"...and that's the whole story." Xelloss finished, "Well, are we in business?" Yashiro rubbed his chin, thinking over what Xelloss had just told him. Sure, Xelloss was a liar, but they did benefit from his patronage before the whole "Heaven vs. Hell" fiasco. He decided to ask the smartest person he knew. "What do you think, Chris?" "He was a better boss than Orochi and we've sold our souls for a lot less. I say we go for it." "Wonderful," Xelloss beamed, "I knew if I could depend on anybody, it would be you two. Ready to leave?" "Not yet, we have to wait for Shermie." Yashiro pointed out. "Yash, she's not going to go for this," Chris told him, "She likes the way things are now. And don't forget that she wanted us to do a charity concert." "Don't remind me. Doing a concert for free. Ugh." commented the muscular former Orochi fighter. "We can just take her with us when we win," said the young former Orochi, "That announcer guy too if she still wants him so bad." "Then it's settled," said Xelloss in his usual cheerful voice, "I will take you to meet your other teammates then." With a wave of his staff, Xelloss and his new recruits disappeared a few seconds before Shermie entered the room. She started worrying when she saw the door to the apartment standing open. Her fears were re- doubled when she saw that the radio was still on and there was an unfinished sandwich on the table. "Yashiro! Chris!" she called out. "Where are you?" *** In a vacant lot not far from the Tendo home, two female figures could be seen squaring off against one another. A look at the battlefield would let you know that this fight had been going on for quite a long time. Both fighters were exhausted and seemed to be ready to deal or be dealt the finishing blow. One of them charged towards the other who waited patiently for her opponent to come into range. For a second their eyes met, and they unleashed the fury of their attacks. "Shou-ken!!" "Missile Upper!!" Akane caught Sakura right under the chin sending her airborne in a way she did not intend to. The Shoto-fighter's trip came to an abrupt end when she landed hard on her back. Letting out a long sigh, she started to pick herself up. Akane began to prepare for her next attack, but Sakura waved her off. "Time out! Time out! I need a break," she yelled out between panting breaths. "I didn't hurt you too badly with that uppercut, did I?" Akane answered, a little worried. "I'm okay. It's just that I'm not used to training for this long." "Wimp," Akane taunted with a smirk. "So says the girl who's been doing this since she was five. I just need a couple of minutes." "Okay. I could use a breather too. We'll take a break." With that said, both girls walked over to the bag they had prepared. Sakura immediately went for her water bottle, while Akane pulled out a towel to dry herself. Finally, both sat down on some iron beams a construction crew had left behind. "When you said you wanted to do some intensive training, you weren't kidding. I don't think I've ever trained three hours straight without taking a break before," Sakura commented. "I still can't believe you're not as tired as me." "That's because I've been doing endurance training a little longer than you have. By the way, thanks for helping me train all this week." "I really didn't have that much to do today and I really enjoyed training with you last time. Besides, I kinda owe you." "Oh yeah. You used one of my moves," Akane said jokingly. "Looks like Shingo and Li aren't the only copy fighters in Ultra, ne?" "Aw, c'mon. I was desperate. I didn't even know if it would work. Don't tease." "So who's next? Chun Li? King? Mai?" "Akane!' "Okay, okay. I'll stop. By the way, how is Li Ping anyways? I haven't seen him around that much lately." "I don't know. Last time I saw him was when I invited him to go out to the amusement park." "You went on a date with him?" Akane said a bit surprised. "No, no. I invited Shingo too." "Uh... how was it?" "Kind of weird at first. Shingo showed up all nervous and Li was all dressed up for some reason. They were both kinda surprised to see the other there too. Guess I forgot to tell them. After I found them they both relaxed, but Li seemed a bit depressed for the whole day. I'm sure I fixed it, though," Sakura said happily "I told him that he was my friend and I would never think of changing that." "You said that to him?" Akane answered, a little shocked. "Yeah. Something wrong?" "No, nothing. Break's over!" "Already?" Sakura said a little dejected "We just sat down!" "No rest for me until I my fight with Ranma is over," she said with a smirk. "I don't get it. Why is this fight so important to you? You already proved that you could beat him." "Did I?" Akane stated with a little doubt. "Huh?" "Did I really prove that I could beat him?" Akane said as she stood up. "We didn't really use any techniques and we were holding back a little since one of us had to fight Sagat after that. I did win, but we didn't really go all out on each other. This is also our second match and Ranma almost never loses twice in a row. To me, this is the match that really counts. Understand?" "I think so. Alright! I might still be a little sore, but I'm ready to go again." Sakura said a she stood up and took a fighting stance. "Good. Cause I've got some new techniques I've been wanting to try out for a little while." *** "To protect the world from awful dubs..." "No." "To extend DSL to the stars above..." "No." "...breeding tribbles at the speed of-" "NO!" "Team Pepsi?" "I thought we agreed we weren't going to sell our name, at least." A hand reached into a manila folder and extracted a contract. "Look at this." "That's a *lot* of money..." "Yes, it is." "...and they're the right colors... " "They want to build a whole ad campaign around us." "...but I refuse to sell out like that. Maybe we can dye the logo on some of our Pokemon?" "Darnit, Jess, that's the last idea on our reserve list!" Jessie shrugged. "We've got four hours, and nothing else to do. How hard can it be?" *** "Look, Shingo. I really have to admit that it's been great hanging out with you and I've enjoyed training with you... but do you have to wear that?" Shingo looked down at the outfit Ranma was referring to. Black shoes with white socks. Furinkan girl's uniform. Black shorthaired wig. As far as he could tell, nothing was wrong with his costume. "Why? Did you want me to use a Roxy costume?" "No. Can't you just spar in normal clothes?" "But I thought this would help," Shingo lamented. "Since you decided to fight her as a guy, I mean." "Well, it did help a little, at first," Ranma answered. "But it's distracting me now. It's also kinda freaky since you don't look like a girl. C'mon, do me a favor and change." "All right," Shingo answered as he went to his bag to get his normal clothes. As Shingo began to take off his costume, he couldn't help but think of all the hours Ranma had put into training for this match. He had been surprised when Ranma asked him if he wanted to help him train, since the pig-tailed martial artist usually did his training alone. However, that surprise paled in comparison to the one he got when he realized how seriously Ranma was training for this. Putting his jacket on, he grabbed his gloves and walked back to Ranma "Mind if I ask you a question?" he asked Ranma as he put his gloves on. "Shoot." "Why are you fighting Akane as a guy?" "You really want to know?" he asked as he looked up from doing his stretching exercises. "Yeah." "Well, part of if is because we agreed not to hold back on the other. I'm stronger as a guy, so I'd be holding back if I fought as a girl. The other reason I'm doing this..." he started to say with a serious look on his face, "is because I don't think I can win as a girl." "No way!" Shingo blurted out, shocked at the statement. "Don't forget, she beat me at UltraRage in a battle of skill." "But you weren't even using your techniques..." "Techniques that she's seen me do like a thousand times. She's even seen me learn a couple of them. How do you think she beat me the first time? Only my dad would know the way I fight better and he's too old to beat me anymore. If I know her, she's going to prepare to counterattack anything I can throw at her and make this a skill match again." "Wow. You've really thought this through. I don't think I've ever seen you be so negative about a match" "Who's being negative?" Ranma asked with a cocky smile. "That's just the way it is. Besides, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. Now get ready, Shingo!" he added as he dropped into his fighting stance. "I'm ready to show you a few of those tricks!!" Returning the smile, Shingo settled into his own preferred stance and the sparring resumed. *** Deep in the bowels of the Ultradome, an implacable force of lawlessness and chaos brooded. Well, perhaps he hadn't been up to much general lawlessness lately. He was a little out of his element here in Tokyo - people drove on the wrong side of the road, for goodness' sake! He hardly had any contacts, and while his high profile gave him the opportunity to make more, most of the criminals he ran into were not in need of his services. Chaos? Feh. There had been opportunities for mayhem, for wild action, alliances that shifted from moment to moment and beatdowns on scales he had never dreamed of before... but life in general had settled down. The work was easy - one night every couple weeks, and the same old fitness routine from before. And domesticity was an unexpected pleasure. She probably wouldn't object to more excitement in their relationship, but hey, who really needed it? Implacable... well, that was the real problem, wasn't it? He'd been unstoppable - or at least close enough to it that people thought twice before taking him on. He'd had lots of folks believing that he was something more than simply human. But that was... before. Now he was a joke. Implacable, yes, but easily diverted. Not someone to take seriously. Not a name to fear. The other guy hadn't gotten away unscathed, but that was hardly a consolation and it wasn't his fault, anyway. Worse, the whole world knew his weakness. He couldn't go back now, there'd always be a guy around the next corner with a bucket or a squirtgun, and in his occupation distractions were deadly, at best. So he sat, and brooded, and wondered. Should he even bother going out there tonight? His opponent was not one of the so-called "honorable" types, and would go for the easy, humiliating victory. There was no doubt of that. And if he bailed on this fight, was there any point in sticking around Ultra? She probably wouldn't mind that... but it would be the end of everything else if the world saw him give up. ...And where the hell had Tifa been for the last week, anyway? Bean Bandit was startled out of his funk by a friendly knock at his dressing room door. Eh, he'd go out there again. Maybe find a good raincoat first... and galoshes, and face shield... aw, hell, there had to be a spacesuit downstairs somewhere in one of those great big warehouses. "Hey, come on in!" Bean swiveled the desk chair to face the door just in time to see it swing open ahead of his invitation. "Teef!" The girl of his dreams was bouncing lightly on her toes, with a smile on her lips and in her eyes, and something held behind her back in both hands. Bean instinctively smiled back, though as he closed to embrace her he noted that her white top was spotted and grimy, and there were a number of partially-healed bruises on her face and arms and long, long legs... "Hi, hon! You won't believe where I got to this week... and what I brought back!" She returned Bean's kiss, but then ducked away as he tried to look down past her shoulder at the item clasped behind her back. "Well, I was going to wait until after I got cleaned up a little..." she paused, and cocked her head to one side as she considered. "But you're fighting tonight, right? Then we shouldn't put this off." Bean blinked. "You mean..." Tifa smile disappeared as she pulled the thermos out from behind her back.. "It's a solution, not a cure. And there are risks... I'm told that strange things can happen when people mess with Jusenkyo curses. You'll still have to be careful around water, but you should be in control of yourself if you do get splashed." Bean flashed a feral grin. "Hey, whatever this turns me into must be better. You picked it out, right?" Tifa nodded. "Then hit me." He spread his arms wide. Tifa nodded, and carefully handed him the thermos. "Excuse me while I get out of the way. And get some hot water." She grabbed a coffee mug from his desk, then scurried down the hall to the showers. *splash* *** Nabiki walked into Yaga's new office unannounced, and found her new head booker lounging on his overstuffed leather sofa. He jerked his bathrobe closed and hastily muted the pay-per-view movie blasting over the high-definition surround-sound office theater system. "Thank you so much for knocking..." Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Enjoying ourselves, aren't we?" "Hey, my work is done. Even all the arrangements for Reboot are finished. And you can't tell me that all this," he waved his hand around to include the office, his relative lack of clothing, the slightly raunchy movie on the television, and just life in general, "isn't an order of magnitude less expensive than Jack's foibles were." "You're correct, of course... though there are costs other than money. Jack's wildness was... safe. Yeah, he's probably completely insane, and he never made any sense to anyone except Mr. Duck. But that was an advantage, too, because he was above simple monetary concerns and didn't have many close friends in the league. I could trust him to be impartially crazy, and he even had mellowed to the point where he wasn't dangerous. Most of the time. You were the one exception, of course - he didn't hold back when he had to deal with you." Yaga frowned. "Am I supposed to infer that you do not think I am impartial? That you can't trust me?" "Can I?" Nabiki placed her hands on her hips. "You certainly don't seem to have much sense. You and your little clique hijacked my sister's title defense last week, and you did your best to stack the odds against her." "Since when do you care about what happens to your sister in the ring?" "She can defend herself... but I'm not going to let you use your position here to stack the odds against her." Yaga considered this for a few seconds before replying. "By which you mean that I and my clique, as you called it, had better stay out of the way for her fight tonight." Nabiki nodded. "This one in particular means a lot to her. So yes. If anything... non-regulation happens, I'm going to hold you responsible." Yaga shrugged and turned back to the television. "Sure. Whatever. I wasn't going to, anyway - all of us have other fights scheduled, as you would know if you had read the card. Besides, the titles should get shaken up plenty at Reboot so I don't mind if you indulge in some mild nepotism in the meantime." Nabiki drew breath to fire her new booker... and turned and stormed out. It just wasn't worth the hassle - there wasn't anyone else for the job, and the ratings had been good enough. And maybe he was right, too. The Great Yaga unmuted the television, trimmed a fat cigar, and pondered the joys of life. Oh, that these days could last forever... *** Sakura Kinomoto was not her usually-happy self today. She couldn't stop thinking about what she had done to Li just a few nights ago. She really had thought she did the right thing at the moment, but she wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe there might have been another way to handle the situation? She really needed to talk to somebody, but whom? She glanced over to Kero. Maybe he could tell her if she did the right thing. But he was playing Ace Combat 4 and was quite into it. And now that she thought about it, Kero didn't exactly get along with Li that well. His opinion about Li wouldn't be to fair. "Sakura, I brought over the costume I made for your match tonight." Tomoyo called in her normal sweet voice as she walked into the dressing room. Of course! Tomoyo was the perfect person to talk to about this. Tomoyo was always good at giving her advice. She could tell her if she did the right thing. "Tomoyo, can I talk to you about something?" "Of course, Sakura. What is it?" "It's about what I... did to Li. I thought I did the right thing, but I'm not so sure any more. I keep thinking that I could have talked him into being a little gentler in the ring. What do you think, Tomoyo?" "I think you're mistaken, Sakura," Tomoyo said with a little frown. "Normally, I think it's a good thing that you're gentle, but not like this. I don't think you should be gentle when you are fighting. It doesn't seem right. I know Li can be difficult sometimes, but I think he's right about this, at least." "Li was right?" "Like hell he was!!" yelled out Kero, who had heard Sakura's question and was now flying to face Tomoyo. "He deserved every bit of what he got and then some! Snot nosed little brat thinking he's the Captor. Sakura should have used Thunder on him! Tomoyo, I'm surprised at you. How can you say that punk is right? The way he treated Sakura was terrible and they were supposed to be partners. Aren't partners supposed to be considerate of each others' feelings?" "I guess so," answered Tomoyo timidly. "Sakura, don't think about that punk anymore. You've gotta focus on your match tonight. Remember?" "Yes." "Now let's go over the cards you going to take to the match." Sakura nodded and went to get the Clow Book. However, she couldn't help but about what Tomoyo said. Was Li right? *** "Team Socket?" "Too technical. Or perverted. Take your pick." "Team Crockett?" "Been there, done that, got laughed at." "Team PokeTech?" "Ick. Team Battlebots?" "Too violent." Both of them shuddered. "Besides, you're the one who didn't want a corporate sponsor." "True. Um... Team Mass Extinction?" "That's asking for it. Team Direct Deposit" "Huh?" James sighed and slumped to his knees. "Team Frustration!" "Team Lack of Inspiration," sobbed Jessie. "Team Lost Their Rhyming Dictionary!" "Team Can't Intimidate Their Adversary!" A knock and a voice at the door announced their imminent humiliation. "Hey, kids, get out here, the show starts in two!" The tag team formerly known as Team Rocket sagged against one another. "Oh, no! What are we going to do?!?" they chorused. *** *** *** { M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G } { C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G } { F E D E R A T I O N } { .-----------. } { | U-L-T-R-A | } { `-----------' } { http://www.mtcffultra.com } Episode 86: That Warm and Fuzzy Feeling Written By: Kerry "Ked" Stump and Rift MTCFF Ultra Created By : Twoflower So the Ultradome was loud. So what? There are louder things in this universe. The crowd could tell that the show was about to start - those with watches knew precisely how soon, but you didn't need a timepiece to figure it out. Between the manic swarm of technicians preparing the announcer's table, the crackling hum of the main dome speakers as they warmed up, the countdown to the broadcast on the UltraTron, and the steadily increasing shaking of the dome itself as the crowd's excitement built, you would need to be blind, deaf, and probably just plain dead to miss the signs. As the clock ticked down to mere seconds left, the crowd warmed up - roaring like a mere jet engine, they awaited the signal to erupt with their full fury. The second hand met the minute hand at the top of the hour, the main ring lights lit in a blaze of blinding brilliance, and the man designated to open the show bellowed his invocation. Unfortunately that man was Haohmaru, and he was actually trying to yell as loud as he could. Into a microphone plugged into the UltraDome sound system. " **ARE** **YOU** **READY** **FOR** **SOME** **ULTRA** **VIOLENCE?!?!** " The crowd roared back, of course. The seismograph even indicated that they were rated in the top five non-pay-per-view-event audiences for sheer volume... but it quickly died down, since nobody, not even Haohmaru, could hear a thing for nearly half a minute. Daisuke, who had had the intelligence to stay out of the arena for this particular opening, made his way down to the announcers' table and tapped his partner on the shoulder. "Aren't you going to get the show going?" "WHAT?" "I SAID... never mind. I'll just do it myself." Daisuke turned to face the camera. "Welcome to Ultra, ladies and gentlemen! Since my partner is a little too deaf at the moment to give you a proper enthusiastic rundown of the evening's schedule, why don't we just move on to the first fight and give him some time to recover. "You've just lost most of your hearing to one of the fighters in this match. Besides being unnaturally loud, Haohmaru is also a former Lambda champion. He wasn't much of a champion..." Daisuke rolled his eyes. "...but at least his team held the title for a while, even if they had to cheat madly to do so. "His opponent also comes from a mostly-Lambda background. Nakaruru's team hasn't had the storied history and friends in high places that Haohmaru's has, and they've only won one of their five fights to date... so if the loud guy wasn't such a complete putz-" "HEY, THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU HEARD THAT, YOU KNAVE!" "-you wouldn't think she had a chance. I'm told that they have some sort of axe to grind, at least, so maybe these two losers will at least put some feeling into it." The giant screen above showed images of forest and rivers. Nakoruru came out from behind the curtain and made her way to the ring. Those fans that were looking for waves or some form of acknowledgement from her were in for a disappointment today, since she showed none. Her usual cheerful face today was replaced with a look of determination solely focused on her opponent. In fact, her gaze never veered away from the loud samurai for a second. "SO YOUNG PRIESTESS, WE FINALLY MEET AGAIN. THIS TIME NOT AS ALLIES, BUT AS ADVERSARIES. HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR YOU THAT YOU WILL NOW HAVE MY LEGENDARY SKILL PITTED AGAINST YOU, INSTEAD OF HAVING THE BENEFIT OF ITS AID. I, THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU, SHALL USE THE FULL EXTENT OF MY LEGENDARY SKILL TO END THIS MATCH SWIFTLY." "You are correct about one thing, Haohmaru. This will be the end of the conflict between us," said Nakoruru still not taking his eyes off him, "My sister and I have decided to leave Ultra and this will probably be the last time we encounter each other. Tonight, no matter what the outcome, will be the last time I ever face you. Prepare yourself!" Nakoruru reached back to the hilt of her short sword while Haohmaru brought both his hands to the hilt of his katana. The referee looked at both contestants and signaled for the match to start. ][ Gamma Match ][ Nakoruru vs. Haohmaru ][ Fight! "SENPU RETSU ZAN!!" Nakoruru knew exactly what was coming. She sidestepped the miniature cyclone and countered with her Annu Mutsube. Haohmaru, being familiar with the sliding slash, simply leapt over her and launched another cyclone after her. The priestess of nature came to an abrupt stop and turned to face the attack. With a yell of 'Kamui Rimuse' she flicked her cape out, capturing the cyclone and sending it back to its creator. The self-proclaimed legendary samurai rolled out of the way and rushed to deliver his rising cyclone slash, the Shippu Kogetsu Zan. Nakoruru decided to counter with the aerial version of her sliding slash, Lela Mutsube. However, her attack was parried by Haohmaru's blade and he followed up with a slash to her thigh. She tumbled in the air a little before recovering her balance and landing safely. "And Haohmaru shows his superior skill as a swordsman. Looks like little miss ecology's last match here is going to end the same way as her last couple of matches." Daisuke commented. "But don't count her out yet fans. This match has yet to end!!" Hiroshi added. "Ah, you've recovered! It just wasn't any fun announcing without having you to abuse, 'Rosh." Nakaruru rushed to her opponent's landing spot to attack. Luck was on the Legendary One's side, however, as he managed to land before the first slash was thrown. He parried the first one, sidestepped the second and countered the third with a slash of his own. This forced Nakoruru to bring up her free hand to the dull side of her blade to block the counter slash. "I still don't understand why you choose to ally yourself with a demon," said Nakoruru as sparks flew from their swords. "You fought against Amakusa and Mizuki! Why now? Answer me!!" ''THE DARK ONE WISHED FOR ME TO BECOME HIS RETAINER. A WISE CHOICE SINCE TO HAVE A LEGEND SUCH AS I IS TO HAVE AN INVINCIBLE SHIELD PROTECTING YOU. HOWEVER, IT WOULD BE DISGRACEFUL FOR A LEGENDARY SAMURAI SUCH AS I TO HAVE SUCH AN UNLEGENDARY MASTER, ONE WHO IS UNFIT EVEN TO SHINE A LEGENDARY BLADE SUCH AS MINE. AS FOR THE DEMON MIZUKI, SHE MADE AN OFFER TO MY LEGENDARY SELF. SHE SOUGHT TO MAKE HERSELF LEGENDARY BY DESTROYING THIS LEGENDARY SAMURAI. " "That still doesn't answer my question." "THE ANSWER IS QUITE SIMPLE. SHE GIVES LEGENDARY FAVORS THAT BEFIT A LEGENDARY SAMURAI SUCH AS MYSELF." "Favors?" Hiroshi asked Daisuke. "She... sleeps with him. I think. Or rather, I don't want to think about it." "Oh!" "Legendary samurai?" Nakoruru answered with anger. "You're nothing more than an honorless dog!!" "CALL ME WHAT YOU WILL, BARBARIAN. BUT KNOW THIS, YOUR STRENGTH CANNOT MATCH MINE." On that note, Haohmaru forced all of his strength down on his blade. He won the contest, shattering Nakaruru's guard and stunning her briefly. The Legendary One the proceeded to capitalize on his advantage using his Earthquake Slash, Resshin Zan. The blow landed cleanly on the Ainu's right shoulder, making her squeal in pain. "What a vicious hit Haohmaru just landed. It looks like she might be in trouble." "More like the beginning of the end, 'Rosh. That was her sword arm he just hit and Nakaruru doesn't have those animals to cover for her. Face it, people. This match is over." She clutched her shoulder briefly, but had no time to complain as Haohmaru pressed his attack forward. Nakoruru nimbly dodged the attacks, but found herself unable to retaliate. Her sword arm felt heavy and she still felt a bit winded. She realized that she was at a great disadvantage now. Normally she could rely on Mamahaha or Shikuruu to give her assistance, but Yaga had made sure that she could not use them. 'Curse that man' she thought to herself. If Mamahaha were here she could fly away and attack from above. But wait; maybe there was a way for her to attack from above. On that thought, she avoided one of Haohmaru slashes and ran towards the ropes. Ignoring the cyclone he sent after her, she quickly jumped on the top rope and sprang off it high into the air. At the apogee of her jump, she gripped her sword with both hands and made her decent at him blade first. "YOUR BARBARIAN TRICKS WILL NOT HELP YOU. ENLIGHTENMENT!!!" Haohmaru yelled out as he moved to cut her out of the air with his Cyclone slash. For the third time in the match, the fighters crossed swords. This time, however, there was no clear winner since both seemed to land untouched. For a moment they seemed frozen in time or unable to move. Both priestess and samurai turned their heads and their eyes met for a few seconds. And then the moment passed. Nakoruru dropped her sword and clutched her arm in pain. Haohmaru saw this, smiled and collapsed face first onto the floor. "It's over." The Ainu stated as she picked up her sword with the other hand. "This is incredible!! What a come from behind victory!!" "She got lucky, 'Rosh" "Do you have to be so cynical?" "Yeah. I just have to be me." She didn't wait for the referee to raise her hand or for him to declare her the winner. It just didn't matter anymore. Nakoruru made her way up the ramp amongst the cheering crowd. When she reached the top of the ramp, the priestess took a long look back at the arena she wouldn't be seeing anytime soon. "To all those who have supported me with their cheers, I thank you and will miss you. Goodbye to you all," Nakoruru shouted to the crowd and walked through the curtain for the last time. "Well, that was... almost compelling," deadpanned Daisuke. "Are you kidding me? That was fantastic! Special moves! Fast action! Blood, but not unpleasantly much! What more do you want?" "Fighters who actually are good enough to care about, maybe?" "Well, then the rest of the evening should fit that bill. We've got Ranma and Akane in a Gamma title match-" "Again?" "-Bean and Mousse in a Hardcore war-" "Total mismatch." "And for our main event, Jessie and James will take on a *brand new* Lambda squad!" "Eh." "There's just no pleasing you, is there." Daisuke smirked, but didn't rise to the bait. "Well, anyway, the match between Morrigan and Sakura is just a few seconds away! Dai, who do you think will win this match?" "Let's see. A little goody-two-shoes who doesn't want to hurt anybody against and succubus that will do anything to win. Gee, isn't it obvious?" "That's right, Dai! It's obvious that Sakura will be the winner." "You live in your own little world, don't you?" Morrigan came out to her usual welcome of jeers and catcalls. Making her way to the ring, she blew kisses to the few faithful fans she had. Floating over the ropes, she caressed the referee's face playfully making him shiver. The referee started praying that his wife wasn't watching the show tonight. Soon after, cheerful j-pop began to play as Sakura Kinomoto made her way to the ring. Her outfit for the night was an angel costume consisting of white robes that came to the knees, a golden chain for a belt, small wings coming out of the back and a golden halo on her head. Sakura had asked Kero and Tomoyo to stay home and let her do this alone. As soon as she entered the ring, she looked up to see Morrigan lick her lips in anticipation. This action sent a variety of emotions coursing through Sakura's mind, ranging from fear to confusion to disgust. However, she managed to sum up all those feelings in one word. "Hoe..." ][ Gamma Match ][ Sakura Kinomoto vs. Morrigan Aensland ][ Fight! "Windy! Tie her up and pin her to the floor!" As much as she liked the idea of bondage, Morrigan knew that this wasn't the time. She took to the air, avoiding the wind elemental's first pass, and fired a Soul Fist at the construct. Since Windy had never been attacked before, it was completely unprepared for the projectile and dissipated immediately. Sakura, a little shocked at the outcome, cast the Wood card and gave it the same command. Almost instantly, a group of vines shot out straight at the succubus. The vines successfully made contact with Morrigan's limbs and waist, and slowly started to bring her down. Morrigan looked at the young witch and grinned. Her wings suddenly transformed into sharp blades that not only freed her, but also let close in on her opponent. The succubus wasted no time and delivered a punch to Sakura stomach, sending her tumbling to the ring post. "Over all ready? Fans, I give you the shortest Gamma match in Ultra history." "It's not over until the ref makes it official, Dai." The referee immediately went to check for a knockout, but was interrupted as Morrigan grabbed him and forced him into a deep kiss. Ten seconds later, the man was on the floor making his way to dreamland. Licking her lips once again, the succubus turned her attention back to her prey. "I don't understand. You've won. What are you doing?" Sakura asked Morrigan as she struggled to rise. "The answer is simple. I don't want him to interrupt my 'meal'." "'meal'?" the young girl asked, a little scared. "Oh, yes. I did have my heart set on those pure little nature sisters, but they seem to have left in a hurry. You will be a nice replacement, my little morsel." Now, it is important to understand that a normal sixteen-year-old child could work out the double meaning of Morrigan's words and get the true message. However, Sakura was a (somewhat too) innocent twelve year old little girl and only understood the literal meaning of what she had heard... and didn't like it one bit. Sakura sprang up from the floor with newfound strength. She cast Fly and took to the sky on her staff faster than anyone had ever seen her do before. She looked back in horror to see that the succubus was chasing and gaining on her. "You don't want to eat me! I don't taste very good!" "I sincerely doubt that." The succubus answered smiling. "I didn't know Morrigan was a cannibal." Hiroshi's eyes were wide. "She's not, 'Rosh. Think about what she said for a minute and use your brain this time." The chase lasted for a few minutes as they circled the arena several times. Finally, Morrigan had enough and launched a Soul Fist at her prey. The projectile connected with the back of the wand, forcing Sakura to land. The little witch decided to try to land in the ring, but the damage to the wings was too great. Just as she reached the ring her wand gave out, sending her tumbling to the floor. She tried to get up, but was grabbed by her robe and hoisted up to face her captor. Morrigan. "Naughty thing," she told Sakura as she caressed her cheek, "I guess I have to teach you some manners." Stopping her caress, she took her free hand and slapped the young girl in the face. The whole Ultradome went silent. Morrigan proceeded to grab the halo, toss it away and slapped the girl again a couple more times. Sakura felt her warm cheek being caressed again. She was scared. Tears started streaming from her eyes. This monster was going to eat her and she couldn't do anything to stop it. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw something that increased her fear again. Yaga. Yaga was coming down to ringside. Why? Was he coming down here to finished what he had started a couple of months ago? Wasn't it enough that she was going to be eaten? No. She didn't want to be eaten. She didn't want to get hurt again. In an act of desperation, she swung her wand at Morrigan's head, connecting with surprising force. The succubus immediately dropped her, clutching at her head. Sakura took advantage of the distraction and mashed the corner of her Key Staff down on Morrigan's foot. The succubus groaned her discomfort as she hobbled backwards. "You little worm! Just wait until I..." "Sand! Get her!" Morrigan whirled around to see a light brown girl wearing Arabic clothing glaring at her. Sand wasted no time in punching Morrigan across the ring. Picking herself up from the assault, Morrigan fired a Soul Fist at Sand only to see the construct open a hole to let the attack through, then change into a tidal wave of sand. She didn't get a chance to fly away. The wave of sand engulfed her completely and sent her crashing into the ring post. Yaga watched as the wave of sand dissipated to reveal an unconscious Morrigan. He realized that Sakura was giving him a look that told him that she hadn't forgotten her last encounter with him. He decided that he really wasn't needed to call the match anymore and ran for the curtain. All he heard was a yell of "Arrow" before a couple of them hit him in the rear. "Well, it looks like another innocent child has turned into a deranged sociopath right here in Ultra." Daisuke commented. "She is not a sociopath!" "'Rosh, she just attacked Yaga for no reason whatsoever." "After what he did to her at Reboot, he got what he deserved!" "Yaga apologized for that already." "There is no apology that can make up for the sort of beating he laid down on her!" "And there is no winning with you, is there?" "ENLIGHTENMENT!" came a booming voice from above. "Silent!" was Sakura response to the war cry. "WHAT MANNER OF MAGIC..." was all Haohmaru got out before Silent raised her finger to her lips and shushed him out of the Ultradome. For the rest of the night, Haohmaru would be wondering how exactly he got on top of the (rebuilt) Tokyo Tower... and how he could get down. Sakura breathed heavily, wondering if she had gotten all of her tormentors. She got her answer when she heard the crowd become restless and looked above to see Satan almost about to land on her with a flying body press. "Storm!!" yelled out a male voice. Satan was suddenly picked out of the air and tossed out of the arena though an audience entrance, mercifully landing on a cotton candy stand. Sakura recognized right away who the card belonged to. She turned around and saw that he was already in the ring. It was Shaoran Li. They eyed each other warily for a moment before Sakura spoke up. "I'm sorry, Li," she said with tears in her eyes, "I really had no right to hit you like that. I thought that that you were just being mean, but it turns out that sometimes you have to be that way. Especially in the ring. You were right all along." "...I was wrong too," he grudgingly admitted. "I should have been more understanding and helpful. It's not entirely your fault. Why don't we just start over and we'll do things like a team is supposed to, okay?" "Li..." She couldn't take it anymore. She rushed over and hugged Li making his face turn the same color as her check. "That is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Hiroshi commented with tears in his eyes. "Dai, could you please take over for a little while?" "Uh... the Omega match between Dan and Naga is next. Hopefully my partner here will have contained himself the time you get back to the 'Dome." *** "Hello, Sakura Kusagano speaking." "Sakura! It's me Hinata!" "Hinata! How are you doing?" "I'm fine. We're watching Ultra, of course. I guess you're not fighting this week, huh?" "Nah. I was helping a friend with some training, but nothing's set up for me." "Listen, there's going to be a party at my house early next week. You wanna come?" "Sure. I'll be there" "Great. I'll be expecting you and your boyfriend then." "What are you talking about? I don't have a boyfriend." "You broke up with Shingo, too? I understand why you broke up with David, but Shingo..." "No, you don't understand. Shingo isn't my boyfriend." "What do you mean he isn't your boyfriend? Every time we go out, all you talk about is him. You even stopped talking about Ryu." "So? That doesn't mean anything!!" "You even kissed him on live television!" "That was an ..." "And it was so sweet the way he got so jealous when that guy from Gorin High tried to pick you up at the mall." "Jealous?" "Yeah. You remember? At the mall? You were coming back from the bathroom and that guy started to hit on you. He looked like he was about to jump out of his seat! Of course, he, uh, calmed down when you stomped on his foot..." "I didn't know..." "Well, duh. He's not going to tell you that. Guys are like that." "Then, when I asked Shingo and Li to the amusement park..." "You asked Shingo and another guy out at the same time?" "I... I really need to get going. I have to sit down and think about this." "Sakura, wait. I didn't mean for you to get upset. I thought that..." "No, I'm okay. I...I'll talk to you later. Bye." *** Three standard Ultra teleportation portals opened in a small clearing in a forest. Two fighters and one bored-looking referee emerged. A number of Ultracams followed them through, then zipped away to a (hopefully) safe distance. The portals winked shut, plunging the clearing into darkness. The only lighting came from the stars far above them. It was a perfectly clear night. From the forest around them came the faint skittering of animals and fluttering of birds. "Are the fighters ready?" "OOOSHA!!!" "OOHOHOHO! The White Serpent will always be ready to crush her opponents!" "Indeed. Then we shall begin." ][ Omega Match - Monkey Island Rules ][ Dan Hibiki vs. Naga ][ Fight! Naga opened her mouth to cast a spell, then stopped short. Something was... strange about this place, something magical, but she couldn't quite tell what it was. Whatever it was, the difference was completely lost on her opponent, who began the fight in his usual way. Dan quickly rolled into a favorite taunting position: forearm raised with finger perfectly extended, other hand on hip, feet spread wide, though not awkwardly so. "You may always be ready, but my purity of spirit and the Saikyo style will surely triumph over your puny magic! DAN DAN BOOT TO THE HEAD!" Naga looked back to Dan just in time to get a face full of shoe. She went flying into a nearby patch of odd-looking weeds, and didn't immediately rise. "YAHOOOIE! Dan's manly might triumphs once more, and in record time too!" Dan jumped up and down, pumping his fist with precisely metered authority. He didn't bother to wonder why Ifurita wasn't counting, nor did he hear the rustling as his opponent rose to her feet and stepped back into the clearing. Naga scratched at a bruise on one arm before properly reentering the fight. "It will take more than one puny blow to fell the White Serpent! Defend yourself, peasant!" Dan heard that, and spun, but not in time to avoid the "BOMB DI WIND!" The force blast caught Dan square on and sent him flying back into the forest on the other side of the clearing. He flung one hand out in desperation and caught a tree limb, stopping his flight. "It will take more than a little wind to stop the mighty Dan Hibiki! GADOUKEN!" A pink ball of energy bore straight for Naga, but she was not one to be intimidated by a mere ki-blast. "FREEZE ARROW!" The instant blast of ice canceled out Dan's attack perfectly, then was instantly followed by another spell. "LY BRIEM!" Now it was Dan's turn to block "Shikyuu Gadouken!" Another pink wave of energy met the beam of pure cold, and Dan was warmed to a pleasant room temperature rather than frozen solid. A good old-fashioned fireball war ensued. "GADOUKEN!" "FREEZE BIRD! ...DYNAST BREATH!" "OOOSHA! ...GADOKEN" "FREEZE ARROW!" And so on, for more repetitions than are worth repeating here. It was all very impressive to see... but neither Naga nor Dan could harm the other. Eventually Naga got sick of it, and didn't return fire. Dan laughed heartily. "Tired already? Dan can do this all day!" He flexed one arm to demonstrate his strength. "No, merely changing strategy." Naga frowned as she itched a red spot on her chest, but regained her concentration and cast the spell that would surely end the fight. "RING OF SUPERIORITY! OHOHOHOHOHOHO!" The dreaded ring began to form around Dan. He set his hands on his hips and turned in a circle to watch the dozen clones pop into being one by one. They all drew a (impressive) breath, then cut loose with the true horror of the spell. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Naga laughed as well. "OHOHOHOHOHOhuh?" She blinked, and scratched her nose, and wondered why Dan was not screaming in terror yet. The Pink Wonder so far merely had a puzzled look on his face. Naga decided she might as well play it safe. "RINGS OF SUPERIORITY!" Two more circles of Naga clones flashed into existence around Dan and did their thing. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" One of Naga's eyebrows rose in surprise. That didn't sound like her laugh... "RAY WING!" Naga flew up just a foot or two to see over the rings of clones, and got the shock of her life as her intended victim seemed to be laughing as well. Dan was indeed enjoying a good belly laugh. "AHAHAHAHAHA! Is this your great attack? Dan Hibiki is not a child to be easily frightened by a legion of cackling hussies! I laugh at your pathetic plan! Ha ha ha! And I strike once more, undaunted! GADOUKEN!" Naga felt something unseen change as Dan dismissed her attack, and suddenly was unable to dodge. The crackling pink energy plowed into her and knocked her back several feet. The three rings of clones disappeared, leaving the clearing in a state of merciful silence. Once more the White Serpent rose, stopping to scratch one ankle as she stood. Dan pulled down one lower eyelid. "Biiiiiidah! Saikyo power wins again!" This time, Naga not only felt the magical shift, she understood what it was. Which meant... "Again? I bet you can't even remember the last time you won a match!" Yes indeed - the shift had gone the other way, so... "ICICLE LANCE!" The rod of ice darted towards Dan, who tried to gather himself for a blocking blast. "GADOU-ack!" Dan was tough enough that the Icicle Lance didn't actually impale him, but it still hurt. Badly. "OHOHOHOHO! So *that* is the secret of fighting in this place!" Naga raised one hand in triumph, stopping it on the way up to rub at an itch on her cheek. "Ano... what secret?" "The secret that you could probably win the match with, if your brains weren't as soft and pink as your costume! DILL BRANDO!" The ground around Dan literally exploded in column of shiny cold and blazing power. As Dan hurtled straight up into the sky, he took a second to admire a couple of scenic coastal villages that stretched along the island's coast not too terribly far away. Then gravity properly reasserted itself and the Pink One plummeted back to earth, once again forgetting that he could fly if he wanted to. "OOOOYyaaajjii..." *whud* Dan made a meter-deep hole in the ground as he landed. Naga hovered nearby, furiously itching an armpit, as Dan tried to climb out of his hole. "You know what? I'm going to tell you the secret anyway. You're too obviously too stupid to figure out what to do with it. There's some sort of enchantment on this place, one that links the effectiveness of our attacks to the cleverness of our insults. And you, you little pink monkey, for all your so-called taunting you couldn't clever your way out of a cardboard box." "Uh..." Dan desperately tried to find a snappy comeback. "Doushita, Doushita?" "OHOHOHO! Not nearly good enough. Demona Crystal!" A large three- dimensional shape appeared around Dan, then solidified, freezing him inside. Naga calmly walked over, trembling as she resisted the urge to scratch somewhere undignified and inappropriate during her moment of triumph. She casually tapped the crystal, and it tumbled over to land on its side. Ifurita swooped in and examined the fallen Saikyo warrior. "Technique 253234, Demona Crystal, with technique 38021, insult-balance logic-gate deterministic modification. This match is over - Naga wins." "HOHOHO! Now to make Yaga give me a title shot!" She scratched at her chest once more. "Just as soon as I figure out how to rid myself of this accursed rash." *** "Hi, folks! I'm Lina Inverse." It is indeed Lina Inverse. She is standing in front a plain white background, next to a table with a couple of small plastic bottles resting on it. "I have a lot of fun fighting in Ultra with all your other favorites, but one does tend to take a beating around here." The image cut to highlights... or perhaps lowlights from a couple of Lina's recent matches. Lina slamming into the ground after taking a direct hit from Alberto's Shockwave attack, Lina getting singed by Darshu's Exodous spell, Lina doing a faceplant in... "A lot of fans ask me how all of us women in Ultra keep our skin looking so young and perfect when we're getting beaten up every other week." Lina preens for the camera, though she really isn't showing a lot of skin. "The answer is Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion." "Specially formulated for fast healing, Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion is an effective treatment for nearly everything: whether it's surface burns and bruises, allergic reactions and skin infections, or even the occasional flesh wound, Jergens will restore your skin in just hours." "If you're bleeding profusely, visit your local emergency room." Lina holds a 60-ounce jug of the lotion up beside her grinning face. "For everything else, use Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion." She squirts out a gob of the viscous, disgusting-looking white lotion and delicately applies it to her cheeks as a voiceover plays. "Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion is the official lotion of Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra. Also try Jergens Ultra Cold Cream and Jergens Ultra Bodywash." *** "Wait! Wait a sec." Li Ping yelled out to Nakoruru. She turned around to face the young man. To her left was her trusted wolf Shikuruu and on her right shoulder was Mamahaha. "You are... Li Ping, yes?" "You're leaving, but I still haven't found your sister." "It is quite all right," she told the gaijin showing him a piece of paper, "It seems my sister has gone out for the evening with Gary Oak. We won't be in the city for long, so I think that my sister wants to have at least one night alone with him before we leave. Thank you for your assistance, Li Ping." "Wait!" he called to her again as she turned to leave "Can I ask you why you decided to leave?" Nakoruru paused for a moment before speaking again. "In my time, nature and humanity did not have as many problems as it does now. The only problems it had then were demons and other evil creatures corrupting it. Now it must contend with a number of other evils too. Ultra has been pleasant and very enjoyable, but I feel that I am needed elsewhere. To stay here would be selfish." "So where are you going now?" "Tomorrow we leave for the old capital, Kyoto. Tonight, I guess I will have to wait at the inn." "The maybe we could get something to eat," the American asked, faltering a little when the nature priestess set her gaze upon him. "I mean, it would be boring to just spend your last day at a hotel. It doesn't have to be like a date or nothing..." "I would love to." she answered with a smile. "That's great!!... I mean... Cool. I know this cool pizza place just near here." Ping told Nakoruru as he escorted her out. "That would be nice. What is 'pizza'?" *** "So what wonderful scintillating slobberknocker of a fight is up next?" anti-enthused Daisuke. "I'm glad to see you're getting into the spirit of things!" Daisuke blinked in surprise as Hiroshi managed to achieve a measurable level of sarcasm. "Because this next fight is going to be all of the above! For your viewing enjoyment, we've got Mousse and the Bean Bandit in a Hardcore-rules slugfest!" "Pleasure? Not likely. Mousse will dump water on Bean, and the fight will be over in seconds. How fun can that possibly be?" "Aw, work with me, Daisuke!" "DROP DEAD, HIROSHI!" chorused they crowd along with their new favorite announcer. "No!" Daisuke turned to face his fellow announcer. "No? What is that supposed to mean?" "I mean 'No, I'm not going to drop dead. I'm going to be here forever, making your life miserable with my insanely overenthusiastic and non- critical announcing and analysis!' So there!" Hiroshi grinned and winked at the active camera. "But enough about us - the fighters are about to arrive." Mousse strode down the entrance ramp, largely ignoring the crowd save to brush aside the occasional overzealous autograph seeker. The crowd mostly ignored him right back, though a few cared enough to boo and a group in the upper deck hoisted a Ducks Unlimited banner and began quacking noisily. He climbed up through the ropes and started idly tossing a weapon into the air, a different one on each throw. "Let's get this over with," he snarled into a handy microphone. "Couldn't Yaga have given me someone challenging to fight? Bean just isn't a worthy opponent any more." "It looks like Mousse has a pretty realistic perspective on this match," noted Daisuke. The crowd roared mildly as Bean emerged from the tunnel with a microphone of his own. "You aren't going to say that after I'm done with you." The words were angry, but the voice was oddly muffled. "Hell, you aren't going to be *able* to say that! I may have a weakness, and you may try to exploit it... but this time I'm ready." He climbed up into the ring, and Mousse laughed as he saw his opponent clearly for the first time. Bean was decked out in a plastic, neon- yellow rain poncho that had quite obviously been borrowed from the Ultradome Parking Garage staff. The hood had been pulled close around his face with the drawstring and tied "And Bean Bandit has decided to wear an additional protective garment for this match. I've used one of those ponchos before - they are the ultimate in rain protection, but will it be usable in a fight?" wondered Hiroshi. "You think *that* is going to help you? All these poundings must have finally given you brain damage." Daisuke nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I don't think even a body condom would really help Bean here - Mousse has too many ways to slice, shred, or vaporize a way through a flimsy plastic bag like that." Mary grabbed the hanging microphone and addressed the fighters. "Hardcore rules are stipulated, so weapons and leaving the ring is legal. If you're both ready...?" Bean nodded soberly, while Mousse twirled a spiked mace one-handed with obvious impatience. Mary nodded to the scoring table, and the bell rang. ][ Hardcore Non-Title Match ][ Mousse vs. Bean ][ FIGHT! Bean lumbered across the ring, eager to close with his opponent. Mousse took a step back as he reached down into his sleeves for appropriate weaponry, then found what he wanted and charged to meet Bean. The two met with a crash as Bean's haymaker was parried by one of Mousse's swords. The other blade came around in a swipe at Bean Bandit's head. Bean ducked away, but the tip of the sword caught a wrinkle in the poncho's hood and the massive getaway driver landed on his butt as his rain gear got jerked out of position and blocked most of his field of vision. "Just a few seconds into the fight, and things are already looking bad for Bean Bandit," crowed Daisuke. "You have to wonder why he even bothers coming out any more." "Here," offered Mousse, "let me help you with that." Bean thrashed wildly about, unable to get a grip on the slippery, enveloping garment, giving Mousse plenty of time to select the perfect implement. A metal claw on a long chain snaked out and easily snagged the poncho. Mousse snapped his arm back, and *pop!* he held the garment in one hand. "It wasn't your color, anyway." "I don't think neon yellow is anyone's color," groused Bean as he stood. "So what now? Got a bucket hidden in that gown of yours or something?" "Or something, yes," agreed Mousse. "But let's have a little fun, first. I don't get enough respect around here, and I'm not going to get any by flipping your personality." He pulled out a meter-diameter Kirby plushie with one hand, and gestured for Bean to approach with the other. "C'mon, let's do this." "What a surprise! Mousse sounds like he wants to make a real fight out of this after all!" "He's right, though," Daisuke noted. "Teaming up with Tasuki has run what little reputation he had right into the ground. If he can take Bean out the hard way, he'll have to be considered as a top contender in Hardcore. ...but what *is* that thing he's holding?" Bean, enraged at the apparent contempt evinced by his opponent's choice of weapon, stomped across the ring heedless of the threat of water. As he cocked his fist for another wild attack, Mousse shoved the oversized fuzzy pink globe directly at him. Bean tried to charge directly through the toy, but despite its relatively low mass it was simply too bulky to easily deal with. He ended up with one fist stuck in the plushie and pitched forward over it when he missed catching it with his other hand. The Kirby exploded in a cloud of stuffing material as the huge fighter landed on top of it. Mousse stepped back and laughed again as Bean thrashed around in the pile of white fuzzy stuff. "That worked a lot better than I thought it would..." He jumped up over the mess, dropping a couple of small items as he passed. One hit Bean square on the forehead as he sat up, then both started spewing a slightly yellowish mist into the air. Mousse landed on the other side of the ring and whirled back to face his opponent. Sometime during his flight he had managed to strap on a gas mask, and he prepared to charge the incapacitated Bean with the spiked mace he had been twirling earlier. He came to a screeching halt as Bean stood up, unaffected by the toxic fumes. Hiroshi and Daisuke had also put on gas masks as the yellow gas drifted over the announcers' table. "Mmmph rrmph Bnn dnnn mmp?" "Ehn dnnph nuh, Rrhhhi!" Bean sniffed the air daintily. "Hmm. CS... LAPD brand? Whatever." He grinned at Mousse, deliberately forcing down the anger. "Let's try this again, huh?" Mousse snarled defiantly and charged once more. The mace came down in a vicious overhead swing, but Bean casually caught it with one shoulder. Mousse slammed a dagger at Bean's abdomen with his other hand. Bean twisted slightly, and it glanced off his armored jacket. Mousse was quite overextended at this point, and could only throw himself straight backwards to avoid Bean's uppercut. Instead of crushing his face, the blow caught the Chinese Amazon on the upper ribs, propelling him backwards even faster. Mousse turned the backwards fall into a flip, kicking wildly as he felt Bean moving to follow. The tip of one foot caught Bean's jaw, forcing him to halt. Bean worked his jaw back and forth once, twice, just making sure there was no cosmetic damage. Mousse completed the flip, but landed poorly and slumped back into the ropes until he could get his feet properly arranged underneath him. He took a breath to taunt Bean once more, but winced hard as his sternum flared with pain. "Heh. That was a good punch." "There's more where that came from." Bean moved forward once more, this time with some degree of caution. Mousse whipped a handful of shuriken at him, but the Bandit merely ducked the few that flew towards his face. Most of the others bounced off his chest. One drew a bloody line on his right leg, but Bean didn't even seem to notice. "Uh, can we get a paramedic down to the front row?" wondered Hiroshi. "We seem to have some audience casualties..." Mousse considered leaving the ring and turning it into more of a mobile contest... but no, that would be an admission of defeat of sorts. He set himself for Bean's final charge, and when his target came into range Mousse stepped and spun into a beautiful roundhouse kick at Bean's head. Bean was ready, and caught Mousse's foot in one hand. He started to squeeze and to pull the younger fighter off balance... but Mousse had been ready for that defense and deftly slipped his foot out of the shoe. Still keeping his balance on his plant foot, he booted Bean in the gut, sending the surprised Bandit flying. Bean was airborne, but not hurt or stunned, so he had the presence of mind to wing Mousse's shoe back towards the Amazon. Mousse yelped in surprise as he tried to twist out of the way... but he was in an awkward stance and the knife-tipped shoe caught him in one thigh with enough force to knock him down. "Oh, wow! What a sequence! Mousse pulls out all the stops, but it appears that Bean has gained the advantage in this fight!" "Maybe, but that's only if Mousse continues to deliberately avoid the easy, obvious move," doubted Daisuke. Bean hadn't quite landed on his feet, but he was instantly back up and closing one more. Mousse sat up painfully. Let's see... possibly broken rib: check. Deep thigh bruise: check. Dangerously reduced mobility: check. Very large toughguy leaping at me: ...check. Oh, well, time for Plan S. Bean saw that his opponent wasn't getting up very fast, so he decided to take a calculated risk. He threw himself at Mousse in a half- bodyslam/half-tackle, hoping to get into a pure wrestling contest where he could directly apply his superior strength while keeping reducing the opportunity for weapons use. He wasn't too surprised, though, when Mousse pulled a cheap, sparkly bracelet out with one hand and tossed it into the audience while flinging the contents of one of his ubiquitous swan potties in the Bandit's face. There was no time to dodge... and Bean grinned as the water triggered his transformation. In contrast, Mousse was quite surprised when Bean did not go running after the junk jewelry... though it is probably more correct to say that he was extremely surprised when thirty-six hundred pounds of American muscle car landed on his face. "What? What just happened?!? Where did Bean go?" Hiroshi scanned the ring and the front rows of the audience, desperately seeking a glimpse of the vanished fighter. "It appears," began Daisuke after a second, "that Bean has gone and gotten himself re-cursed. Though where he found a Spring of Drowned 1991 Corvette ZR1 Painted With Standard 1977 Orange is hard to imagine..." He trailed off as he noticed Hiroshi's incredulous stare. "What?" "You know..." "Hey, a guy's got to have some hobbies... and sports cars are just cool." "*beeeeeeep*, *beeep*!" honked Bean happily. After a moment of shock, Mary dropped down to the canvas to peek underneath the car. She sat up and called, "This qualifies as a pin! Mousse has ten seconds to break it. One..." The crowd roared its approval, and Bean revved his engine in joyous acknowledgement. It had been far, far too long since he had won a fight... "Well, it looks like Mousse is down!" "Four..." And this was just the start! He could get warmers installed for the wiper fluid, allowing him to transform at will. The ZR1 package was a great beginning, but by the time he got done with the racing mods, there would be nothing that could catch him. "Like, duh, Hiroshi! I don't know very many people who could get back up after being smashed by a car." "Eight!" Of course the first order of business would be to do something about this awful paint job... hey, why wasn't the referee still counting? A loud clanking sound emerged from under the car, and suddenly, smoothly its whole rear end lifted six inches. Bean's wheels spun frantically, but they were no longer in contact with the canvas. A bloodied and grimy Mousse crawled out from underneath the panicking car. "Heh. I never used my car jack to jack up a car before." He leapt up onto the broad, flat hood (carefully, so he wouldn't rock Bean off the jack) and raised his hands in triumph. "Mousse gets out of it! And even turns the match around! Is Bean going to be able to get out of this one, Daisuke?" "It's looking less likely every second..." Mary studied the situation for a second before reaching the obvious conclusion. "Bean is incapacitated! One... Two..." Bean gave Mousse a facefull of wiper fluid, and there was instant duck. Mousse took flight, circling the car at a more respectful distance, and the count continued. There were no more surprises, and Mary waved the fight over. "Mousse wins!" she declared, holding the duck up by a wing. The This Old Dojo crew scrambled into the ring and let Bean down off the jack, then hastened to assemble a ramp to let him drive away. Mousse flew over the crowd before diving into the tunnel. "So Mousse takes the fight after all," enthused Hiroshi. "But Bean sure gave him a good surprise!" "Yeah, and he even tried to fake Mousse into triggering the change... but in the end, he's still a victim of the curse. Not a real challenge for a good fighter." "Sure he is," Hiroshi declared. "I mean, how easy is it to knock out a car, unless you carry the precise tools you'll need? Mousse is hardly typical - he has *everything* up his sleeves." "At the very least, it's less embarrassing," conceded Daisuke. "And he looks like he'd be a fun ride, too." Tifa climbed into the ring as the crew finished the improvised ramp. Bean honked, a long, sour note. "Hey," she said as she climbed into the passenger seat, "I said it wasn't a perfect solution..." The car tooted once in acknowledgement, then peeled out of the ring leaving long, dark tire marks on the canvas. "'Baby, you can drive my car?'" quoted Daisuke obscurely. Hiroshi slugged his partner in the shoulder. "Enough. We'll be back with the Gamma title showdown after this commercial break." *** A plain-looking man walks into a plain-looking office. He carries a drab puke-brown briefcase, exchanges bored greetings with his boring coworkers, and sits at a plain desk in an undecorated cubicle. As the man turns on his monochrome monitor and starts on his first cup of plain black coffee, an offscreen voiceover asks a rhetorical question. "Have you ever wished you could be someone else? Does the idea of spending just one more day trapped in your same old skin fill you with self-hatred and depression?" We see the man force himself to begin to enter an endless column of numbers into a spreadsheet. A short Chinese man in a lab coat steps into the scene. "Here at Jusenkyo Products, we understand that not everyone has the life they dreamed of, and we may have the solution you've been looking for." The office scene cuts away to an image of the same man at home, opening a package with a frightening amount of postage and numerous biohazard warning labels on. He extracts a small vial of clear liquid and holds it up to the light with an expression of newfound hope. "Our method requires just one painless, do-it-yourself treatment. No long-term diets, no time-wasting coursework, no dangerous drug interactions - just pour the miracle liquid over your head, and your new life will begin." The man unstoppers the vial and dumps it over himself, but the view cuts away before anything happens. A young, buxom, red-haired woman walks into the office that was shown earlier. The colors are brighter, the office looks sharper somehow. The woman seems almost unnaturally cheery, and her coworkers greet her with a mix of enthusiastic hellos and playful flirtation, which she exuberantly returns. As she syncs her Palm and sips a cappucino, her face finally comes fully into view, and it while it is a perfectly normal, pretty face, it is also plain that this is the same person that was shown earlier in the commercial. "Jusenkyo Products. We can give you a whole new perspective." The woman cheerfully slips on a headset and begins to bounce happily in her seat as she begins to enter more numbers into a brightly-colored database application. "Jusenkyo Products can not guarantee availability of desired treatment. Custom treatments may be available in certain circumstances. JPI is not responsible for misuse and/or abuse of its products. In limited trials, the Jusenkyo Treatment was demonstrated to cause heightened incidence of general irritability, depression, and dry mouth. Talk to your physician, priest or similar spiritual counselor, and psychiatric therapist before embarking on this or any magically transformative course of treatment. The claims made for this product have not been evaluated by any regulatory agency. Not approved for legal use in 210 countries - contact your local law-enforcement organization for details. Call for pricing and to hear a full disclosure of risks." The woman looks up from her work and winks at the camera. "Thank you, Jusenkyo, for changing my life!" *** "Hey, Ultra fans, the rematch between Ranma & Akane is just a few seconds away. Umm... Dai, what are you doing" "Pulling out my Gameboy Advance to play Wario Land 4. Might go for some snacks later." "Dai!! This is one helluva big match!! The rematch from UltraRage and it's for the Gamma belt!! Ranma versus..." "Ranma's gonna win." "You can't be sure of that!! Akane gotten a lot better since..." "He never loses twice and he's faced opponents way tougher than her. If the match passes 5 minutes, I'll be surprised" "She already beaten him once." "In a match where he didn't know who he was really fighting and he was holding back from using most of his moves. Trust me, 'Rosh. Her chances of beating Ranma are the same she has of becoming a gourmet chef." It was at this point that Akane's music cued in, filling the dome with a racy J-pop tune. The crowd immediately erupted with cheers that threatened to drown out the music itself. It was at this point that Akane came out from the runway, slowly making her way to the ring while waving to the crowd. When she finally reached the ring, she pulled a mike out of her pocket and turned to the announcer's table. "You know Daisuke, there are a lot of things I can't do and there's a lot of things you can't do. For example, you can't hold down your lunch when riding a rollercoster. " she said, pausing for the cheers to die down "You can't throw a ball, must less hit it. And you can't dance a step, but I don't hold that against you. If fact, I try to keep those things to myself. As for this match, I'm here to go all out." "Boy did she burn you good, Dai" "DROP DEAD, HIROSHI!!!" the crowd chanted back. "No," deadpanned Hiroshi. "You know, it was worth the humiliation just to hear my counter catchphrase once again, even if you went and spoiled it a little with your mindless little comeback." All Hiroshi could do was groan as music filled the dome again. This time it was a fast paced hard rock tune that could mean only one thing. Ranma was officially coming down to the ring. Almost immediately the arena was filled with cheers that equaled the ones Akane received. With a quick jump, he vaulted himself over the ropes and into the ring. "Well, that was new." Ranma commented to Akane with a smirk. "Hey, I'm new and improved. What can I say?" she answered back. "New and improved, huh? Well, we'll see about that." "Oh you'll see alright. No holding back, right?" "No holding back" ][ Gamma Title Match ][ Ranma vs. Akane ][ FIGHT! Almost simultaneously both fighters jumped back and unleashed their attacks. "Moko Takabisha!!" "Shock Blast!!" Both projectiles flew out of their hands, colliding with each other. Both pushed against each other trying to overtake the other, finally exploding into the other. "Shock Blast?" Ranma asked. "That wasn't what you called your projectile before." "It's my technique so I change the name if I want, right?" "Well, it is stronger than before. I guess that it could merit a name change." Ranma shrugged. "Of course it does. You didn't think I would go into a match with you without getting my projectile stronger, did you? We're even now. Shock Blast!!" "Moko Takabisha Double!!" "Double?" Akane cried out in surprise. The entire dome watched in surprise as Ranma extended both arms apart and out came both projectiles. The first one collided with Akane's, canceling it out while the second made it's way towards its target. Akane barely managed to roll away safely. "Surprised?" asked Ranma to Akane who was currently trying to not let her jaw fall on the floor. "You shouldn't be. I used this move on Hinako once and I just recently perfected it. Think we're still even?" he added before launching another pair of projectiles. Akane considered her options. If she threw another projectile, she'd just get hit by the second Moko Takabisha. However, if she could get close, projectiles wouldn't matter and it would allow her to mount a counterattack. Putting her plan into action, she leapt over the projectiles and prepared to deliver a flying kick. Ranma looked up and smiled. With a couple of quick hops back, he completely avoided Akane's kick before she could land and threw a Moko Takabisha at the very spot where Akane would land. Akane tried to change her trajectory, but it was too late. Upon landing, she planted her feet, brought her guard up and braced herself for the impact. She was pushed back a few feet before coming to a stop. She mentally kicked herself for making such a careless mistake. "And Ranma has taken control of this match!!" Hiroshi beamed out. "He's pressing the advantage by stepping up his fireball onslaught. It looks like he's got Akane on the run!" "Like I said he would." Daisuke commented, not taking his eyes off the game. "Dai!! You could at least look at the match and make some color commentary" "Is Ranma fighting as a guy?" he asked, glancing at the ring. "Yes he is, Dai!! It's the first time he's fought a female opponent as a male!!" "So Morrigan, Sakura and Sofia don't count?" "Um...maybe we should get back to the match. It looks like Akane's got something up her sleeve." Dodging the last projectile, Akane knew that this wasn't getting her anywhere. It was now time to see if her 'special training' would work. With that thought in mind, she charged at Ranma. Ranma, thinking she was going try to break thru by force, simply launched another Moko Takabisha at her and proceeded to step back. He could only stand in awe as he watched his fianc‚e's hands begin to glow and then punch his own attack back at him. Ranma sidestepped the projectile, only to dodge Akane's fist that came meters from his nose. He was not so fortunate with her kick that landed cleanly on his chest sending him to the floor. "What was that?" Ranma asked as he got up from the floor. "Like it? I call it my 'Shock Hands'." "You combined the principals behind your projectile and your rising uppercut and made a new move, right? I'm impressed." Ranma commented with a smile. "I told you I was new and improved." Akane said with a smirk, "And that's not all I've got." On that note, Akane renewed her attack on Ranma. Ranma dodged the kick coming to his head countering with punch to the stomach that sunned Akane for a moment. Seeing the opening, he went to take advantage of it with his most used attack. However, Akane was ready for it. "Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!!!" "Bombshell!!" Just as Ranma had connected with his third punch, the Bombshell took effect pushing him back and stunning him. Akane recovered first and put a headlock on Ranma from behind, pulling his arm behind his back. "A submission hold? You should know better, Akane" "I do." Focusing her strength to maintain the hold, she let loose another Bombshell. Ranma thought he saw stars for a second, as he not only took damage from the Bombshell, but from the hold also. Pushing the advantage, Akane followed up with another Bombshell. "This is amazing, folks!!" yelled out Hiroshi who looked like he was going to jump out of his chair, "Akane has taken control of the match with that 'Bombshell Lock' she's doing. It looks like she going to successfully defend her belt!! What do you think of that, Dai? I see you're finally watching the match." "Actually, I was getting up to get a hotdog and a soda. You want something, 'Rosh?" "Dai!! Akane is winning!!!" "So? A lot of his other opponents looked like they were winning before he turned the tables and beat them. No difference here, 'Rosh," Daisuke answered back as he got up. "Don't worry, I'll be back before Ranma wins." Into the third Bombshell, Ranma knew he had to get out of the hold or he'd lose consciousness soon. Just as Akane released her fourth Bombshell, Ranma yanked his arm free using the force of the attack and tossed Akane into the air. Akane merely twisted in the air, landing safely a few feet from Ranma. "That was really creative." Ranma complemented, "Of course, that's not going to work against me again." "It did the job, didn't it?" Akane said as she renewed her attack on Ranma. For better or worse, Ranma realized that the match had become one of skill once again. Avoiding the punch aimed at his stomach, he used the momentum to spin around and deliver a backfist to her back. Weaving out of her reach to avoid a spinning kick, he stepped back in and delivered a punch to her abdomen that was countered with one to his head. "Ladies and gentleman, it looks like they've decided to drop all their techniques and just try to beat the other with their fists!!" beamed Hiroshi, "Ranma is almost dancing around Akane, but she's holding her ground. This is one for the record books!!'' Ranma knew that the best tactic to use against Akane would be to dance in and out of her reach using his speed to land as many blows as he could. However, the damage he had taken from Akane's hold was starting to slow him down and even though she could only hit him once in a while, she was still adding to the problem. If this kept up, he was definitely going to lose. It was time to put his plan into effect. Akane watched in wonder as Ranma suddenly jumped back and kicked off the top rope. Thinking that he was going use it to slingshot himself at her, she prepared to dodge and counter only to see him catapult himself to the rope to his left. Then he proceeded to do the same at the next two ropes. Pretty soon he was repeating the whole cycle over and over again. Really fast. So fast that all she was starting to see was a red blur flying around her. Then the pattern changed from a circle to a figure eight. She almost couldn't believe it when she saw that the red blur was pretty much all over the ring. She tried to attack only to find nothing but air. Suddenly she was struck from behind. Then a punch landed on her left side, followed by one to her back. Akane brought up her guard to try to defend herself, but it was all she could do as the assault was coming from everywhere. "And Ranma has just turned the tables yet again with this strange form of attack. Looks like Akane can't seem to do anything but defend." "Told you I'd be back before Ranma won." said Daisuke as he sat down with his hot dog and soda. "She could still win. It's still not over yet." "Akane can't attack. Trust me, 'Rosh. The fat lady has sung." Akane could only feel the multiple fists pounding all around her. She knew she had no way of landing a blow like this. None of her techniques would really work either. Well.... She did have one technique that would end this in a hurry. Problem was that it would use most of her energy. If she missed, she wouldn't get a second chance. It was all or nothing. Seeing that she had no other choice, Akane rolled quickly into the center of the ring and got into an attacking stance. Ranma recognized it right away. It was that stance she used to deliver her missile uppercut. Not knowing what to expect, Ranma decided to attack from above. Launching himself into the air, he started his decent straight down to Akane foot extended aiming straight at Akane's head. Akane looked up and smiled. It had worked. She quickly got out of her stance and began to build up her energy for the attack. Ranma saw her battle aura get brighter and realized he'd been had. He had committed to his trajectory, so he wouldn't be able to veer off in time. All he could do was try to guard from whatever she was going to throw at him and try to weather it. Akane released what could only be described as a gigantic Bombshell engulfing the whole ring and anything above it in light. The ref barely had time to dive out of the ring before he would have been engulfed himself. For a moment all that could be seen was light, which was followed by a cloud of smoke. The Ultradome's ventilation system quickly cleared the smoke, revealing a tattered ring with Akane in the middle of it. She was so exhausted that it was taking an effort to just to remain standing. She looked around the ring area for Ranma, but he was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't in the rafters either - that left the ramp which was still covered in smoke. She waited as the remaining smoke cleared. There, at the top of the ramp, she could make out Ranma's silhouette still standing straight. "That was kinda of a gamble, wasn't it?" Ranma asked from the smoke, "With an attack like that, you're usually vulnerable right after. Too bad I can't do anything about it." The smoke finally cleared completely, revealing Ranma. His clothes were torn and he was clutching the left side of his ribs. Falling to one knee, he gave a nod to the referee to end the match. The ref immediately understood and awarded the match to Akane. Worried about his condition, Akane immediately rushed out of the ring, grabbed the belt and made her way up the ramp. "Ranma, are you okay?" she asked, concerned. "I'm fine. My ribs are just bruised a little. Nothing serious." "Well, I don't care." Akane said as she helped Ranma stand up. "You're going to the infirmary to make sure it's okay, mister." "Whatever you say, champ." said Ranma as they disappeared into the hallway "Whatever you say." "What an amazing match!!" Hiroshi beamed out, "What an amazing finish!! I'm almost speechless." "It doesn't show." "Even you have to admit Dai, she silenced all her critics tonight. She proved that she could beat Ranma under any conditions." "'Rosh, its obvious that he let her win." "That's not true!! You saw Ranma!! He was hurt!!" "Big deal. He's been hurt much worse in other matches and he's still continued. He probably forfeit the match so his fianc‚e wouldn't get hurt." "La la la la... I'm not listening..." Daisuke not-so-subtly elbowed his partner. "Hey, aren't you going to introduce the next fight?" "Who, wha," gibbered Hiroshi, wondering how he had missed the cue. "Um, I guess our next fighters must be entering the arena?" "It's the main event, 'Rosh. Can't you do any better than that?" A wave of jeers and boos roiled across the stadium as the audience became aware of the two figures that had just emerged from the tunnel. Mr. Satan had a microphone already in hand. "That's right, you're excited to see me." He held up two fingers in a defiant victory sign. "The world's strongest *real* fighter is excited to see you, too. It's always a good day when an audience like this gathers to see *me*" He bowed, then bellowed as his partner snatched the microphone away. Yaga was immaculately dressed in a perfectly pressed suit and a tie with just enough shiny color to declare yes, I'm rich and beautiful. "Despite his flawed evaluation of your reasons for coming tonight, my esteemed partner is correct: it *is* good to see all of you wonderful- " he ducked under a thrown seat cushion "-fans here. After all, it's my job to make sure this place fills up each week. If you don't come, I don't get paid." That precisely calibrated goad pushed the audience into a paroxysm of rage - the Ultradome security staff just barely managed to keep the foaming-at-the-mouth fans from prematurely starting the match in the entrance ramp. "Yaga does such a wonderful job of baiting the audience... you have to wonder what he was doing slumming in NeoFighters for so long," said Daisuke to fill in some dead space. "Mr. Satan, on the other hand, is a clueless as usual." "Oh, Mr. Satan, how could you turn into such a egotistical blowhard?" cried Hiroshi. "You used to be a great hero! How could you do this to us?" "...'Rosh, I don't think he's really changed that much." Yaga held his peace until he reached ringside. "You know, I realized the other day that it really isn't fair for me to fight in Gamma. Since I get to make all the matches, well, I'm sure you can see the conflict of interest. Now, I'm not going to turn down any worthy challengers who want to go one-on-one with me, but I also didn't want to wait forever for all those cowards to call me out. So... I decided that it would be at least a little more fair if I had to book myself with someone else. And that was when I thought of my old pal Mr. Satan - we would make the perfect team!" Satan had finally obtained a microphone of his own. "I said yes right away. I mean, who could be a better partner than The Great Yaga? Together, we will cut a swath through Lambda. We will not rest until the title is ours, we will not stop until all of these wannabe brats are chased out, we will not let Lambda be the simmering pit of mediocrity that it has turned into." The Great Yaga blinked. *That* wasn't in the script... oh, well. "And for our first fight, we will crush one of the most-respected, longest- established teams that Ultra has to offer. Gary, Marlo, if after watching your friends' humiliating defeat you wish to surrender the title without a fight... well, you know where my office is." Both wrestlers stepped back into their corner and stood tall as they waited for their opponents to appear. "And The Great Yaga throws down the gauntlet to both Gamma and Lambda! Will anybody dare to take him up on his offer? Will anyone be able to stand in... in... what are Yaga and Satan calling their team, anyway?:" Daisuke looked down at his notes, then frantically began shuffling papers, trying to find an answer. After a moment, his earpiece buzzed and he chuckled evilly. "It appears that they have neglected to name themselves!" "Does that mean what I think it does?" "Indeed it does! I'll even let you have the honor... this time." Hiroshi pondered theatrically for the camera. "Well... Neither of them are very friendly anymore. And they're both older than the most of the other fighters and they seem to be proud of that fact. And they're both guys... so let's call them the 'Grumpy Old Men'!" "HEY!" Neither member of the freshly-named team was too happy about Hiroshi's choice, but there wasn't time to protest as the announcers continued with the introductions. "Good choice, 'Rosh - there may be hope for you yet. Facing the Grumpy Old Men is a pair of former champions, though that was a long time ago. They, too, have a bit of a problem with their team name... I don't have any notes on what they're calling themselves this week." "Uh... nobody told me, eith-" The UltraTron flickered to life, filled with an extreme closeup of Ash Ketchum's smirking face. "I can tell you what to call them... but there's a long explanation that needs to go along with it.. This was just a few days ago..." The image on the UltraTron flipped to a grainy, dark video clip. *** A man sat in shadow behind a tall wooden desk. He had black hair and was wearing a colored suit jacket... but it was impossible to make out his features. He was flanked by two less-imposing figures, one male, the other female, each wearing a strangely familiar black uniform. In the foreground, which somehow was better-lit, Ash Ketchum sat on a plain metal folding chair. Ash had his old Pokemon Trainer cap on his head, but otherwise he was wearing his newer black leathers. It was obvious that he was in some sort of trouble... "But Boss! It was all a setup to get them to trust me! They're eating out of my hand now - we can lure them into whatever trap you want, just tell me how you want them served up!" The shape behind the desk leaned forward, revealing an imposing, angular face, and spoke with quiet authority. "That's not what it looks like to me. It looks like those... cheaters have become your friends. How long, Ash, how long before you sell *me* out to *them*?" "C'mon, you know me better than that," whined Ash. "You know how stubborn I am. You know that I'm always going to stand up to the sort of low-life scum that those two are! I'm just trying a different strategy, that's all. Besides, I'll always do whatever I have to to keep my Pokemon." He reached off to one side, and an irregular shape that previously had been unrecognizable uncoiled into the familiar shape of a Steelix. The man stared into Ash's eyes for long seconds, searching for even a hint of dishonesty. There was none - adolescent passion still ruled this child... and that was inevitably something that could be manipulated to his own ends. "I'm glad to hear that, Ash. But I need some sort of proof... ah. I know. Why don't you bring me that lovely Mew that James and Jessie stole a couple of years ago. I'll make sure that it gets back to its... rightful trainer." "Okay," Ash started, and Giovanni began to smile... "I got enough. Come on in." Giovanni's incipient grin twisted into a grimace of disbelief as the office door opened to reveal a pretty, blue-haired woman wearing a police uniform. "Officer Jenny! How did you get past-" "They're all under arrest, and so are you." She smiled sweetly. "It's been tricky assembling evidence against you, Giovanni, but Ash just got that conversation on tape, and that will be an easy first trial. You're going to be in prison for a long, long time, and finally the Pokemon of the world will be safe from your predatory organization." Giovanni rose to his feet and reached into his jacket pocket, withdrawing a high-quality Pokeball.. "I don't think you have the ability to take me in. Wanna find out?" The two goons also brandished Pokeballs. Officer Jenny raised a whistle to her lips and blew one sharp blast. Four more blue-haired women dove through the door. Each was wearing standard SWAT blacks, and each had a full bandolier of black and dark- grey Pokeballs. "Please, resist arrest. It'll just make things easier, and I've wanted an excuse to take you down hard for a long time now." Giovanni looked almost ready to take her up on that offer... but then Ash nudged his fully-regrown Steelix and asked, "How'd you like to Bind some real cheaters for a change?" Giovanni froze as he realized that Ash had the drop on him. By the time his Venusaur materialized it would be too late - he would be crushed by that metal monstrosity he had foisted off on Ash. ...which meant that it was already too late. Too late for all his hopes... all his plans... all his Pokemon... He put down the Pokeball and raised his hands in surrender. Officer Jenny turned to one of her colleagues. "Sergeant Jenny, would you do the honors?" One of the black-garbed SWAT members pulled off her combat helmet, revealing an awfully familiar face. "Sure!" She snapped her fingers and pointed in succession to the last three members of Team Rocket. "Jenny, Jenny, and Jenny!" The other three SWAT troopers efficiently searched and cuffed the felons. Ash grinned. "Thanks, Officer Jenny!" "You're welcome!" chorused all five policewomen. Ash blinked twice, then shook his head and started out the door. "C'mon, Steelix. Mom wants me home in time for supper." *** The surveillance recording ended, and Ash reappeared on the Ultratron, his grin even wider than before. "As you can see, Team Rocket (the criminal organization) has effectively ceased to exist. Do you know what that means?" he asked the crowd rhetorically. The crowd knew, and roared its approval even as Ash continued. "It means that I am now free to present to you the one, the only, the *real* TEAM ROCKET!" The UltraTron went black, as did all the other arena lighting. Only a few emergency exit signs prevented the darkness from being absolute. Then a single spotlight irised open to reveal a red-haired, white- clothed, black-gloved girl posing in the rafters. Her opening declaration could barely be heard over the ebullient crowd. "To protect the world from devastation!" Another spot flashed onto a delicate, light blue-haired boy in a similar uniform on the other side of the arena. He posed solemnly and announced, "To unite all peoples within our nation!" Jessie grabbed a dangling rope with one hand and cast herself out over the audience. "To denounce the evils of Truth and Love!" James mirrored Jessie's actions exactly, save that he took a second to make sure he was lined up correctly with his partner. "To extend our reach to the stars above!" The two met in the center of the Ultradome, dozens of meters above the ring. They caught each others' free hand, and hung suspended there. "Jessie!" "James!" Together they chorused, "Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light," then let go of the ropes. They plummeted towards the ring below, seemingly calm even as a few of the fans began to scream in terror. James pulled out and activated an oversized Pokeball, and a gigantic Snorlax materialized in the ring, nearly filling it and sending Yaga and Satan flying through the ropes. The two members of Team Rocket landed softly on the Snorlax's belly... right on the Pepsi logo in the middle. It woke and let out a contented, "LAAAAAAAX", then instantly dozed off again. James returned the giant Pokemon to its ball as Jessie finished the invocation. "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" "THAT'S RIGHT!" declared the entire crowd, seemingly in one voice. The lights came back up, and Yaga and Satan climbed back into the ring. Satan was visibly annoyed, but Yaga's expression was one of almost pure awe for a moment until he regained control and sneered at the Pokemon trainers. "You think that little lightshow is going to intimidate us? Hah." Team Rocket casually unhooked their almost-invisible wire harnesses, then turned to face their opponents. "Intimidation isn't really the point, you dear old man," noted Jessie. "It's just this little habit we have." She backed into their corner of the ring, and slipped out between the ropes. "Maybe you'd like some entrance lessons? We could arrange something..." "We don't need your help," bellowed Mr. Satan as Yaga followed Jessie's lead and left the ring. "In fact, we're about to 'help' you... right out of Ultra! Hahaha," he chortled. Mary stepped into the center of the ring. "This is a standard Lambda non-title fight. All the usual rules apply." She checked both corners one last time, then ducked out of the way. ][ Lambda Match ][ Team Rocket vs. "Grumpy Old Men" (Yaga/Satan) ][ Fight! "So do you have one of your little pets to defend you, or should I just come straight across the ring and pound your face in now?" sneered Satan. "No thanks. Pichu! I choose you!" "James reveals Team Rocket's brand new secret weapon!" enthused Hiroshi. "Can Mr. Satan even hope to stand against it?" James tossed a worn-looking Pokeball into the center of the ring, and out popped a tiny, yellow, big-eared Pokemon. It blinked once, then leaned way, waaaaay back in order to fully scope out its opponent. "Chuuuuuuuuu." The little Pokemon tinysweated, then arranged its paws in an achingly cute imitation of Mr. Satan's fighting stance. "That's what I'm fighting?!?" Satan collapsed back against the turnbuckle, totally unable to control his laughter. "Haw, haw, haw!" "'New secret weapon,' Hiroshi? I think Mr. Satan's reaction probably best sums up whatever I might have to say about it." Both James and the Pichu managed to look faintly hurt. "Hey, it's young, but I have to start him in the ring sooner or later. Go ahead, Pichu, use Thundershock!" Pichu looked back to its trainer, still unsure that it was up to the task. James nodded encouragingly, and the tiny Pokemon got to work. It concentrated really hard (eliciting a ragged chorus of "Awwww, that's *cute*" from the crowd) and got a few arcs of electricity going from one pointed ear to the other and back, then channeled it out at Satan in a quick burst. The blast caught the still-laughing Satan in the thigh. "Yow! That stung!" He stood up straight, unconsciously massaging his slightly- scorched leg. "I'm going to come over there and stomp you flat, you little rodent!" "And Mr. Satan takes a whallop from the Little Pokemon That Could!" "I think you mean 'a mosquito bite from the Little Pokemon That Could Get Splattered Momentarily...'" "Pi, pi, pi, piii!" chortled the little yellow guy, surprised as its attack drew a much larger reaction than it had expected. Then it realized that this gigantic human it had just shocked was bearing down on it in anger. "Pichuuuu!" It scrambled away on all fours, just in time to make Satan's first bonecrushing stomp miss. "Stay in the ring," called James as his Pokemon appeared to be headed for the ropes. Pichu grimaced as it ran, but swung into a wide, looping path around the ring. Mr. Satan alternately stomped, swiped, and dove after the scampering rodent. "Try Thundershock again! You can do it, Pichu!" Unfortunately, Pichu had to stop to properly concentrate on gathering power for the Thundershock. It had just started to do so when Satan snagged it by one ear and lifted it to eye level. "I guess it's cruelty to animals night!" He pulled his other fist back for a finishing blow. "Oh, the humanity!" agonized Hiroshi. Daisuke pursed his lips nervously. "Nabs had better hope the SPCA isn't watching..." Pichu panicked, and lost all control over its electric abilities. A seemingly-spherical blast of electricity flashed in a two meter radius around it, obscuring both it and Mr. Satan. When the afterimages faded, Pichu was unhurt, but blissfully unconscious. Satan had landed on his ass more or less in his own corner. His clothes and hair were smoking slightly. "Oooog. Why don't you take a turn, partner..." Yaga helped his partner through the ropes, then stepped into the ring. "Good job, Pichu!" James clicked the button to return the Pokemon, then tagged out as well. "The first exchange of blows is a draw! Both teams are tagging out - what will Jessie bring against The Great Yaga?" Jessie climbed through the ropes and saw that Yaga was coming her way quickly. "No you don't! Hitmontop! Go!" A brown, vaguely humanoid- shaped Pokemon with a odd conical horn covering the top of its head appeared in the head booker's path. "Quick Attack!" Hitmontop darted straight at The Great Yaga and launched into a jump kick. Unfortunately it wasn't tall enough to land the blow on his head - the lightning-fast strike merely bounced off of Yaga's chest. "You're going to have to do better than that if you want to win," declared Yaga. Without waiting for Jessie's command, Hitmontop changed strategies. It did a half-somersault and landed on its horn, then somehow spun itself like a top. Its arms and legs extended, but contrary to the laws of physics the speed of its spin increased. "Where do they find these things," wondered Yaga as the fighting-type Pokemon's limbs blurred as its spin continued to speed up. "I'm going to get dizzy just watching it." Yaga cautiously approached the Pokemon as it reached its top speed. He tried to grab at one of its feet, but his hand was knocked away instantly. "Ow! That's like sticking your hand in a ceiling fan!" "...and my estimation of Yaga's intelligence goes down yet another notch," noted Daisuke. "I mean, why would you ever put your hand into a blender, or at least the Pokemon equivalent?" Jessie decided to follow up with the classic Hitmontop combo: "Go for the triple kick!" The Pokemon did nothing for a couple of seconds, giving Yaga plenty of time to try to prepare. Finally, one of its feet flashed out an impossible distance from the Pokemon's body and tried to boot Yaga. Yaga merely caught the blow on his forearm. A second blow came, and was blocked in the same way. Yaga grinned, and began to plan his counterattack... but then, impossibly, the third blow came from the opposite direction, the direction contrary to the Pokemon's spin. Yaga didn't block that one, and it tagged him hard in his left side, just at the bottom of the rib cage. He went flying into the ropes, but immediately regained his balance. Hitmontop, on the other hand, began to precess wildly as its kick had run into something far more massive than it was used to punting around. It gyrated hither and yon about the ring until finally it decided to come to a stop. The Pokemon spun out and landed on its back. "Mooooonnnn," it moaned as it awkwardly staggered to its feet and dizzily began to lurch around the ring. "Heh. I guess that's what a drunk Pokemon looks like." "Be nice, Daisuke." "Drop dead, Hiroshi." "No!" Daisuke blinked in surprise as a few fans chorused Hiroshi's monosyllabic comeback. "Do you want to call it back, or should I just clobber it?" asked Yaga. He cocked one fist menacingly. Jessie stifled a curse. "Fine. Hitmontop, return!" She pressed the button and the brown Pokemon disappeared with a flash of yellow light. She turned back to tag once more with James. Yaga took the momentary respite to take a look back at his own corner and see how his partner was recovering. Satan was... where was he? Yaga spun, frantically searching the arena for any sign of his backup. His breath caught as he immediately spotted Satan, who was raising a folding chair overhead to clock Jessie as she climbed through the ropes. "Oh no!" cried Hiroshi in anguished disbelief. "Mr. Satan!" "It looks like we may get to go home early, Hiroshi!" Jessie looked up just in time to see the chair begin to descend... then clatter to the floor as a gigantic bolt of lightning enveloped Mr. Satan. The charge from the nearby strike caused her hair to stick straight out for a few moments, defying both gravity and her industrial-grade hairspray, then it settled as she looked back to where the lightning had come from . "Chu," grunted Raichu as it settled once more in its front row seat. It raised a Team Rocket flag that it had dropped in order to precisely aim its attack, and resumed signing autographs for the adoring fans in nearby seats. "...or then again, maybe not." Daisuke sat back down. "Satan just forgot the first rule of effective cheating: watch your back." "Thanks, old buddy," called Jessie as she took her place just below the turnbuckle. "Raichuchu," politely responded the bulky orange Pokemon. "This can't bode well for Yaga!" Hiroshi stated the obvious. Yaga facepalmed hard as Satan crumpled in a nice, toasty, very unconscious heap just a few feet away from Team Rocket's corner. Maybe he needed a smarter partner... too bad there weren't any good choices. His attention turned back to the fight as James called out his next Pokemon. "Snorlax!" Once more, the ring filled up with the humongous, sleepy Pokemon. Yaga didn't dodge fast enough, and got trapped against the ropes by the Pokemon's extreme bulk. He began beating on the Snorlax's side as hard as he could, but to no avail. Fortunately for him, James wasn't having much luck commanding the beast. "Tackle him!" Nothing happened. "Headbutt!" Nothing happened. "Snore!" Snorlax did indeed start snoring... but it was just plain snoring, not the special attack that James had called for. "Roll over him, at least? Please?" The Snorlax just kept on snoring, oblivious to the outside world. James turned to Mary. "Hey, ref, my opponent can't move! Shouldn't that count as a win?" Marry pulled out a thin book and looked up a couple of definitions. "No, since he's clearly not knocked out, out of the ring nor pinned to the floor of the ring. So it's still a live match!" "Well, at least it's *bigger* than their other Pokemon," snickered Daisuke. "Phooey," groused James as he returned the Pokemon, releasing a slightly-out-of-breath Yaga. "Can't it do anything right?" "Be nice, James, it's well past the big baby's bedtime." Jessie tagged in as The Great Yaga got some air back in his lungs. "Let's see... how about Cyndaquil!" She triggered yet another Pokeball, and the little flaming hedgehog popped into the ring. Yaga straightened and moved once more to attack, but Jessie and Cyndaquil were ready. "Ember!" The Pokemon immediately spat a gout of flame at Yaga, catching him hull in the chest. Yaga barely noticed, didn't even blink. Jessie's forehead wrinkled in surprise. "Huh? What happened? Cyndaquil, try your Flame Wheel attack!" This time the Pokemon had to concentrate slightly. A series of fireballs appeared and spun in a circle around Cyndaquil, then it cried, "Quill!" and the attack rose and slammed into Yaga. This one managed to get his attention. "Yow!" Yaga grabbed at his face, smothering a small fire there. When he lowered his hands it was obvious that his eyebrows had mostly been singed off and his face mildly bunt... but that was the extent of the damage. Yaga stopped to flick a bit of soot off the lapel of his jacket and grinned as he explained, "I custom-ordered a flameproof suit. It's not just stylish, it's practical!" He bore down on the Pokemon, and reared back to kick it out of the ring. "So much for that plan! Um... Tackle him!" The flaming hedgehog looked up at the much-larger Yaga dubiously, then gave a little fiery shrug and leapt. It plowed into Yaga's gut and knocked him off his feet once more. Yaga kept his wits and managed to grab the Pokemon as he went down. He thrust it over his head and back in an improvised slam. Yaga rolled to one knee, clutching his burnt and blistered hand and gasping for breath... Cyndaquil simply bounced once and rolled to a stop. Jessie triggered the Pokeball and returned the Pokemon before its flames could accidentally set the ring on fire. "Another Pokemon bites the dust! That's three that Yaga's survived so far!" "Big whoop." Daisuke was unimpressed. "He's taken a few hits, his partner is out, and Team Rocket has what, maybe seven or eight Pokemon left?" The Great Yaga looked back into his corner, then remembered that there was no one there to trade off with. He eyed Team Rocket's tag with obvious jealousy - they were just going to wear him down. They hadn't even used half of their standard Pokemon arsenal, so he would just have to force an end to the match. Yaga lowered one shoulder and rushed James as the boy fumbled for his next Pokeball. He panicked as a hundred kilograms of desperate wrestler bore down on him and accidentally triggered the wrong one. "Elekid, att- NO! Not Victaaaaaaugh!" Yaga almost casually picked James up and began twisting him into too-horrible-to-describe shapes as James's Victreebell materialized silently behind them both. "Oooh!" Hiroshi winced sympathetically. "That's gotta hurt." "But James got a Pokemon out! Will it know to help its trainer?" The giant plant Pokemon momentarily considered the scene in front of it, then did what came instinctively - it decided to feed, and on its favorite food, too. Unfortunately for Yaga, he was holding that food in his hands. Victreebell somehow managed to open its maw wide enough for both humans to fit, then slammed it down over its meal. Hiroshi scratched his head. "Does that count as helping?" "Uh... maybe?" Yaga had his back turned the whole time and had no idea what was about to happen. As the pungent darkness enveloped him, he yelped and let James go. He thrashed about wildly, but could not get any handholds to attack or pry himself loose with. James had years of experience being swallowed by this Pokemon, so he knew to hold his breath and gently try to wriggle backwards. After just a few seconds (and with some accidental help from Yaga, who had managed to shove him backwards as he thrashed) James popped out of the Victreebell's mouth and scrambled to the opposite corner of the ring. The Pokemon quickly became annoyed - this food was a lot stronger than its usual meal - so it let Yaga have a face full of Stun Spores. The wrestler unknowingly inhaled them, and his struggles soon ceased. Much better. "Yaga isn't moving, ladies and gentlemen," announced Hiroshi. "This could be it!" Mary stepped up to the huge plant and reached up to tug at one of Yaga's legs, which were sticking out of Victreebell's mouth. The leg was limp, and it was apparent that Yaga had been defeated. "Team Rocket wins!" she declared, and the UltraDome erupted with mass approval. Jessie joined James in the ring. They struck a celebratory pose momentarily and saluted their fans. Then it was time to clean up the mess. Jessie grabbed one of Yaga's legs and James grabbed the other. They both pulled as hard as they could, but Yaga was wedged firmly in Victreebell's mouth. After a moment, Mary joined them and added her muscle. It didn't help, and she started sweating. "Um, can we get some assistance here?" While the This Old Dojo crew scurried into the ring with crowbars and pruning shears, Hiroshi and Daisuke turned their backs to the ring to close out the show. "So, Daisuke - have you preordered Reboot 5.0 yet?" "What are you talking about? We're both going to be here for it - why the hell would I spend thirty dollars to have it on at home?" "Do you even read the teleprompter anymore?" "Enough to know that I can do better on my own. But I suppose that if you can't make it to the UltraDome, it's a pretty good deal. Yaga has all sorts of almost-original fun on tap - an Omega Reboot as well as the usual Hardcore tournament." "And there's something cool going on with all the divisional titles as well! It's still a secret, even from us - I just can't wait!" Both Hiroshi and Daisuke ducked as a screaming This Old Dojo technician was thrown over their heads by a prehensile vine. "If they can't pry Yaga out of that Victreebell soon, there may not be anything happening next week - he's been keeping his plans a secret." "Well, even if we don't have a head booker for Reboot, the main Internet Championship tournaments will be open to all active Ultra fighters. That's sure to make things even wilder than usual." "Or just more confusing." Hiroshi sighed. "Work with me, Daisuke. Please." "I am, Hiroshi, I am. Goodnight, everybody." *** *** *** "Hey, mom, I'm home!" Disregard for the moment the sheer cosmic absurdity of the scene. An unlikely door slammed, and a young woman with reddish-brown hair in a black-and-white striped shirt strode through a cluttered, menacing laboratory. She paused for a moment to look at lab bench littered with plushie-limbs - all of them were stuffed with a blue, glowing, sand- like substance, and more than a few were twitching - but that was banal compared with other weirdness she had seen in this place, so she moved on... making a mental note to microscopically examine her plushie collection as soon as she had a private moment. "Mom? Are you around?" The girl peeked around the corner into the biology lab Sometimes there would be a late dinner waiting in here... but no. The computer lab and puppet storage chambers were likewise empty. "Mom?" She sighed, resigning herself to doing a thorough search of the nearby portions of the facility. A chiming noise behind her stopped her in her tracks. A shimmering column of energy appeared, widened, and faded, revealing her quarry. "Mom!" The short, red-haired metascientist waved off the incipient hug with a grimace. "Don't. The bloodworms got out of containment somehow, and I've spent the evening cleaning up." Her arms were rather slimy- looking, and she did seem somewhat rumpled. "So how did Ultra go, Mary?" She gestured, and a red-and-white candy-striped couch appeared for them to sit on. Mary half-smiled. "Oh... it was pretty good, I guess. I reffed a couple of fun-to-watch matches, and Dan had a fight, though he lost." "You don't sound too sure. Is there something wrong?" It really wasn't fair - Washuu had barely started to get the hang of parenting a little girl, and here she was expected to suddenly deal with a teenager. "Huh?" Mary pondered for a moment. "Well..." Washuu put on her best it's-okay-you-can-tell-me look. "Maybe it's something I can help you with?"" Mary was silent for a moment, and Washuu began to sweat a little. Hopefully it wouldn't be- "It's hard to explain," explained Mary. "I guess it's sort of that I felt powerless out there tonight." Is that all it was? "Are you regretting giving up your-" "NO!" exclaimed Mary. "Sorry. No, not like that... oh, I knew I wouldn't have the right words for this." "Take your time. Some thoughts need more words to express properly." Another pause. "Well, you have to understand that I don't regret doing what I did - it was the Right Thing," Washuu could hear the capital letters, "on soooo many different levels, that there isn't a chance I could have done anything else. But now that I've done it - done the thing that I believe I exist for - I, I... "It's just such a change, mom! Before, I had ultimate power. Things would happen to me and around me, and it would be all I could do to restrain myself from going *poof!* You're happy! *poof!* You're cured! *poof!* You won't ever hurt anyone again! I had infinite options, infinite opportunities, infinite potential." Mary shrugged. "And of course, that's why I sealed it all away - infinities can break closed systems. I was a danger." "So... you feel limited now? Powerless? That can be-" Mary stopped Washuu before that thought could get very far. "I'll probably let you convince me to try something like that someday... maybe. But not now." She smiled gently to ease Washuu's disappointment. "Powerless, yes. And maybe that's part of the problem, but it's something beyond that, even. "I was the most important thing in existence, and I had to do what I think was the most important thing anyone ever did. Now... now I'm just the self-aware remnant of a defunct power who has a good job and a nice mother. I don't have any grand destiny left, I don't have any great tasks to take care of... heck, most things I was worried about tonight at Ultra even took care of themselves. I just feel... useless." Washuu frowned. Existential angst was the last thing she had expected from Mary... and it had been a long, long, long time since she had been a teenager herself. Mary frowned too. "I'm sorry, I know it's kind of silly. I don't have any more right to that complaint than anyone else." "You have a point, though." Washuu hmmmed. "Well, there three solutions that immediately come to mind. The obvious one is that you just need to learn to live with it. Everyone feels at ends sometimes, and part of life is learning to find new directions, new purposes, new growth." "Absolutely," nodded Mary. "I wanted this for myself, and I've barely had time to experience it yet." "The second option is that you *don't* learn to live with it - at least not at the same level. Your mother is, after all, the greatest scientist the universe has ever known. I can expand your horizons pretty easily." Mary wrinkled her nose. "I told you that I didn't want that yet. It would be, oh, almost like cheating. What's the third solution?" Washuu leaned over without thinking and ruffled the girl's hair. Reddish grey slime trickled into Mary's face, and she acked and dashed for a nearby sink. "Just stick around Ultra, kiddo. Something is sure to happen there, sooner or later," she called to her daughter's fast- retreating back. *** A smiling face poked around the corner into the women's locker room. "Helllloooooo! Naga, are you-" The eternally calm and confident voice broke, as its owner encountered a sight it had never expected to see. "Ack! What happened to you?!?" Naga was sitting naked on a small stool, arms carefully held a few inches out from her sides, her entire body (save for her hair, which was carefully piled on top of her head) smeared with some sort of evil- looking, gooey white substance. Her eyes were closed, apparently so the gunk could cover her eyelids as well. Her head turned slightly towards the intruder, but she declined to bother to open her eyes to see who it was. "Ohohoho! You are lucky to catch me at this moment, for normally the White Serpent would punish you severely for invading her privacy, but I have just now managed to arrange myself in a position where I do not feel the urge to scratch at this infernal rash that I acquired during my fight earlier this evening. ...is that you, Xelloss?" The trickster priest/demon from the lower hells blinked once as he took in this explanation. "But what..." His gaze landed on a small pile of empty Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion complimentary sample bottles. "Oh. Yes, it is I, Xelloss. Aren't you surprised to see, uh, hear from me?" Naga shrugged slightly. If Xelloss were the type to easily nosebleed, the ensuing secondary effects would have surely triggered one. As it was, he merely decided to shut his eyes as Naga answered. "This is Ultra, remember. I wouldn't be surprised if Rezo the Red Priest showed up next week and demanded to join Omega." "Rezo is dead, isn't he?" "Ohohoho. So?" "Right. Well, to business. See, I was hanging around the End of Time after that last little dust-up with Lina and her friends..." *** "...so how would you like to help me out? You could create a world where everyone would recognize your beauty and intelligence, a world where you have thousands, maybe millions of lackeys to research new spells for your use-" "No." "A world where you really did have the biggest... what?" "OHOHOHOHO! I said 'no', you silly Mazoku. I don't want a world of my own - it would be entirely too much work to manage and perfect. You know how these things are - it starts as a paradise, becomes an obsession, turns into plain work, and pretty soon you're a slave to your own creation. That's not the life the White Serpent wishes to lead..." Xelloss frowned. This wasn't good - if Naga didn't join, she'd surely let Lina know, and that just couldn't be allowed to happen. Yet. He tensed, preparing to annihilate Naga with a bolt of pure black magic... "...no, I'll join you because Lina is surely going to fight against you. My sidekick has been getting better press, better fights, better endorsement deals, better everything since we came to Ultra. She even got to be God once, and now everyone looks up to her like she's some sort of elder statesman of Ultra. She's even forgotten that she *is* weaker than I am! Ohohoho! It's time I teach her a lesson, and this tournament or whatever of yours sounds like the perfect opportunity." Xelloss grinned. "So I can pencil you in? Great!" He turned around to leave and immediately bumped into the cute little girl who had snuck up behind him. Bulleta cocked her head to one side and smiled as sweetly as she could. "Can I fight for you too? Huh? Please?" Xelloss sweatdropped. "Who are you?" "Oh, that's just Bulleta," called Naga from behind him. "She's some sort of magical gunfighter, plays mostly in Hardcore." "Yeah, that's me!" B.B. fluttered her eyelashes. "So where do I sign up for this party?" "Uh..." Xelloss was in a bind. It would be a bad idea to leave this girl behind with even the brief outline of the scenario he had given Naga... but it would be awful form to obliterate this girl in front of his new recruit. Bad for morale, and all that. "Pul-eeeze?" Moving faster than Xelloss could see, she whipped a bazooka out of nowhere and shoved it in his face. "Nobody wants to fight with me around here - they get all upset when I get out my toys, but they have all their special moves and magic powers and pet monsters... how is a girl supposed to compete?" Xelloss relaxed, and carefully pushed the weapon away with one finger. "If you put it that way, how can I say no?" *** Daisuke was still not a happy guy. However, the source of his misery had changed. He was still jealous of Hiroshi, but not just in the way he had been before. His T-shirts were selling just as much as Hiroshi's, if not better. His catchphrase was just as popular as Hiroshi's. Hell, even TBS had offered him a lot of money to take over the roll of his namesake in "Work with me, Daisuke!". They even wanted to change the name of the show to "Hiroshi and Daisuke" to accommodate him. No, Daisuke wasn't so envious of his partner's popularity anymore. He was envious that of the one thing that his partner had and he didn't. Companionship. Hiroshi had Rei. When the show was over and they both went home, he at least went back to somebody. All that waited for him when he got home was an empty apartment. Tonight's show had just added to the grief. Ranma had Akane. Sakura had Shaoran. Haohmaru had Morrigan. Well, sort of. Almost everybody in Ultra had a significant other except for him. Daisuke decided to turn to his computer to take his mind off his worries. Maybe a little browsing would help. Double clicking his Inbox, he checked his mail to see if there was any important messages. Ad. Ad. Promotion for a website. Ad. Company Newsletter. Fan mail. Wait. An e- mail from Shermie? << I'm sorry to bother you, Daisuke-chan, but when I got home today Yashiro and Chris were gone. I think they were kidnapped, but the police say that they have to be gone for 48 hours or something before they can look for them. I'm so scared. Please, could you come here and keep me company while I wait? I don't want to be alone. Please say you'll come. -Shermie >> He stared at the screen for a long time. A little voice in his head was giving him a thousand reasons not to go. She was just teasing him. It was some sort of weird trick. Why couldn't she come to him? What should he give a damn about those two freaks? ...but there was another voice that was screaming, "GO TO HER!" over and over again. The decision, once made, ended the internal dissension. Daisuke quickly went to his bookmarks and clicked the link to Expedia. *** ][ Episode 86 Recap ][ Chris and Yashiro JOIN Xelloss's little gang ][ Nakaruru DEFEATS Haohmaru ][ Nakaruru and Rimururu RETIRE, and go off to SAVE THE PLANET ][ Sakura Kinomoto DEFEATS Morrigan Aensland and friends ][ Team Clow is ONCE AGAIN ][ Naga DEFEATS Dan Hibiki ][ Mousse DEFEATS Bean Bandit, though not the way he expected to ][ Bean gets a NEW CURSED FORM ][ Akane narrowly DEFEATS Ranma, and RETAINS the GAMMA TITLE ][ The Great Yaga and Mr. Satan START a NEW TEAM, the Grumpy Old Men ][ Though Yaga and Satan will likely HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY about that name ][ Ash DOUBLE CROSSES Giovanni, and Team Rocket IS DEAD ][ LONG LIVE Team Rocket ][ Team Rocket DEFEATS Grumpy Old Men ][ Mary WONDERS why she's here ][ Naga HAS a bone to pick with Lina, and so JOINS Xelloss ][ Bulleta BULLIES Xelloss into letting her play too ][ The RECAP goes on entirely TOO LONG Authors' Notes: Rift: God, this was exhausting! Fun, but exhausting! I hope you all like the chapter. I have to thank Kerry for helping me with my grammar and writing the chapter. I also have to give props to the "Ranma 1/2 FAQ", "GameFAQs" and "The Complete Clow" for some of the information used. You know, I'm going to miss this fic when it ends. It's one of those few fanfic I've followed to the end. I give thanks to all the people who have made contributions to Ultra and good fortune to all the authors ending this series. Now on to write my BitS chapter. Ked: Exhaustion, indeed. By my count I've had about 14 hours of sleep in the last 86 hours. I'm so drunk on fatigue toxins that my legs are numb and I'm afraid I'll be pulled over if I drive home from the shop. It's not just Ultra, it's been a very busy four days or so with work and classes and church obligations and many, many other distractions. Thanks go out to Rift, of course. He really does need to figure out verb tenses... but otherwise he's been just an absolute joy to coauthor with. There hasn't been a time during the last three weeks when I didn't feel we were on the same page. TwoFlower was very gracious with the extended extension period. We probably could have delivered an episode yesterday, but it would have been less polished and much less readable. And to ColdFury, who helped on a number of occasions during the planning as we bounced ideas back and forth. Need to acknowledge my sources, of course. Most of the Pokemon stuff came from the Pokemon Crystal Pokedex by Mike Meevasin (available from GameFAQ's, of course.) And yes, Scott Schimmel, I *really do* read the Ultra Standings page. I don't know how we could have planned this part without it. Inevitably there are a few regrets when one writes a part like this. In this case, the so-called "Monkey Island match" was the primary one. The Dan/Naga you see in this episode is actually version 3.5 - that's right, there were two *completely different* versions of it written last week then discarded when I realized just how bad they had turned out. I'm not particularly happy with the slimmed-down, reduced-humor final draft... but it's readable, and a little funny, and dammit, I wanted to write Dan while I had the chance. Another regret... well, frustration really, was the trouble I had making myself sit down and write. I don't know if my self-discipline is breaking down, or I'm simply getting more flighty, but until the deadlines really started coming up it would take maybe two hours from the moment I decided to start writing to the time I actually did. Ack. I ended up surpassing my output target anyway, but not by much. I'm proud of it, too. I'm proud to be a part of the last season of Ultra, proud that I could help with the task of winding down the series. Once I got over my long-held stylistic paranoia, it was fun to see how many plot threads we could resolve without seeming too contrived. Sure, it's all a little too WAFFy, but I wanted to swing that way after my last two episodes turned out dark and brutal. I'm also quite happy with the (other) fights. After Reboot, I knew that my technique had slipped. I feel like I found that voice once more in this episode. Yes, there is really a "Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion". I saw a commercial last weekend, and couldn't resist. I doubt the real thing is quite so powerful... Well, there's not much more to say. I guess I agree that it's time for Ultra to end - but I'll be sad to see it go. I got in on the series very early, though it took a couple of cycles before I got up the courage to write. It's hard to imagine life, the universe, and IFF without Ultra... but we'll manage, I guess. Twoflower, I salute your vision for opening up an already-special world to a public collective and your patience for not walking away when things got tough. I'll see you all around #improfanfic... and I guess I should take a look at other series on the main site to write for. Kerry "Ked" Stump November 14, 2001 *** o/~ I don't know why / I'm always inclined / To end on a happy note o/~ -King Missile (and those of you who know the rest of that song, stop laughing)