And then the world ended. Explosions tore through the fabric of reality, tearing planets from their orbits, ripping people screaming from their mortal existence. Subsections of space boiled away into nothing as the silent death throes of the universe wailed into the endless void... Wait a minute. Oh, sorry -- that's at UltraRage Omega, next season. My bad. I'll start over. And then the plushie Pikachu dropped back on top of the pile. Much better. Anyway... "Stupid machine!" Ash growled, punching it with his loaded 'I'm a leather and metal totin' bad boy!' gloves. The UFO Catcher machine rocked, the crane wobbling as it winched back up to the top of the plexiglass box containing all those lovely prizes. It mocked him, if it was possible for an inanimate, unintelligent object to mock someone. He'd been hammering at the thing, figuratively and literally, for ten minutes now and was rapidly running out of tokens. Giovanni kept him rolling in the arcade tokens since it kept him happy (even if the elder Pokemon poacher was starting to wonder why he still employed Ash.) Still, he tried to ration them out, and today's supply was almost gone. One more try, Ash Ketchum thought, sliding a token into the slot. The crane moves left... The crane moves back... The crane descends... ...and doesn't even grab the Pikachu, missing completely. "ARGH!!" he Arghed in absolute frustration. "Stupid lousy no good annoying tin can--" "Which one did you want?" "The Pikachu," Ash said, pointing to it. "But the lousy--" There was a soft POP! sound, and the stuffed Pikachu fell an inch from thin air to land in his hand perfectly. Ash stared at it a moment, then turned to face the person who had addressed him. "Does that make you happy?" Mary asked, not sarcastic, but curious. "Did that help? I used my power to get you something you wanted--" "You.. just sorta waved your hands and poof, took it from the machine?" Ash asked, a bit puzzled. "Uh-huh. It's a tiny thing, really. I could do much more than that, but lately I'm not sure I--" "That's... that's STEALING!" Ash realized. He frowned, and held out the Pikachu for Mary to take back. "I don't want this thing! You cheated and didn't win it the way you're supposed to. I don't like cheaters! You.... uh... err..." His towering righteous rage boiled down to the lowest setting on your toaster when the girl started to cry. "...I'm sorry," Mary mumbled. "I just... I just want to make people happy. But I don't know how. I didn't mean to do anything wrong... I guess that was cheating, wasn't it... I'm so sorry, I'll put it back!" The dolly POP!ed out of Ash's hand, and reappeared on the top of the pile inside the machine. "Uh... thank you?" Ash said, not sure how to deal with this. He rubbed a hand behind his head. "I don't think I've ever had anybody apologize after I told them they were cheating before... most just yell at me..." Mary wiped away a few tears, shutting down the waterworks. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't know lately. I thought I knew when I was at the museum, but that way could be dangerous if I do what I was thinking of doing... I don't even know if it would work, and... uh... I'm sorry. I'll go now--" "W-wait!" Ash said, waving his arms. "It's okay! I mean, you apologized and you put it back, and that's the right thing to do, so... it's okay. You don't have to run away. ...how come you're not mad at me? Most people get really mad when I point out they're cheating." "But I was cheating. That's the problem," Mary replied. "It's cheating to just give someone something they want. You were right, Ash." "Ash? You know me?" "Sure! You're on Ultra all the time. It's my favorite show," she said, smiling and brightening a little. "I used to watch it all the time with my mommy, but... I kinda ran away from home. I don't have a TV anymore. But I try to show up in person to watch." Ash focused a bit, searching his memory. "You're... Washuu's daughter, right? I think I've seen you around now and then. You mean you ran away from Washuu's lab? Why?" "I don't know anymore," Mary admitted, hanging her head in defeat. "I thought I was going out to learn what to do with myself, but... Sephiroth wasn't teaching me everything, either. Now I don't know what to do..." "Uh... how about if we get an ice cream soda?" Ash suggested, pointing to the Soda / Slurpee / Frozen Headache and Body Fat Inducing Snack Counter at the back of the arcade. "Maybe I can help. It's on me! I'm paid a lot by Team Rocket. I mean, unless you don't wanna..." "Ice cream?" she asked, looking up. "Really..?" Don't blow this, Ash, he thought to himself. This is the first person who hasn't called you an 'annoying little brat' and stomped off in weeks... "Ice cream," he confirmed, smiling back. "C'mon, it's on me." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T The office of Controversial Jack floated along in the middle of Tokyo Bay, supported by pontoons. He ignored the way his coffee sloshed over the edge of his mug as the platform rocked with the waves, and enjoyed the fresh sea air. "I tell you, Nuku-Nuku, I've got the best job in the world," Jack said, raising his clipboard high in triumph. "BEHOLD! UltraRage Theta! And I barely had to lift a finger to get it done, half the matches were booked weeks in advance!" "That's very good, Jack-san!" Nuku-Nuku replied, as she waved a large palm leaf fan in his direction. "You're a genius bookie!" "Booker, Nuku. Bookies make gambling bets. Hmmm. Actually, it doesn't take a genius to whip up this kind of card... even that feeb Yaga could do this. All I did was fill in some blanks..." "Ano... so you're not a genius bookend?" "Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm above the average," Jack replied as he nudged his Aeron chair away so he could pace around his floating office platform. (The ergonomic and highly expensive chair rolled right off the edge and sank into Tokyo Bay, where it would be found by highly advanced robotic archaeologists two thousand years later and give them entirely the wrong idea of us as a species.) "Well above the average! But... I feel my inner controversy flickering like a tributary candle in the wind, Nuku-chan. When the shows write themselves, what fun can I have?" "Weren't you complaining about that last time?" "Eh?" "Well, last pay per view, you went off to meditate and stuff. And there was that shrine of televisions in the basement. And... um.. stuff." "More observant than anybody gives you credit for, as usual," Jack replied with a mad grin. "Remind me to give you a bonus in your catnip allowance." "Wai!" "And it's quite true. In fact, that's where I really was two weeks ago; meditating upon my Controversial nature, AWAY from the UltraDome. My nature needs opposition, Nuku-Nuku. A fertile ground to romp in and the freedom to do so! Granted, Yaga has provided me some nice opposition to work against... he was a pushover at first but lately he's been getting better and better at working around me. Hmph, the nerve of that old fart, changing my beloved dual flaming barbed wire explosive C4 intradimensional ladder match!" "But I thought you said the fire marshall of Tokyo was going to throw you in jail if you--" "Indeed, I am hitting a wall in terms of the intensity of Controversy I can achieve," Jack said, as he continued to pace. "In this environment, I have reached my limits. I need to get in touch with my inner child, who is perpetually stuck in the Terrible Twos. Maybe it's just the sense of dilligence Goku instilled in me when he taught me how to achieve Super Contrajin Level 3.14, but... I think I need to train harder in the Way." "Ano? You're taking a vacation?" "Oh, hell no," Jack said. "I've got Ultra to book, after all! You'll see, Nuku-chan. I will find my opportunity, and sieze it with tight leather gloves with shiny chrome buckles! They'll all see. Or rather... they won't see until it's too late. BwahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHahahAhAhahAhAhahAhaHAaa!" "Bwahahahahahaha!" Nuku-Nuku laughed into the back of her hand. "No no, from the top of the lungs," Jack said, making appropriate arm gestures. "Try again. We'll make a Controversakitty out of you yet!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "She means well," Mary continued. "But she sheltered me too much. That's why I'm so confused now. I mean... I never really learned enough about the people I was supposed to be helping. And Sephiroth, like I said, he kind of meant well too but he only saw the bad in things. And now... now, I don't know. I have an idea, but it's dangerous. I'm not sure if I should do it. And... and that's it. Are you gonna eat the rest of that?" Ash sat in a bit of a stupor, not noticing as Mary took the remainder of his pint of Rocky Road. "So.. you're... you're God?" Ash asked. "Like Kasumi was?" "Mmff. Not like Kasumi," Mary said, after swallowing. "She was supposed to run things and control things and keep things the way they were. I'm supposed to change things, I think. I'm supposed to make a difference. But I don't know how I can really make a difference..." "Right. Uh... I don't know nothin' about this god stuff," Ash admitted. "But I don't think you're giving Washuu enough credit, you know? She's smart. I mean, real smart! She made the Omega portals and stuff. And I think she's really worried about you. Mothers can be like that. I've been away from home for a real long time, myself... I haven't called her in awhile, either..." "You think I should phone her, maybe?" Mary asked. "Sure! Or just go home, you know? She might be mad at first, but mothers always forgive you," Ash said, smiling to himself. "You know, this reminds me... I ought to call my mom today. I bet she's real proud of me! I was the Internet Champion, and I'm finally going to stop those cheaters Team Rocket tonight!" "R..ight," Mary said, declining to comment. She didn't want to upset the boy by telling him the truth about his 'cheating' accusations. "That's a good idea. You should give her a call. And... I guess I'll go home tonight. I don't know what else to do..." "My mom always says you should do what your heart tells you to do," Ash said. "I know it sounds kinda corny, but I think she's right." "But what my heart's telling me to do is risky..." "Is it the right thing to do?" "...it's the only thing I can do," Mary replied, honestly. "Nothing else will work." "Sounds simple enough to me, then," Ash said, getting up from his stool. "I'd better go call right now... any later and the time zone differences will catch up. So, umm... are you feeling any better?" Mary thought a bit.. and nodded. "I think so, yeah. You know, you're a nice guy, Ash Ketchum. Sometimes." "Thanks! Uh, I think. I better go. Later, Mary!" The young messiah smiled as the boy ran off. Maybe she did help him? And she had done it without her power... On a whim, Mary slipped off her seat and wound her way through the arcade back to the UFO Catcher. She fished in her pockets for a token, dropped it in the slot, and got to work. No go on the first try. Totally missed on the second. The third was close... And on the forth, she was the proud owner of a cute little Pikachu plushie. It's risky, she reminded herself as she cuddled the doll she had won by herself. It was deceptively simple, completely crazy... but maybe it's what they wanted her to become in the first place... T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T { M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G } { C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G } { F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.mtcffultra.com } | | | - +-- ---. ._ | | | | | / | \ |__/ ___ | | \ | _\ ._ UltraRage | \ THE CALM THETA | _\ BEFORE THE +--- CALM BEFORE | -. THE STORM \__| - +-- | | +--- - +--. ._ | |--+ | -- | | \ | | | +--- | | _\ Episode 83 Written by Stefan Gagne Who is a Lazy Bastard As He Has Employed Special Guest Bookers ColdFury, Lawrence Chu, Jeff Petersen, Jeff Petersen, and Greyson Towler T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Okay, the UltraDome was loud. We get the point already. So instead of listening to the wild waves of white noise pouring down into the ring, Hiroshi focused on a crazy group of gaijin in the front row who kept chanting 'ECW! ECW!'. One of them had on a hawaiian shirt and straw hat and another looked like the lead singer of Faith No More. "Jack said he invited a few 'Philly Mutants' to the show," Daisuke mumbled to his partner in explanation, even if the noise drowned out his comment. "HELLO EVERYBODY!" Hiroshi shouted, the microphone amplifying him to a level 1 db above the crowd. "Are you ready for a little... ULLLLTRAVIOLENCE!?" "NO! WE ARE NOT! GIVE US TEN MINUTES!" the crowd didn't chant, even if Daisuke wished they would. "Welcome to UltraRage THETA!" Hiroshi continued. "We've got a wild card for you tonight, featuring the end of three rivalries... Ash Ketchum takes on Team Rocket for the last time! Ranma Saotome could very well get his shot at Sagat! And our main event, when youth meets age and the two informal armies that have sprung up in Ultra this season collide... Li Ping vs. The Great Yaga, Contract vs. Contract!! ARE... YOU... READ--" Now. Daisuke snatched the microphone from his partner. "But before we begin, I have a special announcement!" he called out, making it extra special by using an exclamation point, a habit he tried to avoid since his partner indulged in them like fudge brownies. "I'd like to introduce the latest overpriced lump of Ultra merchandise, ready and waiting for your hard earned money at our souvenier stands..." In a fluid motion, he whipped a black t-shirt out from under his jacket, and let it unroll itself. Printed on the back... "Yes, now you too can compliment your very own 'Work with me, Daisuke!' t-shirt with my newly developed 'Drop dead, Hiroshi!' t-shirt!" Daisuke announced, allowing himself a rare grin. "Yes, 'Drop dead, Hiroshi!' For those times when you'd really, really like your co-worker to shut his trap before it is shut on his behalf with great force." The sweatdrop forming behind Hiroshi's head was in danger of making him topheavy. "Uh... that's great, Dai, good to see you have your own shirt," Hiroshi said, trying to be supportive. "Act now, and we'll throw in a free DVD: 'Hiroshi's Greatest Hits!' Where you can relieve all the classic moments where Hiroshi died on live television. Also included is security camera footage of the time he killed me while cybered up. Normally priced at $24.95, yours free in this special offer. Well, that's all the plugging I had planned tonight. Hiroshi?" Hiroshi eyed his co-host suspiciously (and a bit nervously). "Err... are you trying to drop a hint or something?" "Me? Why no, of course not," Daisuke responded smoothly. "I am the very model of professionalism. Let us to be announcing tonight's sports- entertainment with all the dignity we usually manage." "...right. Well, we have a great show tonight, folks! Up first--" The music hit, cutting Hiroshi off. Exactly what song done by what band it was wasn't important -- what was important was the pop from the crowd when they recognized who was walking out. Marlo Semaj posed ato the top of the ramp, holding his steel chair high, and twirling a microphone in the other hand. With a cocky Tom Cruise-esque smirk, he raised it, and began. "Finally... the Furnityre Savior has COME BACK to the UltraDome! Ignoring for a moment the fact that this is my regular stomping ground and I'm back here every week. Gary couldn't join me tonight -- busy collecting pokemon for our next bout -- but if you don't mind, Hiroshi... as one former Hardcore champion to another... I'd like to be the one to introduce the next match. You dig?" "We get paid either way, so go ahead," Daisuke commented. "Right! Well, then... as you may know, Gary and I got this combined Furniture and Pokemon Style thing going on, and it's been going well for us... WHEN we get a chance to use it. Since we haven't had any decent competition this season, we knocked heads with Jack for a bit and thought up a way to determine a true competitor for our lovely and heavier than they look gold belts." "He's right, you know," Hiroshi noted to his partner. "Those belts weigh a ton. I had to haul that thing in and out of my taxi every night I got here when I was champ. I think it really helped my biceps..." "Since tossing a pile of fighters into the ring and having them slug it out is SO two weeks ago," Marlo continued, "I decided to spice it up a little. Speaking as a veteran of multiple Boiler Room Brawls, including a few knock down drag out nasty ones with Ranma Saotome (who is gonna clean Sagat's clock later tonight, mark my words,) I've arranged a little fun for you! It's a Furniture Store Brawl, with all the available Lambda talent dumped in the middle of a department store. First person out of the store... their team gets number one contender status and a title shot before UltraReboot! And now, as they say in Amish country... LET THE CARNAGE BEGIN!" "They say that in Amish country?" Hiroshi asked. "It's called humor, Hiroshi. Offbeat shenanigans." "Oh. And now, we take you live and direct to the Furniture Store Brawl, which is about to get underway!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T ][ ULTRARAGE THETA MATCH #1 : LAMBDA FURNITURE STORE BRAWL ][ With Special Guest Booker ColdFury ][ FIGHT! There are many mysteries about the universe. And oddly enough, quite a few of them seem to center around a certain fighting tournament. How did all these people from various times gather in one place? What convinced Dan that pink was indeed a manly color? Why do hot dogs come in packs of 10, but buns in packs of 8? And how did a meager furniture store share the same name as a Tibetan warrior who specialized in the art of the stool? This wasn't the foremost question on Nakoruru's mind, or the other 10 fighters scattered in the Ikea furniture store, as she ducked under the small recliner her former companion and current foe, Haohmaru chucked at her. "Shikuru! Attack!" She pointed quickly with her dulled blade, and her wolf companion dove toward Haohmaru. The samurai sidestepped the wolf's lunge, revealing a end table-weilding Morrigan behind him. With a swing and a large crack, the wolf dropped to the ground, unmoving. "INDEED! YOUR WOLF'S FANGS WERE SHARP, BUT NOT AS SHARP AS THE CUNNING OF TEAM ENLIGHTENMENT!" Haohmaru kicked the wolf for emphasis, ignoring Nakoruru's gasp of horror. What he did not ignore, however, was the beam of ice which strafed the top of his legendary mane. Reaching back, he felt his frozen locks and frowned at Rimururu. He sucked in a legendary breath for another dose of legendary volume, but was cut off as his partner stepped in front of him. "Now now, dear little girls... why do you fight us? We merely wish to take what's ours." Morrigan came to a halt between the Spirits of Nature and Haohmaru. "You've already taken too much, seductress!" Rimururu cried out. "Konril!" She started, but Morrigan flew up to her and lifted her to the rafters of the large Ikea furniture superstore. "Now, now. We don't need your pets involved. Why don't we spend some quality time together?" Morrigan licked her lips and leaned toward the struggling girl. "SKWAAAA!!!" Mamahama dove at them talons first and sliced into Morrigan, knocking both women from the rafters of the store. Then the giant bird dove to catch Rimururu at the last second, returning her to the ground safely by her sister. Morrigan stood up gingerly, eyeing her torn wing. "I like them fiesty... but I think we need to teach these too a lesson. Haohmaru?" She eyed the Spirits of Nature wearily. Said samurai pointed his sword in front of him. "ENLIGHTENMENT!" "Let us defeat them, sister! And by doing so, show Haohmaru the error of his ways!" Both of the Spirits of Nature charged forward, ice elemental and hawk in tow. * * * * * "TIME CARD! Increase my speed times eight!" Li held his most trusted card in front of him, summoning forth the power of time to make him nearly faster than human perception. "SLOW!" Tifa held her gaunlet forth, and a certain materia glowed brightly from it. The light went out and surrounded Li's time card. The energies from the card and from Tifa's spell seemed to entwirl, then dissolve into nothing. "..." Li responded. "You rely on the same trick too much, I came prepared for this. And since I'm handicapped tonight with Bean called away for something, I don't mind using some more advanced spells in a hardcore fight!" Tifa made a running vault off a Lay-Z-Boy recliner and slammed both her feet into the young man. He flew back a few feet, into an oak dresser. The wood shattered from the impact, but fortunately Li had already borrowed Sakura's shield card, and it seemed to be cushioning the damage. He stood, and immediately began to charge forward, but found Tifa had the same idea. He quickly found himself flying through the mirror of another dresser set after being on the receiving end of a powerful roundhouse kick. Tifa stood back a few feet, letting Li stand and shake himself off. "You sure you want to keep going kid?" Li glared at her levely and pulled out an ofuda. "Fire spirt! Hear my call!" An arc of flame lanced out at Tifa. She quickly rolled to the side, and pointed her gauntlet at Li once again before she even righted herself, "FIRE 2!!!" Li found his flame spell engulfed and the tables turned, as only the shield card's magic prevented him from becoming a pile of ashes on the floor. Even with the magical reinforcement, he was sent skidding across the floor into a stack of dinnette chairs. Smoldering both literally and figuratively, he looked up planitivly at his partner who was watching from nearby. "You know, you could TRY to help, Sakura. This isn't a normal tag match, we can fight together." Sakura shook her head. "She's by herself Li! It wouldn't be fair!" "Fine. I didn't think you could handle this match. Just try not to get hurt while I win this for us." Li stood and charged Tifa again, with another ofuda in his hand. "Lightening spirit..." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "They look pretty into it. We could probably take all 3 of them out in a coordinated attack, and make a break for the door while those girls are tying up Haohmaru and Morrigan." Mousse observed from his perch atop a large pine bookcase. Below him, Tasuki nodded and readied his fan. "Let's do it. I want that title shot." Mousse observed his partner. "That intent on going home?" If Mousse had truly cared, he might've noticed Tasuki's expression falter slightly. His eyes shone with uncertainty. His body language sagged, just a little. "Y-yeah." Of course, Mousse didn't care, and didn't notice. "All right then, let's go get them." "Oh no you don't!" Zell threw an outdated USSR globe at Mousse, who quickly leaped off the bookcase to the ground to dodge. "You're not attacking them! They're busy!" Tasuki raised an eyebrow. "Why would two honorless mercenaries like yourselves care?" Selphie stuck her tongue out at Tasuki. "Because they're our new allies!" Zell faltered. "They are?" "Yes! They are! Team Card Captor! Us bad guys have to stick together, y'know!" Selphie waved her mighty nunchaku at the pair with a slightly off looking sneer on her face. Mousse asked his partner without turning to face him. "Do you feel like we should stick by our 'bad guy' brothers?" "Hrm. Stick with the losers, or go get the title shot." Tasuki ignited his fan and hurled it at Zell. The attack caught the martial artist by surprise, and singed his arm as he dove out of the way. "Let's get 'em Selphie! Youch!" The blonde fighter charged while trying to put out his slightly lit sleeve. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "KONRIL! NOW!" Another ice beam lanced out at Morrigan, this time catching the succubus square on. Morrigan fell back, and got up slowly, "Well, I've always been fond of ice as a tool of foreplay, but this might be--" She was cut off as yet another ice beam lanced out at Morrigan, and another, and another. Rimururu stood by Konril, lending it her strength as it slowly encased the demon in ice. "H-Haohmaru? A l-little help h-here!!!" "He cannot help you, devil!" Nakoruru's sword clashed against Haohmaru's. One on one, in a sword fight of skill, she would be outclassed by the legendary one's skills. Fortunately for Nakoruru... "SKWWAAA!" Again the hawk dove down and raked its talons along Haohmaru's back, causing him to stumble forward. And again Nakoruru pummeled the hilt of her sword into his solar plexus, trying to draw the breath from his legendary lungs. "CURSED--OOF" The samurai was cut short as Rimururu slammed the back of her hilt into Haohmaru's head, causing the warrior to tumble forward unceremoniously into a heap on the ground. Rimururu jumped up and down. "Sister! We did it!" Nakoruru shook her head. "Not yet sister, first, we must exit!" "But sister, what of Shikuru?" "We will exit to win the match, and then return for Shikuru! Now hurry!" Both the Spirits of Nature dashed for the door, navigating a maze of coffee tables and couches as they went. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Li fell to one knee. The shield card, apparently, could only take so much abuse in one session, and its magic was beginning to fade. At least that's what the giant bruise on his cheek the shape of Tifa's fist told him. Tifa shook her head. "I don't want to hurt you, buuuut... FI--" "WINDY! Blow her into the wall!!" Sakura tapped her wand to the magical Clow Card, and the energies from it rushed forth faster than Tifa could react. She went hurtling into the far wall of the Ikea superstore. "Now Windy! Bury her under 20 couches!" The wind card's magic was elemental, and thus one of the most potent cards Clow made. The air in the room visibily shifted, moving toward the furniture Sakura indicated in her request. Miniature gale storms blew through the room, mirrors and pictures flying off the walls and shattering against whatever they ran into. Couches and recliners alike went hurting toward a slowly rising Tifa. Tifa felt a sudden breeze, and looked up. Her eyes widened, but before she could do anything, the first couch impacted. And then the second. And third. And so on... "I did it!" Sakura jumped up and down. "You did nothing." Li pointed toward the exit. "We still have to stop them." The Spirits of Nature were clearly making a break for the exit, and Li started to run for it too. "Come on Sakura! All this is for nothing if you can't keep up now!" A slight tear formed in one eye, but Sakura stiffened suddenly, and sucked in her breath. "Fly card!" The young girl hopped onto her wand like a witch to a broomstick, and hurtled through the furniture store, over all the various rubble and genuine obstacles. She looked at the two young warriors, and made a quick decision, and flew straight into Nakoruru. Both girls rolled along the ground before coming to stop against a waterbed. Rimururu stopped running, looking back at them. "SISTER!" "...hear my call! FIRE!" A bolt of fire streaked out and enveloped Konril. Rimururu gasped, remembering this tactic. "You!" Li held out his sword invitingly. "You won't be as lucky this time." Rimururu accepted the challenge, and pulled out a sword that she made sure to carry for protection in this strange new land, and charged. The two clashed swords in a match of skill and endurance. Meanwhile, Nakoruru was untangling herself from an unconcious Sakura. "You gave it all your heart, little one. I will win this fight in your honor." She took a step forward and clutched at her ribs. "No matter... I shall prevail!" Rimururu was frustrated. Li was matching her every move, but was tiring. Yet she could still not seem to find an opening with which to attack. "Mamahama! Now!" The hawk dove once more from the ceiling area of the building, but Li turned towards it, expecting the attack. However, it never came. Instead, Mamahama peeled off early and Li turn back to Rimururu to find a still steaming Konril floating in front of him. One chilly blast later, and Li fell to the ground unconcious. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Zell carefully noted not to step on Selphies prone form as he dodged another of Tasuki's odd flame attacks. He also noted that Tasuki didn't share such concern over his partner as he kicked the unconcious chinese boy out of his way. "That's not a good way to treat your partner." "Yeah? Well how about I give you some treatment instead?" Tasuki ran forward, his left fist lancing towards Zell. The mercenary easily moved to deflect the move, only to find it never landed. Tasuki's flaming fan, held in his right hand, instead sliced through the top layers of his shirt and skin as Tasuki took advantage of his feint. "HA! You're slowing down blondie!" Zell panted, and knew that the red-haired fighter was right. Mousse had taken out most of his stamina, and he was favoring his right ankle more than he'd care to admit. But he felt an energy surge inside of him, and his eyes gleemed. One shot. "ARMAGEDDON FIST!" Zell suddenly erupted in a battle aura meant to strike fear into the hearts of foes, causing them pause while he gathered his energies for one final blast. Being an adventurer from a magical dimension, Tasuki wasn't prone to moments of frightened pause. He quickly ducked to one knee and rose a fist up between Zell's legs as hard as he could. "..." Was all Zell could muster in response. "Chickenwuss." Tasuki quickly ran toward the ending skirmish between the Spirits of Nature and the Clow Captors. "..." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Sister! You are hurt!" Rimururu went to support her sister, but Nakoruru flatly refused the aid. "No! We must hurry! At any moment..." "LEKKA SHINEN!" A large blast of flame seperated the sisters. Tasuki stood before them, his smoking fan returning to his hand. "You two girls are all that's left? That title shot's as good as mine." "Konril!" Rimururu called her elemental spirit to her aide, but her floating friend was soon the victim of yet another flame attack, leaving him stunned for the time being. "Mamahama!" Nakoruru pointed at Tasuki. The bird, perched upon a barstool, took to the air once more and flew at the flame empowered fighter. "Not this time! LEKKA SHINEN!" Tasuki gestured his fan again, and Mamahama crashed to the ground as the fan shot a pillar of flames at it. Tasuki shook his head. "Was that all you've got? You'll never be champions. You'll never be anything, but two helpless, scared, little.... what are you two smiling at?" The girls smiles were born of a new hope, as they saw a familiar face standing behind the fighter. Tasuki turned around, "Huh?" "Grrrrrr" Shikuru tackled Tasuki and pinned the young man to the ground, his giant maw inches from the fighter's neck. "Hold him, Shikuru! We'll be right back!" Nakoruru ordered her wolf companion. The two sisters once again turned toward the exit, now a simple five feet away from victory. "Hold it right there, you naughty little girls!" Morrigan's voice made them twirl around in surprise. "Demon! But Konril froze you!!" Rimururu's voice was filled with shock at the sight before her. "Call it a perk of being a succubus. I can raise my body temperature even to extremes..." Morrigan turned toward the desk near the front of the store. "I believe its time to unlease our secret attack." The girls followed her stare to the customer service desk, where a samurai with a very legendary lump on his head stood. He held to his mouth a receiver, and pushed the button. "ATTENTION IKEA SHOPPERS." The voice, the legendary voice was coming from all the functioning speakers in the store. Nakoruru flinched under its mighty volume, but remained standing. "It will take more than that to--" Haohmaru held something to his throat with his free hand, and spoke again, the voice coming forth slightly... different. "INDEED." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Somewhere in the Ultradome, Lina Inverse blanched at a monitor. "Oh no..." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "That voice.. it is not his. Nor is it even male... but it is familiar." Nakoruru mused. Rimururu pondered for a moment. "Oh! I know sister, it's the voice of..." Haohmaru cleared his throat, the strange voice modulating device now taped on. He held the back of his hand up to the front of his face, and let go Team Enlightenment's most powerful attack. "[OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOO]!!" Both the Sprits of Nature grimaced at the first wave of assault. "That... that sound..." Nakoruru choked out under the tears. "It hurts! Sister! It hurts so!" "[OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOOOOOOOOO]!!" Haohmaru had the dignity to look slightly embarassed at his current tactic, at least. Under the assault of this nearly unstoppable attack, both girls crumbled. Indeed, even Shikuru and Tasuki has passed out. When it was clear that neither girl was rising soon, Haohmaru put down the microphone and tore off the official Ultra Naga Voice Modulator, and walked to the front door. Morrigan met him there, and pulled the Ultrocious proof earplugs from her ears. "Shall we, dear doof?" "INDEED." Haohmaru walked out of the furniture store, and nodded at the awaiting official. The referee held up Haohmaru's hand and declared him the winner. Morrigan strolled out of the store a minute later, with two acquisitions from the store over her shoulder, the young Spirits of Nature. "ARE YOU SURE THAT IS WISE, MORRIGAN?" Haohmaru regarded his companion. "Oh relax. I just want to show them what kind of demon I can be." Morrigan smiled evilly as Nakoruru began to stir while upon her shoulder. "Wh..where am I?" Nakoruru opened her eyes slowly, feeling some sort of soft, bouncy material against her cheek. "Mmm. Somewhere I hope you'll be enjoying soon enough." Morrigan replied to the weakened fighter. "Oh! Oh no!" Nakoruru blushed fiercly, but found herself too dizzy from the earlier assault to try to pull herself away. "Oh, don't worry. This is only the beginning..." "Of the rest of your SMACKED DOWN LIVES. ALAKAZAM! HITMONCHAN! HITMONLEE! Coordinated takedown attack! Now!" A familiar pokemon trainer's voice called out. Two steel chairs, held psychically in place, floated in front of Morrigan's and Haohmaru's faces as they turned to see the new arrival. Instead, they saw stars as the two fighting pokemon slammed the steel chairs into the pair with their most devastating attacks. Team Enlightenment crumpled as a team, and fell as a heap. Still dizzy, Nakoruru tried to seperate herself from the assorted limbs, but just as she stood, another wave of nausea threatened to knock her over once again. A hand reached out and grabbed her arm, steadying her. Smiling slightly, she forced her eyes to focus on her apparent hero. "You are... Gary?" Gary smiled and nodded. "That's me. Pallet Town's #1 poketrainer." "Thank you, Gary! For saving me and my sister!" She stared at his eyes for a moment. His big, friendly, lovely eyes. The first person to stand up for her, and to help her in this strange place. Gary blushed slightly as Nakoruru didn't break eye contact for a few moments, and gestured to Rimururu. "I think you should get your sister to the med ward at the dome. And yourself too. I'll go see if I can help your pets, I have a lot of experience with that, okay?" Nakoruru blinked, and nodded. "Yes. My sister. Of course." Gary headed for the store, while Nakoruru looked on with a rosy expression across her face. "Thank you... Gary...." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "That was one hell of a brawl, folks! But hang on, because up next we've got the match that will determine who gets the chance to fight Sagat in tonight's Gamma Championship Match!" Hiroshi paused for a second and took a breath. "That's right," Daisuke added. "Last week, Ranma took names and kicked butt to become one of the fighters in tonight's Gamma Championship Number One Contender's Match. Roxy overcame overwhelming odds to become the other fighter the week before." "These two fighters are going to have to pull out all the stops if they want the Gamma Belt! Who knows what crazy stunts they've got up their sleeves?" "We'll find out in a moment," Daisuke noted. "Of course, if they spend too much energy fighting, they won't have the strength to fight Sagat effectively later on tonight." "Which'll only make things more interesting! This isn't a fight to miss, people!" Hiroshi crowed. "Are there ever any fights to miss, Hiroshi?" "Not at ULTRARAGE, there isn't!" "Do you mean that, on regular episodes--" "Hey, look! It's Ranma Saotome, looking in top form!" Hiroshi cut in, eager to change the direction of the conversation. Sure enough, the pig- tailed martial artist was making his way down to the arena amidst the cheering fans. He held a glass up for the whole audience to see, and dumped it on himself, transforming into a girl before their very eyes, garnering whistles and more cheers from the nosebleed section. Motioning for a mike, she looked up at the entryway where she figured Roxy would make her entrance, and called out, "Hey, Roxy!" The tone of the room came down to a dull roar, as a spotlight appeared across the room, illuminating her opponent. Holding her own mike up to her mouth, she responded with "Yeah, whaddaya want?" "I've been wantin' ta fight ya for a while," Ranma said, "and I've been thinkin' about how to go about doin' it. Ya see, like Dai said earlier, if we use up our ki now, whichever one'a us wins won't have the time to recover it all before fightin' Sagat, you know? "Not just that, but I respect your fightin' ability. I've seen you up against Selphie and Yaga and kicking their butts, and you held out against Li pretty good, too, even without those ki attacks of yours. "So I was wonderin', how about we make this a clean fight? No ki- blasts or anything like that, just physical stuff. I won't use my Moko Takabasha and you don't use your Bombshell and so on, it'd just you an' me, mano-a-mano, until one of us gives up. Whatcha think?" Roxy pretended to think about it for a little while, but Akane's heart beat faster when she heard the question. Ranma was asking for a test of raw skill! This was Ranma really thinking of her as an opponent! "You're on, buster!" she replied, as she strolled down through the crowds to the arena. The two of them shook hands once in the arena and took their respective places. "Ready?" Ranma asked, a cocky grin on her face. "Ready," Roxy replied, her eye twinkling brightly. "May the best one win." The bell rang. ][ ULTRARAGE THETA MATCH #2 : GAMMA #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: ][ RANMA SAOTOME vs. ROXY ][ With Special Guest Booker Lawrence Chu ][ FIGHT! "Here I come!" Ranma yelled as she charged at Roxy, fists at the ready, and Roxy threw her arms to block. However, just before Ranma came within striking distance, she leapt straight up and prepared for an aerial assault. "And Ranma takes to the air early on!" Hiroshi called. "Midair combat's the specialty of Anything Goes," Daisuke observed. "Ranma probably wants to finish this fight as quickly as possible." Akane smiled. She might not be able to predict all of Ranma's moves, but time spent training with Ranma allowed her enough knowledge to block or dodge most of the attacks she'd use against her, including this midair kick. She ducked and thrust her fist upward, missing Ranma but causing enough scare to keep her from attacking immediately. Ranma landed, eyeing Roxy as she skirted back and forth. Ranma was faster, Roxy was stronger; maybe as strong as Akane was, judging from the force she sensed in that punch. She'd have to be more careful not to get hit, for sure. Roxy then ran towards her, her eye glittering fiercely as she attempted to land a blow on her. Ranma dodged to the side and countered with a strike to Roxy's back, which was blocked by Roxy jabbing her elbow backward in time to block the shot. Roxy twisted to the side and rolled away from Ranma and fell into stance again. Akane made a note not to try rushing Ranma again, since she could evade anything she tried to land on her. Instead, she held back for a few moments, awaiting Ranma's next move. "And the two competitors are holding back, no doubt waiting for the other to make the next move," Daisuke noted. "So far neither of them have been able to hit the other, though they've scuffled a little." "But even without any direct hits, this fight's still really INTENSE!" Hiroshi added. "Who's going to land the first blow? And will that first blow decide the victor of the match?" Ranma continued to observe Roxy. Why wasn't she attacking? Ranma had pegged her as the type who would attack first. But why wasn't she charging now? Perhaps she was more injured than she liked to let on, or... Akane looked at Ranma and judged. Ranma was getting confused, probably by the lack of action on her part. All it would take was a little agitation...she raised her hands and beckoned in a "come hither" gesture. Ranma complied, but cautiously, not planning on charging headfirst into a trap. She stopped just inside of Roxy's offensive range and tried tossing a punch-- --which was greeted with ten, courtesy Roxy, who leapt forward just as Ranma had leaned into her punch and hit her twice before she threw her guard up. "And Roxy gets in the first punches of the fight!" Hiroshi called. "Those HAD to have hurt." Akane's heart lit up. She had actually landed the first punches on Ranma! She could do this, she could actually def-- Ranma took advantage of Roxy's mild distraction and called out "TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!", landing hundreds of punches on Roxy's torso. One part of her was really annoyed at not getting the first hit, but in the end, the fight was all. She couldn't let something like her pride affect her fighting ability. "Ranma returns the favor to Roxy, apparently," Daisuke noted. "That could be the decisive hit." Akane cursed herself for letting her emotions get in the way of her fighting. Wait until you win before you pat yourself on the back! she admonished. With that settled, she cleared her mind of all stray thoughts and cautiously advanced on Ranma. "It wasn't the decisive hit, but could THIS one be?" Hiroshi countered. "Possibly," Daisuke answered. Then, without warning, she and Ranma charged at the same time, A punch here, a block there, a sweep from Roxy tripping Ranma over, a flip- kick from Ranma connecting with Roxy's chin, a double elbow-sweep by Roxy swiped into Ranma's stomach, and the two separating again as quickly as they had met. "...wow, what was THAT?!" Hiroshi asked, as soon as his heart resumed beating. "You're good," Roxy puffed, wiping her brow. "You ain't half bad yourself," Ranma replied, breathing slightly heavily. "Last hit?" Roxy asked. "Last hit," Ranma affirmed. And then they charged. Time seemed to slow down for both Akane and Ranma, as they ran toward one another. Akane readied a kneeling uppercut, in anticipation of Ranma's aerial attack-- Ranma prepared her jumpkick, knowing Roxy would most likely attempt another uppercut. All she had to do was focus, and she could break through-- *WHAM* Time completely stopped as the impact resounded through the Dome. Roxy's shock was apparent as she felt the blow connect... ...and Ranma's shock was equally apparent, as Roxy's fist knocked him out of the air and onto the mat. "And Roxy takes Ranma DOWN!" Hiroshi shouted. "Roxy is now slated to fight Sagat during the Gamma Championship match tonight!" Akane's fist was still high in the air, even as the fact that she just defeated Ranma ran through her. She could do it. She DID do it! She beat him! She beat Ranma! She really did it, she... ...offered her hand to Ranma to help her back onto his feet, and watched Ranma look up and smile. She wasn't angry or upset, which made her feel better. As she stood up, Ranma gave Roxy's hand a good shake. "The best one won. Congratulations, and give Saggy's butt a whomping for me, okay?" "Will do," Roxy responded, with a slight smile on her face. "And that's it for this match! We've got another incredible, ULTROCIOUS match coming up for you in a minute--" "As if none of the other matches were incredible or ultrocious," Daisuke half-muttered under his breath. "--but DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL, because we're about to show you a preview of a NEW show FIRST, from the folks who bring you ULTRA!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T ANNOUNCER: Eight wanna-bes. Only one Ultra contract up for grabs. Are you... 'ROUGH ENOUGH'?! #1, KEITAROU: Narusegawa knocks me into LEO on a daily basis, I think I can handle training for some fighting show... #2, GOSUNKUGI: I've got voodoo powers and a hair trigger! Bring it! --oww oww not the hair oww mommy... #3, ATARU: Hey, I was ON the show! Really! I'm not making this up, I swear! #4, NOATA: I can swing a guitar and knock meteors out of the stratosphere. Does that count? And don't call me "Ta-kun." #5, EDWARD: Ed is the best! Ed is the best! And my attack doggie will bite you inna nuts and I'll drain your bank account if you disagree! #6, SANA-CHAN: Sana-chan knows Super Turbo Hyper Fighting Challenge! KYAAA!!! #7, ANTHY: I don't really fight, but I look nice in a dress and I can get slapped all day and not feel a thing... #8, MOKONA: PUU PUU PUUUUUUUUU... PUU PU PUU, PUU PUUUPUU! (raises eyebrow) ANNOUNCER: Coming soon on TV Tokyo! T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T In accordance with Japanese copyright law, as ruled on in the case of Jessie and James vs. the corporate entity known as Team Rocket, it was determined by jury that the theme song and concept behind the 'Team Rocket Introduction' was in fact the intellectual property of Jessie and James. The pair claimed original authorship of the routine; no documentation provided by Team Rocket that satisfied the court to prove that they owned the particular musical notes or the rhyming cadence. This, the fighters were allowed to continue to use the introduction motif as long as the team name was not 'Team Rocket'. Which is why the four familiar dramatic notes got the crowd pumped up so much. They knew who was coming, whether they were standing in front of a big 'R' or not. Spotlights swirled the entrance ramp, before pegging the two former Pokemon poachers... who stood on a temporarily rolled out green clay surface, in front of a white string mesh net, and posing with spiffy white rugby shirts and shorts. Both extended poles with oval extensions that had similar wire meshes, and tossed fuzzy green balls in the air... "Prepare for trouble!" "And make it doubles!" Two perfect backhands sent the balls into the crowd, where they were snatched up by eager fans and sold on eBay the next day. "To prove ourselves through thick and thin!" "And to show off a pair of perfect backspins!" "To extend our reach to the stars above!" "Because at the end, we'll have sixty-love!" "Jessie!" "James!" "Team Racquet shows off a perfect serve!" "So try and face us if you have the nerve!" "Well, they certainly threw us a curve!" Hiroshi exclaimed, as the popular Pokemon posers skipped down the ramp, doing swings at the air. "A tennis theme! Who'd have seen THAT coming?" "Everybody who has a rhyming dictionary and realizes they're rapidly running out of words that sound like 'rocket,'" Daisuke stated. "C'mon, work with me, Daisuke!" "*DROP DEAD, HIROSHI!*" the crowd chanted right back at him. Hiroshi's jaw sagged, while his partner merely sat back and looked proudly smug. "...uh... anyway... and here comes the challenger!" Hiroshi continued, missing several beats. "From Pallet Town, the despicable Ash Ketch... err, what's wrong with him?" "He's a paranoid deluded maniac working for a 'legitimate businessman', maybe?" Daisuke suggested. "No, I mean the way he's completely ignoring the crowd," Hiroshi explained. "They're booing him out of the building but he doesn't seem to notice. And he's staring at his shoes as he walks to the ring..." "It's the final bout he's gonna get with Team Rocket. Maybe he's just focused and determined." "That doesn't look like determination to me... well, the referee's signalling for the bell. Whatever's wrong, he'd better get focused, or he could lose the biggest match of his career!" Ding, ding, ding. ][ ULTRARAGE THETA MATCH #3 : HANDICAP MATCH, FINAL GRUDGE CHALLENGE ][ ASH KETCHUM vs. JESSIE and JAMES ][ FIGHT! The crowd immediately began a 'JESS-IE! JESS-IE!' chant before the first moves were made in the fight. (Not to take away from James, but his name was a bit harder to chant unless you dragged out the 'a' or did it with the traditional Japanese vowel on the end, but then we'd be getting into name changes and canon and that would be bad.) "Very well, I shall serve first!" Jessie said, climbing into the ring at the same time James did, since handicap matches meant no tags. She pulled a Pokeball from her belt, and gently tossed it up in the air. "Since this is our last fight, we shall take it OLD SCHOOL... ARBOK, I choose you! Supah Jessie Backhand SMASH!" Tennis raquet hit Pokeball, which spiked against the ground and opened in a flash. "Arbok!" the slitherly purple snake chimed in with, since he had a bit of a one word vocabulary. "James Ultimate Finishing Spike Tennis Shot Omega!" James chanted, with a swing of his own. "WHEEZING, I choose you!" The non-EPA regulated Pokemon emerged from his Pokeball in a cloud of carcinogens. "Wheeeezing," it gasped. All eyes turned to Ash, to see what Pokemon he would choose. Ash, who was leaning on the ropes and not paying any attention. "Arbok?" the snake asked, a bit confused. (Translation: WTF?) "...huh?" Ash said, finally looking up. "Oh. ...Pikachu, I choose you." He halfheartedly dropped a Pokeball on the mat, and out popped Raichu, who looked equally puzzled... but being tied to Ash by a Trainer's bond, he didn't have much choice. With a sigh, he turned to the other two Pokemon. "Raichu," he apologized, and started charging up the voltage on his cheeks... "This is kind of depressing," Daisuke color commented. "The hell is wrong with Ash today? Did the doctors finally give him antipsychotics?" The phone card ran through the slot, charging up the phenominal amount of yen it took to connect to Pallet Town, as Ash tapped a finger against the metal shell around the pay phone. He glanced at other random passers-by in the UltraDome hallway, glaring at them to get them to leave him alone. He didn't like suspicious jerks eavesdropping... Click. "Moshi moshi?" "Mom?" Ash asked. "Mom! Hey, it's me, Ash! Been awhile, huh?" "ASH! Ash Ketchum!" "Yah, mom, your son. Hey, did you see me in my last fight? I--" "Ash... I want you to come home. Right now." Electricty flared through the air as Wheezing was sent backpedaling into James. He of the glass jaw and limp wrist went down immediately on impact. "Curse you, Ash!" Jessie scowled. "I'm sorry, Pikachu, but we can't hold back... Arbok, Wrap attack now! Squeeze him until he submits!" "At least we're getting some hot Pokemon on Pokemon on Pokemon action!" Hiroshi shouted, trying to make wine from grapes or lemonade from limes or something. "Jessie and James fight with the hearts of true champions even if they aren't the champions right now! But Ash is back to ignoring the fight and letting Raichu do all the battling..." "Come home?" he asked, surprised. "Why? I'm on a roll, mom! I think I'm really making a difference here, you know? I'm rooting out all these cheaters and making Ultra a better place--" "Misty and Brock are here in town," his mother interrupted. "They're very worried about you. ...I'm worried about you, Ash. I'm very worried and I think you need to take a break from Ultra, before..." "Before what, mom?" Raichu tumbled end over end as he blasted himself free from the tangling coils of the snake, crashing upside down into his corner's turnbuckle. "Chuuuu," he groaned... glancing up at Ash, whose expression was unreadable. His Trainer wasn't giving him any orders... but a Pokemon match was a Pokemon match. He got back to his stubby feet, and charged back into the fray... while hoping Ash would call him back soon, before he couldn't take any more punishment. "Ash... you've frightened me. I'm very scared... oh, my little boy, I keep saying to myself this can't be happening, it's not happening all over again, but--" "Mom! What's wrong? Are.. are you crying? I'm fine, mom! You don't have to be sad!" "But you aren't, Ash! You're acting like...... Ash, do you know... do you remember where I told you your father was now?" "Sure, that he's on a Pokemon journey, collecting lots of new Pokemon. Why?" "...I wanted to tell you when you were a little older... maybe I made a mistake. But he's not on a Pokemon journey, Ash. ...he left us four years ago. Do you remember? Do you remember how he'd yell a lot?" "Well... yeah. So?" "Do you remember how he kept accusing me of cheating? You asked him what that meant, and he told you cheaters were terrible people and deserved no love..." James rubbed his sore head, and ducked the second time Wheezing went sailing through the air at him. "This is bad! This is bad!" he shouted, panicking and shrieking like a cheerleader. "Raichu's much stronger than Pikachu was! What are we going to do?!" "Hold yourself together, James!" Jessie commanded. "We are Team Champion Rocke.. Raquet! For our battle honor, we will defeat him, friend or foe! That is the code of the warrior!" "I thought Code Warrior was a cross-compiler used to program a wide variety of video game systems," James stated, holding up an advertising flyer before Arbok got wrapped around his head. Ash was shaking his head, as he slumped against the wall. "Wait, no... that's not what happened, Mom. He just went to get Pokemon. That's all. Dad was a great guy and... and he really loved me and..." "It wasn't anything you did, honey. He... he drank a lot. He was always very suspicious of other people but when he drank he was even worse. And he thought that your mommy and... and Professor Oak were... we weren't cheating. I swear to you, Ash, I never cheated on him. But he refused to see it! And one day, when the Professor was here to give you... you remember the Whack-a-Digglet game, right?" "..yeah..." Ash said, his memory visiting things it thought it had left a long time ago. How he'd play that game over and over when Dad was gone, whacking the Digglets with the little rubber hammer until one day he hit them too hard and it broke, and he cried... "Something is seriously wrong here," Daisuke said, dropping his cynicism for a moment. "Hiroshi, look real close. Ash is keeping his head down for a reason." "Wha?" Hiroshi asked. "Look at the mat." A few tiny round spots on the light blue mat were definitely damp. "He left us then. He called me... he said bad things, and he left. I'm sorry, Ash. I lied to you. I thought you wouldn't be able to handle it..." "...I'm not a kid now, Mom," Ash said, voice empty. "I know now what you mean by 'cheating'... sorta... and you didn't! I believe you! You'd never do that--" "But he didn't believe me. And Ash... I'm sorry, honey... you're doing the exact same thing now. You're seeing cheating everywhere when there isn't any. Whenever I turn on my TV I get so scared, because you're saying the same kinds of things he did, you have that same look on your face, and--" Ash pounded a metal-loaded fist against the wall, denting it. "I'm NOT like that!" he barked. "You're wrong! I'm right! I'm doing very important things! I'm not--" "Do you believe me, Ash? Do you trust me? I love you, honey. And I lied to you and I'm sorry, but I'm not lying now. Ash, you need to be careful. You're going down that same road and it's scaring me..." "This is looking real bad for Team Raquet," Daisuke commented, since Hiroshi was too focused on Ash to call the match. "They're taking a whupping here. We've seen them stronger than this; those aren't their best Pokemon. Maybe they're not trying to, but they've got to be pulling some punches against their former running buddy Pikac.. Raichu... this match will be over in a minute if he keeps zapping them like that..." Ash sank against the wall, to the floor. The metal phone cord stretched, but the reciever was pressed firmly to his ear now. "Every time someone told me I was wrong... I figured they were lying," he explained. "That they were just cheating me, and... and they hated me. They all hated me, even Misty and Brock... but..." "I love you, Ash. You know that. Your friends still care..." "Am I really that bad?" he asked, voice small. "Am I really wrong about all this? I thought I was right... I thought... cheaters are terrible people, and... and they deserve no love..." "Please, Ash. Look closer than that. Or if you're afraid, just come home! Nobody will be mad at you. And if that Tendo woman tries to keep you under contract, I'll call Uncle Randy and his law firm and--" "I have a match tonight," Ash spoke, one ear finally tuning into the world around him. "I have to go now. They're doing Team Rocket's entrance..." "Ash, you don't have to do this. You're scared, and confused. I'm here for you--" "I know, Mom. But I have to go now." "Think about what I said, please," she pleaded. "They aren't all cheaters. You have to trust people. Please..." He hung up. Ash looked up. They weren't cheating. Jessie and James were being soundly zapped by Raichu, chased around the ring and nearly helpless. But nobody was running out to help them. Nobody was going for a steel chair. They weren't even bailing out of the ring and running away to avoid it. They were going to fight this match for themselves. Ash hopped off the apron, and took off his Team Rocket 'R' logo cap. He studied it a moment, shrugged, and dropped it to the floor like an unimportant thing. "I forfeit," he announced quietly. Then he turned his back and started walking the long walk back up the ramp. Raichu's sparks.. dampened down. "Chu?" he asked, looking to see his Trainer walking away from the fight. Which meant he was able to give up too. He mumbled an apology in Chu, and scampered out of the ring... where he wasn't even returned to a Pokeball. Ash let his old Pokemon walk alongside him as he left. "Err... we win?" Jessie asked, after coughing up some soot. She nudged James, who was going into an electrostatic seizure. "James! We won! I suppose. Not much of a win, but..." "I'm fine, thank you Susan," James replied, rising to his feet while his eyes rolled around in different directions. "Come on, we're going after him," his partner said, as she dragged him off by the elbow. Hiroshi blinked a few dozen times with little 'pikupiku' sound effects. "I.. guess that's the match! What a wild brawl, people! Bit of a strange ending, but I can't wait to see where this is going. What's going on in Ash's head? Maybe we'll find out next week on ULTRA!" "That'd be the episode they don't have to pay to see, right?" "WORK w... err... yes, it would be," Hiroshi replied. "Uh. Dai, you're scaring me with that grin of yours." "I'm aware." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Spare chairs were stacked in the back. Spools of audio cable. A few tables, ready for breaking. Just supplies, pushed up against the walls, ignored by anybody who walked by them. Much as the young girl who sat on a cable spool was ignored. She wanted it that way... she wanted them not to see her, so they simply didn't. Except for the cotton candy salesman, she wanted that... It was a cheat, she thought. Just as Ash told me. Using my power selectively, when I want, for my benefit. So I can have privacy that nobody else sitting here would have, so I could get a sweet treat... Her moody mood was disrupted as she saw Ash and Raichu walking by. She quickly unobfuscated herself. "Ash!" she called out, walking to catch up to him. "Hey, I saw your match on the monitor... are you okay?" "...I think I am," Ash said, looking up at her. "I think I'm wrong. But I think I'm right now. They didn't cheat, Mary. The big match, the one that was supposed to be like how I fought them long ago and they didn't cheat..." "No, they didn't!" Mary reinforced, joyful inside that he was seeing it. "Not everybody you think cheats, and--" "I know. Mom told me." "Your Mom?" "I called her," he explained. "Just like you suggested I do. ...thanks, Mary. You really helped me. That was the best advice anybody had given me in a long, long time. I don't think anything Giovanni told me was good advice..." Mary paused. "Wait, I... I helped you? But I didn't do anything." "Sure you did! We were talking about our mothers, and you said I should call her. I wanted to thank you for that. Nobody's really talked to me much since... since I started looking for cheaters. Nobody wanted to talk to me, but you did! I--" "ASH KETCHUM!!" "Um, I think I better go talk to them," Ash said, spotting Jessie and a slightly twitchy James. "Thanks again. Raichu, c'mon, let's go." "Rai!" Raichu said, smiling for the first time in awhile as he skipped off to follow Ash. "...but I didn't use any powers," Mary spoke to herself, repeating the words. "Just words. All I used were words..." And the young messiah smiled. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T A heavy breeze tugged at the Darshu's silvery-white hair. He stood--arms crossed and with a smug expression planted firmly on his face--in the center of the battlefield for his upcoming match. It was a wide, depressed bowl in a plain of gently rolling hills somewhere in central Asia. A few scrubby trees and small outcroppings dotted the landscape, but otherwise there was little of distinction. To Darshu, it didn't matter where the fight was. He could defeat anyone, anywhere. And would, he mentally added. The only concern he had was for the low clouds, overhanging the area. His face didn't reveal any trace of worry, however. A portal hummed open and the Omega referee, Krillin, stepped out with a slight stumble as he got his bearings on the ground. He looked around a frowned. "Don't you have an opponent?" Darshu grinned broadly. "You just do your job." "What, now?" Krillin looked around helplessly. "But there's no one to fight." "Do you think I care? Besides--" Darshu gestured towards the cambot pointed towards them. "--we're on the air already." "Ah... right. Don't break anything." ][ OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH ][ DARK SCHNEIDER vs. ???? ][ FIGHT!! "Well, this is unprecedented," Daisuke commented." "Darshu's sunken to a whole new low. He's not even going to try to have fight to defend his title." Hiroshi sniffled. "Oh, the humanity." "I'm not sure about the procedure for this, and Krillin isn't either. It's hard to issue a count-out without an oppotent to count out... or something." "So THAT'S his nefarious plan! Darshu aims to bring Ultra to it's knees by having a non-fight fight which will force Nabiki to bow to whatever demands he may desire to inflict upon her." "I do'nt think that's likely, 'Roshi." Daisuke coughed and added at barely above a mumble, "But we might want to apologize to all our viewers for this... decidedly non-entertaining turn of events." "Wait! Don't be so hasty, Dai..." "Hasty? Moi?" "Darshu's reaching into his cape... Ohmigod! He's going for his secret weapon!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T The sorcerer indeed pulled out his secret weapon. A microphone. "Since our illustrious booker did not see fit to provide me with an adequate opponent for this match... It falls to me to find someone worthy to oppose me for this." Darshu lofted the Omega belt above his head. The Ultradome crowd booed responsively. "Yeah, yeah. You don't like me. But it's my belt right now because I'm the best. It's going to remain my belt at the end of tonight, because I will still be the best. But in the interest of good entertainment, I've got to face the next best person." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Who's that person?" Hiroshi wondered. "Alberto? Gally? No, wait. It's got to be Dan Hibiki! Darshu's going to face Dan for the Omega championship!" "Again? I kinda doubt it, Hiro." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Since we lack a number-one contender, I'm going to name my own contender. And that person has to be Yuf--" Suddenly a gigantic red hand thrust forth from the ground and clenched around Darshu. It was followed by an arm, a head, and the rest of a body. Whatever else the exploder wizard may have wanted to say was lost upon the audience as he both dropped his microphone and found it a bit more difficult to breathe, and the rumble made by the emerging body would have drowned out anything anyway. When all was said and done. Darshu was a good seven meters above the groud, held aloft by a gigantic mecha. It was almost all blue, save for the red glove-and-boot-like hands and feet... and the alternating red and white stripes across the midsection. And the bright star across the chest... And the "A" on the forehead above the deep white eyes and jutting chin. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Spangle my stars, Dai! That's Captain America!" "Or some facsimile thereoff. I suppose it's B-Ko inside of there." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Oooooooohohohohoho!" The mecha's prodigeous jaw worked rapidly to mimic the laugh emitting from its loudspeakers. "Behold the greatest creation of the scion of the Daotokuji clan! The Akagiyama StarTron Ten!" On the UltraTron (and uncountable TV screens across the world) a small window popped up showing B-Ko Daitokuji's face inside a mask that was a spitting image of the mech she piloted. "It is not a Captain Armenia, and if one exists, he should be sued for infringement upon my designs. "But nonetheless, this pathetic roach shall not call upon some random victim to fall to his ineffectual fighting. I shall defeat him for the championship belt!" Captai Amer... The Akagiyama StarTron Ten turned to face Krillin. "There is no disagreement." "YOu'll have to put him down first," the Omega referee said. "But there is no disagreement," B-Ko repeated. It was not a question. "Arghk!" Darsji dosagreed vehemnently. Veins in his neck popped out as he strained to release himself from the vice-like grip of the mecha. "Doesn't matter to me. Let him go and you can begin." "Very well! Dark Schneider, defend yourself!" The Akagiyama StarTron Ten flung the wizard away. ][ OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH ][ DARK SCHNEIDER vs. B-KO DAITOKUJI ][ With Special Guest Booker Jeff Petersen ][ FIGHT!! Clouds immediately clustered overhead and an arc of lightning lanced downwards upon command, taking the giant (patriotism inspired) mecha right in the head and reducing it to fine metallic cinderes as every circuit and casing was overloaded beyond the melting point. It was, in Darshu's mind, a perfectly good way to start and end a fight, particularly if the mecha writhed around for a few minutes while it's operator screamed in pain until unconsciousness overtook her. Then, when the strobic effect of electricity ripping through the mecha stopped and it crumbled to component molecules, he could sift through the ashes and raise her lithe form in his arms. Ah, that would be a good night. A victory, a good smoke, and everything fun that comes in between. Unfortunately, for it to happen, certain things needed to not happen. Like the mecha reaching up and catching the bolt of lightning, rearing back, tossing it, and spearing him with it. A few kajillion volts of static electricity would make his hair a nightmare to take care of for at least a week... not to mention other problems. Lucky for Darshu, the Akagiyama StarTron Ten did not do that. It did reach up, however. With a "SH-PANG* a circular shield popped out of its arm. The lightning struck the shield. The strobic effect was over in decidedly less than "a few minutes" and the mecha seemed none the worse for wear. Darshu shrugged. So much for the easy way. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Meanwhile, Yuffie was... "LAAAAAATE!" She booked it down one of the corridors in the bowels of the UltraDome in a mad rush to get to the central portal control room. The materia thief would have been on time, but she'd bumped into a girl in a brown and white school uniform on her way there. If you could call colliding at speeds that normally require a pilots license to achieve. Despite the obvious injuries, the girl had been extremely apologetic, and insisted on helping Yuffie get back on her feet. Nevermind that she'd been far less the worse for wear than the girl. Then the girl had handed her a yogurt drink as a repayment for inconveniencing her. With a bit of trepidation, Yuffie had downed it in a single gulp. It was surprisingly good, and she wanted to ask where she could get more, but she was already two minutes late then. She was about to rush off, but she noticed the girl stumble woozily. It was the least she could do to help the lass to a place to sit down... and get the location of those delicious drinks, while she was at it--the UltraDome convenience stand, duh. So now she was REALLY late. Yuffie noticed something as she passed a convenient monitor displaying the night's action. She wheeled her arms around and skidded to a halt, then backtracked a few steps and stared. "Oh, no!" The fight had already started. Darshu was fighting against someone else. That wasn't fair! It was supposed to be her fighting for the belt, not some... weird, blue thing with wings on its head. (A Sapphire Weapon? she dimly thought in some far corner of her mind.) "Well," she humphed. "I can't let this go on," See Yuffie run. Run, Yuffie, Run. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Darshu grimaced. The Akagiyama StarTron Ten was one of B-Ko's slower designs, but she was just quick enough to deflect each attack he sent towards it. He'd sent no less than ten separate attacks at it already, and that damnnable shield was always there to make the block. He was even getting a bit winded. Not that he would admit that. "You suck, B-Ko!" he shouted, drifting away with his Raven spell to catch a slight breather. He hoped it looked like he was taking a better tactical position to analyze the situation. "You can keep hiding like a girl only so long. Eventually I'll get through." "Hohoho!" She barked a short laugh back at him. "I am no mere slip of a girl, foul mage, but a beauty of young, yet refined womanhood. A crass boor such as yourself could not realize that, though, which is why there are men like you... and my darling Sephiroth." He blinked. "Uhh... you still can't beat me with that contraption. I'm faster than it... and in the end,I'm stronger than it." "How easily you underestimate the genious of the scion of the Daitokuji clan. The Akagiyama StarTron Ten is a pristine machine both on offense, and on defense." With that, B-Ko spread the big blue mecha's arms wide and revealed her first weapon. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T This is the sound of a stunned audience: ... This is the sound of an announcer overriding the sound of a stunned audience: "Oh, my," Hiroshi Kasumied. "Well put," Daisuke added. "That is certainly a shocking... um..." He leaned to the side and covered his mike. "Dai, how can we talk about that?" His partner filled in the gap. "For those of you at home, we apologize for the blurring on your screens. B-Ko has raised the ante for this fight with an... interesting addition." "Huh... I wonder if she's trying to send a message with it. It's kinda bi-- Ouch!" Daisuke removed his elbow from Hiroshi's side. "And she's fired off. Darshu frozen in place... No, wait, he's on the move and it's missed. But that'll leave a mark on the landscape tomorrow." "If it is a message, is it to Darshu or about him?" "... Stick to the commentary, Hiro." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T A portal thrummed open on the edge of the battlefield. "Wha..?" Krillin turned and gaped as the slight form in the form- fitting thieve's garb stepped out. Yuffie non-chalantly brushed her arms off. She stopped as she looked up, and her eyes trembled a bit. Krillin wasn't a problem she wanted to deal with. She'd have to, however. "You're not supposed to be here," he said firmly. "Uhhm... Can't I watch?" She pointed towards where the two fighters were battling. At the moment, it looked like a stalemate to her. "The view's better here." Krillin chewed his lip. He didn't want to allow her. He knew she was likely to help Darshu. "Pleeeeease?" Yuffie whined, batting her eyes a little bit. "It's not against the rules, is it?" "Well..." That was true, it wasn't against the rules. "Pretty please?" she raised her voice a pitch. She leaned forward, as if to press him physically as well. "Okay," he said finally, with a slight sight. "Great!" She bounced up, raising her arms in glee. "Ah...!" Yuffie paused. A trickle of sweat ran down her temple as she looked up at the materia clutched in her hand. For a moment, no sound passed between the pair. A trio of explosions sounded in the distanced, followed by an "Oooohohoho! And THAT, Darshu, is how you attack!" "Hey, isn't that--" Krillin started, breaking the moment. "Sleep!" Yuffie thrust the materia forward. A shimmering of silver wound out from it and swirled around the Omega Referee. Within moments. his eyes had drifted shut. He whumped against the ground, a bubble of snot already slowly expanding and contracting from his nostril. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Holy ebiten, where did Yuffie come from?" Hiroshi's question popped out as the young fighter appeared on the UltraTron and started flinging spells at B-Ko's mecha from a flanking position. "Probably popped out of a portal to bring the fight to a level more to Darshu's liking," Daisuke answered dryly. "A bit surprising, but mostly because it took so long. Yuffie is displaying a fair amount of skill with her precision." "Yeah! She's matching Darshu shot for shot. Fire and brimstone, thunder and lightning, or Sonny and Cher, they're laying it out in a true villianous style." Hiroshi paused. "But where's Krillin in all this? The Omega Ref should be putting the smackdown on the cheaters." "Not that B-Ko's above that sort of thing herself," Daisuke said with a cough. "We've got another CamBot in the area, now." A picture-in-picture image popped up, to show the orange-clad ref snoring peacefully. For a moment. the two commentators were silent. "Is that... Bedtime Barbie?" Daisuke asked. "That clothing set isn't standard with the doll," Hiroshi added. Dai eyed his partner. "How would you know that?" "Oh, it's a special you had to order direct from Victoria's Sec... Eh-heh." Hiroshi scratched the back of his head. "Umm... would you believe Rei's into that sorta thing?" "Yes. And much more, I'd surmise." "Don't tell anyone about this, will you, Dai?" "Wouldn't dream of it. We're only on international TV." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T B-Ko grimaced as warning klaxons blared with each impact against the StarTron Ten. She found herself bracing for a deep shudder in the war machine with each flash of light that came from Darshu and Yuffie. Filthy, cheating peons, she mentally cursed. She could easily handle one of them, but why had she only installed one shield in the StarTron. As she tried to hold off their attacks, a few managed to get through. With a dull whump a fireball from Yuffie slammed against the side of the StarTron, shaking B-Ko like a bad martini. The reeling mecha slowly teetered. B-Ko felt the shift in balance, and sent the machine stumbling forward to keep it upright. She had to do something, and fast. The other pair's moves were too precise and coordinated for her to focus on one of the other. She needed to get them both to back off. She grimaced and drew her shield arm back. In the opening, Darshu fired off a quick flurry of magical bullets that peppered the front of the StarTron. B-Ko weathered the attack... And then flung her shield away. The massive discus sailed right towards the exploder wizard. A small trace of satisfaction crossed B-Ko's mind as she saw his eyes go wide with fear. At the speed she had thrown it, it would probably slice him in two. Except that it missed, and hit about ten feet two soon. The shield skipped up and cut through the air a handsbreadth above Darshu's head. The underside of the shield caught the air and listed to the side as it came down. Then it hit a convenient outcropping. It flew back behind B-Ko. She spun the StarTron around just in time to see it ricochet off another outcropping and just miss a hastily dodging materia thief. And then it bounced off of two more rocks. Jaw slightly agape at what had happened. B-Ko barely noticed as the shield flew back right towards her. She blinked just in time, but instead of lurching the war machine to the side, she calmly reached up and snatched it out of the air. With a mild shake of her head, she eyed the red, white, and blue disc. She'd never expected to get it back after she threw it... not during the battle, at least. Far be it from her to let such an opportunity go to waste. She ripped one of her trademark laughs as she stepped out from between the other two fighters. "Oooohohoho! Only the naive or the idiotic would think they could easily best a fighter of my caliber with such simpleton tactics." Darshu's expression was just as stunned as hers had been. He had hardly moved since she had first thrown the shield. Yuffie was slowly pulling herself from the ground. "You may have enjoyed a brief advantage, but it will extend no further. I shall best both of you as easily as I could best one." She throttled the StarTron forward towards Yuffie and keyed on some of her secondary attack systems. The younger girl's eyes widened as the mecha approached. She scrambled backwards in a vain attempt to get away. The StarTron's long strides ate up the ground. "It was a great blunder for you to interpose on our battle," B-Ko said calmly. An explosion blasted against the rear of the StarTron before she could draw a bead on the girl. She clenched her teeth and rode the wave of force forward while struggling to come around to face the new threat. "You're slow," Darshu said. He floated upwards and small trails of fire spread out from his open hands as he charged another spell. "A champion needs to follow through and not hesitate." He fired off a blazing lance of fire. B-Ko hunched the StarTron behind the shield in response. The column flared out as it hit the center of the disc, a few tendrils reached out to grasp along the body of the mecha, but didn't do much damage as far as B-ko could tell. "Aw, booyaka!" Yuffie cried. Her face went from fear to glee in an instant. "Aero!" A swarm of blades of air shot out from her hands. They swept around the mecha once before combining into a single, huge spinning scythe. B-Ko tried to track it's movement, but it closed in too fast for her to see. She only noticed she'd been hit because the StarTron started to lean to one side. The StarTron's arm, with shield intact slammed into the ground. The blue war machine had a clean cut just below the shoulder. "Hah! Not so powerful now, are you?" Darshu taunted. B-Ko quickly backpedalled and keyed on all her weapon systems. Without her shield, she would have to go on an all-out offensive to try and end the fight quickly. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Things look bad for B-Ko, now. With Yuffie and Darshu stepping up the offensive, I doubt she'll be able to stand much longer," Daisuke play-by- played. "Don't count her out yet, Dai. I'm sure she's got a few tricks up her sleeve to go." "What? Like a sudden appearance by Sephiroth? That'd certainly even up the odds." Hiroshi pursed his lips for a moment. "If only Krillin were around. He'd put to a stop to this atrocity." "Don't you want Dan to win the belt, Hiro?" "Sure, but it's also good if other people get it. Darshu's had it once already, and we all know what a lying, cheat he is." "Impartiality," Daisuke coughed. "C'mon, Dai. He's cheated in this fight!" "True. Oh, look. B-Ko's managed to shore up her position a bit. She's got Darshu to a standstill." "Whoa! Check out that firepower. She's got APFSDS MRMS loaded out with HEAP submunitions. It's a surefire way to make a KIA of anything that decides to infringe upon her AOE without properly coding into her IFF!" Daisuke considered that for a moment. "Uh... what he means, folks is that 'she blows things up good.'" "Damn skippy!" "It's certainly changed the balance just slightly. B-Ko's looking like she's got a chance now that she has Yuffie boxed in." "But she can't press her advantage with Darshu pounding away at her six like that!" "Six?" "Rear." "Ah. She'll have to figure out a--" "Geez! What was that orange blur?" Hiroshi interrupted, leaping to his feet. "Is it? It is! It's Krillin and he's pushed Darshu away! The Omega Referee has shown up just in time to save B-Ko from a fate worse than death: the loss of a championship match at an UltraRage!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "This fight is over!" Krillin said, facing the nearest CamBot. "B-Ko is the winner due to interference." He hefted the Omega Belt up. "B-Ko is the new Omega Champion." "What?" Darshu shouted. He stepped away from the Omega Referee just a bit. "I was going to win! That's MY belt!" He shot a glance at Yuffie. "I dind't even ASK for her interference." A trace of a smile on his face, Krillin answered, "Not anymore it isn't." His hands clenching and unclenching in fury, Darshu stepped away. "Well, I'm still the best! RAVEN!" He shot towards the StarTron ten. Krillin just missed a grab at the silver-tressed sorcerer. "Hellow--" Darshu started. Far quicker than seemed possible, the good arm of the StarTron raised up and popped back. A missile slotted into place and fired. It travelled halfway towards Darshu, then split into hundreds of submunitions. A firecracker scattering of explosions rocked the air around Darshu. The light wind blew away the smoke from the counterattack. Darshu's slightly crispy body lay sprawled on the ground, clearly unconscious. "Was that fast enough for you?" B-Ko asked sweetly. "As I said," Krillin repeated. "B-Ko is the winner and champion. The undisputed Omega Champion." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "We've got a new Omega Champion!" Hiroshi cried. "B-Ko's got some ass-whuppin' power on her side as she delivers a righeous smackdown to Darshu." "There is something poetic about it all," Daisuke added. "But how about that fight, folks? Does Ultra bring you the kick- assingest action this side of a Jet Li movie or what? That array of firepower alone made my night!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T A pair of portals, one large and one small, irised closed, leaving only two bodies on the battlefield, one consious, one not. Yuffie pulled herself up and walked lightly to where Darshu lay on the ground. She prodded him with a booted foot. The mage groaned quietly, but did not stir. Another nudge, this time harder. In response, Darshu's eyes fluttered open. "Yuf-fie," he said as he struggled to get onto his feet. "Help me up," he commanded. "Eh? Your arms broken?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. "No. just do it." "Ooh! You messed up Darshu!" Yuffie drew a leg back and spiked a kick right into his side. He went down, clutching himself into a ball. "Baka! Help yourself from now on." With a rushing hum, a portal irised open and closed. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T An entertainment spectacle like Ultra is a substantial operation, requiring a dedicated army of behind-the-scenes technicians and experts to keep the beast running. Kusagano Sakura had never taken much time to appreciate the vast logistical enterprise that made Ultra work, so she was a little surprised by Storage Area 17. When she'd been told to come down here for an important meeting, she'd visualized something like an exaggerated supply closet, with some boxes and shelves and stuff. Storage Area 17 lay beneath the monolithic edifice of the UltraDome, set into the concrete of the foundation. It was a warehouse, four stories high at least, with a multi-tiered storage platform on each side. Every inch, except for the aisle running through the center of the room, was crammed with a bewildering variety of supplies, equipment, and containers. Ropes and chains dangled from the ceiling on tracks, used to lift and transport the stored items onto one of the electric carts or pallet loaders which were parked around the room. Sakura scanned over rows and piles of replacement spotlights, wooden planks, metal pipe, coils of cable, buckets of paint, pails of cleaning supplies, microphones, cameras, brooms, chairs, tables, banners, crates, boxes, ladders, tools, refreshment carts, vending machines... "Storage Area... 17?" she muttered to herself, awed by the vastness of human enterprise the room signified. "That means there are sixteen more rooms like this one?" "Twenty-four, actually," came a gruff voice from the darkness. Sakura turned. "Bean Bandit?" she called, as the bulky figure in his armored leather jacket strode towards her. The American wore his dark shades and a hard frown on his chiseled features. "Twenty-four," he repeated, "each as big as this one. I ain't had time to take the whole tour, but the Dojo crew'll show you around if you ask." "This one's boring," came a young girl's voice. Sakura turned, and saw the red-cloaked B.B. Hood wander out from behind a small forklift. Her ever-present picnic basket swung gaily from her hand, though Sakura knew better than to assume it was full of tasty goodies. Bean Bandit cocked his head at her. "Boring?" "Yeah," the golden-haired child said with a sweet smile. "Just mops and ladders and stuff. Now the one that they keep all of Washuu's spare parts... that one's really interesting. They won't let you into THAT one." Sakura didn't like the undertone when the girl said 'interesting' - it somehow carried the impression of an interest in things that Sakura would find terrifying. She swallowed hard. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "Same thing you are," the young Hardcore champ chirped. "I got a note! Didn't you?" "Yeah," Sakura admitted. "So who called us here?" Bean asked. The answer came from behind a high pile of wooden crates. "I did." Detective Lei Wulong strode into view as the three fighters turned to face him. He made his way to a table set against one of the thick concrete support pillars, his eyes sharp and glittering as he studied each of the assembled Ultra competitors. Bulleta batted her eyes with saccharine innocence, and Sakura simply looked confused. "Officer Wulong?" Bean Bandit, however, crossed his arms over his chest, the kevlar-lined leather of his jacket creaking loudly with the movement. "The big-time cop. I shoulda figured. You know, I don't appreciate being called away from my Lambda brawl like this. So what's the story, Smokey? Did we park in a red zone or somethin'?" "I'm not old enough to drive," Bulleta giggled. "I asked you down here to answer some questions," Lei Wulong told them. "Nobody's leaving until I get my answer." "Answer to what?" asked Sakura. "One of you knows the truth," he declared. "One of you killed Johnny Cage!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Nabiki tapped her pen against her desk and watched the video feed as Lei Wulong dropped his bomb on her three employees. Each seemed genuinely shocked by his accusation, but if the murderer had kept hidden for this long, then they'd gotten good at pretending to be innocent. She frowned, her eyebrows knitting. Tarou peered over her shoulder. "So, he's narrowed it down to one of these three, has he? Which one would you say croaked the loser?" "Hmm," She pressed her lips together in a thin line, but didn't answer. She'd hate to lose any of these fighters. Neither Sakura nor Bean had enjoyed a particularly stellar season, but they were both popular competitors, reliable money-makers for her business. And Bulleta, for all her weirdness and instability, was her Hardcore champ, and a much more promising one than that prancing pervert Vega had ever been. The CEO of Ultra keyed her remote control and zoomed in a little closer. Lei didn't know he was being watched, of course. He'd disabled the security cameras in Storage Area 17, but he didn't know about the Stealth Mode of the UltraPods. Nabiki had slipped one of the mobile cameras into the warehouse when she realized what was going down. She didn't want to miss this scene, no matter how it turned out. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Who, me?" squealed B.B. Hood, balling her tiny hands up under her chin and wriggling cutely. "Why would you think widdle me could do such a bad thing?" "Save the act, Bulleta," Lei said. "Don't play innocent with me. I know you're capable of it." "But I didn't even know Mister Cage!" the blonde-haired moppet of mayhem said. "Still, you had a motive." The detective pulled a videotape off the table and brandished it in front of his suspects. "Before his death, Johnny Cage was taking pictures and recording films around Ultra. We finally found where he hid those tapes and photographs." "As I recall," Bean growled, "he was tryin' to blackmail his way into Ultra." Lei took this in stride. "I don't excuse what Johnny was doing. But that doesn't give anybody the right to kill him!" "Wh... what's on that tape?" Sakura asked nervously. The super-cop gave her a quick, sharp look, then turned his attention back to the wide-eyed Bulleta. "Yes. On the week when you," he pointed at the Hardcore champ, "were trying to get into Ultra, there were several acts of sabotage around the show. A game machine blew up, taking out the security and cameras, and the Old Dojo crew was nearly caught in another bomb. A lot of people suspected you, but nobody had any proof." He indicated the videotape in his hand. "Nobody except Johnny Cage." "Hmm?" Bulleta hummed, as if she had not the slightest notion of what he was saying. "Johnny caught you setting those bombs around Ultra on video..." "Must have been someone else!" the red-cloaked girl denied. "He tried to use the tapes to blackmail you..." "No, no! Never!" she denied unconvincingly. "...and you killed him because of it!" Lei finished. "Oh, pooh," Bulleta pouted. "That's all, whatsit, circumspectual evidence." "Circumstantial," Bean corrected. "Maybe," Lei agreed, "but that's not all. You've been looking for this tape since Johnny died, haven't you?" he accused. "In the process, you found where Johnny hid those videos of his screen test rejects. And you tried to use those to throw me off your trail. This is a recording of that phone call you made to me two weeks ago." He retrieved an audio cassette from the table and presented it to her. "Er," Bulleta fidgeted. "You did a pretty good job of disguising your voice," the detective said. "But not good enough. If you're so innocent, why were you interfering with my investigation?" Bulleta shrugged, then favored him with a mischievous grin. "So you figured that out, huh? I guess I'm no match for you." "So you admit it?" Lei asked. "Ah, ah, ah," she wagged a finger. "Nopesie-wopesie, Mister Policeman. I admit I was looking for Johnny's tapes, and that I fudged a widdle teeny bit with your investigation so you wouldn't find the tapes first, but that doesn't mean I killed that naughty Mister Cage." "Why should I believe you?" "Simple-as-pie, Mister Lei." Bulleta cocked her head and let her pretty curls bounce around her face. "If I'd killed Mister Cage, it would have been a whole lot messier." "Uh..." "Blood and chunks and parts everywhere," the pint-sized Hardcore champ sing-songed. "Lots of flesh caked against the walls, splattery stains all over the carpet..." Sakura blanched at the imagery, and even Bean Bandit seemed to pale a little bit. She described the scene in the same tone that any other girl might talk about a sparkly new dress for her dolly, but there was a savage, hungry gleam in her bright blue eyes as she spoke of the hypothetical carnage. "That's not much of a defense," Lei said, but actually, he thought she was telling the truth. A killer's modus operandi was a kind of fingerprint. He'd seen how Bulleta fought, the sort of bloodlust that accompanied her bouts in the ring. Maybe she could have changed her style to kill Johnny, but it seemed unlikely. If Bulleta had taken out Cage, Lei thought he would have entered a whole different scene that night at the hotel. Well, it didn't rule her out, but she wasn't his only suspect here. "You weren't the only one Johnny tried to blackmail," the detective said, then turned to Sakura. "He approached you, too." "H... hey," Sakura stammered, thrown off guard by the sudden shift of attention her way. "I didn't... I mean..." "He had photographs, first," Lei pressed. "Witnesses saw you arguing with him about those pictures. He said he was going to post them on the Internet." "What kind of pictures?" asked Bulleta cheerfully. "Naughty ones?" "They weren't even real!" Sakura protested. "It was just doctored stuff of my head on that tramp Sofia's body. Anybody could tell they were fakes!" The detective nodded. "That's right. So he knew they weren't good enough. That's why he made this video tape." He produced another black-cased tape from his pile of evidence. Sakura eyed it warily. "Oh no. He... you...." "This is the real you," Lei said gravely. "No tampering. You in the shower, you changing clothes. You're one of the most popular fighters in Ultra. Cage could have sold this for a fortune, but he didn't want the money." The young Shotokan fighter glared angrily. "He wanted me to use my influence to get him back into Ultra." Lei studied her carefully, watching not just her face but the luminous glow of her battle aura. "Yes. And you confronted him. People saw it." It had been the day before Cage's death, in fact, though it had taken far too long to convince the witnesses from the Old Dojo crew to talk. They all liked Sakura, didn't want to see her accused of a crime. Only after her display against Mousse had tongues begun to loosen. "I..." "You threatened to break his neck," Lei continued. "Didn't you?" "I said that, yeah!" Sakura admitted in a cry. "But I didn't mean it literally! Fighters say that sort of thing all the time! It's just trash talk." "Maybe," Lei acknowledged. "But maybe not. There's a dark side to the Shotokan fighting style, Sakura. I've seen you use that power. Everybody has. You were even controlled by the Orochi once." "I'm over that!" she protested. "I can handle it!" "Like two weeks ago?" Lei pressed. "Sakura, you're even more vulnerable, because you're self-taught. You don't even have the right training to know what to do! When you're pushed too hard, embarrassed too much like you were in the fight against Mousse, you lose control." "I don't know what happened that time!" she wailed. "But I swear... I SWEAR... I didn't do anything to Johnny Cage!" The innocent expression on her face was worlds apart from the plastic, baby-doll mask that Bulleta liked to wear. It tore at Lei's heart to see the desperation in Sakura's pleading eyes. This was a good kid, he told himself, a really good kid... but he'd known that already. He didn't doubt for a second that the Sakura he saw today was incapable of murder, but what about the one that lurked in the shadows of her heart? If she'd killed Cage, it wasn't because she was evil, it was because she was mentally ill. In his decades on the job as a cop, Lei had developed keen instincts for spotting lies, evil, and malicious intent. True psychosis, though, could hide from even those refined senses. Sakura might not even know if she'd killed Johnny Cage. But he didn't want to believe it. And there was one more suspect on his list that he thought was more likely than Kusagano Sakura. "So we come to you," Lei said, turning away from the distraught Sakura to the steely-faced Bean Bandit. "What about me?" the getaway driver grunted. "Johnny tried blackmail on you, too," Lei said, squaring off to stare down the towering American. Here, he felt on more familiar ground than dealing with the sweet-tempered Sakura or the schizoid Bulleta. Bean Bandit was the sort of hardened criminal he'd been confronting his entire professional life. "But he didn't count on how dangerous that could be. He didn't know your reputation from Chicago, didn't know that nobody double-crosses the infamous Bean Bandit." "If you've got a point, cop, then make it," Bean growled. "I've got a pickup to make at Ikea and I'm already late--" "Johnny knew your vulnerable spot," Lei continued. "Your relationship with Tifa Lockheart. Without her, you wouldn't even be in Ultra. You'd be back on the street, running drugs and helping criminals escape justice." Bean's scarred, stony face revealed nothing. Lei reached over and plucked a plain brown envelope from his evidence table. "Johnny wanted you to help him get back into Ultra," he said, withdrawing a handful of glossy prints from the folds of the envelope. "And if you didn't help him, he was going to use these!" Bean Bandit ground his teeth and uttered a few choice words in English. Bulleta peered at the photos. "Oh! Who's that woman in those pictures?" she asked innocently. "It certainly doesn't look like Miss Tifa." "It isn't," Lei agreed. "It's Sofia." The pictures did indeed seem very damning. They showed several angles of Bean and Sofia, the blonde dominatrix decked out in a dazzling, sequined evening gown that was probably three sizes too small for her. Several shots clearly depicted Bean groping hungrily after her, and Sofia seemed helpless to ward off the advances of the muscular driver. "What would Tifa have said if she saw these?" Lei asked. Bean flexed his meaty hands and snarled. "Damn it, you moron! Look at those pictures more closely! I ain't after that trailer-trash skank! It's her dress! Her sparkly goddamned dress!" "Ah!" Sakura exclaimed. "Your curse!" "Yeah!" Bean agreed in a voice like two slabs of granite slamming together. "My stupid curse! Look, you can even see my hair's still wet from where they splashed me. They set me up!" "Of course," Lei said evenly, though he had in fact forgotten about Bean's curse. On the balance, though, it didn't matter. "But that just made you even more mad. In fact, you were so mad at what they tried to do that you went to Johnny's hotel room that night and killed him!" "Prove it," the American spat. "You're getting sloppy!" Lei exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger. "Several witnesses at the hotel saw your car parked there that very night! You were at the scene!" Bean threw up his hands. "Yeah, all right! I did go to the hotel! I was gonna beat the snot out of that punk!" "And you ended up going too far," Lei concluded. "No!" Bean shot back. "I figured he wasn't worth the effort. He couldn't hurt me with those pictures - Tifa'd know what was really going on if she saw 'em. I wanted to punch his lights out, but it wasn't worth the trouble!" "That's a pretty flimsy excuse," Lei accused. "Oh yeah?" Bean countered. "Did any of your witnesses actually see me in the hotel, smart guy? Because I tend to stand out in a crowd here in Japan. Somebody would've remembered me goin' up there, wouldn't they?" "We haven't found the witness yet," Lei snapped, "but we will. Confess now, and it will go easier on you!" "I ain't got nothin' to confess," Bean barked. Lei slammed his hand down on the table. "Somebody here isn't telling the truth!" he demanded. "And I'm not going to leave until I find out..." He was interrupted as the shrill cry of his cellphone echoed through Storage Area 17. Lei looked down in surprise at the phone on his belt. Who could be calling him now? "Hold on a second," he said to the three suspects before him, then turned away to respond to the call. "Yes?" he whispered. "What is it?" Lei's eyes widened. The results from Johnny Cage's autopsy had finally come in. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T For the UltraPod camera, which was capable of sending signals instantaneously across light years of space or between parallel dimensions, tapping into a cellphone transmission was mere child's play. Nabiki sat back in her office chair and listened to the exchange between Lei and another Tokyo police officer. A smile spread across her face, and then she actually broke into laughter. "Well I'll be damned," Tarou muttered, shaking his head and grinning. "It figures, doesn't it?" Nabiki clutched her sides and laughed, a giddy feeling of relief flooding through her veins. She was safe. Ultra was safe. Just as she thought for sure she was going to lose one of her fighters and plunge headlong into another public scandal, deliverance had come from above. It made her almost believe that there was still a God watching over Ultra. The coroner's report told the story. Every one of Johnny Cage's injuries had been, ultimately, self-inflicted. Cause of death? A fatal hernia. It seemed, the forensic specialist explained to Lei Wulong, that Johnny had been practicing some extraordinary and dangerous new martial arts technique. He had called Lei that night so he could test his new skills out with someone he'd worked with before, but Lei hadn't made it in time to tell Johnny that the actor was overreaching his very limited capabilities. Of course, Johnny had been trying out his new moves for yet another bid at Ultra. The Jobber becomes the Champ, he'd no doubt dreamed. In a way, Ultra itself had killed Johnny Cage. But nobody had murdered him, and nobody would be going to jail. She checked the monitor. Lei was still whispering urgently into his cellphone, still not quite willing to believe what he was hearing. Behind him, Bean Bandit seethed, Sakura fretted, and Bulleta fingered the lid of the picnic basket in which she carried her arsenal. An idea occurred to the CEO of Ultra. "Where are we in the show?" she asked Tarou. "About half a minute until a Roxy and Sagat video package endsa," her assistant informed her. "Perfect." She jabbed at her intercom. "Tell Hiroshi to get ready for a special announcement. And get me Controversial Jack." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Welcome back to the show, folks!" Hiroshi belted into the microphone. "And not just any show... not even just any Ultra... ladies and gents, this is ULTRARAGE!" Daisuke raised an eyebrow. "Is there some reason you've decided to restate the obvious for us, Hiro?" "Indeed there is!" his manic partner trumpeted. "Because it wouldn't be UltraRage without a few special surprises! And I've just been told that we've got a BIG one coming your way! I know that Roxy vs. Sagat is coming up, but folks, if I can direct your attention to the UltraTron..." Daisuke leaned over and whispered. "What is it? An Omega match?" Hiroshi shrugged. "No idea, man." And then, Nabiki's smooth voice issued from every loudspeaker in the building. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T This was bad, Lei thought, his mind still reeling from the news he'd received as he tucked the cellphone away into his belt. All three of these fighters were innocent, and all three were (justifiably) pissed at his accusations. He'd expected to come away from this warehouse with an arrest, but now he just wanted to walk out in one piece. Lei turned, composing a few careful statements, when suddenly the UltraPod decloaked, and Nabiki tossed a match into the powder keg. "Ladies and gentlemen," her voice crackled across the speakers of the UltraPod. "I've arranged a special treat for you tonight. I know the Hardcore fans out there were probably feeling a little let down by tonight's card, but I am nothing if not receptive to the needs of my audience." Oh no, Lei thought. "And so," Nabiki continued, "I have assembled these four fighters here in Storage Area 17 beneath the UltraDome. Our current Hardcore champ, an ex-Hardcore champ, and two new contenders in the division." The eyes of three angry fighters focused on Lei Wulong. The Tokyo cop backed away, grinning nervously. "It's a four-way warehouse brawl for the ages," Nabiki purred. "And it begins... now." ][ ULTRARAGE THETA MATCH #5 : HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP BRAWL ][ BULLETA vs. BEAN BANDIT vs. SAKURA vs. LEI WULONG ][ With Special Guest Booker Grayson Towler ][ FIGHT! I think I'm in trouble, Lei thought. Bulleta batted her eyes and steepled her fingers beneath her chin. "Oh, so we're here for a fight?" she asked brightly. "So then what was all that other stuff about? That business with the naughty videos of Miss Sakura? And those pictures of Mister Bandit and that trashy blonde?" Lei smacked his palm against his forehead. Upstairs in the UltraDome, Hiroshi leaned into his microphone. "Whoah! What's she talking about?" The audience muttered excitedly as well, speculating wildly about the idea of a risqué Sakura tape. And sitting on a curb outside a furniture store elsewhere in Tokyo, watching on a pocket television, Tifa's mood did not improve. (Nor did she decide to wait for her ride to show up...) "I don't know," Daisuke said, "but it looks like everybody's focusing on Lei here." Bean Bandit took a thunderous step forward, the cracks of his knuckles echoing through the storage area like the sound of a dozen necks breaking. "This is a dream come true for me, you realize," he told Lei, flashing his incisors in a wolf-like grin. "I get to maul a cop without so much as a slap on the wrists..." Sakura eyed the other fighters. "Wait a minute, guys," she began. "Shouldn't we..." "Oh!" Bulleta cried. "You know, I just realized something, Sakura-chan. Mister Lei must have watched that tape of you a whole lot of times, right?" "No!" Lei protested. "Did you show it to many other people?" the cherubic champ asked. "All the boys down at the station?" "No, wait you don't... aah!" "SHUNPUU KYAKU!" Sakura cried, launching into her 'Spring Wind Kick.' She pirouetted through the air with blinding speed, foot extended to deliver a hail of kicks towards Lei Wulong. The super-cop ducked, dodged, and blocked his way through the attack, but had no time to switch to the offensive, as Bean Bandit closed in and launched a steel-denting haymaker in his direction. The Hong Kong fighter spun away, only to take a furious kick to the gut from Sakura. The two fighters positioned themselves on either side of Lei, raining down blows as he desperately tried to fend them off. "And those two aren't wasting any time!" Hiroshi shouted. "They're really letting Lei have it!" "Wonder why they're so ticked at him?" Daisuke asked. "Who knows?" Hiroshi said. "But if Lei doesn't do something soon, they're going to beat him into a super-pulp!" This is probably how things would have turned out, had Bulleta simply stayed out of the fight. But the Hardcore champ wanted her own piece of the detective, and wasn't about to let Sakura and Bean have all the fun. She drew an AK-47 from the confines of her basket and chambered the first round. Bean heard the familiar oiled sound of a gun being cocked and reacted instinctively. He turned his back towards Bulleta, then draped himself like a shield in front of the surprised Sakura, hunkering down and ducking his head. Lei, too, reacted with well-worn reflexes, hurling himself aside as the bullets sprayed. He knew that B.B. Hood's weapons weren't actually lethal, but that didn't mean he was going to stand around and see how badly they really hurt when they hit. He scrambled behind a pile of crates as the shells lanced through the air. Bean's leather jacket, with its kevlar armor and ceramic plates, was built to stand up to real gunfire. The getaway driver turned back as Bulleta discarded the empty clip from her machine gun. "HEY!" he shouted. "Watch where you're shootin' that thing, kid!" Bulleta clasped her hands behind her and swayed back and forth. "Sorry, Mister Beanie!" she sang. "I'll try to be more careful!" The square-jawed driver released Sakura from his protective embrace. "C'mon, kid. Let's pound that sanctimonious bastard." "You got it," the schoolgirl agreed with grim determination. Lei saw the two of them advancing again, and decided that a strategic retreat was his only hope. He couldn't hold both of them off at the same time - that much was clear. He turned and took to his heels, Sakura and Bean Bandit in hot pursuit. Catching Lei Wulong proved a lot harder than either Bean or Sakura expected. He charged a section of lattice support frame at full speed, then leaped clean through a gap in the structure. Bean and Sakura detoured around, but Lei was already sliding through the cab of a parked pallet loader, then squirming his way through a maze of steel drums. Behind the wheel of a hot rod, Bean Bandit could outmaneuver any adversary, but on foot he moved like a tank. Sakura was far faster, but even the nimble Shotokaner had to struggle to keep up with Lei Wulong. "Head around that way!" Bean instructed her as Lei ducked into an alleyway between large packing crates. "We'll cut him off!" The pincer move might have worked, except Lei suddenly scaled his way up the towering multi-level shelves of the warehouse. It was like watching a magician's trick, the way he moved - one minute he was standing within arm's reach, and then with a hop off a crate, a bounce off a support pillar, and a scramble up a length of dangling rope, he was suddenly four stories above them. "Damn," Bean swore. "He moves like a monkey!" "Come back here!" Sakura shouted. She didn't have Lei's mountain-goat style of climbing, but towering leaps were a staple of her martial arts style. She launched herself towards him, leaping from one shelf to the next on her way up to the fourth level. Bean growled angrily and made his way over to a ladder. Sakura caught up to Lei amidst a large tangle of plumbing supplies. "Jerk!" she shouted as she launched into a punching combination. "Pervert! Peeping-tom!" "No, wait!" Lei tried, warding off her furious barrage of blows. "I didn't..." "SHOUOUKEN!!" Sakura cried, launching into her powerful signature uppercut. Lei caught it on his guard but still went sprawling to the floorboards. He blinked dizzily from the pain. "Take this!" Sakura trumpeted. She planted her feet and gathered her ki-energy for her fireball attack. "HADOU-KEN!" Lei reached out and grabbed a thick chunk of U-shaped iron pipe as the energy sphere streaked towards him. The Hadou-ken disappeared into the mouth of one pipe, did a 180 degree arc along the course of the ductile iron structure, and came hurtling back out the other way. Sakura took her own energy blast square in the chest, her eyes bugging out with surprise. She tumbled to the planks of the shelf, her breath rushing out of her lungs in a startled "whoof." "Sakura, just listen," Lei began. "I... whoah!" Bean Bandit had made his way up to the fourth level, and just about caved Lei's head in with a savage punch. The super-cop blocked another blow with the pipe fragment in his hand, and gulped in horror as Bean's fist seriously dented the dark iron. The getaway driver reared back for another strike. "Here!" Lei said, tossing him the dented pipe. Bean reflexively caught it, leaving himself open for a sweep kick that took his legs out from under him and sent him thudding to the floor. Lei didn't have time to follow up the attack, though, because Sakura was already on her feet and closing in. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T In the opulent confines of her office, Nabiki shifted her attention between the fight unfolding somewhere far below them and the reactions of the crowd in the UltraDome. In both cases, she rather liked what she was seeing. "The cop's holding up better than I expected," Tarou noted. "Yes," Nabiki agreed. "In the ring, of course, he'd have been flattened early on." She watched as Lei stomped hard, levering a loose floorboard up to crack Sakura in the chin. He swung away from another of Bean's pulverizing shots, dancing along the ledge of the high shelf until he made his way to a platform of cleaning supplies. The bulky American struggled to find some path he could take in pursuit. "I knew he was a good fighter," Nabiki said, "but watch him, Tarou. He has a tremendous awareness of his surroundings. He improvises, adapts..." On the monitor, Lei's eyes bulged with surprise as Bulleta tossed a hissing bomb up to the platform where he was standing. He scooped the explosive device up and dunked it into a nearby bucket of soapy water, extinguishing its fuse before it detonated. He then picked up the pail and used it to catch two more bombs as the angry B.B. Hood tossed them his way. "He's also getting lucky," Tarou observed. "Luck is real, Tarou," Nabiki told him. "Some people have more than others. Don't underestimate that in a fight." "Maybe," the Chinese fighter said skeptically. "And look at that," she said, pointing to the monitor which displayed the reactions of the UltraDome crowd. They leaned forward in their seats, shifting and jolting with the action as if they were all on some sort of roller coaster, eyes riveted to the combat unfolding on the gigantic monitors. "They're loving it," Nabiki hummed with satisfaction. "This is the kind of match we need in Hardcore." "So," Tarou asked, "Does that mean you're going to ask Wulong to stay on with the show?" "I might," the CEO said. "If he survives this fight, of course..." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T A completely defensive struggle would eventually end in defeat, Lei knew. His only hope was to divide and conquer. Fortunately, these three had such different styles that he thought he might be able to do that. Sakura had the speed to pretty much keep up with him, while Bean Bandit lagged behind, and Bulleta tended to try to pick him off from a distance. In a space this size, he might be able to keep them separated long enough to concentrate on attacking. First thing, he thought, was to leave Bean behind. Both the Chicago criminal and Sakura were up here on the high shelves with him, and Bulleta was back at ground level, discarding her now-empty machine gun and rooting around for another weapon. Lei scrambled away from his two attackers as they closed in, then took a flying leap out into open space. He caught hold of a dangling pulley chain in mid flight, then used it to swing his way up to the rafters. "Aw, CRAP!" Bean growled in frustration as he watched Lei bounce from one thick beam to the next. Sakura, on the other hand, had the balance to chase her quarry up at that level. She stayed hot on his heels as he scampered along the beams, until he leaped off and landed on the upper platform of the shelves on the opposite side of the warehouse. "Turn and fight me already!" she demanded as she landed amidst the stacks of stored chairs and tables. The super-cop obliged her. He snatched up a steel folding chair, wielding it like a deformed tonfa, and advanced on Sakura. She blocked the first few swings, then threw a counter of her own. Lei snapped open the chair, letting her fist pass through the gap, and then slammed it shut on her arm again. The surprised Sakura cried out in pain. The veteran policeman used the leverage of the chair to twist her arm around until Sakura was forced to face away from him, then planted a foot on her back and shoved. The schoolgirl flew across the cramped storage shelf and smacked into a large stack of tables. As it turned out, this was a stack of Spanish Announcers tables, which all exploded dramatically as if Lei had dropped a grenade into their midst rather than a young girl. The super-cop blinked at this extravagant display in surprise, but it would take Sakura a little while to extract herself from that wreckage. And he didn't have time to focus on her anymore, because he caught the distinctive sound of a pump- action shotgun being primed to fire. "Yoo-hoo! Mister Policeman!" called Bulleta. "Don't forget about widdle meeeeee!" Lei threw himself aside as the manic little cherub opened fire, blasting a great chunk out of the shelf where he'd just been standing. How many guns did that girl have? The shotgun roared again, splintering more of the wooden supports, and suddenly the entire floor dropped out from under Lei's feet. He tumbled down to the shelf below, which in turn collapsed and sent the policeman cascading in a shower of debris down to the floor of the warehouse below. B.B. Hood giggled with delight. "Ooh, that looked like it hurt!" she squeaked, then pumped another round into place. Lei desperately extricated himself from the mound of detritus and tried to bite back the pain from his fall. He barely scrambled out of the way of another scattershot blast from the Hardcore champ. "Bye-bye now, Mister Lei!" Bulleta chirped, leveling the barrel towards him. The detective, frantically searching for a weapon, reached out and grasped the handle of a bucket of paint. He hurled it towards Bulleta with all his might, just as the deranged child squeezed the trigger on her weapon. The shotgun blast caught the bucket in the middle of its arc, shredding the aluminum shell into a thousand fragments. Bulleta squeaked in surprise as the contents of the bucket, now liberated, splattered towards her. A great wave of olive-green paint sloshed over B.B. Hood, knocking her flat on her back. Enraged and blinded, the Hardcore champ tried to fire her shotgun again at the place where Lei had last been, but the paint had also jammed the mechanism, and the weapon wouldn't fire. The little blonde sociopath screamed in frustration and tried to wipe her eyes clean of the paint. Lei sighed in relief, then took a kick right in the small of the back from Sakura. "You're finished!" the Shotokan girl cried as Lei tumbled away from her. "SHUNPUU KYAKU!" Lei saw Sakura spinning towards him like a helicopter, trying to finish him off with her Spring Wind Kick. He grabbed a dangling rope from one of the freight pulleys and looped the end around her extended ankle as she spiraled towards him. Sakura yelped in surprise, but she couldn't check the momentum of her own attack. She spun her way up the rope, her own twisting attack serving to spool the rope around her body. Lei gave the other end of the pulley a hard yank, and suddenly the coils tightened. The astonished Sakura found herself jerked upside-down and hauled into the air, helplessly trapped in the bonds of thick rope. The super-cop looked up at the dangling, trapped Sakura, rubbing his back where she'd kicked him. "Sorry about that," he said to her. "I..." "SORRY?!" shrieked a high-pitched voice which contained nothing of human sanity. "I'll show you SORRY!" Lei turned and leaped for cover as B.B. Hood fired her LAW Rocket in his direction. The missile shrieked by him, colliding with a crate full of rubber hoses and tubing, detonating with a deafening clap of thunder. The shockwave sent the super-cop sprawling to the concrete floor. "YOU got PAINT all over me!" Bulleta screamed in apoplectic fury. "I'm gonna blow you into LITTLE RED GOBBETS!" Struggling against the ringing in his ears, Lei tried to focus on his foe. That rocket launcher was a two-handed weapon, so she'd been forced to set her basket on the ground to fire it. It also only held one round at a time, which meant... The detective grabbed the nearest heavy object - a heavy sprinkler head which had dropped from the exploded crate - and hurled it at Bulleta's basket. The metallic fixture struck the picnic basket just before the girl's reaching fingers grasped the handle, sending it spiraling away until it lodged underneath a small electric forklift. Veins in her little neck bulging, the girl let fly with an inarticulate howl of pure hatred. She drew two razor-sharp hatchets from beneath her cloak and charged Lei Wulong with murderous fury. Lei ducked away, feeling a little embarrassed about running from a ten-year old girl but knowing that Bulleta was as dangerous as any hardened convict. He scanned for a weapon to use against her, kicking a chunk of exploded crate in her direction to try to slow her down. Bulleta hacked her way through the debris and leaped towards him, hatchets raised high. A length of rubber hose gave Lei the weapon he needed. He snatched the hose off the ground, swung it like a whip and wrapped the tubing around the shafts of Bulleta's axes. The girl tried to yank her weapons free with a burst of astonishing strength, but Lei held fast and began to twist her into a spin, like an overly-aggressive partner in some manic waltz. As he twirled her in circles, Lei tightened the hose around Bulleta's wrists. She was phenomenally strong for her size, but she lacked the mass to resist him, and whirled around like a red-cloaked top. "Whoaa... uh... dizzy..." Bulleta stammered. Lei abruptly stopped spinning her and yanked her bodily into the air. "Go to sleep," he said, freeing one arm and wrapping it around her neck. The pint-sized Hardcore champ struggled like a wildcat, but Lei had the advantage of leverage. Soon, the sleeper hold robbed her of consciousness. Two down, Lei thought as he set her on the ground. One to... Some deep-seated instinct made him duck his head before he even really knew what was happening, which assuredly saved his skull. A ball-peen hammer ripped through the air at phenomenal speed and slammed into a concrete support pillar behind him, pulverizing the cement on impact. Lei looked up, eyes wide in astonishment, as Bean Bandit stalked across the warehouse floor, a large fistful of assorted tools in his beefy hands. The Roadbuster felt he'd endured quite enough of this cat-and- mouse business, the novelty of chasing a cop instead of being chased long having passed. Lei had an advantage in mobility, but Bean had figured out a way around that. It wasn't commonly known in Ultra, but Bean Bandit's weapon of choice when fists weren't quite enough was a good, solid knife. He could split a bulls-eye with a thrown knife at a hundred yards. He reared back with a pipe wrench and let fly. These tools weren't knives, but they were close enough, he reckoned. Lei threw himself flat on the ground and let the wrench hurtle over his head, then desperately cast around for some sort of cover from Bean's fearsome assault. He caught sight of a four- wheeled UltraSoda drink cart and dove for it, barely avoiding the flathead screwdriver which streaked his way. The super-cop positioned himself behind the soda cart, planted his feet, and charged towards Bean Bandit with the four-wheeled vending stand ahead of him. The Roadbuster grinned. If the cop wanted to come in close, that was fine by him. He dropped his tools, reared back and met the speeding cart with a pulverizing straightforward punch. Aluminum buckled and the cart folded in on itself, flying into bits under the force of the angry American's blow. Lei rolled out from behind the destroyed cart, took up a fighting stance, and charged his adversary. Bean's technique was not terribly sophisticated, and he had a lot of body to defend. It was easy to find an opening, right in the ribs. The super-cop let fly with a fierce body shot... ... and pulled his hand back, wringing it in pain. Bean tapped his jacket and smiled wider. "Ceramic plates," he commented. "Remember?" Lei wasted no time, and with his other hand he aimed a fist at the Chicago driver's lantern jaw. The punch landed with a resounding crack, and even forced Bean's head to turn slightly. The detective drew back his other hand, gasping in pain. The jaw was almost as bad as the body armor! Bean lashed out with a sharp jab snapping Lei's head back and nearly sending him to the floor. He followed up with another crisp punch, which Lei barely managed to block, then planted his feet and unloaded with a sizzling roundhouse. Lei dropped out of the way of the punch, slid between Bean Bandit's pillar-like legs, and popped up to his feet behind the Roadbuster. As Bean turned to face his adversary, Lei hopped towards a row of heavy-duty spotlights, black cylinders of metal stacked neatly against a crate of extra bulbs. He hooked his foot under the control handle of one of the lights, then leaped into the air and swung the heavy metallic fixture towards Bean's head. The impact landed with an incredible crunch, shattering the lens of the spotlight and denting the metal badly. Bean's body spun from the force of the blow, his eyes coming unfocused. Wearing the spotlight like some sort of immense mutant clog, keeping his circular momentum going so as not to lose his weapon, Lei hopped into another arcing kick and pounded the bulky fighter hard in the chin. Bean staggered back. Whipping himself into another pair of whistling arcs, Lei built up his momentum. At the critical moment, he pointed the toe of the foot holding onto the spotlight. The battered apparatus hurled like a missile towards his adversary, striking the Roadbuster full in the face and sending him flying back in a spread-eagle sprawl. The American's huge body slid across the cement floor from the force of the impact, until he finally came to rest almost at one of the entrance docks to the warehouse. Lei watched in dismay as Bean pulled himself up to his elbows, spit out a big gob of blood, and leveled a somewhat unfocused but definitely hate-filled glare at the policeman. Lei, gasping for breath, grabbed another couple of spotlights and prepared for battle. At that moment, the metal double-doors at the entrance dock exploded open in a shower of sparks. Both fighters turned in surprise. A stunning figure stood in the smoking remains of the doorway, hands planted on her hips, battle aura glowing brightly, breathing heavily from running across ten city blocks in under five minutes. "Teef?" Bean said unsteadily to his girlfriend. "WHAT TRASHY BLONDE?" demanded Tifa Lockheart, in a voice straight from some sulfurous pit of Hell. "It was Sofia..." Bean said, perhaps unwisely. Tifa's aura flared a bright crimson. "SOFIA?!" she shouted in pure indignant disbelief. "You mean you and that BIMBO..." "No wait!" Bean cried, scrambling to his feet. Tifa pivoted sharply on a heel and began to stalk down the hallway. "I can't BELIEVE it!" she shouted, throwing her hands into the air. "Of ALL the people, you..." "It ain't what you think!" the Roadbuster pleaded. "Just wait a sec and let me explain..." He cast one final glance over his shoulder towards Lei Wulong, a look that left no doubt that he intended to finish this business between them sometime very soon, then thudded off down the dark hallway in pursuit of his fuming girlfriend. Lei let the spotlights drop, wiping the sweat from his battered face and gasping for air. He turned to the floating UltraPod camera and spread his hands. "Does that..." he said between wheezes, "...count as a disqualification? Huh?" Upstairs in the UltraDome, Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other. "I don't know," Hiroshi admitted. "The DQ rules for Hardcore are kind of vague..." "Can we get a judgement on this?" Daisuke asked, turning back to the booth. The crowd leaned forward, collectively holding its breath, as a few tense seconds ticked by in pregnant silence. In her office, Nabiki waited with her finger poised above the intercom switch until she felt the tension had reaches a nice critical mass, then spoke into microphone. "I declare Lei Wulong to be the winner of the bout." An eruption of cheers rocked the UltraDome as the crowd went berserk with joy. Lei might not have been as dear to their collective hearts as Bean or Sakura, but nobody could deny that it had been a hell of an exciting match. "How about that, folks!" Hiroshi crowed. "What a fight! What a display of acrobatics and improvisation from the Tokyo super- cop!" "And what a display of rancor from Bean Bandit," Daisuke noted. "I think these two aren't finished with each other." "Not to mention B.B. Hood! Ladies and gents, I think you're gonna see some serious sizzle in the Hardcore division this coming season!" "Anything," Daisuke commented dryly, "would be better than Vega's repeated attempts at flaying the other competitors." "You got THAT right, my man!" Hiroshi enthused. "All right, folks, we're gonna take a break for a minute, and then we'll be right back with more heart-pounding, in-your-face combat from UltraRage Theta!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Back in Storage Area 17, an extremely exhausted Lei Wulong limped his way over to the ropes where Kusagano Sakura was still suspended high above the floor. The upside-down girl continued to struggle against her bonds, her anger mounting as the blood rushed to her head. Lei thought he saw something dark and insidious creeping into her battle aura, some angry purple glow he didn't like at all. "Sakura!" he called out. "Listen to me!" The young fighter jerked her head around to see him, eyes burning with hot, impotent rage. "What?" she barked. "I didn't watch that video, okay?" he said. "Once I saw what was going to be on it, I gave it to an old lady who keeps records down at the station. She's got seven grandchildren, all right? She wrote down what was on the tape and told me. She was the only person who watched the video!" The short-haired girl glared at him from her elevated position, her mouth working in silence. "Sakura," Lei continued. "I'm sorry! I know you didn't kill Johnny Cage, okay? You're innocent!' For a moment, the dark strands in her aura continued to writhe and twist, but then the girl closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. Lei watched as the glow of her ki faded down to normal levels, and he sighed heavily with relief. "Could you please help me down from here?" the young Shokotaner asked in a tired voice. "Oh! Sure! Just a second..." Lei scrambled to find the right pulleys to lower the captive Sakura to the floor. "So," Sakura said as Lei unwound the ropes from around her arms, "That's why you were really here? To find out who killed Johnny Cage?" "Uh, yeah," Lei admitted, a wry smile on his face. "So did you figure it out?" she asked, her eyes wide. "Who did it?" "Er..." "I'm afraid," came Nabiki's voice from behind the two of them, "That Mr. Cage's own ambitions killed him." The two turned, and the hovering UltraPod camera platform emitted a beam of light, which shimmered and resolved itself into a hologram of the smartly-dressed teenage CEO of Ultra. She favored them both with a satisfied grin. "What?" Sakura said. "Turns out to be a case of accidental death," Nabiki informed her, examining her fingernails casually. "Strange but true, isn't it, Detective Wulong?" The beleaguered policeman favored the young businesswoman with a rueful glare. "You tapped into my phone call. That's illegal, you know." Nabiki adopted a startled 'Who, me?' look, then broke into a broad smile. "Anyway, detective, now we need to discuss your future in this organization." "Future?" Lei asked. "It's over, isn't it?" He was surprised at the stab of regret he felt at the prospect. "Oh, I hope not," the young tycoon said. "The Hardcore division has been dragging a bit lately. Too many old rivalries, not enough spark," she grimaced slightly. "Bulleta's been the only bright spot this season... until tonight." The super-cop gave her a sidelong look. "So what are you saying?" "I'm saying," she said crisply, "that I'd like you to stay on for the next season." "I've got a job," Lei informed her. She waved a dismissive hand. "So have a lot of our competitors. You can fight crime six days a week, and on your day off, you get to come to the Dome and sharpen your skills against the finest fighters in the world. I'll even let you run a few public service announcements for the boys in blue, if it helps convince your superiors. Doesn't sound so bad, does it?" Lei looked around at the wreckage in the storehouse, considered the throbbing aches which were starting to register insistently from all the places he'd taken hits during the fight, and drew a deep breath. "One thing," he said, raising a finger. "Yes?" Nabiki asked. "I want a new contract!" he exclaimed. "I'm not doing this stuff for free anymore!" The CEO of Ultra nodded knowingly. "I see we have something in common after all. Come to my office after the show, Detective Wulong. We'll get it all sorted out." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "And up next is the battle EVERYBODY's been wetting their pants in anticipation for!" exclaimed Hiroshi. "They didn't know this fight was coming until earlier tonight," Daisuke replied. "And I think you're the only guy with wet pants." "Wo--wet pants?" Hiroshi quickly amended. "I don't--" "Oops," Daisuke said as his elbow knocked his glass over, a small trail of water trickling off the table and onto Hiroshi's pants. "..." "Just trying to add a bit of humor to my routine," Daisuke said unapologetically. "Our next fight is a continuation of the Gamma Contendership from earlier tonight..." "...where Roxy got one over on Ranma! That was an AMAZING match!" Hiroshi finished, trying to recover from earlier events. "And now, we get to see the Blonde Bombshell square off against Sagat! Coming down to the arena, and still denying all rumors that she's Sagat's long-lost daughter...it's ROXY!" A loud guitar riff and swiveling spotlights introduced the girl as she jogged down into the ring, clad in her denim jacket and jeans, and pumped her fists into the air. Signs of "MAKE DADDY CRY UNCLE!" and "BLOW ME AWAY, ROXY!" were waved in the stands. "And her opponent, this past season's unrivaled Gamma Champion, a guy everyone just loves to hate...SAGAT!" There was no music, just the jeers of the crowd as the Muy Thai kickboxer made his way down to the arena and stood in his corner, flexing to warm himself up. "Normally, I'd put Roxy at a disadvantage here, having fought Ranma earlier tonight," Daisuke said, "but Sagat's still recovering from his leg injury and re-injury from earlier this season, which will probably keep him from moving very quickly, not to mention providing Roxy a potential weak spot to take advantage of." "But the advantage will go to YOU, our wonderful audience, when you get to see how this match turns out--WHO'S THAT?!" The spotlights swiveled to the entryway, where a pig-tailed martial artist walked down to much cheering. He turned to the audience and gave a small wave and a bright smile, which increased the volume volumetrically. "It's Ranma Saotome, the Gamma competitor who lost his right to fight and PAAAAAAAAARTY against Sagat this evening!" Hiroshi exclaimed enthusiastically into his mike. "But what's he doing down here?" Ranma motioned for a microphone and brought it up to his mouth. "I'm just here to show some support to the fighter that beat me fair and square!" he declared. "Give'em Hell, Roxy," he said, before flipping her a thumbs-up and sitting ringside. Akane blushed at the comment, and fumbled mentally for a moment as she tried to find a Roxy-like response. "Aww, that's sweet, Ranma. I'll guess have to getcha something special fer it later!" The crowd ate it up, even more so when she struck a sexy pose and winked at Ranma, who began turning the color of his shirt on the spot. "Are you done flirting?" Sagat asked. "Yeah, for now," Roxy responded. "Let's get it on!" ][ ULTRARAGE THETA MATCH #6 : GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP ][ ROXY vs. SAGAT ][ With Special Guest Booker Lawrence Chu ][ FIGHT! The bell rang, and a cry of "TIGER!" roared through the Dome, the only warning Roxy had to leap out of the way of the fireball. "And Sagat wastes no time in attacking Roxy!" Hiroshi roared, slamming his hands down on the announcer's table. "Is this a sign of things to come?!" "No, and that wet patch must make things pretty breezy," said Daisuke. "..." replied Hiroshi as he sat back down. She danced away from the side of the ring and towards Sagat, diving at the last second and sweeping at his leg. Sagat noticed this and brought his knee up, hoping to get the added bonus of hitting Roxy, but to no avail--the girl immediately rolled backward and into a more defensive posture. "Not bad, old man," Roxy chirped. "Almost got the best o'me there, hm? It's not gonna happen, though, and I'm gonna tell ya WHY--" And with that, her ki exploded, the Bombshell engulfing the arena in a blaze of light. "--ONE! You can't even touch me, let alone hit me. I've seen snails what move faster'n you!" To demonstrate, she rushed in, then faked her way to Sagat's right and tagged him on the shoulder, before ducking the elbow that came flying at her face. She then returned to her previous position, and resumed talking. "TWO! Your special moves--" "TIGER!" "--just don't hold it for me," Roxy continued as she sidestepped the flameshot. "I mean, why should I bother handling somebody whose 'balls're so SMALL?" And with that, she returned his favor with a Shockwave fireball, notably larger than the ones she had dodged earlier. Sagat's eyes narrowed at the attack. He recognized the base form if not the results. He brushed the ball of flame as if were nothing as the crowd continued to cheer for the girl. "THREE!" Roxy called out. "Everyone knows that Beauty ALWAYS beats the Beast." And with that, she posed for Ranma and winked with her one eye, which caused the noise level to raise a notch or a hundred. Ranma blushed a little, much to her delight. She turned back and-- --rolled to the side, as Sagat had advanced on her while she had put on her little act. Akane mentally cursed as she reminded herself not too get TOO carried away. She also mentally smiled a little wider as she remembered Ranma's look of complete surprise. "And it appears that, despite the talk, Sagat can easily hold his own against Roxy," noted Daisuke. "This fight could go either way, folks." "YEAH! GO ROXY! TAKE HIM DOWN! WHOO!" observed Hiroshi. If looks could kill, Daisuke would be wanted for multiple counts of second-degree murder on a single person. And possibly a few counts of necrocide. Roxy waltzed about once more, ready to dive in and knock Sagat's legs from underneath him at a moments' notice. The kickboxer eyed the girl warily, knowing exactly what she was planning, and waited until she moved to kneel and fire a low Tiger Punch at the oncoming figure-- "Oh, my GOD!" Hiroshi screamed, as Roxy planted her hands on the mat and sprang over the fireball. "Roxy's in top form tonight! I've never seen her like this before!" "She has a fighting chance against Sagat," Daisuke said as Roxy finished the transition from a headfirst dive into a double-footed kick. Sagat dodged to the side and lashed out at the spot he previously occupied, which connected with a solid THUD. He immediately followed up the first strike with a flurry of punches and elbow jabs. "That looked pretty painful," Daisuke noted. "It's the first opening he's been able to take advantage of in the fight, and it looks like he's returned all of the hits Roxy got in on him." "Not bad," Roxy managed to get out. "But you know that won't be happening again." She even managed to pull off a convincing smile. Inside, though, Akane winced at the dull pain spreading in her shoulder. All the shots had hurt, but the first one had tagged her right on the collarbone. She couldn't rely on her arms too much any more. She thrust out another Shockwave, which wasn't nearly as large as the one previous but still enough to block an incoming Tiger Punch. Sagat's eyes narrowed again. Not only were there hints of Shotokan in the fighting, but...another style he had fought against in times past. What was it...? Testing his boundaries, he advanced on Roxy, ready to block any more attempts that favored his wounded leg-- --which was exactly what was necessary, since the girl tried to do just that again. He lifted his knee to connect with her chin-- --Akane panicked, cursed her predictability, and shot up-- --just in time to take at least ten shots to the torso, two to the side of her head, and a Tiger Uppercut. She reeled from the pain, and dragged herself to the side of the ring. "And with that second combo, it looks like Sagat's knocked all the wind out of Roxy!" shouted Hiroshi. "Could this be it for Ultra's bomb- tastic babe?!" "You okay, Roxy?" Ranma started to say, as Roxy drew herself up-- "I dON'T NeED your HElp, Ra--" 'Roxy' breathed, before her eyes widened and she shut her mouth. Ranma's look of concern became one of bewilderment. That wasn't Roxy's voice--what WAS that? Meanwhile, Akane cursed herself for almost giving herself away, and rubbed her throat, subtly moving the voice modulator back into place. She turned back to Ranma and smiled. "Don't worry 'bout me, I'll be fine. YOU just enjoy the show," she stage-whispered, emphasizing the last word with a kiss blown in his direction. She then turned towards Sagat. "All right, that's IT, Sagat. Your sorry butt is MINE. DYNAMITE KICK!" And with that, she launched into her variation on the Tatsumaki Sempuu Kyaku, whirling around... ...and the golden locks that graced her face, already shaken loose by the last series of attacks, drifted in a direction away from the rest of Roxy's body... ...and Ranma, whose face had turned from concern to confusion earlier, now displayed nothing but pure, raw shock... ...and Sagat, who had been all to set to block earlier, merely widened his eyes as he realized who he was truly fighting... ...and Akane Tendo's foot solidly connected with Sagat's jaw, knocking him out cold. As she landed gracefully on her feet, she pumped her fist in the air and looked down in a proud, finishing manner. And saw the wig she had been wearing moments before staring right back at her. The secret was out. There was no more Roxy. It was over. The Dome was suddenly dead silent. Not even Hiroshi could find the right words or ANY words to say, could think of even a single camp one- liner to respond to the situation with. Just Absolute. Utter. Silence. And then, as if a dam had just burst, the applause, the screaming, the whistling that should have been their earlier was released all at once, the walls, even under the maintainance of This Old Dojo, threatening to collapse. Hiroshi started screaming and going into triple overdrive over this latest revelation, hastily-scribbled signs reading "AKANE 'ROX' OUR WORLD!" were thrust in the air, the referee made the official ten count and declared her the winner... But none of this was as important to her as the fact that Ranma was making her way into the arena, eyes looking straight into hers, straight through the colored contacts. Those eyes, filled with something that she had never seen him show HER before. Not worry. Not fear. Not shock, though she could see that there, too. What was it? "Akane?" he mouthed. "I'm sorry," she mouthed back, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. He shook his head and smiled. "Don't be." Those eyes were filled with RESPECT. "...SHOCKING REVELATION AND OH MY GOD AKANE'S ROXY AND ROXY'S AKANE AND HOW THE HELL COULD THIS BE IT'S UNBE-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-VABLE!" Hiroshi paused for a moment to catch his breath and take a sip from his water cup. "There, better." "IT'S INSANE! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT JUST CAN'T BE POSSIBLE!" Hiroshi continued shouting after his voice caught up with him. "WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!--" "We'll have more on that as it develops," Daisuke noted. "And now, a little bit of background on the competitors for our final event of the evening, The Great Yaga and Li Ping..." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Mary stood in an unused dressing room, tearing open the plastic wrap on her new shirt and smiling to herself. Her smile was not smug, it was not giddy... simply a happy smile of someone at ease with the world. Use Ultra, Lina had told her. Use Ultra as your proving ground. Lina was right, but only partly so -- Ultra was the key. Mary saw that now, and the hard part of her plan had been to convince the others of that. But Ultra wasn't simply her petri dish to experiment in. It had a much more powerful use than that... The silent sound of leather passing through the air echoed behind her. "Hello, Sephiroth-san," she greeted, discarding the plastic wrap and unfolding the shirt. "You know, don't you?" "I felt... something, yes," the dark angel of Jenova spoke, genuine confusion in his voice. "I knew you were here tonight, of course. But something has happened. I felt it in the air..." "Do you like it?" Mary asked, turning around and holding the garment up to her body. "It's thinning, isn't it? I had to get something in my new size..." "What have you done, Mary?" he asked, concerned. "I warned you not to use your power foolishly, and this smacks of folly. It is not too late to take my counsel. I am still willing to be your knight--" "Actually, it is too late," Mary said, setting the shirt aside. "Isn't that wonderful? I think I've become what I was supposed to be all along. You don't understand yet, though... I'll give you a hint. You can feel my power, right? That's how you identified me to begin with. Feel it now." An invisible finger brushed across Mary's soul... and Sephiroth's eyes widened. "That can't be possible," he proclaimed. "I want to thank you," Mary said, with honesty and no sarcasm. "You've helped me reach this point. You showed me things I needed to see, even if I didn't need them for the reasons you thought. You're almost a father to me, you know..." The swordsman froze, as the young woman embraced him. "You'll understand soon," Mary promised. "Everybody will. And maybe one day, I'll help you understand yourself, too. I have to return the favor... but for now, I have to change. I'll see you again soon, okay?" Speechless, Sephiroth excused himself, and vanished from sight. She's of no further use to me, he thought to himself as he reappeared... somewhere else in Japan, not caring where at the moment. Her power cannot be taken, and now it cannot be bent to my will. I have no further need to interact with her whatsover. Clearly, she had chosen the wrong path. And yet... Sephiroth scratched his chin, extrapolating possible futures. It was a curious situation. Perhaps her path would lead somewhere interesting... even if it had no direct benefit to him. For some reason, he felt he would want to keep a watch over her. Probably just to satisfy his curiosity. Probably. T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "Folks... it has been a wild night, and it's about to get even wilder!" Hiroshi began. "This fight has been cooking for longer than you might think... going back to episode one of NeoFighters, these two have been at each other's throats and tangling up in more ways than you can imagine!!" "Except that NeoFighters was cancelled after a season, so they tangled a finite number of times," Daisuke corrected. "Not only that, but it's only been a mildly wild night given our long and storied history, and in order to get wilder we're going to need more than a basic one on one fight in the middle of the ring... aren't you going to suggest I work with you now?" "Umm... no?" Hiroshi guessed. "Darn. I was hoping I could use my counter-catch-phrase and drive up my T-shirt sales, in the same way you push your sitcom and make money off my name and my weekly humiliation. But hey, continue, don't mind me..." Hiroshi turned to face his broadcast partner directly. "Uh, Daisuke, do you want to talk about this or something? I mean--" "Let's be professionals, please, there is a show to run here," Daisuke reminded him. "Back to your hype, Hiro." "...okay... um. Where was I?" "Getting tangled." "In more ways than you can imagine!!" Hiroshi resumed. "Their rivalry, based on respect or lack thereof, experience in the ring or lack thereof and the eternal struggle between the old school and the new school has sucked Ultra into the gaping maw of CHAOS! There aren't really two wholly organized--" "--or t-shirt producing and catch phrase saying and silly name using--" "--factions, but clearly we've got two groups with rivals on each side, and one motivating factor... age! And tonight, it's all on the line. The Great Yaga, who has been using his contract clauses to keep the new kids on the block down, is putting his power up for grabs. But if he wins, Li Ping gets to experience a whole new level of Hell as Yaga not only keeps his power, he ALSO gets to control Li's career!" "You know, I could do with less of Li Ping on this show." Hiroshi faltered in his hype. "Wha?" "I don't like the guy," Daisuke said, quite casual about how he was interrupting the flow and showing bias. "For starters, Li Ping is not his real name. He's just an otaku named Lawrence Pellinger and he's some American diplomat's bratty kid. At least Yaga's a real Japanese pop culture hero, even if he's a dick sometimes -- Lawrence has to steal other culture and other people's moves because he's got none of his own. Kind of like Shingo and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat and little black book of other people's moves -- a total poser. Or like Sakura's wussy aping of Ryu, or how Marlo is basically nothing without his furntiture powers, or even how Dan was a complete and total joke before he got a cheesy power-up. Honestly, most of the 'kids' in this war are greenhorns compared to experienced fighters like Mr. Satan and Haohmaru. All the kids have is high energy and big 'ol hearts and hyperactive ambitions, like someone who I could name but choose not to who is always telling me to work with him. It's kind of pathetic and hopefully after The Great Yaga squishes this gaijin geek folks will start to recognize how lame his 'skills' are. Hiroshi, is something wrong with your jaw? It's hanging open and swaying lightly in the breeze from a few thousand empty headed Ultra fans cheering their heads off for an empty ring and two guys talking behind a desk." "...........................................?!!" Hiroshi continued. "I think I'm gonna go get a corndog," Daisuke said, taking off his headset and dropping it on the desk. "Maybe I'll get a soda too. You want anything? You'd be paying, of course, Mr. Rich and Popular Sitcom Star." "................................................................ .....................................," Hiroshi declined. "Whatever," Daisuke shrugged as he climbed over the audience barricade. "Be back in a few." The combined shock of the sole announcer left and the audience was fortunately then distracted by the entrance of The Great Yaga, complete with upbeat and macho J-rock music. Yaga unfolded a traditional Japanese red bamboo umbrella to deflect any thrown sodas and popcorn as he marched down to the ring in an old traditional Japanese proresu pre-match robe from his glory days. The back had a nicely designed rising sun with an ancient art style portrait of The Great Yaga; the front had the logos for All-Japan Pro Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH. (The technical director quickly popped a blur over the logo to avoid giving Sichi Satoshi's organization free advertising.) "Ummm... and there's The Great Yaga," Hiroshi announced, without his usual vigor. "The audience doesn't seem to like him. He's walking to the ring. And he's climbing in. ...um. Sorry, folks, I'll do best I can, but I'm a little bit shaken right now. I'm sure you understand--" The music upshifted to a faster beat, the crowd upshifted from jeers to cheers, and Li Ping entered in typical spectacular fashion... with a series of high flying leaps, making his way down the entrance ramp without touching it more than four times until his feet finally hit the turnbuckle ropes in a perfect corner pose. He flashed the V for victory to the crowd, as thousands of fans took flash camera pictures that would later turn out to be out of focus or covered by their thumbs. "And... LI PING, ladies and gentlemen!" Hiroshi announced, getting back into the swing of things. Yaga folded his robe, setting it in the corner... then folded his arms as he studied the boy. "At least you know the basics of playing to the crowd," he grumbled. "So you're not a complete embarassment to my industry..." "Biiiih," Li Ping taunted, tugging at one eyelid as he hopped to the canvas (without poking out his eye in the process). "What do you have against me, anyway? It can't just be that you've got sixty or seventy years on me..." Yaga's left eye twitched at Li's age guestimate. "...this is more than age. There's a law in this business -- it's called 'paying your dues'. Putting in the years of work to get to the level of the big boys, earning respect instead of demanding it... but you, you paid no dues whatsoever, and yet you rose right to the top! The only reason you are a hot property is because of the ignorant fans who have cast aside traditions, and the little girl who runs this show with no respect for how sports entertainment is done!" ("That's not gonna earn him any points with Nabiki," Hiroshi noted. "...and I hope Daisuke isn't going to get in too much trouble with her after all this...") Li Ping scratched his head, confused. "Huh? Respect is earned and not demanded? Not exactly practicing what you preach, eh, pops?" "I'll earn your respect when I MAKE you pay your dues," Yaga warned, clenching a fist. "Because once I get creative control of your fights, you'll know first hand what it's like to start at rock bottom and claw your way up, just as I did. Maybe then you'll understand, boy... now let's DO this!" "I think we're missing something," Li said, looking around. "Where's the zebra?" "The what?" "The ref, man. There's no referee out here--" The crowd came alive, as the referee entered. Not because it was the old guy with the Coke bottle thick glasses who misses everything. Not because it was the Only Competent Referee in All of Ultra. Not because it was any of the referees they were used to... They popped like a cork from a champaigne bottle because the man wearing the white and black stripes also had dangerously spikey red hair. "Somebody call for something that's black and white and red all over!?" Controversial Jack asked, grinning ear to ear and spookily underlit as he skipped playfully down the ramp. He rolled in under the ropes, tugged at his striped shirt for emphasis, and continued. "Seems that most of the refs have gone home for the night, so in the interest of chaos, I have nominated myself as Special Guest Referee for this match!" "Holy cow, Controversial Jack has nominated himself as Special Guest Referee!" Hiroshi repeated. "Yaga may have one-upped him in their personal vendetta a few times lately, but this is a TWO-up! Maybe even a FOUR-up!" Yaga was not amused in the slightest. "Absolutely not," he said. "This is my match, and my contract states--" "S'matter, Yaga?" Jack asked. "Scared of a little hotshot Russo-era booking? Fearing the Dusty Finish? I say: if you can't take the swerve, get out of the squared circle!" Stupid smark, Yaga growled internally. He insults and mocks my entire industry on a weekly basis with his antics. And here he is now, laughing directly in my face... I'll show him how to do the business, he decided. "I'll accept this on one condition," Yaga warned. "Traditional Ultra rules call for a ten count knockout. Last man standing. Li Ping... I want you under traditional WRESTLING rules. Tap-out submissions and three count pins with both shoulders to the mat! Let's do this the way it's meant to be done!" "Doesn't matter to me," Li said, grinning as he bounced in place and warmed up. "Ultra, wrestling, mixed martial arts, hockey fights, paper football, rock paper scissors, tic tac TOE... I can whip your ass twenty four seven. Bring it!" "Now, that's more like it!" Jack said, with a grin. He held out a white and black striped rubber duck. "Mr. Duck commands you to ring the bell, and let's get it on!" ][ ULTRARAGE THETA MATCH #7 : CONTRACT VS. CONTRACT, ONE FALL ][ LI PING vs. THE GREAT YAGA (Referee: Controversial Jack) ][ FIGHT! "Did I miss anything?" Daisuke asked, resuming his seat with an armload of junk food and wearing a freshly purchased 'Drop Dead, Hiroshi!' t-shirt. "Hey, Jack's in the ring? What a shock. Wonder if he'll screw Yaga out of the fight?" "And it looks like Li Ping is in this fight, matching the collar and elbow tie-up with The Great Yaga!" Hiroshi announced. "Looks like he's watched a few wrestling matches in his day; maybe he'll be able to keep up!" Yaga twisted his weight, yanking Li's arm behind the boy's back in a hammerlock. In the old days, he'd use a loose grip while the other guy pretended to writhe in pain... now, he was twisting hard enough to give Li an indian burn and cause the younger fighter to yell out in real pain. "You can't beat me in this type of match," he hissed into Li's ear, from behind. "Your inexperience shows your folly--" Without a word, Li jumped forward, twisted in the air... and planted both feet in Yaga's chest, knocking him back and breaking the arm hold. Li flipped in the air and landed facing his enemy, trying to shake some life back into his hand. "Ow ow ow ow... heh... not a bad grip," he commented, snapping his hand back into a fist shape. "I'll just have to try to avoid being grabbed, won't I?" "Good luck," Yaga mockingly wished, skipping around Li, arms ready to snatch anything that came close. He ignored Jack's presence focusing only on the match... "He's going to go for his crazy flying kicks and things," Mr. Satan had warned him. "All his power is in aerial style and showy martial arts. He doesn't do anything small, it's always big and flashy. What you need to do is cripple his ability to use that agility." "What do you propose?" Yaga had asked. A chinese-slipper wearing foot came within Yaga's reach, and he grabbed it, twisting one eighty. Li's flight path spun out and he fell to the mat, rolling back to his feet and surprised at the speed of the counter. "Simple enough," Mr. Satan said, with a grin. "Cripple that agility... by crippling his legs." Waiting for the next attack, Yaga focused and stood still. When Li rushed him again, feinting left, rolling right, he was ready... and instead of having his legs swept out from under him by the boy's kick, he grabbed that leg with both arms and yanked him down to the mat. Grabbing the other leg was easy enough while Li was disoriented. Yaga bent his opponent's legs backward, tucking one under earn arm, and started doing exactly what he had planned to do from moment one of the match. "YOW!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "And Yaga's got Li Ping in... uh..." "Bofton crab," Daisuke said around a mouthful of popcorn. "A 'Bofton Crab'! It looks painful as hell, and it can't be doing good things to Li Ping's knees..." Daisuke swallowed, sipped soda, and chipped in when he felt good and ready. "There's not much he can do from that position except crawl for the ropes and try to grab one," he stated. "Then Jack will force Yaga to break the hold, or it'll be a disqualification. Unless Jack decides to be a biased jerk, of course..." Ow, Li thought. Ow. Ow... he slammed his forearms to the mat, one after another, trying to crawl and drag Yaga with him. The rope wasn't too far out of reach... if he could only make it-- Unless Yaga dragged him back to the middle of the ring, away from safety, which he was doing. Li whacked his forehead to the mat in frustration, gritting his teeth. He had to THINK. Yaga would be expecting a rope break. He'd be expecting what he'd get in a traditional match... Li would just have to be very non-traditional. Something he excelled at. Reaching back and proving that he had more than enough flexibility to master at least 3/4ths of the Kama Sutra, Li hooked Yaga's elbows with his hands, and spun the pair around until they were lying in a tangled heap on the mat... with Yaga's shoulders down. The hold wasn't broken, but that wouldn't matter if Jack got to three before Li submitted... "Huh?" Jack said, trying to make sense out of the Escher-esque contortion of human bodies. "Oh, right!" he dove to the mat, and started slapping it in steady cadence. "ONE! TWO! --" Yaga released the Boston Crab, and scrambled away fast, trying to catch his breath after being caught off guard. "Li's capitalizing, folks!" Hiroshi announced, following the action with his eyes and words. "Not giving Yaga a chance to rest, there's a flying kick, parried, spinning back fist, ducked, Yaga grabs, heaves Li over his head... whoops, suplex. That's a suplex, right? You watched more wrestling than I did..." "Eh? Wasn't paying attention," Daisuke said, looking up from putting more mustard on his corn dog. Li landed on his back instead of his head, thankfully, and flipped back up to his feet. This isn't working, he thought. To hit him, I gotta get within reach, and the old bastard's got a lightning fast grapple skill. If only he had some sort of fireball type attack like his friends did... He twisted his foot against the mat a moment, getting an idea. "Ready for it, Yaga?" Li asked, grinning as he assumed a Stance of the Hidden Dragon Relieving Itself in the Ancient Forest. "Here comes my latest incredible amazing attack!" Right there -- right when Yaga was frowning at the insolent kid's joke. Perfect. Li snapped a kick at thin air... and Yaga rocked with the impact, ten feet away. "Whaaaa?" Hiroshi emitted, staring. "What was that? Some sort of invisible chi attack?!" ...and Li's stray shoe flopped to the mat in front of Yaga, the footprint visible on his face as he reeled. "I think Sakura has a patent on the Missing Shoe Attack," Daisuke noted. Rushing at the wrestler head on, Li jumped into the air, landing a series of spinning kicks to his chest and head. Yaga stumbled back to the turnbuckle, only to be knocked face first to the mat when Li Ping bounced off his head... then bounced off the turnbuckle... then twisted in the air and landed on Yaga's back. "Li Ping no Swanuton Bombu Attack!!" Li announced as he rolled back to his feet and posed. "HA! How's your herniated 'ol spine like that, Yaga?" "You... irritating--!" Yaga snarled, losing his cool. He rushed the boy head on, ignoring his purely defensive strategy, an arm like an iron bar ready to clothesline the brat down... only to find Li clinging to that outstretched arm with his legs, twisting around again behind him and somehow landing with Yaga's shoulders pinned to the mat. "ONE!" Jack announced, getting a better hang of this as he pounded the mat with his palm. "TWO!... THR--" "A kickout pretty damn close to three from the crucifix pin," Daisuke announced, starting to get into the fight now. "I don't think Yaga will make that mistake again... yep, I'm right... he's signalling for the Roaring Elbow." If he could summon an Akane-like battle aura, he would, as he grasped his forearm and raised a fist mightily like Dan. "That... is the last time you lay a finger on me," Yaga announced. "Let's see you worm your way out of this... ROARING ELBOW!" In an inhuman blur of speed, Yaga whirled around, the impact point of that elbow headed right for Li's head. The boy was fast, but this was Yaga's finest move and the veteran could still pull it off at the same speed he did in his heyday... Li tried to dive out of the way, hoping he could make it in time. He made it in time. Jack didn't. Learning the hard way that referees try to stay away from situations where they're standing right behind a fighter, Jack ate the Roaring Elbow full force to the back of his head when he wasn't paying attention. He went flying out of the ring, tumbling over the ropes and impacting head first on the audience barrier with a sickening wet 'thwack' noise. "WHOA!" Li shouted, rushing to the ropes and peering over them to check on the referee. "Jack-san! You okay down there?!--" Li found his world rotating with great torque, as he was yanked off his feet and slammed head first into the mat. "Wow, I didn't know Yaga could whip out a Death Suplex," Daisuke said, visibly impressed while Hiroshi's jaw sagged again. "And look, now he's waving to the back... and here comes the fun brigade. Just another wacky fun night here at Ultra, folks! I hope you're ready for a little UltraViolence, because your wish is about to be granted..." With no ref in place, nobody could stop the charge of the still slightly battered but ready to rock Team Enlightenment to the ring. Morrigan floated in over the ropes while Haohmaru rolled in under them, and both joined Yaga in a triple-team stomping attack on the helpless Li Ping. "This isn't right!" Hiroshi declared, as the crowd showered the gang with annoyed catcalls and boos. "This was supposed to be a one on one! No interference from either team, that's what they said last week!" "I'm not seeing anything," Daisuke said, covering his eyes. "Jack's out of it and there's nobody official out there, which means it's not really happening. Funny how that works, isn't it? Oh look, more friendly neighborhood fighters are joining the fray now..." Vaulting over the railings, Duo and Shingo entered the ring from opposite sides, jumping the trio by surprise. "Good thing we got third row tickets!" Shingo called to his partner after knocking Haohmaru flat. "You were right about them pulling a stunt like this! HYAH, SHINGO KIIIICK!" Li Ping groggily got to his feet... blinking in surprise at the chaotic brawl going on the middle of the ring. Damn, he thought. Here I was hoping we'd have a clean match... "Guys, get 'em out of the ring!" he called, waving his arms to try to get their attention. "I want to beat Yaga by the rules and--" His breathing stopped when a meaty hand clamped around his throat. His one-shoe wearing feet were lifted clean off the canvas a second later. "Say g'night, kid," Mr. Satan recommended, as he yanked Li Ping out of the ring, over the ropes, and chokeslammed him straight to the mats six feet down. "Agggh!" Hiroshi yelled, pulling at his hair. "Just when they had an upper hand, now Mr. Satan's out here! Duo and Shingo are getting mauled in there, four on two... it's an all-out war!" "Isn't that what you said it was?" Daisuke asked. "A war between two sides? Well, this is war. It's not always some cute little match. It's Li's fault that he didn't realize it in time and got jumped before he could jump them. I'm guessing that's going to be it, Hiro. You want to say 'Good fight, good night' or should I?" Mr. Satan grabbed Li Ping by his pigtail, hauling the battered and groggy boy back to his feet. He stepped back, grinning as he cracked his knuckles. "Let's see what the Satan Punch can do to a shrimp like you," he suggested, rearing back his fist. "SATAAAAAN-- YEEEOOWW!!" Electricity rocked his body, yellow sparks flickering around as his muscles twitched. Afro fluffing out to impressive dimensions, he slowly tipped to the side and fell over... Leaving Ash Ketchum and Raichu to grin and pose in victory. "I may have had trouble spotting cheaters before, but this is DEFINITELY cheating!" he announced. "And I'm gonna do the right thing and clean up this match! RAICHU! Get the interlopers out of the ring!" "RAICHUUU!!" Raichu cheered enthusiastically, jumping into the air and kicking up an impressive fireworks display from his cheeks. Duo and Shingo rolled to safety, leaving Haohmaru and Morrigan to take the full storm front themselves... Haohmaru's hair doing a good impersonation of Mr. Satan's hair, and Morrigan's actually lighting partially on fire as the two were knocked out of the ring to the cheers of the fans. "Holy crap, we're back to the proper two people in the ring!" Hiroshi exclaimed, shocked by the shocking turn of the turn of events. "Li Ping's crawling back in... he's hurt, but he's still moving! Yaga's a bit battered, but he seems to be ready to roll too! The fight is back on! We don't have a referee, Jack still seems to be down, but these two are gonna keep going!!" Yaga spat a small wad of blood from the brawl he was just in, breathing hard as he focused on the boy. "..changes nothing," he grumbled. "I can still beat you one on one. With or without a referee I'll make you pay for what you've done to my beloved proresu--" "We've got a referee again," Li Ping said, pointing behind him. "I am NOT falling for that old trick." "Hello! Let's have a good clean fight, minna!" a female voice spoke cheerfully behind Yaga. In genuine surprise, he turned... and faced a teenager wearing a freshly unwrapped black and white striped referee's shirt. "Hi! My name's Mary and I'm a new referee here in Ultra," Mary said, bowing once to him. "I'll ignore the interference before if you don't do it again. Now, let's get back to the fight! And you should turn around again because I think you're about to be hit." "What?" Yaga asked, looking over his shoulder... At the young movie martial artist hanging in the air. "BULLET TIME!!" he screamed, as time resumed for him and a kick slammed into Yaga's chest at implausible speed. Mary was fortunately standing to the side and didn't suffer Jack's fate... but Yaga and Li were driven into the turnbuckle ropes, which stretched like a comedic rubber band visual effect from the momentum of the kick. When it snapped back, both fighters were hurled across the ring, into the opposite ropes, bounced back and landed somewhere in the middle of the ring. Both were unconscious. This usually would result in a double knockout. But Li, by some stroke of luck, happened to be lying on top of Yaga in a pinning position. And with wrestling rules in effect... Mary slid to the mat, and started to make the count. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!!" The bell rang, the crowd went nuts, and it was all over. The victor snoozed away in blissful unconsciousness atop the equally unconscious loser. "GREAT KAMI, Li Ping did it! He did it, by Kasumi!!" Hiroshi shouted, getting to his feet. "One final desperation move that took both of them out of the action, but he squeaked out a win! Folks, this is one for the ages!" "Or at least for the week," Daisuke said, taking off his headset. "I'm going home. See you next week." "But..." Hiroshi trailed off, as Daisuke left ringside. Back in the ring, Mary lifted Li Ping's arm in victory, while his friends returned to the ring to help him up. "The winner, Li Ping!" she formally announced. "And Mom... I'm coming home!" "Uh... well, it's a happy ending for almost everyone, at least!" Hiroshi announced. "So from all of us here at Ultra, this is Hiroshi, saying... good fight, good night!" T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T And so, the world ended. Explosions tore through the fabric of reality, tearing planets from their orbits, ripping people screaming from their... ...dammit. Sorry. I'll start again (again). And so, the show ended. The audience filed out of the UltraDome, hit the parking lots and drove back to Tokyo proper. Cable TV viewers clicked their sets over to the Brak Show. Little kids went to bed. And Jack was giggling like a schoolgirl. "I'm Bobbin. Are you my mother?" he asked, as the UltraDome staff doctor waved a penlight in front of his nonresponsive eyes. Jack squirmed a bit, but the straightjacket held tightly. "He's got Nonspecific Blow To The Head Induced Mental Illness," the doctor concluded, pocketing his penlight. Nabiki's expression was flat. "You have got to be joking." "No joke, miss. It's normally only seen on sitcoms, but I've seen a few cases in reality as well. Sometimes the human mind can be knocked loose by physical blows, resulting in this condition. Jack's unresponsive to the world around him--" "Why yes, Hillary, I'd love a crumpet," Jack told the air next to him. "--and very responsive to whatever's going on inside his head. I'm sorry, but right now he's a danger to himself and others. I'd recommend committing him immediately." "He's already committed," Nabiki spoke. "Comitted to a three year contract with Ultra. I need him in place to book the shows..." "TURNIPS! TURNIPS!!" Jack wailed, bouncing in place. "Get them out of my desk blotter! The alien radish king is coming to claim our displaced appendixes, and must be stopped before George W. Bush has his barium enema! Milennium hand and shrimp, I tell you, milennium hand and SHRIMP!" "Jack, quit fooling around or I'll get very cross with you," Nabiki warned. "I know you're just pulling our collective chains. Yes, very funny. But we have a show to plan for next week coming off a hot pay-per-view, and you're acting like a child." "I am?" Jack asked, blinking repeatedly. "I am?" "Yes, you are. Now--" "Iiiiii AM Henry the Eighth, I am, I am, I am Henry the Eigth I am!" Jack sang, rocking in place. "I am the very model of a something something general my animation's comical unusual and whimsical... heeeee hee..." "In my medical opinion, he's not bluffing, Ms. Tendo. Do you want me to arrange things with the hospital? This is covered under our health plan." Nabiki folded into herself, shoulders sagging. "...fine. Get him whatever treatment is nessecary. Sign off any and all expenses with accounting and keep me updated as to his status. ...I am going home now." She closed the door behind her before the doctor even had a chance to respond. Nabiki collected herself, took a deep breath, and took two steps before Tarou's voice made her jump. "He's gone loopy, huh?" Tarou asked, as he leaned against the wall outside the medical room. "...completely around the bend, yes," Nabiki replied, trying to sound smooth. "Assuming this isn't a huge joke on his part, he's not going to be able to book the show for a very long time. I don't want to bring him back unless he's competent... and healed. He got hurt on the job. I shouldn't have let him run out there at the last minute like that and take part in a dangerous situation..." "Folks under your employ assume a lot of risks, Ms. Tendo. We do it anyway because this is our callin' and so on. Jack has fought a few battles of his own, he knew the risks and made his own decision. You don't have to feel guilty over it." "Perhaps, but that won't stop my worry. I've learned to care about my employees, even the ones I actively dislike, Tarou. It's not just good business... this is MY business," Nabiki emphasized. "Perhaps some of Jack's passion for Ultra has rubbed off on me. But I still worry. Speaking of which, now that Akane's unmasked, things could get hairy for her... but I promised her she'd be booked like any other fighter..." "Who's going to be booking her with Duck Talker in the funny farm?" Tarou asked. "You and I, like two weeks ago? Wouldn't be a real problem. I've been studying past episodes and I think I could take a serious shot at this booking thing." "That was a pinch solution, Tarou. Not a long term one. You and I putting together and organizing the shows each week could get hairy... but the only other booker I know, Sichi Satoshi, already has a firm job with NOAH. I suppose there's Russo... ugh, no... if only--" "--you knew of someone else with extensive experience in the industry?" Both the young CEO and her personal assistant turned to face the man in the rising sun robe with an ice pack held to his forehead. "Pardon my intrusion," The Great Yaga apologized, bowing. "But am I to understand that Jack has been injured and will be unable to fulfill his weekly duties?" "A condition that you put him in with your attack," Nabiki reminded him, narrowing her eyes to the point where she exhibited Cold Romulan Fury, enhanced by her usual haircut. "It was an accident, and I apologize," Yaga spoke, bowing again. "My war with Jack-san was ideological, never physical. I would not have wished this upon him. However... it seems you are now short on creative persons to hold the book. Am I correct?" Tarou snorted. "We can do just fine without--" "What are you proposing?" Nabiki asked. "I booked All-Japan Pro Wrestling for a period of four years," Yaga explained. "I have countless years experience in the minor leagues and major leagues. I have paid my dues, and I know the industry inside and out. I will pull double duty as a semi-active fighter and your head booker at no additional salary overhead, if you wish me to. I offer my experienced services in the name of ensuring Ultra's continued success." "Most likely in order to manipulate the show and put your friends at the forefront," Nabiki said, seeing right through his guise. "And to correct the mistakes of a 'foolish little girl' who ruined your business, yes?" "I will be honest; I don't agree with all aspects of how you run this federation. But I will work with you to suit your needs as well as mine. It's simply good business to book with intention of engaging the audience rather than simply to push one's agenda, yes? If the ratings fall due to my booking practices, it would be a failure on my part and a shame for me to bear. ...but I do believe that a certain return to 'old school' values might actually increase the ratings, if you are willing to give it a try. Take the chance, Tendo-san. I will not steer you wrong." "Your 'old school' dried up for a reason, you know," Tarou said, glaring at the man in the robe. "Times have moved on and you haven't. You're out of touch--" "And you have never been in touch in the first place," Yaga retorted. "During Nabiki's regime seasons ago, Ultra's ratings were tanking. And you have never held the book in your life; you haven't paid your dues. You don't know even the simplest of mistakes and slip-ups an amateur booker can make when managing the talent. Perhaps I am a risk, but I would say you are a far greater risk to Ultra than I could ever be, boy." Tarou twitched. "'Boy'? Do I look like a snot nosed kid? I oughtta--" "He has a point, Tarou," Nabiki spoke quietly. "--what?!" "We need someone with experience on the job. Jack had that experience, and he's gone. I have the experience and it was a horrible experience plagued with disaster. Yaga, I'm going to agree to this -- but as you said, you WILL work with my needs. I told the same thing to Jack when he and I teamed up, that I will be watching you like a hawk. Experiment a bit with the format if you want, but I still get last word, and the bottom dollar is everything to me. Deal?" "Deal," Yaga said, smiling to himself. "Fine. I expect you here at work tomorrow and planning out your strategy for next week's episode. You are excused." And with this, I have won, he thought. I lost my contract clause, but in the end I get to run Li's career, and run all of Ultra. Jack has lost the war. But winning the war didn't mean Yaga could rest. If he wanted to prove himself to Nabiki and make the position perminant, he'd have to deliver the ratings, the buyrates... The audience would hate him, of course. The fighters would hate him. But what better route to fat bank accounts was there than to have a heel commissioner plaguing the lives of the good guys on a weekly basis, while the audience waited on edge for his comeuppance? It would be Yaga's finest role in the industry to date... "You are excused," Nabiki reminded the silent Yaga. "Yes, of course," Yaga spoke, bowing a third time. "Until tomorrow." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T Sneaking back into a subdimensional laboratory was not an easy task, especially when you couldn't just pop in like you used to. Mary was lucky she remembered the combination to the Big Red Door that Washuu had installed in her secured storage room beneath the UltraDome. Beyond that all she could do was tip-toe, and hope not to wake... The lights in the lab lobby clicked on, and Mary froze. "...I can explain," she said, turning to face her mother. "I can. I had to go learn things. I mean... I had to figure out what I was supposed to do. And I think I figured it out now! Sephiroth was sort of right, but he wasn't looking at all the options. Neither was I, since I figured I was given my power in order to use it and make everything better, but..." Washuu looked on in silence. "So... I sealed my powers," Mary explained. "Completely. It was risky and I was scared to do it, but I had to. They'd be too much of a temptation, even for me, even if I know all I could ever do with them is a quick fix... so they're gone for good now. I think that's what I was supposed to figure out, that people don't need a babysitter, they need someone who will really HELP them and talk to them and lead them and help them grow up, and... and I asked Nabiki if I could work there for free as a referee since referees keep things fair. Lina said I should use Ultra, and she was right. Everybody watches Ultra, all around the world! I can get any message I need to out there through Ultra. I can help people! And... and I decided to age myself a few years before sealing my power because I felt I had grown up, and it'd also look strange if a little girl was refereeing matches, and... and... ...mommy? Why aren't you saying anything...?" Washuu continued to say nothing as she walked over... and put her arms around her now-teenaged daughter. "I'm happy you're home," Washuu said, looking up with the hint of tears in her eyes. "That's all. I'm just so happy you're home, Mary. I love you. I don't care about the ideology or anything, you can do whatever you feel you have to do... I'm just happy you're home..." "I'm home," Mary agreed, holding her close. "And I'll never leave again." T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T t T "My heart beats with the spirits of a thousand armies marching into battle, and locking horns over great issues of power and respect! Truly this was an epic for the ages!!" "I don't know, I think they were a little off their game tonight," Xelloss said, rolling up the half-empty nacho bag and putting a little clip on it to preserve them for next week. "Mmm, I suppose they can't all be blow-out shows, though. Pity." "...yeah, whatever," Spekkio, God of War said. "Now clean this place up before I break your neck. I'm gonna go outside and have a smoke with Gaspar." Xelloss pouted as only he could while the Mu waddled out of the Room of War, leaving behind dozens of empty beer cans and bags of chips and more than one bowl scraped 91% clean of salsa. Why was Xelloss always the one left to clean up after an Ultra party? It simply wasn't fair. Here he was, almost fresh from managing to nearly destroy all of creation and he was the live-in maid for a pair of mismatched immortals. How frustrating... He gathered up the empty cans that had rolled around on the floor, frowning at the notion of having to break out the mop and clean the spills. He pushed the TV aside a bit to fetch a particularly hard to reach can... Something went 'creak'. "I'll be done in a minuuute!" he chimed, expecting that to be the sound of Spekkio entering through the room's entrance grate in the wire fence. Then he glanced over and saw the entrance was still quite closed. Then he glanced back and saw that the 'merely decorative' gate that was rusted shut under a week ago had been nudged open by his shoulder. Curiouser and curiouser, he thought. He pondered the risk factor in not tidying up versus exploring this strange new thing, and decided to go for what would amuse him the most. Pushing open the gate, he entered a part of the End of Time nobody who had ever lived here before even knew existed... A great hallway. Statues of warriors long since past. And after a minute or two of exploring, a vast cavern, an ampitheatre of stone seats surrounding what looked suspiciously like a fighting ring... "The UltraDome...?" Xelloss wondered aloud. "The layout looks just like a primitive prototype of the UltraDome--" A shadowy statue in the middle of the ring raised its head. [The Universes Are As One. The Impacts Count Three. The Two Afterworlds Have Fallen,] the gargoyle coated in white and black stripes echoed inside Xelloss's head. [Finally, The Prophet of Life Has Chosen Its Path. All Signs Have Come To Be; The Time Is Upon Us. Are You The Prophet of Destruction?] Xelloss stood in stunned silence for exactly 0.04 moments. "Why, yes! I do believe I am," he responded, leaping on the unusual new opportunity like a lion on a gazelle. "That's me in a nutshell. What can I do for you?" The gargoyle told him. It made Xelloss smile. Perhaps he wouldn't have to fetch that mop after all. ][ ULRARAGE THETA, Episode #83 RESULTS/RECAP ][ TEAM ENLIGHTENMENT are the new #1 contenders for the LAMBDA BELT ][ ROXY defeated RANMA to become the #1 contender for the GAMMA BELT ][ TEAM ROCKET defeated ASH KETCHUM by forfeit ][ B-KO defeated DARK SCHNEIDER and is now OMEGA CHAMPION ][ LEI WULONG defeated BULLETA, BEAN BANDIT and SAKURA and is now HARDCORE CHAMPION ][ ROXY defeated SAGAT to become the new GAMMA CHAMPION ][ LI PING defeated THE GREAT YAGA in a Contract vs. Contract match ][ HIRES: None ][ FIRES: Jack(Temporary Unavailability due to Injury) ][ CHANGED JOBS: Mary(Referee), The Great Yaga(Booker)