--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--
  Tokyo Sports  Network Presents:
        Where Are They Now?
--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--

"Hello Tokyo sports fans! I'm Haitani!"

"And I'm Shirai, and we're here to welcome you to a special series of
reports, 'Where Are They Now?' An in-depth look into the lives of former
employees of the world's biggest sports entertainment extravaganza, ULTRA!"

"As you know if you haven't been living in a cave for a thousand years, last
night was UltraRage Eta, and boy, did a lot of people get sacked!"

"Hey, be a little more tactful, willya? ANYway, over the coming weeks, we'll
be showing you where some of the Ultra competitors of yesteryear have gone
after their tenure in the ring!"

"Tonight we're going to focus on three ex-superstars of Ultra: Misty
Hanazumi, Johnny Cage, and Rei Ayanami!"

"Do we *have* to talk about Johnny Cage?"

"Yes we do, my good buddy! So let's start with him!"

     *****

"You can't do this to me, you know! I'm famous!"

A man in tight black pants and a Team USA windbreaker was escorted roughly
off the premesis of the Ultradome by three burly security grunts, struggling
all the way. "We done toldja a thousand times, get lost, pal," one of the
grunts said as they tossed the not-so-esteemed movie star into the gutter.

"Hey! Those were five hundred dollar sunglasses, asshole!"

     *****

"Cage's repeated attempts to get back into Ultra continue to meet with
failure, it seems. Pathetic, isn't it?"

"Next up, we'll talk about Misty, formerly of the now-defunct Team Pokemon.
I'm afraid we don't have any video for this, but Misty has gone back to her
hometown of Cerulean City and is slowly trying to get over the horrible
ordeal she went through in Ultra as her long-time friend and former partner
Ash Ketchum slowly went insane! When we caught up with Misty, she said she
was going back into training to resume her duties as the leader of the
Cerulean Pokemon Gym, and her friend Brock Slate, formerly of the Pewter
Gym, is helping her get back in shape."

"And finally, we take you *LIVE* to the site of an active volcano on a
remote island in the Pacific, where we've learned, through sources at Ultra,
Hiroshi and Rei went less than two hours after the show! Is this some secret
love nest? Did they elope and take a honeymoon all in one shot? Let's find
out!"

     **LIVE SPORTSCAM**

Two blue-haired clones stood on the rim of a volcano, holding hands and
staring into the bubbling lava below. Hiroshi, still clad in his tuxedo,
turned to his girlfriend. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, are you
really sure?"

Rei, wearing her school uniform, nodded. "i am positive. it is time."

("Oh no! They're going to jump to a fiery grave! It's a lovers' suicide,
sports fans, and you're going to see it live!")

Hiroshi smiled at Rei, squeezing her hand tenderly. He then raised a
walkie-talkie to his mouth. "Okay, drop it."

A large helicopter flying above opened its cargo bay doors, and a massive
blue form descended through the night sky, a parachute opening seconds after
its release. The camera was blurred by the electromagnetic interference of
twin AT fields as Evangelion Unit-00 plunged into the glowing magma below,
slowly sinking out of sight.

The two teens embraced, then disappeared through a small blue portal as the
volcano swallowed the living mecha.

     *****

"...and there you have it, folks! Whew, I was worried there for a minute!"

"That's all we have time for tonight, but join us again next week as we
bring you more of...Where Are They Now?"

--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--


The mood at the Tendo dojo was fairly somber on the evening after UltraRage
Eta.

"Yo, Akane...how ya feelin'?" The pigtailed redhead sitting beside the
dark-haired girl's bed asked.

The youngest Tendo sister groaned. "A little better. I wish Kasumi would
hurry up with that aspirin..."

"Here you are, Akane," Kasumi said as she arrived with a tray containing a
bottle of pain medicine, a glass of juice, and a washcloth. She idly poured
a kettle of hot water over Ranma's head as Akane gratefully swallowed two of
the jagged little pills.

The now-male martial artist scowled. "Dammit, that was such a cheap shot..."

The previous night, as the two were leaving the Ultradome, someone had
ambushed them from above, hurling a dumpster at them. Ranma had dodged just
in time, but Akane hadn't been as lucky, taking a hit which, in addition to
giving her several new bruises and injuries, aggravated all the numerous
injuries she'd received over the past several weeks. Ranma had tried to
catch the assailant, but lost sight of him too quickly; returning, he'd
found Akane in bad shape in the parking lot. It only took him a few minutes
to round up several medics and a stretcher, and Akane had been helped into
the infirmary and checked out by the Ultra medtechs.

While the crew was busy tending to Akane's injuries, Ranma had gone off on a
headhunt, confronting several likely suspects but finding no answers. He
believed Marlo when the teen assured him he wasn't the culprit; things
between them had been calm lately, and the furniture warrior had no real
reason to attack Akane.

After several frustrated minutes, Ranma had gone back to the infirmary,
where the medics were helping Akane into a wheelchair. They assured Ranma
that the best thing to do would be to take her home and let her rest, and in
short order he had done exactly that.

Now, Akane lay in bed, the doctor having ordered her to stay off her feet
for a few days. As Kasumi placed the cloth on her sister's forehead, Akane
smiled weakly at her fiancee. "I'll be alright, Ranma, don't worry about
it."

"Jeez, Akane...it's just gettin' to th' point where stuff like this keeps
happenin' all th' time, an' it's gettin' outta hand. Someone threw a
freakin' *dumpster* at us! It's lucky you weren't killed!" He looked down.
"An' I didn't do my best to try to save you..."

Akane grasped the pigtailed boy's hand. "Ranma...I'm glad you didn't. I
mean, it's not like I like getting hurt, but...I'm glad you had enough faith
in me to trust me to get out of the way on my own." She blushed. "Even if I
didn't."

A cough interrupted the scene. The two looked up to see Nabiki standing in
the doorway. "Ranma, can I talk to you alone for a moment?"

Ranma nodded, giving Akane's hand a brief squeeze before walking out into
the hall. "What's up, Nabiki?" he asked.

The owner of Ultra was silent for a moment. At length, she said, "Ranma...I
want you and Akane to take a few weeks off."

Ranma blinked. "Huh?"

Nabiki looked down. "Akane's always getting hurt. I know with Washuu's help
we can keep patching her up, but...even Washuu has said that her technology
can only go so far..." She paused. "If Akane keeps getting beat up like
this, she could be crippled, or worse."

Ranma nodded. "Yeah...I'm afraid of something like that happenin' too...I
mean, Akane's tough, but..."

"That's why, as soon as she's back on her feet, I want you to take her on
vacation somewhere. Get out of town, go sightseeing in Kyoto or something.
Maybe go up to Hokkaido and stay at a ryokan for a while. You can afford it,
even after all the money that's gone to fixing up the dojo and paying off
your old debts to me. I just..." She paused. "I don't want to see her in the
ring for a while, and the best way to keep her away from Ultra is to put
both of you on leave."

Ranma shrugged. "I guess. I can't say I'm happy about bein' forced to take
time off, an' it's probably gonna look like we're runnin' from whoever
attacked us..."

"I'll handle that," Nabiki promised. "I've got my security people
investigating that incident, and I'll make sure it doesn't go public until
we have the culprit. But right now, my little sister's health is more
important than revenge, or even ratings." She sighed. "Ultra will be fine
without the two of you for a little while, even if we are in a pinch...of
course, you realize this won't be a paid vacation."

The pigtailed teen snorted. "Of course. That's no big deal, though."

The young businesswoman smiled slightly. "Take care of her, Ranma. Whatever
you do, make her take it easy until her body has time to heal properly."

"Don't sweat it, Nabiki."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"You've been out of contact for a long time."

"Yeah, I know, boss. I'm sorry. Tings been gettin' a little crazy around
here, y'know."

"Spare me the excuses; I've been watching the show. I know everything."

"So ah...whatcha want I should do?"

A pause.

"The two idiots have clearly chosen their side. They are no longer part of
this organization. It is time they reconsider their decision, or are...dealt
with. The latter option is far more preferable."

An awkward pause.

"I...I tink I gotcha, boss."

Yet another pause.

"The boy. He has potential. I see an opportunity in him that I am loathe to
pass up. Bring him to me."

"Him? But dat kid's a..."

"That child is highly skilled. He has an incredible amount of raw talent.
And his addled, fragile mind should be easy to influence."

"...okay, boss. I'll get him to ya soon as possible."

"Indeed you will. That is, if you value your miserable existence."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Two days after UltraRage, and Nabiki and Jack were hard at work in the
business offices. Or rather, Nabiki was hard at work; Jack was making
bizarre-looking mecha models out of the disassembled remains of Shadowlaw
spy devices.

Nabiki eyed the spreadsheet she was working on, and pursed her lips. "Well,
we're officially in the black, and the buyrate for the Eta encore is looking
good, but we're going to have to be very careful with expenditures for a
while."

"Darn, and just when I was thinking of having my office furniture
reupholstered with sealskin," Jack quipped.

The brown-haired CEO rolled her eyes, and began toying with one of the
ridiculous-looking models Jack had stuck together with staples and Scotch
tape. "At least we don't have to worry about Bison anymore. Now it's just a
matter of running the show, selling the tickets and the ad time, and getting
profits back to where they were before."

Jack frowned as a piece of circuitry he was playing with shot off a spark
that ignited his spiky hair briefly. "Maybe, but I'm not so sure..."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Pouring an expensive bottle of imported water on his head to douse the fire
(and causing Nabiki to wince at the waste), Jack tapped his chin
thoughtfully. "Well, Beekster, you know what they say...nature's a whore
like a vacuum."

"Nobody says that, Jack," Nabiki said, sweatdropping.

"Work with me, Beek," the spiky-haired booker replied absently. "Anyhoo...so
yeah, Bison's literally in the hole now. That doesn't mean we can let our
guard down. You never know when someone else will pop up to threaten our
happy little home."

The brown-haired girl blinked. "You know, Jack, you actually raise a valid
concern."

Jack nodded. "Yep! I mean, it's so obvious that the biggest threat to Ultra
right now is that Bush moron who's in the White House over in America. He's
evil, I tellya...eeeeeeevil."

Nabiki threw a certain squeak toy at him in annoyance.

"Ow! Mr. Duck BIT me!"


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"No...no...no...HELL no..." Sakura sighed in frustration. "I just don't have
anything cool to fight in." Rummaging through her closet, she hmmed
thoughtfully. "Maybe I could wear my old gym clothes...what do you think?"

Shingo coughed, blushing slightly. "I think that would defeat the purpose,
Sakura."

The teenage Shotokaner sighed. "Yeah, you're right." Plopping down on the
sofa, she shook her head. "Maybe I should just stick with the fuku..."

Shingo stood up, tossing an empty soda can into a small wastebasket. "Ne,
Sakura...you shouldn't give up on this so easily. Look...it's just a matter
of finding something new to wear in the ring, right? Something that's not
constantly flashing your panties at everyone?"

"Yeah, but...it's a matter of image, y'know? I need to find something that's
*me*..."

Her partner nodded. "I think I know what you mean." He frowned. "Sakura...it
might take a while for you to find your new image. It takes a while to find
that outfit that just clicks, you know?"

The short-haired girl eyed him suspiciously. "Ano, Shingo...you wear your
school uniform in the ring, just like I do."

Shingo chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. "Ah, hai, but I'm always
changing outfits in the middle of the match, see? Being a copy fighter does
that to you." He paused for a moment. "Hmmm...you know..."

"Yeah?"

"I was just thinking about how that other Sakura changes costumes every time
she fights."

"Yeah, and some of them look really ridiculous," Sakura pointed out.

Shingo shrugged. "True, but maybe you could try it for a while...just until
you find a look that works for you, ne?"

The Shotokan fighter mulled it over. "Well, I guess it couldn't hurt..."

"Yosh'!" Shingo pumped a fist. "As your partner, it's my duty to help design
your battle costumes!"

"Ah...ano..."

"With my fashion sense and extensive costume experience, you will enter the
ring in style!"

"Chotto..."

"You'll be the best dressed Sakura in Ultra!"

"...you've been hanging around with that weird stalker girl, haven't you?"

Shingo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "We have a common interest."

Sakura sweatdropped.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"So...where are we goin' anyway, Meowth?" Ash asked. The two were seated
upon Pidgeotto, who was flying over the secluded forest regions between
Kanto and Johto.

"Dere's someone dat wants ta meetcha, Ash. I was asked ta arrange it."

The young Pokemon trainer scowled. "I don't have time for this, Meowth. I've
got a lot of work to do to get my Pokemon in shape to take on those stupid
cheating Team Rocket losers and that jerk Gary."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Ash," Meowth said, rolling his eyes. "But ya might
wanna keep an open mind here. Dis guy, he's got just as big a grudge against
Jessie an'  James as you do."

Ash was silent for a moment. "Y'know, I don't think I've ever seen this
place before. Where are we, anyway?"

"Indigo Plateau sout'west, on da very edge o' da Viridian Forest," Meowth
replied. "Ain't nobody ever goes here on foot, on account o' not wantin' ta
get lost in da woods an' lose da road ta Viridian City."

"So then...what's out here?"

Meowth grinned ferally. "You'll see."

And as the dense forest below gave way to a grassy valley with gently
sloping hills and the last treetops fell away beneath them, Ash did indeed
see, and his eyes widened.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


In a dark storeroom in the bowels of the Ultradome, a small group met,
weighing matters of great concern with extreme caution.

"I'll see your ten and raise you fifty."

"Damn, I fold."

"Me too."

"YOU ARE BLUFFING. I CALL."

"Full house."

"...DAMN."

As Morrigan shuffled the cards, she turned to address the wrestling legend
who had brought them all together. "So, Yaga...what are your thoughts on
taking Ultra from all these brats running around?"

Yaga rubbed his chin, glancing at the cards the succubus dealt him. "Well,
as I mentioned, my contract gives me creative control over any match I'm
involved in. Given that we have a common cause...I'm willing to assist you
all in schooling the little punks that so antagonize us with their attitude
of superiority." He tossed a few chips into the pot.

"WELL SPOKEN, MY LEGENDARY COMRADE!" Haohmaru bellowed. "CERTAINLY, THE FOUR
OF US UNITED CAN TEACH ULTRA, AND INDEED THE WORLD, PROPER RESPECT FOR THEIR
ELDERS AND BETTERS." He met the opening bet, then began rearranging his
cards.

Alberto flicked some ash from his cigar as he upped the ante. "The only
problem I have with all this is that it'll be hard to invoke that contract
in an Omega match without people getting suspicious..." He tossed in a
handful of chips, and grinned slyly. "But I'm sure if we put our heads
together, we can come up with something."

"Indeed, indeed..." Morrigan replied as she too added her chips to the pot.
"So, what do you plan to do next week, Yaga?"

As the wrestler dropped one card from his hand, he frowned. "I have a score
to settle with that arrogant little brat from NeoFighters...I'm afraid
that's going to have to come before anything."

"UNDERSTANDABLE. YOUR HONOR IS AT STAKE. I WILL TAKE ONE CARD."

Alberto frowned as he studied his hand, before also dropping one card. "I've
got no problem with that. I have matters to attend to at home this coming
week, at any rate."

Morrigan nodded. "I can wait a week for revenge against Sakura." The
succubus licked her lips as she drew a card for herself. "I'm sure I'll find
a way to amuse myself in the meantime."

The four picked at their cards, tossing obscene piles of chips into the pot.
Eyeing one another and smirking, they laid ther hands on the table as the
last bet was called.

Each of them had four aces.

There was a moment of silence as four pairs of eyes glowered at one another.

Then, the storeroom erupted in laughter, and a synchronized shout (with one
voice drowning out the other three):

"GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE!"


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Twas the afternoon before the show, and all through the Ultradome...Jack was
busy putting together a card for the night. Of course, this was not a
process that went smoothly, as there tended to be frequent nuisances...

"Now look here, Spike..."

Jack shook his head in amusement at the large man's tirade.

"I have a contract that clearly states that I have *full* creative control
over any matches I'm booked in, and that means I get to pick and choose my
fights!"

"You are such a putz, you know that, Yaga?" The Controversial One pored over
his clipboard. "I mean, I can work you in tonight, sure. But when you're on
Jack's card, you play by Jack's rules."

"No, I don't think so," Yaga said. "Not unless you want me to sue you and
your boss into the red and be singlehandedly responsible for killing Ultra."

Jack stared at the taller man, and sighed. "You're absolutely no fun at
all." Shrugging, he took a sparkly glitter pen from behind his ear. "Okay,
whaddya want?"

Yaga smirked, arms crossed. "I want Li."

*squeak*

"No, Mr. Duck, he can't get fries with that." Jack rubbed his chin. "Would
that be Ping, or Shaoran? Because if it's Shaoran, then the answer's no;
Team Clow is fighting Team Rocket tonight."

"Ping."

"The answer's still no," Jack said. "See, Yaga baby, here's the thing. I
*would* give you a match with Bullet Boy, what with the fruity, juicy
rivalry you two have going and everything...but that's the sort of thing I
like to milk for all it's worth before I pay it off. Li vs. Yaga in their
debut match? Uh-uh."

Yaga worked his jaw for a moment. "Let me get this straight, Spike...you're
presuming to know more about how to book a sports entertainment show than
*me*? Do you have any idea how long I've been in this business!?"

"Long enough that you've turned into a washed-up, out-of-shape, whiny old
asshole who likes to scream lawsuit at the slightest insult to his dignity?"
The insult did not come from Jack, but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't
been thinking it.

The wrestler whirled angrily...and came face-to-face with a smirking
teenager who was idly twirling a steel chair. "How DARE you, you little
punk...!"

"How dare I tell you the ugly truth about yourself?" Marlo shrugged. "I just
call 'em like I see 'em, old man."

Yaga seethed...then slowly attempted to regain his composure. Assuming a
superior air, he crossed his arms. "You talk big for a kid who whacks people
with chairs and lamps all the time. That's some skill, kid. Some real
talent."

Marlo smirked. "I've broken better men than you. Younger men. Stronger men.
Men who knew how to fight."

"That tears it," Yaga growled. Whirling to face Jack, he roared, "I want
*him*, got it?"

Jack grinned broadly. "Your wish is my command, O Great Yaga. If you two
give the audience a show like you just gave me, we'll have a ratings peak!"
He scribbled on his clipboard.

*SQUEAK!*

"Good idea, Mister Duck!" Turning to the two fighters, Jack beamed. "You
guys are gonna be the first match."

Yaga scowled. "As much as I'd love to tear this little punk limb from limb
as soon as possible...fighting in the opening match just isn't acceptable."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why not?"

"Ben-Gay hasn't kicked in yet, maybe?" Marlo sneered.

Yaga puffed out his chest. "Opening the show is just fine for most of the
little brats running around here, but for a fighter of my caliber--a real
champion--it's just not going to cut it."

The Controversial One rolled his eyes. "Of *course* not, how silly of me. So
what do you want, main event?"

"Precisely."

"Not a chance," Jack said, shaking his head. "Why should I give the main
event to someone who couldn't pull a decent rating on NeoFighters when I've
got consistently popular talent all over the place to work with?"

"Because *they* can't sue you for breach of contract. I *can*."

Jack rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Oh-kayfine. You want main event, you've
got main event, but I wouldn't make a habit of this if I were you."

"Hey, if he wants to get his ass kicked at the high point of the show, I'm
cool with it." Marlo chuckled. "Makes me look all the better."

Yaga growled. "Kid, I'm gonna make you eat those words."

"Ooh, I'm shaking," Marlo mocked.

"Save it for the ring, gentlemen," Jack admonished as he walked away. As he
neared an intersection, Duo Maxwell came out of one of the side corridors.
Jack stopped him. "Hey, Duo! Feel up to a match tonight?"

"Only if it's Gamma," the Gundam pilot said, grumbling. "The God of Death is
gonna be out of action for at least another week. I had enough left to
finish the fight last week, but Bison really did a number on some pretty
major systems."

Jack nodded. "Well, I frankly need a big bad bruisin' battlebot more than I
need another Gamma-level martial artist, so go ahead and take the night off
to work on that."

"Thanks, Jack," Duo said, waving and heading off in the direction of the
repair bay. Jack scratched a name off his clipboard, and continued onward.
"Hmm, what do you think, Mr. Duck?"

*SQUE-EE-EAK!*

"That's not very helpful, but it does give me a good idea for a new pizza
topping," Jack murmured thoughtfully.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"Nabiki-san! Hiiiiii! Nuku Nuku is back!"

The CEO of Ultra looked up from her paperwork to see the bubbly,
magenta-haired android standing in the doorway. She smiled. "Welcome back,
Nuku Nuku. Did you enjoy your tour?"

"Haaaaiiiiiii! Nuku Nuku had fun!"

"Well, I hope you're ready to have more fun, because I want you to grab a
hovercam from the booth and go around talking to the backstage crew, the
fighters, and anyone else interesting hanging around behind the scenes
tonight."

The android blinked. "You don't want Nuku Nuku to fight?"

Nabiki shook her head. "You're a good fighter, but frankly, you make me more
money when you're talking to people than you do in the Omega roster. So I
want you to go around filming the backstage action that goes on during a
typical Ultra show. Talk to as many people as you can, go everywhere you
can...don't disrupt anyone who's doing anything important, but try to get as
much good footage and interviews as you can. I'm going to have the
production crew cut a promotional video out of it." She eyed the android
warily. "You don't have a problem with that, do you?"

Nuku Nuku beamed. "Nuku Nuku likes talking to people!"

"Good. Then get busy; the sooner you start, the more footage you'll come
back with."

"Haaaaaaai!" The catgirl rushed off to harass the tech crew, leaving Nabiki
to her work.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Two men with wild red hair met in a corridor of the Ultradome. One was all
smiles and happiness and mania. The other was primarily anger and mania.

"Hey, Iori! Long time no book! What can I do you for?"

The bishounen crossed his arms. "You can give me a title shot tonight."

"Hmmm...nope!" Jack shook his head. "I don't know if you heard it, but
Ultra's in a bit of a tight spot...so we can't just go throwing title belts
around willy-nilly like the good old days. We have to make sure people are
paying through the yin-yang to see those important title matches." The
spiky-haired booker paused. "Tellya what, though...since I'm such a nice
guy, I'll give you a match for number one contendership tonight. How's
that?"

Iori scowled. "I suppose that will suffice. *IF* I get to choose my
opponent."

Jack nodded, jotting something down on his clipboard. "Fine, fine...when it
comes time for your match, you can call out whoever you like." Patting the
psychotic teen on the shoulder, he said, "Listen, I gotta book
it--literally--so you just go get ready, you're up first on the card." With
that, the Controversial One took off, leaving Iori to stand around, grinning
maniacally.

*At last...Saotome...*


     *     *     *     *     *     *


The knock on Hiroshi's door was answered a sound not unlike a platypus being
stepped on by a hippo. Daisuke blinked, and opened the door slightly. "You
okay in there, Hiro--?"

"Dob't cub in," a hoarse wheeze responded.

"Hiroshi? You sound awful...what's wrong?"

"hiroshi has the flu," Rei said softly from inside the room. "it would not
be wise to enter; he is highly contagious."

Daisuke frowned. "Man...sorry to hear that." He paused. "So if he's
contagious, why are you--?"

"it is my duty to take care of my man," Rei responded. "plus, i have been
vaccinated against every known strain of influenza. i should be in no
danger."

Nodding, Daisuke began to close the door, when he remembered his purpose in
coming to Hiroshi's dressing room. "Oh great...all the usual guest
announcers are unavailable. I gotta rush if I'm gonna find someone to--"

"hiroshi already has it covered," Rei replied. "hurry and prepare for the
show. your co-announcer will arrive shortly."

The dark-haired clone blinked. "Uh...okay then. Umm, hope you get well soon,
Hiroshi."

A wet cough answered as he closed the door.

Inside the room, Rei asked quietly, "is this correct?"

Hiroshi gave her a thumbs-up.

The clone girl nodded. "then i will go. call if you need me."

As she left, the sick announcer whispered, "Good luck,
Rei...*coughcoughaaaaaaack*"


     *     *     *     *     *     *


                              LIVE!
                      FROM THE ULTRADOME!
                     THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
                    IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
                      SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
                        AND IMPROFANFIC!
                        IT'S TIME FOR...

         { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
         {    C R O S S O V E R    F I G H T I N G      }
         {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
         {                .-----------.                 }
         {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
         {                `-----------'                 }
         {          http://www.mtcffultra.com           }

             Episode 73 : 73% Lean USDA Choice Whoopass!
             Written By: The Eternal Lost Lurker
             MTCFF Ultra Created By:  Twoflower



     *     *     *     *     *     *


Daisuke sat nervously at the announcer's table, coming to a slow, certain
realization that he was going to have to open the show without any help. As
the opening pyro exploded and the theme music blared, he gazed out at the
crowd nervously, knowing what they were waiting for...knowing HE'D have to
give it to them. Knowing that there was no way he could match Hiroshi's
volume and enthusiasm.

The laconic announcer was given a stay of execution as the UltraTron strobed
briefly amid the pyro, before fading into a display of...

A package of meat.

The audience (and Daisuke) watched the enormous screen in confusion as a
kitschy Claymation video began to play, featuring a little clay Bison
pounding on a little clay package of meat with a mallet. *What the hell is
this?* Daisuke wondered.

The little clay package of meat suddenly whipped out a little grand piano
and beat the Bison figure into a gooey pulp with it. The camera zoomed in on
the meat's 'label', which resolved into a rapid succession of clips from the
various matches at Eta, including Sephiroth's unleashing, the Pokemon
equivalent of the Van Daminator from the Lambda title match, and of course,
Bison's public spanking. As the audience cheered the clips of gratuitous
violence, the camera zoomed back out, showing the "meat" eating a hot, yummy
clay Bisonburger and snickering. The words "ULTRA: 73% Lean USDA Choice
Whoopass" appeared on the screen courtesy of a CGI branding iron, before the
video faded to the usual Ultra logo.

"are you ready for a little ultraviolence?"

Daisuke blinked, as did the crowd, who had expected a more enthusiastic
opening line. The dark-haired announcer glanced to the side...and found
himself staring at a pair of shapely, hosiery-and-high-heels-clad legs
standing on the announcers' table. Following the legs upward, he found the
equally shapely body they belonged to--his good buddy's girlfriend, clad in
a skimpy black 'magician' outfit that accentuated her figure nicely. A
spotlight focused on her as she backflipped off the table, landing perfectly
in the seat beside Daisuke. The crowd cheered, though it wasn't nearly as
ultrocious as usual. "welcome to ultra, the show that smacks you down hard
and makes you its bitch every single week."

"What are you doing out here, Rei?" Daisuke hissed, covering his mic. A
moment later, his query was repeated by Nabiki over their headsets, and the
boss sounded fairly angry.

"filling in for hiroshi," the albino girl answered simply.

"/Rei, you're fired, remember? I'm not paying you to be here./"

"that does not matter," Rei said. "i am only doing this because hiroshi
asked me to. i do not require payment."

"/Hmm. Well, the audience doesn't seem to mind, so go ahead and annouce,
Rei. Good luck, you two./"

*Great,* Daisuke grumbled to himself. Taking his hand off his microphone, he
lamely began, "We have your usual dose of people beating each other
senseless tonight, and after last week's pay-per-view extravaganza, there's
no telling what might happen tonight. Actually, you can probably figure out
a lot of what could happen tonight, but--"

"but ultra is unpredictable and anything can happen. challenges, grudge
matches, exciting rivalries and hardcore action. wai."

Daisuke sweatdropped. "Well, without further ado, let's--"

The lights dimmed, and a huge neon "R" dropped into view above the ring.

"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"

"AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!"

"--hear from Team Rocket," Daisuke finished as the crowd began cheering.

Thousands of voices chanted along with the motto while the familiar theme
music began blaring from the UltraTron's speakers. "To protect the world
from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"To denounce--"

Jessie was cut off by a loud explosion, a hiss of static, and a shower of
sparks. The spots that had been training on the duo guttered out, and the
pyro died down. The glowing 'R' sputtered a few times before going dark.

"it seems they will not be denouncing anything at this time," Rei commented.

"Hmm. It's been a while since anyone interrupted the Team Rocket motto. I
wonder..."

The hushed murmur of the audience did not quite cover the slow, rhythmic
thumps of heavy footsteps, or the sound of metal striking metal.

"someone is coming down the ramp," Rei noted.

"Sounds like Bean, but..." Daisuke frowned. "Can we get some lights?"

A single spotlight flickered weakly on, training on the figure making its
way slowly down the ramp.

"it is not bean bandit."

Indeed, the figure approaching the ring was less than half the massive
Roadbuster's height. However, he was certainly wearing enough leather and
metal to compensate.

Up in the rafters, James blinked. "Hey, isn't that?"

"No, it couldn't be," Jessie replied.

Steel-toed boots clumped noisily, causing various other bits of metal on the
newcomer's person to jangle. As the light trained on him, the rest of his
ensemble inspired numerous muttered and whispered comments in the crowd.
Jet-black leather pants and a heavy black leather jacket accompanied the
boots; a hint of silver glinted in the spotlight as the shimmery muscle
shirt underneath the jacket peeked out. A glossy black cap with a gleaming
metal plate riveted above the brim topped his spiky black bangs. Other bits
of metal dangled here and there; oversized zipper tabs swung back and forth
from his jacket and pants as he walked, and the triple-chain belt around his
waist clattered. Silvery pins attached to his collar flashed twin 'R's under
the spotlight, and a similar 'R', emblazoned in red, glistened on the front
of his hat.

He stopped at the bottom of the ramp, turning his back to the ring, and
spread his arms out wide. Pyro exploded around him, and on the UltraTron, a
giant flaming 'R' superimposed itself over his image, mirroring the one on
the back of his jacket. Hard, unrelenting heavy metal thumped from the
speakers as he held that pose for a moment before snatching a microphone
from a nervous tech with one fingerless-gloved hand. He turned slowly,
lifting his head to glare at the two Pokemon trainers perched in the
rafters, and raised his free hand to point at them.

"*YOU* prepare for trouble," he hissed into the microphone, "because you two
and your rat are finished."

Everyone gasped at the familiar voice, and a few boos began to rise from the
startled crowd.

Jessie and James blinked, first at each other, then at the figure on the
ramp.

"And do you know *why* you're finished?" the leather-clad individual asked.
"I'll *tell* you why.

"Because I'm Ash Ketchum, Team Rocket Enforcer. And I've got orders to take
you out."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


In Pallet Town, a woman fainted. "Mime?" a voice asked.

In a house not far away, a middle-aged man shook his head sadly.

In Cerulean City, a young girl gasped in shock, tears streaming down her
face. A tanned boy's jaw clenched in anger.

Somewhere to the west of Viridian City, a man laughed.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"What in the world's going on here?" Daisuke asked.

"i do not know."

Jessie and James leapt carefully down into the ring, staring at the
black-clad boy. "Would you...mind repeating that?" Jessie asked.

Ash smirked. "You heard me. I know everything now, and your days of shaming
the name Team Rocket are OVER!"

The two Rockets in the ring glanced at one another, then back at the boy
claiming to be a Rocket who stood outside the ring. "And what, precisely, do
you know, twerp?" Jessie demanded.

The younger trainer laughed harshly. "Heh...I guess it's only fair that I
let all of Ultra, all these people who cheer for you pathetic cheating
losers...the entire WORLD know the truth!

"The day after Eta..."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"This...this is..."

"Ashie-boy, welcome ta Team Rocket headquarters." The feline Pokemon
grinned.

The young trainer scowled, reaching for his belt. "You stabbed me in the
back, just like Misty did! I'll..."

A throat cleared noisily. "Mister Ketchum."

Ash blinked. "Y-yeah?"

"Please do not be alarmed. You are not in any danger."

The boy looked around for the source of the voice. "Wh-who's there?"

"Please, come to my office. I wish to discuss something of great importance
with you. Meowth, show him the way."

"Right, boss!" Meowth gestured down the hall. "Dis way, Ash."

Ash followed, blinking in confusion. "Who--? Why? What's goin' on here,
Meowth?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

Ash gulped nervously as he was led down the dark corridor. After several
minutes of walking, they approached a large metal door with a bright red "R"
emblazoned in the center. The door opened as they approached, and Meowth
urged Ash to step through.

Inside the room, a man sat behind a large antique desk. His hair was
close-cropped and slicked back, and he wore an expensive-looking suit.
"Mister Ketchum. So good of you to come. Please, have a seat." he gestured
to a set of richly upholstered chairs facing him.

Ash sat down, sinking a bit into the soft leather upholstery. He barely
registered the expensive furnishings, however, as he stared at the man
across from him. "Who...?"

The man behind the desk smiled; the sly demeanor of a practiced con artist
practically oozed from him. "It is good to finally meet you face to face,
after hearing so many tales of your exploits. Allow me to introduce
myself...I am Don Giovanni, the leader of Team Rocket."

The young boy's eyes widened as he practically shot out of his chair.
"You're...!"

"Calm yourself, Mister Ketchum," Giovanni said. He pressed a button on his
intercom, and a secretary promptly entered the room with a tray of sodas.
"Have a seat, have a drink, and listen to what I have to say."

"Why should I listen to the guy who leads the worst cheaters in the entire
world?" Ash ranted.

Giovanni coughed. "Because, Mister Ketchum, those...cheaters you loathe so
much are my enemies as well."

Ash blinked. "Huh?"

"Please, sit down. You must be thirsty after the long journey, yes?"

Nodding dumbly, Ash sat back down, taking the offered drink out of habit
rather than out of actual thirst.

Giovanni folded his hands on the surface of his desk. "Mister Ketchum--may I
call you Ash?"

"Sure, I mean, you're older than me and stuff..."

The unctious man smiled broadly. "Very well then, Ash...allow me to explain.
I know you have had many dealings, even prior to Ultra, with the two
imbe---with the two Pokemon thieves who call themselves Team Rocket."

Ash nodded. "Yeah, all the time. They're just a couple of no-good cheaters.
Why all those stupid Ultra people like them, I have no idea."

"Indeed," Giovanni said. "What you are probably not aware of is the fact
that Jessie and James are not, in fact, affiliated with Team Rocket at all."

The young trainer blinked. "Huh!?"

The well-dressed man stood, pacing behind his desk. "Ash...many years ago, I
took in two young children who had no home, no education, no job, no money..
.street urchins, cast down from their previous lives due to misfortunes they
suffered. I took them in, brought them into my home, much as I did with a
talking Meowth you are well-acquainted with."

"It's true," Meowth said, sensing his cue. "Dey was so pitiful..."

"Those poor little children...I had hoped to make them valuable members of
my organization." Giovanni paused dramatically. "You see, Ash...Team Rocket
is not a criminal organization. Our business isn't stealing Pokemon."

"It...it isn't? Ash asked, blinking.

"Perish the thought," the dark-haired man said, affecting genuine revulsion
at the very idea. "Team Rocket exists to *help* people, Ash. When Pokemon
are found injured in the wild, we take care of them. When Pokemon become
difficult and disobedient, we subdue them and help the trainers learn to
control them. When a Pokemon is abandoned, we give it a home and a new
trainer. We do most of our work behind the scenes, but what we do is
essential and beneficial to everyone, both human and Pokemon." He smiled
beatifically. "We're sort of a Pokemon Red Cross, if you will."

It took a moment for Ash to digest this. "So...what about..."

Giovanni sighed. "Jessie and James...I had such high hopes for them. But you
see...they had a sickness, deep down. They were infected with the disease of
greed and spitefulness. I tried to bring them around, but...it was all for
naught. They stole from their comrades, they corrupted this poor
Meowth...one of the rarest Pokemon in the world, certainly!...and then, they
went rogue. They became Pokemon thieves. They became evil."

"That's terrible..."

"You don't know da half of it, kid," Meowth sniffled, wiping a tear from his
eye.

"When they began to use the Team Rocket name to cover their crimes, it hurt
my organization," Giovanni explained. "The reputation of the real Team
Rocket was ruined by a pair of lowlife, greedy, selfish thieves. I had to
take the entire organization underground just to keep doing good deeds. I
can't even attend charity functions anymore because of the distrust and fear
those two have created."

"Man...that's really low."

Giovanni nodded. "I've tried to resolve the situation for years, but...alas,
despite their seeming incompetence, Jessie and James are truly formidable
and devious adversaries. They've utterly destroyed every field agent I've
sent to try to bring them to justice. The only one who's ever had any
success in defeating them is you, Ash."

Ash frowned thoughtfully. "I think I get it now. That's why you called me
here, isn't it?"

"Precisely, my boy," the Team Rocket leader said, smiling broadly. "I've
seen how things have been going in Ultra lately. Jessie and James must be
stopped, and soon. They already corrupted that Gary Oak lad, and it seems
they've even gotten to your old friends. And of course, to Pikachu."

"Pikachu...and Misty, and Brock..." Ash's head lowered, his bangs obscuring
his eyes. "They've all betrayed me...they're all on THEIR side..."

"Those two have become far too dangerous," Giovanni intoned. "The time has
come for drastic measures." He stood, clasping his hands behind his back.
"The only way to stop them is to give them an opponent they can't beat.
Someone who is fully aware of their loathesome tactics, and prepared for
anything they may try." The large man turned. "Ash, I'm inviting you to join
my team. The *real* Team Rocket. I want you on my side...as my enforcer.
You're the only one who can stop Jessie and James once and for all." He
leaned forward, towering over Ash with his sheer presence from across the
desk. "What do you say?"

Ash was silent for a long moment. Finally, he looked up, his eyes burning
with a dark rage.

"I'm in."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


The audience waited to be sure Ash was finished...

...and the Ultradome shuddered with the sheer force of their booing.

"SHUT UP! Just SHUT UP, you stupid jerks!" Ash roared. "Can't you see what's
going on here? You've been taken in by these common thieves, just like they
planned all along!" He scowled, turning to face Jessie and James again. "And
I'm here to put a stop to you once and for all," he growled through clenched
teeth.

The two teenage Rockets stood dumbstruck in the ring.

"So you're working..." Jessie began.

"for *the boss* now?" James finished.

"That's right," Ash said, smirking. "And the boss wants you two losers out
of the way, so the real Team Rocket doesn't have to bear your disgrace
anymore!"

"We're a disgrace, so we've been replaced," James commented to Jessie.

"We're not the disgrace, it's this kid who's lost face!" Jessie replied
hotly.

"Okay, okay, I see your point! You don't have to get your nose out of
joint!"

Daisuke groaned. "What is this, Dr. Seuss time?"

"i never understood the purpose of rhyme."

The dark-haired announcer *stared* at Rei.

Ash, meanwhile, was losing patience below. "ENOUGH!" he screamed. "I'm going
to take both of you down RIGHT NOW!"

"No you're not, kid," a voice filtered down from the top of the ramp.
Psychotically psychedelic music pumped from the 'Tron as Controversial Jack
strolled into the arena. "Look, Ash...I gotta say, I like what you've got
going with the whole Biker-taker look and all that, but see...this is Ultra,
son. You gotta play by the rules, you understand?"

Ash scowled. "I *always* play by the rules!"

Jack rolled his eyes theatrically. "Of course you do, of course you do."
Making a 'this kid is cuckoo' gesture out of eyeshot, he continued, "See,
the thing is, those two have a match tonight, and you...well, don't. So why
don't you go backstage, kick up your heels, have a snack, and watch the
show, okay?"

A leather-clad fist wound itself into Jack's necktie, and his personal space
was invaded rather forcefully. "I want a match tonight, Jack. I want Jessie
and James."

Jack extracted himself carefully from the boy's grip, and smiled. "I already
said, you can't fight them tonight. BUT! I suppose I can work you into the
card somewhere..."

"I'll take him," a new voice rang out. Everyone looked around for the
source, only to spot a blur descending into the ring to stand with Team
Rocket. A teenage boy with a pigtail, dressed in Chinese clothes, crossed
his arms and glowered down at Ash. "This kid's a little punk, and I hate
little punks, so I don't mind kicking him around and teaching him a lesson."

Jack cackled. "Splendid! I was hoping to get you into tonight's card
anyway." Smiling, he turned to his erstwhile latex partner. "What do you
think, Mr. Duck?"

*SQUEAK!*

"Excellent. Alright then, Ash...right before the main event, it'll be you
and your new attitude against one of Ultra's newcomers, Li Ping."

"Whatever," Ash growled. He started to stalk back up the ramp, before
pausing. "By the way," he addressed the trio in the ring, "I'd just like to
give you a sample of the beating you're in for." Whipping out a Pokeball and
throwing it, he called out, "Skarmory...go up there and use Steel Wing."

"SKAAARRRR!" Faster than anyone could blink, a gleaming Pokemon swooped up
into the rafters. There was a loud screech of tearing metal and a shower of
sparks...

...and the darkened neon 'R' plummeted toward the ring, missing the three
fighters by inches as it crashed through the canvas.

Recalling his Pokemon, Ash stormed out of the arena, boots clanking with
every step.

"..." Jessie, James, and Li commented.

"Well," Daisuke said after a moment. "It seems Ash has some new surprises up
his sleeve. I think maybe Li made a big mistake challenging him like this."

"it was on his belt, not in his sleeve."

"...work with me, Rei."

"i am working with you, daisuke."

"...I think we need a commercial break, folks. We'll be back with a Gamma
matchup right after this."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Backstage, Ash collided with a bouncy, cheerful android. "Hi-hi, Ash-kun!
That new outfit is really different!"

Ash scowled. "Leave me alone." He pushed past the fuku-clad android,
irritated.

Nuku Nuku got in his face again. "Wait! Why don't you tell the nice folks
watching a little bit about your Pokemon!"

The boy smiled. "You wanna know about my Pokemon?"

"Hai hai!"

Adjusting his cap slightly, Ash casually dropped a Pokeball, releasing a
large...something, made of three metal spheres that were apparently fused
together. "Explosion," he commanded sharply.

A moment later, Ash was long gone, his Pokemon recalled. The camera pod
dipped and drooped in the air, the corridor was damaged, and Nuku Nuku was
covered with soot. She blinked. "Anoooooo...."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Shingo eyed his handiwork, humming to himself. "Not bad...I think this
really works, Sakura."

His partner sweatdropped. "You really think so?"

"Un!" Shingo rubbed his chin. "Though I really think you should lose the
headband..."

Sakura bapped him lightly. "You know better than that."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"I don't see why I have to wear this ridiculous thing tonight anyway," the
Shotokan schoolgirl picked at her current wardrobe. "I'm not even on the
card."

Shingo shrugged. "You never know, Sakura. Better to be safe than sorry."

"If I embarass myself wearing this, you'll be the one who's sorry," Sakura
mock-growled. "Why did I let you talk me into this, anyway...?"


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"daisuke, what are you doing?" Rei asked, watching as the dark-haired
announcer applied an odd brown patch to the back of his neck.

Rebuttoning his collar once he checked to assure the patch was affixed,
Daisuke picked up an ice-cold soda a stagehand had just brought over. "Going
above and beyond the call of duty, Rei," he replied, taking several large
gulps from his drink.

"i do not understand."

Daisuke tapped the back of his neck. "I caught Hiroshi making these patches
once...concentrated caffeine and sugar, designed to diffuse through the body
super-fast. I figure by using this now, and having a few nice, big sodas, I
can be up to at least the level of the average fan by the main event."

Rei blinked. "i still do not understand."

The announcer sighed. "It's not that I don't appreciate you covering for
Hiroshi tonight, Rei, but...thing is, there's a formula to this. There's the
hyperactive, markish announcer, and the dry, bored straight man. And while
the audience likes you, for...well, obvious reasons...the play-by-play is
gonna get pretty dry with two of me and none of Hiroshi."

The former Eva pilot nodded in understanding. "i see. then you are
attempting to stimulate yourself so you can be the hyper announcer, with me
being the dull one."

"Basically, yeah. Ummm...no offense, calling you dull and all."

"none taken. my strengths are primarily in the bedroom."

Daisuke sweatdropped, blushing furiously. "That's more information than I
needed, Rei."

"i apologize." Rei paused. "perhaps i should apply a patch also."

Daisuke shook his head. "Nah...having two hyper announcers is just as bad as
having two bored ones."

"very well. ...we are on the air."

The dark-haired clone blinked. "Oh, shi--I mean, uhh...welcome back!
I...suppose we're ready to begin our first match."

"iori yagami has not seen much action lately," Rei read from her
teleprompter. "tonight, however, jack has agreed to give him a shot at the
number one contendership for the gamma title."

"Iori's held the belt and defended it successfully many times in the past.
Last week at Eta, that title fell into the hands of Sagat, who looks to be
in for a long reign unless someone comes along that's just plain bad enough
to knock him off the mountain." *Bad enough? Knock him off the mountain?
Good lord, this patch is doing weird stuff to me already...*

"but before he goes on to challenge sagat for the belt, iori must defeat an
opponent of his choosing," Rei added. "and here he comes now."

Hardcore industrial grunge pounded from the UltraTron speakers as the Yagami
clan's bishounen badass stomped down the ramp, igniting the pyro with his
own personal flames. The crowd reaction was mixed, and a few signs were
waved frantically, primarily of the marriage proposal kind from the fangirl
section. As Iori scowled at the Ultra fans around him, he caught sight of
one particular sign which read "U SHULD HAVE FUXX0RD Y0K0 U FAG0T!!!!11!!1!"
Narrowing his eyes, the red-haired psychopath hurled a ball of fire into the
crowd, incinerating the sign and leaving its holder a bit crispy.

Grabbing a mic, Iori signaled for the sound crew to cut the music as he
leapt into the ring. "SAOTOME!" he yelled, leaning against a turnbuckle.
"Get your ass down here so I can jam this ringpost up it!"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Jack's voice rang out as the spikey-haired one
appeared on the UltraTron. "Ranma's taking a little vacation. Sorry, but
you'll have to challenge someone else!"

The bishounen growled. "Then someone *better* get down here to take
Saotome's beating for him."

Upbeat J-pop flowed from the speakers as Iori's challenge was answered. The
crowd murmured in confusion and wonder at the figure trotting down the ramp.

"Hey, that's not Sakura, is it?" Daisuke asked, leaning over the table. He
blinked. "It is! It's Sakura! And I don't believe it...she's wearing a
completely new outfit!"

Sakura bounced lightly down the ramp, blushing self-consciously as the
audience showed their approval of her new wardrobe. The schoolgirl sported a
set of pink gymnastic tights and matching sport bra, over which she wore a
carnation pink wraparound tunic patterned with cherry blossoms, which
reached almost to mid-thigh and tightened at the waist with a plain white
cloth belt. Her usual clunky sneakers had been replaced by glossy white
tennis shoes with matching socks, and a cute little pink beret was perched
on her head just above her standard white headband. Her padded fighting
gloves had been replaced by fuzzy pink wristbands, and a row of colorful
plastic bracelets adorned each wrist.

*I feel really ridiculous in this getup,* Sakura muttered to herself as she
bounced onto the apron and slid between the ropes.

"Well," Iori said, smirking, "it looks like the fake fighter girl finally
figured out how to avoid embarrassing herself by flashing her panties to the
world."

"some members of the audience seem disappointed that they will no longer see
sakura's panties," Rei commented.

Daisuke sweatdropped. "True, but it looks to me like a lot more people are
in support of Sakura's wardrobe change." The crowd roared their approval at
this comment, and a chant of "SA-KU-RA! SA-KU-RA!" rose briefly.

The schoolgirl's blush deepened. "Umm...thanks everyone!" she called out,
before settling into a stance. "So, are we fighting, or what?"


][  GAMMA #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH
][  IORI YAGAMI v. SAKURA KASUGANO
][  F I G H T ! !


A fast, hard punch to the stomach was her only response, followed up by a
kick to the side, a palm to the chest, and a leg sweep. Sakura sprawled to
the mat in an undignified heap as Iori cut loose with a ground fireball,
briefly igniting the Shotokan fighter and causing her to cry out in pain.

"And Iori wastes no time in unloading on Sakura. He must be seriously ticked
off at not getting a shot at Ranma tonight."

In the ring, Sakura thrashed around for a moment to put out the flames, then
tucked into a forward roll, launching herself at Iori. He drew back a foot
to kick her like a soccer ball, but at the last possible second she threw
herself skyward, snapping one leg out in a kick which tagged the fiery
bishounen in the side of the head. Iori staggered, which gave Sakura an
opening for...

"Hadouken! Hadouken! Shunpukyaku! Shou-ou-ken!"

The crowd cheered as the pink-clad girl laid heavily into the redhead,
driving him into the ropes with a chain combo of fireballs, feet, and fists.
"Wow, Sakura's apparently been in training lately," Daisuke said.

"she is very fast, but iori does not seem to be taking much damage," Rei
opined.

Iori caught Sakura's leg as she attempted her infamous petal kick, and
countered with a punch which landed in a rather inappropriate place.

The audience was stunned into silence. Daisuke winced. "This is where
Hiroshi would probably make a really off-color joke," he muttered.

Sakura growled. "HENTAI!" Freeing her trapped leg, she began hammering away
at Iori with punches and kicks, including no fewer than five groin shots.
The bishounen smirked, blocking and evading most of the schoolgirl's
righteous fury, then raked his nails down her face and chest before driving
her skyward with a sharp uppercut. As she descended toward the mat, he
unleashed a fireball, knocking Sakura into the ropes on the opposite side of
the ring, scorched and smoking.

"this does not bode well for sakura," Rei said.

"What's wrong, little girl?" Iori asked, rolling his neck and cracking his
knuckles. "A little self-conscious about that scrawny excuse for a body?"

Sakura carefully disentangled herself from the ropes, once again frantically
extinguishing herself. "Just shut up and fight!" she yelled. Dashing across
the ring, she snapped off a quick jab which Iori easily dodged, following it
up with a leg sweep which dropped the Yagami descendant. Unfortunately for
Sakura, her opponent had anticipated this, and twisted his body as he fell,
rolling past the still-crouching schoolgirl. Reaching out, he snagged the
collar of her wraparound, giving it a sharp tug as he sprang to his feet.
The sound of cloth ripping was amplified tenfold by the pickups around the
ring, and the audience gasped.

Sakura yelped and covered herself as the blossom-patterned gi top was torn
from her body. Iori held the ruined garment like a matador's cape, waving it
in her face as she turned around. "Lose something?" he sneered.

The Shotokan girl scowled. "What's your problem, Iori?"

Iori laughed. "Problem? My problem is having to put up with joke matches
like this. Since I'm not going to get a real *fight* tonight, I'm just
having fun pissing you off. Your buttons are really easy to push, you know."

Sakura flushed dark red with embarrassment and anger. "You...JERK!"

"Well, Sakura's getting flustered," Daisuke said. "That's usually not
good...if she loses her cool, she's as good as finished."

"then she is as good as finished, for she has lost her cool."

Iori tossed Sakura's top out of the ring, striding over to her. She started
pounding on him, but he shrugged it off, instead opting to land several
vicious claw swipes down her chest, shredding her sport bra but not quite
drawing blood. "Come on, little girl," he said. "Let's show these people
something really entertaining, like how flat-chested you are. Did you know
you're the only female in Ultra over the age of fourteen who still has the
figure of a boy?" The audience jeered, obviously not sharing Iori's opinion
of his opponent's figure.

"S...stop it," Sakura said, blushing and retreating. Iori continued his
advance, an evil leer on his face.

At ringside, nobody noticed as a random stagehand picked up the discarded gi
and casually wrapped it around the referee's head. "Sorry," he whispered as
the middle-aged man yelped in surprise.

"Come on, little wanna-be," the red-haired psycho continued to taunt. "You
know that deep down, you really *want* to give all these people a free peep
show."

Sakura's back was against the ropes now, and she felt terror gripping her
heart like a vice. "S-stop," she repeated.

The stagehand who had blinded the ref pulled a steel chair from under the
ring and climbed the apron, loading the seating implement onto the ropes.
Daisuke noticed, frowning. "Hey, what's going on over there? Who's on the
apron?"

"Let's finish this," Iori said, grinning maniacally. He drew back slightly,
preparing to unleash the Maiden Masher on the frightened girl...

When a steel chair impacted with the back of his head. He staggered
slightly, then turned, murder in his eyes. "Who the hell--?"

The 'stagehand' removed his cap and jacket, glaring at Iori with undisguised
hatred. "Back *off*, freak."

"SHINGO!" Sakura cried.

"it seems sakura's partner has come to rescue her."

"Yeah, and luckily, the referee didn't notice this."

Shingo, however, noticed the referee finally freeing himself from the
offending garment wrapped around his head, and gave his partner a signal.
"Hurry! Finish it, Sakura!"

The street fighter nodded. "Right!" Dropping into a crouch, she began to
glow blue. Waves of energy poured off her body as she cried out, "HARU
ICHIBAN!" She dashed forward, leaving shadowy trails behind her as she
slammed a rapid series of kicks into Iori's legs. "MIDARE ZAKURA!" More
shadowy afterimages floated behind the enraged girl as her fist repeatedly
buried itself in the redhead's solar plexus, driving him skyward. Finally,
as her opponent reached the apex of his flight, the Shotokan schoolgirl
cupped her hands, a nexus of bright blue energy forming between them.
"Shinkuu...HADOUKEN!" A massive fireball struck the airborn bishounen,
throwing him out of the ring with explosive force. Iori collided with the
security barrier hard enough to crack it, then slid to the ground in a heap.

The referee made the count, then signaled for the bell. "And after taking a
punishing beating from Iori in more ways than one, Sakura wins this match!"

Shingo wrapped his jacket around his partner as she climbed out of the ring,
and stuck close to her as they made their way up the ramp, bolstered by the
cheers of the crowd.

"We'll be back with more exciting Ultra mayhem after this brief word from
our sponsors, so stay tuned!"


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Nuku Nuku chattered to the camera as she wound her way through the corridors
of the Ultradome. "...feels kinda empty around here with so many people
gone, but that's okay! Nuku Nuku is sure the Ultradome will fill up with all
kinds of happy and fun and enthusiastic people again soon! Oh, look! It's
one of the guys from This Old Dojo! Hii-iiiiii! Would you mind talking for a
minute?"

The young man the android had cornered stopped still, glancing around
nervously. He was wearing the ubiquitous black shirt of the reknowned speedy
repair crew, and had a bright orange cap pulled down over his eyes. "Umm,
me?"

"Yes, silly! There isn't anyone else here!"

"Ummm...well, okay." The young man shuffled uneasily, not meeting the camera
or Nuku Nuku with his eyes.

"So, how long have you been working here at Ultra?"

"Not long," the tech said. "I just signed on with This Old Dojo about three
days ago."

"So this is your first night at the Ultradome!" Nuku Nuku giggled. "Are you
enjoying yourself?"

The worker shrugged. "Dunno, haven't done much except fetch stuff for other
folks."

"Well, hopefully you'll have a lot of fun with this job! Nuku Nuku sure
loves working for Ultra!"

"Uhh, yeah. I gotta go..."

"Okay! Bye-bye!" Nuku Nuku waved, then skipped away, camera following her.

Once the catgirl was gone, the young tech nervously mopped some sweat from
his brow, then hurried off, pulling his cap down further over his eyes.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Shingo felt helpless as he tried to comfort his partner. As soon as they'd
returned to her dressing room, she'd curled up into a ball on the couch and
started crying. Part of him felt it would be prudent to let her be, but a
stronger part of him wasn't willing to leave her side right now. He felt
like crying himself. "Sakura..."

"I feel so ashamed," the short-haired girl sobbed. "I let Iori completely
humiliate me."

"Ne, Sakura...it's okay. It's...look, it's not your fault. Iori's a
bastard...anyone who treats someone like that is a worthless bastard."

"But...I shouldn't have...." Sakura glanced up at him, eyes full of tears.
"I let him make a fool of me, Shingo. Because I..." She buried her face in
her hands. "I let myself get upset, and left myself wide open."

Shingo sat down beside Sakura, putting an arm around her. "Sakura..." He
sighed. "It happens. It's okay to get upset. I mean, you've been through a
lot in Ultra about stuff like that...it's understandable."

The street fighter sighed, sniffling. "Yeah, but...I'm just getting tired of
people using it against me."

"I know," Shingo said, instinctively drawing her into a hug. "I know."

Sakura rubbed at her eyes, then looked up at her partner, smiling slightly.
"Thanks, Shingo...I appreciate you helping me out back there, and...well,
for cheering me up."

The brown-haired boy smiled. "Hey, we're friends and partners, Sakura. I'm
always here for you."

The schoolgirl looked down at herself, and giggled. "I guess it was kinda
silly to get all upset when I was still decent, huh?"

Her sport bra chose that moment to fall apart. "..." she commented, face
taking on the color of a beet.

Shingo's nose exploded into a scarlet fountain.

"Gomen nasai!" the copy fighter yelled, turning away and reddening as Sakura
covered herself. "I...think I should go, so you can change."

"H-hai...please do," the short-haired girl replied.

As Shingo stood and hastily moved to the door, he commented, "Umm...you
know, Iori was wrong. About your, um, figure..."

A tennis shoe bounced off the back of his head. "Get out, hentai!" Sakura
screamed.

"H-hai! Gomen!" Shingo ducked through the door just as the other shoe
impacted it with a dull thump. As he closed the door behind him, he heard a
muffled call from the other side:

"And...thanks."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Jessie frowned as she looked in the mirror. "I still can't believe this is
happening, James."

"It was bound to happen sooner or later, Jessica," the lavender-haired floof
said, sniffing a rose and sighing dramatically. "It was really only a matter
of time."

"True..." the magenta-haired girl mused. "It's rather ironic, though. Of all
the people the boss could have sent after us, it had to be the twerp."

"Piiiiiiika," their erstwhile electric associate opined, ears drooping.

"You don't think he'll really try to...you know...do you?"

"Get with the program, James," Jessie snapped. "The boss doesn't tolerate
failure, and he obviously went to a lot of trouble to get the kid on his
side. If I know him, he's told the little freak to humiliate and torture us
for a while, then take us out when nobody's looking."

James gulped. "I'm too young and beautiful to die, Jessie!"

"Piiiika, pikachu PI Pikapi pikaCHU!" Pikachu made a defiant gesture, cheeks
sparking.

"That's right. Ash can't touch us as long as we have Pikachu to protect us!"
Jessie waved a pair of fans. "No Team Rocket enforcer can touch this team!"

James frowned. "You know, Jessie...I've been thinking." He glanced at his
jacket, which lay neatly pressed on his dressing table. "We've given up the
criminal life, right? And obviously, the boss wouldn't take us back even if
we wanted to go back..."

"Yes, that's true..."

The bishounen Pokemon trainer looked up at his partner. "Then don't you
think maybe..." He paused. "Maybe tonight is a sign...maybe we're meant to
give up the Team Rocket name."

Jessie blinked. "But...our whole image is tied up in that name, James."

"I know, I know! But maybe...but maybe we can make a new image for
ourselves. I mean, you saw that Sakura girl in the ring just now. She's got
a new image, and the crowd still loves her..."

The red-haired girl became thoughtful, shrugging off her jacket and
examining it. Laying it on her vanity, she picked up a white handkerchief
and laid it so that the fabric covered up the tail of the red 'R' emblazoned
on the garment, effectively changing the letter into a 'P'. She then glanced
meaningfully at her partner.

James blinked, doing the same thing to his own jacket, and looked up at
Jessie. They nodded in unison, and dug out their specialized emergency
sewing kits...


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"welcome back to ultra. next up, we have a lambda match that's sure to keep
you glued to your seat."

"That's right, folks...everyone's favorite fashion freaks are going up
against the two little kids with the cards and the weird costumes. And given
what happened earlier, something predictably strange could happen at any
moment."

The lights dimmed, multicolored spotlights waving around in the darkness.

"It's time for our motto, so please listen well!"

"We've made a few changes, I'm sure you can tell!"

The spotlights trained on the familiar silhouettes of Jessie and James,
standing back-to-back on a catwalk high above the ring.

"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"

"And make it double!"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"To preserve the beauty of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"JESSIE!" The magenta-haired girl leapt down to the ring, posing.

"JAMES!" Her partner followed suit, and duo turned slowly, proudly
displaying the red 'P' emblems on their uniforms for all to see.

"Team POCKET, reaching into the deepest night!"

"We'll pull out a win to stand up for what's right!"

Their electric friend landed between them, flashing the V-sign. "Pi
pikachu!"

The crowd ate it up with a biscuit.

"Well, it seems that in light of the earlier incident with Ash, Jessie and
James have decided to cut their ties and change their name!"

"and from name changes on to costume changes, please welcome team clow."

A shower of cherry blossoms and peonies drifted from backstage, covering the
entrance ramp with sweet-smelling flowers as "Catch You, Catch Me" flowed
from the speakers. Sakura Kinomoto strolled down the ramp, waving cheerfully
to the crowd. Her costume of the night was an obvious homage to her
opponents: she wore a dark grey rubber leotard, boots, and gloves, with a
wide, puffy white skirt and a frilly white top with a pink 'S' embroidered
on the chest in flowery script. A cute little white police cap was perched
on her head, atop which sat her advisor and mascot. Kero-chan, for his part,
was hamming it up for the crowd. Said crowd was cheering moderately, though
it was unclear whether the cheers were for the flowery entrance, the
costume, or the plushie.

Behind Sakura, the ever-dour Li Shaoran shuffled into the arena, arms
crossed and scowling.

Daisuke blinked. "Hey...I thought Sakura was the only one who changed
costumes every week. Doesn't the other kid just wear the green thing all the
time?"

Rei shrugged. "don't ask me. i don't work here."

Indeed, Shaoran was sporting a different outfit this week; somehow, Sakura's
rather obsessive friend had managed to wrangle him into a crisp white naval
uniform with high black boots and a cute little wolf clasp for the
neckerchief. "How'm I supposed to fight in this thing?" he muttered to his
partner as they approached the ring.

"Well, I always do just fine with the outfits Tomoyo makes, even if they are
a little weird, so I'm sure you'll manage," Sakura replied.

Kero nodded. "You should be happy Tomoyo-chan wasted time making special
clothes for a brat like you who doesn't deserve to wear her cool fashions!"

The Chinese boy grumbled. However, his demeanor changed rather abruptly as
they reached the ring, and he locked gazes with James. His face went from
normal to tomato in 2.3 seconds, and his eyes grew shimmery. "James-sama..."

Sakura sweatdropped. "Hoeeeee..."

"Ignore the brat," Kero advised. "Big finish, just like we practiced!"

"Un!" Sakura raised one hand above her head, a Clow card held between two
fingers. At her command, the card emitted a final, explosive burst of cherry
blossoms. The pinkish-white petals drifted all over the arena as the Card
Captor slipped the FLOWER card back into her pocket and readied the key
staff for battle. The audience applauded the magical effect, many die-hard
fans scrambling to collect the floating petals as souvenirs.

"Shall I go first?" James asked his partner.

"Be my guest," Jessie replied with an 'after-you' gesture.

"I guess I'm first, right? ...ano?" Sakura blinked as her partner vaulted
into the ring, rushing James excitedly. The bell rang.


][  LAMBDA MATCH
][  TEAM CLOW v. TEAM POCKET
][  F I G H T ! !


"James-sama!" Shaoran sputtered, holding out a neatly-wrapped package as he
approached the lavender-haired teen. "This is such an honor! Here...umm,
well, here!" He offered the present to James, bowing his head to hide his
blush.

The debatably male half of Team Pocket blinked down at the younger boy,
reflexively stopping his headlong rush with an extended hand. Shaoran didn't
seem to notice that he wasn't making any forward progress as he kept
thrusting the package he held in James' face. "Kid...I must say, you are a
snappy dresser, but you're making me nervous." With his free hand, the
Pokemon trainer thumped Shaoran in the forehead, sending him tumbling across
the ring to entangle himself in the ropes.

The Chinese boy's eyes spiralled as he slid down toward the ground.
"James-sama...touched me..."

Sakura sweatdropped, but quickly tagged her partner before he fell
completely out of the ring. Hopping over the ropes, she bowed to her
opponent. "Sorry about that," she muttered, blushing. "Li-kun is a little
weird sometimes."

"So I see," James said, blinking. He whipped out a Pokeball. "Shall we
fight, then?"

Sakura nodded, a Clow Card already in hand. "Hai!"

"Very well then..." James drew back his Pokeball...then whirled, and threw
it at his partner. "JESSIE, I choose you!"

Mass facefaulting ensued as James leapt out of the ring and Jessie climbed
in. "That's quite a lovely outfit," the red-haired trainer commented. "You
have excellent fashion sense for such a young girl."

Sakura blushed. "Well, my friend makes these costumes..."

"Cyndaquil, go! Fire spin!"

"Hooeee!?" Sakura yelped as in one smooth motion, a hedgehog-like Pokemon
appeared in the ring with her, then engulfed her in a whirlwind of flames.
Using the JUMP card, she leapt free of the firetrap, landing on the
turnbuckle and patting out small blazes on her costume and hair. Whipping
out a card, she intoned, "Clear water of life, extinguish the flames!
WATERY!" As she tapped the card with the beak of her staff, a torrent of
water washed through the ring, dousing the burning storm...and causing
Cyndaquil to cry out in pain, smoke curling pitifully from its damaged body.

"And for the second time in all of its two battles, Team Rocket's new
fire-type Pokemon is eliminated early in the match."

"Not again!" Jessie wailed. "Cyndaquil, return! Chikorita, teach that little
girl a lesson!"

As the last of the WATERY effect splashed out of the ring, a small green
Pokemon with a huge leaf on its head replaced the extinguished fire Pokemon.
"Chika!"

"WATERY, form a spout to send it flying!" With another tap of the Clow Card,
a fountain erupted from the ring itself, directly under the grassy Pokemon.
Chikorita braced itself, eyes closed...but was not seemingly affected by the
raging waterspout. Indeed, the Pokemon was smiling as the magic attack faded
away. "Chika!" it chirped, its leaf and skin a bit glossier.

Jessie laughed. "Silly girl! Water attacks are useless against Grass-type
Pokemon! Now, Chikorita...Razor Leaf!"

"CHIKA!" The leaf on the Pokemon's head whirled like a propeller, and a
dozen sharp, spinning leaves flew toward the young mistress of the Clow.

"it looks like sakura is in trouble," Rei commented as the Card Captor
dodged frantically, the edges of her skirt being slashed by leaves that came
a little too close for comfort.

"Indeed, her inexperience at dealing with Pokemon is showing," Daisuke
nodded.

"Umm...umm...what to do...oh! Wind, toss my opponent out of the ring!
WINDY!" Her long experience at handling the Clow shone through as she
deflected two spinning leaves with her staff while summoning the elemental
card. Strong winds swept through the ring, picking up the plant Pokemon and
flinging it high into the air. Jessie barely managed to stay rooted in
place, having grabbed onto the ring post for dear life.

"and sakura resorts to familiar tactics, pulling out her trademark attack.
how will team pocket respond?"

Jessie smirked. "You're good, girl. But you're no match for Team Pocket.
Ready, Pikachu?"

"PiiiiiKA!"

"Predictably."

Sakura smiled, leaning forward. "It's such a cute little thing!" She
scritched Pikachu's chin.

"Piiiikaaaa..." the electric mouse smiled, enjoying the attention.

A vein pulsed on Jessie's forehead. "Hey! Don't forget we have a match to
win! Thunder Wave!"

Pikachu leapt backward, emitting a pulse of static electricity. Sakura
twitched a bit, but wasn't seriously affected, backing off and holding her
staff warily. The rodent Pokemon blinked, as did Jessie. "...why aren't you
paralyzed and twitching?" the redhead asked.

"That's because her smart and fashionable friend made most of her costume
out of rubber!" Kero said from his perch on the turnbuckle.

Sakura flipped out the SWORD card, and her staff changed into an ornate,
basket-hilted sword. "Now I'm going to win!" She charged forward....

Jessie smirked. "Don't assume Team Pocket is finished so easily! Pikachu,
use your Agility!"

"Pi! Pika! Pikachu!" The rodent blurred, seeming to disappear as Sakura
slashed through the place where he had stood only a moment before. The young
sorceress blinked in confusion as the yellow Pokemon appeared and
disappeared at various points throughout the ring. "Hoe?"

"Now, Double Team!"

The already blurry Pokemon blurred further, creating a mirror image of
himself. Sakura's eyes began to swirl and she staggered slightly as the
high-speed motion of the twin Pikachu made her dizzy.

"You can do it, Sakura!" Kero called out.

"it seems that pikachu has the advantage, despite the rubber costume his
opponent is wearing."

"Most people do tend to forget that Pikachu can do more than just zap,"
Daisuke commented, nodding. "Also, James is still fresh, and has all his
Pokemon."

Sakura began twirling the magical sword, running a counterclockwise circle
around the ring and slashing randomly. She could no longer see the actual
Pikachu at all, and was relying on blind luck to make a strike. "Come
on...where are you...?"

"CHUUUUU!"

A bolt of lightning shot up the blade of the sword, causing Sakura to yelp
in pain and drop it despite the shockproof gloves she wore. As it clattered
to the ground, the sword reverted to the pink, beaked staff.

"Good work, Pikachu! Now use your Swift attack!"

"Itai!" Sakura cried out in pain as she was pelted by dozens of glowing
stars from all around. She dropped to her knees, crawling toward her staff.

"Sakura!" Kero called from the turnbuckle, holding up a card. "Catch!"

As the auburn-haired girl struggled to stand under the onslaught of
Pikachu's Swift attack, she reached out and, operating almost purely on
instinct, snagged the thin card from the air. "Hey, this is--"

"It's okay! It'll listen to you, don't worry!"

Sakura winced as her hand was struck by a glowing star, nearly making her
drop the card. "Alright then...Keeper of the sands, halt the flow of time to
protect me! TIME!"

A ghostly figure of an elderly man in a dark robe appeared above Sakura as
she struck the card...and in the corner of the ring, Pikachu reappeared,
frozen in place about an inch off the canvas. A stream of glowing stars hung
in the air before him, caught in the effects of the TIME card.

The audience and Team Pocket were not affected by the card, and they gasped.
"Well, that's the end of Pikachu," Daisuke said.

Sakura advanced on the electric mouse, eyes sharp, Clow staff twirling in
her hands. On the ringpost, Kero gasped. "Sakura! What are you doing?"

"Return to the guise you were meant to be in! CLOW...CARD!" Sakura brought
the beak of the staff down over the frozen Pokemon, and a rectangle of light
appeared at the beak.

"Hey! What the--?" Jessie stared in shock.

Pikachu unfroze briefly. "Pika Pika pi pikachu!?" The Pokemon then shrieked
as his body began to dissolve, being absorbed into the magical effect. With
a brilliant flash of light, the Pokemon was gone, and Sakura was left
holding a Clow Card. Adrenaline spent, the Card Captor sank to her knees,
exhausted.

Jessie stormed over to her. "Hey! What did you just do to Pikachu?"

Sakura blinked. "Huh?" Then she glanced at the card, and gasped. "Oh no...!
What did I do?"

"i do not believe the audience is very happy with this development."

"You're right about that," Daisuke murmured. "What just happened? Can we get
a camera on that card?"

On the UltraTron, as well as on television screens all around the world, an
image appeared of the plain-looking tarot card Sakura held. It depicted a
serene yellow rodent with a lightning-bolt shaped tail, under which a legend
was inscribed in Roman letters: "THE PIKA".

A number of horrified gasps erupted from the crowd, followed by a rousing
chorus of boos.

Sakura began to wail. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! It just kinda
happened!"

Jessie crouched in front of the crying girl. "It's alright...shh...it's
okay. Can you get him out?"

Sakura sniffled, and dropped the card to the mat. "Umm, I can try...return
to your true form...Clow Card..." She struck the card with her staff.

Nothing happened.

The Guardian Beast floated over to the center of the ring, rubbing his chin
thoughtfully. "Hmm. That's odd...it should have popped right back out. Maybe
because this is a Pokemon and not a Clow Card...?"

"Kero-chan, what should I do?" Sakura wailed.

"You should get out of the ring," Shaoran's voice said silently from the
apron. He vaulted the ropes, tagging his partner before giving her a firm
shove toward their corner. "Let me finish the match."

Sakura blinked. "Li-kun..." However, she did as instructed, leaving the
ring. Tears still brimmed in her expressive green eyes.

Jessie stood, expression stern. "You should be a little nicer to your
partner."

"Just call out another Pokemon," Shaoran said, drawing his sword and
settling into his customary stance.

"Very well then...Arbok, I choose you."

"the match continues, despite the bizarre occurrence."

"Given what we just saw happen, I think this match needs to end soon,"
Daisuke said, frowning.

As the large purple snake Pokemon appeared in the ring, Shaoran tilted his
sword vertically, pressing two fingers against the tip. "God of thunder,
answer my call!" A powerful bolt of lightning crackled from the tip of the
Chinese boy's sword, striking both Arbok and Jessie. As they twitched and
writhed in agony, Shaoran leapt forward, striking Arbok with a flying kick
that sent the Pokemon crashing into its trainer, and entangling them both in
the ring ropes.

As Jessie and Arbok attempted to disentangle themselves, the referee counted
to ten, then declared Team Clow the winners. Shaoran picked up the PIKA
card. "I'll hang onto this." He then exited the arena, boos following him up
the ramp. Sakura blinked, following him after a few minutes.

"Well...that's that, folks. Team Clow won the match, and at least for the
time being, they have Pikachu. We'll take a commercial break, and then come
back with a Gamma match."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"I don't understand, Kero-chan!" Sakura exclaimed mournfully as she changed
out of her fighting costume. "How did I seal Pikachu away if he wasn't a
Clow Card in the first place?"

The plushie guardian shrugged. "I really dunno about that, Sakura-chan. I
mean, I know he wasn't a card, but..." He frowned thoughtfully. "It might be
that the technology they use to make those capture balls is very similar in
nature to the spell that seals Clow Cards. That would certainly make it
possible to seal Pokemon away as cards."

Sakura looked down. "I feel so sorry for Jessie and James...I didn't mean to
do that..."

Kero landed on her shoulder and patted her hair affectionately. "It's
alright, Sakura-chan. If nothing else, you've proven that your instincts as
a Card Captor are sharp! And we'll figure out how to release Pikachu
somehow."

"Thanks, Kero-chan." The young girl sighed. "I wish Li-kun would stop being
such a mean jerk to people. It almost seems like he likes being booed."
Tears welled up in her eyes again. "I don't like being booed, Kero-chan. It
hurts."

"I know, Sakura. I know." The Beast of the Seal sighed, deep in thought...

"Delivery for...ah...Keroberos? I'm from the bakery!" a muffled voice called
through the door.

Kero perked up. "Wai! Cake!" The animate plushie zoomed toward the door.

A massive sweatdrop rolled down the back of Sakura's head.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


As Ash stomped out to the arena, he ran across Team Pocket, who were headed
back to their dressing room rather somberly. The leather-clad boy smirked.
"Hey, losers."

"Buzz off, twerp," Jessie replied. "We're in no mood for you right now."

The younger trainer smirked. "Yeah, I saw what happened out there. Lost your
little rat, didja? How sad. Still, it's nothing less than what cheaters like
you deserve."

James stared at him. "How can you SAY that, Ash? Pikachu used to be your
best friend!"

The boy's expression darkened. "Yeah. Until he decided he liked YOU losers
better." He crossed his arms. "Anyway, I've got new Pokemon that are ten
times the Pokemon Pikachu was."

The two teens raised their eyebrows in perfect synchronization. "Oh,
really?"

Ash nodded. "Yeah...see, the boss does favors for the people he *likes*."

Jessie and James eyed each other. "And...what sort of Pokemon did he give
you? The usual Team Rocket grunt Pokemon?"

The boy snorted. "Please. Team Rocket's number one enforcer with a Raticate,
or a loser Ekans?" He smirked at his enemies. "The boss gave me some really
strong Steel-type Pokemon. Just wait until I get you pathetic wimps in the
ring...you won't stand a chance." Flipping them the bird, he called, "Got a
match to win. Later, Team Loser!" Chuckling, he stalked away.

"Team Rocket steals Pokemon..." Jessie said, blinking.

"...and now they use Steel Pokemon." James stared after Ash, then glanced at
his partner.

"We're in real trouble!" they cried in unison, clinging to each other and
sobbing.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"Okay, folks! We're back, and before we get to the next match, I've been
told someone has an announcement to make."

The Ultratron lit up with a video clip of a raging thunderstorm as an
unamplified voice boomed through the Ultradome. "ENLIGHTENMENT!"

"Unfortunately, it looks like it's Haohmaru."

"he is not alone," Rei commented.

Indeed, as the legendary samurai strolled down the ramp, Ultra's least
favorite succubus floated above him, blowing kisses to the crowd. As they
reached the ring, Morrigan snagged a microphone. "Hello, lovelies. And a
special hello to Sakura...it was most amusing watching you run like a scared
little girl from that Yagami boy earlier." She laughed heartily.

"BUT ON TO BUSINESS!" Haohmaru declared. "WE HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO
SAY!"

"This won't be good," Daisuke muttered.

"impartial," Rei absently commented.

"Oh, bite me," Daisuke said.

"where would you like me to bite you?"

This comment earned the albino girl yet another hard stare.

"We can't help but noticing," Morrigan said as she descended into the ring,
"how things have really gone to pot around here lately. Now...at the moment,
the Gamma belt is in...fine, strong hands," the succubus purred, "but the
other belts..."

"ARE IN THE HANDS OF DISRESPECTFUL CHILDREN WHO HAVE NOT TRULY EARNED SUCH
LEGENDARY RECOGNITION."

"Exactly," Morrigan said, stretching to give the nosebleed section something
to gawk at. "We feel it's rather rude of all these little urchins running
around disrespecting their elders, so we've decided to do something about
it."

"MORRIGAN AND MY LEGENDARY SELF REQUEST A LAMBDA MATCH NEXT WEEK!"

"Well, that was unexpected," Daisuke said. "Morrigan and Haohmaru, a tag
team?"

"Indeed," the succubus smiled cattily. "The two of us are going to give all
the little children in Lambda a well-deserved reaming." She licked her lips
to put a special emphasis on the last word.

"THIS IS NO LONGER A GAME FOR CHILDREN! ENLIGHTENMENT!" With that statement,
the newly formed tag team retreated back up the ramp, met by a rousing
chorus of boos.

"that's odd. i thought ultra fans preferred children."

Daisuke coughed. "In any case, you heard it here first, folks. Haohmaru and
Morrigan have called out the entire Lambda division, and if I know Jack,
he's going to take them up on that."

"for now, though, it is time for the match which was scheduled earlier. ash
ketchum, who has joined the notorious team rocket, will battle one of
ultra's newcomers, li ping."

"After Ash's little display earlier, I have to worry about this match,"
Daisuke said. "I don't think Ash is going to waste any time playing around
in the ring. ...and speaking of biker boy, here he comes now."

Heavy metal pounded from the UltraTron speakers as Ash stomped to the ring,
accompanied by his new, hellish video package--and by the boos of thousands
of Ultra fans. Pyro flared in his wake, sending pillars of sparks into the
rafters. Glaring around at the crowd, the Pokemon trainer climbed into the
ring, leaned against a turnbuckle, and idly tossed a Pokeball as he waited
for his opponent.

The lights dimmed, and music ripped straight out of a Jackie Chan flick
replaced Ash's theme as the spotlights tracked a figure bouncing around in
the rafters. Taking his own sweet time and demonstrating his acrobatic
prowess, Li Ping descended to the ring, landing perfectly on the toes of one
foot on the post opposite Ash, bowing deeply for the crowd as he slowly
turned a full circle. The audience cheered, and a few signs were waved by
fans of NeoFighters.

"What's with you? Is your mommy a pogo stick?" Ash taunted.

Executing a perfect somersault and triple axle off the ringpost (which
prompted Daisuke to comment on the odd insertion of a figure skating move
into his repertoire), Li descended to the ring, dropping into a Shaolin kung
fu stance. "Nah, I'm just hyper. What's your excuse?"

Ash smirked. "Here's my excuse. Pokeball, go!" The Pokeball he held was
tossed into the ring, and with a blinding flash of light...


][  GAMMA MATCH
][  ASH KETCHUM v. LI PING
][  F I G H T ! !


Li glanced up at the Pokemon Ash had called forth. And up. And up some more.
"Oh...crud."

The audience shared in Li's disbelief. The serpentine Pokemon was enormous,
larger than any Pokemon previously seen in Ultra. The ring creaked ominously
underneath its bulk as it curled and uncurled its long body. Its metallic
skin gleamed under the lights--particularly its head, which resembled
nothing so much as a metal dinosaur skull. The Pokemon opened its maw and
roared ominously.

"i have not seen this pokemon before."

"Neither have I," Daisuke commented. "Fortunately, we're taught to be
prepared, so..." He fished around under the table and brought out a
pocket-sized red device, flicking it open.

"/Steelix. The. Steel. Snake. Pokemon. The. Evolved. Form. Of. Onix. Its.
Armor. Like. Hide. Crushes. Even. The. Hardest. Rock. To. Powder. As. It.
Burrows. Through. The. Ground./" the Pokedex reported.

"...how the hell is Li supposed to fight *that*?" Daisuke wondered.

For his part, Li Ping was wondering much the same thing. "Uhhh...what
happened to the little frog thing with the plant on its back? Or the turtle,
even?"

Ash crossed his arms and chuckled. "What's the matter? Afraid of my new
Pokemon?" Glancing up at the massive serpent, he barked, "Steelix! Tackle
attack!"

The titanic beast roared, and dove toward the ring below, bearing down on
the pigtailed boy with the force of a freight train. Li leapt high into the
air just before Steelix struck, then landed on its back and sprinted along
its length as it crashed straight through the ring.

"Knock him out of the dome with your Iron Tail," Ash commanded, yawning.

Li yelped as the metal monster's tail swung back before knocking him high
into the air. Bracing himself, he grabbed onto a rafter, swung around, and
aimed himself at a bank of spotlights. Clapping his hands in apology to his
ancestors, he severed the cables holding the lighting rig with a few sharp
chops, wincing as the rugged wire and several sparks bit into his hands. As
the rig fell, he leapt quickly upward, planting his feet against the bottom
of a rafter and pushing off hard.

"what is he doing?" Rei wondered.

"Improvising, I think," Daisuke guessed.

Below, Steelix had just dug itself out of the remains of the ring and was
righting itself, waiting for a command from its trainer. "That was too
easy," Ash smirked, not having paid attention to Li's high-wire antics.

"Not as easy as you *think*!" Li shouted, plummeting toward the ring just
above the severed lighting rig. Twisting his body and snapping out a hard
kick, he altered the course of the falling metal, causing it to swing around
and crash into the enormous Pokemon's head. Steelix roared in pain and
wobbled a bit; Li landed gracefully on one of the turnbuckles, facing the
giant and its trainer. "I can handle *anything* you can dish out!" Li
called, assuming the rather absurd crane stance.

Ash merely shrugged. "We'll find out soon enough. Steelix, Bind him."

"GWAR!" The Pokemon darted forward, its tail swinging around to catch the
tiny figure beneath it. Li yelped and began bouncing around frantically,
staying just a step ahead of the slow but deadly Steelix.

"li would seem to be in trouble."

"Yeah...it doesn't look like he can do much more than dodge, even if he does
it like a pro..."

The chase had ventured outside the trashed ring, and Li began to panic. He
was running out of places to go on the ground, and if he took to the air
again, there'd be no way to end this match--besides, he knew for a fact that
the psychotic Team Rocket enforcer had a particularly nasty flying Pokemon
which he didn't really want to risk having to fight.

As the pigtailed teen leapt toward the ring, a plan began to form. Grinning,
he leapt over the ropes...and stood in place, waiting in one corner for the
steel serpent to catch up to him. As the Pokemon dove toward its prey, Li
waited until its head had slithered between the ropes...then leapt out of
the ring.

Steelix passed between the ropes on one side of the ring, and crashed
straight through the ropes perpendicular to that side. Because it was unable
to halt its momentum, its tail slung around it, the Bind attack which was
meant for the martial artist instead caught the entire corner of the ring,
effectively tangling the enormous Pokemon in ropes, twisted metal, and
mangled canvas. Steelix thrashed about a bit, growling and roaring in
frustration.

"Steelix, return!" Ash shouted. As his opponent returned to the ring,
panting, the leather-clad trainer stabbed an accusatory finger toward him.
"That was a dirty trick, you cheater!"

Li *stared* at him. "And using that...that...THING was fair!?"

"Using a Steelix is perfectly legal!" Ash declared.

"but nevertheless, it does seem rather unfair," Rei commented.

"Well then, let's see how you like this! Magneton, I choose you!" Ash said,
throwing another Pokeball. An odd conglomeration of metal spheres hovered in
the air, electric eyes flicking this way and that as electromagnets hummed.

"Good grief, those things just get stranger and stranger," Li muttered. He
dropped into a defensive stance, watching his opponent warily.

"Magneton, use Screech," Ash commanded, slipping on a set of ear protectors.

"MAAAAAAAAAAG-NEEEEEEEEEEEEE-TOOOOOOOOOOOON!" The mechanical Pokemon began
to vibrate, a high-pitched whine emitting from its body. The various
microphones around the ring began to sputter and spark, and the backstage
crew had to scramble to cut the audio to the UltraTron as it nearly exploded
under a wave of intense feedback. The audience clutched their ears in agony,
and Li staggered around the ring, screaming in confusion as he struggled to
stay standing under the deafening onslaught.

After thirty seconds, Magneton broke off its horrendous screeching, and Ash
smirked, removing his firing-range grade headgear. "Okay, now give him a
Sonicboom while his guard is down."

"TON!" A forceful burst of air erupted from the magnetic Pokemon, slamming
into Li and knocking him into the tangled ropes.

"ash seems to have the advantage," Rei said calmly, having replaced her
microphone with a handy spare.

"Cash and *what* go in your cleavage?" Daisuke asked, digging out a handy
bottle of aspirin.

"...nevermind. the match is still going. let's watch."

"I wasn't doing anything to your crotch!"

Rei uncharacteristically sweatdropped.

The pigtailed martial artist pulled himself out of the ropes, glaring at the
leather-clad boy in the corner of the ring. "I'm gonna end this match by
taking you out," he decided. "This Pokemon nonsense isn't how honorable men
fight." With that, he launched himself toward Ash, executing a
textbook-perfect flying kick.

The trainer rolled his eyes. "Lightscreen."

"Ton." Li found himself flailing as he bounced off an invisible barrier,
sliding into the remains of the ring.

"Give it up, Peeing or whatever your name is. You're pathetic," Ash sneered.

"It doesn't look like Li has a chance of winning this one," Daisuke
commented.

There was a shout from under the canvas, and the self-made warrior vaulted
back into the ring, twirling a metal folding ladder over his head. "Li Ping
Hidden Style One: Jackie Chan STRIKE!" With a loud whoop, he charged,
swinging his ladder at the flying Pokemon.

"Holy crap, Li's gone hardcore on Ash's Pokemon!" Daisuke shouted.

Magneton dodged wildly, weaving and bobbing as the rather pissed-off
teenager delivered a series of ladder strikes that would have made the film
legend himself proud. "Mag! Ton! Mag!" the Pokemon huffed as it went on the
defensive.

"Ha! Not so hot now, are you? HYAAAAA!"

"Magneton! Use Thundershock!"

"TON!" Electricity crackled around the spheroid Pokemon, which unleashed
several thousand volts of whoopass into the ladder as Li managed to score a
hit.

The martial artist went into a fit of seizures as electricity coursed
through his body, causing the crowd to gasp in shock.
"UwawawawawawawawawaWAAA!" As the assault ended, the overheated ladder
exploded in a brilliant shower of sparks, and Li was flung across the ring,
crashing head-first into a turnbuckle.

Ash smirked. "See what happens when you cheat?"

"i believe ash has won."

"Yeah...there's no way Li can...hold it! He's getting up!"

The crowd cheered as the pigtailed boy rose shakily to his feet, staggering
across the torn canvas. "I'm not...finished with you...yet," he gasped, stil
l twitching slightly.

Ash rolled his eyes. "Please. Give it up. I don't want to have to beat you
to death, you know."

"No...you're going...down..."

Ash shrugged. "Your funeral. Magneton, power up for Zap Cannon."

The electronic Pokemon began to glow, energy surging across the horseshoe
magnets attached to its exterior.

"Hmmm. Zap Cannon is a really powerful Electric attack. I'm not sure Li can
survive a hit from that. Where the heck is the ref?" Daisuke wondered.

"i believe the referee is unconscious," Rei pointed out.

Daisuke glanced over to where the balding man in the striped shirt lay on
the ring steps, a snot bubble dangling from his nose. "Oh, great."

Li eyed the Pokemon warily, backing up toward the ropes. *This is not
good...I haven't even put a dent in that thing, and I'm almost completely
spent..."

Ash grinned. "Scared? You should be. I'm gonna punish you as a lesson for
*all* the cheaters in this stupid federation."

"Li should forfeit now, because he's gonna be in for a world of hurt if he
keeps fighting," Daisuke told the audience, worry in his voice.

The young martial artist glanced around frantically...and a plan clicked.
Smiling grimly, he leapt over the ropes, sprinting around the edge of the
ring.

Ash cackled. "Running away, Peeing? Gonna go home and cry to mommy? It's
okay, you can't help it if you're a total wuss."

As Li reached the top of the ramp, he grinned. "Actually, I just needed a
little runout space." With that, he began sprinting toward the ring, not
quite at top speed, but certainly fast enough (or so he hoped)...

"What's he doing?" Daisuke wondered. "Wait...I've seen this before. He's not
going to..."

The pigtailed boy leapt into the air, clearing the ropes by a good ten
feet...then froze in place. Completely. To the world, he looked to be
trapped in time, much as Pikachu had earlier.

Below, Magneton continued to build its power. Ash blinked up at the frozen
boy. "What are you doing?"

His answer came in the form of a shout which was echoed by a moderate
contingent of the crowd, and even a wave of signs from the NeoFans:

"BULLET TIME!"

Li went from nonmoving to Mach .5 in under a second, foot colliding with the
electric Pokemon with a loud *CLANG*. Magneton's delicate stabilizers were
thrown off-balance, and it was flung across the ring, past the ropes,
straight into the Spanish announcers' table. Its Zap Cannon chose that
moment to overload, and both Pokemon and table exploded violently, sparks
and chunks of debris flying everywhere.

Daisuke dove for cover, with Rei making a more graceful attempt at
self-protection by way of AT-Field. "ash's pokemon appears to be unable to
battle," Rei stated.

"No kidding," Daisuke said, staring over at the small crater in the arena.
"That Bullet Time kick is one powerful move."

In the middle of the ring, Li Ping knelt on the canvas, cradling his foot.
"YEOWCH!" he screamed. "That hurt like hell!"

"Well, what did you expect, stupid?" Ash asked, approaching the other boy.
"Didn't you notice it was made of *metal*?" He held out one hand to the
martial artist, grinning. "I have to say, though, that was some attack."

Li blinked, and smiled uncertainly up at the Pokemon trainer. "Uhh, thanks.
You aren't...mad or anything?" he asked as he grasped the other boy's hand
and pulled himself up.

"Why should I be mad? After all, I've won the match."

Everyone blinked. "Huh?" the pigtailed teen replied.

"How does Ash figure he's won?" Daisuke asked.

The Team Rocket enforcer smiled...and curled his other hand into a fist.
"Like THIS!" he shouted, driving a vicious haymaker into Li's jaw. The
shocked fighter staggered a moment, eyes wide, before crumpling to the mat
unconscious.

The referee shakily climbed into the ring, observed the damage, and made the
ten count. "The winner is Ash Ketchum," he declared.

The audience jeered, hurling their garbage into the ring. Ash just glared
coldly at them all. "Go ahead and boo. Go ahead and throw crap at me. I
don't care. I've just shown what I plan to do to every last cheater in
Ultra. You hear me, Gary? You hear me, you loser Pokemon thieves? This is
what I'm gonna do to ALL of you!" With that, he recalled his mangled
Magneton and exited stage right.

"Uhh...well, there you have it, folks," said Daisuke. "And as soon as This
Old Dojo can clean up this mess and repair the ring, we'll be back..."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Away from the Ultradome at about this time, across cities and valleys,
Sephiroth was coming to a realization.

Demigods do not take well to humility.

Broodingly, he lowered his eyes to the feet upon feet upon feet of snowy
slopes that composed Mr. Fuji. The wind wrestled with his silvery hair, and
every once in awhile the whole thing threatened to blow, but altogether it
gave him what he needed. Time to think.

His fingers twitched as he recalled the effort of shoving the Masamune
through the little girl's body. The resistance it met had been typical of
any being of flesh, the force with which he exerted to skewer her nothing
out of the ordinary. But then she'd been fine, except for a small gash in
her ridiculous overalls. He'd had his opportunity, taken his opportunity,
and it turns out he might as well have spent his time learning that banana
split recipe B-ko was fascinated with.

A failure would have been bad enough; he'd failed before, failures were
nothing but opportunities to learn how better to handle a situation. But
then the little bitch had healed his mind! His prey had helped him. A
failure is one thing, such a gross humiliation--on one of the highest rated
Ultras yet, not including the multiple reruns--wasn't going to be taken so
lightly. Gritting his teeth, he ordered the memories away, and went back to
his thoughts.

So he couldn't kill the girl, that much obvious. He had more powerful
attacks than a sword thrust, obviously, but in his (slightly demented) soul,
he knew they'd avail exactly the same. So this left
him with persuasion or trickery... to somehow convince the girl he was
deserving of her power.

That would never work with her guardian in the way, though. He'd need time.
And killing her outright wasn't going to work... Mary had a habit of knowing
things, and she'd never warm up to someone who took her mother's life. There
had to be other ways... always were, if he could just find them.

Silently, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift.

A snowball impacted smartly against the back of his head.

"Why are YOU here?" asked a figure covered in snow... and a pink parka.
"You're defiling the preferred training grounds of Dan Hibiki and the
Perfected Saikyo Style! Begone, evil bishounen, before
DAN HIBIKI decides to BREAK OUT A BOTTLE OF WHOOPASS AGED THIRTY YEARS AND
FERMENTED TO PERFECTION!"

Seconds passed, Sephiroth turning to stare at his assailant. These seconds
were filled with things like silent rage, hatred, and his last few strands
of patience snapping under a very pink catalyst. The
Masamune was out of its sheath and pointing at Dan's throat, apparently
without bothering with any of that 'movement' stuff in between. Dan took a
second to process this, but then made up for it by falling backwards.

"You," spat Jenova's son, taking a step forward to tower above his new
prey-by-circumstance. "You, you pathetic weasel of a fighter. You've chosen
the worst possible time to mock me!" The Masamune wavered in the air to
illustrate the point.

Dan frowned, peering down the sword's length, and rolled back to his feet.
"OOSHA! You want a piece of this? I am in no way, shape, or form afraid of
your phallic piece of metal! My Saikyo Style is enough to take you out here
and now, unless you hide behind the Mystical Reappearing Glove Thing again!"
Taking a
step closer, he shook his fist directly in Sephiroth's face, sneering
self-righteously. "You have, by self admittance, no chance to defeat me!
Your rage is GLURK--"

Eyes closed, Sephiroth removed the sword hilt from Dan's stomach. Magic
fizzled around him, the power of the arcane arts, the power of Mako, the
power of a fallen angel. "Yes," he hissed, "I did once say you had the power
to defeat me. I was foolish, and drunk with power, but do not let that
think--"

"You were always foolish," Dan grunted, but the effect was diminished by the
retching sounds he made, hands clutching his gut. "The Saikyo Style has
defeated you before, and the Saikyo Style will defeat you again!"

The magical aura about the bishounen glowed brighter. His hair was taken
from the flow of the wind into the vertical force of the energy itself, both
hands climbing to the hilt of his sword. "The Saikyo School," he growled,
"is an insult to the audience
that is forced to look upon it. Match after match, that ludicrous fighting
style is forced into the diminishing brains of everyone who watches. It's
nothing more than comic relief, you sniveling idiot! You make a mockery of
your damned father with every
punch, kick, throw, taunt! You bring shame to everyone you know!"

Dan's mouth worked a little, but his vocal cords didn't. Sephiroth, sensing
the final blow could be dealt without any pesky murder on his hands, let his
hands fall to his sides. His silvery locks went back to blowing the breeze
as his magical build-up died away.

"After all," he said with deliberate coolness, "I should know. I've used
it."

The air this high up was just below zero; the tears on Dan's cheeks were
frozen solid before they could fully form. He shook in chilled rage for
drawn out moments, glaring into the icy eyes across from him. Finally,
shakily, his throat opened up.

"That," he croaked, "is SO not true."

"Isn't it?" Sephiroth smirked, turning away. "Think what you like. You're
the most horrifyingly pathetic thing I've ever seen, Dan Hibiki."

Interestingly, the sound of a giant snowball burying the entire body of a
megalomaniacal soldier infused with the cells of an unknown being is, in
fact, WHOMP. Pink energy whirled about the top of the dormant volcano, an
impressive sight--if you like the color pink.

"That is it," Dan proclaimed solemnly. "One week, Sephiroth! We will train
extensively, so that there will be no doubt who is superior! And then we
shall fight, and when I win, you will publicly declare the Saikyo Style the
strongest form of fighting in the universe!"

Sephiroth, trying to look dignified as his head popped its way out of the
giant mound of snow, gave a contemptuous sneer. "If you want to humiliate
yourself, that's fine with me. One week, and you
will find yourself crushed at the hands of your own
personal demon."

"RARARARARARA!" Dan triumphed. "So it shall be! Be prepared, being of evil,
for I will TAKE YOU OUT! You will be ROCKED. Do not think I will take it
easy on you, for the PERFECTED SAIKYO STYLE CANNOT BE DEFEATED!"

He then proceeded to roll backwards over the edge the nearest cliff.

Sephiroth stared at the suddenly vacant space while a Fire spell melted away
his snowy confinement. Jerking a foot free of the slushy remains, he strode
over to peer down into the swirly depths below. Where he expected to see
nothing but the lingering wisps of pink fighting spirit, he instead saw Dan,
halted in
mid-fall. Next to him was Mary. The temperature seemed to bother her not at
all, nor did the stinging bite of the harsh wind. Nor did the fact that she
was standing on absolutely nothing.

She looked up at him, quietly. The best and only practitioner of the Saikyo
Style disappeared in a piffle of holy power, coming to quite a bit away in
the middle of the karaoke bar.

"How are you feeling?" the godhead incarnate asked, and gave a dimply smile
that sent chills up the warrior's spine.

Sephiroth turned, prepared to leave. Dan had been bad, but this was the last
person he wanted to deal with. What happened to the days when you could sit
atop Mt. Fuji and not have to worry about unwanted visitors?

"Wait," she called, suddenly next to him. "Don't run away."

"I don't run," he snarled. "Now get out of my sight before I hurt you."

"You're not a very fast learner," she scolded. "But it's good I made it on
time, Dan's my favoritest fighter in the whooooooole world! ...hey, why is
your eye twitching?"

Sephiroth growled, turning away from her again. He wasn't surprised to see
her directly in front of him once again. "Get out of here," he snapped.
"Washuu hates it when you're out by yourself, doesn't she?"

Mary grinned. "Oh, Mommy's protective, yeah! But I can handle myself, I
think. She grounded me last week," she informed. "She was mad that I helped
you."

Sephiroth said nothing. The day he would thank her for her act of charity
would, simply, never come. She went on regardless, not concerned that she
was talking to the man who had impaled her a week ago.

"I don't think she's very concerned about it, though. I just told her I was
going to bed early and snuck out." A mischievous little twinkle shone in her
eye, punctuated by a youthful giggle. "I stuck my Dan plushie under my
covers, in case she peeks in."

His eyes suddenly snapping open, he looked at the girl wickedly. The pieces
had suddenly fit into place... all thanks to her own inane chatter! It would
be so easy to pry her from her mother's grasp, especially with her trusting
little mind.

And that idiot Hibiki had provided him the perfect opportunity!

"You like Dan a lot, then?" he asked slowly, turning on the charm. He was no
good with children, but he knew a few ways to enchant women. And, though
young, Mary was still a lady.

"I looooove him!" she agreed, raising her arms over her head.

"That's interesting," he agreed. "We just decided to have a match next week,
to see once and for all which one us is stronger."

She nodded. "I heard! That'll be cool!"

A slow grin crept over his face. "But you think Dan will win, don't you?"

Pausing, Mary thought about it. "Well. No offense," she mumbled, "I really
think you're a cool fighter, too. I mean, you're bad, but you'll understand
soon. I know you will."

The warrior's grimace could have killed. "How about we make a little bet,
then? Or does your mommy not let you make bets?"

Mary fidgeted. "No, she doesn't. She says--"

"She thinks you're a child," he cut in. "But I know otherwise. You're a
powerful girl, and I respect you immensely."

The godhead blinked, wide-eyed. She hadn't really grasped the concept of
respect yet, but she started squirming in the throes of praise all the same.
"Well... well... maybe just a tiny one."

Sephiroth nodded, leaning to look her in the eye. She gazed back, not even
flinching when his hands fell on her shoulders. "I'll train this entire week
in your name. If I win my match next week, it will be for your honor." He
smiled, continued as she turned a bright red. "If I do this, and prove
myself to be your knight, will you agree to convince your mother to let you
visit me?"

She nodded slowly, very intrigued. "I accept!"

"Wonderful." He smiled as gallantly as he could, getting back to his feet.
"A week then, Mary. I will waste no time. I go to train tonight!"

Mary's cheers echoed loud, even as she faded out. He watched her go with the
satisfaction that comes once a really good plan has been set into motion.

It did not once occur to him that it would never be that easy in trying to
trick a girl with the power of God.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Duo shook his head as the Ultra logo on the monitor faded into a commercial.
"That kid's gone completely insane." He sighed, returning to the task of
rewiring the damaged control circuits beneath the dented armor of his
Gundam.

Below, Nuku Nuku hovered around Duo's mecha, poking and prodding and
directing the camera to fly all around it, getting lots of good shots. "Wow!
This is a nice toy! Nuku Nuku is really impressed!"

Duo chuckled. "Thanks. Say, would you mind passing up that plasma spanner?"

"Huh? Oh, sure. It's this thing, right?"

"No, that's a roll of duct tape. It's the thing to the left of it. ...no,
your other left." As the catgirl finally passed up the right tool, Duo
resumed the tedious work of patching damaged circuitry.

"So, how soon are you going to be able to play again? Nuku Nuku saw what
happened when you were playing with Bison. Can you fix it?"

The Gundam pilot sighed. "Yeah, but the armor's gonna be a pain in the ass
to fix. Washuu says she can mend some of the cracks by fusing in some
special alloys, but the stuff that was completely destroyed...well,
Gundanium is a little hard to come by around these parts."

"Oh, that's so sad!" The android said. "I hope you can get it fixed
soon...hey, maybe Nuku Nuku can play--"

Whatever Nuku Nuku was going to say was cut off by the sudden appearance of
a whirling portal in the repair bay, from which an incessantly loud
bitchlaugh erupted.

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Duo Maxwell, prepare to meet your doom!"

Duo and the android looked up, blinking, as a giant robot strode out of the
portal. Predominantly silver and red and gleaming with newness, the robot
featured a star-shaped torso, the top point of the star formed by its
conical red head. "Ano..." Nuku Nuku blinked. "Isn't that OhBlocker Red?
From that silly old sentai show?"

The female voice coming over the robot's loudspeaker was very irritated.
"No, this is NOT 'OhBlocker Red'! This is the powerful new Daitokuji
Industries Heavy Combat Robot StarStriker!"

"Really? It sure looks like OhBlocker Red to Nuku Nuku..."

"Just be quiet, insolent girl!" B-ko snarled, firing a small grenade at the
android. It exploded, enveloping Nuku Nuku in a cloud of catnip. She
staggered around drunkenly, mewling and babbling something about millenium
mouse and shrimp. Duo sweatdropped.

The massive robot pointed at the pigtailed youth and his Gundam
dramatically. "DUO! I challenge you, right here and now! Get ready to lose!"

The Gundam pilot stared up at the star-shaped mecha. "Are you insane!? Can't
you see how badly damaged my Gundam is? There's no way in hell I can fight
tonight!"

"OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" the pilot of the intrusive mecha laughed. "In that
case, I'll just have to finish you and your Deathscythe off right here and
now, and take the remains with me for analysis!" The 'StarStriker' lurched
ominously forward.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"And we're--" Daisuke paused. "--getting a signal from the booth. Stand
by..." He frowned, his eyes widening as he listened to the buzz of his
headset. "Folks, we have a situation brewing down in the repair bays. If
you'll direct your attention to the UltraTron, we're going straight to the
video feed..."

The crowd gasped in shock as, on the screen, Duo Maxwell scrambled into the
cockpit of the Gundam Deathscythe as a large star-shaped robot bore down on
him. Sparks flew and gears ground as the mobile suit came to life, its arms
and legs shuddering laboriously.

"it would appear that someone has elected to attack duo while his mobile
suit is incapacitated," Rei pointed out, for the obvious-impaired.

"Crap, this is bad," Daisuke muttered. Glancing at the clone girl, he
covered his microphone. "Rei? Can't you go help him?"

His co-announcer for the evening shook her head. "there is nothing i can do.
evangelion unit zero is destroyed."

The dark-haired clone bit off a curse. "Okay, it looks like Duo is in
serious danger here, folks. I've just gotten word that the pilot of the
other mecha is indeed B-ko, and..."

At both the control booth and the announcers' table, headsets were flooded
by a sudden burst of static. A raspy, indistinct voice whispered, "/Open an
Omega portal down there. Now./"

Daisuke blinked. Motioning to Rei to take over the announcing for a moment,
he switched off his mic. "Control, did you catch that?"

"/Yeah, we heard it. What should we do?/"

"Why are you asking *me*?" Daisuke eyed the screen, chest tightening at his
friend's plight. Duo had gotten Deathscythe on its knees, but the mobile
suit's responses were jerky, and B-ko was approaching with menacing
slowness..."Do it. I dunno who that was, but do it."

On the UltraTron, a large blue portal irised into view. B-ko paid it little
mind, continuing her advance on her helpless prey. "Well folks, we're hoping
the cavalry is going to arrive any second now...unless things are going to
get worse instead of better..."

The cavernous repair bay was suddenly flooded with  thick, silvery mist. The
audience murmured, and the outline of the two mecha could be seen pausing
just before fading out of sight. From the depths of the mist, there was a
soft yellow glow, like a pair of eyes...

Then the UltraTron cut to a view of a deserted rocky plain, with a blue
portal spinning serenely in the near distance. There was a loud metallic
crunch as a huge figure sailed through the portal, sending up a cloud of
dust as it slid across the ground on its back. Despite the rising dust, it
was clear after a moment that this was the robot B-ko was piloting.

The crowd began to murmur in anticipation. "it would appear the cavalry has
indeed arrived," Rei commented.

"Yeah, but...who?" Daisuke asked.

Another figure stepped through the portal, one of mecha-esque stature. This,
however, was clearly no mecha, as the newly arrived figure resembled nothing
so much as a human being in body-hugging silver-and-crimson vinyl, various
designs and patterns adorning the androgynous body. The newcomer's head
seemed to be encased in a round silver helmet with a serene expression
engraved on its face beneath gently glowing ovoid yellow eyes. A thin ridge
bisected the face neatly, growing into a broad fin from the scalp back; a
gleaming ruby Omega sigil adorned his forehead. On the giant's chest, a
teardrop-shaped blue jewel shone brightly.

The audience gasped, murmuring in awe at the newcomer. Daisuke stared. "No
way...is that...?"

"By Ringo, it is," commented Jack, who had arrived at the announcer's table
while everyone was riveted to the screen. "I'll be damned."

The figure on the screen glanced toward the camera, remaining wary of his
adversary, who was just beginning to pick herself up off the ground.

"What...what should I do, Jack?" Daisuke asked.

The Controversial One flashed the announcer a manic grin. "Call the match,
Dai! Call the match!" With that, he strode off to hassle a nearby hot dog
vendor.

Daisuke and Rei glanced at each other, shrugging. "Well...okay folks, you
heard the man. Looks like we've got an unscheduled matchup for you..." He
coughed, noting that Krillin had emerged from the portal in the background.
"So...in the OhRanger ripoff mecha, longtime Ultra contender B-ko
Daitokuji...and her opponent..." He sipped his soda. "Umm...well...it's
Ultraman."

On-screen, the legendary Japanese live-action hero struck a few heroic poses
before settling into a fighting stance. The audience cheered.

][  UNSCHEDULED OMEGA MATCH
][  B-KO vs. ULTRAMAN
][  F I G H T ! !

"Well, that was almost impressive!" B-ko called as she righted the
'StarStriker'. "I have to commend you on your surprise attack, and on your
skill at copying a famous figure in such detail!" The star-shaped mecha
struck its fists together, settling into a loose stance. "However, angering
the scion of the Daitokuji empire is not wise, and you will soon discover
the true power of my elegant fighting robot!"

Her opponent said nothing, but made a slight 'come-hither' motion.

Krillin floated in between them. "Uh...okay, I know B-ko knows the rules,
although she breaks them from time to time..." He glowered at the OhBlocker
ripoff briefly before turning to the sleek silver-headed being. "But you're
new here, so I just wanted to remind you of the rules...no outside
interference is tolerated, and destroying the world or universe is a
technical foul."

Ultraman nodded at the bald referee, then returned his full attention to the
mecha. As soon as Krillin cleared the area, B-ko charged, intent on ramming
her mecha's fist straight through the other fighter. Ultraman simply caught
the punch, twisting to the left slightly and delivering a cross-chop to the
StarStriker's chestplate. A few sparks flew at the contact, and Ultraman
released the fist to follow up with a spinning kick to the abdomen which
knocked B-ko's robot off-balance slightly.

"And Ultraman gets off a good strike right from the start," Daisuke
commented. "Why does this remind me of Sunday morning kiddie shows for some
reason?"

"Oho! You're not without skill!" B-ko called, twisting to face her
adversary. "However, I have a few surprises in store for you!" Raising one
arm, she called out, "Rocket Punch!" The fist of B-ko's mecha launched
through the air, slamming into Ultraman's forehead with a loud clang and
ricocheting off, returning to its owner. The towering superhero staggered.
B-ko took the opportunity to strike again, charging toward him with one arm
extended for a clothesline. Caught off-guard, Ultraman attempted to twist
out of the way, but caught a glancing blow to the chest, a shower of sparks
rising from the impact. He flailed as he toppled, tucking into a roll and
putting distance between himself and the StarStriker.

"it would seem that this match is even," Rei said.

"Maybe so, but who knows what Ultraman has up his sleeves? For that matter,
B-ko seems to have her usual selection of surprise weapons as well."

Ultraman and the StarStriker circled each other warily for a long moment, as
though testing one another. At length, both charged; B-ko's mecha lifted off
the ground, spiralling through the air in a move reminiscent of Bison's
Psycho Crasher, but without the dark psychic flames.

The giant of light wasn't falling for it, however; Ultraman leapt into the
air, adjusting his body to a seemingly impossible angle while delivering a
spinning drill kick to the mecha's head as it flew under him, feet glowing
red at the moment of impact. The StarStriker wobbled in flight for a moment
before rotating upright and landing on its feet. Immediately, it whipped its
body around, lashing out with three punches at Ultraman's unprotected back
as he came down from his brief flight. The silver-helmeted fighter
staggered, falling to the ground; as B-ko moved in to take advantage of the
knockdown, Ultraman spun around, lashing out with a sweep which sent the
mecha sprawling with a loud *clang*. The superhero leapt to his feet,
affecting a few arm poses for the crowd watching back at the Ultradome.

"each fighter has just scored a fall against the other," Rei informed any
blind people tuning in.

"There doesn't seem to be much damage on either side, though," Daisuke
noted. "This one could last a while."

"You...are going to pay for that, insolent fool!" B-ko snarled as her mecha
picked itself up off the ground. She extended the StarStriker's left arm,
opening a hatch in the armor. A launcher snapped into place, and the mecha
locked onto Ultraman. The giant watched warily...

With a loud hiss, a huge, solid ball erupted from the arm cannon. As it flew
through the air, it began to expand into a net of thick cables. Ultraman
attempted to dodge, but the net was moving too quickly; it entangled him,
knocking him to the ground.

"OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" B-ko cackled as arcs of electricty snapped and
crackled along the cables making up the huge web; Ultraman writhed in agony
within the net as small explosions rang out and showers of sparks flew
everywhere.

"Ultraman's in trouble!" Daisuke shouted. "B-ko has him pinned, and that web
is doing a lot of damage!"

As B-ko gloated, the silver-and-red being began to curl himself into a ball,
still sparking with damage from the web. The audience watched as, slowly but
surely, the ensnared, sparking Ultraman, web and all, began rolling across
the battlefield toward the StarStriker. The superhero resembled nothing so
much as a giant rolling firecracker as he approached the mecha.

B-ko's gloating was cut short when she noticed the impending collision.
"Oh...Hell..."

The audience cheered wildly as the entangled Ultraman slammed into B-ko's
robot like a bowling ball, causing a massive explosion which briefly
obscured the two fighters in a blooming fireball.

"It seems Ultraman has turned things around! Is this the end of the match?"

The StarStriker staggered out of the explosion, sparking wildly as it
slammed into the ground. Ultraman was thrown clear of the blast as well,
rolling in the dirt. The superhero rose to one knee, covered in smoldering
scorch marks from the damage inflicted by B-ko's attack. As his opponent
stood, it was clear that the damage was mutual; the StarStriker's torso
armor was badly dented, various scorches and gashes rending the paint (not
to mention more crucial systems underneath).

Krillin flew closer to the battle to inspect the damage; he yelped in
surprise as he was tangled in the (luckily non-sparking) remains of the web
and flung into the distance.

"Oops, how clumsy of me," B-ko said, giggling coquettishly over her
speakers. She pointed dramatically at her opponent. "You've forced my
hand...it's time for you to know the true power of the Daitokuji financial
empire!" Inside her cockpit, B-ko began hammering controls furiously, even
as her robot raised its hand in some kind of odd pose. "Come, Heavy Combat
Overtech Squadron! SquareSmasher! BarBrawler! DeltaDestroyer! CircleStorm!
Teach this infidel a lesson!"

"What is she doing?" Daisuke wondered.

"it would seem she is requesting backup," Rei replied as four new portals
opened on the battlefield.

"Hey, she can't do that!" the normally laconic announcer protested.

"it would appear that she just did."

Four robots of similar design to B-ko's appeared on the battlefield, all
freshly gleaming and ready to rumble. Each bore a distinctively colored
torso; a green square, yellow double bar, blue triangle, and pink circle
respectively. Ultraman turned warily as the four robots surrounded him,
clearly ready to dogpile him. The giant spun into a flurry of activity,
lashing out with punches, chops, kicks, elbow strikes, and headbutts as the
mecha team approached him. Sparks flew as sleek fists and feet collided with
blocky mecha armor, and vice versa. The Ultradome crowd oohed and aahed
appreciatively at the display of sheer skill and power on the part of
Ultraman.

After a few minutes of melee combat, Ultraman began to spin in place, arms o
utstretched and palms perpendicular to the ground. A golden ring of energy
spread outward, slamming into B-ko's mecha squadron and sending the four
robots sprawling. The audience went wild. "Regroup!" B-ko yelled, prompting
her team to scramble over to their leader.

"I wonder what B-ko's up to now," Daisuke mused.

Ultraman stood warily, watching the team of mecha across from him. Over her
speakers, B-ko laughed. "OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHO! You are truly a worthy opponent!
But I have grown tired of playing with you! Prepare to witness the true
might of the Daitokuji Heavy Combat Overtech Squadron! SUPER COMBINE!"

Crowd opinions of B-ko aside, the audience murmured appreciatively as the
five robots fell into formation, limbs locking and folding, torso plates
splitting, bolts unlocking, and arcs of electricity snapping and cracking.
Explosions rocked the area as the mecha squadron unleashed gratuitous
amounts of power during the transformation into something larger, something
grander, something...

"it seems b-ko's mecha have combined into a larger robot," Rei understated.

Daisuke banged his head on the table. "It figures."

Ultraman seemed marginally taken aback at the mecha which towered over him
by at least a head and a half, backing up a few steps and assuming a wary
defensive stance.

Small pink circles graced the tops of curved silver feet, which were
attached to bright green, silver, and black legs, which joined to a torso
composed of a blue triangle which had locked perfectly into the base of a
miraculously repaired red star. Silver arms extended from beneath broad
shoulders, which were each composed of a single yellow bar; a three-pointed
yellow crest graced the crown of a dark, triangular head with a silver
faceplate. Two long, gleaming sabers were held in the massive robot's hands,
and it posed dramatically, ready for action.

"OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Face the wrath of Overtech Heavy Combiner Robo!"

"Otherwise known as 'Blocker Robo'," Daisuke deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

Krillin returned to the field, blinking. "Whoa, what the heck's goin' on
here?"

The giant robot spread its swords wide, one angled slightly behind it,
taking a step forward. "Prepare for defeat!" With that, B-ko charged.

Ultraman seemed uncertain for a moment--but only for a moment, as he drew
his arms together in front of him. A pair of shimmering blue energy blades
formed around his forearms, and he charged toward the advancing mecha, ready
for action.

"This could be the final showdown, ladies and gentlemen," Daisuke said. The
crowd cheered for the action on the screen, because everyone loves an
exciting climax.

"DIE!" B-ko roared, the torso of her mecha twisting as she launched into a
flurry of spinning swordstrikes. Ultraman began spinning on one foot as he
approached, lashing out with his energy blades. Explosions and showers of
sparks flew from the melee as the two combatants laid into each other,
defense more a novel idea than a concern in the heat of battle.

Finally, the two stumbled away from each other, both heavily damaged. Smoke
and sparks rained from Ultraman's torso and arms as more scorches adorned
his body; new dents and rips had formed all over the giant robot as it too
sputtered and smoked.

"It's time to end this once and for all," B-ko hissed. Slowly, she brought
the two massive swords together; they began to glow and spark with energy as
they combined into one huge, glowing power saber.

"it seems b-ko has one final attack left."

"Sure looks like it. Can Ultraman win this fight? Or is B-ko going to be
victorious?"

The bright blue jewel on Ultraman's chest chose that moment to begin
flashing red, each pulse accompanied by a loud chiming sound. The superhero
looked down, then took a step back, apparently beginning to panic slightly.

"If I remember correctly," Daisuke said, "that flashing light means Ultraman
is running out of energy. He needs to finish this fight quickly, or he may
never rise again."

"if he is out of energy, then he may lose." Rei added.

B-ko's mecha took a step forward, drawing the glowing saber back. Energy
poured off the blade in waves in preparation for the big strike.

The silver-and-red superhero shifted his stance slightly, crossing his arms
in front of his face to form a perpendicular 'X'. The omega sigil on his
forehead began to glow.

The crowd leaned forward in anticipation. Even Daisuke was on the edge of
his seat.

"This fight is OVER!" B-ko declared, cackling as she began the downswing,
blinding light streaming from her sword.

The crest on Ultraman's forehead began to strobe as a massive cloud of
blue-white plasma streamed out, blazing across the battlefield and
enveloping B-ko's ubermecha in a raging cyclone of energy. Sparks began to
fly as the massive robot was trapped, unable to break free of the burning
storm.

As the crowd watched in awe, Ultraman spread his arms wide, palms flat, then
raised one hand above his head. The inferno froze, the mecha trapped within
ceasing all motion and sound. Slowly, the giant superhero began to count
down silently from five on the fingers of his upraised hand. As he reached
one, he pumped his fist, and time restarted for B-ko...in the form of a
massive fireball. Clouds of sparks and streaks of flame flew from the
combiner mecha as it went up in an explosion that rated at least a 3.0 on
the Lina Inverse scale.

With one final, resounding *boom*, the five individual robots of B-ko's
squadron tumbled to the ground, charred and mangled and smoking. B-ko
herself fell from the cockpit of the StarStriker just as it was consumed by
flames, coughing smoke and groaning in agony.

Krillin flew over, inspecting the damage and administering the ten-count.
"Uhh...Ultraman wins," he said.

The superhero ran through a quick series of poses, and the audience cheered
wildly. Then, just as mysteriously as he had appeared, Ultraman simply
vanished. B-ko and her robots were sucked through their own portals a moment
later.

"Well, wasn't that an exciting match?" Daisuke asked the crowd.

"OH HELL YEAH!" the crowd replied.

"I thought you'd say that. Anyway, we'll be back with the last match of the
evening right after this."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


Duo chuckled. "Yeah, that'll teach you to pick on guys with busted Gundams!"
He then surveyed the additional damage wrought by his near-brush with
destruction, and sighed. "Dammit." He dropped down to the tool bench, and
was sorting through his equipment when he spotted a This Old Dojo flunkie
walking briskly across the repair bay, cap pulled down low over his eyes
and, in Duo's opinion, trying rather obviously to remain inconspicuous.
"Hey, you!"

The guy stopped. "Me?"

"Yeah, you. You're one of those fix-it people, right?"

"Uhhh, sorta, yeah."

"Then get your butt over here, man. I need some serious help."

The workman shuffled his feet. "Ahh...I'm not sure I'm qualified to work on
something like that..."

"Eh, I'll walk you through it. All I really need is an extra pair of arms."

The minimum-wage grunt sighed, tugging the brim of his bright orange cap
lower as he ambled over to the giant robot.

Underneath his thick black T-shirt, a teardrop-shaped blue pendant glowed
softly.


--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--
  Tokyo Sports  Network Presents:
        Where Are They Now?
--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--

"Hello, Ultra fans, and welcome to another edition of 'Where Are They Now?'!
I'm Haitani!"

"And I'm Shirai. Last week, we debuted this segment during our nightly
sports news after UltraRage Eta."

"But this week, we're proud to present this segment for all you Ultra fans
during the show itself! Of course, we don't have as much time, so we're only
going to profile one former fighter tonight."

"This week, we're going to take a look at a former Lambda tag champion,
Tatewaki Kuno. We here at TSN are sorry to report that Kuno has
had...well...a bit of bad luck since his departure from Ultra."

"A bit of bad luck is a bit of an understatement, mi amigo! Our cameras
captured this footage of Kuno's homecoming! Let's go to the tape!"

     *****

The slightly-less-than-legendary Blue Thunder of Fuurinkan High stood
stock-still, staring at the ancestral lands of the Kuno family. The stately
mansion of classical Japanese design which had once stood on this very spot
was curiously absent. This was not the only thing which was amiss; various
construction equipment was strewn upon the grounds, and a sign was staked
into the ground which read "Future home of LOLIFOODS Complex".

"What...what manner of foul trickery is this?" the kendoist demanded. "What
hast the vile sorcerer Saotome wrought upon the noble abode of the house
Kuno?"

A ribbon snaked around his neck. "Welcome back, brother dear. I'd say
'welcome home', but...as you can see, we have no home here anymore."

Kuno whirled to face the ribbon-wielding gymnast. "Sister! What foul deed
hath been wrought upon the ancestral home of Kuno by the vile sorcerer
Saotome?"

Kodachi smiled sadly. "My dear, stupid brother...this wasn't the work of
Ranma-sama. This was the work of the government of Japan."

"What!? They dare...? Why?"

The gymnast twirled her ribbon idly. "It seems, brother dear, that father
owed several hundred million yen in unpaid taxes. The accounts and lands of
the Kuno estate were seized...our fortune is gone." She held out a slip of
paper. "There was but this much money left; enough to purchase two one-way
airline passes to Hawaii."

Kuno stared at the ticket in disbelief. "Hawaii? Pray in the name of the
gods, why would I wish to part to Hawaii and join with our addled, estranged
father?"

"Because it's that, or prison," Kodachi said flatly. "Plus, there are many
women there who surpass your furniture-tossing girl in beauty."

Kuno paused, running this through his rusty mental processes. He then
hoisted his duffel bag onto his shoulder. "Come, sister, we have a plane to
catch."

     *****

"That was three days ago, ladies and gentlemen, and that was the last
anyone's seen of the Kuno family."

"And that's all the time we have! So for TSN, this is Haitani and Shirai,
sending you back to Daisuke in the Ultradome!"

--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--


"Alright!" Daisuke said, bouncing slightly in his seat. "We're back, and
it's main event time, folks! The ring's fully repaired, all the sound
equipment has been replaced, and the fighters are ready! So let's get it
on!"

As the crowd cheered, Rei eyed the normally dull announcer critically. "are
you certain you are well?"

Daisuke nodded. "Yep. Just fine. I told you that patch would give me a buzz.
Although I'm probably going to feel like a complete and total dork when I
watch the tape tomorrow."

Patriotic music with a rock beat swelled from the speakers as the large,
imposing form of Yaga strolled down the ramp, waving to the fans. He didn't
receive a very favorable reaction; the pop from those who didn't know of him
was just below polite, and the NeoFighters fan contingent in the crowd booed
and hissed. Yaga schooled his facial muscles to suppress the scowl that
wanted to surface.

"For those of you who are unfamiliar with this man, he is one of Japan's
seasoned pro wrestling veterans. He enjoyed a brief career on NeoFighters,
and was retained by Nabiki for the Gamma roster last week. Now, he's making
his Ultra debut...please welcome The Great Yaga!"

Yaga vaulted into the ring with practiced ease, waving to the crowd,
plastering a sunny smile on his face. A stagehand passed him a microphone.
"Greetings, Tokyo! And hello to everyone watching Ultra tonight! I, The
Great Yaga, am excited to be here, and honored to be entertaining you in
this very ring!"

He received a somewhat better pop, although the Neo fans weren't impressed
by his performance.

"First, allow me to extend a hearty congratulations to my good friend Li
Ping, who unfortunately did not win tonight despite putting on an impressive
show against those obnoxious monsters and that psychopathic kid. You know,
Li...I know you're watching...here's a little advice: lose the Bullet Time
move. At your age, I'd hate to see you reduced to a cripple when you still
have a chance at a fine career as a stunt double in Hong Kong." He smiled
for the cameras. "I say that only because when it comes to sports
entertainment, you simply don't have what it takes."

The crowd stopped applauding, and the number of jeers increased slightly.

"yaga does not seem to have a good opinion of li," Rei said.

"They had a bit of a rivalry in NeoFighters, I believe," Daisuke said.
"Guess it wasn't a friendly one."

"Why don't you shut your freakin' yap, old man?" a voice called from
backstage. The lights dimmed, and pyro erupted as the Furnityre Savior's
music roared over the speakers. Marlo trotted his bad self down the ramp, a
park bench slung over one shoulder. "Nobody wants to hear yesterday's news."
The crowd cheered as the hardcore teenager vaulted into the ring, microphone
in hand.

"and yaga's opponent has entered the ring."

"Now, now," the veteran wrestler said, straining to keep his temper in
check, "Is that any way to talk to your elders, boy?"

"No, but it's a perfect way to talk to a washed-up old geezer who doesn't
know when it's time to hang up his trunks and go to a retirement home,"
Marlo retorted.

Yaga's smile dropped. "Listen, kid...in my day, children were seen and not
heard."

"In your day, children also swung from trees by their tails," the Furniture
Warrior said, smirking.

The plastic of the microphone began to crack slightly as Yaga clenched his
fists, trembling...then became calm again, smiling. "You know...I can
forgive you for your disrespect," he began. "I can forgive you, and do you
know why? It's because you're a foreigner. An American, if I'm correct, yes?
And we all know that Americans just don't teach their kids any manners or
respect. It's the same thing with that kid Li. I blame the parents, I really
do...but then, they were raised in the same uncivilized culture too, weren't
they?"

The crowd erupted in a wave of boos. Several inflammatory signs appeared,
many of which were giving the tech crew fits as they scrambled to mosaic out
various choice expletives.

"Well, Yaga's certainly made an impression on this crowd," Daisuke muttered.

Marlo threw up a hand. "Okay everyone, quiet down! Yeah, that's good enough,
now just quiet down!" As the noise died down to a dull roar, the teen
smirked, setting his current weapon in the middle of the ring. "Y'know,
Yaga...you're right about a lot of that. I guess maybe we are a little
disrespectful sometimes." Shrugging, he planted a foot on the piece of
furniture he'd brought with him. "Anyway...you know what this is, don't
you?"

The large man crossed his arms, frowning. "Of course. It's a bench."

Marlo smiled. "Very good. Now...over in the States--around the time you were
still somebody, in fact--there was a song that used to be fairly popular.
I'm not much into oldies, but I like a little classic rock. You all like
classic rock, right?"

The crowd gave a collective murmur of agreement.

"That's good, because I've had this song stuck in my head ever since I had a
little run-in with Yaga earlier, and let me tell you...I just gotta get it
out. Boys, if you don't mind?"

There was a moment of silence before a bass riff flowed from the UltraTron
speakers. Marlo grinned, lifting his microphone, and began to sing rather
poorly, in English:

"Sitting on a park bench,
Eyeing little girls with bad intent..."

Roughly one-fourth of the audience erupted into laughter as the musical
taunt continued. In the ring, Yaga's face clouded with anger, his eyes
narrowing. "THAT'S ENOUGH!" he screamed, rushing the Furniture Warrior.
Tossing aside his microphone, Marlo grinned, picking up his bench and
twirling it casually.


][  MAIN EVENT -- GAMMA MATCH (HARDCORE RULES)
][  THE GREAT YAGA v. MARLO SEMAJ
][  F I G H T ! !


"Wow, looks like Marlo really pissed Yaga off with that song," Daisuke said.
"I can't say my English is good enough--"

"mine is." Rei was almost--*almost*--smiling, as she whispered something to
Daisuke. The dark-haired announcer's eyes widened, and he started
snickering. "Oh man, that's so *wrong*," he chuckled. After a moment, he
cleared his throat and commented, "And the match is underway."

Yaga threw a punch at the teenager, who casually deflected it with one end
of the bench, smacking the other into the back of the wrestler's head. The
older man staggered slightly, then attempted to clothesline Marlo. He
succeeded in knocking a few slats out of the bench and scraping his arm on
splintered wood. Smirking, the Furnityre Savior spun around, slamming his
weapon into Yaga's rear end. The wrestler was sent sprawling into the ropes.

"And Yaga gets spanked!" Daisuke shouted.

Growling, Yaga spun around, glaring at his opponent. Marlo charged, wielding
the bench like a battering ram; Yaga braced himself and caught the incoming
attack, grunting with exertion as he strained every muscle in his body to
reverse the momentum of the teen's assault. His counter paid off as the
bench slammed into Marlo's gut instead, sending him sprawling and knocking
the breath out of him.

The aging wrestler ripped a board from the bench angrily, tossing the rest
of the furnishing out of the ring with a loud crash. Advancing on the fallen
teen, he reached down and grabbed a handful of hair. Marlo struggled as he
was lifted off the mat...and ate a tasty mouthful of wood, the makeshift
two-by-four smashing to splinters against his face. Yaga slammed Marlo's
head back onto the mat and delivered a meaty stomp to the youth's kidneys.
The Furniture Warrior grimaced in pain as he slowly pulled himself up to a
crouch.

"yaga seems capable of putting up a good fight," Rei said.

"Yeah...and man, did that look painful."

Yaga sprinted toward the ropes, hanging halfway out of the ring for a moment
before ricocheting back to the middle of the ring in a full-body tackle,
diving on top of the dazed teen. Marlo went down again, flattened under the
massive wrestler as the canvas shook. Picking himself up, Yaga quickly
dropped an elbow, eliciting a grunt from his opponent. As the audience
jeered, the older man made his way to the corner of the ring, climbing up
onto the turnbuckle.

"It looks like Yaga's going to try for an aerial move of some sort," Daisuke
said. "I'm not up on my wrestling moves, but I do know that this kind of
thing can be painful."

Pausing to flex and pose for the crowd a moment, Yaga stretched his arms
above his head, forming a 'Y' with his body as he tensed his powerful legs
and leapt toward the prone boy...

...who had already whipped out an oak dining table and was shielding his
body with it. Unable to stop in time, Yaga slammed headfirst into the table,
cracking it in half. The audience whooped it up.

"Quick save by Marlo, and Yaga takes a nasty hit!"

In the ring, the Furniture Warrior chuckled, bringing an antique wardrobe to
bear. "Yaga, Yaga, Yaga...you *are* an asshole." Slamming the heavy
furniture down on the older man, he leaned down and whispered, "But you will
*never* be as big an asshole as *I* am. You can't hang with me, gramps. Give
it up."

"Shut up, you little shit," Yaga hissed, struggling to fling the wardrobe
off his back.

Marlo grinned. "I was hoping you'd say something stupid like that." Leaping
into the air, the teen did a somersault for flair before flinging a sleeper
sofa at the pinned wrestler. The aging man cried out in pain, and even the
audience seemed a little unsettled.

"Good God, he broke his back," Daisuke declared. "We're gonna have a massive
lawsuit on our hands, folks."

"no...yaga is getting up."

"What!? That's incredible!" Daisuke stared at the ring, where indeed, the
sofa and dresser had been tossed aside by a rather angry wrestler, who
rammed a shoulder into his surprised opponent. As Marlo staggered under the
blow, Yaga picked the boy up and suplexed him, then dropped another elbow...

...onto a school desk, causing him to wince as the cheap pseudo-wood cracked
in half. Marlo boxed his ears with the fragments of the desktop, before
hauling out an end table and battering the older man into the corner.

"both fighters are giving and taking equal amounts of punishment. this is a
surprisingly even match."

"Yeah...it's just gonna come down to whoever runs out of steam first, looks
like."

In the corner of the ring, Marlo raised the end table over his head,
smirking. "Time for a beating, old-timer."

Yaga scowled up at him. "You think you're so tough, don't you, ya little
punk?"

"I don't think I am. I *know* I am."

Yaga smirked. "Yeah, you're tough. Real tough, kid. Especially since you
have the guts to beat the crap outta people with furniture. I guess nobody
ever taught you how to fight like a REAL MAN, did they?"

Marlo froze, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "What was that?"

Yaga stood, pushing the boy away. "Yeah, that's right. I bet you couldn't
last thirty seconds without tossing around furniture."

"Oh no...Yaga's using the oldest trick in the book. Well, the oldest trick
in the book if you're from my old neighborhood, anyway."

"it seems to be working."

Marlo glowered up at the wrestler. "Old man, you're not the first idiot to
try this bullshit on me. I wasn't born yesterday."

The older man laughed heartily. "Oh no, of COURSE not. Only the day *before*
yesterday."

"Was that supposed to be funny?" Daisuke wondered.

Lashing out with a mighty booted foot, Yaga kicked the end table Marlo had
been holding across the ring, then loomed over his opponent. "You know about
my little contractual clause, right?"

The Furniture Warrior snorted. "Of course I do. We wouldn't be in the ring
right now otherwise."

"What's he talking about?"

"i have no idea."

Yaga nodded. "Good, good. Then you know that I can, say...change the
stipulations of this match right now."

The teenager raised an eyebrow. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Then you'll agree, of course, to my stipulations?"

Marlo shrugged. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"That's right...you don't." Yaga cleared his throat, and pointed
dramatically at his opponent. "For the rest of the match, you are not to use
another stick of furniture, is that clear?"

The audience jeered.

"Hey, can Yaga actually make a demand like that? I can't imagine Marlo being
too happy with this!"

The teenager frowned thoughtfully. "Not a single stick of furniture for the
rest of the match, eh?"

"That's what I said. Or has all that loud rock music made you deaf so soon?"

The Furnityre Savior slowly grinned. "Okay. I'll play it your way. Not
another stick of furniture for the rest of the match."

The fans were not thrilled with this development. "This is insane!" Daisuke
shouted. "How is Marlo supposed to do anything with such a handicap?"

Yaga rushed forward and kicked the teenager across the ring, grinning. "Time
to pay your pain tax, kid." He advanced slowly, cracking his knuckles.

Marlo smiled...and whipped out a huge terra cotta pot. The audience cheered
as he smashed the aged clay pottery over the wrestler's head. He then
whipped out a brass floor lamp, twirling it like a staff as he forced Yaga
to retreat across the ring.

The older man was irate. "You little PUNK! I'll have your head for this! I
can sue--"

Marlo shook his head, grinning. "Nope, this is legal. You see...you said,
and I quote, 'not another STICK' of furniture." He pointed at the broken
pot, then at the lamp he held. "I don't see any STICKS, do you?"

The audience erupted into applause as the Furnityre Savior opened a can of
whoopass on the over-the-hill wrestler, driving him into the ropes with his
lamp before pulling out a birdbath, which he smashed over Yaga's head,
staggering the older man and opening a huge gash on his forehead. This was
followed up by a strike to the solar plexus with a steel kitchen sink, a
brass spittoon to the chops, and...

...the audience exploded with laughter as Marlo smashed the old man's knees
with a toilet bowl.

"And for Yaga, this match has gone straight down the crapper!" Daisuke
announced, snickering.

The wrestler's eyes burned with rage. "You little--! I'm going to rip your
head off and shove it up you--"

Marlo shattered a stone bench over his head, and Yaga dropped like a sack of
potatoes.

"it looks as though marlo has won the match," Rei said as the referee
climbed into the ring to administer the ten-count.

The hardcore teen leaned out of the ring, grabbed a microphone, and shouted,
"Let this be a lesson...DON'T! MESS! WITH! MARLO!"

As the crowd cheered markishly for the Furnityre Savior, Daisuke noticed
something above the ring. "Hey...what the...?"

A cloud of bats suddenly descended upon the ring, just before the referee
could reach ten. The striped shirt yelped in panic and began scrambling for
cover, terror of becoming a snack for winged rodents overcoming his
professionalism. The crowd's wild applause dissolved into confused murmurs.

Marlo whipped around, trying to determine why the count had stopped. His
eyes widened as a blunted sword descended into his field of vision, smacking
him right in the forehead.

"What's Haohmaru doing out here!? What's going on!?"

"it would seem haohmaru is interfering with the match."

"ENLIGHTENMENT!" roared Haohmaru as he delivered a quick slash to the
stunned teen's knees. Unable to whip up a defense in time, Marlo staggered,
but a split second later, a steel chair was in his hands--and Haohmaru was
laid out on the canvas. He kicked the samurai viciously in the ribs, then
clubbed him halfway out of the ring with his chair.

"Well, that's over with--oh no! Yaga's up again!"

The aging wrestler was indeed on his feet again, and had picked up a
sizeable chunk of the stone bench he'd been knocked out with. Advancing on
the distracted furniture-tosser, he raised the makeshift bludgeon over his
head--then slammed it into the back of Marlo's, driving the teen to his
knees. As the Furnityre Savior pulled himself up and tried to regain his
bearings, he glanced up at Yaga. "Bastard," he spat.

Yaga grinned unpleasantly. "Now, let me show you how a REAL fighter finishes
a match." In a blur of motion, the old man charged Marlo, executing one full
turn before smashing Marlo's face with a perfect Roaring Elbow. The teenager
was knocked clear across the ring, rebounded off the ropes, and ate a second
Roaring Elbow which dropped him to the mat, unconscious.

"MY GOD! Yaga just put the smack down on Marlo!"

Unnoticed by anyone, a pair of slender arms pulled Haohmaru out of the ring
as the referee climbed back in. The crowd booed violently as the official
made the ten-count and declared Yaga the winner.

The old man raised his arms triumphantly. "Mark my words, Ultra! I, The
Great Yaga, will show you what a TRUE Champion is!"

As the wrestler headed backstage to the accompaniment of jeers and a
vigorous garbage pelting, Daisuke shook his head. "Well folks, that's all
for this week. Until next time, this is Daisuke saying...ah, hell with it.
Good fight, goodnight."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


As Daisuke started to change out of his tux, the phone in his dressing room
rang. "Hello?" he greeted.

A wet cough answered him, followed hoarsely by Hiroshi's subdued, congested
voice. "/Good show, Dai./"

"Thanks. How you feelin', man?"

"/Not so good, but a little better. I've got Rei as a nurse, so.../"

"Heh. Well, you sound better anyway. Hope you'll be in shape to work next
week."

Hiroshi chuckled, which lapsed into a cough. "/I see you used one of my
patches...seems you enjoyed yourself out there tonight./"

Daisuke grinned. "Yeah...yeah, I think I did."

"/So, gonna do it again next week?/"

"Not on your life."

"/Aww, come on, Dai!/"

"Look, man...you rest up and get well, alright? I don't think I can handle
being your replacement again next week. I gotta be me, you know?"

"/Heh. Okay. G'night, Dai./"

"G'night, 'rosh."


     *     *     *     *     *     *


"I just can't figure it out. Where the hell did he come from?"

Jack shrugged. "Search me."

Nabiki eyed him coldly. "If I wasn't sure you'd *enjoy* it, I would. Come
on, Jack. Out with it. You had something to do with this."

The spiky-haired booker waved his hands in a placating manner. "Hey, Beek,
I'm innocent. I swear! I'm just as clueless on this one as you are."

"Riiight." Nabiki sighed, sitting down at her desk and rubbing her eyes.
"I'm billing B-ko for the additional repairs to Duo's Gundam and to the
repair bay, by the way." She sighed. "I called the studio that makes those
silly shows...they don't know anything about what happened here either,
although they're already planning to capitalize off it. They're calling him
Ultraman Omega." She snorted. "I can't help but feel like this was some kind
of cheap publicity stunt."

"Trust me, Beeky, whatever that was, there's no way it was cheap."

The CEO of Ultra winced. "Yeah, it'd take millions of yen to pull off a hoax
like that." She frowned. "Then again, he sure didn't *fight* like a hoax,
did he?"

"Hell no! He kicked ass and took names!" Jack grinned. "I wouldn't mind
having him on the roster on a regular basis."

"No, Jack. There's no way we can afford him right now."

"Why not?" Jack insisted. "It's the perfect promotional stunt. 'Ultraman Is
Ultra'...the geeky tokusatsu fans that don't watch Ultra will flock to our
show in droves to watch him in action! Think of the cross-promotions and
merchandising potential!"

Nabiki sighed. "Okay, you have a point, but...how would we even contact
him?"

As Jack pondered that question, a This Old Dojo workman rushed breathlessly
into the office, orange cap pulled down over his eyes as he slapped a
postcard onto Nabiki's desk. "Sorry 'bout this, ma'am...they asked me to
deliver this. It's urgent." With that, he dashed off again.

Jack and Nabiki blinked at each other. "What was that all about?"

The brown-haired girl shrugged, picking up the postcard. Her eyes widened as
she stared at it, mouth working soundlessly.

"Hey, Beek? Hello? Earth to boss-lady! What's--?"

Nabiki smiled slowly, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. Without a word, she
flicked the postcard at Jack. The Controversial One glanced at the plain,
undecorated piece of stationery, on which two simple sentences were written
in plain, unremarkable handwriting:

 "Book Ultraman, and he'll show. No contract necessary."

The spiky-haired booker looked up at the teenage enterpreneur, and both of
them grinned.


     *     *     *     *     *     *


M.T.C.F.F. ULTRA EPISODE 73 RECAP:
][ JOHNNY CAGE continues to be PATHETIC
][ EVANGELION UNIT-00 is SLAGGED
][ RANMA and AKANE are ON VACATION
][ JACK makes OMINOUS FORESHADOWING
][ SAKURA KASUGANO decides to CHANGE HER CLOTHES
][ ASH KETCHUM joins TEAM ROCKET
][ FOUR PATHETIC OLD PEOPLE all CHEAT AT POKER
][ NUKU NUKU films a VIDEOGRAPHY
][ INFLUENZA defeats HIROSHI, now at 7.3x10^99W/0L
][ DAISUKE abuses STIMULANTS
][ IORI defeats Sakura's DIGNITY
][ SAKURA defeats IORI
][ SHINGO sees SOMETHING he LIKES
][ JESSIE/JAMES officially become TEAM POCKET
][ TEAM CLOW defeats TEAM POCKET
][ PIKACHU is SEALED in a CLOW CARD
][ HAOHMARU/MORRIGAN join LAMBDA
][ ASH KETCHUM defeats LI PING
][ SEPHIROTH goads DAN into a match NEXT WEEK
][ MARY agrees to be the PRIZE if SEPHIROTH WINS
][ B-KO harasses DUO for REASONS which are NOT APPARENT
][ ULTRAMAN appears out of NOWHERE
][ ULTRAMAN defeats B-KO
][ THE GREAT YAGA defeats MARLO
][ DAISUKE has FUN announcing ULTRA. WAI.
][ ULTRAMAN joins OMEGA for NO MONEY
][ This makes NABIKI VERY HAPPY
][ LURKER covers EVERY MINISCULE EVENT in his RECAP


     *     *     *     *     *     *


AUTHOR'S NOTES:

FINALLY! The Lurk HAS COME BACK to Ultra!

And gods, am I ever exhausted. x.x I forgot how much work went into churning
one of these bastards out.

My last chapter of Ultra was less than stellar. For that, I apologize, and I
sincerely hope that this time around, I've gotten everything right and given
you all an enjoyable read. Of course, I'm sure a lot of things sucked, so
please feel free to rant on the MB about that.

Thanks go to 2f for all the backchannel discussion of possible booking for
this episode, as well as NinjaDebugger and Lawrence Chu for prereading and
advice. Also, thanks to Zach for being a sounding board, being flexible
enough to work with a setup for next week, and writing the
Sephiroth/Dan/Mary scene. ^_^

Several things I want to comment specifically on:
The "Where Are They Now?" segments:
These are meant to be episode filler, basically...something humorous to
throw between scenes, not to be taken especially seriously unless an author
wants to push a minor plot point involving an ex-fighter, such as my melting
of Eva-00. In short, these are just fun little insert scenes. :) And for
those who were wondering, Haitani and Shirai are Keitaro's two troublemaking
buds from Love Hina. They're the next Hiroshi and Daisuke, in otaku terms,
but they're by no means important to Ultra. I just used them because they
sprang to mind immediately. ^_^

THE PIKA:
Obviously, this is not supposed to clear itself up in the immediate future.
However, it should be ended before the Theta setup; I'd recommend resolving
it at Reboot in the middle of the season. Of course, feel free to ignore
this suggestion, future authors. ^_^

Ultraman:
I was actually amazed to find out how few people knew who the hell Ultraman
is among the Impro community. Given the fact that Ultraman is the Japanese
equivalent of Superman and laced throughout Japanese pop culture for the
past 35 years, this is pretty sad...I'd expect a horde of otaku to know
these things. ;_;
Ah well. Insofar as Ultra goes, Ultraman is not going to be hard to deal
with at all. The source material and background for the giant of light is
extremely malleable; so malleable in fact that this version of Ultraman is
specially created for Ultra's Omega division. This means that future writers
can give him any attacks/powers/backstory they damn well please. :) I'll be
sending in a supplemental omake shortly to go into further detail, but in
the meantime, I recommend visiting http://www.waynebrain.com/ultra/ for more
information about Ultraman.

I had a Kero-chan omake planned for the end of the chapter, but I'm too
exhausted, and the chapter's perverted enough already, so...sorry, if you
were looking forward to one. :(

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to chill out with some Mike's Hard
Lemonade until the reviews come in...

-ELL