fists and feet. 
She danced back out of range.

     There had to be some way to catch her.

     Suddenly, realization dawned and Ranma brightened. "Dodge this!" he 
challenged. "Katsuu tenshin--"

     "--Amaguriken!" Ranma-chan finished. His punches were met one for one by 
her machine-gun fire blocks. "I know you, Ranma! I am you. Give it up, 
because you can't beat me."

     "I can. I will. Mouko Takabisha!" The ki-strike ballooned out from 
Ranma's hands, brushing across his distaff counterpart's features.

     She coughed once and looked down at him. "Pfah! DAN is more effective 
than you. And so am I. Mouko Takabisha!" She jabbed two fingers forward and 
tapped his forehead as the blast went off.

     Hard and soft, weak and strong, gentle and harsh. Ranma bounced on the 
top of a boiler and down the other side, feeling conflicting results from the 
attack. He was at peace.

     He lay on the ground for a moment, staring up at the ceiling and 
wondering why he was lying on the floor. Oh, yeah. He'd been hit by a chair. 
He had to get up, run away. Live to fight another day. He couldn't let the 
anger out. Not again. It had almost killed him before.

     Except...

     Except that Akane needed him. He couldn't leave her with Marlo.

     "Ranma," he heard that whiny taunt. "I'm waiting for you. Or do you 
really WANT me to take your bitch down."

     Could he do it? Face someone, now, before he was ready. What if he broke 
down again? What if he hurt Akane as well as Marlo? She couldn't defend 
herself against him.

     But she couldn't defend herself against Marlo, either, a voice in his 
head whispered. Wasn't that reason enough to do something? Why didn't you?

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Umm..." Hiroshi blinked. "This is a very interesting turn of events, 
folks! It appears that Marlo has entered the battle. I'm not quite sure how, 
though."

     "Isn't he kinda... unconscious?" Daisuke asked.

     "Who cares! We here at Ultra won't let something like Unconsciousness 
get in the way of bringing you fans quality entertainment!"

     "Actually," a voice interrupted, "that's not quite true." A little box 
on the Ultratron opened to show the smiling face of Washuu.

     "Washuu!" Hiroshi exclaimed. A dimensional portal opened above him and a 
frying pan fell out to clonk on his head.

     "Washuu-CHAN!" she chided, waving her crab plushie at the camera for 
emphasis. "It's very simple, really. Marlo is not in the boiler room. Since 
this is a battle of Ranma's mind, I felt it appropriate to have my amazing 
device actually show what's in Ranma's mind."

     "You mean... Ranma's hallucinating?' Daisuke asked.

     "In a manner of speaking." Washuu smiled widely. "Isn't this FUN?"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Calm. He could do it if he kept calm. Focus, find that cold, dark center 
to himself and latch onto it. Breath in...

     "Do you want Akane to burn?" Marlo called. "You get your ass out here so 
I can whup it right and proper, or I'm going to play Martin Pang on her 
warehouse-sized butt!"

     Ranma let out his breath and stepped around a boiler. Above one of the 
flickering florescent lights swung back and forth, sending the shadows into a 
nauseating mutation of large and small. In front of him, Marlo stood over the 
tied-up, incapacitated form of Akane. The Furnityre Savior looked up at 
Ranma, a glint in the his eye, then he calmly  brought a microwave down on 
Akane's head.

     Then he did it again. Marlo's arms raised a third time before Ranma 
tackled him. 

     With surgical precision, Ranma disarmed Marlo of the microwave and then 
the three-foot speaker that replaced it. An open handed slap across the jaw 
knocked the boy down.

     And Marlo laughed. "What's with that slap? You fight like a girl!"

     "What?" Ranma took a step back. Why was Marlo laughing?

     "You heard me! You're a wimp, Ranma! A loser of the first degree! You 
bring a primo new spotlight to the class of Last Place High. Graduating 
valedictorian to the group to ALWAYS know that you'll never be the best; that 
there's always someone out there to show you up; and that you can't do 
anything more than give little wet girly slaps." Marlo kicked Akane once for 
emphasis. "She could hurt me more right n--"

     The rest of Marlo's taunt evaporated in a crunch of fist against 
jawbone. Followed by a punch to the gut. Then a knee to the groin. A few more 
strikes and the Furnityre Savior's nose was crushed and his ears swollen.

     Ranma stepped back. His hands dripped as he held them in front of him, 
watching Marlo waver. A hand slowly came up to brush matted blond hair away 
from eyes. 

     "That it?" Marlo asked. The corners of his mouth tweaked upwards.

     Ranma screamed. His hands turned into a blur with a cry of "Amaguriken!" 
Marlo's face briefly registered his surprise, then his body started jolting 
around from the hits.

     The fraud would go down fast and hard. Ranma would make sure he never 
got up again. He'd break ever single bone in the punks body, and do it so 
fast that everyone would know he wasn't a loser, that he could win and that 
he would do anything it took to achieve that.

     Marlo hit the floor like a wet sack of bones and flesh. Ranma loomed 
over him, daring the boy to move, to just give hime one reason to let fully 
lose. He's make sure the Hallowed Furnityre Savior never...

     Wait.

     This was wrong. Ranma blinked and looked down at the sodden mass of 
humanity before him. What had he done? He didn't want to hurt people like 
that! Where was his control?

     Ranma's breathing shallowed. He stumbled back and ran up against a pipe. 
The metal burned through his thin kung-fu costume, but all he could see was 
the bloody mess in front of him. How COULD he do that?

     He couldn't. He wasn't even there. He hadn't! It had been her. She was 
the one who did these terrible things. He hadn't fought back. He didn't want 
to. He wanted to walk away. 

     No...

     He had wanted to walk away. He had tried. And she wouldn't let him. But 
that was the past, he couldn't change it, and now...

     And now he was fighting her. Ranma squeezed his eyes shut, then peeked 
through slits. Ranma-chan was peering at him, not Marlo

     "I have to win, now," she said. "I don't want YOU in my head ever 
again."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Well, that was certainly different," Daisuke said. "Ranma-kun has come 
back into his own head after going though an imaginative beating of Marlo 
Semaj."

     "And aren't you glad you're watching it right here on PAAAAAAAAAY-PER-
VIEW!" Hiroshi rolled his head around as he spoke. "For you could NOT see 
this intensity of Hardcore Ultra Fighting on any old Nabiki-run episode! This 
is something that only Controversial Jack could bring you!"

     Daisuke coughed. "Hyping a little hard tonight, 'Roshi?"

     "Work with me?"

     "..."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "You're too dangerous," Ranma said.

     "For what?" his red-haired opposite asked. "For the poor widdle 
weaklings who surround us? Get it straight, we don't need to worry about 
them! We've got power, we should use it."

     "We can't! It almost killed me before, and you've almost killed people 
with it, too. I'm not letting you win. I have to get rid of this dark, ugly 
side of me."

     "Shut up!" Ranma-chan leapt, clawing at Ranma with outstretched arms. 
They went down in a jumble as he tried to fend off her raking strikes. They 
rolled to a halt with her on top, straining her fingers towards his face as 
he held her wrists. "I'll kill you!" she shrieked.

     "No," he grunted. "I can't let that happen."

     "You--" Abruptly, Ranma-chan hauled him up. He was stronger, but she 
still had a finely-honed body which could easily hoist his frame. "--Have--" 
She grabbed one of his wrists and swung around. "--To!" Ranma whacked against 
a pipe and felt something crack.

     Ranma-chan let go and Ranma slumped to his knees. He gasped a few times 
before realizing that he didn't have any broken bones. He turned his head up 
to face her. She opened her mouth, glee in her eyes but stopped when a 
creaking sound of straining metal grew behind Ranma. Her eyes went wide, 
seeing something behind Ranma and she took two steps backwards.

     He twisted his head around and saw the pipe she had slammed him into, 
its surface dripping from condensation, start to shudder. He scrambled to his 
feet, took one step...

     And the pipe exploded. A jet of hyper-pressurized water slammed into 
Ranma and barrelled him into Ranma-chan. She flew across the room and knocked 
over a small boiler. A jet of steam enveloped her form. The water was cold, 
chilling Ranma to his bones. He flew a distance until the water pressure let 
up, then hit the ground and shivered. She felt weak but pushed herself up. 
There was no way that little prick would gain the advantage over her.

     Ranma wobbled to her feet, but her stomach disagreed with the sharp 
movement. She hunched over and vomited. She coughed twice, trying to clear 
the taste from her mouth, as Ranma-kun stepped out of the steam. He was 
unsteady on his feet, and as he glanced down at the mess she had made, he too 
doubled over.

     They stood opposite each other, neither daring to make a move. She 
wondered what had happened, how he had managed get into her head again. This 
time had been even worse, like they had been in the same place at the same 
time. An impossibility of nature.

     Whatever he had done, he'd pay, now. Her lips curled into a snarl as she 
sprinted forward. He was still wavering, so she could end it in his moment of 
weakness, and then she would have it all to herself. No more sharing time 
with that wussy, no more sleeping while he went off to play his mamby-pamby 
games.

     She swung and missed by a mile as Ranma rolled out of the way.

     "I know how to beat you, now," he said. She turned and swung again, but 
he continued around her. He moved, faster and faster, just keeping out of 
reach of her strikes. What was he doing?

     She felt the air charge up around her, like the static buildup before a 
lightnign strike. Her skin felt cold, her insides hot, and she realized.

     Shit, this was going to hurt.

     "Hiryuu Shouten Ha!" Ranma-kun thrust his arm up as the chi cyclone 
grabbed Ranma and twisted her around. Her insides tried to go outside, her 
outsides in, and her body went up and down at the same time. Somehow, her 
throat managed to let out a scream.

     She spun around in the maelstrom, rising in a spiral to slam into the 
high ceiling. Small pipes bent around here, brushing roughly against her 
skin. It felt like the end of time while she hung up at the top of that 
martial storm, battered again and again. Her voice failed, but her mind did 
not.

     And suddenly it stopped. She dropped, and through the heavy lidded haze 
of near-unconsciousness she heard another sound. Another scream that had 
mimicked hers, but this one was not cut off by damage to the body. It only 
failed after she had thumped against the ground, bouncing onto her back and 
staring at the cracked and pitted ceiling above. The scream choked off when 
oxygen failed to feed it.

     Next to her, Ranma-kun slumped to his knees. She struggled to rise, to 
defend herself against whatever he'd do next. It was so difficult to move, 
but she couldn't stop. She had been so close, and she would not give up the 
body now.

     But Ranma-kun was not making an attack. An expression of sheer surprise 
plastered his features. His lips moved, but no sound came out. None until he 
spasmed, his chest lurching as his lungs finally filled with air again. He 
panted, staring at her.

     For a few moments, they just stared at each other. Ranma frowned, trying 
to filter through her confusion. The Hiryuu Shouten Ha had hurt, but she'd 
never known anyone to be as well off as she was from it.

     And it had never hurt her like it had Ranma-kun, just now. It was almost 
like he had siphoned off the damage from her. She blinked, and a smile rose 
on her lips.

     "What went wrong?" Ranma-kun asked. "I'm calm. You're angry. It should 
have worked perfectly. Why am I hurt?"

     Ranma barked out a harsh staccato laugh. "Of course it didn't work. 
We're the same person! We've got the same chi, so we can't defeat each other 
that way." She smirked and got to her feet. "But I'm going to pound you so 
hard for doing that to me, anyway." She cracked her knuckles.

     Her first punch was caught in Ranma-kun's open hand. He rolled with the 
second but was forced to let go, so her followup clipped him nicely across 
the forehead. Two more sharp jabs and a snap kick to his knee and Ranma-kun 
was on the ground again.

     She made to drop an elbow across his head, but he managed to pull aside 
just in time. Instead, her arm cracked hard against the concrete floor. Pain 
lanced up to her shoulder. She hopped up to her feet, but had to cradle her 
arm against her chest. She hissed in annoyance and pain and danced back away 
from Ranma-kun as he flipped to a handstand and kicked towards her face.

     He smoothly swung to his feet, his arms held wide in a modified crane 
stance. He took little half steps towards her, shuffling his feet like a 
kendo master. He swung a sweeping chop at her, which she ducked. She tried to 
cut forward to strike at him, but he skipped to the side and changed stances.

     "What are you--" she started, then feinted a low kick. Ranma-kun pulled 
his leg back, but stumbled slightly. Ranma darted in and slammed the heel of 
her palm into her solar plexus. She drew back her arm, preparing to deliver a 
strike to his open throat. Her lips cracked into a feral smile. Victory was 
hers.

     But Ranma-kun's face didn't show defeat. He reached up and grasped her 
arm. She moved to shrug him off, but he was pulling her in and around while 
he stepped to the side. His other hand clapped against the base of her neck. 
She tried to squirm away, but it was like his palm sucked at her skin.

     "Heion Seki Tai Geiha Kai!" Ranma-kun's hand quivered against her once.

     Reality twisted for her. Perception warping to crack across her mental 
picture of the world in spider-web fragments. Then it fell away, sucking into 
a gray vortex of perfect fractals.

     For a moment, she felt absolute panic, then succumbed to the calmness 
like a baby on a feather pillow. Ranma saw rainbows. Then gray.

     Then black.

     Then nothing.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Holy fatty-tuna Sushi! Did you see that amazing finish! Ranma Saotome 
pulls off a new final attack to defeat his twisted half to get the win!" 
Hiroshi hopped up on his chair and waved his arms as if to pump the crowd.

     Not that the noise could go any higher. Thirty thousand fans were on 
their feet (many even up on their seats) marking it up.

     Daisuke held his hands close to his ears, trying to fend off the noise 
slightly. "I'm sure they saw everything. Just like every person like you on 
the planet, they're glued to a screen somewhere, just to see a guy pelt the 
hell out of himself."

     "Yeah, but did they see that POWER?"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Ranma let his other half drop. He had done it. He'd stayed true to 
himself, remained calm, and defeated his aggression. Literally.

     An odd rumbling shook the boiler room. Puzzled, he looked around for a 
source, only to realize that it was the cheering, stomping crowd in the arena 
above him. The door to the room had opened, and he saw Washuu waiting on the 
other side. He started towards the door.

     Just before he passed through, he stopped and looked back. Ranma-chan's 
form lay there, a testament of his victory.

     And yet... it felt hollow. What had he truly defeated? He was the calm, 
collected center. But where was the ambition? The lust for victory? Where was 
his determined willingness to face any opponent, at any time, and be assured 
to win.

     The fight had shown that he wasn't confident any more. Ranma-chan had 
had him on the run, and he could not deny that. She had confidence, even at 
the very end when he had forced her body to achieve a calm balance. She never 
thought she would lose.

     He had only survived because he feared losing.

     Ranma Saotome could not walk out of that room the same man he had been. 
He could not leave empty handed. He walked back, picked up the limp body, 
that face framed in red hair so peaceful for the first time in what felt like 
years.

     Washuu cocked her head to the side slightly as he passed through the 
doorway. The body in his arms disappeared. "All done?" Washuu asked.

     "You betcha!" Ranma said, smiling.

     "Good! I'm outta here!" And with that, the greatest mad scientist in the 
entire universe stepped into a portal and disappeared.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Daisuke abruptly started clapping. "That... was very impressive," he 
announced.

     "What a spectacular epilogue to an amazing battle! Tell me Ultra fans, 
when have you ever seen such drama, such majesty, such respect for one's own 
self as Ranma Saotome versus Ranma Saotome?"

     And the crowd thusly marked out to Hiroshi's hyping.

     "Yes, it's certainly been an impressive match. And next up--"

     "You know what!" Hiroshi jumped up, interrupting Daisuke. "This is the 
sort of quality entertainment that only one man can bring to you! 
Controversial Jack Lysias is here for you, folks! He knows what you want and 
how to deliver it. So don't support Nabiki's Regime any longer!"

     Daisuke blinked. "Er... yeah."

     "And next you're going to get even more smoozy, controversial action! I 
tell you, folks, this fight is just going to ooze with all that great Ultra 
stuff that you love!"

     "Dark Schneider has held his title since he took it from Naga The White 
Serpent seven weeks ago. His reign hasn't been the smoothest, and he hit 
early troubles in a controversial loss to Ifurita just minutes after claiming 
the title."

     "That's right, and don't expect him to hold onto it any longer. For 
tonight, Darshu has a mystery opponent! One who is guaranteed to wipe his 
silver-maned butt from here to London! Is that the sorta stuff you want to 
see?"

     "YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" The crowd duly responded.

     "Right on!" Hiroshi pumped his arm. Ah, it felt great to work a crowd 
without restraint.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Desert blasted wasteland #2271 was typical of the breed. It was 
generally flat, mostly of uniform color (tan, brown, yellow, and grey were 
popular choices, though a few could be had in rust and orange), and tended to 
be a bit selective in the clientele it allowed to remain. For instance, if 
you weren't able to subsist in 110 degree weather for six months with nothing 
more than a tongue to stick ten feet down so you could get two drops of water 
on off weekends, you probably didn't belong there.

     Dark Schneider kicked rock number sixty-three. Maybe. It could have been 
the same rock he'd been kicking for the previous twenty minutes while he 
waited around for the stupid match to start. Jack's instructions had given 
him the time to go through the portal, with assurance that the fight would 
begin ASAP.

     The Omega champion reminded himself to hurt Jack in the future for 
tricking him. It would just be the sort of controversial thing he could chalk 
up to the spike-haired nincompoop.

     A portal opened and a bald, orange-gi-ed figure stepped out. "Is this 
the right place?" Krillin asked, looking around.

     "You better believe it." Darshu slapped the substitute Omega referee on 
the back. "Now listen. When that idiot appears, you just stay out of the way 
and let me do my job. Comprende?"

     Krillin looked fearful for a moment, then nodded minutely.

     "Good!" Darshu stepped back. "Now, where is he?"

     "I-I don't know, Mr. Schneider. He's supposed to be here, now."

     "If he doens't make it in time, you disqualify him and I get the win, 
right?"

     "Yes, I believe so. But I'll have to check up on it with Na... Jack."

     "Do that. I don't want to sit around here any longer. He's not going  
to--"

     A third portal opened and his opponent stepped out. Small swirls of dust 
rose around the muscled feet as the figure rolled his shoulders and regarded 
Dark Schneider.

     "You!" Darshu shouted. "I want you--"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Dan Hibiki!" Hiroshi shouted. "Let's hear it for the Taunting Godhead 
Legend Man of Men himself!"

     The crowd roared as the most popular fighter across two divisions faced 
off against the sorcerous Omega champion. The tension in the arena thickened 
up to custard-like levels and beyond, for everyone knew that not only had 
Jack given them a good fight, he had delivered their dreams.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "OOOOSHA! You will no longer sully that belt with your cheating ways, 
for I, Taunting Godhead Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki will defeat you now and 
forever!" The manly pink-clad forearm flexed mightily.

     Dark Schneider snorted, "Whatever. GUNSN'ROH!" Fire burst from the 
sorcerer's hands, covering the area. Krillin eeped and belatedly signaled for 
the fight to begin.

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MATCH #5 : OMEGA TITLE DEFENSE
][ DARK SCHNEIDER vs. TAUNTING GODHEAD LEGEND STONE COLD DAN HIBIKI
][ Special Guest Booker : Damien Phoenix
][ FIGHT!!

     "YAHOOIII!!" Dan leaped away from the magical blast. He landed and 
turned to deliver his method of retribution against his foes. "Your weak 
attempts to burn me are fruitless, for I amd Dan Hibiki, and I have might 
speed to keep me away from you!"

     "Fine then! I'll just move to catch you! RAVEN!" Darshu flew off from 
the ground above Dan and started unleashing a flurry of mana-pumped 
destruction. Dan himself proceeded to rabbit across the landscape, edging 
just outside each and every attack dropped at him from on high! "GUNSN'ROH! 
ANSEN! DAMNED! BARVOLT!" It went, again and again. But nothing could hit the 
pink-clad Saikyo Shotokanner.

     "Dammit!" Darshu cursed after a couple minutes of this. "Why won't you 
stay still so I can kill you!'

     "OoooSHA! You will not defeat me, Dark Schnieder of the Loud Music! For 
I am Dan! I am mighty! And I will make you suffer for your misgivings against 
the world! OYAJI!" Dan pumped his arm.

     Darshu felt a pounding of wind against him, buffeting his body around 
like a hurricane. He cursed himself and flew farther away from Dan. He'd been 
cocky, going for the quick victory, and despite everything, Dan did have 
power and damnable luck. A potential losing combination for Dark Schneider.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "So after Dark Schneider attempts the quick victory, Dan is finally 
fighting back," Daisuke said. "However, Hibiki has some major drawbacks in 
this fight. The first being his inability to really fly. Darshu's also has a 
large arsenal of ranged attacks, and we know how well Dan does with those."

     "But that doesn't matter, because he's got the drive to succeed beyond 
all expectations, and he can do it!" Hiroshi pleaded in return. "For no 
matter how many times Dan the Man gets knocked down, he'll keep popping up 
again for more!"

     "More is what he's going to get. Darshu only needs to hit him once."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Darshu started to slow down his attack rate. He needed to draw Dan out, 
and exploit the martial artist's weaknesses. Dan was easily distracted, so he 
could start by giving him more to worry about.

     "ANSEN!" he shouted, but aimed wide. Dan still dodged away, and Darshu 
was ready with a second spell. "BARVOLT!" The lightning bolt slammed into a 
boulder just behind Dan.

     "Your aim is worse than my grandmother's!" Dan taunted. "Why, you 
couldn't hit the wide side of--"

     The boulder exploded. Fragments of rock blasted into Dan and knocked him 
down. Darshu appreciated the dust cloud from above for a moment before 
touching down to finish his work. If he needed to, that is.

     He waved his hand in front of his face to clear the air. The floating 
dust and grit was thick enough to obscure anything around where Dan was, but 
he couldn't even hear movement. If he had managed to get the win that 
easily...

     Well, it just went to show that he WAS champion, and Dan had never 
belonged in his league. Darshu kicked ar rock into the slowly dissipating 
cloud. He heard it bounce once, but frowned when it didn't a second time.

     Something hit him on the chest. Darshu looked down and saw the rock 
clatter to the ground at his feet. He glanced back up in time to see Dan 
barrel out of the cloud and punch him in the chest. Darshu sailed through the 
air then skidded across the ground. He gasped for breath, clutching his 
chest. Of all the idiocy, to let himself get suckered like that.

     Darshu staggered to his feet as Dan charged. "KORYUKEN!" Dan delivered 
an uppercut to Darshu's jaw with a leap. The mage's teeth clacked together 
painfully as the Saikyo-style practitioner's fist flipped him up and twisting 
him around in mid-air. He couldn't even think to roll with the impact when he 
hit.

     "OYAJI! I have proven mighty yet again!"

     Darshu coughed and scrabbled his hands against the ground, trying to 
find purchase on reality. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Only another 
moment and the little upstart would knock him out, then it would really all 
be over. His body tensed up in anticipation.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Dan's just gotten a couple of good hits against Dark Schneider and the 
mage is nearly down for the count! What a victory, folks! In just moments, 
Dan will secure his rightful place as holder of the belt that shows he has 
the greatest power!"

     Daisuke patiently waited for Hiroshi's rant to finish before adding, "Or 
he can just tromp around and let Schneider recover."

     "He clocked Darshu good, though!"

     "Right, 'Roshi. Look at the screen and witness reality." Daisuke tweaked 
his finger towards the Ultratron to direct his co-announcer's attention.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "You should have taken me down when you had the chance!" Darshu stood up 
and spat blood out. "You've got part of that Godhead thing, well try this on 
for size! GODSMACK!"

     A crushing blanket of darkness, something that sucked in sight and any 
other way someone might have tried to perceive it.

     "Oosha?" Dan looked up before the wall of black crushed down on him. The 
ground trembled and cracked, faults were ripped into the earth for over a 
hundred yards around the pair.

     Darshu stomped over to the fallen pink-gi-clad fighter and tightened his 
fists. "And THAT is why I am the champion, and someone such as you is not! No 
matter how hard you try, I will be the best at this little game, and there's 
nothing you can do to change it. Because I know how to follow up an attack! 
ANSEN!"

     The darkness bullets ripped through the intervening space, certain to 
rip Dan's body to shreds.

     Except they were stopped, just short, by a hexagonal-gridded field. A 
pink hexagonal-gridded field. Dan rolled to his feet, eyes narrowed and a 
smile on his face as he speared Darshu with a look of you-ain't-gonna-stop-
me-ness through the Absolute Taunting Field.

     "You do not know the meaning of victory! You have held that belt for so 
long and you have no comprehension of what it stands for! The honor and 
grandeur of it will not be tainted by one who fights such as you. One who 
lacks creativity and originality. You do not even have a good finishing move! 
What sort of man would fight without the dramatic manliness of that? Not I! 
Not Taunting Godhead Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki! I am going to take that 
belt from you to prove to the world that it will be worthy to be held again!" 
Dan brought his hands back and they flared up with pink-15%-Godhead-100%-
taunt-worthy energy. "Shinkuu--"

     Darshu struck back in desperation. He let fly an attack he had never 
comprehended using except... Well, he'd never had an idea when he would use 
it. "INUSINK!"

     A virtual spear of loathsome, horrendous energy lanced out from Darshu's 
hands and slammed into Dan's Absolute Taunting Field. It repulsed everything, 
even light, so that it could be seen only as if through a haze. That was 
probably a relief, because it was the sort of sight that could evacuate 
cities, or at the very least give children of all ages nightmares for years 
to come.

     Worse than that, it stank. Even Darshu gagged as the spell blasted Dan 
off into the distance. He let it dissipate almost immediately.

     But his opponent kept going. "YAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--"

     For a moment, Darshu watched the location where the Dan had disappeared, 
then he clamped his fingers around his nose and started taking little breaths 
so he wouldn't have to taste the aftereffects of the spell.

     Krillin hesitantly approached, a handly clothespin keeping his 
olefactory region closed off from outside intrusion. "He's gone?"

     "Yeah." Darshu's voice was even more nasal than normal. "So call me the 
winner."

     "I've got to count him out, first. One... Two..."

     Darshu rolled his eyes and waited.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "Where has Dan gone?" Hiroshi cried as the countout continued.

     "Who cares?" Daisuke countered. "What the hell did Darshu just cast? 
That thing stinks worse than that casserole at the back of Jack's 
refrigerator." (For the spell was so powerful that even the sight of it 
brought on the side-effects, even over many thousand miles and the piped feed 
to the Ultratron.)

     "Can you feel the sorrow and letdown in this room, ladies and gentlemen? 
Dark Schneider has pulled off another cheating, fluke victory! And against 
the most beloved fighter in Ultra!" Hiroshi was close to tears.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The smell was beginning to go away, so Darshu hazarded a deeper breath. 
The count seemed to be taking longer than normal, but he was pretty sure 
Krillin wasn't sneaking any extra numbers in.

     "Seven... Eight... Nine..."

     The sound started small, obeying the Doppler effect. But it grew loud 
enough to capture attention very fast. Krillin started to say, "T--" but 
stopped to look. Darshu spun around to see what was approaching.

     "--OOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"

     A spinning bundle of pink godhead energy flew straight from the horizon. 
Darshu got the chance to widen his eyes before Dan barreled into him in a 
mid-air, spinning strike. Divine energy crackled out from the tucked-up form 
and ripped into Darshu's body as he was blasted away.

     His body smoked as it plopped to the ground.

     "OYAJI!!!!" Dan shouted, raising a victory salute to the camera! 
"TAUNTING GODHEAD SPINNING STRIKE!" He paused a moment. "FOR YOU JIMMY!"

     Krillin finished the ten-count.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "WOO! LOOK AT THAT! Dan Hibiki has pulled off another great victory and 
is now your new Omega Champion! Let's hear it for Stone Cold Dan the Man!" 
Hiroshi waved his arms, urging the crowd to get up and dance and FEEL that 
electricity.

     Daisuke tried to process the information about what had just happened. 
"He flew all the way around the world?" he asked incredulously. "How the hell 
did he do that?"

     "Isn't it great? That's showing he knows how to use his opponent's 
attacks against them! Never let it be said Dan can't think on his feet!"

     "Dan can barely think, PERIOD!" Daisuke stared at Hiroshi.

     "Aw, C'mon, Dai. Feel it! He just dedicated his new attack to his 
friend, who *sniff* is no longer with us at Ultra." Hiroshi wiped a single 
tear from his eye and the crowd awwwed.

     "But that's--"

     "But that's not the end of the night! We've still got more awesome Ultra 
goodness right after this promo! Stay tuned!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The slumber party is a staple of teenage culture.  It's the point around 
which a young girl's social life rotates; making s'mores, doing each other's 
hair, talking about buys, pillow fights, and so on.

     A slumber party is pretty much the same at the CyberGrrlz clubhouse 
(which spans six dimensions and incorporates a lot of Washuu's lab) except 
the pillow fights can sometimes get out of hand and collapse a few pockets of 
time and space.  The pajamas still factor in, even if Gally's didn't quite 
fit her robotic frame very well.

     Aside from the short time Washuu had to head to the NeoDome and referee 
Ranma's fight (which thankfully turned out as she was hoping), the party had 
been in full swing for the entirety of UltraRage Epsilon.  The high 
definition plasmic 4-D television with dodecaphonic audio made watching the 
show just as fun as attending in person and with less chance of bodily harm.  
Deflated Jiffy Pop bags littered the floor, as did empty cans of soda and 
many tubs of ice cream.

     Washuu snuggled into her bean bag chair, with her crab plushie tucked 
under one hand and a TV remote in the other.  "We really gotta do this more 
often," she said.  "It's been a hoot so far.  Later on, we'll have to tell 
scary stories!  Like the time I had to solve a 74th level dimensional 
derivative expression in On-1 time..."

     "I.. don't think scary stories are our strong suit, Washuu-chan," Gally 
said, trying to clean the melted marshmallow out from between her joints.  
"Either they'd be about horrific wars and bloodsoaked battles or they'd be 
about, well, math.  But those s'mores were great!  What are these things made 
of again?"

     "Oh, just nitrogen, oxygen, sucrose extract, polybonded--"

     "I meant the ingredients."

     "Graham, chocolate, and marshmallow," Ifurita replied, rhythmically 
petting a snoozing Ryo-ohki.  "Melted under a low flame to ensure optimal 
compression and flavor, for a duration of--"

     *fzzfzfzfzzzPOP!* the TV spoke.

     "Ah, blast," Washuu grumbled, getting up.  "I swear, I have to break 
down and get this thing replaced!  I've had it since my university days... 
one sec, girls.  I just need to make some adjustments to the Little Black 
Box."

     "Why are we pirating the show, anyway?" Gally asked.  "It's not like you 
can't afford it."

     "Because I won't have an inferior two dimensional composite video signal 
on MY television," Washuu complained, as she fiddled with the settings.  
"We're not technically pirating THEIR feed.  We're getting a direct signal 
from reality itself using the Ultra broadcast as a guideline for sampling 
points!  This baby can extrapolate three dimensional visual data and four 
dimensional temporal signatures from almost any point in the universe!"

     "Uhh... okay," Gally said, not quite getting it.  But Washuu-chan got 
really disappointed if you made her explain something twice.  "So what's 
wrong with it?"

     "Dimensional slip because the knob fell off," Washuu said, holding up 
the cheap plastic widget.  "Broke it off sophomore year during an in-dorm 
game of touch football.  Never managed to stick the thing back on for good.  
I'll just twist this baby back on--"

     The picture flicked, expanded, shrank, contracted, bulged, and generally 
warped all over the place... the pandimensional video version of 'snow' 
between the channels.  Every now and then it'd hint at showing the Ultra 
broadcast, Hiroshi about to introduce the big match... sometimes it'd flicker 
back in the broadcast a few minutes, sometimes have the wrong angle...

     '..mmy?'

     "Eh?" Washuu asked, peeking over the top of the box.  "Somebody say 
something?"

     "Just something on television," Gally said, fetching another s'more.  "I 
think you got a commercial by accident.  Some little girl popped on for a 
second.  You guys mind if I have the last one?"

     "But that looked like the lab behind her," Ifurita said.

     "Definitely getting this replaced if it's grabbing funky signals from 
across space and time," Washuu decided, screwing the knob on tighter.  The 
cheer of the crowd was enough confirmation that the blasted thing was working 
again.  "Remind me tomorrow.  Now, on with the fighting!  Who wants to put a 
bet on Morrigan's opponent?"

     "But we don't know who her opponent is."

     "I don't care.  Morri's got it coming for thinking she's sexier than I 
am!" Washuu said, posing cutely... and faltering.  "I mean, when I'm wearing 
my normal body, obviously."

     "Yeah, you're more like Lilith right now," Gally joked, before getting 
some popcorn tossed at her.

     "I haven't seen you wearing your normal body before," Ifurita noted.

     "Ah... I only wheel it out for special occasions," Washuu replied.  "I'm 
not really attached to it anymore.  Too many bad memories... bleah, no, I'm 
not gonna sink the mood.  Enough of that, and pass the s'mores!"

     "The what?" Gally asked, licking her fingers clean.

     "...nevermind."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

	"And we're back, folks!" said Hiroshi, on his feet and working the 
crowd as only he could. "The Loser Leaves Creation is surely going to be a 
match for the ages... but what we've got for you next ain't no slouch either! 
The Gamma title is up for grabs! Two battle-hardened warriors squaring off 
for the gold! Aren't you pumped, Daisuke?"

	"Actually, yes," said Daisuke, with a small grin that made Hiroshi 
blink. "Since Wolverine isn't available to fight, Morrigan's not going to be 
able to have a fixed fight like she'd planned."

	"That's right! What will Morrigan do now that her scheduled opponent 
isn't going to be competing? Will she use this as an excuse to not defend her 
title?"

	Daisuke was about to respond when some smooth 'n sexy music started to 
blare over the loud-speakers. "It's looks like we're about to find out, 
Hiroshi, because Morrigan is about to come out to the ring."

	After a moment, Morrigan stepped out from backstage, the Gamma belt 
around her waist and a microphone in hand. Flashing sly smiles to the crowd, 
she slowly made her way to the ring, putting a little extra hip motion into 
her step to make sure that every male eye was on her. Sauntering her way 
around the ring, she made her way over to the announce table.

	"And, joy of joys, the Gamma champion is coming around to our 
position," said Daisuke flatly, watching Morrigan with a wary eye. 

	Shooting a quick glare at Daisuke, Morrigan made her way over to 
Hiroshi's side of the table. Leaning over the table (which caused a few drops 
of blood to trickle out of Hiroshi's nose), she smiled at him and placed a 
finger under his chin. 

	"What do you want?" said Daisuke suspiciously, kicking Hiroshi under 
the table to try to get his concentration away from Morrigan's cleavage.

	"Moi?" said Morrigan innocently. "I just wanted to take the opportunity 
to get a closer look at the lucky boy my sister's currently...pursuing." With 
deliberate slowness, she looked Hiroshi up and down. "Hmm...nothing special, 
but not bad I suppose. She could do worse." With a small laugh, she leapt 
into the air and unfurled her wings, fluttering lightly into the ring and 
leaving Hiroshi a babbling mess.

	"For Lina's sake, man, stop drooling," Daisuke said disgustedly, 
averting his eyes.

	Flicking a few loose strands of hair out of her face, Morrigan raised 
her hands above her head and arched her back as if to stretch, sending the 
guys in the audience into nosebleeds and fainting spells. Returning back to a 
normal standing position, she surveyed the audience with a smile. "Hello, 
boys," she said throatily.

	As the men's testosterone-addled brains short-circuited, the women in 
the audience quickly got up a good sized "SLUT!" chant.

	"And it looks like the Morrigan fan club is out in force," said 
Daisuke, deadpanning.

	Hiroshi, just now recovering his wits, looked over at his partner in 
shock. "Did you just tell a joke?" he said, jaw agape.

	"Something like that."

	As Hiroshi sweatdropped, Morrigan raised her microphone to her lips. 
"You only chant that because you know that, no matter how much you work, no 
matter how much you diet, no matter how much surgery you have...you can never 
have this," she said sarcastically, slowly running her hands down her body. 
"I'm everything you want to be...everything your boyfriends and husbands 
desire...and it just makes you SO jealous, doesn't it?"

	Laughing as a chorus of boos rained down on her from the rafters, 
Morrigan continued. "But enough of that. We have more pressing business to 
attend to." As she talked, Morrigan began to slowly pace around the ring. "As 
you know, Jack threw out my match with Wolverine earlier tonight, saying that 
he'd rebook my match.

	"Now, I know all of you must be tremendously upset at not being able to 
witness what would have surely been a great title match...I know I am. I was 
so looking forward to being able to play with my pet, but Jack and his silly 
band of misfits saw fit to deny me that pleasure," she said, an over-
exaggerated pout on her face.

	"But seeing as I am a fighting champion," Morrigan said, ignoring the 
chants of "BULLSHIT!" from the crowd, "I'm going to have a title match 
tonight. Despite the fact that I'll be unprepared for my opponent, since I've 
spent the last few weeks training to fight Wolverine, I've agreed to fight a 
mystery opponent of Jack's choosing. So whoever you are, if you think you 
have what it takes to...remove my belt, then come down to the ring and let's 
get this started!"

	"This is incredible!" Hiroshi exclaimed, really into it. "Morrigan's 
going to be fighting a mystery opponent for the Gamma title! Who will it be?"
	
	As if on cue, Sakura stepped out from backstage, clad in a camouflage 
fuku, walking down to the ring with a look of determination on her face.

	"Well, that answers that question," said Daisuke, now smiling again as 
the crowd cheered for Sakura. "Sakura and Morrigan have a fairly long history 
in Ultra, dating back to the last pay-per-view when Morrigan defeated Sakura, 
under less than fair conditions, in the finals of the Ranma Saotome Memorial 
Tournament to win the Gamma belt she still holds today. Since then, 
Morrigan's been doing her best to avoid a one-on one confrontation with 
Sakura, instead sending Wolverine to do her dirty work and engaging in a 
nasty war of words with the challenger."

	"That's right, everyone! Not only are these two fighters both fierce 
competitors, they also really hate each other! This should be one hell of a 
fight!" Hiroshi said, pumped. "And it looks like Sakura's coming over here to 
get a microphone...apparently, she has a few things she wants to say!"

	After getting a microphone from Daisuke, Sakura turned towards the ring 
to face Morrigan. "You calling yourself a fighting champion...that's a load 
of crap, and you know it!" said Sakura angrily. "The only thing you've been 
fighting lately is a bad case of syphilis!"

	Sakura's expression lightened somewhat as the crowd "ooh"d in 
appreciation for her last line. "You only won that title because you jumped 
me right after my semi-final match back at URD, and you've only kept that 
title because you're Nabiki's 'chosen champion'."

	"But your days of ducking me are over, Morrigan. I won a shot at the 
title fair and square when I beat Wolverine a few weeks back, even with that 
ridiculous stipulation you put in," she said, eyes locked firmly on Morrigan. 
"You were able to weasel your way out of that for a while. But now it's time 
to pay the piper, skank."
	
	"What a match this is going to be!" said Hiroshi, as the crowd whooped 
and cheered for Sakura. "The bell hasn't even rung, and Sakura's already all 
over Morrigan with a furious tongue lashing!"

	Sakura visibly winced as Daisuke turned to his partner. "Hiroshi..."

	Hiroshi paused for a moment as he realized what he had just said. "Ack, 
poor choice of words...sorry Sakura."

	Morrigan, still standing in the ring, did not fail to notice Sakura's 
reaction. With a smile, she brought the microphone up to speak. "So, Sakura, 
am I to understand that you want a shot at my title?" she asked.

	"Of course I do!"

	Morrigan nodded. "You want to take me out, am I correct?"

	"Damn right I do!"

	"So, as these boors in the audience would say...you want a piece of my 
ass?"

	"Yeah! I want your ass, right here, right now!"

	There was a moment of complete silence before the sound of gushing 
nosebleeds filled the arena. "My my, so...passionate, aren't we?" laughed 
Morrigan, smirking arrogantly.

	"Damn it! That's not what I meant!" Sakura said, getting flustered.

	"Of course it isn't," Morrigan said mockingly. "You're far too young 
and immature to be thinking such thoughts, after all."

	"I am not a child! I'm a highly trained martial artist!"

	Morrigan replied with a superior smirk. "True, you are a highly trained 
martial artist...albeit one with the curves of a six year-old boy, a chest 
flatter than my finely-toned stomach," she said, rubbing herself hands across 
her midriff, "and who's wearing a schoolgirl's uniform."

	Sakura, by now, was glowing red with rage, her fists shaking from the 
force with which she was clenching them. "If you don't shut up right now..."

	"And those matching camouflage panties are simply *adorable*!"

	"That's it!" screamed Sakura as she stepped forward to get into the 
ring. Before she could enter, however, she felt a hand on her shoulder 
restraining her. Turning around, she saw Daisuke standing behind her, a look 
of concern on his face. "Let go of me!"

	"Sakura, you need to calm down," Daisuke said, making placating motions 
with his free hand.

	"Did you hear what she said about me?!"

	"I heard it, Sakura...but your walking right into her trap. She knows 
that you can beat her in a fair fight, so she's trying to get you to lose 
your cool by getting under your skin. And it's working."

	Sakura glared at Daisuke, and just for a moment he thought she was 
going to take out her anger on him. He was thus relieved when lowered her 
head and took a deep breath. "You're right," Sakura said, shaking her head. 
"I can't let her get to me like that, or I'll never win...but she makes me so 
mad..."

	"Just try to put it out of your mind," Daisuke said, patting on the 
shoulder. "And remember...you did win the so-called title of 'Sexiest Woman 
in Ultra'."

	That brought a smile to Sakura's face. "I remember that match..." With 
a chuckle, she gave Daisuke a quick hug. "Thanks a lot, Daisuke."

	"No problem. Gotta support the team, after all."

	With a nod and a smile, Sakura turned back towards the ring and rolled 
through the ropes as Daisuke returned to the announce table.

	"Nice job, man," Said Hiroshi, patting his co-announcer on the back as 
he sat down.

	Daisuke shrugged. "Hey, one of us has to be able to have a mature 
conversation with a female."

	As Hiroshi sweatdropped mightily, Morrigan peered at Sakura, who was 
pacing back and forth in the ring. "One more thing. Since I didn't have a 
chance to prepare for you before this fight, I think it's only fair that I 
get to add a stipulation to this fight. You don't mind, do you?"

	"What kind of stipulation?" asked Sakura suspiciously.

	"Nothing complicated like last time," replied Morrigan, smiling. 
"Hardcore rules. Falls count anywhere. No DQ. Anything goes." Morrigan 
dropped her voice for the last part of that statement. "Is that okay with 
you, dear?"

	Sakura shrugged. "Works for me." 

      Morrigan smiled widely. "Good. Now are you ready to lose, little 
Sakura?" she said, unfurling her wings.

	Sakura smirked as the dropped into a ready stance, bouncing from one 
foot to another. "Not particularly, bitch. Are you?"

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MATCH #6 : GAMMA TITLE DEFENSE
][ HARDCORE RULES
][ SAKURA KASUGANO vs. MORRIGAN AENSLAND
][ Special Guest Booker : Jesse Ellman
][ FIGHT!!

	Sakura made the first move as she charged in with a spinning back fist. 
Taking a step back, Morrigan vaulted into the air, using her wings to give 
her a boost as she flew over Sakura's head. Sakura halted her charge and 
flipped into the air, intending to catch Morrigan with a flying kick as she 
landed.

	Morrigan anticipated this, though, and ducked into a crouch as she 
landed from her jump, leaving Sakura to sail over her head. Landing cleanly, 
Sakura turned towards Morrigan and just barely wrenched her head back as 
Morrigan executed a back flip, extending her leg out in a kick aimed at 
Sakura's chin. Off balance from the hasty dodge, Sakura wasn't in position to 
take advantage of Morrigan's missed attack. By the time the Shotokan fighter 
had regained her balance, Morrigan was already back on her feet, a smile on 
her face.

	"I'd almost forgotten how talented a fighter you are," Morrigan said, 
taking a few cautious steps backwards. "But still, you're no match for three 
hundred years of experience."

	"Sorry, Morrigan, but since none of my techniques involve shoving 
things down your throat, I don't think all that experience is going to help 
you much," Sakura said, smiling viciously.

	"And Sakura is fired up for this match, all right," said Hiroshi, 
looking on as the crowd "ooh"d once again in response to Sakura's latest 
insult. "These two are going at it hot and heavy!"

	Sakura stiffened up at Hiroshi's last line, giving Morrigan the chance 
to step in and whip her head forward before Sakura could react, raking her 
hair across the young fighter's torso and tearing gashes in her fuku top.

	"Hiroshi, please..." Daisuke said, rolling his eyes. 

	"I didn't mean it that way!" Hiroshi protested, holding his hands out 
in a placating manner.

	Morrigan, meanwhile, was taking the opportunity to prod Sakura some 
more. "Did I tear up your cute little costume? I'm so sorry..."

	With a growl of rage, Sakura charged at Morrigan, murder in her eyes. 
The succubus, pleased that she had goaded Sakura into such a poorly thought-
out attack, lazily threw out a wing spear to meet the charging challenger. 
Morrigan was thus surprised when Sakura spun around the attack and connected 
with a vicious elbow to Morrigan's jaw.

	Seeing Morrigan stunned, Sakura grabbed her arm and pulled Morrigan 
into a sleeper hold, clenching her arm around Morrigan's neck to cut off the 
flow of air and blood to the champion's brain.

	"And Sakura's locked on the sleeper!" yelled Hiroshi, screaming to be 
heard over the cheering crowd. "Could this be lights out for the champion?"

	Morrigan struggled in the hold to no avail; Sakura had it locked on 
tight, and she had the leverage advantage. Starting to feel a little light-
headed, Morrigan decided to try a different tactic. "So you're into choking? 
How kinky. I would have never guessed," she gasped out, reaching one hand 
back to massage Sakura's leg.

	Sakura released the hold with a start, shoving Morrigan away. "What is 
WRONG with you?!" she screamed, rubbing at the area on her leg Morrigan had 
been touching.

	Daisuke shook his head. "It looks like Morrigan is really beginning to 
get to Sakura...I don't know if she can win if Morrigan continues to psych 
her out like this."

	As Daisuke spoke, Morrigan was having a hearty laugh at Sakura's 
expense. "Oh you are just SO amusing, child. We should've done this a long 
time ago."

	"Shut up!" Sakura screamed, charging at Morrigan and throwing vicious 
punches. Unfortunately, Sakura's anger was taking it's toll on her technique, 
and Morrigan was blocking her wild punches with ease. Almost contemptuously, 
Morrigan slipped inside Sakura's guard and delivered a savage uppercut that 
snapped the fuku-clad girl's head back. Sakura stumbled backwards from the 
blow, which was the only thing that saved her as Morrigan sent a wing spear 
rising up from the ground. The extension shot up right in front of the 
stunned Sakura, tearing a chunk of cloth out of the front of her skirt.

	"And Sakura narrowly avoids getting impaled by the spear Morrigan 
thrust right up the front of her skirt!"

	Sakura, just recovering from Morrigan's punch, turned to glare at 
Hiroshi, leaving herself wide open. Morrigan took advantage, picking Sakura 
up onto her shoulder, leaping high up into the air, and turning upside down 
as she fell, driving Sakura head first into the mat.

	"And you're really not helping matters, Hiroshi," Daisuke said, rubbing 
his temples.
	
	"I'm just trying to call the match!"

	Morrigan stood over Sakura with a smirk as the Shotokan fighter 
struggled to her feet. "Why don't you just give up now and save yourself more 
embarrassment? I'm sure we could find something more... pleasurable to do..."

	Sakura responded by sweeping Morrigan's feet right out from under her, 
leaving the succubus to fall right on her butt. "I think I'll risk the 
embarrassment," Sakura said, grimacing as she got back to her feet.

	"Well that was rude," Morrigan pouted, right before snaking her wing 
around and tripping up Sakura, sending the challenger crashing right into 
Morrigan on the canvas.

	"And Sakura goes down on Morrigan!... I mean goes down onto... ah 
hell."
	
      Once again, Sakura turned her concentration from Morrigan to Hiroshi, 
giving Morrigan the chance to slug Sakura in the jaw again, sending he 
younger fighter tumbling across the ring.

	"What the hell are you doing, Hiroshi?!" yelled Daisuke, losing his 
temper. "You're costing Sakura the match!"

	Hiroshi threw up his arms in exasperation. "I can't help it! Everything 
just keeps coming out wrong!"

	Daisuke sighed. "Just think about what you're going to say before you 
say it, okay?"

	"I'm trying!" 

	Back in the ring, Morrigan moved to take advantage of the stunned 
Sakura, running up to her and letting loose with a flurry of punches, kicks, 
and wing spears. Sakura, acting on pure instinct, managed to block the 
majority of the blows, but a kick to the knee got through, putting Sakura off 
balance and leaving her open for a furious four-punch combination that sent 
her reeling back into the ropes.

	Daisuke grimaced as the crowd started to chant Sakura name, trying to 
urge her on to victory. "This really doesn't look good..."

	Looking at the battered Sakura, Morrigan flashed a triumphant smile as 
she reared back and let loose a devastating spin kick to Sakura's head, 
intending to end the match right there and then.

	And somehow, Sakura ducked it.

	As the crowd went nuts, Sakura slipped behind the off-balance Morrigan 
and opened up on her, throwing a massive flurry of punches and kicks into the 
succubus' unprotected back and kidneys.

	"And Sakura is going buck-wild on Morrigan after sneaking in the 
backdoor!" Hiroshi cried excitedly, right before he clapped his hand over his 
mouth, realizing what he had just said.

	Sakura, who had been just about to deliver a leaping uppercut to the 
back of Morrigan's head, hesitated for just a moment. That was all Morrigan 
needed, though, as she delivered a lightning-fast back kick to Sakura's 
stomach, doubling the challenger over and leaving her wide open for a point-
blank Soul Fist, which smashed into Sakura and sent her sprawling to the mat, 
smoke rising off of her prone body.

	"Hiroshi.... just stop talking for the rest of the match, okay?" 
Daisuke said, not even looking at his co-announcer.

	"Umm... sure thing, Dai," Hiroshi said with a sigh. "I'll just watch 
the fight."

	Morrigan peered over at Sakura, who despite the beating she'd taken 
throughout the match was still struggling to her feet. "You've been a very 
bad girl Sakura, hitting me in the back like that," Morrigan said slowly, 
kicking Sakura in the ribs. With an over-exaggerated sign, she knelt down and 
cupped Sakura's face. "It looks like I'm going to have to punish you."

	The fans looked on in shock as Morrigan grabbed Sakura and pulled her 
up over her knee. Looking over Sakura, Morrigan smiled evilly. "I believe 
what our little Sakura needs is a good spanking."

	A solid majority of the males looking on passed out almost immediately. 
Daisuke, meanwhile, shot up out of his chair. "Sakura, don't let her do this 
to you!" he yelled, as Hiroshi looked on in shock.

	"Quiet, mortal," Morrigan said, glaring at Daisuke, who met her look 
with a icy glare. "I do what I want, to who I want, when I want to do it, and 
there's nothing anybody can do about it." 

      Shooting a final arrogant smirk at Daisuke, Morrigan turned her 
attention back towards Sakura. "Now to your punishment, my dear. Don't 
worry...you'll enjoy this almost as much as I will," she said with a laugh, 
raising her hand into the air, preparing to deliver the first blow.   

	That blow never landed.

	Morrigan's eyes went wide as Sakura began to glow bright red. Before 
she could react, the battle aura exploded outwards, sending Morrigan skidding 
across the ring.

	Ever so slowly, Sakura made her way to her feet, fire in her eyes. Her 
fuku was in tatters, her jaw was beginning to swell up, and she was slowly 
bleeding from a wound in her abdomen where Morrigan's stiletto heel had 
broken the skin. "How dare you try to do that to me!" she yelled, advancing 
on Morrigan.

	Morrigan's smirk never faded. "Like I said, child, I do what I want, 
when I wa-URK."
	
	Morrigan was cut off as Sakura burst across the ring, wrapping a hand 
around the champion's throat. "I am NOT a child!" yelled Sakura, driving a 
knee into Morrigan's gut.

	As Morrigan stumbled back, Sakura stepped forward and delivered a 
punishing double-axe handle shot to Morrigan's chin, knocking the succubus 
back even further. "I am not a toy for you to play with!" 
	  
	"I am not a sex object, dammit!" she screamed, sprinting up to Morrigan 
and hammering her with a Shoouken, the rising uppercut knocking Morrigan high 
into the air.

	Stunned, Morrigan struggled to use her wings to control her flight as 
she rose into the air. Finally righting herself, she looked down to see a 
huge beam of energy rushing up towards her.

	"I'm a master of self-taught Shotokan!" cried Sakura, as the projectile 
smashed into her opponent, sending Morrigan flying away from the ring to 
crash right in front of the entrance ramp.

	Clutching her ribs, Morrigan reached over to the barricade to pull 
herself back upright. As she stood up, she say something fly at her from the 
crowd. She deftly caught the object, which turned out to be a steel chair, 
and peered into the crowd to find the person who'd thrown it. After a moment, 
she saw Jack standing in the second row, waving with a huge grin on his face.

	"What the hell are you doing?" Morrigan spat.

      Jack just pointed back towards the ring.

      "I AM SAKURA KASUGANO!"

	Morrigan turned back just in time to see Sakura run up to the ropes, 
springboard off them, and fly into the air, hurtling towards Morrigan with a 
Hurricane Kick. With almost no time to react, Morrigan acted on pure 
instinct, raising her arms up to protect herself.

	Too late, she realized she was still holding the steel chair.

	With a deafening thud, Sakura's foot smashed into the chair, driving it 
into Morrigan's skull and knocking the succubus down like a rag doll, 
skidding a few feet across the floor. Sakura, meanwhile, landed in a crouch 
and slowly rose to a standing position, her head down.

	"And I am the Gamma champion."

	The crowd, which had been watching breathlessly during Sakura's 
offensive display, broke out into a deafening chorus of cheers, a chant of 
"Sakura! Sakura!" echoing throughout the Ultradome.

	"Wow," said Daisuke intelligently. Turning to Hiroshi, who was watching 
on in awe, he smiled slightly. "I'm not sure I can do that justice. You wanna 
give it a shot?"

	Hiroshi blinked, then smiled back at his partner and got to his feet. 
"Folks, I hope you all have photographic memories, because I don't think any 
of us will ever see anything like that again! Sakura, seemingly beaten and 
about to be embarrassed on worldwide television, makes a comeback like 
nothing this announcer has ever seen and defeats Morrigan in spectacular 
fashion!"

	The crowd's cheers, if possible, grew even louder as Sakura stood over 
the fallen Morrigan. Jack, grinning like a madman, jumped the rail and looked 
down at the former champion, portable microphone in hand. "That's what you 
get for punking me out back at URD! Who's yo daddy, biatch? Who's yo daddy!" 
he yelled, gesticulating wildly at the unconscious succubus. After a few 
moments, went over to Sakura and put an arm around her shoulders. "C'mon, 
let's go get your belt."

	"'My belt'...I like the sound of that," Sakura said, smiling as she 
walked gingerly back towards the ring. As she and Jack climbed into the ring, 
Daisuke picked up the championship belt and brought it into the ring. With a 
smile, handed it to Sakura. "I believe this is yours?"

	"Damn right," said Sakura, chuckling lightly. Looking out into the 
crowd, she raised the belt high into the air. The crowd went nuts.

	"Ladies and gentleman," said Hiroshi, still standing by the announce 
table, "the winner of this match, and NEW Gamma champion, SAKURA KASUGANO!"

	For a few moments, Sakura just stood there, belt held high, basking in 
the cheers of the crowd. Then she noticed a flicker of movement in the corner 
of her eye. Turning, she saw Morrigan making her way to feet.

	Sakura frowned as Morrigan pulled herself up, a hand on her head as she 
stood up shakily. After a moment, Morrigan looked into the ring to see Sakura 
holding the belt, and a look of shock passed over her features as she 
realized what had just happened. The look of shock was quickly replaced with 
a look of rage, as Morrigan took several angry steps towards the ring.

	Sakura sighed and handed the title belt back to Jack. Turning back 
towards Morrigan, she was about to move into a fighting stance when she 
realized that Morrigan had stopped, and was now looking into the ring with a 
thoughtful expression. Wary of a trick, Sakura kept her eyes on Morrigan, 
watching for any sudden movements.

	She was thus surprised when a small smile appeared on Morrigan's face.

	Surprise turned to confusion as Morrigan smile gradually morphed into a 
HUGE grin.

	And confusion quickly became fear as Morrigan began eyeing her 
hungrily, licking her lips slowly.

	Taking a microphone from Jack, she took a couple of steps towards 
Morrigan. "What do you want?" she said, shifting uncomfortably under 
Morrigan's gaze.

	"I just wanted to tell you how impressed I was with your performance," 
said Morrigan, never taking her eyes off of Sakura. "I really underestimated 
you...such resiliency, such determination, such aerial grace, such 
*flexibility*... you've proved to me that you're a strong fighter."

	Sakura blinked. "Ummm...thanks?" she said uncertainly.

	"Think nothing of it. You've proven yourself worthy of such praise... 
and of your reward."

	"Reward?"

	"Surely you remember the stipulation I made when I won this belt at the 
last pay-per-view?" Morrigan said with a wink.

	Sakura paused, trying to think back. After a moment, her eyes went 
wide. "You mean..."

	"I said at URD that anyone strong enough to... take off my belt would 
earn a night of WILD, KINKY, MIND-BLOWING SEX with me as a reward. You've 
proven yourself worthy of that prize...now it's time to claim it." Morrigan 
paused to let her words sink in. "I'm sure we can find all kinds of fun 
things to do together..."

	"Sorry, but I'm not interested," Sakura said firmly, hands on hips.

	"Perhaps you didn't understand me. You WILL come claim your reward. You 
WILL have a night of stupefying amazing sex. And you WILL be my personal 
plaything from that point on."

	"And how exactly do you plan on forcing me to do this?" Sakura said 
defiantly, glaring daggers at Morrigan.

	"Oh, I have my ways. Don't think that you have any say in the matter. 
And don't think you can skip out me. One way or another, I WILL make you 
mine--"

	"Well, isn't this a touching scene!"

	Both Morrigan and Sakura looked up to the top of the ramp to see Iori 
walking deliberately towards the ring, microphone in hand. "Now, as much as 
I'd love to hear you two continue your little lovers spat, I have some things 
I wanna talk about with our new 'champion'," he said, putting as much sarcasm 
as he could into the last word.

	"Sweet mother of a three-headed newt! Iori's come out and he has 
something to say!" yelled Hiroshi, still on his feet. "What else can happen 
tonight?"

      Sakura moved to respond to Iori, but the red-haired fighter cut her off 
before she could speak, still walking down the ramp way. "I've to say, the 
Gamma belt has really gone down the crapper since I had it. Just look at 
who's held it recently. That little punk Shingo, that cross-dressing freak 
Ranma, the top-heavy slut over here," he said, ignoring the glare Morrigan 
gave him as he passed by, "and now you, a exhibitionist little girl."

	As Sakura glared daggers at Iori, the psychotic bishounen chuckled 
lightly. "Now don't get me wrong. Being an exhibitionist little girl doesn't 
necessarily preclude you from being a worthy champion. After all, you now 
have 14 wins, making you the only person in Gamma with more wins than me."

	Sakura furrowed her brow. "I don't see where you're goi-"

	"BUT," Iori interjected, leaving Sakura to resume glaring at him, "lets 
look at what you've recently, shall we? You barely beat Ranma the week before 
he had a complete physical and mental meltdown, you lucked out and won that 
Royal Rumble qualifying match for the title tournament, you only beat that 
pathetic twit Shingo in the semis because I punked him out, you got your ass 
kicked in the finals by the walking cleavage back there..."

	"I'll have you know I'm not just a pair of breasts!" Morrigan huffed. 
"I have great legs, perfect lips, an impossibly nice ass, I'm tighter than 
a..."

	Iori continued, ignoring Morrigan's tirade. "As I was saying...after 
getting your ass handed to you at the pay-per-view, you went half a season 
until your next fight, where you had to struggle to beat a mindless puppet in 
a pokemon costume and a dress. Then you fought that little wuss Marlo, and 
only won because he got distracted by Ranma and his girlfriend. And then 
tonight, you pull out a win because your opponent was too stupid to finish 
you off before trying to play S&M games."

	Ignoring a new round of ranting by Morrigan, Iori, now standing right 
in front of the ring apron, turned to face the crowd. "And yet somehow, 
having not had a single impressive win in the last two seasons, Sakura is our 
new Gamma champion. Is it just me, or is that a complete load of bullshit?"

	The crowd booed loudly in response, letting Iori know that yes, it was 
just him.

	Iori snorted disgustedly, turning back to face Sakura. "This is what 
I'm talking about. The only reason you're anywhere near the Gamma title is 
that you're popular with the fans. And the only reason you're popular with 
the fans is because you're constantly flashing them. Now, far be it from me 
to turn down a free peep show... even from someone as homely as you," he said 
with a smirk, as Sakura stood ramrod straight, her knuckles white from 
clenching her fists, "but you have no business holding the title.

	"You're even worse than that ditzy bitch Yohko. At least her habit of 
showing her breasts at a moments notice never got anywhere in this place." 
Iori paused to shift his gaze so he was staring directly into Sakura's eyes, 
ignoring the hateful glares she was shooting at him. "You, on the other hand, 
are currently at the top of the ladder. And what did you do to get there? You 
haven't shown yourself to be the best fighter. You haven't paid your dues and 
earned it by beating all comers. The only reason you have that title is 
because you like to show off your panties to the entire world. And that makes 
me SICK!"

	The two fighters glared at each other for a few moments before Sakura 
started to speak. "And... you think you'd make a better champion, perhaps?"

	"I'm the toughest fighter in this federation. I'm still the Biggest 
Badass in Ultra. I KNOW I'd make a better champ than you. And I'm willing to 
prove it... right here, right now."

	"Whoa whoa whoa whoa," said Jack, speaking into Sakura microphone while 
waving his hands frantically.  "Are those leather pants squeezing your balls 
so hard that it's keeping you from thinking straight? First you come out here 
and insult Sakura, then you ask for a title shot after she's just been 
through a grueling match, and you expect to get it? I don't think so! I'm 
booking this show, and I'm telling you to use those little flames of yours to 
light your ass on fire and hot tail it outta here before I come over there 
and threaten to kick your ass!"

	"I accept."

	Jack smirked, "See, Iori, she acc-WHAT?!" Jack screamed, doing a double 
take as he turned towards Sakura. "What are you, stupid? You're in no shape 
to take that schmuck on!"

	Visibly wincing at Jack's less-than-tactful response, Daisuke tried to 
talk some sense into Sakura. "Sakura, be reasonable. You can take him on next 
week if you really want to. But fighting right now, when he's fresh and 
you're worn down from a fight, is just silly. You playing right into his 
hands."

	"I don't care," Sakura replied, her voice tight. "I'm sick of people 
treating me like a joke, like I'm just a pair of panties that can throw 
fireballs. I've worked my ass off to be the best, and I'm not gonna let that 
bastard come down here, say what he just said, and get away without me 
shoving my foot so far up his ass that he'll be shitting out his eyes."

	Daisuke grimaced. "We're not gonna be able to talk you out of this, are 
we?"

	Sakura shook her head. "Don't worry about it. There's no way I'm 
letting that guy take away my title."

	"Am I the only person here who realizes how stupid this is!" yelled 
Jack, pacing back and forth. Turning to Sakura, he put his hands on her 
shoulders and looked her square in the eyes. "Listen, Sakura, I like you. 
You're a good kid, and I couldn't have done all this stuff with CHAOS without 
you. So I'd really rather not see you end up in traction. With the shape 
you're in right now, you're way outclassed here, and considering how Iori's 
fights usually go, there's a good chance you're gonna end up seriously hurt. 
The entire point of taking over tonight was to prevent the people who've 
helped me from getting the crap kicked out of them. So far, I've been able to 
do that. Don't make me a failure."

	Sakura shook her head. "Sorry Jack, But I have to do this."

	Jack shot Sakura an exasperated look, and turned to stomp out of the 
ring. As he stepped through the ropes,, he turned back to face Sakura. "Just 
do me a favor and don't get hurt in there, okay? I'd rather not have that on 
my conscience."

	"You have a conscience?" asked Sakura, grinning lightly.

	"Ah, shaddap," chuckled Jack, stepping out of the ring and taking a 
seat by ringside. 

	"Good luck," Daisuke said, making his way back to the announce table.

	Sakura turned to see that Iori had already entered the ring, and was 
leaning against the ropes with an amused look on his face. "Are you finished 
saying your goodbyes?"

	"You'll be saying goodbye to a few teeth when I'm done with you."

	"Oh, I'm quaking in my boots," taunted Iori, moving out of the corner. 
"You ready to back that up?"

	"I've been ready my entire life."

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MATCH #7 : SPECIAL CHALLENGE GAMMA TITLE DEFENSE
][ SAKURA KASUGANO vs. IORI YAGAMI
][ Special Guest Booker : Jesse Ellman
][ FIGHT!!

	Both fighters charged across the ring as the bell rang, eager to tear 
each other apart. Iori tried to score first with an elbow, but Sakura ducked 
under it and landed a had right under Iori's ribs, stunning the bishounen 
momentarily.

	As Iori tried to regain his breath, he champion spun into a back fist, 
snapping his head back. Trying to maintain the momentum, Sakura took a step 
back, buckled Iori's leg with a vicious knee kick, and quickly spun into a 
hurricane kick, smacking him several times before he finally fell backwards 
to the canvas.

	"And a spectacular opening flurry by the champion!" said Hiroshi, 
waving little Sakura flags. "She may have just been through a grueling match 
with Morrigan, but she obviously still has something left in the ol' gas 
tank!"

	"The question, of course, is how much she has left," said Daisuke, 
looking on as Iori rose to his feet, wiping a bit of blood from his lip.

	Iori, now upright, smirked across the ring at Sakura. "Not bad, I've 
gotta say...but I've taken much worse from people much better than you. Why 
don't you just give up and go film another up skirt commercial?"

	With a snarl, Sakura leapt at Iori with a flying kick, intent on 
fulfilling her promise to knock his teeth out. Iori simply sidestepped and 
grabbed Sakura's leg as she passed by, spinning her around and slamming her 
down to the mat. 

	"Aww, are you starting to slow down already?" mocked Iori, kicking 
Sakura in the ribs as she struggled to her feet. "Well that's just to bad, 
'cause I'm just getting warmed up."

	Picking Sakura up by the hair, Iori started to throw a claw swipe when 
Sakura head-butted him in the jaw, forcing Iori to release his grip. 
Recovering quickly, he started throwing vicious punches and claw swipes from 
all angles, mixing in some flame-covered shots.

	Sakura, not one to back down, stood toe-to-toe with the psychotic 
fighter, blocking as many shots as she could and retaliating in turn as those 
in attendance at the Ultradome cheered wildly for the Shotokan fighter.

	"And the two fighters are right up in each others faces, slugging it 
out in the middle of the ring! Both have taken heavy shots during this 
exchange, but neither seems willing to back down!" 

	"I dunno about this strategy by Sakura," Daisuke said, worry etched 
across his features. "She has to be burning a lot of energy trading punches 
with Iori..."

	Back in the ring, Iori and Sakura finally broke off the attack, 
stepping out of each others ranges to catch their respective breaths, the 
crowd chanting Sakura's name to urge her on. Iori, despite having taken 
several solid shots, looked to be in far better shape than Sakura, who was 
struggling to catch her breath. 

Her outfit, already torn somewhat from the fight with Morrigan, was shredded 
even more thanks to a few claw swipes from Iori. Those claw swipes had also 
left nasty gashes which were oozing blood slowly, staining the loose strips 
of camouflage cloth red. In addition, there was a large burn mark on Sakura's 
side where a particularly nasty flaming punch had landed.

	"Tired already? Poor baby," laughed Iori, sending a wave of fire at 
Sakura.

	Sakura, sweat pouring down her face, somehow willed herself to sidestep 
the projectile, and charged at the surprised Iori full force. Catching him 
off-guard with a gut shot, she summoned up all of the anger, all of the rage, 
all of he frustration inside herself, and, with a shout of "MIDARE ZAKURA!", 
unloaded on Iori with a deluge of blows, culminating in a thunderous Dragon 
Punch that sent Iori reeling back into the corner.

	Hiroshi jumped to his feet in excitement as the crowd went absolutely 
nuts. "And somehow, Sakura finds the strength to perform perhaps her most 
devastating technique! Can this courageous fighter prevail against the 
Biggest Bada$$ in Ultra, despite having just fought another match?"

	"I hope so, but things are looking pretty grim," replied Daisuke, 
watching as Iori slowly made his way to his feet, while Sakura was across the 
ring, trying to catch her breath as she held onto the ropes for support. "The 
problem with Sakura's strategy of all-out attacking was that, at the rate she 
was burning energy, it depended on taking Iori out quick. And if there's one 
thing we know about Iori, it's that he can take inhuman amounts of 
punishment."

	Now standing, Iori started to stalk towards Sakura, flames flickering 
along his gloved hands. "You've put up a halfway decent fight. I'm 
impressed," he said, flames now fully engulfing his fists, "but this ends 
now!"

	With an incoherent scream, Iori broke into a full sprint, right arm 
pulled back. Sakura tried to dodge, but was just a bit too slow in reacting, 
leaving herself wide open as Iori crashed into her with a colossal flaming 
uppercut,. The impact of the punch rocked Sakura's head back and lifted her 
into the air, sending her careening into the turnbuckle. The impact rocked 
Sakura's body, and in its aftermath Iori stood with his fist still in the 
air, a trail of flame still visible along the path of the punch, as Sakura 
lay slumped in the corner, barely moving.

	"Holy crap," said Hiroshi, stunned. "Is she okay?"

	"She's still conscious... god knows how.... but I don't know about 
okay," Daisuke said. "Someone's gotta stop this. Sakura's in no shape to 
continue."

	Jack, meanwhile, was for once completely and utterly silent.

	Sakura, still down in the corner, groggily opened her eyes to see Iori 
taunting the crowd, an action which was earning him a near-deafening chorus 
of boos. "That's it, keep taunting the crowd," she muttered to herself, 
desperately trying to get up. "Just give me a little bit longer to 
recover..."

	Iori, however, noticed Sakura's efforts to get upright and walked 
calmly towards her, grinning viciously. "Sorry, no miraculous come-from-
behind victory this time, Sakura. This fight is over," he said, standing over 
as she pulled herself up to one knee.

	"That's what you think," Sakura said quietly, concentrating. Reaching 
deep within her soul, and calling on every ounce of fighting spirit she had 
left, Sakura gathered up her remaining energy and focused it into a mighty 
punch that smashed into Iori's jaw, shattering it and sending the challenger 
crumpling to the mat, unconscious.

	Or at least that's what would have happened, had Iori not caught the 
punch.

	"Nice try, but here's how you finish off a fight."

	With a snarl of rage, Iori laced into the defenseless Sakura with his 
Maiden Masher technique, ripping bloody gashes all over Sakura's body. The 
crowd looked on in horror as Sakura was viciously taken apart by the maniacal 
fighter, who was grinning in insane pleasure as he tore furiously at Sakura.

	After several agonizing seconds, Iori stopped the onslaught and grabbed 
the barely conscious Sakura by the throat. Staring directly into her eyes, 
which were glazed and barely open, he snorted in disgust. "Time for a real 
champion."

	Lifting Sakura into the air, Iori roared in triumph as a huge column of 
flame engulfed the two fighters, illuminating the entire arena and forcing 
those at ringside to avert their eyes. When it finally subsided, the audience 
looked back into the ring fearfully.

	Sakura was on the ground, smoldering, not moving. Iori was still 
standing.

	As the shock subsided, the crowd erupted in a wave of boos and curses 
directed at Iori. The bishounen fighter paid them no heed, walking right over 
to the corner and picking up the Gamma belt. With a smirk, he held it up high 
in the air, basking in the venom the audience was directing at him.

	"Dammit," said Hiroshi, staring at Sakura's still form. "The winner, 
and new Gamma champion... Iori Yagami."

	Iori threw back his head and laughed as he slung the title belt over 
his shoulder. Shooting one last arrogant look at the fallen Sakura, he 
stepped through the ropes and walked up the ramp, disappearing from view as 
he walked behind the curtain, still laughing.

	Jack and Daisuke, meanwhile, were already in the ring checking on 
Sakura. "God dammit, I told her not to go through with this," yelled Jack, 
pulling off his tie to staunch a would along Sakura's neck. "She just 
wouldn't listen... dammit... Someone get a doctor out here NOW!"

	"Stop blaming yourself, Jack, it isn't your fault," Daisuke said, 
shaking his head. "She knew what she was getting into, and she made her 
choice. There was nothing we could do."

	"Screw that!" screamed Jack. "This is my show! Sakura's a part of my 
organization! Everything that goes on here tonight involving CHAOS is my 
responsibility... where's the freaking medical team! She needs help!"

	"I'll give her everything she needs."

	Jack and Daisuke simultaneously turned around to see Morrigan float 
gently into the ring. "What the hell do you want, Morrigan?" spat Jack, 
moving between the succubus and Sakura.

	"Oh, I just figured that, with Sakura hurt as badly as she is, she 
could use somebody to...nurse her back to health, shall we say."

	"Over my dead body."

	Morrigan smiled viciously. "Oh, that can most definitely be arranged," 
she said, extending her wings.

	 Jack got right up in Morrigan's face. "You think I'm gonna back down 
from you? 'Oh no, she's going to club me to death with her monstrous 
breasts!' I've faced down worse than you! I've faced down Sephiroth, I've 
faced down the Orochi... hell, I've had to deal with those Team Rocket twits 
on a day-to-day basis for the last two months! You think I'm gonna be 
intimidated by you because you've threatened to suck out my soul? Well suck 
this, Morri!" Jack screamed, stepping back and giving Morrigan a crotch chop 
as the crowd went berserk, chanting Jack's name so loud the rafters shook.

	Morrigan's calm demeanor was broken as she snarled with rage. "I'm 
going to enjoy gutting you..."

	Jack smirked. "I'd look behind you if I were you."

	"Really, Jack, is that the best you can do? I'd expect better from yo-"

	Morrigan was interrupted as Shingo, who'd just run out from backstage 
along with a medical crew, leapt over the ropes and slammed into Morrigan's 
back with a flying kick, sending the succubus sprawling to the mat. "You're 
not touching either Jack or Sakura, Morrigan!" he yelled, dropping into a 
combat stance.

	Morrigan didn't even bother looking at Shingo, instead choosing to 
glare directly at Jack. "You may have won today, Jack, but this isn't 
finished. Not by a long shot," she said, extending her wings and flying off.

	"Ah, blow it out your mule!" Jack shouted after her. Turning back to 
Shingo, he cuffed the young fighter upside the head. "What the hell took you 
so long? I almost got killed out here!"

	Before Shingo could respond, Jack cut him off. "Forget it, it's 
irrelevant." Turning around, he saw Daisuke kneeling with the medical staff 
as they were loading Sakura onto a stretcher. "How's she doing?"

	Daisuke sighed. "She's been knocked around pretty good, and she has 
burns and gashes all over the place, but her pulse and breathing are fine and 
there don't appear to be any internal injuries."

	"Good, good," said Jack, nodding, "Shingo and I will take her to the 
back. You've gotta stay here and announce the final match."

	"Oh yay," said Daisuke, facepalming.

	Hiroshi, watching what was going on inside the ring, finally noticed 
that the cameras were back on him. "Oh... umm... all I can say is... wow... 
err... we'll be right back with the Loser Leaves Creation match after this 
commercial for Neofighters. Neofighters: the new generation of sports 
entertainment."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     While the world prepared itself for the biggest event in human history 
since the last biggest event in human history (and the one before that), 
Nabiki was just preparing herself for a world class headache.

     Nobody was about to leave the dome with the one-way shield in place, so 
the parking lot had remained deserted.  The storm was picking up, rain 
pouring down so hard that she had to take shelter in the limosine -- for the 
best, since it made a great mobile base of operations, and it had a wet bar.  
Nabiki didn't drink without good reason, but right now, she truly needed her 
usual single glass of wine.  Not that it would help, but she deserved 
SOMETHING good tonight.

     The cops had fled, the military refused to help, and her call to the 
Emporer of Japan had proven fruitless.  The Vatican didn't want to bug the 
pope while he was enjoying the event.  Sana had gone home so she could at 
least watch the show.  They had no way into the building, and no way to reach 
someone inside who was friendly to the cause...

     Next week, she thought.  Next week I'm issuing them all cellphones.  And 
possibly subcutaneous global positioning devices.

     A sharp rapping on her window drew her attention away from these woes.  
She tapped the power window, to reveal a drenched Pantyhose Tarou.

     "You're never going to believe who I got on the line," Tarou said, all 
smiles.  "She was just hanging around near the pay phones backstage after 
being booted from ringside, and--"

     "Who, Tarou?" Nabiki asked, uninterested in a longwinded story.

     "Shermie.  I gave her your cellphone number.  She'll be calling in a 
minute."

     "Terrific.  Good work, Tarou," Nabiki sarcasted.  "I ask for someone who 
can get us into the building and you get me the most unreliable, psychotic 
little freak imag... ...she has a thing for Daisuke, doesn't she?"

     The boss answered her cellphone before it had rung once.

     "Shermie!" she chirped, all joy and sweetness.  "It's good to hear from 
you.  Yes, I know... the show's going great.  Yes.  Yes, Daisuke is doing a 
swell job -- in fact, that's why I wanted to talk to you.  It's about his 
job.  But first I have an important favor to ask of you.  You know the 
Harrier parked on the roof right now...?"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     "...story.  I trust you'll know what to do," Metatron continued.

     A whizzing noise sounded, as Gokuu blurred into focus.

     "It's time," he said, voice leaden and serious.  He was busy wiping down 
after a hard workout in the gym.  "We've got to go."

     "One second, one second," Metatron insisted, before turning back to the 
video camera she'd set on a nearby desk.  She/he reached over and tapped the 
STOP button, ceasing recording.  The tape was popped and secured inside a 
pocket on Skuld's usual costume.

     "What was that?" Gokuu asked, curious.

     "A low tech solution to a problem I've been pondering all week," 
Metatron replied.  The angel glanced over to the bed.  "Is it gonna be... you 
know... safe to leave Kasumi here?  I know if everything works, she'll have 
her life restored as part of the gift to all life, but..."

     "You think God will come through on that?"

     "Oh, definitely.  He's an old softie, really.  Could've just let the 
gears turn and allow humanity to go poof from some future godhead flub, but 
instead he sent me, didn't he?  In a way, Tofuu's right... God's selfish.  
But you would be too if you were in the same situation.  'course, you ARE, 
technically, since you're part of God..."

     Gokuu's simple mind had a few problems with that.  "Huh?"

     Metatron sighed.  "See, this is where your language buckles and folds.  
What you think of 'God' and what I think of 'God' are kind of dissimilar... 
you're probably thinking big guy with a flowing white beard or some old green 
guy on a floating island, I'm thinking more in terms of the big picture, the 
sum of all things, the concept of life itself... oh, nevermind.  We've got a 
reality to save.  I hope reality appreciates all the trouble we're going 
through."

     "I'm sure He does," Gokuu said, with a grin.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Hours had come and gone, as Lina waited for the judgement hour.  The 
waiting was the hardest part.  When she was adventuring, there was no 
waiting; you were either slacking and relaxing, or you were head first into 
the danger zone with no time to sit around.  You thought on your feet, acted 
on instinct, and survived by how quickly you could apply your skill...

     Tactics were not her thing.  Waiting was not her thing.  All she'd been 
doing lately as the ruler of Heaven was waiting and tactics; waiting for 
Xelloss's next move, planning what to do about it.  In a way she was 
successful since she was still alive and Heaven was still ticking.  In a way 
she was a dismal failure since the war was not over and Hell was still open 
for business.

     Tonight would be the end of that.  One way or another.  All she had to 
do was sit in her office and watch the show on the small monitor behind her 
desk, and prepare herself mentally for the fight...

     'This is it, people!' Hiroshi began, after they got back from the 
intermission.  'The main event!  The brawl for all!  The--'

     'Haven't you come up with any better metaphors?' Daisuke asked.  'This 
is, what, the third or fourth time we've had all of existence hanging in the 
balance of our main event?  The best you can do is calling it the brawl for 
all?'

     Lina winced.  Third or fourth time... Third Impact, Yggdrasil, Hell 
itself... all spawned from the power she held.  All things that seemed like a 
good idea at the time, but if you looked closely enough, caused more problems 
than they solved...

     'If I say what I like to say at times like these, will you hurt me?' 
Hiroshi asked, cautiously.

     '...fine.  But just this once.'

     'Okay.  AHEM.  WORK WITH ME, DAI--'

     'Actually, no.  I'm sick of working with it,' Daisuke complained.  'Why 
do we have to look on like a bunch of rubberneckers at a car accident while 
people who I would argue are no smarter and no more holy than I am duke it 
out with our lives as the stakes?  Maybe you can be the eternal optimist, but 
I've gotta be realistic about this, and it annoys me each time it happens.  
We don't deserve to have no say in this stuff just because we're piddly 
little mortals.  So if we all die tonight, I'd just like to give the powers 
that be a little gift...'

     A mosaic blurred out Daisuke's middle finger.

     Hiroshi loosened his collar, nervous.  'Uh, dude?  The Pope's in the 
house, you know...'

     'I know, I know.  Sorry.  It's been chewing at me all night; I just had 
to say my peace before it was too late,' Daisuke apologized.  'I'm taking 
these confidence courses, you see, and... bleah.  Nevermind.  Hopefully Lina 
won't damn me for that.  Go on, mark out a bit, I'll just brood quietly.  
Where's the beer man?  I think I brought my fake ID with me...'

     "Lina?"

     "Whh?" Lina asked, turning... to face Belldandy.  "JEEZ!  Don't sneak up 
on me.  How long have you been standing there?"

     "Long enough, Lina-sama."

     "...I'm not sure I deserve the -sama," Lina said.  "Bell... be honest 
with me.  Be straight.  Have I been a good god?"

     "Yes, Lina-sama... you've been quite good.  The portal is almost ready, 
so--"

     "Do you mean good as in I've done a good job, or good as in 'Well, she 
was better than some of the morons who have had the post?'" Lina asked.  "And 
remember, it's a sin to lie."

     "...a little of both," Belldandy admitted, looking aside.  "You've done 
a... decent job.  Nothing has gone horribly wrong except a few things beyond 
your control.  But that in itself is better than many gods before.  Luckily 
the choir can back up their mistakes, and the official position is that god 
doesn't make mistakes, but... Lina-sama, please, don't take it the wrong way.  
I'm proud of your work."

     "I know you are, Bell.  And I think I've done generally okay, but... 
frankly, I was NOT cut out for this job," Lina said, rising to her feet.  
"I'm not a planner.  I'm not an organizer.  I think on my feet and I adapt 
fast.  But I'm only human, and considering one of my first tasks on the job 
was to wipe my record clean of various vices and deadly sins, I don't think I 
was quite the right stuff.  I'm the right stuff for my ORIGINAL job, 
swashbuckling bandit slaughtering treasure seeker!  And damn proud of it!"

     Belldandy giggled.  "You were quite good at that, Lina-sama."

     "But I make a so-so god," Lina added.  "I've been thinking about it.  If 
there's to be a god, it has to be someone who was... I don't know, BORN for 
the office.  Someone holy from the ground up, someone wise and kind, someone 
who can love life and figure out how to help it, you know, live.  Right.  I'm 
not good with words, okay?  What I'm saying is I'm happy you're taking on the 
godhead.  Bell, if I win this fight... you're keeping it.  You're the next 
lord almighty.  I've made my decision."

     "Wh-what?" Belldandy asked.  "Me?  Keeping it?  I thought that was just 
a backup measure, Lina..."

     "Can't think of anybody better," Lina said, fetching her sword from the 
top of the water cooler.  "You're a megami, yeah?"

     "Yes ma'am, but... not born for THIS job.  I'm not qualified to take on 
the role permanently!"

     "Why not?  You're holy from your toes to your hair, you're wise, kind, 
love life, and you can figure out how to help it keep on living.  You're 
ideal.  Not a single want or vice in your person to hold you back..."

     Lina paused in tying on her sword belt.  Belldandy sometimes looked 
aside when she didn't want to admit something, but she never did it in such a 
blatant manner before.  Not in a way that screamed out 'Go on, ask me what's 
the matter.'

     "What's the matter, Bell?" Lina asked.  It had to be done.

     "Lina-sama... have you seen my file?" Belldandy asked.

     "Of course.  Spotless.  The Pope's got a worse record than you.  Well, 
you do have one little splotch, when you were younger..."

     "A contract," Belldandy filled in.  "A contract I made which I wasn't 
authorized to.  I nearly had to break it off, but was given a stay to fulfill 
it... I still commute to Heaven for my duties, but you know I don't have a 
residence here anymore.  I live on Earth... with Keiichi."

     "With..."

     For someone who was supposed to be omniscient, Lina felt pretty stupid.  
It was staring her right in the face, the one thing that could prevent 
Belldandy from wanting to take on the highest of thrones.  There was no way 
she could hold a single mortal's love and carry on the office...

     Which is why Kasumi left.  Kasumi couldn't join her beloved Doctor Tofu 
if she was still god.

     "...shit," Lina cursed.  "Bell, I'm sorry... I totally forgot.  If I 
knew, I swear, I wouldn't have gotten you wrapped up in this promise--"

     "I'll hold my promise," Belldandy said quietly.  "I will take on the 
mantle in your stead.  I couldn't turn my back on Heaven just for... just for 
one boy..."

     "There's gotta be another way," Lina thought.  "I could... Shinji!  He 
could... well, no.  He's still got some emotional issues, even if he's coming 
along.  URD-- no, forget I even said that.  I mean... come on!  There's GOTTA 
be someone who could use this power the right way!"

     "Living perfection does not exist, Lina," Belldandy told her.  "There is 
no ideal god, no true messiah.  With the system we run, it takes a group 
effort to keep the power fully in check and working for the benefit of the 
universe... there is no being who could take on the role in full without that 
system.  Please don't worry, Lina; I will take the role.  Perhaps I can find 
a worthy enough successor... maybe a few hundred years, but..."

     "Forget it," Lina said, tossing her cape over one shoulder.  "I've got a 
fight to win.  I'm not gonna worry about this, I'm not gonna sit around and 
THINK.  I think on my feet.  I'll do what I can for you, Bell.  I'll do what 
I can for everybody.  Now.  Where are we going, exactly?"

     "Ah..." Belldandy mumbled, shifting gears.  She checked a small notepad 
she summoned from thin air.  "The coordinates given to us by the Ultra folks 
are... X:infinity, Y:infinity, Z:infinity, T:infinity."

     "Cute.  So what are the real addresses?"

     "Those are the addresses.  Urd thought they would just crash the portal, 
but... a portal opened regardless.  We're not sure where it leads."

     "So I'm walking into a completely unknown situation and facing 
incredible danger with nothing but my sword and my instincts to guide me?" 
Lina asked.

     "Yes, Lina-sama."

     And the lord did grin.

     "Perfect.  THAT, that I can handle.  Lead on, Bell."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Here, time does not exist.  Time is done.  Time is over.

     Something vaguely resembling time does pass here, but it's comfortable 
and worn, like an old slipper.  Someone's memory of how time works passes in 
this place, like an elderly man talking about the good old days, how they had 
real seconds back then, seconds you could enjoy, not boom boom boom boom like 
you kids these days.

     In this case, the elderly man stood beneath a lamp post, leaning on his 
cane and seemingly half asleep constantly.  The light from the iron lamp 
spread wider than normal, keeping the entire island in a sea of existence 
decently lit; the cobblestones played fun with the shadows, the steel wicker 
fences blocking to small area in so nobody accidentally fell over the side.

     On one of the many platforms, columns of bluish light stood.  Out of one 
of them stepped Lina and Belldandy, Heaven's representatives.

     "Mmm, strangers," the old man said, not seeming to look their way.  "But 
expected ones.  Gokuu's told us you'd be visiting.  Welcome to the End of 
Time.  My name is Gaspar and please, try not to cause a lot of damage while 
you're here.  It's so hard to reshape the reality.  I'll just be napping a 
bit now, don't mind me..."

     "That's strange... this place isn't on any of our maps," Belldandy 
noted, looking around at the endless black that surrounded these artificial 
islands.  "Are we really at the 'End of Time'?  I thought time was endless -- 
although that does explain the coordinates..."

     "Fine by me," Lina said, cracking her knuckles.  "It's just a place to 
contain the fight.  Don't let it spook you; take it from a veteran Omega 
fighter, it's best to rely on your usual gimmick and just flow with the 
landscape rather than worry about the unknowns.  So where's--"

     One of the columns flared with light momentarily, and in walked Cloud 
Strife, with his Xellossian entourage.  Cloud was all business, drawing his 
sword immediately on exiting; Xelloss was all waves and smiles.

     "Hello, Lina!" Xelloss greeted.  "I'm glad you could come!  It's just 
like old times, isn't it?"

     "Yes, you're still backstabbing me," Lina said.  He pointed a gloved 
hand at Cloud.  "I'm here for him, Xel, not you.  You can shut up and sit in 
the background and grin like an idiot."

     Xelloss mimed a zipper across his mouth, and sat in midair to watch the 
show.

     Twirling his ridiculously large blade one handedly, Cloud stared down 
his enemy.  "Tonight I end this rivalry, Inverse," he warned.  "Once your 
blood is spilled, Aerith will at last be free of your--"

     "Xel's still got his hooks into your little brain, doesn't he?" Lina 
asked.  "He's like that.  Twisting up your head so you see the world the way 
he wants you to see it.  But I've already tried talking you down from this 
before... tonight I'm beating you down.  You're right.  Tonight, this ENDS!"

     Lina drew her blade in a flash, and sprinted--

     A black blur appeared between them, becoming Gokuu, wearing his ref's 
shirt and stopping both combatants.

     "You know the rules," he stated.  "Cloud, give up the Deed to Hell.  
Lina, give up the Godhead.  This match is to be contested by two mortals 
only."

     "Fine, fine, I know the rules," Lina grumbled, lowering her blade.  
"Bell, c'mere and take--"

     "I'll take them," Gokuu said.

     "Say what?"

     "As the referee, I'll hold them in safekeeping until such time as a 
victor has been declared," Gokuu spoke.  "If they're given to Belldandy or 
Xelloss, they could interfere in this matchup.  I won't allow that."

     "Do you really think BELLDANDY will cheat?" Lina asked, annoyed.  
"What's she gonna do, miracle up a steel chair to whack Cloud over the head 
with?"

     Cloud laughed out loud at the very thought.  He snapped his fingers, a 
black parchment appearing in his closed hand.  "Are you afraid, Inverse?" he 
asked, as he willingly handed the Deed to Hell over to the referee.  "Afraid 
of losing your advantage?  I will agree to any terms I need to for Aerith's 
sake.  Will you comply, or are you truly the coward I--"

     A blinding white light filled the End of Time, as the Godhead formed in 
Lina's hands.

     It was tiny, less than an inch in diameter, but it sparkled with the joy 
of life and peace that it truly embodied, no matter what whims actually 
directed that power.  Without a human host, in its purified state, it was the 
most beautiful thing in the world.

     Lina handed it over to Gokuu with ease.  "I trust Gokuu to do the right 
thing," she said.

     "You believe he'll give it back, then?" Cloud asked.

     "I said I trust Gokuu to do the right thing," Lina repeated, raising her 
blade once more.  It only seemed to be a weak fencing position, as Gourry had 
taught her how to ply it into a thousand and one defensive parries... and it 
would have to hold up, until Gokuu did whatever he was going to do.

     Because while she trusted Earth's greatest hero to do the right thing, 
she still had no idea what that right thing was going to turn out to be.  
She'd never have accepted this matchup if she didn't know that Metatron was 
waiting in the wings, planning something... something that had better be the 
right thing to do, as Lina's instincts had told her.

     Gokuu pocketed both items in his ref's black pants, stepped back, and 
waved his hand between the two to signal the start.  "En guarde!"

][ ULTRARAGE EPSILON MAIN EVENT : LOSER LEAVES CREATION
][ LINA INVERSE vs. CLOUD STRIFE
][ FIGHT!!

     First out of the gate was Cloud, and with a war cry that almost made a 
hardened veteran like Lina shudder.  Months of repressing his anger at losing 
Aerith boiled down to one hard swing of the sword, that ridiculously large 
buster blade that Lina had decidedly not been looking forward to...

     Recognizing Cloud's angle of attack, Lina twisted her wrist to block the 
blow--

     The ringing of metal on metal made her teeth vibrate.  Sparring with 
Gourry was nothing compared to this; the sheer weight of that blade and the 
force he put behind it was like trying to use an umbrella to parry a Lear 
jet.  Lina slid backwards two feet as they locked blades, her boots scraping 
the cobblestones, but thankfully not tripping her up.  Call it a glaring 
omission, Lina internally grumbled, she should've had Gourry use a sword as 
large as Cloud's while they were training...

     She unlocked the swords and sidestepped, getting ready to defend against 
the next attack... which was very slow to come.  The second glaring omission 
was clear now.  While Cloud's attacks were as deadly as a charging 
rhinoceros, they also were that slow.  He had to work to bring that blade 
around and target Lina again, leaving himself fairly open... and here Lina 
hadn't studied any quick attacks that could've capitalized.  She could try to 
swing anyway, but if she was even a split second too late, she'd be 
completely open for a cleaver sized headache.  Terrific.

     Being an Omega veteran, however, she knew there was more to winning a 
fight than pure combat skill.  There was one other skill which could give her 
the edge, helping her survive this bout a few minutes longer.  Trash talk.

     Completely dodging the next swing by using her smaller size to her 
advantage, Lina scurried off to find cover.  Of course, there was no cover; 
other than the lamp post with its sleeping guard and a bucket someone had 
dropped in a corner of the fenced in area.  She wasn't about to use a human 
shield, so she got on with the trash talk fast, before Cloud could attack 
again.

     "What's your beef with me anyway, Cloud?" Lina asked, knowing full well 
what the beef was but wanting him to get caught up in ranting about it.  She 
kept her sword stance defensive, just in case.  "Sure, you're Satan at the 
moment, but it's not like you've got any particular old hellish grudge 
against my company.  What's worth risking your life over in this fight?"

     Judging from the way Cloud fumed and did not resume gutting her, the 
trick had worked.  "You... you DARE ask me that?!" Cloud growled.  "I fight 
for Aerith's freedom!  It's only because of your tyranny that she refuses to 
love me... that she wouldn't rejoin me!  Once I defeat you, she said she 
would be able to come to me willingly!"

     "That'd make sense, if I had a hold on her.  I don't.  That means your 
wonderful little Aerith is lying," Lina said, backing towards a metal framed 
door.  It didn't look like there was a room beyond it, just more darkness, 
but sometimes you just had to assume a door would do what a door should do--

     A swipe from Cloud's sword cut off her escape route, forcing her back 
towards the open space of the End of Time.  A few weaker slashes came her 
way, which she parried in succession.  "Aerith would never lie to me!" Cloud 
continued, advancing on Lina.  "She's honest and pure, and without sin!  I 
would do anything for Aerith's sake--"

     "Including lie?" Lina asked, navigating the running fight away from 
Gaspar and the door for now, as well as away from the spot where Belldandy 
and Xelloss were observing.  "If you'd do anything for her sake, I'd guess 
she'd do anything for YOUR sake to save you from the tyranny of Xelloss -- 
including lie!  Dammit, Cloud, open your eyes!  You're the one who's being 
played, not her-- WHOA!"

     Lina rolled out of the way, barely avoiding becoming a pair of Half-
Linas.  The buster sword did slice along her shoulder, but only the very tip; 
another inch or two and she would have dropped an arm.  As is, that hurt like 
hell, but she couldn't pay attention to the pain.  Cloud was going all out 
now, and the talking wasn't going to put off the inevitable... desperately 
parrying attacks, risking sneaking a few in herself, Lina was on the losing 
end of the fight.

     She could always use magic... it was illegal under the rules of the 
duel, but one swift fireball would end Cloud's problems.  Of course, it'd 
also end his life and get her disqualified and that whole 'Loser Leaves 
Creation' stipulation could come into play... if only she knew what Gokuu's 
angle was in all of this!  The match felt like an excuse for something, but 
without knowing what he had planned--

     Wait.

     Cobblestones, lamp post, Cloud, old guy, Belldandy looking worried, 
Xelloss looking smug... no Gokuu.  What was going on?  Or was this what was 
supposed to be going on all along?  And was she about to be carved like a 
turkey or what?

     Focusing back on the fight, Lina kept the fury of Cloud at bay.  Just a 
little longer, she hoped.  Just a little longer...

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The Metatron paced around the squarish room three times clockwise, 
waiting for his clue.  He could vaguely hear the swordfight going on beyond 
the ironwork door, but didn't dare show his face; it would spoil the whole 
plan.  But if Gokuu didn't show soon--

     King of being fashionably late, Gokuu showed up just then.  Metatron 
looked up, as did the dumpy looking creature in the center of the room.

     "Gokuu-kun!" it proclaimed.  "Good to see you again!  Hey, thanks for 
dropping the line, you know I'm always ready to host a good fight--"

     "Sorry, Spekkio-sama, no time to talk," Gokuu apologized, fishing the 
Deed to Hell and the Godhead out from his pockets.  "I'd love to train with 
you again sometime in the future, but they'll notice me gone any second now.  
We have to hurry."

     With great relief, Metatron took both objects from him.  "Don't worry, 
this won't take long," he said, fusing the Deed back into the Godhead (since 
one came from the other, in a way).  "I can have reality recompiled in no 
time flat!"

     "Be careful with that thing!  I don't want to see Belldandy or the 
others get erased," Gokuu warned.

     "Come on, have a little faith," Metatron pleaded, fishing the crystal 
sphere of the Answer from his coat.  "I've been drawing up notes on what'll 
get decompiled and what'll get shuffled around and how.  Nobody's going to 
get the shaft, not even the bad guys.  Fair's fair... I'd suggest you close 
your eyes, this could get flashy... first, I take Dan's 15% by remote..."

     With a flick of the wrist, the sphere pulsed once and drew a mist from 
thin air.  It did seem to glow brighter, once the mist rejoined the whole of 
the light.

     "And now... the fusion."

     Taking a deep breath, the Metatron held the Godhead in one hand and the 
Answer in the other... and then brought them together.  As if sliding a key 
into a lock, the glowing ball of pure holiness that was the Godhead fused 
into the sphere willingly... as if it was designed to merge with its 
counterpart.  The two together, spark inside sphere, glowed brighter than 
ever before, the rays of light seeming to play off the non-walls of the End 
of Time in a way that felt alive...

     It did a terrific job of illuminating the one who was hiding in the 
corner all along, as well.

     "So," Xelloss said, eyes opening as he smiled in glee.  "This was your 
plan all along..."

     Metatron quickly tried to cover up the Godhead Answer -- but a black 
blur flashed in front of his stolen goddess eyes, and he felt the comforting 
weightlessness disappear from his hands.  Xelloss blurred back to where he 
stood previously, tossing the ball lightly from hand to hand.

     Without speeches, without any sign of alarm, Gokuu FLARED into Super 
Sayajin mode and charged -- meeting only empty space.  The two blinked in and 
out of space, Xelloss with his shadow blending and Gokuu with his 
Instantaneous Movement, jockeying for position... until Xelloss completely 
vanished.

     "Outside!" Metatron pointed.  "He's going after Cloud!  He's a Mazoku 
and can't use a foreign power, he needs someone else to activate the sphere!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     If the referee didn't show up soon, Lina had no compunctions about 
stuffing a Dragon Slave up Cloud's ass.  This fight had gone from harrowing 
to annoying to exhausting in no time at all.

     She braced herself against the fence, the pointy ironwork giving her a 
few bruises as she tried to push Cloud away, their swords jammed together.  
Cloud would have none of that, putting all his strength into the push, that 
blade only inches from her forehead...

     Thankfully for her, the commotion that stampeded through the End of Time 
was enough of a distraction to get Cloud off her case.  Unfortunately, things 
were about to go from risky to fatal.

     The running battle moved so fast she couldn't see it, but could FEEL the 
impacts of Gokuu fighting Xelloss.  There'd be a flash of purple or a glint 
of yellow gold, first behind her, then above her, then to the right... the 
sword fight was unofficially on pause while everybody tried to figure out 
what was going on...

     Metatron and Spekkio darted in from the gate in the fence, halting 
there.  "Lina!  Stop him!" Metatron shouted.  "Xelloss is going to ruin 
everything--"

     Both combatants paused a moment... just a moment too long.  As Gokuu was 
warming up for a Kamehameha, Xelloss snapped his staff in a wide arc, 
cracking him neatly on the head.

     Sure, something like that would knock the Super Sayajin back a few feet, 
but it wouldn't do any real damage.  The problem comes when the Super Sayajin 
gets knocked back a few feet... and accidentally touches a bucket in the 
corner of the End of Time.

     With a surprised look on his face, Gokuu vanished into a column of blue 
light.

     Gaspar, who hadn't moved an inch despite the raging duel around him, 
moved an inch to look over at the bucket.  "Whoops.  He shouldn't have done 
that.  He's off to the Day of Lavos now..."

     Metatron's jaw sagged in shock.

     "So much for the monkey boy," Xelloss joked, twirling his staff back to 
walking-stick position.  Those gathered backed off, as he approached... 
holding the sphere in his hand.  "Cloud, look what I have!  It's Lina's 
godhead and then some.  If I'm right, and I always am... you can have the 
power to DESTROY all that God has wrought!"

     "Xelloss, you fink," Lina growled, ditching her sword for now since 
metal wouldn't do jack against the Mazoku bastard.  "Don't think you'll be 
getting away so easy--"

     With a flick of the wrist, Lina was locked in a prism of delicious grape 
Jello.

     "Never knew when to shut up," Xelloss mocked.  He gave Belldandy a quick 
'Boo' to get her to back off, as he floated over to present the Godhead 
Answer to Cloud.  "Hurry, boy.  Just hold this in your hands, and say 'I seek 
the destruction of all'.  Fufill your destiny as the Adversary.  Live the 
dream of Ruby Eye Shaburanigdo, of the Orochi, and all who seek the glorious 
destruction of God's dream!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Of course, while all this was going on, Ultra was still on the air.  But 
inside the UltraDome, there was only silence.  All eyes were glued to the 
video wall, watching the drama unfold, stunned at the new developments... and 
wondering if they were about to experience a premature end to the show, in 
addition to a premature end of their lives and all of reality.

     "I told you so," Daisuke muttered, opening another beer.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     I think I'll have a second glass tonight, Nabiki thought as she poured 
herself another one and sunk into the all-leather interior of her limo.  She 
slugged it all back in one toss, eyes never straying from the tiny monitor.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The Cybergrrlz also couldn't believe their eyes.

     "Uh, Washuu?" Gally asked.  "If Xelloss annihilates the universe, do we 
go with it?"

     "Weeeeelll... popular theory says that custom parallax subdimensional 
realms are disconnected from reality proper except through wholly artificial 
means," Washuu explained, "But I subscribe to the Hoffman theory of 
mutidimensional space and coaxial relationships myself."

     "...I think that's a 'Yes, we're going to die'," Gally translated.  
"Surely there's something we can do!"

     Washuu tapped her chin, thinking.  "There is one thing..."

     She snapped open a pair of fans.

     "GO LINA!  GO LINA!" she cheered, waving the fans.  "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     A pillar of magical flame erupted under Lina, melting the Jello 
immediately.  A sticky and slightly smoking Lina stumbled from the block, too 
late to do anything about Cloud holding the power... that power which bathed 
Cloud in its light, mists curling around his feet as he started to join with 
it.  She could whip off a spell, but the chant might take too long.  She 
could...

     Think on your feet, her mind echoed, but don't STOP to think.  Remember 
how well your trash talk tactics worked against him before.  Short term 
results, but all she needed was short term results...

     "You do that, Cloud, and Aerith is gone forever," Lina warned.  "You die 
and so does she!  You'll never be together again and everything you did will 
have been for nothing!"

     "Poppycock, I say," Xelloss taunted.

     "You can hate me all you want, but think about the logic!  Everything 
going boom means EVERYTHING!" Lina shouted.  "That's what the true Mazoku 
cause is.  I thought you'd do anything for Aerith!"

     "Lina, please, quit your melodrama," Xelloss requested.  "You are not 
going to win an Academy Award.  Cloud knows what to--"

     "No."

     A surprised Mazoku caught the sphere, as it was tossed back.

     "I won't destroy Aerith," Cloud decided.  His voice wasn't that of the 
menacing madman or the obsessed lover -- his eyes were softer, his demeanor 
shifted.  The mists from the Godhead Answer faded from around him, but they 
had given him the one moment of clarity he needed.  "You've been having me 
hurt Aerith just because she won't do what you want her to do.  Now you want 
me to kill her, to kill everybody... I wanted to win her heart in a duel.  
Not like this.  At least I understand duels..."

     Sinking to her knees, the Metatron gazed into the light inside the 
sphere, the Answer to the Godhead.  It's already learning, she thought.  It 
helped him to truly see...

     "I'm giving you a chance to get your revenge on Lina," Xelloss reminded.  
"I gave you all the power you ever wanted--"

     "It never got me the only thing I desired," Cloud spoke.  "I just wanted 
Aerith's love again... even if I had to go through Lina for it.  But all this 
power did was make things worse.  I don't understand this power... my head's 
been so fuzzy with it, and... and I'm leaving.  I'm sick of being your dog, 
Xelloss.  I don't think I did the right thing... I'll win Aerith back my own 
way.  Goodbye."

     The former Lord of Hell turned his back and walked towards the pillars 
of time, before the lance of darkness emerged from his chest.

     Xelloss twisted around the whip-strand of black power, snapping it back 
into his hand.  Cloud was dead before he even hit the ground, with only a 
mildly confused expression to mark his final passing.

     "Pity about the boy," the demon sighed.  "I had such hopes for him.  But 
a pawn's of no use if it won't play the game..."
     
     A dark wind picked up in the End of Time, despite there being no true 
atmosphere.  Xelloss glanced over at the source... seeing the powers build 
under Lina's feet, a black and twisted circle of chaos that caused her cape 
to flutter and her hair to float.  The power was not responsible for the 
snarling frown on her face... just her own rage.

     "Xelloss..." Lina spoke, low and dangerous.  "You've backstabbed us all 
for the last time.  For a change, you're not going to get away with it... 
*LAGUNA BLADE!!*"

     A ribbon of pure chaos flickered into existence, clenched between Lina's 
hands.  She faced down against her former ally, letting him know she meant 
business.

     Xelloss quirked an eyebrow.  "Oh my.  In all the years we've known each 
other, Lina, you've never genuinely tried to kill me.  Don't you think you're 
overreacting a bit?  What about old times?  Surely we can work something--"

     The blade of pure chaotic power slashed through the air, neatly carving 
the space where Xelloss was.  But instead of passing harmlessly through the 
area, it carved a sick looking gash as it strick... a jagged diagonal line, 
glowing blue like the Pillars of Time...

     Lina's Laguna Blade began to distort and wobble, taking on the blue 
characteristics of the rip.  She fought to keep it under control, eventually 
locking it back into a vagely liner shape.  "What the heck..?"

     "Oooh, I'd be careful," Gaspar spoke up, despite having not moved a 
muscle to turn and watch these events.  "Reality is thick here.  You are at 
the nerve center of all that is and ever was.  You could cut the fabric of 
space and time with that sort of magic."

     "Works for me!" Xelloss decided.  He tucked the Godhead Answer under one 
arm, and made a mad dash for the portal.  "No matter where or when I find 
someone to use this, I'm home free!  All of time and space will collapse in a 
matter of moments.  Be seeing you, Lina!"

     He was sucked into the rip swiftly, the gash flashing once as he 
entered.  It slowly began to close...

     "Bell!  Metatron!  Stay here!" Lina ordered.  "I've got a smiling 
bastard to slay!"

     The former god rushed the rip, and made it through just before closing.  
An Ultra camerabot followed her; the show stopped for no one, no matter where 
in time and space it had to go.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Time doesn't flow backward.  That'd be like asking salmon to mate by 
swimming downstream.  But a rip opens a straight door from point E to point 
A...

     Point A was ringing with the sounds of flushing toilets.

     "You know, you wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't eaten all 
that Olestra," Daisuke reminded his partner, not bothering to watch the 
technicolor spew.  He was busy adjusting his bow tie in a bathroom mirror.

     With a gurgle, Hiroshi rose.. and turned to the mirror, to make sure he 
hadn't mussed his tuxedo.  "I'm nervous, okay?" he said, fetching a wet 
cloth.  "This is my first major job with massive public exposure.  I mean, 
what were we before god -- KASUMI TENDO herself -- came down and hand-picked 
us?"

     "We were nobodies," Daisuke said plainly. "And I should remind you, we 
still ARE nobodies until tonight's done.  So let's keep our heads and 
entertain the--"

     A deep gash in reality formed on the far side of the bathroom.  Both 
boys froze, as a purple haired Ren fair reject stormed out.

     "Hello, hello!" Xelloss greeted in a hurry.  "Would either of you two be 
interested in doing me a favor?  Just hold this ball and say 'Yes please, I'd 
like everything purged by fire'--"

     "XELLOSS!!" a redhead roared, in hot pursuit with a blue-black ribbon of 
power in her hands.  A floating camera followed along after her, like a loyal 
puppy.  "You're not getting away from me this time!"

     "Whoops, must be going," Xelloss apologized.  He hightailed it for the 
door, but didn't make it; Lina swung the blade and arced it over his head, 
causing another rip which he fell into.  She was in shortly after.

     "...what was that?" Hiroshi asked.

     "A hallucination," Daisuke said, wondering if his cold medication was 
mixing with the burrito he had for lunch.  "We're both pretty stressed out.  
It's Ultra's first night, after all.  Let's keep our heads and entertain the 
fans, right?"

     The taller of the two boys stretched out, unkinking a few muscles. 
Grinning nervously.  "You bet!" he cheered enthusiastically.  "Let's knock 
'em DEAD!!"

     "Wouldn't that effect future ratings?"

     "...work with me here, Daisuke."

     The two departed, for the broadcast table. 

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Orochi scowled in [ANGER].  He attacked relentlessly, the Void pursuing  
this insignificant [FLY], but each time he came close to [KILLING] the  
[PEST] the [PEST] just [TAUNTED] and flew away.  Never before had he  
encountered someone so determined to dodge and taunt, without trying to  
fight him in the slightest.  The power he had was small, but was enough to  
be purely defensive if he never tried to absorb a blow...

     "Fool!  You weak willed, non-ratings drawing, uninteresting excuse for  
a villain!  I have encountered breakfast cereals more threatening than you!"  
Dan taunted, his forearm radiating with godlike power of trash-talking.   
"Your Void fails to impress the great Taunting Legend!  It is nothing more  
than a great big amount of nothing, which is really nothing special indeed,  
you poo-poo head!!"

     Some distance away, time warped and melted, Xelloss popping out to float 
in the air.

     "Perfecto!" he said, pumping a fist in the air in victory.  "I'll just 
offer it to Orochi.  He's a like minded individual, after all--"

     Xelloss descended twenty feet in a hurry, to avoid being diced by Lina's 
spell.  He twitched and blurred, dodging a few more swipes.

     "Why!  Won't!  You!  DIE?!" Lina growled.

     "Come come, you know me better than that," Xelloss pouted.  "I'm very 
persistent.  You can't win this fight, Lina.  No matter where I go, I'll find 
someone who I can use.  Your silly spells aren't going to stop that.  Unless 
you'd like to try the Giga Slave, which might do my job for me..."

     "What's wrong with you Mazoku?" Lina wheezed.  "Why would ANYBODY want 
to destroy all of reality, including themselves?!  What's the point if you go 
up on smoke too?"

     "Ah..." Xelloss said.  "That is a--"

     The air compressed as if it was sucked through the engine of a Concorde.  
A ball of holy fire was coming their way from the collective cast of Ultra 
below (courtesy of Lina's counterpart), and the Orochi was too surprised to 
even move as he faced down the combined hearts of all mortals on Earth...

     "On second thought," Xelloss said as he watched the attack approach, 
"Maybe this isn't the best place to get the job done.  Besides, Dan always 
manages to mess up my plans somehow... ta ta, Lina!"

     "GET BACK HERE!" Lina shouted, swinging the blade... before realizing 
she'd just carve him another dimensional escape route.  It was too late to 
stop the momentum, but if she focused the blade, tried to route him somewhere 
specific...

     "BAKA!" Dan taunted, flashing the Orochi the middle finger before 
rolling the hell out of the way of the attack the size of Des Moines.

     At the very edge of her mind, that sound pulsed down the blade's edge.  
The spell impacted on the Orochi, and the world was saved.  At least, for the 
moment.  No trace remained of the two OTHER fighters, nor the camera that 
followed them.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Present day.  Present time.

     The UltraTokyo Bar and Grill was rocking hard, to the tune of the 80's, 
tiger print spandex, and singing songs about getting laid.  The Karoke system 
pumped out those radical rockin' grooves, as the man behind the microphone 
belted out lyrics.  Mixed with taunting.

     "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART (oosha!) AND YOU'RE TO BLAME!" Dan sang.  
"DARLIN' (yosh!) YOU GIVE LOOOOOVE, A BAAAD NAME! (yahooie!)"

     Of course, nobody was watching Dan's mighty auditory performance.  They 
were watching the show on various video monitors, watching the cross-time 
battle of Lina and Xelloss.  Dan was already into his fifth song and hadn't 
even begun to peak, so he wasn't paying much attention to the show...

     Although it is hard to miss a blue scar ripping open on the stage behind 
you, and both tumbling out.

     "Hey, it's still my turn!" Dan complained to Xelloss.  "Get off the 
stage!  I still haven't done 'Video Killed the Radio Star'--"

     "Oh, push off, you're not even fifteen percent of the almighty anymore," 
Xelloss complained, shoving Dan so hard that he knocked over a rack of 
speakers.  He dove into the audience, holding a ball of black fire in the 
face of a random bar patron.  "That's quite enough, Lina!  You take one step 
closer and the human gets it."

     Lina kept her blade at bay, not moving a foot forward.  "That's only one 
life, Xelloss.  You're talking the fate of the world.  I think it's a small 
price to pay--"

     "Yes, well, I know you won't pay it without some hesitation," Xelloss 
reminded, not looking at his hostage.  "That's why you're the good guy and 
I'm the evil monster.  Now, sir, if you'd be kind enough to take this ball 
and say 'Destroy the universe', I'll be out of your way..."

     Any cowardly, life-fearing mortal -- especially the soul-crushed 
Japanese businessmen who usually were drinking after hours on a Monday night 
-- would have complied immediately without thinking hard enough about the 
repercussions.  Unfortunately for Xelloss, the universe was just a little bit 
smarter than he was, and had planned in advance.

     The hostage smashed Xelloss over the head with a steel chair.

     "Never," Doctor Tofu declared.  With more rage than he had ever felt in 
his life, he swung the chair back, building momentum to flatten the demon.  
"For Kasumi's sake, I'll stop you!--"

     He brought it down hard... and it was blocked by a single finger.

     "...a cute protest," Xelloss noted, as he doubled the size of the energy 
ball in his other hand.  "But all it's done is earn you the right to perish 
in a very unpleasant way--"

     Those precious few seconds of protest did their intended job.

     "**OOSHA!!!**"

     ...and somehow, Xelloss was knocked ten feet back.  Bar patrons 
scrambled to flee the fight, clearing enough space for him to land awkwardly 
through a table, sending beer glasses and scalding hot pizza slices flying.

     Dan marched off the stage, Tofu having won him the time to recover (as 
Lina was a little too surprised to do much of anything).  A pink glow flared 
around him like the Barbie's Make Me Pretty Sparklies and Pissed Off Rage 
Aura Playkit.

     "You have interrupted Dan's karoke, and for that you must PAY!" Dan 
proclaimed.

     Xelloss got to his feet weakly... which made no sense.  It was 
inconceivable that being knocked through a table would do any real damage to 
him.  He focused his eyes on the advancing Dan.  "Are you KIDDING me?  You 
aren't God anymore, Dan!  Not even a splinter under God's big toenail!  What 
could you possibly do to a Mazok--"

     The forearm flexed, sending off a shockwave of taunting energy.  Xelloss 
fell over again... and most importantly, he dropped the prize.  It dropped 
and slid down his robes, and chimed lightly as it rolled to a halt near Dan's 
feet.

     "DOSHTA DOSHTA!!  You think I need a godhead?  You misunderstand Saikyo-
style!  All I need is the unstoppable force of my confidence and self-
esteem!"

     Lina wasn't as shocked as Xelloss, however.  She had made the connection 
quickly.  Mazoku were beings of willpower... they existed in this world 
because they had confidence in their own existence.  That's why he couldn't 
use someone else's power by himself to destroy the world, and that's why 
Dan's out of control ego, already sharpened and honed by his experiences with 
the Godhead to the point where he didn't even NEED it anymore, was actually 
able to throw Xelloss off his game...

     But it wouldn't get rid of the Mazoku once and for all.  Lina had to do 
something quickly, while Dan bought her the time to finish this.

     She managed to bring Xelloss here when Dan's voice triggered a memory of 
him, which triggered the blade to physically warp space to meet him.  If she 
could control it consciously, she could go anywhere she needed to.  But 
where?... think on your feet, adapt, what would be capable of stopping 
Xelloss cold...

     Of course!

     With renewed focus, with the remnants of her draining strength, she 
tightened control of the blade.  It's not unheard of for new spells to be 
invented on the spot, and she didn't have time to go research what she wanted 
to do... winging it, shooting from the hip, Lina crafted the tool she needed 
as she put it to use...

     "*CHRONO TRIGGER!*" she chanted (for the words felt right), as she 
twisted the edge of the sword into a circular shape and hurled it at Xelloss 
like a discus...

     The spell struck.  A pillar of light similar to those at the End of Time 
erupted beneath his feet, as he vanished in a puff of surprise.

     The nightmare was over.

     Lina, near-exhausted from the effort, walked over to join Dan and Doctor 
Tofu.  She plucked the Answer to the Godhead off the floor, examining it a 
bit.

     "...did we win?" Doctor Tofu asked, still holding his chair in case the 
demon returned.  "Is it over?"

     "Oooohh... I don't think he'll be coming back," Lina grinned.  "You know 
that old saying about out of the frying pan and into the fire?  I just sent 
him to a very PERSONAL hell's kitchen.  Come on... let's get to the End of 
Time.  I've got a delivery to make."

     Outside the UltraTokyo Karoke Bar and Grill, the rain that had pounded 
Tokyo slowed its downpour to a light shower, then to a drizzle, and was gone.  
The cloud parted, and the storm was over.  It went against all meteorological 
sense, but it was still a relief to those who didn't have umbrellas. 

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     A flash of light like sunlight reflect from a deep blue sea deposited 
one very harried Mazoku on a very hard floor.  He whirled around, and tried 
to re-enter the portal -- but the spell had faded just before he could return 
to the UltraTokyo Bar and Grill.

     A minor setback, Xelloss thought.  Or rather, an advantage.  Lina didn't 
follow him, which meant he could simply take the sphere and--

     The sphere!

     ...he had apparently dropped it.

     "Oh, poot," Xelloss cursed, snapping his fingers.  Still, he'd lost 
battles before, and it didn't mean the war was over.  All he had to do was 
get back there from wherever he happened to be now, and begin the next 
scheme...

     Hmm... familiar surroundings, Xelloss thought.  Almost like the throne 
room of a certain island in the Demon Sea--

     "Oh, Xelloss-kun?"

     Ice ran down his spine, as he heard the sharp clack of those shoes 
walking up behind him.

     "You," Zelas-Metallum, Beastmaster Mazoku Lord of Shaburanigdo and the 
proverbial pointy haired boss to Xelloss's wage slave underling status said, 
"Have a GREAT deal of explaining to do as to where you've been for the last 
year.  Gone without my permission, I'll add..."

     "Ah... ma'am?" Xelloss said, swapping from high and mighty to bowing and 
scraping in the blink of an eye.  "Actually, I really need to get back, see, 
I had this plan cooking and--"

     Maybe it's best not to describe in detail what happened to Xelloss next.  
After all, that is a secret.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     ...and the UltraDome burst into wild cheers and applause.  Total 
strangers were hugging each other.  The Pope was smiling.  Lo, it was good.

     "ANOTHER spectacular battle, ladies and gentlemen!!" Hiroshi wailed.  
"And we're all saved, thanks to Lina and Dan!  Remember, we have 'I'm a Dan 
Fan' t-shirts available on sale in the lobby.  Daisuke, wasn't that 
AWESOME?!"

     "Zzzzzzzz," Daisuke responded, face down in a small puddle of his own 
drool, six empty beer cans littering the table.

     "Doesn't look like it's over, folks!  The Ultra technical crew gave Lina 
a fresh portal back to the End of Time.  Just what's going on here?  Let's 
find out!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     There were some very relieved expressions when Lina and entourage 
returned to the End of Time.

     Belldandy, Gaspar, Metatron were here -- so were Gokuu and Aerith, oddly 
enough.  "Sorry I'm late," Gokuu apologized.  "I got tied up fighting some 
big hedgehog thingy..."

     But Aerith wasn't talkative.  She sat by Cloud's fallen form, cradling 
his head in her arms... her eyes spoke enough to Lina.  Sorrow and loss.

     The sphere was tossed lightly through the air -- Metatron caught it 
awkwardly, trying not to drop it after all that work had been done to save 
the object.

     "Get to work," Lina instructed, joining Aerith.  "We've had enough 
bloodshed tonight.  I'd like this to all be over with.  Do whatever it is you 
had planned."

     "Right," Metatron said.  "We'll sort this out.  Okay, folks... hold onto 
something.  We're about to change the world.  All the mistakes of the past 
are going away, all the blunders by mortals who are only human taking on the 
powers of God.  Don't worry, I've taken the special cases into account... 
you'll be happy with the results.  But Heaven, Hell, and the Godhead are all 
going away."

     Belldandy turned pale.  "No more heaven?"

     "It'll be okay," Metatron assured.  "You won't need it.  The afterlife 
is about to become a question of faith once more instead of a question of 
fact.  Aerith?  You'll be joining Cloud soon, I promise.  Then you'll both 
have peace at last."

     "...he's had a hard life," Aerith spoke.  "He deserves to rest."

     The angel cupped the ball in both of Skuld's hands, his silver eyes 
closing... and he let go.  The ball went from bright to blinding, as it 
hovered in place exactly where it was released.

     "Thank you all," he whispered.  "Tonight... we save the universe from 
itself..."

      Arcane sounds in angelic tones echoed from the Metatron's lips, the 
voice of the everlasting God, the sum of all life...

     The ground moved beneath Lina's feet without moving an physical inch.  
It was like reality itself had shifted a few degrees to the left, the 
aftershocks changing the world in its wake while leaving some things be...


     ...in Heaven, the wave of light spread quickly.  The souls looked up 
from lounging around eating grapes, playing harps and going bowling.  Terry 
Bogard in particular stared from the window of his heavenly apartment, 
pausing in the middle of another training session.  He knew in his soul what 
the light meant... he felt no fear.  He was about to go to the place he was 
meant to be all along.  With a silent final farewell to his brother and his 
friends, he embraced the wave that embraced him...


     ...in Hell, there was dancing and delight in the streets.  Finally an 
end to the pain and suffering many of them hadn't deserved in the first 
place, but some early god felt they were due anyway.  (Not that they fully 
knew where they were going, but anything had to be better than this.)  The 
demons who were closely tied with the existence of Hell itself wailed in 
agony as they melted away, coupled with the breath of lost souls finally 
freed...


     ...the demons who were not so attached to Hell as well as their angelic 
counterparts noticed the wave pass in their own ways.  Morrigan looked up 
from filing her nails, shrugged, and resumed prettying herself up for Sakura.  
Kaoru awoke from his coma, confused as to why he was now A) mortal and B) at 
Tokyo General hospital in a bed next to Marlo's.  Somewhere else in the 
world, Voiduck's headache simply got [worse]...


     ...Asuka felt the wind knocked out of her, as she was tossed from her 
cell deep within the City of Dis to some random place in Japan.  Her power 
was gone; she could feel it flee her body.  The fires of damnation and other 
enhancements Cloud had bestowed upon her were no more.  In a howl of rage, 
she transformed halfway into her Eva form, and started tearing up a forest...


     ...Shinji likewise was dropped in the middle of Tokyo.  He was still a 
mixed Human/Eva genetic type, he feel that unique blood pulse in his veins... 
but he wasn't in Heaven anymore.  In a confused daze, he watched a television 
in the window of a nearby store, as the Voice of God orchestrated the shift 
on live pay-per-view...


     ...and at the End of Time, the goddess markings on Belldandy's forehead 
vanished.  The similar markings on "Skuld"'s face wiped away next.  Aerith 
and Cloud had already vanished, leaving only a sigh of relief and contentment 
to hang in the space where they were.

     "..." Belldandy spoke, feeling her forehead gingerly.

     Metatron glowed just as brightly as the ball of light, preparing for the 
masterstroke.  "And lastly... removing the godhead itself.  It will trouble 
you no longer.  I take my leave now, as my task is complete.  Thank you for 
helping me.  Tofu... you'll find your love has returned to you by the time 
you get back to Earth.  After all, nobody says a selfish wish has to be a 
morally improper one as well.  Lina... you have the thanks of all living 
things.  Goodbye, my friends."

     The Answer to the Godhead and Voice of the Lord vanished.

     Less than a second later, Skuld reappeared.  She wobbled a bit, trying 
to find her footing; Belldandy was there to catch her.

     "...oneesama?" Skuld asked.  "Where am I?"

     "I think that'll do," Lina decided, relieved that it was finally over.  
She turned to face the floating camera.  "God's in His heaven and all's right 
with the world, so to speak.  Show's over, folks.  Go home and sleep well.  
FIREBALL!"

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The main video wall cut to white noise, before someone in the control 
booth turned off the camera feed.  The static couldn't be heard over the 
crowd, anyway -- they were cheering on the small group in the ring.

     All of CHAOS (save for Sakura) had returned to watch the big finale from 
the ring.  Hiroshi was propping up the snoozing Daisuke.  CHAOS hadn't 
escaped totally unscathed from this night, yet spirits were high and smiles 
were spread all around.

     The day had been won.  Sakura got hurt, but she'd be okay after some 
time to heal; that was the important thing.  Jack's powers of controversy had 
plied themselves for good instead of evil, but the chaos was just as wild as 
it always had been.  A show hijacked, every match rearranged, a few new 
surprises... this was what Jack truly loved about Ultra.  It was 
unpredictable in the sense that you couldn't even predict the unpredictable 
because to do so would make it predictable.

     Being back in the booker's seat was a rush and a half.  Everything had 
gone according to plan (except a few fights, but who was counting wins and 
losses?).  Nothing could go wrong now.  He raised his microphone

     "Was that a show or was that a (beep)ING SHOW, BABY?!" Jack shouted.  
"YEAH!  Okay, we're going to evacuate to the roof and get the hell out of 
here, so all that's left is to close out the show.  Hiroshi, will you do the 
honors?"

     "Will do, Jack," Hiroshi grinned.  "Ladies and gentlemen... good fight, 
good ni--"

     "DAIISUUKEE!"

     Bouncing through the curtain, Shermie rushed the ring.  Daisuke didn't 
react, being stone drunk and all, but Hiroshi stepped back a bit to avoid 
being tackled.

     "Daisuke?  Ano, are you alive?" Shermie asked, peering at him.  "I've 
got great news!  Nabiki said she'd give you your job back if I did her a 
little favor!"

     If he was awake, Daisuke would have made a comment about shoes of 
another persuasion vertically descending.  Jack pulled at his collar, feeling 
nervous all of the sudden...

     "I just had to go up to a jet parked on the roof and push a little 
button on some shield remote control thingy," Shermie explained.  "Hiroshi, 
can you tell him when he wakes up?  I wanted to-- ano?  Who are these nice 
people?"

     "I wouldn't call nightstick toting men in riot gear 'nice people'," 
Controversial Jack grumbled.

     Cops were pouring into the building from all entrances and exits, 
heading swiftly through the crowd to converge on the ring.  Chaos huddled in 
the center for protection, as they were surrounded in no time whatsoever...

     At the top of the ramp, Nabiki Tendo stood.  She was not smiling.  She 
was doing the polar opposite of smiling.  The crowd shouted nasty things to 
her, but she ignored them for now.

     "Excuse me for interrupting your party, Jack," she said, "But this is MY 
PARTY, not yours.  You had your little fun, but as usual, you've completely 
ignored the reality behind the things you do... this time, it's coming back 
to haunt you.  I'm having you brought up on charges of breaking and entering, 
taking hostages, armed assault, fire code violations and anything else my 
team of pointy headed lawyers with sharp teeth and squinty eyes can dream up!  
Officers, take him away!"

     "Don't resist, guys!" Jack ordered, waving his arms to calm the CHAOS 
Army down.  He held out his hands, pressing his wrists together to be cuffed.  
"I'll go willingly!  I knew this might happen.  Let THE MAN come after me 
with his corporate funded military industrial complex, we shall have our day!  
And I don't want any of you getting your teeth kicked in."

     Hiroshi yelped, as one of the cops pulled him away from Daisuke, dumping 
the snoozing announcer on the mat.  "Gaah!  I'm too young for a criminal 
record!  My mom's gonna KILL me--"

     "Not him," Nabiki ordered.  "None of them.  Just Jack.  After all, the 
rest are happy employees of Ultra, Inc. who were simply misled.  The 
ringleader will pay for the group's crimes!  As for the group itself... well, 
they have a job to do next week.  And the week after that.  And after that.  
Yes, I think I see all you arrogant little CHAOS morons doing a lot of 
JOBBING in the near future..."

     Tarou snatched a drink cup out of the air before it could hit Nabiki.  
She turned her glare to the crowd, to address them as Jack was led away by 
the police.

     "You guys don't like me very much, do you?" Nabiki asked.  "It's 
becoming quite clear to me.  I've had some time to think about that, out in 
my limo, waiting to get my revenge... and you know what?  I DON'T CARE IF YOU 
LIKE ME OR NOT.  I run this company how I want, and you can feel free to boo 
me all you want, that will NEVER change!  Natural born leaders always have a 
few detractors, after all."

     "Fight the power!  Fight the power!" Jack shouted, as the cops shoved 
him along towards an exit.  "Boycott Ultra!  She can't have her way!  Only 
the FANS matter-- oooh, refreshing mint pepper spray..."

     "Oh yes, the fans do matter," Nabiki agreed, signaling for the booth to 
turn up her mike so she could talk over the shouts of the crowd.  "Don't 
worry, little fans; I'll ratify all the title changes that happened tonight.  
You'll all be tuning in next week, despite some silly demand by Jack's 
cronies to boycott.  And you know why?  Because you're waiting for the day 
when I get my comeuppance.  And as long as you keep watching and waiting and 
driving up my ratings and buying the merchandise of your supposed heroes, 
I'll smile every time you jeer me.  Because this is Ultra, this is so-called 
'sports entertainment' garbage, and you know you can't resist!  So go home, 
wait seven days, and tune in to see what happens next like the good little 
fans you are.  I GARUNTEE you you'll be glued to your sets.  Tarou?  I'm 
leaving.  Escort me out and punch anybody who even looks at me funny."

     Hiroshi stood stunned in the center of the ring, along with the other 
members of CHAOS.  "Uh... well... good fight, good night.  I hope this 
doesn't mean I'm getting a pay cut--"

     Fade to black.
   
*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     One night of female bonding in the can.  More to go, if Washuu had any 
say in it.

     Ever since coming out of her vegetable state, she had been trying to do 
lots of group activities with Gally and Ifurita.  It wasn't just that they 
had to be a team united as fighters in Ultra... her friends missed her.  The 
slumber party was the perfect idea; they could catch up on old times, watch 
some fights, eat sugar, and then crash on the n-1 pillows Washuu had strewn 
about the lab.

     Ifurita was already in downtime mode, to regenerate her energy.  Gally 
was cuddled up in a pile of quilts, looking positively adorable for a cyborg 
teenager.  But Washuu still had a lot of pep, and didn't want to go to bed... 
instead, she was tidying up the lab.

     Kids wouldn't clean up after a night of partying, they'd wait until the 
next day, or more likely the next week.  But even if Washuu was a kid in 
body, she couldn't shake being an adult in mindset... the adult in her cried 
out against having an untidy lab.  So, empty boxes of popcorn were gathered, 
soda spills mopped up, and such.  The lab had a comfortable silence about it 
in this late hour...

     Except for the snoring, of course.

     She continued to pick up empty cups of ramen before remembering that 
Ifurita couldn't technically snore and Gally's lungs didn't work that way, 
either.

     Tuning her ears to the source of the noise, Washuu picked up the nearest 
heavy object (Ifurta's power key staff) and stalked it.  Around the work 
bench and behind the chemistry lab, she found...

     An eight year old girl.

     She wore a simple white robe, and was curled up to sleep on the floor 
much as Gally was on the quilts.  She had long reddish-brown hair, sort of a 
cross between Lina and Kasumi's usual haircuts... and she was clutching, of 
all things, an ordinary VHS videotape.  'Washuu, Play Me!', the label read.

     Washuu gingerly slid the tape out of the girl's arms, leaving her to 
sleep... for now.  She crept to the other side of the workbench, turned on a 
monitor to a very low volume, and popped in the cassette...

     The video image flickered slightly... and solidified to a view of some 
basement storage room.  A young girl walked into frame... Skuld.

     "This tape is only for Washuu Hakubi," Skuld warned.  "If anybody else 
sees it... well, I can't smite you since I'll be gone by the time it's 
viewed, but I think it'd have to count as some kind of sin.  So hit stop.  
...okay.  Washuu?  My name is the Metatron, the voice of the one true God.  I 
hate to drop this on you without any warning, but I think you'll see that it 
had to be done this way.

     "For the last few weeks, I've conspired with people to set up the match 
you probably saw on tonight's show.  If all went as planned... well, I guess 
all had to go as planned or you wouldn't be seeing me now.  Since all went as 
planned, you saw Heaven and Hell get uninstalled and the Godhead destroyed.  
But what you think you saw, and more importantly what everybody on Earth 
thinks they saw, was not what really happened."

     Skuld shifted about a bit, and stepped in closer so she could talk 
quietly.  A conspiracy of sorts was forming between the previously recorded 
angel and the live and in person scientist.

     "The universe never wanted the godhead destroyed," Skuld explained.  
"It's always had a role to fulfill.  The problem was more that mortals got a 
hold of the power and used it improperly, causing all the problems that 
disrupted the perfection of the universe.  So I was sent on a mission to 
fulfill the dream of God... to evolve the godhead to its true form.  I didn't 
tell Gokuu this.  I didn't tell Kasumi this.  I'm telling you this, because 
I'm entrusting you to carry on the dream when I'm gone... the dream that one 
day a true messiah will rise, the true Answer to the Godhead.  Someone born 
for the role.  Someone who will be just and wise, caring and loving, and will 
protect life in all forms.  And I'm going to leave her asleep in your lab 
with this tape before I retire.

     "Her powers won't be in full effect right from the start; she has to 
grow and mature into them.  She doesn't know what she is, either.  She'll 
likely age a bit before she fully 'awakens'.  I'm leaving the raising of her 
to you, a mother with knowledge of the universe beyond compare.  God knows 
your heart is pure, even if your head is a little spooky, and you'll do a 
fine job teaching her.  I leave how this gets done entirely to you; I've 
given you breathing room by faking the destruction of the godhead, so those 
who still wish to exploit it won't know what's become of it.  Who you tell 
about this is up to you.

     "I wish you luck, Washuu Hakubi.  Raise her with love and affection as 
you would your own.  My job is done, and my weeks of planning are complete.  
I'm returning to God, and likely won't be back.  That's the whole story.  I 
trust you'll know what to do."
 
     A whizzing noise sounded on the tape, as Gokuu blurred into focus in the 
background.

     "It's time," he said, voice leaden and serious.  He was busy wiping down 
after a hard workout in the gym.  "We've got to go."

     "One second, one second," Metatron insisted, before turning back to the 
video camera.  The picture defocused as she/he reached over and tapped the 
STOP button, ceasing recording.  The rest was just static.

     The number one genius scientist in all the universe stood dumbstruck, 
watching the snow play across the screen.  Only hours ago, she was just one 
of the girls, paling around and goofing off.  Now... she was a mother once 
more.  All those memories of motherhood came back to her, of the joy of 
raising a child, of the love she felt for Ryoko and her other children.  Now, 
she'd be a mother to a very important child...

     A soft yawn sounded behind her.  The messiah rubbed sleep-stuff out of 
her eyes and stretched.  She regarded the red-haired woman in front of her 
curiously.

     "Are you my mommy?" the girl asked.

     Washuu knelt down, to give her a big hug.  She had to kneel, since she 
was going to be using her adult body from now on.

     "Yes," she said, trying not to cry.  "Yes, I am."

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The sun rose on a cloudless Tuesday morning.

     UltraRage Epsilon had come and gone.  The television spectacular was 
still just a weekly TV series, and folks had lives to live; stores opened, 
traffic flowed, people returned to their jobs.  At least it had stopped 
raining, and they could enjoy the fresh outdoor air once more.

     On the grassy bluffs outside the NeoDome, a young sorceress stretched 
out and enjoyed relaxing in that warm sunlight.  Everything felt different, 
even if she wasn't all that different of a person.  Not being god changed 
quite a bit of your outlook on life.

     Lina Inverse was fairly pleased with the events of the previous night.  
She was out of her job, of course, but she was still registered with Ultra.  
She'd get to practice her magic and go on madcap adventures with Gourry and 
all that goodness... no more being tied down to a desk in Heaven.  As for 
Heaven... it was better this way.  She never saw the place she called 
'heaven' as a prison, but in a way, it was; trapping souls which were 
supposed to be somewhere else, making them think it was the true rest 
eternal...

     Bleah.  But enough cosmic mumbo jumbo.  She was positively thrilled to 
be back to the simple life of mauling bad guys and getting rich and eating 
good food.  It was a welcome change of pace, all things considered.

     A shadow with enormous breasts blocked out the sun.

     "Lazing about, Lina?" Naga asked.  "One day off the job and already 
you're reverting to being a slouch.  Honestly, Lina, you're so naive."

     "Hey, even on the seventh day he rested," Lina said.

     "I thought that was all a made up story?"

     "I've decided to have plausible doubt about religion," Lina stated, 
getting to her feet.  "I think last night proved there's a lot we don't know 
about God, death, life... it's all faith now.  But I'm more of the down to 
earth sort, so I'll let it slide.  Belldandy's mortal now and can be with 
Keiichi, Skuld's starting up some kind of internet company, Urd's got plans 
to run a phone sex line... all my staff have found something to do with their 
time after their days in Heaven."

     "And you?" Naga asked.  "Are you going home?  You seem to have found a 
spell that can bring you back, if your account of Xelloss's whereabouts are 
truthful..."

     "I think I'll stay put.  I've gotten attached to Ultra, and Gourry seems 
to like it here.  Back to the Omega division I go.  I'm still pretty rusty, 
though; last night was some of the only true magic I've cast in awhile..."

     "Sounds like someone needs a warmup match," Naga spoke... smiling.  
"Would you like to take me on sometime?"

     "Eh?  You?  Sure, I guess," Lina said.  "I was gonna try on Dan, since 
he has the belt, actually... it's so bizarre.  He hasn't dropped in power at 
all, even if he lacks the godhead fragment.  Either God's got a sense of 
humor, or Dan's too dense to realize he's not mighty anymore.  Then again, 
he's always thought he was mighty..."

     "Pshaw.  Belts, belts, belts, been there, done that," Naga scoffed.  
"You need a REAL challenge.  I'll be preparing, Lina.  You will never truly 
defeat your strongest and sexiest rival, Naga the White Serpent!  
OOOOOHOHOHOHOOHOHOOOHOHOOO--"

     "FIREBALL!"

     Naga fell over, coughing up smoke.

     Lina whisked some ash from her hands.  "Yeah, I still got it," she 
decided.  The future was looking bright indeed.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Life was a bleak wonderland of misery and dejection.

     Not that the Orochi could feel emotions in the same way people did.  But 
in the same way his body shaped his being in previous hosts, this one was 
getting a migrane and a deep bout of depression whether he wanted it or not.  
He waddled through Tokyo, ignoring the strange looks he got, as the scene 
replayed in his head over and over...

     "[VOI!!?]" Voiduck had wailed upon hearing the news.

     "Jeez, it's not like we're family," Yashiro had explained.  "It's just 
that with Xelloss and Cloud gone, and you stuck in that pathetic little 
waterfowl, well... Chris and I think we gotta get on with our lives.  We do 
other things in our spare time and rage with the fury of the Void, you know."

     "I'm looking forward to all the ass we're going to kick in Ultra!" Chris 
warbled.  "We have to punish Shermie for turning on us!  And I wanna hurt a 
lot of other people and get the belts and--"

     "Yeah yeah, in good time," Yashiro said, trying to calm down the 
hyperactive, hypersadistic kid.  "Anyway, this is it, Orochi.  Don't think of 
it as us ditching you, think of it as... well, we're ditching you.  You're 
just not much of a god of hate anymore.  Later.  Chris, let's go train.  I'm 
sick of losing fights left and right, and we gotta work on our doubleteam 
cheats and tricks."

     "Can I play kick the duck first?"

     Now there was a sneaker print planted firmly in Voiduck's round little 
butt, and a cloud of anguish floating around his purple-black aura of the 
Void.  The Orochi did not get depressed.  But Psyduck felt depression, since 
it was a very familiar feeling, and the rejection hurt his pride...

     All his minions had left him.  All his allies were gone.  There was 
nowhere to turn to...

     "Voiduck?"

     Voiduck turned.

     "Is that really you?" Misty asked, leaning down to check.  "What are you 
doing out here?  ...I thought you were hanging out with those Void guys."

     "Voooooiiii," Voiduck whined in a way totally unsuitable for a god of 
death and hatred.

     "They abandoned you!?" Misty yelped, somehow parsing the Pokemon's 
language.  "That's awful!  Why is Ultra full of meanies like them and Team 
Rocket?"

     Voiduck waved his stubby little wings.  "Voivoivoivoi[VOI!]  [VOIDUCK!]"

     "You want revenge?" Misty asked... and smiled.  "Does that mean you want 
to come back to the team with me?  Ash and I can get revenge for you!  
They're just two mean old bullies, we can beat them up REAL good!"

     The pokemon smacked his forehead.  The stupid mortal girl was truly 
without clue.  He didn't need some powerless brat to...

     ...to crush his former allies for him?  He had no minions left.  But 
her, with her young and fragile little mind and the already slightly cracked 
mind of her companion Ash Ketchum... they could be used.  Bent.  Applied to 
the task at hand.

     "Voiiii," Voiduck snickered.

     "Huh?"

     "V-Voi!" Voiduck corrected.  He extended a wing to shake, to join the 
union.  "VoiDUCK!"

     The [Void] would rage on once more.  Even if it had to rage on [cutely].

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     The guard led Daisuke into the room, gesturing to a chair in front of 
the glass wall.  "You've got five minutes!" he warned loudly.  "No more, no 
less."

     The young boy winced at the volume, still trying to overcome his 
hangover.  He slid carefully into the plastic chair, and took the telephone 
off its cradle.

     "Before you say a word," Daisuke warned, "Let me ask you to please keep 
your voice down.  I have a headache the size of Voiduck, and the way you're 
grinning despite wearing orange prison pajamas and handcuffs is scaring me."

     "Why shouldn't I be grinning?" Controversial Jack asked over the line.  
"The war is officially on!  I'm the martyr everybody will rally behind.  The 
MAN can't keep me down, baby, I am CONTROVERSIAL--"

     "Please," Daisuke begged.

     "--jack," Jack finished quietly.

     "Nabiki's incredibly pissed off.  She's already cooking up plans to 
torment everybody in CHAOS.  She hired me back as a third commentator just so 
she could make my life miserable at work."

     "Bah!  She'll get what's coming to her.  One day, we shall--"

     "She's also managed to get the government to agree to allowing cameras 
at your trial," Daisuke added.  "Highlights from the case are gonna air 
during Ultra.  She wants to publicly humiliate you, Jack."

     "All the better!" Jack cheered.  "I get free television coverage to 
pitch my case!  I will be representing myself, of course.  I have a mail 
order law degree.  This is perfect, Daisuke.  The media war is on!  It's us 
against her, and--"

     "Jack, are you even LISTENING?" Daisuke shouted... wincing at his own 
voice.  "We lost!  Your stunt of ambushing the show put us all back to... no, 
we're BEHIND square one.  It was crazy, it was irresponsible, and now we're 
all getting punished for it!  Can't you just admit you screwed up?"

     "Yes."

     "Because if you can't even see that, I don't know if I want any part of 
what did you say?"

     "Yes, I screwed up," Jack said.  "I was flying by the seat of my pants.  
Making it up as I went along.  Didn't allow for enough margin of error and 
didn't take into account other factors.  It all blew up in my face because I 
suck at planning.  My bad."

     "...you're admitting that?"

     "Hey, strategy is not my strong suit," Jack said.  "I'm a chaotic force, 
not an organizer.  But this was just the opening salvo, Daisuke.  This was 
the spark to light the powerkeg.  Now it's going to take a steady and 
controlled hand to get us to where we want to go."

     "You mean you're putting Mr. Duck in charge of CHAOS?" Daisuke asked 
sarcastically, a little annoyed...

     "No, I'm putting you in charge."

     "...what?"

     "You've been doing a bang up job keeping me in check lately.  Normally, 
I hate to be kept in check, but when it gets results, who can argue?" Jack 
said.  "Until I'm out of here, you are in charge of CHAOS.  Do what you can 
to keep them from getting crushed by Nabiki.  You've got backstage access 
now, you're in the thick of it; you can do more than we could ever have done 
do from the outside.  I know you complain a lot, but you've got a brain up 
there and enough cunning to outwit any cunning linguist.  Have fun and keep 
me updated, okay?"

     "I'm leading CHAOS?" Daisuke repeated, still a little shocked.

     The guard rapped him on the shoulder lightly.

     "Hey, that wasn't five minutes," Daisuke said.

     "Your boss wants you to go back to the UltraDome," the guard said.  "Get 
moving."

     "Man, Nabiki won't even let me have time to bond with my friends," Jack 
complained.  "Win one for the Jackster, Daisuke!  And make sure the cameras 
get my good side when they're filming the trial.  Could last a few weeks, so 
make sure you plan long term--"

     "Get moving," the guard repeated.

     "Fine, fine," Daisuke grumbled.  He didn't deserve to be treated like 
this.  None of them did.  Just because they were upset at their job, because 
they didn't want their workplace destroyed by pointy haired boss types... 
(even if Jack had pointier hair than Nabiki.)  Jack was right.  They had to 
fight back.

     But when Daisuke fought back, it would be elegance through cowardice.  
Thinking instead of acting out.  Not that he had any ideas yet, but... he did 
have a week to prepare something.  Not something as grandiose as Jack's crazy 
plans, but God as his witness, he'd do something about this.

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****

     Wave after wave rolled onto the beach, sand and surf washing in and out 
with the tides.  Night would be falling soon; the tourists had packed up and 
gone home, what few tourists Coney Island got during September.  Fortunately, 
he had some customers with him.

     "This really is quite good," Kasumi Tendo commented, after politely 
chewing and swallowing her Sheep-Dog.  "I don't see why people wouldn't buy 
them.  It's a very... interesting taste."

     "Well, marketing's not as easy as it was a few hundred years ago," the 
former God Almighty said, prepping another juicy meat tube in a bun for his 
other customer.  "Hey, thanks for the hyperdimensional lift back.  I kinda 
blew all my funds on the ticket to Tokyo.  Great show, though, wasn't it?"

     "Oh, definitely," Washuu agreed, taking the Sheep-Dog.  "The girls and I 
had a lot of fun watching it... I taped it, but I'm not sure I should show 
her yet..."

     The three looked out across the beach, to where a young girl was 
laughing and playing in the surf.  She'd chase Ryo-ohki a little, then the 
cabbit would chase her back as they kicked up sand and water... Doctor Tofu 
kept a supervising eye over the pair, of course.

     "Are you going to let her watch the show?" Kasumi asked.  "She's a bit 
young, and it can get violent..."

     "I'm a liberal minded parent," Washuu said.  (Although she hadn't told 
them precisely HOW she came to adopt the young girl.)  "I'm going to do my 
best to raise her without blinders to the world.  Besides, her 'aunties' are 
all working for the show, we couldn't keep Ultra from her for long..."

     "Have you decided on a name?"

     "Mary," Washuu said.  "Mary Hakubi.  It just seems to fit.  She feels 
like a Mary.  Besides--"

     "--there's just something about Mary?" the Sheep-Dog salesman joked.

     "...so much for any hopes of escaping that pun.  Kasumi, it'll be dark 
soon... you'd better call them in.  We've gotta pack off to the dimensional 
tunnel if we're going to make it home for her bedtime."

     "Hai, Washuu-chan."

     "Just Washuu, please."

     The genius scientist stretched out, tired from a long day.  A long set 
of days.  But more days were to come, more weeks... fights in Ultra, taking 
care of her new daughter, managing the CyberGrrlz... life didn't slow down 
when you were involved in the crazy world of Ultra.  The crazy world these 
two people were directly responsible for, Kasumi and whatsisname...

     "Did you guys have a plan?" Washuu asked.  "For all this, I mean.  When 
you both were God.  Did you know Ultra would come to this?  Was there a 
greater purpose?"

     "Who, me?" the salesman asked.  "Hell no.  I just sort of flew by the 
seat of my pants; strategy isn't my strong suit."

     "I had a plan, actually," Kasumi said.  "It's working wonderfully so 
far."

     "Oh?  What was the plan?" Washuu asked.

     Kasumi told her.

     "Wow."

     The surf crashed into the sand and rolled back, the cloudless skies 
above providing a beautiful sunset on another beautiful day.



*****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****     *****


][ ULTRARAGE EPISLON, One Year Anniversary Episode #52 RESULTS/RECAP
][ TEAM ROCKET defeats ASH/MISTY to retain the LAMBDA CHAMPIONSHIP
   now at 11W/5L
][ MARLO SEMAJ defeats AKANE TENDO to win the HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
   now at 10W/4L
][ YUFFIE KISARAGI defeats CYBERAKUMA II, now at 1W/1L
][ CYBERAKUMA II is RETIRED from Ultra
][ RANMA defeats RANMA-CHAN, returns to normal
][ DAN HIBIKI defeats DARK SCHNEIDER to win the OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP
   now at 9W/15L
][ SAKURA KASUGANO defeats MORRIGAN to win the GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP
   now at 14W/4L, but...
][ IORI YAGAMI defeats SAKURA KASUGANO to win the GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP
   now at 12W/8L
][ LOSER LEAVES CREATION match ends in a No Decision

][ ANGLE SUMMARIES

 ][ = Angle continues, may have new developments
 [] = Angle is closed, might have been replaced
 }{ = Entirely new angle
 ??  = Possible new angle?  (Can be derived from events)
 XX = Didn't touch on this from past episode very well or at all

(Summaries have been completely redone, since they've been
 unused for a few eps. Future authors, feel free to use any
 older angles I may have missed and add them back in!  This
 is not a fully comprehensive list right now.)

][ The War for Ultra: CHAOS/Jack vs. Nabiki Tendo
   (Jack takes over the dome for the night but gets arrested
    and will face trial)
][ Pokemon Wars / The Void rages on in a very adorable manner
   (Ash and Misty lose firmly to Team Rocket, but when Voiduck's
    minions ditch him, so he picks up new ones; Ash and Misty)
][ ShadowNERV's Reign of Terror
   (A Terry Bogard clone joins Bison's ranks, Hiroshi seeks an ally)
][ Dan Hibiki against Dark Schneider
   (Dan's won his belt, but can he keep it?)
}{ Bean Bandit, One Bad Mutha vs. Marlo, One Bad Seed
   (Bean declares his interest in the Hardcore championship)
}{ Morrigan only has eyes for Sakura
   (Sakura won the 'take off my belt' challenge, Sakura injured)
}{ Iori Yagami the Psycho Manic Depressive M*******ker
   (He's got the belt and has firmly cast aside his days with Yohko)
}{ There's something about Mary
   (The true goal of the Metatron, the messiah, is revealed)
[] Akane and Ranma's plots
   (Ranma's whole again, Akane lost her belt)
[] Morrigan's 'take off my belt' promise
   (Sakura won, so this angle evolves to the next level)
[] Heaven vs. Hell
   (The war is ended in one fell swoop, but the warriors remain)
?? When Final Fantasies Collide
   (Tifa declares the last straw when Yuffie thieves again)
XX Anything I missed... ^_^;


AUTHOR'S NOTES:

(DAMIEN PHOENIX)
     WOO! It's great to be writing Ultra again. I love this story. Thanks to 
Kristen for bouncing ideas around with me, and to Phoebe and Ard for doing a 
bit of spot-prereading. Much thanks to Twoflower for letting me write these 
fights. I had a ton of fun, and am more than willing to step in to help 
anyone else, if they need it. Ja ne!

(KRISTEN SMIRNOV)
     Being asked to contribute to someone's chapter is an act of trust, and I 
try to treat it as such.  I always hope that I won't let down the person 
who's trusted me, and that was very much at the forefront of my mind when 
Twoflower asked me to contribute to URE.  Though this fell right during the 
first glorious paperwork-heavy week of school (Yes, thank you, I WOULD like 
to fill out form BD-182 in triplicate!), I tried my best not to let him and 
the readers down.  ... Hope I succeeded. ^_^; 
     <subliminalmessageTEAMROCKET'SROCKING!subliminalmessage>

(JESSE ELLMAN)
	When Twoflower asked me to do this, I figured "Hey, no problem. It only 
took me 5 hours to write the Sakura/Wolvy fight. How bad could this be?"
	45 hours of writing later, I knew the answer.
	Writing this was an incredible struggle. I had writers block with 
nearly every line, and I'd get stuck for hours trying to find just the right 
way to say something. I knew exactly what I wanted to do: I just couldn't 
find the way to phrase it.
	And yet, I don't regret doing this, despite the fact that I'm almost 
completely drained from doing this, IDG, and LoCS within about three weeks of 
each other. Hey, how often do you get to write for an UltraRage? I'm just 
glad I got the opportunity to write this.
	First and foremost, I wanna thank Twoflower for giving me this 
opportunity, for letting me bounce ideas off him incessantly, and for having 
enough faith in my writing ability to trust me with something this important. 
I really appreciate it, man. Thank you.
	I also want to thank the people in chat for putting up with my bitching 
and moaning for the last week or so as I struggled through this. Y'all are 
greatest bunch of psychos a guy could ever hope to know.
	Finally, I wanna thank the New York Jets for winning Monday night. I 
would've been in no mood to write had they lost. =P
	That's about it. Hope you enjoyed my contribution to UltraRage Epsilon.

(TWOFLOWER)
     Hardest UltraRage I've ever had to write.  Not just in terms of 
complexity, but the radial new angle shifts... despite announcing them two 
months ahead of time, I got a TON of flack over them in the eleventh hour.  I 
made a few changes to appease detractors AND to improve the story.
     I'll never change my work just because of protests if I disagree with 
them.  I won't change a story if the changes don't strengthen the story 
beyond the strength of my original plan.  In this case, I think Mary does a 
good job of preserving the godhead's legacy while removing the problematic 
aspects of it, making the story much better than it would have been if the 
entire cosmic aspect ceased 100%.
     I could have done that without the constant, irritating pressure by some 
folks to bow to their view of what Ultra was... but (more than) enough about 
that.  It's over and done.  A little (lot) of Eminem helped me get through 
the flames and produce an entertaining story for Ultra fans everywhere.  In 
the end, I'm proud of the work and I think it gets the job done in style.
     Hope you guys like this one.  I'm looking forward to seeing where Season 
Six goes!  We'll likely see more emphasis on (gasp) FIGHTING in a fighting 
story, and less unregistered cameo characters in important positions.  Plus 
we have Ultra's first purely original character in the form of Mary, and I 
deliberately left her development wide open; there's a lot of great potential 
there, and I love to see where other authors will take the plots!
     Glad you enjoyed the ride.  Be here for the next UltraRage.
     And if you didn't enjoy the ride, no, you can't have a refund.