--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--
  Tokyo Sports  Network Presents:
        Where Are They Now?
--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--

        "Hello again, otaku of all things bloody! I'm Haitani!"

        "And I'm Shirai. We're here to hit you with yet another in-depth
look into the lives of former employees in one of the biggest shows on the
air, Magical Crossover Troubleshooting Fighting Federation ULTRA!"

        "As you all know, the big Dan/Sephiroth match is scheduled for
tomorrow night! Wai!"

        "And in the spirit of this great fight, we bring you the up-to-date
happenings of... Blanka!"

        "Wait. What does that have to do with Dan?"

        "They both love watermelons, baka. Let's get that footage rolling!"

*  *  *  *  *

        "HELLO! AND WELCOME TO... ZENJIROU'S CHILD'S TOY!"

        "Wai! Wai! Wahoo!"

        "We have a very special show for you tonight, because we have a new
special guest! Why don't you introduce him for us, Sana?"

        "HAIIIIIII! Everybody, pay attention, and welcome BLANKA-SAN!!"

        "Aroo?"

        "Wow, his teeth are almost as big as yours, Zenjirou-san!"

        "Ha-ha-ha-ha..."

        "Raaaaaarr!"

        "Agh! He's trying to eat the fat kid!"

*  *  *  *  *

        "Well, it looks like Blanka's getting used to his new job!"

        "Next up is Sofia, Johnny Cage's ex-partner!"

        "Jeez, is there always an obligatory lame person we have to cover?"

        "Quiet, my good buddy, it'll be over soon."

*  *  *  *  *

        The scene depicted a small bar. Out of the bar waddled Sofia, on
the arms of five large men. She was cradling a bottle of vodka in the
valley between her breasts, and from there the picture cut out.

*  *  *  *  *

        "Sorry, folks, everything else we had of her was censored."

        "Wow, talk about low standards."

        "And finally, we have a duet in store for you, dear viewers. We
present, in simultaneous fashion, the current lives of Felicia and Lilith
Aensland, creatures of the night!"

        "As you may know, Felicia is a nun and has finally reached employ
directly from the Pope himself."

        "Wow! But what about Lilith?"

        "Well, see for yourself!"

*  *  *  *  *

        "Good morning, Sister Felicia," greeted one of the schoolboys, a
young lad with no thoughts of lust anywhere in his body, surely.

        "Good morning," she acknowledged, swirled around, and swiped at a
basketball that was aimed right for her head. It died with a sad little
pfffft sound, flopping to the ground. "Lilith Aensland!" the catgirl
shrieked, bounding off-screen.

        The next shot was of Lilith bent over one modestly clad knee, a
ruler smacking across her rear. The lolicon succubus's face had a
disturbing little grin under the beating, but Felicia's was nothing but
stern.

*  *  *  *  *

        "Well, there you have it."

        "...that didn't make much sense."

        "Sure it did, you just didn't think about it hard enough. Until
next time, I'm Haitani!"

        "And I'm Shirai!"

        "And we'll be back next week for more Where Are They Now?"


--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--


        Somewhere in Japan.

        Somewhere in the dark.

        Somewhere in the control room of the Ultradome...

        Dan Hibiki has been training.

        Not just any training, either. Dan and his pink gi have been up to
their necks in sweat for a week, and now, now, mere hours from the show's
weekly broadcast, that training will pay off.

        His feet dashing rhythmically, he arms sweat from his brow. I must
concentrate, he thinks, and curses as he steps incorrectly. A slip-up like
that could cost him the entire match and the honor of his School. Must
concentrate harder, he admonishes, body moving itself rigorously.

        "What's wrong with you?" a voice asks from the gloom. "Work it
harder, you worthless sack!"

        Dan squinches his eyes shut, body tensing. He moves quicker,
panting with the exertion. No pain, no gain, his Oyaji always said.

        "You SUCK!" the voice informs him again. "This is it!"

        Breathing hard, Dan flails. Sweat rolls in his eyes, but he can't
risk wiping it away. He pulls the moves, quicker, quicker...

        There is a loud negating sound. "GAME OVER," he is informed, and he
slumps to his side in defeat.

        "That was the twentieth game in a row!" he grouses, fists shaking.
"Damn you, DDR! Damn you!"

        Dance Dance Revolution: ULTRA Mix, stands impassive against this
verbal abuse. Its voice declines comment.

        Dan sighs, reflecting. Sure, he probably should have spent this
time training to fight, but the machine had arrived less than a day after
the challenge had been issued. How can one resist such a temptation? "DAN
HIBIKI IS NOT MADE OF WOOD, DAMN IT!" he screams into the empty room, fists 
clenched.

        And he's relatively sure he can defeat Sephiroth anyway. What
matters now...

        His finger makes way for the "START" button... but is halted by a
voice in the dark.

        And thus speaks this stranger:

        "La la la la la..."

        And the next thing Dan Hibiki knows, an explosion sounds from
deeper in the control room, shrapnel is flying, machinery is looming, and
all becomes black.


*  *  *  *  *


        Usually at this time of day, the 'Dome is devoid of most of its
familiar faces. There are tech crews and video directors, sure, but
otherwise it's just not a very happening place. This afternoon was no
exception, but the people who were there did indeed experience the tragedy
of what would later be known as The Act of Sabotage That Sent Dan To The
Medical Ward.

        To illustrate precisely...


*  *  *  *  *


        Daisuke smiled vaguely as the UltraDome appeared over the hood of
his car. He was rather surprised by this; his job is highly stressful, and
after the Bison thing money hadn't been exactly rushing in. Random events
tended to end in life or death situations, and he was now, in fact, a clone
because of it. His relationship had also recently broken off, and he had to
sit through Hiroshi praising Rei every time a romantic situation came up.
Really, Ultra was just a pain in the ass.

        But he was a part of it. It was his pain in the ass.

        Wheeling into the employee parking lot, he gave the car in
Hiroshi's space a double take. Obviously some investor had taken his
co-host's spot without realizing it...

        He made his way through the building, a knot building in his
stomach.

        "That you, Dai?" Hiroshi asked the moment his friend stepped foot in
the lounge. His back was turned, one arm around Rei, the other cradling a
ham'n'cheese Hot Pocket.

        "Er. Over the cold, eh? Well, someone took your spot while you were
gone." He cleared his throat. "Just thought you should know..."

        Rei turned just enough to give a good profile of herself. "no they
didn't."

        Daisuke's shoulders slumped. His mouth dropped open. This is what
he'd been afraid of. "You're... that's your car?"

        "Yep. A 1968 Pontiac Firebird. It's the car I've always wanted, and
now it's mine." Hiroshi raised a clenched fist in the air. "I rule."

        The calmer clone facepalmed. "Stop quoting movies. How the hell'd
you get that kind of money? Those cars are ridiculously hard to get out
here!"

        "Umm." Hiroshi sweatdropped, turning to regard his friend. "Oops.
No, I mean, I just got a really good deal. Some crazy old guy selling it
used."

        "That thing was brand new!"

        "Yeah, well, he didn't realize that."

        Grumbling, the usually placid Daisuke felt his temperature rise.
"Jack and Nabiki have been giving you more money than me, haven't they?
Because you're the popular loud one! That's IT, isn't it?"

        "No!" his co-host cried, hands held up defensively. "Not at all.
You're just as popular, anyway--"

        "but you're the stallion," Rei interjected, cooing in as monotone a
voice as possible. Hiroshi burst into bright red.

        Daisuke threw his hands into air. "This is ridiculous," he stated,
quite grumpily. "Then where are you getting that extra money? Is that why
you've been gone so much on our Otome--"

        The Ultradome took that moment to rattle, shaken on its foundation.
All three of the lounge's occupants looked toward the floor.

        "...sounds like something blew," Rei guessed.

        "Better go check it out," Daisuke sighed. "But don't think this
discussion's over, 'Roshi." And when he noticed his co-host beaming, he
added, "NOT the stallion one."

        Hiroshi sighed, but followed.


*  *  *  *  *


        At this time in the afternoon, the UltraDome's cafeteria was usually 
empty except for a few cooks. Today it had the pleasure of welcoming a very
bitter young boy staring deep into a Chocolate Yoo-Hoo.

        "Damn it," he cursed, his brown milk mustache somewhat ruining the
effect. "Show after show I get mocked, and the rejects from Team Rocket get
cheered! And now that I have these new Pokemon, Jack won't book me against
them. Stupid spiky-haired psycho." He turned to the nearest cook, his
leather outfit creaking. "Hey, you! Make me a a patty melt or something!"

        "H-hai," the man agreed, not eager to piss the kid off after his
last little display of property damage.

        Ash went back to his Yoo-Hoo, a bit less antsy now that he'd yelled
at someone. "I'll show that stupid psycho AND his stupid psycho duck," he
vowed. "He'll put me in a match today, or Giovanni--"

        "Oh, great. I had to show up when the least profitable fighter in the 
federation was around."

        The Pokemon trainer's eyes went wide. The Yoo-Hoo, on a straight
flight for his mouth, dropped to the table and dribbled its chocolatey ooze
onto the floor. "Li Ping! What are YOU doing here?"

        The martial artist shrugged, making to leave. "Eh, nevermind.
Seeing you there kinda ruins my appetite, ya know?"

        With a sound reminiscent of a gang of biker punks, Ash hopped onto
his chair. "I got it! You're here because you're gonna ask for a rematch
with me! Can't stand how bad I pasted you last time!"

        Li Ping rolled his eyes. "I'm already on the card tonight, kid.
Look, I know you've got issues, and I'm trying to be a nice guy about it."
He frowned warningly. "Just don't test me, alrighty?"

        The youth hefted a Pokeball out of his shiny new leather jacket,
glowering. "Bring it on, you worthless cheater!"

        The pigtailed martial artist drew himself into a Shaolin stance,
obviously confused. "Cheater? Pot to kettle! I never--aaaackk!"

        Both competitors (as well as the cooks in the background, and the
beginnings of Ash's patty melt) were knocked off balance by the same
explosion that was rudely interrupting Dan's training a few stories down.
The Pokeball fell from its trainer's hand to a pool of brown liquid, a
battle hungry Steelix emerging and taking out a good section of the ceiling
at the same time.

        Li Ping recovered first. "The hell?" he muttered, then caught a
glance of the giant serpent from the corner of his eye. "Er, I think I'd
better go investigate. Lates!"

        "Hey!" Ash grumbled, staggering to his feet. "You can't get away!
Come BACK here, you coward!" His small legs pumped frantically after him.
The Steelix, having abandonment issues that stem from its childhood, gave a
woeful little wail as it watched its master leave.

        The cook, feeling somewhat sympathetic, eventually gave it the
remains of the patty melt, which it ate along with most of the kitchen.


*  *  *  *  *


        "Okay," Jack said, "don't be shy. What're our numbers?"

        "Good, considering." Nabiki flipped through a few papers, looking
generally financial. "We'll actually have feet to stand on if tonight's
show goes well. You got a killer card for me?"

        She paused at the silence, looked into Jack's innocent face. "You
ARE done with tonight's card, aren't you?"

        "Oh, sure. Mostly."

        Her glare actually made him cringe.

        "Hey, don't blame me! I was at a family reunion!"

        "With who? I thought you only had a sister."

        "Well," Jack said, calmly redirecting the flow of the conversation,
"we've been advertising Dan and Sephiroth's Proof of Superiority match all
week. That's our main event, and the crowd's loving it. The toy companies
are already planning to make a Special Edition Dan Hibiki action figure out
of it."

        "And that would be different from the regular Dan Hibiki action
figure how?"

        "Depends on the outcome," Jack explained wisely. "It could come
with a detachable head, for all I know."

        "Tie-ins are tie-ins. Speaking of which, are we airing--"

        "Both commercials tonight," he assured. "And Nuku-Nuku's in
California, pitching Ultra On Ice to Disney."

        It was Nabiki's turn to cringe. "Well, beggars can't be choosers.
We need all the help we can get to clean up the mess Bison made. Right now
I'm even leery about multiple Omega matches per show."

        Jack nodded. "Showy but mucho expensivo. What about the Ultraman
guy from last week?"

        "Tough call." The Tendo girl thumbed through a stack of papers
until she came to a simple little note handed to her after last week's show.
"I mean, I already love him. Anyone that works for free is an angel in my
book, and he was really cool to boot. But at the same time, we don't know if
there's anything to this. I want to wait until we at least have an opening
in the card to try something that risky."

        "That's the calculating Beekster I know," declared the Master of 
Controversy. "Okay, now for the other matches. Yaga wants a match for Morrigan
and Haohmaru, I've got that squared away. I'm only hoping Yaga doesn't use
that contract loophole you gave him."

        Nabiki tried her best not to look embarrassed. She failed. You think we 
need to do something about that? Find a way to nullify the
whole thing?"

        "Eventually, sure," Jack agreed, "but I don't think he'll use it
too much. He's got honor... twisted, bitter honor, but hell, honor
nonetheless."

        "Hmn..."

        Jack switched to another train of thought. "I was also thinking
about giving Vega a shot at the ring again, there are plenty of guys after
the Hardcore belt..."

        "Hmm," Nabiki hmmed. "I've been thinking about that. I'll be making
some adjustments to that match tonight."

        "Cool with me. The Beekster's matches don't disappoint. You've got
a head for Controversy yourself, you know that?" The spiky-haired booker
tapped his chin, ignoring her fearsome growl. "Plus,
it's Li Ping against Iori. That just leaves a few Gamma matches to round
up, and we're golden."

        "Just make them count," Nabiki warned. "I cannot reiterate this
enough. We need ev--"

        Unlike the stars of the last few scenes, she was interrupted not by
the explosion in the control room, but by a sudden a and very flushed
Sakura bowling her way through the door. She'd changed her costume again;
today she was donning the opposite of her fuku, the traditional school's
suit for boys. Trailing behind her like refuse were two unfortunately familiar 
faces, attached to unfortunately
familiar bodies.

        "Nabiki-san!" Ultra's Shotokan fighter cried, flailing her arms to
keep her balance just past the doorway. She had the look of a thousand
traumatized schoolgirls.

        "Hello, Sakura," Jack greeted cheerfully. Then, setting his sights
beyond her, much less cordially; "Mr. Cage, Miss Sofia."

        "Heya, Boss," the two chirped in unison.

        Nabiki stirred, rising from her chair. "First off, neither of us are 
your bosses. Second, what did you do to Sakura?"

        "Nothing," Johnny Cage assured her, the office lights glinting off
his smile. His hands were stuffed in his jean pockets nervously, his pallor
rather white. "Nothing at all! We were just saying hi, and she wigged out."

        Sofia nodded vigorously. "It's not our fault if the kid's
intimidated by our fighting prowess."

        "And that's why you both chased her into my office?" Nabiki raised
an eyebrow at Sakura, who was busy just refraining from homicide. "Alright,
what went on here?"

        The darkly clad martial artist pointed a wavering finger behind
her, stammering. "Th-th-they've been harassing me since I got here! They...
they said that if I didn't try and talk you into rehiring them, they'd put
edited hentai pictures of me all over the Internet!"

        "Too late for that," Jack mused quietly.

        "We did nothing of the sort," Sofia protested. "Ne, Johnny?"

        "Right!" he agreed, eyes shifting beneath the shades. "Like I said,
we just happened to run into her..." He drew his hand out of his pocket,
and a few interesting scraps of Photoshop'ed images took that opportunity
to flutter into the open. Sakura was quickest on the draw and recovered one
in mid-air, turning quite crimson.

        Jack peeked slyly over her shoulder. "Hmn. That body looks more
like Sofia's than Sakura's."

        "Shut up!" the younger girl screeched, tearing the picture to
shreds and tossing them in Johnny's face, before jerking him off his feet
by the collar. "Give me the rest of those things right now!"

        Cage's eyes went flirting about the room. Finding no solace with
either Jack or Nabiki, and no help from a slightly bemused Sofia, his hands
outsmarted his head and forked over the offending photographs. Snarling,
Sakura tossed him to the floor and stormed down the hall.

        "You okay?" asked Sofia, standing over him. He noticed that she
didn't look very worried at all. Before he could answer, Nabiki's palms
slapped smartly on her desk. Her mouth was set, and she did not look happy.

        "You two get out of here," she ordered, "before I have my
bodyguards personally escort you out."

        "Hey, babe, chill," Cage stammered, wobbling to his feet. He even
looked slightly smug, the prick. "Watch it, watch it. We just heard what a
mess you guys're in and wanted to help out. Draw the ratings in with a
little Sex and Violence, you know?"

        "Like the good old days, ne, Jack-sama?" Sofia purred, slinking
against the spiky-haired booker.

        "The good old days. Ah, back when Ultra was new and I was at odds
with Kasumi-sama. The ratings were up and we had no issues with dictators,
and Heaven just wanted to chill with everyone happy and watch some
Ultraviolence on the tube." Jack sighed, looking momentarily wistful. Then
Reason spoke up.

        "Squeak."

        "Hey, you're right!" he cried, patting Mr. Duck's noggin. "Those
days sucked. Get outta here, guys, you're killing my high."

        "Oi, oi," Sofia piped up, "you need us!"

        "Buzz off, both of you," Nabiki warned. "I mean it. We can barely
afford any new fighters right now, and if we do find one it's going to be
someone the audience will go crazy over. Quite frankly, neither of you fit
that description."

        Sofia looked about to issue a retort, but Jack forestalled it with
a raised hand. "Come on, now. Out you go, before Nabiki hits you with a
lawsuit for harassing our kawaii little Shotokaner, ne? I doubt," he added
solemnly, "either of you could afford any extra expenses right now."

        Huffily, the two ex-Ultra fighters stalked off.  Jack gave a
satisfied nod, turning back to the teenage entrepreneur, who snorted in
annoyance.

        "I wouldn't mind never seeing those two irritating bastards again,"
she said, thumbing through some more papers. "Okay, let's get back to
business here."

        "Ayup," Jack agreed, to both accounts. "As long as you handle
Vega's match, and we have Dan and Sephiroth, I'd say tonight's looking pretty
what the hell?"

        "Ear-rr-rthqua-ake?" Nabiki managed, flailing to keep from falling
out of her Really Cool Swivel Chair. The shaking didn't actually last long,
but the silence that followed went on for an eternity. The two exchanged glances 
that grew more
and more worried.

        "...Sounded like it came from nearby."

        "...Like, how nearby?"

        "I'd say... control room nearby."

        Nabiki's head hit the desk, scattering the last few sorted stacks
of paper.

*  *  *  *  *

        The explosion that had roused the attention of six of Ultra's
famous personalities had very little effect on Tasuki, despite the fact
that he was approximately twelve feet away from Ground Zero when it
happened. This is because he was very, very drunk.

        The sudden rush of various bodies rushing past him, however,
managed to rouse his attention enough to stop singing a hellish version of
"Chotto Matte Kudasai" and follow. "Ara? Whassh goin on? Hiroshi? Daishuke?
Ash?"

        Nabiki and Jack, at the head of the rush, made it to the control
room first. One quick look inside revealed one of their machines to have
apparently been struck with an explosion that started on the inside and
worked out from there. Cursing, the middle Tendo sister made her way
inside, stepping carefully over shards of metal, plastic, and pink gi.

        She blinked, looked again. Pink gi.

        "What happened here?" Ash cried, shoving Li Ping out of the
doorway. "Where are all the fixer people?"

        "Doesn't look like anyone was in here," Daisuke noted, peering in.
"The technicians must have been on a coffee break or something."

        Jack, having popped in behind Nabiki, gave the scene a once-over.
"Well, this sucks, but it could be worse. Only one of those big computery
things was blown... that's good, right? Happens all the time with
Millennium Edition."

        Nabiki prodded Jack's side, quietly indicating the slack body of
Dan Hibiki at her feet. His gaze went a bit further north, and tears sprang
to his eyes. Mr. Duck squeaked in alarm.

        "THIS is where it went!" the Controversial One cried, running to
the demolished arcade machine's side. "Oh, the humanity! One minute you
were with me in the cafeteria, the next, gone! Who could have separated
such devoted lovers?"

        "JACK!" screamed Nabiki, pointing firmly to Dan.

        "...oh. That sucks too."

        Facepalming, the head of Ultra turned to the assembled crew.
"Tasuki, go get a medical team! Dan's got to hit the ward immediately."

        "Yesh," Tasuki agreed, tripping over his own feet and hitting the
floor hard.

        "...Okay, Daisuke, you go."

        "Right," Daisuke agreed, dashing off.

        Jack hopped to his feet, getting into the swing of things.
"Hiroshi, elevate his feet, stat! Li Ping, start giving mouth-to-mouth.
Rei, uh, what are you doing here?"

        "visiting," answered the clone.

        "Oh, well, you can give him mouth-to-mouth too. Stat!"

        "LYSIAS!" Nabiki screamed. "Dan is seriously injured!"

        "I see that," the man explained patiently, getting to his feet.
"But freaking out won't help. We can't do anything until the medical team
gets here, can we? ...Uh, Rei, I was kidding about the mouth-to-mouth."

        "He's also our main attraction for tonight," she continued, keeping
her eyes averted from whatever their Eva pilot was up to. "Now what are we
gonna do? There's no way he'll be in fighting shape tonight."

        Jack mulled over this one. "Well, the laws of Controversy would pit
him against B-Ko. She's always around when he is, anyway, and they'll be
the only Omega competitors here tonight, not counting Lina and Naga."

        "I feel a migraine coming on," she sighed, fingers on her
temples... and had some aspirin and a glass of water shoved into her face
by a timely Washuu. Before anything else could go down, a crew of
mini-Washuu robots in maid outfits hauled the unconscious Dan past the
crowd and at the door.

        The redheaded super genius surveyed the room, frowning. "Don't
worry, Dan'll be fine in a few days."

        "As relieved as I am to hear that, we need him tonight." The teen
sighed, popping the pills down her throat.

        "Nice of you to swing by, though," Jack added.

        Shrugging, Washuu flipped out a small technology scanner, realized
she didn't need it, and stuffed it away. "I sensed something wrong with
systems in here. The short of it is, this thing's fried. You want the good
news or the bad news?"

        "Um," muttered Nabiki, taking the pills. "Just hit me with it."

        "Alright then, this," she said, patting the ruined motherboard,
"was what controlled the UltraCams. Good news is, nothing else was damaged,
and I can get it up and running again."

        Nabiki allowed a sigh of relief. "Thank Kami-sama or whoever's in
charge now. We've got enough problems tonight with the UltraCams alone."

        "Oh, not tonight. Tomorrow, maybe, but these babies require some
delicate handling..." Washuu, normally quite unflappable, visibly hesitated
until her boss could conceivably speak without slaughtering something.

        "Is that all?" she finally asked.

        "I... haven't given you the bad news yet," she mumbled. The sudden
glower urged her to rush into an explanation, an exercise that usually
calmed her nerves. "This, as you know, was one of my creations, and
exploding by itself is highly implausible. Especially if you take into
account the sudden disappearance of the tech crew, leaving the room
unattended except for Dan who was probably just unlucky, and the relative
safety of the rest of the controls..."

        "And the theft of my DDR unit," Jack whined.

        "...this whole situation suggests sabotage."

        That was just what she needed, really. Their main event out like a
light, one of their most popular features blown up, and the threat of
someone trying to wreck her career.

        "Whoah," Jack said. "Beek, that kind of twitching can't be good."

        "Hang on," Ash piped up. "You said sabotage, right? People are
blowing things up like this on purpose?"

        Li Ping groaned.

        "It must be THEIR fault," Ash proclaimed. "Team Ro, er, Pocket, are
so jealous of me they've resorted to random property damage."

        The pigtailed martial artist smacked his forehead. "Calm down,
young'un. Like you didn't do the same thing with your whatever it was last
week!"

        Washuu shook her head, speaking up before the two of them could
blow anything else up. "I don't think that's likely. They wouldn't get
anything out of the destruction of the UltraCams."

        Jack, attempting in vain to piece his arcade unit back together,
spoke up. "Plus, they're not here this week. Something about requesting a
week off so they could figure out something to do about Team Clow and their
lost pet. Neither of them were on the card anyway, so I okayed it."

        "Oh, they're HIDING from me, then! They knew I wanted a match and
ran!" Ash wailed, stomping around to show off his boots. " Who else could
it be? Isn't Gary around? This is something right up his alley, the no-good
cheating wannabe!"

        Li Ping suddenly recalled a stinging sensation in his jaw, dealt by
the hand of the kid a week ago. "Jeez! Can't you knock it off for once?" he
cried. "Everyone else can see that YOU are the messed up brat here, not
them!"

        "Watch it," Ash growled, drawing a Pokeball. "I don't have to
listen to losers like you."

         The American teen snagged the bait, adopting a random Jackie Chan
stance. "Leave your pets behind and let's see how you handle me."

        "Shut up, the both of you!" Suddenly, they realized they were each
holding a specialized Hakubi Brand video camera. Nabiki towered over them,
veins throbbing in her forehead.

        "Er," said Li Ping.

        "Unh?" agreed Ash.

        Clapping her hands firmly on their shoulders, Nabiki... smiled.
"Congratulations. You're our UltraCams for the evening."

        "Whoawhoawhoa," Jack butted in. "Li Ping's booked! Why don't you
get one of the cameramen or techies..." He looked into the face of an
end-of-her-rope Nabiki Tendo. "...I'll go tell Iori he's got the night off.
I want you two to work together tonight," he added, refusing to be upstaged
in the Art of the Controversial.

        Ash stared at the camera in his hands. "But... but... I'm Team
Rocket's enforcer! You can't have me team up with HIM! I totally blew him
away last week!"

        "Jeez," commented Hiroshi from the sidelines, an arm around his
cloned girlfriend. "Didn't you ever judge people on their personalities and
not their strength in battle? I don't remember you being this screwed in
the head when you first showed up."

        Flushing, the Pokemon trainer grabbed after something, anything to
say. When he found them, he was deeply unimpressed. "Well... if you make me
do this, I'll tell Giovanni on you!"

        The room went silent, except for a small chuckle from Li Ping. Ash
stared at his feet, hating himself for saying something so childish. It
seemed as if Nabiki's head would pop off at any moment...

        But Jack was, for once, the intense one.

        "Hey, we needed to talk about that anyway, kid." A hand went to his
shoulder; the adult's eyes peered into his. Jack's voice was strangely...
serious. "The last thing we need is for that Persian-screwing schmuck to
think that just because he's got you, he's got any leeway in this damn
place. Go tell him that Ultra is OURS this time, got it? It's sole property
of Nabiki Tendo and Jack Lysias. No more heaven, no more hell, and best of
all no more Bison and his stupid fucking hat."

        Releasing his grip, his spiky-haired booker gave him a grin. "I
just want the big guy to see eye to eye with us," he finished. Ash,
flustered and angry, choked back whatever he had to say. Li Ping decided to
take the temporary job offering. Even Nabiki was staring at him in a silent
kind of wonder.

        "And on that cue, we've got work to get done," the money-loving
teen proclaimed after a few seconds, waving everyone out of the room. "Ash
and Li Ping, you'll both be backstage a half-hour after the show starts. If
anything's interesting, hit the red button and stand still." With that, she
shut the door, leaving her alone with her pseudo-rival.

        "And what," she asked slowly, "brought that on?"

        "Just something that'd been gnawing on me," he dismissed with a
shrug. "So, we gonna hit the books or what?" A pause. "Umm... Beek, why do
you have that shojou anime stare thing going on?"

        Nabiki grinned, leaning against the door. "I was just thinking,
that after all this time, you still surprise me, Jack Lysias."

        "Squeak."

        "Mr. Duck agrees," he translated. "Now let's get a move on. We'd
better find out what happened to the tech crew..."


*  *  *  *  *

        The phone dropped back into its cradle. The massive hand that held
it folded with its twin, fingers overlapping, as the man these digits
belonged to gave a satisfied smile to his two guests.

        "You will indeed be booked tonight," said Yaga, pleased. "Spike has
set you against Marlo and Gary, both little punks whose defeat will get our
point across to the fans. And I wouldn't mind seeing that furniture
swinging fool be humiliated two weeks in a row."

        Morrigan, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the Japanese
wrestler's desk, started a little pout. "I hoped I was going to get a
chance at Sakura."

        The Great Yaga shrugged his broad shoulders, a light frown settling
on his features. "It's typical of even a half-way decent booker to keep
rivalries strung out for as long as they prove interesting. My match with
Li Ping, while fated, will have to wait until the proper time. I want to
keep from changing the rules from the fly from here on."

        "Why?" the succubus asked, leaning forward and giving Yaga a view
that proved his body still wasn't that old. "You got the contractual
agreement from Nabiki herself! They can't do anything about it! If you've
got the power, why not use it?"

        Yaga lifted his gaze away from the sea of flesh before it, his
frown deepening. "I have been in this business for a long time. You must
remember there are fans out there, the ones who use the terms 'face' and
'heel' to characterize a fighter as easily as they can. They grow bored
with a gimmick that is reused too often. It loses its appeal, and they grow
restless. Soon they turn against you, and you've lost. I will show Jack how
a real booker works."

        "INDEED, OUR MANAGER IS WISE," Haohmaru declared, "AND INDEED WE
NEED NO SUCH HANDICAP TO EMERGE VICTORIOUS!"

        Morrigan took her hands away from her ears, groaning. "Of course we
don't. I'd simply prefer to play it safe."

        "You will either win a straight match," Yaga informed with
finality, "or you will lose a straight match. If you have doubt of your
abilities, perhaps I was wrong to approach you. Now, I have a few more
calls to make."

        The succubus gave Haohmaru a silent glare, then slipped off the
desk. "More recruits?" she grunted, sashaying her way to the door.

        "I'm going to be contacting Sagat and the Yagami boy," the wrestler
informed, fingers already poking across the number pad. Morrigan blinked,
swiveling around.

        "Iori? But... he's almost as young as Marlo!" she sputtered.

        Haohmaru took up the protest. "YES. HE IS ALSO REALLY CREEPY."

        Yaga paused just before the final digit, and set the phone down.
"What you don't seem to understand," he began slowly, frowning again, "is
that I am not displeased at this federation solely because of their
fighters' ages. Iori is, unlike Semaj or any of those Pokemon throwing
fools, a serious man who treats his fighting with the respect it deserves.
He may be younger than I'd like, but he has the right spirit to join us."

        "Fine," Morrigan gave in, shaking her head. "I guess you have a
point. Just make sure I never have to babysit him." Her high heels clicked
loudly as she left the office, replaced then by the time honored sounds of
number dialing, and the distant sound of a phone ringing far away...


*  *  *  *  *


        By a freak coincidence in the cosmos, Nabiki's phone chose exactly
that same second to ring. This might not be a very interesting incident,
but it was pretty funny the way she had to dig under mountains of sales
figures to scoop it up.

        "Tendo," she answered, grunting under the weight of millions of
dollar signs.

        "Hey Nabiki," came the reply. "How're things going?"

        She sat up, quickly. "Ranma. Um, we're good, despite a recent act
of sabotage and our entire tech crew being blown up."

        "Er... run that by me again?"

        She sighed. "You heard me. The entire crew got a notice written in
my name to meet them at the top of Tokyo Tower. When they got there, the
entire place exploded."

        "Wow. That's one unlucky place. They're, um, okay, right?"

        "Uh-huh. They made it back about an hour ago, swearing that
Ultraman was able to save them." She sighed. "He must have a thing for
techies. So, how's the vacation?"

        "Eh, pretty good. Akane's back at the resort, restin' up. Listen...
I need to break some news to ya."

        "Ugh. I don't suppose it'll be good, will it?"

        "Prob'ly not. I've decided to start training."

        She felt she should groan, but really wasn't surprised enough to
muster the effort. Ranma had never been the same since his face off with
his inner demons, and it had really effected his fighting. She wondered,
briefly, if she should just order him back, and discarded the notion. "For
how long? And... under whom?"

        "Ah, I ran across someone you know. Really good fighter, an' it
shouldn't take long. I just..."

        ...There were a few empty seconds as Ranma's pride fought against
the words...

        "...need to work out some issues before I come back. Um, I hope
that doesn't screw you up big time or anything."

        Nabiki smiled; it wasn't necessary in phone conversation, but she
couldn't really help it. "Naw. With your learning curve, you'll be back and
kicking Gamma ass in a couple weeks. But I've got one condition."

        "Shoot."

        "Iori's been going crazy for a fight with you lately," explained
Nabiki. "The crowd should be looking forward to it by the time you come
back."

        She could hear the smirk in Ranma's voice. "So you're sayin' my
first return match'll be with him?"

        "Bingo. And if you beat him, I'll put you on Sagat... and we'll see
if your training paid off or--"

        She was quickly interrupted by the sound of her door bursting open,
an irate set of eyes glowering at her from behind a classic set of
sunglasses.

        "Um, I've gotta go. Sephiroth's standing in my doorway with shades
on."

        "...Right. Thanks, Nabiki."

        Replacing the phone in its cradle, the teen's brows perked
politely. "Okay, before I ask what I can help you with, take those
ridiculous things off. Are those Cage's?"

        The bishounen looked blank, then swiped them off his face. "The
movie star was trying to bribe me when I came in," he growled, the shades
breaking under pressure of intense anger and a really hard grip. "He must
have stuck these on me."

        "They're not really your style," she commented.

        Sephiroth decided to ignore that. "That's not what concerns me. The
fool said he'd make me a deal, if I helped him out, he'd keep Dan in the
medical ward for the rest of the month." The remains of the glasses hit the
floor, and he made a point of stomping on them.

        "Ah, you've heard then. Trust me, I'm not any happier than you are.
You two were the main event, and we couldn't afford to book any other Omega
matches."

        "I demand the fight!" Sephiroth growled, planting his palms on the
edge of her desk. Fury pumped through him like fire. Everything was
supposed to end perfectly tonight! He'd meditated, devised a combat
strategy specifically to defeat Dan, and once the joke of a fighter was
sprawled at his feet, Mary would be his! His fated stature of godhood would
not be delayed by an act of vandalism! All he had to do was...

        "...win my match next week," he mumbled, eyes widening.

        Nabiki hit the buzzer on her desk. "Uh, Lina? Sephiroth's doing
that creepy eye thing..."

        Hands slicking back his hair, he offered her what he hoped at least
resembled something not unlike an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry," he
emphasized, gently taking her hand away from the intercom. Lina'd already
stepped in, watching him closely. "I just can't bear to see my training go
to waste. What other Omega competitors are available?"

        Sighing, Nabiki looked over her list. "Duo's out of service in the
mech department, and he's doing Gamma tonight anyway. Lina and Naga are
possible..."

        "I'd prefer B-Ko," Sephiroth slid in.

        The Tendo girl regarded him, surprised. After a few healthy blinks
she managed, "Why?"

        "That's not your concern," he answered swiftly, putting on a show
with Villainous Technique #138, Coolly Narrowing Your Eyes. "All you must
know is that I am given with the concept of teaching her a little respect."

        Nabiki fidgeted, rubbing her temples. "Well..."

        "A feud between bitter lovers," he went on. "A dramatic affair,
indeed."

        "I guess so," she said, giving in. "No reason not to, really. Just
try to make it good, would you, we need all the ratings we can get."

        Sephiroth bowed slightly, ignoring Lina as he strode out. The
sorceress watched him go, somehow feeding her face with a package of pink
(Dan endorsed) Oreos with her arms folded against her chest.

        "You sure that's a good idea?" she asked, munching. "That guy's
been weird lately. I mean, weirder than normal."

        Nabiki shrugged, sitting back in her chair. "Either way, it should
work for the show. The fans'll be disappointed that his match with Dan's
out of commission, but if he and B-Ko have been having troubles, they'll
make do. The audience likes a bit of controversy."

        "Watch it,"  her bodyguard warned, licking crumbs off her gloved
fingers. "You're beginning to sound a bit like Jack."

        "..." and a large sweatdrop was Nabiki's response.


*  *  *  *  *



                              LIVE!
                      FROM THE ULTRADOME!
                     THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
                    IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
                      SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
                        AND IMPROFANFIC!
                        IT'S TIME FOR...

         { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
         {    C R O S S O V E R    F I G H T I N G      }
         {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
         {                .-----------.                 }
         {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
         {                `-----------'                 }
         {          http://www.mtcffultra.com           }

             Episode 74 : Divinity in the 'Hood
             Written By: Zach Grafton
             MTCFF Ultra Created By:  Twoflower




        Televisions across the globe came to life directly on schedule.
Young and old faces of differing ethnicities beamed in anticipation, and
mothers and children alike found themselves sitting too close to the
screen.

        In one particular homestead, a comfy little Japanese house right
out of a Rurouni Kenshin scenario, the screen flickered to life right as
KMFDM began exhibiting their (in)famous lack of talent.

        "Oooh, just made it." The girl squirmed into her seat, snuggling up
to a tub of popcorn. "Darshu, c'mon, you're gonna miss out."

        "Just a minute!" he shouted back. "Jiffy Pop doesn't make itself!"

        Just a tiny bit pouty, Yuffie watched through the intro. Dark
Schneider made it back as Ultra opened to a brand new video package that
started its way from black and worked its way up as some off-beat techno
tried to sound cool in the background.

        Against the dark backdrop appeared the pensive face of Dan, rubbing
his chin. The music fluxed around his words in a metaphysical sort of way.

        "For the honor of the Saikyo School...
        For the honor of my Oyaji...
        For the honor of myself...
        I will triumph over... damn it, line!"

        (Elsewhere, Jack facepalmed. "Forgot about that stupid thing. Well,
I guess the boys'll get to break the news.")

        The facade melded into one of Sephiroth, who wouldn't have anything
to do with the ridiculous concept and had declined to shoot his video. As
such, he was portrayed by a sock puppet with lovely silver strings.

        "I am a Fallen Angel, I'm going to win," came a voice. "I'll show
Dan what's up." The camera jarred a bit, allowing a glimpse of an anonymous
technician with his cap pulled low. He quickly used the puppet to pull it
lower. "Umm..."

        The musical beats came to a sudden head, as profiles for both
fighters were shown side by side. The words "BATTLE" "HONOR" and "ULTIMATE"
flashed by in no particular order. Then, in a spectacularly dramatic touch,
the vision of a globe combusting was presented, the chunks forming to spell
out "BATTLE FOR SUPREMACY! TONIGHT ON ULTRA!"

        Yuffie squinted, looking sideways at Darshu. "Did that make sense
to you?"

        He began with, "I--" before the screaming of thousands of fans cut
him off, simultaneously blowing a fuse on the TV. The video package over,
the show opened to Daisuke and Hiroshi staring at their monitors with slack
jaws.

        "What the hell?" asked Hiroshi, scratching his head. Daisuke nudged
him sharply, the quicker to recover. "Oh. HEY! Are we ready for a
little..."

        Dramatic pause.

        "ULTRAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-O-LENCE?????"

        He was greeted with the affirmative. Daisuke clapped his hands over
his ears, wincing.

        Hiroshi was back in the groove. "PERFECT! Just the kind of crowd we
like!"

        "And coincidentally the kind we always get," muttered Daisuke.

        "Worry not, dear fans, your enthusiasm is not unwarranted!" The
hyper clone waved his arm to illustrate, in detail, the spectacular
coolness the night would bring. "We've got FOUR insane, chaotic, over the
hill and outta control fights for you tonight!"

        "Wait, with Dan in the medooof!"

        "Ahem," Hiroshi continued, retracting his elbow. "Now, if there's
anything we here at Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation
know, it's our audience! And we think our audience wants to get right to
action! Are we right??"

        "YEAH!" Yuffie cried, spilling some unpopped kernels.

        Hiroshi beamed. "Then let's hear it for -- Tasuki?"

        "Who?" asked Darshu casually. His ninja companion shrugged.

        "Wasn't he totally wasted a couple hours ago?" Daisuke whispered,
sweatdropping.

        Theme music blasting, the audience watched as the Chinese warrior
meandered his way to the ring. On his first appearance in Ultra, tag
teaming with that retired Amazon girl, the crowd had genuinely liked him.
He'd been fresh; a genuine, out-and-out badass with style. Now they watched
the drunken teen stumble his way into the ring, raise his fan in one hand
and a bottle of sake in the other with a shout of "KYAAAAAAA!" and then
fall flat on his face. Only a few bothered to applaud.

        "Um. Maybe some Alka-seltzer's in order?" Daisuke wondered.

        Hiroshi grinned, shrugging it off. "Ah, well, he'll cope. And now
for Tasuki's opponent, a guy who's faced some hardship lately but keeps
comin' back for more, Duo Maxwell! How's the old Gundam doing, Duo?"

        Emerging among the typically exciting entrance for a Gamma fighter,
the mech pilot swiped a microphone and climbed into the ring, waiting for
the music to die down.

        "Still out of order," he answered finally. "No thanks to B-Ko. I
gotta admit to rooting against her boyfriend for tonight's big Omega
match."

        The clone announcers nodded, the calmer of the duet pressing on to
ask, "How much longer 'til you're ready to participate in another mech
fight?"

        "Ask the good doctors and technicians," replied Duo. He sighed, but
helped the audience to a grin right afterwards. "But I'm ready to get back
in the action with my own two hands tonight!"

        The crowd went wild, apparently forgetting that his opponent didn't
seem quite up to the task.

        "Aw, let's get this over with," Tasuki suggested much too loudly,
leaning against the ropes. He tossed the bottle away, deftly caught by an
alcoholic in the audience, and ignored the mess of cheap liquor it left
over his tunic. "I always like a good brawl, but I won't be holdin' back
just cuz yer used to flying a giant frikkin' toy to do yer fighting."

        Duo's grin broadened, and he handed the mic to the referee. "Hey,
man, you called it. Let's see what you got."

        "I'm putting money on the sober one," Yuffie informed.

*  *  *  *  *

        Back in the Ultradome, Duo watched his opponent critically .  "Man,
you don't look so good," he said.  "You sure you're up to this?"

        "HA!" Tasuki laughed.  "Whassat s'posed to mean, huh?"

        "Dude, you're totally blasted," the young pilot told him.  "At
least drink some coffee first or something."

        "Cram it, runt!" Tasuki shot back.  "We ain't afraid of a
little squirt like you!"

        "'We?'" Hiroshi asked.  "Who's 'we?'"

        "Search me," Daisuke said with a shrug.

        "Well, in any case, it looks like the ref is signaling for the
match to begin, so..."

][ GAMMA MATCH
][ Tasuki vs. Duo Maxwell
][ FIGHT!

        "I'm goin' first!" Tasuki insisted, lunging towards his foe.

        Duo danced forward, light and nimble on the balls of his feet.  "Do
you really think I'm gonna just sit here while we take turns trying to hit
each other or something?  What kind of lame-assed way to fight is that?"

        Tasuki gave him a wobbly glare.  "What the hell are you talking
about?"

        The pilot spread his hands.  "What the hell are YOU talking about?"

        "Just shut up and fight!" the fire-haired warrior snarled.

        "That'd be my pleasure!"

        Duo launched himself into the air, executing a perfectly-aimed
flying kick against Tasuki's temple.  The Chinese fighter grunted and let loose
with a reckless counterattack, pummeling the air in a thrashing fury of
fists.

        The Gundam pilot ducked and wove out of the way of Tasuki's
unpredictable assault, but didn't quite make it clear before he took a
solid hit in the gut.  He kept his distance, waiting to get his breath
back.

        "Looks like Tasuki's punches pack a serious wallop!" Hiroshi
announced.

        "Normally, he backs that strength up with superb fighting
technique," Daisuke said.  "But plastered as he is, he's just flailing around 
like a
spaz."

        "Duo has to use his speed to overcome Tasuki's strength!" Hiroshi
asserted.  "It's like a mongoose facing off against a deadly cobra!"

        "A deadly, loudmouthed, completely sloshed cobra," Daisuke
corrected.

        "Just don't ruin a good metaphor, okay?"

        "If I hear a good one, I'll be sure to leave it intact," the
laconic announcer promised.

        In the ring, the fight had settled into a certain pattern.  Duo,
very much playing the mongoose, continued to hover just out of Tasuki's
range, forcing the red-haired fighter to charge him again and again.
Each time, the lightning-quick Gundam pilot landed a sharp counter
before backing off again out of Tasuki's thrashing reach.

        The dance continued, with Duo clearly dictating the pace.  Though
Tasuki seemed to hardly feel each individual blow, the cumulative
effect began to take its toll.  The warrior of Suzaku paused in the
middle of the ring, heaving for breath.

        "I don't... feel so good," he muttered.

        "Oh man, you ain't gonna puke on me, are you?" Duo asked.  "That is
so uncool."

        Dull pulses of pain from the punishment he'd endured began to
register in Tasuki's alcohol-saturated brain.  He turned towards the empty 
corner
of the ring and waved his hand.  "Hey," he called out to the empty air.
"Your turn.  I need a breather."

        The crowd murmured in confusion.

        Duo raised an eyebrow.  "Are we talking to our imaginary friends
here, buddy?"

        Tasuki blinked at the empty corner, a perplexed look on his face,
then shook his head to try and clear it.  The result almost caused him to
lose balance.

        "I think you need to sleep it off," the Gundam pilot told his foe.
"So why don't you just... LIE DOWN!"

        With that, Duo launched into a savage kicking combination, lashing
out in a series of punishing circular strikes.  Each kick landed with a loud
crack against Tasuki's skull, the reports echoing off the rafters of the
UltraDome.

        Tasuki lurched back under the assault.  He flailed out with one
hand, and managed to grab a hold of the top rope.  The pain seemed to have
brought his attention back into some sense of focus.

        Duo blinked in surprise. "It would have been cooler if you'd just
gone down right then, you know."

        "Drop dead!" Tasuki growled.  "I ain't finished yet!"

        "And Tasuki is still on his feet, folks!" Hiroshi observed.  "His
skill may be sitting at the bottom of the bottle right now, but his skull is
as hard as ever!"

        After a couple of abortive grabs, the ancient Chinese fighter
managed to snatch his enchanted fan from its holster on his back.  "Time to get
serious!"

        "Seriously blitzed, you mean," Duo provided.

        "Up yours!" Tasuki cried.  He drew his fan back, the weapon pulsing
with fiery elemental energy.  "REKKA SHINEN!" he cried, uttering the command
phrase to unleash the weapon's power of flame.

        Tasuki exploded in a sudden, bright fireball.

        "Oops!" Hiroshi cried.  "Looks like Tasuki's flame attack ignited
all the booze he spilled!  THAT had to hurt!"

        The fireball dissipated in less than a second, burning itself out
on the potent alcohol almost as soon as it had ignited.  A well-toasted,
blackened Tasuki stood wobbily at the edge of the ring, smoldering
slightly.  He coughed out a puff of black smoke and blinked, the whites
of his eyes standing out bright against his soot-covered skin.

        "Uh... you okay, man?" Duo asked.

        "I'm just... gonna lie down a sec," Tasuki muttered, then promptly
collapsed on his face for the second time that night.

        The referee administered the ten-count, and Duo Maxwell basked in
the congratulatory applause from the appreciative UltraDome crowd.

        "A decisive win for the Gundam sensation!" Hiroshi announced.  "But
I don't think we were seeing Tasuki at his best here, folks."

        "Not hardly," Daisuke agreed.  "I think the guy has a lot on his
mind."

        "Well, he's going to have a MAJOR hangover on his mind when he
wakes up!" Hiroshi predicted.  "Hope he sobers up in time for next week!"

*  *  *  *  *

        Being the scion to the Daitokuji fortune granted you some pretty
swank accommodations. As such, B-Ko's dressing room was equipped with a
brand-new queen sized bed that, delivered by the This Old Dojo crew just a
few days ago. They hadn't been pleased at being assigned such a task, but
it was a small price for them to pay.

        As of now, the bed was occupied by two. Her head was resting
against her lover's arm, idly fidgeting with his silver tresses. Overheard,
the full-screen TV displaying the Chinese warrior's match with the Gundam
pilot was all but ignored.

        "Of course I'll do it," she whispered. "I'll do... anything. You
know that..."

        The bishounen sighed, sitting up. "I'm not pleased with the
situation myself," he informed her. "But then, I've never cared what the
fools in this federation think of me, or what the roster reflects. This is
not a battlefield for glory. This is a silly fighting show, and those fools
in Gamma would do well to remember that."

        B-Ko shifted, gazing at the monitor. "They have no greater dreams,"
she said demurely, a finger tracing along his chest. "Not like you or I.
This is all they have; leave them to it."

        "You are wise," the fallen angel agreed, before raising a brow at
the giant figure at battle onscreen. "So why was it you attacked that one
last week?"

        "Ano..." Squirming, she squinted up at Duo. "Well, I wanted his
Gundam, naturally. I was actually in the middle of a really good plan to
capture Rei's Unit-00 when I saw that stupid segment of her slagging the
thing. And the other two pilots were merged with theirs, so I wasn't going
to pursue them. That Gundanium stuff seemed like the next best thing."

        He replied softly, but with definite gravity. "And you failed, due
to that ridiculous sentai hero."

        "Don't worry about him," she assured, "I've got more tricks up my
sleeve. And not all of them are for designing mecha..."


*  *  *  *  *

        The commentators watched the combatants leave the ring, while a few
nearby stagehands doused some scattered flames with handy fire
extinguisers.

        "Well," said Hiroshi. "That was a pretty strange match."

        "If by strange, you mean ridiculous..."

        "Ahem. We'll be right back with some more INsanity, right after
this very important announcement... uh-oh."

*  *  *  *  *

        The UltraTron opened, again, to a dark screen. The voice-over began
immediately.

        "From the same genius minds that brought us MTCFF ULTRA..."

        "...comes the wackiest comedy to ever hit the airwaves!"

        The scene that fades in is that of an empty apartment. Suddenly
Hiroshi pops his head up from behind a couch, beaming. Next to his arrives
the afro'ed hair of Mr. Satan.

        "Do you think we lost your girlfriend, Hiroshi?" Mr. Satan says,
too loudly.

        (From his seat, Daisuke was mumbling, "No. Oh, God, no.")

        "I think we did!" Hiroshi calls out, just as the door swings open.
"If she found out I forgot her birthday, we'd be fried!"

        "you two have some s'plaining to do," Rei proclaims.

        "Sounds like you're in trouble!" Satan laughs.

        Hiroshi, overacting dynamically, turns to the camera and shouts,
"WORK WITH ME, DAISUKE!"

        (The sound of "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!" drowned
out even the echoed chanting of the crowd.)

        "That's right!" shouts the announcer. "All your favorites are here!
And wait til you meet the guys' new landlord..."

        "But we don't have the money this week," "Daisuke" protests to
someone off screen.

        "...Voi!"

        "It's hilarious, it's unpredictable, it's WORK WITH ME, DAISUKE!
Coming to TV this fall!"

*  *  *  *  *

        Hiroshi coughed into a fist, embarrassed despite the cheering of
the crowd. "Ano," he began, "and we're back."

        "Oh... my... God..." was Daisuke's opinion.

        "Aheh. So I guess it's time to get right to our next match, huh?
Okay then, we have..."

        "So THAT'S where you got that extra money from!" his commentator
shouted, raising a fist. "Why didn't they ask ME?"

        "Okay, so let's hurry up and get our fighters out here!"

        "I mean, Mr. Satan!?"

        Just as Hiroshi's mouth began preparing for the phrase "Our first
competitor," the UltraTron came to life again. The ringside announcer
blinked up at it, as a picture began to fade in.

        "Oh, looks we have something happening backstage. Our cameramen for
the night are Li Ping and Ash Ketchum, after a freak sabotage disaster took
out the UltraCams for the evening. In any event, let's have a look..."

        The image that flickered to a life was an extreme close-up of Ash's
nose. The screams of the startled audience threatened to topple the 'Dome
itself.

        "Okay, it's Ash here, the only non-cheater in this whole stupid
place," he told the viewers, then swung around so that he was behind the
camera again. Now the picture was focused mainly on Shingo, who was looking
quite cozy next to Sakura. Both of them were wearing the same boys' school
uniform.

        "What was it you wanted?" Shingo asked, uncertainly.

        Ash snorted. "Like you don't know! I'm talking to you because I've
seen your last few victories, like Sakura's match last week! You cheated to
get her to win, and I'm here to call you out!"

        The audience jeered and booed. Shingo was looking at the floor in
shame, but silenced the crowd as he raised his eyes, looking determinedly
into the camera. "You're right," he said. Sakura blinked, looking at him in
perplexity.

        "What? Shingo..."

        Ash's voice started strong. "Hah! So I... er. You what?"

        "No, he's right. I admit it. I may have my reasons, but there's no
excuse for an unfair victory. I own up to it, and I apologize."

        "Um. Well." Ash paused for a moment, collecting himself. "How do we
know you won't do it again?"

        "I give the audience, and you, my word of honor," he vowed.

        The youth was slowly getting his momentum back. "Yeah, right! Like
we can trust a lying no-talent copy fighter! I can't wait until I have a
match with you, no amount of weaseling is gonna work then!"

        The crowd began its boos once more. Hiroshi shook his head.

        "Looks like the audience forgives Shingo already," he said. "And
why not? He admitted it like a man, and apologized right off the bat. Ne,
Dai?"

        "...Satan..."

        Ash growled at the jeers in his headset, swinging the camera back
into his face. "Damn every single one of you!" he shouted, and the feed was
cut.

        The derogitives escalated in volume. Hiroshi was shaking his
partner by the shoulders, grimacing. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to
give someone that unstable a camera... Well, in any event, we're ready for
our first Lambda match of the evening!"

        It's human nature to deal with a crisis by resorting to what one
knows best. As such, Daisuke began reading off the cue cards. "Uugh... you
probably remember them from last week."

        "They called for a fight, and now they've got one!" Hiroshi cried,
jazzed to see his best friend wasn't permanently damaged. "Your favorite
succubus and mine, Morrigan Aensland, and her feudal partner with the hair
from hell, Haohmaru!"

        The two strode out to a verbal sea of abuse from the legions of
fans. Morrigan managed to quiet the males by stretching her hands above and
behind her head. Haohmaru, taking a cue from his partner, began flexing
sensationally. The women in the audience were not quite impressed.

        "And they have an announcement, as I understand it," Hiroshi
continued. "Take it away, guys."

        Some pimply faced new kid on the tech team was handing Haohmaru a
microphone, but was promptly tackled by his peers. The samurai glared at
them before speaking to the entire 'Dome at large.

        "WE DO INDEED, MY FINE RINGSIDE ANNOUNCER. MORRIGAN AND I HAVE
DECIDED THAT WE SHALL FIGHT TOGETHER UNDER A SINGULAR GRAND AND
AWE-INSPIRING TITLE."

        "Well, YOU decided, I just didn't care..."

        "And that is?" Daisuke asked, not bothering to feign interest.

        "ENLIGHTENMENT!"

        "...was that the name of the team, or are you just spouting that
word off again?"

        "The name," Morrigan answered, having dragged the mic off the
pimply kid. "It's short and sweet, and it's what we'll be bestowing upon
the little brats that run crazy in this place."

        "Speaking of whom, are on their way out themselves! Let's give it
up for Gary Oak and Marlo Semaj, Defenders of Youth!"

        Marlo halted, giving them a weird look. "Defenders of what?"

        Daisuke picked it up, still a bit shaky. "Marlo got his ass handed
to him last week by none other than Enlightenment's stable manager, The
Great Yaga. How will he handle today's match? Think he holds a grudge?"

        "Hell yes," the Furnityre Savior called, hauling himself onto (but
still outside of) the ring. "And I sure as hell ain't losing this one!"

        "That remains to be seen," Hiroshi cried gleefully. "Oh, yeah, and
we've got one more announcement to make. The booker of this match was The
Great Yaga, who has added in the stipulation that despite Marlo and Gary's
current Lambda Championship status, this will be a non-title match."

        Morrigan facefaulted. "What?!"

        "He goes on to say that his team's superiority is obvious, and
there's no point in humiliating these kids any more than necessary."
Hiroshi shrugged. "There you have it, then!"

        "Jeez," Marlo noted. "Talk about overconfident."

        Daisuke cleared his throat, getting everything back underway.
"Anyway, let's get this match going."

][ LAMBDA MATCH
][ Team Enlightenment vs. "Defenders of Youth"
][ FIGHT!

        "SO, ONCE AGAIN WE MEET, YOUNG TRAINER OF VARIOUS CREATURES OF
QUESTIONABLE ORIGIN AND GODLINESS."

        "...you are way too damn loud, you know that?"

        Haohmaru bellowed hearty laughter, raising his sword above his
head. "I BELIEVE THIS YOUTH HAS LEARNED TO FEAR THE LEGENDARY VOLUME OF
HAOHMAWAGH!"

        "Haohmawagh?" Daisuke pondered.

        Gary smirked as his Ninetales lashed the samurai repeatedly,
battering him into the ropes. "Good work, Ninetales. Now, give him a
hotfoot! Ember attack!"

        "Kyuuu!" the elegant fox Pokemon cried as it spat a moderately
sized fireball at Haohmaru, setting his pants on fire. The legendary
warrior danced around the ring gracelessly, struggling to extinguish his
burning extremities.

        "Wow! Two flaming feudal warriors in one night!" Hiroshi crowed.
"Talk about a treat!"

        "But it looks like Haohmaru managed to recover," Daisuke narrated.

        "A SHAMEFUL TACTIC, TO STRIKE WHILE YOUR OPPONENT IS DELIVERING HIS
HONORABLE ADDRESS TO BEGIN THE BATTLE!" Haohmaru bellowed, charging across
the ring and slamming his sword into the Pokemon like a golf club.
Ninetales mewled pitifully as it landed at its trainer's feet. "HA! THIS IS
WHAT BEFALLS THOSE WHO DISRESPECT A WARRIOR OF LEGENDARY STATUS!"

        "Shut up already, you old loser," Gary grumbled, recalling
Ninetales. He started to call for another Pokemon when a powerful wave of
pure force struck him in the midsection, sending him into the corner and
knocking the wind out of him. The Pokeball slipped numbly out of his grasp.

        "Nice," called Hiroshi. "Looks like Haohmaru realized the key to
beating a Pokemon trainer is to attack the actual person when the chance
presents itself. There are a few Gamma fighters who'd do well to take a few
notes."

        "Don't count Gary out yet," Marlo called, jerking a thumb over his
shoulder. Where the Pokeball had been a moment before, a tall, brown
Pokemon with a drooping mustache emerged. "Alakazam," Gary wheezed.
"Reflect."

        "Kazam," it growled. A wall of light formed around the Pokemon and
its trainer, turning the buffeting attack back against Haohmaru. He merely
stood, smirking, as the wave washed over him.

        "HA! IT IS PATHETIC THAT YOU WOULD BELIEVE I COULD BE WOUNDED BY MY
OWN ATTACK! YOUR FOOLISHNESS WILL COST YOU THIS MATCH, BOY!" He began to
gather his chi, preparing for one flashy finishing strike...

        Marlo reached into the ring, clapping Gary on the shoulder.
Dragging his partner between the ropes, he hissed, "Hey, will that thing of
yours listen if I ask it to do something?"

        Gary nodded. "Yeah... they should. We're partners, aren't we?
Alakazam's pretty easy-going, anyway."

        The furniture warrior grinned, and leapt into the ring. "Okay,
loudmouth, let's find out how far I can shove a dinette set down that
legendary throat of yours."

        Haohmaru laughed. "THIS FIGHT WILL END WITH ONE STRIKE!" With a
fierce kiai, he slashed forward, waves of force pounding across the ring
toward Marlo.

        The teenager smirked, whipping out a full dinette set and dropping
it into the ring. "Okay, Alakazoozitz or whatever your name is.... think
you can use Telekinesis and fling this into big, loud, and stupid over
there?"

        "Zam!" The Pokemon raised its spoons as the onslaught of Haohmaru's
attack battered the reflective shield.

        "Then do it," Marlo said, pointing. "Telekinesis now!"

        "KAZAM!" The Pokemon began to glow as the expensive, heavy wooden
furniture rose from the canvas and streaked across the ring, shuddering in
the currents of Haohmaru's attack as it zeroed in on its target. The
legendary samurai let out a legendary cry of pain as he was knocked into
the ropes by the dinette, then rebounded to smack face-first into it again
on the rebound. The samurai slid off the dented table, groaning as he fell
to the mat like a sack of potatoes.

        Morrigan floated into the ring, grumbling as she hovered over her
partner. "Worthless, useless idiot..." she muttered.

        Gary pulled himself back into the ring, smirking, and tagged Marlo
out. "Oh, no you don't," he said. "Alakazam, keep him pinned down with that
table until the ref can count him out."

        "Kazam!" The Pokemon lifted the table and, trembling, pinned the
semi-conscious samurai to the mat with the dinette, shifting it around
repeatedly to keep Morrigan from reaching any part of his body for a tag.

        "At this rate Marlo and Gary and poised to win, if Morrigan can't
make the tag!" Hiroshi exclaimed.

        "Not to mention the count for illegally being in the ring at the
same time," Daisuke added.

        "Heh, too easy," Gary smirked, watching the succubus futilely
attempt to reach her partner. The referee was climbing his way into the
ring when Morrigan screamed, a mass of bats forming into a sickle-edged
wing. The referee instantly began thinking twice about ordering her out of
the ring.

        "That's showy," the trainer sneered, rolling his eyes.

        "Zam," Alakazam agreed.

        A row of fellow Morrigans suddenly exploded from the floor,
blasting into the air with their sickle-wings and disappearing, closing the
minute distance between her and her partner within a single second. The
samurai squealed as the apparition went through the dinette, slicing his
side a bit in the process. The next might have gone right through him, but
Morrigan called off the attack and booted him over the ropes.

        "Idiot," she repeated, turning on the boy and his Pokemon. The
referee fled back to the safety of the sidelines.

        "That counts as a tag," Hiroshi affirmed for anyone not quite
catching on. "Gary's up against Morrigan now."

        "Well, at least you're better looking." Gary shrugged, looking back
to his partner as he recalled Alakazam. "You want a shot at this one?"

        "Might as well," he agreed, and made the tag.

        "A lot of switching going on," Daisuke observed, but Morrigan had
charged up a soul bat before the "going" had left his lips.

        Marlo produced a grandfather clock to shield the explosion, dodging
nimbly to the side. She prepared her next attack as he swung in, grabbing a
Ming Vase out of Furniture Space(tm). He ducked under the next projectile,
tossing the priceless urn into her face and swinging around behind her,
planting a foot in the small of her back. He pushed forward and she went
across the ring, but she managed to save herself from an ungraceful impact
with a turnbuckle. Reeling still, she was just able to break the stereo
equipment heading her direction with a quick jab of her bat composed
sickles.

        She wasn't as lucky with the mahogany work desk sailing behind it.

        "Owch!" Hiroshi cried, wincing. "That had to hurt."

        Marlo took his opportunity, hurling himself into the opening. A set
of dictionaries appeared before him, heading for an uppercut across
Morrigan's shaken face, when she pushed into the air, stabbing with her
wings, and simultaneously tearing his weapons. The furniture warrior
couldn't save himself from this in time, and collided head-on with the
ringpost. Morrigan landed on the opposite side of the ring, scowling.

        "Nice save," Daisuke ho-hummed.

        Her opponent was wheeling around, wiping a smear of blood from his
lip. "Not bad," he grinned. "A lot more impressive than that boss of
yours."

        The succubus was gathering another soul bat, legs poised to take
flight. "Shut up, child. Come and get some, if you want it."

        He did, gathering his legs beneath him and dashing towards her. She
went airborne again, gathering more energy into her hands, and saw Marlo's
smirk as he tossed a fireplace poker up at her. She managed to dodge aside
with a sudden shriek, the projectile going off prematurely.

        "Shit!" Marlo cursed, leaping backwards as it exploded at his feet,
knocking him completely off balance. He flew out of the ring with a good
chunk of it following him, and was cracked smartly against his side.
Shaking the daze off a few seconds later, he realized he was back in the
middle of the ring, with Morrigan standing smugly just a few feet away. One
of her wing tips hovered dangerously over her head.

        "Whoah there," called Hiroshi, on his feet. "A very impressive
energy attack by Morrigan, and a solid thwacking by Haohmaru!"

        "I'm down but not out," the furniture warrior grunted, struggling
to get to his feet...

        And realizing they were tangled in a blasted section of rope.

        "Soul bat," she said, simply, releasing it inches from his face.
The This Old Dojo crew released a collective sigh.

        Gary facepalmed. "Aw man, twice?" The ref looked up from the middle
of the ring, nodding.

        "And it's official," Hiroshi announced. "Team Enlightenment defeats
the Defenders of Youth!"

        "Stop calling us that!" Gary shouted.

        "Ah, the bitterness of children," purred Morrigan, perched atop the
nearest turnbuckle. "Enlightenment has come for these pathetic kids. Next
time, Jack Lysias, give us opponents worthy of our skill!"

        "INDEED!" Hoahmaru chimed in. "WE HAVE DESTROYED THESE PIDDLING
BOYS. WE DEMAND A GRANDER BATTLE AT OUR NEXT JUNCTURE."

        Daisuke mumbled, "I dunno. You seemed to have a fairly difficult
time with the two of them..."

        "...NO ONE ASKED YOU."

        "Oh yes," added Morrigan, grinning her sultry little smile into the
camera. "Next time, I'm coming for you, Sakura Kusagano!"

        "And there you have it!" Hiroshi finished up, as the champions
departed. "Our next match is coming right up, stay the hell with us! Now
stay tuned for a word from... us, actually."

        "No!!!" Daisuke shrieked, covering his face.

        "Don't worry," his partner assured, "this one won't be as
painful..."

*  *  *  *  *

        The Scene: Barren Battlefield # 462.

        A (badly) computer animated Dan and Sephiroth are facing each out.
Numerous other Ultra contestants are in the background, having apparently
chosen one side or the other.

        "This is it!" Dan shouts, his lips failing to move. "Our final
battle has come!"

        "Fool!" returns Sephiroth. "I shall destroy you!"

        The two adopt their battle positions, and are ready to strike...

        The background turns psychedelic, arrows appear at the top of the
screen and a techno version of Lai Lai Boy blasts over the wasteland.

        "Ready?... DANCE!" The voice sounds suspiciously like Hiroshi's.

        The legions of CGI Ultra competitors begin dancing in time with the
arrows. The camera focuses on Jessie and James, stumbling their way over
the dancepad.

        "Man, Daisuke can dance better then you!" the voice insulted, as
the camera switched to Mousse, displaying mad skills. "This is the most
exciting thing I've seen since last week!!" Hiroshi's voice praised. Crazy
zoom-in-and-out shots flash by of all the fighters, finishing on a close-up
of the cloned commentator himself.

        The words coast across the screen as Hiroshi shouts them out:
"DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION: ULTRA MIX! Experience a whole new level of
excitement with your favorite fighters, songs, and gyrating body movement!"

        It fades back in the master of the Saikyo Style now standing over a
fallen Sephiroth, giving the screen a thumbs up. "Dan tested! Dan
approved!"

*  *  *  *  *

        Back in the Ultradome, Daisuke proceeded to bang his head against
the announcer's desk.

*  *  *  *  *

        "Hey. Marlo. Wake up."

        "Ghng?"

        His vision wavery, his conciousness light, he slowly came to
recognize the medical ward.

        "Damn it," he swore, thrusting a fist into his mattress. "They beat
me again, didn't they?"

        "Up, pretty bad, too." Gary shrugged. "But hey, you were only out
for five minutes. Could be worse. You could be Dan."

        Marlo blinked, following his partner's finger. There was a figure
in the adjacent bed, swathed completely in pink bandages. He stared.

        "That's... Dan?"

        "Yeah. Hurt pretty bad. Think you can walk?"

        Marlo frowned, eyes narrowed. "I'm sure I can. Doesn't hurt that
bad." He looked at his partner, narrowing his eyes. "But I'm not gonna
forget tonight for a while. Two losses to those old fools in a row..."

        Gary shrugged. "You sucked it there, yeah."

        "Jesus. Aren't you supposed to be compassionate now, or something?"

        The youth held up his hands, smirking. "Hey, not my style. But if
it helps, I know what'll make you feel better."

        There was a pause as they watched each other. Then twin smiles
crept over their lips.

        "Knocking that old windbag off his pretty golden throne?"

        "Ya read my mind. Don't get me wrong," he added hurriedly. "It's
not like I CARE about you or anything. I'm just sick of waiting to cream
Ash, is all. Some fresh blood'd really shake things up."

        The furniture warrior's smile widened, as the two clasped hands. "I
think this partnership's getting more solid by the minute."


*  *  *  *  *

        Elsewhere, a pair of lovers were preparing.

        "You're sure about this, Teef?"

        She looked up at him, his solid, rough face radiating concern.
Leaning up, she kissed him sweetly on the lips.

        "Of course I am," she assured him, patting his arm. "Look, you know
I can handle myself. And I'm fully healed, just like the doctor said."

        "Right," Bean agreed slowly, but she could tell the hesitation was
there. "Well, okay. I know you can put up just a good a fight as I can.
Just... don't get yourself too roughed up, huh?"

        "I know," she grinned, her fingers slipping up his biceps. "You
know I love you?"

        "I do," was his response, followed by a deep kiss. Moments passed,
and he looked intensely into her eyes. "And I know Vega's going down
tonight."

        She nodded her agreement, jaw set.

        "But..." she began after a thought, "...what about the other one?"

*  *  *  *  *

        "And we're back again, and have we got an insane match for you
lucky-lucky viewers! Ne, Daisuke?"

        "Sure do... Oh, wait, the UltraTron's coming on again."

        "Huh? Didn't they take the camera away from that kid yet?"

*  *  *  *  *

        "Don't you think that was a little far?" asked Li Ping. "The guy
owned up to it. It's not like he was mocking you or anything."

        Ash glowered at the teen's back, lugging his video camera
dejectedly. "Why are you even talking to me? It wasn't MY fault I'm stuck
doing this stupid job!"

        "You're saying it's mine, then?"  his resentful co-worker began,
before catching sight of a mobile pile of fleshy rocks from the corner of
his eye. On further inspection, this turned out to be a very dour Sagat,
marching his way through an unmarked door. He didn't close it behind him,
and curiosity (and the lure of camerawork) got the better of the American
teen.

        "What're you doing?" Ash mumbled, Li Ping's hand clapping smartly
over his mouth.

        "Quiet," he hissed. "We were given a job for the night, and we
oughta do it, no matter how stupid it is." Reaching into his pocket, he
tapped the intercom button Jack had provided the two cameramen during their
brief training stretch and lifted his camcorder into place. Ash rolled his
eyes in bewilderment, but followed suit.

        Peeking around the corner, they were treated to a full view of a
small meeting room. Inside were three figures, all of them masculine and
daunting. One of them was at the head of the table, exchanging
pleasantries. There was some high tension between in the room, but by the
look of him, Yaga didn't notice any of it.

        "I'm glad the two of you could make it," Yaga was saying,
"especially on your day off, Sagat."

        "It's that creep," Ash whispered, zooming in on Iori. "And that old
wrestler guy who used all those dirty tricks last show. And... Sagat!
He's... he's as bad as they come!"

        "I know that," his partner hissed back. "You don't need to point
out the obvious, the audience can see who it is!"

        The young Pokemon trainer blinked. "Audience? You're filming
already?"

        "Of course I am! Now shush!"

        Iori was talking, and his voice was deep and menacing. "It turns
out that I have the day off as well. They threw out my match with that puny
martial artist... not that it would have proven to be much of a real fight
anyway."

        "Ergh," disagreed said puny martial artist.

        "I know what you're going through," Yaga consoled, taking his seat.
"I have had to deal with that upstart little boy much on my own. Please,
sit and relax. I simply have a proposition for the two of you."

        "This have anything to do with your silly tag team fighters?" asked
the redhead. "I'll admit they fought well, but until that spiky-haired fool
lets me at Ranma Saotome, I have no care for anyone in this federation."

        "In a way," Yaga replied, "it does. You say yourself that you want
to fight Ranma Saotome. This, I can make happen. And Sagat, you have nearly
as many years of fighting experience as I! Does it not bother you both, men
of exceptional talent, that this company is being run and populated by such
children, who have no respect for our craft?"

        Iori stirred a bit, smirking. "So you're asking us to join up with
you old fogies, is that it?"

        The wrestler's eyes widened, an expression caught well by Ash's
adept use of a Zoom shot. "What was that? Are you mocking me, child of the
Yagami?"

        Sagat, who had been silent up to now, began to speak. It started in
slow, thoughtful tones, as he rubbed at his hairless chin. "If this is all
you came to ask of us, I may answer immediately and decisively."

        "Ah," Yaga declared. "A man with sense, like myself. We'll go
far..."

        His answer, as promised, was both immediate and decisive. "I have
no intention of joining something with such ridiculous ideals." Ignoring
the enraged look on the massive Japanese man, he continued. "I will have no
part in something so self-indulged. I am my own man now that Bison is gone,
as it was meant to be. Any enemies I make, I make on my own. And there's
only been one who could stand against me so far."

        "And who was that?" Iori asked, brows raised. He'd never show it,
but he'd found Sagat to be rather intimidating.

        Sagat turned, making for the door. For a moment Li Ping thought he
was going to leave it at that, before realizing that he was heading
directly towards him. A shaven, frowning face looked directly into his
camera.

        "His name is Ryu," he pronounced loudly, "and I have finally gained
enough power to defeat him." With that, he made down the hall, Ash
scrambling after to make sure he didn't miss any good stuff.

        "Turn that thing off," Yaga barked, heating the room with his fury
alone. Li Ping composed himself, stepping directly into the meeting room
proper.

        "Just pretend I'm not here," he grinned. "I'm sure this is almost
over, anyway."

        Red-faced, the wrestler looked about to add some force behind his
words, before a hearty chortle disrupted the mood. Both ex-NeoFighters
looked over to Iori, holding his head and laughing nastily.

        "You're both fools!" he accused. "Why would I join up with an
ancient man who's time has come and gone? And you, Chinaboy," he added,
"I'm glad our fight was canceled. You're much more suited to your new job."

        Li Ping flushed, cradling the camera under his arm. "Maybe we can
still have that match," he coaxed.

        "Whoa, whoa!" shouted someone, dashing his way between the two.
Red, spiky hair and a mock-stern expression comprised the barrier keeping
them both at bay. "Hang on. No fights in the meeting room for any reason,
and certainly not with Li Ping. He's our cameraman, and you know what they
say about cameramen."

        Silence.

        "They're underpaid?" guessed Li Ping.

        "That's the one," Jack agreed.

        Iori was already on his way out the door, sidestepping Ash, who'd
been informed sternly that Sagat did not like being tailed around. The
redhead half-turned, sneering at the room's occupants at large. "Watch your
back next time, kid," he warned. "I'll take you up on that challenge one of
these days."

        Jack watched the retreating figure, becoming aware of the gazes
upon him. He held up his hands defensively.  "Hey, I know, I know. But he
draws in the goth girl market."

        Yaga scoffed, turning for a door across the room. "This is the way
you run your show, Spike. I will personally show you the extent of your
short-comings." Closing the door behind him, he paused halfway through,
turning to regard Li Ping. "And you, boy, be prepared. Your time will
come."

        The slam of the door was all that was heard for about three
seconds.

        That's when, from down the hall, the screams began.


*  *  *  *  *


        It happened quickly, even to the ones involved. Reserving and
demonstrating his right to sneer, Iori was rounding a corner when he saw
the eyes.

        They were dark. They promised blood.

        He felt a tug at his leg. Glancing down, he saw a cute little dog
with a cute little blue bandana around his neck pulling at his pant leg,
waggling its tail playfully. A solid kick to its side ended that threat,
and he heard the owner of those eyes gasp.

        "My puppy!" she whispered, and was immediately in the redhead's
face. Hands flailing, attacking, landing in a few wild blows, but for the
most part just smacking harmlessly against his shoulders.

        "What the hell?" he growled, batting away the weak assault, falling
backwards against the wall. Feeling trapped, as the raining blows began to
increase in strength, he took his only natural course of action and send
his fist flying...

        Blood splattered over his body. The girl and her dog lay crumpled
up, side by side, little butterflies fluttering sadly overhead. Nearby was
a crumpled picnic basket, its contents spilled and ruined.

        Iori was many things. He was even creative, in his own
violence-loving way. He was not, however, nearly creative enough to put any
of these bizarre puzzle pieces together. So as the girl blinked her eyes
open, and terror crept over his face, he resorted again to his instincts...
raising his fists to silence his problem.

        He braced himself, ready to let the punch fly... and she screamed.
Loud.

        Startled, his fist impacted with the floor to her right, just as a
number of onlookers were heard dashing down the hallway. The sound of six
feet dashing were cut short as they rounded the corner, saw Iori, fists and
shirt sopped in red, assaulting a trembling girl in a red hood, red skirt,
and blue slippers.

        Ash's mouth dropped, but Li Ping was steadier. He focused on the
scene with the instant determination of a veteran field reporter. Jack
said, "Whoa."

        Iori's eyes snapped up, at first uncertain, then clouded with rage.
He glared down at the girl, then at the three onlookers. "What the hell is
this? Get those damned cameras out of here!"

        "This..." Ash's camera was wobbling so bad, Nabiki cut the feed
solely to Li Ping's. The youth was barely able to hold his ground. "This
is... LOW!"

        "Shut up!" Iori snapped, bloody fists raising. "Get out of here,
you bastard kid!"

        Ash ignored him, stepping up to bat. "What kind of monster would
attack a defenseless girl? I always knew you were no fair scum, but this is
too far!"

        Li Ping, blinking, gave the young trainer a look of surprise. Jack
had to intervene again, before Iori lashed out in blind fury.

        "Hang on," he said, arms outstretched. "I said no fighting back
here. Although I think it's pretty safe to say," he added, grinning into
the camera, "that Iori has quite a bit of explaining to do."

        Even this far from the crowds, their shouts of agreement shook the
walls.

        "This could not be more ridiculous," spat the Yagami warrior,
turning to leave. Stomping off, he was surprised to feel that same tugging
sensation at his pant leg.

        "You can't go anywhere!" the girl mumbled, sitting up. Her hood had
fallen back, revealing a prettily innocent face framed by blond hair. The
dog, apparently better prepared, leapt aside as Iori tried to land another
kick. The girl looked sadly at her picnic basket, and the food scattered
around it. "You... you've ruined the snacks I made for my Grandma!"

        "This cannot be--" began Iori, flames licking up around his fists.

        Tears streaming, the girl cut him off by looking into the camera,
fighting visibly against sobs. "If... if it's alright, Lysias-san... I
would like to request a match tonight. I can't let this.. this sin go
unpunished!" With that, she collapsed into sobs, little body racking.

        Jack kneeled down, patting her reassuringly on the shoulder.
"There, there. Of course you can."

        "What?!" was the simultaneous reaction of everyone else gathered.

        "I'll book you right after the next match," Jack went on, grinning.
"I mean, it's the least I can do. No one ever calls me Lysias-san."

        Iori was not quite with it. Lashing out at the nearest wall, he
took some pleasure in igniting a bit of plaster. "Damn you both," he
growled. "You want a fight, little bitch, you've got it. But don't expect
to be walking afterwards."

        They watched as he spun, stalking back down the hallway. Li Ping
blinked back to reality, eyes wide at the spiky-haired booker.

        "Are you INSANE?" he cried, nearly dropping the camera. "He'll KILL
her! I mean... look at this!"

        "Let me handle him!" Ash pleaded, a look of concern crossing his
face. "I can take care of him without putting her in the ring with that
psycho..."

        Wiping away her tears with bits of her hood, the girl wobbled to
her feet, and adopted a look of firm resolve. "Thank you, but I must handle
this myself. For the honor of my Grandma!" And with that she made her
exit...

        Happily skipping with her dog at her heels, her picnic basket at
her side, and butterflies fluttering overhead, singing sweetly, "La la la
la la..."

        Jack reached forward, hitting the Power feed to both video
recorders. Li Ping and Ash looked up, both reasonably shaken.

        "What are you thinking?" the pigtailed fighter asked, shaking his
head. "He was already covered in her blood! What do you think will happen
if they get into an actual brawl together?"

        The booker was silent, casually bending to scoop something off the
floor.

        "Damn all these cheating, no good, lying sons of bitches," Ash
cursed, little hands curling into fists. "How could you do something like
that to her, you stupid adult?! I-- huh?"

        Jack was holding up a broken Heinz ketchup bottle. The cameramen
peered at it in confusion.

        "I think," he said, "that we just got an interesting competitor in
our midst."

*  *  *  *  *

        Elsewhere, Morrigan looked up from her victim (although, from the
look on his face, that wasn't quite the word he'd used to describe
himself). Feeling an overwhelming disturbance in the powers of the night...
she shivered.

*  *  *  *  *

        The UltraTron faded to black.

        "Wow," said Daisuke. "That was... odd."

        "But not as odd as our next match!" Hiroshi belted, beaming.
"That's right, you heard me! Weirder than a mysterious girl showing up,
getting assaulted by a man formerly possessed by Orochi blood, and then
challenging him to a duel because he ruined her Grandma's snacks!"

        A pause.

        "No, it isn't," Daisuke said, "but it's still pretty interesting.
Our next match is, yes, Hardcore."

        "Hardcore!" shouted the crowd.

        "Hardcore," agreed Hiroshi.

        "...right," deadpanned Daisuke. "But would you like to tell them
what's special about this match?"

        "Who, me? Yup! We're bringin' you the Title Defense of The Creepy
Bishounen King against... Bean AND Tifa! That's two on one, with Hardcore
rules applied!" He let exactly a second-point-five pass before adding, "Oh,
but wait, there's more! It seems... Mousse has also been added to the fight
as a wildcard! That's right, guys, this is a HARDCORE FOUR-WAY!"

        "Apparently, Nabiki hasn't forgotten about Vega's show at UltraRage
Eta, and personally booked this match herself." Daisuke allowed himself a
small smirk. "Kind of a sharp way to say 'Don't cross me,' it seems."

        "More or less," said the teen entrepreneur herself, emerging from
the sidelines, flanked by both Lina and Naga. "And I have to admit, I can't
resist announcing this round."

        "No problems here," the clones, simultaneously. "Let's see our
competitors!"

        The spotlight whirled over the audience, the newly repaired ring,
and halted just on the current Hardcore champion himself. His version of
the belt was fit snug around his acrobatic waist, refusing to lose his cool
on his way to the ring. Once there, he sent a sour look in Nabiki's
direction.

        "I wasn't told anything about a Four-way," he informed her. By all
appearances, she didn't hear.

        "First, it's Vega himself," Hiroshi introduced. "A man with some
serious head problems and freakyass fetishes from Spain. Next, it looks
like Mousse is entering the ring."

        Indeed, the American martial artist had leapt from the rafters,
coming to a crouch inches from Vega's (apparently unimpressed) mask. Mousse
didn't bother hiding any contempt from the Spanish fighter, sneering in
outright derision.

        "The master of hidden weapons, Mousse is currently without a
tag-team partner since Shampoo left the federation following Eta. Right
now, he's got his eyes on the Hardcore belt, and tonight's his chance to
get it!"

        "I'll be taking that chance," the martial artist agreed, with a
meaningful look at his present opponent. "And I'll give you a few tips on
how to use that claw while I'm at it."

        Daisuke nodded, glancing across the arena. "And here we have our
fan favorites," he announced.

        The audience was already going crazy for the Roadbusters as they
made for the ring. A number of them had brought the ever-popular "TIFA IS
MY FINAL HEAVEN!" signs with them, and more than a few females were
proclaiming "I'LL DO SOME RIDING, BEAN!" in written, non-subtle innuendo.
Tifa herself had an arm up and waving, dispelling any worries that she
might still be weak since her fight in Eta. Bean, however, was a bit more
thoughtful, gazing only at Vega as he strode alongside his beloved.

        Daisuke watched them climb into the ring. "Well, she looks okay and
he looks pissed. I say we get this action started."

        "Just so you know," Bean called out, loudly enough for the audience
to hear, "you're going to be paying for what you did."

        "I look forward to drawing more of her blood," Vega returned. "You
can't protect her forever, as a ugly a brute as you are."

        Hiroshi squirmed. "This is gonna be cooool..."

        With a nod, Nabiki signaled for the referee to begin the match.

][ HARDCORE FOUR-WAY
][ Vega vs. Mousse vs. Roadbusters
][ FIGHT!

        "Tifa, stay back!" Bean called, not wasting any time. He dashed
forward, ignoring Mousse and heading straight for the problem.

        He ate a facefull of mat.

        "Bean, we talked about this," she chided sharply, hopping off his
back. She hadn't taken her eyes off Vega for an instant, frowning. "Now
stop being macho and work with me."

        "Alright, alright," he grunted, getting his legs back under him. He
braced for Vega's first attack, taking up his brawler's pose. "I'll--"

        A Lucky Cat statue impacted against the back of his head. Bean
crumpled in surprise, and Tifa's attention was averted.

        "Bean!" she cried, catching Vega's movement out of the corner of
her eye. She ducked low, dodged left and caught his outstretched arm
between her legs, using her momentum to throw him into Mousse. The two went
down hard, just as Bean recovered.

        "Whoah," he breathed, shaken. "Forgot about him."

        Mousse had gotten up first, and made to counterattack Tifa while
she was helping her partner to his feet, before a hand fell on his
shoulder. He blinked, looking back at Vega, to whom the hand was attached.

        "Work with me," he suggested, matter-of-factly. "We'll get the two
of them out of the way and you'll be free to snag the belt from me. Or try,
anyhow."

        The Chinese warrior paused, musing... "Agreed."

        "Wow," Hiroshi cried. "A team-up by Mousse and Vega! Wouldn't have
seen that coming!"

        "I did," Daisuke muttered.

        The newly formed partners advanced on their wary opponents. Vega
was the first to attack, dashing towards them with blade at the ready...

        ...and Mousse chucked an egg bomb at the back of his head. The
Spaniard went down coughing, rolling back to his feet gracelessly.

        "What the hell?" he asked, glaring.

        The teen grinned. "You flatter yourself if you think I'd join ranks
with a sick freak like you. Besides..."

        "Besides what?" Vega roared, fists clenched.

        "Check that out," Mousse finished, pointing behind him. The masked
fighter turned just in time to be impacted by Bean's fist, mask crumbling
like paper mache. He hit the mat hard, not giving the impression of getting
back up anytime soon.

        "Looks like Vega's hurting already," Daisuke said, wincing.

        "Nice backstab by Mousse, though," responded Hiroshi. "And they're
wasting no time getting back into it!"

        Tifa had used the brief distraction to launch herself in the air,
aiming a kick for Mousse's face. He parried with a pair of steel
chopsticks, flipping her over. She managed to land on her feet, and
executed a low sweep, which he quickly hopped over.

        "Not bad," the martial artist praised.

        "Hey, pal," Bean warned, coming to stand beside her. "She's got me
backing her up, and she'd be able to take you solo."

        "I don't know about that, exactly," Mousse mused, leaping backwards
onto a turnbuckle. "Say, how do you like your curse, by the way?"

        "Not very... why?" he grunted, and Mousse hauled an entirely
self-contained fire hydrant out of his robes and let fly.

        Just need to dodge, Bean's instincts told him, as his body made to
obey. That thing won't burst open unless it's hit...

        Seconds after the bringer of liquid had left his fingers, Mousse
had leapt after it, a large blade slipping into his hand, through the
metal, and back into his robes. He landed perfectly in the middle of the
ring as the water washed down over the ex-most wanted getaway driver in
America.

        "Damn it!" Tifa swore, as her lover bounced out of the ring, having
caught sight of the referee's wristwatch. "And I forgot the canteen, too!"

        "Perfect!" Mousse cried, leaping, having a sudden sensation of
pressure applied to his robes, and found his face mashed hard against the
mat.

        "No one backstabs me," Vega growled, releasing the white robes of
his (very, very brief) comrade. Bits of his mask still clung to his face.
His claw flashed in the air for a final assault, but was shoved back as
Mousse threw all his weight into a double-kick. Both fighters got to their
feet, squaring off.

        "Okay, I can do this," Tifa mumbled, arms raising just above Bean's
head. "You might want to just let him have that for now!" she called to the
ref, who gladly obliged. As Bean sat cross-legged, gazing at his new toy,
she called on the Materia in her gloves, "Water!"

        A veritable waterfall cascaded down on her loved. She lowered her
arms just a bit, chanted "Fire!" and watched, self-satisfied, at the
resulting steam. Bean yelped at sudden heat, fleeing his way to dry ground.

        He looked up at her from the foot of the ring, huffing distinctly.
"Good job," he said, doing his best to grin.

        Behind them, a number of wooden fragments fell between Mousse and
his adversary, a flurry of bokken shredded by the Spaniard's razor-edged
claw. Vega swiped again, stopped by the sudden intervention of metal.

        The Chinese teen grinned, his own claw holding off his opponent.
"Told you I'd teach you a few things," he said.

        "You teach me?" Vega scoffed, pushing him away. "You rely on
nothing but your weapons to fight! You wouldn't last two minutes in a bull
fight! No wonder that Ranma boy is so very superior to you. At least fight
me hand-to-hand, you cowardly fool."

        Mousse leapt back, and his claw slipped back into his robes...

        "Looks like he's taken the bait," Hiroshi cried.

        ...and produced a giant magnet, aimed directly at the ex-toreador.

        "I'd like to request the same of you," he sneered as Vega was
sucked into range, claw trapped against the polarities of the magnet, face
contorted in fury and confusion. Mousse's fist impacted heavily with his
chin, the force of the blow sending him skywards, the blades of his claw
snapping under the duress. He landed outside of the ring, eyes wide and
clouded.

        "Wow," Daisuke opted. "That was almost poetic justice."

        "Looks like the Roadbusters are back in the groove now," was
Hiroshi's contribution, watching as the two slipped back into the fight.

        Bean glared down at the slack figure of the Spaniard. "Damn. You
got to him first, huh? I swear, it's the little things in life this curse
is making me miss."

        Mousse was idly tossing a few egg bombs into the air. "You're
looking a little washed out. The girl forget how much her own spells hurt?"

        "It's called improvising," Bean said, ignoring the wobbliness of
his legs. "Kinda like what the psychopath's doin'."

        "Wha-?" The Chinese martial artist didn't, as Vega had managed to
scoop up one still-sodden half of the destroyed fire hydrant, sending its
liquidy contents over Mousse's head. The resulting fowl looked around in
confusion, just in time to have the hydrant itself thwump across his head,
sending him unconscious into the stands. The ex-toreador was kneeling in a
daze, toned chest heaving.

        "Wow," said Hiroshi. "Mousse has been eliminated, but this doesn't
look good for Vega. Two-on-one now, and although Bean looks a little rough
around the edges, our sadistic Spanish swashbuckler looks to be much the
worse for wear."

        "He'd better get a plan in motion," Daisuke agreed, "or he won't
last much longer."

        Vega didn't seem to be paying much attention to the commentators;
he launched himself at his opponents in a flurry of speed, jagged remains
of his claw aiming sharply for Tifa's neck. Bean made to block; the
Spaniard had been expecting that, and his foot knocked the brawler to his
knees. The buxom girl's throat was so near, so tender, and he was breaths
away from slicing it open and bathing in her last seconds of life--

        Tifa herself ducked, rocketing both fists into his chest. Vega flew
backwards, spinning in an arc, his head impacting with the edge of the
ring. He hit the ground limp, and for perhaps three seconds it seemed the
match was over. The Roadbusters beamed at one another, made for a loving
embrace.

        Forcing himself to his feet, it seemed the ex-toreador was standing
on nothing but sheer psychotic tendencies alone. He was barreling at the
duo before it looked like he was even done getting up, leaping off the
ground and spinning with his broken weapon held outward in bloody menace.
Tifa reacted first, making to sidestep the attack, but found Bean had
jumped in her way just in time for his Kevlar jacket to take the brunt of
the assault. Both tumbled to the side, as Vega hopped to his feet, wavering
and battered but able to stand.

        "Bean!" Tifa hissed, crawling out from under her companion. "I
could have dodged that, you know. We already went through all this 'respect
me as a martial artist' stuff!"

        His massive jaw set, he gave her his version of a sheepish grin.
"Hey, old habits die hard."

        Vega had seen his chance. His problem was that he was too dazed to
take it. Tifa and Bean simultaneously flipped to their feet, adopting their
fighting stances, and dashed forward.

        Tifa felt something give beneath her foot. A second later, a small
explosion sent her careening into the unmasked fighter, both of them
landing at the foot of the nosebleed section.

        "Owch," Nabiki smirked.

        Bean was still running, but this time out of concern. "Tifa!" he
shouted, the worry etched into his features turning into panic as he saw
Vega get to his feet first, claw poised to stab down and gut the prone
fighter...

        Then Vega spun around, snatching a nearby fan's icy bottle of Deja
Blue, throwing it in Bean's face and simultaneously tossing his claw into
the air, doing a crescent kick to send flying, directly at Nabiki.

        "SHINY!" Bean screamed, heading after it.

        Lina and Naga's eyes widened, jumping in front of their employer
and the commentator's desk. "DIL BRAND!" they screamed in unison, just as
the broken piece of metal flew into range. Bean pinwheeled his arms, but
caught the outburst of the blast, and was sent flying through the air.

        He landed in a heap next to the claw, which he grasped, held in
front of his watery eyes, and muttered "Shiny..." before losing
conciousness.

        "Er..." was all Hiroshi could saw, mind racing to figure out what
it just saw. "Vega... just showed some serious cunning! Can the ref call a
disqualification for that?"

        "Looks like Nabiki waving it off," Daisuke breathed, brushing
debris from his hair. "Personally, I wish that Dil Brand wasn't so damn
powerful."

        "We go with what works," Lina supplied, grinning.

        Tifa had managed to get her feet back under her and make a short
retreat in the time it took Vega to recover from his under-handed defeat of
Bean, and firmly planted her feet. She was rocked and enraged enough by
now, she knew that even through the fog of anger that was clouding her
mind. A Limit Break couldn't be too far off.

        "And the two remaining fighters square off," Hiroshi announced,
unnecessarily, just as Vega burst forth, unarmed but employing all four of
his limbs in a brash, uncoordinated attack. He was moving slowly, but the
female martial artist didn't have time to consider this.

        "Beat Rush!" Tifa screamed, rushing for him as Vega leapt over her,
dashing to stay out of reach.

        The two dashed about the ring, one fueled by passion and the other
out of fear. The chase continued, Vega evading by employing all his energy
into it. Eventually, it proved not to be enough, as Tifa caught up and bore
down him, preparing to begin the attack... but stopping short just in time.

        Vega had made his way to Bean's fallen body, and was shielding
himself behind it.

        "Bean!" she screamed, the surge of the Limit Break forcing her body
into action.

        "She can't stop!" Hiroshi screamed, eyes wide. "I don't believe
this!"

        Tifa's fist cocked back, held in check only by willpower. In front
of her lay Bean's slack face, eyes closed, helpless. "No!" she shrieked,
her teeth gritting together.

        "Is she... forcing the power of the Limit Break down?" Daisuke
asked, slack-jawed. "Is that even possible?"

        "Let's hope so," Hiroshi said, oddly serious. "Let's hope so."

        Tifa's body trembled, screaming as she kept her fists and legs from
tearing into the man she loved. Her mind flashed quick images, Cloud's
obsessions, Bean's kindness; but she was unable to recognize them. All she
knew was that she had to stop... and that doing so was no matter what the
pain to herself.

        "RrrrAAAAAAUGHH!" she screeched, eyes watering, fists forced to her
side, as a blaze of red energy flickered up and around her in a tornado of
emotion...

        She flopped down to one knee, breathing heavy.

        Vega released Bean's body, which slumped pathetically to the mat.
Gathering himself, he allowed himself one last smirk of dominance before
letting fly...

        The spin kick caught Tifa squarely in the chest. She flew
backwards, and lay unmoving.

        Seconds passed. Slowly, the audience became a sea of boos before
Nabiki stood, holding up her hand for silence. Vega leered at her,
grimacing in pain.

        "I've done it!" he snarled. "Whatever now rules this forsaken
universe has spoken in favor of my beauty! I'm still champion, despite your
best efforts."

        "Indeed," came Nabiki reply, a small smile over her lips. "And how
long do you think that's going to last?"

        In one hand, she was idly tossing one of Mousse's egg bombs.

        "And the match is called!" Hiroshi declared, trying not to sound
disappointed. "Vega... well, he's the winner, take it or leave it."

        The victor of the round gave one last look at Nabiki, glowered, and
headed back stage.

        "Well, that sucked," Lina opined as her teenaged employer shut off
her mic. "I mean, I guess it worked out like you wanted it, but still... I
kinda wanted to see that guy get his ass worked, you know?"

        "He's not nearly as pretty as he thinks he is," Naga agreed smugly,
the back of her hand raising to her mouth in preparation for the bitchlaugh
from hell. Lina swatted it aside, shaking her head.

        "I gotta go with those two," Hiroshi said. "I mean... what's the
deal? Weren't YOU upset about the way he acted at Eta?"

        Nabiki stood to go, but not without a smug little grin as she
watched the toreador exit. "I've just showed him whose show this really is,
that's all. Plus, I get to milk his Hardcore championship for all it's
worth. See you boys next week."

        With that she and her bodyguards strode away from the desk and
further into the arena, where the medical team was currently checking on
two humans and a duck. The teen entrepreneut knelt next to a semiconscious
Tifa, and exchanged a few words.

        "Well," Hiroshi said, switching back to his mic, "that was some
freaky fun! Our next match is gonna start in just a few minutes, so don't
go away!"


*  *  *  *  *

        Nabiki's intercom buzzed, and her secretary's voice crackled over
the
speaker.  "Mr. Tasuki is here to see you, as you asked."

        "Send him in, please."

        Naga inched slightly closer to her chair.  She didn't blame
her for feeling a bit protective - Lina had taken a habitual dinner break,
and if Tasuki was still drunk, he might be unpredictable.  Given Tasuki's
temper, this meeting had a good chance
of turning unpleasant. And no Nabiki equaled no bonus paycheck.

        The warrior of Suzaku didn't seem like he'd be giving anybody
trouble,
though.  He slouched through the door, holding an ice pack against his
head.  He smelled rather strongly of Bactine.

        "Have a seat," Nabiki instructed him.

        "Yeah, okay," he mumbled.  He crumpled into her chair, squinting
against
the light in her office.  Definitely hung over.

        "That was quite a performance tonight," she said briskly.  "Quite a

pathetic performance, that is."

        Tasuki moaned slightly.  He tried to get angry, but his head simply
hurt
too much to allow it.

        "Under normal circumstances," she continued, "I'd be handing you
your
pink slip after an embarrassment like that.  But you know what I found
when I looked for your contract in my files?"

        "Whazzat?" he muttered.

        "Nothing."

        "Huh."  He closed his eyes.  "Figures."

        "You have no contract with Ultra," she continued.  "And I find that
to
be most peculiar.  However, what I find even more vexing is that in
spite of this curious omission, you are drawing a salary from Ultra's
accounts.  Every week it disappears, along with the other direct
debits.  I can't even seem to track down where it's going."

        "I think it's goin' right here," Tasuki told her.  He fumbled in
the
folds of his robe and drew out a messy wad of bills.  "Never seem to run
out of these things."  He eyed the cash balefully.  "Pieces of paper for
money.  What kind of crap is that?"

        The CEO of Ultra tapped her pen irritably on her desk.  The idea of

money disappearing from her coffers and materializing directly in the
possession of one of her fighters struck her as profoundly, offensively
wrong.  It reeked of some sort of sorcery.  Not Naga or Lina or even Dark
Schnieder sorcery, either; this was something way less cost efficient.
"Tasuki, do you recall your
interview with me when you were hired?"

        "Mmm... nope."

        "Nor do I," Nabiki admitted.  "I find that extremely strange.  Not
to
mention annoying."

        "Hold on a sec," Tasuki said, raising a finger.  "YOU don't
remember it
either?"

        "No.  I don't."  Nabiki hated the fact that it had taken so long
for her
to realize this fact, but until she'd actually looked for his contract,
she'd simply believed everything was normal.  Only when she directly
confronted her memory did she realize the glaring omission in her
mind.  The experience was rather akin to what it would feel like to lift
the hood on your car to change the oil, only to discover the vehicle had
been running perfectly without an actual engine.  If someone had
deliberately messed with her memories, she intended to make them suffer
for it.

        In spite of his throbbing headache, the ancient Chinese warrior
seemed rather relieved. "Hot damn," he said with a fang-exposing grin.  "I
guess I ain't going nuts after all!"

        "Going nuts?" she prompted.

        He leaned forward, his voice growing stronger as he spoke.  "It's
the
damndest thing.  I remember showing up in the ring that time with
whats-her-face, the chick with the purple hair.  Somethingpoo."

        "Shampoo."

        "Yeah.  Her.  And that felt all right, you know?  Like, here I am,
let's
get on with the fight, and oh, don't forget to do some trash-talking.
Bam.  You're on T.V., it's the big event, it's all cool.  But for the
life of me I can't remember how I GOT there!"

        "Where were you before?" she asked.

        "It's like I told your announcers when they asked me for the bio
stuff,"
he explained.  "China.  Konan region.  I'm one of the goddamned Suzaku
Seven!  See?"  He yanked down his sleeve to reveal a vaguely shimmering
Chinese character on his arm.

        The mark meant absolutely nothing to Nabiki, but she let it pass.
"So
what are you doing here?"

        "Hell if I know!" he exclaimed in exasperation.  "I hang around
here
waiting for a fight every week.  Some things I know about, like
television and cameras and stuff, even though I don't remember ever
seein' anything like that in MY LIFE!  And other things, like this
money," he said, flapping the bills, "I can't figure out!"

        "Very odd."

        "Odd don't even BEGIN to cover it, sister!" Tasuki snarled.  "What
IS
all this shit, huh?  I mean, I feel like I wanna fight on the show, but
I can't figure out WHY!  What GIVES here?  DAMN!"  He slammed a fist on
his chair's armrest.

        Nabiki raised a hand to calm him.  "All right.  Obviously, we have
a
situation here which cannot simply be allowed to persist."

        "So whaddya plan to do?  Fire me?" He glared at her.

        "It doesn't appear I can, as things stand," she said tightly.
"Therefore, it will be necessary to figure out just what happened to get
you here in the first place."

        "Yeah?" Tasuki gave her a wary look.  "How're you gonna do that?"

        Nabiki rubbed her temple.  "Well, it seems we'll have to call in an

expert."  She sighed heavily.

        "What's wrong?"

        "Experts tend to be expensive," she explained.  "Especially the one
I
think we're going to have to use.  Still, the problem can't be ignored.
I'll contact you when I have something arranged, Tasuki."

        "Best news I've heard in a long time," the Suzaku warrior said,
almost
cheerfully.  "Is that it?"

        "You're dismissed," she told him.  "Oh, and Tasuki?"

        "Yeah?"

        "I may not be able to fire you," she informed him through a grim
smile,
"but I can make your life a living hell.  Which is precisely what I will
do if you appear on my show drunk again.  Understood?"

        Tasuki laughed weakly and rubbed the back of his head. "Heh heh...
sorry
about that... uh..."

        "Now beat it."

        "RIGHT!" He snapped off a quick salute, then got out of her office
as
fast as his legs could carry him. Nabiki watched his leave, then turned
towards her present bodyguard.

        "So," she said simply, "how much do you think Lina'll hold out
for?"

*  *  *  *  *

        What mortal knows the going-ons in the mind of Dan Hibiki?

        Might as well find out.

        Lying on the medical bed, swathed entirely in bandages, he is lost
in his own world. Fuzzy landscapes of many colors (but, yes, mostly pink)
glide about the abstract space of Dan's mind. It's all very disconcerting,
really. Currently...

        Dan - the Dan in Dan's mind, anyway - was standing at the edge of a
cliff, practicing his Saikyo Style... or at least, what he wished the
Saikyo Style was.

        "I am mighty!" he told himself, workin' it. "I will prove that I
possess the greatest power of all!"

        In the distance, silhouetted against a pink sky, appeared
Sephiroth. Dan's eyes narrowed, his very manly lips curling in a very manly
snarl of disdain.

        "Foolish!" he cried, pulling out an assortment of weapons - a
samurai sword, a quad-bazooka, and a chibi-Hideaki Anno doll among them,
neverminding the lack of arms he had with which to wield them. "Dan will
defeat you!"

        "Hello, Dan," came a voice. He whirled around.

        Mary was there, smiling and radiating innocence.

        "Oh. Hello, Mary." He gave her an uncertain smile. "I cannot speak
now, I'm afraid. I must vanquish Sephiroth as we agreed."

        The girl shook her head, sadly. "You're dreaming."

        "Dreaming?" He was taken aback enough to place a hand to his chest,
eyes wide. "Those words cut deep, Mary."

        "I mean, that's not Sephiroth." She pointed, and the figure in the
sky was gone. "You're not you. I mean, this isn't you. It's the way you
want you to be. Do you understand?"

        "Dan Hibiki understands all," he agreed, uncertainly.

        Mary smiled, bounding onto his shoulders for a piggy-back ride. It
was easy to defy physics inside another person's dreams. "Good! Cuz you've
got to wake up!"

        "Wake up? From what?" the warrior asked, already galloping across
the plains on all fours.

        The wind whipping her hair, Mary giggled. "From this dream, silly!
You were hurt earlier by someone on accident. Mommy told me, but I knew
already... I just didn't think you knew. So I came here to tell you while
she was busying making something work again for Miss Nabiki."

        Dan frowned, slowing. He hoisted her gingerly from his shoulders,
brow perked. "I'm lost here," he admitted.

        The girl looked up at him, and he saw many things at once.

        One, the explosion in the control room.

        Two, his body lying prone on a hospital bed.

        Three, Sephiroth, not so much an image but a feeling, the innermost
thoughts of his warped mind.

        Four, an image of a blasted, Mako-strewn world in which Sephiroth
is revered as a deity. At the feet of the fallen angel is a crumpled and
wasted Dan.

        "If you don't wake up, the whole world will be in trouble,"
continued Mary, as the images poured over him. "Everyone will be hurting
and filled with pain. You've got to fight Sephiroth tonight, and beat him!
Otherwise..."

        All of this hit Dan like a ton of pine cones. He reeled from it,
tried to take it in, give it meaning in his own words.

        "Otherwise," Mary finished, in a voice very much not her own, "what
would your father think?"

        He gasped. Memories flooded back. He could feel the weight of his
unconscious body, the stiffness caused by the restraints over his flesh. He
felt his grip on this world tearing, as his pride fought his mind for
dominance.

        "OYAJIII!" Dan screamed, sitting up. The bandages ripped, blood
flowed from lacerations, his eyes focused on the suddenly barren landscape.

        He was alone.

        A dimension away, back in her room, Mary smiled.

*  *  *  *  *

        "And we're back!" Hiroshi exclaimed.

        "We don't have anymore of those horrible commercials, do we?"
Daisuke pleaded.

        "Naw, those are all the plugs we had for tonight. There may be some
next week, though, so watch out!"

        "Ugh."

        "Now we've got just the fight to cure those Wow, A Lot Of People
Got Fired blues! The Unscheduled Gamma match between Iori, battling off
against..."

        The two consulted their card. Daisuke groaned. "I knew she seemed
familiar. She was in Beta, wasn't she?"

        "Perhaps! So why don't you announce her, man?"

        "...against Ultra's newest fighter, not on the payroll and thus
probably Nabiki's favorite in the entire federation..."

        "B.B. Hood herself!..."

        "Bulleta!" Daisuke finished, casting a curious gaze towards the
arena.

        Iori was already on his way out, looking generally miffed. Never an
amiable man by an account, the recent events of the night had grabbed ahold
of his temper and ripped it to shreds. He stomped his way into the ring,
and anyone who looked could see what mothers across the globe would tell
their kids was an "I will make the other be just sleeping" intention etched
across his face.

        Once he was settled, it was the new girl's turn to enter. Skipping
merrily, butterflies and puppy and picnic basket drawing a picture of
serenity and calm and cuteness, the audience took one more look at the two
and decided exactly on who they wanted to win.

        "Now, if I remember from Beta..." Hiroshi began.

        "...which most people do not," Daisuke interrupted, "due to some
very strange discrepencies..."

        "...Bulleta's skills are best suited for a Hardcore match, in which
she tends to utilize anything from rocket launchers to land mines. But
she's requested a traditional Gamma tonight. An interesting tactic."

        The girl produced a microphone from her basket, smiling shyly. "I
don't want to sink to my attacker's level. I'll fight him properly, in the
combative style he's used to, and win back the honor of my Grandma."

        The crowd cheered at this, while it was all Iori could do to wait
for the ref's signal.

        "Well, the audience seems to like her style," Daisuke remarked.
"Okay, there's the signal, this fight has started!"


][ Unscheduled GAMMA MATCH
][ Bulleta vs. Iori
][ FIGHT!


        "I don't know what reason you have for this," Iori told her, the
Yagami flames roaring to life, "but I intend to finish it quickly."

        "Oh, no," she said, putting her hands to her face. Her puppy yapped
excitedly. "You're really mean, aren't you? Well... prepare yourself. Here
I come!"

        The audience leaned forward. Iori's eyes widened, preparing for the
blows.

        "La la la la la..." she sang, skipping leisurely.

        "Iori may be a prick," Hiroshi commented, "but who can hit
something as cute as that?"

        "IYAAAAA!" came the screech that proved just how big a prick the
Yagami boy REALLY is. Bulleta doubled over, and clutching her stomach. Iori
stood above her, withdrawing his fist.

        "This is an insult," he informed her, planting a foot solidly on
her back and ignoring the wild sea of boos spilling through the crowd. "Try
and get up, and I will tear through you like another of those ugly little
butterflies."

        The ref had started the ten count. Bulleta struggled beneath his
weight, but couldn't gather herself enough to make it to her feet.

        "Five... six..." counted the referee.

        "And it looks like this may be a very short match," Hiroshi called.
"Is Bulleta down and out already?"

        "Seven... eight... nine..."

        Iori sneered, rolling his eyes.

        And collapsed in a heap of moaning misery.

        Bulleta hopped to her feet, tossing aside the steel mallet she'd
bashed into his crotch. The crowd cheered, evidentally willing to overlook
the less-than-honorable attack on such a bastard. The ref blinked, not
having exactly caught it all in the speed of the attack, and started the
ten count over.

        "Oh," Daisuke mumbled, crossing his legs. "Ow."

        "Uh huh," agreed his partner, squirming uncomfortably.

        Flames flared around Iori's hands. He jumped to his feet, eyes
glowing redhot hatred. Bulleta piku'd, glancing around to see who he was
staring at in such a mean way...

        "You are dead!" he shouted, fists flashing through the air. Bulleta
shrieked, her basket blocking the first blow, which sent him howling in
pain. The distraction didn't last long; if there was one thing Iori was
used to in the heat of rage, it was pain.

        "Looks like that basket's made out of sturdy stuff," Hiroshi noted,
just for the hell of it.

        The beating continued, Bulleta managing to parry every few strikes
with the bottom of her basket. Most of them struck her shoulder, her arms,
or her face, and the boos and hisses got louder with landed punch. Her
puppy cowered, paws over its eyes. Shrieking, tears in her own, she
continued to be pressed backwards about the ring.

        Until she was where she needed to be.

        Snatching up the mallet, she blocked a few more of his attacks
before swinging it overhead with one hand, a dark, sadistic gleam in her
eyes. As the huge hammer sped towards Iori's skull with the sickening
speed, Daisuke felt his blood run cold. The head of the blunt object
slammed into the mat, effectively bludgeoning through it. Iori had rolled
to the right, eyes wide in shock.

        Bulleta, still holding onto the massive handle, snapped her fingers
in disappointment.

        "Did... you see that?" Daisuke whispered to his friend, covering
his mic with a hand. "She... the look on her face..."

        "Shhhh!" Hiroshi growled. "This is good stuff." Into the mic he
continued, "And Iori shows that he hasn't lasted in Ultra this long for
nothing!"

        This time, Bulleta took the offensive. Where once had been a kawaii
face of innocence was now a mask of determination, and although the look
that had chilled Daisuke was gone, this one was disturbing as well. Iori
leapt about, evading by the skin of his teeth as she swiped the mallet
about in front of her with sickening ease, closing the distance between him
off and on. Iori began to perspire severely, his chest heaving, the flames
on his hands burning in rage. He attempted to leap above the mallet's
swing, but Bulleta adjusted enough to keep him at bay even then, leaping
nimbly to one side.

        "Looks like Iori's finally got that serious fight he always says
he's looking for," Hiroshi continued, watching the one-sided exchange. "He
can't even get close to her!"

        The words rang through the Yagami's ears. The pressure having
built, he finally snapped.

        "No more of this!" he roared, and charged directly into the strike
zone. Bulleta heaved the mallet at him, jarred as he caught it with both
hands. Adrenaline pushing through his veins, he tossed the weapon
carelessly aside, ignoring the split skin on his palms and fingers, the
flames blazing.

        The mallet flipped over her head, slamming hard into a turnbuckle.
Bulleta half-turned, her concentration broken, and Iori had his opening.
Slamming one fist into her gut and the other into her pretty little face,
he grinned devilishly in satisfied as he felt her body give way. Her
red-hooded figure flew across the ring, knocked violently into the
ringpost, which snapped under the sudden two-hit assault.

        She lay there, slumped and unmoving. Iori extinguished his flames,
glowering silently.

        The UltraDome shook with dissatisfaction from the crowd as the ref
began another ten count. Hiroshi and Daisuke exchanged looks, and the more
energetic of the duo leaned into his microphone. "And it looks like that
was it. Iori's defeated Bulleta!"

        Sneering, the boy of Yagami blood turned his back. This was his
mistake.

        "G..."

        He turned, expression incredulous.

        "GRANDMAAAAAA!"

        Bulleta stood, turnbuckle in one hand, she was on top of Iori
before he could so much as put his guard up. Her free hand gripping the
front of his tunic, he was yanked skyward with her, subjected to beatings
too fast to catch by the untrained eye. The two were airborn in a furious
battle that seemed to last hours instead of seconds, ending when she booted
him with both feet at the incoming ground.

        The impact would have rendered him instantly unconscious, but he
managed to right himself enough so that he landed on one knee, teeth
clacking together hard enough to draw blood from his tongue.

        Bulleta then bashed into him from above, turnbuckle first, and he
hit the mat. Bulleta landed ungracefully herself, but managed to giggle it
off, her face once again the shining example of all things innocent. The
crowd roared.

        "And the ref completes the ten count," Hiroshi narrated. "Wow. I've
been here a while, and even I have to admit, that was pretty unusual.
Whatcha think, Dai?"

        "..." was all his buddy had to say. His face was drawn, watching as
Bulleta soaked in the applause in bashful silence.

        "Okay then! We're kind of squeezing for time as it is, so our next
match will be up shortly... hang on a second. Both Nabiki AND Jack have
just shown up on the scene!"

        Striding out into the arena, Nabiki climbed into the busted ring
using Naga's cleavage as elevation. Jack tried the same thing with Lina,
and was Fireballed his way ringside instead.

        "Oh!" Bulleta cried, barely avoiding the spiky-haired projectile.
"It's the nice man who let me avenge my Grandma's snacks! Domo arigatou
gozaimasu!!!"

        "Sure thing, kiddo," he wheezed in return, putting out a few flames
on his tie. "Actually, I think we ought to be the ones thanking you. That
was quite a show, and it looks like the crowd is lovin' ya."

        "Me?" she asked, putting her hands to her cheeks, which flushed
bright red. The crowd roared unanimously (except for one or two goth
girls).

        "In fact, I think you might just have a future with us." Jack
glanced at his companion, grinning. "But before you answer, keep in mind
that I have abandonment issues. You wanna do the honor, Beek?"

        Nabiki didn't waste any time with the pleasantries. "As the CEO of
the one and only Ultra, I would like to present you with a contract to join
our federation."

        "Wha'?" she asked, completely scarlet. "Me? You want me? Oh my!
Grandma must be so proud!!"

        "So is that a yes, kid?" asked Jack.

        "Hai!" she called, hopping in place. "Hai! Hai! Hai! I'd love to!"

        Nabiki held out a contract and pen, ordering Jack to spin around.
Bulleta, giggling the entire time, signed her signature into it... and
partially into the spiky-haired booker's back, as well.

        "Mmf!" he yelped, jumping away. "Watch it when you dot those I's!"

        Nabiki looked over the contract, her face firmly satisfied. "Okay,
you're on. We'll see you next week."

        "Waiiii!" she shrieked, fists doubling up under her chin as she
skipped out of the ring and backstage, puppy and butterflies on her heels
as always. The crowd watched her exit with wild applause.

        "And so a new fighter joins the mix," Hiroshi crowed. "You never
know WHAT'S gonna happen around here! We've gotta go, but we'll have our
main event, right after this!"

        Jack was following Nabiki off-camera and back towards her office,
still rubbing at his back. "Mind if I check that out, Beekster? Seeing as
half of it's grafted into my spine, and all. You're sure there aren't any
of those bogus Yaga deals in this one, right?"

        She handed it over, her eyes flat. He double-checked the fine
print, the stuff about salary, and the signature.

        The last one struck him as odd.

        "She signed with your pen, didn't she?" he asked.

        "Yeah."

        He peered closer, gave a little sniff.

        "...Then why does the ink smell like blood?"

*  *  *  *  *

        "Mary?" Washuu called, peeking into her foster daughter's room. She
was huddled up with her Dan dolly, eyes having adopted that far away look
normal girls usually have when they're dreaming about the guy they'll marry
one day, or the horsie they really wish they had.

        "Mmm?" Mary asked, startled out of her thoughts. "Yes, Mommy?"

        "Stay here," Washuu said, face and voice stern. "I have to head to
the UltraDome to replace some equipment, but I won't be long."

        "Okay, Mommy," Mary agreed, eyes still miles off.

        Sighing, the super genius took to her trans-dimensional device.
Being the parent of Mary wasn't easy... not that parenting is ever easy,
but to a child that at times seemed eons ahead of her in maturity and
reason, it was understandably less so.

        She knew she should spend more time with her, talking to her,
finding out what makes her tick... but what scared her about this prospect
was that it was not a scientific one, but fully emotional and spiritual.
These were never quite Washuu's strong points.

        The replacement parts in hand, the greatest mind in the galaxy (and
the body that went with it) shivered into existence in the control room of
the UltraDome. Snagging a few tools out of a handy vortex, she set to work
restoring the UltraCams... and heard something.

        Instinctively, she put up her shields. Her eyes narrow, she scoured
the depths of the room for any sign of life, and heard it again. A moaning,
just on the edge of hearing. It sounded to be getting closer. Whatever had
destroyed the machine wasn't done yet...

        On her feet, she popped on a pair of night goggles, peering into
the room. Nothing but debris and computer work. She turned, heart beating,
and shrieked at the sight of a hideous pile of... pink.

        Well, there went that mystery.

        Prodding the mass with her foot, she hissed, "Hey. Dan, what's with
you? Aren't you supposed to be in the medical ward? I mean, jeez, you look
terrible! What would Nabiki say if she saw you like this?"

        His face turned up to hers, bloody and drained. But drawn in
determination.

        "I need your help," he whispered.

*  *  *  *  *

        The commercials finished up. The show was back.

        Instead of a live feed, it went immediately to the video package.
Dan and Sephiroth back to back, gazing into the distance.

        In the UltraDome, two clones were beginning to perspire furiously.

        "We don't have to tell them, do we?" Hiroshi whispered, hand firmly
over his microphone.

        "God, I hope not," Daisuke answered.

        The video package ended, and the crowd went nuts. Several "I'M A
DAN FAN!" and "HE'S *MY* ONE WINGED ANGEL!" signs started waving, the audio
level actually threatening to tilt the Earth's axis.

        Hiroshi and Daisuke, feeling very, very frightened, went to their
microphones.

        "That's right," Hiroshi croaked, taking the point. "The Battle For
Honor between our very own Dan Hibiki and Sephiroth..."

        The crowd cheered louder.

        "...will not be seen tonight."

        More cheers... then confused, stunned silence.

        Daisuke cleared his throat nervously. "Um. You see, Dan was
severely wounded before the show, and needs his rest. Instead, we bring you
a feud of bitter lovers..." The boos had already begun. "Oh, to hell with
it," he grumbled. "Just start the damn fight."

        The UltraTron flickered to life slowly, as if sharing embarrassment
with its commentators. The scene depicted was simply yet another barren
wasteland, number Eight Hundred Thirty Four, in fact; they were simple and
cheap to use, and Jack had booked it on the theory that the match would
have enough emotional stimulation to make it work.

        There was no Pink Wonder present. Instead, there stood a very smug
Sephiroth, and opposite him, an equally smug B-Ko. Ifurita stood between
them in her ref's uniform, impartial as always.

        "This is not nearly what I was expecting," she told the UltraPod.
"She's not even wearing her battle suit." The audience roared its
agreement.

        "Nonetheless," Hiroshi choked out, "this will be a fight to
remember! These two lovers, now embittered enemies in a match that will
shake the sky and earth...!"

        "...and end after ten seconds with B-Ko taking a fall," Daisuke
predicted.

        "Let's get this over with," Ifurita said, raising her arm. "Begin!"

][ Disappointing replacement OMEGA MATCH
][ Sephiroth vs. B-Ko
][ FIGHT!

        Sephiroth drew the Masamune, leveling it before him. "Are you
prepared?" he asked, sweeping into a too-grand battle stance.

        B-Ko put up her fists, but it was obviously just for show. "Come
and get me," she returned.

        The bishounen drew back, sword at the ready, and took his first
step forward.

        "OYAJIIIIIIII!"

        Sephiroth hauled over face first, eating dirt. "Gah. It can't
be..."

        Rolling his way into the fray, trailing pink bandages, was none
other than Dan Hibiki. Washuu stood beside him, casually closing up her
handy portal, and gave Sephiroth a tight smile. The audience went crazy.

        "Oh, thank God, we won't be lynched," Hiroshi breathed. "I mean,
Dan has made his way into the pocket dimension!"

        "But is he in a good enough condition to fight?" Daisuke wondered,
eyeing the warrior on the monitor. "He looks pretty..."

        "Dan is ready to show the world the superiority of the Saikyo
Style!" announced the ponytailed fighter himself, although he was wiping
his eyes with a crusty bandage while he did so. "Call the match, Ifurita!"

        "No way!" B-Ko screamed, glowering to the entourage at large. "I'm
supposed to fight here!"

        "I was scheduled for a match with her," Sephiroth agreed, having
regained his feet. "You lost your chance, boy."

        "It is my opinion," Ifurita input, "that he is no condition to
fight. He would not last long."

        Dan ignored this sound advice. His forearm was already up and
shaking. "So, you admit to being afraid of my might. Understandable! But I
will not allow you to shame yourself by cowering away from this fight!"

        "Hey guy, nice to have you back," Jack's voice said, filtered
through some speakers. "Had me worried for a minute. Anyway, yeah, B-Ko, go
take a hike. The ring's all yours, kid."

        The transmission cut. Sephiroth frowned deeply, his somber eyes
narrow. Then, beyond Dan, he made out a wavery form of a small girl,
watching the fun with wide and interested eyes.

        "So be it," he agreed, turning to Ifurita. "Signal for this farce
to begin. It won't last long."

        Hesitating a moment more, Ifurita obediently raised her arm once
again. This time, it was for keeps.

][ OMEGA MATCH
][ Dan vs. Sephiroth
][ FIGHT!

        "GADOUKEN!" screamed the tattery, barely held together Pink One.

        "Comet," countered his opponent smartly, flying around the burst of
pink energy and instantly gaining the upperhand. The projectile piffled
into nothing just beyond him as giant orbital rocks hailed from the sky.

        The blazing comets pummeled the ground on and about Dan, sending
dust into the sky and shaking the wasteland itself. Sephiroth stood his
ground, ignoring B-Ko's wailing as she thrashed about, attempting to keep
herself upright.

        ("This is lookin' bad," Hiroshi said, stating the obvious
infallibly.

        "Sephiroth wasted no time in dishing out the pain on that one,"
agreed Daisuke.)

        The barrage stopped eventually, the wind scattering the dust to the
sky. As it parted, it was possible to make out the figure of Dan Hibiki -
still standing, and wrapped in pink fighting aura.

        "You think that was enough to stop the great Saikyo Style?" he
shouted, and launched into another assault, fists at the ready.

        Sephiroth hovered easily over him, his expression humorless. Before
Dan could halt his momentum and about-face, the silvery haired bishounen
sent a blast of lightning straight at his back. The master and only
practitioner of the Saikyo Style hit the ground hard, gagging slightly on
dust.

        "This is pathetic," the sorcerer said, sounding almost a lament. "I
was hoping for a better display than this."

        Dan wasn't back on his feet yet, but he faced skyward, gritting his
teeth. "We're not through here! Don't think you can hide behind your magic
forever!"

        "I do not hide behind anything," Sephiroth growled, magical energy
crackling about him. An Ice Three spell appeared directly overhead, and
would have encased Dan in an unmoving prison if he hadn't tossed himself
gracelessly forward, eating another facefull of dust and smoke. He gagged
harshly, mouth dry, eyes sightless for the tears. Sephiroth felt he could
have laughed at the sight... but he knew Mary was watching him, and for
some reason that made a difference.

        That realization unnerved him. What difference did she make? Once
she was his, he would easily be able to make her see his superior candidacy
for the godhead's powers! She was nothing more than a tool! She was
NOTHING--

        "DAN DAN BOOT TO THE HEAD!" cried the pink warrior, launching
himself bodily at his opponent. Not able to recover in time, Sephiroth was
only able to make sure he parried with his shoulder so that his head did
not take the brunt of the punishment. Hitting the ground, he instantly
whirled on his attacker, the flat of his blade glancing across the back of
his neck. Dan was down, choking up puddles of blood.

        "You're nothing compared to my man," B-Ko snickered, from atop a
nearby sand dune. "Finish this and let's go home, Sephy."

        "What happened to that bit about lovers turned enemies?" Washuu
asked, smirking.

        "Aw, shut up! We don't have to farce it anymore! This is all almost
finished, anyway!"

        "Indeed," Sephiroth agreed, posing himself for the kill. One good
slash, and this fool would trouble him no more...

        Dan watched him, putting up no defense. The fallen angel sneered.
"What are you doing, fool? Do you truly want to die? Or are you going to
taunt me again, to show everyone just how worthless you are?"

        The Saikyo master's hands curled into fists. He heard these insults
only vaguely; he was looking beyond his enemy, to the phantom image of a
little girl sitting innocently on the blasted ground. It wasn't just Mary
that he saw; in her he saw his own pride, his own dreams, and perhaps most
importantly, he saw his Oyaji's eyes.

        "I will not lose to you," Dan announced, taking up his fighting
stance. "Come at me! DOSHITA DOSHITA!"

        "Feh. This is the final blow," Sephiroth declared in return,
readying his sword. In a blur of motion, he was charging.

        Dan's body was nearly numb. The toll was already being paid... but
he had a wellspring of energy inside him. He could tap it... he could do
this... he wouldn't let his Oyaji down!

        "GADOOOUUUUUU--"

        Pain suddenly flared from his side. His muscles knotted,
constricted, and the wound split open. Sephiroth dashed into range, forcing
a heavy dose of pure energy into his opponent's body. Blackness burst
behind Dan's eyes, and he crumpled to the ground.

        "Oya..ji.." he croaked, and blacked out.

        "DAN!" cried Mary from the sidelines, solidifying. Washuu started,
turning to her with eyes wide.

        "What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to stay home?" she
snapped, catching the girl in her arms. Mary squealed and waggled her
little limbs in Dan's direction, trying to break her mother's hold.

        "I have to get to him!" she screamed, flailing helplessly as would
any normal girl. "Dan! Dan!"

        Ifurita had already started the ten count. Sephiroth stood nearby,
watching it through to the finish.

        "Four... Five..."

        "Mommy, let me go! LET ME GO!"

        "Six... Seven..."

        Washuu shook her foster daughter sharply, tears springing to her
eyes. "Damn it, Mary! I keep telling you not to put yourself in danger! Why
won't you ever listen to me?"

        "Eight... Nine..."

        Mary finally broke free, running as quickly as her small legs could
carry her. In her panic, it didn't occur to her to simply appear next to
her champion, or heal him from afar. She was, in that moment, just a little
girl afraid for her friend.

        Sephiroth turned, blocking her way. It seemed Ifurita ended the
count sadly, if she was at all capable of such a thing.

        "Ten."

*  *  *  *  *

        Across the globe, whether they were watching the fight or not,
everyone felt a sudden sensation of loss. No one quite knew why, but they
all felt something in the air that called for it.

        Yuffie and Dark Schneider, for example, suddenly felt their had
popcorn gone stale. Gary and Marlo stopped in the middle quarreling over
the last hot dog long enough to realize they could split it. Lina and Naga
restrained from blasting each other with anything deadlier than a Fireball
for the rest of the day. Ash and Li Ping fell silent in the middle of an
argument, fidgeting nervously with their cameras as they watched the fight
wordlessly.

        This happened everywhere, for truly, the whole of fate was resting
in the balance. And it seemed to be decided.

*  *  *  *  *

        In Blasted Wasteland Eight Hundred Thirty Four, Sephiroth smiled.
He let Mary run past him, in her fallen savior's direction; he knew she
would keep her word. She was now his... and soon, so would be all of
creation.

        "Dan," Mary whispered, sinking to her knees by his side. She closed
her eyes, fighting her clouded emotions to be able to heal him. Washuu had
dashed after her, kneeling at her side. She just wanted to grab her child
and get out of here, away from all of this.

        But there was Dan, broken and defeated...

        "It is done," Sephiroth said, smiling to B-Ko. She smiled back,
although without the same amount of conviction. As he slipped his arm
around her, she felt her body tighten, chill...

        "Why does this feel so weird?" she asked, to no one in particular.
Her lover drew back, watching her dourly.

        Ifurita watched closely as the girl was watching Dan, trying to
gather herself enough to heal him. "Should I call the medical team?" she
asked, startling Mary. The little girl looked at her in surprise. "I don't
think he can hold on much longer."

        "He'll be fine!" Mary cried, and turned back, forcing herself back
under control as much as she could. She reached out to restore him but he
was already standing.

        The cry of "OYAJIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" filled the air. Sephiroth whirled
about, jaw slack, at the half-dead figure that stood before him. Dan's arms
were drawn against his abdomen as if he were about to release a Gadouken,
although his legs were shaking just from the effort it took to keep him
standing. Pink bandages whipped behind him, very unmanly tears of pain and
emotion awash on his cheeks.

        ("Dear Kami-sama," Hiroshi cried. "Dan's back up on his own!"

        The audience's roars were deafening.)

        "I will NOT..." Dan breathed sharply, wincing at the pain, "bring
shame... to my Oyaji!"

        Sephiroth stared, fingering the hilt of his sword. He opened his
mouth to shut him up, the match was over, Mary was his!

        But beyond him was Washuu, her face tight with internal strife and
maternal instinct. Ifurita watched dispassionately, but with her staff
raised, worry for the wheezing, defeated fighter etched subtly in her
emotionless demeanor. B-Ko was at his side, her expression blank, one hand
curled up at her chest. There was Dan, radiating nothing, no longer
spouting nonsense about his pride or his style, but still on his feet,
unwilling to let his father down.

        And beyond them all, he could see Mary, no longer the godhead but a
little girl in awe. What truly shocked him is that it wasn't Dan she was in
awe of.

        She knew his decision before he did.

        Sephiroth turned to Ifurita, his hand falling to his side. "I
must," he found himself saying, "forfeit this match."

        Dan's jaw sagged. He hit the ground in a large dust cloud, but
somehow managed to work up the energy to roll about in victory. His final
words before hitting an all-new level of unconsciousness were,
"Rar..a..rara...rawheeeeze."

        "The ten count has already been concluded," Ifurita said,
uncertainly. "You cannot--"

        "Nevertheless, I have," he repeated, sternly. "Dan Hibiki has...
defeated... mm."

        "What was that?" the referee asked, leaning in.

        Sephiroth growled. "I said... Dan Hibiki has defeated mmmmm!"

        "That what I thought," Ifurita agreed, hovering over to Washuu and
Mary, who was placing her hands gently on Dan's side. The crusted blood
disappeared, wounds mending in the blink of an eye.

        "He'll be fine now," Mary breathed, with a little smile. "I'm glad
I could help him, though."

        "You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?" Washuu asked,
shaking her head. "Mary... I'm not used to not understanding what's going
on. But I think I'm starting to pick it up pretty quickly from you."

        The girl looked up, smiling still. "It's... I guess it is hard to
explain in words. Some people, I think, like Dan... they're happiest when
they know they need to train more. It's um, what was that big word you
taught me?"

        She thought. "Um. Inspiration?"

        "Yep!" Mary grinned, both at her, and at her favoritest fighter in
the whole world. "I think, right now, Dan's the happiest he's ever been. I
just wanted... to help him feel that way."

        "I guess if anyone would know, it'd be you," Washuu said, sounding
completely drained. "Mary, now you have to listen to me. Sephiroth..."

        "I think he made a big step today," the girl agreed, as if this is
exactly what her Mommy had been about to say. "Ne?" she added, peering
over.

        Sephiroth watched her a moment more, frowned deeply, and
disappeared.

        B-Ko heaved a sigh, turning to follow her lover out of the pocket
dimension. On her way out she murmured quietly, "That was WAY emotionally
out of my league."

        With that, Wasteland Eight Hundred Thirty Four was left to a
referee, a scientist, the world's only Saikyo fighter, and a little girl
with the power of God.

*  *  *  *  *

        The UltraTron itself turned off, leaving nothing but a brief
afterimage.

        "Well. A very good showing by Dan on that one," Hiroshi summed up.
The crowd scattered applause, a bit unsure of what had just happened. "I
gotta admit, though... I'm confused here. What just happened? Why'd
Sephiroth forfeit after he won?"

        "Maybe it'll reveal itself in future installments," Daisuke mused.
"I hate following up on stuff like this. Think we ought to just close out?"

        "I think so," Hiroshi agreed, turning to the cameras. "Alright, you
lucky viewers, make sure you all tune in this fall to Work With Me,
Daisuke! That show's gonna be a blast!"

        "You just HAD to mention that, didn't you?"

        "And until next week," Hiro continued, "good fight, good night!"

        "...I mean, what the hell, isn't he supposed to be out training?!"


*  *  *  *  *

        The UltraDome was almost quiet. Things were being put back
together, the night crew was arriving for duty, the stars and other famous
personalities were heading for home. No one saw Sephiroth or B-Ko after
their exit on screen, but Dan had been wheeled back to the medical ward to
get what his body sorely needed; a full night's sleep. The ring had been
reassembled, the UltraCams fixed, the kitchen mended once Ash had finally
remembered his Steelix and ran to recall it.

        Having handed in his camera, the young Pokemon trainer stopped
short as Li Ping rounded a corner, heading for the other exit.

        "You were the worst damn partner I ever worked with," was not what
Ash said. "Jeez, I hope I never see your face again," was likewise not
spoken through his lips. He didn't even shout "What do you want?" Instead,
he just kind of looked away and said, "Hey."

        "Uh, yeah. Hey." The American martial artist gave him a cursory,
uncertain look. "Uh... Catch ya later."

        "You know," Ash began before he could get too far, "you're a lot
less obnoxious out of the damn ring."

        Li Ping paused. "Um. Look, I know this isn't going to change
anything... but you were pretty cool back there, when Iori attacked that
Bulleta chick."

        Ash floundered momentarily, and sank into glum silence.

        "I'm just saying," the pigtailed teen went on. "Anyway, looking
forward to our rematch."

        The boy stood wonderingly until Li Ping's footfalls died off.
"Whatever," he finally muttered, stalking down the hallway himself.

*  *  *  *  *

        Iori seethed in his own personal sea of hatred.

        Bursting through the Exit hard enough to knock both doors off their
hinges, he stalked into the night, flames flickering up and around his
wrists.

        He felt like hurting someone. Preferably someone named Bulleta, but
he wasn't going to be picky.

        An unlucky pedestrian was meandering his way, his outline caught in
the light of the stars and the flicker of Iori's own flames. The Yagami
teen stood, waiting, rage flaring behind his eyes...

        The Great Yaga emerged from the shadows, smiling.

        "So," he said, arms crossed over his chest. "What do you think
about my offer now?"

*  *  *  *  *

        "No hard feelings?"

        "No hard feelings," Daisuke agreed, rubbing at the back of his
head. "Just a random burst of jealousy, I guess. I'll see ya around."

        "Yup." Hiroshi rattled his keys, grinning as he and Rei headed for
the door. Waiting for the sound off the door slamming, Daisuke turned back
to the television in his dressing room, fast-forwarding through most of the
night's action.

        When it came to Bulleta's match, he stopped.

        The cameras had managed to pick up everything... until she brought
out the mallet against Iori. The look that had given him the shivers was
either out hidden beneath the shadows of her hood, or the cameras had
caught her at a completely different angle.

        It picked up again after Iori was down for the count, her cutesy
innocent expression back in place. Daisuke sat back in his chair, musing.

        No one else seems to have caught that look, he speculated. Was I
imagining it? Or... does she just REALLY know what she's doing?

        Something about that second prospect seemed extremely creepy.

*  *  *  *  *

EPISODE 74 RECAP:
][ SOFIA is a SLUT
][ SOFIA and JOHNNY CAGE are very ANNOYING
][ HIROSHI is making BANK
][ LILITH is enrolled in CATHOLIC SCHOOL for no apparent REASON
][ RANMA is taking a LEAVE OF ABSENCE to TRAIN
][ LI PING and ASH make pretty good CAMERAMEN
][ SHINGO ADMITS to CHEATING
][ SABOTAGE OCCURS
][ DUO defeats TASUKI
][ There are STRANGE OMISSIONS surrounding TASUKI'S CAREER
][ MORRIGAN and HAOHMARU are now TEAM ENLIGHTENMENT
][ HIROSHI refers to GARY and MARLO as THE DEFENDERS OF YOUTH
][ GARY and MARLO dislike this title GREATLY
][ TEAM ENLIGHTENMENT defeat THE DEFENDERS OF YOUTH
][ GARY and MARLO decide to knock YAGA down a NOTCH
][ SAGAT turns down YAGA
][ IORI turns down YAGA
][ BULLETA is either very CUNNING or very very CLUELESS
][ BULLETA defeats IORI
][ BULLETA joins ULTRA
][ IORI may now rethink YAGA'S DEAL
][ VEGA defeats MOUSSE and ROADBUSTERS in a HARDCORE FOUR-WAY
][ VEGA retains HARDCORE BELT
][ VEGA DID THIS with a LITTLE HELP from NABIKI
][ SEPHIROTH defeats DAN
][ MARY shows SEPHIROTH there is more to life than POWER
][ MARY helps DAN become very HAPPY
][ SEPHIROTH FORFEITS after his WIN
][ THIS does not affect STATS

*  *  *  *  *

Author's Notes.

Well, here we go. My very first ULTRA, and hopefully not my last. Now, just
to get the few requisite "Damn, I wish I'd done that better" crap out of
the way...

If I had one regret, it'd be that I didn't manage my time properly, and
thusly had to cram much of it in at the last possible minute. A few scenes
had to be cut, some of them had to be shortened, and I couldn't do as much
proofreading as I wanted... but hell, it's all a learning experience.

That said, I had hella fun with this chapter when I wasn't busy imploding
under the pressure. I wanna give some props real quick: To Lurker for
Marlo/Gary fight scene, to Grayson Towler, for the Tasuki/Duo fight scene
and Tasuki/Nabiki office scene, Twoflower for being patient, Atom for the
DDR commercial for proofreading, Jekka for proofreading, Scott for the
Shingo/Ash idea, James for showing me all the character moves I needed to
write them out, Cesar aka The Coolest Man Alive (who graduated tonight, by
the way; three cheers for The Man) for cutting a deal with me and mowing my
lawn so I could finish this damn thing on time, and everyone in the
Improfanfic chat room, to whom I turned whenever I wasn't sure what an
appropriate move would be in a certain situation or what a certain
character's favorite flavor of yogurt is.

Basically, I hope I've created an enjoyable Ultra episode. Oh, and for one
final note; I was working with Grayson on quite a few of the plot threads
contained herein. Tasuki's was completely his idea, so if you like the
direction it's going (and you SHOULD), tell him, not me. The man is a
mountain of ideas.

Until next time.

-Zach Grafton

*  *  *  *  *

        "It's okay, I think he's gone."

        "Are you sure? He sure was looking at me funny..."

        "Arooo!"

        "Good God, Blanka's on the loose again!"