It probably was inevitable.

The news media is an interesting phenomenon.  The way it reacts to any 
situation is to blow it all out of proportion.  There's simply no 
attention to be gained, no ratings to draw, no money to be made by 
downplaying anything it covers.

Final Ultra?  The possible End of Everything?  The intersection of 
ultimate reality and the number one entertainment phenomenon?  Was there 
really any question what the evening news would focus on?

News cycles are short, and getting shorter.  There are only two ways for 
a voice in the increasingly raucous news industry to stand out:  it can 
say something before anyone else, or it can say something much later 
than everyone else.  The first case draws attention and praise.  The 
latter is a formula for humiliation and failure.  So to stay 
competitive, each player in the field tries to change what it is saying 
as often as it can.

The first day after the first round of the Tournament at the End of 
Time, the news media had basically two things to say.  Final Ultra is 
real - a complete non-revelation, since six billion people or so had 
found that out first hand.  The good guys were winning so far - and this 
was news only to the segments of the population who had not already been 
addicted to Ultra.

The second day after the first round of the Tournament at the End of 
Time, the news media brought in the experts to tell the world what this 
all meant.  No one truly involved in the tournament was talking, so they 
dug up all their religion and science correspondents, contacts, and 
talking heads, all of whom were generally bemused by the whole mess.  No 
scientist really knew what this "End of Time" place was, and the 
dimensional manipulation techniques that delivered each person there was 
countless millennia beyond the current state-of-the-art.  No religion in 
the world had a prophecy describing an apocalyptic fighting tournament 
presided over by a stupid gargoyle.  So all that was accomplished was to 
inform the world that they didn't really know anything.

The third day after the first round of the Tournament at the End of 
Time, the news media brought in their sports analysts and media critics 
who had been studying Ultra for the past several years.  They scratched 
their heads and informed the world that the side of Destruction was far 
more powerful on paper, especially since they fielded five (or six, or 
seven, or seven and a half, depending on how one counted) Omega-class 
fighters to Life's four... but that surely hadn't seemed to matter in 
the first round, had it?  When asked about the prospects for what was to 
come, the experts could only shrug and note that the team members who 
hadn't fought yet were an odd mix - mostly little kids for Life, Omega 
monstrosities for Destruction.  Did this mean anything?  In their 
(briefly) considered opinion, probably not.

So on the fourth day after the first round of the Tournament at the End 
of Time, the news media had nothing substantive to say.  No problem - 
this happens all the time and everyone knew the drill:  find something, 
preferably a person, tangentially related and pretend like he or she is 
important.

Personality journalism is an insidious evil in most cases.  This isn't 
to say that people are not important... but the facile level of 
understanding that it so often promotes is a disservice to the both to 
the news consumer and the person consumed by the coverage.

The casting call for the made-for-TV movie started at dawn.  The instant 
biographies were on the bookstore shelves by that evening, never mind 
that the writers had about two pages worth of information to work from.

On the fifth day after the first round of the Tournament at the End of 
Time, even this news cycle was beginning to burn out, but there was 
nothing else left to do except count the seconds until the next round.  
So the news directors and editors and moguls had no choice but to bide 
their time and make sure they were ready for whatever was going to 
happen.

***

Nabiki shuffled some papers on her newly leased desk, then sat back in 
her deep leather executive chair and sighed blissfully.

Ultra no longer was her responsibility.  There was no dome to maintain, 
no fights to book, no creditors to pay off, and no egos to lock horns 
with.  A chapter of her life had come to a close.  That meant a new 
chapter was beginning, and Nabiki idly decided that this one would be 
marked by steadily increasing balances in her bank accounts.

She might not have to run Ultra anymore, but that didn't mean she didn't 
still own all of its remaining assets... and given the current crisis, 
it was definitely a seller's market.  The Ultra Perfect Collection had 
millions of copies preordered on both DVD and VHS (though Nabiki had to 
wonder a little about who could possibly want a stack of 90 videotapes).  
Individual episodes were doing well, too, especially those where the 
newly anointed Prophet of Life had appeared.  Licensed merchandise sales 
were ballooning, since everyone wanted a t-shirt or poster or life-size 
garage kit of their favorite Final Ultra hero.

Even better, her staff was the only production crew with direct access 
to the End of Time.  Never mind that everyone got to see Final Ultra in 
person - that worked as perfect advertising for the pay-per-view replays 
since everyone wanted to see it again.  This week her people had a 
better idea what to expect, so the production values would be up, the 
delay before it was ready to sell would go down, and the profits would 
just roll in.

The only way she could fail to make a fortune from this was for the 
universe to end.  Well, she'd just have to do something about *that* 
possibility, wouldn't she?  Except without the control she had 
previously enjoyed, she couldn't think of a tactic that could work... 
yet.

The door to her executive suite banged open, and Nabiki started from her 
reverie.  "I'm sorry, Nabiki, did I wake you?" asked Tarou from the 
doorway.  The martial artist gave her an apologetic smile, and went on, 
"This isn't really anything important, I have some other things I can 
take care of..."

Nabiki smiled back and gestured to a chair.  "No, I was just 
woolgathering.  Come in and put your feet up for a while.  Get used to 
relaxing - we're going to be very, very rich, and there won't be any 
silly dome to blow up and eat our fortune."

Tarou quirked an eyebrow at Nabiki's choice of pronouns as he made 
himself comfortable.  "'We'?  'Our fortune'?"

"At the very least you're my second-in-command.  That's going to be 
worth a lot of money.  And beyond that... well, I think we both know 
where the negotiations are heading."  Nabiki blushed a little and turned 
away from Tarou to look out the window.

Tarou decided not to push that line of thought too hard, and promptly 
changed the subject.  "Will that be enough to afford one of those 
Platinum Edition Perfect Collections?"  Both of them chuckled at that.  
"I still can't believe those are selling."

"The smart ones will regret it later... but it's a fair price."  There 
was an awkward pause as both of them deliberately avoided a certain 
topic.  "Um, so what did you stop by for?  Did the IMAX crew finally get 
here?"

"No, I haven't seen them yet.  Probably they're stuck out at the edge of 
the mess outside."  He waved a hand at the window and traffic snarl 
below.

"Hmm.  If they don't show up in a couple of hours, could you go out 
there and see if they need an escort through?"  Nabiki eyed the hundreds 
of media vehicles filling the streets in every direction.  Dozens of 
helicopters orbited overhead.

"Sure."

More silence ensued.  Nabiki swiveled her chair back to face her 
assistant, and realized he'd been watching her the whole time.  She 
faintly blushed once more, but this time she gazed right back.

Eventually she asked again, "So what was it?"

"Oh, yeah.  I thought you'd be interested to know that the idiots 
downstairs," he gestured out the window once more, "have finally stopped 
asking to interview you."

"They have?  Then what the hell are they all still doing on my 
doorstep?"

Tarou shook his head sadly.  "Looking for the Prophet of Life.  Someone 
leaked that we have the only permanent gates to Washuu's and the End of 
Time, so they figured that if Mary shows up anywhere..."

"...it'll be here.  And they're probably right.  Poor kid... she's not 
ready for this."

"No, she isn't."

***

And so it came to pass on the fifth evening after the first round of the 
Tournament at the End of Time that the Prophet of Life became hungry.  
The Godhead Personified had spent the day with her compatriots in 
preparation for the trials to come, and after long hours of celebration 
and consultation she did feel the need for Pizza, and for a Night on the 
Town with Her Friends, and for a chance to Play a Non-Ultra Version of 
Dance Dance Revolution.

So with those plans did the Prophet of Life set out from the End of 
Time, where the gathering had taken place, and lead her friends through 
the gate her blessed mother had established to Nabiki Tendo's offices.  
As the representatives of Life rode the freight elevator from the 
basement they did hear a monstrous din around them.  The cacophony of 
engines and propellers and frantic reporters rivaled even the best of 
the fabled Ultra openings of yore, and the possibility of trouble 
worried them greatly.

Indeed, the fellowship did make it out the front doors of the new Ultra 
office complex, but no further, for upon spotting the Prophet of Life 
did the assembled media host crash through the police barricades and 
block her path with a solid wall of video cameras and microphones and 
flashbulbs and shouted questions like:

"Why are YOU the Prophet of Life?"

and

"What's your blood type?"

and

"What are the pairings for this round of Final Ultra?"

and

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

and

"What do you think Xelloss is going to do this week?"

and

"Do you do well in school?"

and

"IS THE WORLD GOING TO END?"

Lo, the Prophet of Life did blanch and utter, "Eep!" and flee from the 
mob through the portal back to her blessed mother's Laboratory.  Her 
friends valiantly defended her retreat and with the aid of the brave 
security staff miraculously managed to bar the doors of the new Ultra 
office complex against the pressing hordes.

And when her friends had rejoined her, the Prophet of Life did say, 
"Maybe we'd better just have the pizza delivered."

***

On the sixth day after the first round - the last day before the second 
round - of the Tournament at the End of Time, the news media had 
important and unsettling news.  Their trained talking heads had studied 
at great length the stunning images of the Prophet of Life captured the 
night before, and realized that the only reason she had been so afraid 
of the great benevolent media host was that the upcoming round was going 
to be a disaster.  Moreover, her lack of control indicated a complete 
lack of leadership skills and self-confidence.

After all, no one with such awful media skills could be that special of 
a person, right?

***

            { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
            {    C R O S S O V E R    F I G H T I N G      }
            {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
            {                .-----------.                 }
            {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
            {                `-----------'                 }
            {          http://www.mtcffultra.com           }
 
                 ][                       .     .    ][
                 ][                        |   |     ][
                 ][                       .|   |.    ][
                 ][    _______             |___|     ][
                 ][. . | . . . . . . . _. .     . . .][
                 ][    |___   | |\  | /  \ |         ][
                 ][    |      | | \ | |__| |         ][
                 ][    |      | |  \| |  | |         ][
                 ][. . | . . . . . . . . . |___ . . .][
                 ][    |                   _____     ][
                 ][                       .  |  .    ][
                 ][                          |       ][
                 ][                       .  |  .    ][
                 ][      **********         ___      ][
                 ][       PART TWO        .|   \.    ][
                 ][      **********        |___/     ][
                 ][                       .|  \ .    ][
                 ][    Dawn of             |   \     ][
                 ][       Destruction     . ___ .    ][
                 ][                        /   \     ][
                 ][                       .|---|.    ][
                 ][                        |   |     ][
                 ][                       .     .    ][


                             Episode 89

               A Verduran Otaku Production
               Written And Edited By : Kerry "Ked" Stump
               Co-Written By: ColdFury, 
                              Kurt Markuson, 
                              and David Schwager
               Additional Writing By: Delfina
               And Some Original Booking By: Lawrence Chu
               Also Contributing: Preacher

               MTCFF Ultra Created By : Twoflower


Xelloss was feeling very happy as he bounced down an empty hallway at 
his castle of doom (not the official name, but it was strangely fitting) 
with a vanilla ice cream cone in hand.  A happy Mazoku is not an 
oxymoron; while they do feed on negative emotions and may be physically 
harmed by positive emotions, they are not affected by the emotions of 
themselves or other Mazoku.  It would be like trying to eat yourself.

So Xelloss was happy.  After all, he had everything he wanted: ice 
cream, a good house (if rather cliched, but that was just part of its 
charm), and a fun job, one which not only involved him leading a group 
of suspicious megalomaniacs to destroy the universe, but also let him be 
his own boss.  No more Beastmaster looking over his shoulder!

In short, Xelloss could personally attest that heaven had nothing on his 
current lifestyle.

"Hey!  Alberto-kun!" Xelloss yelled as he sighted his quarry.  "Fancy 
meeting you here!  Want some ice cream?  I can conjure up a cone for 
you... but it's not as good as the real thing.  Had to go to earth to 
get this one!"

Alberto was fairly sure that this meeting had nothing to do with chance 
or ice cream.  "No thanks, I already ate.  Besides, I'm not much of an 
ice cream guy."  Wait for it, wait for it, he's gonna ask you for 
something...

"It's a good thing I met you, Alberty, since I've got a job for you."

Alberto sighed.  "Does it involve fighting someone?"

"Nope, sorry, not this time."  Xelloss smirked in a way that even 
Alberto found disconcerting.  "I've been wondering just how well that 
kiddy prophet of theirs picked her team.  I want you to try and bribe 
one of them."

Alberto thought about it.  Most of the Life team was beyond corruption.  
The only ones who might be turned would be Ash, Yaga, or Sagat.  Ash was 
rather spectacularly over his mental problems, which left the other 
two... but something told Alberto that his purple-haired boss had 
already approached Ultra's chief heel and former booker.  Which left...

"Sagat," Alberto said out loud.  "You want me to attempt to bribe 
Sagat."

Xelloss raised an eyebrow (without opening his eyes, of course).  "Wow, 
you worked that out on your own?  Clever boy!"  Too late, Alberto 
reminded himself of the expression 'you're so sharp you'll cut 
yourself.'  Letting his new boss know how smart he really was probably 
wasn't the best of ideas.  "Anyway, it's very simple.  You offer Sagat 
the same deal I'm giving all of you.  All he has to do is join with us!"  
Big happy grin, lick the ice cream, grin, take another lick.  Xelloss 
was good at waiting, which involved not only patience but also the 
ability to show other people that you were indeed waiting for something 
they could do, not just standing around in their general vicinity.

"But..." the impacter paused, then decided to forge on.  Xelloss was the 
type to make him minions drag out every detail, even ones they needed to 
know.  "Isn't our roster full?  How can he come on our team?"

"Ah, excellent question!  Tell him we'll kick Bison off and let our 
favorite kick boxer take whatever revenge he desires!  And if he wants 
more... give him whatever he wants.  Argue a bit if he gets too 
outrageous, but accede in the end."

Alberto thought he knew where this was going, but decided that a little 
feigned ignorance wouldn't hurt.  "Would we really give him that much 
when we already have Bison?  I know he lost his last match fairly 
decisively, but still..."

"Maybe yes, maybe no."  Xelloss rocked his head back and forth like he 
was really undecided.  "Depends how I feel.  Besides, it might be a moot 
point anyway, Al-kun."  'Al-kun' winced at his new nickname while the 
Mazoku lord went on regardless, after taking a few licks from his ice 
cream cone.  "Regardless, the war is just beginning.  We're planting the 
seeds of distrust!  The glowing embers of suspicion!  Cracks across the 
mantle of unity!  Holes drilled deep into the table of togetherness, in 
which we shall place the dirt of hatred and the aforementioned seeds of 
distrust!"

Alberto could only stare as his employer's speech came to a halt.  All 
in that same cheery, happy voice.  Maybe Xelloss was nothing but a fruit 
after all... Ah, hell, who was he kidding?  From what he knew, Xelloss 
measured his age in millennia and had an IQ of at least several hundred.  
Shockwave didn't consider himself a novice by any stretch of the 
imagination, but he knew when he was facing someone better.

Even if he was a fruit.

"As you wish.  And I'd better get moving - aren't we doing the second 
round picks pretty soon?"

"You'll have time.  And hey!  Grab some more ice cream if you can, the 
freezer here is totally out."

Alberto almost left, then stopped.  "Wait.  We don't have a freezer, do 
we?"

Somehow, Xelloss had timed it so that he popped the last pointed end of 
cone into his mouth just as he finished the conversation.  "Nope!" he 
said, and teleported away.

***

Tifa hummed to herself as she and Yuffie went through various kata in 
one of the training rooms at the End of Time.  Jessie stood off to the 
side, filing her nails.

"You seem awfully cheerful today, Tifa," Jessie noted.

"Hm?  Oh.  I guess I am.  I don't know."  Tifa pivoted and lunged, 
blocking a feint from Yuffie.  "Maybe the stress is getting to me."

Yuffie glanced at Tifa, attempting another feint only to be blocked 
again.  "Stress again?  Yeah, you did say that you were sick last time.  
Feeling better this week?"

Tifa nodded as she leaped above Yuffie, to land behind her.  "I'm fine.  
Really."

Jessie stopped filing her nails for a moment to look Tifa up and down.  
"Well, you do look really healthy.  Are you using some new brand of 
makeup?"

Tifa sweatdropped.  "Uh.  No?"

Yuffie stopped mid-kata and peered closely at Tifa.  "Hm."

Jessie peered at Tifa too.  "Hm."

"Uh... Well..."  Tifa paused and looked down at her hands.  "I feel like 
...this is it.  This competition.  And I want to do good, you know?  
But..."

"But...?" Yuffie prompted, raising herself on the balls of her feet to 
look Tifa in the eyes.

"I'm a little worried."  She sighed and started pacing.  "I don't want 
Bean to think that I'm slowing him down, you know?"

Yuffie pounced on Tifa and gave her a hug.  "You're not slowing anyone 
down!  You did so great in that last fight!  Don't let the stress get 
you down."

Jessie walked over to the two.  "She's right, you know.  Letting the 
stress get you down could hurt you."  She raised an eyebrow.  "And 
others..."

"...Yeah.  I'll be more careful."  Tifa hugged Yuffie back momentarily, 
then nodded.  Yuffie bounced back into a defensive stance.

"Okay, then, let's spar a bit!"  She raised her fists high and hopped 
from one foot to another.

Tifa dropped into an offensive stance.  "Ready when you are!"

Jessie rolled her eyes and resumed filing her nails.  "I'll continue 
watching.  Sweating isn't my thing."

***

Sagat was training, too.

This statement, in sheer descriptive power, is much akin to ones such as 
"Lina Inverse was hungry," "Hiroshi was acting hyper," and "Xelloss was 
plotting something."  In short, when Sagat wasn't eating, sleeping, or 
fighting, you'd be hard pressed to find him doing something other than 
training.  For the past few weeks, he had been stepping up his normal 
regimen, which meant that one of his other pastimes was suffering (you 
had to have a mind like Sagat's to think of sleeping and eating as 
pastimes).

Sagat was not happy that fighting had to be the thing he cut back on.  
Currently, he was taking it out on a very battered training dummy.

WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM 
WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM 
WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM EXPLODE.

Which was odd because he had just been about to throw another hook, and 
"explode" was not something he normally associated with that motion.

He turned and glared around the room, although he didn't get far before 
he found who he was looking for: a terribly smug Shockwave Alberto 
holding his thumb and forefinger in the gun children had used ever since 
cowboys and Indians.

"Bang," he smirked, and blew across his finger to clear the tiny trail 
of smoke rising from it.

"Very funny, Alberto," grimaced Sagat.  "You're not going to threaten me 
with unforeseen accidents, are you?"

"Actually, no.  I'm here to give you an offer you can't-"  Pause.  
Rethink.  "Well, alright, an offer you SHOULDN'T refuse."

"Let me guess.  I leave the tournament now and I don't get hurt?"

"Nope, even better!  Xelloss wants you on our team."

"Well I... huh?"  For one of the few times in his life, Sagat was caught 
totally unprepared.  The last time it happened, he got a scar across his 
chest, and as such he was not exactly thrilled.  "Is that even legal?" 
was the best he managed to blurt out.

"Hell, I don't make the rules," said Alberto nonchalantly.  "Xelloss 
says so, and I don't have any reason to doubt him.  It's a perfectly 
good deal, the same as any of us: you get a world of your very own when 
we win.  And here's the sweetener."  Alberto leaned over and began to 
talk more quietly, like there was someone nearby he didn't want 
overhearing.  "We'll kick out Bison and let you take whatever revenge on 
him you want.  Tempting, isn't it?"

Sagat thought about it before replying.  "Well, I'd be lying if I said 
it didn't have some appeal.  But I'm afraid you picked the wrong person 
to try and bribe.  Go home," Sagat sneered.

Alberto slowly walked forward until he was just inches from the Muay 
Thai fighter's face, before cracking an amused smile.  "So, Sagat, even 
you want to 'save the world?'"

"Go to hell."

"It doesn't exist anymore.  Haven't you heard?"

"Then go wherever psychotic criminal bastards go when they die."

"Hey, don't compare me to your old boss."

Sagat's face turned several shades redder, and not from embarrassment.  
"Don't compare ME to him either!  I worked with Bison for one reason 
only: he gave me powerful opponents, ones I could truly hone my strength 
on.  Before I met him, I hadn't faced a worthy challenger in years!  How 
could I turn down an opportunity like that?"

Despite being yelled at from less than half a foot away, the impacter 
was unfazed.  "So, if you're not here to save the world, then why are 
you here?  Just to hone your strength?"

"Yes!" bellowed Sagat.

"Then why not do it on our side?"

"No!  I..." Sagat forced himself to slow down and regain control.  He 
was angrier than he had been in a long time, and he couldn't figure out 
why.

Without warning, Alberto turned around and walked away.  "Oh well, if 
you change your mind, I'm sure you'll be able to find us.  Bye!"  He 
waved over his shoulder as he teleported out of the training room, 
leaving Sagat alone with his thoughts.

Well, not really alone after all.

"I'm sorry," said Yaga as he entered, "but I couldn't help overhearing."

***

"Not bad, not bad at all," exclaimed Xelloss over a little Japanese 
paper flag.  "Almost as good as I could have done.  I especially liked 
how you waited for Yaga to come find him before starting the 
conversation.  No point in sowing distrust if no one's there to, well, 
distrust."

"I think he might even agree," said Alberto excitedly.  "Not at once, of 
course, but if he doesn't get a fight tonight, we've got a very good 
chance."

"Hmm, maybe, maybe," replied Xelloss hesitantly.  In truth, he didn't 
really want Sagat on his team at all; if he had, he would have 
approached the fighter before.  But ever since Xelloss had seen him on 
the roster, and more importantly, who had made that roster, the Mazoku 
had been wondering.  If Sagat could be bribed, then he was a bad pick.  
If he was a bad pick, then the real Prophet of Life would never have 
picked him.  If the real Prophet of Life would never have picked him... 
well, it was a possibility worth looking into.

Xelloss suddenly broke into a wide, sunny smile.  "Thanks, Al-kun, 
that's all for now.  We'll see how things play out during the fights.  
Then... well, who knows?"

***

The End of Time is a strange place, though of course any place with a 
name like that must be.  Its few inhabitants led solitary lives along 
narrow, dimly lit passageways through the darkness of Eternity.  That 
darkness was so solid, so impenetrable that no one, not even the 
desperate and insane refugees that showed up there from time to time, 
had ever considered leaping over the fences and out into it.  

The dark ate whatever energies encountered it, returning none to the 
solitary pocket of Existence... so the End of Time was a place of 
eternal quiet - an anechoic chamber without peer.  Visitors often found 
this phenomenon even more disturbing than the lighting, but the 
permanent residents thought it was the best thing about living there.

...which meant that Gaspar and Spekkio were both a little annoyed.  
Sure, the Tournament rounds were inevitably going to be noisy affairs, 
and they were cheering for the Prophet of Life, just like most everyone 
else... but the second round was tomorrow.  Why did she have to hold her 
little pep rally on their dojo floor today?

"So are we winning?" cried Mary to her assembled team and their friends.

"YEAH!" screamed two dozen voices back at her.

"And will we keep winning this week?"

"YEAH!!!"

"And are we going to win this tournament!"

"OH, YEAH!"  "WOOO!!!"  "NO PROBLEM!"  The cheers went on for almost a 
minute as the band of heroes celebrated their accomplishments and 
confidence.  Only Sagat, Yaga, and Ultraman held back from outright 
celebration - but even they were smiling back at their leader.

Finally Mary held up a hand, and the cheering respectfully trailed off.  
"Now, I know not all of you who fought last week won, and I don't expect 
all of you who fight this week to win, either.  Don't worry about it - 
we have a lead, and even if things don't go perfectly out there tonight, 
I'm sure we'll still be in good shape."  She paused to consider her next 
words, then looked up as someone in the back cleared his throat.  "Go 
ahead, Yaga."

"I don't want to be pessimistic, Mary, but there is something I'm a 
little concerned about.  Our remaining fighters are all Gamma-level 
competitors, but four of theirs are from Omega."

Mary shrugged.  "The arena boosts everyone’s' abilities so-"

"That's true," interrupted Yaga, "and Bulleta certainly proved that last 
week.  But having experienced it myself I know that I wasn't really 
ready to take advantage of it.  Maybe next time I'm in the ring... but 
there's not really any way to prepare for it.  So in a matchup with 
someone who knows what they can do, I'm afraid it's going to be a 
disadvantage."

"As I said, I don't expect we'll win every match.  I believe in all of 
you - the team will pull through."

"While I share Yaga's concerns, I don't think it's going to be that 
bad," opined Sagat unexpectedly.  He seemed strangely subdued this 
afternoon, but this was something he obviously felt needed saying.  "I 
can't say I was originally too pleased by all the selections on this 
team-"

"You're all so incredibly young," muttered Yaga.

"-but I think the other martial artists are going to have a lot of fun 
with this.  Akane comes from one of the most adaptable schools I've ever 
seen."  A few paces in front of Sagat, both Ranma's and Akane's jaws 
dropped at the unexpected compliment.  "Marlo and Li's styles are 
entirely about creativity.  I'm a little more set in my ways, but to get 
the opportunity to toss around Omega quantities of power..."  Sagat took 
a deep breath.  "I must admit that I'm looking forward to this."

Ash announced his agreement from the front of the group.  "And it's not 
going to be bad for us," he said, gesturing to include Team Rocket.  
"Our Pokemon's abilities will probably just scale up."

"Chu!" agreed Raichu.  Jesse and James looked uncertain, but held their 
peace.

Yaga shrugged.  "Well, don't worry about it, then.  I'm just saying that 
it'll be something we have to think about that they won't."

"It's a good point.  Are there any other concerns?"  Mary asked, but any 
further trepidation her team might have had was cut off as the gate to 
the arena creaked open.  "I guess it's time."  She squared her shoulders 
and led her troops into the arena.

Once again the two teams faced off across the flat space at the bottom 
of the arena.  Team Life took up their place around Mary, laughing and 
chatting and making faces while she gravely studied the opposition.  
Team Destruction was strangely silent, almost completely stoic in 
demeanor.  Only Xelloss was smiling - his face twisted as always into 
its standard fixed grin.

"Helloooo, Lina!  Helloooo, Mary!  Have you come to-"

[The Prophets Have Assembled Their Fighters Once More.  Now, The 
Contests Shall Be Determined.]  

The trickster Mazoku managed to look nonplussed as the Referee's booming 
voice interrupted his playful taunt.  "I guess our friend here is in a 
hurry today.  All right, then, let's get on with it."  

The arena faded away, this time replaced by an uncomfortably up-close 
and personal view of the surface of a bluish-white star.  Everyone had 
to squint against the unbearable glare, save for the Undead Johnny Cage 
who simply put on his sunglasses.  A few of the fighters with weaker 
stomachs fought back a nauseating wave of vertigo as they seemed to be 
suspended upside-down over the roiling mass of incandescent gas.  A huge 
prominence arced down (up?) from the star and under the teams, almost 
entirely blotting out the distant starfield.

[The Second Stage Of The Tournament.  The Fights Shall Number Six.]

Lina stepped forward and waved for the referee's attention.  "Excuse me, 
but how many rounds will there be?  And will there be the same number of 
fights each round?"

[There Are As Many Stages As There Will Be.]  Everyone blinked, and Lina 
facepalmed.  [As For The Numbers Of Fights, That Has Yet To Be 
Determined.]

"Never mind."  Lina shook her head and moved back beside Mary.  "It's 
not that smart, is it?"

Xelloss chuckled.  "I rather like its attitude, myself."

"You would," snarled Lina, then subsided as Mary laid a hand on her 
shoulder.  "I know, I know.  I just had gotten used to not dealing with 
him every week, and now there's the gargoyle playing obtuse as well."

Six flaming spheres dropped from the star above them and lazily circled 
around the Referee.  Each sphere appeared to be cracking into pieces, 
but where the flames danced, the cracks healed momentarily.

[Destruction Shall Choose The First Challenger.]

"What, I get to go first again?  Joy!"  Xelloss rubbed his hands 
together and peered at his team.  "Mr. Satan would like to go first."

"Hey, I deserve to be in the main event!  A star of my..."  Satan's 
tirade ground to a halt as the rest of Team Destruction turned and 
glared at him.  "But hey. you're the boss!  And all these fights are 
equally important, right?"

The chosen fighter's name appeared on the first sphere in pitch-black 
lettering.

[Life Shall Choose The First Champion.]

Mary frowned and thought through the available choices.  Satan didn't 
seem to be the worthiest opponent in the bunch, and she was loath to use 
her best picks against him...

"Excuse me?  Mary?"

Of all of them, Yaga probably knew Satan the best.  But Yaga had already 
fought...

"Mary?  Can I fight him?"

She blinked and turned around.  Li Ping stood there, looking rather 
enthusiastic.  "You want to fight him?"

"Sure!  I can make the old faker's head spin.  He won't know what's 
hitting him.  Or even what direction it's hitting him from."

"If you say so..."  Mary faced the Referee and made it official.  "I 
choose Li Ping."

As Li Ping's name was inscribed below Satan's on the sphere, Mr. Satan 
called across, "You think your tricks are going to help you, boy?  This 
is going to be a short fight."

Li nodded.  "I couldn't agree more."

[The Conditions Are Standard.  The Setting Is Hong Kong Harbor.]

"Hey," noted Li Ping, "That's cool!  I always wanted to go to Hong 
Kong!"

"That's nice", taunted his opponent.  "I'll introduce you to the view 
from the bottom of the harbor."

[Life Shall Choose The Second Challenger.]

Mary turned around once more and pondered her options.  There simply was 
no good way to choose first for any fight - whoever she picked, Xelloss 
had enough fighters left that he could pick out an opponent who could 
take advantage of her fighter's weaknesses.  So that meant... what?  
That she should choose a fighter without any weaknesses?  Someone who 
could win against whatever opponent Xelloss could pick?

"If you don't want to choose, Mary, I can pick one out for you," called 
Xelloss teasingly from across the arena space.

The Prophet of Life's forehead creased with worry.  She could *feel* 
that there was a right choice here - but she couldn't make that final 
intuitive leap.  For a fleeting moment she wished she had the power to 
look into Xelloss's head, the power to determine the answer by brute 
force...

...but then Lina edged up beside her and slapped her lightly on the 
shoulder.  "Hey, kiddo.  Don't overthink it, just do it."

Mary blinked hard and shook her head to clear it.  "Right.  You're 
right."  She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, then closed her eyes 
and attempted to blank her mind.

Half a minute later, as her team was beginning to exchange worried 
glances and some snickers could be heard from Team Destruction, Mary's 
eyes popped open.  She spun and announced, "I choose Akane!"

The second sphere flashed, and "Akane Tendo" appeared on the top half of 
it.  In the clarity of the moment, Mary thought it looked perfect... but 
then Xelloss winked at her and said before the Referee, slow as usual, 
could prompt him, "Sephiroth.  Definitely Sephiroth."  The sphere 
flashed again, and Mary's confidence crumbled.

The white-haired demigod quirked an eyebrow and took a step up to 
Xelloss.  There was a brief, whispered exchange between them, then 
Sephiroth shrugged and turned to study his opponent.

[The Conditions Are King Of The Hill.]

Akane had stepped forward for a good old-fashioned staredown with her 
opponent.  Neither of them wanted to back off just yet, so it was Ranma 
who piped up with the obvious question.  "And what's 'King of the 
Hill'?"

[The Winner Is The Combatant Who Stands Alone In A Designated Spot In 
The Arena For A Count Of Ten.]

"But they can clobber each other on the way there, right?"

[They Are Combatants.]

"...right."

Akane squinted through the glare at her opponent.  Ordinarily, the 
thought of taking on Sephiroth would scare her... but then, this was 
hardly an ordinary circumstance.  If the arena boosted her enough to be 
competitive - well, Sagat was right.  This would be interesting.  
Satisfied, she nodded and stepped back to the group, taking Ranma's hand 
as she relaxed in the knowledge of what she would face.

[The Setting Is A Generic Grassy Hill.]

"How original," mocked Johnny from the back of Team Destruction.  "Can I 
have a generic Ultradome the next I fight?"

[No.]

"Awwwww..."

[Destruction Shall Choose The Third Challenger.]

"Who, wha, whe- oh."  Xelloss looked up from his notes, mock-startled.  
"Naga."

The third sphere revolved into position and flashed.  Inky black letters 
spelled out "Nadia Whitemist" or the flaming orb.

Lina's eyes bugged out.  "NADIA WHITEMIST?  Her name is Nadia 
Whitemist?"

"Ohohohohoho.  You knew that 'Naga' isn't my original name.  What did 
you think, that I was a princess or something?  'Nadia' is so 
pedestrian, I just had to do something about it."

"But, but..."

[Life Shall Choose The Third Champion.]

Mary ignored the gibbering sorceress to her right and concentrated on 
the pairing at hand.  Naga was a spellcaster, so ideally she wanted 
someone who was used to seeing lots of elemental magics... she blinked.  
"Ash."

"Who, me?"  The sphere flashed and was inscribed with "Ash Ketchum".  
"Yeah," Ash nodded.  "I can do this, right buddy?"

"Rai!"

[The Conditions Are Fashion Battle.]  

"..."

[The Contestants Will Compete By Modeling A Series Of Costumes, To Be 
Selected By The Contestants.  Each Costume Will Be Judged By How Well It 
Articulates The Theme Of The Round And By How Well The Contestant Models 
It.]

"..."

[The Setting Is The Ultimate Arena.]

Lina recovered first from the collective facefault.  "Wait, you never 
volunteered details of the conditions before..."

[I Have Never Been Given The Chance.]

"Does this mean that we're not actually going to be fighting?" asked 
Ash.

[There Is No Combat In The Physical Sense.]

"This little boy is going to take on the White Serpent in a beauty 
contest?  OHOHOHOHOHOHO!"  Naga's laugh filled the invisible arena, and 
Team Life sagged as they realized the enormity of the mismatch.

"That's some bad luck, Mary," sympathized Xelloss.  "I really feel sorry 
for you.  Why don't we just agree that the next fight will be the tag 
match for the evening?"

[Life Shall Choose The Fourth Challenger.]

It seemed as though half of Team Life drew in breath to warn Mary 
against accepting Xelloss's offer... but the Prophet of Life had already 
made up her mind.  "I was going to pick Team Rocket this round, anyway."

The fourth sphere flashed, signaling the pick was final.

Mary turned around in time to see Lina start panicking.  "What are you 
doing!  Never agree to anything Xelloss asks!  It's a trap!"

"But how?  He has one tag team left.  Besides, it's too obvious... isn't 
it?"

[Destruction Shall Choose The Fourth Champion.]

Xelloss blinked in surprise, then smiled even wider than usual.  "I 
can't believe you just fell for that!"

Lina groaned in complete dismay.  "No, it's not too obvious.  This is 
Xelloss, and we're screwed.  Somehow."

"This was a trick I was going to spring on you sooner or later."  
Xelloss scratched the back of his head in befuddled amusement.  "I guess 
it'll just be sooner.  Now who," pondered the Mazoku in a more serious 
tone, "do I choose?"  The cheery Mazoku actually stopped smiling for 
once - apparently this hadn't been something he had prepared for, and it 
meant a lot to him to take advantage of the good fortune.  He looked 
over to where Chris and Yashiro stood.  "Not them.  Not in this match... 
but Darshu would be perfect!  Darshu and, uh..."  His eyes landed on a 
figure falling apart messily in the back row.  "Darshu and Johnny!  
Won't that be fun!"  The smile returned, but with a decidedly predatory 
cast to it.

The sphere flashed once more, and the fourth match was set.

"Oooooh," cried Johnny.  "Fresh meat!"  Darshu just looked disgusted.

Jessie and Li Ping caught James as the young man fainted.  Mary turned 
to the referee and cried foul.  "Hey, that's not fair!  That's not a 
real tag team, and Johnny Cage has already fought!"

[Two Fighters From A Team Comprise A Tag Team.  There Is No Rule That 
Forces Everyone To Fight Before A Fighter May Be Used Again.]

"But..."  Mary looked to be almost on the verge of crying.

[The Conditions Are Last Team Standing.  The Setting Is Wattsville 
Regional Cemetery, Of Earth.]

"And what-" Jessie started.  The gargoyle interrupted her for a change.

[All Combatants May Participate Simultaneously.  The Winner Is The Last 
Team With At Least One Member Able To Fight.]

Jessie would not be deterred.  "A cemetery?  That's just not fair!  It's 
home territory for that... thing!"  She pointed accusingly at Johnny.

[All Settings Are Determined Randomly.]  The Referee paused.  [Deal With 
It.]

Nobody had anything to say to that.

[Destruction Shall-]

"Alberto," interrupted Xelloss.  He pulled a battered paperback out of 
his pack and flipped to the UltraRage Epsilon Commemorative Bookmark 
that was holding his place.  The sphere flashed, and it was Mary's turn.

[Life Shall Choose The Fifth Champion.]

Mary clenched her fists, infuriated that the Prophet of Destruction 
seemed to be multiple steps ahead of the game.  She turned around to 
regard her team once more, and her gaze fixed on Dan.  Dan beamed back 
at her, proud that he could help out once more, but then Yaga and Sagat 
stepped up.

"Mary," started Yaga in a gentle tone, "are you sure you want to do 
that?"

Her lower lip trembled a little, and she said quietly, "I need someone 
who I know can stand up to Alberto."  She pointed at Dan.  "He can.  I 
know he can."

"That may be what you need," said Sagat, "but I need to get in the ring.  
The team needs to find out what I can do in there.  If you don't give me 
a chance now, when will you ever?"

Yaga nodded.  "Xelloss is trying to goad you into trusting in power.  
When you chose this team, you were looking for something else - I still 
don't quite understand exactly what it was - but I think this is the 
wrong time to be changing plans."

Mary hesitated a moment longer, wistfully eyeing her hero in pink, but 
then she bowed her head in acquiescence.  "You're right.  Thank you.  I 
had forgotten for a moment."  The turned to Sagat, looking confident for 
the first time since choosing Akane.  "Do you think you can beat him?"

"At the very least, I should be able to give him a fight like he's never 
seen before.  Besides, I have a personal matter to settle with him."

"Then I choose Sagat!" announced Mary.  

The fifth sphere flashed, and the Referee finished the off the plan for 
the fifth fight.  [The Conditions Are Random Setting Change.  The First 
Setting Is The Slopes Of Mount Kilimanjaro.]

"Random setting change?" prompted Mary immediately.

[Yes,] said the gargoyle, apparently impervious to prompting.

"What does it mean?" said Sagat with significantly more force.

[The Setting Will Be Randomly Changed Every Sixty Seconds.]

"Fair enough, I guess," said Sagat grudgingly.  He turned his back to 
the massive stone gargoyle, and muttered, "I think the Ref is developing 
an attitude."

[Life Shall Choose The Sixth Challenger.]

Mary didn't even bother to think about it this time - she had set her 
course, and it would have to be enough.  "Marlo.  Let's get everyone 
involved."

[Destruction Shall Choose The Sixth Champion.]

Xelloss peeked over the top of the book he was reading.  "I'm 
disappointed, Mary.  I'll actually have to think about this choice a 
little."  He started to close the book, then froze.  "Oh, wait.  B-ko 
should do just fine."

The sixth sphere recorded the contestants' names, and the Referee 
pondered the rules for a moment.  [The Conditions Are Normal.  The 
Setting Is The Parking Lot Of Cedar Point In Sandusky, Ohio.]

The six flaming spheres suddenly dropped out of their orbit around the 
Referee, sending fighters from both teams scrambling to get out of the 
way.  The spheres disappeared instantly as they passed through the plane 
of the floor (or rather the invisible surface the teams seemed to be 
standing on).

[The Second Stage Has Been Decided.  Six Battles Shall Be Fought.  Six 
Victors Shall Be Determined.  Go Now, And Return To Your Places Of 
Waiting.  The Time For The Tournament Approaches Once More.]

The arena at the End of Time faded back into sight, obscuring, then 
blocking out entirely the fiercely blazing star that they had grown used 
to.  Xelloss didn't even look up from his novel - he just snapped his 
fingers and Team Destruction vanished back to its desmene.  Team Life 
filed silently out through the gate, unsure of what the next day would 
bring.

***

"So."

"What'cha looking at me like that for, Akane?  'So' what?  I thought you 
wanted to train, not talk."

After the second-round selections had been made, all of Team Life's 
fighters had gone home for a good night's sleep.  Having learned from 
the previous day's escapade, Mary had arranged for her mother to portal 
everyone straight into their homes.  There were only a couple of camera 
crews parked outside the Tendo Dojo, and mercifully they managed not to 
notice Ranma and Akane's arrival or the impromptu late-night training 
session that ensued after Akane couldn't fall asleep.

They had started with a little light sparring, but just as Ranma was 
feeling properly warmed up for something more vigorous, his fiance had 
stepped back and signaled for a stop.  "So.  Me.  Sephiroth.  How do I 
win?"

"You're askin' me?"  Ranma put on his best innocent face.  "I don't know 
nothing about this Omega stuff..."

Akane crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently.  "Don't give me 
that.  You have to have some ideas."

Ranma sighed and sat down.  Akane smiled and joined him on the floor a 
second later.  "Well... let's see.  The problem is I really don't know 
what's going to happen - there aren't any simple answers.  I haven't 
ever seriously studied this Sephiroth guy, and we don't know how this 
boost to Omega level is really going to affect you."

"...but?" Akane prompted after a second.

"Sheesh.  Someday I'm not going to have an answer, and then where will 
you be?  Okay!  Okay!"  Ranma held up his hands in surrender as Akane 
pulled out a medium sized mallet.  "Really the best advice I can give 
you is to fight your own fight."

Akane paused in the act of putting the mallet back wherever it came 
from.  "That's it?  'My fight', as opposed to what?"

"Your fight, rather than Sephiroth's.  Look, he's a skilled swordsman, 
but he's not really a martial artist in the sense that we're used to.  
If you could get in close and pound on him, even without this power 
boost you'd probably have a fair chance.  His real advantage is his 
spellcasting - I don't know what all he can do with it, but I'm sure he 
has a lot more options than you do at range."

Akane resisted the urge to take notes.  "But it's not like I'm Yaga - I 
have ranged attacks, ki attacks of my own."

"Sure, but he has a lot more flexibility.  You might be able to match 
him in power, but he'll have lots of tricks and one of them will 
eventually get past your guard.  If you can simply manage to negate that 
advantage long enough to close..."

"Right.  What about this 'king of the hill' thingy?"

Ranma shrugged.  "Could help, could hurt.  It depends a lot on how it 
sets up - if the goal is a long way away and the fight turns into a 
footrace, you could be in trouble.  If it's near and you can get to it, 
it could force him to come to you.  Either way, I think you just want to 
clobber him first and let the hill take care of itself."

"You really think I have a chance then?"

"Hell, you beat me a few times, right?  What chance does that white-
haired freak stand?"

***

Bean cursed under his breath as he looked through a toolbox.  Lei stood 
in the doorway watching Bean.

"Hey, Bean?  What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?  I'm trying to find something."

"What?"

"None of your business!  Go away."

"Sure you're not looking for ... this?"  Lei held a small black object 
in his hand.  Bean's eyes narrowed.

"What are you doing with that?  Did you open it?"

Lei grinned.  "Of course I opened it.  Do you plan on using it?"  He 
tossed the object casually to Bean, who caught it and immediately put it 
into the toolbox.  Bean then locked it securely and put it into a 
cabinet.

"Well ..."  Bean sighed and brushed his hand through his hair.  "I 
haven't decided yet.  No, that's not right.  I have decided.  I just 
don't know when to use it.  The right moment ... just hasn't come."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No.  I probably shouldn't use it during this competition anyway.  It 
might not be right."

"What?"  Lei looked puzzled.  "I'd think it would be appropriate."

Bean nodded.  "I don't know.  I still have to think about it."

Lei walked over to Bean and clapped him on the shoulder.  "I'm sure 
you'll make the right decision."  Turning away, he left the room.

"I hope he's right."

***

"Oh, man... what am I going to do?"  Ash tossed a black-and-white 
checkered necktie into the corner of his room and collapsed on his bed 
in frustration.  "I don't have anything stylish - I've been on the road, 
or psycho, or both for the last five years...  I could go shopping, but 
what would I get?"

"Chu.  Rairairaichu," offered his friend as it rummaged through an old 
trunk.

"No, I think all of those are about three years too small.  Besides, did 
you ever see me dressed up back then?  This is hopeless."

Raichu's ears drooped.  "Chuuu."

Someone knocked on Ash's door.  "Come in, mom," he called, not bothering 
even to sit up.  He heard the door open and someone... a couple of 
someones, actually, step inside.

"Do I look like his mother?" asked a familiar voice.

"Voi... duck," came the negative reply as Ash scrambled to his feet.

"Misty!"  His breath caught, and then the two trainers rushed together 
for a fierce hug.  It was quite a few seconds before they started to 
feel uncomfortable and stepped back.  "Aheh.  It's good to see you 
again.  I'm...  I'm sorry.  I was so wrong."

Misty smiled gently.  "You know, there were times I never thought I'd 
hear you say that.  I forgive you... but if you ever..."

"Yeah."  They were silent for a moment, then the trunk behind them 
tumbled over, spilling the fat orange Pokemon out into the room.  
Voiduck skittered out of the way, clutching at its head, before it could 
get bowled over.

Misty turned to Raichu and knelt down to give it a hug as well.  "Look 
at you!  You're all big, and orange, and..."

"Rai!" agreed Raichu, inadvertently electrifying its whiskers and 
causing Misty's hair to stick straight out until she let go.

"...and staticky.  Heh."  She turned back to Ash.  "I was in town to 
have the Professor take a look at Voiduck."

Ash nodded.  "So how's it doing?"

"Well, Professor Oak doesn't think it will ever get back to normal - 
what happened actually changed it on a genetic level.  But it's not 
possessed anymore, so it should just be weird and depressed, not glowing 
and scary and depressed.

"Anyway, I decided to stop by your house, just to see if you were 
around.  I wasn't sure, what with Final Ultra and all... are you going 
to be fighting tomorrow?"

"Fighting?"  Ash snorted and plopped back down on his bed.  "I wish it 
was a real fight - at least then I'd have a chance.  Instead I drew some 
sort of fashion contest.  Against Naga.  I think this brings new meaning 
to the phrase 'I have nothing to wear.'"

"You sound like you've already given up."

"I *don't* have anything to wear!  Blue jeans and a Pokemon trainer's 
cap?  My Team Rocket leathers?  My pajamas!?!"

Misty pulled Ash to his feet.  "Well, then get some!  Come on, there's 
still plenty of time to shop, and I'm sure there will be lost of places 
that would love to have you model their stuff before six billion 
potential customers..."

***

Lain stuck her head out into the corridor and made sure she was really 
alone.  The rest of the Ultra staff was busy preparing their equipment 
in the arena.  Nobody was really sure what Nabiki had said to the 
Referee to persuade it allow her crew in ahead of the rest of the world, 
but the gate had opened when she said it would and now they were all 
very, very busy.  Except for her - the relaunched "Final Ultra" website 
was mostly a pastiche of previously existing material and links to the 
secure commerce server, and it had taken two days to finish it.  Ho, 
hum.

...except she wasn't bored, not really.  By now there was a 
transdimensional data link from the End of Time so that Nabiki could 
issue directives from the real world by email, so the Wired was as close 
as ever... but even more interesting to her was the interface card that 
had seemingly been delivered to her door by Mr. Duck.  Even now, she 
could sense the squeezable bath toy watching over her shoulder as she 
finished hand-coding a session layer to sit between the device and her 
hacking tools.

It was more than passing strange that a fifteen thousand year old piece 
of computer hardware (Lain had some suspicions about who *really* had 
passed it on to her, but neither Jack nor Mr. Duck were telling) not 
only would fit in her NAVI with no physical modification but was a 
precise implementation of the OSI model.  All she had to do was write a 
few thousand lines of code, and... voila!

The NAVI chimed as it detected new network resources.  Lain clicked on 
the dialogue box, and it expanded into a large window containing one 
small icon.  Lain leaned in closer to the small screen, then froze as 
she read the caption:  "The Universe".

Lain tentatively nudged the cursor towards the icon.  She held her 
breath as she reached to click... and nearly fell out of her chair as 
her instant messenger opened on its own.

--> Hey, what's up? <--

It took her a few seconds to recover enough composure to answer.  "I 
just finished setting up that card you sent me.  Was about to make a 
first try to get in."

--> Cool!  We, uh, I knew you could do it!  But wouldn't it be better to 
wait? <--

"Wait?  For what?  The End of Time?"

--> ((_^;  Cute, kid, real cute. <--

"Thanks.  ^^_v"

--> Seriously, though, why not wait until big, gray, and ugly is 
distracted?  Get some rest, and go for it tomorrow while everyone, 
including the Ref, is watching the fight. <--

"...that's actually a good idea.  Hacking against distracted opposition 
is always easier, and there's probably something to be gained by 
observing it while it's busy."

--> Sounds like a plan. <--

"When are you going to get here?  I can guess where you are, but what's 
keeping you?"

--> Oh, things to do, things to plan, you know how it goes.  Don't 
worry, I'll show up.  And I sent Mr. Duck to keep you company, didn't I?  
How's he doing? <--

"Squeak!"

Lain blinked and tried to pretend she hadn't heard that.

***

So on the day of the second round of the Tournament at the End of Time, 
the world at large came to a complete halt.  This time, everyone 
believed in it.  Everyone knew that it was deadly serious.  There was no 
surprise when the invitations were delivered, and barely even any 
comment.  With the fate of reality itself at stake, nobody was sweating 
the little details.

There was no official holiday declared, but workers everywhere played 
hooky to be with their families and virtually nobody complained.  It had 
been very publicly pointed out that nobody had ever mentioned how many 
rounds there were going to be, and it was plausible that after all the 
team member had fought once, the tournament would end.  Sure, the good 
guys were in the lead, but if the world ended tonight, would *you* want 
to spend your day working?

Since everyone in the world was invited, there was a lot of diversity in 
the way their day went.  People in Africa got up early in the morning to 
prepare.  The Americas had a particularly rough time, since it was the 
middle of the night for them.  Strangely, nobody had a hard time waking 
up for the tournament - in fact, nobody was able to sleep through it.  
Ultra's home crowd had an easy time of it - easier than with normal 
Ultra even, since they didn't have to be in front of a television.  
Wherever there were people, they touched their tickets and came to the 
End of Time.

***

New week.  New Ultra.  Same old announcers.

Hiroshi and Daisuke stood up for a better view as six billion people 
arrived in a span of thirty seconds.  It was quite impressive - the 
Ultimate Arena started out empty, then it began to fill.  At first it 
was just a few hundred people at a time popping into existence in the 
front rows.  Then it was whole seating blocks filling up at once.  Then 
the stadium was full, but the people just kept arriving at a 
geometrically increasing rate.  They had seen the fractal layering 
effect in the audience the previous week, but it was even more 
impressive to see it form.  It seemed that they could see each and every 
person arrive and be randomly seated, packing the place fuller and 
fuller... without resorting to standing-room or squeezing anyone to 
death.

The influx of humanity tailed off just as quickly as it started.  There 
was silence for a few seconds - extreme dimensional displacement is 
unsettling for those not accustomed to it - but then the Referee 
announced, [The Witnesses Are Gathered And The Time Is Upon Us.  The 
Prophet Of Life, The Prophet Of Destruction.  Upon Their Choices And The 
Deeds Of The Chosen Shall All Matters Hinge.  The Tournament Continues.]

Daisuke gave his partner a nudge.  "That's your cue."

Hiroshi grabbed the microphone from the table and did the honors.  He 
gestured expansively to the world around them.  "You're live!  And in 
person!  At the End of Time!  FOR SOME ULTRAVIOLENCE!!!"

The crowd had been loud the previous week - you get six billion people 
in a room and things tend to head that direction pretty easily.  But 
even as popular as Ultra had always been, not everyone in the world 
watched it.  Most of them had heard of it - too many important things 
had happened around the show for it not to be known everywhere - but it 
was just a television show, and that imposed some limits.  Probably only 
a third of humanity had actually seen the show, and only a small 
fraction of them had watched it with any regularity.

...which all meant that while they were there and could follow the lead 
of those in the know, the vast majority of the first round's crowd had 
been unaware of the ritual and routine of Ultra.

That was last week.  Since the Tournament at the End of Time had turned 
out to be real, it had become very important to the world at large to 
learn everything they could about Ultra as quickly as they could.  
Nabiki had fed this sudden obsession as best she could, selling 
syndication rights to markets she had never even heard of before and 
granting news organizations (reasonable) free access to her archives.  
There were still plenty of places that did not have television, but 
wherever the boob tube had landed in the last five decades, Ultra had 
now been seen.

...which meant that more than three billion more people knew the proper 
response to the standard Ultra invocation than had for the first round.

It was loud.

So was Hiroshi.  "WOOOOOOOOO, YEAH," he screamed as things calmed down a 
little.  "Now that's the way Final Ultra should start!"

"Pretty good, yes," agreed Daisuke mildly.  "I'm Daisuke, and the wild 
man beside me here is Hiroshi.  Welcome to round two of the Tournament 
at the End of Time, folks!"

"We've had the privilege of seeing the fight card for tonight, and let 
me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, it's a real doozy!  Some strange 
matchups, some strange rules, and lots of surprises!  Six more fights 
for the fate of humanity!"

Daisuke nodded.  "And we'll be here to guide you through all of them.  
Get ready to cheer, folks!  Team Life is in the lead, but your support 
can only help them,"

"What happened to impartiality?"

"We're not working for Nabiki anymore, duh."

Hiroshi blinked.  "Oh, yeah."  Other than collecting their residuals, 
they had nothing to do with what remained of corporate Ultra.  "You 
know, there are some ugly fights tonight for Team Life.  I hope they-"

"Hey, the good guys are up by two," reassured Daisuke.  "And the Prophet 
of Life knows all of these fighters well.  I'm sure Mary has things 
arranged as best she can."

In the Team Life box, Mary winced.  She wasn't nearly so confident... 
though upon further reflection she had come to the conclusion Xelloss 
had been bluffing with some of his faster choices.  With a little luck, 
they might even extend their lead tonight.

[For Life Stands Lawrence Pellinger. For Destruction Stands Mr. Satan. 
The Conditions Are Standard. The Setting Is Hong Kong Harbor, China.]

"For those of you who don't know, Lawrence Pellinger is Li Ping's birth 
name," noted Daisuke.  "The Referee seems to prefer those."

Hiroshi chuckled.  "Heh!  And wait until you see what-"

"Shush.  Don't spoil the surprise."

The stone floor of the arena shifted and warped, until it was an exact 
replica of Hong Kong's harbor. The narrow streets by the water's edge 
were filled with merchant's stalls and cargo waiting to be loaded, while 
freighters, junks, and fishing boats floated in the harbor.

"What are you worried about, 'Rosh?  This is a good matchup for Li Ping 
and Team Life," analyzed Daisuke.  "Mr. Satan is probably a bit 
stronger, but with Omega-class abilities, Li should run circles around 
him."

"Yeah, you're right.  I used to think a lot of him," Hiroshi admitted.  
"I guess I'm not entirely over that."

[The Contestants Will Come Forth.]

Li Ping and Mr. Satan stepped towards the ring, and entered the arena. 
They stood on opposite ends of the same street, looking at each other.

"I just don't get it," said Li, "Going heel is one thing, but THIS..." 
he shook his head. "You were everybody's hero. We all looked up to you! 
Why would you join up with those guys? They wanna destroy everything!"

Satan looked at his young opponent, his eyes betraying no emotion. "You 
wouldn't understand."

Li blinked. "What do you mean, I wouldn't understand?" Li asked 
incredulously, "What wouldn't I understand?"

Satan just shook his head. "There's no more time for talking."  With 
that, he rushed towards his opponent.

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #7
][ LI PING vs. MR. SATAN
][ FIGHT!

Mr. Satan's intention was to get in close where he'd have an advantage, 
but he'd forgotten about the power-boosting effects of the arena. He 
suddenly found himself setting a new land speed record as he barreled 
into the unprepared Li Ping. The two combatants collided and were sent 
flying into the side of a nearby building, creating a large hole and 
kicking up a huge cloud of dust.

"Oooh, looks like Satan forgot that his power was increased for this 
fight," Hiroshi said, wincing, "And both fighters have gone flying."

"The fighters are going to have to keep their new strengths in mind if 
they want to seriously compete in these matches," Daisuke announced, 
"But it looks like Satan and Li Ping are starting to recover."

Indeed, the dust had cleared, and the two fighters emerged from the 
rubble their collision with the building had created. Li Ping blinked. 
"Wow," he said, "That hardly hurt at all... cool." He grinned and aimed 
a roundhouse kick at Mr. Satan.

Satan managed to block the kick, but the impact was still enough to 
knock him across the street and into a stack of crates. The crates broke 
open, and Mr. Satan found himself surrounded by cans of crabmeat.

"And Li Ping takes it to Mr. Satan!" Hiroshi enthused, "You were right!  
He definitely less of a problem with the change in power levels."	

"That's probably because he's seen more movies," replied Daisuke, 
"Superhuman feats are probably easier to handle after you've seen 
'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' fifteen times."

"Hey!" Li cried, looking indignant, "I only saw that one five times!"

Mr. Satan, in the meantime, had gotten up again and took advantage of 
his opponent's inattentiveness. He hurled a can of crabmeat at Li Ping, 
which clipped the movie fighter's shoulder. Li Ping staggered back, 
wincing with pain. 

"And Mr. Satan uses some canny tactics to get a hit in," said Daisuke. 
Hiroshi blinked, and then stared at his partner incredulously.

"What?" asked Daisuke, "Are you the only one allowed to make bad puns 
here?"

Hiroshi decided to ignore the question. "It seems as though Mr. Satan is 
going with a 'More is Better' strategy here, folks," he announced, "He's 
throwing even more cans at Li Ping."

Indeed, Mr. Satan had hurled a number of cans at his opponent, the 
aluminum projectiles blurring as the sped through the air. 

Li Ping almost seemed to blur as well, twisting to dodge the first, 
ducking under the second, and jumping over another two. The final can he 
caught in one hand, and hurled back at his opponent.

Mr. Satan batted the can aside, where it flew off to make a hole in the 
hull of one of the ships in the harbor. He narrowed his eyes at Li Ping. 

Li ping met his opponent's gaze. "Did that Xelloss guy offer you a 
world, too?" he asked, "Some promise of power in return for helping 
him?"

"What I choose to do is none of your business, boy," Mr. Satan said 
flatly, "And I already told you the time for talk is past." With that, 
Satan ripped a nearby lamppost out of the pavement and swung it at Li 
Ping, who frantically dodged it.

"And Mr. Satan is pulling out all the stops," Daisuke announced. It 
looks like he's bound and determined to win this match."

"But don't count Li Ping out yet!" Hiroshi countered, "He'll show us 
something spectacular, I have no doubts!"

Li Ping failed to dodge Mr. Satan's second swing, and the lamppost 
caught the young fighter in the side. Body spinning, Li Ping went flying 
out over the harbor, landing heavily on one of the smaller vessels.

Hiroshi and Daisuke winced simultaneously as they witnessed Li Ping's 
short flight. "Well, that certainly was spectacular..." Daisuke said, 
looking a bit pale.

"Ow," added Hiroshi, "Just ow."

Mr. Satan didn't waste any time pressing his advantage. Discarding the 
lamppost, he made his way to the water's edge, where he seized the stern 
of a nearby fishing vessel. He then lifted it a short distance of the 
ground and began spinning, slowly at first, but slowly gaining momentum, 
until the boat was being lifted by sheer centrifugal force. Mr. Satan 
then released his grasp on the boat, and it sailed through the air, 
straight towards the spot where Li Ping was staggering to his feet.

"This doesn't look good for Li Ping," Daisuke said, a note of 
nervousness finally making its way into his voice, "A another hit like 
that could end the match."

"No way!" Hiroshi cried, "I told you before, Li is gonna show us 
something spectacular!"

"Well he'd better do it quick," Daisuke noted.

Li Ping saw the boat just as it reached the apex of its arc, and knew he 
had to act quickly. Trusting in the instincts he developed from the 
Kung-Fu movie masters, he did the only thing he could do. He took a 
flying leap towards the boat sailing towards him.

Daisuke blanched. "He's not..."

Hiroshi allowed himself a small smile. "I think he is..."

Li Ping just barely managed to land on the edge of the airborne fishing 
vessel. Not wasting any time, the young movie fighter ran along the 
soaring boat's deck, and leapt off again, heading straight towards Mr. 
Satan like a comet, foot forward in a flying kick.

Mr. Satan, stunned and hardly able to believe his eyes, took the full 
force of the kick, and was knocked back through the corrugated metal 
doors of a nearby warehouse, with Li in hot pursuit.

"..." Daisuke said, as his partner shook him ecstatically.

"You see!?" Hiroshi all but shouted, "I TOLD you he'd show us something 
spectacular!"

"Yeah, but I said he'd do well first," Daisuke retorted, when he finally 
found the words.

Inside the warehouse, Mr. Satan seemed to have disappeared. Li walked 
cautiously between the rows of merchandise, not wanting to be caught 
off-guard. Looking towards the far wall, he noticed that another door 
leading out of the warehouse was ajar. He stepped towards it, and looked 
out, but he could find no sign of his opponent. He was about to step 
outside to make a more thorough search, when he was brained from behind 
with a DVD player.

"And Li Ping gets ambushed!" Hiroshi exclaimed, "Come on Ref, don't tell 
me you're gonna allow that!"

The Referee turned to regard the hyperactive announcer. [To Take Your 
Opponent By Surprise Does Not Violate The Rules Of This Tournament.]

Hiroshi sighed, "I thought he'd say that."

"The question now is whether or not Mr. Satan can capitalize on his 
newfound advantage," Daisuke said.

Mr. Satan did indeed capitalize. He tossed the now-broken DVD player 
aside and grabbed the slightly dazed Li Ping by the shirt, heaving the 
movie fighter into another stack of home electronics. Mr. Satan then 
tried to mudhole-stomp his opponent, but Li Ping managed to roll to one 
side at the last minute, and Mr. Satan's foot hit the floor, making some 
sizable cracks.

Li Ping got to his feet. He was breathing a bit heavily, but thanks to 
the power boost the arena was giving him, still had a lot of fight left. 
Mr. Satan threw a punch at him, but the young fighter nimbly dodged, 
twisting around his opponent to perform a spin kick that caught Mr. 
Satan on the back of the head. Satan countered by wrapping his arm 
around Li's neck and flipping him over onto his back. Li did a quick 
handspring to get back to his feet, one foot lashing out and catching 
Satan under the chin in the process.

Satan staggered back, and Li Ping moved in to press home his advantage. 
In fact, it looked like he was moving in -too- close.

"What's Li doing?" Hiroshi wondered aloud, "He's in too close to land a 
good hit..."

Li threw a punch that landed on Mr. Satan's chest. Logically, the punch 
had been thrown in too close quarters to be very effective, but not only 
did the punch land, it knocked Satan back several feet and through the 
wall of the warehouse.

Hiroshi just stared, resisting the urge to rub his eyes in disbelief. 
"What the hell was THAT!?"

Daisuke allowed himself a small smile. "The One Inch Punch," he replied, 
"A martial arts maneuver made popular in Hong Kong action films by Bruce 
Lee."

Hiroshi wasted no time shifting gears. "And with that tribute to the 
silver screen legend, Li Ping may have turned this one around!"

Li Ping walked through the hole Mr. Satan had made just as the older man 
was getting to his feet. His breath was labored, and he was clutching 
the spot on his chest where the One Inch Punch had hit him, but he was 
far from going down for the count.

"Heh, not bad kid," Satan remarked, "But let me go one better." He 
ripped a chunk of pavement out of the ground and heaved it at Li Ping.

Li ducked under the flying chunk of concrete as it flew over him and 
crashed into the warehouse, further widening the hole Mr. Satan had 
made. What Li hadn't been expecting was for Mr. Satan to be following 
shortly thereafter. The former wrestler had started to charge his 
opponent immediately after finishing his throw, and now he had Li Ping 
firmly in his grasp.

"Mr. Satan's got a hold on Li Ping," Daisuke announced, "It's anybody's 
guess as to what he'll do now..."

What Mr. Satan did next was run. He didn't run just anywhere, though. He 
ran straight into the wall of the next building, with Li Ping held out 
in front of him. The wall exploded inwards, and Mr. Satan continued his 
mad dash, bursting out the other side of the building, still using Li 
like a human battering ram.

Daisuke paused for a brief moment. "I don't think anybody guessed that 
he was going to do that..."

Hiroshi just covered his eyes. "I can't watch. Tell me when it's 
over..."

Satan tossed Li Ping to the ground, where the young fighter landed, 
looking like, well, like someone had just used him to destroy a 
building. He shakily got to his feet, and just barely managed to dodge 
the punch Mr. Satan had launched at him. The punch was followed up by a 
roundhouse kick, which again Li was just barely able to avoid. The movie 
fighter began falling back, gradually giving ground before Satan's 
onslaught.

Hiroshi, who'd been peeking between his fingers, exclaimed, "And even 
after that brutal assault, Li Ping is still on his feet?"

"Yes," Daisuke said, "But for how long?"

"Long enough to turn the tables on Mr. Satan again, just you watch!" 
Hiroshi replied.

Li Ping, meanwhile, was nearly backed up against a wall, and Satan was 
moving in for a final blow. He wound up and let loose with a wicked 
haymaker, which would have rattled Li's molars had it landed.

But it didn't. The young fighter sidestepped the punch at the last 
possible second and grabbed Mr. Satan's arm. Li Then used his opponent's 
momentum to propel him straight into the wall, which buckled and 
collapsed upon impact.

"All RIGHT!" Hiroshi cheered, "Li comes from behind once again! A 
spectacular recovery, ladies and gentlemen!"

Daisuke wasn't quite so fast to celebrate.  In fact... "It looks like 
Mr. Satan's getting up again, though."

Emerging from the hole in the wall with a look of grim determination on 
his face, Mr. Satan grabbed two large handfuls of rubble and threw them 
towards Li Ping. The effect was like shrapnel from a fragmentary 
grenade. Li tried his best to block, as it was impossible to dodge so 
many projectiles at once, but the shards of rock and concrete created 
bruises and opened cuts along the unprotected parts of the young 
fighter's body. Li barely had enough time to take cover behind a nearby 
cart before Mr. Satan let loose with another barrage of rubble.

Li Ping's mind raced as the flying debris embedded itself in the cart he 
was hiding behind. The wooden structure wouldn't survive the assault for 
much longer, and he was running out of options. He had to end this 
quickly, Li Ping thought to himself, he wasn't sure he could take much 
more. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything left to try, except 
one thing. He knew it was dangerous, and it could cost him the match if 
his hunch was wrong, but he had to try. After the next barrage ended, 
and Mr. Satan paused to gather more rubble, Li leapt out from his cover, 
and took a flying jump towards his opponent. A split second before Satan 
was ready to throw another handful of detritus at him, Li Ping shouted, 
"BULLET TIME!"

"What's Li Ping thinking!?" Hiroshi cried, "Mr. Satan could just beat 
him senseless while he hangs there!"

"No he won't," Daisuke predicted.

Indeed, Mr. Satan was not moving to beat the tar out of his opponent. In 
fact, he wasn't moving at all, just as Li wasn't moving at all.

"Incredible!" Hiroshi enthused, "But how..?"

"Think about, Hiro," Daisuke said, "The arena gives its combatants 
Omega-level power. Obviously, an Omega-level version of the Bullet Time 
attack freezes both the attacker and his opponent."

"Li Ping takes a gamble and it pays off!" Hiroshi announced, shifting 
gears once again, "He's shown us some unbelievable stuff tonight, 
folks!"

The Bullet Time attack came to its conclusion, and Li Ping's kick hit 
Mr. Satan with the force of a runaway freight train. The big man sailed 
through the air, crashing into yet another of Hong Kong harbor's 
buildings, which promptly collapsed.

"This could be it, folks!" Hiroshi said, "Satan looks to be down and 
out!"

"Li doesn't seem too sure, though," said Daisuke, "It looks like he's 
trying to find his opponent in the rubble."

Li Ping was indeed looking for Mr. Satan, partly because he didn't know 
for sure if he had finally won the match, partly because he was worried 
his opponent was seriously injured. Yes, he'd come to take Satan down, 
but even though the former hero had sided with Destruction, Li still 
didn't want to be responsible for crippling his opponent, or 
worse. He was so engrossed in looking around in the ruins of the 
building that he didn't notice the slight rumbling sound coming from 
behind him. His teammates on the sidelines yelled warnings at him, but 
it was already too late.

Mr. Satan burst out from under a pile of rubble, and grabbed Li Ping 
from behind, wrapping his arms around the young fighter and squeezing.

"We both know how this'll end, kid," Mr. Satan said between labored 
gasps, "You might as well quit now and spare yourself the grief."

Li shook his head, vainly trying to escape from the larger man's grasp. 
"I WON'T quit!" he shouted defiantly.

Satan smiled a bit. "You've got guts kid," he said, "I respect that." 
The man once known as Earth's greatest hero sighed. "I just want you to 
know this isn't personal." That said, he heaved Li Ping off the ground, 
and bent over backwards, sending the young fighter head first into the 
ground, creating a large fracture pattern on the concrete.

The announcers both winced. "Mr. Satan gets Li with the German Suplex," 
Daisuke announced, "I hate to say it, but I don't think Li will be 
coming back from this one..."

Li was not, in fact, coming back from it. The Referee had administered 
the ten-count, and the fight was over. The arena reverted back to normal 
form, and Li's teammates rushed in to get him some medical attention.

"So Team Destruction picks up a win," Daisuke said, forcing himself not 
to get too upset.

"Perhaps, but Li Ping has showed us today that he's a true contender!" 
Hiroshi countered, but even he seemed more sober than usual. "I just 
hope he recovers to win his next match."

"So do I, Hiro," said Daisuke, "So do I."

In the arena itself, Mr. Satan looked out at the undulating tide that 
was the audience. Most of them were booing him, as he expected, but some 
seemed to be cheering as well, and he had no idea what to think about 
that. Looking out into the crowd, Mr. Satan thought for a split second 
that he saw Videl's face, looking at him.  Mr. Satan left the arena, 
unable to meet his daughter's gaze.

After a few seconds of busy medical activity, Li Ping sat up clutching 
at his skull.  "Woooo.  What hit me?"  The staff forced him back down 
onto a stretcher and smoothly removed him from the arena floor.

"Good - he's awake and not permanently damaged.  Wow, these guys sure 
can take a beating at the Omega level."  Daisuke looked down at his 
notes.  "Hmm.  That leaves Team Life with just a one-fight lead."

Hiroshi brightened.  "Hey, it's not hopeless yet!"

"Don't say things like that."

***

Lain had set up a bank of monitors to display the raw feeds from the 
arena while she worked.  It was, she mused, almost better than actually 
being there, because she had almost fifteen different camera angles she 
could watch.  Just "almost", though, since video really couldn't convey 
the awesome nature of the arena, or of standing amidst the entire 
population of the planet.  She supposed the IMAX take would probably be 
an interesting experience - larger than life, yes, but would it convey 
the reality?

She had watched the first fight closely, but after Li lost the letdown 
was enough to remind her that she had something more important to do.  
She turned back to her NAVI unit (actually a stack of eight, creatively 
networked) and opened up Network Neighborhood.  Click on Show Entire 
Network, click on Other Networks, and there it was once more.  The 
Universe.  She took a deep breath, and opened it up.

Lain wasn't sure whether or not to be surprised by the contents - at 
least according to this representation, The Universe only contained two 
things: The End Of Time, and The Tournament.  Well, that made sense, 
sort of.  If they were literally at the end of time, there shouldn't be 
anything left in the universe at all.

She tried The End Of Time first, just to see what was there.  Her NAVI 
paused for a second, then downloaded a file.  It came down in less than 
twenty seconds, and filled only two gigabytes of space.  That was all.  
She blinked.  Maybe this interface wasn't working correctly?  The file 
was real enough, though.  It wasn't a format she instantly recognized, 
even in a proper hex editor, but surely it had to have some meaning.  
Ah, well.

The Tournament, when she tried to open it, also turned out to be a file.  
This one was much, much larger, and it was apparently going to take a 
few minutes to download it.  That was all right - she had an exabyte or 
so to play with if she needed it, and she could wait.  

After all, she did want to see Ultra.

***

"So what's next," demanded Hiroshi. "Who's on tap?"

Daisuke pointed to the back.  "Look and see for yourself."

Akane and Sephiroth entered the arena together from the same entrance, 
studiously ignoring one another until they reached ringside.  Akane 
turned to him and looked as though she wanted to ask a question, but 
Sephiroth glided right past her and up onto the fighting platform.  She 
shrugged and followed him up.

[For Life Stands Akane Tendo.  For Destruction Stands Sephiroth.  The 
Conditions Are King Of The Hill.  The Setting Is A Generic Grassy Hill.]

The flat stone tableau of the fighting floor vanished, replaced by a 
gentle grassy swell that seemed to stretch far beyond what the ring area 
could hold.  A moment later the arena vanished as well, and the audience 
found themselves perched on top of a ridgeline surrounding and 
overlooking the hill.

The hill itself was perhaps a kilometer across at its base, and thickly 
covered with grass mown to about four inches.  It was not perfectly 
conical or ellipsoidal - the summit was a hundred meters or so off-
center.  It was not a terribly steep hill, either, not more than 20% 
grade anywhere.  A five-meter circle at the summit shone with a gleaming 
silver light.

The announcers' desk had disappeared as well.  Hiroshi and Daisuke ended 
up in an alcove set into the shaded cliff face to the south.  Strangely, 
their microphones came with them and still worked.

"That was interesting," opined Daisuke.  "I wonder why we haven't ended 
up on-scene before?"

"Eh, it probably doesn't mean anything," dismissed Hiroshi.  "But wow, 
what a nice hill!  Look at those colors!"

It was indeed a nice setting - the hill seemed to be perfectly groomed, 
and all the colors glowed with an enhanced luminosity.  It was straight 
out of a Windows XP wallpaper.

Akane and Sephiroth found themselves about fifty meters up the long side 
of the hill, facing the summit...

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #8
][ AKANE TENDO vs. SEPHIROTH
][ FIGHT!

They looked up at their goal, not so very far away, then back at each 
other, then seemingly at an unseen signal they both sprinted up the 
hill.  Akane got a slight jump, and she was faster on her feet than the 
black-robed swordsman, but then Sephiroth called "FLOAT!"  He lifted a 
meter off the ground and flew right past his opponent.

Akane pelted up the hill as fast as she could, her boosted strength and 
stamina propelling her at speeds she had never even dreamed of... but 
Sephiroth didn't have to worry about putting one foot in front of the 
other.  He pulled ahead, and just accelerated away.  Akane did some 
quick mental calculations.  She was still making good time, but he'd get 
there before her... it would be close.  Too close.

"Oh, no!" cried Hiroshi.  "Is this going to end before it's even really 
started?"

Daisuke remained calm.  "Akane isn't going to let that happen.  She's 
picked up the tools she needs over the last year - she just needs to use 
them."

There wasn't really any choice.  Akane slowed a fraction so she wouldn't 
trip at an awkward moment, then summoned her spirit into her hands.  
"Shock Blast," she called, trying more for accuracy than power.  A great 
gout of blue energy surged from her hands and carved a channel in the 
side of the hill as it flew at Sephiroth.  The backblast knocked Akane 
off her feet and she did a half-roll up to her knees just in time to see 
her attack swat her target out of the air just ten meters short of the 
summit zone.  She stood back up, and charged.

"Oh, yeah!  She just planted Sephiroth!  Look at that power!"

"She's definitely in this fight.  Sephiroth will not be able simply to 
ignore her and reach the victory conditions."

Sephiroth rolled over and spat out a gob of dirt.  That hadn't hurt... 
not too badly, anyway, but it was embarrassing.  Ah, well, this might 
turn out to be interesting after all.  He picked up his sword and looked 
down the hill to see what Akane was up to.  She wasn't below him...?

"Wow!  Look at that leap, Dai!"

"She's been around Ranma enough that his style has rubbed off on her..."  
Wait - how long had she been airborne?  "And this boost to Omega level 
sure has to help."

Years of combat experience kicked in, and Sephiroth twisted away as 
Akane plunged from above foot-first through where he had stood.  He 
completed the spin, whipping Masamune around through a wicked chest-high 
cut.  

On an average day Akane probably would have ended up in two messy 
pieces. In this arena, however, she saw it coming and simply leaned 
under the slice.  As Sephiroth took the half-second necessary to recover 
from the follow-through, she stood straight and raised her hands in a 
medium guard.

Sephiroth tried taking a step backwards.  He had expected the girl to be 
incredibly powerful, but the increase in speed was going to be a 
problem.  He needed a second to rethink this, some space to in which to 
reassert his inherent advantages.  Sephiroth didn't get either.

Akane stepped with him, then flowed ahead into a full-out assault.  
Sephiroth parried the first punch at his head, curled around the second 
punch at his gut, instinctively knelt to no-sell the following 
footsweep... and was completely surprised when Akane pushed straight 
forward off the leg supporting her weight and headbutted him.  Her 
forehead drove directly into his nose, and he could feel it crunch in 
the instant before he went flying backwards down the slope.  He slid 
backwards on the grass almost twenty meters before rolling to his feet 
and bracing to meet Akane's following charge.

"Akane presses her attack!  What fantastic action we've got tonight at 
the 'Dome, uh, hill!"

"Oh, boy."  Daisuke frowned.  "I think Sephiroth's going to be ready for 
her this time, 'Rosh."

Remembering Ranma's advice, Akane didn't want to give Sephiroth a 
moment's respite.  She tried a sliding tackle to take him back down 
before he could set himself properly, but now it was her turn to 
misjudge her opponent's speed.  Sephiroth had found his footing well 
before she could arrive, and Masamune plunged for her heart.  There was 
no way she could change direction - all she could do was block.  Her 
left arm swung up and knocked the blow away, and she slid past him and 
just out of blade range before standing.

Akane's left arm twinged, and she could feel rivulets of blood rolling 
down her forearm and spilling off the tip of her elbow to the ground.  
She refused to take the time to examine it.  Sephiroth was pulling 
slowly back, and even as she charged him once more, he had time for his 
first offensive spell of the fight.  "Fire3!"

"Akane's hurt, and Sephiroth is pressing the advantage!  Oh, I can't 
watch!"  Hiroshi kept watching anyway.

"Calm down, man, it's only a flesh wound."

A wall of flame slammed into Akane.  The intensity of the heat knocked 
the breath from her lungs and seared her flesh.  She had known much 
worse pain in her life, though.  She emerged from the fire battered and 
broiled... but without losing a step.  Sephiroth needed a tenth of a 
second too long to recover after casting, so she stepped right through 
his guard and bodychecked him into the ground.

As he fell, the swordsman tried to counterattack with a swipe of 
Masamune.  It wasn't much of a misjudgment - another centimeter of space 
between them likely would have given him the position to land a 
dangerous blow or force her into an awkward dodge.  But Akane was still 
moving forward as he fell, was still too close for the blade to be a 
real threat.  It was the opportunity every unarmed fighter looks for 
when fighting someone with a blade.  She turned into the blow, caught 
his hands in hers, and almost casually popped Masamune loose.

The blade seemed to hang in space for an instant.  Then Akane grabbed it 
out of the air, took a step back, and with a cry and a blinding flash of 
blue ki she snapped the Masamune in two over her knee.  The long length 
of blade fell into the grass beside her.  The hilt remained in her hand, 
and as Sephiroth dove forward in horror, she clubbed him on the side of 
the head with it.  Sephiroth collapsed in a heap.  She tossed the hilt 
to the ground next to him.

"No way!  No way!"  Hiroshi was in complete shock.  "That's incredible!  
No way!"

"Folks, your eyes are not deceiving you.  Sephiroth just lost his blade 
to a gutsy maneuver by Akane!"  Even Daisuke couldn't help but be 
enthusiastic.  "And he's going to lose the match too, if he doesn't get 
up quick!"

Akane started to run the fifty meters to the circle at the summit, but 
immediately slowed to a limping, trotting gait. Her right thigh felt 
like it was a solid bruise.  It still only took her ten seconds or so to 
reach the goal.

[One.]  The Referee was not visible in this modified arena, but its 
booming voice could be heard by all present.  [Two.]

Daisuke spotted motion further down the hill.  Normally he'd let Hiroshi 
take the lead on play-by-play, but his partner was still gibbering in 
disbelief, so... "Aw, nuts.  Sephiroth is getting up, and he looks a 
little mad."

Akane turned around, then blanched.  Sephiroth was already on his feet 
and staggering towards her.  The not-so-bishounen (what with the crooked 
nose and caked blood) demigod drew himself up and threw another spell.  
"Bolt3."  Lightning filled the air around Akane, and she screamed as 
every muscle in her body contracted under the assault.  Somehow she kept 
her feet, and the Referee kept counting.

"Ooh,"  Daisuke winced in sympathy.

[Four.  Five.]

Sephiroth had left the ground once more, and it looked like he would 
make it to the circle in plenty of time.  "Ice3!"

This time Akane managed to anticipate the spell.  With a cry of 
"Bombshell!" the blast of ice splattered away from her.  She wobbled 
backwards to the precise summit of the hill, and began to build up for 
as large a Shock Blast as she could aim.

"Akane blocked that spell easily, and now she seems to be charging up 
for something huge!"  Daisuke elbowed his partner in the ribs.  "Hey, 
get over it - the fight isn't done.  You can spooge later."

[Six.  Sev-]  The Referee fell silent once more as Sephiroth put a foot 
down in the glowing silver circle.

"Ow!  Right."  Hiroshi sweatdropped.  "Sorry, I got caught up in the 
moment.  Yeah, look at her!  Remember how big her first blast was, and 
she didn't even have to work for it - this is going to be a bomb!"

Akane dug deep for all the power she could find within herself.  Her 
hands started to glow, first blue, then dazzling white.  The nimbus of 
light expanded as she fed it the torrent of energy bubbling up from 
inside.

Sephiroth was no longer surprised by anything his opponent could do - it 
had been that sort of match.  He easily fought down an instinctual urge 
to duck and cover as he saw the energy Akane was accumulating.  Well, 
almost.  "WALL," he cried, putting as much power into the barrier spell 
it as he could.

"And Sephiroth decides to play it safe!  Get ready for the fireball war 
of the year!"

Daisuke considered the situation.  "If I were Sephiroth, I would attack 
instead - this is too reactive, and it's going to get him in trouble."

...but Akane was rapidly losing control.  The ball of ki in her hands 
began to strobe wildly, writhing within her grasp.  She couldn't stop 
feeding it, and she couldn't let go of it, much less aim it.  
Ultimately, it tried to wrench left, and her wounded left arm flared 
with pain.  The power released spontaneously, and it was all she could 
do to push it out and make sure she wasn't immolated.

To the rest of the world, sitting on the surrounding ridge, it looked 
like a bigger iteration of the Bombshell than anyone had ever dreamed 
of.  A perfect sphere of flaming blue energy flashed out from the center 
of the valley, only starting to become transparent enough to see through 
as it reached the ridge walls half a kilometer away.  Hiroshi ducked 
behind Daisuke, but there wasn't any danger.  The audience heard the 
overpressure wave pass by, though they did not feel the effects.  The 
few who thought to look up noticed the sparse clouds overhead ripple and 
dissipate in a perfect circular pattern.

Before the dust could settle well enough for the audience to see the 
summit of the hill, the Referee started counting again.  [One.  Two.  
Three.  Four.]

"Someone's down!" yelled Hiroshi as the count began.  "Who's still 
standing?  I can't see!"

"Sephiroth had to have taken the brunt of that, but Akane looked like 
she was having problems."  Daisuke shuddered.  "I hope she didn't blow 
herself up."

The grass and much of the topsoil on the hill had been scoured away, 
leaving a repulsive mound of bare dirt and barer rock.  A lone figure 
crouched in the circle at the top, hunched over in agony and exhaustion.  
A few in the crowd who had had the foresight to bring binoculars were 
able to make out that it was a woman, and a ragged cheer spread like 
wildfire through the gallery until the ridgeline seemed to shake and 
buck under the sonic abuse.

"It's Akane!  It's Akane!  She's still standing!"

"What a win for Team Life!  I was worried about this matchup," admitted 
Daisuke, "but she came through!"

And at [Eight,] the Referee stopped counting.

***

The NAVI bleated an ugly critical stop sound, and Lain wheeled her chair 
back to face it.  An error dialogue was on top, with the message, 
"Remote process requesting use of currently locked sectors.  Continue 
file copy?" and two buttons, "OK" and "Cancel".

Lain frowned and clicked OK.  The copy proceeded for a fraction of a 
second, then the same message popped up again.  OK.  OK.  OK...  After 
the fourth or fifth time, the copy job wasn't making any progress at all 
before the error returned.

Lain frantically clicked on the OK button for a few more seconds, but it 
was no use.  She sat back in her chair, displeased but not entirely 
unhappy.  This had all been far too easy up until this now, and it was 
somehow inherently right the secrets of the universe would not be hers 
for the taking in the course of one evening.

The change in audience noise and announcer desperation from the arena 
caught her attention, and she spun back to see what was the matter.

***

"Huh?"  Hiroshi squinted down at the summit.  "Hey, do you see Sephiroth 
on top of the hill?"

"Wooo!  Yeah... what?"  Daisuke scanned around.  The slight breeze had 
mostly blown the dust clouds away, and it was quite clear that Akane was 
alone.  "I don't think he's even in the valley.  She blew him up real 
good.  Why?"

"The Referee stopped the count, but she's still met the victory 
condition!  What's going on?"  Hiroshi looked up at the massive stone 
gargoyle.  "Hey!  Why did you stop?"

The Referee did not answer.

Mary looked down the ridgeline to where her opponent was sitting.  
"Xelloss!"  She was angry, and a little bit frightened.  "What are you 
doing?"

The Mazoku shrugged.  "Absolutely nothing!  I know you won't believe me, 
but I have as little idea what's going on here as you!"

Lina stood up behind Mary and summoned a ball of fire into her hands. 
"Tell the truth, Xell, or we may have to settle this the hard way!"

Xelloss sweatdropped mightily and waved his hands in negation.  "It's 
not me!  Really!"

Team Life didn't know what to make of it.  Usually Xelloss would just 
brush off questions like this - desperate denial was something new.  
Finally Lina bent over and whispered to Mary, "I think he's telling the 
truth?  Maybe?"  She didn't sound too confident.

Around them, the crowd was getting ugly.  Someone was cheating, and 
their future was at stake.  A few of the braver souls started chucking 
small objects at the Referee.  They, like everything else, were ignored.

Akane turned in a circle.  Sephiroth was nowhere to be seen.  She wasn't 
sure whether that was good or bad.  Definitely good, because she was 
hurting far too much to effectively fight him just now.  Definitely bad, 
because the fight was not ending, and she didn't know why.

"This is bad, 'Dai.  What if the Ref has a few screws loose?  What if 
Team Destruction has somehow managed to take control of it?  What if 
Akane's big Bombshell somehow killed it, and we're trapped-"

"Stop trying to incite a riot, 'Rosh.  I'm sure that there's a perfectly 
reasonable explanation for all this."  Daisuke grimaced.  "I just wish 
we knew what it was."

When Sephiroth finally reappeared, Akane was the first one to see him.  
She had perfect sightlines for the whole valley floor, and it was 
obvious he wasn't there.  So with the impossible eliminated, the 
extremely improbable needed to be checked out.  She started scanning 
above the ridgeline, on the idea that she had blown him all the way out 
of the valley.  She caught a twinkling out of the corner of her eye, and 
turned to it just in time to see a shower of healing green light fade a 
hundred feet above the crowd far past the ridgeline.

The crowd and cameras finally caught sight him as he swooped in low over 
the ridge and down towards the summit.  His wounds were slowly but 
visibly healing.  He slowed down as he moved closer, unsure of how hurt 
Akane was.

"Whoa," whoaed Hiroshi as Sephiroth buzzed right overhead.  "I guess 
that answers the question of where Sephiroth has been!  Akane blew him 
right past us!"

"He must have gone a loooong way, too, if it's taken him this much time 
to return.  But it doesn't tell us why the fight isn't over - or what's 
going to happen now.  Akane looks really wasted down there.  But 
Sephiroth looks just as puzzled as everyone else here..."

***

Make that almost everyone.

Lain blinked in sudden realization.  The timing...  "Oh, no," she 
whispered, and this time she did manage to fall out of her chair as she 
tried to dive for her Navi.  She regained her feet, stumbled over to the 
keyboard, and mashed the Escape key.

***

[Nine.]

The Referee's voice shook the arena, and the audience rallied for an 
instant... but then Sephiroth touched down in the circle.

"Aw, nuts!  Why, Daisuke, why!  Why couldn't have he have woken up once 
second earlier?"

"It's too late now.  We just have to hope Akane can find the strength to 
fight."

Akane struggled to get into a fighting stance.  Her left arm wasn't 
broken so it didn't hang loosely, but it hurt far too badly to be of any 
use.  Her bruised thigh had only gotten worse as well, and she had 
barely enough mobility left in it to hobble slowly.  Maybe.  She tried 
to generate a Shock Blast, but nearly doubled over with dry heaves after 
the wave of nausea that attempt triggered.

Sephiroth opened his mouth to Comet the girl into the next area code... 
then closed it and reconsidered.  She wasn't a threat.  He was still mad 
about Masamune... but he could hardly blame her for taking advantage of 
his mistake.  Pounding her into a pulp would only serve to motivate her 
teammates.  Allowing her the easy way out would do far more to humiliate 
them and weaken their resolve.  "Concede, Akane.  You are unable to 
continue."

The martial artist blinked in surprise.  Sephiroth playing at being 
honorable?  What was up with this?  Oh, yeah, the world might be ending.  
It was tempting to tell him to go to hell - if she was going to lose, 
then he ought to have to actually beat her... but that was dumb, wasn't 
it.  And Ranma would probably be even more disappointed and worried...

"Don't do it, Akane!" screamed Hiroshi from the announcers' alcove.  
"Don't give in!"  Six billion fans voiced their agreement...

...but there was just no way she could win.  It wouldn't be worth it.  
Akane nodded to her opponent and lurched out of the circle.  A slow ten-
count later, and it was over.

"She gave up!"  Hiroshi was in total disbelief.  "I can't believe Akane 
just surrendered!"

Daisuke disagreed.  "She had no choice, man.  What was she supposed to 
do, stand there and maybe get seriously injured?  This way she can still 
help her team."

The valley and the hill faded away, and everyone found themselves back 
at the Ultimate Arena.  Akane wobbled on her feet on the edge of the 
arena floor, but then Ranma came out and she collapsed into his arms.  
The pigtailed martial artist bounded up the ramp with his exhausted 
fiance, leaving Sephiroth alone on the arena floor.

Well, almost alone.  He knelt down beside the pieces of the Masamune 
laying on the bare stone floor.  "This... was unfortunate.  At least it 
wasn't completely in vain."  He carefully picked them up and gingerly 
carried them away.

"Sephiroth almost looks choked up about his sword - well, I suppose he's 
had it long enough to form some attachment."

Hiroshi was looking pretty choked up himself.  "So now Life and 
Destruction are dead even.  This is not a good sign, folks - we may be 
in for a rough night."

"Hey, I'm supposed to be the pessimistic one!"  Daisuke tried to cheer 
everyone up.  "There's still four more fights, and remember - Life lost 
the first two last week, and then they ran the table!"

"Yeah, you're right.  This one was just bad luck.  I hope."

***

Ranma set Akane down in the care center the Ultra medics had set up at 
the End of Time.  The techs got busy taking her pulse, starting an IV, 
and all the other low-intensity services they could offer an exhausted 
fighter.  Akane was awake, but she didn't want to meet Ranma's gaze.

Finally Ranma couldn't stand it.  He reached out with one hand and 
tilted her face up towards him.  "Hey.  Good fight out there."

Akane was on the verge of tears.  "But I didn't win!  And I quit at the 
end..."

Ranma shrugged.  "I thought you won.  You put everything into it, and 
clobbered Sephiroth.  It's not your fault that you got cheated out of 
it."

"But-"

"And you did the right thing at the end.  There's no shame in running 
away if you come back even stronger and kick their ass.  Trust me - I do 
it all the time."

Akane snerked, then winced when that motion hurt.  "You do, don't you?"

***

"So what's next?" asked Daisuke.

Hiroshi grimaced.  "You don't want to know.  It's a total mismatch."

[For Life Stands Ash Ketchum.  For Destruction Stands Nadia Whitemist.]

"Who?"

"That's Naga's real name, Dai.  Didn't you read the notes?"

Daisuke shrugged.  "Of course I did.  But they," he gestured to the rest 
of the world seated around them, "haven't.  Just work with me, here."  
Hiroshi glanced sharply over at his partner, but Daisuke had a straight 
face.

A shrill voice from the entranceway cut through the din of the crowd.  
"Can't you just call me 'Naga the White Serpent'?"

[No.]  

"Why not?"

The Referee decided not to get drawn into that conversation.  [The 
Conditions Are Fashion Battle.  The Setting Is The Ultimate Arena.]

"This is why I'm so worried," noted Hiroshi.  "It's not a real fight, 
it's a frigging beauty contest.  Team Life had some really bad luck 
here."

"That's not the way I understood the rules - that is, it isn't a beauty 
contest.  The clothing and how they wear it is what will be judged, not 
which fighter is prettier."

"Hmm," hmmed Hiroshi.  "Put that way, it's not quite so hopeless... but 
Ash isn't exactly a fashion maven.  Then again, neither is Naga."

"That's the spirit."  Daisuke patted his friend on the shoulder.  "We'll 
get through this."

The fighting floor faded out of sight, as usual... only to fade right 
back into view.  There were a few changes - small dressing rooms made 
from folding screens were set up in opposite corners, and an additional 
table appeared next to the announcers' table.  Five people sat behind 
it, a perfect heterogeneous mixture of sex, age, race, and apparent 
attitude.  The only thing the five had in common was their mode of dress 
- fashionable and expensive.

Naga strode boldly into the arena with a thick garment bag slung over 
her shoulder and a  black leather duffel bag at her side.   As the crowd 
noticed her, she stopped and preened momentarily.  "OHOHOHOHOHOHO!  The 
White Serpent's legendary beauty and fashion sense will surely win the 
day!"

Behind her, Ash and Misty struggled to push an overloaded baggage cart 
out into the arena.  They put their backs into it, and the cart finally 
bumped up over the last step of the entranceway.  Then Misty noticed 
that the cart hadn't stopped moving - the ramp down to the arena floor 
was not terribly steep, but the cart didn't have a brake.  "Uh, Ash?"

"What?  Oh.  Heh."  Ash momentarily considered the odds, then stepped up 
onto the cart as it started to accelerate down the slope.  "Come on!  
This'll be fun!"

Misty shook her head and waved as the boy and his cart rolled away from 
her.  "Too risky for me - I'll just walk down and find a seat.  See you 
later!"

"Sure thing!  And thanks for your help!"  Ash pivoted around to better 
see where he was going.  "Hey, Naga!  Coming through," he called out as 
he buzzed by a startled sorceress on the way down the ramp.  When he 
reached the flat bottom of the arena, he put a foot down to brake and 
spun to an easy stop.

"Hey, that's a good sign!"  Daisuke refused to get down.  "Ash got some 
help, and it looks like he's spent the time to prepare.  Naga sure 
doesn't have as much stuff with her."

Hiroshi disagreed politely.  "Yeah, but when has Naga ever had as much 
clothing on as Ash?  She's the living, breathing example of 'more with 
less'.  What?"  Daisuke was giving him a very strange look.  "What's the 
matter with you?

"...never mind."

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #9
][ NAGA vs. ASH
][ FIGHT!

[The First Theme Is Athletic Wear,] intoned the huge gargoyle.  [You 
Have Three Minutes.]

"Oh, there's a time limit!  Do you think that's going to make a 
difference in the match?"

Daisuke took a moment to think about that.  "Maybe.  If they're all this 
short, it's going to limit them both to very simple costumes, and they 
will have to hurry to dress.  Mistakes could be made."

Naga took her luggage behind the black (with white skull patterns) 
screens and shut the door.  Ash sorted through the two dozen assorted 
items hanging from the clothesrod of his luggage cart and grimaced.  
Well, there was nothing else.  He pulled out a relatively small item and 
ducked into the little room screened off by blue panels decorated by 
Pokeball designs.

The crowd hooted in confusion and frustration as the two contestants 
quickly changed clothes.  What sort of fight was this?  Where were the 
explosions?  The blood?  A beauty contest to help decide the fate of the 
world?  How silly!

Naga was the first one out of the dressing rooms, and the male half of 
the audience collectively changed its mind - this "fashion battle" thing 
had some merit, after all.

"Ah," sighed Daisuke appreciatively.  "It looks like Naga has started 
out with a good choice."

Naga had decided to articulate the athleticwear theme with something 
nice and simple.  Her tennis dress was bleached pure white.  Her skirt 
was tight around the hips, but flared just enough that it wouldn't ride 
up or hinder movement.  The top looked a little snug over her shoulders 
and chest, but as she took several practice swings with her racket (no 
sense in dressing up without accessorising properly) it became obvious 
that this was intended to keep things from bouncing and distracting her 
as she played.  Her long hair was tied back and out of the way.  To the 
Ultra fans familiar with Naga's tastes the outfit seemed strangely 
dowdy... but to everyone else she was just the cutest big-chested tennis 
player they had ever seen, and they liked it.

Ash poked his head out a half-minute later.  He was shirtless, wearing 
only swimming trunks and heavy leather sandals.  Now it was time for the 
female half of the crowd to get into the "fight".

"What is that?" Hiroshi turned up his nose at Ash's apparent lack of 
good taste.  "Teal swimming trunks - big whoop."

"It is a little plain," admitted Daisuke.  "But the crowd seems to like 
it... and he wears it well."

Everyone had always thought of Ash Ketchum as a little kid - after all, 
he was only ten years old when he had set out on his famous journey.  
His long, lanky physique and often childish attitude had helped to 
reinforce that image.  But he had always been reasonably fit - that 
journey had largely been on foot, and no weakling would have lasted 
month after month on the road - and any trainer will tell you that 
keeping up with one's Pokemon is always a good workout.

And sometime in the long, troubled years since he had joined Ultra, Ash 
Ketchum had begun to truly grow up.  He was still thin, even gawky, and 
his face was still boyish, but there was muscle filling out that frame 
and a controlled grace in his movement.  A quarter of a billion girls 
formed instant, hopeless crushes, and in the Team Life booth, Misty 
smiled proudly.  As Ash took his place next to Naga in the center of the 
stage, one of Nabiki's photographers snapped a frame that would go on to 
decorate millions of walls.

But unfortunately for Ash this wasn't purely a beauty contest.  His 
trunks, while nice, were merely trunks.

The judges put their heads together, then scribbled down their 
judgement.  The papers disappeared from their table, then briefly 
reappeared in front of the Referee.

[Nadia Whitemist Wins The First Theme, Three To Two.  The Second Theme 
Is Business Wear.  You Have Three Minutes.]

"I guess that had to be expected," admitted Daisuke.  "You were right, 
but at least he's not so far behind."

"This theme may be a good one for Ash," predicted Hiroshi eagerly.  
"When have you seen Naga wear anything businesslike?"

"About as often as I've seen Ash dress that way... but it would seem to 
be one he should win."

Naga pumped her fist in momentary celebration, then frowned and 
scrambled back to her dressing room.  Three minutes would be cutting 
things relatively close.  Ash, on the other hand, seemed to be in no 
hurry.  He strolled casually back to his changing room, and didn't even 
bother to select clothing from his luggage cart.

"He certainly does look confident," noted Daisuke.  "Like he has 
something planned for this eventuality."

A flash of bright yellow light lit Ash's dressing room from the inside.  
"Go get'em, Charizard!"  The door burst open and out came Charizard... 
looking quite the well-dressed fire-breathing executive.  The outer 
layer was a nicely-textured American-cut black suitcoat.  Matching pants 
had been tailored for Charizard's short legs.  Underneath was a crisp-
looking white shirt, not too tight at the collar and cuffs.  A solid 
grayish-red silk tie was knotted neatly at its throat.  Somehow the 
human outfit looked perfectly normal on the Pokemon - the only jarring 
note was the lack of shoes, but with the talons Charizard had, why would 
it want any?

Daisuke was doubled over with laughter.  "I can't believe it!  But for 
Ash, it makes sense!"

"Oh, yeah!  Go Charizard!"  Hiroshi paused and studied the suit more 
closely.  "I wonder where Ash and Misty got that.  I might pay that 
place a visit, myself."

"I'm sure they'll do a ad campaign, 'Rosh."

The Pokemon marched to the center of the arena and raised its chin in a 
snooty expression of disdain.  The audience applauded politely, and the 
judges looked mildly impressed.

Naga did not emerge from her dressing room until the Referee gravely 
intoned, [Ten Seconds.]  She walked out onto the floor briskly, but it 
was obvious that she hadn't been well-prepared for this particular 
theme.

"Ooooh.  Too bad for Naga - it looks like she's really misjudged this 
theme," crowed Hiroshi.

"Yeah, Charizard takes this one easily, but you have to admit she's 
still pretty easy to look at."

Naga had on a thin white blouse - thin enough that even the back rows of 
the crowd could more or less see through it - and it was unbuttoned 
halfway down the front to boot.  It didn't really match well with the 
thick tweed miniskirt - sort of a textile dissonance that repulsed the 
eye.  Her black pumps were almost appropriate for office wear, but 
perhaps an inch too high.  The net effect was one of a mockery of proper 
executive attire, and though some in the audience hooted their approval, 
the judges scored it appropriately.

[Ash Ketchum Wins The Second Theme, Four To One And Leads By Two.  The 
Third Theme Is Formal Wear.  You Have Four Minutes]

This time it was Ash who had to hurry.  He grabbed a large garment bag 
from the cart and slammed the thin dressing room door behind him.  Naga 
slinked back to hers, not too unhappy since she figured that her 
prospects were still pretty good.  Charizard breathed some fire into the 
sky in celebration, then waddled off to one side to enjoy the rest of 
the fight.

Naga was back out in two minutes.  This theme definitely suited her - 
once again her choice of clothing was a little more conservative, and 
the crowd ooohed appreciatively.

"I'd like to say I'm disappointed that Naga is making such a strong 
showing... but wow!"

Hiroshi just drooled.

She started with a long, narrow black skirt.  Despite its apparent 
clingyness, it did a respectable job of slimming her wide hips.  It 
flared almost imperceptibly just a foot off the floor, and as she walked 
the front rows of the audience could just barely see the tips of very 
high sandals peeking out from underneath.  Her top was a stretchy dark 
gray tube of some shiny fabric.  It bunched a little at her waist, but 
was pulled all the way up to her armpits, displaying virtually no 
cleavage.  Finishing the look was a lighter gray wrap which she draped 
decoratively over her arms as she struck a (relatively) coquettish pose 
on the arena floor and waited for her opponent to show.

...except that Ash didn't.  Those closest to his changing room could 
hear incoherent screams of frustration from within.  Eventually the 
Referee gave the ten second warning. [Five.  Four.  Three-]  Ash stomped 
out.

The Pokemon trainer had done his best to put on a full tuxedo in the 
short amount of time allotted for the change, but his mad dressing 
skillz had failed him at the last minute.  It was a nice enough tux, and 
Ash filled it well, but the untied bowtie draped about his collar and 
his disheveled, angry demeanor spoiled the effect completely.

The judges hmmmed and scribbled, and the Referee announced the outcome.  
[Nadia Whitemist Wins The Third Theme, Five To Zero.  Nadia Leads By 
Three.  The Fourth Theme Is Clubwear.  You Have Three Minutes.]

"Ouch.  Ash really botched that one, and now he's in a big hole.  Is he 
going to have enough time to climb out?" wondered Daisuke.

Hiroshi shook himself, and got back into commentator mode.  "I don't 
think he had much chance, anyway.  Not in that one.  And 'Clubware'?  If 
Naga's got any sense, she could put it away right here."

Naga puffed up with premature triumph.  "OHOHOHOHOHOH!  You'll never 
catch up to my score now, little boy!"  Ash grimaced and stalked over to 
his rack of clothing.

Once more, Naga was the first to emerge.  The first glimpse the audience 
got elicited a chorus of whistles and catcalls, but then everyone got a 
better look and collectively winced.

Daisuke chuckled.  "You were saying something about Naga having any 
sense?"

"Never mind!"

Where her previous outfits had seemed relatively conservative for the 
White Serpent, this one went a little too far in the other direction.  
The incredibly small bra top showed virtually everything.  From a 
distance it seemed to be made of some strange, bumpy, puffy cloth, but 
up close once could tell that it was it was not the cloth itself 
sticking out but dozens of tiny skulls glued to a basic push-up bra.  
Though it sculpted her figure attractively, it was the most repulsive 
garment most present had ever seen.  She also had on tight black short-
shorts... but no one was looking at them.

Hiroshi got excited.  Again.  "Ash can get back in it right here!  All 
he has to do is not look scary!"

Daisuke eyed Naga's unusual garment.  "'Rosh, I think those are real 
skulls... a lot of Smurfs must have died to make that... thing."

Ash made it out in decent time - for this round, at least, he could 
return to a familiar outfit.  It was basically his old Pokemon trainer's 
gear, but updated and tweaked out almost beyond recognition.  The plain, 
straight blue jeans were gone, replaced with rugged, baggy tan cargo 
pants.  The t-shirt was charcoal silk and stretched tight over his 
chest.  He carried a white-and-red leather jacket slung over one 
shoulder.  He still had a trainer's cap, but this one was solid black, 
save for the nicely embroidered Pokeball logo on the front, and it was 
cut with a lower profile so it didn't stick up from his head in such a 
seventies way.

It wasn't the height of fashion, but Ash wore it well.

"Hmm.  Just a classy update for Ash, but then that's all he should need.  
Maybe he can even sweep the theme!"

"Don't get your hopes up, 'Rosh."

Indeed, there was a judge who actually liked Naga's... bra-thing.  Go 
figure.

[Ash Ketchum Wins The Fourth Theme Four To One.  The Contest Is Tied.  
The Final Theme Is Sleepwear.  You Have Two Minutes.]

Naga grinned.  Ash took a deep breath.  He had something on tap for this 
contingency, but it would be a long shot.  The two combatants casually 
returned to their dressing rooms - this change would not take long at 
all.

"Sleepwear?"  Hiroshi was dubious.  "Ash in pajamas?  Naga in... very 
little, I'm guessing?  We're in trouble."

"...yup."

In almost no time at all, Naga was back out on stage.  By this time, 
most of the male audience had just plain forgotten what they were here 
for - despite the peril, Team Destruction was putting on a good show.  
And this theme was no exception.

Naga came out in a sleepshirt... except this sleepshirt was made from 
black see-through stretch lace.  Its wide collar was just off the 
shoulder, and it reached halfway to her knees.  Since it was black lace, 
it did a respectable job of not being too revealing, but it was pretty 
obvious that there was nothing else under the tight garment except 
Naga's voluptuous figure.  The men in the audience drooled.  The women 
were divided - some were envious, but many wondered if it would be just 
a little too tight and scratchy to sleep well in.

Daisuke sighed.  "Well, for a harbinger of the apocalypse, Naga sure 
looks pretty hot."

Ash came out of his changing room a few seconds later, still wearing the 
modified Pokemon trainer garb.  He gulped as he saw Naga's choice.  
"Whoa."

Naga put her hands on her hips and flung her head back (stretching the 
sleepshirt even further, much to the crowd's delight) and laughed.  
"Hohoho!  I see you've conceded fashion superiority to me!"

"Not hardly."  Ash turned back to the changing room and called, "Come on 
out."  Something inside replied indignantly.  "Trust me, they'll love 
it," coaxed Ash.  "You'll see."

"Ash knows he's at a disadvantage here, so he's playing the Pokemon 
option again!  But what could he have that can compete with 'sexy'?"  
Hiroshi was hopeful, but puzzled.

"Chuuu."  The door banged open, and a very large Pikachu came out.

"...I don't get it.  What does a huge Pikachu have to do with sleepwear?  
Heck, where did he get this new Pokemon?"

Daisuke bopped his announcing partner on the head.  "That's Raichu, in 
Pikachu pajamas!  Ash has played the 'cute' card, and it just might be 
enough!"

Indeed it was Raichu, dressed in a form-fitting Pikachu sleeper that 
covered the entire Pokemon save for its face.  Its ears were tucked back 
under the hood and the tail curled up inside the sleeper, and large felt 
Pikachu ears and tail were sown in the corresponding spots.  Raichu 
looked back and forth tentatively, but then the crowd went, 
"Aaawwwwww..." and the tubby Pokemon started hamming it up.

"But is it really fashion, Daisuke?"  Hiroshi wanted to believe, but...

The judges took a long time to evaluate this theme.  A male judge and a 
female judge appeared to get in an animated argument, which ended with 
both of them scribbling a score down and stalking away from the scoring 
table (and subsequently disappearing as they left the vicinity of the 
area floor).

[Nadia Whitemist Wins The Final Theme Three To Two And The Match By One 
Point.]

"Bleah.  Ash made it close with some creative use of his Pokemon, but 
ultimately it did come down to sex appeal.  You were right, Hiroshi," 
admitted Daisuke.  "It was a mismatch.  Ah, well, what's next?"

"Probably a 'everyone jump out of the dugout and beat down the Team Life 
representative before the fight' match.  We haven't had one of those yet 
tonight."  Hiroshi muttered.  "The end of the world on the line, and the 
losses are stacking up, Dai!  And this next pairing... oh, boy."

"Calm down, Hiroshi.  I'm sure things will pick up.  We're still only 
down one, and we were down two last week at one point."  Daisuke gave 
Hiroshi a reassuring pat on the shoulder, his bland clone eyes giving 
Hiroshi a concerned look.

[The Time For the Fourth Match is Nigh,] the gargoyle stated.

[For Life Stands Team Rocket.  For Destruction Stands Johnny Cage And 
Dark Schneider.  The Conditions Are Last Team Standing.  The Setting Is 
Wattsville Regional Cemetery, Of Earth.]

"... We're doomed."  Hiroshi wailed.  "You saw Johnny Cage!  He's 
unstoppable."

Daisuke paused a moment before responding, watching silently as the 
arena morphed into an eerie cemetery lit only by the light of the full 
moon in the sky.  He tapped his fingers thoughtfully against their desk.  
"Actually, I think Jessie and James have a good chance.  With their 
Pokemon at Omega levels, I think they have a VERY good chance."

"... I hope James doesn't call out Victreebell."  Hiroshi said in full 
seriousness.

"Agreed."  A bead of sweat appeared on the back of Daisuke's head as the 
envisioned the possible results.  "What are the conditions for an All-
Man Battle?"

[All Team Members Fight At Once.  The Last Team With Standing Members 
Wins,]  the gargoyle informed them in his steadfast monotone.  [The 
Contestants Will Come Forth.]

Dark Schneider and Johnny Cage ambled into the arena.  Their forms 
blurred as they transported into the arena.  Johnny stretched casually, 
cracking his joints in his fingers, arms, back, and neck more than 
would've been humanly possible.  Dark Schneider tossed the zombified 
martial artist a slight sneer, before turning to face their arrivals.

Jessie and James cautiously stepped into the arena.  Dark Schneider 
laughed and pointed at them.  "You'll--"

He was abruptly cut off as the light of the moon cut off, leaving 
complete darkness.

"What in the world is this?"  Hiroshi pondered.  "Outside interference?  
Have we lost already?"

"No... I should've known."  Daisuke actually let a small smile cross his 
lips.  "The arena naturally extends the powers of the given fighters, 
right?"

"Yeah?"

"What are Jessie and James exceedingly skilled at?"

"..."

As if on cue, a spotlight shone out directly from the moon.  The light 
illuminated Jessie.  She looked started for a moment, but quickly 
realized what was happening.  "Prepare for TROUBLE!"  She pointed at the 
representatives of destruction.

Another spotlight arced out from the moon, illuminating her partner.  
"Make it DOUBLE!"  He crossed his arms and swung his gaze around to give 
Johnny and Darshu an icy glare, with his floofy purple hair flapping 
dramatically.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite the people of every nation! 

"To denounce the evils of death and hate!"

"To extend our lead by a score of eight!"

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"  Jessie pulled a 
Pokeball from her belt and held it over head dramatically.

"You can't surrender now, so prepare to fight!"  James did likewise, 
reaching into his own belt and choosing the appropriate ball.

"WOOHOO!  THAT'S RIGHT!"  The audience bellowed in response.  Cheers and 
screams of joy echoed throughout the arena.  Hastily made signs waved 
through the air, entire sections of the multibillion crowd began doing a 
makeshift wave that never seemed to end.

"If that's their only power, we ARE SO DOOMED."  Hiroshi shook his head 
at the arena. "'Score of eight'?  Are they even paying attention?

Dark Schneider glared at the pair.  "I always wondered what it would be 
like to have to sit through that in person.  Now I know."  He paused, 
and gave them an evil grin.  "Now you die."

The gargoyle interrupted the pre-match bragging session with his 
declaration heard by all.

][  FINAL ULTRA MATCH #10
][  TEAM ROCKET vs. UNDEAD JOHNNY CAGE & DARK SCHNEIDER
][  FIGHT!

"I'll handle this, you can watch how a TRUE master gets it done!"  
Johnny Cage tossed his sunglasses into a nearby open grave as he bounced 
slowly into a fighting stance.  

"I can what?"  Dark Schneider sneered at the dead star.

"Take a seat.  Take five.  See how a non-union man does it."  Johnny 
Cage waved his hand at the wizard.  "I handled Yaga on my own, and I can 
handle these twerps.  Cuz I'm the best!"  Johnny flexed his decrepit 
arm, causing popping sounds to come forth.

"Oh that does it.  I'm not working with this arrogant, disgusting 
THING."  Dark Schneider mumbled a few words under his breath, and 
suddenly disappeared from view.

"..."  Jessie and James stared at their foes wordlessly in surprise at 
the sudden shift in power.

"Could it be?  Could the powers of darkness be so fragmented that Dark 
Schneider would abandon his teammate and leave the balance of power in 
the hands of Team Rocket?"  Daisuke gripped the microphone excitedly, 
almost showing signs of actual animation to his features at the positive 
turn of events.

"M-maybe.  Folks!  We could be witnessing a new start for the Team of 
Life!"  Hiroshi pounded the table.  "This could be the break we need."

"Hmph!  I'm more than a match for them.  GREEN FLAME ATTACK!"  The dead 
B-movie star launched a large ball of energy at the pair of trainers.

Jessie and James split apart, diving for cover.

"Introductions aside, it appears that Jessie and James aren't behaving 
all that 'powered up'!  I wonder if their power bonuses are levied all 
in the Pokemon that they carry?"  Hiroshi bit his lip nervously.

"That could be a sour proposition indeed, as it would make James and 
Jessie slim pickings for Johnny.  One quick hit could... "  Daisuke 
paused.  "But they're recovering from their surprise and it looks like 
they're about to counter."

"GROWLY!  I CHOOSE YOU!"  James hurled the Pokeball into the ground near 
his feet, the dog resembling Pokemon appeared from its open shell.

"PERSIAN!  GO!"  Jessie tossed her Pokeball and let out a nervous gulp 
as the cat-like Pokemon appeared.  If their hunch about Omega powered 
Pokemon was wrong, this was going to be quick.

"GROWLY!  PERSIAN!  SWIFT ATTACKS!"  James pointed at Johnny Cage.

The two Pokemon immediately sprinted into action, moving so fast that 
following them with the bare eye wasn't an option.  Their blurred forms 
appeared briefly as they leapt over a tombstone at the same time, and 
then again just at the feet of a startled Undead Johnny.

"GROWL!"

"PEEEEEERSSS!" 

Both Pokemon swiped at the undead fighter with their razor sharp claws, 
passing each other right in front of the fighter.  Johnny was flung 
backwards, sliding at least twenty feet until he slammed headfirst into 
a stone statue marking the site of an important grave.  The Pokemon 
reappeared on either side of him, and both stood ready to strike again 
at their master's command.

"Incredible!  Their speed has been increased so fast I wasn't even sure 
what happened!"  Daisuke eyed the fight in progress, the crowd roaring 
behind him in approval.

"Wow!  The speed!  The power!  We can do it!"

Johnny Cage suddenly flipped to his feet, his body temporarily assuming 
a very inhuman 'U'-shape for a moment while midair.  "Not so fast..."

"Growly!  Flame attack!"  James cried as he ran up to catch up to the 
action.

Growlith opened its mouth, and a large red glow emanated forth from it 
briefly, before a streaming inferno of fire blazed out at the corpse.

Johnny leapt into action.  "SHADOW KICK!"  His foot extended and he 
moved forward toward Growlith at a high pace, a green aura surrounding 
him and leaving shadow-like images in his wake.

The fireball and corpse collided with a large explosion.  Growlith 
tensed his body at the resulting expulsion of heat and energy as the 
wind ripped across his fur.  His eyes temporarily forced shut due to the 
rush of air, he reopened them to find the foot of Johnny Cage a 
millimeter from implanting into his forehead.

"GROWL!"  The surprised Pokemon tried to react, but was simply too late.  
The smoking form of Undead Johnny was covered in soot, but his momentum 
was still true.  The Pokemon rolled backward into a tree, a nest of 
crows departing in the wake of the sudden vibration.

"Growly!  ... And ew!"  James held his nose at the smell of the burnt 
corpse.

Jessie did likewise, causing her voice to come out with an awkward nasal 
tone.  "Persian!  Slash attack!"

"And James recalls his Pokemon, as Persian takes the offensive."  
Daisuke watched as the Pokemon slashed its claws with a speed and 
ferocity that would make even Goku proud, as Johnny stumbled backwards 
under their razor sharp onslaught.  Bits of flesh tore and hung limply 
from the zombie's arms under the intensity of the attacks.

"Wow.  That's... gross."  Hiroshi blanched a little.

"Really."  Daisuke nodded.

Johnny suddenly struck out with a fierce jab that sideglanced Persian.  
The cat rolled to the side, dazed momentarily.  Johnny suddenly turned 
and charged at James, who had been pulling another Pokeball from his 
belt.  "Not this time!"

"Meep!"  James braced himself for the immense pain about to come down on 
him.

"SHADOW UPPERCUT!"

James launched into the air.  And continued flying.

"..."  Jessie looked up after her partner who continued to grow smaller 
and smaller up in the back light of the moon.

"..."  Johnny looked at his fist.  "I AM the best!"

"...looks like James is blasting off again."  Hiroshi slammed a fist 
into his table.  "Well look folks, I'm sorry, but it appears that Team 
Rocket's powers consist of sucking more than ever before."

"Hiro... uhm.. calm down."  Daisuke eyed Hiroshi nervously.

"I don't want to be calm.  I'm going to die, because THEY can't win!"  
Hiroshi pointed at the ensuing scene as Persian leapt back into the fray 
with Johnny.  "They're going to kill us all Dai!"

"Wait... look!"  Daisuke pointed upward.

Slowly, the image of James was growing larger in the distance.  And 
quickly.

Jessie noticed as well, and quickly whistled to get her Pokemon's 
attention.  "Persian!  Fall back!"  

The graceful cat leapt back immediately, leaving Johnny Cage to wonder 
what happened.

James then proceeded to BOUNCE onto and off of the zombie corpse, 
driving him into the ground.

"Heeelp meee!"  James bounced off Johnny at an angle and into a nearby 
crypt.  The sounds of him ricocheting at high speed off the walls filled 
the nearby area.

"James is made out of rubber!  My god!"  Hiroshi gasped in astonishment.

Daisuke blinked.  "Of course!  James is extraordinarily good at getting 
launched into and off of things, while taking almost no permanent 
damage!  So that must be what was enhanced by the arena!"

"... our life is turning into bad American comics, Dai."  Hiroshi stared 
as Johnny tried to straighten out his badly twisted arm, and James came 
flying out of the crypt at a much slower speed.

"That was a lucky shot!"  Johnny twisted his arm back into place with a 
loud snap.

"90 degrees!  Roundhouse kick, chest level!"  A voice hollered in 
Johnny's direction.

True to his stage nature, Johnny instantly pivoted and swung his foot 
HARD at what would be chest level on a human being.  Instead, it slammed 
the attacking Persian straight in the jaw.  From the Team of Destruction 
bullpen, Morrigan waved happily to the audience.

Jessie quickly pulled Persian's Pokeball out and recalled the fallen 
companion.  James came to roll to a stop at her feet.  He was a dizzy 
floof of a heap, but seemed okay otherwise.  She just had to buy him 
some time.  

She started to kneel down and pull their big gun Pokemon from James' 
belt, but Johnny's cry of 'GREEN FLAME ATTACK!" caught her attention.  A 
massive chi blast of energy surged at her and James.  

"I'm too pretty to die!"  She quickly turned her head before impact, 
unwilling to watch her doom.

She felt something... weird and heard before she felt the chi blast 
explode just a moment too soon.

"What the..?"  Johnny stared at Jessie.  "Your hair!"

Jessie blinked, then craned her eyes to look at her hair, which now 
extended a foot longer, and gleamed of a razor sharp edge.

"Jessie's razor sharp hair style has been enhanced into frolicking 
follicles of DESTRUCTION!"  Hiroshi cheered.  "We have a chance at this 
after all!"

"That's the spirit, Rosh."  Daisuke pumped a fist in the air.  "Get 'em 
Jessie!"

"It's time for my finishing move then."  Johnny grinned, and arched his 
back.  His stomach region exploded in an intestinal net that lanced 
toward Jessie.  

The young Pokemon trainer merely crossed her arms and 'hmph'd to 
herself.  Her hair suddenly took on a life of its own without her even 
moving a muscle, and extended forward.  The magenta mane slicing through 
the intestines with a few quick strokes. 

Johnny grimaced as his intestines spread out over the ground.  "You 
realize how long it will take to wrap those back up?"  

"Ohohoho!  It will only take me a moment to wrap you up!"  Jessie 
charged forward at a strikingly faster pace than one would expect of the 
trainer, leaping into the air with her hair lashing about in a frenzy.  
She descended upon Johnny with hair swinging in time for a final 
devastating slash.

"..."  Hiroshi stared.

"...Ew."  Daisuke gagged.

Johnny's head rolled to the ground as Johnny's body waved its arms 
frantically, as if suddenly blind.  Jessie knelt to the ground 
dramatically behind Johnny's body, then stood slowly.  

"... Very sullen for Jessie.  I wonder if--"  Daisuke started.

"WE DID IT!  YAY!!!!"  Jessie jumped up and down excitedly.  

James stood up suddenly and was instantly at Jessie's side.  "We did?"  
He stared down at Johnny's head.  "Oh my!  Jessie, you killed him!"

"He was already dead you moron."  Jessie whacked James in the back of 
the head.

"I'm still dead too!"  Johnny taunted.  "And you will be too, as soon as 
I get my head attached right."

Johnny's body knelt over, and latched onto a roundish object.  It hefted 
it up and placed it on its shoulders gingerly.  The body then tried to 
look around with the large stone on its shoulders.

"...Damnit!  Over HERE!"  Johnny yelled in frustration from his head's 
resting place on the ground.  Johnny's body promptly turned around, 
knocking the stone boulder off its shoulders, and walked forward.  

Away from its head.

And into an open grave.

"Well that should do it folks!"  Daisuke pumped his fist into the air.  
"No way Johnny's recovering from THAT one."

Hiroshi stared at the gargoyle apprehensively.  "Why isn't it counting, 
Dai?  Make it count."

"..."  Daisuke stared at the gargoyle as if suddenly remembering 
something.  "Oh no."

Jessie and James were too busy jumping up and down celebrating to 
notice.  "Yay!  We did it Jessie!"

They did notice, however, Dark Schneider uncloaking himself from the 
mask of the illusion spell that he had been under all fight.  In mid 
casting pose.

"He didn't teleport out..."  Daisuke gasped.

"...he used an illusion spell!  He's... oh god... he's going to.."  
Desperation clawed at Hiroshi's voice.

"HALLOWEEN!!!!"

The gargoyle didn't bother to administer the ten count.

[A time of brief respite before the next fight.]  The referee intoned 
before his eyes faded once more.

Hiroshi paled even more than his normal clone complexion dictated.  
"They...they're going to win Dai, I just know it!"

"Rosh..." Daisuke reached for words to try to turn the tide of his 
friend’s worries, but failed.

***

"Make way!  Come on!  Make way"  Sakura and Shingo had Jessie in a 
stretcher, Gary and Li hurried a stretcher.  

Li glanced at the unconscious form of his sometime idol.  "Don't worry 
James-sama, we'll get you to Washuu quickly!"

Mary watched as they were escorted off, and was concerned about their 
health.  But she could feel the eyes staring at her from all sides.  The 
worries.  The doubts.  They needed her to be strong.

Tears didn't make their way past her eyelids.  But they tried.

***

"Alright folks, get ready, because this fight is sure to turn our luck 
around.  It just has to!"  Hiroshi was getting a little hysterical now.  
"Mary picked Sagat out specifically for Alberto."

"Yeah," said Daisuke calmly.  "We do need a win here, and one has to 
figure that this is a matchup Team Life wanted."

"Way to work the optimism, buddy!"

"Hardly optimism, 'Rosh.  Just calm evaluation of fact.  This match has 
a lot of surface similarities to Akane vs. Sephiroth, and you know how 
close that one was.  Heck, I still don't get why we lost that one."

"True." responded Hiroshi.  "So, Ref, lay it on us."

[The Match Will Not Fit On Top Of You.]

Hiroshi facepalmed mightily.

[For Life Stands Sagat.  For Destruction Stands Alberto.  The Conditions 
Are Random Setting Change.  The First Setting Is The Slopes Of Mount 
Kilimanjaro.]

"The slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro?" said Daisuke.  "That's the name of a 
poem..." he trailed off.

"What's the poem about?" asked his partner.  "Maybe it's a good sign!"

"You really don't want to know."

"Death," said Sagat grimly as he climbed into the ring.  "It's about a 
dying man's last sight.  But I do not plan on having that man be anyone 
but Alberto."

"Oooh, tough words," taunted the impacter as he stepped up to the 
figurative plate.  "Are you sure you can back them up?  Or, perhaps more 
importantly... are you sure you WANT to back them up?"

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #11
][ ALBERTO vs. SAGAT
][ FIGHT!

The arena around them morphed into the side of a barren mountain.  A 
light dusting of snow covered the ground, and a few small trees were 
scattered across the ground.  The two fighters were at equal heights, 
but the ground sloped away from them on either side.

"Hey, whaddya mean by that?" yelled Hiroshi.  "Are you trying to-"

"I wasn't talking to you," cut in Alberto.  "Sagat, haven't you 
reconsidered?  Join us, and you can create a world full of powerful 
warriors for you to fight against.  Isn't that what you really want?"

"Damnit, I knew we couldn't trust him!" yelled Daisuke.  "He's going to 
sell us out after all!"

Sagat shot a glare over his shoulder at the announcer, quieting him.  "I 
know I have done nothing to gain your trust, and so I am not angry at 
you for doubting me.  But I am angry with you, Alberto!  We already 
discussed this!  I have chosen my side, and you won't change it!  TIGER 
WAVE!"  A golden river of chi flew from Sagat's hands, far more powerful 
than anything he had felt before.  The blast arced across the landscape, 
digging a deep trench and burning through the spot Alberto was far too 
smart to remain in.

"Way too slow," he taunted as he raced uphill, incidentally throwing a 
shockwave back down.  Sagat lunged to the side, but nearly fell down 
when he ended up flying too far.

This slope was going to be a problem since Sagat wasn't used to his 
enhanced abilities yet, but he didn't dare let it slow him down too 
much.  He had to get in close; that's where he could dominate.  It was 
like Yaga said: he couldn't let the power go to his head.  He was 
stronger, but the proportions were the same.  Sagat ran after his 
opponent, who was still headed for the top of the mountain, but the only 
reason he wasn't falling further behind was that Alberto didn't want him 
to.

"We've got an epic chase in progress here, folks!" announced Hiroshi.  
"Sagat is trying to put the hurt on Alberto, who's running scared from 
the righteous wrath of our hero!"

"Let's hope he's our hero."

"He has to be!" cried Hiroshi in a fairly manic tone, like he didn't 
believe he was entrusting his continued existence to someone who, two 
weeks ago, he would have ranked high on the list of People I Want To See 
Hurt.  "Be positive!"

Back in the ring, Sagat drew back his hands and began to charge up.  
"Tiger shot!  Tiger shot!  Tiger shot!" he yelled, throwing a trio of 
super-powerful projectiles at Alberto, who easily dodged around all of 
them.  Three huge geysers of blasted dust and snow filled the air, and 
Sagat covered his eyes and mouth as he ran through.  Which is part of 
the reason he never saw Alberto's fist until it was way too late to 
dodge.  The impact flung him to the ground, while Alberto skidded to a 
stop before raising both hands for a shockwave.

"What a turn!" screamed Hiroshi.  "Alberto changes directions and floors 
Sagat!  Get up, Sagat!  Look out!  Please!"

The Muay Thai king was nothing if not tough.  Hearing Hiroshi, he half 
rolled half threw himself aside, narrowly avoiding the incoming attack.  
Sacrificing style for speed, he flung himself downhill and grabbed the 
surprised crime lord around the neck.  Tangled together, the began a 
roll down a hill, stone fragments biting into their skin as-

[Setting Change,] said the referee, and without warning the two were on 
a vast, flat plain of reddish rock.  Without a slope, they slowly rolled 
to a halt, with Sagat on top.

Sagat grinned.  "My own strength is the only strength I need!" he 
yelled, and proceeded to give Alberto three good punches to the face.  
As he wound up for the fourth one, however, Alberto raised both his 
hands and let loose a shockwave right on Sagat's chest scar.

Panting, both warriors rose.  Alberto looked to have the beginnings of a 
black eye, and Sagat looked like he had a broken rib or two.

"Both fighters are staring each other down," commented Daisuke.  
"They're both hurting, but Sagat is definitely stronger than his 
opponent.  That might just give him the edge."

"Really?" worried Hiroshi.  "I thought Sagat's been taking the worse 
beating so far."

Daisuke sighed.  "I know.  But he's a tough guy, he can take it."

Alberto rushed to the side, hurling a pair of shockwaves as he went.  
Sagat managed to avoid both of them, but the second was closer than he 
liked.  At long distances, he was at a severe disadvantage.  'Alberto's 
much faster,' Sagat thought, 'and he could fire projectiles faster than-
'

'No, wait.  That's not entirely true, is it?'  Sagat smiled, and slowed 
to a stop for better concentration.  Even as he slowed, he began to 
gather a massive amount of ki.

Alberto slowed down in confusion, not sure why Sagat had decided to 
stop.  Sensing the massive ki charge, he naturally assumed Sagat was 
trying for another Tiger Wave.  He had seen the astonishing level of 
power Akane reached the earlier fight, so he cautiously assumed Sagat 
would have something almost as strong and prepared accordingly.  Still 
going at a fairly slow (for him) pace, he gathered energy for a 
shockwave and got ready to turn on the juice at a moment’s notice.  As 
soon as he was clear of Sagat's super attack, he would counter, and the 
kick boxer would surely be too spent to dodge.

Sagat continued to charge up.  It looked like his gamble was working; 
Alberto looked like he was trying to dodge and counter a single powerful 
blast.  Well, was he ever in for a shock...

"The two fighters are waiting for each other to make a move, folks!" 
enthused Hiroshi.  "What complex strategies are they planning?"

"Exactly right, 'Roshi." added Daisuke.  "See, no matter what this looks 
like, Sagat isn't really just standing still, and Alberto isn't really 
just running around him."

"I thought we were over sarcasm, Dai.  No, wait, Sagat's doing 
something!"  Indeed, Sagat had hunched over into his fireball posture.  
Alberto quickened his step a little, ready to dodge in any direction.

And then, without warning, Sagat released most of his gathered energy, 
and four bluish copies of him appeared in a line, each hunched over in 
the same position.

"Tiger shot!" they each yelled, and five energy bolts wiped Alberto's 
smile right off his face.  Instead of an easy dodge-and-counter, the 
general of Big Fire had his hands full just trying not to be hit.  To 
make it worse, the five Sagats slowly drifted away from their unison 
throws, so he had to deal with a constant barrage instead of a single 
spread attack.

"Amazing!" cried Hiroshi, "Sagat goes firing squad!  Alberto looks to be 
having trouble now.  Wait, he just got tagged by one!  He's still 
running... close one there- whoa, another hit!  He's down!  No wait, 
he's back up again, just in time too, oh, almost had him there-"

"An excellent move by Sagat," interjected Daisuke, "but you that's gotta 
use a lot-"

"Another hit!  And another!  Alberto's taking a real beating now, he's 
on the ground and wow!  Three just hit him almost at once!  Yes!  Yes!  
Yes!"  Hiroshi took a deep breath - the stress was getting to him, and 
Daisuke was giving him strange looks again.  "Hmm.  Looks like he was 
thrown clear, but I can't see where he is with all this smoke."

Sagat couldn't see either, and he was far too exhausted to keep it up 
any longer anyway.  His temporary copies disappeared, and he dropped to 
one knee, panting.  The strategy had worked, but he was almost out of 
energy.

Waiting.  Waiting.  More waiting.  The smoke dissipated, and still no 
sign of Alberto.  Even more waiting.  Yet more waiting.  And just for a 
change of pace, a bit of waiting thrown in too.

"The bad part is that we know he isn't down - the Referee isn't 
counting." noted Daisuke calmly.  "Wait, I see him."

"What, where?" echoed throughout the end of time.

Daisuke chuckled.  "It's a little funny, really.  His arm's poking over 
the horizon right around there."  He pointed obligingly.  As he did, 
another arm joined the first, and a head poked out above the horizon.

"Would you believe," Alberto said reflectively, "that we are not 
actually on a plain, but rather a plateau?"  Without waiting for an 
answer, he pulled himself onto the top of the plateau and rushed towards 
Sagat, shockwave already forming in his hands, and-

[Setting Change,] said the referee, and without warning the two were 
freefalling, high, high above what looked to be some part of Europe, but 
it might have been Asia.  At their height, you could see the curvature 
of the horizon off in the distance and clouds far, far below.  Pinning 
down their exact location was a bit difficult.

Alberto launched his shockwave a fraction of a second after the ground 
disappeared from under his feet.  The shockwave took a stunned Sagat 
squarely in the face and sent him spinning, but luckily for him his 
opponent was equally confused and unable to take advantage of the hit.  
They both tried to steady themselves by shooting off more projectiles, 
and Alberto succeeded first.  Aiming carefully, he fired another 
shockwave, but this one missed wide thanks to a mistaken course 
adjustment.  Sagat, realizing his weaker position, decided to forgo 
offense in favor of not getting hit, and seemed fairly well able to do 
so.

"It looks like a stalemate, as Sagat easily dodges everything Alberto 
has to offer!" announced Hiroshi, until the voice of reason had to rear 
his ugly head.

"Unfortunately," said Daisuke, "he can't seem to put up any offense 
either, but at least he's not getting hit.  I guess he'll just wait 
until the sixty seconds are up... uh oh."

"What?" asked his concerned partner.  "What's uh oh?"

"Well, after sixty seconds of freefall, they'll be going pretty fast.  I 
don't know if even their Omega boost will let them survive."

"Oh, I'm sure they'll be fine!"  Hiroshi paused.  "Uh, how fast?"

"I'll have to do a bit of math here."  Daisuke rummaged around for a pen 
and paper.  "Man, I never thought I'd be using physics like this.  Let's 
see, velocity equals starting velocity plus acceleration times time, 
starting velocity is zero, acceleration is nine point eight, call it 
ten, time is sixty, so... about six hundred meters per second."

Hiroshi looked stunned.  "That's six football fields."

"Yup."

"Every second."

"Yup.  Well, air resistance will slow them somewhat, but there's not 
going to be as much at the altitude they're at."

Long pause.

"They're dead, aren't they?"

"What happened to optimism?"

Another long pause.

"When is this going to happen?"

"Any second now, I think."

"Legs of steel, Sagat!  Legs of steel!"

"I'm not sure, but I think steel would shatter like glass at that kind 
of velocity."

"Legs of adamantium, Sagat!  Legs of adamantium!"

"Calm down, buddy."

[Setting Change,] said the referee.

SPLAT!

Thankfully, the splat was not that of two bodies covering far more 
surface area than they had any right to, but rather that of a large 
amount of what could only be described as "goop" absorbing a lot of 
kinetic energy from two bodies with entirely too much of it.  The 
resulting crater was quite large, but then there was a lot of goop.

"This is just disgusting," said Sagat scornfully.  "Do they actually 
expect us to fight in this junk?"

"I know," said Alberto, "freefall was one thing, but this is going too 
far."

The two looked at each other.

"Truce until the next setting change?" asked Alberto tentatively.

"Fine, but I'm not taking my eyes off you," responded Sagat.

"Sure, sure."

"So, what, they're just gonna sit there?" asked Daisuke incredulously.  
"Although, in a way, I guess I don't blame them.  I wouldn't want to 
fight in that stuff either."

"As long as we're waiting," began Alberto, "tell me, Sagat, why are you 
here?"

"I don't want to discuss it," replied Sagat.

"Well, I want to hear.  You say you're only here to hone your strength, 
right?"

"Humph.  Yes, I believe I have said that.  Several times in fact."

"Well, pardon me, but as far as I can tell, you're the only one on your 
team who's in this just for themselves.  Hell, even Yaga is fighting for 
something bigger than he is.  You're fighting for what, exactly?  Your 
own strength and pride?"

"Exactly."  Sagat glared at his inquisitor.  "Those are the only things 
I want."

"Funny," said Alberto with a grin, "but that sounds less like a hero and 
more like an everyday thug."

Have you ever been in a room with a bunch of people, and there are a 
bunch of little conversations going on, and then one person says 
something, not necessarily loud, but very, very, VERY bad about another 
person, and all the little conversations stop dead as all assembled wait 
to see what that second person is about to do?

Imagine that room is very large and happens to contain six billion 
people.

The arena at the end of time was frozen in silence for many moments, 
until one voice spoke up and broke the spell.

[Setting Change,] said the referee.

The land around them turned into a barren, sandy wasteland, although 
very few people would notice that until much later.  Many would not 
notice it at all.  What they did notice was Sagat flying into a rage and 
exploding towards Alberto, hands brought back in anticipation of 
inflicting severe physical agony.  Most noticed the would-be inflictee's 
nonchalant grin, and everyone saw him bring both hands out in front and 
blast Sagat with a powerful shockwave at point blank range.  They might 
have missed Sagat raise himself painfully to his hands and knees, but 
they certainly didn't miss Alberto walk towards his foe, throwing 
shockwaves at him every three steps like clockwork.  No one was sure 
exactly how long it went on, but it came as no surprise that, when it 
was over, Sagat didn't stir in the slightest as the gargoyle finished 
the ten count.

"Good lord," said Hiroshi breathlessly, as he came out of the rare 
speechless trance.  "Alberto just destroyed Sagat..."

"Took him apart mercilessly..." added Daisuke.

"Is he even still alive?"

"I'm sure he is.  Sagat is pretty tough."

The paramedics, who like the rest of the Ultra staff had tagged along, 
dashed out onto the battlefield to lift the unconscious Sagat away.

"...Dai?"

"Yeah?"

"Team Life has lost what, five in a row now?"

"Yup."

"Which puts the good guys down three."

"You can count!"

"Which means that there's no way Team Life can even finish tonight 
tied."

"You can do basic math!"

"Dai, how can you joke at a time like this?"

"Because, no matter how bad things are now, I really do believe that it 
will work out in the end.  When have the good guys ever really lost an 
important one at Ultra?"

Hiroshi considered.  "True.  But past performance is no guarantee of 
future outcomes.  And all that."

"Heh.  That's better, now you're making the jokes."  Dai smiled weakly 
at his friend and colleague.  "I can't tell you not to worry.  But worry 
seldom helps, and panic never does.  Just hope for the best, and support 
your friends and allies.  True hope may fail, but it is never a wasted 
effort."

For once, it was Daisuke who got a standing ovation from the crowd.

Hiroshi shrugged.  "I'll try, Dai, I really will."

Behind them, the Referee made a strange sound.  Hiroshi jumped out of 
his seat, startled.  "What's going on?"

"I think it was clearing its throat, 'Rosh.  It wants to get on with 
things."

[For Life Stands Marlo Semaj.  For Destruction Stands B-ko Daikotuji.  
The Conditions Are Standard.  The Setting Is Cedar Point Amusement 
Park.]

The arena floor blurred, and shifted, and seemed to expand around him.  
He could still sense the arena and the crowd, but they were a mere 
ghostly overlay on top of the humongeous parking lot he found himself 
in.  A cool breeze blew off the water on three sides, ruffling the 
teen's scruffy hair even more.  In front of him, brightly painted metal 
and wood frames supporting tracks that twisted and curled through 
improbable courses poked up from amongst a dense cluster of buildings 
and trees.  "...wow.  Where did he say this was, again?"  There was no 
movement on the island.  The parking lot was empty, and the rides were 
all immobile.  There was only the wind and the waves, and Marlo's 
rapidly beating heart.

...and the gargoyle of doom's booming voice.  [The Contestants Will Come 
Forth.  Or Does B-ko Daitokuji Forfeit?]  Was that a faint note of 
annoyance that had creeped into the Referee's monotone?

"We won't complain if she does," called Hiroshi from the sidelines.

"No," squacked B-ko, overamplified by speakers mounted into her latest 
creation.  "I can't help it that your lousy arena doesn't have proper 
hangar bays like the old Ultradome did!"  Her mecha strode down the ramp 
to the floor, each step bouncing the millions of unlucky spectators 
seated next to the narrow walkway into the air.

"Hey, this is good," declared Hiroshi.  "She doesn't have that magic 
suit on again!"

"How do you know?  We can't see her, and there's no reason she couldn't 
be wearing it inside that cockpit.  And Marlo's going to have hard 
enough of a time dealing with just that mecha..."

"Hey, what happened to your optimism?"

"Did I say he couldn't win?  I'm just calling what I see.  That's why 
we're here."

The mech seemed to blur for a second as it hopped over the threshold of 
the arena floor, and then Marlo winced as it landed right beside him, 
pelting him with splintered pavement shards.  He took a step or ten back 
so he could properly admire B-ko's handiwork.

As Daitokuji mecha went, this one was not incredibly big, maybe just 
fifteen meters tall.  Its cockpit was built into the forward-pointing 
tip of the bullet-shaped main body.  Mounted on its "shoulders" were two 
gigantic cubical pods that housed dozens of mean-looking missiles.  It 
was a chicken-walker, with inverted knee joints and toes spaced 
equidistantly around its feet.  Spindly upper arms supported the massive 
beam cannons that it sported instead of proper hands.  A few smaller 
weapons of varying descriptions hung off of hardpoints on the torso, 
just for that happy overkill effect.

"I had to settle for my cute 'lil Ureshii Neko Primary, since nothing 
else I had would fit in that lousy arena," B-ko chirped.  "I was really 
put out by that, but then I thought, 'Hey, I'm fighting a guy whose idea 
of really clobbering someone is dropping household appliances on them!  
I don't NEED more than seventy-five tons of mecha for this fight!'"

"Wow, that mecha looks familiar.  I know I've seen it before."  The name 
was on the tip of Hiroshi's tongue...

"It's a Mad Cat, 'Rosh.  You know, from that Battletech game we played a 
few times?"

"It's a Timber Wolf!" screamed a few Clan purists in the audience.  They 
were widely ignored.

"Riiiiight."  Marlo looked back down at the mech's feet - yep, they'd 
probably do a pretty good job of crushing every bone in his body.  He 
resolved not to get stepped on.  "Why don't you come down here, and 
let's just talk this over like normal people trying to kill each other."

"Hohohohoho," B-ko put on her best Naga laugh momentarily.  It didn't 
have nearly the same effect, but then she had a fusion-powered sound 
system to amplify it.  "No."

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #12
][ B-KO vs. MARLO
][ FIGHT!

"So if you're calling it like you see it, Dai, what do you really think 
Marlo's chances are?"

Daisuke considered for a second.  "If he can dodge the thing's weapons 
long enough to figure out a way to hurt it, he should win."

Hiroshi eyed the mech - it was fairly bristling with guns and missiles.  
"That's a big if, isn't it?"

Marlo wasn't sure how this was going to go - he'd had a front-row seat 
from which to watch Akane smack Sephiroth around, but even with the 
enhanced strength she had shown, she wouldn't have been able to punch 
holes in this monster, right?  And he'd never admit it, but she was 
definitely stronger than he was.  Her ki blasts might do something, but 
he didn't really have-

As Marlo overthought the situation, B-ko took a few steps backward with 
the Ureshii Neko and then yanked the missile-release lever.  The top 
half of the mech disappeared behind billowing flame and smoke as both 
missile pods stagger-fired through their entire loads.

"Uh-oh."  Marlo had about half a second to react before the first 
missiles reached him.  Most of the first flight of ten were aimed just 
low, and the Furniture Warrior was knocked up and backwards by the wave 
of concussions.  He watched as another twenty or so missiles zigzagged 
by underneath him, but then the arc of his uncontrolled flight took him 
back down into the midst of the last wave of missiles.

One scorched his hair as it zoomed by.  One smoked right between his 
legs.  A couple of them hooked away to the left with guidance problems.  
Another arced down behind him and made an SUV-sized crater in the 
pavement with its shaped charge.  As he teetered forward away from that 
blast, one of the very last slammed squarely into his chest.

BOOM!  Marlo's world went white, then orange, then black.

"Oh, no!"  Hiroshi had conquered his hysteria only momentarily, it 
seemed.  "Marlo couldn't dodge all of those missiles, and now he's down!  
Is this the fastest loss for Team Life yet?"

"Nah.  He'll get up.  You'll see."  Daisuke crossed his fingers behind 
his back and prayed.

[One,] intoned the Referee solemnly.  [Two.]

B-ko, lacking fingers on this mech to make a victory sign with, raised 
her cannon arms high and blasted some helpless air molecules in 
celebration.  "Victory!  Through superior firepower!  Yaaay!"

"Are you sure, Dai?"

"I have to be.  I mean, it was just one lousy missile, and he should 
have a power boost like all the other Gamma-class fighters."

[Five.]

"Ack.  Thbbbt!"  Marlo crawled up out of the blast crater and shakily 
rose to his feet.  "Wow, that hurt."  Marlo's shirt had been ripped to 
shreds, a few of which still dangled from his waistband.  His chest was 
one massive bruise, crisscrossed with small cuts from the missile's 
shrapnel.  "Though I guess any close encounter with high explosives you 
walk away from is a good one."   He eyed the Ureshii Neko warily.  "Hey!  
You're out of missiles!"

"Feh.  Who needs missiles?"  B-ko flipped the arming toggle for her 
machine guns.  The cyclical barrels and feed mechanisms took two seconds 
to spin up.  She tapped on the trigger and the two weapons mounted just 
below the cockpit spat a dozen shells at Marlo.

"And Marlo does get back up!  But B-ko's not giving him a chance to 
rest!"

This time the boy was paying attention.  His eyes caught the motion as 
the machine guns warmed up and he had time to whip out a kevlar-
reinforced executive chair to block with... but he was still 
underestimating B-ko's firepower.  The depleted-uranium armor-piercing 
slugs laughed at the puny armor fabric, literally sawing off the high 
back of the chair.

Marlo stuck his head up, amazed that he still had one.  "This is nuts!"

A (shaven) bald former Ultra referee in the audience perked up.  "Hey!  
That's my line!"

Marlo kicked the useless chair left and ran zigzagging right.  B-ko 
squeezed her trigger and held it down.  The slugs carved a ragged trench 
in the parking lot pavement that grew as B-ko tried to track him.  The 
machine guns were mounted directly to the mech's torso so aiming them 
involved pointing the entire mech at the target.  That might not have 
been so hard against a large or slow vehicle... but against one small, 
desperate martial artist it proved to be more than B-ko could handle.

"I don't think those weapons were really designed for use like this," 
noted Daisuke.

It took a little while, but the Ureshii Neko eventually depleted its 
machine gun ammunition.  Marlo sank to his knees, exhausted.  He needed 
a plan, badly.  He looked up and past the mech, and one possibility came 
to mind.

"You dodge well, kid.  But my lasers aren't going to run dry."  Another 
switch was flipped, and the arm cannons energized.  BLUUUUUUM.  The 
large lasers made a bone-rattling bass tone as they discharged.

Kevlar hadn't stopped her machine guns, so Marlo guessed he wouldn't 
have anything that could stop these monsters.  Their barrel-mouths 
appeared to be nearly a half-meter wide, and if the destructive power 
scaled up as much, he figured one hit would likely vaporize him.  Still, 
he couldn't just give up...

The first laser blasts went by him - bright-blue streaks of hot photonic 
death - and explosively melted the parking lot behind him into a boiling 
lake of asphalt.  The next pair of shots went wide to either side, and 
Marlo was boxed in.

"Why isn't she aiming for him?" wondered Hiroshi.

"That's some good strategy from B-ko for a change," said Daisuke 
admiringly.  "She's trying to limit his mobility advantage."

"Just one way out, I guess."  Marlo sprinted forward towards B-ko's 
mecha.  Not surprisingly it reared back and lifted a foot to try to 
stomp him with.  The chicken-walking design made stomping on a moving 
target even harder, but B-ko had lots of experience piloting strange 
mecha.

Marlo feinted left, feinted right, and tried sprinting straight between 
the mech's legs.  B-ko guessed his move, and WHAM!  A four-meter foot 
crashed down just millimeters in front of Marlo's nose.  The boy 
instinctively whipped out a coffee table and bashed the foot with it, 
but the thick wooden furniture simply shattered against the solid shape 
of woven steel fibers.

"Augh!  He can't hurt the big robot with furniture!"

"Give him a chance, Hiroshi - he's got to figure out his new powers.  
All of the Gamma fighters have had to feel their way through the first 
matches."

B-ko reared one foot back to try to kick Marlo, but he snagged a 
handhold on the mech and used its motion to fling him back and away 
towards the amusement park proper.  He landed running, and in the five 
seconds it took for B-ko to figure out what had just happened he was to 
the main gate and through the turnstile.

"Marlo runs away!  Is he conceding to B-ko?" worried Hiroshi.

"Of course not.  He's just trying something new - did you want him to 
stay there and get stepped on?"

"Hiding will only prolong the inevitable," taunted B-ko as her lasers 
reduced the front ticket booth to smoldering ashes.  She charged through 
the front gate building, pausing only briefly to disengage herself from 
the wooden frames she had marched through.  By that time Marlo had 
ducked behind the row of stores lining the front midway.

"You're in one of these buildings," pronounced the mecha pilot, and 
proceeded to flatten everything in sight with a sustained laser barrage.  
First went the karaoke studio, then the elephant ear headquarters, then 
the carnival games complex.  The nearer Sky-Ride endpoint needed an 
extra shot before it collapsed satisfactorily, while the squarish tower 
of I-beams marked "Demon Drop" toppled over on its side after only a 
near miss.  The natatorium's reinforced concrete structure gave way 
after repeated blasts, releasing a wall of water that swamped and 
collapsed the warehouse-like Disaster Transport building.

"Wow!  B-ko must have something against amusement parks!  A bad 
childhood experience, do you suppose?"

Daisuke tinysweated.  "She's just trying to flush Marlo out.  And doing 
a remarkably bad job of it, I'd say."

B-ko marched the Ureshii Neko up the Midway, giving no quarter to the 
dangerous attractions that loomed on either side.  As she reached the 
end of the long street that was the front half of the park a threat 
alarm sounded and her HUD highlighted and then zoomed in on the most 
dangerous thing she'd encountered yet in this place.

"Ai-ai-ai am your lit-"  B-ko punched the alpha strike button, and the 
evil DDR machine (as well as the rest of the main arcade and office 
complex) chuffed out in a satisfying fireball as every weapon on the 
mech fired simultaneously.

As she waited for her heat sinks to deal with the thermal overload, B-ko 
realized that this was getting silly.  Blowing up helpless buildings was 
fun, true, but she was here to-

"Hey!  Dumbass!  Over here!"

B-ko spun the mech to try to spot her adversary, but that took a couple 
of seconds and Marlo had found cover once again.  Her eyes narrowed.  
That had come from over by the big green ride, hadn't it?  She glanced 
back at the smoldering rubble that remained of the front of the park - 
she'd leveled it well enough, but between the smoke and the debris, 
there was probably better cover now than before.  Sure, she out-massed 
her opponent by a thousand to one or so, but she wouldn't have thought 
that trollop Akane would have given her darling Sephy so much trouble, 
either... maybe a more cautious approach was called for.

She nudged he mech forward at a slow, deliberate walk, and twisted back 
and forth at the waist to traverse her sensors and weapons as 
efficiently as possible over Marlo's possible hiding places.  She kicked 
over the entranceway to the ride and inched forward.  The only sound was 
the crunching of the metal railings of the ride queue area under her 
mech's feet.

"Ah."  Daisuke sounded happier.  "Now she's thinking straight.  This 
place has a very odd mix of structures, and B-ko will do better if she 
is more cautious around them."

"I thought we were cheering for Team Life?"

"No, I'm just-"

"Calling things as you see them.  Right."

The targeting computer highlighted a warm spot on the metal staircase on 
the side of the maintenance building/boarding platform.  It wasn't 
Marlo, but he had been hiding there only seconds ago.  Off to her right 
a clanking, ratcheting sound abruptly started - the lift chain for the 
first hill.  And the controls for that would be... 

B-ko pumped another alpha strike into the boarding platform.  The 
concrete slabs of the top floor buckled and collapsed as their supports 
were cut away.  The roof fell next, wiping out the control booth and a 
hundred-foot stretch of the overhead tracks, but by then Marlo's train 
had left the station.  Literally.

As he rode up the first hill, Marlo considered the relative merits of 
fastening the safety harness - he surely wouldn’t want to take the ride 
without it... but then again he wasn't likely to be making a full 
circuit if B-ko had any combat sense at all.  Probably better not to.  
Besides, it would probably lock, and that would defeat his purpose...

"Uh-oh," worried Daisuke.  "I can't believe he wanted to get on that 
ride."

"Yeah!  Doesn't that make him a sitting duck?"

B-ko instantly turned and tracked her escaping opponent, but once more 
she had to wait for her weapons to cool.  She kicked the Ureshii Neko 
into a trotting pace and pursued the coaster train.  She could keep up 
with its forward motion of course, but there was no way that she could 
climb up after it.  In fact, she would have to stay well behind him in 
order to elevate her cannons enough shoot at him.  The heat warning 
light stopped flashing after only a few seconds, and B-ko stopped and 
lined up a shot with one arm-mounted large laser.

CRACK!  Marlo bounced forward out of the hanging seats as the back three 
"cars" of the coaster train blew apart behind him.  The boy twisted and 
caught a dangling belt restraint, avoiding a terminal thirty-meter 
plunge.  He swung there for a moment, staring back down into the barrel 
of a very large laser.

"This might do it folks!  Marlo's trapped!"

"He could try dropping, I suppose," theorized Daisuke.  "He might be 
able to land it... I'd think he'd break something, though."

...and then the lift chain snapped.  The emergency brakes failed, and 
the remaining hanging cars started to roll backwards down the thirty-
five degree incline.  B-ko's killshot went just long as she was late 
correcting for the sudden reversal.  The hanging cars quickly 
accelerated, pulling Marlo along behind them.  He hung on for dear life 
as the Ureshii Neko loomed larger and larger - and then the opportunity 
he had wanted in the first place presented itself.

As the wrecked train rolled back past the mech, Marlo swung himself 
sideways and released the strap.  The train ran off the end of the 
demolished tracks with a frightening clatter as he flew across the gap 
towards the startled B-ko.  He bounced hard off the cockpit window, 
started to fall, then snagged an arm around a massive handhold built 
into the torso of the mech.

"Oh, that works too!" hooted Hiroshi.  "Marlo gets a stunning 
turnaround, and now he has good position to go to work on cracking open 
B-ko's mecha!  We might get a win yet after all!"

"Hey!" yelled B-ko.  "Let go!"   The amplified shout nearly startled 
Marlo loose, but he kept his grip and levered himself up to wrap his 
legs around the giant handhold.  The Ureshii Neko bucked and tossed, but 
it was far too big a machine to reverse direction fast enough to shake 
him off.

With his position secure and his hands free, Marlo got to the task at 
hand.  He reached into FurnitureSpace and found a handy folding chair, 
which he pulled out and slammed against the side window of the cockpit.  
The chair snapped at the hinge, but the window didn't even notice the 
blow.

"He's got to do better than that," groused Daisuke.  "Isn't he getting 
any power boost?"

B-ko did notice it, lurching towards the opposite side of the cockpit in 
momentary fright before she realized how safe she was.  "Those windows 
can stop lasers and missiles and tank shells - what makes you think that 
your puny furniture is going to break through?"

Marlo gritted his teeth and tossed the chair away.  A concrete birdbath 
appeared in his hands and he took a huge overhead swing with it.  The 
bath split in two against the window.  This time B-ko didn't even 
flinch.  "Nyah, nyah!"

The boy grimaced and reached for another, larger implement.  Almost 
without thinking he came up with a wood-burning stove.  It was even lit, 
and thus hot, so he dropped it.  The stove bounced off the side of the 
mech in a shower of metal pieces and flying sparks, but before it got 
completely away Marlo grabbed a cast-iron poker off the tool rack 
mounted on the stove's side.  He ran his finger appreciatively over the 
thick metal rod's sharp tip, then hammered that point into the window.

The poker didn't make nearly as impressive a sound as the other items 
had, but as he tried pulling it back for another blow he could feel that 
it had penetrated at least a little.  Inside, B-ko stared incredulously 
at the tiny pockmark in her side window.  "You-  You-   You scratched my 
Ureshii Neko!  Die!  Diediediediedie!

"Ah, now he's got her mad!  But whose advantage will that work to?" 
wondered Hiroshi.

"I don't understand why she's mad.  He still really isn't doing anything 
that will seriously have a chance of winning the fight.  Come on, Marlo, 
try something bigger!" encouraged Daisuke.

The mech, which had stood motionless as B-ko was laughing at Marlo's 
first, futile efforts, now swung into motion once more.  Its arms swung 
up and tried to knock Marlo loose, but the puny upper-arm myomers were 
not designed for that range of motion and the lack of proper hands 
limited her efforts to wild thrashing.  Marlo was able to mostly ignore 
it, and continued to beat at the window with the poker.  Every blow 
nicked out a gouge only a couple of millimeters wide, so it was going to 
take him a while.

B-ko didn't want to wait that long.  She stopped wildly throwing her 
arms about, and ran her mech straight at a nearby track-support pillar.  
Marlo noticed the change in strategy just in time and let go scant 
meters before he would have been squished to a pulp.  He dropped ten 
meters to the ground, cushioning his fall with a stack of mattresses.  
Above him, the mech smashed into the huge pole with a mighty CLANG!

"He made it out!  Marlo's still okay!"

"But 'Rosh, we're pretty much back where we started - Marlo's on the 
ground, and he still hasn't figured out a way to beat her.  And he has 
to be getting tired."

Inside the cockpit, B-ko shook her head to clear it.  Okay, so maybe she 
hadn't needed to ram quite that hard...

Marlo slowly backed away as the support pillar bent under the weight of 
the mech.  The enormous bolts holding it to the cement base sheared off 
one by one as the entire structure was stressed in a way the builders 
could never have planned for.  When the metal column bent and cracked 
along its entire length, Marlo decide that he had better just run for 
it.

"B-ko had better move..." warned Daisuke.

B-ko finally got herself settled in time to look up and see a half-dozen 
track segments falling on her from a dozen meters above.  She tried to 
spur the Ureshii Neko into a run, but it was far too late.  The metal 
tracks smashed into her missile pods and arms, knocking the mech over 
and entangling it to some degree.

"Now we're getting somewhere!"

"Yeah, but she still hasn't taken any serious damage," noted Daisuke.  
"Marlo has to come up with a way to hurt that mech right now."

Marlo skidded to a halt at a safe distance as the dust settled.  The 
mech was still moving, but it was going to take a minute before it would 
get free.  He wracked his memory for ideas.  An image randomly sprung to 
mind of the time long ago when he'd dropped the Liberty Bell on Hiroshi 
and rung it... but that wasn't going to work here.  He looked up in time 
to see a Liberty Bell fall out of the sky and bounce off the struggling 
mech's waist, leaving a small but noticeable dent.

Hiroshi blinked.  "Oh, ho!  Now he's stretching his power!"

...ooooookay.  He had never had that sort of range before.  So that 
meant he could... 

Marlo concentrated, and a refrigerator popped into existence a hundred 
meters directly above the Ureshii Neko.  It plummeted and smashed 
prettily against one of the mech's legs, but didn't do any real damage.  
Right idea, wrong ammunition.  Well, he could do something about that.  
Concrete picnic benches and fireproof safes and slate pool tables, oh 
my!

"Finally, Marlo has figured out how to take advantage of the power 
boost!"

"Yeah.  Now if he could just do anvils..."

B-ko had just managed to sit her mech up when it started to rain half-
ton furniture.  Her armor held for the moment, and the expended missile 
pods harmlessly absorbed a lot of blows, but the constant battering made 
the precise control necessary to stand hard to find.  After only a few 
seconds of trying, she decided it just wasn't going to work.

Marlo frowned as his opponent's mech seemed to lay back down.  What 
could she be up to?  Then it rolled onto its side and pointed an arm 
cannon in his direction.  Marlo decided to stop concentrating on 
furniture for a moment and start worrying about dodging.  The blast 
actually went high over his head, but he was diving for cover and didn't 
notice.

"Bleah," complained Daisuke.  "Marlo needs to hold his ground better - 
he let that wild shot break his concentration, and now B-ko is going to 
regain the upper hand."

B-ko rolled the mech back the other way and concentrated on making it 
stand up.  Its right knee had a big dent in it and that made getting her 
legs underneath her more difficult, but the Ureshii Neko was built for 
toughness and mobility, so it eventually managed.  She turned back to 
where she had last seen Marlo, and was surprised to find him standing 
out in the open, seemingly making faces at her.

Marlo knew he had to find a way to end this fight quickly.  He wasn't 
too beat up or tired yet, but those lasers were going to get him sooner 
or later.  There had to be something he could drop on her, something 
that would squash that stupid mech once and for all.  

He reached out into FurnitureSpace one more time, looking for something, 
anything at all, big enough to do the job.  He dug "deep" into the 
notional dimensional pocket, "deeper" than he had ever tried to before.  
He could feel something there - he could tell it wasn't proper 
furniture, but it had sort of a furniture "feel" to it, enough so that 
he was sure he could grab it...

"Marlo's up to something!  Something big!  This could be it!"

"It sure could, Hiroshi.  He's letting B-ko line up a perfect shot."

Marlo squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to concentrate.  Whatever this 
thing was, it sure was "heavy".  He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and 
bared his teeth as he made a supreme effort to pry it loose and into 
normal space... and then he felt a pop and a release of tension.  Marlo 
looked up at the sky above the Ureshii Neko and grinned.

B-ko lined up her sights on Marlo for a final alpha strike.  Even if he 
dodged the actual lasers, the heat and concussion would surely slow him 
enough for her to stomp on him.  If he was going to make himself an easy 
target, then she wasn't going to turn down the free shot... but why was 
he smiling now?  She looked up...

"Oh, now that's something worth dropping on a giant robot," declared 
Hiroshi appreciatively.

...and ninety tons of furniture store landed on her mech's shoulders.  
For one instant it looked like the mech would be able to catch the 
building and stay standing, but then the knee myomers failed and the 
faux Mad Cat pitched forward underneath the huge weight.  The mech was 
built tough, but even its reinforced armor simply shattered under that 
impact.  The fusion plant shut itself down immediately so there was only 
a mild spray of million-degree plasma, but the furniture in the store 
caught fire anyway.

"Ah, the sweet smell of burning mecha."  Hiroshi turned to his partner, 
a crazed smile on his face.  "There's no way it's going to get up from 
that, is there?"

"No, I'd say the Ureshii Neko is down for good.  Marlo just has to wrap 
the fight up."

Marlo looked on in satisfaction.  Two-meter blue letters on the side of 
the concrete and brick multi-story building (which was complete, 
basement and foundation and all) proclaimed that it was "Furnitureland".  
Black smoke began to pour out through its shattered windows.  It was not 
resting quite flat, as the Ureshii Neko was solid enough not to be 
totally crushed underneath it, but there was no way anything salvageable 
could remain.

But why wasn't the Referee counting?  Marlo turned to face the ghostly 
image of the gargoyle that seemed to overlay the giant blue coaster to 
the north.  "Hey!  What's wrong with you?"

[There Is Nothing Wrong With Me.]

"I mean, start counting!"

[Neither You Nor Your Opponent Is Incapacitated.  The Count Will Not 
Begin Until One Of Those Two Cases Occurs.]

"But her cat mech thingy isn't moving!"

[The Plagiarized Mecha Is Not Your Opponent.]

"...right."  Marlo shrugged.  Wading through a fire wasn't his idea of a 
good time... but finding B-ko and pounding her to a pulp would be worth 
the hassle.  He started towards the flaming building, looking for a good 
place to enter.  He wondered if she was still trapped in her mech, 
defenseless and angry and panicking...

In a flash of purple light a solid block of ice formed around 
Furnitureland, instantly smothering the flames.  One didn't need to be 
an expert to recognize the effect as magical.

...or maybe he was still screwed.  "Oh, shit."

"Oh, no."  Hiroshi's voice was weak with shattered hope.  "You sure 
called it right, 'Dai.  She does still have that suit."

"I take no pride in it.  I was hoping it was too damaged to repair."

The ice crystal shattered as a massive column of fire burst up from the 
ground off to one side.  It was, Marlo noted weakly, just the right 
distance away to have properly fried him - only the fact that B-ko must 
have gotten a little direction-turned when the building landed on her 
had saved him.

Shards of ice and concrete rained from the sky all around what remained 
of the building.  Marlo cocked his head to one side - he thought someone 
was shouting at him over the loudly-crashing debris.  "What?"

"-said that was a Gaav Flare!  A small one, but still!  She's got some 
different spells this time, but she has that damned suit again after 
all!

Marlo looked up and could make out the ghostly form of Lina Inverse 
standing next to the Referee.  "So?" he called back.  "What am I 
supposed to do about that?"

"Um... well, sappy love stuff worked last week, right?"

"I'm not so hot at sappy, Lina."  Marlo glanced back over his shoulder 
at the flattened, smoldering, and now slushy (due to the ice falling on 
it) Midway.  "And I think the only Dance Dance Revolution box in the 
park is officially toast."

"Then just clobber her!  Hurry, before she tries something really 
apocalyptic like last week!"

"Clobber.  Right."  Marlo snagged another metal folding chair from his 
bottomless supply and started for the collapsed front of Furnitureland.  
Maybe he could make it before anything worse happened.

...but it was already too late for that.  As the last of the really big 
chunks of debris finally landed, B-ko poked her up from behind some 
rubble.  On her head sat the Xelloss-hat, still a little scorched from 
last week's abuse, but functional and smiling.  B-ko's lips were moving, 
and everyone strained to hear what she was mumbling.

"What's she casting now, Dai?"

"I can't tell, but it's long... and that's probably bad news."

"... .... ... ......... ...!"  The wind suddenly picked up, blowing B-
ko's hair straight up from her head.  A sphere of golden light flickered 
around her, but beyond that brightly lit space rank black fog swirled 
and roiled.  Lina gibbered helplessly as she recognized the spell again.  
Marlo started to recognize a few words as he approached and B-ko began 
to speak louder.  "..... ... ...... that ... and I possess!"  

Oh, no.  Lina had confided in him a little about what had almost 
happened last week, and there was no way he was going to make it in 
time.  Only one chance remained.  Marlo gathered all his strength and 
hurled his folding chair at the sorceress wannabe.

This was it!  Xelloss had promised this spell would end any fight, and 
loathe as she was to have to fall back on his bizarre and unfashionable 
tools, B-ko couldn't help but feel the building power.  She ached to set 
it free - even if borrowed, what a glorious triumph!  "GIGA-"  B-ko 
didn't even notice as the chair went by half a meter over her head, 
Marlo's perfect throw spoiled by the huge updraft.  "-SLAVE!"

Marlo and B-ko didn't see or hear or feel anything.  They didn't have a 
chance to.

The rest of the world saw the floor of the arena and a cubical space 
above it suddenly fill with gleaming golden light.  There was no 
explosion, no blast wave, no eardrum-popping concussion - only a cube of 
perfect radiance sitting where the fight had been taking place.  For a 
moment, the more psionically sensitive members of the crowd thought they 
felt a terrible presence within the light.  Lina fell back in shock - 
not at what was at the heart of the Giga Slave, but at the calm, casual 
manipulation of force which contained the fury of the Lord of 
Nightmares.

Then the moment passed and the golden light winked out, leaving a solid 
black void in its place - deeper and colder than even the void 
surrounding the End of Time.

"Whoa," chorused the announcers.

[The Setting Simulacrum And The Contestants Have Been Destroyed, But A 
Resolution Is Necessary.  The Minimum Requirements For Reaching A 
Resolution Will Be Restored.]

"Thank goodness," exclaimed Daisuke.  "I was afraid we had lost both of 
them permanently."

The void vanished and the normal stone arena floor reappeared in its 
place.  A second later, there was a POP, and the two combatants appeared 
standing facing one another.  Neither looked any worse for the wear, 
though Marlo was still looking battered from the various abuse he had 
taken earlier.  Both of them were completely nude.

"Well, they're back!  But, uh, what's with the sudden lack of clothing?"

Daisuke shrugged and admired the view.  "The gargoyle said 'minimum 
requirements' - and he's right.  You don't need to be wearing anything 
to fight, though most people would prefer it for obvious reasons.  
Anyway, this fight is effectively over."

"Whoa.  Nonexistence bites."  Marlo blinked as he took in his opponent's 
state of undress.  He looked down at himself, then back up at the 
audience.  He blushed.  "Um, let's finish this one quick-like, okay?"  A 
snap of the fingers later, he was holding one last folding chair.

B-ko was blushing as well, and trying to cover herself with her arms.  
She backed away as best she could while hunched over.  "Can we talk 
about this?  I could set you up with a great position in the fam-"

CRUNCH!  B-ko crumpled forward to the floor.  Marlo raised his chair 
overhead in triumph, then blushed furiously once more and moved the 
chair down to strategically cover himself.  After a moment's thought, he 
tossed a large throw-pillow over B-ko and then quickly walked out of the 
arena.

The crowd roared with laughter, first at the, uh, spectacles they had 
just witnessed, and then in relief that their champions had finally won 
a fight.

[The Second Stage Is Completed,] the Referee announced above the buzzing 
audience.  [The Count Stands:  Five Victories For The Prophet Of Life, 
Seven Victories For The Prophet Of Destruction.]

This quieted the crowd back down.  For once, the fans of Team 
Destruction were able to make themselves heard.  "Yeah!"  "Use me, 
Xelloss, use me!"  "Naga rulez!"  "Go, Johnny, go!"

"Not a good night for Team Life, Daisuke."  Hiroshi was still not 
himself, but the hysteria had left him.  Now he was just numb.

"No, but at least it wasn't a complete disaster.  This is not 
irretrievable.  They only need another night as good as last week's to 
catch up.  And I think they've learned a lot from this week - Akane and 
Marlo know for sure that they can play on the Omega level with the big 
boys, and now all of them have had a chance to feel out the setting.  
Plus, they have to realize that two of their losses this week were just 
sheer bad luck."

"So you think they can make a comeback?"

"Let's hope so, Hiroshi, let's hope so."

[Seven Days Shall Pass,] the Referee intoned.  [The Third Stage Of The 
Tournament At The End Of Time Shall Resume.  Now, The Witnesses Will 
Depart.]

Once more the stands emptied.  A few stragglers from Team Life met at 
the ramp and walked out through the gates.  The Ultra and IMAX camera 
crews filmed their exit, then quietly shut down their equipment and 
followed them out.  Team Destruction had already left the building.

***

Mary called a Team Life huddle as soon as they left the arena.  
Unfortunately, with all their losses it had to be held in the infirmary 
space.

"Look, I know it was a rough week-" she started, but was interrupted by 
an outpouring of frustration and anger.

"Rough?  We lost *five*!"

"Xelloss is cheating!"

"They have bigger guns than we do!"

"Why didn't you-"

"You should have-"

"Are you really-"

Mary backed up, unprepared for the onslaught from her own team, and even 
more unprepared to defend herself.

"Stop it."  Surprisingly, everyone did.  They turned to face Sagat, who 
had sat up on his cot.  "Tell me - how is it her fault?"

Nobody answered.

"Exactly.  It's not.  If there's fault, it's ours.  Li and Team Rocket 
just plain lost their fights.  They had reasonable chances, and 
Destruction was just a little better, a little smarter today.  Akane got 
robbed.  Ash... well, he needs to work on his knotting skills, but you 
have to admit he had a lousy draw on the conditions."

"And what about you?" asked Duo, though not with any real hostility.

"I..."  Sagat had to stop and consider.  "I found out some things about 
myself at an awkward moment, and I didn't know how to handle it.  I 
didn't control myself, and I failed all of you.  I'm sorry."

"If it's any consolation, we always thought of you as a monster, not a- 
OW!"  Ranma grabbed his head as Akane dropped a mallet on it.

"I'll accept that in the spirit in which it was offered.  Seriously, 
though, we're not out of this thing yet.  All of us have fought, now, 
and that's got to be an advantage.  We'll get some breaks eventually - 
trust me, I was on the other side long enough to know.  The good guys 
always have better karma."

Lina stepped up next.  "Not always, but he's right, our luck will 
change.  My biggest worry is the Referee."  Everyone nodded agreement as 
she went on.  "Something happened to it that cost Akane the fight, and 
that scares me."

"Was it Xelloss, or someone from Destruction?" wondered Akane.

"I don't think so."  Lina appeared completely puzzled.  "Xelloss conned 
B-ko into using the Giga Slave to try to destroy the universe without 
the Ref's help... but it didn't work because the Referee was powerful 
enough to contain it.  The thing didn't even have to try hard!  I can't 
even begin to imagine the sort of power that would be necessary to 
monkey with the Referee, and trust me, I can imagine an awful lot of 
power.  We're talking about ultimate, universal power levels here."

Mary started slightly, but held her peace.  No one noticed.

"If Xelloss had that sort of ability, this would already be over.  
Everything would have been over at one of the last two or three big 
crises.  No, either the Ref simply is malfunctioning, or someone else is 
getting involved."

That was a scary thought.

Eventually Mary spoke up again.  "I let Xelloss get to me when we were 
choosing.  I don't know if that affected the outcome or not, but it set 
a bad tone.  Look, we had a bad week, but we know where we can improve.  
We know we can do well - we did last week, and this week could easily 
have ended up even if things had been a little different.

"Go home.  Get some rest.  Get this round out of your head, and we'll 
come back and kick ass next week.  Okay?"

The response wasn't enthusiastic, but it was positive.  Mary figured 
that would have to do.

***

"Xelloss!  A word."

The ever-smiling Mazoku frowned.  Sephiroth sounded quite unhappy.  Not 
that that wasn't supposed to happen eventually, but just now it might be 
a little inconvenient.  "How can I help you?  Do you need a new sword?"

Sephiroth and B-ko caught up with their fearless leader.  Both of them 
looked irate.

"I will take care of my own weapons.  Indeed, after today I would 
hesitate before accepting one from you."

"You tricked me," burst out B-ko.  "That lousy magic armor of yours 
actually killed me!  You have five seconds to explain why I shouldn't 
just come back here with the family goon squad and liquidate this little 
popsicle stand."

"Whoa, whoa.  I did tell you it was experimental - and I couldn't know 
that you wouldn't be able to handle that spell, could I?"

Sephiroth shook his head.  "I just had a little chat with Naga - I don't 
think anyone could cast that spell, other than Lina Inverse.  You had 
some agenda other than winning."

"Well..."

"I'm not going to kill you, Xelloss.  I have my reasons for wanting to 
see you win.  But don't try anything like this again."

Xelloss smiled once more.  "Yes, speaking of agendas, what is yours?  
You know something about the Prophet of Life, don't you?  Would you like 
to share?"

"No."  Then it was Sephiroth's turn to smile.  "Sore wa himitsu desu."

Xelloss vanished in a huff.

"Sephy, darling, are you sure we want to keep playing his little game?  
You know he had to be lying about the reward if we won..."

Sephiroth turned and regarded his lover fondly.  "I knew that from the 
beginning.  It's nice to see that you've figured it out too - I worried 
that when things came to a head, we would be on opposing sides."

"Sides?"

"Yes.  There is a group of us who are making contingency plans for when 
Xelloss inevitably betrays up.  It would be good if you were to join - I 
trust them only fractionally more than I trust Xelloss."

***

"So, have you decided to use it yet?"

Bean tugged at his shirt sleeve.  "Not yet.  Gonna wait a bit more."

Lei shrugged.  "Don't waste an opportunity.  Make sure you use it 
wisely."

"Oh, I will.  Believe me.  I've thought about this a lot."

***

--> Hey!  How'd it go? <--

Lain sniffled.  "You saw how Akane lost, right?  That was me."

--> Ouch.  But hey, you got in! <--

"I got in once.  I tried to download its 'code' or whatever, and it 
caused a problem.  When I tried again after Ultra was over, it's denying 
me access.  I might be able to get around it, but that'll involve 
dissecting the network system even further and then hand coding a tool 
to exploit flaws.  If there are any."

--> Buck up, kiddo.  You had to get something out of it, didn't you? <--

Lain nodded to herself.  "I don't know how it will be of any use, but I 
also got into the, uh, definition file for the End of Time.  It looks 
like it's a static spell program that maintains and controls how this 
reality bubble manifests.  With a little work, we could probably reshape 
this place however we wanted to... though the long-term residents might 
not like that too well."

--> Oooh, that could be fun.  Can you send us... I mean me the file? <--

Lain clicked through a menu and selected the file.  "Here it comes.  
When are you going to get here?"

--> There's still a bunch of things that need to be prepared.  But yeah, 
it'll be soon. <--

"Mr. Duck says 'Squeak!'"

***

"Nabs?"  Tarou stuck his head into his boss's office, but the lights 
were out and he started to close the door behind him.

"A year ago, I would have destroyed you for calling me that."  Tarou 
heard Nabiki take a deep breath.  Her chair creaked.  "Come on in.  Turn 
on a light."

Tarou reversed course once more, and slapped the light switch as he 
entered.  Nabiki was slumped behind her desk.  It was apparent she had 
been crying.  "What's the matter?  I know you're not upset about the PPV 
replay draw," he half-joked.

"No."  She sat silently for a few seconds, and Tarou noticed her hands 
were trembling.  "It's just the tournament.  I got all wrapped up in the 
business side of things again. That's who I am," she declared 
defensively.  "That's what I do."

"And we all love you for that, Nabiki," Tarou responded mildly.  
"There's nothing wrong with it, as long as you don't stomp on too many 
people in the process, and you certainly aren't doing that this time 
'round."

"I know, I know."

"And?"

"Well, I was watching the crew edit the show and it really hit me - this 
could be it.  It really could be the end of everything.  I knew that 
already, but I hadn't seriously considered the possibility that it might 
come true."  She sniffed.  "And it really scares me, Tarou."

He nodded gravely.  "Yeah.  Me too.  We had our little meeting after the 
round, and Team Life isn't dead yet, but this was a bad blow."

"And the worst part is that I really can't do anything about it!  I sat 
down and tried to work out how I could make things come out right... and 
I couldn't!"

Tarou walked around the desk and crouched down in front of her to look 
straight into her eyes.  "You already have helped.  Trust me."

Nabiki blinked, then unexpectedly plunged forward into his arms.  "Oh, 
Tarou... thank you.  Thank you for everything."

"It's my pleasure, Ms. Tendo."

There was silence for a long time.

"Tarou, promise me.  No matter what it takes, don't let Xelloss win."

"I promise, Nabs.  He won't."

***

The first day after the second round of the Tournament at the End of 
Time, the news media had basically two things to say.  

The first one was obvious - Team Life was in trouble.  Not a lot needed 
to be said - after all, everyone had seen it for themselves - but the 
editors put tremendous amounts of effort into designing graphics that 
would more clearly explain the concept of "seven to five" and huge 
amounts of time into phrasing the two-word headlines that would sell the 
most newsprint.

The other was considerably less trivial.  It was hardly fair, the 
talking heads observed, for this teenage girl to carry the fate of the 
world on her shoulders.  Not that she was a bad person or anything, but 
was she really the Prophet of Life?  She certainly hadn't done that 
great a job this week - why hadn't she reused some fighters, or put 
together ad hoc tag teams like Xelloss had?  It was a sign of her 
immaturity.  It was a sign of her lack of seriousness.  It was a sign 
that she was going to fail.

There had to be some mistake.  There had to be some alternative.

There had to be some way to replace her.

***

++++++++++++++++++++++++
MTCFF ULTRA #89 RESULTS:
++++++++++++++++++++++++

][ The PRESS gets uppity.
][ NABIKI gets rich.  Again.
][ MR. SATAN def. LI PING.
][ SEPHIROTH def. AKANE, but he got lucky, because...
][ LAIN gets some useful information, but distracts the REFEREE.
][ NAGA def. ASH, and looks awfully good in the process.
][ UNDEAD JOHNNY and DARK SCHNEIDER def. TEAM ROCKET.
][ ALBERTO def. SAGAT.
][ SAGAT discovers the hard way that he's not such a bad guy.
][ MARLO def. B-KO, twice.

][ FINAL ULTRA STATUS:
][ TEAM LIFE: 5 WINS
][ TEAM DESTRUCTION: 7 WINS



Author's notes:

There are a lot of things that could be said here, some of them good, 
many of them not, about the process of writing this episode.  I think 
I'm going to keep most of them to myself this time.  This monstrosity 
turned out much better than I had feared... I just hope I didn't screw 
up too many things along the way.  Writing without an outline is not a 
method I can recommend, but because of the way I inherited the authoring 
duties, it was the way this one happened.

I have a lot of sympathy for Chu - the previous episode created a lot of 
issues that needed to be dealt with, and even starting to write was a 
daunting task.  I've tried to close a few things out, consolidate a few 
others, very obliquely nudge some of the more sensitive things, and 
ignore what I didn't have time for.  The result is an ep that's 
relatively flat, but moves the story forward in (hopefully) an 
entertaining way.

Twoflower was great - he got me up to speed as soon as the switch 
happened (and didn't pitch too much of a fit).  And as my projected 
deadline kept drifting, he didn't ream me out too hard.  I hope I have 
met his expectations and made his job easier.

Kurt, David, and Fury all wrote fights.  While I might have wanted a 
couple of them to be a bit longer, that's the only complaint I can make.  
Their text integrated much better than I expected, and that saved me 
several hours this weekend.  Delfina helped a lot, too - she contributed 
a few scenes (you'll figure out which when her part shows up) and acted 
as a sounding board in the formative stages.  In the end, I used about 
half of Chu's original card, so I really need to give him credit as 
well.  Props to Shadra for helping with a little Japanese.

One unfortunate situation that needs to be addressed happened in the 
course of arranging the group aspect of this part.  As I started, I 
decided to give a new author a chance to help.  As the pressure mounted 
to get the part together, I gave him a deadline and he missed it.  I 
panicked and reassigned the fight to someone else who had offered their 
services in the meantime... and then the new author delivered.

In the end, I went with the second Alberto/Sagat that came in.  It was 
about four times the size, and did not require near the editorial effort 
that the first one would have.  I hope I haven't stepped on too many 
toes in this process.  I regret the way that it played out, but I am 
convinced that I did the best thing for the episode and for Ultra.

I didn't do a whole lot of research for this ep.  

Those of you who have been to Cedar Point will notice that my geography 
has been simplified a little for storytelling purposes.  Despite my 
knocking it over, the Raptor is the single best ride in the known 
universe and I encourage everyone (with strong stomachs) to go try it.

Yes, I know I'm violating Slayers canon, sort of.  Deal. ^_^;

And I had to look up a few things for Naga's wardrobe.  Her winning 
sleepshirt is modeled off of a similar garment featured in the sleepwear 
section of the Victoria's Secret website.  And to think they thought I 
was kidding when I announced in #iff that I was doing Ultra research 
where no Ultra research had been done before.


...now that it's over, I can finally get drunk and play GTA.  Or 
anything that doesn't involve writing.  Gah.  I don’t want to even look 
at a keyboard for a few weeks.


Kerry "Ked" Stump
February 24, 2002


As I looked up the date just now, I realized that this episode will be 
released almost exactly two years to the day since my first Ultra ep 
appeared.  I hope that my writing has improved since then.  It strikes 
me that my life certainly has.  I'm not going to attribute my putting 
the pieces back together to Ultra, but this series will always occupy a 
special place in my memory for coinciding with and being a part of this 
period.  Thank you, everyone who has contributed and criticized and 
striven to make this series happen.