Controversial Jack, at this time, was usually in a jovial, pleasant mood. It was midmorning. Last night had been another successful run of ULTRA. At this time he was usually brewing himself a cup of Goddamn-Tea and sitting down to read his newspaper, 'The Peeper', which was actually an underground, non-tabloid publication detailing the touchy, naughty, or just generally controversial affairs that the important people in the world were having, and also gave some little-known, tasty facts about certain individuals...for example, Jack was quite surprised, though extremely amused, to learn that Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush were 'frat brothers back in '76, as illustrated by the blurry photograph of the two current-world leaders, seated side by side, fat cigars in their mouths, beer cans in hand, and a voluptuous, top-heavy, scantily clad woman sprawled across their laps... But not today. Today was different, and it was no time for frivolities, as last night, Mr. Duck, his long-time friend and partner in controversy, had been injured by a vicious attack on his person, quite evidently orchestrated by the nefarious Dictator and leader of Shadowlaw, M. Bison. Until this day, Jack hadn't taken Bison very seriously. True, he had always been a threat to ULTRA itself, trying to harness the gargantuan Federation and use it's own profits for his own ends time after time again, and recently had even threatened to personally kill both him and Nabiki Tendo, the CEO of ULTRA and Jack's partner. True, they had been saved at the last minute by yet another divine occurrence, which seemed to happen quite often around here. Jack mentally kicked himself for the hundredth time for not taking the Dictator seriously even then, not realizing what kind of damage he could really do. Mr. Duck was a perfect example of that. His small form charred and singed, his features half-melted by the psychic attack, Mr. Duck was obviously in critical condition. He could barely even speak; what once was a hearty, cheerful *squeak* now came out as a hoarse wheeze. Last night, after the attack, had been a nightmare for Jack. He had panicked and tried everything he could to resuscitate his poor friend, but it was all for naught. He had tried to call the paramedics, but they had simply laughed at him. He showed them, though, Jack thought with some satisfaction. He had gotten in touch with his friend Lain Iwakura, who's resources Jack couldn't even begin to comprehend, and had her send the bastards a few mail-bombs. Yes, indeed, he thought, he showed them. He had wrapped Duck up in bandages and put him to bed, hoping that a good night's rest might stabilize his condition a bit, but in the morning, he didn't seem much better. Which is why he was doing what he was doing now. Making his way through the hallways of the huge apartment-like complex that housed Ultra's employees, he finally managed to locate the one person that he thought might be able to help. Miss Washuu Hakubi. He knocked at the door, punctuating his knocking with words, "Washuu, can you hear me?! It's Jack! I've got an emergency situation here!" After a brief moment the door opened. Even now, it surprised Jack to see Miss Washuu face-to-face. When he had first met her, she seemed a little girl, not a day over thirteen or fourteen. But ever since UltraRage Epsilon, she had taken the form of an adult. Jack was canny enough to know that Washuu was, of course, much older than she looked, and was certainly called (if only by herself, most of the time) the Number One Genius Scientist of the Universe for a reason. Jack doubted that there was anything that Washuu -couldn't- do, provided she had the resources. Yet still, it was odd to see the once-waifish child turned into this tall, shapely woman that now stood before him. "How can I help you, Jack?" She smiled, "Here, come inside and have a seat." Jack nodded and sat down. He told the story of last night's occurrence and all he had tried to do. Washuu nodded clinically as he spoke, taking in his words. As he finished, she spoke. "First, why didn't you call me last night? I could have helped you then." Jack hung his head, sighing. "Sorry, I guess I just panicked and wasn't really thinking." "It's okay," said Washuu, "people tend to act that way in crisis-situations like these. can I see Mr. Duck now?" Jack handed Washuu the blanked-wrapped bundle. As she peered at Duck's charred and half-melted form, she frowned. "Hmmm...it is pretty bad." She said, "Very bad. But you're lucky...he's stabilized right now, but he's not getting any better." Jack nodded. "Is there anything you can do for him, though?" Washuu put her finger to her cheek and gazed into nowhere. That expression, at least, was something that hadn't changed during Washuu's sudden growth spurt. After a moment of silence, and her tapping her cheek thoughtfully, she nodded. "Yes, Jack, I can help him...but I can't absolutely guarantee that I won't have to resort to some surgery to get him back on his...ah, feet." Jack exhaled, an explosive breath of relief. "That's fine!" He said, "Just as long as Mr. Duck can be healthy again, it's alright. What would you like in return for this?" Washuu opened her mouth to speak, but the sound of a door opening in the hallway of her suite interrupted her, and a second later a little girl, of maybe about four or five, came in. She was rubbing her eyes and clutching a stuffed Dan doll in one hand, and was wearing yellow Pikachu pajamas, matching the honey-blonde color of her hair. The girl yawned, and looked at Washuu. "I slept in, mommy." Washuu smiled suddenly, a radiant, motherly smile that Jack never expected to see on her face. So she had a daughter? Was this the reason for her decision to stay in adult form? A number of questions formed in Jack's mind, but they melted away as he looked at the little girl again. There was something naggingly familiar about her, but try as he might, he could not remember for the life of him what it was. How weird. The little girl giggled and pointed at him. "Mommy, look! It's Controversial Jack, the funny ULTRA guy!" Washuu laughed. "Yes, this is Jack, Mary." She looked at him, "Jack, this is Mary. She was placed in my care by a friend of mine, and I'm now her mother, it would seem." She looked at the little girl again. "Mary? Can you go into the kitchen? I'll be in to fix breakfast in a minute. Jack and I were having a grownup-talk and you probably wouldn't be very interested in it." But Mary wasn't really listening to Washuu. She padded over to Jack and climbed into his lap, looking at his eyes. "What's wrong, Mr. Jack? You look sad." Jack blinked. "Uh...a friend of mine just got hurt really badly." He stuttered, not exactly sure how to respond, "I was just asking your...mommy if she could try and make him better." Mary glanced over at the still form of Mr. Duck, still in Washuu's hands, and back at Jack. "I think he'll be just fine. Mommy's good at that!" She was suddenly smiling, a radiant little smile. Jack couldn't stop looking at her. He -liked- this kid all of a sudden, maybe even loved her. He wasn't exactly certain of why, but he did. There was just something about her that seemed to just make people feel good. "Heh," Jack grinned, his worries about Mr. Duck seeming to melt away, "Nice kid, Washuu. I never pictured you as the motherly sort, but I guess it sort of makes sense, no?" To his surprise, Washuu blushed and giggled girlishly. "Stop it. I could be doing a better job...after all, it's been a few hundred years since I've had practice in this particular field." "Mommy?" Said Mary, "Can I go to see ULTRA with Jack this week?" "Uh?" Jack said brightly. "Ummm..." Washuu began, "I don't know, Mary. Jack is really busy, and..." "It's alright." Said Jack. "Excuse me?" "It's alright. You're already doing me a service by agreeing to try and heal Mr. Duck. I'll take Mary along with me, this next ULTRA. It's the very least I can do for you. Let it never be said that Jack Lysias is ungrateful." He grinned, suddenly, his customary roguish, toothy grin. "How about that, Mary? Wanna see how ULTRA works behind the scenes?" Mary giggled at his grin, nodding. "Yes, please!" Washuu blinked and shook her head, sighing. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm being manipulated, here? Alright, Mary, you can go. Just promise me you'll keep an eye on her, Jack." Jack nodded. "You've got it, Washuu!" He stood up to leave, "Though thank you again for agreeing to help...take care of Mr. Duck, okay?" Washuu smiled. "Of course. Don't worry about Mr. Duck. He's in good hands." And Jack gave another roguish grin. "Thanks. Well, I'll be off now. So much to do...Mary?" He nodded at the little girl, "I'll see you later this week!" Washuu blinked as Jack closed the door behind him, and looked at Mary, who smiled at her. "Why did I just agree to let you go with someone like him?" Mary's smile widened. Just a tad impishly, Washuu thought. "Why, because you love me, don't you, Mama?" "Why, yes." Said Washuu thoughtfully, "I suppose I do." Mary just giggled and walked into the kitchen. "Ah well," murmured Washuu, "let me see what I can do for Jack's plastic friend here..." * * * * * * * * * "Sie Kensou...Athena Asamiya." Nabiki Tendo, CEO of Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation ULTRA, nodded cordially. "Have a seat. Let's talk." The two adolescent martial artists had been called into Miss Tendo's office. It was a large, spacious area, with a number of aesthetically pleasing potted plants lining the walls, some framed paintings hung there for effect, and several comfortable, thickly upholstered chairs to sit in. A secretary, a nondescript young office lady, sat typing away at a small desk by the door, and a huge, wall- length window behind Nabiki's large, mahogany desk gave a sweeping view of the surrounding city of Tokyo. Comfortable as it was, the office gave an atmosphere of authority. ULTRA was Miss Tendo's kingdom, the UltraDome, her castle, and this, her throne room. "So what is it you wanted to discuss, Miss Tendo?" Said Athena. "It's about your contracts." The CEO began. "Go on." Said Sie. "They've expired." She paused before continuing. "You've already been here for the amount of time slated down on them, and now I'm giving you two options. You ready?" "Shoot." Replied Sie, and Athena nodded. "One, I can get a pair of new contracts, and you can sign them, giving you several more seasons of work here at ULTRA. Two, we can let you go here and now, with a bit of bonus money to move you along your way. Take as long as you like to decide." She said, "We've got time." Sie stood up, and spoke. "We don't need to decide. Let's get new contracts! I'd like to stay here some more." But Athena shook her head. "Sit down, Sie." "But..." A simple glance from Athena was enough. "Uh...right." The boy sat down as Athena cupped her chin in her hand, silent. After several minutes of nothing but the sound of the wall-clock's ticking and the office lady's typing, Athena spoke. "I'd like to leave Ultra." Sie frowned. "But why? There's so much more we can do here. I for one am enjoying myself." "No, Sie." Said Athena, more firmly than usual, which made Sie wince, but then she continued, in a gentler tone. "Think about all that's happened to us since we've come here. I don't know if I can take much more. I think that right now I'd like to have some peace and quiet, perhaps continue training on my own." "Athena," Interjected Sie, "we can stay here and do that." "No, Sie." Athena shook her head emphatically. "But why?" "Sie, do you remember why we were here in the first place?" "Yeah, we were being controlled by Bison." "Exactly! And now he's grown even more open about his trying to dominate the Federation. Do you understand? I'm feeling really vulnerable around here, now. We've managed to gain a few victories over him, but still, it's sort of hard to sleep at night...especially now. I think I'd just like to leave, for a time." She turned to the CEO. "I'm sorry, Miss Tendo. I don't mean to sound so blunt about it, but it's true." Sie nodded, a bit reluctantly. "I understand, Athena." "I understand as well." Miss Tendo's expression was unreadable. "So you would like to leave for the time being." "Yeah..." said Sie, "I guess. But I dunno. Maybe we'll come back some time." "Well, we've recently had a few new hires...and are negotiating a few more." Said Miss Tendo, "If you left now, you might not have a place to occupy if you decided to return." "That's okay." Said Athena. "I don't really expect to come back anyway, but if we do, we can wait." "Yeah." Sie nodded again. "Alright then." Said Nabiki, "Done. You'll be getting your last paychecks in the mail, and as I said, there's some bonus included. Other than that, there's nothing else." She nodded. "Athena Asamiya, Sie Kensou, thank you for your service to ULTRA. It's been interesting." "Thank you, Miss Tendo!" Athena smiled. "We wish you the best of luck in dealing with Bison." "Yeah, really." Sie grinned ruefully. "You're gonna need it." "Mmm-hmm." Nabiki smiled slightly. The two adolescents bowed and left the office, leaving Nabiki to sit, listening to the sound of the clock ticking and the secretary typing. Noon. Bison. She didn't show it, of course, but she was probably just as frightened as Athena was. The attack on her life several weeks ago still gave her nightmares. As much business and cool as Nabiki put out, she had to admit to herself that in reality, she, too, was a young girl. A young, frightened girl. At least, though, she still had her wits about her. She needed to confront the Dictator. Dammit, she needed to let him know that he'd pushed her too far. Yes, this week on ULTRA, she would declare war on Shadowlaw. "Secretary." Nabiki said, in her best ice-queen tone. "Yes, ma'am?" Said the office lady. "Get me the numbers of the following people...Lain Iwakura, Duo Maxwell, Washuu Hakubi, Shinji Ikari..." Nabiki continued to list the names as the secretary wrote them down. Yes, Bison was a crimelord. Yes, he had an entire army at his disposal. But Nabiki had something more powerful than a global crime syndicate, more intimidating than a dictatorship, and much, much more dangerous than an army. She had ULTRA. And most importantly, she had it's fighters. * * * * * * * * * It was the morning before ULTRA. Lilith Aensland was a frustrated woman. Alright, she admitted to herself. So she wasn't -exactly- a woman. No, wait! She was! Because she was angry! A -woman- scorned! Not just a woman scorned, but a -succubus- scorned! Stomping down the corridors of the residencies, she slammed open doors, paying no heed to interrupting the residents within (Though she got a nice eyeful when she learned that Ranma Saotome had taken to doing katas au naturel, so to speak). Yes indeed, Lilith was in a great mood, oh yes she was! Where was that bastard? Bitter? Her? Never! Finally, then, she came to the place that she was looking for. The door slammed open and in she flew. "HIROSHI-SAMAAA!" Bodily throwing herself at the single resident of the suite, she did not give him a chance to respond as she continued to speak. "Oh, Hiroshi-sama! I missed you so much...why have you been avoiding me? Rei's been gone for so long..." She looked the surprised (if that's the right word) young man in the eyes. "Think about all of the opportunities that we're missing..." "Uh, Lilith..." "What is it, Hiroshi-sama?" "Can you...kinda get off me?" Lilith sighed and detached herself, and looked around. Hiroshi's suite was...plain, really. An ordinary adolescent boy's. A couch, a recliner, a coffee table with an empty pizza box on it. Here and there, a pro-wrestling or ULTRA poster on the wall. The only sign of his accumulated wealth was the state-of-the-art entertainment system, a full armada of next-gen video game consoles, a DVD player, a VCR, a stereo, and a big-screen TV, which was currently showing a blue picture. Lilith slid up to Hiroshi, who was still gasping for breath, on the couch. "So, Hiroshi-sama...what were you about to watch, hmmm?" She made her voice sound as coquettish as she could manage--which was quite a bit. "Uh..." Hiroshi turned red, for some odd reason. "Well, are you sure you wanna see?" "I'm a -demon-, honey. I'm from the Abyss." She said. "I can stand watching those gory slasher movies that everyone seems to like. I'm not like other...weaker...women, Hiroshi-sama." She breathed. Hiroshi, gulping, pressed play.... ...and there, on screen, was Hiroshi, grinning evilly at the camera. Behind him stood Rei. "Just letting you know, little hero-boy, that your girlfriend is in good hands..." Said the Hiroshi on screen, who then turned around to embrace the blank-faced girl, whispering something unintelligible to her. Lilith's eyes widened as she watched the Hiroshi on screen kiss Rei...deeply. And continue to do a few other things...that Lilith approved of. Before it got too interesting, though, Hiroshi pressed 'stop' on the remote. The screen went back to being blue. "Hiroshi..." For once, Lilith was practically speechless. "Yeah, what?" The Hiroshi next to her didn't sound particularly happy. "Hiroshi...I didn't know that you...had it -in- you." She pressed herself closer to the angry-faced boy, whispering huskily (relatively huskily, all things considered) into his ear. "I bet you can't do to me what you're doing to Rei on screen. Or can you? Are you a real man, Hiroshi?" "That's not me." Muttered the boy. "Uh, what?" "It's not me." Lilith sniffed and folded her arms under her breasts. "Oh, that's bull. I'm so -sick- of you trying to back out of things!" "Okay, Lilith." Hiroshi turned to face her. "You want me to explain just -what- that is?" "Hmph." "It's a clone of me that Bison made to keep Rei emotionally stable while he manipulates her. He's evil, though. He keeps sending me these video tapes of him putting his hands all over Rei, just to piss me off. And it's working." Lilith was silent for a moment, before speaking, "Do you expect me to believe that?" "Believe or don't." Hiroshi snapped, "It's true. Ask Daisuke. Hell, ask -Bison-. I'm sure he's the type that you demons hang out with." "Why, that hurts, Hiroshi-sama! I'd never hang out with someone as unrefined and unattractive as he is. Now tell me the truth." Hiroshi sighed, and stared right into her eyes. "Does it look like I'm lying? I don't know, demons are probably good at lying, but I'm not. For the last time, I'm telling you the truth." "...so let me get this straight," Lilith said flatly, "Bison made an 'evil' clone of you who's been seducing Rei, who you're too in love with to even be tempted by me?" "That's about right, yes." "Hiroshi," Said Lilith in a serious voice, standing up. "Yeah, what?" "You've just given me new resolve." "Huh?" "I'm now officially dumping you!" "..." "There's a man out there with your good looks, and the sex drive that I've been trying so hard to bring out in you! Plus, you make him sound so wonderfully -evil-, which turns me on even more." "..." "So Hiroshi, this is goodbye! Know that I never loved you in the first place! I was only using you for your body! So there!" She blew him a raspberry. "..." "Hiroshi?" He was sitting there, perfectly still, a completely blank look on his face. Slowly, ever slowly, the corners of his mouth twitched, as he smiled. A slight giggle began in his throat, a giggle that became chuckles, and he finally erupted into full-blown guffaws of almost maniacal laughter. "Hey, what's so funny?" "Lilith...you're a genius! An absolute genius!" Hiroshi said between laughs. "Uh, thanks, I guess." He continued to laugh until he finally ran out of breath, and he collapsed, still giggling slightly, tears of mirth running down his cheeks. Finally, when he recovered, he sat up and looked at her. "Lilith, can you do me a favor?" She sniffed again. "I don't see why I owe -you- any favors." "Okay," he conceded, "not a favor, but a service. I'll pay you, if you want." "Alright, what's this?" "I just want to you make sure," said Hiroshi, grinning, "that when you go to seduce my 'evil twin', there...I can tell you now that you'll find him in Shadowlaw headquarters...you just make sure that that video camera of his is recording, and bring me back the tape whenever you get done. I -so- want to see the look on his face..." Lilith nodded slowly, "Uh, right...I guess I'll do that, only..." "Name your price." Said Hiroshi. "Anything." He hesitated, "Okay, almost anything." "I want your special edition 'Evil Dead' series DVD set." Hiroshi face-faulted. "Uh, why?" "Hey, I also think that Bruce Campbell is pretty hot. You gotta admit, he's got some nice...hands." "Lilith..." said Hiroshi, but he sighed "...never mind, I don't think I'll ever understand women." "So is it a deal?" "Sure," nodded Hiroshi, "I guess it's worth it. I can always find another one of those on eBay or something..." She reached out her hand for him to shake, and he went to take it. They shook. After Lilith had skipped out of Hiroshi's suite, he stood up to eject the tape from the VCR. After fetching his very own Triple-H autographed sledgehammer and breaking the tape to pieces, he sat down on the recliner, hands behind his back. So that was one less problem of his. Lilith wasn't going to chase him anymore. Two less problems, actually, now that she'd fixated herself on his evil clone. He chuckled again. How perfect. His reveling was interrupted as the phone rang. He went to pick it up. "Hiroshi residence. ... ...hey, Shinji. ... ...no, why? ... ...you're -what-?! ... ...thanks. I hope it works. I really appreciate this, man. ... ...yeah, I just only hope that this succeeds. ... ...and they're going to -what-?! ... ...wow. ... ...alright, man. I'll see you tonight, on ULTRA. Bye." Hiroshi hung up the phone and sat down again, silent. He glanced at the clock. 11:30 am. ULTRA goes live at 9:00. Nine and a half hours to go. It was going to be a very eventful evening. * * * * * * * * * LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AND IMPROFANFIC! IT'S TIME FOR... { M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G } { C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G } { F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.mtcffultra.com } Episode 64: The Scent of Conflict * * * * * * * * * Ultra's theme music blared over the speakers, echoing throughout the immense arena. Thousands of screaming fans brandished posters and displayed their tonsils for the panning camera. In the center of the arena sat the ring, ULTRA logo displayed prominently in the center via a lighting effect, framed by the taut blue-white ropes, and the pyrotechnics went off, four explosive blasts that only seemed to add to the pure adrenaline within. "Are you ready for some...ULTRAAAAAVIOLENCE?!" If anything, the fans only screamed louder, as if to say, yes indeed, Hiroshi, we are ready. "Wai! We're live!" Chirped Sana Kurata, the other person seated at the announcer's table. "And I know -I'm- ready, Hiroshi! Violence! Violence! Wai! wai! wai!" Hiroshi grinned and reached for his card. "Well, folks, scheduled for tonight are four matches, but you never know if something unscheduled might happen or not!" "First," said Sana, "We've got a Hardcore title rematch between Mousse and Bean Bandit! Then, Dark Schneider takes on Sephiroth in a yummy GRUDGE MATCH! And also, Gary Oak finally faces Ash Ketchum, and for our main event, Asuka Langley fights Rei Ayanami in an Omega EVA brawl!" "Yes, that's right!" Hiroshi added, "And it's gonna be one hell of an evening. WOO-HOO!" The commentator's talk was interrupted when music started on the loudspeakers...Marilyn Manson's 'Sweet Dreams'. "Hey, someone's coming out!" Said Hiroshi. "Someone new!" Added Sana, "Or just someone with new music." It turned out to be the latter. As the music played, Shermie, not clad in her usual attire, but instead wearing tight black leather pants, a black vinyl top, and a short, red vinyl coat, walked down the ramp and climbed into the ring. She was tossed a microphone, which she caught and then began to speak. "You know," She said, "I've been doing some thinking lately..." The sound of the fans dribbled off into a murmur. "And I," she continued, "am getting really, really fed up." She raised her voice, "I'm tired of being ignored by the 'big faces'" she punctuated those words with a crooked finger to indicate quotation marks, "here in ULTRA. I'm tired of being treated like the bimbo in the corner! Dammit, I've had enough!" The fans cheered loudly again, for a minute, before Shermie continued to speak, "My 'partners', Chris and Yashiro, have left me behind." She grimaced, "CHAOS has disbanded, leaving me without a group to fit into. And Daisuke!" She raised her voice even louder, "You and I need to have a nice, long talk...sometime soon...about how to treat a lady!" The response of the fans was as one: "Oooooooh!" "Wow!" Hiroshi added in, "I wonder if Dai's listening to this?" "But it's not all bad, Dai-kun, so don't worry. Maybe if you wise up, I'll forgive you. How could I not? You -need- a girlfriend, Mr. Deadpan!" Her smile was coquettish and just a tad predatory. "But that's not my point." The smile vanished. "I've been jilted by not one, but two groups of those who I considered friends. Now, Yashiro and Chris, who're gone now, I can understand them leaving, and CHAOS, well, I guess their purpose had been served. But that doesn't change the fact that afterwards, nobody really paid attention to -me-." "You know," Shermie said in a conversational tone, "It's really not fun to be looked at as just a bimbo. Alright, granted. I tend to be cheerful and giggly. At least I'm not all," her voice took on a mocking note, "'Look at me, I'm a serious, emotionally unstable martial artist' Like Akane Tendo! And have you -seen- Ranma's female form? 'I'm a guy, I'm a guy!' Well I've got news for you, Ranma, when you get wet, you're as womanly as I am...well, not quite." She gestured at her bosom, grinning, "After all, you're still not quite the woman you parade as. I'm not the bragging sort, so I won't go into detail about how -I'm- more woman than you've ever -had-, Ranma!" Once again, the audience's response was unanimous. "OOOOOOOH!" Hiroshi and Sana chimed in this time. "Anyway, I'll stop with the obligatory insults and get to the point," Shermie said, "I -want- the Gamma title. And I want it - tonight-, in this very ring!" The audience cheered loudly, and Shermie lifted the mike again to speak, but she was interrupted as grating, evil-sounding music began to play over the sound system. "Holy CRAP!" Shouted Hiroshi, "It's Iori Yagami!" Indeed, the red-haired, pretty-faced, psychotic-eyed man strode out onto the ramp, mike in hand. He glared at the audience as they began to chant, 'ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE', but lifted the mike and spoke depracatingly to the woman in the ring. "Shermie, Shermie, Shermie," He said, shaking his head, "Just when I thought I had you down, as just some bimbo to laugh at, you surprise me. True, I wasn't that far from the truth on the 'bimbo' part," This evoked a glare from Shermie, "but can it be that you're actually a skank, a bitch, -and- a bimbo...excuse me, a -flaming idiot- , all at once?" He didn't give Shermie a chance to speak before continuing. "You forget that the Gamma title is mine for the taking, and -only- mine." "Who says?!" Snapped Shermie. "Why, -I- say so, little girl," replied Iori in the same deprecating tone, "and if you'd like to try and contradict me, by all means, bring it on. I've beaten you time and time again in the past, and I can sure as -hell- do it time and time again in the future." Shermie tensed, looking for all the world like a cat about to pounce, but relaxed a moment later. "Yagami, I'm above that." She said calmly, "I've moved on past that level. This is all I have to say. You've had your shot at the Gamma title, and you've lost. Now it's time to let someone who can actually -win- it have their turn." Iori opened his mouth to speak again, when he, too, was interrupted by another piece of music over the sound system. It started out as a church organ, but soon erupted into a strange, spastic song. And Controversial Jack emerged from backstage, walking up to Iori and eyeing him levelly, then looking at Shermie, giving her the same level look. He took Iori's mike before he could respond, and spoke. "Well, la-dee-daaah." "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Shermie shouted. "I'm impressed," said Jack, grinning, "My children, such dedication to the art, and to your goals, must not go unrewarded. So guess what?" His grin widened, "Either one of you might get your way!" "Honestly," continued the Controversial One, addressing the audience, "How many of you didn't see this coming? You get a number- one contender's match right here! TONIGHT! IN -THIS- VERY =HAPPY- RING!" The audience burst into cheer. Both fighters were silent, but then Shermie finally spoke. "Alright, then. I can cope with that." She climbed down out of the ring, still talking as she made her way up the ramp. "Tonight, Yagami, I'll show you, show the entire world, for that matter, that I'm not someone to be trifled with." She approached the red-haired man, smiling "Tonight, Yagami, you're mine." With that, she skipped backstage, bouncing energetically and giving the fans in the nosebleed section a bit more to cheer about. A moment later, Iori, silent, walked into the back as well. Which only left Jack standing at the top of the ramp. "Oh, I forgot to tell them..." Jack said, slapping his forehead dramatically, "It's gonna be a first-blood match!" He rolled his eyes and shrugged, "Ah, well, I guess they'll learn soon enough." He then turned about and walked backstage, humming to himself. "WOW!" Exclaimed Hiroshi, "Did you just -see- that? It looks like Shermie's turned over a new leaf!" "I don't care about Shermie!" Sana giggled, "It's gonna be a first blood match! Waaai!" "That's true," said Hiroshi, "as much as I hate to say it, I think Shermie's got the disadvantage here. From what we've seen in the past, Iori's attacks all seem geared towards making the other guy bleed!" "So stay tuned!" Chirped Sana, "that's the first of our surprise matches tonight! But right now, we've got a tasty, yummy HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP match!" A techno-sounding piece of music with a definite Chinese feel to it began to play over the sound system. Sana stood up in her chair and spoke into her microphone. "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the ULTRA Hardcore Championship!" Mousse, clad in Chinese robes, black with red and white patterns, strode out onto the ramp with his hands in the air. "First, the challenger!" Sana continued, "making his way into the ring, from Joketsuzoku, China, is Ultra's Internet Champion, MOUSSE!!" The crowd responded to the young man with some cheering, but mostly booing. Mousse ignored the ugly crowd and slid into the ring, posing with arms in the air and grinning. The music stopped, and was replaced by a rolling, grating Industrial piece, and the crowd showed their appreciation by standing and cheering, waving their signs about. The camera zoomed in on one that said 'SHINY!', and Bean Bandit, wearing his usual gunboots, slacks, t-shirt, and jacket, but carrying a trashcan full of miscellaneous objects, stepped onto the platform. "And his opponent," Shouted Sana, "is one half of the Roadbusters, from Chicago, Illinois! Stand and deliver for your HARDCORE CHAMPION! BEEAAAAN BANDIT! Let the blood flow!" Shouted the bloodthirsty little girl, "WAAI!" Bean stepped through the ropes and tossed the belt around his waist to a stagehand, set the trashcan down in a corner, and crouched in a defensive position. Mousse produced a flanged mace from a sleeve. The timekeeper rang the bell. -OPENING EVENT, HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: MOUSSE vs. BEAN BANDIT! FIGHT!- Bean immediately darted towards his trashcan before Mousse's thrown mace could strike him. Grabbing the metal receptacle and tossing it to the ground, he picked up a random object that turned out to be a sledgehammer. The Roadbuster whipped around, the sledge gripped in a hand, and swung, using his momentum to gain force. He aimed at Mousse's shoulder, but the Chinese adolescent dodged, the head of the huge hammer just barely avoided. Bean did not let up, though, and swung the hammer back in the opposite direction, lunging forward as he did so. This time, the younger fighter was not so lucky, and as he swerved to dodge, the hammer clipped him in the thigh with an audible *thunk*. Mousse grunted in pain, clutching his bruised and possibly fractured limb, and Bean, merciless, dropped the sledge and kicked the him in the chest. Mousse dropped, and the referee began a count. "No!" Cried Sana, "It can't end already!" "It's not," Hiroshi shook his head, "see? He's getting up." Indeed, Mousse staggered to his feet. His motions barely visible, he whipped his arms into his sleeves and produced knives. Eight knives, to be exact, one each in between all of his fingers. "Blood and ashes!" Hiroshi exclaimed, "He's gonna kill Bean! And it's legal, 'cause it's Hardcore!" Sana only squealed in unintelligible glee, delightfully clapping her hands. Mousse leapt to his feet, knife-wielding hands slashing out at the older man. Bean managed to block the first swipe with the hastily- retrieved trashcan, and the razor-sharp blades sheared through the metal with a grating screech. The second swipe caught Bean across the chest, but only barely, leaving four gashes in his shirt and four razor-thin, barely bleeding cuts in his skin, like catscratches. If Bean felt any pain, though, he ignored it, as he brought down the still-clutched trashcan directly onto Mousse's head. The boy fell, and Bean threw the trashcan to the side, bending over to pick up Mousse. With a grunt, Bean lifted the stunned martial artist over his head, and, his muscles straining and teeth grit, tossed the boy into the air and caught him by his ankles, and began to swing, pivoting around in circles, until Mousse was held at a perfect ninety-degree angle to his own body. "WOW!" Shrieked Sana, "look at that strength!" "Look at that momentum!" Added Hiroshi. Momentum indeed. As Mousse swung by the screaming audience once more, Bean released his ankles. Mousse -flew-. Over the ropes, over the ramp, and hit with a resounding *smack*, dead center in the Titantron. Bean spun once more and dropped to his knees, staggering and generally flopping about. "Apparently our Hardcore champion just got himself dizzy." Stated Hiroshi. Mousse, though, slid ever-so-slowly down the screen of the Titantron, collapsing moments later on the floor of the entrance platform, limp like a beanbag. He didn't move. Bean hadn't regained his bearings, yet, though. Clutching his forehead he staggered to his feet once more, and managed to center himself facing his opponent, down the ramp. His opponent, who, showing amazing resiliency, was also staggering to his feet. "AMAZING!" Exclaimed Hiroshi, "Mousse is taking a page from Bean's own book! Nobody else could get up after something like that!" But getting up, he was. Clutching his bruised thigh but finally getting himself upright, Mousse turned to face the still-dizzy Bean, and raised his arms. Chains shot out of his sleeves, blurring so fast that one couldn't even count them, shooting towards the ring and wrapping themselves around Bean's body. The older man gritted his teeth, clenching his muscles. "I'm not that easy..." He said, voice strained through the tension. His veins stood out in his hands, sweat beaded his forehead. He was obviously making an effort to break the chains, but it was not having much effect. Mousse smirked sardonically and yanked. The chains flew back, dragging Bean back through the ropes and up the ramp, until he finally lay, still entangled, at Mousse's feet. Finally, however, Bean cried out as there was an awful tearing noise that shrieked throughout the auditorium. "Ouch." Hiroshi muttered, ears covered. "I don't think I've ever heard the sound of metal tearing before..." "Does tin foil count?" Asked Sana perkily. Bean lay on the metal grating of the entrance platform, amidst the fragments of Mousse's chains. His shirt was torn even worse, revealing the skin around the four slashes to have been rubbed raw. Sweat tricked down his forehead as he panted with the effort exherted. Mousse grimaced, reaching into his sleeve again, and produced another flanged mace. He swung it down towards the Roadbuster, but Bean scrambled out of the way, and the mace swished through empty air. Mousse cursed under his breath, and darted out of the arena. Bean hopped to his feet, and he and the referee followed. "Uh-oh, looks like they're taking it out of here..." Hiroshi said. "It's a Hardcore match, though!" Sana added, "Falls count anywhere!" The Titantron switched to the view from the cameraman following them. Mousse darted through the hallway and into a storage closet, and the camera turned to reveal Bean rounding a corner. "Alright, Duck-boy, where the hell are you?" There was silence, but a thump from the storage closet gave it away. Grinning, Bean threw open the closet door, only to narrowly avoid having his brains knocked loose as Mousse leapt out with a gigantic wooden mallet that slammed into the tiled floor. Mousse dropped the mallet and clutched his hand, numb from the shock of hitting the floor, when Bean grabbed him by the hair and the waist and hurled him further down the hall, then followed. Mousse leapt up and the two fighters began exchanging blows. "Strange," said Hiroshi, "Id've thought that Marlo would have tried to interfere by now." "I wonder where he is?" Said Sana. * * * * * * * * * "OWWW!" Marlo, or more accurately, Marla Semaj was not very happy. It was raining outside, and he didn't have an umbrella, or at least, didn't think of getting one from furniturespace until it was too late. Regardless, he had tried to get to the UltraDome...but he was held up by something. Something very embarrassing, to be exact. "FUCKING CRAMPS!" And so she ran the drizzly streets, pissed, aching, and searching fervently for a drugstore. * * * * * * * * * Meanwhile, the battle raged on. Bean and Mousse continued the exchanging of blows, though it was beginning to look more like a duel. Mousse had tried to hurl an immense lochaber--a gigantic battle axe--at the Roadbuster, but Bean had caught it before it split his skull in half and yanked it out of Mousse's grasp, flipping it around to use it as his own. Mousse then drew out another, identical axe. The two of them haphazardly swung the gigantic blades at one another, often clashing the two in a shower of sparks, and just as often narrowly missing the other. "WOW!" Hiroshi yelled, "They're really trying to kill each other!" "WAAAI!" Sana was happy. "Cut his head off! Cut his head off!" Though it wasn't entirely certain, which one she was cheering for. Finally, Mousse got fed up and tossed the lochaber aside. At this time, they were by the loading garage, and the axe flipped and sheared a hole through the metal of the garage door, though neither combatant noticed. Rain tricked in from the outside, and a puddle formed at the base of the door. Mousse, smaller and more agile despite Bean's strength, ducked inside the range of the immense axe and threw himself at Bean. The axe slipped out of the larger man's grasp, and landed on the floor with loud clang. Bean slammed back into a wall, dazed, and Mousse leapt back. The long-haired martial artist grinned and reached into his sleeve again. Bean braced himself. And Mousse pulled out...a little rubber chicken. Still grinning, Mousse reaching into the hole that was -in- the chicken and pulled out...eggs. Bean raised an eyebrow. Screaming wildly in a disorient, warbling battle-cry, Mousse hurled the eggs at Bean, and the unprepared Roadbuster was engulfed in a fiery explosion. "MY GOD! MY GOD!" Shrieked Hiroshi, "We have a new Hardcore champion! Someone call the paramedics!" "No, look!" Sana pointed. The haze of the explosion cleared, to reveal Bean's form. Charred, singed, jacket miraculously intact, though there were still tiny wisps of flame at the tips of his hair. However, he was very much conscious, and looking -very- much pissed. Mousse, too busy gloating over his victory to notice Bean, was caught utterly off guard as the Roadbuster bum-rushed him. Catching the surprised boy in his arms, he didn't stop, smashing directly through the hole that had been sheared in the garage door. "They're going outside!" Sana cried. "But wait!" Hiroshi added, "It's raining out there!" Indeed, rain poured down from the dim evening sky, cold, chilly water drenched the two grappling combatants. Oh, and it did a few other things, as well. Bean soon came to realize that Mousse was gone. Standing up and looking around, all he could see was staggering, dizzy-eyed duck. Then he remembered. Not hesitating, he picked up the incapacitated waterfowl, tossed it into the air, kicked his foot back, and brought it forward again to connect with Mousse, who flew through the air in a graceful arc, trailing down-feathers and quacking with surprise. And Bean stood, silent, panting, as the rain poured down around him, washing away the blood of his wounds and putting out the fires that still burned on his person. But then, he heard something through the drizzle. A single voice, singing to itself and drawing closer. "Stuuudy..." It warbled, "life is stuuuuudy...." A young man, seemingly unaware of the rain, rode by on a mountain bike. He was wearing ordinary clothing, a gray baseball cap, and had a long brown ponytail. None of that mattered to Bean, however. It was the bike. The bike, which the streetlights and the moonlight glinted off of so beautifully. With a gleeful cry of "SHINY!", Bean started after the bicyclist, who turned around, caught a glimpse of the scary man with spiky, charred hair, soot all over his face, and tattered clothing that was suddenly pursuing him. The bicyclist's eyes bulged and he shrieked, and then began pedaling with all his might, his song becoming a panicked sort of mantra. "Studystudystudystudy..." And so Bean ran off into the darkness, chasing the hapless, strange passerby. The silence in the UltraDome was deafening, broken only by Sana's gleeful shriek. "The winner! And still the HARCORE CHAMPION! BEEEAAAN BANDIT!" Hiroshi snickered. "A little bit after the fact...RIGHT!" He raised his voice. "What a match! And there's still more to come! Stay tuned, as we'll be back after these messages!" * * * * * * * * * Misty sighed. She didn't know why she'd bothered showing up tonight. She had no matches booked, and Ash was supposed to finally take on Gary...maybe that was the reason. She just had to see what was going to happen. She wandered, sighing, through the back hallways of the UltraDome. Voiduck trailed after her, not saying anything, simply following. He was probably feeling just as gloomy as she was. Misty found herself in the cafeteria provided for the Ultra employees. Shrugging to herself, she kept walking. Maybe something to eat would make her feel better. Her train of thought, or lack thereof, was interrupted by a voice calling her name. "Hey, Misty. Is that you?" She turned around and started. There was Gary, sitting by himself at a small table, eating a hamburger. Something resembling an Eevee was curled up next to the leg of his stool, on the floor. "That you, Misty?" He repeated. She blinked, and remembered. She had taken her hair down and wasn't wearing her usual outfit. Jeans, a purple blouse, and a knee- length red raincoat seemed more appropriate for the gloomy weather outside. "Yeah," She said, "it's me." Gary grinned. She noticed that he wasn't that bad looking, despite the arrogant way he had of carrying himself. She was surprised at that thought. Wasn't she with Ash? No, she remembered, they were never together, anyway. Besides, they'd probably never see eye to eye again. "You're looking gloomy." Said the brown-haired boy. "Have a seat." "What? Oh, you sure it's okay?" Misty went to sit down at the other stool at the table as Gary nodded. "So you're thinking about Ash, I take it." Gary said, in between bites of his hamburger. Misty nodded, chin cupped in her hand. "Why bother?" Gary rolled his eyes, "I always knew that the little twerp was setting himself up for disappointment. He's always had such a...romantic way of looking at things." "'Little twerp'?" Misty raised an eyebrow. "You're not much older than he is." Gary shrugged. "Maybe not in body, but I can tell you now that I've gone through a lot more than he has to get where I am. That makes you grow up pretty fast." Misty frowned. "And what makes you think that Ash didn't go through a lot, too? You weren't with him! He's been through more than you could ever imagine!" Gary smiled just a tad sardonically. "If he's so mature, he isn't showing it now. He's acting like a little kid. A really little kid." "So if he's just a little kid, why are you bothering with fighting him? Haven't you got more Pokemon tournaments to win?" "Why am I bothering...?" Gary echoed, "Hmm. Good question." "Go on. I know you've got a reason." Gary stopped smiling, the arrogant expression seemed to fade from his face. "Oh, I could tell you, I suppose." "I can keep secrets." "Well," Gary sighed, "truth is, I never really liked Ash from the beginning. He was always way too flighty, always acted too babyish for my taste. It seemed to me that he didn't deserve to do something as prestigious as Pokemon training, which is another reason why I've treated him like I have." "There's more." Misty was now listening intently, "Go on." "Yeah, there's more." Gary frowned, "The other truth is, when he got up there, got to be a master himself. I began to respect him. I thought that he was actually worthy of being my arch rival. Don't tell anyone," he laughed in a self-mocking sort of way, "but I've watched Ultra quite a bit before I came, and there were times when I actually came to like the kid." "But...?" "The way he's acting now...is a waste." Gary frowned again, "He could have had so much potential, yet he chose to take the path of the arrogant...celebrity. He degenerated into an arrogant, shallow, cheating...scumbag. It made me really mad. To see him wasted like that." Misty nodded, eyes wide. Gary had actually gone out of his way to try and put Ash back on the right track? Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all. "Wow..." She said, "that's...I'm not sure what to say." Gary folded his arms. "It's not like I really care about him or anything, it's just that I can't stand to see such talent wasted." "Right..." Misty nodded, but inwardly rolled her eyes. Boys could be so pigheaded at times. "So tonight," Said Gary, "I'm taking him on. Gonna wish me luck?" "I suppose I will, yeah." Misty nodded, "But there's something that I was thinking about, about the match." "What's that?" "With the way that Ash's been cheating lately...I wouldn't be surprised if he brings Meowth out with him, and tries to pull something to fix the match so he wins." Gary blinked, than nodded. "I should have thought of that myself." "Well, I thought I'd at least warn you." Gary nodded again. "Right...um, Misty?" "Yeah?" "Hard for me to ask, but could you come out there, with me, to watch my back? I'd really prefer this be a fair fight." Misty's eyebrows raised, and she smiled slightly. "What's this, the invincible Gary asking for help?" "Hey!" He snapped, "It's not like I'm going to lose! Like I said, I just want it to be fair." "What about those cheerleaders of yours? Couldn't -they- back you up?" "Oh, them?" Gary smirked, "Naw. They don't know a thing about Pokemon battling. Truth is, I pay them." Misty's eyebrows shot up even further, her smile widening. "You -what-?" "Nothing!" Gary clapped his hands over his mouth. "I didn't just say that." "Of course you didn't." Misty snickered. "If you buy me a drink." "..." Gary was speechless, until he finally laughed. "You know, I think I see why Ash always had such a hard time around you." "What's that supposed to mean?" She folded her arms. "Oh, nothing." Gary chuckled. "Sure, you'll get your drink. But about my request?" "Yeah, I'll come out with you." Misty nodded. "For a hamburger as well." "..." Gary blinked, and then burst out laughing, even louder this time. Jack, and a strange, yet oddly adorable little girl with honey-blond hair that was sitting with him at a table on the other side of the room, turned to look at the pair of them. A somewhat deranged smile spread across his face as he saw the two of them talking. Misty blushed. * * * * * * * * * "And we're back!" Sana shouted, "and with our second matchup of the night!" "Dark Schneider and Sephiroth have had quite a history together." Hiroshi said, "And Darshu has demanded a rematch with Jenova's child tonight!" A riveting guitar riff blared over the speakers, and it rose into a fast-paced hard-rock beat. A pair of white fireballs shot towards the entry platform, landing in a blinding explosion of pyrotechnics. When the smoke cleared, a grinning Dark Schneider, clad in polished, silvery chainmail and a long, shimmering black cape, strode onto the ramp. As he walked towards the ring, a disc of bluish light appeared in the center of it, a portal to wherever the match was to take place. Sana grabbed her mike and spoke. "The following Omega contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way into the ring, from the kingdom of Metallicana, is the Bastard Sorcerer from Hell!" If anything, Darshu grinned even wider at this. "Weighing in at...oh, poop!" Sana cursed as best she could, "I don't care! DAAAAAAARK SCHNEIDER!!" The crowd was half boos, half cheers. The white-haired, muscular mage flourished his cape and leapt over the ropes, hopping into the portal, which shimmered as he entered. The music stopped, and was replaced by tense percussive notes, and soon erupted into a full-fledged, macabre orchestral piece. The lights went out, but suddenly went back on in a blinding flash as the music was augmented by a Latin choir. "Estuans interius, ira vehementi, estuans interius, ira vehementi, Sephiroth!" As the light dimmed back to visible levels, though tinted to give a reddish, demonic cast to everything, the audience rubbing their eyes to clear the spots, the son of Jenova stood at the ramp, surrounded by a veritable eruption of red, yellow, orange, and white pyrotechnics. "And what an entrance!" Sana exclaimed. "And his opponent," Hiroshi continued the introduction, "hailing from the City of Midgar, the product of an alien destroyer and a demented, twisted mind...SEPHIROTH!" The music hit a crescendo as Sephiroth climbed over the ropes, running his unearthly gaze over the audience and finally smiling sadistically, before stepping into the portal, which shimmered again and vanished. The Titantron stopped playing Sephiroth's video, and the music stopped. The view switched to a dark, barely lit, immense chamber, full of catwalks, steel platforms, and conveyor belts with dark, unidentifiable lumps moving on them. Krillin stood on one catwalk, looking apprehensive. "Let the battle begin!" Hiroshi yelled, as Sana squealed in delight. -SECOND EVENT, OMEGA GRUDGE MATCH: DARK SCHNEIDER vs. SEPHIROTH! FIGHT! The chambers of the Soylent System, deep within the bowels of Etrenank, capital of the Nation of Solaris, were silent, the stillness broken only by the whirring of the ever-running conveyor belts and the distant churning of machinery. If Dark Schneider were anyone else, he'd probably have a great deal of apprehension, even fear, about now. But he wasn't anyone else, really, so he didn't feel any such distracting emotion at all...at this point. Only the lust for battle against the one that had dealt him such an insult, those weeks ago, burned in his veins. Placing one high-booted foot in front of the other, the practiced step of a warrior ready to fight, he stalked through the dim corridor that the portal had placed him in. He suppressed a snicker. So the portal had dropped the two combatants off in different places. Interesting. It almost felt like a game of cat and mouse. Reaching the end of the corridor, he pushed open the iron door at the end. There was the immense chamber, all catwalks, platforms, and whirring conveyor belts with strange lumps of some sort of meat on them. The air in the room smelled of blood. Despite his confidence, the scent chilled him. He didn't want to know what that meat was. Enough taking in the scenery. Mind on the fight. He scanned the room, looking for signs of movement. The conveyor belt offered some distraction, but it was no big deal. He saw the outline of a humanoid form, standing on a platform across from him. Hello. Try as he might, he could not make out any features, and the figure didn't appear to notice him. Oh, well. Time to roll the dice. Not giving any battle cry, he drew back and charged forward, leaping across the gap between platforms. A second later, he was upon the hapless figure. It emitted a high-pitched shriek, and he drew back, cursing. He'd just nearly killed the referee. That little bald guy. His dismay was interrupted, as he heard a metallic *crunch* from somewhere above and behind him. Suddenly, lights flickered on, dimly revealing the chamber in all it's stark glory. His dismay turned to all out chagrin as he whirled around, only to feel a cold, metallic hand grasp his neck. Choking, he felt his energy seeping away. Sephiroth snickered. Not a minute into the fight and this fool was already being drained. No more life force than that, was there? He had already decided to withhold his newfound Orochi abilities. This fight wasn't a matter of [hate], but simply a matter of pride. Why had he even bothered? The son of Jenova was surprised, though, as he felt a surge of energy rush out of his own body, and the other man whirled around, delivering a haymaker to the face of the surprised ex-SOLDIER. "Impossible..." Sephiroth grated, wiping the blood from his now- bleeding nose. "How did you..." "I'm smarter than you think I am, pretty boy." Darshu grinned, a grin with just a few too many teeth for anyone's comfort, as he drew a sword of his own from a scabbard at his waist. The blade was long, straight, and double-edged, and had an odd reddish tint to it, and the muscular sorcerer gripped it in one hand. "So it is a duel you want..." Sephiroth said dryly. "Very well." He whipped off the gauntlet and threw it at Darshu in a single, fluid motion, and the sorcerer narrowly dodged the heavy armament. Not pausing, Sephiroth reached for the blade at his back, whipping out the long, curved steel weapon and bringing it to bear. The two blades clashed, sparks--lots of sparks--flying as the two steel weapons met. Odd, noted Sephiroth, was Schneider's sword radiating...heat? The two silver-haired combatants swung at one another, testing each other's handling and sizing the other up. Darshu frowned; simply by the easy way that Sephiroth handled his blade, he could tell that he was good. Maybe even better than he was. That, combined with his magical ability, made this an even more difficult battle...hmm. No matter. After all, didn't he use magic, as well? Drawing back, Sephiroth brought his sword around and to the side, swinging forward, his blade making a wide, curving arc. Darshu dodged the slash, leaping back to avoid the wide range of his opponent's blade, only to have the front of his chainmail hauberk slashed by the tip of the long blade---that was a bloody -sharp- sword!--as Sephiroth brought himself up and reversed the cut. He used his momentum and brought the blade upwards, and then down again, forcefully. This time, though, Darshu raised his blade, the edge of Sephiroth's sword sliding down the flat of Darshu's in another shower of hot sparks. Schneider moved inwards, having deflected the chop, and pivoted, intending to skewer Sephiroth with his momentum combined with the Jenova-spawn's temporary vulnerability. His blade only cut through empty air, though, as Sephiroth sprang back. Dammit, though Schneider, why was the bastard smiling so much? Sephiroth suppressed snickering. Did this fool actually believe that he was going to leave this battle to swords and swords only? "You're so naive," rasped the mako-eyed sorcerer. Darshu ignored the comment and charged, intending to continue the fight, obviously, the fool. Sephiroth gripped the blade of the Masamune with both of his hands, whispering. "*Flare.*" Sephiroth was nearly beheaded by Darshu's horizontal slash, and barely managed to dodge backwards. Why? Why hadn't it worked? Glancing down at the hilt of the Masamune, he found the materia...gone? Along with all the rest of them? What was this?! Both swordsmen stopped as they heard a voice, a young, adolescent female voice, shouting from above. "*MUTE!*" Sephiroth opened his mouth to curse, but no sound came out. What in hell was this? He recognized that voice, and realized what a mistake it had been to let those fools survive, so long ago. Dark Schneider barely caught a glimpse of a skinny girl wearing khaki swords and a green halter top, hopping off of the conveyor belt below and into the shadows. Krillin was glancing around, trying to say something, apparently, though no sound came out of his mouth. Experimentally, Darshu opened his mouth to speak...and no sound came out, as well. He stopped himself before getting angry, realizing that without the ability to speak, one couldn't cast spells. Which meant that he couldn't, but Sephiroth couldn't as well. Good, then. That meant a fair fight. Sephiroth, however, had jumped down onto a lower catwalk, and was searching frantically. Curse it all, where was that echo screen? He stomped his foot in anger as he realized that he had left it behind, thinking that he wouldn't need it! He kicked himself inwardly for being such a confident fool. Worse yet, where was B-ko? She'd have come in to aid him by now. Or should have. His train of thought was interrupted as Dark Schneider landed on the catwalk before him. The disgusting, white-haired piece of human meat was laughing at him, even though he didn't make any sound either! What was wrong with himself, Sephiroth thought. He shouldn't be losing his cool over such a ridiculous situation. He had become far too proud. He breathed inwards, remembering his training as a SOLDIER, sending his emotions and thoughts into a void of nothingness. And Darshu, grinning, charged at him. Sephiroth, his face blank, ducked low, rolled, twisting the blade of the Masamune so as not to get tangled up, and hopped up on the other side of his opponent, kicking back. Darshu, off balance, was struck by Sephiroth's booted foot, wobbled, and fell off the edge of the catwalk, though the incandescent red sword was still in his grasp, he plummeted down into the shadowy bowels of the chamber. Sephiroth didn't hesitate, and leapt down after him. He felt, suddenly, a tingle rush over him, as he plummeted, and opened his mouth. His voice came out again! The little insect's spell had worn off! His elation was interrupted as he heard that loathsome girl's voice again. "*Demi!*" Sephiroth's plummeting quickened, and he felt as if his body weighed thrice it's normal weight. Unable to bring himself upright, he slammed into the cold, iron floor, the breath whooshing out of him, and his head erupted with pain and stars flashed before his eyes, he had one last thought before he faded into unconsciousness, and that was self-admonishment. For being too proud, for being too careless, and suppressing the [hate] within that gave him power. It would not happen next time, he vowed, but then he fell into blackness. Krillin, eyes boggling, flew down after the pair of fighters. Darshu was still standing, wavering slightly, but Sephiroth was collapsed, motionless on the floor. He came to the obvious conclusion, but counted to ten anyway, just to be fair. When he finished, Darshu came to his bearings as a surge of elation rushed through him. He'd won! Of course he'd won. He didn't notice as Krillin dragged Sephiroth's prone form through the portal that had suddenly appeared in the air a few yards away, he was thinking about something. That girl. Who was that girl? He had some vague memory of having seen her before, but couldn't put a name to her face. "What was it..." he mused aloud, "Yazz...Yiff...Yev..." "Yuffie!" The same, high-pitched adolescent voice came from much closer, as the girl, skinny and shorter than he was, with boyish features, and carrying another prone body, stepped out of the shadows. "I thought I'd bring you a present, Mr. Schneider." Raising an eyebrow, Darshu looked at who she was dragging. It was B-ko, wearing that weird metallic bikini of hers, eyes open, glazed, and obviously unconscious. "Uh, thanks..." Schneider said, not quite knowing how to respond, "how'd you manage that, kid?" "Oh, I just snuck up behind her in one of those hallways and clocked her in the head!" The girl responded, cheerfully. "She was about to sneak in and attack you from behind while the ref wasn't looking, but I stopped her. No big deal, really." "So then," Darshu said, "why are you helping me?" "Um..." Yuffie didn't respond immediately, and seemed to blush slightly, though it could have been just the odd lighting, "I thought you could use a hand, that's all." "Right, kid. But why wouldn't -I-. -the- Dark Schneider, not be able to win a fight on his own?" "Uh, you looked like you were kinda losing out there..." "But wasn't what you did," said Darshu, grinning, "cheating?" "Um, yeah..." The girl managed to look slightly abashed, "I guess so." "WRONG!" Darshu yelled, and Yuffie jumped, eyes widening. He lowered his voice, and smiled an oily smile. "There's no such thing as cheating." Yuffie blinked, "You lost me there." "No such thing as cheating! Only using all available resources!" The girl put a finger to her lips, thinking, but then smiled half a second later, every bit as oily a smile as his was. "Okay, you got me." "You're a quick learner." Dark Schneider nodded in approval. "Come on, kid, let's talk. I think I might be able to...employ you, if you get my drift." Nodding, Yuffie followed Darshu through the portal, listening to him talk. And meanwhile, back in the UltraDome... "WHOOOO!" Hiroshi cheered, "What a barn-burner! What a slobberknocker! What a hell of a fight!" Sana, however, looked only mildly pouty. "Nobody bled...much." "Oh, cheer up, Sana-chan!" * * * * * * * * * Jack's office was much different from Nabiki's. He wasn't able to acquire the same one--with that lovely view!--that he had had way back when, so had taken a vacant one and remodeled it to his taste. A huge desk sat in the center of the room, piled with miscellaneous crap, and the room itself wasn't much better. He had no armchairs like Nabiki had, only inflatable chairs painted in bright, tacky colors. To describe the contents of the shelves and the walls was no easy task. He had something of everything, including a disreputable looking stuffed animal, with a nametag that read 'Hello my name is', scrawled, 'Rollo', 'Muahaha', a strange wooden stick that was so twisted and convoluted that one couldn't find more than one end to it, a giant, pickled kubasa, a few shards from the glass of the Popemobile, a communist flag, and a whole bunch of other items that it would take far too long to list. In the back of the room, however, was an immense, movie-screen sized monitor, which Mary sat in front of, eyes glued to the screen. Jack himself sat at the desk, chair turned about and watching the action unfold as Sephiroth battled Darshu. He turned around as he heard the door open, the little jingly- bell 'alarm' that he had set up functioning satisfactorily. Shampoo stood in the doorway, blinking as she took in the contents of the room. Jack folded his hands in front of his mouth in the same way that he's seen Shinji's father do a few times, and smiled. "Have a seat, my lady." Shampoo nodded and tentatively sat down in a yellow inflatable chair. "Let Shampoo cut to chase. Give Shampoo a match, spiky-man." Jack raised an eyebrow. "Hmmm...go on." "Shampoo not do anything lately! Only Mousse fight, and stupid Mousse got hurt earlier! Shampoo wants a match, and wants a match tonight!" Jack shook his head, eyes closed. "Sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that, Shampoo." "But why not?" "There's already a number of Gamma matches planned for the night. And no Lambda. Unless you can think of a partner, I couldn't give you a match." Shampoo frowned. "Mousse hurt from earlier...and everybody else is busy! There nobody!" Jack unfolded his hands and flipped through a clipboard, which appeared to be made from a recycled computer motherboard, that was sitting on his desk. He mouthed the names of each fighter as he read down the list. He came to one, and stopped. The flat look on his face changed to one of interest. He looked up from the clipboard to address Shampoo. "You know, you may be wrong about that. I have an idea, Shampoo, but you'll have to sit tight for a while. I need to think it over." Shampoo stood, nodding, "That probably best I can get from you. Call Shampoo back when you decide, yes?" Jack nodded back, grinning toothily. "Oh, don't worry your sweet little bum, honeypants, I will." Shampoo turned to leave, but turned back. "You just call Shampoo 'honeypants'?" "No," Jack said, with a straight face, "I just called you 'sweetcheeks'." Shampoo blinked, shook her head, and turned around, muttering something in Chinese. Before she exited, though, Jack picked up a dart from on his desk and tossed it with frightening accuracy at the banana- yellow inflatable chair that Shampoo had been sitting in. It exploded with a loud *bang*, scattering chicken feathers and little plastic scraps everywhere. Shampoo jumped at the noise and spun about, eyes wide. Jack simply shrugged, looking for all the world like he had no idea what just happened, and the amazon closed the door. As Jack turned back around to watch the end of the match, Mary looked back at him. "Did you just call her 'honeypants'?" "Why, yes, I did, Mary. A lovely name, isn't it?" "Okay, just wondered." Said the little girl, smiling. "I hope you don't want me to clean that up." "Don't worry about it." * * * * * * * * * "Well, what's this?" Hiroshi said, as the Titantron flickered to a view of the interior of what appeared to be a restaurant that was abnormally full of ULTRA memorabilia. "Hey, it's ULTRA Bar & Grille! And I hear that tonight, while the patrons are watching ULTRA live, they can also enjoy the stage show put on by whoever of our lovely number is visiting that night!" The camera panned across a view of more screaming fans, seated around tables full of various edibles, with TV screens scattered here and there, all playing ULTRA. The camera eventually stopped, focusing on a reconstruction of the UltraDome's ring, the stage. And seated in the ring were six individuals, around a table, and all in varying states of undress, and all holding cards in their hands. A large pile of clothing had amassed in each of the four corners of the pseudo-ring. "Two pair." Said Daisuke, who was wearing boxers that had little super-deformed Sana-chans on them. "Three of a kind," Muttered James, wearing, to put it poetically, trousers, high heels, suspendees and a bra. "Straight." Jessie said, down to tights and halter top. "Two pair!" Chirped Nuku-Nuku, wearing socks, her fuku skirt, and a bra, and all but oblivious to the leering, cheering mob around her. "You're all so amateurish!" Laughed Naga, who was fully dressed (In relative terms.) "Royal flush!" "Hah!" Said Dan, who was wearing manly pink briefs. "Junk! And Dan is secure with his manly body and has nothing to hide!" The female fans squealed delightedly, while the male fans went totally, utterly silent. "Uh," Said Hiroshi, from back in the 'dome, "I think we can cut the feed now." Almost reluctantly, the view faded out as Dan leapt onto the table, with Hiroshi wiping a sizable sweatdrop form his brow, and Sana was gone, only the sound of her giggling uncontrollably, from under the announcer's table, was evident. "Sana..." Said Hiroshi, "...oh well. That was interesting..." Sana staggered back up, her face red and still giggling. "But now *snicker* we've got another match..." Hiroshi spoke, his voice relatively sober. "Some weeks back, Gary Oak came to ULTRA, seeking a battle with Ash Ketchum, and tonight, it looks like that's what he's gonna get." "Just in," said Sana, smiling, "are the stipulations! Number one, this match will be with no disqualifications!" She paused, giving the audience some time to take that in, "And number two, this match can be won by submission -only-! No countouts! One guy has to either tap out or say 'I quit!' before a winner can be declared!" "And given these two combatants," said Hiroshi, "neither of them is going to give up very easily. So let me ask you..." he said, voice raising. "Are you ready for a good old fashioned SLOBBERKNOCKER!?" Indeed, the audience was ready. What, like they were gonna say 'no'? "Oh, good!" Sana said, cheerfully. Over the speakers of the system came Ash's traditional entrance music, 'So You Wanna be a Master?', as images of him battling flashed on the Titantron. Onto the ramp stepped the young trainer himself, the short cat-creature that was Meowth at his side. Ash had a scowl on his face, and said nothing as he tromped down the ramp towards the ring, dual pyrotechics accompanying his descent. "The following contest is scheduled for one fall by submission!" Announced Hiroshi, "Making his way to the ring, from Pallet Town, and being accompanied by Meowth is the self-proclaimed Pokemon Master, ASH KETCHUM!" The audience responded with a hail of boos and jeers. The boy's scowl deepened, and he walked over to ropes and gestured at one of the techies. He was handed a microphone, which he proceed to speak in to. "You all boo me! What is this?" He said. "Don't you realize that I'm the only real Master in this whole Federation? Why do you all cheer for cheaters and losers like Team Rocket?!" If anything, the booing increase. Meowth slipped out from between the ropes and hopped over to the announcers table, helping himself to a spare pair of headphones. "So you'll be joining us again, Meowth?" Said Hiroshi, raising an eyebrow. "Don't get me wrong!" Meowth smiled, "I'm just out here to do commentary wit' you two. Ash ain't a cheater." "Right." Hiroshi nodded slowly. "LISTEN TO ME!" Ash yelled into his mike, at the audience. "What is -wrong- with you all? Why can't you see the truth!" The boy turned to face the entry ramp. "Gary, hurry it up! I've got something to prove--" He was interrupted mid-sentence by a very loud firework that exploded above the Titantron. A percussion buildup started to play over the speakers, and soon became accompanied by trumpets and other orchestral instruments. (It was a marching-band rendition of the traditional Pokemon theme, not the anime introduction, but the video game's.) Eight cheerleaders, dressed in colorful uniforms and wielding equally colorful pompoms, proceeded out onto the ramp, and began to do a complicated routine set to the beat of the music. Another series of fireworks were set off, and the cheerleaders stepped off with four on each side, to make way for the wide red convertible that drove out of the entryway, being driven by a ninth cheerleader. Gary Oak, resplendent in his tradition jeans and green sweater, sat on one of the seats, smiling widely and waving at the fans lining the ramp. Misty was with him, in the backseat of the car, wearing non-traditional jeans and blouse. Her hair was also down, giving her an older and more sophisticated appearance. Voiduck sat beside her, looking generally bored. Ash blinked as he saw her follow Gary out of the convertible, once it had come to a stop just at the apron of the ring. "And what a cool entrance!" Exclaimed Sana. "Look at dat!" Said Meowth, "Gary's never been anything but a showoff! He can talk da talk, but can he walk da walk?" Hiroshi didn't respond, instead continuing the announcement. "And his opponent, being accompanied by Misty, and hailing also from Pallet Town...GARY OAK!" Gary hopped onto the ring and proceeded to straddle one of the corners, cheering out and thrusting his fists into the air. The audience responded with a great deal of cheer, though not as much as they could have. "At least he's getting a better response than Ash did." Put in Sana. "Misty!" Ash had forgotten whatever he was about to say earlier, as he noticed his former partner at Gary's side. "What are you doing out here?" The girl didn't respond, but simply stood at the side of the ring, watching as Gary went to face Ash. He gave another cocky grin, before walking back to the ropes and producing a pokeball from his belt. "Remember," said Hiroshi, "No DQ's, and the win can be made by submission only!" Ash harumphed and stepped back, twisting his cap back in his usual, pre-combat gesture, and put his hand by his belt, ready to retaliate. The bell rang. THIRD EVENT, GAMMA GRUDGE MATCH: ASH KETCHUM vs. GARY OAK! FIGHT! "Alakazam!" Cried Gary, "I choose you!" He tossed the pokeball into the center of the ring, and it cracked open, dispensing a beam that materialized into the yellow- skinned, gaunt, fox-headed psychic pokemon. "Okay, then," Said Ash, gritting his teeth and reaching for a pokeball, "Graveler! I choose you!" "Ash's been addin' ta his collection!" Said Meowth. "Yeah, I could tell," Hiroshi replied. The huge, four-armed, rock-skinned pokemon materialized in the air before Alakazam. Gary cocked his head and said in a flat voice. "Alakazam, attack. Show no mercy." Immediately the rock pokemon was thrust back as a sudden blast of psychic energy caught it. Graveler's rumbling voice reflected the strain of trying to stay upright under the assault, but, with great strain, it managed to right itself and launch forward. Alakazam stopped the barrage and thrust up a barrier immediately, but the rock pokemon was too powerful. The huge fist struck the barrier and Alakazam was tossed backwards, bouncing off the ropes, and Gary narrowly dodged being taken down by his own pokemon. "Having trouble, Gary?" Ash smiled, though the evident mirth his mouth showed did not touch his eyes. Time for a different approach, Gary surmised. "Alakazam! Return!" He held up the pokeball, and the psychic pokemon immediately disappeared into the small red and white orb. He picked another one from his belt and held it forward. "Nidoking! I choose you!" Immediately in front of Graveler stood the hulking, rhinoceros- like beast that was Nidoking. Not hesitating, the huge pokemon charged into Graveler. The two huge creatures grappled in the center of the ring, their struggle sounding like huge boulders crashing together. "Interesting tactic that Gary's using," commented Hiroshi, "it looks like he's trying to get the win by using wrestling-style fighting." "Fat chance." Meowth spat, "That's never gonna work on Graveler." Indeed, Nidoking was having trouble. Despite it's power, Graveler's form was impossible to get into any sort of hold. The fact that it had four arms didn't help, and though Nidoking's carapace absorbed the impact of most of the blows that Graveler was launching with it's second pair, it was still rather painful. "Nidoking!" Cried Gary, "Detach yourself! Try a more frontal approach!" Nidoking, following the commands of it's master, removed itself from Graveler's body. Rearing back, it thrust forward again, long, sharp horn brought to bear, and charged. The horn caught Graveler right on the base of it's body. The horn was hard and metallic, and held as it drove a deep crack in the stone of Graveler's shell. The orb-shaped pokemon cried--more accurately, rumbled--out in pain. There was some sort of venom in that horn. "Fine! Graveler, return!" Ash called back. The rock pokemon, with a grateful expression, vanished, as Ash tossed out his next pokeball. "Charizard! I choose you!" The draconian pokemon towered over Nidoking, and Gary's pokemon stepped back, sizing up this new foe. "Damn..." Hiroshi said, "They get any bigger, and they'll break the ring...I hope neither of them has a Unix." "Onix." Meowth corrected. "Thanks." "Nidoking--" Gary began, but whatever he said next was drowned out as Charizard breathed a stream of fire, engulfing his pokemon entirely. Gary winced, and Misty put her hands to her mouth, eyes wide in sympathy for the pokemon that was in the process of being barbecued. The blaze could be felt from where they were standing, and, evidently, where the commentators sat as well. Ash only squinted his eyes and sneered at Gary. "Damn!" Hiroshi exclaimed, "if it's this hot over here, I'd hate to be in Nidoking's place about now!" Eventually, Charizard ran out of breath and inhaled, and the steam of fire dissipated, revealing Nidoking to be staggering, skin singed, and eyes watering from the heat. Gary groaned, and held out his pokeball. "Nidoking, return!" "Dat's my cue..." Meowth snickered. Hopping up on the announcer's table, he whipped out a handful of glistening gold objects- -coins?--and hurled them, one by one, at Gary. But they were blocked by a sudden psychic barrier that had sprung up. Instead of being the yellowish color of Alakazam's though, it was tinged with purple. "Good job, Voiduck!" Misty praised her pokemon, that was scowling (if Voiduck actually -could- scowl) at Meowth. The golden coins fell to the ground with a metallic jingling, and Gary, nonplused, drew forth a third pokeball. "Ash, I didn't want to have to do this, but...you leave me no choice." Hurling the pokeball, he cried out, loudly enough for the audience to hear. "UMBREON! I CHOOSE YOU!" Springing forth from the pokeball was a pokemon unlike any that had ever been seen before. It resembled an Eevee, vaguely, but was tinged with black and had a strangely menacing air about it. "Umbreon?" Said Hiroshi, "what the heck's an Umbreon?" Meowth ignored him, only stood, looking dismayed, on the announcer's table, cursing in what could only be assumed to be his native language, given the sheer amount of times he muttered the word 'meowth'. Sana responded, however. "Ooooh!" She cooed, "It's so adorable!" "Riiight..." Hiroshi shrugged. "But that Umbreon had better pack a punch. Charizard's twenty times it's size!" If this was a concern to Gary, he certainly didn't show it. He shot Ash a look that spoke daggers, and then smiled, menacingly. "Umbreon. Hold him. Subdue him. At any cost." Umbreon only flicked it's tail, as Charizard roared and opened it's tooth-lined maw, seeming like it was about to swallow the smaller pokemon whole. But immediately it was slammed back by what looked like a ki blast that emitted negative light, the ropes threatening to snap under the sheer weight of the red dragon-pokemon. A tendril of dark energy that seemed to absorb all the light around it shot, like an angry snake, from Umbreon's mouth, coiling dozens of times around Charizard's body. And then, Gary made a strange gesture, Umbreon closed it's mouth, and the coils snapped tight. Charizard gave a high-pitched roar that indicated excruciating pain. Veins stood out amidst it's sinewy muscles, and it's extremities began to darken in color, as if the circulation was being cut off. Worse, though, another coil of darkness had snapped shut around Charizard's neck. The scream of pain was cut off as Charizard began to choke, face also turning a darker red color, though this time almost purplish. Charizard was, quite literally, being strangled to death. "Gary," Misty murmured to the trainer, "you're killing him." Gary, face like a rock, said nothing, eyes intent on the struggle. Ash, however, was hysterical. "Charizard! Fight it! Get out of there! Fight it!" "I'm not letting up, Misty." Gary said, in a voice that only she could hear. "-Ash- needs to learn when to quit, not me." Misty could only nod her head, helplessly. It made sense, but Charizard was dying out there! And Ash, ranting and raving, didn't care about it, even though it was blatantly obvious! The very audience around them had stopped cheering the fighters on, and only the occasional murmur ran through the crowd. What was wrong with the boy who she'd once considered her best friend? -He- was the one who needed to accept defeat! "Ash!" she cried out, "Tell Charizard to give up! Submit the match, Ash!" "Do what she said, Ash." Gary said, voice flat. "You can't call him back, this hold won't allow Charizard to return to a Pokeball. Submit the match." Ash grit his teeth, and yelled back. "I don't have to submit! I don't have to listen to you cheaters! Fight them, Charizard!" But Misty was already on her feet. Not even thinking, she darted around to the other side of the ring, leapt up into Ash's corner, stood before him as he blinked in surprise at her sudden appearance, raised her hand back, and slapped him. The slap echoed throughout the arena, and the silence was broken only by the gasps coming from Charizard, who's face was now a deep purple. "Ash..." Misty said, softly, as silk draped over steel is soft, "what's wrong with you? Charizard's dying. If you submit the match, he'll live. Do you care, Ash? Is winning all that matters to you, now?" Her voice had a catch in it, as if she brimmed over with anger. "How dare you. How dare you call yourself a Pokemon Trainer." She slapped him again, on the other cheek, though a little bit more softly than the last, and hopped down through the ropes, returning to Gary's side. Ash clenched his fist and unclenched it, and reached up to his cheek with his other hand, touching the reddening part which Misty had slapped. "I submit." His voice was acidic, almost malicious, and very soft, but in the silence of the arena, Gary heard it clearly. He nodded, and immediately the coils around Charizard vanished. The draconic pokemon collapsed, welts all across it's body, to the mat, and immediately vanished into the pokeball that Ash clutched in his hand. Umbreon turned around, tail flicking again, and also vanished into Gary's pokeball. And suddenly, like a volcanic eruption, the audience burst into cheer once more. "Here is your winner!" Shouted Hiroshi, "GARY OAK!" Gary and Misty hopped off of the apron, and Gary got back into his seat of the convertible, a satisfied smile on his face. Misty, with one backwards glance at Ash, followed him, and, as Gary's music played, the car reversed and withdrew back up the ramp. Ash still stood in his corner, though, his face utterly devoid of expression, though brief flickers, very brief flickers, of emotion played across his eyes. Anger? Frustration? Or sadness? Meowth had thrown off his headphones and joined Ash. He said something to him, but Ash didn't respond, only walking silently back up the ramp, and Meowth followed, still talking. "OOH-DE-LALLY!" Hiroshi shouted, "And THAT was a GRUDGE MATCH! Who knows what'll happen between these two deadly rivals next? Gary managed to get the win today..." "...but Ash probably won't give up easy!" Sana continued. "As they say, an eyeball for an eyeball, and a toothball for a toothball!" Hiroshi blinked and looked down at her. "What the heck's that supposed to mean?" Sana only smiled cutely at the nearest camera. "We'll be back after this! Stay tuned!" * * * * * * * * * "And back we are!" Sana smiled. "So our next --" Suddenly, a huge, crescent-shaped fireball dropped from the ceiling and exploded over the arena, setting off a gout of flame from each of the four posts of the ring. Hardcore, evil-sounding rock music blared over the speakers, music that had become almost the Anthem of Shadowlaw, as Sagat, wearing kickboxing shorts and boots, an eyepatch, and, as always, the angry red scar across his stomach. His expression was a scowl as he lifted the mike to his face. "Cut the music, dammit." Immediately, all sound ceased, save for the booing of the audience and Hiroshi's comment, "It's that jerkoff, Sagat. What does he want?" "Well, little announcer boy, I'll tell you what I want." Sagat's scowl deepened. "A fight." Striding out towards the ring and stepping through the ropes, he continued to speak. "Yes, a fight about now would be good. You see, Lord Bison's been working up a great deal of anxiety in the past few weeks. And I've been chosen to take that anger out for him. So if you please," He sneered, "send out some cannon fodder who's ass I can kick. And please, no slackers. I like my meat -alive-, if you get my drift." "This man is sick," Hiroshi grumbled, "someone ought to--" A ringing techo rhythm began to play over the speakers, and it built up further, eventually accompanied by lyrics. 'Just one beat...' Just Communication. "Hey, it's Duo Maxwell! The new guy." Hiroshi commented. Sana only sighed dreamily. "He's so cute...nothing like my very own pimp and manager, though..." There, on the ramp, stood Duo. He wore a plain, black pilot's suit with rolled up sleeves, and a matching black hat. One hand resting on his hip, the other holding a microphone to his lips, he spoke. "How utterly convenient." A nondescript referee stood at his side, ready to preside over the match. "You." Sagat sneered, still, "I specifically said, no slackers. I'm not interested in beating up some giant-robot-piloting little boy." Duo only ignored the tall kickboxer's comments, strolling nonchalantly down the ramp, the ref following him. "You wanted a match, Sagat? Here, here's your match." He put on a fake, overly dramatic scared-face as he slid through the ropes, and spoke in a whiny falsetto. "Oh no! I'm just a helpless little boy! What shall I ever do? The big mean man is going to eat me!" "Pretty-boy, tell me," rasped Sagat, grinning sadistically, "do you prefer garlic, salt, or tomato sauce?" Poor Sagat was caught utterly off guard as Duo, still completely calm, completely nonchalant, kicked him in the balls. A high-pitched wail of pain drifted though the arena. "Why Sagat, we've only just met. What a naughty question." FOURTH EVENT, GAMMA MATCH: SAGAT vs. DUO MAXWELL! FIGHT! Summarily, the Gundam pilot tossed his mike over his shoulder and sucker-punched the injured kickboxer in the gut. Sagat doubled over, and Duo deftly struck upwards, uppercutting the taller man in the jaw. Sagat staggered back, spitting blood and a tooth, but was given no chance to recover and retaliate as Duo delivered a wide roundhouse kick to his temple, and quickly turned about and elbowed him in the chest, and then quickly brought his fist up and smashed him in the nose. "-I'm- gonna eat'cha, Sagat. Get in my belly." He punctuated his statement as he reared back, and clotheslined Sagat across the neck. The stunned kickboxer collapsed, and Duo folded his arms. "Well now, shouldn't -I- be the one who's disappointed?" "WOW!" Hiroshi cheered enthusiastically, "Duo just creamed Sagat!" "Uh, don't speak too soon..." Sana said. Sagat staggered to his knees, flailing about, and apparently trying to recover his bearings. Duo didn't expect the taller man's foot to go flying into his gut. The breath flew out of the Gundam pilot with an audible *whoosh*, and he flew back, ricocheting off of the ropes. Sagat, righting himself, met Duo's head with a straight punch to the temple, and he fell to the mat. Sagat clenched one fist, wiping blood off of the corner of his mouth with his other hand, and the clenched fist began to glow an orange color. A bright ball coalesced around his hand, and he drew back, launching a crescent-shaped, fiery projectile at Duo. "TIGER FIST!" Duo managed to roll himself to the side, not taking the brunt of the attack but still catching it on his hip. He clutched it and staggered to his feet, the smile long gone from his face, replaced with a steely glare. "Oh, did I make the little boy angry?" Sagat shot forward with hook to the face, and Duo was struck by it, but didn't fall. A second hook, from the other hand, struck him again. "What are you gonna do now, kid?" Sagat snickered, "You gonna cry?" The kickboxer was so caught up in bullying Duo that he didn't notice the person that shot out from backstage, zooming down the entry ramp and leaping over the ropes. Instead of landing on the mat, though, the trenchcoated figure swiftly extended a slender, black-clad leg and her boot smashed Sagat right in the head. The impact was audible from the nosebleed section; Sagat flew back into the ropes, bounced, and collapsed motionless at the feet of the intruder, who, now that she had stopped moving so quickly, was revealed to be no other than Gally of the Cybergrrlz. The referee immediately called for the bell. As it rang, Hiroshi announced, "This match has been officially disqualified! And dammit, that sucks! I was hoping to see Sagat get trashed some more..." He laughed, "Oh well, I guess this'll have to do. But what does Gally want?" The cyborg-woman helped Duo to his feet and took the mike that Sagat had dropped, facing the nearest camera. "I am here," she said, "On behalf of the Cybergrrlz...indeed, on behalf of ULTRA as a whole." The audience murmured, but she continued. "Let me cut straight to the point. BISON!" She pointed at Sagat's unconscious form, "That will be -you- in a surprisingly short amount of time, if you insist on continuing to meddle in Ultra's affairs. Just a simple warning, our dear Overlord, and only a warning, for now. You've been causing us problem upon problem for longer than should be tolerated, and let me repeat, if you continue, you -will-," her voice turned acidic, "-NOT- have your health for much longer. I'm sure it's quite novel for someone such as you to be threatened. And I'm sure it's even more novel that we actually have the means to back it up. Thank you." Gally tossed the mike off to the side, and turned to leave. Duo, back on his feet, delivered a few punctual kicks to Sagat's prone form before following her up the ramp. "Finally," Said Hiroshi, teeth grit, "war has been declared." "About time!" Sana chirped. Oh well. Stay tuned, we'll be back after these messages! Now, as I was saying, what's our next event...?" * * * * * * * * * "Hmmm..." Jack eyed the stranger that stood in his office up and down. His hands steeped before his lips, his eyes pried this newcomer, examining him thoroughly. He was of average height, and had a tanned complexion with an angular, somewhat evil-looking face. His hair was messy and uncombed, and hung down in the back to his shoulders. It was a bright orange color that nature could never have provided. He was wearing a black Chinese outfit that bore a slight resemblance to Sephiroth's uniform, only with a distinctive mandarin motif and it didn't show off his chest muscles as much. There was a strange object slung across his back that largely resembled a number of flat metal strips connected to one another in some way. Mary, who sat in the back of the office, had stopped watching the TV screen that was the back wall, as commercials were running, and her eyes were intent on the newcomer. A strange look played across her childish face. The stranger eyed Jack quizzically. "Hey, are you gonna say somethin', or are you just gonna sit there and stare at me? You called me here, you know." "That I did, yes." Jack smiled, "I was simply wondering about you. You're the newest addition to the ULTRA roster, you know, and it seemed a...wise idea to size you up." "Size away," said the stranger, "but get to the point." "How would you like a match on your very first night here?" The stranger's eyes brightened. "Oh, so soon? How convenient. Who's ass am I getting to kick?" "Ah, we'll figure someone out," Jack drawled, "but it'll actually be two people. We're sticking you with a partner tonight. That work for you, Mr...?" "Genro, for now." The stranger muttered, "Yeah, I guess it's okay for tonight. But don't make this permanent, spiky-head." "Please," Jack drawled on, "some respect for your Head Booker." "If you want my respect," Genro sneered, "you earn it. Later." The orange-haired newcomer turned about and halfheartedly swung the door, leaving it half open. The Controversial One didn't notice Mary, silently slipping out the door, and shutting it quietly, a brief moment later. Jack immediately unfolded his hands and pressed the intercom button on his desk, speaking into the speaker-device. "Will Lady Honeycakes, the lovely Shampoo, please come to Jack's office immediately. Thank you!" It didn't take long for the door to swing open again. Shampoo glared at Jack, arms folded. "Why you call Shampoo stupid names?" Jack put on his trademark toothy grin, "Why, sweetcakes, it's just my way of saying that I love you." The scowl melted from Shampoo's face, to be replaced with a look of half confusion, half curiosity, and half disgust (Three halves, interestingly enough). "Jack loves Shampoo?" "Of course!" Jack's smile widened, threatening to engulf his ears. "I love all of my lovely friends here in Ultra! Now, about your match..." Shampoo's strange three-halves look vanished, and she looked at Jack expectantly. "It's on. I figured I'd throw you in a non-title match against Kunou and Haohmaru, the Samurai." "Why non-title?" "Your partner's a newcomer, who's identity you'll soon find out. It's in bad taste for the new guy to come charging in and grab a title, so I'm making it an ordinary fight." Shampoo smiled, fisting her palm. "Finally, Shampoo get exercise!" "Shampoo going to miss her match," Said Jack flatly, "If Shampoo doesn't go get ready. The commercial break's almost over, and you're up next." The Amazon started, and nodded a quick thank-you, before darting out the door. "So good to make the kids happy..." Jack smiled, "...speaking of which, Mary? You enjoying the show so far, kiddo?" No answer. "Mary?" Jack turned around to reveal a complete lack of Mary. He leapt up, throwing aside random objects in a vain attempt to locate her within the office. "Mary? Hey! Come out!" Once again, no answer. He glanced at the door, cracked open slightly, and slumped. "Aww, shit. Washuu's gonna devour me alive." * * * * * * * * * "Woo-hoo!" Sana cheered, "We're back, and we just got in what our next match would be!" "See," Hiroshi smiled, "we were originally gonna have the Galaxy Fraulein Yuna Royal Rumble right now, with all of Yuna's friends participating, and the winner getting to be her best friend, but we thought that such a battle might be too intense for even this seasoned crowd." The sound of a mass face-fault is something very difficult to describe, but has nonetheless been attempted anyway. Here's one for you: Imagine the Warner-Brothers-esque cartoony sound of someone getting nailed in the head with a falling anvil, only multiply that by about sixty-thousand. Increase the pitch and decrease the reverb slightly, and that's approximately what you have. "Sana, you can stop chewing on your mike now." "Oh, sorry!" The little girl smiled cutely, "So," she announced loudly, "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is between Shampoo and a Wai! Mystery Partner! And the Samurai, Kunou and Haohmaru!" As if on cue (which in fact, it was), the twanging music of a shamisen began playing over the loudspeakers, and began to increase in pace as it was accompanied by and slowly drowned out by the booming sound of taiko drums. A large, white-colored explosion, followed by streaking red fireworks, engulfed the entry ramp, and as the smoke cleared, Kunou and Haohmaru strode proudly down the ramp and climbed into the ring. Their music faded off, and it was replaced by Shampoo's traditional music, the bouncy, Chinese-sounding 'Lai-Lai Boy'. Her descent down the ramp was accompanied by the boos and catcalls of the audience. Shampoo ignored the heel heat and flipped over the ropes and into the ring, facing the two men that were her opponents. "And now, for her wai! mystery partner..." Hiroshi said expectantly. But nobody came out of the entryway. Shampoo cursed and stomped her foot, and pointed at Kunou. The young kendoist nodded to his master, and smirked at Shampoo, leveling his bokken in a ready position. And so rang, did the bell. FIFTH EVENT, LAMBDA MATCH: SHAMPOO and WAI! MYSTERY PARTNER vs. THE SAMURAI! FIGHT! Shampoo launched the first attack, a graceful heel-kick (no pun intended) that would have caught Kunou in the neck, had he not smoothly dodged it, countering by thrusting forward with his bokken. Shampoo, her reflexes taut, slid out of the way of the striking weapon and spun about, using her momentum to deliver a backhand slap to Kunou's temple. The kendoist was knocked slightly to the side, but recovered quickly enough and slashed out at Shampoo in a wide, curving strike. "Well," Hiroshi commented, "Kunou must be practicing. He's getting better every time he fights!" "Oh," Sana snorted, "he's just a big loooooser. He's just lucky." As Shampoo hopped over the slashing weapon, the loudspeakers suddenly erupted with sound. Rough AC/DC music began to play. "And that would be our wai! Mystery Partner?" Hiroshi said. It seemed that way. Dashing down the ramp was the stranger that was in Jack's office earlier, an eager grin on his face. Once at the apron, he hopped up and clung onto the ropes. As Shampoo charged by, fist ready and aimed at Kunou, the man that called himself Genro clapped her on the shoulder and vaulted into the ring. Shampoo turned about, indignant, but upon the referee's insistence, sullenly slipped out through the ropes. "Who's this guy?" Hiroshi said, "Fashionable late, it would seem." "I dunno!" Sana giggled, "But he's got a pretty scaaary face!" The fight in the ring was raging on. The orange-haired young man had drawn the metallic object from his back and was deflecting all of Kunou's sword strikes with cool precision, and sometimes slapping the kendoist in the face with the flat side of it. Each slap made Kunou's attacks even more random and uncontrolled, as the kendoist was obviously feeling quite insulted. The calm he had exhibited while battling Shampoo had melted away, and now he was just attacking indiscriminately, Genro dancing around the wooden blade, all but toying with the angry young man. "MY PUPIL!" Cried Haohmaru from the ropes, "TAG OUT! ALLOW ME TO FACE THIS OPPONENT!" "I cannot, sensei!" Kunou grit his teeth, "He has insulted me!" "FOOLISH BOY!" "I'll second that," sneered Genro, as he slapped Kunou once more, though this time in the temple. The kendoist finally blew and charged, screaming, bokken raised above his head. Genro hopped up and over the kendoist, foot connecting with the top of his head, and he positioned his body so that his head connected with Haohmaru's chest. The surprised samurai feel backwards and off the ropes, as the orange- haired young man landed, shaking his head back and forth, and finally snickering. "Wups. My bad." "You!" Shampoo shouted, and rushed over to Genro, clapping him on the shoulder the same way he had to her, and leapt into the ring, "Out!" The boy opened his mouth to respond, but it was drowned out by Kunou's shout. "SAAAASUKE!" And then, from the support beams high above, came the small figure of Kunou's pet ninja, wielding a mallet that was probably bigger than his own body. The mallet connected with Shampoo, but Genro managed to dance out of the way. The referee immediately called for the bell. "Well, that ends that," Hiroshi said, "but now what?" The two Samurai, Kunou's arms folded and nose in the air, Haohmaru stomping along in front of him. Shampoo leapt to her feet, knot forming on the top of her head, grabbed Sasuke by the waist and threw him into the audience, where he landed amidst a group of girls. "Wai!" Sqealed one of them, and hugged Sasuke tightly, "It's so kawaii!" "You!" Shampoo said into a microphone that she had grabbed, "What you think you do, coming in and screwing Shampoo's match?" "Amazing," The young man sneered, "you can't even speak proper Japanese. I'd give you lessons, but I'm too busy to have to deal with sniveling little girls." "YOU SHUT UP!" Shampoo turned to face the audience, which was clapping in tune and chanting 'SHE'S A CRACKWHORE'. "You know, they -really- don't like her, do they?" Hiroshi commented. "Aww, that's so sad," Sana said, smiling insolently, "What did she -ever- do to them?" The purple-haired amazon threw down the mike and stormed out of the arena, leaving the orange-haired boy alone in the ring. He grinned and turned to face the audience. "Well, look at me! I'm in sports entertainment now!" The audience murmured, not really knowing what to make of this newcomer. "My name's Genro, but I'd prefer you all called me Tasuki!" The young man continued, and bowed. "I'm here to kick ass, and have a hell of a good time doing it. Who's with me?" The audience cheered unanimously. A good, clean, wholesome badass! How wonderful! "Sweet." Tasuki grinned again and turned to a camera, waving. "Hi Miaka! Hi Tama-chan! Look at me, I'm friggin' famous!" The AC/DC music cued up again, and Tasuki dropped the mike, striding back up the ramp. Before he exited, though, he pulled out the metal object again, and unfolded it. Clearly, now, it was a fan, with silvery, metallic spokes. He fanned himself, grinning smugly, snapped it shut, and left. "Well now!" Hiroshi said, "So many new faces in the past few weeks!" Sana, in her infinite calm, composure, and wisdom, chimed in. "Wai! Fresh meat!" * * * * * * * * * Lina Inverse. Stood she, by the vending machine, still as the night in a desert. Her eyes burned, though, with inner rage, as she beheld that which was the cause of all of her misery, all of her pain, all of her suffering, all of her anguish. It lay there, insolently, flopped so lazily against the scratchy Plexiglas of the machine, it's base supported by the ring-dispenser behind it. It's face taunted her, announcing the goodness within, the crisp, satisfying taste of fritos, so close and yet so far. Such injustice could not go unpunished. "Darkness," Said Lina in a flat voice, "Beyond Twilight." "Crimson," Lina said, calmly, "Beyond Blood that Flows." Her incantation was interrupted by a tug at the hem of her tunic. She glanced down to see a small girl looking up at her, blue eyes blinking in innocent confusion. "What are you doing, Miss Lina?' All of the anger within Lina flowed out, as she stuttered. "I...uh, I was just..." Who was this kid? Something familiar about her, to be sure. "Hey, Lina?" The kid smiled suddenly, a smile that Lina wasn't really poetic enough to describe, "Why use such mean spells like that one?" "Uh..." Lina blinked, dumbfounded. "Can you do me a favor--" Do her a favor? Wasn't that about three too many syllables for a five-year old or whatever she was to be using? "--and use other spells when you fight?" Suddenly, that seemed like a very good idea to Lina. Using the Dragon Slave had gotten her in trouble in the past, right? True, Xelloss wasn't around to bother her anymore, but it was probably good not to tempt fate. There were so many other, reasons, too. She'd been doing that so often in the past that it must be really getting stale for the ULTRA audience. "I guess you've got a point, kid..." Lina smiled, "Yeah. I'll try and use other spells from now on, 'kay?" "'kay!" The girl smiled and skipped away, and Lina fished around in her pocket for more change, the anger at the insolent bag of fritos all but forgotten. Mary, the girl, if you haven't deduced that by now, skipped further down the hallway, looking around. That orange-haired boy was interesting, and she wanted to talk to him. She wasn't entirely sure how she knew it, but he'd be really important some time in the future. A door, probably a dressing room, was cracked open, and Mary curiously peeked inside. "Karin, can you please answer me?" It was that nice boy Shingo's voice. "Shingo, right now I'm not very happy with you." Karin, that pretty girl. Mary stood, listening to conversation inside. "Well, Karin, you just need to get over it." A pause. "How dare you talk to me that way?" "I 'dare', Karin, because I care about you. If I didn't, I'd just walk away and that would be that." "You care about me as much as you care about Sakura?" "Karin, you're being silly. There's nothing going on between the two of us." "Well, what about that ridiculous 'match' last week?" "Agh! That was Jack's fault! I didn't want that to happen! Karin, you've got understand..." A voice from the other side of Mary spoke. "Oh, are you lost, little girl?" Mary turned around to see Sakura standing there, smiling at her. "Are you lost," she repeated, "Do you need help?" Mary put on her best innocent smile, which was pretty damn good. "Um. No. But I wasn't eavesdropping!" "Eavesdropping?" Sakura blinked, "Uh, whatever. Can you excuse me, though?" "Oh, sorry." Mary stepped out of the way and Sakura pushed the door open. "Uh, hey, Shingo...?" Sakura began. She froze as her eyes met Karin's. The blonde girl turned to Shingo, acid in her voice. "Explain." "Relax!" Sakura stomped her foot. "I was just..." "You were just -what-, peasant?" Karin snorted and folded her arms. "I demand you leave. Now." "Who are -you- to--" "Um, excuse me?" Sakura and Karin, as well as Shingo, turned to face Mary, who was standing in the doorway. "Um, what's the matter?" Karin and Sakura didn't speak. They simply blinked. "Uh, we were..." Karin stuttered. "That is..." Sakura said at the same time. Mary shrugged and smiled, skipping over to Karin. The blonde Kanzuki started as the little girl hopped up into her lap. "Don't fight, okay?" She looked up at her, still smiling. "There's lots of good things to think about!" Karin blinked again, confused, as did Sakura. They simply stared blankly at one another, and Mary, unnoticed, silently climbed off of Karin's lap and stepped out of the room. "Uh..." Karin spoke finally, "what was I saying again?" "Oh yeah," Sakura thumped her fist into her palm, "Shingo." "Um," The boy's face was pale, "yeah?" "Can I borrow some change? I was gonna get a coke..." Shingo's blinking was audible. "Uh, sure..." He rooted around in his pocket, finally digging out several coins and flipped them to the fuku-clad girl, who smiled and caught them. "Thanks!" She turned and left, shutting the door. "Shoot." Karin frowned, "I forgot what I was going to say." * * * * * * * * * "Work with me, people! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!" And so the audience responded to Sana's prompt. "BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!" "Wow," Hiroshi said, blinking, "and the match hasn't even started yet!" Iori's grating music started up over the sound system. Fog engulfed the entrance ramp, tinted red by a lighting effect, and Iori himself emerged, looking menacing, as usual. He walked down the ramp, and slid through the ropes. "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and the win will be decided by first blood!" The audience cheered as Hiroshi announced. "Currently in the ring, the Psycho Shonen, IORI YAGAMI!" A wave of boos swept through the audience, though some of the more sadistic viewers cheered wildly. The music faded and switched to what was playing earlier. Marilyn Manson's rendition of 'Sweet Dreams'. A loud, Chris-Jericho- esque pyrotechnic set off, and so set the audience's ears to ringing. Shermie stepped onto the ramp. She had changed her outfit, and was wearing now a pair of shimmering satin kung-fu style trousers, patterned a red snakeskin print, high-laced black boots, and her usual, traditional blouse, though it had been dyed red. The audience cheered moderately. They liked her again, it would appear. "Think she's wearing that to hide any blood?" Hiroshi commented, then announced, "And his opponent, the former Disciple of the Void, SHERMIE!" The young woman didn't stop to pose, and simply stormed down the ramp, a strange smile on her face. Leaping into the ring, she didn't hesitate to slash into Iori with her fingernails, like a striking cat. She missed, but then smiled sweetly. "Aren't my nails pretty?" She giggled, "I just got them lacquered!" SIXTH EVENT, GAMMA FIRST BLOOD MATCH: SHERMIE vs. IORI YAGAMI! FIGHT! "Cute, girl." Iori sneered. "Shut up and fight." He struck out with a fist that tagged Shermie on the shoulder. She didn't waver, though, as she thrust out with another clawed hand, grabbing Iori by the neck and lifting him with her whole body's strength, and then dropped him onto the ring. A perfect chokeslam. Iori rolled and hopped to his feet, grimaced, and slid towards his opponent, his leg arcing out. Shermie hopped up and avoided being tripped by the sweep, and charged forward, kicking Iori in the forehead as she dashed by. She bounced off of the ropes and turned around, ready to repeat the strike, but Iori had stood again, and caught her with his extended arm. Shermie fell down, clotheslined, and Iori turned about, the same sadistic grin on his face, and extended a fist, clenching it. Immediately it was engulfed in flame. He unclenched it and thrust down, fingernails extended. Just barely, Shermie rolled away before it struck her, though it singed through the sleeve of her blouse. Wincing at the heat, she stood and clenched her fist, managing to tag the still-grinning Iori in the jaw. His grin faded as he rubbed his bruised chin, and he slammed into Shermie with a powerful leg sweep that knocked her to the mat again. "And it looks like Shermie's having trouble," Hiroshi said, "much as Iori's a bastard, he's still got the advantage over Shermie in size, strength, and sheer viciousness." Sana led the audience in the continuing chant. "BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!" "I like that," Iori rasped, "how did it go? 'Blood so sweet. - Taste- of blood.'" "You're a sick man, Yagami," Shermie scowled, getting to her feet. "You like the taste of blood so much?" Iori immediately struck out again with his foot. Shermie dodged the kick, but Iori charged forward, spinning, and his elbow connected with Shermie's chest. Not stopping he extended his arm fully and struck her in the cheek with his fist. Neither of them noticed the security guard that approached Hiroshi. The commentator blinked and looked at the man, who winked at him. Daisuke! How did he get here? Wasn't he at the restaurant? The security guard sauntered past and walked nonchalantly to the apron, where he dropped a small object at the edge of the mat, before he slipped back into the audience. What was he doing? By sheer luck, or perhaps by something more, Shermie fell to the mat again, dropped by another powerful kick from Iori. And by the same luck, she happened to notice the small object and immediately grabbed it before the referee could. Iori grinned again, and stalked menacingly towards Shermie, who was struggling to get up, clutching a bruised thigh. Poor little fool. She was hurt already. It would be almost too kind to put her out of her misery now. Iori was didn't care as Shermie, seemingly halfheartedly, punched him in the forehead. What was a little bit of pain? Victory was so much sweeter. Incidentally, he wiped some sweat from his forehead with his hand, only to glance down and see his fingers dripping with blood. He froze as he heard the sound of the bell ringing, and nobody, save for maybe a few perceptive viewers, noticed Shermie tuck a small object into her cleavage. "Here is your winner," announced Hiroshi, "and the number one contender for the Gamma title belt! SHERMIE!" Her music keyed up again, and Iori cried out in rage. He threw himself at Shermie, intending to do permanent damage, but she deftly slipped out of the way and darted out of the ring, making her way up the entrance ramp, laughing, as Iori spluttered and cursed. The referee tapped him on the shoulder and gestured towards the exit, and he sullenly stomped out. "What a..." Hiroshi remembered Daisuke's strange interference, "...what an interesting match! So it looks like next week Shermie's gonna go for the Gamma belt! We'll be back with our main event, after these messages!" "BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!" "Uh, Sana? The match is over..." "BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!" * * * * * * * * * Shermie smiled as she walked backstage. A Gamma shot next week, and plus... She pulled the object out of her cleavage, looking at it. A shiny pair of brass knuckles, which she had used to win the match. That in itself was good enough, but there was some writing on them, scratched into the metallic surface. "SHERMIE, USE THESE --DAISUKE" Yes indeed, she and Dai-kun needed to have a talk. A nice, long talk. She dropped them back into her cleavage, still smiling. * * * * * * * * * Nabiki Tendo looked up as her secretary spoke to her. "Miss Tendo, Lain Iwakura is here to see you." Ultra's adolescent webmonkey stood in the office, looking at Nabiki expectantly. In her hand was a manilla folder with a few pieces of paper sticking out the side. "Thank you." Nabiki said to her secretary, "Ah, Miss Iwakura. Good to see you. Is that the information I requested?" The girl nodded and set the folder on Nabiki's desk. "It is." Lain quietly left the office and Nabiki eagerly reached forward to open the folder, whipping out the paper as a child tears open a birthday present. Her eyes scanned the clear, black and white typing printed there, and they froze on a single line. The secretary turned around as Nabiki suddenly burst out in loud, raucous laughter. The CEO slammed her fist down the desk and continued to laugh, leaning back in her chair which tilted precariously. "Um, Miss Tendo?" She said in her quiet office-lady voice, "What's so funny?" Nabiki laughed out loud for a few more moments, before finally regaining her composure. "These," She spoke to the secretary and pointed at the documents, "are records of yearly profits made by the hundred biggest businesses in the world, legitimate or illegitimate." Nabiki's grin returned, "And according to these," the grin widened, "Our company, Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation ULTRA, is making more money than Bison's organization, Shadowlaw!" The laughter returned, and the secretary blinked. "I wonder..." Nabiki said in between giggles, "...if I should just buy Bison out?" * * * * * * * * * Iori Yagami angrily stormed through the hallways. Why? He had this match in his pocket and suddenly that disgusting wench pulled - something- on him. He had no idea what it was, but that didn't matter. He lost. That alone was unforgivable. Iori was so angry, if fact, that he wasn't watching where he was going. He slammed into some person, and summarily fell on his ass. "Ow! Watch where you're walking." Iori raised his head to look at the speaker, who had also been knocked down. It was that orange-haired kid from earlier, that had been paired up with Shampoo. Who was he, again? Tasuki? The two young men stood and glared at one another. Iori spoke. "That's not the rule around here, boy. Let me tell you now, since you're new. -You-" he pointed at Tasuki's face, "get out of -my- way." "Oh, is that the way it is?" Tasuki arched an eyebrow. "You know what, I've just now met you, and I already don't like you. Now put that finger down before I bite it off." "Beat it, kid." Iori sneered, though he lowered his finger, "I'm not in a good mood. You might get hurt." "Oh, bring it on. This could be fun." Controversial Jack, fortunately, stepped in just as the two were about to dive at each other's throats. He had been looking for Mary, but had noticed the two just in time. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" He stepped between the two. "What's the problem?" "Out of my way, freak." Iori growled. "Nothing," Tasuki said, "I was just about to wipe this baby's ass." "No," said Jack, "that ain't good. If you want to fight, take it outside, boys. Or..." He pit a finger to his lips and grinned, suddenly, "How would you like a match next week?" The two young men stepped back, eyes on Jack. "Think about it," Jack said, and turned to Tasuki, "you're brand spankin' new, so you want some action." He turned to Iori, "You're mad 'cause you lost, so you've got some anger to work out. A match next week. Two of you. And since we just raked in the dough for the Zeta encore, maybe we can work in some nice little gimmicks. How does that sound?" "Hmph." Iori folded his arms, "Whatever." He stomped off. "I like it." Tasuki smiled viciously at Iori's retreating form and turned about, walking away. "Okay, that's all good..." Jack walked down another hallway, talking to himself. "Okay, where could one little girl have gone to by now. Mary? MARY! MAAARYYY!" * * * * * * * * * Sana's voice was dark, ominous, it resounded through the arena like a death knell. "It's time." Alright, so it's kind of hard to make a 12-year-old's voice dark and ominous, and in the noise of the UltraDome, nothing at all could really resound. So I guess that was sort of exaggerated. "What she means," Hiroshi said, "is that it's now the moment you've been waiting for. Yes, it's our main event!" A rousing drumroll heightened into a flourishing fanfare, as Asuka's theme music ('EVA-02', track 15 in the EVA soundtrack! Gotta catch 'em all!)began to play. The fourteen year old redhead, wearing her traditional red plugsuit, strode onto the ramp, smiling her usual smile. "Wow! Asuka looks a lot healthier!" Sana said. "The following Omega contest is scheduled for one fall!" Hiroshi announced, "Making her way to the ring, the pilot of EVA unit two, ASUKA LANGLEY SORYUU!" Bright orange fireworks accompanied Asuka's decent, and she slid into the ring, diving into the blue-glowing portal that was the gateway to the battlefield. The upbeat fanfare ceased, and there was silence. A cold piano piece began to play, a slow and dark-sounding piece. A single, white- clad figure strode down the ramp, pale hair framing a face devoid of expression, eyes devoid of thought. Hiroshi announced as best he could, though with a catch in his voice. "And her opponent, from Tokyo-3, Rei Ayanami." Hiroshi dropped the mike and sat silently, gazing at Rei as she climbed into the ring, though she spoke into a microphone before stepping into the portal. "i am the game." She said, simply. The audience was silent. "i am here to kick ass and eat ice cream." Hiroshi sweatdropped. "i ran out of ice cream." Sana blinked. "the rei is angry." The audience simultaneously blinked. "you will come to know me as the winner." "This is weird," Sana commented. "because i am that...damn...good." Before stepping into the portal, she turned and uttered one more phrase. "wai." Hiroshi said nothing, eyes intent, too intent, on the Titantron as it switched to a view of the battleground. * * * * * * * * * Goku stood. Around him was mist and the remains of buildings, in strange and archaic architectural styles. The mist about was thick and pervasive, and the air held about it a chill. Shadar Logoth, that's what they called this place, and the name had an ominous ring to it. As the two fighters, in their Evangelions, materialized facing one another, Goku idly wondered about that weird mist-creature that he had earlier tracked down and subdued. He had to do it, it might have presented a distraction later in the match. Asuka made the first move. MAIN EVENT, OMEGA MATCH: SORYUU ASUKA LANGLEY vs. REI AYANAMI! FIGHT! The red EVA charged, progressive knife clutched in it's gargantuan hand. As it approached EVA-00, the blue-and-white EVA grabbed the wrist of the hand clutching the knife. EVA-00 headbutted the other in the chest, and the red EVA staggered back, though Rei did not let up the grasp on the wrist. She squeezed hard, and Asuka winced in pain, feeling the pressure on her own wrist. Opening her fingers, the knife feel to the ground, but Asuka clenched her own fist and slammed it into EVA-02's midsection. As the white EVA doubled over, Asuka twisted her wrist free and kicked out, dropping Rei to the ground and destroying a number of already-dilapidated buildings. The rolling mist was cast about, obscuring the battlefield even further, as Asuka dove into the cloud. Within the misty battlefield, Rei staggered to her feet, hearing Bison's voice in her head. "Remember what I said earlier, Rei. They have threatened us. We must make an example out of her, to show them their folly." His voice was flat and cold. "Kill her." Rei drew out her own prog-knife, and stood up straight. Out of the mist came the red form of Asuka's EVA, but the redhead didn't attack. "Well what have we here? It's wondergirl!" Rei did not respond, only stood. "How does it feel, Rei? You have even less mind that before. Is that all you're going to do? Follow orders for your entire life?" Again, Rei did not respond, but charged, prog-knife slashing. Asuka deftly dodged the slash and continued to speak. "Guess what, Rei? I know how it feels to be a slave, from what I've been through. And looking back at that," she dodged another stab, "I was weak, back then. Guess what? It's the same with you. Your lack of a mind, Rei Ayanami..." The red EVA suddenly flew forward, a chop to the wrist disarming Rei of her prog-knife, and a powerful kick to the chest dropped her again, "...makes you weak." The red EVA stood back, standing still. "So guess what, Rei?" Asuka continued speaking as EVA-00 stood, "I'm giving you a free shot. I'm not gonna dodge. I'm not gonna block. Free shot, Rei! Because I pity you!" "Kill her, Rei," came Bison's voice, "Kill her." Rei charged forward, fingers clenched together, making her hand like a knife. She thrust her hand towards EVA-02's neck, but just as it barely brushed the EVA's shell, Asuka dropped. "Did you kill her, Rei?" Bison's voice came, "Very good." Goku, nearly invisible in the mist, counted to ten. He called out. "I declare the winner, REI AYANAMI!" But suddenly, just as Goku said the last syllable of that sentence, Asuka leapt up, and grabbed Rei. Gripping her wrist, she forced her to the ground, calling out. "SHINJI! DUO! COME ON OUT!" Bison's voice, in Rei's head, growled. "Quickly, Rei, withdraw!" It was no use. As much as Rei tried to invoke the teleportation device that Bison's minions had attached to the EVA, she could not move, pinned as she was by Asuka. Two other immense forms appeared out of the mist. A flicker of recognition dawned in her mind. There was Shinji, in EVA-01. And the somewhat smaller form of that new person's robot, the one with the scythe. The whole scene played out as if in slow motion from Rei's perspective. Asuka shouting for them to come, Duo dropping down and smashing the small, almost invisible teleportation device on her EVA's neck. Bison's voice, faded to a small buzz in her head, yelling at her, threatening her if she didn't withdraw. Then she heard Shinji, and Bison's voice faded out completely. "Eject, Rei! Eject your entry plug!" She didn't even think, she simply pressed the button. Her consciousness faded, everything went black for her. EVA-01 and Deathscythe replaced EVA-02 in pinning EVA-00 to the ground as Asuka leapt up and caught the flying entry plug, and dashed towards the reopened portal. It engulfed her, and she faded from view, the mists of Shadar Logoth obscuring the portal's entrance. * * * * * * * * * In the center of the ring, Asuka stood, with Rei's unconscious form in her arms, panting, body still pumping with adrenaline. And from the announcer's table came a strangled cry as Hiroshi tossed off his headphones and dashed into the ring. Asuka lowered Rei to the ground, and Hiroshi crouched over her, simply looking at first, but then embraced her. "My, how romantic." Asuka's snide comment didn't even register with Hiroshi. A team of medics made their way down the entry ramp, and entered the ring. Hiroshi detached himself from Rei as they loaded her onto the stretcher that they had brought with them. They left the arena, followed closely by the pale-haired commentator. Asuka, in the ring, was joined by Shinji and Duo. Duo immediately grabbed a mike and spoke into it. "For the record, Rei's EVA's been recovered." He handed the mike to Asuka as he and Shinji left the ring and proceeded up the ramp, leaving. "Well now," said Asuka, "funny the way things work out, aren't they, Bison?" There was silence in the arena, Bison's visage did not appear on the Titantron. "You're truly a coward," she said, "hiding behind masses and masses of mindless servants. Excuse me," she snickered. "Make that masses and masses minus one servant, since tonight, you've just lost your favorite toy. Does it hurt?" Still, silence. "This is a challenge, Bison. A challenge to show your face, here, right here, in the UltraDome. Can you confront us in person? On one of our shows? Lets see if you've got the skill to back up your words. And besides, since your so set on dominating ULTRA, we may as well give you the grand tour." Asuka's smile faded, if slightly. "If you're wondering why -I'm- saying this, the girl who's been mentally incapacitated for the past few seasons, it's because I've been dominated by evil powers in the recent past. You can count me in as one of your enemies, Mr. Evil Overlord. Just letting you know." The grin returned, "So let me repeat. A cordial invitation to Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation ULTRA. Think it out. Take as long as you like. We're ready whenever you are!" With that, she dropped the microphone as her music cued up again, and she strode out of the arena. "What a night!" Exclaimed Sana, "What a beautiful night! In fact, I'm speechless. Let me put it in song!" Sana whipped out her little yak-bak thing and leapt up onto the table, beginning her Rap of the Night: "Ultraviolence, come get some! Tweaked the Bison's nose, now he's the fool, Bison-chan, gonna go and lose your cool? So do you smell what Gary is cookin'? Do you see what CJ and Nabiki 'been bookin'! First blood, Shermie-chan goes for gold, Iori-san feels like he's gettin' kind of old! Rei be in the house, and Hiroshi pissed his pants, to top it off, Duo made Sagat-chan dance! This rap is getting bad, so I'll do what's right, this is Sana-chan saying Wai!: Good fight, good night! " * * * * * * * * * Mary giggled as she watched Sana rap. The young commentator finished and ULTRA faded out, switching to a commercial. The door to Jack's office slammed open, and in staggered a sweating Jack. "Mary?" He blinked in surprise, "I've been looking for you!" "Me?" Mary blinked innocently, "I didn't go anywhere." Jack blinked and wiped his brow. "But you...uh, never mind. So did you enjoy seeing the show up close and personal, Mary?" "Yes, I did!" The little girl bowed politely, "Thank you very much, Mr. Jack!" Jack walked over and turned the immense screen off, "Well, it's time to go home, now. I wonder if your mommy's been able to fix Mr. Duck yet..." "Oh, yes!" Mary nodded, "She called and said to tell you that she fixed him up really good. She said she had to do some surgery, and he looks a little different, but he's the same old Mr. Duck inside!" "That's a relief," Jack smiled. "He helps me get my controversial groove going. I couldn't stand being away from him for too long." The red-haired man yawned and stretched. "Well, it's late. So, shall we go, little miss Mary?" "We shall!" Together, the two mismatched individuals left Jack's cluttered office, turning out the lights and shutting the door behind them. * * * * * * * * * EPISODE 64 RECAP: -MR. DUCK is left in WASHUU's care. -ATHENA and SIE, the PYSCHO SOLDIERS leave ULTRA. -LILLITH plans on STALKING EVIL HIROSHI. -SHERMIE is BACK in BLACK (and red). -BEAN def. MOUSSE, defends HARDCORE title. -MISTY and GARY talk. -DARK SCHNEIDER def. SEPHIROTH. -DARSHU takes YUFFIE under his WING. -DAN HIBIKI is SECURE in his MANHOOD. -GARY OAK def. ASH KETCHUM. -SAGAT fights DUO MAXWELL. Match is DISQUALIFIED. -GALLY, speaking for ULTRA, declares WAR on BISON. -TASUKI (From 'Fushigi Yuugi' joins ULTRA. -JACK calls SHAMPOO funny names. -SHAMPOO and TASUKI fight THE SAMURAI. Match is DISQUALIFIED. -LINA decides not to use DRAGON SLAVE anymore. -SHERMIE def. IORI YAGAMI, will face RANMA/AKANE for GAMMA title. -ULTRA makes more money that SHADOWLAW. -IORI and TASUKI are scheduled to FIGHT next week. -REI AYANAMI def. ASUKA LANGLEY SORYUU. -REI breaks BISON's control. -THE CLONE COUPLE is REUNITED. -ASUKA, speaking for ULTRA, challenged BISON to COME ON DOWN. Author's notes: Well, after so many times, trying to get into Ultra's queue, I finally made it. And this is the result. Some 130-140k...not bad for a newbie author, yes? I half-expected it to be difficult, tedious, and exhausting. Difficult, yes, but not so tedious or exhausting as it seemed at first. I had a great deal of fun in writing this episode, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Clich‚ as that sounds, it's true. Okay, I'm off. I think I'll treat myself to 'No Way Out'... -Joe Rinaldi, aka Tabris