Nabiki looked at her bank statements.  She was rich!  Rich!  She 
loved being rich.  Even though the world might just possibly end, 
she was still rich.  However, she wouldn't dwell on that.  She 
believed in Mary and all of the fighters.  And one fighter in 
particular.  "Tarou, you had better win this one."

She couldn't dwell on him, though.  She had more important things 
to do.  According to exit polls taken after the last Ultra, Mary's 
approval ratings weren't that high.  She needed to do something 
about that.  Hm, the girl has reddish-brown hair ... she'd probably 
look really good in a deep blue.  The color of the sky, of hope.  
People would eat that up.  Let's see, she's a bit older now ... 
definitely got to go for a more contemporary look.  Robes are so 
retro.  Maybe a pantsuit.  And she could pull her hair back into a 
neat chignon.  Hm, Mary definitely needed to work on her public 
presence, as well.

Nabiki hated to admit it, but maybe Team Rocket would be the 
best ones for the job.

*****

Xelloss buzzed through 328 channels in .162 seconds.  "There's 
nothing on," he sighed.  "I'm so bored.  I wonder if my people are 
doing anything interesting."   He tilted his head thoughtfully.  
"Probably not."

He stopped at one channel.  "Dancing men in kilts?"  He shrugged.  
"Well, there isn't anything else on..."  His eyes fell on a book lying 
on his end table.  "Ah, I should catch up on my reading."  He 
snapped a finger and the book appeared in his hands.  The title on 
the spine read:  Inspirational Speech-Making as Torture:  How To 
Screw With Your Evil Minions, by Jack Napier.

"Ahh, this'll be so much fun," Xelloss said as he started to skim the 
book's contents.

*****

"Mary, we need to talk to you."  The girl looked up to see Nabiki, 
flanked by Jessie and James.  "It's about your image."

"What?"  Mary looked confused.  "I don't understand."

"Polls are saying that the people don't approve of you as a 
Prophet." Nabiki said, "so we're going to take action."

"...Action?"  Mary edged away a bit.  "What are you going to do to 
me?"

Nabiki gave a curt gesture and Jessie and James moved in on 
Mary.  "Don't worry, this won't hurt *me* a bit."

The young Prophet sweatdropped as Team Rocket advanced with 
accessories in hand.

*****

Daisuke and Shermie were sitting together in front of a big TV 
located somewhere in one of the many rooms at the End of Time.  
The two were sharing a bowl of popcorn and watching old 
episodes of Ultra.

"Aww.  Remember this?  That was the episode when I tried to kill 
you with a--"

"I remember.  Believe me, I remember."

"Oh, but then Yashiro and Chris..."  She trailed off, her gaze 
moving from the screen to her folded hands.  She was surprised 
when another hand appeared in her sights.  "Hm?"

"Shermie, I know you're sad about them, but you can't help it if 
they decided to go to Xelloss."

"But they didn't even ask me.  They just left."  Shermie sniffled a 
bit.  "They don't care about me, anymore.  Yash-chan doesn't care."

Daisuke sighed.  "Do you really want to work for Xelloss again?  I 
think Yashiro didn't invite you because he didn't want you to get 
hurt."

She peeked at Daisuke from underneath her eyelashes.  "Yash-
chan was ... worried about me?"

"I'm sure of it.  He didn't look very proud of himself when he saw 
you, you know.  Don't worry, just hope that the Good Guys win."

Shermie nodded.  "Then Yash-chan and Chris and I can get back to 
normal.  Our band did quite good, you know."

"He knows, he has all of your CDs," Hiroshi said as he plopped 
down a bag of chips on the coffee table and sank into the plush 
couch next to Daisuke.

"Nice of you to join us, Hiroshi." Daisuke said, throwing his friend 
a nasty glance.  "Where's Rei?"

"right here, daisuke."  The lavender-haired pilot held a tray full of 
drinks.  "would you like a root beer?"

"Oh, thanks.  Shermie, would you like a glass?"

The girl nodded.  "Thank you, Rei."  She took the proffered 
beverage and took a sip.

"i don't think you should worry about yashiro and chris, shermie.  
they know what they are doing," Rei said, sitting next to Hiroshi.  
He put an arm around her and pulled her closer.

"Rei's right.  Don't let it worry you, Shermie.  Besides, you've got 
Daisuke now," Hiroshi conveniently ignored the look Daisuke 
threw at him.  

"and us too, of course," Rei added.

Shermie's eyes opened wide.  "Thank you."

Daisuke sighed and put the tub of popcorn on the table, then 
extended an arm to Shermie.  She quickly curled into his side with 
a little murmur.  Daisuke pointedly ignored the jab in the side he 
received from Hiroshi.

*****

            { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
            {    C R O S S O V E R    F I G H T I N G      }
            {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
            {                .-----------.                 }
            {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
            {                `-----------'                 }
            {          http://www.mtcffultra.com           }
 
                 ][                       .     .    ][
                 ][                        |   |     ][
                 ][                       .|   |.    ][
                 ][    _______             |___|     ][
                 ][. . | . . . . . . . _. .     . . .][
                 ][    |___   | |\  | /  \ |         ][
                 ][    |      | | \ | |__| |         ][
                 ][    |      | |  \| |  | |         ][
                 ][. . | . . . . . . . . . |___ . . .][
                 ][    |                   _____     ][
                 ][                       .  |  .    ][
                 ][                          |       ][
                 ][                       .  |  .    ][
                 ][      **********         ___      ][
                 ][       PART ONE        .|   \.    ][
                 ][      **********        |___/     ][
                 ][                       .|  \ .    ][
                 ][     Yaoi is the        |   \     ][
                 ][      Ultra of         . ___ .    ][
                 ][        ...             /   \     ][
                 ][     THE FUTURE!       .|---|.    ][
                 ][                        |   |     ][
                 ][                       .     .    ][


                             Episode 90 
               
                Written By: Delfina
             	Guest Bookers:  Shachihoko and Jesse Elleman
		MTCFF Ultra Created By: Twoflower

*****

Nabiki, Tarou and Lina chitchatted in one of the many side rooms 
of the End of Time.

"Are you sure you want Team Rocket doing this, Nabiki?"

"I trust them to do the right thing, Tarou."

"They'll definitely give a unique spin on the whole Prophet thing," 
Lina said.  She looked at her watch.  "I wish they would hurry up, I 
wanted to talk to Mary before we go to choose."

Jessie peeked out from behind a dressing screen.  "Don't hurry 
perfection, Lina!"

Lina rolled her eyes.  "How long are you going to be?"

James stepped into the room, carrying a makeup bag.  "Hey, girls!  
I found that light rosebud blush I told you about!  It'll definitely 
bring out Mary's healthy complexion."  He disappeared behind the 
screen.  Various rustling noises were heard and some faint protests, 
presumably from Mary.  Fifteen minutes later, both Jessie and 
James emerged from behind the screen and posed.

"Here she comes ... Miss Prophet of Life..." James sang.  Sorta.  
He held a rose and looked very bishounen, so his awful singing can 
be forgiven.

"Come on, Mary," Jessie commanded, waving at the girl behind 
the screen.

"Fine, fine.  I'm coming."  The teenager stepped out timidly.  Lina, 
Nabiki and Tarou all looked surprised at her appearance.  Mary 
blushed slightly.  "Do I look okay?"

"You're not in shinyleather!" Lina exclaimed.  She looked sharply 
at Team Rocket.  "Are you two feeling all right?"

"Hmph."  Jessie folded her arms.  "I think she looks great."

"She does," Nabiki said, looking a little awed.

"Yeah, she's a real babe," Tarou agreed with a lascivious grin.  He 
was promptly elbowed by Nabiki.  Lina watched the two and 
snickered.

Mary laughed and did a little twirl.  "I thought I wouldn't look all 
right."  She was wearing a light blue jacket with a cream silk 
blouse and a pair of matching blue slacks.  On her feet was a pair 
of medium-sized heels with cute little bows.  Her hair was pulled 
back in an elegant chignon and was accented with small lilies of 
the valley.  A ribbon choker with a tiny bouquet of white flowers 
completed the outfit.

"It's a nice mix between professional and girlish," Nabiki 
commented.

Lina nodded.  "The lilies are a nice touch."  She touched Mary's 
arm.  "Are you ready to go speak to the troops?"

"Yes, I think I am."  She pulled Jessie and James into a little group 
hug.  "Clothes really do help.  Thanks."

"Oh, it was no problem, with Team Rocket on the job," Jessie 
waved away her thanks.  "Come on, let's go show everyone how 
great you look!"  She took one of Mary's arms and started to escort 
her out of the room.

"You guys go on ahead, we'll be right behind you," Nabiki said.

James looked back and forth from her to Tarou.  "Well then, we'll 
see you later."  He took Lina's arm and walked her out.  "Ta!"

"Hm, think they know?" Tarou pondered.

Nabiki laughed.  "About us?  Them?"

Tarou grinned widely.  "So it's 'us' again, hm?"  She blushed and 
swore she would never do that again.  He noted the blush and 
thought she looked rather cute.  She noticed him noticing the blush 
and blushed even deeper, but didn't waste any time taking his hand 
and entwining her fingers in his.

"Come on, let's not follow *too* far back, or even they'll figure it 
out."

He chuckled softly.  "Well then, what's taking you so long?"

*****

Team Life (and associates) were currently gathered somberly in 
the dojo of their facilities at the End of Time.  Mary was standing 
on a small podium that had been set up for her and smiled 
cheerfully at the crowd.  She patted her hair a little self-
consciously as she looked at her team.  Lina was standing a little to 
the side of her.  "All right, everyone.  I know that we're a little 
behind, but we've got more chances to catch up, today."

Some members nodded, others looked somewhat doubtful, and 
some even looked downright optimistic.

"We're going to do it for you, and the world," Ranma said.  "I don't 
think anyone should worry."  He put a hand on his fiancee's arm.  
"Akane may have gotten cheated the last round, but that had to be 
a fluke.  The other side doesn't know what happened either."

Li (Ping) stood up.  "Ranma's right!  Akane was robbed.  That just 
proves that the only way Team Destruction's going to win is if they 
have luck on their side.  We don't have luck, we have skill, and she 
proved that."

Sakura (Kasugano) rose beside him.  "Even though not all of us 
here are fighting, we are all here for support.  We've got a stake in 
this, too, and we believe in all of you who were picked.  You were 
all chosen for a reason.  Mary knows what she's doing.  Besides, 
we're the good guys.  It's been said before, but bears saying again:  
Everyone knows the good guys never lose!"

"She's right, of course.  We were born for this sort of thing!"  
Shingo added, not to be outdone by his comrades in the 
inspirational speech-making department.

"Heh."  Sagat smirked.  "That is true, in a sense.  I am probably a 
good example of that."  He pointed at Tifa.  "She knows."  He 
nodded at Lina who acknowledged curtly.  "As does she.  As do 
many of you.  None of us are new to the struggle between good 
and evil.  Even though some of us were, admittedly, on the other 
side."

Mary's eyes shone brightly.  "Thank you."

"Mary, it's no problem.  We're all here for you.  You brought us all 
together for a reason," Duo grinned at the Prophet and gave her a 
thumb up.  "You're doing a bang-up job so far."  The Gundam pilot 
put an arm around the cyborg at his side.  "And we all have 
something we're fighting for."  Gally blushed, just a tad.

"That's so sweet," Misty gushed.  Ash gave her a strange look.

"Hey, Misty, you know I'm fighting for you, too, right?"

Misty's eyes widened.  "Thanks, Ash."

Team Rocket, who was sitting behind them, both sighed and wiped 
tears from their eyes.  "That was so sweet," James gushed.

"Aww.  James, you know that I'm fighting for you, too, right?"  
Jessie asked.

James' eyes widened.  "I love you, Jessie!"

"I love you, James!"  The two hugged.

Sakura (Kinomoto) ignored the two bawling Pokemon trainers and 
bounced out of her seat.  "You're all wonderful fighters!  
Everything will be all right, you'll see."  She smiled brightly at 
Mary.  "Everything will be all right."

"Just don't screw up," {Shaoran} Li added.  Sakura glared at him, 
then sat down again.  

Kero-chan whapped him on the head.  "Shut up, kid."  He dodged 
the swipe Li aimed at him and flew behind Sakura, then blew Li a 
raspberry.  Tomoyo simply giggled while Sakura (Kinomoto) 
sweatdropped.

"I agree with the children."  Mousse stepped out of the shadows.  
"I think Mary's choices were valid.  Everyone she picked has 
something unique about them, whereas Team Destruction was 
mainly picked for its heavy hitters.  Everyone is equal in the ring, 
in power levels that is, so it's that little 'something else' that will 
give us the edge, I think."

"Well, then, now that we have that out of the way, let's get this 
show on the road, shall we?" Nabiki interrupted.  "Fight the good 
fight!"  The crowd cheered loudly, lifting Mary's spirits.

Beside her, Ultraman commented out of the corner of his mouth, "I 
saw those cameras you put in.  You just want to make some more 
money off of the special."

Nabiki grinned.  "You know me too well."

*****

Xelloss stood on a podium, looking over his loyal fighters.  (Well, 
somewhat loyal.  He knew that a few of them had already made 
arrangements, just in case.  But that really wasn't an issue...)
"Howdy folks, and welcome to the first official pep rally for 
Team Destruction!  I hope you all like the nifty logo I designed?"  
He held up a small flag with a picture of him on it, holding two 
fingers up in a victory sign.  A tiny 'TD' appeared in the corner.  
"Isn't this so cute?"

Alberto briefly ran the possibilities of taking his flag and using it to 
make Xelloss uncomfortable, then decided that could wait until 
later.  "What do you want, Xelloss?"

"Whaaat?  I just want to inspire you!  Make you happy!  Cheerful!  
Gay!"

Dark Schneider cut him off.  "We get the picture.  Shouldn't we be 
plotting strategy, though?"

Xelloss put a finger to his chin and looked thoughtful.  "Hm, that 
would be smart, wouldn't it?  I knew I picked you for a reason!"

"Get on with it, Xelloss."  Morrigan said.

"Fine, fine.  I just wanted to tell you that I'm so proud of all of you 
for getting us ahead of Team Life!  Keep up the good work!"  He 
shook his finger at them.  "Now, I'm not entirely sure what Mary's 
planning, so we've all got to keep on our toes.  Make sure that we 
keep the margin as high as it is, or get it even higher."

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!  Of *course* we will.  Just look at 
my stupendous victory last match."

Xelloss actually sweatdropped.  "Right, Naga.  Great job.  And the 
rest of you are doing super jobs as well!"

"How much more of this drivel do we have to listen to, Xelloss?" 
Sephiroth asked.

"I'm almost done, really!"  Xelloss paused.  "I just wanted you to 
know how very special you are to me.  Be careful out there and 
beat the crap out of those goody-two-shoes!"  He glanced at an 
imaginary watch.  "Oh, look!  It's time to assemble!  Let's not be 
late!"  Xelloss flickered out of sight.

All of the non-ditzy members of Team Destruction exchanged 
glances.  "He's plotting something," they concluded, before getting 
up to go to the arena.

*****

Lain looked at her screen blankly.  She hadn't gotten anywhere 
with the data analysis program on the Universe file.

-->  Hey!  What's going on?  <--

"Nothing much here, trying to finish the data analysis.  You?"

--> Oh, I have *plans*!  But they're not set in place yet, I've still 
got some, uh, errands to run.  <--

"...Right."

-->  Might be gone a while, but have fun and do whatever you 
want. I believe in you!  And Mr. Duck!  <--

"SQUEAK!"

-->  Aww, I love you, too!  But, really, I've gotta go!  Be in touch 
later!  <--

"Kay."  She leaned back in her chair and watched the monitors.  
"Should be beginning anytime now..."  Her Navi chimed.  "Hm, 
what's this?"  The data analysis blinked and opened up a new 
window.  Clicking on it brought up a string of code.  "Ahh ... 
maybe this is what I was looking for."  The keyboard clicked as 
she rapidly typed out commands.

*****

The fighters were assembled in the arena.  Team Life surrounded 
their petite Prophet, while Team Destruction tried to remain as far 
away from their Prophet as possible, as well as keep the maximum 
amount of distance from Team Life as well.

Mary looked at her team of fighters and smiled brightly.  "It's 
going to be all right, everyone.  We can change things here."

Xelloss idly flipped the volume switch on his Walkman.  "Yes, 
yes.  Let's get on with this."

Bean glared at the mazoku.  "Don't be too sure."

"Heh, sure, sure.  You say that now, when you're how many 
behind?"  Johnny tipped his sunglasses at the rough rider.

Xelloss flicked the tuner on the radio.  "I believe that would be two 
matches behind."

"Thanks!  When your brains are falling out, it's hard to keep track 
of little things, ya know?"  Johnny grinned and winked at his 
teammates.  B-ko and Naga turned slightly green and shied away 
from him, using nearby males as cover.

[The Prophets Have Assembled Their Fighters For A Third Time.  
Now, The Contests Will Be Determined.]  With these words from 
the stoic Referee, the arena faded into nothingness as the teams 
found themselves floating in space.  This time they appeared to be 
orbiting around a reddish-orange planet with a bright yellow sun.  
Occasional bursts of flame emitted from the star and made some of 
the fighters on the edge of the edifice step in a bit closer to the rest 
of the crowd.  (Despite that, the view - an endless drop into space - 
wasn't exactly the type to make them want to lean over the edge to 
get a bigger eyeful.)

[This Is The Third Stage Of The Tournament.  The Fights Shall 
Number Six.]  Six floating balls, made out of a particularly shiny 
and colorful stone, popped into existence and bounced off the 
edges of the platform (one crushing B-ko's latest mecha) before 
floating into space.  Startled fighters moved even closer to the 
center of the huge piece of rock they were standing on.  B-ko eyed 
the remains and started weeping into Sephiroth's chest.  Sephiroth 
almost sweatdropped.  Almost, because to have done so would 
have admitted weakness.

"I'm sensing a pattern here," muttered Sagat, once he had 
established a position that was as far away from the edge as he 
could possibly manage.  "Well, Xelloss, who's fighting first?"

[Life Shall Choose The first Challenger.]

"I think I'll have ... hey!  I was supposed to go first!"  Xelloss 
pouted.

Lina smirked.  "Mary, go ahead."

The young Prophet of Life breathed in deeply.  Opening her eyes 
slowly, she let her gaze drift over the assembled.  A certain young 
brunette fighter captured her eye.  "I choose Tifa."  Tifa 
Lockheart's name was blazoned upon one of the floating stones.

"You can't do that!" Bean protested.  "We're a team!"

Xelloss pulled his headphones on more securely and waved his 
finger at Bean.  "Tsk, tsk.  Mary made her choice ... and now--"

[Destruction Shall Choose The First Champion.]

Xelloss paused in his channel surfing.  "Hm.  I think I'll pick ... Mr. 
Satan."

The glowing rock pulsed for a moment as the fighter's name 
appeared.

The (former) World's Greatest Hero stepped up.  "Thank you, 
Xelloss.  I won't let you down."

"Why not let me fight, Xelloss?" Alberto asked.

"Because," Xelloss peered closely at his Walkman's display, "Mr. 
Satan won last time.  Granted you did as well, but hey!  I felt like 
giving him another match."  He grinned at Alberto.  "Don't worry, 
I haven't forgotten about you!"

[Conditions Are Standard.  The Setting Is A Rice Field Outside 
Inba-mura, Chiba Prefecture, Japan.]

"A rice field?  Great," Tifa remarked.

Li Ping tapped Tifa's shoulder.  "Hey, maybe we can train a bit 
before the match, together.  I'm sure we can think of something to 
help you practice."

Tifa nodded.  "That'd be nice."

[Destruction Shall Choose The Second Challenger.]

"Oh, who to pick?  Choices, choices."  Xelloss tucked his radio 
into his belt.  

"Why don't we pick for you, Xelloss?" Lina said, beaming at the 
trickster priest.

Xelloss merely chuckled softly.  "Thank you for the offer, but no 
thanks.  I'm going to use Bison."

Letters forming Melvin Bison's name drifted onto the next stone.

[Life Shall Choose The Next Champion.]

"Mary!  Pleeeeeeeeease!  Let me fight!"

Mary looked at the speaker and nodded.   "I choose Dan."

"Yahoooiee!  I will not let you down!"

[The Conditions Are Dance Dance Revolution.  Setting Is 
UltraDome Game Room.]

"Yes!  Piazza got hit again!"  Xelloss blinked and looked up.  
"What?  DDR?"

[Yes.]

"Do you mean, like, that dance game?" a small, blonde girl asked.

[Yes.]

Said girl jumped up and down, her curls bouncing.  "That'll be so 
much fun!  You're lucky, Bison!"

"You're an odd girl, Bulleta," Bison remarked.  "So we're 
competing on DDR?"

[Yes.]

Dan puffed out his strong, manly chest proudly.  "Ha!  Do you fear 
the might of Dan Dan Revolution?"

Bison gritted his teeth.  "This is not a fair fight."

[It Is A Fair Fight Because Both Of You Will Have Equal 
Opportunity To Best One Another.  Life Shall Choose The Next 
Challenger.]

Mary's eyes brightened.  "Dan!  You'll do great, I know you will!  
Now, for my next choice ... I think, Marlo.  You did a good job last 
time."

"I'll do a great job this time, too.  I can put the smack down on 
anything Xelloss throws at me," the furniture warrior said.

"Good, because I'm picking Bulleta.  You go girl!" Xelloss grinned 
evilly at Marlo.  Marlo turned a little pale as he looked at the 
innocent-seeming child.

"Yay!  We'll have lots of fun, won't we?"  Bulleta jumped up and 
down gleefully.  "I need to get some new things to play with, 
first!"

[Conditions Are Standard.  Setting Will Be An Intercontinental 
Ballistic Missile Flying Over The Atlantic Ocean.]

Even Bulleta blinked at that one.

"As in, we'll be fighting on the missile?" Marlo clarified.

[Correct.]

"While it's ... moving?" Bulleta asked.

[Flying Is Moving.]

"...Well then, I'm going to put Happosai and Morrigan in for the 
next event." Xelloss interjected into the small silence.

Over on the side of Life, there was a small dispute going on.

"Mary, you need to let the Roadbusters go as a team!"  Bean 
smacked his fist into a palm.

Mary sighed in frustration.  "Fine, I'll pick the Roadbusters."

[The Condition Will Be A Scavenger Hunt In The Galleria Mall In 
Houston, Texas, U.S.A.]

Mary whirled around.  "What?  But I didn't pick them for this 
fight!"

"Too late, Mary!  You said that you pick them!"  Xelloss grinned.  
"Hope Tifa doesn't get too beat up in her first fight."

Mary clenched her hands into fists.  "It's a scavenger hunt.  I'm 
sure it'll be fine.  I believe in you two."  She looked at the rest of 
her fighters.  "For this one, I choose Lina Inverse..."

"Lina, eh?  I'll throw in Darshu then."

"...and Jessie."

Xelloss closed his book with a snap.  "All right, so for the final 
match I choose Haohmaru.  ...Wait a sec."

[Conditions Are Assault.  Stage Will Be Galbadia Garden.]

"A little off your game today, Xelloss?"  Lina filed her nails 
casually as she grinned at Xelloss.

"Oh, Lina ... Don't be so silly.  I know exactly what I'm doing."

Darshu rubbed his forehead.  "I sure hope so."

"Be quiet, you.  Now, for the final match, I choose B-ko!"

B-ko blinked. "But ... my mecha was destroyed."

"I'm sure you'll think of something!" Xelloss said gaily.

Team Destruction, as a whole, groaned.

[Conditions Will Be Standard.  Setting Will Be Easter Island Of 
The Planet Earth.]  The stone figure gestured at the floating 
spheres, which all had the names of fighters upon them.  They each 
bounced off of the edge of the platform and disappeared into space, 
rocking the fighters from one side to another.

[The Third Stage Has Been Decided.  Six Battles Shall Be Fought.  
Six Victors Shall Be Determined.  Go Now, And Return To Your 
Places Of Waiting.  The Time For The Tournament Approaches.]

The gargoyle faded out of sight, leaving both teams standing in the 
middle of space.

"I think he forgot us." Xelloss commented.

"Mr. Referee, sir?" Mary called out somewhat trepidatiously.  The 
referee snapped back into existence.

[Whoops.  I Knew I Misplaced Something.]  The scene blinked 
into the arena, and the gates opened.  All assembled facefaulted.  
Lina could almost swear she heard the referee snickering.

*****

Tifa was balancing precariously on the top of a stick that was 
coming out from a pool of water.  "Li..."

"Don't worry, I saw this in Rice Paddy Warriors III:  The 
Revenge," Li assured her.

Ranma was balancing on one across from Li.  "Man, this is giving 
me the creeps."

Mousse nodded emphatically.  "This place is ... "  He shuddered 
slightly.

"What's wrong with those two?" Bean asked Akane.  Both of them 
were balanced on poles a little farther than the rest of the group.

"Uh, it's a tragic story.  Believe me." Akane replied.

"Right, then."

*****

"Hey, Marlo?"

Marlo stopped swinging a large green leather sofa and popped it 
back into FurnitureSpace.  "Gary!  What's up?"

Marlo's former partner was tossing a pokeball from one hand to the 
other.  "Want to train a bit together?  You've got that match with 
Bulleta coming up..."

"That'd be great, thanks.  I could use the help.  I'm not really sure 
how to react to her, she hasn't been around all that long."

Gary nodded.  "Yeah, I watched some old footage.  That match 
with Duo was something else."

"I know.  How did she pull a Sherman tank out of *nowhere*?"

Gary's only response was to look pointedly at him.

"Oh.  Yeah."

"I have a feeling she's going to throw a lot of bombs and explosive 
type weapons at you, rapidly.  And you'll be on that ICBM ... so 
you'll have a limited range in which to move."  Gary suddenly 
pulled out four pokeballs, balancing them between his fingers.  
"So, let's try getting you used to being attacked by five things at 
once."

"Oh, man."

*****

Considering that the entire planet was watching Ultra now, 
describing the sound would be silly.  Except that right now, there 
really was no sound, since no one was in the Arena At The End Of 
Time Yet.  Footsteps could be heard entering...

"So how many more rounds do you think there'll be, Dai?"

"Hm.  Well, this is the third, so..."

"You don't have a clue, do you?"

"Nope."

The two announcers pulled out their chairs and grabbed their 
mikes.  "This is really weird." Hiroshi commented.

"Yeah." Daisuke agreed.

"Think we'll have our jobs again after this is done?"

"That's assuming Team Life wins."

"Of course.  They're going to win, I know it."  Hiroshi pulled a pair 
of Team Life fans from his jacket and snapped them open.  "Go 
Life!  Whoo!"

"I see that you're ready."

"I sure am.  I hope Tifa kicks Mr. Satan's arse.  And Lina's going to 
rock--"

"Jessie's on her team, that might be a handicap."

"Nah.  Lina and Jessie will be great together!  I can feel it!"

"Hopefully Tifa won't get too hurt, since she's in another match."

Hiroshi shook his head.  "That was wrong."  He sighed.  "But, 
nothing we can do about it, I guess."

Daisuke tapped his watch.  "It's time, Rosh."  The tuxedoed duo 
stood up and watched as the arena filled.  Masses of people 
flickered into sight in seconds.  "I'm almost used to this.  But not 
quite."

"It's very ... disorienting."  Hiroshi flipped on his microphone.  
"Time to rock."  He held his arm up and waved at the audience.  
"Welcome back to another episode of FINAL ULTRA!  Live!  At 
the End of Time!  This is the third round and is bound to see some 
heavy-hitting ACTION!  Are--"

[The Witnesses Are Gathered And The Time Is Upon Us.  The 
Prophet Of Life, The Prophet Of Destruction.  Upon Their Choices 
And The Deeds Of The Chosen Shall All Matters Hinge.  The 
Tournament Continues.]  The Referee creaked a bit as he turned to 
regard Hiroshi, who was standing in silent disbelief.  [You May 
Continue With Your Query.]

"You messed up my groove!" Hiroshi protested.

[Would You Rather Me Ask?]

Hiroshi sweatdropped.  "Uh, no."  He waved at the crowd again.  
"As I was saying ... Are you ready for some ULTRAVIOLENCE?"

The crowd, of course, said yes, Yes and Oooohh YEEES!  Which 
was just how Hiroshi liked it.

"You folks are GREAT!  I love ALL OF YOU!  And you're going 
to LOVE the show we have for you tonight!  I'm Hiroshi, and that 
is my partner Daisuke and we'll be calling the shots for all of you 
wonderful people!"

"Team Life may be behind by a bit, but they're going to catch up 
tonight!  Mary's got it all worked out, and our fighters are going to 
pull through for us," Daisuke joined in.  "But hey, the first match is 
about to start, I can see a member of Team Life heading towards us 
right now."

Tifa Lockheart stepped into the arena at the same time as Mr. 
Satan.  Both fighters eyed each other up and down.  Tifa looked 
away from Mr. Satan with a toss of her hair, her expression of 
disdain.  Mr. Satan's face was blank.

[For Life Stands Tifa Lockheart.  For Destruction Stands Mr. 
Satan.]  The referee paused, for dramatic effect.  [Conditions Are 
Standard.  The Setting Is A Rice Field Outside Inba-mura, Chiba 
Prefecture, Japan.]

"This should make things interesting," noted Daisuke as the rice 
field appeared in the Arena. "So far, all of the matches have been 
on relatively dry ground, but a rice field is just the opposite - 
submerged and saturated in water."

"Which means this could turn into a mud-wrestling match!" 
Hiroshi responded.

[There Is No Mud-Wrestling Stipulation In This Match,] the 
Referee pointed out.

"You realize you had that coming," Daisuke smirked as Hiroshi 
wilted next to him -- but only a little bit, as the Referee called for 
the match to begin.

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #13
][ TIFA LOCKHART vs. MR. SATAN
][ Guest Booker:  Shachihoko
][ FIGHT!

Mr. Satan cracked his knuckles as he began wading towards his 
opponent, trampling young rice shoots beneath his boots as he 
squelched through the field. He knew about the buxom 
revolutionary's materia; he had seen the effect they had against his 
teammates previously. In short, he knew exactly what to expect 
when he saw the sunlight reflecting from the colored crystals set 
into Tifa's gauntlets and belt.

"Big Guard!" shouted Tifa, activating one of the spells embedded 
in her materia, and Mr. Satan nodded as he picked up speed. Given 
the terrain, she would probably be using another spell shortly to 
compensate for the water and mud - an advantage which he 
wouldn't have. He stopped, smirking, and held his ground, 
preparing to let his opponent do the hard work.

Sure enough, Tifa called out, "Float!" and rose up out of the water 
which covered the rice field - but she didn't approach any closer. 
"Bolt 3!"

(Oh crap,) thought Mr. Satan as the sky directly over him 
darkened, and he braced for the lightning.

"And Tifa takes the first shot with a devastating barrage of 
thunderbolts!" exulted Hiroshi as Mr. Satan was engulfed in the 
descending electricity. "Good thing Tifa thought to get herself out 
of the water, or she might have hurt herself with that!"

Mr. Satan just shook his head to clear it, and began heading 
towards Tifa again. "You're a crafty one," he called out to her, "but 
it takes more than wits to survive in this battle!"

"It looks like Tifa has all the advantages in this match," Daisuke 
commented as he watched the combatants closing with each other. 
"She can cast spells at long range, and if she takes Mr. Satan on in 
hand-to-hand she can *still* beat him with the linked materia she's 
wearing in her gauntlets - the same way she took down Haohmaru, 
combining curses and spells with her physical strikes."

As though overhearing Daisuke's comment, Mr. Satan made a 
point of refusing to let Tifa land the first blow in hand-to-hand 
combat. "SATAN PUUUUUUNCH!!!"

The crack of knuckles meeting cheek echoed throughout the 
Arena. "And Mr. Satan comes back with what *could* be a 
knockout blow," announced Hiroshi as Tifa's body splashed down 
into the water. "And even if that doesn't end it right there ... oh, no, 
tell me he's not going to do it -- !"

There was another splash as Mr. Satan dropped into the water, 
right where Tifa had fallen.

"He *is!*" wailed Hiroshi. "Mr. Satan is capitalizing on the terrain 
- he's trying to *drown* Tifa by pinning her underwater! Is that 
*legal* in this match?"

Bean winced from the sidelines.  "Teef ... get up!"

The Referee did not reply ... and after a moment, Mr. Satan broke 
the surface of the water, gasping as he clutched at his nether 
regions. Tifa followed suit almost immediately thereafter, sans 
clutching, and began laying into her opponent with a furious series 
of punches and kicks.

"And Tifa's back in control of the match!" Hiroshi cheered, over 
the hooting and wolf-whistles of the many male fans who were 
appreciating the view afforded by Tifa's soaking-wet tank top. 
"She looks hot under the collar; I wouldn't want to be in Mr. 
Satan's boots right now!"

"It sounds like a lot of people would, though," Daisuke answered. 
"Wet clothes tend to cling to skin ... not to mention making white 
cloth less opaque."

Mr. Satan was in no position to appreciate the view, as he did his
best to ward off Tifa's assault.  She had gotten through with a few
good punches, and he was feeling the effects of her magic, but he was
still a long way from going down. Block, parry, evade, block, evade,
crouch ... and counter.

His fist met empty air. "Wha - ?"

Tifa's fists didn't, coming down solidly on top of the former 
wrestler's skull, and he staggered forward, splashing into the water.

"And it looks like Tifa might have this one wrapped up already!" 
shouted Hiroshi as the Referee began counting. "Mr. Satan over-
committed, under the effects of one of Tifa's curses, and she made 
him pay for it!"

It only took until the count of [Three] for Mr. Satan to rise up out 
of the water and lash out with a massive backhand; again, Tifa 
went flying and splashed down almost a dozen meters away.

"Tifa may have her advantages," Daisuke pointed out, "but inside 
the Arena, Mr. Satan is even stronger and more resilient than he 
normally is. It's still pretty much an even match ... and there he's 
going for the pin again."

Hiroshi shrugged. "As long as Tifa stays conscious, she's still in 
the fight, and it's hard to tell whether she's conscious or not under 
the water. That's one more advantage for Tifa!"

"Or a disadvantage ... if she loses consciousness with Mr. Satan 
pinning her, she *could* drown."

For the second time, Mr. Satan rocketed out of the water, gasping 
for breath, followed by a furiously blushing Tifa; again, the former 
barmaid didn't give her adversary a chance to recover before 
lashing out with every ounce of martial arts acumen at her 
disposal.

"Tifa-chan's really doing quite well, I must admit," smiled Xelloss 
from Team Destruction's dugout. "She can get *so* adorably 
worked up when properly angered, can't she?"

Sephiroth nodded fractionally, and made no further reply.

"Go for it, Teef!" shouted Bean from Team Life's side of the 
Arena. "You're wearing him down!"

Mr. Satan staggered backwards, shaking his head violently to try 
and clear his vision; Tifa refused to let him open up any space, 
keeping the pressure on and determined not to stop until her 
opponent went down for the ten-count.

Which was, it appeared, just what Mr. Satan had been waiting for 
as he intertwined his arms with Tifa's and flipped her over his 
head, crashing down into the water as he maintained the armlock.

"NO!" howled Hiroshi. "C'mon, Tifa, break out of it!"

[One. Two. Three ...] The Referee stopped counting just before 
Tifa re-surfaced, coughing; Mr. Satan was rather slower in rising 
out of the water, clutching at the left side of his face.

"Normally I'd enjoy a good fight," panted Tifa, "but you're just 
fighting dirty."

"You're one to talk," rasped Mr. Satan. "Fight like a *real* fighter, 
why don't you? Get rid of those magic orbs and take me on hand-
to-hand!"

Tifa just shook her head. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Sorry ... 
I'm not going to lose this one. Eternal Breath ..." A materia orb 
flared red on her belt. "... EDEN!"

She disappeared.

"Woo!  Get him, Tifa!" Bean cheered.

Hiroshi's jaw dropped as the Arena darkened. "Eden ... wasn't that 
the summons Yuffie used once against Lina Inverse?"

"You mean the one which Lina just barely countered with a 
Dragon Slave?  The one which destroyed CyberAkuma back at 
Epsilon?" Daisuke confirmed. "Yeah."

"Isn't that kind of overkill in a match like this?"

"Against Mr. Satan?" Daisuke paused to consider as the massive 
living starship appeared, rotating so that its top surface was 
pointing 'down' at Mr. Satan. "In a match like *this*? Probably 
not. At least not by much."

Eden fired a blast which would have made the Death Star look like 
an air rifle if there had been any way to compare the two without 
descending into meaningless similes. When the rice field (and 
Tifa) reappeared, the ten-count was virtually academic.

"Well, I think we all know who won that one," Daisuke said.  The 
arena flickered and the rice paddy disappeared, leaving the two 
fighters.  Mr. Satan flickered out.  "Mr. Satan has been transported 
to medical facilities."

"And look, here comes the love of Tifa's life, to make sure she's all 
right!" Hiroshi exclaimed, pointing as Bean ran up to Tifa and put 
his arms around her in a great big bear hug.  

"Teef!  You're okay!"

"...can't... breathe..."  Bean was smacked in the back of the head by 
Lei and immediately released her.

The cop glared at Bean.  "Idiot."  He put a hand on the brunette's 
shoulder.  "You okay, Tifa?"

She nodded weakly.

"Aheh, sorry about that."  Bean rubbed the back of his head.  "Hey, 
you did great out there.  Will you be okay for our match later?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine after a little rest."  She held a hand up to her 
forehead.  "Our match isn't until later anyways, it should be all 
right."

"Tifa!"  Mary came running up to her and grabbed her hands.  "I'm 
so happy!  We're only behind by one now, thanks to you!"

"I do what I can," Tifa responded.

"Sure you'll be all right for the next match?" Mary asked.  She 
looked down at her feet.  "I'm *really* sorry about this whole 
mess..."

"Nah, it's fine," Tifa assured her.

"Besides," Lei said, smiling at Mary, "If Bean hadn't been such a 
supreme idiot and pressured you at that time, you wouldn't have 
made that mistake anyways."

Mary giggled a little.  Bean looked offended.

"Well, well, isn't this the nice happy family?" Xelloss said as he 
popped next to Mary.

"I don't recall inviting you here," Tifa said coldly.

"Yes, my invitation was lost in the mail.  Oh well!"  He turned to 
the audience, which was still present.  "Look at Team Life, always 
quarreling amongst themselves.  Tsk."

"The audience?"  Bean grinned.  "Hey, that's right, the whole 
world is watching us right now!"

"And Bean shows his great capacity for intellect yet again," Lei 
deadpanned.

"Shut up, you."  Bean pulled out a box from his jacket.  "Hey, Tifa. 
Let me do this now, before the whole world..."  He dropped down 
to one knee, while Tifa looked a trifle confused. "Teef ... 
Willyoumarrymeplease?"

"...Wha?"  Bean popped open the box, revealing a bezel cut onyx 
in a titanium band.

Hiroshi and Daisuke suddenly felt like reasserting their presence. 
"Look!  It's a *RING*!" Hiroshi pointed out the obvious.

"Bean must have finally dug up the guts to propose, I guess," 
Daisuke added.

Bean glared at them while Tifa started to smile a bit.  "Uh, yeah, 
what they said.  So...?  I know that an onyx isn't a diamond, but it 
symbolizes strength, and you are my strength, Tifa.  And titanium 
is longlasting, just like our relationship!"  He looked a little 
sheepish.  "Don't keep me waiting until the End of Time," he 
joked.

Xelloss suddenly produced a 4-carat round-cut diamond solitaire 
set in a platinum band.  "No, Tifa-chan!  Marry ME!"

Tifa smacked him.  "Go away, Xelloss."

The mazoku grinned.  "I thought you'd say that, for some reason."

She took the ring from Bean and slipped it on her finger.  "Of 
course I'll marry you, you idiot.  I love you."

Bean grinned broadly and enveloped her in a somewhat gentler 
hug than the previous.  "You've just made me a *VERY* happy 
man!"

Tifa laughed.  "Well, I have something to tell you, too."  She 
pushed him away enough so that she could look into his eyes.  
"We're going to be a threesome, soon."

Bean looked completely ... blank.  "Huh?"

Yuffie suddenly popped up out of nowhere.  Bean vaguely noted 
her presence and that she was holding a video camera.  "She's 
pregnant, you twit."

"...WHAT?"

"Hahaha, you should have seen the look on your face!"  Yuffie 
snickered.  "But you will, 'cuz I have it all on tape!"

"...Thanks, Yuffie," Tifa groaned.

"Hee hee!"

"Wait, are you serious, Tifa?"  Bean looked at her closely.  "And 
you've been *fighting*?"

Tifa's face fell a bit.  "I was afraid you'd see it that way."

"Tifa, I will NOT allow you to fight later today.  You're going to 
go home and get some rest."  He picked her up, gently.

Xelloss waggled a finger at the two of them.  "Ah ah ah ... you 
have a match.  Are you going to forfeit?"

"..."

"We can't forfeit, Bean.  Mary's counting on us," Tifa said.  "I'll be 
fine, it's just one match."

Mary frowned.  "Can't we make some kind of deal, Xelloss?"

"A deal, you say?" Xelloss grinned widely.  "Hey, Ref!"

[Yes?]

"Mary here wants to trade out one of her fighters."

[If The Prophet of Destruction Agrees To The Change, Then It 
Will Come To Pass.]

"What do you want, Xelloss?" Bean snarled.

"I'll pick the fighter!  Would that be all right with you, Mary?"

Mary looked at Bean helplessly.  "Will you be okay with a new 
partner, Bean?"

"...I'll deal with anyone, so long as Tifa is not in the ring."  

"Bean..."

Mary sighed.  "I'll agree."

Xelloss smirked.  "I thought you'd say that!  For Bean's new 
partner I pick ... Lei Wulong!"

Lei, who until now had resigned himself to the sidelines, blinked.  
"Uh, me?"

"Yup!  Congratulations!  You have just been promoted to Team 
Life!"  Xelloss smiled brightly at him.  "I'm sure Bean and you will 
get along great!"  He waved at them and started to walk off.  "As 
for me, I'm going to go inspire my team some more!  Ta!"

"...And it looks like Team Life has a new member, Tokyo 
policeman Lei Wulong!" Hiroshi announced to fill in the awkward 
silence.  "Everyone give it up for Lei!"

"Now if only he and Bean can cooperate enough to finish the 
match," Daisuke said darkly.

"It's for Tifa's sake, of course they will!"  Hiroshi shrugged.  
"Besides, they get along a lot better, now."

"True."

"Look at the two soon-to-be happily wedded and parents!  Aren't 
they so cute?" Hiroshi said, moving things along.

"Adorable.  Anyways, our next fight is sure to be ... entertaining." 
Daisuke segued.  "Dan and Bison are going to have it out, in a 
DDR match."

"Yes!  And we will see the Might of DAN!  He is bound to win 
this one!"

"Well, you must admit that other than karaoke, this is something 
that Dan was just born to win," Daisuke commented.

"While we wait for Dan, let's watch clips from earlier in Tifa and 
Bean's relationship!" Hiroshi said, pointing at the large screens that 
suddenly appeared in the Arena.

Daisuke choked.  "How could you possibly prepare something like 
that?"

"I have my ways," Hiroshi said mysteriously.

*****

"I'll have to return those clips to the archives later," Lain 
commented as she glanced at the monitors.  Tifa and Bean were 
leaving the Arena, followed by Yuffie and Lei.  

The Referee was acting oddly today.  She reviewed some of the 
earlier footage from the Choosing Ceremony.

"Hm, I wonder if that's what the code applied to ... his 
programming..."

Now that she had a better idea of what all she had been changing, 
she could work on her little pet project some more.  Filing some of 
her notes away and pulling others out, she set to work again.

*****

"Do you really expect me to work with him, Xelloss?"

"WHAT?  YOU OBJECT TO WORKING WITH ME, DARK 
SCHNEIDER?  YOU ARE NOT NEARLY AS LEGENDARY AS 
I, AND SHOULD BE HONORED TO BE IN MY PRESENCE."

"It's for a good cause, you two!  Yuk it up!  I suggest that you two 
put in some serious bonding before your match.  Lina can be a very 
ornery opponent."

"Ha.  I can beat her anytime."

"AS CAN I."

"Good!  See, the two of you are getting along already!  I believe in 
you!  Good luck!"  Xelloss gave them a victory sign.  "Well, I'm 
going to run off and inspire some more of your teammates!  Bye!"  
He blinked out of sight.

"...I wonder about that fruit."

"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE."

*****

"Let's see.  My pokemon have some abilities that are equivalent to 
a few of your spells.  In the enhanced arena they might be just as 
powerful as your spells."

"Hm, and they're mobile, which is an advantage.  You can have 
several doing things at one time, whereas I can only cast one spell 
at a time."

Lina and Jessie were sitting at a table in one of the many empty 
rooms scattered throughout the facility at the End of Time.  A 
dozen or so pokeballs were laying on the table, as well as an open 
book of spells.  Several automatic weapons also took up space on 
the table.

"Don't forget, I also have my trusty flamethrowers, rocket 
launchers, guns ... I'm a good shot, but I have to admit that James 
is better than me."  Jessie glanced at Lina.  "I'll trust you not to tell 
him that, though."

Lina grinned.  "Of course.  Hm, maybe you'd better show me how 
some of these work.  I'm not very familiar with them.  I prefer to 
use magic, but hey."

"Certainly.  Take this flamethrower for example," she picked it up 
and hefted it.  "It will shoot about 15-20 feet..."

*****

"This match is ... well, I can't honestly say that I don't know who's 
going to win," Daisuke commented.

"Dan's going to win!  GO DAN!"  Hiroshi waved his Team Life 
fans frantically.

"Don't hurt yourself, Rosh."

"I'm just showing a little Team spirit, okay?"  Hiroshi put the fans 
on the table and snagged his microphone.  "You people are going 
to LOVE this!  Dan and Bison are going to have it out... in a Dance 
Dance Revolution match!"

"And it looks like Bison's ready because here he comes with ... 
Naga?"

"Remember what I told you, Bison.  Become one with the music!"

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Bison muttered.  He cast a sidelong 
glance at his companion.  "And what's more, I can't believe I'm 
listening to *you*."

"Well, if Bulleta hadn't had to go to her match, I'm sure you could 
have worked with her much better," Naga shrugged, sending parts 
of her anatomy into interesting ripples.  "I thought her idea of the 
mines implanted in the machine for when you stepped wrong was 
an excellent notion."

"...Thank you so much for your help, Naga," Bison bowed slightly 
to the voluptuous sorceress.

"Oohohohoho.  I am so glad you appreciate me."

Bison winced.  "Enough with the laughing already."

"YOSH!  I will fight for my oyaji!  I will defeat you evil person 
who is working for, uh, evil people!  For Dan is MIGHTY!"

"It looks like Dan's here," Daisuke noted.

"GO DAN!  WHOOO!" Hiroshi screamed.

Dan saluted to Hiroshi.  "I'll do it for you, Rosh!  And everyone!  
And--"

"Shut up and let's get on with this already," Bison interrupted.

"Hmph," Dan hmphed.

[For Life Stands Dan 'The Man' Hibiki.  For Destruction Stands 
Melvin 'Psycho Groover' Bison.  Conditions Are Dance Dance 
Revolution.  Setting Is The UltraDome Game Room.]  The Arena 
flickered and became a replica of the Game Room.  A DDR 
machine was prominently featured in the center.

"So, Ref, how will this match work, anyways?" Hiroshi carefully 
didn't ask about the new nicknames.

[Combatants Will Play Dance Dance Revolution In Versus Mode.  
The First Tune Will Be 'Ultra Violence', As Covered By The 
Bishounen Boyz.]

"Isn't that one of your favorite songs, Rosh?" Daisuke elbowed 
Hiroshi.

"Ohh yeah!  From the Ultra Classics CD!  I ... uh, I mean, sure I've 
heard of the Bishounen Boyz..."

"Your mom told me you have all of their CDs."

"...How could you do this to me, Mom?" Hiroshi sobbed.  He 
stopped when Dan clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"I have all of their CDs, too, Hiroshi," Dan said.

"...Somehow, I don't think that helps, Dan, but nice try.  Good luck 
in your match," Daisuke said.

Dan flexed his mighty forearm and stepped up to the machine.  "I 
will not fail you, Mary!"

Mary sweatdropped from her box.

"Let's get on with this, Pink Wonder."  Bison said as he took his 
place on the machine.

[The Combatants Have Taken Their Positions.  The Match Will 
Start.]  The screen flickered and the words "Ultra Mode" and 
"Versus" appeared.

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #14
][ DAN HIBIKI vs. MELVIN BISON
][ FIGHT!

"Ultra Violence" started blaring through the speakers of the 
machine and arrows flashed on the screen.  Multiple arrows.  Dan 
and Bison immediately began hopping on the directional pad while 
the audience watched, most of them confused as to what exactly 
they were doing.

"Let's explain DDR to the good people, Rosh," Daisuke decided.

"Good idea, Dai.  DDR is a weird game where even odder people 
step on a pad according to instructions given on the screen.  Each 
step must be taken on each beat.  If a step is missed, or misstepped, 
then you lose points."  Hiroshi held up a diagram of the pad. 
"There are four arrows that will show up on the screen and those 
correspond with the arrows on the pad.  The right arrow nears the 
top of the screen, you step right."

"Excellent explanation, now let's see how Bison and Dan are 
doing."

Dan and Bison were doing ... Well, Dan seemed to be having fun.  
He moved with perfect rhythm and shouted "OOSHA!" every time 
he got a step right.  Which was pretty often.

"OOSHA!  OOSHA!  OOSHA!"

Bison, meanwhile, was fumbling.  Naga was attempting to yell 
instructions.

"Left!  Right!  Left!  Up!  OHOHOHOHOH!  Uh, right!"

"Stop laughing woman, and just tell me what to do!"

"Looks like Bison's getting a tad irritable," Hiroshi observed.

Daisuke shrugged.  "And that's different from his usual how 
exactly?"

"...Point."

"I can hear you two, you know," Bison remarked.

"Don't listen to them, listen to me!  Left!  Up!  Down!"

"Oosha!"

The music stopped and random beeping and flashy lights were 
emitted from the DDR machine.  The scores flashed onto the 
screen.

"YOSH!  I have a score of almost two million!"

"Go Dan!" Hiroshi marked out.  "Dan's the MAN!"

"Bison?  What's your score?  You look awful pale..." Naga 
prompted.

"...One-hundred thousand."

"Looks like Dan's in the lead," Daisuke said.

[The Next Song Is 'Work With Him, Daisuke' By The Do-
Gooders.]

"Wow, DG!  Haven't heard them in a long time," Hiroshi 
commented.  "And that song is a classic, if I do say so myself."

Daisuke ignored Hiroshi's second remark.  "I think I saw them on 
an episode of 'Where Are They Now?' the other day."  Hiroshi 
stared at him.  "What?"

"So... where are they now?"

"Wyoming."

Hiroshi winced. "Wow, that's terrible."

"OOSHA!"

"Left!  Up!  Right!  No, your other right!"

Xelloss popped in next to Hiroshi and Daisuke.  "My, Naga and 
Bison are really bonding, aren't they?"

Daisuke glanced at the two.  "I guess if you can call Bison's 
terrible incompetence at this game and his dependence upon the 
ditzy sorceress 'bonding'..."

"This is a slower song and it appears that Bison is doing much 
better this round."  Hiroshi gestured at the two.  "Dan isn't that 
good at slow songs, unfortunately."

"...oyaji..."

"Left!  Up!  Left!  Down!"

"You know, we can officially say that Ultra has had almost every 
single kind of match now, Rosh."

Hiroshi nodded. "And I thought we'd seen it all during that karaoke 
match."

"Yes!  I'm catching up, Naga!  I'm at one million points now!"  
Bison powerposed.  "Fear the power of my PSYCHO GROOVE, 
Dan!"

Xelloss sweatdropped.  "I think Bison's getting a little *too* into 
this match."  Daisuke and Hiroshi nodded mutely.

"I... I'm only at two million.  I'm failing you oyaji!  I'm sorry, 
Mary!"  Dan shed a few manly tears on behalf of his oyaji and 
Mary.

"Ohohohoho!  You  made the pink one cry, Bison!" Naga 
exclaimed.

"Very good.  My plan is working," Bison replied.

[If You Are Quite Through, The Final Song Is 'Let's Get Down 
With The Ultraviolence' by CYS.]

"Are they through, Rosh?"

"I think so, Dai.  Hey, CYS is your girlfriend's group, isn't it?"

"Former group."

"Ah, so she *is* your girlfriend!"

"...Hiroshi, I know where you live."

"All righty then, let's get back to the fight!"

Dan flexed.  "I am going to make up for this.  Bison, you will not 
defeat me!"

Bison merely chuckled softly as the steps floated onto the screen.

"Left!  Right!"

Hiroshi eyed Naga.  "Is it legal to have her on the sidelines?"

"Considering that Bison's seriously handicapped, I don't have an 
issue with it," Daisuke shrugged.  "And the Ref hasn't said 
anything."  He leaned forward in his seat.  "Hey, look at Dan."

Dan was during jumps, spins, occasionally yelling "Oosha!" and 
vaulting over the bars on the machine occasionally.

"Dan looks so cool!  Go Dan!"  Hiroshi yelled, waving his Dan 
fans.

Daisuke looked vaguely incredulous.  "...Does Dan realize that he 
doesn't get any points for those moves?"

Hiroshi put down the fans.  "Oh.  Probably--"

"Oosha!"

"--not?" Xelloss asked, grinning.

"Uh, right.  Dan!  Pay attention to the game or Bison's gonna beat 
you!"

Dan actually paused to reply to Hiroshi.  "But, I look good!"

Daisuke rubbed his head. "I need some aspirin."

"Right!  Down!  Up!  Right!"

"Oosha!"

Hiroshi held his head in his hands.  "Why am I getting a bad 
feeling about this?"

"It's Dan."

"...Correct as usual, Dai."  He lifted his head.  "Hey, the music 
stopped.  Final scores, guys?"

"...Two million." Bison announced.

"Two million, five hundred thousand!  OOSHA!  I win!  For I am 
MIGHTY!"

"Yet a complete novice almost took you out," Daisuke pointed out.

"...I am MIGHTY!"

"And totally oblivious."

Hiroshi grinned widely.  "Dan wins!  And that's another victory for 
Team Life!"

"Hopefully, the next match will be a victory, too.  Right now we're 
tied."

"That's not going to last for looong," Xelloss singsonged.

Daisuke looked annoyed.  "I'd almost forgotten you were there."

Xelloss  ignored him and walked up to Bison, clapping the 
somewhat startled fighter on the shoulder.  "You did your best, 
Bison.  You and Naga did a great job teaming up."  He grinned.  
"Well, I'll see you later!"  Blinking off in his trademark exit, he left 
a group of confused people behind.

Hiroshi broke the silence.  "Well, our next match is sure to be 
exciting!"

"Aren't all of the matches exciting?"

"Marlo and Bulleta are going to have it out at high speeds!"

"I can hardly wait."

*****

"Um.  Lina?  Jessie?  Are you two busy?"  A petite brunette 
peeked into their planning room.  She was carrying two packages.

"Hm?"  Lina looked at the girl.  She looked familiar, but she 
couldn't quite place her.

Jessie put a gun on the table that she'd been polishing.  "Tomoyo, 
is it?"

Tomoyo walked into the room and bowed.  "Yes."

"Whatcha need?" Lina asked.

"Ah, well I was wondering ... "  She handed a package to each 
redhead.  "Would you wear these in your fight?"

Both girls blinked and opened up the packages.  Jessie's eyes 
widened with delight while Lina looked somewhat skeptical.

"We would be honored to wear your creations, Tomoyo!  These 
are wonderful!"  Jessie beamed at the girl.

"They're made of special materials that are flame and water 
resistant."  Tomoyo added.

Lina held up an article of clothing.  "Oh, really?  Hm."

*****

"This next match is sure to be interesting, folks!" Hiroshi cried.

"Yeah, I don't think we've ever had a fight happening on an 
intercontinental ballistic missile before," Daisuke said.

"But, there's always a first time for everything, right Dai?"

"Right, Hiroshi!"

Hiroshi looked at Daisuke quizzically.  "You used an exclamation 
point."

"Hey, I do use them occasionally.  But look, here comes our first 
fighter!"

Marlo stepped into the arena, looking for his opponent.  "Come on, 
little girl.  Where are you?"

"Riiiight here!"  Bulleta B. Hood bounced into the arena, curls 
bouncing and basket on her arm.  "I can't wait to play with you!"

"Look, why don't you just give up now so I don't have to hurt 
you?" Marlo attempted.

Bulleta's eyes sparkled.  "Ooh, hurt me!"

Marlo sweatdropped.

[For Life Stands Marlo Semaj.  For Destruction Stands Bulleta B. 
Hood.]

"Sure you don't want to, uh, give up?" Marlo tried again.

"Positive!" she chirped back.

[The Conditions Are Standard.  The Setting Is An Intercontinental 
Ballistic Missile Flying Over The Atlantic Ocean.]  With that, their 
worldview suddenly shifted.

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #15
][ MARLO SEMAJ vs. BULLETA B. HOOD
][ FIGHT!

Marlo found himself at the end of an Intercontinental Ballistic 
Missile, also known as an ICBM.  Scanning his surroundings he 
saw Bulleta standing at the far end, about 100 yards away.  There 
was a sudden drop off five yards to either side of him, leading to a 
long fall to earth.  The wind here was strong, plastering his 
clothing to his body as he slowly made his way towards his 
opponent.  Up ahead, Bulleta's skirts were blowing frantically in 
his direction, and her curls seemed to be obscuring her face as she 
faced him.

"Downwind.  I'm at the wrong end," Marlo muttered to himself.  
Something bright flashed towards him and he reflexively caught it.  
Glancing at the object he blinked and let it drop.  It exploded only 
a few seconds after it left his fingers, but he didn't have much time 
to react as 20 more explosives headed his way at high speed.

"Marlo!  Let's play!"  Bulleta's voice was carried along by the 
fierce wind as she pulled more objects out of her basket and threw 
them recklessly in Marlo's direction.

"I would definitely NOT want to be Marlo right now.  Think he'll 
be able to block those explosives?" Hiroshi asked.

Daisuke shrugged.  "He'd better or he's going to plunge to a quick 
death."

"You're so optimistic."

Marlo pulled out a steel table to use as a shield as he attempted to 
make his way towards the psychotic little girl upwind of him.  
Three impacts later, however, the table was rendered useless.  
Cursing softly under his breath, Marlo ran quickly up the length of 
the ICBM, dodging projectiles frantically.  "You're one freaky little 
girl."

Golden curls bobbed.  "Thanks!  I have a present for you!" she 
sang, as she pulled out a rocket launcher.  Marlo visibly 
sweatdropped as she pulled the trigger.  Throwing a stainless steel 
refrigerator at the incoming rocket, he ducked to the side and ran 
towards Bulleta at breakneck speed, using a heavy English oak 
wardrobe as a buffer.

"Hey!  No fair!"  Bulleta reached into her basket and produced a 
flamethrower.  "Fire!  Wai!"  Sheets of flame washed over the 
wooden wardrobe.  Marlo tossed it at Bulleta as he rolled to the 
side, stopping just short of the edge.  Bulleta hardly noticed as she 
gleefully burned the wardrobe to ashes from a distance.

"Normally, I like psychosis in a girl. But you... you're just screwed 
up," Marlo commented as he managed to scrabble to a place 
slightly upwind of Bulleta and tossed a combination Maytag 
washer/dryer at the girl.

"What?  Is this a new love interest for Marlo?!"

"...I think he was being sarcastic, Rosh."

"Grr!"  Stomping a cute foot angrily, she pulled out a high-
powered chainsaw from her basket.

"How *does* that tiny basket hold that many huge weapons of 
mass destruction?" Hiroshi marveled.

"Some things are better left unanswered," Daisuke answered.

Bracing herself, she revved the chainsaw up and sliced through the 
Maytag appliance.  And the steel frame sleigh bed after that.  She 
couldn't slice through the granite Fu Dog, though, and it knocked 
her back about twenty yards as the ICBM started to begin a 
downward descent.

"Has Bulleta been knocked down for the count?  Will Team Life 
get another victory to add to their score?" Hiroshi exclaimed.

Daisuke pointed at Bulleta's form.  "The ref still hasn't begun the 
ten-count, and it looks like she's still moving."

She twitched a bit, then flung the shattered remains of the Fu Dog 
aside.  "You have made me annoyed, Marlo."

"Oh, gee, I'm soo scared."  A large granite anvil suddenly landed 
on top of Bulleta.  Or it would have, had she been standing there 
still.  Zigzagging down the ICBM, towards Marlo, she stopped ten 
yards in front of him and whipped out an autocannon.  Jumping 
inside, she ignored the rain of random furniture that Marlo tossed 
at her.  A large pile formed in front of the device as she yanked the 
controls and started blasting away.  Marlo was nowhere to be seen.

"Marlooo!  Where are you?" she called out brightly.

"Don't look up!"

"Wha-" *thunk*  A baby grand piano landed directly on top of her.  
Marlo gloated and jumped off.

"Hey, begin the ten-count already!  Surely she couldn't have 
survived that one!"

"Wanna bet?"  The slightly singed blonde was wielding a nasty 
looking mace that trailed a cute red ribbon that perfectly matched 
her hood.  "Let's see how *you* like being hit upside the head!"

Daisuke winced.  "That had to hurt."

"You don't think he's out, do you?  I mean, she can only pack so 
much in a hit, right?" Hiroshi asked.

Daisuke looked doubtful.  "I don't know.  He doesn't seem to be 
moving.  And it's not like she's leaving him alone," he winced 
again as Bulleta continued to pummel Marlo with her mace.  "... 
Now *that's* brutal."

"Can't someone, uh, pull her off?  Ref?"

[Ten... Nine ... Eight... Seven ... Six... Five... Four ... Three... Two 
... One.]

"...And Destruction gets another victory for their side."  Hiroshi 
drummed his fingers on the announcer's table.  "This isn't good."

"No, it isn't.  Come on, Life!  You can do it!"  Daisuke waved little 
Team Life fans.  Hiroshi sweatdropped.

"You scare me."

"Good."

*****

Sephiroth coolly strolled into B-ko's workshop, features hardened. 
After her latest mecha had been destroyed, she'd holed herself up 
in here, refusing to come out even for meals. He could see why. It 
was obvious that she'd furiously trying to build a new robot for her 
fight against Yaga, and...

"Yes! The Space Flying Tiger Drop! Pin him, quick!"

Lo, did Sephiroth sweatdrop. "B-ko?"

He didn't need enhanced hearing to detect a started yelp from his 
mecha obsessed significant other, and the resulting crash as she fell 
out of her seat in surprise. He was, however, suitably impressed 
when she appeared from behind a pile of parts, not ruffled in the 
least, somehow making a grease-stained mechanic's outfit (by 
Armani, of course) look... rather fetching.

B-ko sauntered over to the white-haired warrior. "My apologies, 
Sephiroth-sama. I... didn't hear you come in."

"I gathered that," he replied. "What was that you were yelling 
about?"

B-ko blushed slightly. "Yes, well... I was doing a bit of last-minute 
research about my next opponent. Watching a bit of that wrestling 
sport that the lower classes like so much. It is, of course, beneath 
someone of my caliber, but if I must suffer through it to make you 
proud in my fight, so be it."

Sephiroth was about to comment that she seemed to be enjoying 
herself at least a little bit, by the sound of things, but thought better 
of it. "So do you have a mecha ready for this fight?"

"Of course! Not only will it play to Yaga's weaknesses by 
attacking him from afar, but it is designed to beat him at his own 
game should he get close!"

"I'd be careful, nonetheless," Sephiroth said seriously. "Yaga isn't a 
child like most of the rest of the fighters on the other side. He's an 
experienced fighter, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's already 
figured out how to adapt to his increased powers."

"Have no fear, Sephiroth-sama!" B-ko stated confidently, striking a 
dramatic pose. "That spandex-wearing brute is no match for me... 
for I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever 
will be! OHHOHOHOHOHO!"

"... right. Good luck, then."

*****

"Hey, Lina, Jessie?  Could we talk to you?"

The two redheads turned to see Selphie, Zell, and a taller 
redheaded man wearing a cowboy hat.  Lina nodded.  "Yes?"

Selphie grinned and ran up to Lina, taking her hands.  "I'd like you 
to meet my boyfriend, Irvine Kinneas!  He's going to tell you allll 
about Galbadia Garden!"

"Really?  How does he know about it?" Jessie asked.

"He's actually from Galbadia." Zell replied.

Irvine tipped his hat.  "I know Galbadia like the back of my hand, 
and I'd be happy to tell you all about it, ladies."

"Too bad he couldn't lead us when we got in there," Selphie 
muttered under her breath.  Lina looked at her sharply.  "Aheh.  I 
mean, hey Irvine?  Why don't you show them the map you drew 
up?"

Irvine pulled a piece of paper out of his trench coat and handed it 
to Jessie.  "It, uh, might not make much sense..."

Jessie examined the map.  "No kidding.  This place defies all 
natural laws, it seems."

Lina took the map from Jessie.  "Hm, but it's not too complicated.  
Circular, with classrooms on the bottom floor and dorms on the 
second floor.  Main office of the headmaster on the third floor.  
Sports facilities in the center.  What's with the doors being 
marked?"

"Well, they're locked and certain keycards will open them."  The 
sharpshooter explained.

"A major pain in the," Zell glanced at his company, "behind if you 
ask me."

Selphie nodded.  "We're not sure how they're going to do it, but we 
thought that this might help. We even marked the rooms where the 
keys were last time."

"Thanks a lot, guys," Lina said.

"We do appreciate this," Jessie added.

Selphie grinned.  "Anything for the team, you know?"

"Got any questions, we got answers," Zell said.

Lina and Jessie exchanged glances.  "Actually, we might have a 
few things we need to know..."

*****

"Time for us to bring out our Kleenex!"

"He means that Morrigan and Happosai are on a team together 
that's going to fight Lei and Bean," Daisuke translated.  "And here 
come the newest incarnation of Team Hentai."

Morrigan sauntered into the arena, wearing a tight, shiny, little 
black nothing of an outfit.  Happosai walked along with her, 
looking ecstatic.  "I've always dreamed of working with such a 
woman!" he exulted.  The succubus simply looked amused.

[For Destruction Stands Morrigan Aensland And Happosai.]

Bean walked in from the opposite side of the arena, with the Tokyo 
police officer at his side.  "Morrigan."

[For Life Stands Bean Bandit And Lei Wulong.]

"Bean.  So nice of you to join us," Morrigan purred.  "And you 
brought your lovely friend, too.  He's much more handsome than 
that brutish girl you're always with."

Lei put a restraining arm on Bean and looked a bit annoyed.  
"Hello, Morrigan."

"What?  No hellos for this nice, old man?"  Happosai stared at the 
two men.  "Hmph.  The young give no respect to their elders, these 
days."

Morrigan patted the disgusting little man on the head.  "Aww, poor 
baby."  Happosai positively glowed.  Lei and Bean looked 
somewhat nauseous.

[The Conditions Are Scavenger Hunt.  You Must Find Six Items.  
Setting Is The Galleria Mall In Houston, Texas, U.S.A.]  Their 
surroundings blurred around them and both teams found 
themselves in a large shopping mall.  Albeit nowhere near one 
another.

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #16
][ MORRIGAN AENSLAN AND HAPPOSAI vs. BEAN 
BANDIT AND LEI WULONG
][ FIGHT!

"The Galleria Mall is pretty big, isn't it?"  Hiroshi asked.

"I'd say so.  It's got an ice rink, two hotels, lots of stores, three 
levels...  A shopper's paradise."  Daisuke flipped through the map.  
"They could really use a map."

"This list of items is really weird, too.  The Ref picked the most 
obscure Ultra character ever."

"Yeah, no kidding.  Who even remembered him?" Daisuke 
wondered.

"Some otaku, I'm sure." Hiroshi shrugged.  "Anyways, uh, on to 
the scavenger hunt."  He turned to Daisuke.  "How are we 
supposed to call a scavenger hunt, anyways?"

Daisuke looked up from his comic book.  "Huh?"

"...Got any extras?"

"Of course."

Meanwhile, Morrigan and Happosai teleported into the east end of 
the Galleria, near Sak's Fifth Avenue.  The sexy succubus idly 
pried Happosai off of her assets and flung him to the side.  "That's 
nice, but maybe later, hm?"

"Awww, are you sure?"  The little lecher looked slightly 
disappointed.  "Okay, then.  Later.  In the meantime, we have to 
find those items."

Morrigan nodded.  "This is the weirdest match I've been in yet."  
She pulled out a piece of paper.  (Don't ask where it came from.)  
"What is up with this list?"

Happosai bounced up to peer over her shoulder.  "Let's see... Space 
Bunnies Must Die?  What the?"

"I think it's a PC game?"  Morrigan frowned.  "I don't play such 
things.  But look at the next item on the list..."

*****

"A Toguro Ani action figure?"  Lei rubbed his head.  "Was he even 
*in* Ultra?"

"Only for a couple of episodes.  I guest-reffed his last fight."  Bean 
shrugged.  "I didn't even know they made a figure of him.  It's 
probably really rare."

"No joke.  And look -- jalapeno jam."

"Sounds yummy.  Hey look, we get to make a stop in Victoria's 
Secret.  Maybe I can pick up something for Teef."

"Ha.  Right.  I'm sure she'd love you to shop for her when we're 
supposed to be finishing this match.  What do we need from VS?"

*****

"A 'Divine'-scented drawer sachet.  Do you think while we're there 
you could try on some things, Morri?"  The tiny pervert looked at 
Morrigan appealingly.

"No."

"Sure?"

"We need to find all of the items first, mmkay?  We can save that 
stuff for later."

"Aww.  He peered at the list again.  "Ooh, a George Foreman Grill.  
That'll be fun.  I knew this crazy okonomiyaki chef back in 
Nerima..."

*****

"And finally, a pair of black patent leather Mary Janes in size 11."

"Great.  I can hardly wait."  Lei looked at his surroundings.  The 
mall stretched on forever and above him was another floor of 
stores.  "Uh, do we happen to have a map or something?"

*****

"I can smell the lingerie store, Morri!  I want to go there, first!"  
Happosai hopped around happily.  

Morrigan shook her head.  "Let's walk along and try to get things 
as we pass them.  It would be more efficient that way."

Happosai pulled out a compass.  "We're on the west end ... we need 
to work our way east.  How big is this place, do you think?"

Morrigan simply pointed down.  "There are more stores below us 
than there are ahead of us."

"...Crap."

*****

"What kind of store would have a George Foreman grill?"

"You're asking the wrong person."

Bean and Lei walked along, peering into store fronts every once in 
a while.  "None of these stores look very promising."

"I knew I should have paid  more attention when Tifa dragged me 
through those shopping malls."

Lei nodded.  "Why couldn't one of the girls lucked out and gotten 
this trip?"

"I wonder how Morrigan and Happosai are doing?"

"Hey look, that's Victoria's Secret up ahead!"  Lei pointed at the 
pink and white storefront.

"Great, let's go!"  Bean started to jog off towards the store, but 
stopped when Lei put a hand on his arm.

"Look down there."

"Hm?"

"There's a toy store down there with otaku stuff.  The Toguro Ani 
doll might be in there."

Bean shrugged.  "Okay, let's try it."  He grabbed the rail and 
jumped over, falling lightly to the level below.  Lei landed beside 
him.

"Wow, look!  It's right there!"  Lei pointed at a display case set up 
in the back of the store that was well lit up.  

"Finally we get an easy break!"  Bean walked through the 
doorway... and tripped over a wire.  "Huh?  What's this?"

"Bean!  Stop!  I think it's a--"  Bean took another step and fell out 
of sight.  "--trap."

*****

Morrigan examined a shelf full of different jams, jellies and hot 
sauces.  She wrinkled her nose.  "Do people actually eat this 
stuff?"

Happosai held up a bottle.  "This stuff is liquid fire.  Tabasco, 
chile, jalapenos ... Mmm."

"Put that down.  We're looking for jalapeno JAM."  Morrigan 
shifted some jars.  "Oh, here's one.  'Bubba's Special Texas 
Jalapeno Jam'.  Think this'll work?"

"The list doesn't mention any specific brands, so yup!  Grab it and 
let's move on!  I want to go see the pretties!"

"...Ah, right."  Morrigan took the bottle and put it in a small sack.  
"My shopping senses are tingling..."

"Ooh, really?"  Happosai hopped excitedly around her.  "I want to 
see!"

Morrigan whapped him in the head.  "Moron."

*****

"Bean?  You okay down there?"  

"What do you think?  Get me outta here!"

"Yeah, yeah, hold on a second.  Let me find a rope of some kind... 
I think that furniture store next door had some curtain cords."  

"Hurry up, will ya?"

*****

"Diablo ... Disney Princess Print Studio ... SimCity ..."

"Dress Up and Play Barbie Virtual Studio ... ooh, sounds 
interesting.  Civilization II ... Space Bunnies Must Die -- hey!  I 
found it,  Morri!"

Morrigan rushed over to Happosai and snatched the box out of his 
hands.  "Great!  One more thing to cross off the list!"  She grabbed 
the little hentai and hugged him close to her.  "Good job, Happi!"

"...Ooh, this is Heaven..."

*****

"Hey look, something's happening," Daisuke pointed out.

"...Eww.  Why did you share that?"

"Had to share the pain."

*****

"Hey man, you doing all right now?"

"Whoever designed this store's security system should be drug out 
into the street and run over.  Repeatedly.  I'll do it myself."

Lei grinned.  "Gotta admit that the system works, though."  The 
small store was in a shambles.  Parts of it were burned, other parts 
had distinctly undesirable odors, and still others looked as though 
parts of it had melted together.  Bean had several burn marks and 
parts of his clothing was ripped.  But, he was holding a Toguro Ani 
action figure triumphantly.

"I hope Morrigan and the pervert have as rough a time as we did."  
Holding it high in the air, he squeezed it slightly.

"Heehehehehehehehehehehehe!"

"Gah!  What the?"  Bean fumbled with the toy.

Lei held up a box.  "With Interchangeable Limb weapon.  Press a 
button and he giggles like a madman."

"...Thanks for pointing that out."

"No problem."

*****

"How many toys can there be?"  Morrigan tossed Barbies, Power 
Rangers, and Pokemon action figures aside as she dug through a 
clearance box.

Happosai peeked out of another box.  "No luck?"

"No."

"Well, we have two more boxes to go!"  Happosai bounced out of 
the bin he was in and popped into another bin, spraying random 
toys everywhere.  Morrigan started to walk to another bin, but 
stopped.

"Happosai, I think we've found it."

Happosai popped out of the pile of toys and looked at her. "Huh?"

Morrigan picked up a fallen toy off the ground.  "Toguro Ani!"  
She hugged the doll to her and it started giggling insanely.  "Eek!"

"Don't worry, I'll protect you, my dear Morrigan!"  Happosai 
launched himself at her.

"Ack."

******

Bean and Lei approached the next store carefully.

"'Y'alls Texas Store'?  Is 'y'all' even a word?" Bean mused.

"Well, in Texas it seems to be."  Lei shrugged.  "Texans are 
weird."

Bean slapped a hand over Lei's mouth.  "Don't say that too loud.  
There might be a Texan nearby who heard that."  In the audience, 
over 20 million people started muttering irritably.  Bean paled a 
bit.  "Lei, you just don't mess with Texas.  Even people from 
Chicago know that."

Lei pulled away from Bean. "I thought you were a big, tough, 
macho man, Bean."

"I'm in Texas right now.  I'm only being polite."

"Right..."

*****

"Morri!  You didn't have to hit me so hard, you know?" Happosai 
whined as he rubbed a huge bump on his head.

"What if that had been the only Toguro doll?  Good thing we found 
another one in that bin."  The succubus walked briskly ahead of the 
martial artist.

"I didn't mean to crush it!  Honest!"

*****

"A two?"

"Go fish."  Hiroshi picked up a card from the pile.

"Dang it, how do you keep beating me?"

"It's a gift."

*****

"You know, I hate to admit this, but I have a copy of Space 
Bunnies Must Die at home."  Lei picked out a box seemingly at 
random from the huge shelf of clearance items.  "And here it is."

"I didn't know that you were into games."

"Jin and I played games together when he was younger.  He's a 
good kid.  I worked with his mother on something in the past and 
got to know him."

"Ahh."

"Anyways, let's get the next item.  One of those department stores 
might have a grill..."

"Let's take the stairs up to the next level first, and stop off in 
Victoria's Secret."

"Well, we're at the far end now.  We can make VS our last stop."

"Good idea."

*****

"Shoes, check."  Morrigan picked up a pair of Mary Janes and put 
them with the rest of their items.

"Think that a department store would have the grill, Morri?"

"We're going to have to backtrack to Macy's.  Then all we need is 
the sachet."

"Ooh, saving the best part for last!"

*****

"Uh, Bean?  Do you know what Mary Janes are?"

"I left that part of my life in rehab, damn it!"

"The shoe, Bean.  The shoe."

"Oh.  No."

"This isn't going to be fun."

*****

"Yay!  Now we can go to Victoria's Secret!"  Happosai trudged 
along cheerfully, carrying the items.

Morrigan nodded.  Something flashed out of the corner of her eye.  
"...That's a diamond necklace with ropes of emeralds!  Platinum 
setting!"  Her eyes lit up.  "It must be worth thousands of 
thousands of dollars!"

"I'm sure it is.  Very shiny.  Come on, let's go look at lacy 
darlings."

The succubus stood transfixed by the display.  "Pleease, Happi?  I 
just want to try on a few things..."

Happosai sweatdropped.

*****

"You know, I can't believe that we haven't seen either of them in 
all the time we've been here."

"This is a huge mall."

"Hey, look, there's VS.  We're almost done."  The two walked into 
the store and looked around.

"I don't think they've been here yet," Bean remarked.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because there are still panties and bras in the store."

"Good point."  Lei walked over to a shelf and started reading 
bottles and containers.

"Why on earth do they have so many scents?"  Bean eyed another 
display.  

Lei started to reach for a white envelope.  "Don't worry, I think this 
is it."  He read the envelope.  "Nope, wrong scent.  Keep looking.  
Geez, these all look the same."

Bean shivered.  "I'm getting this weird vibe.  Let's get out of here, 
we haven't run into them yet, let's not press our luck."

"Morriiii!  Come on!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming.  Geez."

Team Destruction suddenly appeared in the entranceway.  Lei and 
Bean both dropped into defensive positions.

"Well, hello there, you handsome men!"  Morrigan floated over to 
Bean and placed a hand on his chest.  "I don't see why you're with 
a girl like Tifa when you could have someone like me.  What do 
you say, a get together before your freedom is locked away 
forever?"

Bean frowned.  "Get away from me, Morrigan."

She pouted.  "Ohh, are you sure?"

Happosai suddenly interjected himself into the conversation, 
literally, by appearing in Morrigan's cleavage.  "Less talk, more 
fighting!"  Grabbing a satin bra from a nearby rack, he started 
glowing brightly.  His battle aura started growing outwards and 
physically pushed Bean back a bit.  Bean and Lei exchanged 
glances and started to run.

*BOOM* 

Bean and Lei were thrown into low earth orbit, along with much of 
the Galleria.  Clothes racks, doors, random furniture items and 
various pieces of lingerie surrounded the two as they sailed out.

Morrigan and Happosai stood intact in the middle of what was 
formerly the Victoria's Secret store.

"Well, that was interesting."  Morrigan looked around and picked 
up a white envelope.  "Hm."

"Can we do it again?  Huh?  Huh?"

"Maybe later," Morrigan promised.

"The match is over?" Hiroshi said, incredulously.

"Seemed to take forever," Daisuke remarked.  "Anyways, it 
appears as though Morrigan and Happosai have all of the items and 
..." he squinted, "It doesn't look like Lei and Bean are coming back 
anytime soon."

*****

"I do this because I love you."

"Bean, you can't be serious."  Tifa was laying on a bed in the clinic 
and not looking too pleased with the light of her life.  "I'm not 
going to sit here the whole time."

"Look, there's a TV set so you can watch the last two matches."  
Bean indicated the wide-screen sitting directly in front of Tifa's 
bed.  "I shouldn't have let you stay on the sidelines so long earlier, 
you're in a fragile condition."

Tifa rolled her eyes.  "Bean..."

He leaned and kissed her on the forehead.  "Thanks, Tifa!  I'll be 
back in a bit."  He quickly exited the room.

"Grrr...  That man!"

*****

Lain hummed to herself as she edited the Referee's file.  Well, it 
was at least his personality file.  Giving him a sense of humor 
seemed to help.  A tad.  It was funny to see the expressions on 
Daisuke and Hiroshi's faces when he announced Melvin 'Psycho 
Groover' Bison.  Bison's expression was amusing, too.

-->  Hey, was that you messing with the Ref?  <--

"Yup!  Did you like?"

-->  Great job!  Were you able to fix the other matches, too?  <--

"No, not yet.  This is a tad complicated and I lucked out earlier 
during the Choosing Ceremony.  Can't change the venue after, 
apparently."

-->  Well, you're helping us out a lot, baby girl.  Keep on truckin'!  
<--

"Will do!"

*****

"Time for our next to last match of the night!  This one has the 
great Lina Inverse, former God, and the stylish Jessie, of Team 
Rocket!"  Hiroshi exulted.

"I wonder if Jessie's managed to get Lina to join her in some kind 
of entrance." Daisuke mused.

"Hm, you know, that is an interesting question," Hiroshi said.  "I 
bet $20 that she does."

"Ha.  I bet that she doesn't."

"You're on!"

Haohmaru and Dark Schneider stood in the center of the as-yet-
untransformed arena.  

Dark Schneider frowned.  "Where are those two?"

"PERHAPS THEY ARE GIVING UP?" Haohmaru mused.

"This is Lina.  That's highly doubtful."

Suddenly the arena plunged into darkness.  A huge fireball 
blossomed to life and shot straight at Haohmaru and Darshu, but 
dissipated before it reached them.  As the smoke cleared, two 
feminine figures could be seen standing back to back, their figures 
outlined against the Earth in the background.  The taller of the two 
figures turned to face the Team Destruction members and struck a 
pose.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

This time the more petite figure struck a pose.  "To... Uh, that 
about sums it up, actually."

"..."  Jessie whirled on her new partner.  "Lina!  We *have* to 
make a fabulous entrance!"

Lina rolled her eyes.  "Let's just get this show on the road, okay?"

Hiroshi hmmed.  "So, who wins the bet?"

Daisuke shook his head. "Well, uh, she sorta went along with it, 
and quit.  So it's mine."

"No way!  How about we just forget about the bet?" Hiroshi asked.

"...We can do that, too."

Dark Schneider appraised the two girls.  "Nice outfits."  Both were 
wearing all red and black shinyleather.  Jessie in knee-high black 
boots, a black mini-skirt, a red tank top leaving her belly exposed, 
a short-sleeved black jacket and red fingerless gloves.  Two red 
belts crisscrossed her hips, holding guns, ammo and pokeballs.  
Lina's outfit was the same, except that instead of the skirt she wore 
pants, and her top covered her stomach.  At her sides hung a sword 
and dagger, instead of guns and pokeballs.

Lina blushed a little and Jessie simply tossed her hair.  (Well, 
sorta.  She moved her head, the Hair moved with it, and Lina 
dodged to avoid being cut up by said Hair.  She did watch Jessie's 
last fight, after all.)

[The Fighters Have Assembled.  For Life Stands Lina Inverse And 
Jessie.  For Destruction Stands Haohmaru and Dark Schneider.  
The Conditions Are Assault.  One Team Will Defend Galbadia 
Garden, One Team Will Attack.  After The Attackers Have Gained 
the Base, By Locating The Three Keycards And Reaching The 
Third Level, The Sides Will Switch.  Whichever Team Has The 
Least Amount Of Time Will Win.  Life Will Defend First.]  The 
arena shimmered and the two teams found themselves separated.

][ FINAL ULTRA MATCH #17
][ LINA INVERSE AND JESSIE vs. HAOHMARU AND DARK 
SCHNEIDER
][ FIGHT!

Haohmaru and Dark Schneider looked at their surroundings.  
Behind them was a door, which apparently led out of the Garden, 
as Haohmaru checked it.  To the left and right were hallways, and 
directly in front was a door, which proved to be locked, as Darshu 
found out.

"Hm, which way?"

"LEFT."

"Should we stay together or split up?"

The legendary swordsman paused to consider this.   "LET US 
STAY TOGETHER FOR NOW."

Dark Schneider nodded and the two walked down the left corridor.  
A door on their right proved to be an empty classroom.  A door on 
their left was locked, as was the door at the end of the hall.  "Grr.  
Why are all of the doors locked?"

Haohmaru waved Darshu to the side.  "LET ME HANDLE THIS."  
Taking an offensive stance, he channeled his ki into his blade.  
"OPEN!"  Slashing his blade at the door ... he was knocked back 
when the door effectively deflected his blade.  "GAH."

Darshu tapped the door.  "Looks like your sword won't get it open.  
Let's try a spell.  HALLOWEEN!"  A burst of energy emitted from 
his hand and hit the door ... and reflected right back at him.  
Uncharacteristically, he panicked a bit.  "Aaaaaaaaaah!  Retreat!"

"And it looks like Dark Schneider has discovered the unique 
aspects of this particular arena." Hiroshi commented.

"Getting your own spells back on you can't be pleasant," Daisuke 
added.

*****

"This must be the headmaster's office that Irvine was telling us 
about."  Lina sprawled in the large throne with Raichu in her lap.  
She idly petted him as she spoke.  "So, what should we do?"

"Well, we are allowed to defend.  Let's go find them and give them 
a little trouble, shall we?"  Jessie hefted a rocket launcher (that 
happened to perfectly match her outfit.)

Lina grinned.  "All right, partner.  Let's go."

*****

"Where do you think they are?"

"LURKING AROUND HERE LIKE THE UNHONORABLES 
THAT THEY ARE."

"That was real helpful."  The two were walking down the right 
hand corridor.  "Another classroom ... Hey, a set of stairs.  Go up?"

"CERTAINLY.  LET US TRY THAT DOOR, FIRST, 
HOWEVER."  The swordsman raised his blade and used it to point 
at a door at the end of the hallway.

"Sure."  Darshu shrugged and started to walk towards the door.

"Oooh, boys!"

"HUH?"  Both men turned to look up the stairs.  Two redheaded 
girls were standing on either side of the landing.  One was holding 
a huge rocket launcher, and the other was holding a ball of fiery 
energy.  Both were smiling widely.

"Wow!  It appears as though Lina and Jessie have ambushed 
Haohmaru and Darshu!" Hiroshi cried.  "This is COOL!"

"Haohmaru and Darshu certainly seem to think so," Daisuke said, 
indicating the two Team Destruction members.

"Oh, great," Darshu intelligently said.

"FIREBALL!"

"Feel the burn, boys!"

*BOOM*

*****

"Okay, so the next keycard is in this room?  We just have to keep 
them from getting it, right?"

Jessie set a tripod on the desk in front of her.  "Seems so.  We'll 
just wait to see if they get here."

"Hit and run will be our strategy, then."

*****

"THAT WAS UNENJOYABLE."

"I'm going to *kill* them."  Darshu picked himself up and started 
up the stairs.  "Coming, oh legendary swordsman?"

"ARE YOU MOCKING ME?"

"Me?  Never."

Haohmaru stared at Dark Schneider for a minute, then followed 
him up the stairs.  The two cautiously looked down the hallways.

"Left or right?"

"RIGHT."

"No, go left!  Left!"  Hiroshi exclaimed.

Daisuke sweatdropped.  "They can't hear you, you know."

"Shaddup and let me have my fun."

Dark Schneider walked up to a door on the left, opened it, and 
dropped back a bit.  Peering around the corner he relaxed.  "It's an 
empty dorm room."

Haohmaru approached the next door along the hall, across from 
Darshu.  He opened the door and moved back, barely avoiding a 
sheet of flame.  The flames stopped, and Haohmaru leaped into the 
room.  This time he was propelled out by a high-powered blast of 
air, but in his hand he held...

"A keycard.  Good.  Let's go."  Dark Schneider grabbed Haohmaru 
and dragged him along behind him.

*****

"Drat it.  He grabbed it before I toasted him."  Lina started for the 
door.

"Don't worry about it, Lina.  We can catch them again at the next 
keycard."  Jessie picked up her equipment and stepped through the 
door.  "Besides, Raichu and Arbok are waiting for them on the 
landing."

*****

"Rai-CHU!"  *ZAP*

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"Arbok!"

"Let go of me!"

*ZAP*

"DAMNED!"

*BOOM*

"Raaii!"

*****

"And there's keycard two.  This is just too much fun."  Lina pulled 
out a comic book.

Jessie started idly tossing a pokeball.  "I hope they get here soon.  
This match is taking forever."

"HAHA.  YOUR LITTLE SURPRISE AT THE STAIRS WAS 
VERY AMUSING."  A somewhat singed Haohmaru stumbled 
through the door.

"Sepultura!"

"Balus Wall!"

Fireballs flew through the air, only to divide around Lina and the 
cowering form of Jessie, who had jumped behind her for cover.  

Haohmaru glared at Dark Schneider and impatiently batted out the 
flames on his poofy pants.  "AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO BE A 
TEAM?"

Darshu smacked his forehead.  "Oh, riiight.  I knew there was 
something I was forgetting."

"And there's contention in the ranks.  Will Team Life take 
advantage of that?" Hiroshi said breathlessly.

"...How do you manage to sound surprised at that, Rosh?" Daisuke 
queried.

"It's a gift." Hiroshi grinned.

"Flare Arrow!"

"Danzig!"  Dark Schneider grinned as his shield absorbed the spell.  
"See, I helped you out that time, Haohmaru."

The swordsman nodded.  "THANK YOU.  BUT ... WHY ARE 
THEY LAUGHING?"  He pointed at Lina and Jessie, who were 
beating a fast retreat out of the room.

Darshu took a step towards the keycard.  "Never mind about them, 
let's ... eh?"  Looking down, he noticed a small round object by his 
feet.  "I hope this isn't what I think it is..."  The object burst open.

*****

"You don't think that the stink bomb was too ... inelegant, do you?"

Lina waved a hand.  "Nah.  I thought it was a cute idea, myself."

*****

Haohmaru lay on the ground, gagging.  Darshu didn't look like he 
was in any better condition.  "I MUST AVENGE THIS 
INDIGNITY UPON MY HONOR."

"I concur."  Pushing himself to an upright position, Dark Schneider 
snatched the keycard.  "Only one more to go."

*****

"How long do you think it'll be before they figure out they have to 
go all the way back to the stairs again?"

The sound of people being zapped by an angry Raichu were heard 
off in the distance.  "About now."

"Remind me to do something nice for Raichu, later."

"Certainly."

*****

Haohmaru leaned over the edge of a walkway that went around an 
athletic track.  "HOW DO THEY FIT AN ICE RINK, AN 
ATHLETIC TRACK, AND ALL OF THOSE CLASSROOMS 
AND DORM ROOMS IN THIS TINY STRUCTURE?"

"Beats me."  Hopping down onto the clay surface of the tennis 
court, he beckoned to Haohmaru.  "Come on, already.  We're 
almost there."

"WAIT."

"What?"

"WHAT ARE THOSE ... PINK THINGS?"

"Pink things?"  Darshu turned around and saw the cutest widdle 
pink pokemon staring at him.  "Oh.  I don't have any clue what that 
thing is, but if it does anything..."

Haohmaru dropped down next to Dark Schneider.  "VERY WELL.  
LET  US HURRY."

The two walked along quickly, ignoring the pokemon, which 
followed them.  "Clefairy!  Clefairy!  Clefairy!"

"WOULD YOU SHUT THAT THING UP?"

Dark Schneider almost negligently held his hand out.  "Deio."  A 
mass of fire shot out towards the Clefairy.  He briefly looked at the 
scorched spot on the clay and shrugged, then continued walking.  
"Happy?"

"I HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING."

And behind them, a Clefairy followed them into the building.

*****

"Think we've delayed them enough?"

"Well, one advantage that we'll have is that we know the place a 
lot better than they do."

"True.  Too bad we won't be able to keep our keycards.  That 
would definitely save us a long, winding trip."

The two looked at each other, eyes opening wide.  They broke the 
gaze when the door opened, admitting their opponents.  Dark 
Schneider made a grab for the keycard and smirked at them.  
Haohmaru, not to be outdone, smirked as well.  The Clefairy that 
followed them in smirked too, but only Jessie saw that before she 
dragged Lina to the floor with her.  "Shield spell, Lina!"

"Uh, yeah.  Defense!"

Haohmaru and Darshu only looked at them blankly before turning 
around simultaneously.

"Looks like Lina and Jessie know something they don't, Daisuke." 
Hiroshi noted.

"I think they know a lot of things that Darshu and Haohmaru don't 
know," Daisuke replied.

"CLEFAIRY!"

*SHHHHHHWWWWAAAAAA-BOOM*

"...crap."

"INDEED."

"And Team D is out!  Go Team Life!"  Hiroshi snapped his fans 
out and posed.

"...Stop with the Mai impression, Rosh."

*****

Lina sprawled, with Raichu on her lap.  Jessie was borrowing her 
comic book.  The door burst open.

"HA.  WE ARE FINALLY HERE."

"And I'm going to hurt you.  A lot.  And your little yellow rat, too."

Raichu threw an angry glare at Dark Schneider.

[Team Destruction Has Conquered The Base.  The Teams Will 
Now Switch.]

Lina and Jessie found themselves in the same spot that their 
opponents had been in earlier.  Quick checks of their pockets 
revealed no keycards.  The two turned to the right and headed 
straight for the stairs.

*****

"So they've got to run around all over the place before they get all 
three keycards.  All we need to do is delay them, so they finish in 
more time than us."

"CORRECT."

"Why don't you go ahead to the first keycard and work on delaying 
them?"  Darshu smiled grimly.  "I'm going to prepare a little 
surprise for them at their next stop."

*****

"...I really hope these work."  Jessie slipped something over her 
head.

Lina followed suit.  "Me too.  Washuu said she tested them out 
herself, so I trust that."

Jessie peered around the corner, holding a pokeball tightly.  
"Haohmaru's there, and I think he's alone."

"Really?  Darshu must be plotting something special for us later on 
down the road."

"We'll just have to disappoint him, now won't we?"  Jessie threw 
the pokeball into the hallway.  "Jigglypuff!  Your audience 
awaits!"  An adorable round pink pokemon with huge eyes popped 
out of the ball.  Looking around, its gaze first landed on 
Haohmaru.  Haohmaru, remembering a similar pink creature from 
just a short while ago, backed away cautiously.

"WHAT IS THIS?  LETTING THIS CREATURE FIGHT FOR 
YOU?  I WOULD EXPECT SUCH FROM THAT 
FLAMBOYANT COMPANION OF YOURS, BUT NOT YOU, 
LINA INVERSE."

Lina poked Jessie.  "Hey, the earplugs do work.  I couldn't hear 
him at all."

Jessie stared blankly back at her.  "What?"  

Lina sweatdropped.  "I can't believe I just said that."

"What?"

Jigglypuff, meanwhile, had pulled out a microphone.  Clearing her 
throat, she started to sing.  "Jiggggllyypuuuuffff... Jigggly ... 
Jiggggllllyyyypuuuffff..."  Haohmaru's eyes glazed over and he 
slowly toppled to the ground.  Jigglypuff stopped singing and her 
eyes narrowed.  Taking out a marker she quickly scrawled all over 
Haohmaru's face.  Giving a little 'hmph', she quickly went on her 
way to make beautiful music elsewhere.

Team Life quickly stripsearched Haohmaru and dug out his 
keycards.  "I can't believe that they didn't think of this.  It was too 
easy!" Lina exclaimed.

"What?"

"..."  Grabbing Jessie's arm, Lina dragged her through the door.

*****

Dark Schneider rubbed his hands together gleefully.  "They will 
never survive this.  This is beauty.  This is--"

[Team Life Has Conquered The Base.  Team Life Wins The 
Match.]

"..."

"And Lina and Jessie show their skill and intelligence with a 
brilliant tactic!"

"Uh, it was pretty obvious actually.  How else could they sneak to 
things ahead of Darshu and Haohmaru?"

"Work with me, Daisuke."

"Like I didn't see *that* coming."

*****

"Hey Tifa, how are you feeling?" Yuffie bounced up next to the 
girl's bed.

"Bean's decided that I'm totally incapable of doing anything now."  
Tifa hit the comforter with frustration.  "I'm pregnant, not an 
invalid."

Yuffie shook her head.  "He's a man.  They don't know anything.  
Anyways, let's go watch the last fight from Mary's box."

Tifa brightened.  "Really?"

"Yes, really.  Let's go before Bean finds out you're missing."  
Yuffie offered an arm to the former bartender and helped her up.  
"Boys are stooopid."

"I agree." Tifa concurred.  "And he left me here, hasn't been back 
in a while!"

"Oh, that could be because he's helping organize the surprise 
engagement party for you after the fights are done."

"Cool.  But should you have told me that?"

"Eh, I'm sure you can do a good job at pretending to be surprised."  
Yuffie put a fedora on Tifa's head.  "There's your disguise.  Come 
on."

"Okay!"

*****

Yaga waited impatiently inside the ring, tapping his foot.  B-ko 
soon entered, using a remote to control the mecha following her.  
Yaga barely gave the mecha a cursory glance.  "I'm ready."

"... and it looks like it's time for our final match of the night, 
folks," Daisuke said flatly. "Will you do the honors, o big, gray, 
and ugly?"

The statue, if it even noticed the insult, did not respond. It had 
better things to do, after all.

[For Life Stands The Great Yaga. For Destruction Stands B-ko 
Daikotuji.  The Conditions Are Standard. The Setting Is Easter 
Island Of The Planet Earth.]

Yaga stood in the shadow of one of the Giant Stone Heads that 
Easter Island was famous for, scoping out the surrounding 
environment with the eye of a grizzled veteran. "Not much cover if 
she decides to make this a long-range fight..."

After a moment, a small grin broke out on the wrestler's face. "At 
least I'm back where I belong: in the main event," he said, puffing 
out his chest a bit. "So where's my opponent?"

"Right here!"

Yaga spun around to see a large figure, about his height, step out 
from behind one of the stone heads and strike a muscle pose. 
(Apparently B-ko had clambered into the mecha by now, for she 
was nowhere to be seen.)  It was obviously a robot of some sort, 
painted bright orange with faux blonde hair (thinning on top, oddly 
enough) and blonde handlebar mustache, and a yellow and red 
shirt, wrestling trunks and boots...

"... you've got to be kidding me," Yaga said flatly.

"This is no joke, Yaga," B-ko said through the external speakers. 
"My Mark XVII Orange Goblin Powersuit will put you in your 
place!"

Hiroshi blinked. "Umm, Dai, doesn't that look an awful lot like..."

"Hulk Hogan? Yes, 'Roshi, it does," Daisuke replied. "Also 
sometimes referred to as 'The Orange Goblin' due to his oddly-
tanned skin tone, though given her history, I doubt B-ko is aware 
of that."

"This is ridiculous," Yaga said, rubbing his temples.

"I think not," B-ko replied, striking another pose. "I've researched 
your so-called 'fighting style', Yaga, and prepared this powersuit 
specifically to counter it. Not that I need it to defeat a practitioner 
of a sport populated solely by uncouth barbarians."

"Hey, don't insult the Uncouth Barbarians," Yaga said, brow 
furrowed. "They were seven-time Tag Team Champs, and they 
both had Ph.D.'s in classical literature."

"..." replied B-ko.

"I remember them!" exclaimed Hiroshi. "Their catch phrase was 
'What table through yonder opponent breaks! We are the east, and 
you are our bitches!'."

"... catchy," Daisuke deadpanned.

"As I was saying," B-ko continued, regaining her composure, "this 
powersuit not only augments my own strength and speed, but it is 
equipped with a computerized AI programmed with the wrestling 
knowledge of a man I am told is the 'Greatest Wrestler Ever'! "

"'Greatest Wrestler Ever' my arse," Yaga muttered.

"So you see that you have no chance whatsoever to defeat me. 
Why don't you just give up, Yaga, and save yourself the 
embarrassment?"

Yaga cracked his knuckles. "I'll take my chances."

B-ko grinned viciously. "I thought you'd say that. Orange Goblin, 
power up!"

The eyes of the powersuit flashed red several times, and the 
powerful arms lifted up, tearing the shirt off of its torso. "Whacha 
gonna do," it announced in a robotic voice, "when B-komania 
RUNS WILD OVER YOU!"

Yaga facepalmed, then fell into a ready stance. "So much for the 
dignity of the main event..."

][ Final Ultra Match #18
][ THE GREAT YAGA vs. B-KO
][ Guest Booker: Jesse Ellman
][ FIGHT!

Yaga hadn't even taken his first step forward when he noticed two 
small chain cannons pop out from the powersuit's palms. "Ooh 
crap..." he cursed, immediately breaking out in a run to his right.

Which turned out to be a good idea, as a large crater was blown 
where the veteran wrestler had been standing just moments before. 
"Stand still!" yelled B-ko, firing wildly after the sprinting Yaga.

Yaga, for his part, was hurriedly trying to formulate a plan to get 
close to B-ko, where he'd actually have a chance. As he ran, he 
noticed that the powersuit, for all its firepower, was rather slow 
turning to adjust to his movements. "Gotcha," he smirked.

Pouring on his newly-enhanced speed, Yaga began to literally run 
circles around B-ko, as her shots consistently hit a couple of feet 
behind him. He'd been right; at full speed, the bot just couldn't 
adjust fast enough to hit him.

"And Yaga is in trouble early on!" announced Hiroshi. "All his 
offense is close-range, and he can't dodge B-ko's barrage of 
armaments forever!"

"He's not just running, Hiroshi," Daisuke replied. "Look. He's 
working his way closer to B-ko gradually by shortening the 
circles."

Indeed, that was exactly what Yaga was doing. Even as he got 
closer, he gradually worked his way closer and closer to B-ko, eyes 
narrowed to shield himself from the dirt being kicked up by the 
explosions at his heels.

"Oh no you don't," laughed B-ko, still firing wildly. "You think I 
don't see what you're doing? You may be too fast for my cannons, 
but you can't outrun my 24-inch Python missiles!"

Yaga blanched as the mecha's upper arms opened up, revealing 
twin missile racks. Breaking off his circle run abruptly, he made a 
mad dash for the only cover he could find: a Giant Stone Head.

He was halfway there when the missiles finally launched. He burst 
forward with all the speed his massive frame could manage, 
prodded by the heat of the explosions of the missiles that had just 
fallen short.

As two missiles exploded right behind him, Yaga realized he 
wasn't going to make it. The force of the missiles launched him 
into the air, where three more missiles slammed into his back, 
sending him flying through the air and past the Giant Stone Head.

Hiroshi rubbed his hands together nervously. "And Yaga takes a 
devastating hit... it's still early in the match, but even with Omega-
level stamina, that's gotta take a lot out of him."

"Very few people can just shrug off three missiles to the back," 
Daisuke added.

The smoke gradually cleared, and B-ko was in a jovial mood as the 
missile launchers, now spent, retracted into the arms of the 
powersuit. "Is that all you have, Yaga? I'm disappointed... I'd 
thought you'd last at least three minutes!"

There was no response, but B-ko did notice something odd; one of 
the Giant Stone Heads seemed to be shifting back and forth a bit. 
"Are you hiding behind there, Yaga? Ready to give up yet?"

B-ko had begun to advance towards where she suspected Yaga had 
been blown when a loud roar startled her. Looking back at the 
statue, she noticed it slowly lifting up off the floor. Eyes wide, she 
watched as it was raised higher and higher, revealing Yaga, still 
smoldering from the missile impacts. With another roar, he stepped 
forward, and threw 
the massive stone statue directly towards the stunned B-ko.

With a loud "ACK!", B-ko dove to the side frantically as the 
massive stone head landed flew through the air. The huge 
projectile finally crashed down just a few inches from B-ko, on its 
side, its face looking in her direction.

"And B-ko just avoids getting crushed underneath the Giant Stone 
Head by, dare I say it... a nose," Daisuke noted, grinning slightly.

"... that was BAD, Dai," Hiroshi complained, wincing. "But 
anyway, it looks like B-ko is making her way to her feet..."

"That was close," muttered B-ko, taking a deep breath. Quickly 
checking her onboard system diagnostic, she turned back towards 
where Yaga had been...

Just in time to get knocked into next week as Yaga crashed into the 
'stomach' of her powersuit with a running shoulder charge.

B-ko was momentarily knocked silly as she flew through the air, 
eventually skidding across the ground to a stop fifty yards away. 
She unsteadily tried to make her way to one knee, but Yaga was 
already on top of her, locking the head of the powersuit underneath 
his right arm. Lifting the mecha's left arm so it rested behind his 
head, Yaga hooked the left leg with his free arm and, with a grunt, 
lifted the massive powersuit upside down in the air.

The Japanese wrestler held the still-woozy B-ko upside down for a 
few moments, letting the blood rush to her head, before jumping 
several feet up in the air and dropping straight down, driving the 
mecha designer head-first into the ground, creating a small crater 
at the spot of impact.

"Daaaaaaang," said Daisuke, visibly impressed. "Yaga just 
demolished her there with that jumping fishermanbuster."

"... a what?" 

Daisuke sighed. "The move where you hold your opponent upside 
down above your head then fall straight down, dropping said 
opponent on their head, is called a brainbuster suplex. You noticed 
how he held onto her leg to get extra force in driving her down? 
That 'hooking' of the leg turns a brainbuster into a 
fishermanbuster."

"Ah, gotcha," said Hiroshi. "And the jumping part comes from the 
fact that he... well, jumped. Never let be said that Ultra never 
taught you anything, folks."

Meanwhile, Yaga was still on the attack, trying to press his 
advantage while he had B-ko within his reach. Lifting the wealthy 
fighter up to her feet, he slipped behind her and hooked his arms 
around the biceps of the mecha, effectively pinning its arms behind 
its back. Bending his legs, Yaga lifted the Orange Goblin up in the 
air and fell back, dropping the powersuit right on the back of its 
head, deepening the crater made from the previous moves.

"And Yaga follows up with a... what was that one, Dai?"

"I believe that was a tiger suplex, 'Roshi," Daisuke replied. "Yaga's 
going with a smart strategy here, targeting the head circuits in the 
robot, as well as the head of B-ko within, to set up his best move, 
the Roaring Elbow."

Inside the powersuit, B-ko was feeling REALLY glad she had 
taken the time to install impact-absorption systems in the 
powersuit. Her head was ringing badly as it was; without the added 
protection, she might've already been KO'd. Although, if he kept 
dropping her on her head, all the impact-protection in the world 
wasn't gonna help her.

Right then, B-ko thought, "Time to take back the initiative."

As Yaga picked her up off the ground, presumably to drop her on 
her head again, she pushed out, knocking Yaga back a step. Pulling 
herself upright, she ducked her head down, revealing a large 'bald' 
area on the top of the Orange Goblin's head, which was polished to 
a brilliant shine. The light from the sun reflected off, right into 
Yaga's eyes.

"And B-ko resorts to dirty tricks to regain the advantage," muttered 
Hiroshi. "Shouldn't be surprising, really, since she's aligned herself 
with a group that wants to DESTROY THE WORLD."

"Ah, dammit!" Yaga screamed, covering his eyes with one hand 
while backing away, waving his other arm in front of him to ward 
off an advance. It was a futile effort, however; B-ko easily slipped 
past his guard and pummeled him with several hard punches to the 
head and stomach.

"That's more like it," said B-ko triumphantly, doubling Yaga over 
with a double-punch to the gut, and then knocking him to the 
ground with an elbow to the base of the skull. "Now to test out this 
AI... Orange Goblin, perform the Space Flying Tiger Drop!"

A hollow, metallic voice rang out through the internal speakers. 
"System Error. Unknown Maneuver: Space Flying Tiger Drop."

B-ko pouted. "Darn... okay, forget that. Orange Goblin, perform a 
suplex on Yaga. Any suplex, it doesn't matter, as long as it's 
PAINFUL!"

"System Error. Unknown Maneuver: Suplex."

"... what maneuvers ARE your programmed with?"

"Technique List: Big Boot. Leg Drop of Doom. End List."

 "... that's IT?" yelled B-ko, exasperated. "A kick to the head and a 
legdrop? What kind of wrestling AI are you?!"

There was silence for a moment, and then music started playing. 
o/~ I am a real American, fight for what's right American... o/~

"... why me?" asked B-ko, sighing. "All right, let's try the Big Boot 
then."

Several lights flashed green, and the powersuit took a step back as 
Yaga struggled to his feet. Just as he got himself upright, the 
Orange Goblin Surged forward, nailing Yaga right in the jaw with 
a running kick that flipped Yaga backwards onto the ground.

At that moment, across the world, a good 20 percent of the 
population simultaneously screamed "BOOT TO THE HEAD!" 
The other 80 percent just winced.

"Not bad," muttered B-ko. "Okay, let's try the Leg Drop of Doom!"

More green lights flashed, and the powersuit bent at the knee and 
jumped, surging up in the air. As it reached the top of its jump, 
small jets emerged from the shoulders of the robot, and sent it 
hurtling down towards the ground.

Yaga had just rolled onto his back, trying to shake the cobwebs 
out, when he saw the Orange Goblin hurtling down towards him. "I 
am *NOT* gonna lose to a leg drop," he muttered, rolling out of 
the way just in time to avoid the falling powersuit, which crashed 
to the ground in a sitting position.

"And Yaga barely manages to roll out of the way!" yelled Hiroshi. 
"Good thing too; that might've ended the fight right there had it hit. 
And it looks like Yaga's getting back to his feet, and he doesn't 
look happy!"

"Oww, my butt!" whined B-ko. "You stupid computer! You only 
have two moves, and you can't even hit with both of the- AAH!"

B-ko's tirade was interrupted as Yaga wrapped his huge hand 
around the faceplate of the Orange Goblin. Arm muscles visibly 
straining, Yaga lifted the powersuit up in the air by its head with 
one arm, turned, and smashed it down headfirst into the overturned 
Giant Stone Head several times, knocking chunk after chunk off of 
the huge stone monument, until, finally, he let go, letting the 
powersuit fall to the ground.

"And an unusual display of viciousness by The Great Yaga," said 
Daisuke. "I dunno how much more that mecha of B-ko's can take."

B-ko was wondering the exact same thing, when she wasn't busy 
trying to figure out how all the little birdies had managed to get 
into the powersuit. She was getting pounded in close, and wasn't 
fast enough to get out of Yaga's range. That left just one choice... it 
would drain her remaining power quickly, but it was the only 
chance she had left. With a grimace, she pushed a button, and 
slowly made her way to her feet.

Yaga was waiting, and clobbered the Orange Goblin with a vicious 
uppercut... which didn't even budge it.

"... huh?" said Hiroshi, confused. "That punch shoulda knocked its 
head off... and it's just standing there!"

A hollow metallic voice rang out. "NO SALE FOR YOU!"

"..." said Hiroshi and Daisuke.

Yaga, for his part, just scowled, and threw another uppercut.

"NO SALE FOR YOU!"

Three more punches, two kicks, and a clothesline.

"NO SALE FOR YOU!"

"What the hell?" Yaga spat, backing up a step.

"I'm beating you at your own game, Yaga!" B-ko replied, grinning 
from ear to ear. "Like I said, I researched your style. I saw how 
wrestlers can ignore punches, kicks and the like when they're fired 
up. That's why I installed a low-level force field on the Orange 
Goblin! 
OHHOHOHOHOHO!"

Yaga winced. "Low-level force field, hmm?"

"Yes! Hit me with your best shot, it doesn't matter!"

Yaga shrugged. "Okay," he said flatly, before winding up and 
clobbering the Orange Goblin with a Roaring Elbow right to the 
chin.

The mecha, however, stood its ground.

"Amazing!" yelled Hiroshi. "B-ko's robot just shrugged off the 
Roaring Elbow like it was nothing."

Yaga frowned, leaned over, and blew on the forehead of the 
mecha. It promptly fell over and onto the ground with a resounding 
*THUD*.

"... or not," stated Daisuke.

"Nobody no-sells finishing moves, B-ko," said the Japanese 
wrestler, scowling. "And NOBODY no-sells The Great Yaga. 
*NOBODY*."

"It's not over yet, Yaga..."

Yaga dropped back into a ready stance warily as the Orange 
Goblin opened up in front, allowing B-ko to step out. She got to 
her feet, quickly, but it was obvious she wasn't in good shape; she 
was wobbly, and the targeting visor to her battle bikini hung 
uselessly from the side of her head.

"B-ko does not look to be in good shape here," said Daisuke, 
eyeing the two fighters. "I wouldn't be surprised if that Roaring 
Elbow gave her a concussion, which'll affect her speed... and while 
B-ko possesses no small amount of hand-to-hand skill, there's no 
way she can win trading shots with The Great Yaga."

"I won't let Sephiroth-sama down, Yaga," she said softly, falling 
into a martial arts stance. "Mecha or no, I will NOT lose."

"Your fighting for love would be a lot more touching if you 
weren't also fighting for the end of the world," Yaga replied, eyes 
narrowed. "Or does the thought of billions of people getting wiped 
out get you in the mood?"

"Shut up," spat B-ko. "A low-born scum like you could never hope 
to understand the love between myself and Sephiroth-sama."

"Psychosis loves company. What's so hard to understand about 
that?"

"Shut UP!" B-ko yelled, throwing a kick at Yaga's head.

Yaga blocked the kick, and doubled B-ko over with a kick to the 
stomach. Stepping forward, he locked her head between his legs. 
"Normally, I'd hesitate before going all out on a lady... not really 
the kinda thing a good-guy wrestler does, or that I like doing, 
frankly."

Reaching down, Yaga lifted the mecha designer so that she was 
upside down, facing away from him, head still locked between his 
legs. "But, you, madame, are no lady. For all your talk about my 
being 'low-class scum', you're nothing but a murdering 
psychopath."

With that, Yaga leapt into the air, spinning on his way up. He 
continued spinning as he descended, landing in a sitting position 
and driving the top of B-ko's head into the ground with a 
thunderous boom.

"Holy crap... he just hit her with the spinning piledriver," Daisuke 
said, jaw agape. "The move, most notably used by the Russian 
wrestler Zangief and Mayor Mike Haggar of Metro City, is widely 
considered to be among the most devastating maneuvers ever 
devised in any martial art. I don't see how B-ko's gonna get up 
after that one."

"Except that she is, Dai," Hiroshi responded.

Yaga watched with a raised eyebrow as B-ko struggled to one 
knee, holding her head. "Just stay down. You're beaten. You may 
be a genocidal maniac, but I don't wanna end up crippling you or 
killing you."

B-ko looked up at Yaga, blood running down her face from a gash 
on her scalp, and eyes unfocused. "I will not... disappoint... 
Sephiroth-sama..."

"Yaga looks unsure here, folks," Hiroshi said. "Why doesn't he just 
go in and finish her off? A Roaring Elbow here would put her 
down for the count, giving Team Life a much-needed win."

"It's *because* he's on Team Life, 'Roshi," Daisuke replied, 
rubbing his temples. "Despite what he may have done in the past, 
Yaga's not a bad guy. He doesn't wanna cripple B-ko, or 
permanently injure her, or kill her. That's Team Destruction's 
game. And with all the punishment B-ko's taken so far, one more 
Roaring Elbow..."

"... then what can he do, Dai? Give up?"

Yaga was thinking the exact same thing. B-ko was the enemy, but 
that didn't mean he wanted to do permanent damage to her. She 
obviously already had some severe head trauma, but she was too 
damn stubborn to go down. Another shot to the head...

"Right then," Yaga muttered. "We do this the hard way."

The veteran wrestler walked around behind B-ko and pulled her up 
to her feet. Slipping his right arm under hers and his left around her 
neck, he locked his hands, lifted her off her feet, and squeezed.

"Well that answers that," Daisuke said, watching B-ko flail 
ineffectually as Yaga locked in the hold. "Yaga's using the Kata 
Hajime, a variant of the classic sleeper hold. It's basically a 
knockout move that works by cutting off blood flow just long 
enough to render an opponent unconscious."

B-ko struggled as hard as she could, but she couldn't get free of the 
wrestler's powerful grip. She started to feel even more light-headed 
than before, and knew what was about to happen. "No..." she 
choked out, reaching up to hit a hidden button on her battle bikini.

All of a sudden, the world went white as thousands and thousands 
of volts shot through The Great Yaga. He screamed with pain, but 
refused to release the hold, instead clamping down even harder. 
"Not... gonna... lose..."

"Good Kasumi, Lina and Mary, Dai, what are these two made of?" 
wondered Hiroshi, stupefied. "B-ko's taken more punishment than 
should be humanly possible, and she's still going... and Yaga's 
keeping the hold on despite being fried alive!"

"It's gonna come down to who can take the pain longer, Hiroshi," 
Daisuke said flatly. 

Yaga's hair singed, and he felt his legs spasm, but still he kept the 
hold on. The team... everyone needed this win badly. "I..."

B-ko fought to remain conscious, thinking of her beloved 
Sephiroth. 

"... WILL..."

"... NOT..."

"... LOSE!"

One of them had to lose, however. And when the referee finished 
his ten count, it was B-ko on one knee, holding her head and 
throat, while Yaga lay flat on his back, smoldering.

"Damgit," said Hiroshi, slamming his fist down on the announcer's 
table.

"I know, 'Roshi," said Dai. "I know."

The portal suddenly appeared, and Sephiroth stepped out. Striding 
over to B-ko, he leaned down and picked her up in his arms.

"I... did it, Sephiroth-sama..." she whispered, before falling into 
unconsciousness.

"I know," he whispered back, softly stroking her hair. He started 
walking back to the portal, but stopped a few feet away. Turning 
back slightly, he gave a quick salute towards the fallen Yaga 
before stepping through the portal. Yaga disappeared soon after in 
a flash of light.

"Yaga's been teleported to medical facilities to receive treatment 
for his injuries," said Hiroshi somberly. "Hopefully, he'll be okay."

"It'd be a shame if he was put out of action like this," Daisuke 
sighed. "But for now, I guess we turn it over to our stoic friend for 
the final summation."

[The Third Stage Is Completed,] the Referee announced.  [The 
Count Stands:  Eight Victories For The Prophet Of Life, Ten 
Victories For The Prophet Of Destruction.]

"Well, at least Life came out even this time," Hiroshi said.  "And 
I'm sure Life will come back and ROCK next week, folks!" The 
audience cheered in response.  Chants of "Life, Life, Life!" were 
heard throughout, echoing through the Arena, drowning out the 
few dissidents.

[Seven Days Shall Pass,] the Referee intoned.  [The Fourth Stage 
Of The Tournament At The End Of Time Shall Resume.]  

Daisuke nodded.  "Until next week then, I'm Daisuke, that's 
Hiroshi and this was Final Ultra.  G'night folks."  

[Now, The Witnesses Will Depart.]  And just as suddenly as the 
mass of humanity arrived, they disappeared.

"Well, Hiroshi, what do you think?" Daisuke asked his partner.

"I ... I think all of the girls did a great job."

"Dan isn't a girl," Daisuke pointed out.

"He's close enough for government work."

*****

Mary scanned the faces of her team.  Some looked tired, some 
looked jubilant, and others looked worried.  "I think everyone did a 
great job today," she started.

"But not all of us won," Lei said.

"That's true," Mary acknowledged, "But you did your best.  That's 
all that really matters, I think."

"We did our best?" Marlo cracked a smile.  "But that isn't good 
enough."

Mary shook her head.  "No, it will be.  You'll see.  I don't want any 
of you to worry about this, I know what I'm doing.  Just ... 
believe."

"Asking for a little faith isn't that hard, folks," Nabiki said, coming 
to Mary's aid.  "Mary is the Prophet of Life for a reason, as we've 
all said before many times.  Trust in her decisions.  We pulled out 
even, today.  We've got who knows how many rounds left."

"And who knows what'll happen next week, right?" Lina asked.  
"Don't stress out.  Go and rest, relax."  She pointed at Tifa and the 
hovering Bean.  "Have fun at their engagement party.  Congrats 
you two, by the way."  The happy couple blushed a bit.  
"Obviously, Xelloss isn't as prepared for things as he'd like to think 
he is.  He screwed up and put Lei and Bean together, which is a 
good thing for Team Life as a whole, I think.  Not that Tifa's gone, 
but that Xelloss didn't pick some random schmuck off the street to 
use."

"Xelloss also doesn't have a team that's very conducive to working 
well in all circumstances," Mary pointed out.  "We do.  Lina and 
Jessie did great together, as did Lei and Bean. Everyone showed 
wonderful teamwork."  She paused.  "So for now, I want all of you 
to do just what Lina said:  Have fun and relax.  Don't stress out 
over the things we can't change.  Meeting dismissed!"

*****

"I just want to tell all of you that you're continuing to keep me 
proud!" Xelloss beamed at his faithful flock of ... okay, the greedy 
and powerhungry heavy hitters he managed to recruit with bribery.  
The assembled eyed him warily, which is just how he liked it.  
"We managed to keep it even tonight, but I know that you will pull 
ahead in the next round!"

"Uh, right, Xelloss," Darshu responded.

"OHOHOHOHOHO... if you had let *me* fight, we might have 
won even more today," Naga said.  "I can't believe you let that 
incompetent swordsman and Darshu go out and fight Lina.  
Hmph."

"...YOU...ARE CALLING *ME* INCOMPETENT?"  Haohmaru 
looked positively aghast.

"Now, now, people," Xelloss placated them.  "Teamwork is the 
key.  Let's all get along, mmkay?"  He pondered a second.  "Well, 
that's about all I have to say.  Just relax, people.  Trust in me!  Go 
out and party, work off that stress!"  He gave them a thumbs-up 
and waved out, this time walking out of the room rather than 
blinking away immediately.  Team Destruction was too bemused 
to make any protest.  Most of the team quickly trailed out of the 
room, leaving only a few left to plot.

"So ... is it time to put our plans into place yet?" Alberto asked.

Sephiroth shook his head.  "Soon."

"We're still ahead so far, we can afford to wait." Dark Schneider 
said.  "Hopefully we won't be handed idiotic tasks like dancing 
games and scavenger hunts next time."

Bison nodded gravely.  "That was an affront to our dignity."

"It was an affront to all of us, Bison.  Believe me."  Alberto said.

>From his position around the corner, Xelloss snickered quietly to 
himself.  "I wish you luck in your plans."  Rubbing his hands 
together he walked off, "Ah, everything is as expected."

*****

Nabiki looked at the newest poll data.  "Mary's up in the polls!  
They really liked the outfit change."

"You should thank Team Rocket for that," Tarou replied.

"Yes, yes, of course."  Nabiki went through some more papers.  "It 
also appears that everyone heartily approves Bean asking Tifa to 
marry him.  There are various celebrations going on in their honor, 
among the non-Tifa/Bean fans that is."

"A little romance always gets the people's approval," Tarou 
shrugged.  "I've never understood all that anyways."

"Hey, don't ever underestimate the power of girly slush.  When 
Andy proposed to Mai, that brought in a lot more females to our 
viewership.  We even had sales on replica rings."  Nabiki jotted 
down a note to herself.  "Remind me to ask Tifa if I can look at her 
ring, later."

Tarou snickered.  "You're so romantic, Nabs."

"I know," she agreed.  "But hey, gotta have something to fill up the
time."  She grinned.  "Well, there *are* other ways..."

"...Very true."

*****


++++++++++++++++++++++++
MTCFF ULTRA #88 RESULTS:
++++++++++++++++++++++++

][ MARY is given a makeover.
][ XELLOSS tries inspiring his team.
][ TIFA LOCKHEART defeats Mr. SATAN.
][ BEAN proposes to TIFA.  She accepts.  Announces she's pregnant.
][ TIFA leaves Team Life, is replaced by LEI WULONG.
][ LAIN has success messing with the REFEREE.
][ DAN HIBIKI defeats MELVIN BISON at DDR.
][ B.B. HOOD defeats MARLO.
][ MORRIGAN and HAPPOSAI defeat BEAN and LEI.
][ LINA and JESSIE defeat HAOHMARU and DARK SCHNEIDER.
][ B-KO defeats THE GREAT YAGA.
][ VIEWERS like MARY'S makeover.


*****

Author's Notes:  Wai!  I'm done!  Thanks.  Thanks a lot.  To everyone.

Tsuin-chan, Steph, Cal-chan, Kristen, 2f-chan, chat ... you all rock.  
Except when you don't.  Prereaders Shachi and Chu, except Chu sucked as 
a prereader. :P

And thanks to Jesse and Shachi for writing fights for me.  I suck at writing 
fights, as I'm sure *all* of you know, now.  If you didn't know before.

Girls rule.  ^_^_v


Delfina, April 14, 2002.


*****Scenes that didn't make it...

"Mousse!"

"Misty!"

"Raichu!"

The three embraced, Raichu accidentally causing all of their hair to 
stand up on end.

*****

"...And I've decided to add Toguro Ani to the team." Mary said, somewhat 
nervously.

"Hehehehehehe!" The short fighter giggled insanely.

Team Life sweatdropped.

*****

[Conditions Are Pie Fight.]

"Pie fight?" Ranma looked blank.

[As In, You Throw Pies At Each Other.]

"...Yeah, I get that.  But..."

[Can You Handle The Pie?]

"Of course I can handle the pie!"

[I Don't Think You Can Handle The Pie.]

"I can handle it!  Really!"

*****

Tifa and Li sat at a table, both with a pile of chips in front of them 
and both holding cards.

"What movie did you say you saw this in, again?"

"'Shaolin Poker Ninjas.'"

"How is this preparing me for the match with Mr. Satan?" Tifa asked.

Li waved a hand.  "Helps focus the ki or something.  Now, are you going 
to ante up?"

*****

"Ranma!"

"Sephiroth!"

"Irvine!"

"James!"

"Darshu!"

"Marlo!"

"...Marlo?"

"..."

"..."

"Ranma!"

The, uh, six embraced.  Lots of yaoi fun proceeded.

*****

"Jack!"

"Xelloss!"

The two embraced.

*****

"Hey!"

Misty, Raichu and Mousse disengaged themselves enough to look at the 
newcomer.

Misty blushed a little.  "Ooh, Kirby."

The little pink creature sidled up to Misty and offered her a rose.  
"Hey, gorgeous.  Let's run away together."

Misty glanced at Raichu and Mousse, then nodded.  The two ran off together, 
hand in hand.

Raichu and Mousse exchanged glances.  "Raichu?"

"Raichu."

"Raichuuu."